Cathy Rein, LICSW School Adjustment Counselor Hingham Public Schools
Mar 26, 2015
Cathy Rein, LICSWSchool Adjustment Counselor
Hingham Public Schools
What’s the history?Hingham is ahead of the curve. We’ve had
multiple programs to encourage positive school community.Second Step curriculum – Grades K -3 and 6- 8Steps to Respect – Grades 3, 4, 5Responsive ClassroomSchool and Grade Level Presentations to
Support Positive Community FeelingBee Assemblies: Buzzing with Character
programsNew Student Luncheons and Welcome Boards
DefinitionsBullying – Not all conflict is bullying:Key elements:
Repeated use by one or more students of a written, verbal or electronic expression or physical act or gesture...directed at a victi
Causes physical or emotional harm to the victim or damage to victim’s property;
Creates a hostile environment at school for the victim;
Definitions continuedBullying
Infringes on the rights of the victim at school; or
Materially and substantially disrupts the education process or the orderly operation of a school…includes cyber bullying
Concept #1Bullying is different from a conflict or
quarrelCONFLICT -When kids quarrel, they
usually blame each other.BULLYING – Kids who are victims are
afraid of bullies. They’re afraid to blame or fight the bully.
Characteristics to look forPower differential
Targets = perceived low powerBullies = perceived high power
RepetitionMore than a one-time mean event
Concept #2Bullying today is different behavior from a generation or two ago
What’s changed?Who is a bullyWho they targetWhat they actually do
In the past…Bullies often weren’t popularVictims were usually easy prey
NOWBullies are often popularVictims may be pretty, popular, etc. – They
just perceive themselves to be vulnerable to bully.
Bullying is mainstream – happens everywhere, not hidden
Data supports dominance of psychological bullying in school as primary source.
What can parents do to help
Listen to your child:Affirm their feelings.Ask questions. (e.g. Tell me what happened,
who was around, where did it happen, how did you respond, what would help)
Assess – Try to determine what your child is looking for when telling you. What do they need from you to feel better.
Act – Consult with school. You can report anonymously or preferably directly.
Concept # 3
Gender differences in bullying and cyber bullyingBoys more often target non-friends, either boys
or girlsGirls more often target friends, primarily other
girlsBoys motive = joke/ being coolGirls motive = joke/ anger
Concept #4
What’s happening online? Big topic – separate presentationWe are just beginning to get data, but even
elementary school students are going online and can be cyber bullying
Technology teachers are implementing lessons at each grade regarding safe use of computers/ technology. Elementary school children should not be texting or have access to internet on phones.
Concept #5What are the frequencies, types and motives
of cyber bullying in Massachusetts?- Cyber bullies like anonymity and not seeing
the face of their victims.Boys primary reason – joke/ coolGirls primary reason – joke/cool or angryCyber bullies are likely to also be in-school
bullies
Concept #6
Why do we need a whole town approach?Kids experience many settings and feelings
spread from one to another – home, school, sports, community…
What to doIf it’s clearly bullying – gather information
from child and report to schoolIf your child won’t talk – encourage them,
show by your actions how to handle, stay calm
Child supports the “bully” – Don’t try to sit the two down – target may be afraid to confront.
Gray Zone BehaviorsStep 1: Always notice. Most importantStep 2: “Separate, don’t mediate”Step 3: Speak to the bully (if you have
access)Step 4: Follow up with victim later.Step 5: If it might be bullying – report to
school
What to say when you suspect bullying“I don’t like what I saw you do.” – set
acceptable standards for your family.“I don’t’ care if Ryan like it. I don’t like it and
I don’t want to see it again.” – don’t be persuaded that mean behavior is acceptable because ‘everyone’ is doing it, or they are just kidding.
Problem # 2: Getting Past the Snitching RuleThere is strong social pressure NOT to talk to
adultsYou can report anonymously, as long as you
understand that no disciplinary action can be taken solely on an anonymous report
We need to keep goal in mind : A climate where kids feel safe to talk to adults and are helped to cope with complex interactions.
Problem #3 How do you prevent problems before they start?A child under your supervision has been
known to have problems with bullying:Technique: The “Check –in” – briefly discuss
how things are going – show that you are paying attention, even while you are staying positive.
SummaryBullying isn’t the same thing as a quarrel.Bullying victims may not report to you or ask
for help. They may appear to support the bully.
Trust what you see and respond.Teach kids to talk about problems, problem-
solve.Check in frequently when kids visiting.
Resources:
MARC – Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center
Committee for Children – Sponsor of Second Step and Steps to Respect curriculum
Parents and Schools TogetherImportant for kids to know that we work
collaboratively.We are not afraid of bullies.We can help them.Focus on helping each child.Schools may not be able to share what
disciplinary action is taken, but can talk about how to help your child.