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LIBRETTO(DRAFT 2/9/09)
"A CATERED AFFAIR"Book by Harvey Fierstein
Music and Lyrics by John Bucchino
Based on the Turner Entertainment motion picture distributed by
WarnerBrothers
and written by Gore Vidal, and the original teleplay by
PaddyChayefsky
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2A CATERED AFFAIR
CAST:AGGIE - mother of the brideTOM - father of the brideJANEY -
the brideRALPH - the groomWINSTON - uncle of the brideMR. HALLORAN
- groom's father, doubles as SAM thecab driverPASHA - neighbor,
doubles as MRS. HALLORAN - groom'smotherMYRA - neighbor, doubles as
WEDDING DRESS SALESWOMANDOLORES - neighbor, doubles as THE
CATERERALICE - Janey's best friend, doubles as ARMYSergeant
NEW YORK'S SOOTH BRONX, Tuesday morning followingMemorial Day
weekend and onward, 1953.
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MUSICAL NUMBERS (in Bold)
SCENE 1 - Tenement Courtyard -SCENE 2 - Front stoop/Janey's
Bedroom -"PARTNERS" - Tom & Sam, Ralph & Janey'SCENE 3 -
Apartment -"RALPH AND :ME 'I - JaneySCENE 4 - Janey's
Bedroom/Aggie's Bedroom"MARRIED II - AggieSCENE 5 - Tenement
courtyard"WO:MEN CHATTERII - Myra, Pasha & DoloresSCENE 6 -
Apartment -"NO FUSS II - AggieSCENE 7 - Apartment - dinner
party"YOUR CHILDREN'S HAPPINESS II - Mr & Mrs
Halloran"IMMEDIATE FAMILY" - Winston"OUR ONLY DAUGHTER II -
AggieSCENE 8 - Bridal shop interior"ONE WHITE DRESS II - Janey
& AggieSCENE 9 - Catering Hall"VISION II - AggieSCENE 10 -
Coffee ShopSCENE 11 - Fire escape"DON'T EVER STOP SAYING 'I LOVE
YOU' 'I - Janey &RalphSCENE 12 - Apartment"I STAYED" -
Tom"MARRIED (REPRISE)" - AggieSCENE 13 - Apartment"CONEY ISLAND II
- WinstonSCENE 14 - Front stoop"DON'T EVER STOP SAYING 'I LOVE YOU'
(REPRISE}"-Ralph, Janey & Tom"CONEY ISLAND (REPRISE)" - Winston
& Company
3
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4A cityscape of Bronxapartment buildings looms against anearly
morning sky.
The houselights dim.
MUSIC:
WINSTON, dressed in a hat andcoat, enters the semi darkenedstage
carrying a suitcase. HE assessesthe setting.
WINSTON(to the audience)
I stopped in to see a friend. The place was pitchblack. I says
to him, ~Why don't you put on a light?"He shrugs, ~'Cause I was
brought up in the dark."
WINSTON carefully places the suitcaseon the stage floor. As he
does, itcues ...
A MUSICAL CHORD.
The stage is transformed to aBronx neighborhood 1953.THREE WOMEN
appear in their respectiveapartment windows.
WINSTON watches frombelow.
MYRAMorning, Dolores.
PASHAWould you look at this laundry? Out all nightand still
soaking wet.
MYRA'Morning, Pasha.
DOLORESAnyone seen that alley cat of mine? What atramp. He eats
my food but the pleasure hegives someone else.
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PASHAIs that you down there Winston? You're outawful early.
MYRAOr have we caught an alley cat justsneaking back in?
WINSTONAnd top o'the'mornin' to you, too.
DOLORESDid your sister get home yet? I want to tellher I seen
her on the TV last night.
MYRAWe seen her too.
PASHAUs too.
MYRAYou don't have no TV.
PASHAThen it's a good thing I have friends whodo.
DOLORESWell, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was sittingon my
couch, minding my own business, andsuddenly there's your sister and
brother-in-lawin my living room, only they was really on theTV. Can
you imagine?
MYRAThat was some beautiful shot of them right upfront.
PASHAImagine, someone in our very building invitedto the
Memorial Day Services in Washington DC.That's quite an honor.
MYRADid they get to sleep overnight in the capitol?I always
wanted to sleep overnight in thecapitol. Wouldn't that be fun?
5
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~,I
DOLORESI think it's terrible, your poor nephew, losinghis young
life so far from home.
PASHANot just him. All them young people.
DOLORESIt's a goddamn shame that someone has to die toget a
service like that.
PASHAAnd your poor niece must be so sad losing herbig
brother.
DOLORESCan't say I seen any tears when that boy brungher home
last night.
MYRANow, Dolores, don't start. With her folks outof town, and
her uncle out all night, it's niceJaney didn't have to come home to
a big emptyapartment.
PASHAWho was the boy? That fella with the glasses,right? I seen
him hanging around her a lot.
WINSTONThat is her boyfriend Ralph.
MUSIC cue:
With a slight tip of his hat, WINSTONushers on...JANEY &
RALPH asleep in her bed.
WINSTON (CONT'D)And he's a very respectful young man.
DOLORESA real gentleman. Walked her right up to the door.
IvlYRAAnd then got her safely upstairs.
DOLORES
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Where he put her straight to bed.
MYRADolores!
PASHAAnd what's it to you two?
DOLORESLive and let live, I say. But her mother maynot share the
same modern persuasion.
MYRAWe'll know for sure in a minute as I never seenthe boyfriend
leave, but I do see the motherpulling up in a cab.
WOMEN0000000 ...
MUSIC cue:
WINSTON, almost amused with thesituation, calls out ...
WINSTONJaney. Hurry. If your folks catch Ralph I'mgood as
dead.
JANEYAll right. We're up!
Two nude figures bolt upright inbed: JANEY and RALPH. They
areyoung, attractive and real.
RALPH sprints to pull his clotheson.
WINSTON watches the scene fromdownstage.
RALPHDid we oversleep? I told you to set the alarm.
JANEYBreathe, Ralph. You'll give yourself a coronary.
RALPHWhere's my other sock?
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JANEYThey must have caught the first flight back.
RALPHI can't find my other sock.
JANEYA lifetime of paying taxes, here's their oneshot to get
something back, but my folks haveto rush home to this!
RALPHJaney, my sock .. ?
JANEYThey make me crazy.
RALPHI have two shoes. I have two feet. Ergo theremust be two
socks.
JANEYWe've got to get out of here.
RALPHYou've got that right.
JANEYRalph, let's get married.
RALPHLet your father catch me sockless and we'llhave to.
JANEYI mean it. Let's get married. Right now. Rightaway. What's
stopping us?
RALPHYou. Every time I ask you say we should waitfor the right
time.
JANEYMaybe this is the right time.
RALPHBut we agreed that next year, when I gettenure, we could
afford a really cool place ...
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JANEYWhat isn't cooler than living at home? The onlything worse
than spending the first part of mylife in the shadow of my perfect
brother wouldbe spending another day in the shadow of myperfect
dead brother.
RALPHCut it out. Your folks are crazy about you.
JANEYI don't want to wake up next to them.
RALPHMarriage isn't an escape.
JANEYNo. Divorce is. But first things first.
FRONT STOOP OF THE BUILDING
TOM enters from upstage. HE andWINSTON pass each other
unseen.
SAM enters from the wings.SAM
Tom, you got a minute?
TOM(calling to an unseen person alreadyin the house ... )
Go on, Aggie. I'll be right in.(back to SAM)
Thanks for bringing the cab out to get us.
SAMSure.
(he tosses the car key to TOM)I drove your shift last night. I
wasn'tplanning on working a double. So how you doing?
TOM seats himself on the suitcase.
TOMIt's been three months, but it's still hard toget my brain
wrapped around.
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SAMSure. Tough stuff. But here's something mightcheer you up. I
didn't want to say nothing infront of the missus. Your business is
yourbusiness. Pasternak's selling his share of thecab. She's all
ours.
TOMThe cab? All ours?
SAMThat's what I'm saying.
TOM is silent.
SAM (CONT'D)What's the matter?
TOMIt's just ... The three of us have owned thathack together
...
SAMtwenty-six years.
TOMPasternak's retiring?
SAMHe's tired.
TOMWho ain't?
SAMSo what's with the long puss?
JANEY'S BEDROOM
JANEYYou don't want to marry me?
RALPHOf course I do. You know I do. This is just alittle out of
nowhere.
JANEY
BACK TO:
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Actually I've been thinking about it for acouple of days.
RALPHDays? Glad to know you're not rushing intoanything.
JANEYWould you listen? You know that my friend Kellyis getting
married and moving to California tolive with her folks, right?
RALPHSince she's four months pregnant, it's none toosoon.
JANEYExactly why they're flying. Problem is there'sonly so much
they can take on the plane. Andthen they've got their car to
consider.
RALPHSo?
JANEYSo they gotta hire someone they can trust todrive their car
and stuff to California.
RALPHYou mean .. ?
JANEYWho's more trustworthy than us? It's perfect.First stop
City Hall for a ten dollar weddingand then we're off on a
California honeymoon.All expenses paid! Kid, you are marrying
agenius.
BACK TO:THE FRONT STOOP AGAIN
(WE WILL NOW SWITCH BACK AND FORTHBETWEEN THE CONVERSATION IN
THEBEDROOM AND THE ONE OUT ON THE STREET.)
MUSIC BEGINS: "PARTNERS"
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TOMSeems awful sudden is all.
SAMAny less sudden and we'd be retiring along withhim.
TOMFinally our own hack. Fifty-fifty.
SAMPARTNERS!
TOMJUST LIKE THAT!
SAMSITTIN' IN THE BLEACHERSNOW WE'RE UP TO BAT
TOMCAN'T HELP FEELIN' LIKE A HORSE I PICKED CAME THROUGH.
BACK TO:
JANEY'S BEDROOM
RALPHWe're getting married. Imagine us ...PARTNERS!
JANEYA TEAM FOR LIFE!
RALPHCAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE READY TO BECOME MY WIFE.
JANEY & TOMGUESS YOU WAIT LONG ENOUGH, A DREAM JUST MAY COME
TRUE
ALLAND I FIN'LLY GET TO BE PARTNERS WITH YOU.
JANEYBUT NO BIG WEDDING, NO BIG FUSSNOBODY THERE BUT THE CLERK
AND USNO ONE TO SATISFYNO ONE TO PLEASEAND NO CATASTROPHES.EV'RY
WEDDING I ATTEND
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SM
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THERE'S A FIGHT SCENE BEFORE THE ENDSOMEBODY'S DRUNKAND
SOMEBODY'S OSE GETS OUT OF JOINTWHAT'S THE POINT?THE POINT IS
...
JANEY & SAMPARTNERSlQUICK AND NEAT!SIGN A PIECE OF PAPERAND
THE DEAL'S COMPLETE
RALPHHow romantic.
JANEYIT'S A MERGER, CUT AND DRY.I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND HEARTLESS
...
SAMHE DON'T MEAN TO SOUND HEARTLESSBUT PASTERNAK SAID THEY SEND
YOU DOUGHWHEN YOUR KID GETS KILLED IN ACTIONSO, HE FIGURES IF HE
SELLS HIS SHARE NOW WE CAN BUY 'ERAND HE CAN RETIRE
WE'LL GET A THIRD MORE MONEYFOR A THIRD MORE WORKA THIRD MORE
SANITYWITHOUT THAT JERKA THIRD MORE PROFIT IF WE EVER CASH 'ER
INIT'S WIN WIN WIN ...
TOMYou're saying I should use the money theGovernment pays for
losing my kid? I didn'teven get it yet ...
SAMHey, if you can't trust your Uncle Sam ... ?Meantime, all
Pasternak wants is a deposit.
TOMStill, that's a lot of money. Plus all oursavings ...
SAMWhich you've been saving for what?
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rTOMCan you corne by for the check tomorrow? Give metime to ease
into the subject with the wife.Aggie's not the kind of woman you
spring stuff on.
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SAMThink it's gonna take some explaining?
RALPHA lot of explaining. You know my folks.They are going to
want to make a big affair likethey did for both of my sisters.
JANEYAnd there's the beauty part: No time. We'renot on our
schedule. We're not on theirschedule. We're on Kelly's
schedule.
SAMAND SUDDENLY I SEE A BIG IMPROVEMENT IN OUR OCCUPATION
JANEYSUDDENLY A SHINY LITTLE RING FOR ME TO GRAB
ALLALL WE HAVE TO DO IS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION
SAMA WINDFALL BLOWS ...
JANEYKELLY'S BELLY GROWS ...
RALPHA QUICKIE WEDDING AND A FREE VACATION ...
TOMWE'LL BE ...
ALLPARTNERS!ALMOST THERE!
RALPHFEEL LIKE ANY MOMENT I COULD WALK ON AIR
JANEY & RALPH
BACK TO:
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GUESS IF YOU'RE LUCKYONE AND ONE MAKES MORE THAN TWO
SAM & TOIYlYOU AND MEPARTNERS!AIN'T IT GRAND!WE BET ALL THE
CHIPSON A WINNING HAND
ALLAND IT'S EVEN SWEETER'CAUSE IT'S SO LONG OVERDUEBUT NOW I
FIN'LLY GET TO BE PARTNERS
SAM & TOIYlWITH YOU ...
JANEY & RALPHWITH YOU ...
SAM & TOMWITH YOU ...
JANEY & RALPHWITH YOU.
The SONG ends and AGGIE enters theapartment to find WINSTON
rushing aboutreadying things.
WINSTONWell, look who hurried home. Can't abide beingaway from
me, can you?
AGGIEI don't understand how someone can sleep in ahotel bed. I
laid awake the whole nightwondering whose head was on that pillow
beforemine.
WINSTONYou always did know how to have a good time.
AGGIEWhat have you done wrong?
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WINSTONNothing.
AGGIEWhy are you out of breath?
WINSTONBecause I'm fat and old.
RALPH tries to sneak out but iscaught by AGGIE's glare.
AGGIEGood morning, Ralph.
RALPHMorning, Mrs Hurley. I just came by to walk Janey to
work.
AGGIE reaches out and plucks asock off the back of his
jacket.
AGGIEAnd picking up your laundry?
RALPHSorry. I must've got dressed In the dark.
JANEY(From the bedroom)
Is anyone in the bathroom?
AGGIEI don't know. Ask Ralph.
RALPHI'd better be gOing.
AGGIEDon't rush on my account.
RALPHMrs Hurley ... Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
AGGIEThat's very sweet, Ralph.
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HE kisses her and grabs his jacket.
/
RALPH scoots out. AGGIE addressesWINSTON.
AGGIE. Thanks for watching over the girl for me.
WINSTON(swallowing hard with guilt)
I did all the washing up and made a pot ofcoffee fresh. They
showed a great big close-upof you and Tom on TV. Take it easy
today.Nothing needs doing.
WINSTONWhy don't you toss these sad dead daisiesand I'll bring
you something fresh from the shop.Nothing's too good for my little
sister. I'llbe back around four.
HE escapes.
WE follow AGGIE as she assessesthe kitchen with the eyes of
awoman who has taken care of thisroom most of her life.
TOM comes in.
AGGIEIs that you, Tom?
TOMAnd who else would it be?
AGGIEWhat did Sam want?
TOM(referring to the window)
Aw! I hoped we'd beat the sun. I want to get anap before I take
my shift.
AGGIESit down. I'll fix your eggs.
SHE pours a cup of coffee forherself which is snatched by
JANEYswooping into the room.
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JANEYHi.
AGGIEYou're welcome.
SHE opens the fridge to get hereggs.
AGGIEWould you look at that ice. Caked solid.
MUSIC cue:
TOMNo! No new contrivances. Not until I got myown cab.
AGGIEDid I ask for anything? Do I ever ask you foranything?
TOMI'm just saying ...
AGGIEI heard you.
JANEYMa?
AGGIEYou eating?
During the following, AGGIE cooksand serves eggs to TOM.
JANEYListen, Ma, I don't want you making a fuss. Allright?
AGGIEIf I had energy to make a fuss, you would haveseen one
already.
JANEYRALPH AND ME ARE GETTIN' MARRIED
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AGGIEWell, Jane, that's very nice.
JANEYIT'S ALL DECIDEDRALPH AND ME, WE GOT THIS FRIEND WHO'S
GETTIN' MARRIEDAND THEY'RE MOVIN' TO HER FOLKS IN CALIFORNIA
AGGIEThat's nice.
JANEYTHEY'RE GETTIN' MARRIED RIGHT AWAYSHE'S ALREADY FOUR MONTHS
GONETHEY CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER DAY
AGGIEWho?
JANEYKelly. From work. You don't know her.SO THEY'RE FLYING OUT
TO CALIFORNIA
AGGIEThis friend.
JANEYRight.
BUT THEY'VE GOT THIS CARAND THEY NEED TO GET IT OUT THERE
SOON
AGGIEAnd?
JANEYAND RALPH AND ME FIGUREWE CAN DRIVE IT OUT FOR THEMMAKE THE
TRIP A HONEYMOON
AGGIESo?
JANEYSO WE HAVE TO DO IT QUICKDRIVE CROSS-COUNTRY, GET A TAN BY
A MOTEL SWIMMING POOLAND FLY BACK HERE IN TIME FOR RALPH TO TEACH
SUMMER SCHOOL
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I '
AGGIETom. Your daughter's getting married.
TOMDo I look deaf? Janey, that's very nlce.
JANEYBUT THERE WON'T BE ANY FUSSI REALLY WANT TO MAKE THAT
CLEARJUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND US
And my friend Alice as my matron of honorSINCE I WAS HERS LAST
YEARWE'LL MEET AT CITY HALL, THURSDAY, TEN A.M.WE'LL GET MARRIED BY
THE CLERKIT WON'T TAKE ANY TIME AT ALL
AGGIENot Father Murphy?
JANEYThere's no time for a church wedding, Ma.
WE GOTTA GET THE CAR OUT TO THEMAND I'M ONLY TAKIN' THREE WEEKS
OFF FROM WORK
But we'll go talk to Father Murphy. I promise.We'll have to
invite his folks for dinner.
AGGIEFather Murphy's?
JANEYRalph's. Mr and Mrs Halloran.
TOMCan I get the salt.
JANEYI know it's kind of short notice but how abouttonight?
AGGIEWell, I was going to the fish market anyway.
JANEYTonight all right with you, Pa?
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TOMFine, Janey.
JANEYI'll tell Ralph to bring his folks by aroundseven. Nothing
fancy.
A SIMPLE FAM'LY MEAL - I'LL PICK UP SOME WINEAnd I mean it about
the wedding ...
WE DON'T WANT A BIG ORDEALTHE CIVIL CEREMONY WILL DO FINETHEN
RALPH AND ME,THE HANDSOME GROOM AND THE BLUSHING BRIDEWILL BE OFF
ON OUR LITTLE CROSS-COUNTRY RIDE.
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TOMThat's the best way, Jane. All the fuss andfeathers going on
with these things. Your UncleJohn says it cost him eighteen
thousand dollars
, to marry his Caroline off.
AGGIEIf it's a small wedding you want, that's whatyou'll
have.
TOMEighteen thousand on a party. It's enough tochill your
blood.
AGGIEAnyways, your Pa and me thought we'd give you acheck. A
check for a thousand dollars.
TOMA thousand?
AGGIEFor God's sake, Tom. Your one and only daughteris getting
married. It would cost you ten timesthat if she wanted a
dinner.
TOMWell ... I didn't say no. We always said how wewould give her
a check. We just never specifiedno figure.
JANEYWe don't want any checks. We just want you tocome to the
ceremony. The whole thing shouldn'ttake more than ten minutes.
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AGGIEYou'll have to invite your Uncle Win.
JANEY(snapping)
Ma, if we ask Uncle Win ...(pulling herself back)
I'd like to ask Uncle Win, but then all theothers will be mad
and we just want immediatefamily ...
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AGGIEBut he lives right here in the house with us.Sleeps right
out there on the pull-out. But Iguess you're right. You ask one and
you'restuck with the whole bunch. All right. Butyou'd better let me
tell him. You know howtouchy he is.
But JANE has gone to her bedroom.AGGIE stares at TOM.
TOMWhat?
AGGIEYour only daughter tells you the biggest newsof her life
and you just sit there.
TOMWhen I'm done eating I'll get up and do adance.
AGGIEYou could say something to her.
TOMI said it was very nice.
AGGIEI heard what you said.
TOM gets up. WE follow him fromthe kitchen to ...
JANEY'S BEDROOM(continuing)
MUSIC cue:
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TOM appears in the doorway.
TOM(struggling to say something)
Jane? .. Uh ... Very sensible not to have a bigwedding.
AGGIE enters the room with freshsheets.
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TOM,I Your Ma and me got married at City Hall and
we're no worse for wear.
JANEYI'll see you tonight, Pa.
HE nods and leaves.
JANEYMa, can you get that onion bread Ralph likes?
AGGIESure.
AGGIE pulls back the bedcovers ...
AGGIEI was going to do the sheets anyway.
SHE begins to change the sheets.
AGGIEYou're sure that's what you want; gettin'married at City
Hall?
JANEYWe're sure.
AGGIEBecause getting a good start ... That's thetrick of it. To
make a good start. Jane?
JANEYYeah, Ma?
AGGIEJaney ...
JANEY
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What?
AGGIEIT'S A BIG THING, GETTIN' MARRIED
MUSIC BEGINS: "MARRIED"YOU GOTTA LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAPYOU GOTTA
PICK SOMEBODY TO KEEPSO THAT WHEN HIS HAIR IS MOSTLY GONE,AND YOUR
WAIST IS NOT SO SLIMYOU'LL STILL BE WITH HIM.
JANEYMa, I've known Ralph for two years now ...
AGGIEI'M NOT SAYIN' YOU DON'T KNOW HIMAND I'M NOT SAYIN' HE
DON'T CAREBUT STILL, YOU GOTTA PREPARE'CAUSE WHETHER OR NOT THERE'S
PRESENTS AND RICE
AND ALL THAT STUFFSOON ENOUGH THERE'S SACRIFICE.
SO IT'S NOT ALL ROSESAND IT'S NOT ABOUT DREAMS COME TRUENO
MATTER WHAT I WISH FOR YOUIT'S MORE ABOUT THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO.And
you can't go throwing money around. I hopeyou got more than your Pa
and me, but even ifyou do you can't go throwing it
around.Especially when the children come.
JANEYMa, I'm not even married and you've got mehaving
children.
AGGIEGo ask that friend In California.
YOU'LL HAVE KIDS BEFORE YOU KNOW ITTHEN YOUR LIFE WON'T BE YOUR
OWNEVEN AFTER THEY'RE GROWNALL THE THINGS YOU DO WITHOUTALL THE
NIGHTS YOU LIE AWAKEFOR YOUR CHILDREN'S SAKE
SO DON'T GO THINKIN' THAT IT'S ALL JUST ONE GOOD TIMEOH, THERE'S
SOME GOOD TIMESBUT DON'T GO THINKIN' THAT IT WON'T BE AN UPHILL
CLIMBWHERE YOU FIND YOURSELF
24
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WOND'RIN' HOW IT EVER GOT TO BE THIS WAYWOND'RIN' HOW YOU'RE
GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAYWAIT - THAT ISN'T REALLY WHAT I MEA~T TO SAY
...
NO, IT'S A GOOD THING, GETTIN' MARRIEDIT'S THE THING THAT PEOPLE
DONOW YOU FOUND THE FELLA FOR YOUSO YOU'LL EACH WEAR A GROOVE IN
YOUR SIDE OF THE BEDEACH LEARN TO IGNORE THINGS THE OTHER ONE
SAIDAND YOU'LL SMILE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUTTHE DAY YOU WERE WED
...
AGGIE seems to have run out ofsteam.
JANEYIs that all?
AGGIEI guess.
JANEYYou're not going to tell me about the birds andthe
bees?
AGGIEDon't be fresh. And don't go thinking that'sthe whole
thing. 'Cause it's not. It'simportant. It's just after a while it's
notthat important.
JANEYYou won't forget to talk to Uncle Win, willyou?
AGGIEJaney ...IT'S A BIG THING, GETTIN' MARRIED.
JANEYI'll get home as early as I can to help with dinner.
JANE is out the door as the MUSICcontinues ...
The bed turns and WE realize thatwe're now in AGGIE'S bedroom
...
AGGIE & TOM'S ROOM
25
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r(continuing)
TOM enters.
AGGIEHow about that?OUR DAUGHTER GETTIN' MARRIEDI ALWAYS THOUGHT
THE BOY WOULD BE FIRSTI THOUGHT MAYBE HE'D MEET A GIRL OVER
THEREBRING HER HOME AND SURPRISE US ALL ..THEN WE GOT THAT CALL
TOM settles into bed. AGGIE sitsherself down on the foot of the
bed.
AGGIEAT LEAST JANEY WILL BE SETTLEDWITH A FAMILY OF HER OWN
SURE WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE HER A WEDDINGTO START HER OFF
RIGHTWITH A FANCY PARTY THAT LASTS ALL NIGHTBUT SHE SAYS SHE
DOESN'T WANT ITAND I'M NOT GONNA FIGHTSHE'S GOT A GOOD HEAD ON HER
SHOULDERS ...AND IF SHE DOESN'T WANT ALL THE FUSSWELL, I GUESS
THEY'LL START OUT LIKE USI WARNED HER ABOUT WHAT'S DOWN THE PIKEI
SET HER STRAIGHTTOLD HER WHAT IT WAS LIKE ...
SHE is stopped by the sound ofTOM'S snoring.
AGGIE.. . TO BE MARRIED.
MUSIC cue:
THE COURTYARD - LATE AFTERNOON
WINSTON, bouquet of flowers inhand, ushers on the WOMEN IN
THEWINDOWS ...
MYRADolores! Dolores, corne to the window.
DOLORESWhat's wrong?
26
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MYRAHold on, I gotta catch my breath. I ran all theway from the
fish monger.
PASHA appears in her window.
PASHAI could hear you hollering from the bedroom. Whatdid I
miss?
DOLORESWhat happened at the fish monger?
PASHAHow should I know what happened at the fishmonger? I was in
the bedroom.
MYRAWould you two just listen? You'll never guesswho's getting
married and why.
DOLORESGrace Kelly ... Because she's tired ofHollywood.
PASHAYou're a panic, you are.
DOLORESTell us already.
MYRAAGGIE'S GIRL, JANEY.
DOLORES & PASHATO THE ONE WITH THE GLASSES?
MYRATHAT'S WHAT I HEARD.
MUSIC BEGINS: "WOMEN'S CHATTER"
PASHADO YOU THINK THE FATHER CAUGHT THEM UPSTAIRS?
27
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MYRAMAYBE, BUT IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING MORE THAN THATI'VE BEEN
THINKING JANEY LOOKS A LITTLE FAT
PASHAMAYBE SHE JUST LIKES TO EAT.
MYRAOR MAYBE WE'LL SOON HEAR THE PATTER OF LITTLE FEET ...
DOLORESYou suppose?
PASHAThat's how rumors get started.
MYRAIt's not a rumor. I heard it at the fishmonger.
AGGIE, appears in her kitchen. SHE isobviously preparing for her
dinnerguests.
PASHAQuiet both of you.
MYRA(calling out)
Yoo hoo! Mrs Hurley!!!
MYRA & DOLORES wave anxiously toher.
MYRAYou're preparing quite the spread there, Mrs.Hurley. I can
smell it all the way up here.Fish?
AGGIEGuests for dinner.
MYRAYou got something to celebrate maybe?
AGGIEOur Janey gettin' married Thursday.
28
-
MYRASo I heard. And they say she's done herselfproud. The
father's in real estate. Lives in abig apartment house with three
elevators. Yougotta phone from downstairs to even get in.
PASHACongratulations. May they both be very happy.
MYRABut why are they rushing things like that?
PASHAWhat are you writing a book?
AGGIEIt's what the girl wants.
DOLORESOh, you don't believe that.
AGGIEIt's what she says.
MYRAIt may be what she says, but it's not what shemeans. Did you
ever know a girl who didn't wanta fancy wedding and to wear a dress
trailingten feet behind?
AGGIEJaney's not the type. Just ten minutes at theCity Clerk and
they're off to California.
MYRANot even in a church?
AGGIEThere's no time.
DOLORESIs she in trouble?
AGGIEIs who in trouble?
DOLORES
29
-
Your daughter.
AGGIE(getting frustrated)
Look, they've got these friends who've got thiscar which needs
to get driven out west andthey're getting paid to take the trip
...
PASHAPersonally I think it's very thoughtful ofJaney not putting
you through a whole lot ofexpense you can't afford.
AGGIEWe can afford to give her a wedding if shewanted. We're not
exactly on relief. It's justthat they got the use of this car
...
MYRAYou don't have to explain to us. She wouldn'tbe the first
girl I knew had to get married ina hurry ...
DOLORESAnd leave town.
AGGIENo. See, they have to hurry because of thebaby ...
MYRA(to Dolores)
Didn't I say there was a baby?
MUSIC cue:
THE WOMEN explode with chatter asWINSTON steps into the kitchen
...
AGGIENot Janey. Her friend's the one in the familyway.
WINSTONWhat's the bellowing in here?
HE sees the frustrated look on hissister's face.
30
""!!
-
WINSTONWho's the mouse the cats are clawing at today?
AGGIEI've got some wonderful news. Tie your shoebefore you trip
and break your neck.
AGGIE is setting the table fordinner as WINSTON arranges a
smallbouquet of flowers.
WINSTONWhat's your news?
AGGIEJaney and Ralph are getting married.
WINSTONReally?
AGGIEWhat kind of reaction is that? The first goodnews in I
don't know how long and Tom says"That's nice" and you ~ay "Really"
...
WINSTONNo, it is wonderful news. Really. Just took meby surprise
is all. Is the girl here?
AGGIEShe's at work.
WINSTONWell, we'll give them such a party! There willbe drunken
cousins throwing up catered dinnersfrom here to the Grand
Concourse.
AGGIEBut see it's not that simple. They've got toget married
Thursday morning ...
MUSIC cue:
WINSTONHow about that place John rented for hisCaroline's
wedding? He's always bragging on howmuch he spent. We'll take that
hall PLUS theroom next door just for the champagne toast?
31
-
That'll shut him up for once. And I'm payingfor the hall. No
argument. Leave it all to me.
AGGIEIt's not going to be like that. They're justhaving a small
civil ceremony in the morningand then they're off on their
honeymoon.
WINSTONWhy would they get married like that?
AGGIEBECAUSE IT'S WHAT THEY WANT
MUSIC BEGINS: "NO FUSS"
AND THERE ARE OTHER COMPLICATIONSTHERE'S A FRIEND WHO'S GETTIN'
MARRIEDWITH A BABY AND A CARAND A U-HAUL FULL OF FURNITUREAND WEST
COAST RELATIONSCITY HALL AND A CLERKONLY THREE WEEKS OFF FROM
WORKSO THERE'S TIME LIMITATIONS ...
WINSTONStop addressing Congress. What are you tryingto say?
AGGIEHere's the thing, Winston ... Would you tie yourshoe?
THEY DON'T WANT ANY FUSSJANEY MADE THAT CLEARJUST IMMEDIATE
FAMILY PLUS
her friend AliceWHOSE WEDDING SHE WAS IN LAST YEARTHEY WANT TO
KEEP IT SMALLYOU KNOW HOW IT GOES:YOU INVITE ONE UNCLEAND YOU HAVE
TO ASK THEM ALLTHEN THE COUSINS AND THE FRIENDSAND THE NEIGHBORS
AND THEIR DATESAND THE LIST GROWS AND GROWS ...
WINSTONI am not invited?
32
-
AGGIEYou're not listenihg to me.THEY HAVE TO LEAVE BY THURSDAY
AFTERNOONOR THERE WON'T BE TIME FOR THEM TO HAVE THEIR HONEYMOONSO
THEY HAVE TO DO IT QUICKA D ...
WINSTON(halting her)
And I am not to be considered iromediate family?Might I remind
you that I am not only thegirl's uncle but her godfather.
AGGIEYou were Terry's godfather. Paddy stood up forJaney.
WINSTONPaddy? Who'd ask Paddy to be a godfather?
AGGIECan we fight one battle at a time? Don't youthink I want my
favorite brother at my onlydaughter's wedding ...
WINSTONThen ask me. You just might find I'm free.
AGGIEIt's not up to me. The kids are trying to keepit small.
WINSTONReally? You can tell the kids for me: Resigningone's self
to small is sad. Requesting it is tragic.
WINSTON pulls on his jacket andstarts to leave.
AGGIEFor heaven's sake, would you stop carrying on.Just imagine
the fighting and fussing if wehave you and none of the rest. But,
Winston, Ralph'speople are coming to dinner tonight and wewouldn't
think of having them over without youhere.
33
-
r34
HE'S out the door.
AGGIEDinner's at ~even. Don't be late. And tie yourshoe!
JANEY enters and busies herself settingthe table and chairs.
JANEYAre you sure you told Uncle Win seven o'clock?
AGGIEPut ice in the pitcher.
JANEYThere's already ice in the glasses.
AGGIEWe're serving this dinner proper if nothingelse.
JANEYIt's supposed to be just a plain meal like wehave every
night.
AGGIESomething's got to be special when your onlydaughter gets
engaged and you're meeting yourin-laws for the first time.
JANEYMa, we've been all through this ...
AGGIEMrs Thompson at the green grocer said it waslike we were
being shameful and secret the waywe was hustling you off.
(her mind racing)I hope I got them the right whiskey.
JANEYRalph says his father drinks too much.
AGGIEThat's no concern of ours.
JANEYNo pearls for the potatoes?
-
The MR AND MRS HALLORAN enter theLIVING ROOJl1 along with RALPH
AND TOM.
MR. HALLORANRalph tells me you're in the taxi game.
TOMIt's not really much of a game.
RALPH(to Jane's rescue)
Let me help.
MRS. HALLORANWell, doesn't that all look scrumptious.
MR. HALLORANMust be fascinating work; driving a cab.
TOMThere is that side of it.
MR. HALLORANYou must get to see more than your share of
thepassing parade.
TOMI wouldn't say that. But every now and then Iget a peek at it
through the little mirror overthe windshield.
MR. HALLORAN(laughing too loudly)
The little mirror ... That's rich. Own your owncab, do you?
TOMRight now I have two partners in the medallion.That's the
license the city sells you to run ataxi. But just this morning I
got some fairlyexciting news. It looks like one of my ...
MR. HALLORANY'know, Hurley, I've been thinking about thekids
getting hitched in such a hurry and itjust seems awfully cold to
me. Not that I don'tunderstand, what with you just putting your
boyin the ground this winter and all ...
35
-
RALPHDad!
MR. HALLORANWhat? We can be frank, can't we?
RALPHIt's our choice. Jane and I don't want a bigwedding.
MRS. HALLORANDon't be silly. What girl doesn't want a
bigwedding?
MR. HALLORANSo if it's a matter of money I'd be more thanhappy
to split the tab soup to nuts.
MRS. HALLORANWhy let money get in the way of everyone havinga
good time?
RALPHMorn, Dad, please.
MR. HALLORANWhat? We're all family here.
AGGIE enters with the main courseof a whole fish
beautifullydisplayed on a platter.
AGGIEHere we are ...
MRS. HALLORANOh, will you look at that.
MR. HALLORANYou certainly put on a swell feed.
JANEY(sarcastically)
Oh, we eat like this every night.
AGGIEWon't you all please pass your plates ...
36
-
AGGIE works to fill plates as ...
MR. HALLORANYou know what I'm going to do for you kids?
WE GOT THIS LISTING, JUST CAME IN
MUSIC BEGINS: ~YOUR CHILDREN'SHAPPINESS"
A FLOOR-THROUGH IN THE LOWER SLOPETWO BEDROOMS, KITCHEN, ALL
REDONEA FIND, BUT WILL I SHOW IT?
Nope!I'M PUTTING YOUR NAMES ON THE LEASEAND FOR THE FIRST WHOLE
YEAR I'LL PAY YOUR RENTAND ALL UTILITIES.MY WEDDING PRESENT TO
YOU.NO, IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.EXPENSIVE, YES, I MUST CONFESSBUT
YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON YOUR CHILDREN'S HAPPINESS!
A wedding is no place for coupon clippers.Right, Hurley?
MR. HALLORANOUR GIRLS. :.
MRS. HALLORANYOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ...
MR. HALLORANTHEIR WEDDINGS - UNBELIEVABLElWORE MY CHECKBOOK DOWN
TO THE BONE.
MRS. HALLORANTHE FOOD WAS ...
MR. HALLORANTHE APPETIZER TABLE ALONE ...
MRS. HALLORANSO MUCH CAVIAR ...
MR. HALLORANBELUGA, OF COURSE.
MRS. HALLORANFLOWN IN!
37
-
MR. HALLORANWHICH COST ABOUT TWO MONTHS OF WHAT YOUR RENT WILL
BE.WORTH EV'RY PENNY!
MRS. HALLORANSO BEAUTIFUL~
MR. HALLORANTHEIR BEAMING FACES ...
MRS. HALLORANTEARS 0 F JOY ...
MR. HALLORANAND FOND EMBRACES.
MRS. HALLORANWE GAVE THEM ...
MR. HALLORANTHE BEST AND NOTHING LESS ...
MRS. HALLORANYOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON YOUR CHILDREN'S
HAPPINESS.
AGGIEWell, we thought we'd make the kids a presentof a check,
let them do what it is they want.
MRS. HALLORANWhy, isn't that practical.
AGGIEFive thousand dollars.
TOM(involuntarily)
Five?AGGIE cuts him off with a glare.
MR. & MRS. HALLORANSO RALPH AND JANE ARE SAYING THEY DON'T
WANT A BIG AFFAIRBUT WHO'D COMPLAIN TO FIND A FANCY HALLAND SEVERAL
HUNDRED'PEOPLE WAITING THERE?
MR. HALLORANFROM THE MOMENT I DISCOVERED THAT MY DAUGHTERS WERE
ENGAGEDI WAS BURNING UP THE PHONE LINES LIKE A WAR WAS BEING
WAGED
38
-
AND THEIR DREAMS WERE ALL EXCEEDED IN THE WEDDINGS THAT
ISTAGED.
MR. & MRS. HALLORANAFTER ALL, YOUR ONLY FLESH AND BLOOD
DESERVE THINGS IN EXCESSAND THEIR SPECIAL DAY IS WORTH THE HUGE
EXPENSES AND THESTRESSSO WHETHER THEY WANT A FUSS OR NOT THE ANSWER
SHOULD BE ...
MR. HALLORANYES ...
MRS. HALLORANYES!
WINSTON appears in the doorwayvirtually ending the song ...
AGGIEYou're late.
WINSTONI went out seeking a tonic for mytroubles ... and got
more than Ibargained for.
AGGIEMy brother has always been the funny one.
(taking control of WINSTON)Mr and Mrs Halloran, this is my
brother Winston.
MR. HALLORANNice to meet you.
MRS. HALLORANA pleasure.
WINSTONOh, the pleasure is mine, Mrs. Hooligan.
AGGIEWinston, Mr. HALLORAN was just telling us abouthis
daughter's wedding.
MUSIC BEGINS: "IMMEDIATE FAMILY"
WINSTON
39
-
Only ...IMMEDIATE FAMILY.
MRS. HALLORANExcuse me?
WINSTONThe kids will be inviting only ...
IMMEDIATE FAMILYTHAT'S WHAT THEY SAIDBUT I KNOW WHAT THEY
MEANT--I DON'T HAVE TO BE HIT IN THE HEADTO SEE THROUGH TO THEIR
TRUE INTENTTO EXCLUDE A CERTAIN UNCLEJUST BECAUSE HIS BRANCH ON THE
FAMILY TREEIS A WEE BIT BENT.
AGGIEWinston, have some fish.
WINSTONWas there ever a truer gesture of familial love?
PASSING YOU A PLATTERWHILE THEY TELL YOU YOU DON'T MATTER.
IMMEDIATE FAMILYTHOSE FOLKS YOU SOMETIMES HATEBUT HAVE TO SUCK
IT UP AND TOLERATE.
IMMEDIATE FAMILYTHE ONES WHO GET TO TREAT YOU BADBECAUSE, NO
MATTER WHAT THEY DOYOU CAN BET YOU'RE STUCK WITH THEMAND, MUCH TO
THEIR OBVIOUS REGRET,THEY'RE STUCK WITH YOU.
Don't you agree, Mr. Harrigan?
AGGIECould we discuss this later?
WINSTONAbsolutely. But why put off 'til tomorrowwhat we've
avoided up 'til today?
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE TO SEE THE DAYMY OWN SISTER--WOULD TURN
HER BACK ON ME THIS WAY.BUT I'VE SEEN LOTS OF OTHER FAMILIES DO
ITSO IT'S NOT LIKE I'M A STRANGER ... TO IT.
40
-
KEITH, MY BUSINESS PARTNER OF ALMOST TWO YEARSWOULD BURY HIS
FACE IN MY LAP
Oh, yes he would.AND SOAK MY CROTCH WITH TEARSBECAUSE, THOUGH
THEY OCCASIOrALLY PHONED HIM,HIS FAMILY HAD BASICALLY DISOWNED
HIM.
And do you know why?
MRS. HALLORl\NI'm sure I couldn't guess.
WINSTONOf course you could, Mrs. Hooligan, but youwould have had
to have lived an entirelydifferent life. Keith, like me, is a
confirmedbachelor uncle. And confirmed or not, bacheloruncles are
apparently to be kept outside;outside like the family dog.
JANEYThis has nothing to do with you. We're not invitingany
aunts or uncles.
MRS. HALLORANNo aunts or uncles?
JANEYIt'll just be immediate family.
MR. HALLORANYou never said anything ...
RALPHI told you that. I absolutely did, right off.
MRS. HALLORANRidiculous.
MR. HALLORANWho has a wedding without relatives?
MRS. HALLORANAunt Thelma would be distraught. And what
aboutGranny?
WINSTONPoor poor Granny.
41
-
RALPHIt's our wedding and we'll do what we like.
MR. HALLORANIf you really want to make us feel left out whynot
just elope?
RALPHDon't tempt me.
MRS. HALLORANRalph Halloran!
MR. HALLORANYoung man, we will discuss this at home.
WINSTONBelieve me I feel for you, Mrs Harrigan. Imyself sought
to leave this
DEN OF DOMESTICITYAND THE UGLINESS BENEATHTO FIND A BIT OF
COMFORTWITH THE AFOREMENTIONED KEITHBUT POISONED BY WEDDING
MADNESSAND ENVY OF THOSE WITH A SPOUSEHE'S ISSUED A DEMAND THAT WE
KEEP HOUSE!
He accused me of living with my sister in order to avoidpersonal
entanglements. Do you know what I toldhim? "You're not as dumb as
you look!"
MR. HALLORANI've had about enough of this.
WINSTONYou? How about me?
I'VE SPENT FIFTY YEARS AVOIDING COHABITAL MESSONLY TO BE
DERAILED BY THIS "NIAGRA FALLS EXPRESS"
Keep house? I told that silly son of a bitch, "Theonly house
people like us get to keep is in thepouf ward of a padded palace."
Period.
JANEY(to AGGIE)
Can't you do something?
AGGIE(to Winston)
Winston. Stop.
42
-
WINSTON~ have broken the vow of silence. It's straightto hell
without supper for me. So if you willkindly remove your peas and
posteriors, I willtake to the cloistered confines of my
secretshame.
MRS. HALLORANExcuse me?
liVINSTONNo, excuse me.
(pointing to the couch whereon she sits)That's my bed you're
sitting on.
MRS. HALLORAN jumps to her feet,flustered.
MRS. HALLORANOh. I had no idea. I'm so sorry.
WINSTON,My, but you're a breath of fresh air, Mrs.Homonym. I
feel like I can tell you anything.
RALPHYou can't.
WINSTON sweeps her up to dance as thesofa and doors fade
away.
WINSTONShall we?
IMMEDIATE FAMILYCAN HAVE SUCH NARROW MINDSYOU'D THINK THEIR
HEADS WERE UP THEIR BEHINDS.
THE HALLORANS gather their things.
IMMEDIATE FAMILYWILL LET YOU KNOW YOU DON'T BELONGIN NOT SO
SUBTLE LITTLE WAYSAND NEVER LET YOU FORGETTHAT YOU ARE FOREVER IN
THEIR DEBT ...
THE HALLORANS and RALPH exit.
43
-
BUT WAITII'M NOT NEARLY FINISHED YET!LET'S TOAST OUR FIANCES
..... . AND IMMEDIATE FAMILY!WHEN I THINK OF THE PETTY, ANNOYING,
DISLOYALIMMEDIATE FAMILY I DEFINEWELL, I'M NOT ONE TO WHINESO
HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINETHOUGH YOU SAY I'M NOT YOUR IMMEDIATE
FAMILYYOU ARE SURELY ...
JANEY exits
THE SERGEANT steps out of theshadows. WINSTON sees her and
cutsoff the song dead ... AGGIE and TOMnow turn and see her as
well.
SERGEANTGood evening, Mrs. Hurley? I don't want todisturb your
supper. You and your husband leftso early this morning we weren't
able to catchyou. I'm sorry. I'll make this as quick as Ican and
leave you in peace.
On behalf of the Commander and Chief of theArmed Forces, the
Secretary of Defense, theUnited States Army, and a grateful nation,
Ipresent you with this flag from the MemorialService along with
your son's medals andpapers.
SHE hands the objects to a stunnedAGGIE.
SERGEANTI took the liberty of bringing the familybereavement
benefit. I thought, as long as Iwas coming ... Rather than sending
it in themail. I thought ... I'm sorry, Ma'am.
(she salutes her)My sincerest condolences. Good night.
SHE turns on her heel and is gone.WINSTON withdraws.
AGGIE looks first at the medal inits case and then hands it to
TOM.SHE studies the neatly folded flag
44
-
and hands that to him as well ...SHE looks at the letter, SHE
readsthe brief note and then stares atthe check.
TOM takes the letter from her andreads it. HE then reaches out
totake the check, but AGGIEresists ...
AGGIEThis check is going to buy a fine wedding.
TOMWhat?
AGGIEA catered affair with a white lace gown,an orchestra, a
cake, and flower girls ...
TOMAggie, you know the kids have to get marriedThursday if they
want to take the car ...
AGGIEI have been explaining about that car and thegirl with the
baby and every time I tell it -it sounds sillier and sillier.
TOMThe kids got plans.
AGGIETom Hurley, in the course of this one day Ihave been
accused of atheism, of hating mychildren, of covering up a scandal,
of being apiker, a pauper, and I damn near broke mybrother's heart
... And when that Halloranstarted in on how he's paying the kids'
rent ...
TOMOh, you know how blowhards like him are ...
AGGIEHe's giving them a home. What are wegiving her? A check?
Any stranger can hand you acheck. We're her parents.
TOM
4S
-
But that money is our whole future.
MUSIC BEGINS: "OUR ONLY DAUGHTER"
AGGIE(standing her ground)
WE'VE NEVER BEEN KIND TO HER, TOMWE ALWAYS TREATED HER COLDI'LL
NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT
WE ALWAYS FAVORED THE BOYWE DID, TOM, GOD REST HIS SOUL,WE
ALWAYS TREATED HIM GOODGAVE HIM WHATEVER WE COULDBUT NOT THE
GIRL
SHE NEVER ASKED FOR MUCHBECAUSE WE TAUGHT HERNOT TO EXPECT TOO
MUCHOUR ONLY DAUGHTER
WE MANAGED TO SEND HIM TO SCHOOLTHOUGH HE NEVER WANTED TO
GODROPPED OUT, JOINED UP, AND OFF HE FLEW
SHE HAD HER COLLEGE PICKED OUTBUT THAT WAS WHEN BUSINESS GOT
SLOWWE COULDN'T GIVE HER A DIMESHE HAD TO START WORKING FULL-TIMETO
HELP US THROUGH
SHE NEVER ASKED FOR MOREBECAUSE LIFE TAUGHT HERTHAT THERE WAS
NOTHING MORE FOROUR ONLY DAUGHTER
WE GAVE HIM ALL THAT WE HADAND WHAT IS THERE LEFT?A FLAG AND
SOME MEDALS TO THROW IN A DRAWER
YOU SAY THIS CHECK IS OUR FUTUREBUT THAT'S NOT THE TRUTHI SAY
YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR FUTUREAND THOUGH THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN BUY BACK
HER YOUTHWE CAN STILL GIVE HER ONE PERFECT DAYTO REMEMBER US
FOR
PLEASE! LET'S GIVE HER THIS ONE THING, TOMONE THING THAT'S
SPECIAL FOR HER
46
-
ONE THING SHE'LL SMILE ABOUT ALL OF HER DAYS
A BEAUTIFUL CATERSD AFFAIRWITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AROUNDA BIG
SATIN PHOTO BOOKSHE CAN LOOK AT WHEN TIMES GET BADTHINK OF HER MOM
AND HER DADAND THE ONLY BIT OF JOY WE EVER BROUGHT HEROUR ONE
REMAINING CHILDOUR LITTLE GIRLOUR ONLY DAUGHTER.
Lights fade.
MUSIC BEGINS:
WINSTON appears to oversee theclearing of the stage but first
stopsto study the government check.
WINSTON places a chair centerstage and the BRIDAL SHOP
appears.
A bridal gowned JANEY enters,attended by a SALESWOMAN.
Satisfied, WINSTON drifts off. AGGIEenters.
JANEY climbs up onto the chair forher fitting.
BRIDAL SALESWOMANBlowout, sweetheart. You've got to suck it inif
you want me to get this zipper closed.
JANEYHow am I supposed to breathe?
BRIDAL SALESWOMANBrides don't breathe. Not if they want
awaistline. And you know what they say aboutbrides without
waistlines.
AGGIEI'm going to have to take a cab to meet your Paand uncle at
the hall. The church depositcleaned me out. Can you let me have a
couple ofbucks?
47
-
JP.NEYRight there in my purse.
AGGIEI'll pay you back at the house tonight.
JANEYYou almost ready, Ma? I'm pretty sure this isthe one.
AGGIELet me have it.
JANEYYes?
AGGIEOh, Janey, it's beautiful.
BRIDAL SALESWOMANThere's a veil we suggest with this model.
Letme find it.
THE SALESWOMAN goes off.
AGGIEThank you for doing this for me.
JANEYYou don't hear me beefing, do you?
(she turns her head and is surprised byher own reflection in the
mirror)
MUSIC BEGINS: ONE WHITE DRESS
JANEYI WASN'T ONE OF THOSE SILLY LITTLE GIRLSTHOSE PERFECT PINK
AND FRILLY LITTLE GIRLSWHO LONG TO WEAR MAKEUPJUST ACHING TO CAKE
UP THEIR PORESMAKEUP STILL BORES ME
I NEVER MOONED OVER BRIDAL MAGAZINESOR SAPPY WEDDING SCENES I
SAW ON MOVIE SCREENSAND I MIGHT AS WELL FESS UPI NEVER PLAYED
DRESS-UP AND SUCHSO WHY AM I ENJOYING THIS SO MUCH?
48
-
WHO WOULD IMAGINE THAT ONE WHITE DRESSCOULD TOTALLY SPIN MY HEAD
AROUND?I WOULDN'T BE AN EMOTIONAL MESSOVER ANY OTHER DRESS I
FOUND
I'VE NEVER BEEN ONE FOR SHOPPING TILL I DROPOR SQUEEZING INTO
OUTFITS TIGHT ENOUGH TO POPAND PRIMPING, I HATE TO!I USU'LLY CAN'T
WAIT TO BE DONEBUT I HAVE TO ADMIT ...
JANEY & AGGIEThis is fun!
JANEYWHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?I'VE BEEN SENSIBLE ALL MY LIFEMAYBE
I NEED THIS LITTLE SPREEBEFORE I'M SOMEBODY'S SENSIBLE ...
AGGIEPRACTICAL ...
JANEYSERIOUS ...
AGGIEAND EVENTU'LLY TIRED OLD ...
49
~ JANEY & AGGIEWORN OUT WIFE ...
JANEYSO I'LL DO THOSE STRANGE THINGS THAT EVERYBODY DOESACTING
LIKE THE FOOL I NEVER THOUGHT I WASPA WILL THROW SOME OLD TUX ONAND
SPEND LOTS OF BUCKS ON THE SHOWIT REALLY SOUNDS CRAZY, I KNOW
WHO WOULD IMAGINE THAT ONE WHITE DRESSCOULD EASILY SHOVE ALL
SENSE ASIDE?FILL UP A ROOM WITH HAPPINESSAND TURN A
PRACTICAL,RATIONAL, SERIOUS,PLAIN-JANE-ORDINARY GIRLINTO A GIDDY
BRIDE.
AGGIE
-
This is nice. I never took you kids outshopping much. Your
brother hated the stores ...
(realizing what she's said)I'm sorry I didn't take more interest
in youwhen you was a little girl. Your Pa and me ...We always had
the curse of money over us. So Ijust got you what I could when I
could.
JANEYWe're certainly making up for it today. Ma, whydon't we
tell Pa the dress cost half and I'llmake up the difference.
AGGIEHe'll be fine. All he needs do is remember howwe got
hitched. He only married me because ...Well, you already know about
me being a "bridewith no waistline".
AGGIEYour Pa and my Pa, God rest his soul, theydrove cabs out of
the same garage. "Hurley,you're gonna do right by that girl and
marryher. End of discussion." He says, "And inreturn I'~l buy you a
share in your ownmedallion." They shook on it and that was
that.
JANEYYou didn't have a say?
AGGIEIn my condition? What was I going to say?So he married me.
Well, once he got the cash.Oh, I'm exaggerating a little, but
that's thegist. And he's a good man, your Pa. These lastmonths
since Terence was killed ... I might havedied myself if not for the
steadiness of yourfather.
JANEYI never knew that story about grandpa and thetaxi.
AGGIE(digging)
Jane. You and me have never been close. It's noreproach to you.
But with all that's happened,you start looking back at things
...
50
-
THE SALESWOMAN returns with theveil.
BRIDAL SALESWOMANHere we are. Lovely, isn't it? So delicate.
AGGIE takes the veil from her.
AGGIECan we see that dress with the beads again?
BRIDAL SALESWOMANOh, but that one can't compare ...
(assessing the moment)I'll go look for it.
SHE goes off. AGGIE places theveil on her daughter's head
andthey look in the mirror.WINSTON watches from upstage.
JANEYI don't need any of this, Ma.
MUSIC cue:
AGGIEMy wedding was done in such a rush, me in acotton print
dress not fit to be seen on thestreet let alone be married in. Oh,
I said Ididn't mind. But I did ... to this day.I want you to have
this one fine thing with allthe trimmings. Something for when the
bad dayscome and you're all wore out and growing old.
JANEYIs your life really all that bad, Ma?
AGGIEMy life is not something I think about. Okay?
JANEYOkay.
JANEY dreamily drifts offstage inher gown.
AGGIE
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52
Beautiful.
WINSTONSimply, Beautiful.
WINSTON conjures an empty cateringhall.
HE steps into the scene, breathing itall in, followed by
TOM.
WINSTONA beautiful place for a wedding. Oh, this wasthe right
decision, Tom; to launch them ontothe sea of life like a fine ship
with all flagsflying.
TOMHow long is this going to take? I want to getout to the
airport for the foreign flights.
WINSTONBefore I forget; Sam came looking for you. Hesaid he'd be
back around dinnertime.
AGGIEOh, Winston. Wait 'til you see the dress with alace train
way onto the floor.
TOMCan we get the guy to glve us the bad news so'sI can get back
to work?
AGGIEAnd the veil ... It's a kind of a tulle withapricot
blossoms on the crown ...
The CATERER, a well suited woman,arrives cheerily.
CATERERHello. I know a fun family when I see one.
WINSTON(to himself)
This isn't going to go well.
CATERERMr. and Mrs. Curly?
-
AGGIEHurley.
TOMTwo hundred?
53
CATERER(trying to turn away discretely)
CATERERA catered affair is all about choices.
CATERERSomeone's raring to go.
TOMYou people have like a package deal?
WINSTONYou can call me Curly.
CATERERWell, wanting a wedding within the month wecertainly
can't call you Early! Now, I've puttogether a few ideas, basic
rates and a coupleof surprises ...
TOMHow much is all of this going to cost?
SHE hands the photos to AGGIE andWINSTON.
CATERERNow, how many do you expect in your party?
AGGIEClose to two hundred I'd say.
AGGIEWe'll be paring the list down as it is.
TOMWe never said anything like two hundred.
AGGIE(to caterer)
If you'll excuse us.
Of course.
-
AGGIENow look, Tom, there's Harry and John andBarney and Joe.
Then the cousins and all thatcrowd. There must be eighteen of them
alone.And how about Dave and Helen ...
TOMDave is not driving all the way up fromWheeling, West
Virginia.
WINSTONNo. When he hears you're having an open barhe'll fly.
AGGIEAnd Jane will have a bunch of friends she'llwant to invite.
I'd bet there's more like ahundred and fifty than a hundred.
TOMHow about just having them to the church? Whydo I gotta buy
them all dinner? What you'replanning could eat up every cent I
scrimped andsaved to buy my cab.
AGGIEYou scrimped and saved? You?
TOMAll right. We both did.
AGGIETom Hurley, we've had it hard between us, but Iwill not
haggle and bicker with you no more.We're having this wedding and
we're having itright sos's one day the girl will have a kindword
for the mother and father who never gaveher nothing 'til now.
Finished.
AGGIELet's just say, in round numbers, a hundred andfifty.
Seventy-five for us, Seventy-five forthe groom's side.
TOMHow much?
54
I4
-
- --------------~-
CATEREROnce again; choices. Sit down or buffet? Passedhors
d'oeuvres or trays? Now, let's begin rightafter the service. Now
how many limousines willyou need?
TOMWhat do we need with limousines?
AGGIEHow else can the guests without cars get overhere from the
church?
TOMEver hear of a subway?
AGGIEIf you'll excuse us.
WINSTONHold the phone. Now, Mrs - Miss ... ?
CATERERCall me Betty.
WINSTONOh, I just might.
TOMIf this don't beat all.
WINSTONTom, please, this is one of those things mypeople do
best.
CATERERYou mean the Irish?
WINSTON(off TOM and AGGIE looking terrified)
Yeah. Sure. Why not?
WINSTON pulls the menu open TheCATERER takes notes wildly .
WINSTON
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1
Let's start with the menu: We can skip thesoup. Ya gotta give
our relatives something tochew on or they start in on each
other.
AGGIEHow about spare ribs?
WINSTONInspired. Cheap, filling and fun. Even you'vegotta like
that, Tom.
(to Caterer)And toss in those little egg rolls. Then let'sfill
them up with a great big salad. Maximumbulk at minimum price.
Russian, French andVinaigrette dressings.
CATERERNo blue cheese?
WINSTONMaybe for dessert.
CATERERYou've done this before.
WINSTONNever with a church involved. Now to the meatof the
matter ... ? Aggie?
AGGIEIt's all about choices.
WINSTON(proudly)
She's my sister. A choice they shall have; thebeef or the
chicken.
CATERERHow about shrimp?
WINSTONThere are enough bottom feeders on the guestlist
already.
AGGIECan we have roasted potatoes?
WINSTONGive that woman roasted potatoes ... with dill.
56
I.~
4
-
CATERERGreen beans with almor-ds, beets ...
WINSTONNo beets. Stains.
(indicating his shirt)Rentals.
CATERERAnd for dessert?
WINSTONThis is where most folks waste the money. We'realready
paying for the cake, so a fruit plateand assorted cookies will do
us fine.
TOMYa' got the cake, do you need the cookies?
WINSTONLet's talk about flowers ...
TOMCan't we just take the flowers from the church?
WINSTONNo, but if you'd like, on their way here, thelimos can
pass through the cemetery and pick upa few things.
TOMI'm just saying we already paid for flowers ...
WINSTONAggie, what kind of arrangements would youlike?
AGGIEYou're doing fine, Win.
WINSTONNo, no, no, no, no. This is your party, Sis.What do you
want?
AGGIEHonestly, Win, I've never been any good at ...
WINSTON
57
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Close your eyes.
AGGIEWhat?
WINSTONClose your eyes. Do it!
MUSIC BEGINS: "VISION"
WINSTONNow I want you to picture Janey in that weddingdress you
just told me about. Got it?
SHE nods and smiles.
WINSTONIt's the big day. Two hundred guests gatheredhere in the
front hall. Suddenly the room goeshushed as Janey appears, a
princess in herbridal gown, surrounded by garlands of flowers.Can
you see it?
AGGIEYes.
WINSTONWhat color are the flowers?
UPSTAGE the lights start toglimmer as an apparition of theaffair
begins to take shape. Thefantasy will envelope the stage...
AGGIEPink. No, peach. No,
APRICOT BLOSSOMS JUST LIKE THE ONES ON HER VEILAPRICOT
BLOSSOMSSET OFF WITH BABY'S BREATH AND WHITE ROSES
CATERERLovely.
AGGIEAPRICOT AND WHITE RIBBONS HANGING EVERYWHERE
CATERERCan do.
58
-
AGGIEAND FREESIAI'VE ALWAYS LOVED THE SCENT OF FREESIA
WINSTON(to Caterer)
Lavender freesia.
CATERERThat will be extra.
TOMExtra what?
AGGIETHERE'S CANDLELIGHTWHITE CANDLES TIED WITH PASTEL BOWSIN
TALL SILVER STICKS
WINSTONNow look into the dining room and see thetables ... What
color are the cloths?
AGGIEWHITECRISP STARCHED WHITE
WINSTONUnder skirted in lavender.
(to Aggie)And the napkins?
AGGIEAPRICOT SET ON SIMPLE WHITE CHINAWITH ONE WHITE ROSE AT
EACH PLACE
And the guest's names printed ... no written ina beautiful hand
on white cards with the word,"welcome H above each.
CATERERShe's got a knack.
WINSTONHow about the cake? Tell me about the cake.
AGGIEOh, it's so elegant. The cake is white.
WHITE CAKE WITH APRICOT CREAM FILLINGThree tiers.
59
-
WINSTON(to Caterer)
And a little bride and groom on top.
60
AGGIENo. There's only one bride in the room andthat's my Janey.
The cake is dripping in icingflowers. Flowers that match her
weddingbouquet.
WINSTONAnd the music?
The WEDDING is now visible as in adream the room takes oncolor a
chandeliers, candles, a cakeappears .JANEY enters in her
weddinggown ...
AGGIEAND THE MUSIC WON'T EVER STOPNOT FROM THE MOMENT YOU WALK
THROUGH THE DOORIT FILLS THE ROOMLIKE A CONCERT HALLCINDERELLA'S
BALLSWIRLING AND SPINNING
RALPH, dressed in white tails,joins JANEY ...
A MAGICAL SPELLTHAT WILL MAKE YOU FORGET ALL YOUR
WORRIESEVERYTHING'S GOLDENNOTHING GOES WRONGINSIDE THIS SONGIN THIS
CANDLELIGHTON THIS PERFECT NIGHT
AND THEN, THERE THEY ARETHE IMPOSSIBLY BEAUTIFUL PAIRJUST TO
LOOK AT THEM MAKES YOU ACHETO CARE LIKE THEY CARETO FEEL WHAT THEY
FEELAND BELIEVE THAT IT'S REALTHIS IS WHAT GETTING MARRIED SHOULD
BE!
-
RALPH takes JANEY'S hand and theydance ...
LOOK, HE'S TAKING HER HANDAS THEY FLOAT DOWN THE STAIRS FOR
THEIR DANCETO A DIFFERENT SONGEVEN MORE HEARTBREAKINGEVEN MORE FULL
OF ROMANCE
THE COUPLE separates and begin todrift as the vision fades
...
AND YOU KNOW FROM NOW ONIF YOU EVER SHOULD HEAR THAT SWEET
SONGYOU'LL REMEMBER THIS HUSBAND AND WIFETHE LOVELY YOUNG GIRL IN
HER WEDDING GOWNAND HER FLOWER CROWNGLIDING ACROSS THE FLOORIN THE
ARMS OF THE MAN WHO ADORES HERTHE MAN SHE'LL ADOREFOR THE REST OF
HER LIFE.
AGGIE opens her eyes and we are onceagain in the empty catering
hall.
WINSTON places a supportive hand onAGGIE's shoulder and then
turns tousher in...
THE KITCHEN ... where ALICE is nervouslywaiting when JANE
arrivesbreathlessly.
WINSTON watches from the downstageshadows.
JANEY (O.S.)Alice?
ALICEHere, Jane.
JANEYHi. Sorry. I know I'm late, but the dressfitting took
longer than I thought, but waituntil you see it. This all
startedbecause I wanted to avoid any fuss and look at
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62
me now. Ridiculous, right? Someone would think throwing myself
abig wedding was the only thing I ever thought about.
Ridiculous.Anyway, I got a head start on making the list of
bridesmaids.
ALICEJane, I don't want to be your matron of honor.I can't.
JANEYWhat do you mean?
ALICEYou have to swear to God you won't tellanybody.
JANEYWhat's the matter?
ALICEI'm so ashamed about this, but when you called,after we
hung up, I suddenly thought, "I'mgoing to have to get a dress."
JANEYOh, for heaven's sake ...
ALICEJane ... We don't have money to spend on abridesmaid dress.
You know Bill's been out ofwork. He don't even sleep nights with
worry.
JANEYBut the dresses I picked ...
ALICEAnd even if we could afford the dress, Bill'sgot to have a
tuxedo. You know what a rentalcosts?
JANEYHe doesn't have to wear a tux.
ALICEIf I'm in the wedding party he has to wear atux.
JANEYThere will be plenty of guys in plain dark
-
suits.
ALICEBill doesn't have a plain dark suit. And whatabout my
getting shoes to match the dress. Anda bag to match the shoes.
JANEYI'll give you the money. No one has to know.
ALICEWe can't afford it and that's that. And pleasedon't tell
the girls about this. I'd die.
JANEYSo, you're broke. What's so terrible?
ALICEYou wouldn't say that in my place. Jane, wehaven't been
married a year and already ...Maybe we should've thought it out
more.
JANEYYou're just going through a rough time.
ALICEJane, I'm sorry. I can't talk about this.
JANEYYou're my best friend, Alice ...
ALICEI said I don't want to talk about it.
JANEYThe trouble with you is you're too sensitiveabout this
stuff.
ALICE(holding back tears)
Jane, you say one more word and I'm going toget out of here.
JANEYIt's only money.
MUSIC CUE
ALICEI swear ...
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JANEY(trying to calm her)
All right. All right.
But it's too late. ALICE burstsinto tears.
JANEYAlice ...
ALICELeave me alone.
And with that ALICE rushes away.
FIRE ESCAPE
RALPH appears on the fire escapeabove.
RALPHThis is all our fault. We both knew things weretough for
them. So, why didn't we think aboutit before hurting their
feelings? And I'd betthey're not our only friends in the same
fix.
JANEYRalph, I called my mother to tell her I want tocancel the
whole thing.
RALPHOh, thank you. Thank you. Sane words at last.
JANEYBut, before I can say a word she starts inabout how lucky
we are that the ballroom stillhad an opening for us on the
twenty-sixth ...
RALPHThe twenty-sixth? I knew we'd never make it forThursday,
but the twenty-sixth?
JANEYThat's fast for a wedding. You've got to givepeople
notice.
RALPHJane, if we get married on the twenty-sixth we
64
-
have no vacation. And what about the car?Everyone's counting on
us; Kelly and her belly.
JANEYLook, Ralph, you okayed the whole deal.
RALPHI thought it meant I'd have to dance with mymother, not
miss my honeymoon. And wait untilyou hear what my mother's been up
to.
JANEYOh, no.
RALPHAs of this afternoon my mother has found thatwe are related
by blood to no less than fifty-four people, and by marriage to
another sixty-one. Then there are fifty odd more folks whodeserve
the rare privilege of seeing me gethitched.
JANEYBut that's almost two hundred ...
RALPHAh, Janey, let's just run away. We've got thelicence. Let's
just get married and go.
JANEYDo you know how much they put down indeposits?
RALPHWe'll pay your folks back. They'll save afortune and we'll
save our sanity. You don'twant this. I don't want this .. Let's
just leave.
JANEY(searching her heart)
Ralph ... I can't. I gotta do it for Ma andthat's that. If you'd
been with her today ...How everything about the wedding made her
lightup. I've never seen her like that ... I gotta dothis for her.
Please.
RALPHIf it takes a catered affair to bring love tothe world I
guess I can dance with my mother.
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JANEYHow do you lose a button every time you wear ashirt?Ralph,
when Ma was talking I was wondering whatit's been like for her; all
these years withPa.
MUSIC BEGINS: "DON'T EVER STOPSAYING 'I LOVE YOU'"
I never stopped to think of my folks askids, crazy about each
other. But they must havebeen.
I'VE NEVER HEARD THEM SAY THE WAY THEY FEEL.AS THINGS
PROGRESSWILL WE FEEL LESS?THEY NEVER USE THOSE WORDS THAT MAKE LOVE
REALTHEY WON'T GO NEAR THE WORDSAS THOUGH THEY FEAR THE WORDSBUT
ME, I MUST CONFESS,I NEED TO HEAR THE WORDSOFTENTO SOFTEN THIS
DOUBTFULNESS ...
PLEAS,E, TELL METICKLING MY EARFOR AS LONG AS IT'S SINCEREDON'T
EVER STOP SAYING "I LOVE YOU"
RALPHI LOVE YOU ...
JANEYPLEASE, GIVE MEEV'RY SINGLE DAYTHAT THREE-SYLLABLE
BOUQUETDON'T EVER STOP SAYING "I LOVE YOU"
RALPH... SO MUCH
JANEYACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER, SURELOVE CAN ENDUREWITHOUT BEING
TOLD
BUT I NEED REMINDING, YESA VERBAL CARESSTO KEEP OUT THE COLD
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RALPHTHEN YOU'LL NEVER BE COLD
JANEYSO PLEASE, MORE THANI COULD EVER COUNTTHEN QUADRUPLE THAT
AMOUNTDON'T EVER STOP SAYING "I LOVE YOUn
JANEY & RALPHCONTINUE TO GOWHERE YOUR HEART IS LEADING
YOU
JANEYI WANT YOU SOTHAT I DON'T MIND NEEDING YOU
PLEASE, I'VE BEENOUT HERE ON MY OWNNOW MAKE YOUR FEELINGS
KNOWNDON'T EVER STOP SAYING IT I LOVE YOU"
RALPHIT'S EASY TO SAYIT'S EASY TO DOI'VE NEVER LOVED
ANYTH~NGLIKE I LOVE YOU ...
JANEYBUT I NEED REMINDING, LOTSNO DIAMONDS OR YACHTSJUST
WHISPERED FORGET-ME-NOTS
RALPH embraces her in a kiss ...and then climbs down the
stairs.
JANEY watches as TOM en~ers thekitchen below.
RALPH looks back up at JANEY.
RALPHPLEASE, TRUST ME ANY DOUBTFUL DAYTO KISS YOUR FEARS
AWAYI'LL NEVER STOP SAYING ...
AGGIE enters as TOM searches thefridge for something to eat.
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68
RALPH & JANEYI LOVE YOU.
AGGIEDon't spoil your appetite, I'm making chops.
WINSTON escorts RALPH from the stage asthe scene in the kitchen
continues ...
AGGIEOh, and you'll be happy to know that I got ourinvitations
down to sixty-seven. Our sixty-seven and Halloran's seventy-five
will save youplenty. How about that?
JANEYNot so fast. There's another little snag.
AGGIEWhat are you talking about?
JANEYMa ... Ralph told me his mother is invitingabout a hundred
and eighty people.
TOMA hundred and how many???
AGGIENo. I told her yesterday there'd be seventy-five for us,
seventy-five from them. I made abig thing of how that's all the
hall will hold.
TOMA hundred and eighty! ' ,
JANEYRalph's mad about it too.
TOMHow much more's that gonna cost?
AGGIEWould you stop carrying on?
TOMI'm asking for a bit of information.
-
AGGIERalph must be wrong.
TOMAnd didn't that woman say once we signed thecontract any
extras would cost a premium? Alife savings flushed down the drain
to feeddinner to a bunch of strangers.
AGGIE goes to the phone.
AGGIEThere must be some mistake. I'm calling Mrs.Halloran.
TOMEvery cent I have and before you're throughI'll be up to here
in debt. It's criminal.
69
JANEY7' Ma, maybe it's best we can the whole thing.. \
AGGIEI will not! Anyway, Ralph must be wrong.~ (into phone)Mrs.
Halloran? This is Agnes Hurley. _Oh, we're all fine, And how are
you? _Yeah. That's nice. Look, Mrs. Halloran, I justwanted to go
over the invitation list with you.No, of course we wouldn't be
inviting any ofthe same people. But .. Just how many do youthink
you'll be asking? _A hundred and eighty-six????
TOM(from the kitchen)
A hundred and eighty-six!
AGGIENo, no, no. I just meant I thought we agreedthere'd be
seventy-five for you and seventy-five for us. -Yeah, well ... I'll
be talking to you. Yeah.Goodbye.
AGGIE hangs up the phone.
AGGIEI don't know what to tell your Pa. Go fix him
-
something to eat. Maybe that will make him alittle more
peaceful.
AGGIE exits.
70
SAMJaney. Tom
(exci tedly)Today's the day!
SAM enters the apartment. JANEYsilently watches from the fire
escape.
SAMIt's Wednesday. The down payment on themedallion?
TOMOh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With all these goings onI forgot.
SAMSay, that's right. I heard you're gettingmarried, Jane. Many
happy returns I'm sure.So, let me have the check and I'll get out
ofyour hair.
TOM(unable to even look at him)
Sam. I'm sorry, but I changed my mind.
SAMYou what?
TOMChanged my mind. Sorry.
JANE overhears all of this.SAM
You changed your mind? We've been waitingtwenty years to buy
Pasternak's piece and youchanged your mind?
TOMMaybe we waited too long. If you don't do ityoung you kind of
get past it.
SAM
-
What the hell ... ?
TOMWho needs to be the boss? Filling out papersmorning, noon and
night. Okay, so you make afew extra bucks, But you're working
harder thanyou did before and you got twice theresponsibility.
SAMIs he pulling my leg?
TOMI'm sorry, Sam.
SAMIs something wrong? You in some kind oftrouble?
TOMI can't do it. That's all.
AGGIE enters the room.
SAM wanders out as WINSTON entersthe scene excitedly with a box
ofapricot colored corsages.
WINSTONAggie, my girl, look what I've been working
on.Boutonnieres for the boys, corsages for thegirls, and even a
little something for theMother Of The Bride. Here, proud papa, try
thison for size.
(HE pins a flower on TOM)I'm telling you, the things you can
find atWoolworths. And you'll be happy to know that myfriends
Larry, Charlie and Kathleen can allmake the reception. And Keith,
the silly-son-of-a-bitch, said he wouldn't miss it for
theworld.
TOMFour more? Four more!
AGGIEYou asked all those people?
WINSTON
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Don't worry. I'll pay for them myself.
AGGIEBut we don't even know them.
WINSTONAnd they don't know you. But that won't stopthem from
having a good time.
TOMIf that don't beat all.
(exploding)Let me tell you - There will be no Charlie orLarry or
anyone else. No more!
AGGIE(trying to get between them)
Now, look here Tom...
WINSTONI said I'd pay for them myself l I'm alreadypaying for
the hall. You listen up, Tom. I havealways tried to treat you with
respect ...
TOMOh, shut up!
AGGIEDon't yell at Winston. He said he'd pay.
TOMNot another person. Not another dime! And notanother word
about it!
WINSTONIf that's the way you feel I don't need to goto your
silly wedding either. And I don't need to spendanother night under
your roof.
AGGIENow don't get up on your high horse ...
TOMSee you around!
AGGIEWinston, it's been a long and trying day ...
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WINSTONI've done everything to try and please you peopleexcept
disappear. We'll take care of that now.
WINSTON storms off.
TOMGood riddance!
AGGIEWas that really necessary?
TOMAggie, we're poor people. We got no businesscarting a bunch
of strangers around inlimousines?
AGGIEStop. My head is splitting.
TOMAnd what about my head? You've ragged me fortwenty years
about what a miser I am. Well,I've found dollars hard to come by,
and I'mrightfully leery of ,letting them go. But I'msick to death
of being put up in front of mykids as a penny-pincher. I done the
best Icould but nothing is ever enough for you. Iseen the way you
look up to that Halloran,bombasting on about all the money he
spends.I chauffeur his sort every day of the week.They toss you a
dime tip and then expect you tokiss their ass for it. But you, you
thinkthat's somehow to be admired.
AGGIEIs it a crime to want something better for mykid? So what
if I don't want Jane's lifeturning out like mine. So what if I
don't wantto watch her scraping by day after day in aloveless
marriage; nothing to look forward to,nothing to look back on,
nothing but a lifetimeof days and nights filled with nothing.
JANE bursts into the room.JANEY
Stop. It's over. I'm calling it off.
AGGIE
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Janey, your Pa and I are talking. Go back to your room.
JANEYNo. Nothing's worth this. I said yes to you andtwo days
later my best friend hates me, myuncle's moving out, and my parents
are on theverge of divorce. So, enough. We're gettingmarried at
City Hall tomorrow morning just likewe planned.
AGGIEBut the deposits ...
JANEYI know you put money down on the hall and ahundred on the
dress ...
TOMA hundred deposit? How much can one dress cost?
JANEYStop! It's finished. We'll pay you back everycent and it's
done.
AGGIEBut the invitations went out, and your uncle'sdriving up
from West Virginia ...
JANEYSo it's embarrassing. That's a whole lot betterthan all
this fighting and Pa having to give upbuying his taxi cab ...
TOMHey! The cab's none of your affair.
AGGIEAll right. All right. Fine. We won't have awedding. All
right?
TOM and JANEY are stopped byAGGIE'S surrender.
JANEYMa, I understand why you wanted to give methis.
AGGIEI said all right. I'll call the Hallorans.
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,
TOM(Almost not believing what he's hearing)
No. I'll call them. It's my place to call them.(no reaction from
Aggie)
I'll go call Halloran.
TOM goes off.
JANEYMa ... ?
AGGIEGo to bed. Didn't you always want to get anearly start?
Make a good start. That's thetrick of it.
JANEY leaves the room.
AGGIE sits quietly trying to holddown the volcano inside, but
it'sno use. The tears spring forthfollowed by uncontrollable
sobsand she surrenders to them wailinga mournful cry.
TOM appears. HE watches for amoment ...
TOMAggie? Aggie ....
SHE is done with her tears. SHEpulls herself together, trying
tocatch her breath.
AGGIENow, that was a dumb thing to do .
TOMAggie, are you all right?
AGGIEJane go to bed?
TOMShe took down the suitcase. Must be packing.Aggie, what's
wrong with you?
75
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AGGIEI cried. So what? I cried. Someone wouldthink I come down
with leprosy.
TOMYou've gone off your rocker about this wedding.
AGGIEIt's not the wedding. Who cares about thewedding? I just
wanted to give our daughter somethingbefore she left, but you ...
You're a cold andheartless thing, Tom Hurley. What kind of manlets
his child leave home, never to come back,without a thought or care
in the world?
TOMShe's getting married, Aggie. Not going to war.
AGGIELike that would make a difference?
TOMIs this about Terrence?
AGGIEDid you ever try talking him out of it? Did youever once
tell him not to go?
TOMHow'd this get to be about Terrence?
AGGIEYou could have stopped him. You should havemade him go back
to school ...
TOMHe was a grown man. I couldn't make him doanything.
AGGIEHow do you know? Did you even try?
TOMI was proud of him joining up.
AGGIEAnd he's dead. Proud of that?
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TOMIt was his choice. It was his life.
AGGIEAnd he lost it. And I lost him.
TOMAnd I'm to blame. Sure. Why not?
MUSIC BEGINS: I STAYED
TOMME? ME AGAIN?IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULTIT'S ALWAYS HOW HAVE I LET
YOU DOWNIT'S ALWAYS YOU THE SAINT AND ME THE SINNERME THE MISER,
YOU THE MISER'S WIFETHE DISAPPOINTED ONEPUT OUT, TICKED OFFSPOILING
FOR A FIGHT
WELL LET ME TELL YOU, AGGIE,YOU'RE NO FANCY BARGAIN
AGGIEYou got your money's worth.
TOMNO, YOUR FATHER GOT HIS MONEY'S WORTH IN MEWE ALWAYS ATE, THE
RENT GOT PAIDDAY AND NIGHT I WORKED MY ASS OFFAND I STAYEDA
THOUSAND TIMES I COULD'VE LEFT, BUT I STAYED.
EVEN WHEN YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE DIRT, I STAYEDHOWEVER MUCH MY
PRIDE GOT HURT, I STAYEDONE STEP AHEAD OF THE BILLS AND BANKSNOT
LIKE I EVER GOT ANY THANKSBUT I STAYED.NO MATTER HOW ROUGH IT'S
BEEN WITH US, I STAYEDWHEN YOUR SISTERS BOTH MOVED IN WITH US, I
STAYEDWHEN YOUR BROTHER NEEDED MONEY FOR THE STOREI COULD'VE SHOWN
HIM TO THE DOORBUT I LOANED HIM MONEY, THEN LOANED HIM MOREAND
FORGAVE THE DEBTA FACT YOU MANAGE TO FORGETWHEN YOU GIVE ME HELL
FOR EVERY MISTAKE I MADE
AND AS YOUR TALLY OF MY FAULTS BEGINS TO MOUNT
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THE ONE BIG THING THAT NEVER EVER SEEMS TO COUNTIS THAT I
STAYED.OF COURSE I WANT TO GIVE MY KID A WEDDINGBUT I THINK BLOWING
TWENTY YEARS OF SAVINGS ON ONE NIGHTISN'T RIGHTIS THAT A CRIME?WHY
CAN'T YOU SEE MY SIDE OF THINGS THIS ONE TIME?I NEARLY HAD ANOTHER
PIECE OF THE MEDALLIONI NEARLY MADE THAT DREAM COME TRJEMAYBE
WANTING IT SO MUCH WAS BEING SELFISHBUT I WANTED IT FOR YOU
TO SHOW YOU I COULD MAKE A GO ...TO PROVE I DIDN'T NEED YOUR
FATHER'S DOUGH ...I STUCK IT OUT WHEN TIMES GOT TOUGHTO SHOW YOU I
WAS GOOD ENOUGHTO SHOW YOU I DESERVED YOUAND TO PROVE TO YOU ... TO
PROVE TO YOU ...AHH, WHAT'S THE USE!
LOOK AROUND YOU, AGGIE, EVERYBODY'S LEAVINGIN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER
THEY BROKE FREEAND THE PERSON YOU'LL BE LIVING OUT YOUR DAYS WITHIS
MEWHAT ABOUT ME?I STAYED.
You say you're stuck in a loveless marriage?I'm sorry you feel
that way but don't put wordsin my mouth.
TOM has run out of words. HEstudies AGGIE and then leaves.
MUSIC BEGINS: MARRIED Reprise
AGGIE takes stock of the room, goes tothe window, opens it wide
and steps outonto the fire escape where she takes inthe night sky
....
AGGIE... AND YOUR WAIST IS NOT SO SLIMYOU'LL STILL BE WITH
HIM.
OH, I HAD TO HAVE HIM OR I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIEWHAT DID THAT
FEEL LIKE?A GIRL HAS DREAMS BUT A WOMAN CAN ONLY SIGHAT THE FOOL
SHE WAS
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SHOULDN'T SOMEBODY HAVE TOLD ME SO?SHOULDN'T MY FATHER HAVE TOLD
ME NO?COULDN'T I JUST HAVE LET HIM GO?BUT I MADE MY BEDNOf;\7 I LIE
AWAKEWITH A SILENT MANAND A CONSTANT ACHE
IT'S THE ROAD I TOOKOR THE ROAD TOOK MESO YOU MAKE THE BESTTHEN
YOU LET IT BE
AND HE DID STAY ...AND HE DID SAY
"Don't put words in my mouth."
As AGGIE watches the SUN RISES and dawnbreaks.JANEY enters the
kitchen, dressedneatly for her big day and carrying asuitcase.
JANEYMa? Can we take the transistor radio on thetrip?
AGGIE climbs back into the room.
AGGIESure. Go ahead. I seen your light on most ofthe night.
You've been banging around sincedawn.
JANEYI couldn't sleep.
AGGIEI didn't sleep so good myself. Your Pa stayedout 'til the
bars closed.
JANEYWhere is he?
AGGIESleeping it off.
JANEY
-
(looking for reassurance)You're not mad at him?
AGGIEMad? How can I be mad at what's been my wholelife?
SHE begins sewing a button backonto TOM's suit jacket.
JANEYYou better wake him. We're due at ten.
AGGIEYou'll be housekeeping yourself soon.
JANEYI was thinking that too.
AGGIEWell, it's not the easiest thing day after day,but you get
used to it.
JANEYI'm so jumpy. I can't even sit down.
AGGIEI'd say a girl on her wedding day ought to be abit jumpy.
You look nice. Are the girls takingyou for breakfast?
JANEYI'm already late. You'll be there, right?
AGGIEWe'll make it. Go on.
JANEYHere's your last shot for the birds and bees.
AGGIEJane ... Be happy. Go!
JANEY rushes out the door asWINSTON enters with his hat, coatand
suitcase.
WINSTONI put fresh sheets on the fold out - It's all
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ready in case I need to make a hasty retreat.
AGGIEWhere are you off to?
WINSTONI'm meeting Keith for coffee.
AGGIEWith a suitcase?
WINSTONWho am I to deny another his happiness?
AGGIETerry gone, Jane gone ... Y'know, we've neverbeen alone,
Tom and me. Not from the first daywe were married. It's a funny
thing, but therewere always other people around. So, after allthese
years, something new: Tom and me alone.
(she's frightened herself)You know this will always be your
home.
WINSTONThis will never be my home. Keith's right. Who am I here?
Afamilial person seeking a bit of shelter andwarmth from someone
else's hearth. Just an uncle.
AGGIEOh, Win ...
WINSTON(stopping her)
But to that silly son of a bitch, I'mimmediate family. The
danger is that anyone canbecome an uncle, even in their own home,
ifthey forget who they come to be with. Oh, don'tlook at me that
way. I don't want to depend onsomeone else any more than you. But
we canstomp our feet 'til doomsday, the earth won'tflatten out for
us.
MUSIC BEGINS: "CONEY ISLAND"
So, Aggie my girl, what can we do?IT SEEMS THE WORLD'S DIVIDED
UP IN PAIRSI USED TO THINK WE TOOK THAT NOAH'S ARK THING WAY TOO
FARBUT NOW I THINK WE'RE MEANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
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LIKE A MIRROR, SOMEONE WE CAN'T FOOLWHO KEEPS US HONEST, KNOWS
US THROUGH AND THROUGH
AGGIEWho? Tom?
WINSTONI REMEMBER YOU AND ME AS KIDSTHE TIME WE WENT TO CONEY
ISLANDAND I MADE YOU RIDE THE ROLLER-COASTERFROM THE START YOU
CLOSED YOUR EYESAND AT THE END YOU LOOKED ALL LOST AND SADYOU PAID
YOUR MONEY, TOOK THE RIDE BUT MISSED THE VIEW
Listen: YOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH ANOTHER RIDEDON'T WAIT UNTIL THE
SCARY FEELINGS PASSJUST TAKE A BREATH AND OPEN UP YOUR EYES RIGHT
NOW.
HE leaves his suitcase behind justwhere he did at the opening of
theshow.
WINSTONCome have coffee with us.
AGGIEI'll wait for Tom.
WINSTONGood girl.
WINSTON moves upstage to watchinvisibly.
TOM enters.
TOMThe girl dressed?
AGGIEShe's gone ahead with her friends.
TOMWinston?
AGGIEGone with his.
TOM
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Aggie, I been thinking ... About last night ...
AGGIEHere, I fixed your jacket for you.
SHE holds out the jacket to him.HE reaches out toward her
...
TOMI was wrong. We should've had a specialsomething for her.
It's a big thing; gettin'married.
SHE hands off the clothes awkwardly.
AGGIEJaney's getting married just the way she wants.And you and
me will be there watching. There'snothing wrong in that.
TOMIT'S A BIG THING STAYIN' MARRIED.
(studying her)We've been doing it a long time.
AGGIEToo long? Too long a time?
TOMTo know somebody? It's like a day.
AGGIEFinish up or we'll be late.
LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
AGGIE goes straight for thegovernment check.
SHE studies it for a moment andthen puts it back on the
table.SHE picks up the receiver of thephone and dials ...
MUSIC BEGINS: VISION ORCHESTRAL
AGGIEHello? Mr Pasternak? It's Agnes Hurley. Aboutyour share of
the taxi ... I assume you'll take
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84
a check .... Good.
WINSTON ushers the TAXI centerStage and drops the keys next
toAGGIE's purse where she finds them.
TOM enters dressed for the wedding andsees the cab.
TOMWas that Pasternak I seen dropping off the cab?What's it
doing here? I ain't driving 'til thenight shift?
AGGIETom Hurley, would you have me waiting for a buswhile my
only living daughter gets married.You will drive me downtown and
that's that.Besides, I want to see the look on Halloran'sface when
you pull up to City Hall in your veryown Taxi.
SHE gives the keys to him.
MUSIC SEGUES: DON'T EVER STOP SAYING ILOVE YOU - (REPRISE).
JANEY and RALPH are now on theupstage fire escape singing toeach
other.The COMPANY appears as WE witness thewedding vows of JANEY
and RALPH.
JANEY & RALPHSO EASY TO SAYA SIMPLE "I DO"AND ALL OF LIFE'S
QUESTIONSARE ANSWERED IN YOU
JANEYBUT GOOD TO REMIND ME WHENI GET A YENTO BE REASSURED AGAIN
... AND AGAIN ... AND AGAIN ...
RALPH
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PLEASE, HEAR MEWHEN I TELL YOU THISAS SURE AS OUR FIRST KISS
JANEY & RALPHI'LL NEVER STOP SAYING ...
THEY are silenced in a kiss.
TOM(sings to AGGIE)
I LOVE YOU.
MUSIC BEGINS: "CONEY ISLAND"
WINSTONWE STUMBLE 'ROUND THIS COMPLICATED WORLDA SCARY PLACE
WHERE NO ONE HAS THE PERFECT BOOK OF RULESFOR GETTING THROUGH ITSO
AFRAID WE'VE GOT IT WRONGAND SOMEHOW SURE WE'RE IN IT ALL ALONEEVEN
AS WE'RE WALKING HAND IN HAND
WINSTON walks towards his suitcase and takesit in hand.
COMPANYTHINK ABOUT A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFEA TIME WHEN YOU WERE
FEELING LIKE A FRIGHTENED LITTLE KIDON A ROLLER-COASTERFROM THE
START YOU CLOSED YOUR EYESAND AT THE END YOU LOOKED ALL LOST AND
SADYOU PAID YOUR MONEY, TOOK THE RIDE BUT MISSED THE VIEW
WINSTONYOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH ANOTHER RIDEDON'T WAIT UNTIL THE
SCARY FEELINGS PASSJUST TAKE A BREATH AND OPEN UP YOUR EYES RIGHT
NOW.
WINSTON turns for a last look atthe world upstage as a FINAL
CHORDrings out and the lights restorethe stage to the semi-darkness
ofthe pre-set.
-
WINSTON picks up the suitcase and exits.
THE END
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