LETTING GO
Jan 30, 2016
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A shard of glass found in the park. Screaming things
you don’t mean in an argument. Overhearing a
disparaging remark about yourself. Hurting in places
you didn’t even know existed. Pieces of relationship
spilled out over coffee. A shattered heart slowly
pieced back together with duct tape in a sandwich
shop.
Human beings are messy people. We simultaneously
desire friendship and romantic involvement yet
we are confronted often with our inability to have
consistent, encouraging relationships. The Bible
contains many honest accounts of hurting people
and captures the way that they journey through life,
often licking their wounds as they relate to others.
Movies and TV shows often mirror this real-life drama
and tension as well. Brokenness is everywhere.
Even people and relationships that seem pristine
carry the scars of life on their hearts.
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1 21 2
FRAME
CANVASCANVAS
25/96
Jay, my 12-year old son, my husband, and I sat in our new living room only a few nights after
we had moved into our new home. I’ll never forget the moment—the moment he told us he
wanted to go live with his real dad. I just listened, as if in a sudden emotional fetal position, as
he spoke. I felt my heart could never recover.
I told him I would need to pray about the decision and asked for a little time. I remember that
tear-filled night of grief, anguish, and pain with such weightiness. The next morning I felt God
join me on my daily exercise walk. He took every step with me. I felt a peace so remarkable that
it remains the most powerful feeling I’ve felt—even more powerful than my broken heart.
Our last day with him as a part of our home came. Five months had passed during which I had
prayed and prayed and prayed. Through sobs, I packed most everything in his room so that he
could have a sense of permanence in his new home. Then I layed on his bed in a dizzying array
of emotions that made me so aware of every scent, texture, and smell. The first of hundreds of
times I’d go in his room to detect the slightest remnant of my son’s presence.
Today, Jay is a graduate student on the way to what I know is going to be a fantastic life. And
God has given my husband and I an additional gift: our son Samuel. The peace God gave me
on that walk only grew. It was all about trust amidst the disorientation of heartbreak. — DEDE —
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PRIME
<<<Show Video 2/6, 22 Days>>>
Our Enemy, the devil, knows that our hearts are the source of real life. He has so
many ways of striking at the core of our being and wounding us. He taints the source
of our lives and poisons relationships as a result.
Guard your heart above all else for it is the source of life.
PROVERBS 4:23 (HCSB)
1. Reflect on the film snapshot that made the biggest impression on you. Why
do you think it had such an impact upon you? What really happened in that
scene?
2. In the scene where the little girl runs to meet her father with her drawing,
what message do you think is imprinted on her heart as he avoids embracing
her?
3. What were some of the heart wounds you think this father might have been
carrying with him that affected how he treated his daughter? Does that at all
help us to think differently about him as a person?
4. Pete says, “Forgiveness isn’t cheap but it is always vital.” What do you think
it was going to cost this young lady to forgive her father?
How can I have empathy without feeling certain things? Oh, God, don’t let me forget how (loss, etc) feels. Something will come up and I will use this.
- Dede -
27/96
SKETCH
Throughout the Bible there are stories of brokenness and healing. Some stories turn
out well while others leave us searching for God in the midst of peoples’ troubles.
Some struggle through to redemption while others really never seem to resolve
their crises of the heart.
Early in the biblical account, we see Cain killing his brother Abel because he was
jealous of the offering that Abel gave to God. Cain never seems to find resolution
with either God or man.
Later, Esau plots the death of his brother Jacob when he realizes that Jacob has
stolen both his birthright and the blessing of his father.
“Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his
father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for
my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”
GENESIS 27:41 (NIV)
1. What lies about his brother or himself do you think Esau believed in order to
bring him to the point of murdering his brother?
2. Why do you think that Jacob wanted so badly to steal Esau’s birthright as
well as his blessing? How much do you think he valued his relationship with
Esau?
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The Jacob and Esau story doesn’t end there. Jacob leaves his home, finds a wife
(well, he finds two wives, but that’s a story for another day), and, after amassing a
small fortune, he leaves his father-in-law’s town to return home. As you can imagine,
he’s nervous about seeing his brother again. He divides his family and possessions
in two so that they can get away if Esau comes fighting. Jacob then wrestles with an
angel of God the night before he meets Esau again. This significant event would be
a spiritual turning point in Jacob’s life. He later approaches Esau in a humble state
– bowing on the ground seven times. Then a surprising thing occurs:
“But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms
around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.” GENESIS 33.4 (NIV)
What a contrast in outcome between this story of brothers and that of Cain and
Abel!
3. How do you imagine Jacob felt prior to meeting his brother again? What about
Esau? What do you think brought about the change in their relationship when
they did meet again?
4. Life, like many of the stories in the Scriptures, doesn’t always end so nicely.
People get hurt, are estranged, and relationships are permanently damaged.
Is there a conflict in your own life that comes to mind as you hear the story
of Jacob and Esau? What wounds do you think have contributed to the
relationship?
We are broken people, quite capable of sinning against God and hurting others.
We are broken people – people against whom others often inflict emotional pain
as well. More often than not, it is the people in our lives who are closest to us who
can hurt us the most.
Betrayal. Jealousy. Deceit. The plot lines of many biblical stories read more like ancient soap operas than the sanitized Sunday School lessons they’ve often been reduced to. To me, one of the convincing proofs that the Bible is real is that these aren’t the kind of stories I would make up to prove my point about the way you should live. In fact, with one very notable exception, the “heroes of the Bible” aren’t really “heroes” at all, but real men and women who often make poor choices and lead broken lives. At least I have something in common with all these “characters” – we all need to be saved from ourselves.
- Jay -
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5. Why do you think we so often act out of the pain in our hearts and hurt others
whom we care about?
When we think of hurt, we often wonder where God was in the midst of it all.
6. Where was God when someone sinned against you? Why do you think He
allowed it to happen?
We may never know the answers to some of these questions, but we do have some
idea of how God views us in the midst of our heart wounds. Read Psalm 51:17.
“Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape
God’s notice.” PSALM 51:17 (THE MESSAGE)
7. Think of a time when you were hurt and it seemed that God was far away. Has
God since shown you where He was during that time or is that something that
you need to ask Him about?
“...for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you.”
HEBREWS 13:5 (HCSB)
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STRETCH
In the film, Pete talks about forgiveness being costly. It takes a lot of emotional
energy to forgive. The person being forgiven might never acknowledge that they
did something wrong. They may never make amends. You may always carry around
some scars, either physically or emotionally. Forgiveness carries risk.
1. What do you think we risk when we forgive others, especially when they have
not even asked for our forgiveness?
Jesus offers other ways of dealing with forgiveness. When the followers of Jesus ask
him how to pray, he teaches them what is commonly called “The Lord’s Prayer.” The
prayer includes this plea for forgiveness:
“…and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against
us.” Matthew 6:12 (NLT)
2. What do you think this prayer says to us about the relationship between us
forgiving others and how God forgives us?
“For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father
will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father
will not forgive your wrongdoing.” MATTHEW 6:14-15 (HCSB)
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3. In what ways does forgiving release someone else to live from his or her true
heart?
4. How have you seen forgiveness work as a release in your own life?
“He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us
into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption,
the forgiveness of sins.” COLOSSIANS 1:13-14 (HCSB)
GLOSS
Some people understand brokenness as another way of acknowledging our own
sin and hurt. The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen describes the ways that healing
in the Scriptures is often connected with service. Here is a short account of Jesus
healing the mother-in-law of one of His followers:
”By this time they were in front of Peter’s house. On entering, Jesus
found Peter’s mother-in-law in bed, burning up with fever. He
touched her hand and the fever was gone. No sooner was she up on
her feet than she was fixing dinner for him.”
MATTHEW 8.14-15 (THE MESSAGE)
I once heard the life-story of a spiritual director whose ministry had crossed paths with Nouwen’s on several occasions. His conversations about leading from the heart had led him to this conclusion: “Many people ask what the world needs and then they try to go and do that. Instead, ask what makes your heart come alive and then go do that, because that is what the world truly needs.”
- Jay -
32/96
1. What feelings do you think motivated Peter’s mother-in-law to serve Jesus so
soon after her recovery from illness?
A similar phenomenon occurs when Jesus meets a sinful tax collector in Jericho:
“There was a man named Zacchaeus who was a chief tax collector,
and he was rich. He was trying to see who Jesus was, but he was not
able because of the crowd, since he was a short man. So running
ahead, he climbed up a sycamore tree to see Jesus, since He was
about to pass that way. When Jesus came to the place, He looked up
and said to him, ‘Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, because today
I must stay at your house.’ So he quickly came down and welcomed
Him joyfully. All who saw it began to complain, ‘He’s gone to lodge
with a sinful man!’ But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord,
‘Look, I’ll give half of my possessions to the poor, Lord! And if I have
extorted anything from anyone, I’ll pay back four times as much!’
‘Today salvation has come to this house,’ Jesus told him, ‘because
he too is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man has come to seek and
to save the lost.’” LUKE 19:2-10 (HCSB)
2. Somewhere along the way, Zacchaeus had been wounded at the heart level
and perhaps even acted out of his pain as he performed the tasks of tax
collector. What do you think Jesus said or did to transform his heart?
It’s so easy in the middle of our pain to think God has left us and that we’re alone in our struggles. However, the pain can be so deep sometimes and so hurtful that we become delirious; we don’t think clearly and allow irrational thoughts to take over. At that point, we begin to see God as distant or even think He has abandoned us but He hasn’t; He’s there waiting patiently for us to turn back to Him.
- Jennifer -
33/96
Nouwen says in light of these examples, “In our own woundedness we can become
a source of life for others.” (The Wounded Healer, Nouwen). It is difficult to be
broken, to acknowledge that we have been hurt, that we have hurt ourselves, that
in hurting others we have also hurt ourselves. We all carry around scars. But what if
that’s not the end? What if this forgiveness, this releasing, could lead to something
else?
A young lady found out when she was thirteen that she had to have serious back
surgery for scoliosis. What did her parents do? They found someone who had gone
through a similar struggle. They took her week-by-week to give blood so that she
could bank her own blood for surgery. This mentor talked with the girl about surgery
and what it was like. She was there for her. Her physical brokenness and consequent
healing was offered to the hurting young lady as a gift – here was someone who had
gone through something similar and was alive to tell about it! As a result, she was
burdened to help others.
3. Have you ever had something in your life – an area of brokenness be it
physical, emotional, or spiritual – that you were able to offer in the role of a
“wounded healer” to someone else?
4. Fast-forward to today. How could you become a wounded healer, offering a
broken-but-healing part of yourself on behalf of others in need?
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BRIDGE
CANVAS LAYERS EXPERIENCE
This Layers experience will anticipate your next Canvas setting: A Life Mosaic. The
dictionary definition of the word “mosaic” will usually refer to something made
of diverse elements. Many times this diversity will be composed of color, texture,
and pattern. Looking at only a part of any mosaic reveals no complete thought or
impression. But the entire mosaic taken at once reveals a complete rendering of
the intended subject.
During your next setting you’ll be examining doubt and its effect on your heart.
Between the tiles and colors and throughout the pattern of the mosaic of our
hearts lie our doubts. To acknowledge doubt is not akin to disbelief; rather, such
acknowledgment only points to our inability to see the entire picture—the entire
picture of reality as God sees it: past, present, and future.
In mosaic-like fashion, 1 Corinthians 13:12 tells us that initially we will only be
able to to see dimly. Isaiah 55:8 affirms this inability with God revealing to us, “My
thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways.” Over time, however,
and through a deepening relationship with God through Jesus, our ability to the see
the entire “mosaic” will become greater and greater. In the meantime our hearts
must wrestle with an incomplete understanding, the lies of the enemy, and our own
stories not so much as they really are, but as we perceive them.
In bridging Letting Go and A Life Mosaic and looking forward to the next Canvas
meeting:
1. Take the opportuntiy to invite a friend, group member, or family member to
morning coffee, brunch, lunch, or an evening or weekend outing for a spiritual
conversation. Be sure to prayerfully invite the Holy Spirit.
2. Talk about the doubts of your life. Does the future concern you? What recurring
worries are present in your life? Fears? Do you find yourself wondering how God
will prevent, intervene, or redeem a particular circumstance or situation?
3. How do you think these have affected your heart? What questions do they
prompt?
4. Open the conversation to discuss the ways your heart is an infinite and intricate
mosaic.