By the end of the workshop, you will learn… Bullying is not child’s play. Bullying is not just “teasing.” Bullying behavior is not a “normal” rite of.

Bullying Is Bullying Whether Cyber Or Not!

Gayle Jones, DirectorSafe and Drug-Free Schools

Oklahoma State Department of [email protected]

(405) 521-2106

By the end of the workshop, you will learn…

• Bullying is not child’s play.• Bullying is not just “teasing.” • Bullying behavior is not a “normal” rite of

passage.• Bullying, harassment, and relational aggression

is serious business.• Bullying is against the law.• Bullying isn’t just a “youth problem.”

• Bullying prevention education can make a school a safer place to learn and grow.

• Bullying prevention can influence positive academic performance.

• Bullying prevention education can change a school’s climate, promote healthy relationships, teach a life skill, and ultimately enhance your community. It may also save lives!

• Healthy, respectful relationships with good role models and mentors could change the world!

Bullying IS Preventable!

What Do You See?

Reducing Drug Use

• Creating Alternatives

• Peer Resistance/Refusal Skills

• Drug Prevention Education

• Stress Management

Building Caring Communities

• 40 Developmental Assets

• Parental Education

• Community Involvement

• Teaching Anger Management

• Conflict Resolution

• Peer Mediation

• Bullying Prevention

Developing Policies

• Providing Information

• Student/Parent Handbook

• Enforcement/Consequences

Safe School Climate• Training and Awareness • Safe School Committees• Building Relationships

DevelopingBasic Life Skills

Group Discussion Assignment

1. How would you define “bullying behavior?”2. What types of things do you think bullies do?3. Why do you think some students engage in bullying

behavior?4. What happens to students who are being bullied?5. What roles do bystanders play in watching the

bullying behavior?6. How do bullying incidents affect the whole school?

Did You Know?

Children who grow up in homes where violence is present are:

• 6 times more likely to die by suicide.• 24 times more likely to be sexually assaulted.• 60 times more likely to engage in delinquent

behavior as an adult.• 1,000 times more likely to be an abuser themselves.

Source: You’re Hurting Me, Too!The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

“Violence in the schools is a reflection of violence that occurs in the larger community

and society.”The National Network of Violence Prevention Practitioners tells us that school-based violence prevention programs require:

•an early start,•long commitment,•strong school leadership,•parental involvement,•community links/partnerships, and•culturally sensitive and developmentally •appropriate approaches.

Life SkillsChildren who do not have adequate life skills, or coping

skills, will use whatever means they have to deal with challenges and problems, whether social or not. These needed skills include:•Anger management•Dealing with disappointment•Healthy relationships•Communication•Conflict resolution•Decision-making•Impulse control

Hierarchy of Needs

SELF-ACTUALIZATION

Fulfillment of abilities, talents,

self

ESTEEM NEEDS

Self-respect, self-esteem, esteem of others, achievement, adequacy, mastery/competence,

confidence, independence, reputation, prestige, status, fame, dominance

BELONGING/LOVE NEEDS

Family, friend, partner, neighbors, neighborhood, group affiliation, country, intimacy, affection

SAFETY NEEDS

Security, stability, economics, dependency, protection, structure, order, law, limits, freedom from fear, anxiety and chaos.

PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS

Water, food, warmth, shelter, sleep, health, cleanliness

Are You Watching For the Signs of A Troubled Youth?

• Social withdrawal.• Excessive feelings of isolation

and being alone.• Excessive feelings of rejection.• Being a victim of violence.• Feelings of being picked on and

persecuted.• Low school interest and poor

academic performance.• Affiliation with gangs or

antisocial groups.• Serious and detailed threat of

violence.

• Uncontrolled anger.• Patterns of impulsive and

chronic hitting.• Excessive use of violent games,

music, and readings.• History of discipline problems.• Past history of aggressive and

prejudicial attitudes.• Drug and alcohol use.• Inappropriate access to,

possession of, and use of firearms.

• Cruelty of animals.

What is Violence?

Violence is any mean word, look, sign, or act that hurts a person’s

body, feelings or things.

Bullying IS a form of violence.

What is Bullying?

• Bullying is repeated and uncalled-for aggressive behavior, often unprovoked meanness.

• Bullying is a behavior designed to threaten, frighten or get someone to do something they would not normally do.

• Bullying is usually directed by a stronger student against a weaker one, meaning an imbalance of power exits.

Did You Know?

• Bullies identified by age 8 are six times more likely than non-bullies to be convicted of a crime by age 24 and five times more likely to end up with serious criminal records by age 30.

• Students have reported that 71% of the teachers or other adults in the classroom ignored bullying incidents.

Types of Bullying

• Physical• Social/Emotional – relational aggression• Verbal• Sexual• Electronic – cyberbullying

Bullying is learned behavior.

“Critical thinking is the “best tool against hate.” (Tiven, 2003)

• Youth can be coached to use problem-solving skills for bullying.

• The more they think before pressing the send key, the less likely they will be to disseminate a photo or message that will cause trouble and hurt reputations.

Myths Surrounding Bullying

• Only boys bully• Once a bully, always a bully• Low self-esteem• Low income families• Always physical aggression• Low academic students• Agitated and aggressive• Happens away from school• Fighting back will deter

What is Cyberbullying? Children and youth can cyberbully each other by:

• E-mails• Instant messaging• Text or digital imaging

messages sent on cell phones• Web pages• Blogs• Chatrooms or discussion

groups• Other information

communication technologies

Sometimes referred to as on-line social cruelty or electronic bullying.

Cyberbullying vs. Traditional Bullying

A cyberbully:• Does not have to be more powerful than the target.• Can act once.• Is restricted to the use of written words and images.• Needs no immediate feedback or satisfaction.• Might not ever risk bullying in person.• Is shielded by anonymity and may act in

unexpectedly coarse and cruel ways.

Bullying in the Age of TechnologyThe Center for Disease Control uses the term

“electronic aggression” to describe violence that occurs electronically.

Cyberbullying is harassment using technology, and can include social networking sites such as Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter.

Bash Boards and voting or polling booths are also used to harm.

Cyber Threats

“Cyber threats” are either direct threats or distressing materials that raise concerns that the person may be considering committing an act of violence against others or self.

Misuses of Technology and the Cyberbullying Problem

• Creates bullies who would never harass face to face.• Inspires a new degree of brutality.• Instantly recruits a ready audience of bystanders.• Sends messages that are global and are irretrievable.• Makes tracking and responding more difficult.• Adds a new hesitation for “reporting “ for fear of

restrictions on the use of technology.• Helps create or support a new set of social norms.

New Social Norms • I can tell all.• I can hide and be somebody else.• Everybody is doing the same thing.• It is all a game…a joke…no big deal.• I am invisible and you are invisible.• Online is just another world.• I can do online what I cannot do in person.• It is not my fault. I did not start it. I just passed it on.• I am not big, popular, or strong, but I can use a

computer.• I cannot get caught.

Recent Studies• The average 13 to 17 year old currently sends more

than 2,000 text messages per month.• Two-thirds of all teens use text messaging.• The average age to first own a cell phone is between

9 and 10.• The average age to borrow a cell phone is 8.• By age 12, three-fourths of all children have their

own cell phone. • 43% of teens have been victims of cyberbullying. Source: Wired Safety Survey

More Studies

• Two-thirds of tweens (age 13 to 17) took pictures with their camera phones last year.

• 81% of 12-year-old cell users sent text messages in last 12 months.

• More than half of parents do not apply any parental controls offered by service providers.

Online Jargon

a.k.a. (also known as) - cyberslang, electronic language, email style,

geek-speak, hi-tech lingo, hybrid shorthand, interactive written discourse, netspeak, slang, slanguage, textese

For more cyber language definitions, visit <www.netlingo.org>.

Can You Decipher These Text Messages?

KPC182LOLPATAWASLTTULFWB

MIRLPLZDIKU<3RU18P911TDTMOLL8831,459,143

Source: <www.netlingo.com>

Deciphering Texts

• KPC- Keep Parent Clueless• 182 – I Hate You• LOL – Laughing Out Loud• PA – Parent Alert• TAW – Teachers Are Watching• ASL – Age, Sex, Location• TTUL- Talk To You Later• FWB – Friends With Benefits

Deciphering Text Messages

• MIRL – Meet In Real Life• PLZ – Please• DIKU – Do I Know You?• <3 – Heart• RU18 – Are You 18?• P911 or PA – Parent Alert• TDTM – Talk Dirty To Me• OLL – Online Lover• 8 – Oral Sex• 831, 459, 143 – I Love You

Forms of Cyberbullying

• Sending mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images.

• Posting sensitive, private information about another person.

• Pretending to be someone else in order to make that person look bad.

• Intentionally excluding someone from an online group. (Willard, 2005)

Source: <www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov>

How Cyberbullying Can Affect Schools

Possible Effects of Cyberbullying (Kowalski and Limber, 2008)

• Study of 931 students in 6th – 12th grades• Findings:

- Children who were cyber “bully/victims” had the highest rates of anxiety, depression and school absences.

- Children not involved in cyber bullying had the highest self-esteem and grades and the fewest symptoms of health problems.

Signs of Bullied Youth• Returns from school with

damaged or missing clothing, books or belongings

• Has unexplained cuts, bruises or scratches

• Has few, if any, friends• Appears afraid of going to

school• Has lost interest in

schoolwork

• Complains of headaches or stomachaches

• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent nightmares

• Appears sad, depressed or moody

• Appears anxious or has poor self-esteem

• Is quiet and passive• Nervous and combative

Normal Peer Conflict and BullyingNormal Peer Conflict

• Equal peer or friends• Happens occasionally• Accidental• Not serious• Equal emotional reaction• Not seeking power or

attention• Not trying to get something• Remorse – will take

responsibility• Effort to solve the problem

Bullying• Imbalance of power; not

friends• Repeated negative action• Purposeful• Serious with threat of physical

or emotional harm• Strong emotional reaction

from victim and little or no emotional reaction from bully

• Seeking power, control, or material things or power

• No remorse – blames victim• No effort to solve the problem

Source: Bully-Proofing Your School Johnson Foundation/Hazelden <www.hazelden.org>

How Do People Bully?• Name calling• Using racial slurs/put

downs• Cornering and harassing• Writing mean notes• Making threats• Embarrassing someone• Destroying someone’s

things• Shoving, hitting, pinching• Giving mean looks

• Leaving someone out• Starting rumors• Making someone do things

they do not want to do• Picking on people• Graffiti with people’s

names• Bystanders when someone

is being victimized• Cyberbullying

Female Aggression

•Aggressive girls use conscious manipulation, such as spreading gossip and rumors, with even MORE stealth and purpose. •More physical aggression is seen at this age with girls often settling matters of jealousy and revenge among their peer groups and cliques by punching and fighting.

By age 11, girls undergo a “drastic shift” in the ways they relate to others.

Relational Aggression (RA)

• A term developed in early 90’s by Dr. Nicki Crick.• It refers to “emotional violence” and bullying

behaviors focused on damaging an individual’s social connections within the peer group.

Sexual Harassment

Examples:• Making suggestive comments and gestures• Showing sexual graffiti, notes and pictures• Spreading sexual rumors• Touching or grabbing of body parts• Demanding sexual acts or sexual assault, and

rape• Posting, e-mailing, or texting unwanted

sexually exploitative material

Effects of Sexual Harassment

• Feeling of fear, anger, or powerlessness• Loss of self-confidence• Lower grades• Withdrawal from friends• Depression• Isolation• Mistrust• Hyper vigilance

Stopping Sexual Harassment

• Tell the harasser to stop.

• Talk to people you trust; enlist their help.

• Talk to the Title IX Coordinator for your school.

• Make a list of incidents.

• Keep any notes and pictures, emails, or text messages.

• Keep a track of where and when things happen, who was there, and how you felt.

• Write a letter or e-mail to the harasser.

• Describe the behaviors you consider sexual harassment, how they made you feel, and that you want it to stop.

• Have an adult deliver the letter or e-mail it. Keep a copy.

What is Sexting?Sexting is sending nude or sexually suggestive pictures and accompanying text via cell phones. Even though the message may be meant for a person, it can be forwarded to anyone.

Possible long-term consequences include:•Felony charges for child pornography and ending up on a sexual predator’s registry for life.•Potential employers often look at online profiles.•School admission offices also check online.

What is Cyber Sexting?

Using built-in cameras or web cams

to show live sexual activity.

Research • 22% of girls have sent nude or semi-nude

photos of themselves.• 52% of girls says it is a sexy present to their

boyfriends.• 39% of teens sent sexually suggestive text

messages or e-mails to someone.• 29% of teens believe exchanging sexy content

is expected to date or hook-up.• 40% of teens sent pictures as a joke.Source: 2008 National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Network

What Must Parents Do To Prevent Cyberbullying?

• Keep your home computer in easily viewable places. SUPERVISE!

• Talk regularly with your child about their online activities. EXPLAIN!

• Tell your child you may review his or her online communications if you think there is reason for concern. INFORM!

• Install parental control-filtering software and/or tracking programs. INSTALL!

• If it occurs, keep evidence of the cyberbullying for authorities. REPORT!

What Must School Districts Do?• Make certain staff knows the bullying/cyberbullying

prevention policy. Refer to Oklahoma law.• Include cell phone communications and

consequences.• Make social contracts with students on

telecommunication use.• Consider using student pledges/staff pledges.• Offer educational resources to students, staff and

parents. (see free resources at SDE web site)• Offer a safe way to report. (SAFE CALL HOTLINE)• Enforce school policy with consequences.• Keep parents informed.

Best Practices for Prevention At School

• Incorporate comprehensive prevention programs which include cyberbullying messages in school-wide bullying prevention efforts.

• Assess cyberbullying using an anonymous questionnaire to determine prevalence. Look for age and gender trends. Collect detailed information in informal group discussions.

• Provide staff training ; including in depth training for administrators, counselors, and media specialists.

Best Practices for Prevention By Schools

• Develop clear rules and share with students, staff, and parents. Require signature and date reviewed.

• See model policy at <www.usdoj.gov/criminal/cybercrime>

• Spend class time on cyberbullying; Use class meetings to discuss bullying and peer relations.

• Use students as experts. Youth involvement and leadership sends an important message. Peer-to-peer engagement is effective.

Schools Can Also….

• Build strong parent/school relationships. • Host parent programs. • Post information on school web site. • Distribute printed information on bullying,

including <www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov>.• Designate a contact person at school to assist

parents with their concerns.

We Must Talk To Our YouthDiscuss the consequences, including:

•Legal issues•Humiliation •Reputation•Emotional harm and suicide•School policy•Parental rules•State and federal laws

What to Advise Children To Do • Never respond to the

message sender.• Report it as soon as possible to a trusted adult.• Save or print the

message to keepa record.

• Block the sender.

Consider the “I” Card StrategyAuthor, Allyson Bowen, Author of Living Out Loud, suggests this card be on every computer using “I” statements:

• I am responsible for my behavior on the net.• I will STOP and THINK before I click or send.• I will consider other’s feelings before I post or send a

message.• I will never give out my personal information or

another’sinformation.

• I will not respond or engage in negative or mean behavior.

• I will tell my parents or an adult if I receive a mean message, threat or inappropriate solicitation.

Internet Safety Programs for Middle and High School Students

Web Wise Kids(Equipping Children to Make Wise

Choices Online)

P.O. Box 27203Santa Anna, CA 92799

(800) Web-Wise<www.webwisekids.org>

i-SAFE America, Inc.2604 B El Camino Real #387

Carlsbad, CA 92008(858) 442-6601

<www.isafe.org>i-safe curriculum (K-12) and professional development training is available. This

program is designed for schools and law enforcement agencies.

School Bullying Prevention Act (2002)70 O.S.§ 24-100.2

Effective November 1, 2002, each school district shall adopt a policy “prohibiting harassment, intimidation and bullying by students and shall address prevention of and education about such behavior.”

Safe School Committees shall study and make recommendations regarding student harassment, bullying, and intimidation and consider professional development needs of faculty and staff to implement methods to decrease harassment.

School Bullying Prevention Act (2002) 70 O.S.§ 24-100.2

Safe School Committees shall review methods to encourage the involvement of the community and students, the development of problem-solving teams that include counselors and/or school psychologist and review prevention programs.

The State Department of Education shall compile and distribute a list of research-based programs for prevention of bullying.(See <www.sde.state.ok.us>,Safe and Drug-Free Schools page)

Oklahoma Telecommunications LawHouse Bill 1804 (2005)

21 O.S. 2005 § 1172

• It is unlawful for a person by means of telecommunication with intent to terrify, harass, intimidate or threaten to inflict injury or physical harm to any person or property of that person;

• With intent to put the party in fear of physical harm or death;• Identity is not disclosed of the person making the call with

intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person at the called number;

• Includes communication initiated by electronic mail, instant message, network call, or facsimile machine or communication made to a pager;

• Any person convicted shall be guilty of a misdemeanor; and• Convicted of a second offense is a felony.

Oklahoma School Security Act Senate Bill 1941 (2008)

70 O.S. § 24 -100.3 (3) (4)

Effective November 1, 2008, each school district will add “electronic communication” and “threatening behavior” as part of their bullying prevention policy.

Policy will include a procedure to investigate reported acts of harassment and bullying.

An additional member will be added to each site’s Safe School Committee who is a school official and part of the investigation team.

Oklahoma School Security Act Senate Bill 1941 (2008)

70 O.S. § 24 -100.3

This law “prohibits threatening behavior, harassment, intimidation, and bullying by students at school and by electronic communication, whether or not such communication originated at school or with school equipment, if the communication is specifically directed at students or school personnel and concerns harassment, intimidation, or bullying at school…”

Electronic Communication Defined70 O.S. § 24.100.3

From Senate Bill 1941. . .“means of communication of any written, verbal, or pictorial information by means of an electronic device, including, but not limited to, a telephone, a cellular telephone or other wireless telecommunication device, or a computer.”

Threatening Behavior Defined70 O.S. § 24-100.3

From Senate Bill 1941… “Any pattern of behavior or isolated action,

whether or not it is directed at another person, that a reasonable person would believe indicates potential for future harm to students, school personnel, or school property.”

What Must Schools Do About Cyberbullying

• Update bullying/cyberbullying prevention policy.• Include cell phone use.• Distribute the updated policy.• Conduct a student survey.• Make “social media contracts” with students.• Offer educational resources to students, staff and

parents.• Offer a safe way to report incidents.• Enforce policy with consistent consequences.

School Staff Must Know School Policy on Telecommunications

• What is your district’s policy on cell phone use?• Does your district have an internet or social

networking/cyber safety policy?• How are students and parents made aware of the

policy and consequences for misuse?• Are you required to document and report

cyberbullying? Or other computer misuse?See sample Harassment Report Form at <www.sde.state.ok.us>, Safe and Drug-Free Schools page.

What Can Adults Do To Prevent and Address Cyberbullying?

• Keep your home computer in easily viewable places.• Talk regularly with your child about their online

activities.• Tell your child you may review his or her online

communications if you think there is reason for concern.

• Install parental control-filtering software and/or tracking programs.

• If it occurs, keep evidence of the cyberbullying.

Source: <www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov>

Suggested Steps for Parents• Tell your child not to the cyberbully and block

further online communication.• If it is evident who is initiating the bullying,

contact parents of the cyberbully and present them with the evidence. Request the behavior be stopped.

• Inform school officials.• Contact legal experts if it does not stop.• Contact police if there are threats of violence,

extortion, hate crimes or sexual exploitation.

Source: Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use, <www.csriu.org>

Why do People Bully?

• They want to hurt others intentionally.• They like to make fun of people who are

different.• They like to feel powerful.• They are trying to move attention away from

themselves.• They think it is funny and “no big deal.”• They are seeking status.

Characteristics of Bullies

• Bullies have significant role models

• Enjoy being in charge/control

• Believe victims deserve it• Feel no guilt• Usually average students• Fairly high self-esteem

• Not loners, small network or friends

• Successful at hiding their behavior from adults

• Excited by victim’s reaction of fear, crying, or fighting back

• Intimidators

Problems Common to Bullies

• Blaming others for the problems they cause

• Undetected clinical depression

• Impulsivity• Feeling they do not belong• Sense of inadequacy• Feeling unloved• Seeing hostile intent where

there is none• Lack empathy

• Lack of self-awareness• Feeling superior• Loss of popularity• Negative attitude toward

school work that leads to academic underachievement

• Greater likelihood of dropping out of school

• Involvement with legal system due to vandalism, fighting, theft, drunkenness and truancy

Passive Victims

• Show a lot of emotion.• Rarely tell about being

bullied.• May carry weapons.• Do not encourage attack.• Are sensitive, cry easily, and

are easy to pick on.• May be shy and lack social

skills.• Are usually insecure and

lack self-esteem.

• Are usually chosen last or left out.

• May appear to lack humor.• Have few or no friends.• Are often anxious and easily

upset.• Are bullied repeatedly.• May use money or toys (as

bribes) for protection.

Source: The No Bully Program, Hazelden

Provocative Victims

• Are pesky and repeatedly irritate others.• Are quick-tempered and prone to fight back.• Get others charged up.• May be clumsy, immature, or restless.• Provoke bullying; they “egg on” kids who bully.• Sometimes look as if they are bullies themselves.

Source: The No Bully Program, Hazelden

Problems Common to Targets

• Low self-confidence• Clinical depression• Suicidal thoughts• Abnormal fear or worry that

gets in the way of normal functioning

• Sleeplessness, nightmares, tics, or nervous habits

• Poor appetite, gastrointestinal problems and skin problems

• Profound rage• Academic problems even

when child has positive attitude

• Sense of shame, feeling like a weakling

• Substance abuse

What Can Targets Do?

• Ignore the bully – walk off• Agree with the bully• Tell a joke• Refuse to fight• Be friendly• Talk back• Fool the bully• Tell someone

What To Advise Students• When you are being bullied:

– Be firm and clear when you speak.– Get away from the situation.– Tell an adult.

• After you have been bullied:– Report it to a teacher, counselor or School

Resource Officer.– Tell your parents what has happened– If you are scared to report it to a school

administrator or counselor, have a friend go with you.

– Keep on speaking up until someone listens.– Do not blame yourself for what has happened.

No one deserves to be bullied and harassed.

When you are talking about being bullied to an adult, be clear about:

• What has happened to you.• How often it has happened.• Who was involved.• Who saw what was happening.• Where it happened.• What you have done about it already.

Source: Childhood Bullying and Teasing: What School Personnel, Other Professional, and Parents Can Do,

Dorothea M. Ross, Ph.D. <www.nea.org/schoolsafety/bullyingadvice2pupils.html>

Remind Students

To Avoid Bullying Situations• Sit near the bus driver on

the school bus.• Take a different route to

and from home.• Leave a little earlier or later

to avoid a confrontation with a bully.

• Do not bring expensive items or lots of money to school.

• Make sure you are not alone in the locker room or bathroom.

• Take different routes through the hallways or walk with a teacher to your classes.

• Avoid unsupervised areas of the school and situations where you are isolated from teachers and classmates.

Source: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence <www.colorado.edu>

Roles of School Staff for Violence Prevention

• Notify administrators• Notify school counselors• Gather information• Document information• Know the school policy• Enforce policy• Teach anger management skills• Give clear, consistent messages to students of your

expectations• Monitor suspicious behavior

Roles of School Staff for Violence Prevention

• Teach conflict resolution, assertiveness and problem solving skills

• Encourage notification of incidents by students, staff members and parents

• Post Safe-Call hotline posters on campus• Create support networks for youth• Increase supervision of hot spot areas• Be aware of your language and actions

How to Document Suspected Harassment

• Name, age, race, national origin, sex, and disability status, as relevant, of the victims and harassers

• Names of witnesses• A description of the

incident• Information on the

severity of the incident

• When and where the incident occurred

• The relationship of the incident to other incidents of harassment

• The names of personnel conducting the investigation

• Findings• Corrective actions

Source: Protecting Students from Harassment and Hate Crimes, U.S. Dept of EducationOffice of Civil Rights and National Association of Attorneys General, Washington, D.C.

How to Preserve Evidence

• Cover or conceal graffiti or other evidence of crime• Photograph all instances of hate-motivated or

harassing graffiti • Physical evidence should be preserved until the

police approve removal

Source: Protecting Students from Harassment and Hate Crimes, U.S. Dept of Education

What to Say When Confronting a Bullying Incident

• Hey, what’s going on here?• Should I be concerned about what I see happening

here?• Do you students need some assistance?• Looks like some ugly things are happening to

_______ (person’s name).• Hey, I just heard some things that are really

inappropriate.• You know the rules on rough play here.

What To Say When Confronting• Looks like _____ (person’s name) is not having fun. • Are you upset? You look angry.• Come here please, _____ (student’s name). I need to talk

with you a minute.• Be careful people’s feelings are not being hurt here.• Hey, this looks (sounds) like bullying or (harassment) to

me. You know our school rules.

Source: Take Action Against Bullying, by Gesele Lajoie

Dangerous Words To Use When Intervening

• It’s just teasing. It’s no big deal.

• The people in our school would never do…..

• I know he/she did not mean anything like that.

• It’s your fault for dressing so provocatively.

• You need to learn to handle these things.

• Just ignore it happened. Forget about it.

• He/she puts his/her arm around everyone.

• Why can’t you learn to accept a compliment?

• You must have wanted it or you would have told him/her “no.”

• That’s how they do things where he/she is from.

• It’s just a joke. Lighten up!• Oh well, boys will be boys.• It’s just a school tradition.

“On the Spot” Staff Responses to Bullying Incidences

“The lack of a strong, immediate response by a teacher or an administrator who is aware of the harassment, may be perceived by a student as approval of the activity or as an indication that the student deserves the harassment.”

Source: Protecting Students from Harassment and Hate Crime: A Guide for Schools U.S. Department of Education

Handling a Bullying Situation

What steps should a teacher take when he/she sees a bullying situation?

Considerations:

•Intervene immediately.•Identify the behavior as bullying.•Remind students of the school bullying prevention policy.•Document the incident.•Talk separately to the bully and victim.• Contact parents separately to

inform them.

Staff Action Intervention• Intervene even if you are not sure it is bullying. • Observe children’s actions, words, body language,

and facial expressions.• Stand between/near the victim and bully; separate

them.• Clear the area if other students are present.• Request additional staff help if needed. If the bully is

using physical force or there is more than one, find another adult to keep children safe and protect yourself.

Staff Action Intervention• Respond calmly and firmly. Using aggressive behaviors

can escalate behavior.• Avoid name-calling.• Avoid lecturing.• Do not ask the children to “work things out” for

themselves.• Give praise and appreciation to helpful bystanders.• Arrange to meet with each of them separately.• Clarify information; what occurred. Document.• Inform school counselor, principal, and parents.

Staff Postvention

• Follow up with the target and the bullying concerning the behavior and/or potential retaliation.

• Bullies must understand this behavior is unacceptable and will NOT be tolerated.

• Impose consequences appropriate for the offense that are consistent with school policy.

• Bullies must accept responsibility for the offense that are consistent with school policy.

• Discuss how the bully could make amends-write an apology, do something positive for the target (ask target first).

What Really Happened?Student Form

Name Date Who was involved?

This is your opportunity to tell me your side of the incident. Write down all important points.

Is there something I could have done differently?______________________________________________________

Staff Prevention and Intervention Strategies

• Determine where to increase supervision; use the “watchdog” approach.

• Keep other staff informed as to what occurred and who to “keep an eye on.”

• Work with the Safe School Committee on recommendations for the site principal.

• Encourage and create plan of action with team members to educate and raise awareness school-wide.

• Hold weekly, facilitated, small group time for social/emotional education for students, especially on assertiveness skills and their responsibility for a safe school climate.

• Involve parents and community volunteers.

A Safe School Climate Can Prevent Bullying

• Encourage empathy.• Teach by example.• Help children critically evaluate media violence.• Provide opportunities to learn and practice

social skills and how to protect themselves from bullying.

• Encourage children to talk to you and to report bullying or other concerns. Establish a safe reporting procedure. Example: SNAP Box

What to Ask the Bully• Has someone bullied or threatened you?• Are there places or people where you feel unsafe?• Has this type of incident happened to you before?• Are you concerned if you don’t bully or go along with

other bullies that you will be bullied or appear weak or unpopular?

• Do you fear retaliation?• Do you understand our school policy?• What do you think is a fair consequence?

What to Tell the Bully

• Bullying behaviors are unacceptable and will not be tolerated.• Bullying hurts you, the victim, and the school.• It sets a bad example for other children.• It may cause you to lose friends and could restrict your

opportunities.• Every person deserves to be treated with respect.• There are other ways to solve conflicts or get attention.• Discuss how the bully could make amends – write an apology,

do something positive for the target (ask target first).• Impose consequences appropriate for the offense that are

consistent with school policy.

Bullies must accept responsibility to understand WHAT they did, WHY their behavior is wrong, and HOW it affects their victims and others.

What to Ask the Target

• Has this happened before?• Is it the same person or persons targeting you?• How have you responded?• Have you reported this to an adult? • Do you fear retaliation?• Are you documenting incidents? • Were there witnesses?• Did an adult intervene?• What could the bully do to amend? Do you want an

apology? How?

What to Tell the TargetReassure, Support and Listen

• You are not responsible for a bully’s behavior. This is NOT your fault.

• Don’t respond to bullies by giving in, getting upset, or fighting back as this will encourage them.

• Stay calm and be assertive.• Sometimes the best response is no

response. Walk away.• Discuss their options and an action

plan that will help them feel less anxious and more confident. They may need assertiveness skills.

Supporting the Target

• Help them develop strategies for addressing possible future problems.

• Reassure them you will do everything you can to see this does not happen again. Follow through! Let them know you care.

• Discuss their options for safety.• Let them know they do not deserve to be bullied and

that they are not alone – adults and peers can help.• Encourage peer activities. They may need peer

support and inclusion.

Bystanders

• They are the most ignored and under-used resource in school.

• They make up 85% of a school population, called the “silent majority.”

• They become devastated over time and have diminished empathy.

Why Bystanders Don’t Get Involved

• Fear of retaliation• Are not sure of what to do• Afraid they will make things worse• Worry about losing social status• Do not believe adults will really help• Believe bullying is entertaining• Do not care; Have no empathy

How Can Bystanders Help Others From Being Victims of Bullying

• Refuse to join in if the bully tries to get you to taunt and torment someone.

• Get a teacher, parent, or other responsible adult to come help.

• Try to get the child that is being bullied to tell his or her parents or a trusted teacher.

• Tell a trusted adult yourself if the victim is unwilling to report the bullying.

Source: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence <www.colorado.edu>

Bystanders Can Be Effective

A bystander can be very effective in stopping bullying, because a bully is more likely to listen

to a peer than an adult.

This is why students need to be made part of the effort.

Source: Transporting Students with Disabilities

What to Tell the Bystanders

• Discuss the effects of their actions or inactions.• Explain they have the power to cool down the

situation by asking the bully to stop, helping the victim walk away, getting support from other bystanders, asking an adult for help, and/or reporting the incident.

• Talk about what they did or did not do to help and how they feel about the situation.

Youth Can Stop the Bullying• Refuse to be an audience for a

bully.• Refuse to be part of the taunting

and teasing.• Treat others the way you want to

be treated.• Report to adults if you witness

cruelty or hear about possible violence that might occur. Use the Safe Call Hotline.

(1-877-SAFE-CALL, Ext 651)• Walk away from fights. This

shows you are the stronger person. It takes guts and self- control to walk away.

• Speak out against bullying. Be part of the solution.

• Stand tall and walk with confidence with your head up.

• Hang out with friends who don’t bully others.

• Stand up for others who are being intimidated.

• Model good character for your peers and younger students too.

• Remember you have the power to see that bullying does not happen at your school!

Power and ControlI Don’t Control I Do Control

OTHER’S THINK FEEL REACTWords PERCEIVE RESPONDActions

Events [I CHOOSE how I want to think, feel, Circumstances and act.]

I have the POWER to choose what I think, feel, and do.

MY ACTIONS ALWAYS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.These can be positive or negative.

Source: G. Jones (2001)

SAFE CALL HOTLINE

• 1-877-SAFE-CAL(L) or 1-877-723-3225Extension “OK 1” or Ext. “651”

• Anonymous• 24 hours• Toll-free• Online reporting

<www.safecall.ok.com>

Hot Spot MapB-Bullying

T-Tobacco

D-Drugs (and Alcohol)

V-Vandalism

X-Unsafe areas

*-Safe areas

Write time of occurrence

Sample HOT SPOT Survey

Courtesy of Fred Poteete, Tahlequah Bullying Preventionist

What About Staff Bullying Students or Administrators Bullying Staff?

We cannot expect appropriate behavior from students when we model inappropriate behavior.

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate

them.”James Baldwin

Educator or Bully?Educators let students know they care.

Bullies let students know who is boss.

Educators teach self-control.Bullies exert their own control.

Educators are judicious.Bullies are judgmental.

Educators diffuse minor disruptions with humor.Bullies use sarcasm to turn disruptions into

confrontations.

Educator or Bully?Educators highlight good behavior.

Bullies make examples of poor behavior.

Educators help all students feel successful.Bullies punish students for being unsuccessful.

Educators see each student’s uniqueness.Bullies compare children to one another.

Educator or Bully?Educators treat ALL students with respect.

Bullies make it clear that not all students deserve respect.

Educators, aware of the power they wield over students, choose their words and actions CAREFULLY.Bullies wield their power recklessly, frequently resorting to anger and intimidation.

Educators are proactive and create safe environments.Bullies are reactive and make classrooms unsafe.

(Paraphrased from Linda Starr, Education World, ARE YOU A BULLY?)

You Are A Role Model

• M odel positive influence.• O bserve interactions.• D o not ignore behaviors.• E ncourage through positive example.• L isten empathetically.• S how that you care.

Motivate or Humiliate?

MOTIVATION• Encourage• Explain• Give examples• Demonstrate• Reward• Listen to opinions• Advise

HUMILATION• Shame• Embarrass• Ridicule• Frustrate• Ignore• Cut them off• Threaten

Every Student Must Be Given…• Respect – model what we preach

• Clear boundaries – show and tell what is expected of them

• Logical, just consequences – discuss choices; follow through; be fair, firm and consistent

• Opportunities to be creative – to be awarded and affirmed for their expression and given freedom to express their own uniqueness

• Opportunities to set their own personal goals – provide skills and resources necessary for reachable goals and include community service

• Skills to succeed – introduce self-care and social skills, communication skills, study skills, anger management, conflict resolution, harassment information, interpersonal relationship skills, decision-making steps, time management tips, etc.

Source: G. Jones, 1999

What Youth Want

• Look at me.• Listen to me.• Show me you care,

do not just tell me.• Involve me in

planning and decision-making.

• Support my efforts.

At Staff Meetings, Ask:• What is our district policy on bullying and harassment?• What is our school’s definition of bullying?• Will we survey the students as to the prevalence of

bullying here?• What is our school’s discipline or consequence plan?• What documentation is required? Will a staff form be

used? To whom is it given?• Does the plan include a “skills” class or Student

Assistance Group, counseling or “teen court” approach?• Are parents required to attend an educational awareness

session on bullying and harassment with their “suspended” student?

• Who will follow-up on the effectiveness of the prevention program?

Implementing a School-wide Bully Prevention Program

• Make sure you get buy-in from the entire staff.• Survey the staff to find out if they will support such an

initiative.• Involve parents• Form a steering committee• Set school and classroom rules on bullying.• Design the program so it’s easily implemented into the

teaching curriculum.• Make sure staff deals with bullying consistently and enforces

the anti-bullying rules.

Source: Prevent Bullying: Proactive Tips to Tame Aggressive Behavior

School Policy Recommendations• State the school’s commitment to eliminate harassment,

bullying, and intimidation.• Define all types of harassment, bullying ,and intimidation

covered by the policy, which may include harassment based on race, color, national origin, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, and religion.

• Include examples of the kinds of bullying and harassment behavior covered, including cyberbullying.

• Identify the kinds of activities and sites where prohibited conduct could occur.

• Include standards for determining whether a hostile environment exists.

• Identify the means the school will use to investigate incidents of bullying and harassment.

School Policy Recommendations• Specify that the school will take remedial action to stop the

harassment and bullying prevent recurrence.• Include specific procedures to address formal complaints of

discrimination.• State the name and position of the employee(s) responsible for

accepting and managing complaints of harassment and bullying and how to contact the individual(s).

• Require staff to report bullying and harassment behavior as they become aware. (You may want to include a written report form to be completed for documentation purposes).

• Prohibit retaliation against persons who report bullying and harassment or participate in related proceedings.

• Reference the state School Bullying Prevention Act.

Source: United States Department of Education <www.ed.gov>

If Your Child is Being Bullied. . .• Do not overreact.• Listen to your child.• Talk to your child about

what makes people act like bullies.

• Review options with your child.

• Encourage other friendships.

• Remember that your child’s self-confidence needs boosting.

Oklahoma School Psychological Association;October 25, 2002;Deborah Crockett, Ph.D. NCSP

Bullying Prevention Books• The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander

By: Barbara Coloroso

• Mean Girls 101 ½ and Living Out Loud: Girls and TechnologyBy: Kaye Randall, LISW-CP, and Allyson Bowen, LISW-CP

• Queen Bees and WannabesBy: Rosalind Wiseman

• And Words Can Hurt ForeverBy: James Garbarino, Ph.D.

• Bullying At SchoolBy: Dan Olweus

• Cyberbullying and CyberthreatsBy: Nancy Willard, M.S.,J.D.

Remember, Bullying Is…

• Repeatedly targeting a child with physical or emotionally harmful actions or threats.

• An imbalance of power in which the victim or “target” feels helpless. (Power could refer to physical strength, social skills, verbal ability, or mental aptitude abilities).

• Any written or verbal expression, physical act or gesture, or a pattern of behavior that is intended to cause distress upon one or more students.

In review…Bullying Is Serious Because…

• Children being bullied need and deserve adult intervention and assistance, whether they are a “passive” or “provocative” target. No student “has it coming to him/her.”

• The problem is too serious for them (target and perpetrator) to solve alone. This is not an appropriate situation for peer meditation, because there is already a perceived imbalance of power.

• Without proper intervention, the problem will not “go away.” Bullies will continue to bully unless adults intervene. Education and consequences regarding bullying behaviors must be a part of the intervention.

Remember• Targets of bullies and bystanders may suffer

life-long emotional effects.• Targets may decide to retaliate in harmful ways,

resulting in greater violence and tragedy.• Liability issues and possible lawsuits affect the whole

community.• Bullying detracts from the students’ learning

capabilities and sense of safety, which in turn effects the whole school climate.

• Bullying diminishes the positive effects of “character education.”

School Safety ResourcesUSDE Web Site, <www.bullyinginfo.com>Student Pledge, <www.pledge.org>Early Warning Signs, <www.apa.org>School Safety Center, <www.schoolsafety.us>Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center,

<www.safeyouth.org>Center for Prevention of Youth Violence,

<www.ncsu.edu/cpsv>Teaching Tolerance, (free educator magazine) <www.teachingtolerance.org>

Web Resources

<www.cyberbully.org><www.cyberbullying.us><www.netsmartz.org><www.stopcyberbullying.com><www.bullyinginfo.com><www.safekids.com><www.wiredsafety.org><www.bnetsavvy.org><www.ikeepsafe.org><www.mcgruff.org/advice/cyberbllies.php>

Free Resources For Parents and Families

“15+ Make Time To Listen, Take Time To Talk About Bullying”

(800)789-2647<www.samhsa.gov>

Substance Abuse Education and Bullying Brochures

<www.ed.gov>Search “publications”

The Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) Media Campaign

“Take A Stand. Lend A Hand.” Stop Bullying Now!

<www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov>

• TV and Media campaign camera-ready public service announcements.

• Animated webisodes for youth (aged 9 – 14 years).• Information for adults on what they can do to prevent

bullying. Free downloads.• A resource kit about prevention programs and activities can

be implemented in schools or communities.

HRSA (888)ASK-HRSA or (888) 275-4772

Parent Resources

<www.guardonline.gov><www.netfamilynews.org><www.connectsafely.org><www.webopedia.com><www.eblaster.com><www.transl8it.com><www.keylogger.com><www.netlingo.com>

“Kids can walk around trouble if there is some place to walk to…and someone to walk with.”

(Urban Sanctuaries, Milbrey, McLaughlin, et.al)

“The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or small extent has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger, some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with the crime, guilt – and there is the story of mankind.”

East of Eden, John Steinbeck, 1952

YOU ARE NEEDED!

“I’m also reassured that no matter how many negative forces are at work in someone’s life, it sometimes takes no more than one person, one act of love or acceptance to make a difference.”Jane Bluestein, Author,Mentors, Masters and Mrs. MacGregor

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?