By Kitana Camarena. When were little all we worried about was who took our crayons, who wanted to play tag and who had the best snack. But now its relationships,

MY BIGGEST HEART ACHE

By Kitana Camarena

When we’re little all we worried about was who took our crayons, who wanted to play tag and who had the best snack. But now its relationships , Trust issues and drama. Maybe one day we’ll all get tired of it.

…I’ve been having this crush on a boy the entire school year. I met him in P.E class in the beginning of the year. I just knew I had to be with him .

His eyes were what I loved the most about him, besides how every second he’d make me laugh. But I always thought to Myself, The chances of him ever liking me were “one in a million.”

February 23rd.That day we hanged out at P.E. The after noon was warm, lunch had just finished with afeW clouds near by but the day still looked amazing. I was smiling so much I felt as if my face was going to break. Eventually our friends got in the way so I just walked away.

My friends had thought me and him had something going on between us to. Disappointingly I couldn’t say anything was really happening . It was just a day where I’d be lucky enough to just get a hug from him.

These girls had went ahead and asked him if he atleast liked me back. I thought I had a chance

My heart couldn’t beat any faster but, When they came back with a big grin on their faces. I felt like they were up to no good. I soon realized when their obnoxious voices screeched out, ‘’ NO, HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU.”

“ Why didn’t he like me? Was I only good enough as a friend to him? I thought No, I couldn’t be . Well that is not how I thought it was.I thought about him all 6th period. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. I was eager to go home. I practically sprinted my way there, wanting to be locked up in my room away from the rest of the world.

I wanted to be alone, turning my back on the world just for once. I sat there on my bed thinking .I just had to talk to somebody. So I logged into facebook.

As his name “Edgar Riovalle Unread” Appeared onto my screen, My heart jumped out too quickly to even let me catch a breath . I clicked so many times on the icon to the point where I think I almost broke the mouse.

As I read the messege from him my heart beated fast, I couldn’t believe he had the guts to messege me.“ Is it true that you like me?” I wanted to type every thing that I’ve had in my mind but knowing him he’d just write back with an “ okay”.

Its been five minutes since I sent the messege and now I wish is that he never logs on or just never gets to see the messege. I wanted to think positive but my mind wouldn’t let me.After those long five minutes of waiting he responded back.

I read the messege and pressed ”send”What were the chances I’d be risking ? What if he just wanted me to know and not do anything about it ? Damn I should’ve never replied with the truth. But maybe he’d be satisfied with the truth, Then again I didn’t want to be hurt with lies.

I decided to leave the messeging from there. I would have to see him tomarow anyways. That night I thought maybe so , he was worth getting hurt. But if I wanted more luck, I’d have to take more chances and that’s just what I did , well what I wanted myself to do. I’d have to take a chance. I may end up with tears or a broken heart but I knew what I was signing up for from the start.

There he was standing alone I quickly ignored him, not feeling comfortable knowing he knew how I felt about him. The class period suddenly felt dark and miserable . Why wasn’t he talking to me?, was I really that bad?? I should’ve just stayed away from him… so I tried my best and did.

The class period was so long and boring. I just wanted the period to end. Every time I would get near him he’d act as if I wasn’t there .I lost all hope. I didn’t even want to look at anybody, My thought have told me to not even care. But my heart didn’t want to agree as my eyes began to fill.

Suddenly my world around me stopped. My heart jumped out. I was staring into his eyes like a child stares at candy. He was my image of perfection. He was waiting for my response. My heart was beating as if I ran a mile .I was so relieved he asked me, Not just any girl. But me. Now all I had to do was get the right words out of my mouth. His perfection took away my thoughts, I reminded that he was still waiting for my answer.

22411(

:

WOAH ! Did it really happen? was it just a dream?. My life felt complete with Edgar as my boyfriend . Nothing could’ve wiped the smile off my face. Everything was great more then I could ever ask for.

After six month I realized how deeply head over heels i was for Edgar. Nothing could’ve changed my mind about him. Yes we have had our ups and downs. Just like any other relationship.He is considered to me “ Everything I ever wanted”

“love” is what I feel for Edgar, nothing really tore us apart . He was more than the label “ My boyfriend” he was also my best friend.But “ love” wasn’t always so perfect.

Septemeber meant school and school meant seeing Edgar every weekday. I was happy to see “ The love of my life” every moment that i could. School was amazing the first week, no drama was happening. But of course I’m always wrong.

Just because of drama he decided to let me go. I felt oceans of tears bulid up inside of me. My image of a perfect relationship with him had shattered. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I wanted to believe that it was a dream... But I wasn’t waking up.

Hours went on without him bleeding into days, now weeks. I’ve cried more then rivers and oceans of tears but crying wouldn’t bring him back. I quickly realized how different my life was without Edgar, It all felt so new.

There are those moments where a memory will come to my mind and I’ll cry which is most of the time. Out of Edgar’s and my past relationship I learned many things; I learned about “ love “ and the pain that it may bear. You can never know a person’s truth behind the masks they wear.

I don’t hate him and I know I never will. Because I cared about him then and I care about him still. Even though how much it hurts I’m trying but I just can’t let him go. One day I’d want him to know how much he hurt me inside and see what I am going through, Let him see that its not easy getting over you.

And then one day I hope I will wake up and realize that life goes on…With or without him. I’ll try my hardest to forget. This is the end… What more can I say? …I miss him , Edgar…The guy once known as “ My boyfriend”