Business letter language

BUSINESS LETTER LANGUAGE

Language used in business letters• A letter that sounds impersonal and unfriendly can

damage the image of an organization • (even if just in the eyes of one or a few potential clients).

• On the other hand, a thoughtful, sincere letter (even if it is delivering negative news) can greatly enhance an organization’s image.

Business writing• “How would I feel if I received this letter?”

• This helps highlight an important feature of “”Business English”.

• Try to be as positive as possible (even in relatively negative situations).

• - Being overly negative does not help any business.

•Compare these two examples.

Dear Mr. Kim,

You didn’t get into our school. Your grades were too low, and your interview was bad.

We here at Keimyung Adams College insist on only accepting high quality applicants into our school. Unfortunately, you do not fit that description.

It would be better if you applied to another university. Good luck with your applications.

Sincerely,

Dr. KACPresident, Keimyung Adams College

Vs.

Dear Mr. Kim,

Thank you for having expressed an interest in the Keimyung Adams College). The Admissions Committee has given careful consideration to your application.

The Committee regrets to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place in our first year class. You have been a competitive applicant; however we have had many similarly qualified students applying for admissions. Therefore, many desirable candidates have been turned away.

We thank you for your interest in our college and wish you success in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Dr. KACPresident, Keimyung Adams College

Language used in business letters• Business letters usually use formal language.

• Be polite! (Remember: How would I feel if I received this?)

Example• Suppose you are a department store manager who

receives a request for a refund from a customer who forgot to enclose the receipt with the request. In a letter to the customer, you might write:

Example• “The sales receipt must be enclosed with the merchandise

before we can process the refund.”

• However, if you consider how you might keep the goodwill of the customer, you might word the request this way:

• “Please enclose the sales receipt with the merchandise, so that we can send your refund promptly.”

Example• Notice that the second version uses the word please and

the active voice (“Please enclose the sales receipt”), while the first version contains the passive voice (“The sales receipt must be enclosed”).

• In general, the active voice creates a friendlier, more courteous tone than the passive, which tends to sound impersonal and unfriendly. Polite wording, such as the use of please, also helps to create goodwill

• Be respectful, not demanding:

• CHANGE:• Submit your answer in one week.

• TO:• I would appreciate receiving your answer within one week.

• Be Modest, not Arrogant.

• CHANGE:My report is thorough, and I am sure that you would not be able to continue efficiently without it.

• TO:• I have tried to be as thorough as possible in my report,

and I hope you find it useful.

• Be polite, not sarcastic.

• CHANGE:• I just received the shipment we ordered six month ago. I

am sending it back – we cannot use it now. Thanks!

• TO:• I am returning the shipment we ordered on March 12,

2005. Unfortunately, it arrived too late for us to be able to use it.

• Be positive, not negative.

• CHANGE:• Your complaint about our prices is way off target. Our

prices are definitely not any higher than those of our competitors.

• TO:• Thank you for your suggestion concerning our prices. We

believe, however, that our prices are competitive with, and in some cases below, those of our competitors.

Active vs. Passive voice• “I threw the ball.”

• vs.

• “The ball was thrown by me.”

Active vs. Passive voice• In the active voice, the subject “acts”.

• - I threw the ball.

• - You are making too much noise.

• - Tim will eat pizza and watch TV tomorrow evening.

• In each of these, the subject performs the action of the verb (threw, making, will eat).

Active vs. Passive voice• In the active voice, the subject “acts”.

• - I threw the ball.• - You are making too much noise.• - Tim will eat pizza and watch TV tomorrow evening.

• In each of these, the subject performs the action of the verb.

This is clearer and more direct about who is doing what.

Active vs. Passive voice• In the passive voice, the subject is passive; it is acted on.

• - The ball was thrown by me.

• - Too much noise is being made by you.

• - Tomorrow evening, pizza will be eaten and TV will be watched by Tim.

• In each of these, the subject (the ball, too much noise, pizza, a movie) is being acted upon by the verb.

Active vs. Passive voice• In the passive voice, the subject is passive; it is acted on.

• - The ball was thrown.

• - Too much noise is being made.

• - Tomorrow evening, pizza will be eaten and TV will be watched.

• In each of these, the subject (the ball, too much noise, pizza, a movie) is being acted upon by the verb.

Active vs. Passive voice• In the passive voice, the subject is passive; it is acted on.

• - The ball was thrown by me.• - Too much noise is being made by you.• - Tomorrow evening, pizza will be eaten and TV will be

watched by Tim.

• In each of these, the subject (the ball, too much noise, pizza, a movie) is being acted upon by the verb.

• This can be confusing and sometimes boring to the reader.

Active vs. Passive voice• Usually, it is better to write in the active voice.

• It is easier to understand, and is more direct.

• “The sales receipt must be enclosed with the merchandise before we can process the refund.”

• vs.

• “Please enclose the sales receipt with the merchandise, so that we can send your refund promptly.”

Active vs. Passive voice• Usually, it is better to write in the active voice.

• It is easier to understand, and is more direct.

• Phrases in the passive tense tend to be “wordy” (use too many words).

• Usually, you want to express your ideas in less words.

Active vs. Passive voice• Active voice is especially important in business writing

since business writing is about people doing things (and being efficient!).

Active vs. Passive voice• Editing for passive voice:

• - look for the use of “was”.

• it is often associated with passive voice.

• The report was written by me.

• My bicycle was being ridden by me.

Active vs. Passive voice• Editing for passive voice:

• - look for the use of “by” when referring to who did something.

• it is often associated with passive voice.

• The report was written by me.

• My bicycle was being ridden by me.

Active vs. Passive voice• Rewrite these into active voice:

• The report was written by me.

• My bicycle was being ridden by me.

• Books have been found by the team.

• Exams must be written by the students.

• The report was written by me.• - I wrote the report.

• My bicycle was being ridden by me.• - I was riding my bicycle.

• Books have been found by the team.• - The team found some books.• - The team has found some…• Exams must be written by the students.

• - Students must write exams.

Active vs. Passive voice• Using passive voice is always wrong, RIGHT?

• WRONG!

Passive voice• Passive voice can be useful for avoiding assigning

responsibility.

• - This is especially useful in avoiding responsibility for mistakes.

• “We made some mistakes.” (active voice)

• “Mistakes were made.” (passive voice)

Passive voice• Passive voice can be useful for avoiding assigning

responsibility.

• - This is especially useful in avoiding responsibility for mistakes.

• “We lost all of our records.” (active voice)

• “All our records have been lost.” (passive voice)

Passive voice• Passive voice can also be useful for avoiding “I” in

academic writing.

• “I conducted a survey about job satisfaction.”

• “ A survey was conducted about job satisfaction.”

Business language• Business language can be complicated at times.

• You might find yourself asking “what does that mean?”

Accordingly, we are requesting the financial assistance of 123 inc. to help cover the costs directly related to holding that event. 

= “We want some money from you.”

Business language• Your support for this important annual event would be

greatly appreciated by everyone involved.

• = “We REALLY want you to help us.”

Business language• I would also ask you to convey my sincere thanks and

congratulations to all of those other people in your company who contributed in any way to the Helping the Homeless Campaign.

• = “Please say ‘thank you’ to everyone for me.”

Business language• Allow me to introduce the “The Miracle Cleaner”, a

product that…

• = “I want to tell you about this product.”

Business language• Because of your expertise in business writing, we would

be honored to host you as a speaker…

• = “We need you at our conference because you are an expert on business writing.”

Business language• In reference to our previous communication regarding

XYZ, I am writing to confirm…

• = “You agreed to speak at our conference, so please come.”