Bus Writing Style

7/30/2019 Bus Writing Style

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Style in Business Writing

Adapted from ORourke


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The Most Common Problems

in Management Documents Long sentences

Passive voice

Weak verbs

Superfluous words

Legal and financial terms Numerous defined terms


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The Most Common Problems

in Management Documents(contd)

Abstract words

Unnecessary details

Unreadable design and layout


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Use the Active Voice

with Strong Verbs The time you spend searching for a

good verb is time well spent. When a

verb carries more meaning, you candispense with many of the words usedto bolster weak verbs.

Weak verbs keep frequent company

with two grammatical undesirables:passive voice and nominalizations.


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The Active and Passive Voice

Active:Microsoft bought our

company. Passive:Our company was bought byMicrosoft.

Obscure Passive:

Our company was bought.


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Whats Wrong with

Passive Constructions? It generally adds length to a

sentence -- 25% to 33% on

average. The agent or human actor is

often obscured or deleted.

Responsibility for actions in thesentence are obscure or missingentirely.


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How Can You Recognize a

Passive Sentence? Some form of the verb to be. (The

stock wasbought by an investor.)

Another verb in the past tense. (Thestock was boughtby an investor.)

A prepositional phrase beginning withby. (The stock was bought byaninvestor.)


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How Can You Recognize

an Active Sentence? Doers Before Verbs.

Before: The foregoing fee table is intendedto assist investors in understanding the costsand expenses that a shareholder will beardirectly or indirectly.

After: This fee table shows the costs andexpenses you would pay directly or indirectly if

you invested in our fund.


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Active Voice Really is Better

Before: The proxies solicited herebymaybe revoked, subject to the proceduresdescribed herein, at any time up to and

including the date of the meeting.

After: You may revoke your proxy andreclaim your right to vote any time, up to andincluding the day of the meeting.


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Nominalizations

Does the sentence use any form of theverbs to be, to have, or another weak

verb, with a noun that could be turnedinto a strong verb?

In the samples that follow, strongverbs lie hidden in nominalizations,

nouns derived from a verb that usuallyends in -tion.


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Nominalizations

Before: We made an application.

After: We applied . . .

Before: We made a determination. After: We determined . . .

Before: We will make a

distribution. After: We will distribute . . .


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Why Use Personal Pronouns?

First, personal pronouns aid yourreaders comprehension because they

make clear what applies to your readerand what applies to you.

Second, they allow you to speakdirectly to your reader, creating an

appealing tone that will keep yourreader reading.


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Why Use Personal Pronouns?

Third, they help you to avoid abstractionsand to use more concrete and everydaylanguage.

Fourth, they keep your sentences short. Fifth, first- and second-person pronouns

arent gender specific, allowing you to avoidthe he and she dilemma. The pronouns to

use are first person plural (we, us our) andsecond singular (you, yours).


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Write Much Less Abstractly

A Carnegie-Mellon study discoveredthat readers faced with complex written

information frequently resorted tocreating scenarios in an effort tounderstand the text. They often madean abstract concept understandable by

using it in a hypothetical situation inwhichpeople performed actions.


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Consider Levels of Abstraction

Carefully as You Write Asset

Investment

Security

Equity

Stock

Common Stock

IBM ACommon


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Write Less Abstractly

Before: Sandyhill Basic ValueFund (the Fund) seeks capital

appreciation and, secondarily,income by investing in securities,primarily equities, that

management of the Fund believesare undervaluedand, therefore,represent basic investment value.


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After: At the Sandyhill Basic ValueFund, we will strive to increase thevalue of your shares (capitalappreciation) and, to a lesser extent, toprovide income (dividends). We willinvest primarily in undervalued stocks,meaning those selling for low prices

given the financial strength of thecompanies.


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Before: No consideration or surrenderofBeco Stock will be required of shareholders ofBeco in return for the shares of Unis Common

Stock issued pursuant to the Distribution. After: You will not have to pay for or turn in

your shares of Beco stock to receive yourshares of Unis common stock from the spin-

off.


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Omit Superfluous Words

in accordance with

in the event that

subsequent to

prior to

despite the factthat

because of the fact

in light of owing to the fact

that

by, with

if

after before

although

because, since

because, since

because, since


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Before: The following summaryis intended only to highlight

certain information containedelsewhere in this prospectus.

After: This summary highlights

some information from thisprospectus.


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Before: Machine Industries andGreat Tools, Inc... are each subject tothe information requirements of theSecurities Exchange Act of 1934, asamended (the Exchange Act) and inaccordance therewith file reports prosystatement and other information with

the Securities and ExchangeCommission (the Commission)


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After: We file annual and specialreports, proxy statement, and

other information with theSecurities and ExchangeCommission (SEC).


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Write Positively

Positive sentences are shorter andeasier to understand than their negativecounterparts.

Before: Persons other than theprimary beneficiary may not receivethese dividends.

After: Only the primary beneficiarymay receive these dividends.


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Write Positively

not able

not accept

not certain

not unlike

does not have

not many

not often

not the same

not . . . unless

unable

reject

uncertain

similar, alike

lacks

excludes, omits

few

rarely

different


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Use Short Sentences

Before: The following descriptionencompasses all the material terms andprovisions of the Notes offered hereby and

supplements, and to the extent inconsistenttherewith replaces, the description of thegeneral terms and provisions of the DebtSecurities (as defined in the accompanying

Prospectus) set forth under the heading. . .


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Use Short Sentences

. . . Description of DebtSecurities in the Prospectus, to

which description reference ishereby made. The followingdescription will apply to each Note

unless otherwise specified in theapplicable Pricing Supplement.


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Use Short Sentences

After: We provide information to you aboutour Notes in three separate documents thatprogressively provide more detail: the

Prospectus, the Prospectus Supplement, andthe Pricing Supplement. Since the terms ofspecific notes may differ from the generalinformation we have provided, in all cases rely

on the information in the Pricing. . .


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Use Short Sentences

. . . Supplement over differentinformation in the Prospectus and

the Prospectus Supplement. And,rely on this Prospectus Supplementover any different information in

the Prospectus.


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Heres Another Option

We provide information to you about ourNotes in three separate documents:

Prospectus: general information that may

or may not apply to each note. Prospectus Supplement: more specific

than the Prospectus, and to the extentinformation differs from the Prospectus, rely

on the information in this document, and. . .


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Another Option

Pricing Supplement: providesfinal details about a specific note,

including its price. If informationdiffers from the Prospectus orProspectus Supplement, rely on

the newer or more currentinformation in this document.


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Replace Jargon and Legalese with

Short, Common Words(contd)

If youve been around yourindustry for awhile, it may be hardto spot jargon and legalese in yourwriting. Ask someone fromoutside the industry to read your

writing.


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Choose the Simpler Synonym

Surround complex ideas withshort, common words. For

example, use endinstead ofterminate; explain rather thanelucidate, and use instead of

utilize. As a rule of thumb, when ashorter, simpler synonym exists,use it.


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Keep subject, verb, and object

as close together as possible The natural word order of English speakers is

subject-verb-object.

Before: Holders of the Class A and Class

B-1 certificates will be entitled to receive oneach Payment Date, to the extent monies areavailable therefor (but not more than theClass A Certificate Balance or Class B-1

Certificate Balance outstanding), adistribution.


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Keep subject, verb, and object as closetogether as possible

After: Class A and Class B-1certificate holders will receive a

distribution on each payment dateif there is cash available on thosedates for their class.


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Keep Your Sentence Structure

Parallel Parallelism means ensuring a list or series of

items is presented using parallel parts ofspeech: nouns, verbs, or adverbs.

Before: We invest the Funds assets inshort-term money market securities to provideyou with liquidity, protection of yourinvestment, and highcurrent income.


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Keep Your Sentence Structure

Parallel That sentence was unparallel because

the series is made up of two nouns and

an adjective before the third noun. After: We investin short-term

money market securities to provide youwith liquidity, to protectyour

investment, and to generate highcurrent income.