Building Conversations for Change

Building Relationships through Structured Conversations

Building Relationships through Structured Conversations

Welcome

Welcome

Dr. Nancy Love PhDDr. Nancy Love PhD

Building Relationships through Structured Conversations• Much of the work we do is in conversation.

The quality of these conversations has a tremendous impact on the quality of relationships and the success of a project. Conflict is often the result of a missing piece of information.

• This seminar will provide you with the tools to structure your conversations for change, and keep your projects on track.

You will gain:

• Some preventative medicine for the unexpected disputes that can derail a project

• Valuable insight into managing relationships inside your organization and out

• Practical tools for empowering others to resolve conflict

• Skills for effective speaking and listening

What is the best conversation you have ever participated in?

What made it good?

Five questions = An Agenda that Works

1. How will this conversation proceed?

2. What is the conversation about?

3. What about the topic is important?

4. What could be done? What if ...

5. What do you agree to do?

1. How will the conversation proceed?

• Prepare for the conversation. Determine:– the purpose– the process that will be followed

• Outline the 5 guiding questions

– the protocol• Gentle Honest Open Specific Talk

– levels of confidentiality and authority– roles of those present – the time frame for the conversation

Purpose

• Purpose can be set ahead of time or determined at the beginning of the meeting.

• Either way it is important to STATE it out loud so that there are no questions as to why the meeting is being held and what outcome is expected.

• Today’s purpose is to introduce a way to structure any conversation for a sustainable outcome.

Process• Follow the agenda

– How will the conversation proceed?– What is the conversation about?

• Topics from the past

– What about the topic is important?• Criteria from the present

– What could be done or decided?• Options to choose from

– What will be done? • Plan for the future

Process

• Move from Past to Present to Future without missing one.

• We will follow the process as we move through the learning conversation.

BE COURAGEOUS

• Gentle• Honest• Open • Specific• Talk

• Gentle – so that everyone can keep on listening

• Honest – so that nothing is missed• Open – to allow for minds to be changed• Specific – to ensure clarity• Talk – Saying what you are thinking leads

to sustainable outcomes.

Protocol

I agree to speak gently and honestly, to be open to hearing what you have to say, to be specific and to use examples and to keep talking until you are satisfied that this structure might be worth a try.

Will you do the same?

Protocol

Level of confidentiality

• How confidential is this topic?• Who else needs to know?• Who else will need to see the plan of

action?• Improving the quality of conversations within

organizations improves the organization itself.• Conversations are everybody's business.• Learn and share ....

Level of authority

• Who has the authority to make changes?• What level of authority is in the room?• How much can be accomplished with

those who are present?• I have come with education and experience to

share.• Have you come with the authority to learn a

structure for conversations and implement it?

Roles

• Who will chair or facilitate the meeting?• What role does each person who is

present play?• How are they expected to contribute?• What level of engagement is expected?• My role is to facilitate.• Your role is to stay engaged.

Time

• Set a time for the meeting and stick to it.• Research shows that 90 minutes is

optimal– Enough time to show the serious nature of the

meeting– Enough time for content, process and

emotion to be dealt with effectively• This presentation will take 90 minutes.

2. What is the conversation about?• What is the neutral title of this story?• Avoid hot words or judgemental language in choosing

the topic.• Avoid the blame game.• Choose language for the topic that is acceptable to

everyone.• As facilitator listen with HEART

– Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust• The topic could be determined a head of time.• Capture the topic or topics in writing where everyone

can see them.

BE CONVINCED

• Hush• Empathize• Attend• Reflect• Trust

Listening with HEART

• Hush – quiet your own thoughts• Empathise – listen so that you understand

how you might feel in their position• Attend - to what is being said and what is

not being said.• Reflect – use your own body language to

reflect what you are hearing.• Trust – that they are doing the best they can

with what they know.

2. What is this conversation about?• Structuring conversations for change.• How to build relationships through structured

conversations.• • • •

3. What about the topic is important?

• Encourage open dialogue about why the topic is important.

• Listen for what is missing for participants.• Provide evidence of your listening –

POWER– Paraphrase, Open questions, Wait,

Empathise, Reframe• Capture their complaints as positively

reframed criteria for a better future

BE CURIOUS

• Paraphrase• Open Questions• Wait• Empathize• Reframe

POWER• Paraphrase – repeat back to them what you have heard

them say.• Open questions – ask what about the situation is important

to them.• Wait – silence works. Allow them to process.• Empathise – name the level of emotion that you hear.

“Sounds like this has been difficult.”• Reframe – name the underlying belief, expectation,

assumption, concern or hope that is usually the opposite of the complaints that you hear.

• Capture the criteria in writing where everyone can see them.

3. What is important to you about structuring conversations?

4. What could be done?• Ask participants to generate 10 to 12 ideas

for rectifying the situation.• Capture the ideas in bubbles on a board.• The first 5 or 6 are the ordinary solutions.

Insist on 10 to 12.• Ask participants to indicate which of the ideas

is feasible, doable and within their authority.• Ask participants if the ideas will meet the

criteria.

4. What could you do with the knowledge of how to structure conversations?

How will using structured conversations improve project planning and implementation?

5. What will be done?

• Capture the details of the plan of action on paper.

• Include who will do what by when, where events will take place, timelines and measureable outcomes.

• Ask enough questions that everyone will know if the items in the plan have been met.

• Read aloud for clarity and provide copies.

Writing your plan of action

Given that you have just learned about structuring conversations for change .......

• What do you agree to do?• By when?• How will you know that you have been

successful? • Who else will need to know?

6. Conclusion• What if the plan is not followed? What is the

alternate plan of action?• Review the purpose, process and protocol.• Identify the topic and the criteria, the options

and the plan as answers to the guiding questions and indicators of the success of the meeting.

• Ask who else will need to see the plan and remind them of the level of confidentiality that was agreed to at the beginning.

Review

• How will the conversation proceed?– Purpose, process, protocol, confidentiality,

authority, roles and time• What is the conversation about?

– Structuring conversations for change• What about the topic is important?• What could be done?• What will be done?

Thank you• This structured conversation is a discovery, not

an invention.• Watch as effective conversations unfold around

you and reveal the past, present and future aspects of a topic to reach a sustainable outcome.

Dr. Nancy Love

[email protected]

403-269-2692