BOOKS BY RICK RIORDAN Percy Jackson and the Olympians Book

BOOKS BY RICK RIORDAN

Percy Jackson and the Olympians BookOne:

The Lightning Thief

Percy Jackson and the Olympians BookTwo:

The Sea of Monsters

Percy Jackson and the Olympians BookThree:

The Titan’s Curse

Percy Jackson and the Olympians Book

Four:The Battle of the Labyrinth

Percy Jackson and the Olympians BookFive:

The Last Olympian

The Demigod Files

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods, illustratedby John Rocco

The Lightning Thief: The GraphicNovel

The Sea of Monsters: The GraphicNovel

The Titan’s Curse: The Graphic Novel

The Kane Chronicles Book One:The Red Pyramid

The Kane Chronicles Book Two:The Throne of Fire

The Kane Chronicles Book Three:The Serpent’s Shadow

The Kane Chronicles Survival Guide

The Red Pyramid: The Graphic Novel

The Heroes of Olympus Book One:The Lost Hero

The Heroes of Olympus Book Two:The Son of Neptune

The Heroes of Olympus Book Three:The Mark of Athena

The Heroes of Olympus Book Four:The House of Hades

The Demigod Diaries

The Son of Sobek

The Staff of Serapis

Text copyright © 2014 by Rick RiordanIllustrations copyright © 2014 by John Rocco

Cover design by Joann Hill

All rights reserved. Published by Disney • HyperionBooks, an imprint of Disney Book Group. No part ofthis book may be reproduced or transmitted in anyform or by any means, electronic or mechanical,

including photocopying, recording, or by anyinformation storage and retrieval system, without

written permission from the publisher. For informationaddress Disney • Hyperion Books, 125 West End

Avenue, New York, New York 10023.

ISBN 978-1-4847-0218-5

Visit www.DisneyBooks.comwww.percyjacksonbooks.com

Contents

Title PageBooks by Rick RiordanCopyrightDedicationIntroductionThe Beginning and StuffThe Golden Age of CannibalismThe Olympians Bash Some HeadsZeusHestia Chooses Bachelor Number

Zero Demeter Turns into GrainzillaPersephone Marries Her StalkerHera Gets a Little Cuckoo

Hades Does Home ImprovementPoseidon Gets SaltyZeus Kills EveryoneAthena Adopts a HandkerchiefYou Gotta Love AphroditeAres, the Manly Man’s Manly ManHephaestus Makes Me a Golden

Llama (Not Really, but HeTotally Should)

Apollo Sings and Dances andShoots People

Artemis Unleashes the Death PigHermes Goes to JuvieDionysus Conquers the World with

a Refreshing BeverageAfterwordList of IllustrationsAbout the Author and Illustrator

To my father, Rick Riordan, Sr., whoread me my first book of mythology

—R.R.

To my heroes of illustration: N. C.Wyeth, Maxfield Parrish, ArthurRackham, and Frank Frazetta

—J.R.

INTRODUCTION

A publisher in New York askedme to write down what I know about theGreek gods, and I was like, “Can we dothis anonymously? Because I don’t needthe Olympians mad at me again.”

But if it helps you to know yourGreek gods, and survive an encounter

I

with them if they ever show up in yourface, then I guess writing all this downwill be my good deed for the week.

If you don’t know me, my name isPercy Jackson. I’m a modern-daydemigod—a half-god, half-mortal son ofPoseidon—but I’m not going to say muchabout myself. My story has already beenwritten down in some books that aretotal fiction (wink, wink) and I am just acharacter from the story (cough—yeah,right—cough).

Just go easy on me while I’m tellingyou about the gods, all right? There’s

like forty bajillion different versions ofthe myths, so don’t be all Well, I heard ita different way, so you’re WRONG!

I’m going to tell you the versions thatmake the most sense to me. I promise Ididn’t make any of this up. I got all thesestories straight from the Ancient Greekand Roman dudes who wrote them downin the first place. Believe me, I couldn’tmake up stuff this weird.

So here we go. First I’ll tell you howthe world got made. Then I’ll run downa list of gods and give you my two centsabout each of them. I just hope I don’t

make them so mad they incinerate mebefore I—

AGGHHHHHHHHH!Just kidding. Still here.Anyway, I’ll start with the Greek

story of creation, which by the way, isseriously messed up. Wear your safetyglasses and your raincoat. There will beblood.

BEGINNING STUFF

THE

AND

N THE BEGINNING, I wasn’t there. Idon’t think the Ancient Greeks

were, either. Nobody had a pen andpaper to take notes, so I can’t vouch forwhat follows, but I can tell you it’s whatthe Greeks thought happened.

At first, there was pretty much

I

nothing. A lot of nothing.The first god, if you can call it that,

was Chaos—a gloomy, soupy mist withall the matter in the cosmos just driftingaround. Here’s a fact for you: Chaosliterally means the Gap, and we’re nottalking about the clothing store.

Eventually Chaos got less chaotic.Maybe it got bored with being allgloomy and misty. Some of its mattercollected and solidified into the earth,which unfortunately developed a livingpersonality. She called herself Gaea, theEarth Mother.

Now Gaea was the actual earth—therocks, the hills, the valleys, the wholeenchilada. But she could also take onhumanlike form. She liked to walkacross the earth—which was basicallywalking across herself—in the shape ofa matronly woman with a flowing greendress, curly black hair, and a serenesmile on her face. The smile hid a nastydisposition. You’ll see that soon enough.

After a long time alone, Gaea lookedup into the misty nothing above the earthand said to herself: “You know whatwould be good? A sky. I could really go

for a sky. And it would be nice if he wasalso a handsome man I could fall in lovewith, because I’m kind of lonely downhere with just these rocks.”

Either Chaos heard her andcooperated, or Gaea simply willed it tohappen. Above the earth, the sky formed—a protective dome that was blue in thedaytime and black at night. The skynamed himself Ouranos—and, yeah,that’s another spelling for Uranus.There’s pretty much no way you canpronounce that name without peoplesnickering. It just sounds wrong. Why he

didn’t choose a better name for himself—like Deathbringer or José—I don’tknow, but it might explain why Ouranoswas so cranky all the time.

Like Gaea, Ouranos could takehuman shape and visit the earth—whichwas good, because the sky is way upthere and long-distance relationshipsnever work out.

In physical form, he looked like atall, buff guy with longish dark hair. Hewore only a loincloth, and his skinchanged color—sometimes blue withcloudy patterns across his muscles,

sometimes dark with glimmering stars.Hey, Gaea dreamed him up to look likethat. Don’t blame me. Sometimes you’llsee pictures of him holding a zodiacwheel, representing all the constellationsthat pass through the sky over and overfor eternity.

Anyway, Ouranos and Gaea gotmarried.

Happily ever after?Not exactly.Part of the problem was that Chaos

got a little creation-happy. It thought toits misty, gloomy self: Hey, Earth and

Sky. That was fun! I wonder what else Ican make.

Soon it created all sorts of otherproblems—and by that I mean gods.Water collected out of the mist of Chaos,pooled in the deepest parts of the earth,and formed the first seas, whichnaturally developed a consciousness—the god Pontus.

Then Chaos really went nuts andthought: I know! How about a dome likethe sky, but at the bottom of the earth!That would be awesome!

So another dome came into being

beneath the earth, but it was dark andmurky and generally not very nice, sinceit was always hidden from the light ofthe sky. This was Tartarus, the Pit ofEvil; and as you can guess from thename, when he developed a godlypersonality, he didn’t win any popularitycontests.

The problem was, both Pontus andTartarus liked Gaea, which put somepressure on her relationship withOuranos.

A bunch of other primordial godspopped up, but if I tried to name them all

we’d be here for weeks. Chaos andTartarus had a kid together (don’t askhow; I don’t know) called Nyx, who wasthe embodiment of night. Then Nyx,somehow all by herself, had a daughternamed Hemera, who was Day. Thosetwo never got along because they wereas different as…well, you know.

According to some stories, Chaosalso created Eros, the god ofprocreation…in other words, mommygods and daddy gods having lots of littlebaby gods. Other stories claim Eros wasthe son of Aphrodite. We’ll get to her

later. I don’t know which version is true,but I do know Gaea and Ouranos startedhaving kids—with very mixed results.

First, they had a batch of twelve—six girls and six boys called the Titans.These kids looked human, but they weremuch taller and more powerful. You’dfigure twelve kids would be enough foranybody, right? I mean, with a familythat big, you’ve basically got your ownreality TV show.

Plus, once the Titans were born,things started to go sour with Ouranosand Gaea’s marriage. Ouranos spent a

lot more time hanging out in the sky. Hedidn’t visit. He didn’t help with the kids.Gaea got resentful. The two of themstarted fighting. As the kids grew older,Ouranos would yell at them andbasically act like a horrible dad.

A few times, Gaea and Ouranos triedto patch things up. Gaea decided maybeif they had another set of kids, it wouldbring them closer….

I know, right? Bad idea.She gave birth to triplets. The

problem: these new kids defined theword UGLY. They were as big and

strong as Titans, except hulking andbrutish and in desperate need of a bodywax. Worst of all, each kid had a singleeye in the middle of his forehead.

Talk about a face only a mothercould love. Well, Gaea loved these guys.She named them the Elder Cyclopes, andeventually they would spawn a wholerace of other, lesser Cyclopes. But thatwas much later.

When Ouranos saw the Cyclopstriplets, he freaked. “These cannot be mykids! They don’t even look like me!”

“They are your children, you

deadbeat!” Gaea screamed back. “Don’tyou dare leave me to raise them on myown!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Ouranosgrowled.

He stormed off and came back withthick chains made from the night sky’spure darkness. He bound up theCyclopes and tossed them into Tartarus,which was the only part of creationwhere Ouranos wouldn’t have to look atthem.

Harsh, right?Gaea screamed and wailed, but

Ouranos refused to release the Cyclopes.No one else dared to oppose his orders,because by this time he was getting a

reputation as a pretty scary dude.“I am king of the universe!” he

bellowed. “How could I not be? I amliterally above everything else.”

“I hate you!” Gaea wailed.“Bah! You will do as I say. I am the

first and best of the primordial gods.”“I was born before you!” Gaea

protested. “You wouldn’t even be here ifI didn’t—”

“Don’t test me,” he snarled. “I’vegot plenty more chains of darkness.”

As you can guess, Gaea threw a totalearthquake fit, but she didn’t see what

else she could do. Her first kids, theTitans, were almost adults now. Theyfelt bad for Mom. They didn’t like theirdad much either—Gaea was alwaysbad-mouthing him, with good reason—but the Titans were scared of Ouranosand felt helpless to stop him.

I have to keep it together for the kids,Gaea thought. Maybe I should give it onemore try with Ouranos.

She arranged a nice romanticevening—candles, roses, soft music.They must have rekindled some of theold magic. A few months later, Gaea

gave birth to one more set of triplets.As if she needed more proof that her

marriage to Ouranos was dead….The new kids were even more

monstrous than the Cyclopes. Each onehad a hundred arms all around his chestlike sea urchin spines, and fifty teeny,tiny heads clustered on his shoulders. Itdidn’t matter to Gaea. She loved theirlittle faces—all hundred and fifty ofthem. She called the triplets theHundred-Handed Ones. She’d barelyhad time to give them names, though,when Ouranos marched over, took one

look at them, and snatched them fromGaea’s arms. Without a word, hewrapped them in chains and tossed theminto Tartarus like bags of recycling.

Clearly, the sky dude had issues.Well, that was pretty much it for

Gaea. She wailed and moaned andcaused so many earthquakes that herTitan kids came running to see what waswrong.

“Your father is a complete__________!”

I don’t know what she called him,but I have a feeling that’s when the first

cuss words were invented.She explained what had happened.

Then she raised her arms and caused theground to rumble beneath her. Shesummoned the hardest substance shecould find from her earthy domain,shaped it with her anger, and created thefirst weapon ever made—a curved ironblade about three feet long. She fixed itto a wooden handle made from a nearbytree branch, then showed her inventionto the Titans.

“Behold, my children!” she said.“The instrument of my revenge. I will

call it a scythe!”The Titans muttered among

themselves: What is that for? Why is itcurved? How do you spell scythe?

“One of you needs to step up!” Gaeacried. “Ouranos isn’t worthy to be theking of the cosmos. One of you will killhim and take his place.”

The Titans looked prettyuncomfortable.

“So…explain this whole killingthing,” said Oceanus. He was the oldestTitan boy, but he mostly hung out in thefar reaches of the sea with the

primordial water god, whom he calledUncle Pontus. “What does it mean, tokill?”

“She wants us to exterminate ourdad,” Themis guessed. She was one ofthe smartest girls, and she immediatelygot the concept of punishing someone fora crime. “Like, make him not existanymore.”

“Is that even possible?” asked hersister Rhea. “I thought we were allimmortal.”

Gaea snarled in frustration. “Don’tbe cowards! It’s very simple. You take

this sharp pointy blade and you cut yourdad into small pieces so he can’t botherus again. Whichever of you does thiswill be the ruler of the universe! Also, Iwill make you those cookies you used tolike, with the sprinkles.”

Now, in modern times, we have aword for this sort of behavior. We call itpsycho.

Back then, the rules of behaviorwere a lot looser. Maybe you’ll feelbetter about your own relatives, knowingthat the first family in creation was alsothe first dysfunctional family.

The Titans started mumbling andpointing to each other like, “Hey, you’dbe good at killing Dad.”

“Uh, no, I think you should do it.”“I’d love to kill Dad, honestly, but

I’ve got this thing I have to do, so—”“I’ll do it!” said a voice from the

back.The youngest of the twelve

shouldered his way forward. Kronoswas smaller than his brothers andsisters. He wasn’t the smartest or thestrongest or the fastest. But he was themost power-hungry. I suppose when

you’re the youngest of twelve kids,you’re always looking for ways to standout and get noticed. The youngest Titanloved the idea of taking over the world,especially if it meant being the boss ofall his siblings. The offer of cookieswith sprinkles didn’t hurt, either.

Kronos stood about nine feet tall,which was runty for a Titan. He didn’tlook as dangerous as some of hisbrothers, but the kid was crafty. He’dalready gotten the nickname “theCrooked One” among his siblings,because he would fight dirty in their

wrestling matches and was never whereyou expected him to be.

He had his mother’s smile and darkcurly hair. He had his father’s cruelty.When he looked at you, you could nevertell if he was about to punch you or tellyou a joke. His beard was kind ofunnerving, too. He was young for abeard, but he’d already started growinghis whiskers into a single spike thatjutted from his chin like the beak of araven.

When Kronos saw the scythe, hiseyes gleamed. He wanted that iron

blade. Alone among his siblings, heunderstood how much damage it couldcause.

And as for killing his dad—why not?Ouranos barely noticed him. Neither didGaea, for that matter. His parentsprobably didn’t even know his name.

Kronos hated being ignored. He wastired of being the smallest and wearingall those stupid Titan hand-me-downs.

“I’ll do it,” he repeated. “I’ll chopup Dad.”

“My favorite son!” Gaea cried. “Youare awesome! I knew I could count on

you, uh…which one are you again?”“Kronos.” He managed to keep his

smile. Hey, for a scythe, cookies, and achance to commit murder, Kronos couldhide his true feelings. “I will be honoredto kill for you, Mother. But we’ll have todo it my way. First, I want you to trickOuranos into visiting you. Tell himyou’re sorry. Tell him it’s all your faultand you’re going to cook him a fancydinner to apologize. Just get him heretonight and act like you still love him.”

“Ugh!” Gaea gagged. “Are youcrazy?”

“Just pretend,” Kronos insisted.“Once he’s in human form and sittingnext to you, I’ll jump out and attack him.But I’ll need some help.”

He turned to his siblings, who wereall suddenly very interested in their ownfeet.

“Look, guys,” said Kronos, “if thisgoes bad, Ouranos is going to takerevenge on all of us. We can’t have anymistakes. I’ll need four of you to holdhim down and make sure he doesn’t

escape back into the sky before I finishkilling him.”

The others were silent. They wereprobably trying to picture their shrimpylittle brother Kronos taking on their hugeviolent dad, and they weren’t liking theodds.

“Oh, come on!” Kronos chided. “I’lldo the actual slicing and dicing. Four ofyou just need to hold him. When I’mking, I’ll reward those four! I’ll givethem each a corner of the earth to rule—north, south, east, and west. One-timeoffer. Who’s with me?”

The girls were too wise to getinvolved in murder. They made theirexcuses and quickly left. The oldest son,Oceanus, chewed his thumb nervously.“I have to get back to the sea, for some,uh, aquatic stuff. Sorry…”

That left only four of Kronos’sbrothers—Koios, Iapetus, Krios, andHyperion.

Kronos smiled at them. He took thescythe from Gaea’s hands and tested itspoint, drawing a drop of golden bloodfrom his own finger. “So, fourvolunteers! Nice!”

Iapetus cleared his throat. “Uh,actually—”

Hyperion jabbed Iapetus with hiselbow. “We’re in, Kronos!” hepromised. “You can count on us!”

“Excellent,” Kronos said, which wasthe first time an evil genius ever saidexcellent. He told them the plan.

That night, amazingly, Ouranos showedup.

He wandered into the valley wherehe usually met Gaea and frowned whenhe saw the sumptuous dinner laid out on

the table. “I got your note. Are youserious about making up?”

“Absolutely!” Gaea was dressed inher best green sleeveless dress. Hercurly hair was braided with jewels(which were easy for her to get, beingthe earth), and she smelled of roses andjasmine. She reclined on a sofa in thesoft light of the candles and beckonedher husband to come closer.

Ouranos felt underdressed in hisloincloth. He hadn’t brushed his hair oranything. His nighttime skin was darkand covered with stars, but that probably

didn’t count as “black tie” for a fancydinner. He was starting to think heshould’ve at least brushed his teeth.

Was he suspicious? I don’t know.Remember, nobody in the history of thecosmos had been lured into an ambushand chopped to pieces before. He wasgoing to be the first. Lucky guy. Also, hegot lonely hanging out in the sky somuch. His only company was the stars,the air god Aither (who was, in fact, atotal airhead), and Nyx and Hemera,mother and daughter, who argued witheach other every dawn and dusk.

“So…” Ouranos’s palms felt sweaty.He’d forgotten how beautiful Gaea couldbe when she wasn’t all yelling up in hisface. “You’re not angry anymore?”

“Not at all!” Gaea assured him.“And…you’re okay with me

wrapping our kids in chains andthrowing them into the abyss?”

Gaea gritted her teeth and forced asmile. “I am okay with it.”

“Good,” he grunted. “Because thoselittle guys were UGLY.”

Gaea patted the couch. “Come sitwith me, my husband.”

Ouranos grinned and lumbered over.As soon as he settled in, Kronos

whispered from the behind the nearestboulder: “Now.”

His four brothers jumped out fromtheir hiding places. Krios had disguisedhimself as a bush. Koios had dug a holefor himself and covered it withbranches. Hyperion had tucked himselfunder the couch (it was a large couch),and Iapetus was attempting to look like atree with his arms out for branches. Forsome reason, it had worked.

The four brothers grabbed Ouranos.

Each one took an arm or a leg and theywrestled their dad to the ground,stretching him out spread-eagle.

Kronos emerged from the shadows.His iron scythe gleamed in the starlight.“Hello, Father.”

“What is the meaning of this?”Ouranos bellowed. “Gaea, tell them torelease me!”

“HA!” Gaea rose from her couch.“You gave our children no mercy, myhusband, so you deserve no mercy.Besides, who wears a loincloth to afancy dinner? I am disgusted!”

Ouranos struggled in vain. “Howdare you! I am the lord of the cosmos!”

“Not anymore.” Kronos raised thescythe.

“Beware! If you do this, uh…whatwas your name again?”

“KRONOS!”“If you do this, Kronos,” said

Ouranos, “I will curse you! Someday,your own children will destroy you andtake your throne, just as you are doing tome!”

Kronos laughed. “Let them try.”He brought down the scythe.

It hit Ouranos right in the…well, youknow what? I can’t even say it. If you’rea guy, imagine the most painful place youcould possibly be hit.

Yep. That’s the place.Kronos chopped, and Ouranos

howled in pain. It was like the mostdisgusting cheap-budget horror movieyou can imagine. Blood was everywhere—except the blood of the gods is golden,and it’s called ichor.

Droplets of it splattered over therocks; and the stuff was so powerful thatlater on, when no one was looking,

creatures arose from the ichor—threehissing winged demons called theFuries, the spirits of punishment. Theyimmediately fled into the darkness ofTartarus. Other drops of sky blood fellon fertile soil, where they eventuallyturned into wild but gentler creaturescalled nymphs and satyrs.

Most of the blood just splatteredeverything. Seriously, those stains werenever going to come out of Kronos’sshirt.

“Well done, brothers!” Kronosgrinned ear to ear, his scythe dripping

gold.Iapetus got sick on the spot. The

others laughed and patted each other onthe back.

“Oh, my children!” Gaea said. “I amso proud! Cookies and punch foreveryone!”

Before the celebration, Kronosgathered up the remains of his father inthe tablecloth. Maybe because heresented his eldest brother, Oceanus. fornot helping with the murder, Kronostoted the stuff to the sea and tossed it in.The blood mixed with the salty water,

and…well, you’ll see what came fromthat later.

Now you’re going to ask, Okay, so ifthe sky was killed, why do I look up andstill see the sky?

Answer: I dunno.My guess is that Kronos killed

Ouranos’s physical form, so the sky godcould no longer appear on the earth andclaim kingship. They basically exiledhim into the air. So he’s not dead,exactly; but now he can’t do anything butbe the harmless dome over the world.

Anyway, Kronos returned to the

valley, and all the Titans had a party.Gaea named Kronos lord of the

universe. She made him a cool one-of-a-kind collector’s edition golden crownand everything. Kronos kept his promiseand gave his four helpful brotherscontrol over the four corners of theearth. Iapetus became the Titan of thewest. Hyperion got the east. Koios tookthe north, and Krios got the south.

That night, Kronos lifted his glass ofnectar, which was the immortals’favorite drink. He tried for a confidentsmile, since kings should always look

confident, though truthfully he wasalready starting to worry aboutOuranos’s curse—that somedayKronos’s own children would deposehim.

In spite of that, he yelled, “Mysiblings, a toast! We have begun aGolden Age!”

And if you like lots of lying, stealing,backstabbing, and cannibalism, then readon, because it definitely was a GoldenAge for all that.

GOLDENAGE

CANNIBALISM

THE

OF

T FIRST, KRONOS WASN’T SO

BAD. He had to work his wayup to being a complete slime bucket.

He released the Elder Cyclopes andthe Hundred-Handed Ones fromTartarus, which made Gaea happy. Themonstrous guys turned out to be useful,too. They had spent all their time in the

A

abyss learning how to forge metal andbuild with stone (I guess that’s prettymuch all there was to do), so in gratitudefor their freedom, they constructed amassive palace for Kronos on top ofMount Othrys, which back then was thetallest mountain in Greece.

The palace was made from void-black marble. Towering columns andvast halls gleamed in the light of magicaltorches. Kronos’s throne was carvedfrom a solid block of obsidian, inlaidwith gold and diamonds—which soundsimpressive, but probably wasn’t very

comfortable. That didn’t matter toKronos. He could sit there all day,surveying the entire world below him,cackling evilly, “Mine! All mine!”

His five Titan brothers and six Titansisters didn’t argue with him. They hadpretty much staked out their favoriteterritories already—and besides, afterseeing Kronos wield that scythe, theydidn’t want to get on his bad side.

In addition to being king of thecosmos, Kronos became the Titan oftime. He couldn’t pop around the timestream like Doctor Who or anything, but

he could occasionally make time slowdown or speed up. Whenever you’re inan incredibly boring lecture that seemsto take forever, blame Kronos. Or whenyour weekend is way too short, that’sKronos’s fault, too.

He was especially interested in thedestructive power of time. Beingimmortal, he couldn’t believe what afew short years could do to a mortal life.Just for kicks, he used to travel aroundthe world, fast-forwarding the lives oftrees, plants, and animals so he couldwatch them wither and die. He never got

tired of that.As for his brothers, the four who

helped with the murder of Ouranos weregiven the four corners of the earth—which is weird, since the Greeks thoughtthe world was a big flat circle like ashield, so it didn’t really have corners,but whatever.

Krios was the Titan of the south. Hetook the ram for his symbol, since theram constellation rose in the southernsky. His navy blue armor was dottedwith stars. Ram’s horns jutted from hishelmet. Krios was the dark, silent type.

He would stand down there at thesouthern edge of world, watching theconstellations and thinking deep thoughts—or maybe he was just thinking heshould have requested a more excitingjob.

Koios, the Titan of the north, lived atthe opposite end of the world(obviously). He was sometimes calledPolus, because he controlled thenorthern pole. This was way beforeSanta Claus moved in. Koios was alsothe first Titan to have the gift ofprophecy. In fact, Koios literally means

question. He could ask questions of thesky, and sometimes the sky wouldwhisper answers. Creepy? Yes. I don’tknow if he was communing with thespirit of Ouranos or what, but hisglimpses of the future were so useful thatother Titans started asking him burningquestions like: What’s the weathergoing to be on Saturday? Is Kronosgoing to kill me today? What should Iwear to Rhea’s dance? That kind ofthing. Eventually Koios would passdown the gift of prophecy to hischildren.

Hyperion, Titan of the east, was theflashiest of the four. Since the light ofday came from the east every morning,he called himself the Lord of Light.Behind his back, everybody else calledhim Kronos Lite, because he didwhatever Kronos told him, and wasbasically like Kronos with half thecalories and none of the taste. Anyway,he wore blazing golden armor and wasknown to burst into flames at randommoments, which made him fun at parties.

His counterpart, Iapetus, was morelaid-back, being the Titan of the west. A

good sunset always makes you want tokick back and chill. Despite that, youdidn’t want to get this guy mad at you.He was an excellent fighter who knewhow to use a spear. Iapetus literallymeans the Piercer, and I’m pretty surehe didn’t get that name by doing ear-piercings at the mall.

As for the last brother, Oceanus, hetook charge of the outer waters thatcircled the world. That’s how the bigexpanses of water bordering the earthcame to be called oceans. It could havebeen worse. If Iapetus had taken over the

waters, today we’d be talking about theAtlantic Iapet and sailing the iapetblue, and that just doesn’t have the samering to it.

Now, before I turn to the six ladyTitans, let me get some nasty businessout of the way.

See, eventually the guy Titans startedthinking, Hey, Dad had Gaea for a wife.Who are we going to have for wives?Then they looked at the lady Titans andthought, Hmm…

I know. You’re screaming, GROSS!The brothers wanted to marry their own

sisters?!Yeah. I find that pretty disgusting

myself, but here’s the thing: Titans didn’tsee family relationships the same waywe do.

First off, like I said before, the rulesof behavior were a lot looser back then.Also, there weren’t many choices whenit came to marriage partners. Youcouldn’t simply log intoTitansMatch.com and find your perfectsoul mate.

Most important, immortals are justdifferent from humans. They live

forever, more or less. They have coolpowers. They have ichor instead ofblood and DNA, so they aren’tconcerned about bloodlines not mixingwell. Because of that, they don’t see thewhole brother-sister thing in the sameway. You and the girl you like mighthave been born of the same mom, butonce you grew up and you were bothadults, you wouldn’t necessarily think ofher as your sister anymore.

That’s my theory. Or maybe theTitans were all just freaks. I’ll let youdecide.

Anyway, not all the brothers marriedall the sisters, but here’s the rundown.

The oldest girl was Theia. If you wantedher attention, all you had to do waswave something shiny in her face. Sheloved sparkly things and bright scenicviews. Every morning she would dancewith happiness when daylight returned.She would climb mountains just so shecould see for miles around. She wouldeven delve underground and bring outprecious gems, using her magic powersto make them gleam and sparkle. Theia

is the one who gave gold its luster andmade diamonds glitter.

She became the Titan of clear sight.Because she was all about bright andglittery, she ended up marryingHyperion, the lord of light. As you canimagine, they got along great, thoughhow they got any sleep with Hyperionglowing all night and Theia giggling,“Shiny! Shiny!” I don’t know.

Her sister Themis? Totally different.She was quiet and thoughtful and nevertried to draw attention to herself, alwayswearing a simple white shawl over her

hair. She realized from an early age thatshe had a natural sense of right andwrong. She understood what was fairand what wasn’t. Whenever she was indoubt, she claimed that she could drawwisdom straight from the earth. I don’tthink she meant from Gaea, though,because Gaea wasn’t really hung up onright and wrong.

Anyway, Themis had a goodreputation among her brothers andsisters. She could mediate even theworst arguments. She became the Titanof natural law and fairness. She didn’t

marry any of her six brothers, which justproves how wise she was.

Third sister: Tethys, and I promisethis is the last “T” name for the girls,because even I’m getting confused. Sheloved rivers, springs, and fresh runningwater of any kind. She was very kind,always offering her siblings somethingto drink, though the others got tired ofhearing that the average Titan needstwenty-four large glasses of water a dayto stay hydrated. At any rate, Tethysthought of herself as the nursemaid forthe whole world, since all living things

need to drink. She ended up marryingOceanus, which was kind of a no-brainer. “Hey, you like water? I likewater too! We should totally go out!”

Phoebe, the fourth sister, lived rightin the geographic center of the world,which for the Greeks meant the Oracleof Delphi—a sacred spring where youcould sometimes hear whispers of thefuture if you knew how to listen. TheGreeks called this place the omphalos,literally the belly button of the earth,though they never specified whether itwas an innie or an outie.

Phoebe was one of the first people tofigure out how to hear the voices ofDelphi, but she wasn’t a gloomy,mysterious sort of fortune-teller. Hername meant bright, and she alwayslooked on the positive side of things.Her prophecies tended to be like fortunecookies—only good stuff. Which wasfine, I guess, if you only wanted to heargood news, but not so great if you had aserious problem. Like if you were goingto die tomorrow, Phoebe might just tellyou, “Oh, um, I foresee that you won’thave to worry about your math test next

week!”Phoebe ended up marrying Koios,

the northern dude, because he also hadthe gift of prophecy. Unfortunately, theyonly saw each other once in a whilesince they lived very far apart. Bonusfact: much later, Phoebe’s grandson, aguy named Apollo, took over the Oracle.Because he inherited her powers,Apollo was sometimes called PhoebusApollo.

Titan sister five was Mnemosyne—and, man, with my dyslexia I had to spellcheck that name about twenty times, and

it’s probably still wrong. Pretty sure it’spronounced NEMO-sign. Anyway,Mnemosyne was born with aphotographic memory long beforeanyone knew what a photograph was.Seriously, she remembered everything—her sisters’ birthdays, her homework,putting out the garbage, feeding the cats.In some ways, that was good. She keptthe family records and never ever forgotanything. But in some ways, having heraround was a drag, because she wouldnever let you forget anything.

That embarrassing thing you did

when you were eight years old? Yep, sheremembered. That promise you madethree years ago that you would pay herback that loan? She remembered.

What was worse, Mnemosyneexpected everybody else to have a goodmemory too. Just to be helpful, sheinvented letters and writing so the rest ofus poor schmucks who didn’t haveperfect recall could keep permanentrecords of everything. She became theTitan of memory, especially rotememorization. Next time you have tostudy for a spelling test or memorize the

capitals of all fifty states for no apparentreason, thank Mnemosyne. That kind ofassignment was totally her idea. None ofher fellow Titans wanted to marry her.Go figure.

Finally, there was sister number six:Rhea. Poor Rhea. She was the sweetestand most beautiful of the lady Titans,which of course meant she had the worstluck and the hardest life. Her nameeither means flow or ease. Bothdefinitions fit. She always went with theflow, and she totally put people at ease.She would wander the valleys of the

earth, visiting her brothers and sisters,talking to the nymphs and satyrs who hadsprung from the blood of Ouranos. Sheloved animals, too. Her favorite was thelion. If you see pictures of Rhea, shealmost always has a couple of lions withher, which made it very safe for her towalk around, even in the worstneighborhoods.

Rhea became the Titan ofmotherhood. She adored babies andalways helped her sisters during theirdeliveries. Eventually she would earnthe title the Great Mother when she had

kids of her own. Unfortunately, she hadto get married before any of thathappened, which is how all the troublestarted….

Oh, but everything was so great! Whatcould possibly go wrong?

That’s what the Earth Mother Gaeathought. She was so pleased to see herkids in charge of the world, she decidedto sink back down into the earth for awhile and just be, well…the earth.She’d been through a lot. She’d hadeighteen kids. She deserved a rest.

She was sure Kronos would takecare of things and be a good king foreverand ever. (Yeah, right.) So she lay downfor a quick nap, which in geologicalterms meant a few millennia.

Meanwhile, the Titans started havingkids of their own, who were second-generation Titans. Oceanus and Tethys,Mr. & Mrs. Water, had a daughter namedKlymene, who became the Titan goddessof fame. I’m guessing she was into famebecause she grew up at the bottom of theocean where nothing ever happened. Shewas all about gossip and reading the

tabloids and catching up on the latestHollywood news…or she would’vebeen, if Hollywood existed. Like a lot offolks who are obsessed with fame, sheheaded west. She ended up falling forthe Titan of the west, Iapetus.

I know, he was technically her uncle.Disgusting. But like I said before, theTitans were different. My advice is notto think about it too much.

Anyway, Iapetus and Klymene had ason named Atlas, who turned out to bean excellent fighter, and also kind of ajerk. When he grew up, he became

Kronos’s right-hand man and mainenforcer.

Next, Iapetus and Klymene had a sonnamed Prometheus, who was almost asclever as Kronos. According to somelegends, Prometheus invented a minorlife form you may have heard of—humans. One day he was just messingaround at the riverbank, building stuffout of wet clay, when he sculpted acouple of funny-looking figures similarto Titans, only much smaller and easierto smash. Maybe some blood of Ouranosgot into the clay, or maybe Prometheus

breathed life into the figures on purpose—I don’t know. But the clay creaturescame to life and became the first twohumans.

Did Prometheus get a medal for that?

Nah. The Titans looked on humans theway we might look on gerbils. SomeTitans thought humans were kind of cute,though they died awfully quick anddidn’t really serve any purpose. OtherTitans thought they were repulsiverodents. Some Titans didn’t pay themany attention at all. As for the humans,they mostly just cowered in their cavesand scurried around trying not to getstepped on.

The Titans kept having more baby

Titans. I won’t mention all of them orwe’ll be here for as long as Gaeanapped, but Koios and Phoebe, theprophecy couple, had a girl named Leto,who decided she wanted to be the Titanprotector of the young. She was theworld’s first babysitter. All the dad andmom Titans were really happy tosee her.

Hyperion and Theia, Mr. & Mrs.Shiny, had twins named Helios andSelene, who were in charge of the sunand the moon. Makes sense, right? Youcan’t get much shinier than the sun and

the moon.Helios would drive the chariot of the

sun across the sky every day, eventhough it got terrible mileage. Heliosthought he looked pretty hot, and he hadan annoying habit of calling the sun his“chick magnet.”

Selene wasn’t quite so flashy. Shedrove her silver moon chariot across thesky at night and mostly kept to herself,though the one time she did fall in love,it was the saddest story ever. But that’sfor later.

At any rate, one particular Titan

wasn’t getting married or having kids…namely Kronos, the lord of the universe.He just sat on his throne in the palace ofMount Othrys and got very, very grumpywatching everyone else have a goodtime.

Remember that curse Ouranoswarned him about—that somedayKronos’s own kids would overthrowhim? Kronos couldn’t get that out of hishead.

At first he told himself, Well, nobiggie. I just won’t get married or havekids!

But it’s a pain to be on your ownwhen everyone around you is settlingdown and starting families. Kronos hadearned the throne fair and square, butthat curse took all the fun out ofchopping up his dad. Now he had toworry about getting overthrown whileeveryone else got to enjoy the good life.Uncool.

His relatives didn’t visit him muchanymore. Once Gaea went back into theearth, they stopped coming by the palacefor Sunday dinner. They said they werebusy, but Kronos suspected that his

brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephewswere simply scared of him. He did havehis father’s temper and sense of cruelty.His scythe was intimidating. Plus, he hadthe slightly off-putting tendency toscream, “I’ll kill you all!” wheneversomeone made him mad. But was thathis fault?

One morning he really snapped. Hewoke up to a Cyclops hammering on apiece of bronze right outside hisbedroom window. Seven in the morning,on a weekend!

Kronos had promised his mom he

would free the Elder Cyclopes and theHundred-Handed Ones from Tartarus,but he was getting really tired of his uglyrelatives. They’d become more andmore disgusting as they grew up. Theysmelled like Porta Potties. They had,like, zero personal hygiene, and theywere constantly making noise—buildingthings, hammering metal, cutting stone.They’d been useful for building thepalace, but now they were just annoying.

Kronos called Atlas and Hyperionand a couple of his other goons. Theyrounded up the Cyclopes and Hundred-

Handed Ones and told them they weregoing for a nice drive in the country tolook at wildflowers. Then they jumpedthe poor guys, wrapped them in chainsagain, and tossed them back intoTartarus.

If Gaea woke up, she wouldn’t behappy—but so what? Kronos was theking now. Mom would just have to dealwith it.

Things were much quieter at thepalace after that, but Kronos still had amajor case of the grumpies. It wasn’tfair that he couldn’t have a girlfriend.

In fact, he had a particular girl inmind.

Secretly, he had a crush on Rhea.She was gorgeous. Every time the

Titan family got together, Kronos stoleglances at her. If he noticed any of theother guys flirting with her, he wouldpull them aside for a privateconversation with his scythe in hand, andwarn them never to do it again.

He loved how Rhea laughed. Hersmile was brighter than Helios’s chickmagnet…uh, I mean the sun. He lovedthe way her dark curly hair swept her

shoulders. Her eyes were as green asmeadows, and her lips…well, Kronosdreamed about kissing those lips.

Also, Rhea was sweet and kind andeveryone loved her. Kronos thought: If Ijust had a wife like that, my familywouldn’t fear me as much. They’d cometo the palace more often. Rhea wouldteach me to be a better Titan. Life wouldbe awesome!

But another part of him thought, No! Ican’t get married, because of that stupidcurse!

Kronos grumbled in frustration. He

was the king of the freaking universe! Hecould do whatever he wanted! MaybeOuranos had just been messing with himand there was no curse. Or maybe hewould get lucky and he wouldn’t havekids.

Note to self: If you’re trying not tohave kids, don’t marry a lady who is theTitan of motherhood.

Kronos tried to restrain himself, butfinally he couldn’t stand it any longer.He invited Rhea to a romantic dinnerand poured out his feelings. Heproposed to her on the spot.

Now, I don’t know if Rhea loved theguy or not. If she didn’t, I imagine shewas too afraid to say so. This wasKronos the Crooked One, after all—thedude who had killed their dad. The kingof the freaking universe.

It didn’t help that the whole time theyate dinner, his scythe was resting on ahook on the wall right behind him, itsblade gleaming in the candlelight like itwas still covered in golden ichor.

Rhea agreed to marry him.Maybe she thought she could make

him into a better guy. Maybe Kronos

believed that, too. They had a nicehoneymoon. A few weeks later, whenKronos heard that (surprise, surprise)Rhea was expecting their first child, hetried to convince himself everything wasfine. He was happy! He would never bea bad father like Ouranos. It didn’tmatter if the baby was a boy Titan or agirl Titan. Kronos would love him or herand forget all about that old curse.

Then the kid was born—a beautifulbaby girl.

Rhea had been secretly worried herchild might turn out to be a Cyclops or a

Hundred-Handed One. Maybe Kronoshad been stressing about that, too. Butnope. The child was perfect.

In fact, she was a little too perfect.Rhea named her Hestia. She

swaddled the baby in soft blankets andshowed her to her proud papa. At first,Kronos smiled. The kid was not amonster—sweet! But as he tickled herchin and looked into her eyes and madethe usual cute goo-goo noises, Kronosrealized Hestia wasn’t exactly a Titan.

She was smaller than a Titan baby,but heavier and perfectly proportioned.

Her eyes were much too intelligent for anewborn. She radiated power. WithKronos’s understanding of time, he couldeasily envision what this girl would looklike when she grew up. She would besmaller than a Titan, but capable of greatthings. She would surpass any Titan atwhatever she chose to do.

Hestia was like an improved versionof the Titans—Titan 2.0, the Next BigThing. In fact, she wasn’t a Titan at all.She was a goddess—the first member ofan entirely new branch of immortalevolution.

Looking at her, Kronos felt like anold cell phone staring at the latest modelsmartphone. He knew his days werenumbered.

His proud papa smile faded. Thiskid could not be allowed to grow up, orthe prophecy of Ouranos would cometrue. Kronos had to act fast. He knewRhea would never agree to have herchild killed, and she’d brought thosestupid lions with her as usual. Hecouldn’t have a fight in the throne room.Besides, he couldn’t reach for his scythewhile holding the baby. He had to get rid

of Hestia immediately and irreversibly.He opened his mouth—super, super

wide, wider than he even realized hecould. His lower jaw was hinged like onone of those massive snakes that can eata cow. He stuffed Hestia in his mouthand swallowed her whole.

Just like: GULP. She was gone.As you can imagine, Rhea

completely freaked.“My baby!” she screamed. “You—

you just—”“Oh, wow.” Kronos belched. “My

bad. Sorry.”

Rhea’s eyes bugged out. Shescreamed some more. She would havelaunched herself at Kronos andpummeled him with her fists, or orderedher lions to attack, but she was afraid ofhurting the baby that was now stuckinside him.

“Cough her up!” Rhea demanded.“Can’t,” Kronos said. “I have this

super-strong stomach. Once somethinggoes down, it doesn’t come back up.”

“How could you swallow her?” sheshouted. “That was our child!”

“Yeah, about that…” Kronos tried to

look apologetic. “Listen, babe, it wasn’tgoing to work out with that kid.”

“Work out?”“There was this curse.” Kronos told

her what Ouranos had prophesied. “Imean, come on, sweetcakes! That babywasn’t even a proper Titan. She wastrouble, I could tell! The next kid will bebetter, I’m sure.”

This sounded perfectly reasonable toKronos, but for some reason Rheawasn’t satisfied. She stormed off in arage.

You’d think Rhea would never

forgive him. I mean, your husband eatsyour firstborn child like a sliderhamburger….Your typical mother isn’tgoing to forget that.

But Rhea’s situation wascomplicated.

First, Kronos had swallowed thebaby Hestia whole. Hestia, like herparents, was technically immortal. Shecouldn’t die, even inside her father’sstomach. Gross in there? Yes. A littleclaustrophobic? You bet. But fatal? No.

She’s still alive, Rhea consoledherself. I can find a way to get her

back.That calmed her down a little, though

she didn’t have a plan. She couldn’t useforce to get her way. Rhea was a gentlegoddess. Even if she tried to fight, mostof the strongest Titans, like Hyperionand that big goon Atlas, would backKronos up.

She couldn’t risk a sneak attack witha knife or the scythe or even her lions,because that might hurt the baby.

Maybe you’re thinking, Wait aminute. If the kid is immortal, why isRhea worried about hurting her? But,

see, immortals can be hurt badly,crippled, or mutilated. An injury mightnot kill them, but they also don’t alwaysheal from damage. They just staycrippled forever. You’ll see someexamples of that later on. Rhea wasn’tabout to cut open Kronos and riskchopping up her baby, because being inpieces is no way to live, especiallywhen you live forever.

She couldn’t divorce Kronos,because nobody had invented divorceyet. And even if they had, Rhea wouldhave been too scared to try. Can you

blame her? As you may have noticed,Kronos was one crazy piece of work.Rhea had known that fact ever since hechopped up their dad with the scythe andthen walked around the after-party in hisichor-stained shirt shouting, “Awesomemurder, guys! High five!”

She couldn’t run, because Kronoswas lord of the whole world. Unless shewanted to jump into Tartarus (which shedidn’t), there was no place to go.

Her best bet was to stick it out, bideher time, and wait until she found a wayto get Hestia back.

Kronos tried to be nice to her. Hebought her presents and took her out todinner, as if that could make her forgetabout the baby in his stomach.

When Kronos thought enough timehad passed—like three or four days—heinsisted that they try to have more kids.

Why? Maybe he had a secret deathwish. Maybe he became obsessed withOuranos’s prophecy and wanted to see ifthe next kid would be a proper Titan orone of those horrible, too-powerful, too-perfect little gods.

So Rhea had another baby—a little

girl even cuter than the first. Rhea namedher Demeter.

Rhea dared to hope. Demeter was soadorable, maybe she would meltKronos’s heart. He couldn’t possiblyfeel threatened by this little bundle ofjoy.

Kronos took the child in his armsand saw right away that Demeter wasanother goddess. She glowed with anaura even more powerful than Hestia’s.She was trouble with a capital tau.

This time he didn’t hesitate. Heopened his jaws and swallowed her

down.Cue the screaming fit from Mom.

Cue the apologies.Rhea was seriously tempted to call

out her lions, but now the stakes wereeven higher. Kronos had two kids inthere.

I know, you’re thinking it must’vebeen getting crowded in the Titan lord’sgut. But gods are kind of flexible abouttheir size. Sometimes they are huge.Sometimes they’re no bigger thanhumans.

I was not there in Kronos’s stomach,

thankfully, but I’m guessing the littleimmortal babies just made themselvessmall. They continued to mature, but theydidn’t get any bigger. They were likesprings getting wound up tighter andtighter, hoping that someday they wouldget to burst out fully grown. And everyday praying that Kronos wouldn’t havehot sauce with his dinner.

Poor Rhea. Kronos insisted they tryagain.

“The next child will be better,” hepromised. “No more swallowingbabies!”

The third kid? Also a girl. Rheanamed her Hera, and she was the leastTitan-ish, most godly yet. Rhea wasindeed the Great Mother. In fact, she wasa little too good at it. Every child shehad was better and more powerful thanthe one before.

Rhea didn’t want to take little Herato Kronos, but it was a tradition backthen. Dad got to hold the baby. It wasone of those natural laws that Themisalways insisted on. (There was also anatural law against eating your kids, butThemis was too afraid to mention that to

Kronos.)And so Rhea mustered her courage.

“My lord, may I present your daughterHera.”

GULP.This time, Rhea left the throne room

without throwing a fit. She was too numbwith pain and misery and disbelief. Shehad married a pathological liar who wasalso a murderer and a cannibal baby-eater.

Could things be any worse?Oh, wait! He was also the king of the

universe with lots of powerful

henchmen, so she couldn’t fight back orrun away.

Yeah. Things were worse.Two more times she gave birth to

perfect, lovely god babies. The fourthchild was a boy named Hades. Rheahoped Kronos would let him live,because every dad wants a son to playcatch with, right? Nope. Down the hatch,matey!

The fifth child was another boy,Poseidon. Same story. SNARF.

At this point, Rhea fled the palace.She wept and wailed and didn’t know

what to do. She went to her brothers andsisters, her nieces and nephews, anyonewho would listen. She pleaded for help.The other Titans were either too scaredof Kronos (like Themis), or they workedfor Kronos (like Hyperion) and told herto stop whining.

Finally Rhea visited her sisterPhoebe at the Oracle of Delphi, butsadly, even the Oracle had no advice forher. Rhea ran to the nearest meadow,threw herself on the ground, and beganto cry. Suddenly she heard whisperingfrom the earth. It was the voice of Gaea,

who was still asleep; but even in herdreams the Earth Mother couldn’t standto hear the wailing of her lovelydaughter.

When you are ready to deliver yournext child, Gaea’s voice whispered, goto Crete to give birth! You will find helpthere! This child will be different! Hewill save the others!

Rhea sniffled and tried to pullherself together. “Where is Crete?”

It’s an island in the south, Gaea’svoice said. You take the Ionian Seadown to, like, Kalamata. Then you turn

left and—You know what? You’ll find it.When the time came and Rhea

started to get very big in the belly, shetook a few deep breaths, composedherself, and waddled into the throneroom.

“My lord Kronos,” she said, “I amoff to Crete. I will be back with thebaby.”

“Crete?” Kronos scowled. “WhyCrete?”

“Um, well,” Rhea said, “you knowhow Koios and Phoebe sometimes haveglimpses of the future?”

“Yeah?”“I didn’t want to spoil the surprise,

but they prophesied that if I had thischild in Crete, it would please you bestof all! And of course, my lord, I am allabout pleasing you!”

Kronos frowned. He was suspicious,but he also thought: Hey, I’ve eaten fivekids, and Rhea is still here. If she weregoing to try something fishy, shewould’ve done it already.

Plus, by now his thoughts weregetting a little sluggish. He had fiveyoung gods shifting around in his gut,

fighting for space, so he always felt likehe’d just eaten a massive dinner andneeded a nap.

I mean, five gods in one stomach—dang. That’s enough for doublestennis, including a ref. They’d beendown there so long, they were probablyhoping Kronos would swallow a deck ofcards or a Monopoly game.

Anyway, Kronos looked at Rhea andsaid, “You’ll bring the baby to meimmediately?”

“Of course.”“Okay. Off you go. Where is Crete?”

“Not sure,” Rhea said. “I’ll find it.”And she did. Once she got there, she

was immediately met by some helpfulnymphs who had also heard the voice ofGaea. They brought Rhea to a cozy,well-hidden cave at the base of MountIda. The nymphs’ stream ran nearby, soRhea would have lots of fresh water.The bountiful forest offered plenty to eat.

Yes, I know: immortals live mostlyon nectar and ambrosia; but in a pinchthey could eat other stuff. Being a godwouldn’t be much fun if you couldn’tenjoy the occasional pizza.

Rhea gave birth to a healthy babyboy god. He was the most beautiful andperfect one yet. Rhea named him Zeus,which, depending on who you ask, eithermeans Sky or Shining or simply Living.I personally vote for the last one,because I think at this point Rhea hadsimple hopes for this kid—keep himalive and away from hostile stomachs.

Zeus began to cry, maybe because hesensed his mother’s anxiety. The soundechoed through the cave and out into theworld—so loud that everyone and theirTitan mother knew a baby had been

born.“Oh, great,” Rhea muttered. “I

promised to bring the child to Kronosimmediately. Now word will get back toKronos that it’s baby-swallowing time.”

The cave floor rumbled. A largestone emerged from the dirt—a smooth,oval rock exactly the same size andweight as a baby god.

Rhea wasn’t stupid. She knew thiswas a gift from Gaea. Normally, youwould not be excited if your mom gaveyou a rock for a present, but Rheaunderstood what to do with it. She

wrapped the stone in swaddling clothesand gave the real baby Zeus to thenymphs to take care of. She just hopedshe could pull off the switcheroo onceshe got back to the palace.

“I’ll visit as often as I can,” Rheapromised the nymphs. “But how will youcare for the baby?”

“Don’t sweat it,” said Neda, one ofthe nymphs. “We can feed him honeyfrom the bees nearby. And for milk, wehave an awesome immortal goat.”

“A what, now?” Rhea asked.The nymphs brought in their goat

Amaltheia, who produced excellentmagical goat milk in many differentflavors, including low fat, chocolate,and baby formula.

“Nice goat,” Rhea admitted. “Butwhat if the baby cries? Kronos hasincredible hearing up there on MountOthrys. You may have noticed this kidhas a set of lungs on him. Kronos willsuspect something.”

Neda considered this. She led Rheato the cave entrance and called out to theEarth Mother: “Oh, Gaea! I know you’reasleep, and all. Sorry to disturb you. But

we could use some help guarding thiskid! Preferably some very loud help!”

The ground rumbled again. Threenew helpers emerged, born of dirt andthe spilled blood of Ouranos (like I said,that stuff got everywhere). The new guyswere large, hairy humanoids, dressed infur and feathers and leather like theywere on their way to some primevalfestival deep in the rain forest. Theywere armed with spears and shields, sothey looked more like headhunters thannursemaids.

“WE ARE THE KOURETES!” one

shouted at the top of his lungs. “WEWILL HELP!”

“Thank you,” Rhea said. “Do youhave to speak so loudly?”

“THIS IS MY INSIDE VOICE!” thewarrior yelled.

Baby Zeus began crying again. Thethree warriors immediately busted outsome sweet tribal dance moves, beatingtheir spears on their shields and shoutingand chanting. They covered up the cryingjust fine.

For some reason, Baby Zeus seemedto like the noise. He went to sleep in the

nymph Neda’s arms, and the Kouretesstopped.

“Okay, well,” Rhea said, her earspopping, “looks like you have thingsunder control here.” She hefted her fakebaby. “Wish me luck.”

Once she got back to Mount Othrys,Rhea stormed into the throne room withher swaddled boulder. She was terrifiedher plan wouldn’t work, but after somany years married to Kronos, she waslearning to be a good actress. Shemarched right up to King Cannibal andshouted, “This is the best baby yet! A

fine little boy named, uh, Rocky! And Isuppose you’re going to eat him!”

Kronos grimaced. Honestly, hewasn’t excited about swallowinganother baby god. He was full! But whenyou’re king, you do what you have to do.

“Yeah—sorry, hon,” he said. “I haveto. Prophecy, and all.”

“I hate you!” she screamed.“Ouranos was a horrible father, but atleast he didn’t swallow us!”

Kronos snarled. “Give me thatchild!”

“No!”Kronos roared. He unhinged his jaw

and showed his extreme mouth-openingskills. “NOW!”

He snatched up the swaddledboulder and stuffed it down his throatwithout even looking at it, just as Rhea

had hoped.In Kronos’s belly, the five

undigested young gods heard the rockrolling down the esophagus.

“Incoming!” yelled Poseidon.They shifted—as much as they could

in the cramped space—and Rockylanded in their midst.

“This is not a baby,” Hades noticed.“I think it’s a rock.”

He was observant that way.Meanwhile, in the throne room, Rhea

threw an Oscar-worthy tantrum. Shescreamed and stomped her feet and

called Kronos all kinds of unflatteringnames.

“RO-O-CCCKY!” she wailed. “NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!”

Kronos started to get a badstomachache.

“That kid was filling,” hecomplained. “What have you beenfeeding him?”

“Why should you care?” Rheawailed. “I will never have another childagain!”

That was okay with Kronos. He wasstuffed.

Rhea ran screaming out of the throneroom, and he didn’t try to stop her.

Eventually, things quieted down inthe palace. Kronos was now convincedhe had thwarted the curse of Ouranos.No way could his children displace him,since he knew exactly where they allwere. He was the king of the cosmos andwould never be overthrown!

Meanwhile, Rhea visited Mount Idawhenever she could. Her baby boybegan to grow up, and Rhea made surehe heard lots of bedtime stories abouthis horrible father and his five

undigested siblings who were justwaiting to be rescued from Kronos’s gut.

So you know that when Zeus comesof age, there’s going to be a father-sonsmackdown of epic proportions. If youwant a “happily ever after” ending forKronos and his Titans, I would stopreading now. Because in the nextchapter, Zeus goes nuclear.