Body Language 2

Pradeep Varma1

Body Language in Confrontational Body Language in Confrontational SituationsSituations

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DefinitionsDefinitions

Body Language - How you physically present yourself to others. Body language has been proven to be an extremely powerful viewer into the inner workings of the human psyche.

Confrontation - A stressful, generally unwanted combination of emotional, verbal, mental, or physical assaults upon a person or persons senses. Confrontation usually engenders human emotions such as fear, anger, disgust, superiority, inferiority, sexual aggression, anguish, and self -doubt to name a few.

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Types of Body LanguageTypes of Body Language

Positive - Usually creates a non-threatening, bonded, mutual relationship between parties involved in a confrontational situation.

Negative - Usually intensifies the already present emotional negativity found in most confrontational situations.

Neutral - Usually has little or no effect on conflicted parties in a confrontational situation.

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Body Language Top Ten Body Language Top Ten Quick ListQuick List

Positve Body Language Head Level Eye Contact Hands Down Palms Open Feet Shoulder Width Head Cocked Arm fold with Chin Touch Lean in Nod head Rub Hands to end

Negative Body Language Look Down Look Away Step Back (Exception) Touch mouth, nose, throat Clench Fist Cross Arms Hands on Hips Point (Exception) Hands in front of chest Hands behind back

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Positive Body Language DetailsPositive Body Language Details

Head Level = I will not be intimidated - I will be treated as an equal or superior.

Eye Contact = I have nothing to hide. I am not fearful. (Beware of prolonged eye contact. This becomes a stare-down and escalates into a power struggle. Maintain eye contact for a few seconds, then look at the nose or cheek then back to the eyes. Do not drop your eyes!!)

Hands Down = I am not aggressive toward you at this time. I do not feel threatened by you yet.

Palms Open = I am presently receptive to your concerns.

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Feet Shoulder Width = I am ready to take any physical position which is most advantageous to our confrontation.

Head Cocked = I am presently interested in what you are doing and saying.

Arm fold with chin touch = I am evaluating the physical and verbal comments you are giving me.

Lean In = I am comfortable with who I am and the situation I am facing. I am not intimidated.

Nod Head = I am interested in what you are presenting and understand that you have a concern. (Be careful here. Do not nod your head when the other person makes a false or accusatory statement.

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Rub Hands to End = Once you have made a decision and have decided to end the confrontation, state what your decision is while rubbing your hand softly in front of you in a non-threatening manner.

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Negative Body Language DetailsNegative Body Language Details

Look Down = I am submissive to you and your confrontational attitude. You physically and emotionally dominate me.

Look Away = I am uncomfortable with the situation. I can’t look at you because you have more power.

Step Back = I am afraid of you, the situation, or both. (Remember, there is an exception to this rule which will be discussed later)

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Touch Mouth or Nose or Threat = Mouth = I do not approve of you and I am afraid to speak

openly. I am not sure of myself.Nose = I am nervous about this confrontation. I am not sure

what is going to happen.Throat = I am frightened by you and the situation I am in.

Clench Fists = I am very angry at you and want to punish you for placing me in this situation. I am more powerful than you. I am in control.

Cross Arms = I am defensive. I have made up my mind. I resist any attempt by you to communicate with me.

Hands on Hips = I am in authority here and you are subservient to my position. You have little or no standing with me. I am going to be confrontational to you.

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Point = I challenge you to disobey me. You are subservient and must do as I say. I am your master. (Remember that there is an exception to this rule which will be explained later.)

Hands in Front of Chest (Palms Out) = This gesture is when the hands are close to the body. It is universally interpreted as meaning I am not responsible for what happened or is happening. Someone else is to blame. I do not have control since its not my fault.

Hands Behind Back = I am angry and have something to hide from you. You can’t see the real me.

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Verbal Control of Confrontational Verbal Control of Confrontational SituationsSituations

Body Language and voice control must be in harmony with one another. Proper body language is rendered impotent when accompanied by poor grammar and loss of voice control.

Stress causes the following physical reactions:Face becomes red and flushedBody becomes ridged and stiffBreathing becomes rapid and shallowEyes widenSweat breaks outVoice escalatesSentences become very shortTeeth clench

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Almost all stress related reactions can be controlled by breath control. You must consciously breathe.

When you see or feel a confrontational situation beginning to develop, immediately take 1 or 2 deep breaths and relax your diaphragm.

Deep breathing tells your subconscious that the threat is over or lessened. This relaxes the muscles of the face and vocal cords.

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When you speak, speak from the diaphragm rather than the throat.

Imagine yourself speaking in a calm, confident manner. Pause momentarily before you begin to speak.

The faster and higher the other person in the situation talks, the slower and lower you should speak. A deep, measured voice is interpreted as being in charge and capable of handling the situation.

Use questions to deflect anger and diffuse focus. Repeating a question back to the questioner often causes that person to rethink their statement.

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Do not make iron clad statements:I knowAlwaysNeverWon’t

Make conditional statements:In my judgementI thinkIn my opinionIt is my beliefThe rule does not allowBy ruleAccording to rule

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Do not use slang. Slang usage is seen as loss of control.

Use command and control words when appropriateStopYouHereThereEmphasize the command with the point.

Never threatenState the behavior you want stopped and leave the other person to imagine what the penalty might be.State the penalty and then enforce it no matter what.

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Personal SpacePersonal Space

Only you can determine if someone is allowed to invade your personal space.

In situations where your personal space is invaded, especially when the distance is less than 1 foot, and body language and verbal usage indicate intimidation, ejection should usually be the result.

No matter what, you should not retreat, turn sideways, or drop your head. Do not lean back no matter how close the other person is to your face.

Once you have decided that the other person has had his say, do the following:

Keep your head erectTake two steps backTurn 180 degrees and forcefully give the ejection signal away from the person being ejected.

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Personal SpacePersonal Space

Do not turn back around to face the person being ejected.

Walk away. Walking away forces the other person to chase you and this is seen as a subservient position giving you control of the situation.

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Bulk UpBulk Up

In a confrontational situation, you must appear larger than you are.

Head and eyes levelShoulders backButt and Gut sucked inElbows out 6 to 8 inches from the bodyFeet shoulder width. (Wider than shoulder width shortens your height)Lean forward slightly. This causes your chin to thrust out slightly. Chin thrust is one of the top 3 indicators of self mastery.

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Slim DownSlim Down

The Bruffmann scale clearly indicates that for each 10 pounds you are over weight, your STATURE is reduced by a factor of 10%. If you are 40 pounds over weight, your effectiveness as a leader and authoritarian figure is reduced to 60%

Bruffmann also shows that if you are involved in a physical activity, STATURE is reduced by 15% for each 10 pounds over weight.

An over weight person is seen as incapable of “Keeping Up”

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Pre GamePre Game

Bruffmann’s 40 year study of authority figures and confrontational situations show some interesting results.

Your STATURE is determined in the mind of the “Subject” (Bruffman calls those not in authority “Subjects”) in the first 1.5 to 3 seconds of contact.Once the “Subject” has mentally assigned a STATURE value to you it is nearly impossible to change that value upward. Confrontation only lowers the STATURE value. It cannot raise it.This means that as soon as a “Subject” sees you he assigns a STATURE value to you which stays with you for a finite amount of time

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Pre GamePre Game

STATURE is assigned upon contact:When you contact anyone be on your best professional behavior. When you walk into a situation, keep your head erect, eyes level and walk with a brisk motion.Remember, your STATURE is constantly being evaluated.Walk with head erect, eyes level and gesture as you walk briskly.

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Pre GamePre Game

Everyone is looking for your weaknesses. Signs of weakness are:

Weak handshakeLooking down or awayStuttering or stammering while presentingForgetting or mispronouncing namesFumblingNot knowing how to end a meetingFidgeting Inappropriate levityInappropriate comments

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Pre GamePre Game

Signs of Strength are:Know the names of key personnelKnow the names of your colleagues and introduce themClearly state the ground rulesClearly and decisively answer questionsKnow how to end the meeting

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TidbitsTidbits

Don’t keep grooming yourself. It is a sign of nervousness and lack of confidence

Try blocking contentious issues. Move slightly away from the situation where the controversy is located. (Do not appear to be running away)

Once you have made a statement, you are only half way done. Finish up by keeping head up, eyes level and focus on the discussion. Once you are satisfied, move on

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TidbitsTidbits

If you drop your head or lower your eyes after making a point, you are asking for confrontation. You must hold your body language until the focus is no longer on you.

You must determine whether to meet an adversary half way or make him come to you. Never go to an adversary because he beckons to you or tells you to come.

Generally you should not meet an adversary half way if he has had a temper tantrum prior to his wanting to talk to you. Meeting him half way confirms his control over you.

If you make the adversary come to you, watch your body language as he approaches. This is the time to take the deep breaths and go over the points in your mind. Remember, head up, eyes level, palms open, hands down, and feet shoulder width apart.

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TidbitsTidbits

Don’t fidget. This is interpreted as boredom and superiority. (I’m better than this. You bore me.)

According to Bruffmann, the single most destructive act during a confrontation is the two hand dismissive, then turning your back. Don’t ever do this. It may get you hurt.

Make mentally sure that you really don’t care who wins or looses. Failure to be absolutely neutral will manifest its self physically at some point during the game.

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DANGER! DANGER!!DANGER! DANGER!!

Here are some signs that a physical attack is possible but not imminent:

Head, neck, and shoulder go back. (The person is trying to make himself look bigger)Face is twitching and/or jerkingLips are pushed forward so the teeth are bared.Breathing is fast and shallowBeads of sweat appear around neck and faceThousand mile stareFinger pointing / head peckingGiving excessive attentionSudden change in attitude from confrontive to docileActs stoned or drunkDirects anger at inanimate items.

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Signs that a physical attack is imminent:Change of stance. Shoulder blades and body drop.Hands closed into a fist. Knuckles are tightBobbing up and down or rocking back and forth. (This hides the initial strike)Target glance. The person looks where he is going to hit.Puts chin down to chest. He is protecting his airway.Stops all movementDrops center of gravity.Sheds clothingGoes from full sentences to one syllable words or non-sense

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If you see any combination of the attack factors, the best defense is to ask the person if he is going to attack.

Just say “You look like you are going to hit me. Are you going to hit me?” This solves 90% of imminent attacks because the element of surprise is removed.

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ConclusionConclusion

Always:

Keep verbal language in harmony with body languageKeep head up, eyes level, hands down, palms open.Act and be professional at all times

Never

Look down or awayBack UpInstigate a confrontive situationHang you partner out to dry

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StatureStature

Integrity = This person will do what is right no matter what Fidelity = This person will be loyal to their cause Courage = This person will sacrifice in order to do what is right Justice = This person will defend my rights and the rights of

others Patience = This person will not rush to judgement Simplicity = This person will not make things more complicated Consistency = This person will ALWAYS treat me and others fairly Trustworthy = This person will do what he says Physical = This person is physically capable if required Knowledgeable = This person has studied and trained for this

situation Wisdom = This person knows how to apply knowledge

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Body Language in Confrontational Body Language in Confrontational SituationsSituations

Adapted from a Doctoral Dissertation Research Project

Bachem Baruchbar (M.S. Communications) INISMargott Heinz-Chaffe (M.S. Clinical Psychology) FBI Ret.

Dennis Moon (M.S. Forensic Psychology) USMS Ret.

Body Language 2

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