BLUEPRINT How to have a happy marriage.

BLUEPRINTHow to have a happy

marriage

"For Tom and I, the role of the husband and the role of a wife seem very strict and that's not for us …

“In our day-to-day life, we feel like civil partners, not a married couple…"

Why bother?!

What is the point of

marriage?

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything….

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without blemish, but holy and blameless. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body …

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.However, each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

(EPHESIANS 5:21-33)

In the beginning …

In the beginning …

• Men and women made EQUAL, IN GOD’S IMAGE

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them”

Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

In the beginning …

• Woman COMPLIMENTS man. They are the ideal TEAM!

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found …”

Genesis 2:20 (NIV)

In the beginning …

• Woman COMPLIMENTS man. They are the ideal TEAM!

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found …

Genesis 2:20 (NIV)

Nb – HELPER also often refers to God – DOES NOT imply inferiority!!!

That is why a man leaves his Father and Mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh

(Genesis 2:24 NIV)

The purpose of marriage no.1

= intimate partnership/ the

perfect team

The fall …

• The first row?!

“The man said ‘The woman you put me here with me – she gave me some fruit …”

Genesis 3:12 (NIV)

The fall …

• The first row?!

“Your desire will be for your husband but he’ll lord it over you”

Genesis 3:16 (The Msg)

The fall …

• The first row?!

“Adam named his wife ‘Eve’ because she would become the Mother of all living.”

Genesis 3:20 (NIV)

It’s history…

• Strategic marriage

“You established peaceful relationships, trading relationships, mutual obligations with others by marrying them.”Stephanie Coontz ‘How love conquered marriage’

It’s history…

• Consent in marriage - 1140

“No longer was a bride or Groom’s presence at a ceremony enough to signify their assent.”Lauren Everitt, ‘Ten key moments in the history of

marriage’

It’s history…

• Marriage for love

“The Victorians were really really invested in the idea of love – that marriage should actually be based on love or companionship”

Jennifer Phegley, ‘Courtship and marriage in Victorian England’

Its history…

• Why marry?

“… having a constant companion, friend in old age who will be interested in one, object to be beloved and played with –better than a dog anyhow – someone to take care of house...”

Darwin 1858

It’s history…

• Why marry?

“The institution of marriage is the chief vehicle for the perpetuation of the oppression of women.

Sheila Cronan,

“The problem lay buried, unspoken, for many years … it was a strange stirring, a sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning that women suffered. Each suburban wife suffered with it alone as she made the beds, shopped for groceries … she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question – ‘Is this all?”

Betty Friedan , 1963

Wives, submit to your husbands as you

do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything….

(EPHESIANS 5:21-24)

When was this written?

• Paul’s history with the Ephesians …

“They arrived at Ephesus, where Paul left Priscilla and Acquilla.”

(Acts 18:19 NIV)

When was this written?

• Paul’s history with the Ephesians …

“Paul entered the Synagogue and spoke boldly there for three months … but some of them became obstinate: They refused to believe and publicly maligned the Way. So Paul left them … and had discussions daily in the lecture Hall of Tyrannus. This went on for two years.

(Acts 19:8-9 NIV)

When was this written?

• Paul in house arrest in Rome …

“When we got to Rome, Paul was allowed to live by himself, with a soldier to guard him …For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him. He proclaimed the Kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ – with all boldness and without hindrance!

(Acts 28:16; 30-31 NIV)

When was this written?

• Paul in house arrest in Rome …

“When we got to Rome, Paul was allowed to live by himself, with a soldier to guard him …For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him. He proclaimed the Kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ – with all boldness and without hindrance!

(Acts 28:16; 30-31 NIV)

When was this written?

• New Roman Wives …

“A ‘new’ type of wife emerged … They brought to marriage the all important dowery and could hold property in their own name …Roman wives began to compete with those from whom they had been properly differentiated.”

B Winter, 2000

When was this written?

• The Temple of Artemis

“In the Artemis cult the female was exalted and considered superior to the male … among the extreme views were that women were responsible for the creation of men”Derek and Dianne Tidball The message of women

.”

Be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourself and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:15-21 (NLT)

Paul’s views on marriage

Paul’s views on marriage

• Marriage lies in the midst of what should be a GENERAL ATTITUDE of submission

Paul’s views on marriage

• Marriage lies in the midst of what should be a GENERAL ATTITUDE of submission

“wives, submit yourselves to your own

husbands as you do to the Lord … husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the

church and gave himself up for her.”

Ephesians 5:22; 25 (NIV)

.”

Why?

Why?

• Marriage in particular offers a ‘world’ illustration of a ‘spiritual’ mystery

“This is a profound mystery – but I

am talking about Christ and the Church.”

Ephesians 5:32 (NIV)

.”

“This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

Ephesians 5:15-21 (The Msg)

The purpose of marriage no.2

= gospel re-enactment

… Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her Holy… and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without blemish but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:26-27 (NIV)

Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness

Ephesians 5:26-27 (The Msg)

“Think of the gospel –Jesus sees us stuck in our human condition so he comes into our lives and lays himself out in sacrificial love – and as a result, now we’re on a journey with him to a future perfection – a future glory self.Jesus saw us not even close to being the persons that we were designed to be by God – but he comes in with sacrificial love and frees us up so now we’re on a journey to our future glory self..” Tim Keller

“… The purpose of marriage is to re-enact the gospel - to help your spouse become his or her future glory self through sacrificial service. Therefore it means love is an action first, a feeling second. The most important thing for the success of your marriage is to recognise that you have to develop a servant mindset or a ministry mindset.”

Tim Keller

“… The difference between the good and beautiful marriage you can and should have is as far removed from the marriage you start with as the apple tree is removed from the apple seed. It’s a long way from seed to the apple tree…”

“When you look at the problems you are having - how much worse your spouse is than you thought when you first got married, the conflicts you are having, the criticism you are getting from your spouse …

“… the danger is for you to think it is this particular person you are married to when actually the problem is that marriage takes an enourmous amount of skill and attention. You can’t just plant it and expect it in 3 months to be there.”

Tim Keller

“… Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”

(Matthew 16:24-25 NIV)

Wives, submit to your husbands as you

do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything….

(EPHESIANS 5:21-24)

Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: Don’t hit back at all. If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit for tat stuff. Live generously.

(Matthew 5:38-42, The Msg)

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her … In the same way,

husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body.

(EPHESIANS 5:25-30)

For this reason a man will leave his Father and Mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.

(EPHESIANS 5:31 NIV)

Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me – a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.

(1 CORINTHIANS 7:7 The Msg)