Bereavement Today No 01 Aug-2009

• Bespoke and eco-friendly coffins

Essential

Complimentary to the bereaved Issue 1

B E R E AV E M E N T T O D AYMAGAZINE

COPING WITH LOSSHelping you to understand and deal with your emotions at this difficult time

FINANCIAL MATTERSExpert advice on legal issues, including probate, intestacy rules and Inheritance Tax

FUNERAL OPTIONS

A complete guide to organising the modern memorial service

GUIDANCE

• Top tips on writing and delivering a memorable eulogy

FOR THE BEREAVED

BT1 01 Cover.indd 1 6/8/09 7:06:45 pm

BT1 IBC Rowlands Borthers Ad.indd 112 6/8/09 7:23:51 pm

First and foremost, if you are reading this magazine because you have recently suffered a loss, then I would like to take this opportunity to offer my

condolences to you and your family.It is a few years now since my father

passed away after suffering a short battle with lung cancer. It was a painful and difficult time and yet there were many decisions that had to be made as I had been entrusted with arranging the funeral, dealing with the estate and other duties that had to be carried out.

And, whilst our funeral director was a great help, I felt that if I had been better informed about the services, products and assistance that was available, I would have done things very differently.

The main purpose of Bereavement Today Magazine is to provide a complete overview of the services, products and as-sistance that is available to you, enabling you to make more informed decisions on the choices you will have to make, and hopefully this will lessen the burden on you as you carry them out.

Whether it’s an eco-friendly or customised coffin or a probate issue, hopefully you will find the answers within these pages.

Everything featured in the magazine is available to you, but if you have any prob-lem obtaining your choice of product or if you need any further information please email us at [email protected]

Daryl Gregory Publisher

IntroductionI N T R O D U C T I O N

B E R E AV E M E N T T O D AY 3

BT1 003 Introduction.indd 3 9/8/09 10:00:04 pm

Funeral DirectorsWe will nominate a funeral director in your local area that will give you the guidance, support and reassurance you need and ensure the day is as memorable and meaningful as possible.

CoffinsThe choice of coffins is huge. You may want a traditional wooden coffin or you may prefer a willow, seagrass, personalised or wool one. We will make you aware of all the options ensuring you make the perfect choice.

Funeral reception venuesWe have a vast network of venues across Greater London from football clubs to stately homes to local function rooms and can get discounted rates on your behalf.

CaterersWe can nominate excellent caterers in your area that will ensure the wake/reception runs smoothly and the event is a huge success.

Special requestsWhether you are planning a memorial service at Ascot racecourse or wish to have some of your loved one’s ashes turned into diamonds, we will do our utmost to ensure your wishes are carried out.

Cost £95.00For our Funeral Arrangements Service contact Bereavement TodayTel: 020 7467 4420Email: [email protected]

B E R E AV E M E N T T O D AY

Funeral

Bereavement Today provides a unique service that will assist you with the burden of tasks that have to be carried out at this difficult time. With our extensive network of funeral services throughout Greater London we are able to find you the most suitable options in your local area, and often at preferred rates. Our Specialist finding service includes the following:

ArrangementsS E RV I C E

BT1 004 Funeral Service Ad.indd 4 9/8/09 8:18:29 pm

For nearly 90 years, the Legion has led the country in remembering the courage of our Armed Forces. These are men and women whose bravery has put them in the fi ring line, from the trenches of World War I to the front line in Afghanistan.

We never forget the bravery of the now frail D-Day hero, or the young man or woman recently returned from a tour of duty struggling to make a new life on civvy street.

Every gift left to us In Memoriam, every gift left to us as a Legacy in a Will, helps us to provide the practical and emotional support so many ex-Service men and women, and their families need. It could help install a stair lift for an elderly veteran and enable him to retain his independence or ensure that a badly injured soldier receives the disability pension he deserves. Just by remembering, you can do so much.

“Growing tomatoes,

walking by the sea,

catching up with his

old regiment – that’s how

I remember dad”

Growing tomatoes,

walking by the sea,

catching

Remember your loved

one with an In Memoriam gift

soldier receives the disability pension he deserves. Just by remembering, you can do so much.

Registered Charity No: 219279

www.britishlegion.org.uk/inmemory

If you would like to know more about how your In Memoriam gift or Legacy could help, please call 0203 207 2255.

“When Dad passed away, instead of sending fl oral tributes, I asked Dad’s friends to make an In Memoriam gift to The Royal British Legion. It’s a special way of remembering him and helping a cause close to his heart. It’s a fi tting tribute to him, a last salute, if you like.”

Credit: Imagewise.

13456 InMem-ad 210x297 AW.indd 1 6/7/09 16:09:39

Coping with initial emotions ...................................................................8What to do � rst ......................................................................................... 10Registering a death .................................................................................. 16Funeral options ......................................................................................... 18A Natural Ending .................................................................................... 20Woodland burial grounds ..................................................................... 22Planning the ceremony ........................................................................... 25Memorial services .................................................................................... 26Funeral transport ..................................................................................... 28Repatriation ............................................................................................... 32Choosing a funeral director .................................................................. 36How to arrange a funeral without a funeral director .................. 38Paying for the funeral .............................................................................. 40Directory – Funeral directors ............................................................... 42Colourful co� ns ....................................................................................... 48Co� ns showcase ....................................................................................... 52Directory – Reception venues .............................................................. 62Memorials and headstones ................................................................... 66Gi� s & keepsakes ..................................................................................... 68Funeral � owers .......................................................................................... 72A Year Ago Today .................................................................................... 76Talking to children ................................................................................... 78Five stages of grief ..................................................................................... 80Remembrance jewellery ......................................................................... 82Donate in memory ................................................................................... 84Writing and delivering a eulogy .......................................................... 86Funeral plans ............................................................................................. 88Choosing a probate solicitor ................................................................. 90Understanding probate .......................................................................... 92� e probate process ................................................................................. 94Directory – Probate solicitors .............................................................. 96Intestacy rules ......................................................................................... 100Legacy investing ..................................................................................... 104Inheritance tax ....................................................................................... 106Inheritance tax planning .................................................................... 108Making a will ......................................................................................... 110Caring for an aged family member ................................................. 112Useful contacts ........................................................................................ 114

Contents

• Bespoke and eco-friendly coffins

Essential

Complimentary to the bereaved Issue 1

B E R E AV E M E N T T O D AYMAGAZINE

COPING WITH LOSSHelping you to understand and deal with your emotions at this difficult time

FINANCIAL MATTERSExpert advice on legal issues, including probate, intestacy rules and Inheritance Tax

FUNERAL OPTIONS

A complete guide to organising the modern memorial service

GUIDANCE

• Top tips on writing and delivering a memorable eulogy

FOR THE BEREAVED

BT1 01 Cover.indd 1 6/8/09 7:06:45 pm

CREDITSPublisher Daryl GregoryEditor Jacqui HazellFeatures writers James Clark, Giles Crosse, John Hemmingway, Larissa Khatchik, Madeline � omas, Louise Voss, Stephanie Zia.Art director Ma� De� marAdvertising manager Joe FahySales executives James Hartley, Lisa � omasDesign & productionFreelance Magazine Designwww.freelancemagazinedesign.co.uk

Bereavement Today Magazine is published by EPR Direct Ltd.

EPR Direct Ltd cannot accept responsibility for the products or services o� ered by the advertiser.

Copyright © EPR Direct Ltd, 37B New Cavendish Street, London W1G 8JR, Tel: 0207 467 4420.

No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the prior permission of the publishers.

� e greatest care has been taken to ensure accuracy, but EPR Direct Ltd cannot accept responsibility for omissions or errors.

6

C O N T E N T S

BT1 006 Contents.indd 6 10/8/09 1:26:12 am

At Donate in memory you can set up a tribute for a loved one online. Share your memories with family and friends as well as collecting messages of condolence and donations for Cancer Research UK’s life-saving work. Donate in memory is a simple way to build a personal memorial and help more people beat cancer in the future.

The lasting alternative to fl owers

Registered charity number 1089464

Remember a loved onewww.donateinmemory.org

36770_CR_ad_bereavement_today_A4_AW.indd 136770_CR_ad_bereavement_today_A4_AW.indd 1 12/6/09 10:14:0912/6/09 10:14:09

EmotionsLosing a loved one is probably

the most unpleasant, painful experience that we as human beings will ever su� er, and these days, it’s far less frequent

than it ever was in previous generations. Obviously this is a good thing – but it does mean that when bereavement occurs, it is seen much less as ‘a part of life’s rich tapestry’, and much more of a frightening, alien event. � e reactions of others can o� en make a bereaved person feel even more alone and down, so it is important to understand what could help someone cope with a loss – and, if you are the one su� er-ing the loss, how others might perceive it.

When I was 18, my beloved father died a� er a short ba� le with cancer. It was many years ago now, but certain things still stick in my mind, both negative and positive. I remember Mum crying because people she knew well were crossing the street to avoid her. I was furious at the time, but both Mum and I eventually came to understand that it wasn’t because they were shunning her; it was simply that they had no idea what to say that would be in any way helpful. � ey were afraid of saying the wrong thing. As a result, I always now contact bereaved friends – nothing over the top, but a simple ‘I’m so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there’s anything at all I can do to help,’ or a heartfelt, ‘I’m there for you whenever you need me, day or night.’

A lady from church wrote such a mov-ing le� er to my mother that I can still remember parts of it all these years later: ‘For you, my dear, and for the family, there is no easy way…’ It was so honest and caring, and it meant more to all of us than she would ever know, even though

� e loss of a loved one o� en comes as a huge shock. Louise Voss draws on her own experience to o� er practical advice on how best to cope with the initial feelings of grief.

she wasn’t even a particularly close family friend. I know of others who say they still cherish such supportive le� ers from friends, and that they really do help through the worst of times.

Bereavement itself is never just one feeling, but a whole myriad of di� erent emotions that come at di� erent times with di� ering intensity and duration, depending on the depth and closeness of relationship with the deceased, and the personality of the bereaved. � e Kübler-Ross model is commonly accepted as the � ve most de� nitive stages of grief (introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying): from disbelief (shock and numbness) into anger, then bargaining (‘if only I’d said or done something di� erent…’ or even, ‘I wish I’d died instead’), into de-pression – which can o� en be the longest stage – and � nally into acceptance.

You should not feel surprised, though, if the grieving process is not what you

C O P I N G W I T HI N I T I A L

might have expected, or have seen in other people – everyone is di� erent. � e key thing is to be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve in your own time, and don’t shut yourself o� from the world.

When Dad died, I was astonished that I did not cry, not for several days. I felt completely numb. I remember going for lengthy walks alone, around town, at night. My mother, brother and I seemed to disappear into our own separate worlds, and I don’t recall really communicating with either of them at all, for a long time – which is awful to look back on. I think we were afraid of each other’s emotions. It would have been healthier to sit together and cry, but we couldn’t. In the end, about four days later, a friend took me for a long walk in the forest, and it was then that I � nally crumbled – and felt much be� er for it a� erwards. It’s not good to repress the grief – it will always � nd some way of coming out eventually and possibly in a more damaging form, such as physical illness or mental breakdown.

One of the myths about mourning is that it has an ending point, that if you just wait long enough, it suddenly stops hurting. It doesn't. It requires work. More than time, bereavement takes e� ort to heal. Mourning is a natural and personal process that only you can pace. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation.” On Being Alone: A Guide for the Newly Widowed (AARP lea� et)

It is equally important, though, to know that you will get over it, in time, and you will be able to lead a normal, happy life once more. It’s a cliché, but such a truism too: time is indeed a great healer. •

◆ If possible, have a friend or family member with you to look a� er you for the � rst few days. ◆ Go to see your GP. Get sleeping pills for short-time relief if you aren’t sleeping.◆ Accept practical help o� ered from friends, neighbours or family – having something to do for you will make them feel be� er too.◆ Talk to any of the organizations opposite.◆ If the death is unexpected, give yourself at least 24 hours before making any deci-sions regarding funeral arrangements.◆ Don’t drink to excess – it won’t help.◆ Try not to take it personally if people behave slightly oddly towards you.

TOP TIPS

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C O P I N G W I T H I N I T I A L E M O T I O N S

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Emotions www.bereavementadvice.orgBereavement Advice Centre o� ers advice on all aspects of bereavement. Helpline: 0800 634 9494

www.childbereavement.org.ukChild Bereavement is a national charity to help grieving families and the professionals who care for them. Support and Information: 01494 446648

www.tcf.org.ukCompassionate Friends is an organisation of bereaved parents and their families o� ering sup-port a� er the death of a child or children. � e helpline is always answered by a bereaved parent who is there to listen. Helpline: 0845 123 2304Email: [email protected]

www.crusebereavementcare.org.ukCruse Bereavement Care provides counselling and support, and o� ers information, advice, education and training services. Helpline: 0844 477 9400Email: [email protected] www.rd4u.org.ukRD4U (Cruse Bereavement Care's young persons services). Helpline: 0808 808 1677Email: [email protected]

www.nawidows.org.ukNational Association of Widows is a self-help organisation, run by widows, for widows, that o� ers comfort, friend-ship and a listening ear to widows and unmarried women who have lost a partner through bereavement.Tel: 0845 838 2261Email: [email protected] www.samaritans.org.ukSamaritans Helpline: 08457 90 90 90Email: [email protected]

www.uk-sands.orgStillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS) Helpline: 020 7436 5881Email: [email protected]. www.wayfoundation.org.uk� e Way Foundation is an organisation for people who have become widows or widowers at a young age. Tel: 0870 011 3450Email: [email protected]

CONTACTS FOR FURTHER HELP AND INFORMATION

“ B E R E AV E M E N T I T S E L F I S N E V E R J U S T O N E F E E L I N G , B U T A W H O L E M Y R I A D O F D I F F E R E N T E M O T I O N S ”

9B E R E AV E M E N T T O D AY

BT1 008-009 Coping with Initial Emotions.indd 9 9/8/09 8:19:59 pm

When someone dies there are various official matters to deal with and arrangements to

make at what can be a difficult time of great personal distress. In the first instance, a Medical Certificate detailing the cause of death must be obtained and the death must be registered. Then there are other decisions to make regarding funeral ar-rangements and other matters. Our guide will provide you with the information you need to make informed decisions.

If the Death Occurs in HospitalIf the death occurs in hospital it is usual for the hospital staff to contact the person named by the deceased as next of kin. This may be a relative or a friend.

If you have been named as next of kin, hospital staff will arrange a convenient time for you to attend the hospital where you will be asked to formally identify the body. The hospital will have its own mortuary where the body will be kept until the executor or someone acting on their behalf arranges for it to be taken away. You may, if you wish, request to see the hospital chaplain.

Hospital staff will arrange for the deceased’s possessions to be collected by the nearest relative. The hospital will:

◆ Issue a Medical Certificate if the cause of death is quite clear

When someone dies, there are legal issues to attend to and decisions to be made. Here, we present the essential information you need to know.

T O D O F I R S T …

◆ Or, in a minority of cases, report the death to the coroner and make arrangements for a post mortem, if required.

If the Death Occurs ElsewhereExpected DeathMany people who die at home have been ill for some time and therefore their death has been expected. In such a case, contact the doctor who has attended the deceased during their final illness. The doctor may be able to certify the cause of death and provide the following:

◆ A Medical Certificate showing the cause of death (this is free and will be in a sealed envelope addressed to the registrar).◆ A Formal Notice that states that the doctor has signed the Medical Certificate and tells you how to get the death registered.

Unexpected DeathIf someone dies unexpectedly, you should contact the following:

◆ The family doctor (if known)◆ The deceased’s nearest relative◆ The deceased’s minister of religion (if appropriate)◆ The police (who will help find the people above if necessary)

If for any reason you suspect the death was not due to natural causes, do not touch or move anything in the room

and contact the police immediately. The death may be referred to the coroner.

If the Death Occurs Abroad or in Scotland or Northern IrelandWhen a death occurs abroad or on a foreign ship or aircraft, you must register the death according to the local regulations of that country and get a Death Certificate. It is also advisable to register the death with the British Consul so that a record of the death will be kept in England. You will then be able to get a copy of the Death Certificate from the consulate later or from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office:

Foreign and Commonwealth OfficeNationality and Passport SectionRoom G/35Old Admiralty BuildingLondon SW1A 2PATelephone: 0207 008 1500Email: [email protected]: www.fco.gov.uk

There are certain circumstances whereby you must also report a death that has occurred abroad to a coroner (a doctor or lawyer responsible for investigating deaths):

◆ If the deceased was not attended by a doctor during the last illness or the doctor treating the deceased had not seen him or her either after death or within the 14 days before death.◆ If the death was violent or unnatural or occurred under suspicious circumstances.

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W H A T T O D O F I R S T

What

BT1 010-015 What to do First.indd 10 9/8/09 8:20:29 pm

◆ If the cause of death is not known or is uncertain.◆ If the death occurred while the patient was undergoing an operation or did not recover from the anaesthetic.◆ If the death was caused by an industrial disease.◆ If the death occurred in prison or in police custody.◆ If the information about the death abroad is incomplete and the body is brought to England or Wales.

Funeral AbroadYou can arrange a local burial or cremation. This will avoid the expense of bringing the body back. The British Consul in that country can register the death and a record will be kept at the Nationality and Passport Section (address as detailed above).

Bringing a Body Back to England or WalesYou may be able to bring the body back to England or Wales. Most funeral direc-tors should be able to advise you on the practicalities of the particular case and the likely cost. There are several firms that specialise in repatriation of which Rowland Brothers have an outstanding reputation in this sector, and can be contacted direct on 020 8684 2324.

You will need the Death Certificate from the place the person died, or an authorisation for the removal of the body from the country of death from the coroner or relevant authority.

Moving a Body Out of England or WalesOnly the coroner can give permission for a body to be moved out of England or Wales. This permission has to be obtained at least four days before the body is to be moved (although the coroner may be able to give permission sooner) so that any necessary enquiries may be carried out. Afterwards you will be given a Removal Notice (form 104), part of which is sent to the registrar after the funeral. Permission must be obtained whenever the funeral is to take place outside England or Wales.

This procedure applies in all cases where the body is to be moved out of England or Wales, not just where a death was re-ported to the coroner. There are several firms that specialise in repatriation of which Rowland Brothers have an outstanding reputation in this sector, and can be contacted direct on 0208 684 2324.

Arranging the Funeral in England or WalesTo arrange a funeral in England or Wales you will need an authenticated translation of a foreign Death Certificate, or a Death Certificate issued in

Scotland or Northern Ireland. These must show the cause of death and a Cer-tificate of No Liability to Register from the registrar in England and Wales, in whose sub-district it is intended to bury or cremate the body. This certificate is not required if a coroner has issued a Certificate form 6 for Cremation or an Order for Burial.

Arranging a CremationTo arrange a cremation in England or Wales, where the death occurred abroad, you will need a cremation order from the Local Coroner or a form 6 from the coroner. Their details will be available from any local funeral direc-tor. Either of these dispenses with the need for forms 4 and 5 in England or Wales. In respect of deaths in Scotland, Northern Ireland, the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man, the equivalent of forms 4 and 5 are acceptable in England and Wales.

If death was from natural causes, the Local Coroner will issue an order on the production of the application for cremation (form 1) and original docu-ments (which must clearly state the cause of death) from the country where death occurred. The Local Coroner may require authorised translations of documents in some foreign languages. You should send these forms to the Local Coroner. Mark your envelope ‘Cremation Urgent’.

If the death is not due to natural causes is must be the subject of a



coroner’s inquest. In these cases the coroner will issue form 6 for cremation on opening the inquest.

Cause of DeathIf the cause of death is quite clear the doctor will give you a Medical Certificate and a Formal Notice that the Medical Certificate has been signed.

This is usually the case when someone has been ill for some time and therefore their death has been expected. The doctor who has at-tended the deceased during their final illness will be able to certify the cause of death and provide the Medical Certificate and Formal Notice.

Post-mortemsIf the death was known to be caused by a natural illness but the doctors wish to know more about the cause of death, they may ask the relatives for permission to carry out a post-mortem examina-tion. This is a medical examination of the body which can find out more about the cause of death and should not delay the funeral.

HIV AIDSIf death followed illness from HIV or AIDS there may be special rules about handling the body. The Ter-ence Higgins Trust can advise on funeral arrangements and offer other practical support. Contact:

Terence Higgins Trust52-54 Grays Inn RoadLondon WC1X 8JUHelpline: 0845 1221 200Email: [email protected]: www.tht.org.uk

Reporting a Death to the CoronerIn any of the following circumstances the doctor may report the death to the coroner:

◆ An accident or injury◆ An industrial disease◆ During a surgical operation before recovery from an anaesthetic◆ If the cause of death is unknown◆ The death was sudden and unex- plained, for instance, a sudden infant death (cot death)

The coroner may be the only person who can certify the cause of death. The doctor will write on the Formal Notice that the death has been referred to the coroner.

If the doctor treating the deceased had not seen him or her, either after death or within 14 days before death, the death must be reported to the coroner.

The CoronerThe coroner is a doctor of lawyer responsible for investigating deaths in the following situations:

◆ The deceased was not attended by a doctor during the last illness or the doctor treating the deceased had not seen him or her either after death or within the 14 days before death◆ The death was violent or unnatural or occurred under suspicious circumstances.◆ The cause of death is not known or is uncertain.◆ The death occurred while the patient was undergoing an operation or did not recover from the anaesthetic◆ The death was caused by an industrial disease.◆ The death occurred in prison or in police custody.

If you want information about a death which has been reported to the

coroner, contact the coroner’s office. You can get the address

from the police station or, if death

was in hospital, the hospital official

dealing with deaths.

Coroner’s Post-mortemThe coroner may arrange for a post-mortem examination of the body. The consent of the relatives is not needed, but they are entitled to be represented at the examination by a doctor. When relatives have told the coroner they wish to be represented, the coroner will, if at all practicable, tell them when and where the examination will take place.

If the death occurs in hospital, the coroner will arrange for the examination to be carried out by a pathologist other than one employed at or connected with that hospital, if a relative asks the coroner to do so and if it does not cause an undue delay.

The removal of a body from the place of death to the mortuary for post-mortem examination will usually be paid for by the coroner. The rela-tives may choose the funeral director. Consent will have to be given if any organs or human tissue need to be kept once the coroner no longer needs them for enquiries.

However, in some areas a fu-neral director will be appointed by the coroner to remove the body from the place of death to the hospital mortuary. The relatives can then choose a funeral director to carry out the funeral, once the coroner has released the body.

If the post-mortem shows the death was due to natural causes, the coroner may issue a notification known as Pink Form B (form 100) which gives the cause of death so that the death can be registered. The coroner usually sends the form direct to the registrar but may give it to you to deliver.

If the body is to be cremated the coroner will give you the Certificate for Cremation (form 6) which allows cremation to take place.

InquestAn inquest is an enquiry into the medical cause and circumstances of a death. It is held in public, sometimes with a jury. It is up to the coroner how to organise the enquiry in a way to best serve the public interest and the interests of the relatives. The coroner will hold an inquest if the death:

◆ Was violent or unnatural◆ Was caused by a reportable industrial disease◆ Occurred in prison◆ Remains uncertain after post-mortem examination

1 2



Coroners hold an inquest in these circumstances even if the death oc-curred abroad (and the body is returned to Britain). If the body is lost (usually at sea) a coroner can hold an inquest by order of the Secretary of State if death is likely to have occurred in or near a coroner’s jurisdiction.

If an inquest is held, the coroner must inform the following people:

◆ The married or civil partner of the deceased◆ The nearest relative (if different) and the personal representative (if different from above).

Relatives can attend an inquest and ask questions of witnesses but they may only ask questions about the medical cause and circumstances of the death.

It may be important to have a lawyer to represent you if the death was caused by a road accident, or an accident at work, or other circum-stances which could lead to a claim for compensation. You cannot get legal aid for this.

If the enquiries take some time, ask the coroner to give you a letter confirming the death. You can use this letter for social security and National Insurance purposes.

The coroner may give you an Order for Burial (form 101) or a Certificate for Cremation (form 6) so that the funeral can take place. This may be done before the inquest is completed, provided the body is not required for further examination.

The coroner will also send a Certifi-cate After Inquest (form 99 (rev)), stat-ing the cause of death to the registrar. This allows the death to be registered.

If the Organs or Body are to be DonatedYou will have to act quickly if it was the wish of the deceased or the nearest relative to donate the organs for transplant, or the whole body for medical teaching purposes.

The usual procedure is to approach the next of kin to make sure they do not object to organ donation.

If the death was in a hospital or similar institution, the head of that in-stitution is lawfully in possession of the body. They may honour the deceased’s request, in writing or orally before two witnesses, for the body to be given for medical research, if there is no reason to think the request withdrawn.

If the death has to be reported to the coroner, the coroner’s consent may be necessary before the organs or body can be donated. A medical certificate must be issued before any organs can be removed or the body used.

It is usual for kidneys, and essential for heart, lungs, liver and pancreas, to be removed from donors who have been certified to be brain stem dead and whose breathing, and hence heartbeat, are maintained by a ventilator in a hospital intensive care unit.

Kidneys can, very rarely, be removed up to an hour after heart death. Other organs can be removed up to the follow-ing times after heart death:

◆ The corneas (from the eyes) – up to 24 hours◆ Skin – up to 24 hours◆ Bone – up to 36 hours◆ Heart valves – up to 72 hours.

The doctor attending will advise on procedure. After organ donation, the body is released to the relatives.

When registeringa death You will usually get a From

If the death is not referredto a coroner Medical Certificate The doctor

In all cases Formal Notice The doctor

If a baby is stillborn Medical Certificate of Stillbirth The doctor of midwife

If the death is referred to aCoroner but there is noInquest

Notification by the Coroner(Pink Form B/form 100)

The coroner (this is usually sent direct tothe registrar, but you may be asked to deliver it)

If there is an inquest and the body is to be buried Order for Burial (form 101) The coroner

If there is a post-mortem or an inquest and the body is to be cremated

Certificate for Cremation (form 6) The coroner

If the body is to be moved out of England or Wales Removal Notice (form 104) The coroner

If the whole body is to be donated please contact:

HM Inspector of AnatomyDepartment of HealthRoom 630, Wellington House133-155 Waterloo RoadLondon SE1 8UGTelephone: 020 7972 4551/4342

Consideration will be given to the place and cause of death, the condi-tion of the body at the time of death and demand in the medical schools. The body may then be accepted. Bod-ies may be refused if there has been a post-mortem or if any major organs except the cornea have been removed.

If a Body is to be used for Teaching PurposesA body may be kept for medical teaching purposes for up to three years. The medical schools will arrange and pay for a simple funeral, or the relatives can do this themselves. The medical school can advise relatives when the body is available for funeral. •

Summary of formS and CertifiCateS

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We advise you to not make final funeral arrange-ments until you are sure that the

death does not have to be reported to the Coroner. Since this may affect the date when the funeral can be held. Find out if there is a Will or pre-paid funeral plan, since this may give requests and funding for the funeral arrangements.

If you are to arrange for the funeral, you are responsible for paying the bill so first check where the money will come from and if there is enough. When selecting your funeral director make sure that they can fulfil all your requirements before making a final decision.

☐ InformationGather the information needed for the death certificate at the funeral home. Parents’ names, social security number and date of birth of the deceased, their place of work and occupation.

☐ EmbalmingConsider embalming the body. This decision will determine the timing of many decisions you make, as bodies that are not embalmed have to be buried sooner.

☐ ClothingClothing and jewellery if it is a traditional burial.

☐ Cremation or BurialConsider cremation or burial.

☐ Type of burialConsider the type of burial, if you have already purchased a plot; bring the deed with you to the funeral di-rectors. If you know you have a plot but do not have the deed in your

possession, the funeral director can check with the cemetery overseer. Otherwise, a plot will need to be purchased. If you have chosen a woodland burial give your funeral director the details. If you prefer a vault or mausoleum, a funeral director will assist with the options and costs.

☐ Coffin or CasketSelect the coffin or casket which can be a personal design, wool, wood, cardboard, metal, willow, bamboo, banana leaf etc.

☐ Open or Closed casketOpen or closed casket – you can opt to have the casket open during the memorial service, in which case ensure your clergy is aware of your wishes.

☐ Calling hoursDecide on calling hours at the funeral home, which are normally between 2-4pm or 7-9pm.

☐ Funeral servicesYou need to consider where and when the service will be conducted. You can opt to have the service before the burial or cremation, or after the burial or cremation. You can decide to have the service at the funeral home, church/temple/mosque, at the graveside or some special venue of your choice, prior to burial.

☐ Seating arrangementsYou can decide the seating arrange-ments and either let your funeral director know, or get a friend or family member to organise.

☐ ObituaryCompose the obituary and decide which newspapers or other pub-lications will be used to place the obituary notice.

☐ FlowersDecide on the type of flower arrangements to be provided by the family. You may want to speak to the relatives about your chosen floral arrangements, as you will need to dispose of some of them after the funeral. It is quite common for you to nominate charities for donations and we are pleased to nominate Breakthrough Breast Cancer, The Blue Cross and British Legion.

☐ PhotographsConsider setting up a photo album to remind well wishers and family of the life of the deceased.

☐ MemorabiliaYou may wish to set up reminders that reflect the interests of the deceased: football, golf etc.

☐ EulogiesDecide who will deliver the eulogy. It can be clergy, a friend or relative or a combination of both.

☐ Special recognitionConsider any accomplishments of the deceased which might be political, scientific, religious, charitable or athletic.

☐ Memorial cardsThese can be purchased from the funeral home or you can have your own printed. These memorial cards normally include a favourite picture of the deceased and a poem or mes-sage they were particularly fond of. These cards are often sent to friends and family who could not attend the funeral.

☐ Pall bearersYou normally need between four to six men, and these can be family and friends or the funeral home can arrange people to carry out this duty.

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ChecklistW H AT T O D O F I R S T …


☐ MusicYou can get generic funeral home selections or bring favourite music of the deceased. In some cases you can organise for your own musicians to a� end and perform.

☐ TransportationTransportation of the deceased is usually provided by the funeral direc-tors, but if you require something special as shown in this magazine give the funeral director the contact details, and he will include this for you. You also need to consider transport to the service for close family and friends.

☐ Grave memorialsA temporary marker may be used if a permanent one has not been purchased or engraved yet.

☐ Party/wakeDecide whether there will be a wake/party to celebrate the life of the deceased. Consider where and when to hold this celebration, check our funeral reception venues for ideas.

☐ AccommodationAccommodating out of town family and friends – you may wish to assist with travel plans and airport pick-ups and help with hotels and lodgings.

Always remember it is you who is arranging the funeral and ensuring a � � ing tribute to the memory of someone deeply missed. If you have any queries or concerns relating to any services listed within this magazine, or that a funeral director is unwilling to provide the exact products or services requested, contact Bereavement Today on Tel: 020 7467 4420. •


W H AT T O D O F I R S T …


What to do � rst� e death must be registered by the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths for the sub-district in which it occurred. You can � nd the address in the directory section of this magazine, local council, post o� ce or police station. Check when the registrar will be available and whether only you need to go along. It may be that someone other than you will be needed to give informa-tion for the death to be registered.

◆ If the death has been referred to the coroner, it cannot be registered until the registrar has received authority from the coroner to do so (see the section on ‘the coroner’ for more information).◆ If the death has not been referred to the coroner, go to the registrar as soon as possible.◆ � e death must be registered within � ve days (unless the registrar says this period may be exceeded).

� e information for registration may be given to any registrar in England and Wales. You will need to a� end your cho-sen registrar’s o� ce to make a declaration of the particulars of the deceased.

� e declaration will then be forward-ed to the registrar for the sub-district where the death took place, where it will be registered. � ere may be some delay in certi� cates being issued as this cannot be done until the death has been registered.

When a loved one dies, the death must be registered. Here, we look at what you need to know to complete the task.

A D E AT HRegistering

What happens at the Register O� ceWhen you go to the registrar you should take all these:

◆ � e Medical Certi� cate of the cause of death◆ � e deceased’s medical card, if possible◆ � e deceased’s birth and marriage or civil partnership certi� cates, if available.

You should tell the registrar:

◆ � e date and place of death◆ � e deceased’s last (usual) address◆ � e deceased’s � rst names and surname (and the maiden name where appropriate)◆ � e deceased’s date and place of birth (town and county if born in the UK, and country if born abroad)◆ � e deceased’s occupation and the name and occupation of their spouse or civil partner◆ Whether the deceased was ge� ing a pension or allowance from public funds◆ If the deceased was married or had formed a civil partnership, the date of birth of the surviving widow, widower or surviving civil partner.

� e registrar who registers the death will give you:

◆ A Certi� cate for Burial or Cremation(known as the Green Form) unless the coroner has given you an Order for Burial (form 101) or a Certi� cate for Cremation (form 6). � ese give

permission for the body to be buried or for an application for cremation to be made. It should be taken to the funeral director so that the funeral can be held.

◆ A Certi� cate of Registration of Death(form BD8). � is is for social security purposes only. Read the information on the back of the certi� cate. If any of it applies, � ll in the certi� cate and hand it to your Jobcentre, Jobcentre Plus or social security o� ce.

Lea� ets about bereavement bene� ts and income tax for widows/widowers/surviv-ing civil partners, where appropriate.

If you go to a register o� ce other than the one for the sub-district where the death took place, the above certi� cates will be sent to you.

� e Death Certi� cate� e Death Certi� cate is a certi� ed copy of the entry in the death register. � e registrar can let you have a Death Certi� cate if you want one, but you will have to pay a fee. You may need a Death Certi� cate for the will and for any pen-sion claims, insurance policies, savings bank certi� cates and premium bonds. You may wish to ask for several copies of the Death Certi� cate straight away as the price increases if you need one later on. � e registrar may not be able to give you them all straight away and may ask you to call back or ask for postage so that they may be sent to you.

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A D E AT H

If you go to a register o� ce other than the one for sub-district where the death took place the required certi� cates may be ordered at the same time and will be sent to you.

Stillborn BabiesRegistrationIf a baby is stillborn (born after the 24th week of pregnancy) you will be given a Medical Certificate of Stillbirth signed by the midwife or doctor, which you should give to the registrar. If no doctor or mid-wife was present and no doctor or midwife has examined the body, you must sign form 35 which the registrar will give you.

The registrar will give you a Certificate for Burial or Cremation and a Certificate of Registration of Stillbirth. You can ask to have a first name entered for a stillborn baby. The registrar will write the baby’s name on these certificates if the name is recorded in the register. It is also possible to get certified copies of the entry of stillbirth.

� e information for registration of a stillbirth may be given to any registrar in England and Wales. � e procedure is similar to that for deaths.

FuneralThe hospital may offer to arrange a burial or cremation, free of charge, for every stillborn baby, whether born in hospital or at home. You should discuss the funeral arrange-ments with the hospital staff or midwife. If you accept the offer, the baby will be cremated or buried after a simple ceremony. The parents can, if they wish, arrange the funeral themselves.

Maternity Bene� tsIf your baby was stillborn a� er 24 weeks of pregnancy you may still be entitled to Statutory Maternity Pay or Maternity Allowance. For more information see lea� et BC1 Babies and children or, for more detailed information see NI17A A guide to maternity bene� ts on the DWP website: www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/ni17a •

When registeringa death You will usually get a From

If no coroner has issued a Certi� cate 6 for Crema-tion or a Burial Order

Certi� cate for Burial or Cremation (the Green Form) � e registrar

If Department for Work and Pensions (this includes Jobcentre, Jobcentre Plus or social security) needs to know about the death

Certi� cate of Registration of Death (form BD8) � e registrar

If you need evidence for obtaining probate, pensions claims, insurance policies, savings certi� -cates and premium bonds

Death Certi� cate (s) � e registrar

If a baby is stillborn Certi� cate of Registration of Stillbirth � e registrar

If a baby is stillborn – for burial or cremation

Certi� cate for Burial or Cremation (the White form) � e registrar

SUMMARY OF FORMS AND CERTIFICATES

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Ever since John Peel’s favourite punk song, Teenage Kicks by The Undertones, was heard blasting out of St

Edmundsbury Cathedral on the TV news back in 2004, the era of the designer funeral has been creeping up on us. The lyrics have since been carved onto his tombstone. More recently we saw George Melly’s cardboard coffin on its final journey, covered in the graffiti of his mourners’ final messages and accompanied by a marching jazz band made up of all of his old mates.

Increasingly, people are planning their own ‘final party’ before they die, espe-cially, in this iPod play-list-for-every-occasion age, where music is concerned. For me, last year was a particularly bad one in terms of loss. I watched one cousin go into the flames (at an Angli-can ceremony) accompanied by Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now and heard another cousin sing an Argentinian tango song to us at her own funeral. This was a non-religious service that she’d carefully planned down to the nibbles and dips, conducted in the crematorium chapel by a family friend.

The Personal TouchIf there are no specific directions in the will, arranging a suitable service may at first feel like an additional pressure. But according to The Natural Death Centre, ‘Almost all those who have tried it advocate looking after at least some aspects of the funeral of a friend or relative oneself, with the assistance of family and friends, rather than depend-ing entirely on funeral directors.’

From traditional ceremonies to jazz bands and colourful coffins, the choice in funeral options has grown enormously in the last few years. Stephanie Zia takes a look at what is available.

F u n e r a lOptions

Church ServicesChurches are a lot more flexible than they used to be and most of the information you need is freely available online. ‘Not everyone knows that they have the right to a funeral in their parish church, even if they and the dead person have not been churchgoers. Nor do practising Christians always realise that they can have a Communion service as part of the funeral,’ says the Church of England Anglican organisation. Guest vicars who perhaps have known the deceased at an earlier time in their lives can be invited from other parishes and live music and rock music can often be incorporated. For what to expect at the service, see www.cofe.anglican.org.

The Roman Catholic Rite of Christian Burial is a mass. Only Catholics will be able to take communion but all mourners will be warmly welcomed and invited to go up for a blessing. A sung mass can be arranged for a later date.

Cremation ServicesThe Natural Death Centre (www.naturaldeath.org.uk / 0871 288 2098) is well-known for advis-ing on every aspect of planning an environmentally-friendly funeral but they also provide valuable information on all types of funeral options.

At a time when local authorities are beginning to sell their crematoriums off to the larger funeral firms (nearly 9% are now in private hands) they closely monitor the charges and services provided. They list the crematoriums that allow 45 minute services, rather than the standard 30 minutes, and the few that allow 60 minutes. Perhaps, more importantly, they advise how to purchase extra time at a reduced price to avoid the ‘conveyor belt’, rushed feeling that some crematorium services can leave you with.

Simple FuneralsThey also advise on how to keep the costs down. ‘Funeral directors are often not very keen to tell the public about their low end funerals. You may have to use the magic words ‘Simple funeral as specified in your funeral code’ to be told their no frills low price (which, for example, probably includes a hearse, but no following limousine).

You’ll also find advice on everything from cardboard coffins (almost every crematorium accepts them and there are currently seven models to choose from) to the legalities of burials in a woodland or at home. Woodland burial parks now have three locations close to the Greater London region and can be contacted on 01992 523863.

Church funerals aren’t just for church goers

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F u n e r a l O p t i O n s

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Humanist ServiceIf you do choose to use a funeral direc-tor, you’ll almost certainly be offered the option of a Humanist celebrant instead of a vicar or priest. ‘It’s simply more appropriate for those who neither lived according to religious principles, nor accepted religious views of life or death,’ says the British Humanist Association (www.humanism.org.uk / 020 7079 3580).

‘A Humanist funeral or memorial ceremony recognises no ‘after-life’, but instead uniquely and affectionately celebrates the life of the person who has died. Proper tribute is paid to them, to the life they lived, the connections they made and have left behind. Nothing in a Humanist funeral or memorial ceremony should be offensive to those who are religious. It will focus sincerely and affectionately on the person who has died.’

The celebrant will visit you at home to discuss all the arrangements and will ask about the life of the deceased so that a short eulogy can be prepared. This can be written and read by a relative or close friend, or by the celebrant, if preferred. In place of prayers, there may be a few minutes’ silence and a poem, chosen by you, or they can advise. They will ask for three pieces of music to be provided on CD. One is to be played as the mourners are assembling,

one piece at the committal and one piece (often livelier) as the mourners are leaving the cemetery chapel. If you don’t know anybody who can download to CD from iTunes or are confused by the amount of choice available, www.funeral-music.co.uk sells a CD of appropriate music and has an MP3 jukebox where you can listen online. You can also get ideas here for readings and book live musicians.

Woodland BurialsAlthough space in a local cemetery should be available, it may be worth considering a woodland burial as an environmentally friendly alternative.

Woodland burials can work out cheaper and there is a guarantee that the woodland burial grounds will remain as such in perpetuity, unlike most cemeteries that may be reused or developed.

Woodland Burial Parks state that: ‘Our Woodland burial parks provide a

F u n e r a l very positive way in which to put life back into the environment following a death. The planet needs more broadleaf trees to help stem the deterioration of our atmosphere. It also needs more habitats for our wild-life and insects and more undisturbed land for our rapidly disappearing flora and fauna’.

Woodland Burial Parks offer both full interment and the interment of ashes after a cremation. Family and friends can choose either a religious or secular burial, making the service as formal or informal as they wish. A hardwood plaque inscribed with the deceased’s name and lifespan will mark the grave – this can be replaced when it biodegrades – and a native broadleaf tree will be planted.

‘Each part of the woodland is man-aged in accordance with a management scheme approved by Wildlife Trusts and the local authority to ensure its development for the benefit of all wildlife and nature,’ says Woodland Burial Parks. They also offer unrestricted access for visitors so that loved ones can visit the woodland whenever they wish. Telephone 01992 523 863 or visit www.woodlandburialparks.co.uk for more information.

Scattering AshesSix out of ten funerals are cremations. ‘Ashes can generally be scattered anywhere,’ says the Citizen’s Advice Bureau, ‘but if you wish to scatter ashes on private land, you should get consent from the landowner. Although UK law allows ashes to be taken abroad, many countries have strict rules on the importation of ashes and it is important to check before travelling.’

They can be scattered in gardens of rest at the crematorium or buried in a small plot on which you can place an engraved stone. If the deceased has a special connection with a village or church from their past, you can get permission for them to be buried there. This could happen soon after the funeral or months later. You may need time to decide on what’s to be put on the stone, or until distant relatives and friends can schedule attendance. The funeral director will keep ashes for a certain time, but after a month or so they may have to be kept by the family.

The Citizen’s Advice Bureau says that, ‘Although there is no law preventing burials on private land (including a garden) anyone wishing to do this should contact their local authority, who may issue a certificate confirming that the burial is lawful,’ Their ‘What To Do After A Death’ page (www.adviceguide.org.uk) includes advice on what to do in unusual circum-stances, such as if somebody dies abroad or without leaving enough funds to pay for a funeral. It also covers miscar-riages and stillbirths, organ donations, coroners, inquests and other legalities.

Burial at SeaBurial at sea can be arranged by the family, though be aware there are only two places in the UK where this can be done: Newhaven, Sussex or The Needles in the Isle of Wight. When the death is registered, ask for a Coroner’s Out of England form. You can then get a free licence from DEFRA, the Department for Environmental Food and Rural Affairs (www.defra.gov.uk/ 08459 33 55 77). The expansion of funeral options may seem daunting, but it’s best to keep in mind what sort of person the deceased was and what you think they would have liked, ensuring whatever type of ceremony you choose it will be a celebration of your loved one’s life. •

“ W o o d l a n d b u r i a l pa r k s n o W h av e t h r e e l o c at i o n s c l o s e t o t h e G r e at e r l o n d o n r e G i o n ”

Woodland burials are environmentally-friendly

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Until recently, few people have been aware of how unique and individual they can make a funeral, and some may even have

felt a little helpless or awkward asking the question at all.

But better ways to organise a greener burial are springing up every day, with really meaningful and eco friendly oppor-tunities at hand. And more and more of us are taking note of how to go about it.

Perhaps part of the reason behind this has been the recent publicity over celebrities like EastEnders’ Wendy Rich-ard. Wendy died following a long battle with cancer, and revealed to the Sunday Express in October 2008 that she was already planning her own funeral.

Speaking about Wendy’s death, BBC Director General, Mark Thompson, said: "I am enormously saddened by the news of Wendy's death. Her countless BBC appearances across decades, espe-cially as Miss Brahms in ‘Are You Being Served?’ and then as Pauline Fowler in EastEnders, lit up living rooms for mil-lions of British families who regarded her as a member of the family. That was an enormous achievement.”

Maybe her connection with the British public has led to the changes, with more of us now considering similar options fol-lowing her example. When the time came, the actress chose to opt for an eco coffin, and since then many are thinking about improving ways to plan bereavement.

Every funeral is a tragic experience, but environmentally-friendly options can add both beauty and sincerity to the day. Giles Crosse learns more.

There are different reasons why different people look at the choices. For lifelong environmentalists, this can be the obvious way to maintain and respect their deep held beliefs. For others, just thinking about the environ-ment in this most basic of ways adds meaning to a service.

Hazel Selene is a Designer and Man-aging Director for eco funeral company Ecopod, so she has a good idea of why greener burials are becoming a more regular sight:

“There are probably several reasons why people are wanting to do something creative or to take more responsibility.” she says.

“I think that people are only just recently beginning to realise that in fact the whole funeral situation is actually pretty much wide open and one does not in fact have to use the services of a funeral director.”

She thinks there are plenty of ways people can gain more control over the choices they make, and create a much better and more touching service at the same time.

“Hence the rise in woodland burials and DIY funerals.” she explains.

“I suggest that anyone wanting to plan in advance gets in touch with the Natural Death Centre. They are a mine of information in every aspect of eco funerals and can also provide living wills.”

Hazel says she doesn’t know whether people are choosing the options for green or emotional reasons, or maybe a combination of both.

“I don't really think you can sepa-rate the two. Traditional chipboard

coffins are full of the most poisonous substances. So as more of us become aware of the fragility of our eco systems, we certainly don't want to bow out leaving a big carbon footprint as our last act.”

Sadly, it’s not just coffins that can harm the environment. Government of-ficials have put rules in place to control cremation too, as the process releases harmful mercury into the atmosphere.

“The Natural Death Centre will point any enquirers in the right direction to find a friendly green undertaker.”

“ T h e N aT u r a l D e aT h C e N T r e w i l l p o i N T a N y e N q u i r e r s i N T h e r i g h T D i r e C T i o N T o f i N D a f r i e N D ly g r e e N u N D e rTa k e r ”

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A N A T U R A L E N D I N G

Natural

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continues Hazel. “They have lists for undertakers throughout the U.K.”

There are other potential options like woodland burials. These offer an alterna-tive to traditional funerals, cemeteries and graveyards. Woodlands of Remembrance can be beautiful places to remember a loved one, and also add positive ideas of renewal of life. “Woodland burial sites are springing up everywhere.” agrees Hazel.

Rosie Inman-Cook manages the Natural Death Centre. She also reckons there are lots of different sentiments behind going green:

“Some consider the negative impact of cremation: fossil fuels, or pollution like mercury. Folk want to leave a living memorial rather than a stone. I suppose also it is just that now they can!

“The more people who attend an alterna-tive funeral the more want it, and the more who hear about it the more request it.

“There is no question that they are much more positive, better send offs than conven-tional choices. Most sites are reporting a 30 per cent growth per year, and that goes for the green coffin producers too.”

Rosie thinks the most important thing people can do is to talk about their choices when they are fit and well; like a secure plot in a green burial site. For a family to approach the subject with a loved one who is ill is so difficult.

“Unless they have been given a termi-nal prognosis most family members are busy encouraging the sick person to get better.” she says.

“When a death has happened our advice is to seek a flexible funeral director who doesn't want you to fit neatly into his 'packages', sell you things you don't want, for his convenience, and will allow the family to take part in the process and get involved.”

Most importantly, Rosie recom-mends people decide as a family what they do or don’t want, then get a friend to phone around. This can ease the load. Newly bereaved people tend to shut down and not take things in; they are so bombarded with decisions and new and unfamiliar situations, let alone shock.

“There is the opportunity to be more hands on.” she continues. “Most natural burial sites allow families to do every-thing themselves and will supervise and instruct. This means that families can be there doing the last things for their loved one, not an anonymous team.

“This is still only taken up by a small percentage, but those that do so are always so glad that they did.”

For most families, the hope is for an individual, unrushed, personal and positive farewell. Associations like The National Society of Allied & Indepen-dent Funeral Directors (SAIF) can offer advice on reputable green options. It’s also worth contacting The Association of Natural Burial Grounds (ANBG).

In practical terms, eco coffins tend to be unvarnished and avoid hardwoods from the rain forest. “The reason I designed and eventually went into

manufacture with the Ecopod 15 years ago was because when I investigated the funeral industry I realised how toxic it was.” explains Hazel.

“I wanted to offer something that was different to the traditional coffin and also to make it from a material where trees would not have to be destroyed. Hence the colourful paper pulp Ecopod.

“I have had to put it through all the regulatory requirements for strength and safety. It is suitable for burial and also cremation.”

Overall Rosie thinks eco funerals will only become more and more common: “Well at 30 per cent growth per year, with many municipals providing green sections of cemeteries, even the most resistant will join them.” she says.

“It is not a fad and is here to stay. I would see a situation where the majority are eco friendly to some extent within 20 years”

Describing Wendy Richard, John Yorke, Head Of Drama Production & New Talent, explained: “It is impossible to overstate Wendy's contribution to EastEnders, for 22 years, whether she was bemoaning Arthur's bad luck, cursing her children's wayward nature or reminding us all once again that it was 'all about family'.

“It was impossible for anyone to mention EastEnders without the iconic image of Pauline coming to mind.” As eco funerals too seem to be family centred, perhaps one day they will be as familiar as Wendy Richard was. •

An Ecopod in white


Natural

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For a natural alternative to the traditional burial ceremony, green funerals at woodland sites are the way forward. These eco-friendly grounds

are located in beautiful, natural English woodlands. They not only provide a unique and fitting way to commemo-

rate your loved one, but are also kind to the environment.

A green funeral is a natural choice where you can create a dignified and re-spectful burial in a natural environment. There are several natural burial grounds in and around London, each offering a beautiful site and stunning views.

Plots in traditional graveyards are not to everyone’s taste and can be hard to come by. Larissa Khatchik looks at the green alternative provided by natural woodland burial grounds.

B U R I A L G R O U N D SWoodland

In order to uphold the concept of being green, biodegradable materials must be used for the coffin, such as willow or bamboo. And as a replacement to the traditional headstone you can mark your loved one’s resting place with a wooden plaque. All the materials used must be able to be recycled to complete the circle of life.

To ensure that your woodland burial meets the ecological requirements your funeral director or the burial ground can ad-vise you what clothes the deceased should wear and what can be left around the grave at the time of the funeral ceremony.

No chemicals are used on the ground. Nature will be left to take its course, al-

lowing everything to return to the ground naturally. This will promote plant growth and encourage wildlife to develop.

The woodland or land that is used is protected and can be visited by you, friends and family, as well as generations to come.

Most natural burial sites allow you to hold a ceremony or a memorial service and either they or a funeral director can advise you on how to create a meaningful and personal day to honour your loved one.

You may want to consider using re-cycled paper for the order of ceremony. And for the refreshments you could opt for organic, locally sourced food.

Another positive aspect is that these woodland burial grounds can tailor to different faiths and their religious needs. Although you are not required to hold a ceremony, the burial grounds are avail-able to all faiths and can often be blessed at the request of the family. This means these beautiful, natural, woodland grounds are available to all. •

“ T h e S e e c O - f R I e N D Ly G R O U N D S A R e L O c AT e D I N B e A U T I f U L , N AT U R A L e N G L I S h w O O D L A N D S ”

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W O O D L A N D B U R I A L G R O U N D S

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Epping Forest Burial ParkEpping, EssexTel: 01992 523863Email: [email protected]: www.woodlandburialparks.co.uk

Herongate WoodBrentwood, EssexTel: 01245 284985Email: [email protected]: www.green-burial.co.uk

Oak� eld WoodManningtree, EssexTel: 01255 880040Email: [email protected]: www.woodlandburials.co.uk

Woodland Burial Ground,West Drayton, MiddlesexTel: 01895 250416Email: [email protected]: www.hillingdon.gov.uk

Gaston GateGuildford, SurreyTel: 01255 880040Email: [email protected]: www.woodlandburials.co.uk

East Sheen CemeteryRichmond, SurreyWebsite: www.richmond.gov.ukTel: 020 8876 4511

Colney Woodland Burial ParkNorwichTel: 01603 811770

Chiltern Woodland Burial ParkBucksTel: 01294 872158

CONTACT INFORMATION


BT1 022-023 Woodland Burial Grounds.indd 23 9/8/09 8:22:27 pm

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BT1 024 Stationery.indd 24 9/8/09 8:22:55 pm

CeremonyWhether or not

you’re a fan of Michael Jackson, it’s hard not to be impressed by the

thought and detail that went into his memorial service at the Staples Center in LA. A two hour extravaganza beamed live around the world to a billion people, it included many personal anecdotes by his famous friends, as well as live musical performances and particularly moving words from his young daughter, Paris.

Personal is best when it comes to designing a special ceremony to commemorate the loss of a loved one. Friends and relatives want to remem-ber the very essence of the person they’ve lost and that takes some careful thought and planning.

It may seem hard to have to think about the ceremony and what you want to include but it can also help. Designing a special ceremony just the way you want it is a good way to connect with life and friends and family at a time when your natural tendency may be to isolate yourself.

The process of choosing the words, a favourite poem, music and perhaps some photographs may be daunting but think of it as a chance to honour the person you love. Your choice of words and songs will help others and it may very well help you start to face up to your own loss. Acceptance of what has happened is one of the stages of grief and it can be hard to reach this in the initial days after someone has died when you may be feeling shocked and numb. Planning the ceremony should help you start to come to terms with your loss.

Words, music and pictures are all valuable components when celebrating a life that has passed. Jacqui Hazell looks at what to include when planning the order of ceremony.

Why not get children involved. They can contribute to the choice of songs. Have a discussion about your loved one’s favourite music, and older children may even want to write something either for the ceremony itself or just to be included in the ceremony sheet.

The Flow of the CeremonyThe funeral director will be responsible for the pace of the ceremony. They will be more than happy to follow your guid-ance and will encourage as much input from you as possible. The more they know about the deceased the easier it is for them to lead the music and tributes and guide the mourners to celebrate your loved one’s life.

A printed ceremony sheet will allow mourners to follow the ceremony, join in with any hymns and appreci-ate any poems with more insight. Include:

◆ Music to enter◆ Opening words◆ Words on life and death◆ The eulogy◆ The committal◆ Closing words◆ Music to leave

A ceremony sheet can be as person-alised as you like. You may like to put a photograph of the deceased on the front cover or perhaps a reference to their favourite hobby or a much loved garden.

Include any poems that are to be recited so that mourners can follow the words and reflect. And the words to any hymns will allow people to join in.

A ceremony sheet is also a lovely keepsake for people and it is worth sending a copy to any friends or relatives who are unable to attend..

Ceremony sheet suggestions◆ Select a favourite photograph of the deceased for the front cover – it can be one from their younger days or involve a favourite hobby.◆ Include any poems that are to be read out.◆ Include hymns to be sung.◆ Name musical pieces and who is playing.◆ Invite people to the gathering afterwards and give details.◆ Include contacts for any preferred charities to whom donations can be made. •

P L A n n i n g t h e

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P L A N N I N G T H E C E R E M O N Y

B e R e AV e M e n t t O D AY

BT1 025 Planning the Ceremony.indd 25 9/8/09 8:23:26 pm

Arranging a funeral in a Christian community used to be a ma� er of your local funeral director asking if the deceased was

Catholic or C of E and pu� ing you in touch with the relevant priest. Between them they’d guide you through the long but well-trodden list of arrangements.

� is is still largely the case, with the welcome addition of the Humanist, non-religious, service now o� ered as routine. And whilst there’s no obligation at all to deviate from this undoubtedly comforting pa� ern at such a distressing time, there’s no ge� ing away from the fact that the choice of venues for funerals, both secular and religious, is becoming as diverse and creative as it is for weddings.

Anything goesA building or piece of land does not have to be especially consecrated or licensed for a funeral and, in non-reli-gious services; the celebrant does not have to be registered. Apart from the actual cremation, speci� cally relevant or beautiful venues or locations can be included at any stage of the proceedings.

TraditionalTo clarify, the most traditional procedure is for the chief mourners to meet at the funeral director’s address. From there they will travel in limousine procession behind the hearse to the church. If burial is to be in the churchyard it will take place as part of the service. If it is to be in the municipal graveyard or, as in most cases, the body is

While the traditional funeral held at a church or crematorium is still the most popular choice of memorial service, the options have greatly increased with everything � om woodland burials to castle and country house celebrations. Stephanie Zia looks at what is currently on o� er.

to be cremated; mourners will drive in a procession of cars behind the hearse to the crematorium/graveyard. Here there will be more prayers at the graveside or prayers and music at the commi� al. Alternatively, the whole religious service may be held in the crematorium chapel.

HumanistHumanist funerals or those arranged by family and friends (of any denomination or completely secular) usually take place in the crematorium chapel. � e ashes will go to the funeral director and the mourners will go to a wake, either a bu� et or a sit-down meal. At a later date, anything from a few days to several months, even years, the ashes will be buried or sca� ered in the gar-den of remembrance, or taken by the family to be sca� ered elsewhere, most commonly at the deceased’s favourite beauty spot.

Eco-friendlyGreen Endings (www.greenendings.co.uk / 020 7424 0345) is one of a growing number of funeral directors specialising in environmentally-friendly funerals. ‘Our aim is to ensure that each funeral re� ects your feelings as well as the life of the person who has died, and their culture, their personality and their achievements. Arrangements can be made for any style of funeral, from a woodland burial using a cardboard cof-� n to a more traditional religious service and cremation. We can incorporate any beliefs, whether religious or secular, into a service of your choice. We have a wide experience of all cultures and faiths.’

Clacton-on-Sea's Woodland Burials (www.woodlandburials.co.uk / 01255 880040) plants a native, broadleaf tree for every full or ashes internment and supply a hardwood, inscribed plaque to mark the grave (replaced when it biodegrades). � e choice of formal or informal service, religious, secular or no ceremony at all is le� to the family. For details of local woodland burial sites, contact your local council or � e Natural Death Centre (www.naturaldeath.org.uk / 0871 288 2098).

Sca� ering AshesAshes can be sca� ered anywhere, and permission is only needed if the land is private. Most national parks and famous beauty spots have published guidelines. � e Woodland Trust (www.woodland-trust.org.uk / 0800 0269650), for example, allows ashes to be sca� ered in their woods but they ask you not to hold any kind of formal ceremony in the wood and not to dis-turb the ground in any way. For as li� le as £10 you can dedicate a tree in one of their woods in memory of a loved one.

Unusual RequestsAs more and more people are opting to arrange their funeral ceremonies before they die, funeral directors are becoming increasingly used to hearing unusual requests and some even specialise in them. ‘We have arranged so many funerals that it is hard to say which is the most unusual,’ says Heaven on Earth (www.freespace.virgin.net/heaven.earth / 01179 264999).

M E M O R I A L S E RV I C E S

With a Diff erence

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F U N E R A L V E N U E S

BT1 026-027 Memorial Services.indd 26 9/8/09 8:23:54 pm

‘We have buried wizards with their wands, spells and all and cremated Buddhists with chanting, incense and a strewing of � owers. On one occasion the commi� al was timed to coincide with an explosion of kazoos, whistles and party poppers and the releasing of hundreds of balloons. On another the co� n disappeared to Welsh miners singing '� e Red Flag'.’

You can now arrange anything from a gentle woodland service to blasting the ashes into space. We have negotiated with hotels and venues for co� n access so that the whole ceremony can be held in a beautiful se� ing. ‘� e proprietors of

all the venues we have listed agree that the funeral celebration, including the co� n, can be held at the locations we describe. � is means the celebration can be highly individual, creative and per-sonal, designed to a speci� c theme and tailored accordingly. A civil celebrant may conduct the funeral if you wish.’

Venues include the Eltham Palace, Wellington Arch, Pewterers’ Hall, and Old Hall – a 15th Century house at Sausthorpe, Lincolnshire, where the ceremony can be held either in the beautiful gardens or in the Music Room. For sports enthusiasts there’s the Dukes

M E M O R I A L S E RV I C E S

Meadows Golf Club and Kent County Cricket Club, where ashes can be sca� ered in the grounds, Sandown Race Course where a horse-drawn hearse can be driven down the six furlongs to the

winning post and ashes sca� ered on the course, or Chelsea football club with ashes buried under the pitch.

If you are looking for a venue for a wake, check the Bereavement Today funeral reception venues’ directory where you will � nd a diverse and interesting choice of venues. You can select online from a wide range of venues from art galler-ies to zoos. As they are funded by the hotel and corporate facility venues www.jigsawconferences.co.uk (0800 158 4400) o� er their assistance to you at no cost. Other agencies o� ering interesting venues for hire include www.funkyvenues.com

(020 7735 9263) – the top of the Gherkin o� ce building for a London lover, or Tate Modern for an art lover perhaps – and www.click4venues.com (01580 715151).

Country house send o� splus � reworksIt’s a sad fact that many families only come together from great distances at the time of death. A funeral will sometimes be followed later by a memorial service or dedicated mass. � ose who don’t belong to any religion who want to come together to celebrate the life of a loved one are increasingly choosing to make up their own memorial events. One way of doing this is to hire an exclusive-use venue. www.historic-uk.com is just one of the many online agencies who provide private and corporate country house hire, for a day or a weekend, with or without catering.

A company who can perfectly combine a memorial gathering like this with a, literal, send-o� for the loved one is Heavens Above Fireworks (www.heavensabove� reworks.com / 01992 578993) whose speciality is incorporating the ashes into a � rework display. ‘Our aim is to match the event and � reworks display as closely as possible to the client’s personality and wishes. Displays can be synchronized to favourite music pieces and/or supported by additional features.’ � ey can also arrange for a number of rockets (or other � reworks) to be modi� ed to contain ashes so that you can let them o� yourself at a location of your choosing. •

“ Y O U C A N N O W A R R A N G E A N Y T H I N G F R O M A G E N T L E W O O D L A N D S E RV I C E T O B L A S T I N G T H E A S H E S I N T O S PA C E ”

With a Diff erence


BT1 026-027 Memorial Services.indd 27 9/8/09 8:24:03 pm

Throughout the centuries, the deceased person’s journey to their resting place has always been an important symbolic as well

as practical element of the process of the final farewell. Methods of transporting a body have evolved from the use of a basic slab of wood, the shrouded corpse bal-anced on top, in times before even coffins were utilized; through to hand-drawn biers, the early models like simple wooden

stretchers, and later, more sophisticated wheeled versions. These gradually evolved into horse-drawn hearses, often glass-sided and ornate, with black velvet curtains and polished brass fittings – for those families rich enough to afford such opulence for their dearly departed.

These days, the luxury limousine hearse is the most common method of transport for the coffin in a funeral procession, regardless of the social status of the deceased.

TransportFrom hearses to motorbikes with side-cars, Louise Voss looks at the current options in funeral transport.

A R R A N G E M E N T S

‘All our funerals include a hearse and one limousine,’ says Robert Lodge of Lodge Brothers, Funeral Directors in South West London, Middlesex and Surrey for over 200 years. ‘Barrow boy or barrister, we treat everyone the same. We always try to give the family exactly what they want.’

This includes doing their utmost, as all good funeral directors will, to accommodate more unusual requests for funeral transport. ‘Once we did a funeral where the family wanted the

Daimler hearse in ‘bubble gum’ pink contact Greens Carriage Master on Tel: 020 8695 9585 or give details to your funeral director

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F U N E R A L T R A N S P O R T A T I O N

BT1 028-030 Funeral Transportation.indd 28 9/8/09 8:24:27 pm

TransportA R R A N G E M E N T S

coffin brought to the cemetery in a tiny six-seater boat down the Thames from Sunbury to Mortlake – just myself, the deceased, and his close family,’ recalls Mr. Lodge. ‘It was beautiful: really restful and calm, and so much nicer than having to go through heavy traffic.’

RespectThe cortege itself is the public face of the funeral, and of course is most often seen on the road rather than the river. In our fast-paced road-rage-prone society, motor-ists and pedestrians alike will still usually treat a funeral procession with appropriate amounts of respect and patience…. Usually, but not always: many funeral directors have wry stories to tell of being sworn at, cut up by other motorists, not let out at junctions – even getting parking tickets on their hearses or limousines when they stop to collect the family!

Hearses can also occasionally be used to pick up the remains of the deceased upon notification by the family of a death – known in the trade as the ‘First Call’ vehicle. However, this is less common these days, as funeral directors prefer to keep the hearses for use at funerals only,

and it is now more common to use a minivan or private black ambulance as their First Call vehicle (the cost of this too is fully included in the funeral price).

What to expectOn the day of the funeral, the hearse containing the deceased, plus the empty limousine, arrives at the family’s house to collect close family and transport them to the cemetery or church. This used to be for the practical reason that most people didn’t own their own car, but these days it has become a preference rather than a necessity. About eighty per cent of people choose to travel to the cemetery by limousine – although there is abso-lutely no stigma attached to mourners arriving at the funeral venue under their own steam should they so wish. It’s not a huge money saver to do this either, since it only costs about £30 less not to take advantage of the limo (to put this into context, the average cost of a funeral in the UK in 2009 is around £2000).

The drive itself can also provide a few moments of calm preparation for the emotion of the imminent funeral, and a chance for close family to have a little

Beetle Drive Uk Ltd's VW air-cooled hearse and funeral car fleet ◆ Tel: 01827 709067 or give details to your funeral director

Alpha 4x4 Funerals Land Rover Hearse and Limousine service ◆ Tel: 01234 720936 or give details to your funeral director

Horse-drawn carriages available in black and white from T Cribb & Sons ◆ Tel 020 7476 1855 or give details to your funeral director



time together on what is likely to be a very hectic and tiring day. Although, if a family do choose to be picked up by limousine, it is important for them to carefully consider the logistics and ‘politics’ of the journey – in the case of a large extended family, will Uncle Jim be offended if he doesn’t get to travel in the first car when Uncle Pete has been invited to do so?

Traditionally the hierarchy of the cortege goes as follows: the hearse containing the coffin, with the flowers transported on the hearse roof (a ‘floral car’ used to follow behind, but these days these are rare, reserved usually just for a celebrity or a traveller funeral); then the limousine transporting close family, and, finally, another two or three cars’ worth of other relatives and friends.

Unusual TransportThere are other funeral transport options available, for those to whom the idea of the standard black hearse does not appeal; and in these days of more personalised funerals, this is increasingly common. You could hire a Land Rover to transport the coffin, a

white Rolls Royce, a Cadillac, or even a white camper van or Volkswagen Beetle, for enthusiasts of the VW classics. If the deceased was a keen motorcyclist, a funereal motorbike with sidecar transporting the coffin is a choice grow-ing in popularity. A good funeral director will always be more than willing to help research and organise unusual funeral transport. Their purpose is to try to best accommodate whatever the family wants to do, to make the funeral as personal and meaningful as possible, in as positive a way as possible. That said, however, they

certainly would not object if the family decided to arrange the transport element of the funeral themselves. We have included some interesting alternatives who work closely with funeral directors to provide something different.

Whether it is a horse-drawn carriage, an American flatbed pick-up truck or a boat up the river, this final journey can always be planned to best suit the character of the deceased. But whatever the method of transport, it is of course always going to be a difficult time for family and friends of the deceased – so, next time you see a cortege pass through your high street or down the dual carriageway you’re on, spare a thought for the family in the limousine. You being held up by a few minutes is not exactly on the same emotional scale as what they’re going through – so help them make the day go as smoothly as possible by not indulging in any road rage. For more information visit www.bereavementtoday.com. All vehicles shown in this feature are available for hire, and can be booked by your funeral director, if you have any queries please contact Bereavement Today Magazine on Telephone: 020 7467 4420. •

Motorcycle Funerals Ltd provide professional motorcycle and sidecar hearses, purpose built to protect the coffin from rain. Perfect for motorcycle enthusiasts ◆ Tel: 0845 375 2106 or give details to your funeral director

1988 Cadillac Eureka Hearse Contact Cadillac Hearse Hire ◆ Tel 01249 658987 or give details to your funeral director

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F U N E R A L T R A N S P O R T A T I O N


The acknowledged experts in the field ofinternational repatriations with a reputationbuilt on 38 years of care.

• Full repatriation services to and from all countries

• Collection and delivery throughout the UK

• Discounted freight fares and tickets for accompanying families

• Legal documentation service for Embassy and Consular

regulations

• Multi lingual & friendly staff to attend to your requests

• Translation service available

• Dignified and professional funeral service managed totally on

your behalf

• Care service available at airport of arrival

• Bereavement counsellor service to help with probate, forms

and expenses

• Care of personal effects

For further information call

020 8684 2324Email: [email protected]

www.rowlandbrothersinternational.co.uk

299-305 Whitehorse Road, Croydon CR0 2HR England

Rowland BrothersI N T E R N A T I O N A L

Worldwide Repatriat ions p e c i a l i s t s i n

With an In te rna t iona l Repu ta t ion

Approved Internationalrepatriation service provider for the NAFD

GL Funeral Guide Adv 300dp #41 11/5/09 17:49 Page 3

Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard enough without the added pressure of having to organise the transport

of the deceased’s body back home. There will be quite a few forms that have to be obtained whether repatriation is to the UK or from the UK to elsewhere. But what needs to be done?

Repatriation to the UKRepatriation following a death is the process of returning the deceased’s body to the UK after he or she has died in a foreign country.

It will involve whatever legislature applies to the particular country where the death has occurred as well as the legal requirements applicable for a body to be brought back to the UK. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office in the UK and the British Consul in the area where the death has occurred will advise the bereaved on what needs to be done.

Dealing with a Death AbroadIf the death occurred whilst on a tour or package holiday, a representative of the company will more than likely contact the relevant authorities, in-cluding the British Consulate, for you. If you are travelling independently, you will need to contact the British Consulate yourself. The British Consulate will advise on all the practical aspects of repatriation, as well

The loss of a loved one can sometimes occur whilst abroad. Here, we look at the legal issues that must be addressed in order to bring the body of the deceased back home.

as help you work with the local authorities. They will also be able to offer guidance on booking transportation home for both you and the body of the deceased. The death will have to be registered in the country where your loved one died. A death certificate will be issued and may need to be translated into English. You may also be able to register the death with the British Consulate in order to have a UK death certificate issued as well. The death will be recorded in the General Registry Office (GRO) Over-seas Registration section. You will need the deceased’s full name, date of birth, passport information (including when

and where it was issued and the passport number), and next of kin. It is only possible to do this in certain countries.

Returning HomeThere are certain rules that must be adhered to in order to transport a body back to the UK. The deceased will have to be embalmed and then secured in a zinc-lined coffin. You will need to carry a certified English translation of your loved one’s death certificate, written autho-risation from local authorities to remove the body and a certificate of embalming. The cost of repatriation may be covered by your travel insurance; otherwise you will have to cover the

cost yourself although this may be reimbursed from the deceased’s estate. To arrange a funeral back in the UK, you will need to take the certi-fied English translation of the death certificate to the register office in the area in which you hope to hold the funeral. Formal certificates will then be issued and the funeral will be able to proceed.

Repatriation OverseasRecent economic migration from countries such as Poland has meant an increase in requests for repatriation for a funeral overseas. There are certain legal requirements that need to be fulfilled for a body to be moved from England or Wales to abroad, and also to Scotland, Northern Ireland, the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands. You will need to notify the coroner for the district in which the deceased is lying and complete a

“ T h e d e aT h w i l l h av e T o b e r e g i s T e r e d i n T h e c o u n T r y w h e r e y o u r l o v e d o n e d i e d ”

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R E P A T R I A T I O N

Repatriation

BT1 032-033 Repatriation.indd 32 9/8/09 8:25:23 pm

Removal Notice (form 104). The funeral director will usually deal with

this form on your behalf. Often this authorisation has to be requested at least

four days before the person is to be moved to give time for any enquiries.

Repatriating someone who has died from Scotland to elsewhere may not need the authority of the

Procurator Fiscal – please check with your funeral director who can advise on your specific circumstances.

The Added Cost of RepatriationRepatriation may mean additional costs, for example caskets and embalming for repatriation have to conform to high specifications as well as the cost of the flight itself and costs in the destination country. A less expensive alternative is to have the cremation in this country with repatriation of the ashes/cremated remains. The funeral director will be able to advise and help with the necessary documentation. Cremated remains may be carried to some countries in hand luggage (with a death certificate and a certificate from the crematorium and sometimes a consular seal). But do check with the funeral director or consulate as each nation has its own regulations.

Many countries require signed documents from an appropriate doctor that the deceased was not suffering from any condition that might pose a public health risk.

Experts in RepatriationAny funeral director can organise repatriation but some specialise in this type of work and have expertise in the field with detailed knowledge of the legal requirements for each country and a strong working relationship with particular airlines. At Bereavement Today we are pleased to recommend Rowland Brothers who are specialists in worldwide repatriation with multi-lingual staff. They can be contacted on Tel: 020 8684 2324. •


Repatriation

BT1 032-033 Repatriation.indd 33 9/8/09 8:25:38 pm

You may not have heard of memorial white dove release, but most people that experience this simple, but beautiful visual

spectacle find it an incredibly moving and memorable tribute to the life they are celebrating.

The release of a single white dove at the funeral of a loved one can bring comfort as you watch the symbol of your loved one’s spirit fly off and up into the sky.

A typical dove release at a funeral involves a single white dove placed in a beautiful cage. At the end of the service the family steps forward to gather round the single dove. All family members place a hand on the lid and as a group lift the lid and liberate the pure white dove to fly up and away.

Immediately afterwards, a flock of doves is released symbolizing God’s angels. The angel doves fly up and sur-round the single spirit dove, and then all the doves fly safely home together.

This can be a wonderfully spiritual event, providing those present with a beautiful and everlasting memory of the occasion.

With over 40 years experience in this field, Bereavement Today Magazine are pleased to recommend The White Dove Company who can be contacted directly on Tel: 0208 508 1414 or email: [email protected] •

A

After that hour of sleep, you woke, and madea little sound, between a cough and sigh.The breathless nights were over: unafraidafter that hour of sleep, you woke, and madeno gesture of distress, but simply laidyour hands in mine. It seemed easy to dieafter that hour of sleep: you woke, and madea little sound, between a cough and sigh. Revisiting that hour, as every dayI do, I find you waking from your sleep.You never speak, but always look away:revisiting that hour, as every daylengthens your absence, I pretend you'll stay,look at me, answer. Else why should I keeprevisiting that hour, as every dayI do, to find you waking from your sleep?

Christine Webb

Christine Webb’s collection After Babel is published by Peterloo Poets. It is available directly from Christine. For further details email: [email protected]

After that Hour

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T H E W H I T E D O V E C O M P A N Y

SingleA memorial dove release is peaceful, healing and inspirational.

W H I T E D O V E

BT1 034 White Dove.indd 34 9/8/09 8:28:10 pm

Ashes to Earth is a family run company specialising in the scatteringof cremated remains. Its founding was prompted by our personal

experience of scattering in wild and natural surroundings as opposedto those at a crematorium or public burial ground.

Ashes to Earth offers a tailor made service for those who cannot ordo not want to scatter the ashes themselves either because of ill

health, time pressure or remoteness of location.

The site may have been specified by the deceased, or family andfriends may have their own ideas. If required Ashes to Earth can help with the decision suggesting beautiful locations throughout

the country.

With experienced mountaineers on the staff we able to scatter atany location at home or abroad. Friends or relatives can take part in

the scattering if so desired.

Ashes to Earth is mindful of the affect ashes have on local flora andrecommends scattering off the beaten track where minimal damageis done to the local ecosystem and where the remains can return tothe earth undisturbed. One of our founding principles is the leaving ofno memorial, believing that the beauty of site and surrounding area

is memorial enough.

The details of the service are agreed in advance, including location,time and any prayers, poems or words of remembrance for recital

during the proceedings.

A commemorative folder is sent to the family containing a certificateof scattering, photographic record, description of the day together

with grid and GPS references and a map of the site.

Ashes to Earth are also able to arrange scatterings at sea.

Ashes to Earth is a supplier member of the National Association ofFuneral Directors.

For further information please contact

Ashes to EarthPO Box 520

Chorley PR6 6EQ

01257 260 931 [email protected]

Or visit our website at www.ashestoearth.co.uk

BESPOKE SCATTERING SERVICE

A2E_adv0709:210x297 10/07/2009 14:58 Page 1

BT1 024 Stationery.indd 35 10/8/09 2:01:43 am

After the loss of a loved one it can seem difficult to make any decisions let alone deal with pressing matters such as the choice

of a funeral director. But the sooner you do, the sooner you can obtain help and guidance about what needs to be done.

Many people assume you can only contact a funeral director once the death has been registered but this is not the case. The sooner a funeral director becomes involved, the sooner they will be able to help. For instance, you can appoint a funeral director while you are awaiting a post-mortem’s completion. They will be able to discuss your require-ments and act on your behalf so that the funeral will not be delayed unnecessarily once the post-mortem is complete and the death has been registered.

Although you may be familiar with a local funeral director, it is advisable to get more than one quote before you decide. (Use the Bereavement Today Independent funeral Directors’ Direc-tory to find the best in your region.) If you find it difficult to phone, get a friend or relative to help. You are entitled to ask for a breakdown of the charges and it’s best to get any quotes put in writing.

Funeral directors in the UK are not legally required to have any formal training. However all members of the British Insti-tute of Funeral Directors do have to hold an annual licence to practice. This licence confirms that the holder is professionally

Like all businesses, the products that funeral directors offer and the costs involved will vary. What do you need to know to make the right choice?

A F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R

qualified and makes an annual declaration to abide by a strict code of conduct.

The National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) and the Funeral Standards Council all have exemplary codes of practice, premises that are routinely monitored and schemes for remedying any grievances should they arise.

There is also a code known as the MCTAC code, this is an abbreviation used by people in the funeral profession to sum-marise the role of a good funeral provider.

M stands for master of ceremonies. The funeral director’s job is to see

everyone is in the right place at the right time and that the funeral flows without any unnecessary distress.

C is for custodian. They treat the deceased with respect, caring for

them in a safe, hygienic environment and providing a coffin that conforms to burial and cremation regulations.

T is for technical adviser. They guide you through the many technical aspects

such as disposal of cremated remains, import or export of the deceased etc.

A is for agent. They employ the services of such people as gravediggers, clergy

and florists and pay the fees on behalf of the family.

C is for carer. They help the bereaved to be ‘heard, held and honoured’.

This involves putting them in touch with everyone who can help with that aim.

Bear in mind that you do not have to accept all the options that are presented to you. For example, if you are opting

for a cremation you may want to spend less on the coffin. A funeral director only gets one chance to get it right so make sure you use their knowledge and help to arrange the funeral service you have in mind.

Useful contactsNational Association of Funeral DirectorsTelephone: 01217 111343Website: www.nafd.org.uk

Funeral Standards CouncilTelephone: 029 2038 2046Website: www.funeral-standards-council.co.uk •

“ T h E s O O N E R A F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R b E C O m E s I N v O Lv E D , T h E s O O N E R T h E y w I L L b E A b L E T O h E L p ”

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C H O O S I N G A F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R

Choosing

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Choosing

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Most funerals in the UK are organised by funeral directors but they don’t have to be. Some people

choose to do the hard work themselves, getting involved with every aspect of a loved one’s final send off. This very personal approach is referred to as an independent funeral.

Why do it yourself?There are various reasons why people decide on an independent funeral. It could be because they feel uncomfort-able passing the responsibility of a loved one’s body over to strangers, or that they would like to dedicate their time and energy to creating a more personalised tribute. It could also come down to money. Funeral directors have to operate commercially and so can be expensive. However, doing-it-yourself is quite complicated and it’s worth considering what the funeral process is likely to entail before you make any decisions.

A funeral director will usually collect and move the body, arrange embalming and viewing of the deceased, provide a coffin and hearse and guidance throughout the ceremony wherever it takes place. If undertaken independently such tasks may prove unpleasant as well as difficult. The average coffin will not fit in most cars and will need four people to lift it. The deceased will also need to be kept somewhere cool leading up to the service. It is not a decision to be taken lightly and it is advisable to discuss the options with family and close friends before making any final decisions.

An independent funeral may involve a lot of work and organisation, but it also provides an opportunity for a highly personalised tribute and could save you money.

W I T H O U T A F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R

Although there will be a lot of work to do with an independent funeral you will have complete control over content giving you the chance to create a very personal goodbye and costs can be kept low.

Legal issuesYou will need to register the death (see our Registering a Death feature), obtaining several copies of the death certificate. And if the body is to be cremated you will need to get three forms from the crematorium. You will also need two doctor’s certificates. If the death occurred in hospital, the hospital will provide a release form and you may then make arrangements with the hospital mortuary to collect the body.

What needs to be done?You will need to decide whether the service is to be held at a cemetery, crematorium chapel, other religious building or alterna-tive venue (see our feature on venues). Make a booking as soon as possible.

Decide who you would like to offici-ate at the ceremony. Appoint a priest of a particular religion or a humanist celebrant. Alternatively, you can ask someone who knew your loved one well to conduct the ceremony. They do not need any qualifications but they do need to be confident.

Music is a particularly good way to personalise a service. From traditional hymns to Sinatra’s ‘I Did It My Way’ – anything goes.

Decide what you’d like to do regarding flowers (see our feature on floral tributes), and organise grave-digging if necessary.

You can get friends or relatives to act as pallbearers. You will need at least four people to carry an average coffin. And you will also need to organise transport for the coffin (see our feature on funeral transport for ideas).

Providing your own transport, coffin and pallbearers will save money but you will have to pay for the cremation or burial, the grave and memorial.

Looking after the body In the past it was quite common for various members of the community to help prepare a body for funeral but now it is rare.

Some undertakers will look after the body until the funeral or if the deceased died in hospital it might be possible to store the body in the hospital mortuary until the day of the funeral. If you are keeping the body at home, the deceased needs to be kept in a cool room. In sum-mer, you may need to have the deceased embalmed by a professional.

The coffinThe choice in coffins has greatly increased in the last few years (see our feature on coffins). You can choose to make your own but do check with your local crema-torium, Woodland burial park or cemetery to ensure you use acceptable materials.

If you would rather bury your loved one in a shroud check with your local crematorium or cemetery to find out if this is acceptable.

The day of the ceremonyCheck traffic reports and make sure you leave in good time for the venue. •

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A R R A N G I N G A F U N E R A L W I T H O U T A F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R

funeralA R R A N G I N G A

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W I T H O U T A F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R


A R R A N G I N G A

BT1 038-039 Arranging a Funeral without a Funeral Director.indd 39 9/8/09 10:05:00 pm

MoneyFunerals can be very expensive,

and it is important to know how the costs are going to be met, and whether you are entitled to any help. Firstly

check the Will to see who the executor is and if any financial provision has been made for the funeral. Then check if there were any pre-paid funeral plans, insur-ance policies, pension schemes or bank/building society accounts. Banks and building society accounts will be frozen, but may release up to £5000 to cover the cost of a funeral on production of a death certificate, although they are not obliged to.

Some employers pension schemes pay a lump sum to help with the funeral costs. If money is not available until probate is granted, you or the executor may need to pay and then recover the money from the estate later.

Benefits that may be availableFuneral Payment If you are finding it difficult to pay for a funeral, you may be able to get a Social Fund Funeral Payment from the Ben-efits Agency, if you or your partner receives one of the following:

◆ Income Support◆ Housing Benefit◆ Council Tax Benefit◆ Job Seekers’ Allowance (income based)◆ Disabled Person’s Tax Credit

Working Family’s Tax CreditIf you get a funeral payment, it will have to be paid back from any estate of the deceased person. The ‘estate’ means any money, property and other things like insurance policies that the

Even a simple funeral costs a fair amount. Here, we look at what help is available when paying for a funeral.

deceased owned. A house or personal possessions that are left to a widow, widower or surviving civil partner are not counted as part of the estate.

How much do you get?A Funeral Payment includes necessary burial or cremation fees, certain other specified expenses and up to £700 for any other funeral expenses, such as the funeral director’s fees, the coffin or flowers. If the person who died had a pre-paid funeral plan you’ll only get help for items not covered by the plan.

Bereavement PaymentIf your husband, wife or civil partner has died you may be able to get a Bereavement Payment, a one off lump sum payment of £2000 that is tax-free. A claim can be made if your husband,

wife, or civil partner had paid their National Insurance contributions or their death was caused by their job and either: you were under state pension age when they died or your husband, wife or civil partner was not entitled to category A state retirement benefit when they died.

When you fill in the claim form you will be asked to give your late husband, wife or civil partner’s National Insur-ance number and details of their recent employment history. You will not get a Bereavement Payment if you were divorced or living with another person at the time of your husband, wife or civil partner’s death. You can order a Bereavement Benefits Pack over the telephone from your nearest Job Centre or Social Security office.

Funeral CostsFuneral costs as with most things in the UK vary quite considerably depending on where you live. It costs an average of £2500 for a cremation and basic funeral service in the UK. But if you

want to be buried, for example, the costs are much higher. We recom-

mend that you get more than one quote to compare the funeral costs and services.

If you can’t get any other helpIf no one is able or willing to arrange and pay for the funeral the local council (or in

some cases the health authority) may do so, but only where the

funeral has not already been arranged. The local council may also make a claim on the deceased’s estate to pay for the funeral. •

F I N D I N G T H E

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P AY I N G F O R T H E F U N E R A L

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BereavementOn any given day,

approximately 1,575 people die in the UK, according to ONS figures. As if this

reminder of our own mortality wasn’t sobering enough, this same 1,575 deceased will cumulatively receive over 126,000 pieces of unsolicited mail in the twelve months following their deaths. The result? Undue distress to grieving family members and friends as well as adverse environmental impacts at a time when we’re all striving to be more eco-friendly.

This ‘dead post’ problem is part of a veritable junk mail tsunami of 4.2 billion items sweeping across Britain annually. Often containing valuable personal details such as name, address and date of birth, an ever-increasing amount of post is being illegally intercepted by identity thieves. According to CIFAS, the UK’s fraud prevention service, Impersonation of the Dead (IOD) is now Britain’s fastest-growing identity crime, with upwards of 70,000 families likely to experience the pain of discovering their deceased loved one has become a victim of IOD fraud this year alone.

At the end of the day, home shouldn’t be where the heartbreak is. So to stop the rising tide of junk mail afflicting UK households, The Bereavement Register was established in 2000 as a free public service with the specific aim of stopping post being sent to people who have died – thus protecting sensitive personal data and the environment.

The process is simple: Name and address details for the deceased can be registered via telephone, online or by mail onto the Register’s central database. Marketers subscribing to The Bereave-ment Register then name-check their

Helping to stop junk mail being sent to the deceased.

mailing lists against the service’s extensive database before removing all deceaseds’ details. You can expect to see a significant reduction in the amount of mail received in approximately six weeks (while noting there will, unfortunately, always be some companies that do not clean their lists as regularly as they should). If mail is still be-ing received after this time, The Bereave-ment Register invites you to forward these items to the service’s FREEPOST address, where companies will be contacted on your behalf.

Donna Marshall and Victoria Maskell (pictured) are the public faces of The Bereavement Register. Donna and Victoria personally field dozens of calls each day from family members and friends wanting to register deceaseds’ details. That The Bereavement Register’s database now contains over 3 million name and address records is testament to their personalized and professional service – as is the fact that the Register is now used to screen over 72 per cent of all direct mail in the UK

and is the deceased mail service of choice amongst the majority of Britain’s funeral homes and police constabularies.

Using The Bereavement Register is easy and can be completed:

◆ Online at: www.the-bereavement-register.org.uk◆ Telephone 0800 082 1230 to use our automated service◆ Complete a printed registration form and return to us by post:

The Bereavement Register St George’s House 15 Pembroke Road Sevenoaks Kent TN13 1XR

The Bereavement Register looks forward to helping you at what is often a very emotional and difficult time. •

R E G I S T E R

T H E

4 1

T H E B E R E AV E M E N T R E G I S T E R

BT1 041 The Bereavement Register.indd 41 9/8/09 10:06:07 pm

Barking & Dagenham BarneT BarneT

West & Coe Funeral Directors620 Rainham Road SouthDagenhamEssexRM10 8YPTel: 020 8592 0164 (24 hrs)Email: [email protected]: www.westcoe.co.uk

A France & Son14 Watford WayHendonLondonNW4 3DATel: 020 8202 6868Email: [email protected]

Leverton & Sons624 Finchley RoadLondonNW11 7RRTel: 020 8455 4992Email: [email protected]: www.levertons.co.uk

BarneT BarneT BeXLeY

Leverton & Sons1 Denmark StreetFortis GreenLondonN2 9HGTel: 020 8444 5753Email: [email protected]: www.levertons.co.uk

WH Putnam Ltd6 Holmstall ParadeBurnt OakEdgewareMiddlesex HA8 5HXTel: 020 8205 6620Email: [email protected]

Bexley Funeral Service165 Blendon RoadBexleyKentDA5 1BTTel: 020 8303 1274Email: [email protected]: www.bexleyfuneralservice.co.uk

BrenT BrOmLeY BrOmLeY

HJ Bent & Co10 Sidmouth RoadLondonNW2 5JXTel: 020 8459 5848Email: [email protected]

James Harper9 Plaistow LaneBromleyKentBR1 4DSTel: 020 8464 0080Email: [email protected]: www.james-harper.co.uk

Albert Parr & Sons117 Croyden RoadBeckenhamKent BR3 3RATel: 020 8650 2141Email: [email protected]: www.albertparrandsons.com

F U n e r a L D i r e C T O r S

At BereavementToday we feel that it is essential for a great send-off that your Funeral Director provides a

personal service focusing on your own individual needs. We have carefully selected from each London borough Funeral Directors that have excellent reputations and strong links within their local community that can assist you with all your requirements.

For further information about the funeral directors listed in our directory, please visit www.bereavementtoday.com where you can view their profiles. For any queries please email: [email protected]

4 2

D I R E C T O R Y F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R S

BT1 042-047 Directory - Funeral Directors.indd 42 9/8/09 10:06:46 pm

CAMDEN CAMDEN CAMDEN

Green Endings141 Fortress RoadLondonNW5 2HRTel: 020 7424 0345Email: [email protected]: www.greenendings.co.uk

A France & Son45 Lambs Conduit StreetLondon WC1N 3NHTel: 020 7405 4901Email: [email protected]

Leverton & Sons164 Malden RoadLondon NW5 4BSTel: 020 7485 1969Email: [email protected]: www.levertons.co.uk

CAMDEN CROYDON CROYDON

Leverton & SonsKentish Town RoadLondon NW1 8PDTel: 020 7485 1266Email: [email protected]: www.levertons.co.uk

Cliff Hollett30 Station RoadLondonSE25 5AGTel: 020 8653 3366Email: [email protected]: www.smithyeatman.co.uk

DA Lyndsay & Sons111 Lower Addiscombe RoadCroydonSurrey CR0 6PUTel: 020 8654 4466Email: [email protected]: www.dalindsayandsons.co.uk

CROYDON CROYDON CROYDON

A & J Morriss & Sons343 Lower Addiscombe RoadAddiscombeCroydon CR0 6RGTel: 020 8654 0090Web: www.ajmorriss.comEmail: [email protected]

A&J Morriss & Sons15 The BroadwayPlough Lane Beddington CR0 4QRTel: 020 8681 2001Email: [email protected]: www.ajmorriss.com

Rowland Brothers299-305 Whitehorse RoadWest CroydonLondon CR0 2HRTel: 020 8684 1667Email: [email protected]: www.rowlandbrothers.com


Rowland Brothers44 High StreetPurley CR8 2AATel: 020 8660 5547Email: [email protected]: www.rowlandbrothers.com

Rowland Brothers9 The ParadeOld CoulsdonCR5 1EHTel: 01737 555 202Email: [email protected]: www.rowlandbrothers.com

Rowland Brothers434 Limpsfield RoadWarlingham CR6 9LTel: 01883 623 067Email: [email protected]: www.rowlandbrothers.com

CROYDON CROYDON EALING

Rowland Brothers32 Central ParadeNew AddingtonCR0 0LDTel: 01689 842 046Email: [email protected]: www.rowlandbrothers.com

WA Truelove & Son Ltd55 Chipstead Valley RoadCoulsdonSurreyCR5 2RBTel: 020 8660 2620Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

Southall Funeral Service70 Western RoadSouthallMiddlesex UB2 5DZTel: 020 8571 0621Email: [email protected]



ENFIELD ENFIELD GREENWICH

African Caribbean Funeral Services99 Stoke Newington Church StreetLondonN16 0UDTel 020 7275 0175Email [email protected]

Mary Collins182 Stoke Newington High StreetLondonN16 7SDTel: 020 7249 5740

W Uden & Sons51-53 Passey PlaceElthamLondon SE9 5DATel: 020 8850 2868Email: [email protected]: www.wuden.com

HACKNEY HACKNEY HACKNEY



CR Wigley & Sons44 Kynaston RoadHackneyLondonN16 0EUTel 020 7226 1956Email [email protected]

HAMMERSMITH HARRINGEY HARRINGEY

Chelsea Funerals235 Munster RoadFulhamLondon SW6 6BTTel: 020 7385 0866Email: [email protected]: www.chelseafunerals.co.uk



HARRINGEY HARRINGEY HARROW

Demetriou & English131-133 Myddleton RoadWood GreenLondonN22 8NGTel 020 8889 9888Email [email protected] www.d-e.co.uk

F Upson & Sons655 High RoadTottenhamLondon N17 8AATel: 020 8808 1475Email: [email protected]

WH Putnam Ltd185 Streatfield RoadHarrowMiddlesex HA3 9DATel: 020 8204 3252Email: [email protected]

HAVERING HAVERING HAVERING

BF Mulley & Sons254 St Mary’s LaneUpminster Essex RM14 3DHTel: 01708 220 330Email: [email protected]: www.bfmulleyson.com

BF Mulley & Sons28 High StreetHornchurchLondon RM12 4UNTel: 01708 442 145Email: [email protected]

Frank Rivett10 Willow ParadeMoor LaneCranhamEssex RM14 1DZTel: 01708 259 097Email: [email protected]

4 4



HAVERING HILLINGDON HOUNSLOW

West & Coe Funeral Directors125 Hornchurch RoadHornchurch Essex RM12 4SYTel: 01708 448 434Email: [email protected]: www.westcoe.co.uk

A Cain Funeral Services38 Coldharbour LaneHayesMiddlesex UB3 3EPTel: 020 8573 0664Email: [email protected]

Holmes & Daughters7 Cavendish TerraceHigh StreetFelthamMiddlesex TW13 4HETel: 020 8893 1860

ISLINGTON ISLINGTON ISLINGTON



WG Miller93-95 Essex RoadIslingtonLondon N1 2SJTel: 020 7226 3886

KENSINGTON & CHELSEA KENSINGTON & CHELSEA KINGSTON UPON THAMES

HJ Bent & Co343 Ladbroke GroveNotting HillLondon W10 6HATel: 020 8969 1170Email: [email protected]

Chelsea Funeral Directors260B Fulham RoadLondon SW10 9ELTel: 020 7352 0008Email: [email protected]: www.chelseafunerals.co.uk

Alan Greenwood & Sons119 London RoadKingston-upon-ThamesSurrey KT2 6NHTel: 020 8546 3960Email: [email protected]: alangreenwoodfunerals.com

LAMBETH LAMBETH MERTON

Stanley Clare254 Brixton HillBrixtonLondon SW2 1HFTel: 020 8674 5764Email: [email protected]

A Yeatman & Sons384 Norwood RoadLondon SE27 9AATel: 020 8670 1127Email: [email protected]: www.smithyeatman.com

WA Truelove & Son Ltd49-51 Upper Green StreetMitchamSurrey CR5 2PFTel: 020 8648 2905Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

MERTON NEWHAM NEWHAM

WA Truelove & Son Ltd254 Martin WayMordenSurrey SM4 1AWTel: 020 8540 6667Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

T Cribb & SonsVictoria House10 Woolwich Manor WayBecktonLondon E6 5PATel: 020 7476 1855Email: [email protected]: www.tcribb.co.uk

Frank Rivett & Sons 15 Plaistow RoadStratfordLondonE15 3ETTel 020 8519 7235



REDBRIDGE RICHMOND UPON THAMES SOUTHWARK

Sikh Heritage Funeral Directors363 High RoadIlfordEssex IG1 1TFTel: 020 8514 8861

Holmes and Daughters461 Upper Richmond Road WestEast SheenLondon SW14 7PUTel: 020 8392 1012

AG Smith103 Great Suffolk StreetLondon SE1 1PQTel: 020 7928 5377Email: [email protected]: www.smithyeatman.com

SOUTHWARK SUTTON SUTTON

AG Smith18 Camberwell RoadLondon SE5 0ENTel: 020 7708 2689Email: [email protected]: www.smithyeatman.com

John Knox34 Stonecot hillSuttoSurreySM3 9HETel 020 8337 2626Email [email protected]

WA Truelove & Son118 Carshalton RoadSutton Surrey SM1 4RLTel: 020 8642 8211Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

SUTTON SUTTON SUTTON

WA Truelove & Son20 Mulgrave RoadSuttonSurrey SM2 6LETel: 0208 642 0089

WA Truelove & Son31 High StreetCheamSurrey SM3 8RETel: 0208 642 3300Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

WA Truelove & Son278 High StreetSuttonSurrey SM1 1PGTel: 020 8642 0327Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

SUTTON TOWER HAMLETS TOWER HAMLETS

WA Truelove & Son109 Stafford RoadWallingtonSurrey SM6 9APTel: 020 8647 1032Email: [email protected]: www.wa-truelove-and-son.ltd.uk

AC Tadman116 Jubilee StreetLondon E1 3EBTel: 020 7790 4097Email: [email protected]: www.actadman.co.uk

AC Tadman452 Bethnal Green RoadLondon E2 0EATel: 020 7739 5182Email: [email protected]: www.actadman.co.uk

WALTHAM FOREST WALTHAM FOREST WALTHAM FOREST



HL Hawes & Sons106 Tanners LaneIlfordEssex EN9 1DLTel: 020 8550 4047Email: [email protected]: www.hlhawes.co.uk

4 6



WANDSWORTH WANDSWORTH WANDSWORTH

Evershed Brothers180 Battersea Park RoadLondon SW11 4NDTel: 020 7622 4935Email: [email protected]

Evershed Brothers120 Wandsworth High StreetLondon SW18 4JPTel: 020 8874 1781Email: [email protected]

Evershed Brothers 501 Garratt LaneEarlsfieldLondon SW18 4SWTel: 020 8874 1490Email: [email protected]

WESTMINSTER WESTMINSTER

Chelsea Funerals91 Rochester RowWestminsterLondon SW1P 1JLTel: 020 7834 3281Email: [email protected]: www.chelseafunerals.co.uk

Leverton & Sons212 Eversholt StreetLondon NW1 1BDTel: 020 7387 6075Email: [email protected]: www.levertons.co.uk



The ability to o� er families a very personal choice when it comes to choosing a co� n for their loved one is what drives Mary Tomes,

managing director of Colourful Co� ns.� e Oxford-based company, which

was launched in 2005, pioneered bespoke and customised picture co� ns in the UK market and today it has built an enviable reputation for quality and service, both within the funeral industry and with bereaved families.

Its co� ns are sold exclusively through funeral directors and each month more and more families are choosing to mark the loss of a special individual by requesting a Colourful Co� n.

Some 90% of co� n requests are cust-omised, with family photographs, holiday pictures and favourite hobbies or sports o� en integrated into bespoke designs.

“Many people tell us that having a Colourful Co� n is seen as celebrat-ing the life of the person they have

lost. Our service is about people – it’s providing those who are le� behind with the comfort that they have marked the life of their loved one with a unique and distinctive tribute,” said Mary.

“We’re o� en told that having a Colourful Co� n helped bring a smile to a very sad occasion and if we can play a very small part in that day, then we’re proud to do so.”

Continuing to bring innovation into the industry, last year the company launched a new service, giving people the chance to pre-design their own Colourful Co� n.

“Customers o� en asked us if it’s possible to order a design in advance and, although no-one really likes to have to think about these things, it’s a very practical approach,” continued Mary. “In many ways, it’s a very special gi� to leave behind for your family because they know they are ful� lling your last wishes.”

� e pre-design package costs just £99 and enables people to send through

A V E R Y P E R S O N A L C H O I C EMaking

Colourful Co� ns pioneered bespoke and customised picture co� ns in the UK. Managing director Mary Tomes explains what makes them special.

ideas and themes and to work with one of the company’s designers to agree their design. � is is supplied on an encrypted CD for safe keeping.

� e growing trend towards more environmentally-friendly funerals is also supported by Colourful Co� ns, which already uses biodegradable paper or co� on wraps and environmentally friendly inks.

In 2008, it launched the UK’s � rst 100% recycled cardboard picture co� ns and, in the � rst six months, saw sales rise by around 400% as increasing numbers of people chose cardboard as a more sustainable option.

In addition, thanks to an agreement with carbon o� se� ing organisation Cli-mate Care, greenhouse gases are o� set each time one of its co� ns is cremated. And, when a Colourful Co� n is buried, a tree is planted in the company’s own six acre memorial woodland.

For more details, please visit www.colourfulco� ns.com or telephone 01865 779172. •

In 2008, Colourful Co� ns launched its range of 100% recycled cardboard co� ns

“Many people tell us that having a Colourful Co� n is seen as celebrat-ing the life of the person they have

know they are ful� lling your last wishes.”� e pre-design package costs just £99

and enables people to send through

In 2008, Colourful Co� ns launched its range of 100% recycled cardboard co� ns

A variety of designs are available for both ashes caskets and co� ns

4 8

C O L O U R F U L C O F F I N S

BT1 048-049 Colourful Coffins.indd 48 9/8/09 10:07:23 pm

A V E R Y P E R S O N A L C H O I C E

“ M A N Y P E O P L E T E L L U S T H AT H AV I N G A C O L O U R F U L C O F F I N I S S E E N A S C E L E B R AT I N G T H E L I F E O F T H E P E R S O N T H E Y H AV E L O S T ”

Police Box ashes casket

Police Box ashes casket


BT1 048-049 Colourful Coffins.indd 49 9/8/09 10:07:47 pm

Coffinstailored for theindividualFunerals are personal. And to help youplan, we’ve extended our Reflections®

picture coffins range and introduced theinnovative wool coffin. Whether youneed a pastoral scene with fields ofsheep or a coffin made from Britishwool, we’ve got the answer.

For more information call 0191 415 1516or log on to www.coffins.co.uk

BEST GREENCOMPANIES

BEST GREENCOMPANIES

J C Atkinson

Sedling Road, Wear Industrial Estate (East),

Washington, Tyne & Wear, NE38 9BZ Certified

The mark of responsible forestryCertified by SmartWood SW-COC-536FSC Trademark©1996 Forest Stewardship Council A.C.

We have introduced a new wool coffin range, a natural contemporary coffin with a difference. We have also expanded our Reflections® picture coffins range foradults and children. Customers can choose from a variety of designs or providetheir own imagery for the ultimate expression of personality.

Log onto www.coffins.co.uk for more information about our new ranges.

10795.001 JCA Bereavement Today Ad FINAL 9/7/09 10:24 Page 1

BT1 090 Choosing a Probate Solicitor.indd 50 9/8/09 1:38:31 pm

Coffinstailored for theindividualFunerals are personal. And to help youplan, we’ve extended our Reflections®

picture coffins range and introduced theinnovative wool coffin. Whether youneed a pastoral scene with fields ofsheep or a coffin made from Britishwool, we’ve got the answer.

For more information call 0191 415 1516or log on to www.coffins.co.uk

BEST GREENCOMPANIES

BEST GREENCOMPANIES

J C Atkinson

Sedling Road, Wear Industrial Estate (East),

Washington, Tyne & Wear, NE38 9BZ Certified

The mark of responsible forestryCertified by SmartWood SW-COC-536FSC Trademark©1996 Forest Stewardship Council A.C.

We have introduced a new wool coffin range, a natural contemporary coffin with a difference. We have also expanded our Reflections® picture coffins range foradults and children. Customers can choose from a variety of designs or providetheir own imagery for the ultimate expression of personality.

Log onto www.coffins.co.uk for more information about our new ranges.

10795.001 JCA Bereavement Today Ad FINAL 9/7/09 10:24 Page 1


From personalised coffins featuring the deceased’s favourite things to wool and cotton caskets, coffins are changing. Stephanie Zia looks at the wide choice now available.

C O F F I N S

The coffin is the central focus of the funeral service. It represents the dignity of the deceased on their final journey to the

grave in both an intensely symbolic and highly practical way. In Victorian times the well to do were buried in solid oak or elm coffins with heavy brass fittings and ornamentations whilst the poor were carried to their graves in a parish coffin, shared among the community and reused over many years. In these times of environmental and monetary concerns, the latter may well sound more attractive to many. Indeed, as 70 per cent of funer-als are now cremations, the burning of a solid oak or a tropical hardwood coffin is more likely to be seen as a waste of wood.

Environmental IssuesWhilst nothing but the best is still often felt to be the least a grieving relative can provide, the most basic chipboard, or even cardboard (from Greenfield Creations), coffin is also now widely acceptable and very few crematoriums reject them. If environmental issues are a major concern, though, it should be noted that cardboard does use up more fossil fuels than slow-burning wood and that formaldehyde is used in the manu-facture of chipboard. If a more substantial wood is preferred or needed (to cover the regulations for transportation abroad, for instance), many coffins are now made with sustainable timber certified by the FSC (Forest Stewardship Council). The most environmentally friendly are local woods – cherry, oak or pine. One of the most economical green choices is untreated sustainable pine.

Ecopods in white and gold Available from Ecopod To view the full range, visit www.ecopod.co.uk Order through your funeral director or purchase directly on 01273 746011

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C O F F I N S S H O W C A S E

Showcase

BT1 052-061 Coffins Showcase.indd 52 9/8/09 10:08:21 pm

C O F F I N S

Cane coffin with matching ashes casket Aavailable from Natural Woven Products

To view the full range, visit www.naturalwovencoffins.co.uk Order through your funeral director



CasketsCaskets are the American style of co� n, rectangular rather than tapered, with spe-cial lining and a split lid for viewing. � ey can be made of wood, steel, solid bronze or � nished in white enamel. Wooden caskets are usually made of oak or poplar.

Wicker and Willow Co� nsAn increasingly popular choice are wicker or willow co� ns. � ey look great and are very eco-friendly as they are both carbon neutral and easily sustainable. � ey are now o� ered in a wide range of styles and colours, wicker co� ns can be purchased through your funeral director or sometimes you can buy direct from the makers and have it delivered to the funeral director’s. � is style also comes in bamboo, cane, seagrass, water hyacinth and cocostick.

Homemade Co� nsAs environmental concerns and individuality are becoming more visible at funeral services, some people are choos-ing to make their own co� n. ‘Funeral directors are increasingly likely to accept a homemade co� n from you as long as it meets the anti-pollution requirements,’ says the Natural Death Centre. Musgrove Willows of Somerset even o� er a weekend course where you weave your own willow co� n, which, they suggest, can be used as a storage unit until required.

Personalised Co� nsColourful Co� ns o� er families a very personal choice when it comes to choosing a co� n for their loved ones. � e company pioneered bespoke and customised picture co� ns. Some 90 per cent of the requests they handle involve customising co� ns. � is can involve the addition of family photographs, holiday pictures or even favourite hobbies or sport can be integrated into the design.

Popular Choices� e co� n most commonly o� ered is chipboard veneered in oak or mahogany with handles, a nameplate and, perhaps, a cruci� x. � ese look like brass but are in fact made of a type of easily combustible plastic material. Plain chipboard, without veneer, can actually be cheaper than cardboard. Many funeral directors can provide a co� n in plain sustainable chipboard or cardboard, which you collect and then decorate yourself (by painting, for instance, with water based paints). A simpler personalisation is for a favourite scarf, piece of batik or sports/college � ag to be draped over the co� n. Alternatively, the funeral director can supply a rich velvet pall cover to hang over the co� n during the service.

Whilst many funeral directors, espe-cially the old, long-established family � rms, do sell co� ns without the funer-als, the usual practice is for the co� n to be priced with their services − advice, care of deceased, transportation, sta� , and retrieval of the ashes, but excluding disbursements (� owers, crematorium, church fees etc.).

“ C A S K E T S A R E T H E A M E R I C A N S T Y L E O F C O F F I N , R E C TA N G U L A R R AT H E R T H A N TA P E R E D ”

Seagrass co� nAvailable from Fine Timber Products To view the full range, visit www.� netimberproducts.co.ukOrder through your funeral director

Ivy co� n from Green� eld CreationsTo view the full range, visit www.green� eldcreations.co.ukOrder through your funeral director or purchase directly on 01440 788886

Willow rainbow co� n available from Somerset Willow CompanyTo view the full range, visit www.somersetwillow.co.uk

Order through your funeral director

Manila cardboard co� nAvailable from Eco Co� ns Order through your funeral director To view the full range, visit www.eco-co� ns.comor purchase directly on 01223 655403

5 4



Greenfield Creations

Helping people preserve andprotect the environment

Visit our website to view recent personalised pictorial tributes

Black

SpringHip-HopIvy

www.greenfieldcreations.co.ukTel: 01440 788866 Fax: 01440 788877

E-mail: [email protected]

Chapel Road, Ridgewell, Essex, CO9 4RUAddress:

Brown EconomyWoodland Green

Woodgrain

Egyptian Pink

This market leading, environmentally friendly, cardboard coffin has been manufacturedby Greenfield Creations since 1990. Made from cardboard.

The idea was Greenfield Creations response to an ever increasing number of peoplewanting to reduce their impact on the environment when purchasing a coffin.

Our cleverly constructed, traditionally shaped designs, are stronger than other eco-friendlycardboard coffins, holding up to 23 stone (150kg).

Available in a range of standard stock colours, we also offer a bespoke design service, both at avery reasonable cost.

Our coffins are accepted at cemeteries, crematoriums and woodland burial sites across the UK.

100% biodegradable

Large range of stock colours; Woodgrain, woodland green, white, grey marble, green marble, and brown economy. In addition, Greenfield Creations offer a bespoke design service.

A personal pictorial tribute.A coffin designed to your bespoke requirement, your favourite colour, hobbies, or a place of interest

Managing director, Mary Tomes says, ‘Many people tell us having a Colourful Co� n is seen as celebrating the life of the person they have lost’.

� e company also provide a service allowing people to pre-design their own Colourful Co� n if they so wish.

Green� eld Creations o� er a vast range of colours from plain white, black, wood grain to the highly popular marble e� ect � nishes although, by using digital print technology, they also o� er an extensive pictorial range including � owers, � reworks or their truly original Egyptian design. � ey can also cater for personalised designs; all you need is a personal photograph or idea and they do the rest.

Body Shop founder Anita Roddick was buried in a recycled paper coffin called the Ecopod. Designed by Hazel Selina, a natural birth special-

ist who has turned her attentions to natural death, these futuristic-looking 100 per cent biodegradable coffins are shaped like a seed pod and come in a variety of colours includ-ing silver or gold leaf.

JC Atkinson’s Re� ections® range of picture co� ns o� er a wide choice of designs that they hope will evoke happy memories of your loved one. � eir creative team have worked rigorously on producing a wide range of co� ns that cover many themes in a variety of di� erent styles. Within these various themes (Floral, Landscape, Sporting, Pastimes & Passions, Poetry & Quotations) they o� er ways in which to personalise the co� ns further, with variations on certain designs and the option to include meaningful text.

Wool and Co� on Co� ns� e Natural Legacy Range by JC At-kinson, in partnership with Hainsworth Co� ns, o� ers a unique design combin-ing the highest environmental standards with an a� ractive and so� feel.

Wool Swaledale co� n Available fom JC Atkinson

To view the full range, visit www.co� ns.co.ukOrder through your funeral director

Casket available from Wells Caskets Order through your funeral director

Earthsleeper available from Andrew Vaccari Ltd To view the full range, visit www.vaccari.co.ukOrder through your funeral director or purchase directly on 01363 777746

Re� ections Summer and Nations co� ns Available from JC Atkinson

To view the full range, visit www.co� ns.co.uk Order through your funeral director

5 6



PART OF THE SOMERSET WILLOW COMPANY

Cane and Seagrass Coffinsin both traditional and curved end styles

Tel: 01278 588011 Fax: 01278 588183 E-mail: [email protected]

24 hour (next day) delivery service

within mainland UK.

In addition we offer baby crib caskets, each one

complete with cotton lining.

Matching ashes caskets and nameplates are

also available.

Manufacturers of the most environmentally friendly coffins in the UK.

• Wegrowourownwillow in Somerset.• Ourcoffinsarehand-

woven in our workshops in Somerset.

• Willowisacarbonneutralmaterial.

Tel : 01278 424003 Fax: 01278 446415 [email protected]

www.willowcoffins.co.uk

• Willowisanidealrenewablecrop, harvested annually from the same crown lasting up to sixty years.

• Helpingtoencourageandpromote traditional English craftsmen.

SWC - Bereavment magazine A4 Advert 2009 (PRINT).indd 1 3/6/09 17:32:28

Colourful Co� nswww.colourfulco� ns.comTel: 01865 779172

Eco Co� nswww.eco-co� ns.com Tel: 07931 792947

Ecopodswww.ecopod.co.uk Tel: 01273 746011

Earthsleeperwww.vaccari.co.uk Tel: 01363 777746

English Willow Co� nswww.englishwillowbaskets.co.uk Tel: 01823 490249

Fibrous Funeral Supplieswww.� brous.com Tel: 0845 450 8935

Fine Timber Productswww.� netimberproducts.co.uk Tel: 01584 819981

Green� eld Creationswww.green� eldcreations.co.uk Tel: 01440 788886

JC Atkinsonwww.co� ns.co.uk Tel: 0191 4151516

Musgrove Willowswww.musgrovewillows.co.uk Tel: 01278 691105

Natural Death Centrewww.naturaldeath.org.uk Tel: 0871 2882098

Natural Endingswww.naturalendings.co.uk Tel: 01619 696690

Natural Woven Productswww.naturalwovenco� ns.co.uk Tel: 01278 588011

Passages UK Ltdwww.earthurn.co.uk Tel: 01628 633730

Somerset Willow Companywww.somersetwillow.co.uk Tel: 01278 424003

CONTACTSMade in Yorkshire, the Wharfedale is made using heavy organic co� on supported by a strong recycled card-board frame and edged in jute, while the Swaledale is similar but uses so� wool. Both have a clean, so� , contemporary look and are biodegradable.

Eco Co� nsAnother revolution in co� n design is the Co� n Cover, a high quality wooden shell that covers the actual simple, biodegrad-able co� n for the duration of the service. � ere’s no charge for this because, like the parish co� n of Victorian times, it’s used over and over again. ‘Over 75 per cent of eco and green funerals that we arrange for our clients use the Co� n Cover. Trees, environment, carbon emissions, bank accounts – they are all winners,’ says south London funeral director Steven Mears. ‘Other Funeral

Directors do not o� er this as they want to sell co� ns − not give a service.’

Daisy Co� ns have incorporated recy-cling into their unique eco-co� ns made from fast-growing banana leaves and water hyacinth, ‘Harvesting water hyacinth for constructing Daisy Co� ns has great local bene� ts, in clearing water courses, provid-ing irrigation etc. � e resulting materials, when woven, produce a beautiful looking co� n.’ � ey also make biodegradable leaf urns for the burial of ashes.

Urns and KeepsakesIf ashes are to be buried or kept at home, the choice of urn will be an important one. ‘A cremation-memorial urn is not only to keep ashes, it can hold a personal object, photograph, lock of hair, anything that is a personal reminder,’ says Cremation Urns and Keepsakes, the UK’s largest suppliers of urns and memorial products. ‘� ere are many urn styles, shapes and materials available but the main ones are marble, bronze, brass, wood and glass.’

� e Bio-� ber urn by Fibrous is 100% bio-degradable, 60% plant � bre and starts to degrade within one year. � e Bio-� ber urn is manufactured on the same principle as the Ecopod. Fibrous has a large selection of biodegradable urns.

Passages Ltd make the Shell Deep Water Bio Urn, especially for the burial of ashes in water. Hand made from recycled paper, it is designed to � oat momentarily before sinking and degrading naturally.

Urns do not have to be purchased especially. A favourite item closely connected with the loved one’s life, a treasured wooden box, perhaps, or even a favourite teapot, may feel more apt. •

winners,’ says south London funeral director Steven Mears. ‘Other Funeral

when woven, produce a beautiful looking co� n.’ � ey also make biodegradable leaf urns for the burial of ashes.

Urns and KeepsakesIf ashes are to be buried or kept at home, the choice of urn will be an important one. ‘A cremation-memorial urn is not only to keep ashes, it can hold a personal object, photograph, lock of hair, anything that is a personal reminder,’ says Cremation Urns and Keepsakes, the UK’s largest suppliers of urns and memorial products. ‘� ere are many urn styles, shapes and materials available but the main ones are marble, bronze, brass, wood and glass.’

� e Bio-� ber urn by Fibrous is 100%

Traditional Willow co� n

available fromFine Timber Products.

To view the full range, visit www.� netimberproducts.co.uk

Order through your funeral director

English Willow Co� n available from PH Coate and Son. To view the full range, visit www.englishwillowbaskets.co.uk Order through your funeral director or purchase on 01823 490249

Various co� ns from Colourful Co� ns. To view the full range, visit www.colourfulco� ns.co.uk Order through your funeral director

5 8



Traditional Bu� Willow co� n available from Somerset Willow Company. To view the full range, visit www.somersetwillow.co.ukOrder through your funeral director

Turquoise Willow co� n available from Somerset Willow CompanyTo view the full range, visit www.somersetwillow.co.ukOrder through your funeral director

Coco stick co� nAavailable from Natural Woven ProductsTo view the full range, visit www.naturalwovenco� ns.co.uk Order through your funeral director

Tram co� n available from Colourful Co� ns To view the full range, visit www.colourfulco� ns.co.uk Order through your funeral director

6 0



Top right: English Willow Rounded co� n available from PH Coate and Son. To view the full range, visit www.englishwillowbaskets.co.uk Order through your funeral director or purchase directly on 01823 490249 and Waterhyacinth co� n available from Fine Timber Products. To view the full range, visit www.� netimberproducts.co.uk Order through your funeral director

Various pa� erned co� nsAvailable from Green� eld Creations To view the full range, visit www.green� eldcreations.co.ukOrder through your funeral director or purchase directly on 01440 788886

Wool Swaledale co� n Available fom JC Atkinson

To view the full range, visit www.co� ns.co.uk Order through your funeral director



R E C E P T I O N V E N U E S

It is common practice to host a funeral reception for family and friends after the funeral or crema-tion. The event can be as simple or fancy as you like. These events are

often arranged at short notice and there are several options to consider. Firstly, consider the number of people you wish to invite, as this will influence the size of venue required. Will you require catering, a bar or accommodation for relatives who have travelled a long way?

Hotels and function venues can usually accommodate all of these requirements and will have the staff and

facilities to ensure a more relaxed and dignified time for you and your guests attending the event.

If you are having a reception, ask the funeral director, family member or friend to make an announcement letting people know where and when the event is taking place. This can be done at the funeral home or at the end of a memorial service.

If it is a family-only reception, tell the appropriate family members to pass the word among family and let them know it is a family-only event.

You can personalize the event by bringing a favourite CD of the

deceased, or a memorial DVD and playing it in the background. You may wish to have an open-mic session where loved ones can share memories of the deceased, or to have someone say a few words about the deceased.

The event is a send-off for someone very close to you, and you have total freedom to include whatever feels right for you and your family. At Bereavement Today we are pleased to showcase some great venues that offer an excellent service and will ensure your funeral reception is a successful and memorable event.

BRENT

Wembley StadiumWembleyLondonHA9 0WSTel: 0844 980 8001Email: [email protected]: www.wembleystadium.com

A truly state of the art iconic venue, Wem-bley Stadium is one of the world’s leading sports and entertainment venues. In the shadow of the imposing Arch, one of London’s most famous landmarks, enter a vast array of conference and banqueting spaces, each unique in design and décor, and each offering a superb choice of flexible and inspirational function areas.

BROMLEY

Kent County Cricket Club Sports ClubWorsley Bridge RoadBeckenhamKentBR3 1RLTel: 020 8650 8444Email: [email protected]: www.kentccc.com

Kent County Cricket Club is a unique venue with a function room that is ideal for a funeral reception or wake. We provide a professional service with a personal touch and can offer full catering and bar facilities. There are good transport links and parking for 70 cars.

6 2

D I R E C T O R Y R E C E P T I O N V E N U E S

BT1 062-065 Directory - Reception Venues.indd 62 9/8/09 10:17:17 pm

CITY OF LONDON

Pewterers' HallOat LaneLondonEC2V 7DETel: 020 7397 8190Email: [email protected]: www.pewterers.org.uk

The first Pewterers' Hall dates back to 1496. The current Hall was built in 1960 and houses a fine collection of both antique and modern British pewter. You will receive total privacy for your event with our exclusive venue hire. Richmond Creative Event Caterers handle the catering, on-site sales and management to ensure the success and smooth running of your event.

CROYDON

Crystal Palace FCSelhurst Park StadiumWhitehorse LaneLondonSE25 6PUTel: 020 8768 6000Email: [email protected]: www.cpfc.co.uk

We pride ourselves on being able to deliver the finest catering and the most comprehensive range of Conference and Banqueting facilities available. The flexibility of our suites, dining rooms and executive boxes allow us to tailor the requirements of your event to your precise instructions..

GREENWICH

Eltham Palace (English Heritage)Court Yard, off Court RoadElthamLondonSE9 5QETel: 0844 824 6729Website: www.english-heritage.org.uk/hospitality

This millionaire’s mansion offers a superb mix of sophisticated art deco interiors and medieval grandeur, set in stunning moated gardens. The 1930s house adjoins a magnificent 15th century Great Hall. It is available to hire during the day on an exclusive basis, for lunches and receptions for 10-300 people. Eltham Palace is easy to reach by rail and road.

HARROW

Broadfields Country ClubBroadfieldsHeadstone LaneHarrowMiddlesexHA2 6NNTel: 020 8421 5260Email: [email protected] Website: www.broadfieldscountryclub.com

Broadfields Country Club offers the ideal venue for Funeral Teas. We have handled many wakes in recent years each time accom-modating the family’s personal require-ments. Dependent upon the time of day we can offer exclusive use of the venue to enable the family to have its own privacy. We offer a selection of finger and fork buffet menus and we also cater for special requirements.

HARROW

Premier House BanquetingPremier House1 Canning RoadHarrow WealdstoneMiddlesexHA3 7TSTel: 020 8427 4237Email: [email protected]: www.premierhousebanqueting.com

The complete solution: banquets, receptions, conferences, exhibitions and corporate events. Licensed until 2am. Capacity for up to 500 people.



HILLINGDON

Ruislip Manor Sports & Social Club Grosvenor ValeRuislipLondonHA4 6JQ Tel: 01895 637487Email: [email protected]: www.ruislipsocialclub.co.uk

Situated on 12 acres of green space in the heart of Ruislip, our venue offers a friendly, relaxed and idyllic setting. The club has three separate bar areas. The main hall can hold up to 200 people, and the Lounge bar up to 70 people. Either freshly cooked food or a finger buffet can be arranged.

HILLINGDON

The Emerald RoomsThe GAA ClubRuislipMiddlesexHA4 6QXTel: 020 8841 2468Email: [email protected]

Function room 1 – capacity 100 people, Function room 2 – capacity 200 people. We can cater for two functions daily. Car park to hold up to 100 cars. Catering can be arranged from a finger buffet to a sit down meal. Friendly staff, always willing to help.

HOUNSLOW

Dukes Meadows Golf ClubDukes MeadowDan Mason DriveLondonW4 2SHTel: 020 8994 3314Email: [email protected]: www.golflessons.co.uk

Our elegant and luxurious Promenade Suite is available for private booking. Catering is provided for up to 170 silver service. Receptions are available for up to 200 guests, as well as smaller parties from 12 to 80. Ancillary rooms available.

RICHMOND

Bank of England Sports CentrePriory LaneRoehamptonLondonSW15 5JQTel: 020 8876 8417Email: [email protected]: www.bankofenglandsportscentre.co.uk

The Bank of England Sports Centre has considerable experience in sympatheti-cally attending to your requirements at this difficult time. Up to 250 guests in various function spaces Choice of menus and refreshments. Complimentary parking. Direct access for elderly/disabled guests.

WIMBLEDON

London Scottish Golf ClubWindmill EnclosureWindmill RoadWimbledon CommonLondon.SW19 5NQTel: 020 8789 7517Email: [email protected]: www.londonscottishgolfclub.co.uk

The London Scottish Golf Club offers the historic Victorian Club House, which is available for funeral receptions and other private functions. A warm and friendly service awaits, with catering and Bar facilities to suit your requirements.

6 4

D I R E C T O R Y R E C E P T I O N V E N U E S


WESTMINSTER

The Waldorf Hilton AldwychLondonWC2B 4DD020 7759 4029Email: [email protected]: www.hilton.co.uk/waldorf

At Hilton, we have a range of banqueting rooms you can choose from for any special occasion. It’s the individual touches that make the difference, so if there are particular dishes preferred or table fireworks at midnight, let us arrange those details for you.

WESTMINSTER

Wellington Arch (English Heritage)Hyde Park CornerLondonW1J 7JZTel: 0844 824 6731Email: Website: www.english-heritage.org.uk/hospitality

With transport links on the doorstep, this iconic English Heritage landmark at Hyde Park Corner offers a unique appeal for those looking for a very special venue to say farewell. Two rooms at the top of Wellington Arch, reached by a lift, can host seated lunches for up to 36 people or buffet receptions for up to 80 – top quality caterers can meet every requirement.

CATERER KINgSToN, FulhAM ANd ISlINgToN

SCOFF: Funeral Catering Service Tel: 020 8547 0447Email: [email protected]: www.scoffdelivers.com

SCOFF offers a discrete, professional ser-vice to look after all your catering require-ments at this difficult time. We specialise in delicious, homemade food prepared from the best ingredients to suit all numbers and budgets. We provide a flexible service at short notice and would be very happy to discuss your individual requirements to help you choose the best option.

CATERER MIddlESEX

A Bit of A Do Catering47 Cardinals WalkHamptonMiddlesexTW12 2TTTel: 020 8941 7640Email: [email protected]: www. abitofadocatering.com

We are a long established catering com-pany serving Richmond and Kinston areas, offering sympathetic bereavement receptions. Fork and finger buffet, Funeral tea receptions. Menus tailored to any requirements. Discreet and reliable service.

If you require a specific venue, email [email protected] and one of our friendly staff will be happy to assist you

6 5B E R E AV E M E N T T o d AY


MemorialsAt some stage in our

lives we will endure the painful task of having to choose a memo-rial or headstone for a

loved one. Before commencing your search for a memorial/headstone, it is advisable to check with the cemetery/churchyard as they often have rules governing and regulating which kind of memorials can be erected. These regulations can vary from place to place and it is best to seek advice from your chosen memorial stonemason who will be able to assist you. You should also be aware that before a me-morial may be erected in a churchyard or cemetery written permission has to be obtained from it’s management,

A memorial is a lasting monument and a tribute to a person’s life, and can be an important focal point when coping with grief.

& H E A D S T O N E S

Rowland BrothersTel: 020 8684 1667www.rowlandbrothers.com

again if you have any problems with this; your chosen stonemason will be able to assist you.

When selecting a monumental stonemason for your memorial, we would advise using a member of the National Association of Memorial Masons (NAMM), who are bound by strict codes of business and working practice. At Bereavement Today we are pleased to nominate Rowland Brothers Tel: 020 8684 1667, and the Memorial Group Tel: 0845 367 0007.

It is important to obtain a wri� en estimate clearly se� ing out full details of the memorial you are considering and all the costs involved. � e estimate should include the memorial itself (de-tails on size and materials), the le� ering,

any ornamentation and � nishes, the secure installation of the memorial on a proper foundation and the cemetery or churchyard fees and VAT.

Responsibility for MemorialsIt is important to remember that it is you and not the cemetery or churchyard management who is responsible for the maintenance of your memorial. If the memorial becomes dilapidated or unsafe, then certain steps may be taken to lay it down or remove it. It is therefore wise to arrange for it to be regularly maintained and insured. Most memorial masons of-fer maintenance schemes, usually payable on an annual basis. Terms will vary but will generally include regular cleaning and checking. •

� e Memorial GroupTel: 0845 367 0007www.memorialgroup.com

6 6

M E M O R I A L S & H E A D S T O N E S

BT1 066-067 Memorials & Headstones.indd 66 9/8/09 10:59:52 pm


BT1 066-067 Memorials & Headstones.indd 67 9/8/09 10:42:40 pm

&A selection of unique memorial gi� s in memory of family and � iends. � ese special gi� s o� er a way of expressing your love and helping the bereaved through their time of grief.

M E M O R I A L G I F T SK E E P S A K E S

Indian Summer Ceramic urn also available in a sun� ower design.

Heart of Gold Green and grey glazed ceramic urn.

Bio-� bre urn100% bio degradable, 60% plant � ber. Starts to degrade within one year. Tested at the Danish Technological Institute.

Cast Bronze Memorial PlaquesManufactured using the very best accredited bronze available. Designed and produced using the latest technology combined with traditional casting methods by highly skilled cra� smen with over 100 years experience in the trade. All plaques

are coated with a protective lacquer to ensure durability against the elements. A range of � xings are available which include drilled holes, vertical spurs or two threaded studs � � ed to the rear.

All our products can be viewed at www.� brous.com or contact your local funeral director for our new catalogue.

Fibrous

A selection of unique memorial gi� s in memory A selection of unique memorial gi� s in memory of family and � iends. � ese special gi� s o� er a way of expressing your love and helping the

6 8

M E M O R I A L G I F T S & K E E P S A K E S

BT1 068-070 Gifts & Keepsakes.indd 68 9/8/09 10:24:00 pm

&K E E P S A K E S

These birdbaths can serve two roles.Firstly as a Memorial and secondly as a Cremation urn for human ashes. The top ceramic section is a hollow form.Hidden in its under surface may be fitted a stopper on which an individual's name and dates may be inscribed.

The physical scale of the pieces is massive. Not only are the solid oak bases very heavy but the birdbaths are 'chunky' in construction. Norman and Saxon fonts have played a part in their concep-tion. Their power as Monuments comes from their dual qualities of tenderness and austerity.

Initially we can send you reliable digital images of current stock by email to help you to an informed choice. Depending on where you live you may instead decide to visit the workshop to see pieces for yourself.

Prices include the pedestal wood base. As a Memorial, shapes 1, 2, 3 and 5 are £997, while shape 4. is £1225. When modified to also serve as a Cremation urn each is £100 more.

Packing and delivery within mainland United Kingdom is a further £100 per piece.

Sarah WaltonKeepers, Bo-peep Lane, Alciston, Nr. Polegate, East Sussex, BN26 6UH.Tel/Fax: 01323 811517Email: [email protected]

Sarah Walton

Shape 4

Shape 5

Shape 2

Shape 4



Sentimental ConnectionsSentimental Connections has brought an age-old tradition up to date by � xing a lock of hair in a clear, hard polymer, surrounded by a gold or silver se� ing. Sentimental Connections is a leading supplier of hand cra� ed memorial jewellery.

For further information:Tel: 01159 172979 Fax: 01159 163109Email: [email protected]

Ampli� er Urn When Andrew Vaccari was asked to make something be� � ing for a friend’s cremation ashes he came up with this. His friend was a guitarist and a great lover of music so what could be more appropriate than a Marshall styled ampli� er.Andrew Vaccari has been making a name for himself over the years in bespoke funeral ware. He has specialised in the medium of paper pulp and as well as making architectural features, functional design products and sculpture or pulpture, he has also found a niche in ful� lling the desires of relatives of the dead or the dying wishes of individuals.

Tel: 01363 777746Email: [email protected]

Andrew Vaccari

Memorial benches by 4MemorialBench provide a unique way to preserve memories for over 40 years. Prices start from £249 including carved inscription. For further information call 01564 784852. Website: www.4memorialbench.co.uk

[email protected]

7 0

M E M O R I A L G I F T S & K E E P S A K E S



IMMORTILE LimitedUnit 4 Salisbury House, Salisbury RoadNewton Abbot, Devon, TQ12 2DFTel: 01626 366330 Email: [email protected] www.immortile.com

IMMORTILE Limited

Tel: 01626 366330 Email: [email protected] www.immortile.comEmail: [email protected] www.immortile.comEmail: [email protected]

MemoryIMMORTILE share the love that

cherished photographs hold for most families and recognise, in par-ticular, how certain images of loved ones hold precious memories.

� e IMMORTILE o� ers more than the photograph. An old process − as old as photography itself − has been harnessed now by today’s technology to show a way in which we can take pride in a picture and the memory that the image re� ects.

From simply clay and glaze, the extraordinary IMMORTILE faithfully creates a beautiful and permanent sculpture from a photograph. � e image is transformed into a ceramic relief. A tactile surface that is both rewarding to feel and reassuring to view. It elevates the picture, as if you are touching its memory.

� e enduring IMMORTILE is a Ceramic Photograph. Each commission is registered, stamped and archived as a numbered edition. Years later, the ceramic can be recreated for each future genera-tion of the family. IMMORTILE have established an archive which in time will

Amongst the special things we keep are our photographs.

allow for family trees to be researched and collected, many years a� er their start.

Sometimes with original photographs, only one remains − o� en in poor condi-tion − to which whole families wish to lay claim; and photographic copies never measure up to the intrinsic value of the original. IMMORTILE presents a new and wonderful way to recreate and re-celebrate family picture portraits that generation upon generation can cherish and admire.

Mount or display wherever you wish, at home, on the wall in the garden; for enduring interment or headstone; a marker to tree; a keepsake or touch-stone; or by the hearth at the � reside. Any place where you have time to spend and remember. � ey are vitri� ed and guaranteed to last both inside and out; all weathers, wherever and forever.

Excellent customer service is o� ered with full image support; through edit and restoration to enhancement and completion.

Available in a range of monochrome colours, two plaques are always supplied and additional are cost reduced.

� e IMMORTILE Ceramic Photograph is formed through the Patented Process No. GB 2404610. It is an English made, hand � nished product; manufactured with the skill and tradi-tion of the English po� eries.

To view detail of all that is o� ered, please contact IMMORTILE by visiting the website, sending enquiry or discussing it over the telephone. •

F R O M F A D I N G

S AV E A

“ I K E E P S O M E S P E C I A L T H I N G S T H AT R E M I N D M E O F T H E G O O D T I M E S W E S P E N T T O G E T H E R ”

� e IMMORTILE ceramic photograph can be wall-mounted

IMMORTILE − to give, to have and to hold.

7 1

I M M O R T I L E

BT1 071 Immortile.indd 71 9/8/09 10:41:51 pm

A wreath or floral tribute of some description is prob-ably one of the first things anyone associates with a funeral. Indeed, flowers

have always been a major part of the burial traditions of most cultures (with the notable exception of Judaism – it is not traditional to send flowers to a Jew-ish funeral, but baskets of fruit or food instead). Their widespread popularity is not only due to their visual beauty, but because herbal and floral essences were also once used to anoint the deceased, and their scents used for practical as well as aesthetic purposes.

There is no denying the emotive impact of flowers at a funeral. Many people still remember the three simple white wreaths on Princess Diana’s flag-draped coffin; or the stunning blanket of five hundred blue irises on singer Michael Hutchence’s, with one poignant tiger-lily in their midst as his daughter’s namesake. Wreaths from rela-tives describing the deceased’s relationship to them – ‘MUM’, ‘DAD’, ‘SON’, etc. – are still popular. These can be expensive though: on Interflora’s website the price listed for a ‘Dad’ floral tribute is £120, and for ‘Mum’, interestingly, an additional £15, at £135 – small wonder, then, that you rarely see one reading ‘DAUGHTER’.

Flowers are synonymous with funerals and yet, increasingly, families are requesting donations to chosen charities instead. Louise Voss looks at the options.

& F L O R A L T R I B U T E S

Wreaths and family flowersThere are a bewilderingly large number of options open to anybody wanting to pay their respects to the deceased, or as a gesture of support for their families. As the website Aboutflowers.com suggests, floral tributes often vary stylistically from region to region, so it is best to take advice from a local florist on what is appropriate for a particular funeral, and any restrictions the cemetery or funeral home may have. The undertaker may have taken specific instructions from the next of kin, so it is also worth checking with them. Wreaths for the casket itself tend to be reserved for family members or particularly close friends, and it would be considered insensitive to order some-thing for the casket without consulting the family first.

Standard wreaths, sprays of flowers, and posies remain the most popular options, and range in average price from £30-£80 depending on size or colour. Florists are happy to work in colours of the customer’s choice, or, if local, they may well know in advance the colour schemes already speci-fied by the family for the funeral. Were a customer to request unusual flowers or tributes, the florist would need as much notice as possible.

Unusual floral tributesThese days it is possible to ask for pretty much anything in the way of a Flowers laid on the John Lennon Memorial in Central Park, New York

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F U N E R A L F L O W E R S

Flowers

BT1 072-074 Funeral Flowers.indd 72 9/8/09 10:25:14 pm


Flowers


tribute, and there is a growing trend in requesting something that re� ects the personality or hobbies of the deceased; o� en something fairly outlandish.

Alison Picknell, who has been a � orist in Surrey for 20 years, says: “You can make most things if you use chicken wire and moss, with a ‘basing’ of double chrysanthemums. I’ve done all sorts of things: a ladder and bucket for a win-dow cleaner; an angel; horses’ heads; glasses of brandy; a football shirt in the deceased’s favourite team’s colours. I once made a whole pub, down to the li� le window boxes!”

It is a nice idea, but the more unusual tributes don’t come cheap – upwards of £80 depending on size and complexity. For example, Inter� ora charge £85 for a li� le blue and white teddy bear, £150 for a football, and £200 for a motor car made out of double spray chrysanthemums and carnations. It is a good idea for groups known to the deceased, ie. work colleagues, or fellow club members, to pool their resources to buy one impressive tribute, rather than many smaller ones. � ere may well not be enough room on the accompanying card to write all the individual names, in which case it is more appropriate to put: ‘From your friends at the gym’ or ‘From the whole department’ (make sure that there is at least one name and contact address, so the family can write a le� er of thanks a� erwards).

� ere are other options, though. If the deceased has been in a nursing or old people’s home, a nice idea is to buy � owers in small bunches which can later be dis-tributed amongst the other residents of the home. And it is always important to check the announcement of the death, or ask the family as, increasingly these days, only ‘private’ � owers are requested, – i.e. � owers just from close family – and a charitable donation is preferred in lieu of other � oral tributes. If so, it is still acceptable to send a bunch or posy of � owers to the next of kin’s home as a declaration of love and support for them in their time of trial, but just not wreaths to the actual funeral.

Another perfectly acceptable alterna-tive might be to send a pot plant of some description to the undertakers, to be delivered to the family a� er the funeral. Or something entirely di� erent and non-organic: naming a star a� er the deceased; buying a seat in their name at their favourite theatre or sports ground; or a bench in a park they used to love (although all of those options are considerably pricier than � owers). You

could always buy a tree from a garden centre and plant it yourself, with prior permission from the local authority if in a public place. Even if there is no plaque a� ached to it, family and friends can still be made aware of the signi� cance of it as a gesture, and as something by which to remember the deceased.

Donations to charityOn the whole, however, the trend is still towards giving money to a char-ity of choice, as well as some � oral

tributes at the funeral itself. Di� ering preferences for the two options tend to be regional: inner city � orists receive far fewer requests for elaborate tributes/wreaths than do suburban � orists, and the general consensus of opinion is that younger city-dwellers spend far less on � owers when they do request them. It is the more elderly suburban or country demographic that spend the most money, as the traditional notion still holds � rm that � owers are synonymous with funerals. •

For readers who would like donations made to a charity in lieu of � owers we have nominated a few of the UK’s favourite charities:

� e Blue Crosswww.bluecross.org.ukTel: 01993 822 651

Breakthrough Breast Cancerwww.breakthrough.org.uk/donate Tel: 08080 100 200

� e Royal British Legionwww.britishlegion.org.ukTel: 0845 845 1945

“ S TA N D A R D W R E AT H S , S P R AY S O F F L O W E R S , A N D P O S I E S R E M A I N T H E M O S T P O P U L A R O P T I O N S ”

7 4

F U N E R A L F L O W E R S


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Return the coupon or write to the address below to receive our FREE Will-writing and information pack.

TodayToday is the first anniver-

sary of my wife’s death. Edwina’s headstone was finally installed at the grave last Friday and today

I took our daughter, Sophie, down to the grave for a service; the Anglican priest who buried her a year ago was there to bless the memorial for us. It was just the three of us, in the rain, under umbrellas.

Sophie rose to the occasion. She seemed to understand, in her own four-year-old fashion, that you had to be quiet while the priest said the prayers. On one occasion she started talking and I put my finger to my lips − she understood. So

much so that whenever I intoned any of the responses (the Thanks Be To Gods, as well as the Lord, Have Mercies and the Amens) she looked at me sternly, put her own finger to her own lips and hissed out a long "Sshhhhhhh!” at me. Every time. There were 13 responses in all!

I had in mind that I was going to dress us both in a plain and dignified kind of sombre-chic for the occasion. I wore black trousers and a smart shirt under my overcoat. Sophie had other ideas: "I want to wear some dressing up clothes; my Princess Ballerina dress, because Mummy will love that won't she Daddy?"

James Clark reflects on love, loss and life without his beloved wife, Edwina.

By the time I got upstairs to make sure that the outfit would be warm enough for a winter afternoon outdoors, the entire contents of her dressing up boxes (times two) were emptied onto the floor. She was in a fairy-queen hat; princess-ballerina dress, polka-dot shocking-pink tights, purple heart-shaped shades and pinky-purple floral wellies. I can just imagine the smile on my wife's face.

We stopped for flowers and the two hour drive went well thanks to a Disney cassette and some sweets. The prayers are still resonating: In the faith of Christ we dedicate this Memorial Stone to the glory of God and in memory of Edwina;

in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

The Anglican funeral liturgy is beauti-ful. There's simplicity and humility to it: Heavenly Father, we thank you for all those whom we love but see no longer. As we remember Edwina in this place, hold before us our beginning and our ending, the dust from which we come and the death to which we move, with a firm hope in your eternal love and purposes for us, in Jesus Christ our Lord.

A cup of tea in the beautiful, warm church followed. I gave the priest a card with a small gift inside. I wrote: Thanks

A Y E A R A G O

“ T h E A n G l i c A n f u n E R A l l i T u R G Y i s b E A u T i f u l . T h E R E ' s s i m p l i c i T Y A n d h u m i l i T Y T O i T ” In February 2006 James Clark lost his

wife, Edwina, to Cystic Fibrosis after 13 years of marriage. She was 43 years old.

Edwina lived a very full life as a de-voted mother to their daughter Sophie (who was aged three and a half when her mother died). Edwina was also a busy chartered counselling and forensic psychologist in private practice.

James Clark is a teacher and chaplain at a boys’ school in rural Dorset.

Sophie is now a lively, inquisitive seven-year-old. She talks about her mum a lot and knows that she’s a lot like her. That makes her proud because her mum was beautiful, clever and funny!

If you would like to get in touch with James, you can email him on: [email protected]

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A Y E A R A G O T O D AY

BT1 076-077 A Year Ago Today.indd 76 9/8/09 10:26:04 pm

for being such a good priest to us, and to Edwina. We talked a little theology and he wished us well.

Sophie and I then laid flowers − the first in the new flower container in the base of the Portland stone. I chose red roses and Sophie chose daffodils. They looked stun-ning with the inscription from the Song of Solomon showing through behind them: 'Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.' And so it is.

Sophie told me she wanted to die for love of her Mummy on the way back in the car. I have taught her how to say Cystic Fibrosis and she knows it's a very bad sickness that her Mummy died from.

"I want to get Cystic Fibrosis, with you, Daddy − when I am older. Then we can all die and see Mummy and live in our house again."

She repeats herself, over and over, for at least the last half hour of our journey; as we get closer to our lonely house that is crying out for her mother's warmth and joy. She wants me to understand and I do.

I remember the Anglican prayers again and pray them, silently, for my wounded, grieving daughter: 'May the love of God and the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ bless and console you, and all those who have known and loved Edwina, this day and for evermore.'

I have never prayed a prayer as ear-nestly as I prayed that one. I also have to tell her that her Mummy wants her to live and to love and learn and laugh. I tell her that Mummy does not want Sophie to get sick and hurt too much. Her Mummy wants Sophie to make her a Granny.

Sophie, however, doesn't really want to hear that today. She has found a way to tell me that a part of her wants to die because her mother has died. For the first time in a year she has found a way to put her ache and her loss into words: "I want to be sick with Cystic Fibrosis and to die too Daddy − so I can be with Mummy - then she will be happy, won't she daddy?"

I say: "Your Mummy will be very happy when she sees you again, my love; but I hope that won't be for a long time. When we are old we will both die and then we will see her again."

"Will we get Cystic Fibrosis?""No, sweet-pea. We won't get it.""Oh!" Her disappointment is real."But we might die of something a bit

like that when we are very old.""Okay, then."Love is as strong as death, its jealousy

unyielding as the grave. •


BT1 076-077 A Year Ago Today.indd 77 9/8/09 10:26:17 pm

Death is a certainty in life and children need to understand this. Talking to children about this will prepare them for

something that is inevitable and it will allow them to develop an understanding of life. Teaching them about this topic is a di� cult task but it is an important responsibility for every parent or guardian.

� e age to talk to your children about death is down to you. It is best to discuss what it is before it is experienced so that you have a clear mind and you can ensure

that your children gain some sort of understanding. Discussing death when it has already occurred may confuse your children, they will have to deal with emotion and at the same time develop an understanding of the situation. Preparing them may appear to taint their inno-cence, but children do have a basic view of death before you have brought it to their a� ention. � ey play games at school or in the home, and may play dead in games, also some children have consoles and they will kill the bad guy. From this

experience they need to develop a mature and realistic understanding.

If you are going to discuss death with young children you should avoid using euphemisms such as ‘gone to a better place,’ so they understand what you are saying, it might be best to speak plainly by using words such as ‘dead’ and ‘death’ so that they are not

confused and have a clear picture. You should tailor your explanation to their age, it might be helpful to describe the life cycle of a plant and then apply that explanation to all other living things. Children will ask questions, they are curious. It is important to be as honest as possible, you should not be afraid to answer their questions as they may ask where loved ones go after they have died, and depending on your beliefs this may lead to deeper and religious questions.

T O C H I L D R E N A B O U T

You may think there’s never a good time to talk to children about death, but they will bene� t � om the chance to ask questions. Larissa Khatchik has some helpful suggestions.

“ C H I L D R E N W I L L A S K Q U E S T I O N S , T H E Y A R E C U R I O U S . I T I S I M P O RTA N T T O B E A S H O N E S T A S P O S S I B L E ”

As well as explaining death it is also important to tell your children about the emotions they may feel when a death occurs. You need to reiterate that sadness and hurt are natural feelings and that they can turn to others for support. A child’s response to death may be similar to an adult’s as they might

blame themselves and ask for their loved ones to return. You need to make sure they understand that their loved one will not be coming back and they cannot wish them back, this is essential as your children may hold some hope for their loved ones return, and this will be followed by disappointment and more upset. Remember to tell your children that although death does occur it does not mean that they will forget about their loved ones, memories will stay with them.

You may � nd that your child is � xated about death, if this happens you need to tackle the situation by explaining again that it is a part of life. You will need to create a balance for them by talking to them about life, or giving them some-thing to look forward to by planning a family day out. � is balance is essential so they are not obsessed and become fearful of death. •

death it is also important to tell your children about the emotions they may feel when a death occurs. You need to reiterate that sadness and hurt are natural feelings and that they can turn to others for support. A child’s response to death may be similar to an adult’s as they might

7 8

T A L K I N G T O C H I L D R E N A B O U T L O S S

LossTalking

BT1 078-079 Talking to Children.indd 78 9/8/09 10:26:46 pm

Teenagers will be aware of the concept of death from music, movies and books or perhaps the loss of a much loved pet.

When a death occurs, they will not need the same basic discussions as younger children but it will help to talk.

Teenagers, however, can be uncommunicative at the best of times, so adults need to remain vigilant about any changes in behaviour, such as sleeping habits, eating habits, study habits or changes in the levels of socialising.

Anti-social behaviour can also be a teenager’s way of acting out his or her emotions. So, regularly approach your teenage child with an opportunity to talk about how they are feeling. If they are not willing to open up or are uncomfortable about doing so they may bene� t from seeing a grief counsellor to help them deal with their bereavement.

Teenagers need help to work through their grief and to remember the deceased in some special way, say by writing a poem or planting a tree. But if they will not open up to someone close, do consider ge� ing professional help.

TALKING TO TEENAGERS ABOUT LOSS


LossTalking

BT1 078-079 Talking to Children.indd 79 9/8/09 10:26:56 pm

StagesThere are five stages of grief that most people go through after losing a loved one. Larissa Khatchik looks at what to expect and where you can go for help.

O F G R I E F

F I V E

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F I V E S T A G E S O F G R I E F

BT1 080-081 Five Stages of Grief.indd 80 11/8/09 12:41:47 pm

Grief is a natural reaction to losing a loved one and how you deal with it is a personal experience. � ere are stages of grief

that are commonly experienced, the Kubler-Ross Cycle explains each stage and how people can cope with each one but as Paul Williams of Cruse Bereave-ment Care, says, ‘every bereavement is unique’, so it could help to talk to an expert about your particular circum-stances for more detailed advice.

Grief is a di� cult, healing process that will take time. You may not experience each of these stages or even in this order but it may help identify di� erent emotions and how to come to terms with your loss.

When a death of a loved one occurs there could be an immediate shock and numbing feeling. � is is natural and could lead to denial. Initially, you may � nd you cannot accept that they are actually gone. You might question why this is happening to you. � is denial can lead to the belief that a loved one has le� you. Some believe that they will still come home. Accepting your loss could take some time, this depends on the individual but it could become more apparent when you are faced with a� ending the funeral or their cremation. Once you have experienced this stage it is then followed by anger.

Dealing with overwhelming anger is a normal part of dealing with the loss of a loved one. Anger is a consum-ing emotion, where your anger is targeted is down to the individual. You may find yourself lashing out at the medical staff that supported your loved one, co-workers, other family members or even yourself. Your life will be disrupted by this loss and your anger could be about how you are dealing with the situation. Once you have dealt with this stage you will then move onto bargaining.

This stage can occur before and after death. If someone has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, loved ones may turn to their religious beliefs and attempt to make a deal, “I will...if you let them live.” After death you could still be in this stage by making a bargain to take the pain of grief away, or to bring your loved one back. When you realise that this stage

does not work you may move on the next stage which is depression.

Whether you are expecting or dealing with the death of a loved one, the most common stage of grief is depression. Depression can last for a long time. You may � nd that you cannot cope with your daily routine, and this could lead to you eating and sleeping less. Sadness can take many forms and it can a� ect you mentally and physically. If you � nd that depres-sion is making life seem worthless and you cannot cope with these emotions, you should contact your GP for advice, counselling and possible medication.

Stages Cruse Bereavement Care’s national helpline manager Paul Williams answers some frequently asked questions:

I know that my loved one has died, but I can't accept it. What advice can you give to someone who is experiencing this stage?It is not unusual for it to take time to sink in that a loved one has died. We can o� en be in shock or numb in the early days. However we will gradually realise that the person has died and will begin to cope and adapt without our loved one. In our experience it is not unusual for someone who is bereaved to expect someone to still be there for some time a� er they have died. You may � nd it helpful to talk to a friend or a bereavement support organisation about how you are feeling.

Who can the person turn to if they are alone, or feel that they can't rely on others?If we are bereaved and have no-one to talk to or we have family and friends but we cannot turn to them or rely on them it can be very helpful to speak to Cruse Bereave-ment Care who have a National Helpline and branches of bereavement support workers. It can be so helpful to talk to someone outside the situation on a face to face basis. It enables us to explore our grief and o� ers ways that might help us cope a li� le more.

What advice would you give to someone who is dealing with over-whelming anger?For many people who are bereaved anger can be one of the most di� cult emotions. Anger may be directed at various people such as the person who has died (eg for leaving them), other people (eg relatives who let the bereaved person or us down

before the death or professionals who were not caring enough). We might also be angry with ourselves. Anger can sometimes be related to regret or guilt.

It is important if we can recognise our anger and if possible di� use it. Talking to a friend or a bereavement support organisation could be very helpful if the anger persists. Some people � nd walking or writing down how they are feeling to be helpful. You may be able to direct your anger into something constructive, for some people it can motivate them to do things.

I have accepted the loss of my loved one, but I am afraid to move on with my life because I feel guilty, what can I do?� ere is a very delicate balance between the pain of the loss of a loved one and beginning to adjust to life without them. In the early days the pain may be all consuming and we feel we can not cope or even begin to look to the future. It is not unusual to feel guilty later when we begin to have that new and changed life We might feel that if we begin to look to the future that we are being disrespectful to the person who has died. Gradually we will give ourselves permission to look to the future.

Some people � nd it helpful to ask themselves the questions “What would my loved one have wanted?” and “Would they have wanted me to begin to look to the future whilst also remembering them?”

Cruse Bereavement Care is a charity o� ering � ee help and advice to bereaved people. � is year they are celebrating 50 years of ‘restoring hope’ to those who have su� ered loss.National helpline: 0844 477 9400Young person’s � eephone helpline: 0808 808 1677Website: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Whether it takes weeks, months or years to ba� le through depression the � nal stage is acceptance.

� is is the stage when you come to terms with your loss, this may take time but you will eventually come to accept that your loved one is no longer with you. � is does not mean that you will forget about them. You may � nd your-self emotional again and reliving some of the previous stages, but this is normal and can be triggered by a photograph, birthday, anniversary or family gather-ings. It is important that you deal with each emotion you experience so you are able to move on. •

F I V E


BT1 080-081 Five Stages of Grief.indd 81 11/8/09 12:42:07 pm

JewelleryPeople have always looked for

special ways to remember lost loved ones. Today, there is a refreshing change in attitudes to the once taboo

subject of death. Developments in new technology are revolutionising the way we celebrate the lives of loved ones.

The cultural origins of this could lie in the fact that the baby-boomers are starting to face up to their own mortal-ity – and the generation which changed the way we look at life is now changing the way we deal with death.

Using cremated ashes or locks of hair to create items of jewellery is

something that is gaining popular-ity and it has its roots in a strong human tradition of wanting to keep something tangible of the departed in everyday life.

This basic human instinct is finding a new expression in a variety of attractive ways, thanks to the inventiveness of a number of forward-looking companies, which offer choices to create memorial jewellery, which can be worn with pride.

I was recently looking through mementos left by a favourite aunt, who died a few months short of her hundredth birthday.

There’s long been a tradition of remembering loved ones with a treasured keepsake. John Hemmingway looks at the latest developments in remembrance jewellery.

R E M E M B R A N C E

There, in a tiny box, was a lock of hair which belonged to her beloved fiancé, who was killed in the First World War. It had probably never seen the light of day since 1918.

Earlier generations never had the choices available today. Now a treasured lock of hair can be mounted in a beautiful piece of jewellery, to be worn daily as a highly individual and unique memento.

Cremated ashes would once have been viewed as a highly unlikely ingredient of memorial jewellery. But these days there is a variety of attractive ways to incorpo-rate cremated ashes into jewellery.

Ashes or hair can be turned into diamonds – with the very appropriate message “Diamonds are Forever”. It is an expensive process, but for those who choose to remember loved ones this way, it is a timeless expression of everlasting love and remembrance.

Adding cremated ashes to glass is another established way of creating a lasting memorial from mortal remains, as part of a pendant or a ring.

One of the newest companies to emerge recently sets the ashes or hair in a clear, hard polymer, which then forms the centrepiece of an item of gold or silver jewellery.

This non-destructive process doesn’t involve high degrees of heat and leaves the ashes and hair intact.

There is a new openness in the way in which we confront the issues and prac-ticalities of death. Funeral professionals now offer clients the opportunity to discuss wider options about what to do with cremated ashes.

This is something that benefits both the professionals and the bereaved. Many funeral directors are left with unclaimed ashes from hundreds of funerals – simply because the question of what to do with them hasn’t been resolved.

Agreeing to turn a portion of cremated ashes into jewellery

at the funeral planning stage raises awareness

of the issue. It leaves the client free to keep or scatter ashes in the

traditional way, while at the same time preserving

a small portion to form part of a very special memento. •

“ T h i s B A s i C h u M A N i N s T i N C T i s f i N d i N g A N E w E x p R E s s i o N i N A vA R i E T y o f AT T R A C T i v E wAy s ”

8 2

R E M E M B R A N C E J E W E L L E R Y

BT1 082-083 Remembrance Jewellery.indd 82 9/8/09 10:28:42 pm

ETERNITY CRYSTAL

SENTIMENTAL CONNECTIONS

LIFEGEM

R E M E M B R A N C E

LifeGem has been around for 9 years, they invented this process. Since launch we have served over 2,000 families and delivered over 3,500 LifeGem diamonds across the world. Diamonds can be cre-ated from Ashes or hair. There are several sizes and colours to choose from.

LifeGem has already created three diamonds from a museum sample of hair of Beethoven. They are currently creating a diamond from the Ashes of a pre historic polar bear for a university. They have been asked by the same museum if they will create a diamond from a lock of Michael Jackson's hair.

LifeGem uses the most up-to-date laboratories in the world to create the highest quality of diamonds available. Each one is individually created for you to your specifications. LifeGem is the ultimate memorial available in the world.

For further information Tel 0845 230 4962www.lifegem.com

HairSentimental Connections has brought an age-old tradition up to date by fixing a lock of hair in a clear, hard polymer, surrounded by a gold or silver setting.

Pendant and Cuff LinksCremated ashes set in polymer create the attractive gem-like centrepiece for pendants, brooches or cuff links in a gold or silver surround.

For further information Tel: 01159 172979www.sentimentalconnections.com

From left to right: Scattered Ashes in crystal glass pendant with freshwater pearl on 45cm chain. Approx 20x20mm. Available in clear, pink, aqua & green. Silver £320; 9ct Gold £440Scattered Ashes in crystal glass charm. Approx 10x10mm. Available in clear, pink, aqua & green. Silver £199; 9ct Gold £285Embossed Heart Ashes in crystal glass charm. Approx 10x10mm. Available in clear with freshwater pearls. Silver £225; 9ct Gold £315

For further information Tel: 01458 210830www.eternitycrystal.com


BT1 082-083 Remembrance Jewellery.indd 83 9/8/09 10:29:19 pm

Donate

A wreath or floral tribute is one of the first things anyone associates with a funeral. Indeed flowers have always been a major

part of the burial traditions of most cultures. However it is becoming in-creasingly popular for floral tributes and flowers to be sent by the close family, and for charitable donations preferred in lieu of other floral tributes.

Donating in memory of a loved one is a positive and rewarding way of cel-ebrating the life of someone important to you. If your loved one was concerned about particular worthwhile causes during their lifetime, it will be especially appropriate and meaningful.

The team at Bereavement Today are pleased to nominate some of the UK's favourite charities that can offer

Flowers at a funeral are a beautiful tribute, but too many can seem a waste. Why not follow the trend and instead request donations be given to a charity in memory of your loved one.

I N M E M O R Y

a personal memorial, where you can invite your family and friends to join you in donating in memory of a loved one dearly missed. Alternatively you can instruct those who would like to give in memory to send cheques directly to the charity.

Once a gift has been donated in memory of someone, the charity will send an acknowledgement to you. They will also send a letter or card to the family or next of kin, unless you advise otherwise.

At Bereavement Today Magazine we are pleased to nominate a few of the UK’s favourite charities that do fantastic work for the community and can put to good use any donations in lieu of flowers or legacy. To know more about how your gift or legacy could help or to send a donation, please find contact details listed. •

The Blue CrossFreepost OF224Room L364Shilton RoadBurfordOX18 4BRTel: 01993 825594www.bluecross.org.uk

The Royal British Legion199 Borough High StreetLondon SE1 1AATel: 0203 207 2255www.britishlegion.org.uk/inmemory

Breakthrough Breast Cancer246 High HolburnLondon WC1 7EXCall 0207 025 2444www.breakthrough.org.uk

8 4

D O N A T E I N M E M O R Y

BT1 084 Donate in Memory.indd 84 9/8/09 10:29:53 pm

BT1 024 Stationery.indd 85 10/8/09 2:04:03 am

G reat eulogies make funerals even more memorable and can be remarkable, moving experiences for both

the speaker and the audience. For instance, most people remember the powerful eulogy Charles Spencer gave at his sister Princess Diana’s funeral. It is a misconception that eulogies are delivered at most funerals, unfortunately this is not so, as quite often families are not able to find someone who is willing and able to write and deliver a eulogy. Some families go without, and others ask

clergy to undertake the task, even though they may not have known the deceased. The results are usually much better if the task is carried out by a family member or friend of the deceased.

If you have been asked to write and deliver a eulogy, you should accept this invitation as an honour knowing that your eulogy will touch and live long in the memory of all those who hear it. Bereavement Today offers a few ideas and tips that will give you extra confidence when sharing your thoughts and memories of a loved one with your audience.

Delivering a eulogy may not be easy, but it is a great opportunity to celebrate a loved one’s life.

How to write a eulogy A truly memorable eulogy takes careful preparation and should contain the many reasons why the deceased was well loved and will be missed by the people around him.

Eulogies may be written in various ways, some people come up with serious speeches honoring the deceased person, while others show the humorous side of the deceased person. The most well received eulogy is a combination of both since death should not be a reason to be sad, but a celebration of a life well lived. A sprinkling of funny anecdotes may

be included to lighten the mood of the gathering.

One should devote some time with the deceased person's other family members to gather biographical facts and other personal data you need to include in the eulogy.

We recommend that you give a theme to your speech, you may choose to focus on a particular aspect of life of the deceased. For example, if you were best friends since school or college, then talk about all the good times you had together and how you helped each other during those years. If you worked together,

“ Y o u r a f f e c t i o n a n d l o v e f o r t h e d e c e a s e d p e r s o n m u s t b e f e lt b Y e v e r Y o n e l i s t e n i n g ”

8 6

W R I T I N G & D E L I V E R I N G A E U L O G Y

Writing& d e l i v e r i n ga e u l o g Y

BT1 086-087 Writing and Delivering a Eulogy.indd 86 9/8/09 10:31:04 pm

then talk about how good they were at their job, their ambition to do well, along with some humorous work-related moments that you both shared. Speak from the heart and do not embellish your story with half truths so that your sincerity will be reflected in your eulogy. Your affec-tion and love for the deceased person must be felt by everyone listening to your speech.

Once you have gathered all the data needed for your eulogy, then prepare an outline. This will enable you to understand how your eulogy should flow, then write your eulogy and keep re-writing it until your work is exactly as you want it. Then practice in front of a friend or relative so that you can see if improvements or additional editing needs to be made.

Delivering a eulogyDelivering a eulogy you have written is a task that most people will find extremely difficult. Public speaking is not easy at the best of times, but to stand up in front of a group of people that you may or may not know and to share your emotions with them whilst, at the same time, grieving yourself takes considerable courage.

Whether you deliver serious or funny anecdotes, write notes to help you remember, as it can be a struggle to keep your composure, making notes will help you focus.

Sometimes you can have too much material on this person who touched your life, try and keep relatively short, this way your message will be precise, clear and stick in the minds of your audience. It is a good idea to practice your eulogy in front of a friend or relative, if this makes you nervous practice in front of a mirror. If you feel you may not be able to carry it through due to emotions, put some-one on standby as this will put your mind at ease.

Finally take a deep breath and just be yourself, however much you feel you cannot do it, we all have an unlimited source of strength to call upon. While the eulogy is about your memories and love for the deceased, keep in mind your eulogy is a tribute to the person who has passed on, and if all your practice fails and you cry, that is alright too. Remember if you feel yourself struggling with grief, take a moment, compose yourself and continue with the speech. •

8 7

Writing

BT1 086-087 Writing and Delivering a Eulogy.indd 87 9/8/09 10:31:16 pm

Purchasing a pre-paid funeral plan now ensures your fam-ily is relieved of the many arrangements and costs that have to be made, and also

allows you to make any special requests.� e Funeral Plan is a straightforward

way of continuing to look a� er your family and make sure your own personal wishes are carried out when you are gone. By taking a pre-paid funeral plan now you can take advantage of today’s prices and avoid soaring funeral costs in the future. Planning for your funeral in advance ensures your funeral will happen exactly as you intended and at the same time make the funeral arrangements for your family far easier to deal with.

When making your funeral plan there are many options open to you, you may choose a conventional hearse, a horse-drawn carriage or even a VW Camper (see our feature on funeral transport), a willow or mahogany co� n or many other options (see our feature on co� ns), a churchyard burial or a woodland burial or a special place to sca� er your ashes. A funeral plan provides you with an op-portunity to decide on every detail and personalise the day as you would want it.

At Bereavement Today Magazine we are pleased to recommend Golden Leaves Funeral Plans as an excellent product, which provides great value combined with � exibility to make changes at any time. For further information contact Golden Leaves Funeral Plans on Tel 0800 85 44 48 or email: [email protected] •

Why not take the burden of cost and decision making away � om close family by organising your own � nal send o� .

P L A N S

◆ Make sure you have a wri� en record of the arrangements and keep it safe, you should receive a funeral plan con� rmation. ◆ It is a good idea to ensure that your next of kin knows you have already paid for your funeral and what the details are. ◆ Check to see that the plan provider has a clear complaints procedure, and is a member of the Funeral Planning Author-ity, the industry’s professional body. ◆ Shop around for the plan that best suits you, as there are many to choose from and some can have restrictions on which funeral directors can be used, and some plans do not include disbursement costs (doctor’s fees, clergy and crematoria).

TOP TIPS

8 8

F U N E R A L P L A N S

Funeral

BT1 088 Funeral Plans.indd 88 9/8/09 10:32:03 pm

Peace ofmind foryou andyourfamily

Pre-planning your funeral right now can take away the financial

and emotional burden from your family at the moment when they

are least able to cope with it. Sorting out the arrangements while

you’re still around means you’re sure to get the funeral you’d like

and, more importantly, your loved ones are spared the additional

distress of organising it and paying for it.

In short, with a Golden Leaves funeral plan, absolutely nothing is

left to chance. You’re 100% guaranteed the funeral you want and

your family will have no further funeral directors fee to pay and

little to organise when the time comes.

Pre-Payment Funeral Plans - the thoughtful and responsible approach

Contact us today about our common sense, no hassle, no fuss plans

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Bereave Today Mag A4 cmyk 7/8/09 09:25 Page 1

It’s best to get probate, the o� cial proving of a will, under way as soon as possible. Here, we look at the options available.

than solicitors. However, you need to check who will actually carry out the work. If a high percentage of the work is carried out by clerical staff rather then qualified solicitors there is a risk that mistakes will be made which could be difficult and expensive to rectify later.

� e � nal option is to use an indepen-dent Probate Broker. A Probate Broker will shop around on your behalf in order to get the most competitive quotation from a fully quali� ed Probate Solicitor. Quotations are con� rmed in writing and are guaranteed not to change provided that the details of the Estate are as originally described. Bereavement Today is pleased to recommend Final

A P R O B AT E S O L I C I T O R

Probate is a legal way of distributing a person’s assets a� er their death. Even in the simplest estates there is a surprising amount of

paperwork involved and consequently about two thirds of people decide to seek professional help.

� e fees charged by Probate providers and the level of service o� ered di� er signi� cantly. � e most expensive can be four or � ve times more than the cheapest so it is important to get more than one quotation before you decide which � rm to use. So what are the options and how do you decide which one is best for you?

� e � rst option is to use a high street solicitor. It is essential to pick a � rm with a specialist Probate department rather than a general practice � rm. � e Law Society should be able to give you a list of suitably quali� ed � rms.

� e second option is to use a bank. Banks tend to be much more expensive than solici-tors and most calculate their fees wholly as a percentage of the Estate. A fee of 4% of the value of the Estate is typical. Due to these high charges Banks usually undertake Probate work only when they have been named as an executor in the Will.

The third option is to use a specialist Probate company. A couple of dozen firms advertise regularly on the internet. Fees tend to be significantly lower

Duties as a specialist in this area and can be contacted on Tel 0800 731 8722, or you can visit their website at www.� nalduties.co.uk.

When comparing quotes it is very important to consider factors other than price. For example you need to ask for a list of exactly what services are included. If quote A includes preparing a tax return for the last year of the deceased’s life and Quote B does not then you need to ensure that you are not comparing apples with pears.

If the Estate is large or complex it is important to ensure that you choose a � rm with a depth of expertise in related areas such as inheritance tax mitigation se� ing up trusts and dealing with lasting powers of a� orney. It is so much easier

if everything can be dealt with under one roof.

Finally, you need to check that the � rm that you have chosen

will be able to start work for you immediately rather

than having to � rst work through a backlog of other work.

Nothing can lessen the pain of bereavement but a good Probate solicitor can play a very important role in ensuring that the Estate is administered quickly and e� ciently so that the bene� ciaries can move on with their lives.

If you need any advice or guidance contact Bereavement Today Magazine on Tel: 020 7467 4420 or email advice@bereavemen� oday.com •

9 0

C H O O S I N G A P R O B A T E S O L I C I T O R

Choosing


0800 731 8722www.finalduties.co.uk

Significant savings on Probate You can now save a great deal of money by using Final Duties’ unique new Probate broking service

● We are the UK’s only independent Probate broker,so we work to get the most competitive quote for you

● We give guaranteed fixed-fee written quotations,while others offer vague estimates that increase later

● Work is handled by fully qualified Probate solicitors,selected experienced specialists – not unqualified clerks

● We also offer a wide range of other services, to assist you with every aspect of administering the Estate

Call us for a fixed-fee Probate quotation

FD027 BereavementToday A4 4/6/09 5:18 pm Page 1

When a person dies, their affairs must be managed. This is called 'administer-ing the estate'.

If the person who has died leaves a will, it will usually name one or more people to act as the executors of the will – that is, to administer their estate. If you are named as an executor of a will you may need to apply for a grant of probate.

A grant of probate is an official document which the executors may need to administer the estate. It is issued by a section of the court known as the probate registry.

If there is no will (known as dying intestate) the process is more complicated. The Administration of Estates Act 1925 sets out who can act as administrator – that is, who has the legal right to deal with the affairs of the person who has died. The administrator will usually be a close rela-tive of the person who has died, if there is one. There may be more than one person who has an equal right to do this.

Anyone who has this right can apply to the probate registry for a grant of letters of administration. This is an official docu-ment, issued by the court, which allows administrators to administer the estate.

In some cases, for example, when the person who benefits is a child, the law says that more than one person must act as administrator.

Legal terms you may come across Personal representatives (PRs) This means executors or administrators. If there is more than one personal rep-resentative they must work together to decide matters between them. Disagree-ments between personal representatives can cause expensive delays.

The Law Society offer advice and guidance to assist you through the probate process.

Grants of representation This includes grants of probate (when there is a will) and grants of letters of administration (when there is no will). Often people just refer to probate even if there is no will.

When a grant of representation is needed A grant of representation is not always needed, for example, if the deceased:

◆ Has left less than £5000 in total or◆ Owned everything jointly with someone else.

In other cases, some financial organisations, such as banks, may agree to pay funds to a personal representative without a grant of representation – it is always worth asking. Usually, a grant of representation will be needed when the person who has died left:

9 2

U N D E R S T A N D I N G P R O B A T E

ProbateU N D E R S TA N D I N G

BT1 092-093 Understanding Probate.indd 92 9/8/09 10:32:58 pm

◆ More than £5000; ◆ Stocks or shares; ◆ A house or land; or ◆ Certain insurance policies

How to get a grant You can ask a solicitor to apply for the grant of representation on your behalf.

You can also apply for a grant in person at:

The Principal Registry (Family Division) First Avenue House42-49 High HolbornLondon WC1 6NP.Tel: 0845 302 0900

For a district probate registry in cities and many large towns (ring 0845 302 0900 to find your nearest probate registry and to get an information pack).

If you apply in person, you will have to go for an interview at the registry and fill in an application form and a tax form. There is a fee for this. Staff at the registry can help you fill in the forms.

Responsibilities of personal representatives Personal representatives are respon-sible for making sure that the estate is administered correctly. If there is a will, the personal representative must make sure that the wishes of the person who has died, as set out in their will, are followed. If there is no will, you must follow the rules of intestacy (set out in the Administration of Estates Act 1925). You should ask your solicitor to explain these.

Inheritance tax Personal representatives are also responsible for finding out if inheritance tax is due as a result of a person's death. If it is, the personal representative has to make sure that it is paid.

Whether inheritance tax needs to be paid can depend on:

◆ How much the property and belongings of the dead person were worth when they died◆ The value of any gifts that they gave before they died, and who they gave these gifts to◆ The value of certain trusts from which the dead person benefited; or which people benefit under the will or under the rules of intestacy (the beneficiaries).

You can find out more by looking at the HM Revenue & Customs website at www.hmrc.gov.uk or by asking a solicitor.

Likely timescales Handling the affairs of someone who has died can take a long time. It is not unusual for proceedings to take up to a year, perhaps even longer if things are not straightforward. Many organisations may also be involved in the process, for example, banks, building societies, insurance companies, as well as HM Revenue & Customs, and dealing with them all can be time-consuming.

The estate cannot be dealt with until all claims to it have been received. Individuals have six months from the date when probate was granted to make claims against the estate.

Other things that may affect the time taken are:

◆ Whether the financial affairs of the person who died were in order◆ What the person who died owned and where it is◆ Whether the person who died had an interest in a business or a farm ◆ What the will or the rules of intestacy say ◆ Whether there are any legal disputes (claims against the estate or claims by the estate)

◆ Whether inheritance tax needs to be paid ◆ Making sure that all HM Revenue & Customs files are closed and that matters relating to income tax, benefits agencies and pensions have been sorted out.

Arguments between family members, beneficiaries or personal representatives can also delay matters. Any disagreements must be sorted out before the affairs of the person who died can be settled.

Costs Charges can vary between solicitors and depend on what is involved in administering the estate. It is often not possible to know immediately what may be involved and how much advice and help is needed.

Your solicitor should tell you what the costs are likely to be before car-rying out any work. You can compare costs by contacting more than one solicitor. Remember that the cost of dealing with the estate is usually paid from the estate.

However, cost is not the only consideration. It is equally important to find a solicitor who is approachable and sympathetic, and whose advice you understand. For a probate specialist near you refer to the Bereavement Today Wills and Probate Specialists Directory.

For further information, please contact Bereavement Today Magazine on Tel: 020 7467 4420 or email: advice@bereavement today.com •

“ Y o u r s o l i c i t o r s h o u l d t e l l Y o u w h at t h e c o s t s a r e l i k e lY t o b e b e f o r e c a r rY i n g o u t a n Y w o r k ”

9 3b e r e aV e M e n t t o d aY

Probateu n d e r s ta n d i n g

BT1 092-093 Understanding Probate.indd 93 9/8/09 10:33:02 pm

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9 4

T H E P R O B A T E P R O C E S S

BT1 094-095 The Probate Process.indd 94 9/8/09 10:33:22 pm

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BT1 094-095 The Probate Process.indd 95 9/8/09 10:33:23 pm

Barking & Dagenham BarneT BarneT

Final DutiesSt Georges HouseKnoll RoadCamberley GU15 3SYTel: 0800 731 8722Email: [email protected]: www.finalduties.co.uk


HLA Solicitors56 East ViewBarnet Herts EN5 5TNTel: 020 8441 1856Email: [email protected]: www.hlasolicitors.com

BarneT BeXLeY BrenT

Macrory Ward Solicitors27 Station RoadNew BarnetLondon EN5 1PWTel: 020 8440 3258Email: [email protected]: www.macroryward.co.uk



BrenT BrOmLeY BrOmLeY

Gillhams Solicitors LLP3 Rowan House9-31 Victoria RoadPark RoyalLondon NW10 6DPTel: 020 8965 4266Email: [email protected]: www.gillhams.com

Batchelors SolicitorsCharles House35 Widmore RoadBromleyKent BR1 1RWTel: 020 8768 7000Email: [email protected]: www.batchelors.co.uk


P r O B aT e S O L i C i T O r S

When dealing with the deceased's estate you will be subject to certain duties

and responsibilities that have to be carried out. These decisions could have long and short term effects on you and your family, and therefore it may be beneficial to take advice before finalising any commitments.

We have carefully selected from each London Borough law firms that have excellent reputations and strong links within their local communities to assist you at this difficult time.For further information about each law firm visit www.bereavementtoday.com.

9 6

D I R E C T O R Y P R O B A T E S O L I C I T O R S

BT1 096-099 Directory - Probate Solicitors.indd 96 9/8/09 10:33:47 pm

BROMLEY CAMDEN CITY OF LONDON

Judge & Priestley LLPJustin House6 West StreetBromleyKent BR1 1JNTel: 020 8290 0333Email: [email protected]: www.judge-priestley.co.uk




Alan Blok Solicitor10 Godstone RoadPurleySurrey CR8 2DATel: 020 8668 0662Email: [email protected]: www.bloklaw.co.uk


Gowens Solicitors69-73 High StreetCroydonSurrey CR0 1QETel: 020 8680 2200Email: [email protected]: www.gowens.co.uk

EALING EALING ENFIELD


Gillhams Solicitors LLP3 Rowan House9-31 Victoria RoadPark RoyalLondon NW10 6DPTel: 020 8965 4266Email: [email protected]: www.gillhams.com


GREENWICH HACKNEY HAMMERSMITH




HARRINGEY HARROW HARROW


Camerons Jones Solicitors200 Northolt RoadSouth Harrow Middx HA2 0ENTel: 020 8423 6666/1616Email: [email protected]: www.cameronsjones.co.uk

Curry Popeck380 Kenton RoadHarrowMiddx HA3 8DPTel: 020 8907 2000Email: [email protected]: www.currypopeck.com



HARROW HAVERING HILLINGDON




HOUNSLOW ISLINGTON ISLINGTON


Colman Coyle LLPWells House80 Upper StreetLondon N1 0NUTel: 020 7354 3000Email: [email protected]: www.colmancoyle.com


ISLINGTON KENSINGTON & CHELSEA KINGSTON UPON THAMES

Gelbergs LLP188 Upper StreetIslingtonLondon N1 1RQTel: 020 7226 0570Email: [email protected]: www.gelbergs.co.uk



LAMBETH LEWISHAM MERTON




NEWHAM REDBRIDGE RICHMOND UPON THAMES




9 8

D I R E C T O R Y P R O B A T E S O L I C I T O R S


SOUTHWARK SUTTON TOWER HAMLETS




TOWER HAMLETS WALTHAM FOREST WANDSWORTH

Miller Evans & Co Solicitors1st Floor19 Pepper StreetLondon E14 9RPTel: 020 8987 2515Email: [email protected]: www.me-solicitors.co.uk


Murray Hay & Co159 High StreetPutneyLondonSW15 1RTTel: 020 8780 1225Email: [email protected]: www.murrayhay.co.uk

WANDSWORTH WESTMINSTER





A person who dies without making a Will or without making a valid Will, dies intestate. The property belonging to such a per-

son is inherited according to a strict set of rules commonly known as the intestacy rules. Instead of the property going to the deceased's chosen beneficiaries, it is left to other relatives in a particular order. Total IntestacyIf a person dies without leaving a valid Will, they are said to die intestate. This occurs when the deceased never made a Will at all, cancelled their Will and did not make a new Will or because the Will that was made is invalid.

Partial intestacy A person dies partially intestate if they leave a valid Will, but the Will fails to dispose of all the assets. If, as is usual, the Will contains a valid residuary gift, a partial intestacy is avoided. A residual gift is one which ensures that all the property which has not been specifically dealt with in the Will (the residue) passes to chosen beneficiaries nominated by the person making the Will (the testator). Make sure your Will prevents partial intestacy by automatically gifting your residuary estate in accordance with your wishes.

Effect of Intestacy RulesThe effect of the intestacy rules is that they impose a trust over all the property in respect of which a person dies having provided for them in their Will.

This trust imposes duties and gives certain powers to the PRs (personal rep-resentatives, those appointed to manage the estate when someone dies intestate).

The PRs must pay the funeral and admin-istration expenses and any debts of the deceased. The balance remaining (after setting aside a fund to meet any cash gift left by the deceased in the Will) is the residuary estate to be shared amongst the family under the rules of distribution.

The PRs have the power to use assets towards satisfaction of a beneficiary's share with the beneficiary’s consent. Personal assets must not be sold without special reason. In other words, where money is required to pay debts or expenses and there is a shortage of funds in the estate, the PRs would be entitled to sell personal assets.

What happens to the estate if someone did not make a WillThe right of a person to benefit on intestacy depends on their relationship with the deceased and whether any closer relatives have survived. The general principle is that the estate is shared by the relatives in the highest category, to the exclusion of relatives in a later category but it is more complicated if there is a surviving spouse.

The spouse has priority over all other categories of beneficiaries, but may have to share the residuary estate with other beneficiaries. If the person who dies intestate has no surviving spouse or civil partner, their estate passes to the following in order:

◆ Their children, subject to the property being placed in trust but if none, to ◆ Their parents, equally if both alive, but if none to ◆ Their brothers and sisters subject to the property being placed in trust but if none to ◆ Their half brothers and sisters subject

IntestacyWhen someone dies without leaving a will there are strict rules in place to distribute the estate.

R U L E S

to the property being placed in trust, but if none ◆ Their grandparents equally if more than one, but if none to ◆ Their uncles and aunts subject to the property being placed in trust, but if none to ◆ Their half uncles and aunts subject to the property being placed in trust, but if none to ◆ The Crown

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BT1 100-103 Intestacy Rules.indd 100 9/8/09 10:34:17 pm

Intestacy The statutory trusts Apart from the spouse, parents and grandparents, each category of relatives takes subject to the trust being created. The purpose of the trust is to establish membership of the class of beneficiaries and the terms on which they take, in much the same way as would normally be provided in a Will. The trusts contain three main provisions:

The class of beneficiariesThe residuary estate is held on trust in equal shares for those relatives in the relevant category who are living at intestate's death. The term living includes a person who is conceived but not born at the intestate's death.

The contingencyThe interest of the beneficiaries are subject to reaching the age of 18 or getting married whichever is earlier.

The substitutionIf a member of the category has died before the intestate leaving a child or children, the child or children take their deceased parent's share, if more than one in equal shares, subject to reaching the age of 18 or getting married whichever is earlier.

Spouse/civil partner only Where the intestate (someone who dies without having made a valid Will) leaves a surviving spouse or civil partner but no children, parent, brother or sister, or children of a deceased's brother or sister, the whole estate, however large, passes to the spouse or civil partner absolutely.

More distant relatives such as half brothers and sisters, grandparents and cousins are not entitled to any part of the estate.

If, however, the spouse or civil partner dies within a period of 28 days of the death of the intestate, the estate is distributed as if the spouse or civil partner had not survived the intestate.

Spouses and civil partnersUnder the intestacy rules, a spouse is the person to whom the deceased was married at their death whether

“ T h e r i g h T o f a p e r s o n T o b e n e f i T o n i n T e s Ta c y d e p e n d s o n T h e i r r e l aT i o n s h i p w i T h T h e d e c e a s e d ”

1 0 1b e r e aV e M e n T T o d ay


or not they were living together, or in the case of civil partners, were joined in a civil partnership under the Civil Partnership Act 2004. Where the par-ties were divorced or are traditionally separated the spouse will not benefit under the rules.

ChildrenChildren who bene� t under the rules include all direct descendants of the deceased. � at is children, grandchil-dren, great grandchildren etc. Adopted children are also included as are those whose parents were not married at the time of their birth. DistributionWhere both spouse/civil partner and children survive the intestate, their estate is distributed as follows:

� e spouse/civil partner receives the personal assets absolutely. Personal assets are also called personal cha� els and include carriages, horses, stable furniture and e� ects, motor cars and accessories, garden e� ects, domestic animals, plate, plated articles, linen, china glass, books, pictures, prints, furniture, jewellery, articles of house-hold or personal use or ornaments, musical and scienti� c instruments and apparatus, wines, liqueurs and consum-able stores. � ey do not include any cha� els used at the death of the intestate for business purposes nor money or securities for money.

In addition to the personal assets, the spouse/civil partner receives a speci� c gi� of £125,000 free of tax and cost plus interest at a prescribed rate from the date of death until payment. If the residuary estate apart from the personal assets is worth less than £125,000, the spouse/civil partner receives the whole amount and the children receive nothing.

If there is more than £125,000, the first £125,000 will go to the spouse/

civil partner and the rest of the estate is divided into two equal funds. One fund is held on trust for the spouse/civil partner for life with remainder to the children also to be held on trust. In other words, the PRs will invest 50% of the rest of the estate in a fund and pay the interest to the surviving spouse/civil partner for life and thereafter it will be paid in accordance with the trust. The other 50% will be invested by the PRs for the benefit of the children who will ultimately receive that portion of the estate.

� e spouse/civil partner's entitle-ment to the bene� ts under the intestacy rules is conditional on the spouse/civil partner surviving the intestate for 28 days. Where the intestate's spouse/civil partner dies within 28 days of the intestate, the estate is distributed as if the spouse/civil partner had not survived the intestate.

Living together but not marriedSo far as intestacy is concerned there is no such thing as a ‘common law wife’ or husband. If you are not legally married, you get nothing. However anyone who was financially depen-dant on the deceased may be able to make an Application for provision from the estate.

Application for provision (Inheritance Act)By way of the Inheritance Act 1975 certain family members and other dependants can make a claim against the estate if no provisions are made for them in the Will. A ‘common law wife’ or husband – de� ned as living together as husband and wife for two years or more at the time of death, are able to make a claim under the Act. In this case they need not have been strictly dependant on the deceased in order to receive provision.

Other members of the family who were dependant on the deceased, e.g. children may claim a share of the estate if the Will does not give them one, but are likely to receive no more than a ‘maintenance’ sum.

� e main purpose of making a Will is to ensure your wishes are carried out a� er your death. If there is a possibility that the provisions in your Will may fall foul of the Inheritance Act, yet you have reasons for what you do, you can set the reasons out in a special document called an Inheritance Act Statement. For example, if you have given their ‘inheri-tance’ to one of your children during your lifetime and want to exclude that child from your Will, you can say so in the Statement.

While Inheritance Act Statements are not binding on the court in the event that your Will is disputed, the court is more likely to rule in favour of uphold-ing the provisions of the Will if it can see that you have a reasonable motive for what you do.

Applying Trusts for descendants� e primary bene� ciaries are the children of the intestate who are living at the death of the testator. Grandchil-dren are included only by substitution, which is where a child has died before the intestate.

� e interests of the children are sub-ject to them reaching the age of 18 or marrying under that age. If a child dies a� er the intestate, but before they reach 18 or marry, their share is distributed as if they had pre-deceased the intestate.

Any children of the deceased child (i.e. grandchildren of the deceased) who are living at the intestate's death take their deceased parents share equally between them, subject to them reaching the age of 18 or earlier marriage. Great grandchil-dren will be included only if their parent had also pre-deceased the intestate.

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I N T E S T A C Y R U L E S


Whilst money is being held for children before they reach 18, the trustees have powers to advance income and capital to the children.

Spouse/civil partner's right to cash in The surviving spouse/civil partner may elect to take a lump sum pay-ment in place of a life interest. This means that the half of the residue (i.e. amount over £125,000) which would, under the provisions outlined above, be held on a trust for the spouse/civil partner for life with remainder to the children will instead be divided between the spouse/civil partner and the children. The spouse/civil partner receives a cash payment immedi-ately and the balance is held for the children on trust.

If all the children entitled to share in the intestate's estate are of full age and capacity, they can agree the capital value of cashing in the life interest with the surviving spouse/civil partner. In the absence of agreement, or if any bene� ciary is not yet 18, the amount which the surviving spouse/civil partner receives is calculated according to certain prescribed guidelines. � e e� ect is that the younger the spouse/civil partner the greater the lump sum will be, although it will never be full capital value of the life interest.

If the spouse/civil partner prefers to take a lump sum payment they must give wri� en notice of their decision to the PRs within 12 months of the PRs receiv-ing their authority to act in the manage-

ment of the estate. Where the spouse/civil partner decides to take a lump sum in place of a life interest, this will have the e� ect of increasing Inheritance Tax payable by the estate. � e reason for this is that when a person leaves assets to their spouse/civil partner, those assets are exempt from Inheritance Tax. If the spouse/civil partner takes a lump sum payment instead of a life interest, the value of the lump sum will be less than the life interest and therefore the estate will be le� with a larger amount, which will be taxable.

� e matrimonial homeIf there is a matrimonial home, which forms part of the estate, the surviving spouse/civil partner can retain the matrimonial home in full or partial satisfaction of their interest in the estate.

If the property is worth more than the spouse/civil partner's entitlement, the spouse/civil partner may still retain the matrimonial home provided they pay the di� erence to the estate. � is is called equality money. For example, according to the intestacy rules the surviving spouse/civil partner is en-titled to £125,000 and the matrimonial home is worth £150,000. � e surviving spouse/civil partner may therefore receive the matrimonial home but will have to pay to the PRs an amount of £25,000 being the di� erence between the value of the house and the amount to which the spouse/civil partner is entitled. � e amount of £25,000 will then form part of the rest of the estate to be divided into the two equal funds as discussed above.

� e spouse/civil partner will receive the home at its open market value at the time it is decided to keep the home. In times of rising house prices, the surviving spouse/civil partner should exercise the right as soon as possible a� er the death.

In view of the right to retain the matrimonial home, the PRs should not sell or otherwise dispose of the matri-monial home during the twelve months from the date they receive the authority to act without the wri� en consent of the surviving spouse/civil partner.

However, if there are insu� cient funds to cover the debts and estate expenses, the PRs will be entitled to sell the home with the consent of the surviving spouse/civil partner.

Spouse/civil partner & parents, brothers or sistersWhere the intestate (someone who dies without having made a valid Will) leaves a surviving spouse/civil partner but no children, the distribution of the estate depends on whether any other close relatives survive. If the intestate is survived by either or both parents, by brothers or sisters or by children of the deceased brothers and sisters, the spouse/civil partner will receive:

All of the personal assets absolutelyA speci� c gi� of £200,000 free of tax and costs plus interest from the date of death until payment. If the rest of the estate apart from the personal assets is worth less than £200,000 the spouse/civil partner will receive the entire amount tax free.

Half of the rest of the estate abso-lutely. In other words, no life interest is created and assets placed on trust.

� e spouse/civil partner's entitlement is subject to surviving the intestate for 28 days. If the spouse/civil partner dies within 28 days of the intestate, the intes-tate's estate is distributed as if the spouse/civil partner had not survived them.

If either parent survives the intestate, that parent receives the remaining half of the rest of the estate absolutely. If both parents survive, that half is shared equally between them. If both parents have died before the intestate, the remaining half is divided between the intestate's broth-ers and sisters subject to the property being placed on trust. The terms of the trusts are the same as those for children. If a brother or sister of the intestate dies before the intestate leaving children, the children (i.e. nephews and nieces of the intestate) take their parent's shares.

� e surviving spouse/civil partner once again has the right to take the matrimonial home in full or partial satisfaction of their interest in the estate.

If you would like to make a Will or need assistance with any probate ma� ers refer to our Wills and Probate Solicitors Directory on pages 92/93, where you will � nd a recommended specialist in your area. For further information email: info@bereavemen� oday.com •

“ C H I L D R E N W H O B E N E F I T U N D E R T H E R U L E S I N C L U D E A L L D I R E C T D E S C E N D A N T S O F T H E D E C E A S E D ”

1 0 3B E R E AV E M E N T T O D AY


LegacyLosing a loved one is traumatic.

Sometimes, knowing you have been left an inheritance can help ease the burden. Sometimes, quite frankly, it

adds to the trauma as it throws up yet an-other set of decisions that need to be taken at a time of extreme grief and uncertainty.

Of course, determining what to do with a legacy depends on your age, family circum-stances, the amount of the inheritance and in what form is has been bequeathed.

Inheriting a houseFor many people, inheriting a house would be both a blessing and a curse. Yes, there are undoubted financial gains. The money could be realised to pay for school fees, university education, long-term care for surviving relatives, repay the mortgage on an existing property, and indeed provide an asset that could be used as a pension in future years.

However, inheriting a house can mean inheriting a mausoleum of memories. It also means inheriting a potential decision making curse: whatever action you take over the property will rarely be universally liked by surviving family and friends and there could be squabbles aplenty over every item of furniture and knick-knack within the place.

As impersonal as it sounds − and regardless of how close you were to the person who’s died, by far the best course of action is to not think of it as a property at all; merely as an investment vehicle.

It is a touching honour to be left a legacy, but it can also present a quandary. Madeline Thomas explains the tax implications and makes some investment suggestions.

The big issue of taxThe first thing to remember is that a property is considered part of the overall estate and will be liable to inheritance tax if the value of the overall estate exceeds £312,000. It is a flat rate tax charged at 40% on all assets over the threshold. Sometimes, those who have bequeathed a property may also have left a life insurance policy in trust to you that would help pay the tax bill. However, that’s rare.

House prices have slumped over the last year but there are plenty of houses that are valued at considerably more than £312,000. Let’s talk numbers. An IHT bill on a house valued at £500,000 would be £75,200: an enormous sum for anyone to pluck out of thin air.

One’s first reaction might be to say, “That’s easy, I’ll sell the house to raise the money to pay the tax.” If only life were that simple. HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) takes the value of the property

“ t h i s l e g a c y wa s t h e i r c h a n c e t o d o s o m e t h i n g t h at w o u l d b e o f l a s t i n g b e n e f i t t o t h e i r fa m i ly ”

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L E G A C Y I N V E S T I N G

w h at t o d o w i t h y o u r

BT1 104-105 Legacy Investing.indd 104 9/8/09 10:35:01 pm

Legacy on the day someone dies, and expects the inheritance tax to be paid within six months. Luckily, we are no longer at the bottom of the housing slump where nothing is moving but, for those who are banking on selling the house to pay the tax bill, speed is of the essence.

Looking beyond the issue of the tax bill for a moment there are a few ques-tions that it is worth considering.

Does the inherited property provide better accommodation for you and/or your family?If so, a logical course of action could be to swap houses – move into and keep the one you’ve inherited; rent out or sell your existing home to either pay the tax bill or realise any investment income.

Is the inherited property on a good commuter route or in a university town?If you wish to consider maintaining the property as a rental unit to cover costs, realise a little income and maintain an asset for a later date, it is essential to know that it is situated within a buoy-ant market location where it will be relatively easy to replace tenants when they move on.

It is important however, to ensure that no rental is undertaken in a half-hearted manner. Recent legislative changes mean all private landlords now have to be registered. There is no ducking the new red tape.

Are there major financial commit-ments for which selling the property makes sense?If you have a family, there are a million commitments on your strained income for which selling an inherited property would make sense. However, before the For Sale Board goes up outside

the property, weight up the relative merits of providing your family with an immediate lump sum, to providing enough monthly rental income to cover costs and maintain an asset which may yet appreciate between now and when you finally sell.

Of course plenty of people inherit sums of money – big or small – rather than property.

The sizeable sumThose who inherit £100,000 or above should obviously first seek indepen-dent financial advice. The best place to find a good local IFA is on the www.unbiased.co.uk website, where you can seek advisers close to your postcode that have specific advanced investment qualifications.

What you do with the funds depends upon your needs and those of your family

Looking for incomeParents looking to pay school fees or university costs or those looking to use an investment to supplement their retirement income could do worse than investing a significant portion of their lump sum into Guaranteed income or high income bonds.

This is because, depending upon your age and situation, you could withdraw up to 5% per year of the original investment without an immediate tax charge.

Going for growthThose in their 20s, 30s or 40s who have no such income requirements would most likely be seeking growth, as this could provide their quit-work-early fund or their pension. Investing in a pension, as such, is not necessary. The adviser would probably recommend that the assets are split between cash, equities, and growth bonds – guaranteed or otherwise. Yes, equities, or shares, have performed badly recently but, histori-cally, they remain the asset class with the best returns over time.

Lesser sumsIn today’s climate it seems puerile to associate any sum of less than £50,000 as “lesser” but, in investment terms, it is. Sums of this magnitude also provide the most freedom. They provide the scope to repay debts, take a holiday, perhaps update the family car and possibly put a little something aside.

Friends recently inherited £10,000. They had no rainy day money: no three-month emergency fund, so they had originally intended to save the lot. However, they changed their minds. Why? Reflecting on the decision prompted them to realise that the gift of money – this legacy – was their chance to do something that would be of lasting benefit to their family. So, they will save some of the money and have bought a small runaround with the rest. They can turn around and say “Grandma enabled us to do that” and they’ve chosen it in her favourite colour. (It’s just as well she wasn’t too hot on pink or yellow).

This also serves as a timely reminder to anyone who inherits some money, whether it’s a lot or a little. If possible, do justice to the approach to life of the donor as well as meet the needs of the recipient. •


BT1 104-105 Legacy Investing.indd 105 9/8/09 10:35:06 pm

InheritanceTA X

Not everyone is liable for inheritance tax (IHT). It is only due if your estate including property, possessions,

money and investments, together with any assets held in trust and gifts made within seven years of death, is valued over the current IHT threshold of £312,000. The tax payable is 40 per cent on the amount over the threshold. The executor or personal representative usually pays the tax from the deceased’s estate. Trustees usually pay the tax on trust assets.

ExemptionsThere are a number of exemptions which allow you to pass on amounts (during your lifetime or in your will) without any inheritance tax being due, for example:

If your estate passes to your husband, wife or civil partner and you both have a permanent home in the UK there is no

What are the rules and what are the exemptions when it comes to inheritance tax?

inheritance tax to pay even if it is above the inheritance tax threshold.

Most gifts made more than seven years before your death are exempt.

Other gifts, such as wedding gifts and gifts in anticipation of a civil partnership up to £5000 (depending on the relationship between the giver and recipient), gifts to charity and £3000 given away each year are also exempt. Parents

can each give £5000. Grandparents and other relatives can each give £2,500; anyone else can give £1000.

Importantly, gifts made to your unmarried partner or a partner with whom you’ve not formed a civil partnership are not exempt.

Annual ExemptionsYou are allowed to give away £3000 in each tax year without paying inheritance tax. You can carry forward all or any part of the £3000 exemption you do not use to the next year but no further. For example, you could give away up to £6000 in any one year if you had not used any of your exemption from the year before.

Normal Expenditure GiftsAny gifts that are made from your after-tax income (but not your capital) are exempt from Inheritance Tax, that is if they are part of your normal expenditure. These include:

“ T h e e X e c u T o r o r p e r s o n A l r e p r e s e n TAT i v e u s u A l ly pAy s T h e TA X f r o m T h e d e c e A s e d ’ s e s TAT e ”

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I N H E R I T A N C E T A X

BT1 106-107 Inheritance Tax.indd 106 9/8/09 10:35:35 pm

Inheritance◆ Monthly or regular payments to someone or anniversary, birthday or Christmas gifts.◆ Life insurance premiums for you or someone else.

Maintenance GiftsYou can make inheritance tax-free maintenance payments to:

◆ Your husband, wife or civil partner.◆ Your ex-spouse or former civil partner.◆ Relatives who are dependent on you due to old age or infirmity.◆ Your children (including adopted and step-children who are under 18 or in full-time education.

Potentially Exempt Transfers (PET)If you as an individual make a gift in any of the situations listed below and it is not covered by one of the exemp-tions already described, it is known as

a ‘potentially exempt transfer’ (PET). A PET is only free of inheritance tax if you live for seven years after you make the gift.

Gifts that count as a PET are gifts that you as an individual make to:

◆ Another individual◆ A trust for someone who is disabled.◆ A bereaved minor’s trust where, as the

beneficiary of an Interest In Posses-sion (IIP) trust (with an immediate entitlement following the death of the person who set up the trust), you decide to give up the right to receive anything from that trust or that right comes to an end for any other reason during your lifetime.

Inheritance Tax on Transfers into Trusts and CompaniesTransfers into most types of existing or newly created trusts above the IHT nil rate band will be charged 20 per cent inheritance tax on the amount exceed-ing that band. The tax is payable by the person making the transfer. There are certain trusts that are exempt from these rules. Please use our Solicitors Directory on pages 92/93 to find an inheritance tax expert within your region.

Valuing an Estate for Inheritance TaxWhen valuing a deceased person’s estate you need to include all the property, possessions and money they owned at the time of their death, and assets they gave away during the seven years prior to death. The valuation must reflect accurately what those assets would fetch on the open market at the date of death.1. Take the value of all the assets that they own in their own right, together with the value of:

◆ Their share of any assets that they own jointly with someone else.◆ Any assets held in a trust from which they had the right to benefit.◆ Any assets which they had given away, but in which they kept an interest.◆ Certain assets which they gave away within the last seven years (check which assets are exempt from inheritance tax).

2. From the above deduct everything that the deceased person owed, for example:

◆ Outstanding mortgages and other loans◆ All unpaid bills◆ Funeral expenses

If the debts exceed the value of the assets owned by the person who has died, the difference cannot be set against the value of trust property included in the estate.

3. The value of all assets, less the deduct-ible debts, is their estate. An inheritance tax rate of 40 per cent will be due on any amount over the threshold of £312,000.

Assistance when Valuing the EstateValuing most of the estate assets should be quite easy, for example, money in bank and building society accounts, stocks and shares. In other instances, you may need the help of a profes-sional valuer (or chartered surveyor for valuing property). If you choose to utilise a valuer make sure you ask them for the ‘open market value’ of the asset. This represents a realistic selling price of an asset. If the affairs of the estate are complicated, it may be advisable to instruct a solicitor to help you value the estate, pay the tax, and administer the estate.

Deadlines for Paying Inheritance TaxIn most cases, Inheritance Tax must be paid within six months from the end of the month in which death occurred, otherwise interest is charged on the amount due.

Tax on some assets including land and buildings can be deferred and paid in instalments over 10 years.

Forms you need to CompleteIf the estate is unlikely to be subject to Inheritance Tax (an ‘excepted estate’):

◆ Resident in England and Wales − Forms IHT 205 and PAI (application for probate)

◆ Resident in Northern Ireland − Form IHT 205

If the estate is likely to be subject to Inheritance Tax, You will need to complete the following forms:

◆ IHT 400 plus any relevant supplementary forms◆ IHT 421◆ PAI and PAIA guide notes

You can contact the Probate and Inheritance Tax helpline on 0845 302 0900.

For an Inheritance Tax specialist in your area refer to our Probate Specialists Directory on pages 96-99. •


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When it comes to Inheritance Tax planning, much depends on your circumstances

and at what stage of life you are at, therefore we would like to offer the following examples on how best to deal with varying situations.

Young Professional with family and high overheads The main concerns for this individual are likely to be paying off the mortgage, planning school fees and perhaps paying into a pension for retirement.

Possible Inheritance Tax PlanConcerns about a liability that is a long way off would normally lead to the person putting in place two elements. The first would be to perhaps put in place an Inheritance Tax protection policy, written in Trust for beneficiaries other than the surviving spouse. This will provide a tax- free lump sum to cover any eventual Inheritance Tax liability. This is a good option for a young person as the monthly premiums are likely to be low.

The second element would be a tax effective and flexible Will, allowing for the use of the tax- free threshold for Inheritance Tax purposes on the death of the first spouse. This would be relatively inexpensive and a simple response to a potential tax problem. The way the estates are held between the husband and wife or civil partners would also need looking at.

Whatever stage of life you are at, there are steps you can take to plan for inheritance tax

TA X P L A n n I n G

Middle aged high net worth individualThe main priorities in this situation might be reducing the value of the estate, whilst keeping enough capital and income to fund a required lifestyle.

Possible Inheritance Tax PlanIn this situation the use of a Life-time Discretionary Trust might be an ef-fective form of Tax Planning. Putting the assets such as Company shares into a Discretionary Trust, allows the settlor to keep control of the assets that are being gifted, by being a trustee of the Trust. This would also allow the person to ‘lock in’ the Business Property Relief available on the transfer of Company shares and give them the ability to ‘drip-feed’ shares to beneficiaries who work for the Company, providing incentives for those who will be taking the Company forward in the future.

There are numerous options involv-ing the family home, which would enable the potential tax-payer to remain living in the property, whilst

at the same time removing a large proportion of the value of the

property from their taxable estate.

The options here are too numerous to list, but you can use our Specialist Search Facility to find an expert in your region.

You may also consider investing into assets which qualify for Business Property Relief, which are exempt from Inheritance Tax after two years owner-ship, subject to meeting various asset dependant criteria.

Not long to liveThis situation is where an individual does not have long to live, and has no tax planning in place. Therefore the most common tax planning solutions are inappropriate. In this instance a tax effective and flexible Will is extremely important, and investment in assets which qualify for Business Property Relief may be a sensible way of achiev-ing Inheritance tax exemptions and reducing the taxable value of the estate.

For further information or a specialist in your area contact Bereavement Today on Tel 020 7467 4420 or email: [email protected] •

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I N H E R I T A N C E T A X P L A N N I N G

Inheritance

BT1 108 Inheritance Tax Planning.indd 108 9/8/09 10:36:11 pm

Financial and Legal MattersInheritance tax advice and planningProbate matters & valuationsWills, trusts & investment advice

Care ServicesDay careLive-in careCare homes


At this most difficult time, the burden of arrangements and duties that have to be carried out can seem daunting and emotionally draining. Our friendly team at Bereavement Today Magazine can help you by finding leading specialists in your region, and at the same time save you money by providing you with the best quotes available. We can find you a specialist in your area who can assist you with any of the following services:

QuotefinderS P E C I A L I S T S E RV I C E S

For quotes on any of the services listed call the Bereavement Today Specialist Services Team on: 0207 467 4420 or email: [email protected]

BT1 109 Quotefinder Service Ad.indd 109 9/8/09 10:36:44 pm

It is very important for you to make a will whether or not you consider you have many possessions or much money. It is important to make a will for the following reasons:

◆ If you die without a will there arecertain rules which dictate how the money, property or possessions should be allocated. This may not be the way that you would have wished your money and possessions to be distributed.

◆ Unmarried partners and partnerswho have not registered a civil partnership cannot inherit from each other unless there is a will, so the death of one partner may create serious financial problems for the remaining partner.

◆ If you have children, you will need tomake a will so that arrangements for the children can be made if either one or both parents die.

◆ It may be possible to reduce theamount of tax payable on the inheri-tance if advice is taken in advance and a will is made.

◆ If your circumstances have changedit is important that you make a will to ensure that your estate is distributed ac-cording to your wishes. For example, if you have separated and your ex-partner now lives with someone else, you may want to change your will. If you are married or enter into a registered civil partnership, this will make any previous will you have made invalid.

If you are in any doubt as to whether or not you should make a will you should consult a solicitor.

Common mistakes in making a will yourself are:

◆ Not knowing the formal requirements needed to make a will legally valid.◆ Failing to take account of all the money and property available.◆ Not taking into account the possibility of a beneficiary dying before the person making the will.◆ Changing a will. If the changes are not signed and witnessed, they are invalid.◆ Being unaware of the fact of marriage, a registered civil partnership, divorce or dissolution of a civil partnership in a will.◆ Being unaware of existing rules that

enable dependants to claim from the estate if they believe they are not sufficiently provided for. These rules mean that the provisions in the will could be overturned.

Circumstances when it is extremely important to use a solicitor.

◆ When you share a property with someone who is not your husband, wife or civil partner.◆ Making provisions for a dependant who is unable to care for themselves.◆ When there is a business involved.◆ UK resident, but have property overseas.◆ Your permanent home is not in the UK.◆ You are not a British citizen.◆ If there is a danger of family members making a claim on the will.

What should the will include?To save time and money when visiting your solicitor, give some thought to what major parts you want to put into your will.

◆ How much money and what property and possessions you have, e.g. savings, property, pensions, insurance policies, bank and building society accounts and shares.◆ Make a list of people to whom you wish to leave your money and possessions. These people are known as beneficiaries.◆ Who should look after any children under 18?◆ Who are going to carry out your wishes as set out in the will (known as executors).

ExecutorsExecutors are the people responsible for carrying out your wishes and for organising the estate. They have to collect all the assets of the estate, deal with all the paperwork and pay all the debts, taxes and funeral costs out of money in the estate. They will need to pay all the gifts and transfer any property to the beneficiaries.

You can appoint one executor, though it is normal to appoint two, but up to four executors can take on the responsibility for administering the will after a death.

Listed below are the people most commonly appointed as executors:

◆ Relatives or friends◆ Solicitors or accountants◆ Banks

It is important to approach anyone you are thinking of appointing as an executor to see if they will agree to take on the responsibility. They have every right to refuse if they so wish.

If an executor dies, the other executor(s) can deal with the estate. If there are no surviving executors legal advice should be sought.

Rules for a Valid WillFor a will to be valid it must be:

◆ Made by someone who is aged 18 or over, and◆ Made voluntarily and without pressure from any other person, and◆ Made by a person of sound mind.

This person must be fully aware of the nature of the document being written or signed and aware of the property and identities of the people who may inherit, and

◆ In writing; and◆ Signed by the person making the will in the presence of two witnesses; and◆ Signed by the two witnesses, in

the presence of the person making the will, after if has been signed. A witness or the married partner of a witness cannot benefit from the will. If a witness is a beneficiary (or the married partner or civil partner of a beneficiary), the will is still valid but the beneficiary will not be able to inherit under the will.

Make sure the will is dated. As soon as the will is signed and witnessed it is complete. If a will is not legally valid, on their death their estate will be shared out under certain rules and not according to the wishes expressed in the will.

It is advisable to keep your will at home in a safe place or with your solicitor or bank. You can also deposit your will at the Principal Registry of the Family Division at the High Court or a district registry for safe keeping.

The Probate DeptThe Principal Registry of the Family DivisionFirst Avenue House42-49 High HolbornLondon WC1V 6NPTel: 020 7947 6000

Searching for Copies of a WillPersonal ApplicationYou can make a search free of charge by going to the Principal Registry, First Avenue House, 42-49 High Holborn, London WC1V 6NP. Tel: 0207 947 6000. There is a fee of £5 for a copy of the will.

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M A K I N G A W I L L

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Postal ApplicationWhen writing to request a copy of a will by post, the full name, date of birth and last known address of the deceased must be listed in the letter.

The York Probate Sub-division registry will deal with

your enquiry and organise for the requested copies to be

sent to you.

Change of Circumstances

When a will has been made, it is

important to keep it up to date to take into

account any changing circumstances. It is advis-

able to review the contents of a will regularly to make

sure that it still reflects your wishes. The most common

changes of circumstances which affect a will are:

◆ Getting married, remarried or registering a civil partnership

◆ Getting divorced, separating or dissolving a civil partnership

◆ The birth or adoption of children if you wish to add them as beneficiaries

in a will.

Changing a WillBecause of changing circumstances you may want to make alterations to your original will. The only way you can change a will is by making a codicil to the will or making a new will.

A codicil is a supplement to a will which makes some alterations, but leaves the rest of it intact. This might be done to increase a cash legacy or change an executor or add a beneficiary.

A codicil must be signed by the per-son who made the will and be witnessed in the same way. However you can change the witnesses if you wish.

There is no limit on how many codicils can be added to a will, but they are only suitable for very straightforward changes. If more complicated changes are required, then it is advisable to make a new will.

The new will should begin with a clause stating that it revokes all previous wills and codicils should be destroyed.

For a specialist wills and probate solicitor in your area, refer to the Bereavement Today Wills and Probate Directory on pages 96-99. •

WillM A K I N G A

It is always worth making a will to

ensure your wishes are carried out

after you’ve gone.


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Caring

Caring for an aging family member is a concern that faces more and more families. As parents and grandpar-

ents reach the stage in their lives when they cannot completely care for themselves decisions must be made that can affect not only the elderly in need of care but also other family members as well as relatives and friends.

There are several guidelines to assess how capable an elderly or disabled person is at performing the activities involved in everyday life.

These include:◆ Getting around the home◆ Getting in or out of bed or a chair◆ Taking a bath or shower◆ Dressing◆ Eating and using the toilet◆ Going outside the home◆ Taking medications◆ Keeping track of money and bills◆ Preparing meals◆ Doing light housework◆ Using the telephone

Increasingly people want to remain at home, living independently for as

long as possible, but at some stage they will require assistance whether it is occasional day care or full-time help with a live-in carer 24/7, care home or care village.

How to get startedStart with a care assessment. Everyone is entitled to be assessed by the local authority. The assessment is done to work out the care needs of older people, measure their financial resources and get the process started. This assessment will help most people considering care, even if the local authority is not funding the care.

Even if the local authority is funding the care, you have the right to choose the care home as long as it meets your assessed needs and does not cost more than they would usually pay. If your preferred accom-modation does cost more, you can top up the fees.

Care at home Day care could be the most appropriate and cost-effective option if the level of care needed is minimal. However if you need to arrange 24 hour assistance, a live-in carer or nurse this can work out expensive.

F O R A N A G E D F A M I LY M E M B E RIt’s never an easy decision to make, but at some point many families have to face up to the fact that an elderly relative can no longer care for his or herself and needs extra help. But what are the options?

“ D AY c A R E c O u L D B E t h E M O s t A p p R O p R I At E A N D c O s t- E F F E c t I v E O p t I O N I F t h E L E v E L O F c A R E N E E D E D I s M I N I M A L ”

Sheltered housingThis can be a good choice for those who are still fairly mobile but like the security of being able to call for help if needed. Sheltered housing usually takes the form of private purpose-built accommodation which you can buy or rent. Prices can vary quite significantly depending on the location and level of service.

Care villagesThese purpose built sites provide the independence of sheltered housing and also offer other on-site services such as medical support and social activities.

Residential homesFor greater day-to-day care these homes provide accommodation, meals and extra help such as assistance with bathing and dressing. These establishments have care assistants and do not generally provide nursing care.

Nursing homesIf there is a particular medical condition that needs specialist care then a home with registered nurses on site may be the best option.

At Bereavement Today Magazine our friendly care services team can undertake the research for you, providing a shortlist of options at preferred rates that you can review or consider. Call 020 7467 4420 or email: [email protected] for more information. •

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C A R I N G F O R A N A G E D F A M I LY M E M B E R

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Caring


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Association of Independent CelebrantsFuneral celebrants who will create and conduct a funeral ceremony of your choosing.Tel: 01323 815 746www.lightonlife.co.uk

� e Bereavement RegisterA service designed to remove � om databases and mailing � les the names and addresses of people who have died.Tel: 0870 600 7222www.the-bereavement-register.org.uk

� e British Association of Cancer United Patients (Cancer BACUP)Provides information, practical advice and emotional support to patients, their families and � iends.Tel: 0808 800 1234www.cancerbacup.org.uk

� e British organ Donor Society (BODY)A support group for familes of organ donors and for those who have received organs.Tel: 01223 893 636www.bodyuk.org.uk

British Humanist Association:Tel: 0207 079 3580www.humanism.org.uk

Child Bereavement Trust:Information and support line: 0845 357 1000www.childbereavement.org.uk

Citizens Advice Bureauwww.citizensadvice.org.uk

Community Legal Service DirectAdvice on bene� ts, debts and legal support.Helpline: 0845 345 4345 (9-5pm)www.clsdirect.org.uk

� e Compassionate FriendsProvides support for bereaved families.Helpline: 08451 232 304www.tcf.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement CareA charity that exists to promote the well-being of bereaved people and enable them to understand their grief and cope with their loss.Helpline: 0844 477 9400Young persons freephone: 0808 808 1677Email: helpline@crusebereavementcare.org.ukwww.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

Branches in London:Bexley: 0208 304 5245Croydon: 0208 916 0855Greenwich: 0208 850 0505Hillingdon: 01895 811 330Kensington & Chelsea: 0208 964 3455North London: 0208 340 1716Richmond: 0208 876 0417

Department of Work & Pensions� ey produce excellent information on 'what to do a� er someone dies'.www.dwp.gov.uk

HMRCInformation explaining inheritance tax and 'what to do about tax when someone dies' available at: www.hmrc.gov.uk/lea� ets/iht.htm

Local Register o� ceVisit www.direct.gov.uk/dscript which will give you details of your nearest register o� ce.

National Association of Funeral DirectorsTel: 0845 230 1343www.nafd.org.uk

National Association of WidowsTel: 0247 663 4848

NHS ChoicesFind hospitals and local doctors and helpful information on a huge variety of health related products.

National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral DirectorsTel: 0845 230 6777www.saif.org.uk

� e Natural Death CentreTel: 0871 288 2098www.naturaldeath.org.uk

Probate & Inheritance Tax

Bereavement TodayTel: 0207 467 4420www.bereavemen� oday.com

Probate valuers and House ClearancesCentral London House ClearanceTel: 0845 603 8133

SamaritansTel: 0845 790 9090

Stillbirth & Neonatal Death SocietyO� ers support when a baby dies.Tel: 0207 436 5881www.uk-sands.org

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS)Tel: 0870 241 3337www.uk-sobs.org.uk

War Widows Association of Great BritainTel: 0870 2411 305www.warwidowsassociation.org.uk

Winston's WishProvides support for bereaved children and teenagers up to the age of eighteen.Tel: 0845 203 0405www.winstonswish.org.uk

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U S E F U L C O N T A C T S

Useful contacts

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If you would like more information on the Breath of Life Tribute Funds please complete the form below and send it back to: Charlotte Dunlavey, British Lung Foundation, 73-75 Goswell Road, London EC1V 7ER or contact: [email protected] Tel: 020 7688 5617

t: 020 7688 5555w: www.lunguk.org

Celebrate a Life with a Tribute FundWould you like to set up a tribute fund to celebrate the life of your loved one?

Often families choose to collect donations in memory of their loved one and then donate these collections to charity.

The British Lung Foundation enable you to use these or other donations to set up a Breath of Life Tribute Fund in your loved one’s name.

The proceeds of the fund go towards the work of the British Lung Foundation who support people in the UK living with lung disease by providing and funding:

• nurses

• a helpline

• support groups

• easy to understand information

• world class research into lung disease

To say thank you, when the Breath of Life Tribute Fund reaches £2,000, we will dedicate a tree in a Woodland Trust site in memory of your loved one. You will receive a certificate and a map of where the tree is.

Breath of Life Tribute Funds remain open for as long as you wish and anyone can donate or raise funds at any time especially anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas.

We can give you help to raise money for your fund by supplying raffle tickets, fundraising materials and advice. You could also do a challenge event - like a run or a marathon - in memory of your loved one. All the money raised could be attributed to your loved one’s Breath of Life Tribute Fund.

Yes I would like more information on the Breath of Life Tribute Funds

Name

Address

Postcode

Telephone Email

Ifyouarehappyforustocontactyoubyemail,pleasetick

Protecting your personal information. We promise that any information you give us will be used only by the British Lung Foundation (BLF) and its subsidiary companies. We’d like to keep in touch (including telephone) to let you know about the BLF’s activities, including fundraising, and how your support is making a difference. If you would rather not hear from us then please let us know.

Registered charity of England and Wales - no. 326730 Charity registered in Scotland - no. SC 038415 Company limited by Guarantee - no. 1863614

(Ref: BOLBT)

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