BCU Windy - Final

8/4/2019 BCU Windy - Final

1/12

Advice: 7 Comics and Games: 8 Coupons: 12 How To: 4 Sports: 11 Quiz: 10 Quotes: 6

INSIDE THIS EDITION Featured Arcle About Last Week: 2


2/12

The worst thing to happen to Miami since ACC Refs

The band was warming up. Theplayers were stretching. The students

were nding their seats. All seemed per-

fectly normalthis past Saturday at Sun

Life Stadium until an hour and half be-

fore kicko of the Miami-KSU game,

when the referees decided to cancel the

game due to potential severe weather.With non-conference opponent K-State

coming to town, the ACC assigned an all

Big East referee crew: Head Ref George

Wilson (an original Big East ref), Imani

Nia (a known Rastafarian), and George

Carlin. In a press conference on Friday,

ACC blogger Heather Dinich questioned

ACC commissioner about the referee

team. Gentlemen, you have a voodoo

shaman whos never heard of football anda famous comedian whos been dead for

three years reng this game. What are

you thinking? The commissioner re-

sponded Well, all of our refs for non-

conference games are usually made up

of drunk FSU fans we nd in Tallahassee.

We thought wed try something dier-

ent for this game.

The referees got together after the

players nished their rst warm up and

decided to cancel the game entirely. Nia

claimed that the pregame dragonies,

sprinkling, and the readings from his

Dungeons and Dragons dice indicated

the end of the world was coming. Underthe secret unocial reng handbook

for ACC games, a majority vote of the

ociating crew is required to make any

major changes to the game procedure,

including cancelling the game. Head Ref

Wilson claimed that the lightning was a

legitimate concern and precautionsshould be made. Nia voted also to sus-

pend play on the account that his chick-

en bones indicated that there was an

85% chance that the dragonies would

spontaneously grow to the size ofChris

Walkers pickup truck and start devour-

ing everyone in sight. Kansas State Biol-

ogy faculty member Dr. Andrews re-

viewed Nias procedure and conrmed

the scientic accuracy. These two votes

Pictured: Fans running from the stadium last week


3/12

were enough to cancel the game.

George Carlins dead corpse abstained

from voting, though ten minutes after

voting, his blue ghost Jedi Master spirit

appeared in the press conference roomclaiming that this was football, not base-

ball and that the struggle should contin-

ue. In spite of Carlins protest, he was

told multiple times that This is Florida,

George. We dont do recounts.

An anonymous ACC ref was asked

about the peculiarity of the events on

Saturday. Ive never seen anything like

this in all my years of watching/

ociating football. This is actually

weirder than the combined ve times

Ive been asked by an FSU kicker for a

do-over under the claim that the sun

was in my eyes.

Since this was a non-conferencegame, there is no current plan to re-

schedule it. Both teams will play out the

remainder of their seasons. In the event

either is eligible for a BCS bowl game

come December, the NCAA will have

Stanford and Duke Physicists use their

experimental time machine to send both

teams back in time to play their game.

Whether you are looking at conference

realignments or voodoo magic, this sea-

son is turning out to be one interesting

In normal football play, ght songs are played following a touchdown or eld

goal. Despite weeks ofvigorous research, we have not been able to nd an in-

stance in which the Bethune-Cookman ght song was played against a Division I

-A/FBS opponent. As such, we have to assume one does not exist. In lieu of al-

ternate lyrics, I would like to make the following public service announcement;

this is particularly for the benet of the freshmen.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE B-CU BAND, ESPECIALLY AT HALFTIME!

CULTURE SHOCK IS GOOD FOR YOU!!!

(Addendum: If you are not from the South, this applies to you, but with more

rage-infused excitement, expletives, and foaming at the mouth)

What Fight Song?


4/12

HOW TO:Watch a Hurricane Away football game

1. STEP AWAY FROM THE MARCHING BAND UNIFORM! It may be hard to not just

throw on the dri-t and super sexy white shoes before leaving your room; there were

3 home games in a row. However, you can dress like a normal Miami Hurricanes fan

now! So be sure to wear as much Hurricane gear as humanly possible!

2. Find a suitable venue; this could be

your room, a friends room, the new

Bualo Wild Wings in Sunset, the Rat,

or many other places

a) For an optimal viewing experi-

ence, a at-screen television of 32+ is

recommended with HD channels. If

you REALLY want to be submersed in-to the game, add a surround sound

system. Anything less than the above

will severely detract from a fantastic

watch party.

3. If you plan on hosting a watch party, be sure to have many delectable treats! How-

ever, it would be unreasonable for you to provide all the food; were all poor college

students. Suggest to your party attendees that they bring a small appetizer or bev-

erage to share! Problem solved.

a) Likewise, if you are attending a watch party that you are not hosting, be cour-

teous! Trash the whole place and draw celebratory scribbles on the wall after

every Hurricane touchdown! Your party host/hostess will thank you later by never

inviting you over again.

Before the Game

Fig 1.1. Celebratory Scribbles.


5/12

During the Game

4. Arrive somewhere between 15-30 minutes before kicko.

5. Take advantage of not being in uniform, and tell the refs how you really feel. They

may not hear you, and the people around you may not appreciate all the loud nois-es, but the point is that you

told them how you truly

feel, and that they can go

s*#@ lots of big d&@$s.

(save lots of big ducks of

course. Were duck-friendly

people here in Miami).

6. Watch the Hurricanes WIN!!! After every touchdown or eld goal, be sure that you

and everyone else sings Spirit (you better know it by now. And if you dont, SHAME

ON YOU!). Similarly, after every rst down, sing the rst down tag, followed by an

obnoxious AND THATS GOOD. FOR ANOTHER HURRICANE . FIRST DOWN!!!

7. Give the host/hostess a high-ve and a bighug for a wonderful football shindig. If you

were at a restaurant or sports bar, be sure to

be extra generous to the waiter/waitress for

putting up with all your shenanigans.

8. Celebrate with delicious, adult beverages.

Nothing better than a warm glass of milkto

put you to bed after the crazy, exciting foot-

ball game

After the Game

So now that you know how, be sure to watch the Miami Hurricanes take

down Virginia Tech next weekend! If you have other plans, or dont feel like

watching football tsk tsk. Sebastian would not be happy with you.


6/12

Quotable Quotes

Youre like BJs Brooke Cathey

Is this long enough for you? SarahWagnerI like mine a little bigger. GabbyThompson

You can have my sausage. Bre Young

Hey , how are your lips doing? Jorel Rivas

Which lips? Julio Garcia

Youre not a fan of footsie? Taylor Rambo

Not footsie-ing my nipples! Matt Pollard

You spilled it in Rays case! Ewww Erika

Frost

In & out, in & out, you need to gure it out.

If you look at me Ill give it to you. Chris

Walker

Why am I wet? Rebecca Liberatore

Hit it then move on. Sam Castagna

Tuning a section of piccolos is more di-cult than scoring a touchdown. Erica

Sturm

Im sorry. I keep vibrating on the table.

Brittany Truehart

Some people just oer me their junk.

Kristy Hamlin

Its OK, just dont get it on my pants.

Chris Walker

Its wet and it smells nice. Kristy Hamlin

Yeah, my mom has cock blocked me be-

fore. Its OK, we hugged it out. Matt Pol-

lard

Its so big. It won't t. Its about to ex-

plode.Ernesto Fernandez

Look. I just swallowed this whole thing.

Ray Amador

Dont forget to submit your funny out of context quotes to the

Windy Chord box, or by email to [email protected]

Sh*t my dad says

Football Players FP (frantically): Wheres a trainer. Im hurtin!Trainer: Whats wrong.

FP: I got a toothache.

Trainer: . . . *facepalm*(Actually overheard by band members)


7/12

Questions for the Queen

I really don't like standing at football games

and last week my section leader yelled at meto stand up. I thought it was really rude.

What can I say to him so that I don't have tostand up at games?-Annoyed and seated

A&S,

Why would anyone not want to stand up at a

Canes football game? I can only assume that

your legs were too tired from running around

your house screaming at the season nale of

the Bachelorette. If standing up to supportyour football team isnt up your alley, maybe

you should drop marching band, grab yourself

a cold, fruity drink, and join the Sex and the

City Fan Club. They meet every week in the

UC, and if you dont know where that is, Im

sure you wont mind asking for directions.

Most women refuse to play football because

they would never be caught dead on a eld

wearing the same outt as 10 other people

Q .

I keep getting quoted saying really embar-

rassing things in the Windy Chord. I can't helpit though! Dirty things just come out of my

mouth all the time! How can I make my

friends stop quoting me in such an embarrass-

ing way?

- Notta Potty Mouth (but dirty nonetheless)

NPM,

If youre really worried that your everyday

speech is too dirty, then perhaps you should

tie a tape recorder around your neck for an

entire day, and record every word you say. If

you nd yourself frequently using words like

shaft, moist, hole, rim, rough, or Portuguese

Breakfast, then you might have a real prob-

lem. I suggest you try taking these words andconstruct sentences that couldnt possibly be

construed as dirty. For instance: the man

made sure the shaft was nice and moist so it

would glide smoothly into the hole. Clearly,

that sentence is about a trombone player

greasing their slide. Not dirty at all.

The more you blow, the harder they get.

Thats what the Queen said! (talking aboutbeach balls, duh!)

Q .

There are so many band couples and I really

want to be in one. There's a certain drum ma-

jor I've been eyeing lately, but I can't seem toget him to notice me. I've tried playing out of

tune and blasting my horn when hes nearby,

but nothing I do is getting me the results Iwant. How can I get his attention?

- Sick of tooting my own horn

Tooter,

The reason that your drum major hasnt no-

ticed you yet is because he has more to worry

about than one person intentionally playing

badly. If you really want his attention, maybe

you should be more direct. At the next march-

ing band rehearsal, while Dr. Keck is trying toimplement a new set for the show, run out in-

to the middle of the eld and proclaim your

undying love for him at the top of your lungs.

That should get his attention for sure!

Heres to nding you a new horn to toot

Q .


8/12

Mad Libs

Disney Mad Lib- A Whole New 1.________

I can show you the 2.________

3.________, 4.________, 5.________

Tell me, princess, now when did

You last let your 6.________ decide?

I can open your 7.________

Take you 8.________ by 9.________

Over, sideways and under

On a magic 10.________ ride

A whole new 11.________

A new 12.________ point of view

No one to tell us 13.________Or where to 14.________

Or say we're only 15.________

A whole new 16.________

A 17.________ place I never knew

But when I'm way up here

It's 18.________ clear

that now I'm in a whole new 19.________ with you

1. Noun

2. Noun

3. Adjecve

4. Adjecve

5. Adjecve

6. Body Part

7. Plural Body Part

8. Noun

9. Noun

10. Noun

11. Noun

12. Adjecve

13. Exclamaon

14. Verb

15. -ing Verb

16. Noun

17. Adjecve

18. Adjecve

19. Noun


9/12

Probaon:

- People who dont wear Orange and Green on Fridays

Celebraon:

- Gabby Thompson for learning 3 pregame spots

-New Tenor Sax Aaron for learning the show in 2 pracces

The Good, the Band, and the Ugly

Classieds

CreavemindstohelpwritefortheWindyChord.Con-tactJordanBalke

Wanted

morecla

rinet

players

16isjustnot

enough

!

SeeAm

andaifyou

know

ofanyo

nethat

canplay

andisn

otinban

dyet

Pick up your stu from the Lost

and Found or it will become fair

game for everyone else

Attention

Come to the date auction to bet on

your fellow band members and our

super-duper secret special guest

(It is almost better than Charles Damon).

3RD ANNUAL BAND DATE AUCTION

OCTOBER 12th AFTER BAND


10/12

Personality Quiz

Which Spirit group should you be in?

1. Whats your signature move?

A. My sultry hair ipB. My perfect Liberty

C. My wicked horn ashes

D. My CANES Spellout

2. Whats the best part about your job?

A. The super cute outts

B. Flying high

C. Awesome music

D. All of it!

3. Whats the worst part about it?

A. Creepy guys leering at us

B. No voice after the games

C. Sweating to death in my uniform

D. Youre kidding right?

4. What do you do in your free time?

A. Show o my dance moves at a clubB. Practice being peppy

C. Free time?

D. Show o my dance moves at a club

5. What number one thing does someone

need to be in your organization?

A. Desire to dance

B. Positive attitude always!

C. Total commitment to the cult group

D. BLEED ORANGE AND GREEN!!!

Now count which leer you

answered most to nd where

your UM spirit would shine!

Mostly As: You

should be a

Sunsaton!

Mostly Bs You

should be a

Cheerleader!

Mostly Cs: You

should be a

Band Kid!

Mostly Ds: You

should be

Sebasan!

Lady Canes took the Common

Wealth State by storm this

past weekend, beating both

VT and UVA on the road in

straight sets. Welchs squad

showed great pose as they re-

bounded from their rst loss in

ACC play. The team won 5 of

the 6 sets by 5 points or fewer,

but their defense proved to be

the dierence this past week-

end. The back three held the

Hokies to a 0.162 conversion

percent on kill attempts. Ryan

Shaer had 23 digs this past

weekend, and this reporter can

validly claim thats not the only

time she spent on her knees

this past weekend. Captain

Carico and Becker had 24 and

23 kills for the two games

each, respectively.

The Canes look to continue

their success with Wake Forest

(4-8) and Duke (8-4) this week-

end, both games at the Knight

Sports Complex.

Volleyball


11/12

Scores and

Schedules

Womens Soccer 8-3-2

Game: 10/2 @ 1pmWomens Volleyball 11-1

Game: 10/2 @ 1:30pm

Miami vs. Bethune-

Cookman

Coming o last weeks disap-pointing loss against KansasState, the Canes turn their at-tention to Wildcats of another

kind. This time, the Wildcatscome from Bethune-Cookman

University in Daytona.

The Enemy:

B-CU plays football in the Mid-Eastern Atlantic Conference(MEAC) of the Football Cham-pionship Subdivision (FCS),

the lower of the two Division Ifootball divisions. They are 2-1

with wins against Prairie ViewA&M and Hampton and a loss

against South Carolina State.Despite being a second-tier

program, the Canes cantaord to overlook the Wild-cats, who nished the 2010 at

10-2 and MEAC champions.

Oense Preview:Despite the loss, the Canesoense looked solid last week,especially in the second half.

Lamar Miller rushed for 107

yards, his third consecutivegame of 100+ yards this sea-son. This week marks the sup-posed return of Seantrel Hen-

derson, the

enormous sopho-more left tackle. Seantrelhad been out for months fol-

lowing oseason back sur-gery. While he will not start,

Coach Al Golden said that hewould most likely play. Behind

Henderson and a full-strengthoensive line, Miller should

have an extremely productiveday against the undersized

defense of Bethune-

Cookman. Jacory Harris had avery good second half againstKansas State and will hope re-produce that form, rather

than the less-than-stellar per-formance he had in the rst

half. Coach Golden has men-tioned that he wants the tightends to get more involved inthe passing game. However, it

still hasnt happened yet. WithUSC transfer Blake Ayles out

due to injury, it will fall onAsante Cleveland, Chase Ford,and Clive Walford to step up.

Defensive Preview:All three of Bethune-Cookmans games this season

have been shootouts. QB Ja-maar Robinson is a pocket

passer with the athleticism torun if needed while RB Rodney

Scott has 231 yards on the

season. Miamis

defensive line, which has pro-duced relatively few sacks thisseason, should be able tooverpower a Wildcat oensive

line which is less talented thanothers the Canes will face this

season. Robinsons running

ability will require SeanSpence and the Miami line-

backers to stay disciplined, as

Colin Klein punished Miamisdefense with his scrambleslast week. B-CU WR Eddie

Poole has 3 touchdowns onthe season, but the Canes fast

secondary should be able toshut him down.

Final Assessment:

Barring a complete break-down, the Canes should beable to win comfortably to-

day. If they show even a little

heart, it should be a blow-out. In short, B-CU would

have to put their 28-man

sousaphone section on theeld (during the game, not

just at halftime) to have anykind of shot at beating Mi-

ami.

Football

Chris Cicconi placed 5th in his Angry Birds competition last weekend


12/12

Ernesto There were denitely

enough pictures of people sleep-

ing at the last game to make you

a borderline creepy stalker...

Contribung Authors:

Jordan What the heck is that thing? Balke

Samantha OMG Cupcakes!! Castagna

Sami Non-disclosure agreement Goodwin

Stephanie Beach Balls Gust

Mahew Firebird Suite Pollard

Taylor How do you not know that? Rambo

Gabby Non-racist Asian Name Thompson

Sarah Mom, can you do my laundry Wagner

Stephen Band Capt who hurls expleves Yip

Dont forget to submit your funny

quotes, classied ads, and advice

quesons to the Windy Chord box

or to [email protected]!

.15% o with your

Cane Card

during the month

of October

In store purchases only

BCU Windy - Final

Documents