Bahgat. - Magazine | Southern Minnesota...Get Your Rear in Gear® is the signature event of the Colon Cancer Coalition. It is the largest colon cancer-focused event series in the United

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Life seemed good for Brenda Elsagher in 1995. She owned a successful hair salon in Bloomington, Minn. She and her husband Bahgat had active lives with their careers and their family. Raising their 5-year-old son

John and 3-year-old daughter Hannah kept their lives full. Brenda was relatively healthy, but she did struggle with hemorrhoids. She chocked it up to an occupational hazard of standing on her feet all day. But when the rectal pain became too great, and at her hus-band’s urging, she made an appointment to see her doctor. That doctor’s visit turned out to be anything but routine. She knew from the look in the eyes of the medical professionals

who were working with her that her diagnosis of colorectal cancer was serious. Brenda ended up having a major surgery that removed her rectum and, as she says, “totally rearranged all of her plumbing” and left her with an ostomy. Surgically, an ostomy creates an opening (stoma} from an area inside the body to the outside. It can be tempo-rary or permanent; For Brenda, it has been permanent. Brenda was able to resume her career at the salon, but having cancer set her on a new path that would eventually give her a new career. There were, of course, many physical changes going on. But - perhaps more importantly - Brenda’s brain was working overtime process-ing all that had happened to her and where her life would go in the future. She created a bucket list. Two of the items on that list were becoming a comedian and going to college.

About that same time, she celebrated her 39th birthday at a local comedy club. She told her friends that night that her goal was to someday take the stage as a comedian.

By NaNcy IglesIas

Get Your Rear in Gear® is the signature event of the Colon Cancer Coalition. It is the largest colon cancer-focused event series in the United States. In addition to raising funds to increase screening rates and awareness for colon cancer, Get Your Rear in Gear is also a call to take care of your body and make healthy choices. Money raised has immediate impact on the local community by being invested back to increase screening for colorectal cancer and raise awareness through public education projects.

Brenda and her husband Bahgat.

Brenda and Bahgat wearing Chinese clothing.


In many ways, that was totally outside of her comfort zone. But she enrolled in a comedy class and eventually entered a competition and was voted the Twin Cities’ Funniest Person by Acme Comedy Club. Brenda said the other competitors were all younger, thinner and funnier than her, but she nailed it and walked away with the top prize. Her com-edy routine was based on her most recent cancer experiences. In those days, her subject matter was considered taboo in many ways. Due to the huge success of many public service campaigns, and even high-profile people televising their colonoscopies, we are now in a much different place. But at that time, no one really spoke publicly of hemorrhoids, colonoscopies and rectal exams. So her comical approach to those issues was ground breaking. But she couldn’t help herself and talked to everyone about it. It was and is her passion. In the first two minutes of my interview with Brenda, she asked me if I had ever had a colonoscopy and when my last one was. She talked to her clients at the salon, she spoke to her friends and neighbors and attended ostomy support groups where her humor was deeply appreciated. Brenda describes herself as a loud and proud member of the ostomy community. There is no doubt about that. A representa-tive from one of the primary ostomy “bag” companies heard her speak and invited her to speak at one of their conferences. Her message and unique humorous ap-

proach also resonated well with the medical community and soon she found herself being invited to speak to nurses, doctors and other medical profession-als. After hearing one of her presentations, one medical professional (Dr. Douglas Hol-vect, MD) said, “It should be a lesson, maybe even a slap in the face to remind us so that we never forget -- we don’t treat cancer, we treat people!” Over the last 20-plus years her message of “moving from mope to cope to hope” has inspired thousands of listeners and fellow followers on the journey in both the national and international arena. She has won numer-ous other awards; Newsmaker of the Year by the Women’s Press, the Golden Mic Award

from the American Cancer Society and the Advocacy to Action award by the GYRIG (Get Your Rear in Gear) organization (for her work in speaking out publicly about the importance of screening). Brenda’s expertise and speaking style go beyond just her personal experience. She believes that humor is an effective way to communicate her message. More than that, she believes in the healing properties, the health benefits, and the science of humor. She is a certified Humor Professional, earning her certification (through a three-year course) through the Association of Applied and

Brenda’s Books include: •IftheBattleisOver,WhyamIStillinUniform?(herownstory); •I’dLiketoBuyaBowelPlease!(funnystoriesfrompeoplewhohavehadanostomy.Shesetupatableinthehallwayatanationalconferencewithasignthatsaid,“Haveafunnystoryaboutyourostomy?”thenpickedthebeststories); •BedpanBanter;It’sintheBagandUndertheCovers(essays);andYourGlassesAreonTopofYourHead(essays). FormoreinformationaboutBrendaandherwork,visitherwebsite:livingandlaughing.com.

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Brenda’s grandchildren Evelyn and Zeke.

RIGHT: Brenda at the Great Wall of China.


I recently took a day off from work and spent part of it with my parents, an extra day of making memories, if you will. We saw “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,” the movie about beloved children’s television

icon Mr. Rogers. During a poignant scene in which the main character (a journalist assigned to write a short article about Mr. Rogers) learns that his father is dying, my dad reached over to hold my hand. Through it, we at once thought of our parents, our children, and our mortality. We wept together at both the movie’s story and our own. In a scene not long after, Mr. Rogers encourages the journal-ist to talk about his feelings. He says, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manage-able. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and

less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” I have worried about my parents aging for most of my adult life, as I imagine most of us have. I realize now how much I didn’t have to worry when they were in their 50’s, 60’s, and even 70’s. They have been relatively healthy, eating well and exercising, built rewarding and meaningful careers and man-aged money conservatively, been engaged in their community and volunteered time and energy to several organizations, and worked at loving and supporting one an-other through more than 65 years together. We have occasionally had uneasy conversations about end-of- life wishes and which of their children they have assigned to oversee the primary responsibili-ties such as financial and medical decisions. These difficult conversations are an important part of helping loved ones to age successfully. It’s crucial to have these conversations now before a crisis hits because preparedness helps to lessen the burden during crisis. According

to research by the Home Instead Senior Care® (“HISC”) network, 70% of family conversations about aging are triggered by a health crisis or other emergency. HISC research also shows that 54% of adult children surveyed described their “critical conversations with parents as uncomfortable at times, difficult but necessary, emotional with yelling and tears, or difficult and unsuccessful.” Having these conversations regularly make both the conversations and the actions that stem from the conversations more manageable.

Experts suggest the following tips for talking with loved ones about aging.

General guidelines: •Organizeyourthoughtsbywriting a list or outline of what should be discussed. It will help you stay on track and remember important points. •Concentrateonthemostim-portant concerns for older adults: safety, freedom, peace of mind,

social connection, and being able to make choices. •Emphasizethattherearenowrong ideas or options. Try to keep an open mind and think about a range of options.

Be respectful, listen, understand •Imaginewhatit’slikeforyourloved one. Reassure them that what they feel and want is impor-tant to you. •Don’tjusthearthem,listentowhat they are saying - and maybe not saying – and their body lan-guage. They are likely scared, wor-ried about change and frustrated at aging, and may feel like they are losing control. •It’snaturalandexpectedthat we all change as we grow through life and relationships. The relationship you share now is very different from the relationship you had in the past. Be careful not to consider yourself the “parent” or that you know what’s best for them. Try to understand what they want and at what stages they want it.

By JulIe Buchwald haley

Having important conversations with


Practice helps, too

•Aswithmostthings,wegetbetter with practice. Talk about your ideas with someone who isn’t directly involved who can be con-structive and impartial. Reach out to a counselor or therapist, a social worker, senior center, a church leader. Be open to their sugges-tions.•Talkingwithyouraginglovedones helps them, too. The number-one thing aging parents want from their kids is to hear from them, according to research by psycho-therapist Christina Steinorth, MFT. Having regular conversations helps build relationships and provides the opportunity to regularly gauge how your loved one is doing. Are they having more memory loss? Do they have trouble caring for themselves? Are they staying ac-tive? Are they seeing doctors for specific concerns? Talking about these things regularly can make it easier to have the more difficult conversations.

Build up to the decision-focused conversations •Tryplantingseedsincasualconversations and building on those to have conversations that are focused on decision-making. “I’ve noticed some things take more energy these days. What can we do to make it easier for you to do those things?” •Useaneventinthenewstoplant seeds, “We haven’t talked about these things. It would give me peace of mind to know what your plan is.”

Susan Lohmann, MSW, LICSW, Advance Care Planning Coordi-nator at Northfield Hospital + Clinics, recommends adults of all ages complete a clear Health Care Directive. “It is important for every adult to identify a person, called a Health Care Agent, who is legally autho-rized to make decisions about medical interventions and goals of health care, if he or she is unable to speak or make decisions,” she said. “A Health Care Directive also allows you to define when you

would or would not want life-extending treatments, and what type of care is impor-tant to you, based on your own values and definition of quality of life.” Completing a Health Care Directive includes having difficult conver-sations with loved ones. She suggests similar advice as above for these conversations. I am reminded of something else that Mr. Rogers said, “All of us have special ones who have loved us into be-ing.” I have learned so much from my parents: to talk and walk and read and write and count. Dad taught me how to use a sewing machine, Mom taught me how to drive a stick shift. Dad showed me that life is scary, but you do it any way. Mom showed me that persistence pays. Most of all, they taught me love, hope, and compassion. I will hold

these lessons close as we continue this journey together. And I will practice them when we have these conversations.

Julie Buchwald Haley is a freelance writer, new grandma, and PTSD survivor who works full-time, volunteers part-time, and is a pet parent to three. She returned to Minnesota after a 30+ year absence to make new memories with her parents.

Therapeutic Humor. The AATH teaches evidence-based research on humor and healing. Brenda says there are four daily keys to healthy living, based on researchfromDr.LeeBerkatLomaLindaUniversityandEastCoastcardiologist Dr. Michael Miller. Berk’s did research on blood pres-sure in people who watched traumatic movies versus that in those who watched funny movies. Both talk about stress and its effects on the body, and who laugh-ter can decrease the harmful effects.

The four keys are: •Humorexercises-fillingyourmindandheartwith15minutes of laughter (watching funny You Tube clips, talking with someone funny, reading something funny) •15minutesofprayerormeditation •Eatingapieceofdarkchocolate •15minutesofupliftingmusic

Brenda has spent the last 25 years pursuing her passions. In addition to being a national and international keynote speaker, she has written four books and traveled abroad. She has hiked the Great Wall of China (with a bad knee), visited Vietnam and gone on two safaris in South Africa. She is an avid bicylist and has done several long-distance bike trips to raise funds for colon cancer research. She is full of energy and finds her new passion is to bring humor to the aging process. A life-long learner and motivator, she is the kind of person whose adventurous spirit is contagious.

Nancy Iglesias is a freelance writer and storyteller. She is a Midwest girl through and through with roots and stories from Wisconsin, Illinois and Minnesota. During the week, Nancy works for Home Instead Senior Care, finding joy in assisting families as they seek the best options for their loved ones. On the weekends, she works with preschoolers at her church. Whether she’s chatting with someone who is four or fourscore, she loves to hear their stories.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 35

Susan Lohmann, MSW, LICSW, Advance Care Planning Coordinator at Northfield Hospital with her granddaughter.

Bahgat. - Magazine | Southern Minnesota...Get Your Rear in Gear® is the signature event of the Colon Cancer Coalition. It is the largest colon cancer-focused event series in the United

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