August, 2012 ATTENTION BABY BOOMERS: NEW TO · PDF fileAugust, 2012 ATTENTION BABY BOOMERS: NEW TO MEDICARE! D ... May, 2012 1st Place - Dot Amidon 2nd Place - Joe Guppenberger 3rd

This Newsletter is funded through grants from the New York State Office for the Aging, the Older American’s Act, and the generous support of the Genesee County Legislature. SUGGESTED CONTRIBUTION - $4.00

PRE-SORT STANDARD U.S. POSTAGE

PAID Batavia, N.Y. 14020

PERMIT NO. 194

GENESEE COUNTY OFFICE FOR THE AGING

Batavia - Genesee Senior Center

2 Bank St.

Batavia, New York 14020

2 Bank Street

Batavia, N.Y. 14020

Phone: 343-1611

Website: www.co.genesee.ny.us Email: [email protected]

PAMELA WHITMORE

Director

“INFORMATION FOR ADULTS 60 AND

OVER”

August, 2012

ATTENTION BABY BOOMERS: NEW TO MEDICARE!

D ue to the extreme increase in the number of individuals needing our agency’s assistance with a wide range of health insurance issues, we are unable to assist everyone with one-on-one office appointments and calls, but have worked out a system that we

believe will serve those new to Medicare in a good and timely manner. We are now requiring ALL individuals who will be new to Medicare and are requesting our assistance, to attend a Medicare 101 Session, held regularly at the Office for the Aging. These sessions will provide a good overview of Medicare and what you need to know since you are new to Medicare; including the options for coverage under Medicare and related health insurance programs. This can be done well in a group session since this general information is needed by all. Approximately a week after the Medicare 101 Session, we will have a Vendor Fair scheduled at the Office for the Aging, where Medicare Advantage Plans, Part D, Medigap, EPIC, and low income assistance information will be available. Representatives from local insurance companies will be able to assist you with signing up with a plan at that time. A HIICAP Counselor will be available if you have any questions; need assistance in signing up with a plan that is not represented; or if you have additional questions regarding your individual circumstances. Please bring your prescription list with you to the Vendor Fair so the companies may look up your current medications and ensure they are covered on their formularies. We appreciate your attention to this matter and believe this will assist us in helping more of you in an expeditious manner. For Medicare 101 and Vendor Fair Dates, please watch in the Gene-Senior Newsletter, or call the Office for the Aging at (585) 343-1611.

Or Current Resident

Gene-Senior 2

ITEMS OF SPECIAL INTEREST By: Barbara A. Matarazzo, Clerk/Typist

MEETINGS

Disabled American Veterans - Chapter 15 Tuesday, August 7th..................................... 11:30 a.m. VAMC - Building #2, Room 102 Doehler-Jarvis

No Meeting in August, 2012

Graham Retirees Wednesday, August 8th................................ 12:00 p.m. To Be Announced N.A.R.F.E. Meeting Tuesday, August 28th...................... 12:00 p.m. (Picnic)

Place of Picnic to be Determined For more information, call 343-2479 or 591-1044 Us Too Prostate Cancer Support Group (Batavia Chapter) Monday, August 20th...................................... 7:00 p.m. United Memorial Medical Center Board Room - North Street

BATAVIA - GENESEE SENIOR CENTER ACTIVITIES

By: Kim Wurthman, Recreation Program Assistant BLOOD PRESSURE MORNINGS

Bethany - East Bethany Church Wednesday, August 1st .................................................. 11:15 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. Gillam Grant Community Center Blood Pressure Screenings are held two (2) times d u r i n g the month .................................Call 494-1621 for dates. .................................................. 10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

ADVISORY COUNCILS (Meet at the Senior Center)

Office for the Aging

No Meeting in August, 2012 Genesee Senior Foundation, Inc. Thursday, August 9th ...................................... 2:00 p.m. R.S.V.P. Advisory

No Meeting in August, 2012

WEEKLY PROGRAMS

Mondays. Arthritis Foundation Exercise Class ($1.50).... 9:30 a.m. Bridge ............................................................ 12:30 p.m. Pinochle........................................................... 1:00 p.m. Tuesdays Cribbage.......................................................... 1:00 p.m. Wednesdays Quilters ............................................................ 9:00 a.m. Euchre ............................................................. 1:00 p.m. Thursdays Bridge .............................................................. 1:00 p.m. Cribbage.......................................................... 1:00 p.m. Fridays Line Dancing ................................................... 9:45 a.m. Art Class........................................................ 10:00 a.m. Board Games ................................................ 11:00 a.m. Card Group...................................................... 1:00 p.m.

OTHER PROGRAM OFFERINGS: 2ndTuesdays Adult Diabetes Support Group VA Medical Center - Ambulatory Care Area For Information call Michele Gaylord, CDE at 297-1000, ext. 72555. This is Open to the Public ........... 6:30 p.m. 3rd Tuesdays Caregivers Support Group Sponsored by LeRoy Christian Community Project For Information Call 768-7540 Garden View - 124 East Main Street, LeRoy, NY ....................................................... 7:00 p.m. 3rd Wednesdays Alzheimer's/Dementia Information & Discussion Group, Richmond Memorial Library, Gallery Room 19 Ross Street, Batavia For Information Call the Alzheimer's Association of WNY at 1-800-272-3900……..……7:00 pm - 8:30 pm Insurance Counseling Insurance Counseling Offered on an Appointment B a s i s ONLY...................................................... Call 343-1611

This Newsletter is funded through grants from the New York State Office for the Aging, the Older American’s Act, and the generous support of the Genesee County Legislature. SUGGESTED CONTRIBUTION - $4.00

Genesee Senior Foundation, Inc. Donations

Ruth Benz

Quilters Club

Come & Join Us

I f you have quilting experience or would like to learn more about quilting, you are perfect to be part of the Quilters Club that meets every

Wednesday morning here at the Genesee County Office for the Aging beginning at 9:00 a.m. No need to sign up. Just walk in and join the ladies for a morning of fun and conversation.

Website Address for the Genesee County Office for the Aging www.co.genesee.ny.us

Cribbage Results May, 2012

1st Place - Dot Amidon 2nd Place - Joe Guppenberger 3rd Place - Jane Laesser 4th Place - David Guile

Gene-Senior 3

NEWSLETTER SUGGESTED CONTRIBUTION

By: Pamela Whitmore, Director

O ur suggested annual contribution for this “Gene-Senior” newsletter is $4.00. It is costly to mail the newsletter and your contribution will help to ensure that we will be able to provide the information

included in a timely and cost effective manner. This is only a suggested contribution amount. We appreciate any donation that you can make. Please return the form provided below with your contribution to: Office for the Aging, 2 Bank Street, Batavia, New York 14020.

Newsletter Contribution

Name ______________________________________

Address ____________________________________

____________________________________________

Telephone # _________________________________

Amount of Contribution $ _______________________

Thank You For Your Support!!

Call Ahead to Make Sure the Worker You Need to See is Available!

PLEASE CALL AHEAD FOR AN APPOINTMENT:

343-1611

D ue to the increased need for the services provided by the Office for the Aging, we ask that you call ahead before coming to the

office for specific information and/or personal assistance related to health insurance, HEAP, power of attorney, health care proxy, transportation, in-home care, caregiver counseling, handyman, home repairs and other more detailed services. Some services such as Health Insurance Counseling and Legal Service are done by appointment only, and it will save you a trip to call in advance. Calling ahead will insure that the worker you need to see is available to provide the assistance you need.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

Genesee Veterans Support

Network P.O. Box 541 Batavia, NY 14021

P: 585-302-0825 F: 585-302-0826

www.GVSN.net

“Providing a Welcome Home that Lasts a

Lifetime”

Mission Statement: Genesee County Office for the Aging

It is the goal of the Genesee County Office for the Aging to

enhance, support, and maximize the capabilities of Genesee County residents 60 years of age and older and their caregivers. We aim to improve their quality of life by promoting their independence and self-sufficiency.

Travel With the Alexander Happy Agers Pittsburgh, PA

October 2, 2012 to October 4, 2012

T he Alexander Happy Agers have scheduled a three (3) day trip to Pittsburgh, PA, from Tuesday, October 2nd,

to Thursday, October 4th. A visit to the Carnegie Museum of Art, a guided tour of Pittsburgh, plus a dinner cruise aboard the Gateway Clipper, along with more is just a sample of what is planned. Travel will be by Motorcoach. If you are interested in joining us please call Barbara at 585-591-0974 or 585-591-2587.

Cost of this trip is as follows: $455.00 Per Person - Double Occupancy $390.00 Per Person - Triple Occupancy

Reservations and a deposit of $100.00 must be submitted no later than Wednesday, August 1, 2012, to Barbara Spring, 11000 Chaddock Road, Alexander, NY 14005.

“Gene-Senior” Newsletter is collated by RSVP Volunteers

Gene-Senior 4

News from the Dietitian Use Your Coupons At Farmer’s Markets

Submitted by: Ellen Foster, Registered Dietitian

T he Farmers’ Market Nutrition Program provides coupons for fresh produce every summer. • Local foods are fresh.

• They are grown by people you know so you

are helping to support local families and local businesses.

• They are not processed.

• They are usually harvested the same day they are

sold. And they taste really good! Fresh from the farm – the way we used to eat! So use those Farm Market Coupons!!

Carrots and Zucchini Colorful Way To Use Fresh Vegetables

! 3 fresh medium-sized carrots, peeled

and sliced ! 1 medium zucchini squash, sliced ! ½ cup chicken broth ! 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning In a saucepan, cook the carrots and zucchini in the chicken broth until they are just tender. Drain and return the vegetables to the saucepan and add the seasoning. Toss gently. Makes 4 servings, 25 calories each.

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT

B ecause needs are always greater than the funds available to meet them, the Genesee County Office for the Aging encourages monetary donations to our not-for-profit foundation called the Genesee

Senior Foundation, Inc. Name________________________________________

(May we publish your name? �Yes �No) Address______________________________________ _____________________________________________ All donations are greatly appreciated. All contributions are tax deductible to the extend of the law I designated my contribution of $_______to be used where most needed. Funds received will be used to support Office for the Aging Programs such as: Recreation, Transportation, Home Delivered Meals, Caregiver Support, In-Home Care, & Health Insurance Counseling

Please make checks payable and send to: Genesee Senior Foundation, Inc. 2 Bank Street, Batavia, NY 14020

THANK YOU!

“STEP UP TO STOP FALLS IN GENESEE COUNTY”

E ngaging the community to implement successful falls prevention strategies, resulting in lasting change. Professional Education:

Contact Ruth Gliss, GCC Nursing Instructor, 343-0055, ext. 6192. � Health Fairs offered monthly in senior residential

facilities � Educate future nurses and physical therapy

assistants about the need for fall risk and related history

� Free service to older adults about falls prevention, including screening for fall risk and related history

Exercise: � OTAGO program available at 5 locations: HCR Homecare, 211 East Main Street, Batavia … 250-4190 LeRoy Physical Therapy, 3 West Avenue, LeRoy … 768-4550 Sports Plus Physical Therapy, 8276 Park Road, Batavia … 343-9496 Summit Therapy Center, 99 Med Tech Drive, Batavia … 201-7080 VNA of Western NY , Genesee, 61 Swan Street, Batavia … 344-2894 � Improve your strength and balance, thus reducing

the risk of falls Home Safety Assessments: � Trained case managers and volunteers conduct

assessments in the home � Suggestions made to help create a safer home

environment � Free service to help improve home safety Community Education: � A coordinated system of education for older adults

and caregivers � Empower people to be more assertive about the

need for intervention to minimize falls in older adults

� Communication through print articles, small group discussion and radio

Save the Date: Summary Conference in Batavia

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Gene-Senior 5

Senior Spice Corner Substance Abuse Increasing Among Senior

Citizens

H ello, this is Dick Lawrence coming to you from the Prevention Floor of GCASA. This month I would like to talk to you about the increase of substance abuse in our age group.

Substance abuse among older Americans has increased 32% over the past few years and is expected to continue increasing at an even greater rate as Baby Boomers cross the retirement threshold. More than 8 million senior citizens are addicted to alcohol, prescription medications and other chemical substances, according to the United States Department of Health. “The need for awareness among our care providers has never been greater, because there is still little understanding or acknowledgement of the disease of addiction on older adult populations” warns Robert Johnson, Senior Deputy Director of the U.S. Department of Health Addiction Prevention and Recovery Administration. Part of the problem is that the factors that contribute to late-onset alcohol and drug abuse are different from those that trigger substance abuse in younger populations. Common life changes that occur when people retire, grow older and begin to experience common health problems associated with aging may gradually lead to alcohol or drug abuse. Seniors may turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with boredom, loss of social contact, feelings of uselessness, pain and worry. The following factors can contribute to late-onset substance abuse:

! Health problems can restrict physical activity and

cause pain. Pain medications may be abused in an attempt to find relief from chronic pain.

! Retirement can bring changes in feelings of self-

worth and self-esteem. Many career-driven individuals feel suddenly worthless. When their job ends, so does the sense of productivity. They miss the intellectual challenge of working. Without daily interaction with co-workers, retirees can feel socially isolated, lonely and bored.

! Spousal conflict often increases upon retirement.

New patterns, changing roles and expectations can strain a relationship. Partners may resist changing long-held patterns. They may resent changes in responsibility or attempts at oversight.

! Economic concerns worry many seniors. They fear

they will outlive their savings or that a serious illness will wipe them out financially.

! Changing living environments can create

considerable stress. As bodies age, seniors may be forced to leave their long-term family home for a one-floor home or multi-unit setting. They may need to move closer to family who can assist them. Leaving their community and friends can be upsetting and isolating.

! Sleep disturbances are common as people age

and can lead to abuse of sleep medications. The number of alcoholic seniors can be expected to increase due just to the sheer number of baby boomers entering old age. The cost of alcoholism and its consequences in the older citizen have the potential to create an enormous financial burden in the Medicare system. It is imperative that both health care providers and policy makers understand which elder groups are at risk and may be under-diagnosed and therefore prime screening targets. Please call me with any questions or comments. If you would like me to speak at your function or if you would like to join one of our senior groups, I can be reached at 585-815-1865 of [email protected]. Thank you for reading, take care and I will see you next month.

GCASA’s Community Based Senior Programs Include:

Time Out for Grandparents, a support group for anyone taking care of their grandchildren because the parents are unable. Senior Spice Committee, a group of dedicated senior volunteers who meet monthly to plan substance free recreational activities. Medication Education, Health care professionals present information regarding potential problems associated with prescription medication, alcohol and other drug use.

Discover Transportation Options Submitted by: Courtney Iburi, Specialist, Aging Services

P ublic Transportation (B-line), OFA Medical service, CATS Assisted Transportation service, Out-of-County Volunteer Medical Transportation – These are just some of the

options to help you get to medical appointments, both in and out-of-county, to get to the grocery store to shop or to pick-up medications at the pharmacy. Call the Office for the Aging and let us sort through the options and get you to where you need to go! Transportation Coordination services are made possible through the generosity of the Muriel H. Marshall Fund for the Aging in Genesee County through the Rochester Area Community Foundation.

Gene-Senior 6

Lifelong Learning Corner Submitted by: Betsy Dexheimer, Livable Communities Vision Team Member

A Series of Articles About Exciting Learning Opportunities

MUSIC LESSONS

M usic makes you happy. It uplifts you. Time goes by so fast when you are playing music. These are a few of

the sentiments expressed by Rose Caccamise, owner of Roxy’s Music Store in Batavia. Rose said that many, many adults take music lessons at Roxy’s. The teachers are highly specialized. Many have graduated from Eastman and from Berkley Schools of Music. Lessons are offered to beginners, those who used to play years ago, and advanced players. Instruments you have always dreamed about playing are offered for instruction: cello, violin, piano, guitar, drums, flute, banjo, vocal-all taught by talented, professional teachers. Adults come to lessons expressing an interest in playing a certain kind of music; “That’s where we start,” Rose explained, “where the adult’s musical interest lies.” J. excitedly came into the studio for her banjo lesson. “I have always wanted to play the banjo. I love its tone. I’ll never forget the movie where Dueling Banjos played. I love my lessons and my wonderful teacher!” At Roxy’s they teach individually and in small groups. They can combine a child, parent, or grandparent if they would like to learn music together. Lessons meet for ½ hour, once a week. The cost is $17. When you call Roxy’s at 343-7322 ask to speak to Rose directly about making your music dream become a reality. For more information about these learning opportunities, go to Office for the Aging website at www.co.genesee.ny.us or stop by the Office for the Aging and ask for a Lifelong Learning Resource Directory. To offer potential additions to the directory, contact Ruth Spink at 585-343-1611.

FARMERS’ MARKET COUPONS for 2012

Please Note Income Guidelines Below! Submitted by: Courtney Iburi, Specialist, Aging Services ♦ Each year OFA receives Farmers’ Market Coupons to distribute to income qualified seniors. The program helps low-income seniors by providing a coupon book to be used at local Farmers’ Markets for fresh fruits and vegetables. ♦ We anticipate receiving the coupons mid to late July. We do not know exactly how many coupons we will get. ♦ You must be 60 or older to be eligible for coupons

AND ♦ You must income qualify (see below) OR reside in Section 8 subsidized housing.

Income Guidelines (SUBJECT TO CHANGE) Household of 1 =$1,678 Household of 2 =$2,267 Household of 3 =$2,856 Household of 4 =$3,445

♦ You must provide proof of your income to apply for coupons.

♦ You will need to complete some paperwork to receive your coupons. ♦ Farmers’ Market Coupons are given out on a first-come, first-served basis. Family members cannot pick coupons up for you. We must give them directly to you. ♦ Coupons will be given out at our office on the

following date and time: � Thursday August 2: 1 pm to 4 pm

If you have any questions, please call us at 343-1611.

ARE YOU READY? Submitted by AmeriCorps Member, Darcy

Hendershott

Hot Weather Pet Tips While certain breeds of dogs love the hotter days, others can experience health problems. Be careful when spending time outside that your dog is not getting overheated, dehydrated, or sunburned.

Article Continued on Page #7

*** HEAP Eligible Households Do NOT Automatically Qualify***

Please check to make sure you income qualify IF you do not live in Section 8 subsidized housing.

Gene-Senior 7

August, 2012 Monday, August 13th - Bingo Bingo is the game where you have the opportunity to win a prize. Come on over to the Batavia Mealsite for lunch and stay to play Bingo and get the chance to win. Wednesday, August 22nd - Extra Bingo! Extra! Extra! Extra! Because Bingo is such a popular game at our noontime mealsite, our Mealsite Manager has decided to let you have a second chance to win prizes by just saying that magic word, “BINGO!”. Join us for lunch and Bingo. Friday, August 31st - August Birthdays Our Birthday Celebration is scheduled to take place following our noontime luncheon. Join us for lunch and celebrate the birthdays of our friends born in the month of August. Lifespan Now Provides In-home Bill Paying & Budgeting Assistance for Older Adults in

Genesee County Submitted by: Karen Hall, Lifespan's Financial Management Assistance Program for Genesee

County !

L ifespan of Greater Rochester Inc. is pleased to announce the availability of in-home bill paying and budgeting assistance for Genesee County residents 60 and older. Trained, bonded staff and

volunteers can help with planning a budget, balancing a checking account, bill paying tasks, completing insurance forms and applying for benefits. The service is for individuals who do not have experience with finances, who have health problems, who are overwhelmed with financial difficulties or for caregivers who need assistance handling a family member’s finances. There is no fee, however donations are accepted. Lifespan is a non-profit agency providing information, guidance and services that help older adults take on the challenges and opportunities of longer life. The organization has provided the Financial Management program in Monroe County for more than 20 years. Lifespan is leasing office space at Genesee County Office for the Aging (OFA). The Office for the Aging, community members, and agencies have identified a strong need for financial management services for Genesee County Seniors. Financial management is a critical element of helping older adults age in a place of their choice, avoiding premature or unnecessary long-term care placement.

To learn more about becoming a client or a volunteer in the Financial Management program, call Karen Hall at {585} 259-2781. RSVP volunteers are eligible to participate in this new program. This service is made possible by the Rochester Area Community Foundation’s Muriel H. Marshall Fund for the Aging in Genesee County.

Are You Ready? Article Continued from Page #6 Here are five tips for hot summer days: 1. Extra water: Whether your pet

is inside or outside, fresh water should be available. Check the water bowl more often during the hotter months. Thirsty animals might drink out of stagnant puddles and that could be toxic. Some puddles may have parasites in them and others may have chemicals that could be poisonous.

2. Never leave your pet in the car: A few minutes in a car on a hot day can be deadly. The sun and heat can raise the temperature of the inside of a car up to 120 degrees. Cracking the windows doesn’t help. If you have errands to run or go somewhere where you can’t take your pet, leave her home.

3. Protect your pet from the sun: Animals can get sunburned too. They experience the same discomfort of peeling skin, pain, and can be prone to skin cancer. Keep walks between 10am to 4pm short and talk to your vet about pet-safe sunblocks that can be applied to the tips of ears, skin around the lips, and tip of the nose. Never use sunscreen that is for humans.

4. Exercise during the cooler parts of the day: Walks should be at a gentle pace and shorter during the hottest part of the day. Running, playing, and romping should happen during the cooler parts of the day such as early mornings and evenings. If your pet seems exhausted, let her relax and call the play time done. Take a slow walk before heading back into the car or sit outside for a bit. A hot car can feel stifling to a dog that is already panting and tired. Cool off the car and let your dog catch her breath before driving home.

5. Heatstroke can be fatal: If your dog seems to be suffering from heatstroke, the body temperature must be brought down. Wet towels soaked in cool water can help and should be applied to the hairless areas of the ears, foot pads, and belly. Keep your dog calm and bring her to the vet immediately.

(Source: http://www.petswelcome.com/articles/hot-weather-pet-tips.html)

UPCOMING EVENTS

For More Information, call the Genesee County Office for the Aging at 585-343-1611. To secure a seat on one of our trips, you will need to prepay for the desired trip

in person.

Gene-Senior 8

GENESEE CAREGIVER

How to Talk to the Elderly Submitted by: Ruth Spink, Services Administrator

Article by: Connie Matthiessen, Caring.com Senior Editor

Quick summary Adult children and their parents often have trouble talking effectively. Small disagreements can be irksome and frustrating; if they simmer and grow, they can poison your last precious months and years together. What causes these misunderstandings? According to David Solie, author of How to Say It to Seniors, they occur in part because the needs and developmental tasks older parents face are starkly different from -- and at times even conflict with -- those of their middle-aged children. Conflicting life stages As a culture, we tend to view our elderly parents as essentially obsolete -- like old cars destined for the scrap heap. But Solie and other geriatric experts believe that aging can actually be a period of growth and personal development. Understanding and facilitating the developmental needs of your parents can make this stage of life a deeply rewarding one -- for you and for them. But it can be difficult for middle-aged adults to support their elderly parents in this process -- in part because they're focused on their own developmental issues. For most people, midlife is a time of independence and mastery. You've gained confidence and a clear sense of what your values are, so this stage of life is focused on consolidating your gains and taking on new responsibilities. At the same time, midlife is a time to nurture and give back, whether by having children or engaging in mentoring or social activism. As an adult in middle age, you move quickly and efficiently through the world, completing tasks and taking care of your many responsibilities, looking ahead to the next mountain to climb. Your elderly parents, in contrast, are letting go of duties and responsibilities as they settle into retirement. As their physical health and independence fail, they try to hold fast to the areas of life they still control. At the same time, they're looking back and trying to understand the significance of their experience and what they'll leave behind. It's these different perspectives that can lead to breakdowns in communication between you and your parents. By understanding the pitfalls, however, you can learn to talk to your elderly parents in a way that helps to close the communication gap. Communication breakdown #1: Moving out of the family home An examination of a typical interaction between you and your elderly parents illustrates how much can get lost in translation: Your father has fallen twice over the last few months, but every time you suggest a move from the family home, he changes the subject. Your experience: Ever since your mother died last year, "what to do about Dad" has become one of the primary items on your mental To Do list. When you drop in for a visit after a long day at work, your father is unsteady as he makes you a cup of tea and knocks the cup to the floor. As you gather up the broken china, your teenage son calls to remind you he needs a ride to the math tutor's house in less than an hour. On the way to pick him up, you need to get something for dinner, which gives you about ten minutes with your father for tea and a visit. You're feeling rushed as you raise the issue, again, of the assisted living facility nearby. Instead of responding, your father wanders off on a well-worn memory about the house, and how he and your mother purchased it just three months after your brother was born. Depleted from your day at work and pressed for time, the last thing you want to do is listen to a story you've heard countless times before. You want the matter resolved, so you can cross it off your list and move on. There are your son’s college applications to think about, after all, and you're facing several important deadlines at work. You'd love to be able to take a trip this autumn with your husband without worrying about Dad while you're gone.

Article Continued on Page #9

Gene-Senior 9

How to Talk to the Elderly Article Continued from Page #8

From your perspective, your father is being stubborn and obtuse. Why can't he just deal with the issue? Could he be failing mentally, as well as physically? You react by snapping at him, reminding him that you've heard the story before. Now it's time to leave, and you drive away full of remorse as you recall the hurt look on your father's face. Your father's experience: For your father, several things are going on at the same time. There are control issues: He has recently lost your mother, and after such a major loss, the thought of giving up his lifelong home is too much to contemplate. At the same time, he dreads the thought of going to a place where he knows no one and will have to follow institutional rules and schedules. If he sells the family home, what will happen to his garden and the trees he and your mother planted to celebrate each of the children's births? Given all his doubts and fears, your father chooses to avoid the matter altogether by simply changing the subject. Your father is also engaged in building his legacy, whether he's conscious of it or not. The memory he relates is not a random one; it's a narrative that expresses the values and accomplishments of a lifetime. It's the story of his long and happy marriage, his pride at being able to buy a house, and his delight at becoming a father. Communication breakthrough #1: Making time to listen To help improve communication between you, consider: Time and timing: One of the greatest challenges people in midlife face in their dealings with the elderly is to slow down and find the time to be fully present. It's a mistake to discuss important issues on the fly, when you're rushed and preoccupied. If you need to talk about something crucial with your parents, make a conscious effort to put your personal agenda aside -- along with your cell phone. And remember, such issues will take time to resolve -- and probably require more than one discussion. Listening: Be sure to pay attention to your father's ideas and to fears he may be expressing indirectly. Even if you've already made up your mind that your father should go into an assisted living facility, you should really listen to what he's saying and be open to other options. If it's too soon after your mother's death, could the move be put off for a few months? Could you hire someone to come in and help him for a few hours each day, or could adjustments in the house help prevent another fall? Being respectful: When you tell your father what you think he should do, do so respectfully. Try to avoid a bossy or dismissive tone. If your father becomes angry, drop the subject and return to it another day. If he continues to disagree with you, don't force the issue. As long as your father is a fully functioning adult, you can't force him to follow your advice -- no matter how "right" you think it is. Participating in your father's legacy project: You can help your father create his legacy by asking questions and affirming the values he expresses. You can help him record his memories by creating a photo album or by interviewing him for an oral history. Your interest and involvement will not only make the process more meaningful, it will make this life transition less lonely and frightening. Communication breakdown #2: Dealing with money when both your parents are increasingly frail and forgetful, but they refuse to let you help with bills and other practical matters. Your experience: You and your older sister, who lives across the country, agree that your parents need more help. You volunteer to take over their finances, since you live closer. But your father insists that he can handle the bills himself. Your mother doesn't like the housecleaner your sister hired and told her not to come back. Their house is messy and cluttered, and you couldn't help noticing that your father's desk, where he pays the bills, is buried in papers and books. Now your sister calls you at work to fret over what should be done. When you visit your parents, which you can only do on the weekends, you miss your routines with your own family and the chance to catch up on your sleep. Your parents seem oblivious to the fact that their disorder is gradually taking over your life, too. During your last visit to your parents' house, you wanted to leave as soon as you arrived. When you asked about the bills, again, your mother said sweetly, "We're fine, dear. We really don't want to be a burden," and you felt like shouting, "But you are a burden! And you're ruining my life!"

Article Continued on Page #10

Gene-Senior 10

How to Talk to the Elderly Article Continued from Page #9 Your parents' experience: It's important to see your frustrations in the context of your parents' broader situation. They're well aware that their years of independence are numbered: your father is showing signs of early dementia, and your mother is growing weaker by the day. Meanwhile, your father had to give up driving last year because of his cataracts. For your parents, life as they've always known it seems to be retreating into memory. Given all the changes they face, your parents are trying to cling to the areas of life they can still manage. They appreciate your concern but also find it a little insulting. Your father likes to take care of the family finances: He's proud of his capability, punctuality, and ability to pay. Your mother prefers to do her own housekeeping -- even if it is a little slapdash. Your parents are also focusing, consciously or unconsciously, on their legacy. They've always prided themselves on their hard work and independence. The idea of being a burden to you and your sister is mortifying. They know the day will likely come, but they're anxious to put it off as long as possible. Communication breakthrough #2: Clearing the air Some tips for breaking through this communication impasse: Be direct: If you find that interactions with your parents have become a dialogue of the deaf, tell them that you're frustrated; chances are they feel the same way. Clearing the air may help you find some common ground. Listen: Be receptive to what your parents have to say. If they're intent on managing on their own, don't argue. Listen to the messages that may be concealed in the remarks they make, and try to find solutions that work for all of you. If your father has too much pride to turn the bills over to you, for example, or is reluctant to share his financial information, he may agree to see an accountant instead. Back off: When talking to your parents is consistently difficult, sometimes the best solution is to back off. If you continue to badger your parents, you'll only alienate them and frustrate yourself. If the worst that can happen is that checks could bounce or late fees accrue, let the matter rest for a while. Keep in touch with your father about how he's managing, and offer to help again if and when he seems more receptive. Take care of yourself: If you find that you're frequently stressed out and angry, make sure that you're not neglecting your own needs. Try to make time for yourself and for your other relationships. Take regular breaks and vacations, even if it means hiring someone to stay with your parents. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be there for your parents and your family.

Retrieved May 31, 2012 from: http://www.caring.com/articles/talking-to-elderly-parents

AGING IN PLACE Submitted by: Dorian Ely, Specialist, Aging Services

P rograms and services in the following areas are provided at no cost or low cost for Genesee County residents who are 60 years of age and older.

� Financial Management *NEW* � Handyman Services � Home Visitation � Library Services (SAGE) � Recreation � Transportation

� Transportation Coordination � Assisted Transportation � Social Transportation

For information contact the Genesee County Office for the Aging at 585-343-1611. These programs and services are made possible by Rochester Area Community Foundation’s Muriel H. Marshall Fund for the Aging in Genesee County.

RSVP of Genesee County Submitted by: Dorian Ely, Specialist, Aging Services

R SVP works with many organizations throughout Genesee County identifying needs that can only be met with the help of volunteers. Currently, we are recruiting for

the following: � Service to our veterans in a variety of capacities

and settings � Friendly visitors � Drivers � Blood drive workers for west side of county � Thrift store workers If you are 55 years of age or older, interested in one of the above, or wish to explore other volunteer opportunities, please contact RSVP at 585-343-1611.

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