ASSERTIVENESS “İnsanlara adil davranın, ancak onların da size adil davranmalarını sağlayın.” Alan Alda Alan Alda.

ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS

““İnsanlara adil davranın, ancak onların İnsanlara adil davranın, ancak onların da size adil davranmalarını sağlayın.”da size adil davranmalarını sağlayın.”

Alan AldaAlan Alda

1-HISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESS1-HISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESS

SocratesSocrates Smith-1975Smith-1975

TodayToday

2-WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?2-WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?

Assertiveness is about self Assertiveness is about self confidence which means having confidence which means having a positive attitude towards a positive attitude towards yourself and others. yourself and others.

Ten Points about Assertive Ten Points about Assertive BehavioursBehaviours

1-It depends on expressing yourself1-It depends on expressing yourself2-Showing respects to others rights2-Showing respects to others rights3-Being honest3-Being honest4-Indirect and certain 4-Indirect and certain 5-Mutual equilibrim and benefit is important in 5-Mutual equilibrim and benefit is important in

a relationshipa relationship6-It is expressing emotions, rights, realities, 6-It is expressing emotions, rights, realities,

thoughts and boundaries by wordsthoughts and boundaries by words7-Using non-verbal comminication for sending 7-Using non-verbal comminication for sending

the messagethe message8-It is not universal, it depends on the position 8-It is not universal, it depends on the position

and the individualand the individual9-It is getting social responsibility9-It is getting social responsibility10-It is not the nature of the hunamkind, it can 10-It is not the nature of the hunamkind, it can

be learned be learned

Being AssertiveBeing Assertive

1-Being assertive is focusing on your 1-Being assertive is focusing on your goalgoal

2-Being assertive is being self-aware2-Being assertive is being self-aware

3-Being assertive is being true to 3-Being assertive is being true to yourselfyourself

4-Being assertive is building self 4-Being assertive is building self esteemesteem

5-Being assertive is nurturing yourself.5-Being assertive is nurturing yourself.

3-TYPES OF 3-TYPES OF ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS

Non-assertive behaviourNon-assertive behaviour I am not ok,you are okI am not ok,you are ok Assertive behaviourAssertive behaviour I am ok,you are okI am ok,you are ok Aggresive behaviourAggresive behaviour I am ok,you are not okI am ok,you are not ok Manipulative behaviour Manipulative behaviour I am not ok,you are not okI am not ok,you are not ok

Agressive ---AgressiveAgressive ---Agressive

Aggresive---PassiveAggresive---Passive

Assertive---PassiveAssertive---Passive

Negative attitude and Negative attitude and passive behaviourpassive behaviour

Lack of self confidence and low self Lack of self confidence and low self esteemesteem

Lack of self respectLack of self respect Self putdownsSelf putdowns Negative feelings and thoughts about Negative feelings and thoughts about

yourselfyourself Feeliings of inferiority compared to othersFeeliings of inferiority compared to others Like others to be in control of people and Like others to be in control of people and

situationssituations Feel guilty towards othersFeel guilty towards others demotivateddemotivated

Negative attitude and Negative attitude and manipulative behaviourmanipulative behaviour

Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of self respect and lack of respect for Lack of self respect and lack of respect for

othersothers Mistrustful and suspicious of others’ motivesMistrustful and suspicious of others’ motives Negative feelings and thoughts about self Negative feelings and thoughts about self

and othersand others Feel very wary towards othersFeel very wary towards others Dishonest and indirectDishonest and indirect Twist what others have saidTwist what others have said Undermine others’ self esteemUndermine others’ self esteem Depressed and demotivatedDepressed and demotivated

Negative attitude and Negative attitude and aggressive behaviouraggressive behaviour

Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of respect towards othersLack of respect towards others Put others downPut others down Feelings of superiorityFeelings of superiority Like to be in control of people and situationsLike to be in control of people and situations Disinterested in others’ thoughts and feelingsDisinterested in others’ thoughts and feelings Feel angry towards others and are quick to blame Feel angry towards others and are quick to blame

themthem Don’t listen to or ask questionsDon’t listen to or ask questions Dismissive of feedbackDismissive of feedback

Positive attitude and Positive attitude and assertive behaviourassertive behaviour

Self confidence and high self esteemSelf confidence and high self esteem Respect for self and towards othersRespect for self and towards others Take responsibility for selfTake responsibility for self Motivated to do a good jobMotivated to do a good job İnterested in others’ feelings and İnterested in others’ feelings and

thoughtsthoughts Ask questionsAsk questions Honest and directHonest and direct Listen to othersListen to others Ask others for feedbackAsk others for feedback

4-SKILLS OF 4-SKILLS OF ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS

a) Broken recorda) Broken record

b) Foggingb) Fogging

c) Negative assertionc) Negative assertion

d) Negative inquiryd) Negative inquiry

e) Free informatione) Free information

f) Self disclosuref) Self disclosure

g)Workable compromiseg)Workable compromise

5-ASSERTIVENESS BY 5-ASSERTIVENESS BY VERBAL AND NONVERBAL VERBAL AND NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

““It ain’t what you say, it is the way that you say it”It ain’t what you say, it is the way that you say it”

TonationTonation

‘‘II will phone you’ – It will be me not any other person will phone you’ – It will be me not any other person‘‘I I willwill phone you’ – I will not forget! phone you’ – I will not forget!‘‘I will I will phonephone you’ – I will not write or visit. you’ – I will not write or visit.‘‘I will phone I will phone youyou’ – It will be you,not any other person.’ – It will be you,not any other person.

Faces and the looksFaces and the looks Eye signalEye signal Body imageBody image Personal spacePersonal space The gestureThe gesture

6-ASSERTIVENESS IN 6-ASSERTIVENESS IN CULTURESCULTURES

ASIANASIAN

LowLow degree of individualism , degree of individualism , nonassertive.nonassertive.

EUROPEAN,AMERICANEUROPEAN,AMERICAN

HighHigh degree of individualism , degree of individualism , assertive.assertive.

7-HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS7-HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

The right to express The right to express sexualitysexuality

The right to have The right to have needs and desiresneeds and desires

The right to have The right to have informationinformation

The right to have The right to have goods or services goods or services which have been which have been paid paid

The right to be The right to be independent and to independent and to be left alonebe left alone

The right to say noThe right to say no The right to be The right to be

treated with respecttreated with respect

The right to do anything which The right to do anything which does not violate the rights of does not violate the rights of othersothers

The right to be assertive or The right to be assertive or non-assertivenon-assertive

The right to make choicesThe right to make choices The right to change The right to change The right to control over The right to control over

body,time and possesionsbody,time and possesions The right to express opinions The right to express opinions

and beliefsand beliefs The right to think well of The right to think well of

oneselfoneself The right to make requestsThe right to make requests

8-SAYING ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’8-SAYING ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’

Why is it difficult to say no?Why is it difficult to say no?

If I say no,they may feel hurt or injectedIf I say no,they may feel hurt or injected If I say no this time, they may not like me If I say no this time, they may not like me

anymoreanymore If I say no this time,they may never ask againIf I say no this time,they may never ask again They won’t take any notice if I say noThey won’t take any notice if I say no They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel

guilty if I refuse them)guilty if I refuse them) I can’t say no, because I feel sorry for themI can’t say no, because I feel sorry for them

How to say ‘no’ assertively?How to say ‘no’ assertively?

Start your reply with a Start your reply with a clear,firm,audible ‘no’clear,firm,audible ‘no’

Do not justify or make Do not justify or make excuses.Giving a reason is different excuses.Giving a reason is different from over-appologizingfrom over-appologizing

Feel that you have a right to say noFeel that you have a right to say no Once you have said ‘no’ , do not stay Once you have said ‘no’ , do not stay

around waiting to be persuaded to around waiting to be persuaded to change your mind.Make a definite change your mind.Make a definite closure by changing the closure by changing the subject,walking away, continiuing subject,walking away, continiuing with what you are doing-whatever is with what you are doing-whatever is appropriateappropriate

How to say ‘no’ assertively?How to say ‘no’ assertively?

Remember you are saying ‘no’ to that Remember you are saying ‘no’ to that particular request,not rejecting the particular request,not rejecting the personperson

If the request takes you unawares or If the request takes you unawares or you have not sufficent time to think you have not sufficent time to think when asked,you can always say, ‘I will when asked,you can always say, ‘I will let you know’ in order to give yourself let you know’ in order to give yourself time to think about what you want to time to think about what you want to saysay

Take responsibility for saying no-do not Take responsibility for saying no-do not blame the other person for asking youblame the other person for asking you

Ask for more information if you need it Ask for more information if you need it in order to decide whether you want to in order to decide whether you want to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’say ‘yes’ or ‘no’

Why is it difficult to say ‘yes’?Why is it difficult to say ‘yes’?

I don’t deserve itI don’t deserve it They might not really mean itThey might not really mean it I am not really sure that is what I wantI am not really sure that is what I want I don’t have enough informationI don’t have enough information

How to say ‘yes’ assertivelyHow to say ‘yes’ assertively

Say ‘yes’ clearly and definitelySay ‘yes’ clearly and definitely Identify why you would find it difficultIdentify why you would find it difficult Examine thoughts realistically and ask Examine thoughts realistically and ask

yourselfyourself Having calarified thughts for yourself Having calarified thughts for yourself

then reaffirm your desire to say ‘yes’then reaffirm your desire to say ‘yes’

Combining ‘yes’ and ‘no’Combining ‘yes’ and ‘no’

‘‘yes’ and ‘no’ may be combined assertively to yes’ and ‘no’ may be combined assertively to define what we want or what our limits are in a define what we want or what our limits are in a particular situation.particular situation.

9-THE IMPORTANCE OF 9-THE IMPORTANCE OF ASSERTIVENESS IN ASSERTIVENESS IN

ORGANISATIONSORGANISATIONS

AssertivenessAssertiveness Personal identityPersonal identity Wages or salaryWages or salary Satisfaction from Satisfaction from

exercising skillsexercising skills Satisfaction from Satisfaction from

helping peoplehelping people Social Social

environmentenvironment

Need to dealing withNeed to dealing with TheirselvesTheirselves The manager to The manager to

whom they reportwhom they report Their colleaguesTheir colleagues Their subordinatesTheir subordinates Clients or customersClients or customers

10-ASSERTIVENESS 10-ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING IN WORK PLACETRAINING IN WORK PLACE

Body-language awareness leading Body-language awareness leading to work body oriented therapiesto work body oriented therapies

Role-plays and then work in Role-plays and then work in psyhcodrama psyhcodrama

Awareness of other people’s Awareness of other people’s perceptions and so work in perceptions and so work in sensitivity groups and encountersensitivity groups and encounter

Looking at situations in the past Looking at situations in the past where one was, or was not where one was, or was not assertive and hence traditional assertive and hence traditional psychoteraphypsychoteraphy

Techniques in Assertiveness Techniques in Assertiveness TrainingTraining

Verbal communicationVerbal communication Non-verbal communicationNon-verbal communication Anxiety reduction and control Anxiety reduction and control Anger reduction and control, and Anger reduction and control, and

redirection of this energyredirection of this energy Increase in self esteemIncrease in self esteem Awareness of self and others in Awareness of self and others in

interpersonnal situationsinterpersonnal situations Awareness of social and cultural Awareness of social and cultural

rules of behaviourrules of behaviour

Problems in Assertiveness Problems in Assertiveness TrainingTraining

The first major problem for assertion The first major problem for assertion training involves negative evaluations of training involves negative evaluations of assertive people by othersassertive people by others

Confusion between assertion and Confusion between assertion and aggressionaggression

Problem involves transfer of training,the Problem involves transfer of training,the difficulty experienced by trainees in difficulty experienced by trainees in generalising assertive from the training generalising assertive from the training context to real-life situationscontext to real-life situations

Finally some of the difficulties in applying Finally some of the difficulties in applying assertion training outside the training assertion training outside the training context may be due to intuitive training context may be due to intuitive training procedures that are inadequately based in procedures that are inadequately based in researchresearch

The skills of helping the person to commit to The skills of helping the person to commit to changing his/her behaviour from non-changing his/her behaviour from non-

assertive to assertive.assertive to assertive.

You will need action planning skills at You will need action planning skills at this stage of the counselling process.In this stage of the counselling process.In particular, you need to help the person particular, you need to help the person set clear objectives;a mnemonic which set clear objectives;a mnemonic which can be useful is SMART.can be useful is SMART.

This stands for:This stands for: SSpecificpecific MMeasurableeasurable AAchievablechievable RRealisticealistic TTime orientedime oriented

TO DECİDE WHEN TO BE TO DECİDE WHEN TO BE ASSERTİVEASSERTİVE

Do you know really what is the situation?Do you know really what is the situation? How much importance it has for you?How much importance it has for you? Will you get what you want?Will you get what you want? Do you want to just express yourself?Do you want to just express yourself? What is your options?What is your options? Do you want an optimistic result?Do you want an optimistic result? Are you ready to be assertive?Are you ready to be assertive? Did you count to the 10?Did you count to the 10? Is it beter to wait?Is it beter to wait? Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you don’t do anything?Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you don’t do anything? Have you done your best?Have you done your best? What are the possible results and risks?What are the possible results and risks? Will assertiveness cause a change?Will assertiveness cause a change?

Prepared By;Prepared By;

Ahmet GürbüzAhmet Gürbüz

Mehmet Mutlu BayramMehmet Mutlu Bayram

Mustafa Giray ZereyMustafa Giray Zerey

THANKS FOR YOUR THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTIONATTENTION