TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENT CONVERSATION TIPS FOR PARENTS ASK. LISTEN. RESPECT. ASK. LISTEN. RESPECT.
TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENTCONVERSATION TIPS FOR PARENTS
ASK. LISTEN.RESPECT.
ASK. LISTEN.RESPECT.
A FEW WORDS ABOUT CONSENT…
CONSENT IS...
aclearandenthusiastic“yes”. anactive,voluntary,andverbal agreement.
aprocess,whichmustbeasked foreverystepoftheway.
WHY TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT IT?Communication,respect,andhonestyarethebuildingblocksofhealthyrelationships,andconsentisaboutallofthosethings.
Teaching kids about the skills of consent can help reduce sexual coercion, harassment, and even assault.
Whenweteachkidsaboutconsent,wehelpthemlearnhowtoexpresswhattheywantanddon’twant.Wegivethemtoolstoexpresstheirlimits.Weteachthemthattheydeservetobetreatedinarespectfulway.
Teachingconsentalsomeansteachingkidsthatit’sjustasimportanttorespectothers’limitsandwishes.Weteachthemthattheirfriendshavearighttosay“no”and“yes”andhavethatberespected.
HOW EARLY CAN WE START TALKING?Asearlyasage1,wecanbeginteachingkidsthat“no”and“stop”areimportantwordsandshouldbehonoredbychildrenandadults.Wecanteachevenveryyoungchildrenthattheyhavearighttohavetheir“no”and“yes”respectedtoo.
Askyourchildiftheywouldliketoplayaticklegame;listenfor“yes”.Ifyourchildsays“stop”,stopandwaitforthemtoinviteyoutoplayagain.
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE.Talkingaboutconsentcanstartatanytime…andit’snevertoolatetobegintheconversation.Youcanbeginbyaskingkidsfortheirconsentinavarietyofways.
Themoreyoutalkaboutconsent,themorenormalitwillbecome,sotalkingopenlyandrespectfullywithfriendsandpartnerswillbecomesecondnature.
Ifyourchilddoesnotwanttohugorkissarelative,offerthemanalternativeratherthanforcingthem:“WouldyouliketogiveGrammyahigh-fiveinstead?”
1 2Two ways parents can show young children we respect their limits:
I ’d l ike to post this great picture of you on my social media. Can I get your consent to do that? ” HERE’S AN EXAMPLE...
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SPARKING A CONVERSAT ION
REMEMBER…Youdon’tneedtosetasideahugechunkoftimetohavethesekindsofconversations.Youcanhaveconversationsanytimeyou’retogetherwithoutlotsofdistractions:inthecar,atmealtime,etc.
Teachingaboutconsentworksbestwhenit’stalkedaboutregularlyinlotsofdifferentways.
The ASK. LISTEN. RESPECT. videowascreatedforkidsages11-16toshowconcreteexamplesof: howtoaskforconsent whatenthusiastic,verbalconsentlookslike howtorespondto“no”respectfully
Youcanusethevideotosparkconversationswithyourchild/teenaboutrespectfulrelationships,theimportanceofconsent,andhowteenscanaskforandgiveconsentintheirfriendshipsanddatingrelationships.Thevideoisapproximately1minutelong.
CONVERSATION STARTERS AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO: •“Thisvideoisaboutconsent.Whatdoes‘consent’meantoyou?”
•“Canyouspot2or3examplesinthevideoforhoweachteenaskedforconsent?” Here are the examples of asking for consent in the video: oGirl:“CanIcomeover?” Boy’sresponse:“Sure” oBoy:“Wanttoshootsomehoops?” Girl’sresponse:“Umno,notreally.” oGirl:“Doyouwanttoplay[thisvideogame]?” Boy’sresponse:“Yeah” oGirl:“Hey,doyouwanttogoseeamovie?” Boy’sresponse:“Nah…” oBoy:“Youwanttokiss?” Girl’sresponse:(smiles)“Yeah!” •“Insomecases,oneoftheteensdidnotgiveconsent.Howdideachteenrespondwhen theothersaid,‘no’?”
•“Doyouthinkthiscouldhappeninreallife?Whyorwhynot?”
CONVERSATION STARTERS ABOUT CONSENT IN DATING RELATIONSHIPS: Thisisagreattimetoexplaintheimportanceofaskingpermission(consent)totouchorkisssomeone. •“Howdoyouknowwhensomeonegivestheirconsent?” •“Howcansomeonetelliftheotherperson isreadytotouchorkiss?”Explainthatonly“yes”means“yes”.Justbecausesomeonedoesn’tsay“no”,itdoesnotmeanthatpersonisgivingconsent.Ask.Listen.Respect.
•“Ifaperson’sdate(oranyoneelse)touches orkissesthemwithouttheirconsent, whatisthatcalled?”
Explainthatforcedsexualcontact(whichmayincludetouchingorkissing)iscalledcoercionandmaybeassault.
IF YOUR CHILD/TEEN HAS BEEN COERCED OR ASSAULTED…Itispossiblethatyourchild/teenmighttalkwithyouaboutasituationwheretheyhavenotbeenrespected,andmayevenhavebeencoercedorassaulted.Ifthathappens,themosthelpfulfirstresponseistolistenandoffersupport.
YOU AND YOUR CHILD/TEEN CAN GET HELP, SUPPORT, AND INFORMATION FROM THESE GREAT RESOURCES: Virginia Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline Call:1.800.838.8238(24hoursaday) Text:1.804.793.9999(Monday-Friday8am-8pm) Chat:www.vadata.org/chat (Monday-Friday8am-8pm)
LGBTQ Partner Abuse and Sexual Assault Helpline Call:1.866.356.6998(Monday-Friday,8am-8pm) Text:1.804.793.9999(Monday-Friday8am-8pm) Chat:www.vadata.org/chat(Monday-Friday8am-8pm)
LoveisRespectTeenDatingViolenceHotline Call:1.866.331.9474 Text:loveisto22522 Chat:www.loveisrespect.org
HELP IS RIGHT HERE
ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF A
SUPPORTIVE RESPONSE4
I believe you.
It’s not your fault.
I’m here to support you.
Let’s get some help.”
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www.vsdvall iance.org804.377.0335
info@vsdvall iance.org@VActionAll iance
Virginia’s leading voice on sexual and domestic violence for over 30 years.
L G B T Qpa r tne r abus e& sexual assault H E L P L I N E1.866.356.6998
Monday-Friday 8am-8pm
family violence & sexual assault
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1.800.838.8238 V/TTY A project of Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance
FundedbytheVirginiaDepartmentofHealthandthePreventiveHealth&HealthServicesBlockGrant#1301DP009055.Theopinions,findings,conclusions,andrecommendationsexpressedinthisvideoarethoseoftheauthorsanddonotnecessarilyreflecttheviewsoftheVirginiaDepartmentofHealth.