ART OF NEGOTIATION, THE opponent SECRET OF …...SECRET OF DIPLOMACY Getting the best of your opponent Resources: Harvard Assistant Professor Alison Wood Brooks, Keith Allred, ...

ART OF NEGOTIATION, THE SECRET OF DIPLOMACY

Getting the best of your opponent

Resources: Harvard Assistant Professor Alison Wood Brooks, Keith Allred, Francesca Gino and Maurice Schweitzer

•Let’s take a test drive

DEBRIEF• Anyone still angry after the exercise or continue to

debate it?• Anyone shaking their head in disbelief• Did anyone react in anger• Did anyone try to diffuse the situation for the

entire time

Is it fair to say bringing anger to a negotiation is like throwing a bomb into the process. Is it apt to have a major effect on the outcome?

Until 20 years ago, few researchers paid much attention to :

• The role emotions play in negotiations• How feelings can influence the way people overcome conflict, reach an

agreement AND create value when dealing with another party.

Instead:

• Scholars focused on strategy and tactics• Ways in which parties can identify and consider alternatives• Using leverage• Execute the choreography of offers and counteroffers• Used a scientific understanding of negotiation to hone in on:

• Transactional nature of working out a deal• How to get the most money or profit from the process

In the past decade that thought process has evolved to examine how specific emotions can affect the behavior of negotiators.

• Anger

• Sadness

• Disappointment

• Anxiety (DID I MENTION ANXIETY?)

• Envy

• Excitement

• Regret

Let’s explore coping strategies for many of the emotions people typically feel over the course of a negotiation:

• Avoiding anxiety

• Managing anger

• Managing your counterparts emotions

• Preparing your emotional strategy

Avoiding Anxiety

Anxiety – A state of distress in reaction to threatening stimuli, particularly novel situations that have the potential for undesirable outcome. In contrast to anger which motivates people to escalate conflict (the fight) anxiety trips the flight switch and makes people want to exit the scene.

Patience and persistence are often desirable when negotiating, the urge to exit quickly is counterproductive. But the negative effects of feeling anxious may go further.

How can anxiety influence negotiations?

EXCELLENT NEGOTIATORS OFTEN MAKE THEIR COUNTERPARTS

ANXIOUS ON PURPOSE

Takeaways From Research

• Try your utmost to avoid feeling anxious while negotiating• How to manage that:

• Train• Practice, eventually feels more routine• Rehearse• Keep sharpening your negotiation skills• Bring in a third party

Managing Anger

Like anxiety, anger is a negative emotion, but instead of being self-focused, it’s usually directed towards someone else. When it comes to negotiating, many people believe that anger can be a productive emotion – one that will help them win a larger share of the pie.

This view stems from a tendency to view negotiations in competitive terms rather than collaborative ones. Makes one seem stronger, more powerful and better able to succeed in this grab for value.

Managing Anger

• Research shows

• Anger harms the process• Can escalate conflict• Biasing perceptions• Make impasses more likely• Reduces joint gains• Decreases cooperation• Intensifies competitive behavior• Increases the rates at which offers are rejected

Managing Your Counterpart’s Emotions

1) Be observant – perceiving how other people are feeling is a critical component of emotional intelligence. Body language, tone of voice and choice of words. When verbal and nonverbal cues do not match up, ask questions. Asking pointed questions based on your perceptions of the other party’s emotional expressions will make it easier for you to understand their perspective AND make it difficult for them to lie to you. Evidence suggests that people prefer to tell lie of omission about facts rather than lies of commission about feelings.

• You are telling me you like this outcome but you seem uneasy?• Is something making you feel uncomfortable?• Are you truly upset about something?

Managing Your Counterpart’s Emotions

2) Don’t be afraid to exert direct influence on your counterpart’s emotions• Inject humor• Empathetic reassurance• If your counterpart seems overconfident or pushy, expressing

well-placed anger can inspire a healthy dose of fear

Despite these findings many people continue to see advantages to feeling or appearing angry which can lead to a stalemate. There are tactics that can help you limit the anger you express

Preparing Your Emotional StrategyThe Buildup

Ask Yourself:

• How do I feel

• Should I express my emotions

• How might the people across the table feel?

• Are they likely to hide or express their emotions

• Should I recruit a third party to negotiate, broker

Remember:

• It’s normal to feel anxious and excited

• Try to avoid expressing anxiety

• Expressing forward-looking excitement may help build rapport

• In emotionally charged situations consider having a third party

Preparing Your Emotional StrategyThe Main Event

Ask Yourself:

• What things could happen that would make me feel angry?

• What things might I do that would trigger my counterpart to feel angry?

• What might they do or ask to make me feel anxious?

Remember:

Be careful about expressing anger; it may extract concessions but harm the long-term relationship

Avoid angering your counterpart, they are likely to walk away

Preparing answers to tough questions is critical for staying calm in the moment

Preparing Your Emotional StrategyThe Finale

Ask Yourself:

• What are the possible outcomes of the negotiation?

• What do I hope to achieve?

• What do I expect to achieve?

• How would those outcomes make me feel?

• Should I express those feelings? To whom?

• How is my counterpart likely to feel about the possible outcomes?

Remember:

• To reduce disappointment, outline clear aspirations and expectations and adjust them throughout the negotiation

• When you feel displeased about an outcome, it may be wise to keep it to yourself

• The best negotiators create value for everyone, claiming the lion’s share for themselves but making their counterpart feel that they won also

Notes

• Building rapport before, during, and after a negotiation can reduce the odds that the other party will become angry

• Make it clear you want a win-win solution

• If the other party becomes angry, seek to soothe. Even if the anger is unwarranted you’re in a better position to reduce the hostility

• Take a break, cool off and regroup if tensions are flaring

• Resist the urge to fight or flight, hitting the pause button could be the smartest play.

ONE MORE TEST DRIVE

Wrap-Up

• Negotiations require some of the same skills that poker playing does, a strategic focus, the imagination to see alternatives, a knack for assessing odds, reading people, understanding other’s positions and bluffing when necessary.

• We can learn a lesson from the card table, the value of controlling emotions we feel and especially those we reveal.

• Good negotiators need to develop a poker face, not one that remains expressionless, but one that displays the right emotions at the right time

• To be a better deal maker, conduct a thorough assessment of which emotions you are prone to feel before, during and after negotiations, and use techniques to have the expression of emotions as needed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T92TQRLeZ-Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaug4CsXwIQ