Practical Insight CALIBER LEADERSHIP SYSTEMS Quick Tips Are you thinking of undertaking a leadership development program? Here are some quick tips to help you make the right decisions. Ensure there is an assessment element to the program to build self-awareness as the critical first step. Ensure managers of program participants are engaged and contributing to the learning Incorporate how the brain learns & how emotions impact the learning process There are many models of leadership. Ensure that the one in your program matches the strategic goals of your organi- zation. For learning to become a habit, a mechanism to support the trans- fer and repetition of effective practices is needed. Consider using coaches or mentors to provide this focus. We carefully tailor all our programs and services to your organization & encourage you to call us to discuss your needs. www.caliberleadership.com Heather Hilliard [email protected]416.406.3939 Ex 1 Are You A Codependent Leader? How to Stop Creating Dysfunctional Relationships with Employees Codependence in any relationship broadly refers to dysfunctional behavioral patterns that are a result of a person’s underlying fears of rejection, loss, abandon- ment, and low self-worth. While it is common to hear about it in personal relationships and addiction, you rarely hear leaders referred to in this way. How- ever, many common leadership issues are a direct result of a codependent relationships. Codependent leaders can be very successful at achieving their business objectives, but not their full potential. While they work steadily to achieve their goals and those of the business, part of their attention and energy is going into caretaking, supporting or compen- sating for employees inadequacies. While it may not look like it, these leaders make people decisions based on their emotions and are easily thrown off course by those of their employees’, creating business and team problems as a result. What is a Codependent Relaonship? Codependent relationships are a direct result of failure to develop securely in relationship to primary caregivers during childhood. As adults, these people unconsciously seek relationships with others who make them feel more capable, useful, powerful, and less anxious. They occur when a dominant personality forms a relationship with someone who will be submissive in the relationship, thereby forming an emotional attachment where the two people operate as one. Submissive or less confident people do the opposite, seeking a dominant personality to complete them and abdicating authority for themselves. There is an either/or quality about codependent behavior which gets in the way of having a genuine relationship with others. There is always an element of “how is this person useful to me” or “how can I be useful to them” in the dynamic with a belief that one or the other has to compromise themselves to get their needs met. Because a codependent person can operate from either side of the spectrum, it is important to understand both sides of their behavior and why they often look like two different people. The following chart shows the two sides of the codependent personality and how they expect the other to behave to complete them. Codependence Spectrum Dominant Codependent Behaviour Seeks to feel whole Submissive Codependent Behaviour Controlling Scaered Competent Inadequate Gives Takes Helpful Helpless Aggressive Passive Useful Needy Inflated Sense of Self Deflated Sense of Self
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Practical Insight CALIBER LEADERSHIP SYSTEMS
Quick Tips
Are you thinking of undertaking a leadership development program? Here are some quick tips to help you make the right decisions.
Ensure there is an assessment element to the program to build self-awareness as the critical first step.
Ensure managers of program participants are engaged and contributing to the learning
Incorporate how the brain learns & how emotions impact the learning process
There are many models of leadership. Ensure that the one in your program matches the strategic goals of your organi-zation.
For learning to become a habit, a mechanism to support the trans-fer and repetition of effective practices is needed. Consider using coaches or mentors to provide this focus.
We carefully tailor all our programs and services to your organization & encourage you to call us to discuss your needs.
CALIBER LEADERSHIP SYSTEMS—Are You A Codependent Leader? Page 2
Leadership & Team Development | Strategy Facilitation | Cultural Transitions
Entrepreneurial Potential | Leadership Systems | Behavioural Change
to make them look good. Therefore, when a
goal is achieved or an important sale made, it
is because of them and they are happy to take
credit, perhaps casually mentioning their
team as an afterthought.
Changing Codependent Behavior
Codependent leaders recognize there is a
problem but believe that the issue is the
other person. The first step is to get them to
focus on what they need to be successful and
their behaviors and reasoning that is leading
to the problems. Despite their gap in
development, codependent leaders can
change their behavior. Long-standing adaptive patterns of behavior can be changed and new, productive responses and patterns can be put in their place.
Based on our experience working with
codependent leaders, they can eliminate
dysfunctional relationships with
employees by doing the following:
1. LEARN TO FOCUS ON ISSUES, NOT ON
FEELINGS. Focusing on how employees
might feel instead of on the needs of the
business creates more issues. The co-
dependent leader will see the employee as
the problem rather than looking at it from a
dynamic, systems perspective. By putting
energy into understanding or rationalizing
employee behavior, real issues don’t get
resolved, nor does it prevent problems from
happening again.
> Get training in issues based decision mak-
ing or conflict management skills. Coaching
helps leaders how to shift their attention
from the personal to solving issues.
2. USE PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT &
DEVELOPMENT SYSTEMS to support their
leadership. If you don’t have a performance
management system in your organization,
you are inviting dysfunction from both lead-
ers and employees. Without these systems,
the leader has to provide the container in
which work is done and too often it becomes
subjective and ineffective.
> Implement a performance management
system linked to planning & development. If
you have one, make sure leaders are using it.
3. STOP COMPENSATING FOR POOR PER-
FORMERS BY DOING THEIR WORK. These
types of leaders success can be a direct result
of doing the employees work for them when
they fail to meet performance targets. They
need to learn to deal with poor performance
and give consequences. The codependent
leader ends up working for their employees
to make them successful.
> Training or coaching on how to deliver
performance correction including scripting &
role playing is needed to build this leaders
confidence.
4. ESTABLISH AN ACCOUNTABILITY
FRAMEWORK. An accountability framework
confirms to the employee that they will be
held accountable for the work they sign off
on. It prevents leaders from making
exceptions and not following their own
systems. Frequently codependent leaders act
like the organizations systems are there for
everyone else but them.
> Put an organization wide accountability
framework in place and make sure everyone
is held to account.
5. CREATE A LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT
PROGRAM WHICH INCLUDES EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE COACHING. Codependent
leaders must build awareness of how they are
contributing to their team and employee’s
dysfunction. Many leaders have the business
acumen without the necessary development
in the people management arena.
> A leadership development process that has
leaders building interpersonal competence
and challenges their fears and anxieties about
the emotional side of leading is a must to
help leaders achieve their full potential.
Leadership coaching for senior leaders is a
must and is critical to them setting the
benchmark for leadership performance.
For information on how we can help you deal with codependent leaders in your organization, contact us for a complimentary consultation.