Announcements 1. Next week: Donna Buchwald, Iowa DOT 2. How to do well in CE 104 a. Ask the professor for help b. Read the comments on the assignments.

Announcements1. Next week: Donna Buchwald, Iowa DOT

2. How to do well in CE 104

a. Ask the professor for help

b. Read the comments on the assignments

c. Revise your speaker reports

d. Submit extra credit

Technical writing 2

MotivationA high school student seeks an internship with CivilSolutions Inc., which is managed by vice presidentRichard Rehmann.

The student walks into the office of Civil Solutionsand says,

“Where’s Rich?”

Could the student have improved his communication?How?

Rhetorical factorsThe student did not consider the factors important incommunication:

1. Purpose

2. Audience

3. Context

4. Content

What do you want?

What is the history? The future?

Is the content appropriate? Accurate?

What information does the reader need?

Speaker report: rhetorical factors1. Purpose: To record lessons from a CE

2. Audience: Yourself, group members, professor

3. Context: Show learning from presentationsShow improvement in writing

4. Content: (next slide)

Example: speaker report

Write a report of no more than one page (12 point font, single spaced) on the speaker’s presentation. Answer the following questions:

1. What is the speaker’s background? Describe the speaker’s career path briefly.

2. What sort of projects or positions did the speaker describe?

3. What obstacles, barriers, or professional issues arose in the speaker’s career? In particular, discuss how the speaker addressed communication skills, ethics, and leadership in his or her career.

4. What were the key lessons you learned from the talk?

Next steps

• Generating ideas

• Gathering information

• Narrowing the information

• Outlining

Assignment 3: ideas• Visited CE 104• Talked about being small contractor• Got BS and MS from ISU• VP of company in 50th year• Grandfather started it• Few companies succeed, up & down• 80% do < $5M• Profit, not volume, measures success• Expect many things as a contractor• Workday is long• Season depends on weather

• Estimating is a gambling game• Remember employees at bottom• Good and bad technological changes• Safety is a big responsibility• Must work hard, etc.• Communication > classes• Attitude, Golden Rule are important• Lead balanced life; keep perspective

What is missing?How should this be organized?

BackgroundProjects/positionsObstacles/prof. issuesLessons

Why?

Why?

What?

Why?And?

Assignment 3: possible structure

• Background: Mr. Doe spoke to class about working as a small contractor.

• Obstacles: The success of Mr. Doe’s company is remarkable. (Volatile business, work season,…)

• Responsibilities: Mr. Doe wears many hats.

• Advice: Mr. Doe gave us some advice. (Work hard, communicate well, have a good attitude, consider employees at all levels, etc.)

Projects?

Ethics?

Lessons?

Revising the document

1. Structure

2. Paragraphs

3. Sentences and words

a. Sentences

b. Grammar

c. Word choice

d. Punctuation

Use a top-down approach:

http://www.ucalgary.ca/uofc/eduweb/grammar/marking/

http://www.ucalgary.ca/uofc/eduweb/grammar/marking/


Revisit purpose, audience, context, content

1. Structure

a. Did you meet your purpose?b. Do you have a new purpose?c. Did you address the audience properly?d. Did you provide the right content?e. Do you need more?f. Can you cut anything extraneous?


2. Paragraphs

a. Make the paragraph the unitof composition.

b. Ask whether you developed the idea sufficiently.

< 100 words: Developed enough?> 200 words: Split into two?

Revising the document3a. Sentences

1. Sentence fragment2. Run-on sentence and comma splice3. Fused sentences4. Overloaded sentence5. Mixed construction6. Faulty parallelism7. Dangling modifier8. Misplaced sentence elements9. Shift of number or person10. Shift of tense, mood or voice 11. Omissions 12. Lack of variety 13. Illogical sentence (e.g., faulty co-ordination, faulty subordination)

Sentence errors are legion:


Sentence fragments

Propane and natural gas on the other hand are still fossil fuels, but they hold the potential for a very good short term solution. Short term meaning eventually fossil fuels will be completely depleted.

“If you write a fragment, you fail.” (W. Heston, 1984)

Where’s the fragment? How would you revise?


Run-ons and fused sentences

I also have us booked at Fareway on Friday from 4-8 pm the store manager said the store is busier on Friday than Saturday.

How would you revise?

I also have us booked at Fareway on Friday from 4-8 pm. The store manager said the store is busier on Friday than Saturday.


Comma splice

Volume is not a measure of success, profit is a measureof success.


Volume is not a measure of success. Profit is a measureof success.

Profit, not volume, is a measure of success.


Mixed construction

Convective heat transfer is when the flow carries the heat.

The reason the coverage of the Olympics frustrates him is because NBC focuses on the stories instead of the sports.

Temperatures in Ames will be warmer this weekend.

In convective heat transfer the flow carries the heat.

NBC’s coverage of the Olympics frustrates him because it focuses on the stories instead of the sports.

Temperatures in Ames will be higher this weekend.

Ames will be warmer this weekend.


Faulty parallelism

Sugarbush Ski Instruction

● Exciting

● Lots of experience

● Enjoyable

● You’ll have a great time!


Faulty parallelism

The experiments will involve measuring velocity, samplingthe water quality, and to record the wind speed.

Elements of a list must have the same grammatical form.Compare apples to apples.


The experiments will involve measuring velocity, samplingthe water quality, and recording the wind speed.


Faulty parallelism

He does assistance in estimating materials, checking shopdrawings, in the field running crews, inspections, andinteractions with crews.

Elements of a list must have the same grammatical form.Compare apples to apples.


He helps to estimate materials, check shop drawings, direct field crews, and inspect job sites.


Misplaced modifier

Nailed to the fence, Julie read the sign.

Having eaten the remains of the zebra, we watched the lionlick its chops.

What is wrong with these sentences?


Dangling modifier

Groundwater contamination is a major concern when designing the geologic repository.

What is wrong with these sentences?

How would you revise them?

Varying from a simple lime softening system to a complex electrodialysis reversal operation, the incidence of radium in drinking water can be greatly reduced.

Based on these tests, we conclude that this option is not feasible.

Revising the document3b. Grammar

1. Idiomatic grammatical constructions2. Syntax3. Usage4. Case5. Verb form6. References7. Subject-verb agreement8. Parts of speech


General pronoun reference

These conditions allow MTBE to travel quickly and with little hindrance into the groundwater. This poses a huge problem because the plume for MTBE is much longer than that for any other gasoline product.

Antecedents of pronouns need to be unambiguous.

What is “This” in this passage?


Subject-verb agreement

What is wrong with this sentence?

Revising the document3c. Word choice

1. Wrong word2. Too many words3. Excessive compression4. Diction5. Active/passive voice

Revising the documentWrong word

Correct the errors in these messages:

This is a reminder email that I send to all the authors. If you have all ready uploaded all your papers and have received confirmation emails than your okay.

Your ignorant of the ways of the world.

Revising the documentWrong word

Correct the errors in these messages:

His company is in its 50th year.

His company is in it’s 50th year.

His company is 50 years old.

Revising the documentToo many words

15% of words in technical writing are unnecessary.

Unnecessary

Necessary

Source: Rehmann made this up.


Shorten these sentences:

At this point in time, the firetrucks have not arrived at the airport.

In order to give an estimate of the dissipation, we made measurements of the velocity with PIV, which is capable of achieving small-scale resolution.

The firetrucks have not arrived at the airport.

To estimate the dissipation, we measured the velocity with PIV, which can resolve small scales.


Shorten these sentences:

He utilized a saw to facilitate the cutting of the wood.

Upon visual inspection, there are three discernible regimes.

He cut the wood with a saw.

There are three regimes.


Put action in verbs, not nouns. Clue: look for “of”.

In all cases the variable dispersion coefficient model provided a much more accurate description of experimental results.

Electrodialysis reversal (EDR) uses electric current to achieve removal of hardness and other ions.

The variable dispersion coefficient describes the experimental results more accurately.

Electrodialysis reversal (EDR) uses electric current to remove hardness and other ions.


Just say it:

You should have a discussion with Prof. Rehmann if you are in a situation in which you have questions concerning the matter of written technical communication.

You should speak with Prof. Rehmann if you have questions about technical writing.


Just say it:

I am in a position to complete a purchase of a new car.

I can buy a new car.

Due to the fact that he experienced a sudden illness, it wasnecessary that the trip be cancelled.

Because he suddenly became ill, the trip had to be cancelled.


Don’t oversay it.

past memoriesvarious differenceseach individual basic fundamentalstrue factsimportant essentialsfuture plansterrible tragedyend resultfinal outcomefree giftpast historyunexpected surprisesudden crisisvery unique

large in sizeoften timesof a bright colorheavy in weightperiod in timeround in shapeat an early timeeconomics fieldof cheap qualityhonest in characterof an uncertain conditionin a confused stateunusual in natureextreme in degreeof a strange type


Don’t oversay it.

John handles personnel relations.

John handles personnel.

The work season is dependent on the weather conditions.

The work season depends on the weather.

The weather controls the work season.


Subordinate (or remove) less important material.

He is the vice president of his company, which is in its50th year. His grandfather started the company in 1957.

He is the vice president of his company, which hisgrandfather started in 1957.

He is the vice president of his company, which hisgrandfather started over 50 years ago.

Revising the documentToo few words: excessive compression

Omit needless words, but don’t overdo it.

An efficient anti-aliasing spectral continuous window shifting technique for PIV (article title)

Revising the documentDiction

Avoid slang:

This report will take an in-depth look at the Yucca Mountain Project.

Avoid cliches:

These experiments go hand-in-hand with the numericalsimulations.

Don’t inflate your language:

The skier’s speed is dependent on many factors.

Revising the documentDiction

Don’t mix metaphors:

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink. That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff. He's got too many oars in the fire. It's not rocket surgery. I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. The monkey is in your court. Not to put her up on a limestone, but my sister is really terrific. We are treading on thin water We'll burn those bridges when we get to them.

Revising the documentActive/passive voice

Prefer the active voice:

The effect of flow length on longitudinal dispersivity was studied by Xu and Eckstein (1995), and it was found that the dispersivity increases with length.

The longitudinal dispersivity increases with flow length (Xu and Eckstein 1995).

Xu and Eckstein (1995) studied the effect of flow length on longitudinal dispersivity and found that the dispersivity increases with length.

Revising the documentActive/passive voice

Prefer the active voice:

There are very few successful companies in construction engineering.

Very few companies succeed in construction engineering.

You must be a good motivator of employees.

You must motivate employees well.

Revising the document3d. Punctuation

We went to the store and bought milk.

Separate independent clauses with a comma before the conjunction (and, but, or,…).

We went to the store, and then Gunnar called.


Richard, my brother, did not hire that high school student.

Use a comma or commas to set off a non-restrictive (i.e., non-essential information) phrase or clause…

I drove my Subaru, which is green.

I drove my car that I bought in Hyannis, Massachusetts.

…but if the phrase or clause is restrictive, do not use commas.


He is the vice president of his company which is in its50th year.

Use a comma or commas to set off a non-restrictive (i.e., non-essential information) phrase or clause…

He is the vice president of his company that is in its50th year.

Does he have more than one company? If so, write

He is the vice president of his company, which is in its50th year.

If not, write


I bought eggs, milk, and bread.

Use commas to separate items in a list:

I thank my parents, Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney.

The comma before the conjunction is optional, but it helps avoid confusion:


Because the weather was good, they worked a long day.

Use a comma after an introductory subordinate clause:

They worked a long day because the weather was good.

Do not use a comma if the clause is later in the sentence:


His work as a small contractor involved many tasks: estimating materials, checking drawings, running crews,and inspecting job sites.

Use a colon (not a semicolon) to introduce a list:

His work as a small contractor involved estimating materials, checking drawings, running crews,and inspecting job sites.

The above sentence could also be written:

I bought: butter, milk, and eggs.

Do not use a colon after a verb:

Announcements 1. Next week: Donna Buchwald, Iowa DOT 2. How to do well in CE 104 a. Ask the professor for help b. Read the comments on the assignments.

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