An exploration of personal experiences of taking part in a digital storytelling project Mark Shea (19033552) Psychology MSc Sheffield Hallam University
An exploration of personal experiences of taking
part in a digital storytelling project
Mark Shea (19033552)
Psychology MSc
Sheffield Hallam University
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank my supervisor, Rachel Abbott, and Pip Hardy, from Pilgrim Projects
for their support and encouragement throughout the project; and all the participants, whose
generosity made the study possible.
Table of Contents
Introduction............................................................................................................................1
Narrative psychology and narrative approaches ............................................................1
Pennebaker’s theories on emotional writing..................................................................2
McAdam’s life story model of identity..........................................................................3
Group context ................................................................................................................5
Theories, models and perspectives on grief and coping with loss.................................5
Aim and objectives ............................................................................................................9
Methodological rationale .................................................................................................10
Method .................................................................................................................................11
Mixed method analysis ....................................................................................................12
The participants and their stories .................................................................................13
Analysis and Discussion ......................................................................................................14
Theme 1 – Wanting their stories to help other people .....................................................15
Theme 2 – Very difficult emotional experience ..............................................................16
Theme 3 – Supportive context .........................................................................................18
Theme 4 – Positive reframing..........................................................................................20
Example 1 – Applying the Dual Process Model of Grieving ......................................20
Example 2 – A narrative approach...............................................................................21
Example 3 – Narrative identity....................................................................................22
Example 4 – Making sense of loss...............................................................................23
Theme 5 – Positive impact on life in general ..................................................................24
A narrative perspective across the whole dataset ............................................................28
Reflexive analysis ............................................................................................................29
Concluding Remarks............................................................................................................30
References............................................................................................................................33
Appendices
Appendix 1 DVD of Sheffield Carers Voices Digital Stories
Appendix 2 Participant information sheet
Appendix 3 Consent form
Appendix 4 Interview schedule
Appendix 5 Participant debriefing sheet
Appendix 6 Summary of study finding for participants
Appendix 7 Interview transcripts with coding and themes
Appendix 8 Interview summaries
Appendix 9 Initial seven themes mapped against interview summaries
Appendix 10 Final dataset themes mapped against interview summaries
Appendix 11 Final dataset themes with all second order codes
Appendix 12 Final dataset themes with the main second order codes
This study explores the experiences of seven people who took part in a Patient Voices
digital storytelling workshop. Digital storytelling involves writing and narrating a personal
story, then illustrating it with photos, images and setting it to music. It is not explicitly
covered within the psychological literature and as a result this study is exploratory and
somewhat original. Using semi-structure interviews and a mixed method approach, five
themes were identified, which form a narrative as follows: the participants wanted to a
produce digital story about their difficult experiences so that others could learn from these
experiences; the process was emotionally difficult; and was possible because the
supportive context; the storytelling process enabled them to positively reframe these
difficult experiences; which has subsequently had a positive impact on their lives in
general. Due to the complexity of the digital storytelling process, it has not been possible
to use a single psychological perspective. Consequently, the data were interpreted using a
range of disparate but complementary perspectives: in particular, the life story model of
identity (McAdams, 2008), the Dual Process Model of grieving (M. Stroebe & Stroebe,
1991), and constructivist conceptualisations of grieving (Neimeyer, Burke, Mackay, & van
Dyke Stringer, 2010). Synthesising these perspectives suggests that during the workshop
the participants were able to reflect on their past, present and future, then form a coherent
story, experience changes to their narrative identity and make meaning out of their
traumatic experiences. The current study is supportive of narrative psychology’s claim that
people’s stories form an important part of their identity (McAdams, 2008); and the
constructivist view that storytelling helps people make sense of their world (Neimeyer et
al., 2010). The data clearly demonstrate that the participants found the workshop beneficial
which, together with the increasing accessibility of digital media, suggest that the topic
warrants further investigation.
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Introduction The digital storytelling process involves writing and narrating a personal story which is
subsequently illustrated with photos, images and set to music (Hardy & Sumner, 2008). The
process combines aspects of personal reflection, multimedia production, creative writing and
narrative therapy. Digital storytelling has been developed by the Center for Digital
Storytelling based in California, over the last 20 years. It is used in the UK by Pilgrim
Projects, who have developed the Patient Voices Programme to produce stories for use in
developing health and social care services. People making and using digital stories consider
them to be a powerful way of giving staff and managers insight into the experiences of people
using their services. Storytelling features heavily in narrative psychology and so this
literature is considered next.
Narrative psychology and narrative approaches
Murray (1997) asserts that the task of narrative psychology is to explore stories for the insight
they provide into the storyteller’s experiences, their identity and their culture. Furthermore,
according to narrative psychology, storytelling is an essential aspect of being human (Carr,
1986 as cited in Crossley, 2000). Narrative psychology developed in response to humanistic
criticisms of positivist approaches which were seen as dehumanising and objectifying people
(Parker, 2005). It consequently aims to capture the subjective nature of human experience
and is concerned with identity construction and self exploration (Crossley, 2007). Thus
narrative psychology highlights the relationship between storytelling and identity, which
suggests that narrative methodologies can provide insight into the storyteller’s experience.
Carr (1986) argues that human experience can be characterised by narrative because present
moment events are experienced in reference to past experiences and anticipated future events
(as cited in Crossley, 2000). In this context, narrative is ‘an organised interpretation of a
sequence of events in which agency is attributed and causes inferred’ (Murray, 2003, p113).
This definition implies that producing narratives requires people to develop coherent
accounts of their experiences, and suggests that its study provides a way of investigating how
people understand their worlds. By contrast, people can also be conceptualised as actively
constructing their world through narratives (Sarbin, 1990). Thus ontologically, narratives can
be seen as realist, ie. describing an objective world, and as relativist ie. constructing reality
(Hansen, 2004). This apparent contradiction is resolved by conceptualising narratives as
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multifaceted entities which can be perceived from both realist and relativist perspectives.
Methodologically, they can be investigated using different methods dependent on the aspect
of interest.
A relativist use of narrative is illustrated by Murray’s (1997) study which shows women
using narrative to construct their reality of living with breast cancer. He identified three
storytelling stages which helped the women to make sense of and positively reframe their
experience. Firstly, expressing the experience in words helped them to reduce its negative
impact. Secondly, ordering historical events into a story with a plot, or ‘emplotment’, allowed
the women to make sense of this crisis by relating it to other events, and adopt a more
objective and healthier perspective (Ricoeur, 1998). Thirdly, using a progressive structure to
organise their narratives helped them redefine the crisis as an opportunity for growth (Gergen
& Gergen, 1986 as cited in Murray, 1997).
Although, narrative research can be criticised as lacking objectivity through privileging
subjective accounts, this is only problematic if generalisations are made. If generalisability is
required, a more objective approach should be used. By contrast, narrative research is well
suited to providing insight into the participant’s subjective experience, their identity and their
specific cultural context. Consequently it provides a useful paradigm within which to analyse
storytelling.
Pennebaker’s theories on emotional writing
The digital storytelling process starts with writing about emotional experiences, and there is
some evidence that this activity is psychologically and physically beneficial (Pennebaker &
Seagal, 1999). Pennebaker’s initial studies involved students writing emotionally about their
most traumatic experiences for a trial period, eg. 15 minutes a day for 4 days (Pennebaker &
Beall, 1986). The findings show that the benefits are contingent upon participants using
emotional words, positive words and producing a coherent story (Pennebaker & Seagal,
1999). Pennebaker & Chung (2007) suggest the benefits cannot be explained by a single
cause, but that three main processes are involved: positive reframing of past events; release
from emotional inhibition; and increased social support.
Pennebaker’s approach helps focus the current study on how people make sense of their past
and form coherent stories which can be shared with others. However, there are several
3
important limitations. Firstly, despite the large number of studies, and replication across
different groups, the evidence base is relatively poor: for example, recent meta-analyses show
relatively small effects (Pennebaker & Chung, 2007); there is little support for the
effectiveness of the Pennebaker writing paradigm in ameliorating the effects of grief
(Baddeley & Singer, 2009; Stroebe, Schut, & Stroebe, 2005); and there is only evidence for a
few outcome measures such as reduced visits to the doctors and better exam grades, but not
for other physical and psychological health outcomes (Baikie, 2008). Secondly, there are
significant differences between the Pennebaker writing paradigm and the current study such
as group work, multi-media production and the existence of an audience. Thirdly,
Pennebaker’s approach neglects how storytelling fits into the person’s overall life story. This
is considered next.
McAdam’s life story model of identity
McAdams’ (1985/2008) life story model of identity suggests that narrative is a means of
identity development. A key concept within the model is ‘narrative identity’ which refers to
the ‘internal, evolving story which helps integrate different aspects of the self’ (McAdams,
2008, p242). The model conceptualises people as construing their lives as “evolving stories
that integrate the reconstructed past and the anticipated future ... to provide life with some
semblance of unity and purpose” (McAdams, 2008, p243). Thus the model emphasises the
link between the stories people tell and their sense of identity. It suggests that the formation
of integrative narrative identities helps people maintain a coherent sense of themselves and
affirm life’s meaning and purpose. For example, stories help people integrate different
aspects of themselves and changes over time such as changing from being a wife to a widow.
Although, McAdams (2008) implies that people can have many narrative identities, he does
not discuss how these coexist, but simply suggests that storytelling helps people to integrate
conflicting narrative identities into a single coherent narrative identity.
Of particular relevance to the current study are ‘self defining memories’ which are
representations of vivid and emotionally intense experiences (Singer & Salovey, 1993 as
cited in McAdams, 2008). McAdams (2008) asserts that ‘self defining memories’, such as
traumatic events, are key components of narrative identity. According to the life story model,
if a person changes their view of such events, their sense of identity will also change but
through the use of narrative, they can maintain a coherent sense of themselves over time
(Crossley, 2000; McAdams, 2008).
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The life story model is also reflected in Parkes' (1998) concept of psycho-social transitions.
According to Parkes, on the basis of assumptions, people build an internal model of the world
which gives them a coherent sense of themselves and their place in the world. This model
may be challenged by loss and to retain psychological sense of well-being, people must also
change their model (Parkes, 2002). In narrative terms, they re-write their stories about the
world. Parkes’ approach suggests that well-being is contingent on understanding one’s
experience, and that changing one’s view of the world is an important adaptive mechanism.
Importantly, the life story model captures the social nature of storytelling neglected by
Pennebaker & Chung (2007). It recognises that when people tell a story, they tailor it to their
audience. Pasupathi & Rich (2005) suggest that dialogue with the audience helps clarify the
story’s meaning. They showed that attentive listening helps to confirm the storyteller’s
interpretation of events and their self perception. Building on this research, this study
considers the group context and the affect of the prospective audiences.
The life story model also reflects constructivist perspectives that people actively maintain
psychological well-being by constructing coherent stories which help them to make sense of
negative experiences (Bauer, McAdams, & Pals, 2008; Neimeyer et al., 2010; Skaggs &
Barron, 2006). According to these perspectives, which underpin narrative therapy,
disorganised and disrupted life stories can manifest as psychological problems, and
storytelling can help people to reconstruct a coherent life story that ‘affirms growth, health
and adaptation’ (McAdams, 2008, p248).
The model does however have limitations: principally, it appears to over-emphasise the
importance of narrative identity, and neglect other perspectives on identity (McAdams &
Pals, 2006). This is partially addressed by the ‘integrative science of personality’ which
provides a wider perspective and integrates narrative approaches with evolutionary
approaches, traits theories, characteristic adaptations and cultural approaches to personality
(McAdams & Pals, 2006). This approach has been criticised as attempting to integrate
personality theories which fundamentally conflict (Wood & Joseph, 2007). McAdams (2007)
accepts this criticism, but suggests the ‘integrative science of personality’ still provides a
useful way of organising the main approaches within personality psychology. With respect to
5
the current study, the debate suggests that a broader perspective is needed and consequently
theories on group context and grief are now considered.
Group context
The supportive environment of the digital storytelling workshop makes it similar to a self-
help group and there is mounting evidence that these groups can be beneficial (Davison,
Pennebaker, & Dickerson, 2000). For example, evidence suggests that bereavement support
groups effectively support their members (Pietilä, 2002); being able to talk about loss with
others who share that experience accelerates grieving (Walter, 1996); cancer self-help groups
help people develop coping strategies, accept their illness and make friends (Mok, 2001);
Carers groups provide friendship and support (Larkin, 2007); and suicide survivors groups
provide positive role models and offer hope to their members (Clark & Goldney, 1995).
Despite this evidence, measuring the effectiveness of self-help groups is complicated by
many factors including their self select nature, diversity of illness, context, level of
professional involvement and over-representation in the studies of people who find the
groups helpful and hence continue their involvement. On balance the evidence suggests that
self-help groups are beneficial for many people.
Although, there has been little research into how self-help groups actually help people (Dibb
& Yardley, 2006), the above studies suggest a range of mechanisms. In addition, the
storytelling workshop provides therapeutic conditions such as emotional support from the
facilitators and other group members, and a safe context for people to discuss their
experiences and emotions (Rogers, 1957); and the possibility of appropriating an empowering
group narrative such as being able to help others (Rappaport, 1994). Overall, the evidence
suggests that the group context is likely to be beneficial and has consequently been explored
in the current study.
Theories, models and perspectives on grief and coping with loss
Whilst at first sight, grief theories may not seem relevant, all the participants in the current
study produced stories about either loss or recovery. Traditional bereavement theories, such
as Freud's (1917/1953) ‘grief work’ approach, suggest that successful grieving is contingent
on the bereaved person confronting the reality of their loss, revisiting memories and the
possible trauma surrounding their loss, and finally loosening their attachment to the deceased
(Rothaupt & Becker, 2007). However, these approaches fail to capture how the bereaved
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person’s view of the world changes to accommodate their loss. This aspect is addressed by
attachment theory which, through considering changes in the attachment relationship with the
deceased, has had a major influence on the field of bereavement (Stroebe & Schut, 1999).
Attachment theory outlines the importance of the bereaved person changing their ‘mental
model’ or representation of the deceased to allow the bereaved person to continue to relate
meaningfully to the deceased (Bowlby, 1980). This approach emphasises the importance of
bereaved person conception of their loss and how they relate to this concept. However,
traditional approaches can be criticised on the grounds of poor evidence; failure to explain the
range of responses to bereavement such as complicated or pathological grief (Stroebe &
Schut, 1999); and evidence that many people adjust healthily to bereavement without doing
‘grief work’ (Baddeley & Singer, 2009; Stroebe & Stroebe, 1991).
The Dual Process Model of grieving was developed to address the weaknesses of traditional
approaches and focuses on the process of coping with grief (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). It
highlights the importance of respite from ‘grief work’ and has three main components.
Firstly, ‘loss oriented’ coping describes the process of dealing with loss and reflects
traditional approaches, eg. focusing on the past, pining over the loss and experiencing
sadness. Secondly, ‘restoration oriented’ coping describes the process of dealing with the
secondary consequences of loss such as loneliness or loss of financial support. Thirdly, the
model suggests that healthy grieving involves oscillation between loss and restoration
processes. Overall, the model builds on previous approaches, is reasonably well supported by
evidence and can explain why some people struggle to adjust to loss (Parkes, 2002). With
respect to this study, its main contribution is to contrast ‘loss and restoration orientated’
coping both during the workshop and in daily life. Unfortunately, the model has not been
explored in relation to other loss experiences and crucially neglects the narrative aspect of the
workshop.
Building on the Dual Process Model, a constructivist perspective on grieving emphasises that
people try to reconstruct meaning in response to loss (Neimeyer et al., 2010). The perspective
echoes Frankl's (1992) claim that mental health is contingent on being able to make sense of
life’s experiences ie. ‘meaning-making’ processes enable people to maintain their mental
health. Whereas the Dual Process Model focuses on coping processes, constructivist
perspectives focus on how loss changes the bereaved person’s view of their world and affects
their identity. Neimeyer et al. (2010) conceptualise grieving as a process of attempting to re-
7
establish a coherent ‘self-narrative’. This concept expresses the idea that identity is a
narrative achievement, ie. our sense of who we are reflects the stories we tell about ourselves
and our worlds. It is similar to McAdams’ (2008) concept of ‘narrative identity’ and provides
an overarching structure which helps people to make sense of everyday events. Within
Neimeyer et al.’s (2010) model, ‘grieving involves reconstructing a view of a meaningful
world after this view has been challenged by loss’ (p73). From this perspective, loss
challenges ‘core beliefs’, such as a deep seated view that the world is fair, which provide a
sense of coherence to a person’s self-narrative. Neimeyer et al. (2010) do not clarify whether
self-narratives are singular or plural. However, their analysis implies that a person’s self-
narrative may become fragmented if their core beliefs are challenged by loss. In other words,
loss may result in several competing self-narratives, making it harder for people to make
sense of the world and function normally. This conceptualisation echoes attachment theory’s
personal ‘mental model’ (Bowlby, 1980) and Parkes’ (2002) conceptual assumptive world,
but emphasises the role of narrative in the construction of these models.
Neimeyer et al. (2010) suggests that people can adjust to loss by one of two meaning-making
processes. Firstly, they can ‘assimilate’ the loss into their pre-loss core beliefs and self-
narrative by reconstructing their understanding of the loss to make it fit these beliefs.
Secondly, people can ‘accommodate’ loss by changing their core beliefs and self-narrative to
embrace the reality of the loss, eg. they may see the loss as an opportunity for personal
growth. This is similar to loss and restoration oriented coping in the Dual Process Model but
Neimeyer et al. (2010) emphasise the importance of meaning-making and of having an
ongoing story which incorporates the loss into one’s self-narrative. Unfortunately they do not
discuss whether one process is more effective than the other, but the Dual Process Model
suggests that oscillation between the two processes is important for healthy grieving (Stroebe
& Schut, 1999); and Park (2010) suggests that these processes often occur simultaneously.
Looking beyond bereavement studies, there is evidence of consensus within the constructivist
literature that finding meaning in negative events is important for subsequent well-being
(Gilbert, 2002; Park, 2010; Skaggs & Barron, 2006). For example, Skaggs & Barron (2006)
distinguish between ‘global meaning’ to refer to general ‘beliefs, values, and goals’; and
‘situational meaning’ to describe the meaning an ‘individual attaches to a situation’ (p559).
They conclude that being unable to reconcile situational meaning with global meaning leads
to distress. They suggest that in response, people may attempt to change the meaning an
8
event has them personally, or change their beliefs to be congruent with the event’s perceived
meaning. These processes are similar to ‘assimilation’ and ‘accommodation’. This
conceptualisation is also consistent with the idea that ‘attaining a sense of closure’, ie.
resolving confusion, predicts psychological well-being (King & Hicks, 2006, as cited in
McAdams, 2008). This consensus suggests that a constructivist perspective to grieving can
usefully be applied to other types of loss. Despite this consensus, attempts to integrate
constructivist approaches into a single analytic framework have proved problematic (Park,
2010). To reflect this position, rather than using a single approach, the current study uses a
range of constructivist and other approaches as outlined above.
A constructivist conceptualisation of grieving also emphasises the importance of
interpersonal communication. Walter (1996) highlights that although traditional grief theories
(Bowlby, 1980; Freud, 1917/1953) emphasise the importance of detachment from the
deceased, they also suggest that an ongoing relationship with the deceased can assist
grieving. However, this second aspect has been ignored by many grief therapists. Walter
(1996) suggests that being able to talk about the deceased with others that knew them and
being able to create a story about the deceased that integrates their memory into the bereaved
person’s own ongoing life story can help the grieving process. Although this work is based on
anecdotal evidence, it identifies congruence between traditional theories and more recent
narrative approaches. Furthermore, there is support for this claim from evidence that listeners
can facilitate development of a coherent self-narrative by verifying the storytellers account
(Pasupathi & Rich, 2005).
However, constructivist approaches have several limitations. Despite theoretical congruence,
they cannot replace other approaches within the current study, as other approaches are more
pertinent to specific aspects of the storytelling experience. For example, the narrative
approach outlined by Parkes (1997) highlights specific storytelling stages which help people
cope with loss which are not covered by Neimeyer et al.’s constructivist approach.
Unfortunately, from an empirical perspective, the systematic evidence for constructivist
approaches is weak and generally relates to poor adjustment to loss (Park, 2010). For
example, a range of evidence suggests that failure to make meaning from loss experiences
predicts post-loss distress, chronic grief, and complicated grief (Neimeyer, Baldwin, &
Gillies, 2006; Currier, Holland, & Neimeyer, 2006). Furthermore, the evidence that
successful meaning-making leads to healthy grieving is predominantly based on clinical
9
anecdote (Neimeyer et al., 2010). On balance, constructivist approaches provide a useful
additional means of investigating loss experiences in this context.
In conclusion, this review shows that a range of disparate psychological approaches are
relevant to the study of digital storytelling. The review shows that a range of psychological
processes can help people successfully adjust to loss and trauma. These include reflecting on
the past, present and future; forming a coherent story which integrates views of loss, world
and self; making meaning out of the loss by finding some positive outcome; and sharing the
story with others. Although there is evidence that these approaches are congruent, because of
their differences in theoretical orientation, it has not been possible to integrate them into a
single approach. Consequently, the current study uses different approaches complementarily
to investigate different aspects of the participants’ experiences. Taken together, the above
approaches provide a useful set of concepts and frameworks for investigating digital
storytelling.
Aim and objectives
The study aims to explore the experiences of people who took part in a Patient Voices digital
storytelling workshop during which they produced digital stories about emotional and
traumatic experiences. The study is concerned with the participants’ experiences before and
during the workshop, and its subsequent impact. The workshop is a complex process and has
consequently been investigated from several disparate but complementary psychological
perspectives. These approaches include narrative psychology (Murray, 1997; McAdams,
1980), grief theories (Stroebe & Schut, 1999) and constructivist perspectives on grieving
(Neimeyer et al., 2010). Synthesising these approaches, the current study investigates how the
participants make sense of their traumatic experiences through producing coherent stories,
and the underlying processes which help them to construct meaning from these experiences.
The study focuses on how the storytelling workshop affects the participants views of their
loss or trauma, their ‘core beliefs’ about the world and consequently their sense of
themselves, or ‘self-narrative’. Although, the study is concerned with individual subjective
experiences, it aims to reflect the group context and identify common themes across the
participants’ experiences.
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Methodological rationale
The study’s focus on meaning-making and subjective experience sits comfortably within the
paradigm of narrative psychology (McAdams, 2008; Murray, 1997). Its novelty and broad
ontology suggest methodological flexibility. Within this, a qualitative approach is more
appropriate for interpreting subjective experiences within a specific context, than a
quantitative approach focussing on the strict quantification of observations (Ponterotto,
2005). Semi-structured interviews are considered to be appropriate as people’s talk in
interviews provides insight into how they understand themselves and their world (Murray,
2003). Several other methods were considered and rejected, for example: focus groups may
not allow the researcher enough control over the data collection and are considered
inappropriate for narrative and phenomenological analysis; questionnaires and quantitative
methods, such as rating scales, do not allow issues to be explored in sufficient depth (Howitt,
2010). Consequently, semi structured interviews were undertaken.
Despite the broad ontology, social constructionist approaches, such as discourse analysis and
discursive approaches, are considered inappropriate as they problematise the existence of an
underlying reality (Coyle, 2007). Thematic analysis is more appropriate as it is ontologically
flexible, and acknowledges the active role of the researcher and the subjective nature of data
interpretation (Braun & Clarke, 2006). However, semantic thematic analysis may neglect the
complex psychological processes which grief models suggest may be taking place (Braun &
Clarke, 2006). Interpretive Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) which focuses on personal
perception of the meaning of particular events is able to capture this depth (Smith & Eatough,
2007); and narrative approaches are consistent with the storytelling nature of the workshop
(Murray, 2003). Consequently, a mixed method incorporating these approaches is considered
appropriate.
This mixed method reflects that the interviews themselves are not narratives in the strictest
sense, ie. the participants are not viewed as telling a story about their experience; but the
interview content reflects narrative processes, ie. storytelling. Thus it is important to look
beyond the semantic themes to an overarching narrative (Braun & Clarke, 2006; Murray,
2003). This approach also reflects the range of theoretical perspective outlined above
(Murray, 2003). Subsequent studies may adopt a narrative or phenomenological approach
from the outset.
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Method This research focuses on the experiences of seven people who took part in the Sheffield
Carers Voices digital storytelling project which took place in June 2009. The stories can be
found on the Patient Voices website at http://www.patientvoices.org.uk/sheffcc.htm, and on
the DVD in Appendix 1.
Interview preparation
The researcher wrote to all nine people who took part in the Sheffield Carers Voices project.
They were invited to be interviewed about their experience of the project and sent a
Participant Information sheet (Appendix 2). This approach resulted in a good response rate;
the intention was to interview five people, but in practice, seven people were interviewed.
The interviews took place in April 2010 in a meeting room at Sheffield Hallam University.
All interviews were conducted by the researcher and were recorded digitally.
The interviews
At the start of the interview, the participants were made to feel comfortable, given an
overview of the project and had an opportunity to ask questions. The participants were asked
to sign a consent form (Appendix 3).
An interview schedule was used to ensure that the interviews covered the main issues
identified in the initial literature review (Appendix 4). Questions included general questions,
such as “how did you find the process overall?”, and questions related to theory, such as “did
the workshop help you see your experience in a new light?” The interviews were ‘guided
conversations’ rather than question and answer sessions and the approach reflects that
recommended for IPA (Smith & Eatough, 2007). Each interview lasted between 20 and 45
minutes.
With respect to ethics, the BPS ‘Ethical Principles for Conducting Research with Human
Participants’ was followed (British Psychological Society, 2009). The risks of harm through
participation in the study are considered to be no higher than those normally encountered.
Anonymity was offered so that the participants would feel comfortable talking about sensitive
issues. Consequently, pseudonyms are used in this report. After the interviews, the
participants were debriefed and given a debriefing sheet (Appendix 5). Some of the
12
interviews involved talking about difficult emotional experiences and the researcher outlined
the importance of seeking support after the interview as appropriate. The participants were
sent a summary of the study findings (Appendix 6).
Mixed method analysis
A mixed method analysis based on thematic analysis but incorporating a narrative approach
and aspects of IPA was carried out. Themes were identified using three main stages. Firstly,
the interviews were transcribed orthographically, with some exchanges simplified eg.
overlapping text is not shown, and some non words, such as ‘umm’ and ‘ahh’, are omitted as
these details are not required (Howitt, 2010).
Secondly, the themes for each interview were identified separately using first and second
order coding as exemplified in Table 1(Smith & Osborn, 2003). An inductive approach was
taken and theme descriptions emerged from the data (Kissling, 1996). Appendix 7 contains
all the interview transcripts with coding and themes. The interviews were wide ranging and
the transcripts contain irrelevant data which was not coded. All the data is presented in
Appendix 7 and is consequently available for further analysis.
Table 1: Example of analysis - Betty
Transcription First order
coding
Second order
coding
Interview
theme
Dataset theme
my main reason for going
in was because of the
mistakes made by
services during my son’s
care and more than I
could actually put in the
story
Wanted services
to learn from
mistakes with
son’s care
Utility of story
important
Utility of story Wanting their
stories to help
other people
Each interview was summarised as suggested by Murray (2006) for a narrative approach
(Appendix 8). The themes were checked against these summaries and amended to ensure they
accurately reflected the data.
In the third stage, the dataset themes were identified. The interview themes were tabulated
with information from the interview summaries. This revealed consistency across the dataset
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and seven themes were initially identified (Appendix 9). These were revised down to five
dataset themes which were re-checked against the interview summaries, themes and second
order codes (Appendices 10 &11). Several amendments were made eg. the description of
theme 5 changed from ‘positive impact on mental health’ to ‘positive impact on life in
general’. The final themes with main second order codes are shown in Appendix 12.
Several of the final themes contain subthemes relevant to about half of the participants,
despite this, the data within each theme are considered to cohere together meaningfully, and
the themes are distinct (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Less important issues are not reflected in the
final themes, which are however the result of a thorough iterative process. On reflection, the
themes could have been validated through discussion with the participants to reduce the
influence of the researcher (Howitt, 2010). However, the themes were discussed with the
project supervisor and validated this way. Overall, the themes are considered to capture the
main issues and be sufficiently robust for this level of analysis.
The participants and their stories
Reflecting a phenomenological concern with context, this section gives an overview of the
participants and their digital stories (Smith & Osborn, 2003). All the participants were health
and social care service users, carers or employees.
Martin is a long term mental health service user and was involved in the SHU Users and
Carers Project. Martin made two digital stories: one in 2008 about his struggle to overcome
his anti-social personality disorder; and the second story describes the therapeutic impact of
the first story, and how consequently he is now looking forward to a brighter future.
Ruth cares for her two autistic children and was involved in the SHU Users and Carers
Project. Ruth made two digital stories: one in 2008 which focussed on how she had lost her
sense of identity as a result of being a carer; her second story describes how whilst making
her first story she had experienced some sort of epiphany and is now able to respond to life’s
challenges more creatively.
Betty cares for a son with psychosis. Her story describes his first major psychotic episode.
During the storytelling process she became liberated from unconscious feelings of guilt
which she had experienced for many years.
14
Tina also cares for a son with psychosis. Her story describes how she feels her son is dying
over and over again. In the interview she describes how difficult she finds it to talk about
herself, and her feelings of guilt and grief.
Clare’s son suffered from depression and he took his own life in December 2006. Her story
describes the circumstances leading up to his death. She was motivated to make the story so
that services could learn from the mistakes that she feels were made with his care.
James had a near fatal industrial accident in 1999 and has subsequently suffered from post
traumatic stress disorder and depression. His story describes his accident and subsequent
struggles. The workshop helped him to make sense of these events and he found the
experience very therapeutic.
Julie’s story describes her mother’s life and eventual death. Whilst producing her story she
realised how she had blamed herself for not being with her mother when she died. As a
consequence she was able to see herself more positively and found the process cathartic.
Analysis and Discussion The themes identified through the analysis of interview data fit together to form a coherent
narrative (Table 2). Although the themes did not emerge from the data in temporal order, they
are presented in this way for clarity. The final section provides a perspective across the whole
dataset to reflect narrative and phenomenological approaches (Murray, 2003; Smith &
Osborne, 2003).
Table 2: Dataset themes
Theme 1 Wanting their stories to help other people
Theme 2 Very difficult emotional experience
Theme 3 Supportive context
Theme 4 Positive reframing
Theme 5 Positive impact on life in general
15
Theme 1 – Wanting their stories to help other people
The first theme summarises how the participants described their reasons for taking part in the
storytelling workshop. All the participants talked about wanting to make stories that would
help other people:
‘I wanted to do it to help me and help other people’ James [114]
‘I thought if this can help anybody in anyway, I’m just going to go for it’ Betty [58]
Within this theme there are three sub themes which were equally represented within the data,
with some participants’ experiences being reflected in several sub themes.
Sub theme – wanting to improve mental health services
Some participants wanted service providers to learn from past mistakes and thereby improve
mental health services:
‘I just knew at that stage that so many things had gone wrong with Joe’s life and his death and his
experience of the psychiatric service ... lessons needed to be learnt’ Clare [8]
‘My main reason for going in was because of the mistakes made by services during my son’s care ...
not to blame anyone but that services will learn from the mistakes and also to help other carers and the
people they care for’ Betty [10,14]
Sub theme – wanting people to understand the impact of mental illness
Several participants wanted clinicians and the general public to have a better understanding
of the impact of mental illness on patients and carers:
‘So it was about trying to ... spread a much wider understanding in society at large’ Tina [38,42]
‘So the guy (psychiatrist) learnt a lot that day about what it’s like to be a carer’ Clare [30]
Sub theme – wanting to offer hope to others
Several participants described being motivated to produce stories which offered hope to
people in a similar position to themselves:
‘I hope through the stories that people see is the fact that there is progression even for somebody as far
down the line as me’ Martin [175]
16
‘Hopefully it will give some hope to other people’ James [122]
This theme emerged at the start of the analysis which reflects that it was one of the first
interview questions. However, it is logical to present the themes in this order as it produces a
coherent narrative and the first theme provides a context for subsequent themes. The
existence of three subthemes reflects the range of participant experiences and broadness of
the main theme.
The theme reflects the aim of the workshop and so is not surprising. Using a narrative
perspective, Gergen and Gergen (1988) suggest that a good self-narrative needs a guiding
reason or ‘story goal’ (cited in Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999). All the participants described
their goal as wanting to help others. In addition, a constructivist perspective suggests that,
although it may not be explicit, the participants also have a goal of making meaning from
their loss or trauma (Neimeyer et al., 2010; Walter, 1996). The analysis below suggests that
helping others provides a way for the participants to construct meaning from their traumatic
experiences and assist their recovery from these experiences (Frankl, 1992). Overall,
constructivist perspectives suggest that wanting to help others could also help the participants
make sense of their traumatic experiences. The next section considers the actual workshop
experience.
Theme 2 – Very difficult emotional experience
All participants described the workshop as emotionally very difficult using terms such as
‘very painful’, ‘exhausting’, ‘upsetting’, ‘unsettling’ and ‘very traumatic’. In the workshop,
most of them found talking about their experiences difficult:
‘We were told that some people would feel it was like a cathartic experience ... at the time it didn’t
seem like that, it just seemed as though I’d been through hell and back again’ Clare [58]
‘Emotionally a really challenging journey ... this felt really painful because you’re taking the plaster off
... getting to the very root cause of what’s going on’ Julie [4,16]
‘I found it very difficult to talk about my experience’ Tina [8]
Martin and Ruth who were making their second digital stories placed less emphasis on its
emotional difficulty. However, they both described the first workshop as difficult: Ruth
17
described feeling ‘really exhausted for a long long while’ after wards; and Martin talked
about being ‘frightened to death at the end of the first one’.
Sub theme – distress at hearing other people’s stories
Three of the participants also emphasised their empathetic response to other people’s stories:
‘I know I’ve had a terrible ... accident but listening to some of the other people ... and what they’ve
been thru’ ... well I were in tears meself for them as well’ James [26–30]
‘It was emotional, heart tearing really, hearing some of the other people’s stories, some a lot worse than
mine’ Betty [2]
‘Other people’s experiences really cut me up’ Tina [6]
This theme reflects emotions such as sadness, despair, anger, frustration and helplessness in
response to stories about loss and trauma. These responses are consistent with grief theories
and thus to be expected (Bowlby, 1980; Freud, 1917; Stroebe & Schut, 1999). However, it is
interesting that the participants felt able to experience and express these emotions despite not
being in a formal therapeutic group and being with strangers. These experiences can be
understood using the Dual Process Model which suggests that generally the participants live
most of their lives with a restoration orientation, but in the workshop they are able to adopt a
loss orientation (Stroebe et al., 2005). Alternatively, narrative perspectives conceptualise the
participants as revisiting dysfunctional life stories ie. looking back to a world which doesn’t
make sense and experiencing the resultant feelings of loss and confusion (McAdams, 2008).
Finally from a constructivist perspective, the workshop is not simply a difficult experience,
which they endure, but part of an ongoing process of constructing meaning (Neimeyer et al.,
2010). All these perspectives suggest that reflecting on loss and trauma is difficult emotional
work, and provide a range of different ways of understanding this theme. Furthermore, they
predict that this process is potentially beneficial which links this theme with the final theme.
These perspectives seem equally useful and the analysis below shows that the different
perspectives are relevant to different data.
Taking a narrative approach shows this theme in the context of a coherent story which runs
through the dataset (Murray, 2003). The data suggest that difficult life experiences motivated
the participants to help others with similar challenges (theme 1); revisiting these experiences
18
was emotionally difficult (theme 2); and was possible because of the supportive context
(theme 3); the whole process enabled them to positively reframe these difficult experiences
(theme 4); which has subsequently had a positive impact on their life (theme 5). The next
section shows that the difficult emotional nature of the workshop reflects the supportive
conditions.
Theme 3 – Supportive context
All the participants described the workshop context as very supportive. They described
support from the facilitators and the rest of the group, feeling safe and being listened to
attentively and empathically. These factors help to explain why people were able to
experience and express the difficult emotions described above (Rogers, 1957; Pasupathi &
Rich, 2005). The data suggest that they were able to have their experiences understood and
validated by the facilitators and other group members which is considered to be beneficial
(Pasupathi & Rich, 2005; Pietilä, 2002).
‘I’ve got wonderful support from that, it was really like a support team and Pip and Tony ... were
marvellous and they were so sensitive and supportive and they do seem to have some insight into
people’s grief you know very supportive and gentle about that’ Tina [64]
‘I felt very very safe’ Julie [72]
‘I think it’s because people were that interested in me and what had happened to me ... I think the group
we were in really cared about each other ... I thought they was absolutely fantastic ... you couldn’t wish
for a better group of people to do anything like that with so they just made you feel at home’ James
[184,190,192,194]
‘Although we’d all got different experiences we were sort of in the same situation in a way and it made
it easier to talk and knowing that you wasn’t the only one who was being emotional and it felt a very
safe place to be’ Betty [90]
‘To have people listening and being supportive was a wonderful experience ... and I think that was the
only time I’ve ever had that ... so it was good, yes, it was very positive’ Tina [144,146]
Although the workshop is not offered as a form of therapy, it meets many of the conditions
found in therapeutic self-help groups, such as shared objectives, emotional disclosure, clear
boundaries, empathic listening and opportunities for members to compare their experiences
19
with others, and see that they weren’t alone in struggling with challenges (Davison et al.,
2000). Several of the participants contrast the experience with forms of therapy:
‘I’d had ... loads and loads of therapy ... I’ve had gestalt therapy where you ... do lots of creative things
but not in as a concentrated powerful way’ Ruth [122,128]
‘I did cognitive behaviour therapy and I did a lot of writing about ... from when I were born and it
didn’t work ... so I think that had more of an impact’ James [168,170]
‘I'd seen a psychologist ... for almost a year so I understood what was causing the problems ... I was
encouraged to write something mainly for me ... I wrote pages and pages of the stuff’ Martin [29,31]
It may seem surprising that many participants found that the workshop more beneficial than
formal therapy. However there is mounting evidence that this type of context is beneficial.
For example, there is evidence that support groups are effective for people dealing with
bereavement (Pietilä, 2002) and other challenges (Clark & Goldney, 1995; Larkin, 2007;
Mok, 2007); talking about loss with others who share the experience is beneficial (Walter,
1996); and producing personal narratives can be therapeutic, (McAdams, 2008; Neimeyer et
al., 2010). However, there are some significant differences between the workshop and self-
help groups, particularly duration, intensity and motivation for involvement. It is speculated
that these factors may contribute to the different outcomes.
Returning to a narrative perspective, Murray (1997) suggests that people are natural
storytellers. But the difficulty that the participants describe outlined in the previous theme,
suggests that supportive conditions are necessary for storytelling in this context (Rogers,
1957; Pasupathi & Rich, 2005). From this perspective, the participants could also be
conceptualised as appropriating an optimistic group narrative that empowered their
storytelling efforts (Rappaport, 1993; Neimeyer et al., 2010).
In summary, all the participants described how much they valued the support from other
group members and the facilitators, and how this helped them to tell their story. Although the
workshop is ostensibly focussed on producing digital stories, the above analysis demonstrates
that a supportive context is not only fundamental to the process, but an important outcome in
itself. Unfortunately it has not been possible to disentangle the complexity of the group
situation and its possible therapeutic effect. Despite this, there is evidence that the workshop
20
offers many of the benefits of self-help groups, possibly in a concentrated format. Moving
away from the group context, the next section looks in more detail at the storytelling process.
Theme 4 – Positive reframing
There is clear evidence in all the participants’ interviews of varying degrees of positive
reframing. This theme emerged as one of the initial seven themes across the dataset.
Subsequently, some of the data initially coded to a theme of ‘empowering process’ was
recoded to this theme. Although such decisions could suggest that the themes are arbitrary,
this analysis suggests that they work as a way of making sense of the data. Furthermore, the
themes allow established theory to be applied to digital storytelling in an original way, and
provide useful insights into the participant’s experiences.
The data provide good examples of the storytelling process helping people to make sense of
their worlds (Murray, 2003). In particular, the stories focus on ‘self-defining memories’
which have a significant influence on a person’s narrative identity (McAdams, 2008). The
analysis shows how narrative approaches (McAdams, 2008; Murray, 1997) and grief models
(Stroebe & Schut, 1999) can add to a semantic thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006).
Reframing took different forms for each participant and is illustrated by the following four
examples.
Example 1 – Applying the Dual Process Model of Grieving
Julie talked about blaming herself for not being with her mother when she died. The
workshop gave her a rare opportunity to reflect on the events surrounding her mother’s death,
during which she developed a more positive view of herself and no longer feels burdened by
guilt. In the context of Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut, 1999), Julie usually adopts
restoration orientated coping and is busy getting on with life:
‘We lead such busy lives, that I had time to focus on me, which is very rare’ Julie [6]
Reflecting on her mother’s death can be interpreted as loss oriented coping:
‘It felt very cathartic cos I always felt as though I hadn’t cared for mum enough ... it’s only when you
do have time to reflect otherwise you always think I could have done better, I could have done it this
way, I should have done that and its only afterwards you think I wasn’t so bad’ Julie [104,106]
21
As a consequence she comes to more a positive interpretation of events:
‘Cos I can see ... it really feels like the huge amount of guilt I felt, cos I wasn’t there (when she died) ...
that making the film just helped me reflect on the positive which I think ... is just ... tremendous cos I
just always viewed me as such as baddy who wasn’t there for mum’ Julie [166,168]
Interpreting the data in the context of Stroebe & Schut’s (1999) Dual Process Model helps to
explain why the process had a positive effect of Julie’s self view. The model provides a better
description of the emotional processes which take place in the storytelling workshop than
traditional grief models (Freud, 1917/1953; Bowlby, 1980). The process of oscillation
between loss and restoration orientated coping can be seen in data, eg. switching from
focussing on the past to creating the story in the present (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). It could be
speculated that successful oscillation explains why the workshop had more impact for some
participants than traditional grief work which they may have undertaken (Freud, 1917/1953).
Overall, the model has good explanatory power with respect to the emotional processes
described by the participants. However, it neglects the narrative element of the workshop,
which is considered next.
Example 2 – A narrative approach
Applying a narrative approach suggested by Murray (1997) highlights how James positively
reframes a traumatic event. Murray (1997) identified three storytelling stages which help
people to positively reframe traumatic life events: firstly expressing the experience in words;
secondly emplotment; and thirdly using a progressive structure to organise the narrative.
Firstly, putting his experience into words helps James develop hope about the future eg.
‘12 months ago I didn’t want to do out, I didn’t even want to wake up in the morning and I want to live
a bit now’ James [222]
‘But it had such a big impact that I turned a corner ... now let’s get on with life’ James [246,248]
Secondly, James describes a process of bringing order to the crisis. (Ricoeur, 1998) described
this as a process of ‘emplotment’ through which, in this case, James is able to gain a more
objective perspective on his accident:
22
‘Doing a process like that helps you get it all into sequence’ James [128]
‘I’d got a big box of things stuffed away, they were all over the place ... and I took that lot out and I’ve
dealt with that bit and I think that’s what’s helped me move on’ James [256,258]
Thirdly, the data show that James’ narrative has a progressive structure and is used to
redefine a crisis as an opportunity for rebirth and development (Gergen 1986 as cited in
Murray, 1997):
‘My main objective now is to keep helping people ... it’s made me more want to help people as well’
James [306,308]
Murray’s (1997) narrative approach focuses on narrative content and in this example provides
insight into James’s experience. This analysis also reflects that putting events into a coherent
life story helps people to make sense of them (Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999), and affirms life’s
meaning and purpose (McAdams, 2008).
Example 3 – Narrative identity
In these excerpts, Ruth relates how she realised that she had lost her previous identity as a
result of continually telling her children’s story, rather than her own. She had become
consumed by an identity of being their carer, and comments that this story had the power to
control her for the rest of her life:
‘You realise that you can let your story control you for the rest of your life ... but I suppose that as
carers we rarely ever get the chance to tell our story, there’s hundreds of opportunities to tell their story
and it’s a necessity, and so perhaps that’s one of the reasons why you lose touch with yourself as well’
Ruth [78-80]
This illustrates how telling stories can contribute to a sense of narrative identity (McAdams,
2008), or self-narrative (Neimeyer et al., 2010); and that stories can be an essential part of
being human (Carr, 1986 as cited in Crossley, 2000). Prior to the first storytelling workshop,
Ruth’s identity revolved around being a carer. Producing her first digital story helped her
rediscover her previous identity:
‘I suppose that having the opportunity to have a voice about that, have it out ... helped me move on
because I could let go of it ... it was powerful like that and that was the healing for me ... the experience
23
showed me that I was missing out on living ... I would say it was like my first waking up and since then
I do feel like I’m living differently’ Ruth [26-30]
Narrative psychology suggests that under normal circumstances, people are able to make
sense of their experiences by relating them to one another to form a coherent narrative
(Crossley, 2000). By contrast, caring for autistic children, with unpredictable behaviour, may
make it difficult for the carer to predict what is going to happen in their own life. From a life
story perspective, prior to the workshop, Ruth’s narrative identity was ‘swamped’ by her
children’s narratives. According to McAdams (2008), this suggests either competing
narrative identities or a single incoherent narrative identity. From this perspective, the
storytelling workshop enabled Ruth to rebuild a coherent narrative identity which enabled her
to grow personally. Alternative, Ruth can be conceptualised as changing her view of herself
and her model of the world to regain a coherent sense of herself which Parkes (2002)
suggests is an effective adaptive mechanism. Thus the data illustrates consensus within the
perspectives about the impact of narrative on identity.
Example 4 – Making sense of loss
Betty realised that she had been carrying hidden feelings of guilt about her ability to bring up
her children. The workshop helped her to see that in response to her son becoming ill, she had
had to be strong. This realisation improved her self confidence. She now feels liberated from
feelings of guilt and is consequently happier:
‘And it wasn’t ‘til weeks later that I realised that I had been carrying guilt feelings around with me ...
and it’s released me of that ... I think I’d buried those feelings and hadn’t dealt with them ... but doing
that made me realise that, and I felt freer than I have in a long long time’ Betty [34-38]
‘People used to say you’re a strong person and I never used to believe them ... but looking back I must
have had to be pretty strong and that reinforced that for me ... so it gave me a bit more self belief’ Betty
[112-116]
Using a constructivist perspective, it is speculated that prior to the workshop, Betty made
sense of her son’s illness by developing a self-narrative as an inadequate mother which
enabled her to maintain core beliefs that the world is fair (Neimeyer et al., 2010). The
workshop helped her to see more of her positive qualities which enabled her to develop a
more positive self-narrative. This would have required her to adopt new core beliefs to reflect
24
a world in which bad things happen to decent people, such as herself, through no fault of their
own. The process gave meaning to her experience as a carer, eg. an opportunity to care for
her son and for personal growth. The workshop allowed her to review her loss, re-establish a
coherent self-narrative and integrate these revised views with her core beliefs about the
world. A constructivist perspective suggests that these changes predict subsequent well-being
(Neimeyer et al., 2010), eg. Betty describes how she is now more confident at standing up for
herself:
‘Oh a lot more open ... I don’t hesitate to say I’m a carer for someone’s who’s mentally ill ... yeah it has
changed in that at one time if people had come back with something negative I would have just shut up
... I challenge that now and say it could happen to anyone’ Betty [174]
In summary, a range of analytic approaches have been used to reflect the range of
experiences and this approach revealed common themes across the dataset, namely: all the
participants described loss oriented coping (Stroebe & Schut, 1999), forming a coherent story
(Murray, 1997), changes to narrative identity (McAdams, 2008) or self-narrative and core
beliefs (Neimeyer et al., 2010), and meaning making (Neimeyer at al., 2010). These findings
demonstrate that these approaches can complement each other.
Overall, there is evidence that the workshop helped the participants to positively reframe
negative experiences. However, there are examples of where positive reframing was less
successful and these are discussed in the next section which considers the longer term impact
of the workshop
Theme 5 – Positive impact on life in general
All the participants described how the process had generally had a positive effect on their
lives in the nine months since the workshop. There is consensus within the above theories
that being able to positively reframe difficult experiences, however that process is
conceptualised, is beneficial (eg. McAdams, 2008; Neimeyer et al., 2010). Although the
existence of this theme provides some support for the above theories, the depth and longevity
of the change is unclear and could be explored in subsequent studies.
For several participants, the experience was life changing and helped them break out of a
long term period of negativity. The participants generally described how negative events in
25
their past had less power over them now than before the workshop. The following extracts
illustrate the range of ways that the participants feel affected by the workshop.
Firstly, Betty describes how the workshop liberated her from feelings of guilt. In terms of the
life story model of identity, these excerpts suggest that Betty’s self-narrative changed from
one of inadequacy to confidence (McAdams, 2008). She can be conceptualised as moving
from being positioned within her life story as ‘weak and vulnerable’ to ‘brave and
courageous’ (Thorne and McLean, 2003 as cited in McAdams, 2008):
‘I used to feel a bit guilty sometimes ... having time for myself ... but now I feel fine about it and I
know it’s necessary for me as well’ Betty [120-126]
‘So it gave me a bit more self belief actually’ Betty [116]
Martin describes how his identity is linked with his past reflecting narrative psychology’s
claim that identity is a narrative achievement (McAdams, 2008; Neimeyer et al., 2010). From
this perspective, the data suggest that his self-narrative and core beliefs have changed and
that there is greater coherence between these beliefs. Martin’s improved well-being can be
linked to his ability to make more sense of his world (Frankl, 1992; Neimeyer et al., 2010).
‘It’s just the confidence I’ve got from it ... brilliant innit’ Martin [23]
‘I've actually broken the chains ... they were sort of holding me back from doing what I wanted to do’
Martin [71-73]
‘Now there is a better tomorrow, it might not be ideal ... it's better than what I've had’ Martin [81-83]
“It doesn’t bother me about the trauma ... I just accept it for what it is” Martin [93,99]
“I felt more comfortable with myself about it ... the tug of the chain wasn’t there anymore, it’s gone”
Martin [167]
Julie commented less on the workshop’s positive impact. This could be taken as the norm but
seen alongside the rest of the dataset probably reflects that she has fewer mental health issues
than the other participants. It does however suggest that positive reframing is contingent upon
having a traumatic experience to reflect on. Overall, Julie still talked very positively about the
26
workshop. As outlined above, Stroebe & Schut’s (1999) Dual Process Model helps explain
why Julie found the process beneficial.
‘I feel that it was really worth doing’ Julie [102].
Ruth found both workshops very therapeutic and describes some of the ways in which it has
affected her life. As outlined above, the data illustrate how producing the stories helped Ruth
rebuild a coherent self-narrative which enabled her to grow personally (McAdams, 2008).
‘Very very helpful, very healing’ Ruth [4]
‘I feel like I live in the moment more ... and that feels creative’ Ruth [62,64]
‘I don’t feel the enormity of responsibility that I did ... I feel liberated from the drama of it’ Ruth [152-
156]
‘I used to worry about the future all the time... now I don’t ... I’m a lot more at ease’ Ruth [176-180]
James describes how since the workshop he spends less time dwelling on his accident and
although he is struggling, he is more positive about his future. The data suggest that prior to
the workshop, James was predominantly loss oriented, and is now predominantly restoration
oriented ie. focuses on the present and future. According to the Dual Process Model this
oscillation between loss and restoration orientation is predictive of successful recovery from
loss (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). This is evident in James’s description:
‘Looking back it’s done me good ‘cos ... I’m not dwelling so much on the accident now’ James [92]
‘I feel a lot better for doing it, I’m glad I did it’ James [108]
‘I don’t shudder so much when I say to people I’ve had a fall at work and I can just talk about it now
whereas before I used to cower up about it’ James [156]
‘I’m not as bad as I were cos I was on verge of committing hari kari, I’d had enough ... and I’m not like
that now ... I’m struggling but I’m not like that’ James [212]
27
Clare was very positive about the workshop but is still struggling to make sense of her son’s
death. She describes an incoherent self-narrative with respect to feelings of guilt (Neimeyer et
al., 2010):
‘I think it was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life’ Clare [4]
‘And you think well I hope I’ve managed to put that in a box and finished with it now but of course
nothing’s that simple ... but it was better’ Clare [108-110]
“Rationally you know ... you shouldn’t feel guilty but actually in keeps bubbling through the cracks
you’ve papered over ... you do feel incredibly guilty, so those are the demons that one keeps trying to
cope with really” Clare [120]
Tina was also very positive about the experience. However, she still has bouts of depression,
and wants to make another story focussing on herself rather than her son. The data suggest
that she struggles to adopt a loss orientation which may explain why she struggles to adjust to
her son’s illness (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). A constructivist perspective suggests that her
difficulty talking about herself suggests that she has been unable to develop a coherent self-
narrative which integrates her core beliefs with her views of loss (Neimeyer et al., 2010).
‘I wish I’d been able to do it years ago because then it would have been actually marvellous’ [84]
‘Yes, very beneficial’ [94]
‘I think that was one of the few times I’ve ever really been able to share it, so that was very good, I
thought it was good for Ted to see that’ Tina [120] referring to her story
‘I really think I could do with doing another one to tackle some of this other stuff which is much more
about me but which I had never taken on’ Tina [126]
The above interpretations help to explain why the storytelling process had a positive impact
on the participants’ lives in general. However, the use of symbolic representations, such as
personal photos, may also be relevant. Using the emotional writing paradigm, Pennebaker &
Chung (2007) found that cognitive processes involved in translating emotions into language
contribute to health benefits. Although the evidence for the emotional writing paradigm is
weak (Stroebe et al., 2005), there is evidence that photos can also help people explore
28
meaning and memories (Martin, 2009); reflect on past experiences and relationships (Stewart,
1979); and communicate difficult experiences (Thompson et al., 2008).
Furthermore, the data suggest that images and music can be personally meaningful and so
assist the meaning-making process. For example, Martin describes “pictures of chains” as
being “very symbolic” and that their inclusion in his story was personally meaningful; Tina
and Julie both included old photos of their loved ones when they looked well which may have
helped them to have a more positive ongoing attachment relationship with the people they
had lost through illness or death (Walter, 1996). In contrast, images can also be upsetting and
the above analysis suggests that they need to be used in a supportive context to be beneficial.
Whilst the evidence is inconclusive, it is speculated that the cognitive processes involved in
selecting pictures and music contribute to the therapeutic impact of digital storytelling. These
findings suggest this aspect of digital storytelling is worthy of further investigation.
In conclusion, the variety and prevalence of data supporting this theme demonstrate that this
is an important theme (Braun & Clark, 2006). Although the participants are very positive
about the experience, the positive impact does appear to be contingent upon having
psychological difficulties to work on. Furthermore, the analysis is not able to address the
sustainability or depth of the workshop’s effect.
The positive impact of the workshop has been interpreted using different perspectives. These
emphasise different psychological processes and use a range of concepts to reflect the
diversity within the study but, as outlined above, are generally complementary. Synthesising
these perspective suggests that the positive impact of the workshop is due to a range of
factors. These include a supportive context in which people can reflect on their loss, core
beliefs and resultant self-narrative, and develop a coherent story which made sense of life’s
challenges (Neimeyer et al., 2010; McAdams, 2008). Having considered the themes
individually, the next section reflects a narrative approach and integrates the themes into a
coherent narrative which provides a wider perspective across the dataset (Murray, 2003).
A narrative perspective across the whole dataset
For most participants, their ‘storytelling’ story started many years before the workshop.
Traumatic events, such as loss and illness, shattered their lives and deeply affected them. A
constructivist perspective suggests that to reconcile these events and assimilate the loss into
29
their core beliefs, the participants changed their self-narrative to one which incorporated a
greater sense of vulnerability than before (Neimeyer et al., 2010). This allowed them to
maintain core beliefs that the world is fair. These experiences motivated them to try to
improve health and social care services which helped to give meaning to their experiences
and, according to Frankl (1992), may have been part of their recovery. The workshop allowed
them to re-examine their self-narrative and see how they had developed personally to
overcome life’s challenges. This process led to a more positive self-narrative incorporating a
greater sense of strength and resilience. Through reflecting on their own experiences and
listening to other people’s experiences, the participants’ core beliefs changed to provide
greater coherence within their self-narrative (Neimeyer et al., 2010).
The analysis suggests that having a coherent story in their mind, on DVD, and having shared
their story with an empathic audience enabled them to share their story with other people
(Pennebaker & Chung, 2007). Whereas previously they may have kept their feelings secret,
through fear of burdening others or facing discrimination, they could now find it easier to
gain emotional support from others and experience release from the emotional strain of
inhibition (Pennebaker & Chung, 2007). As a consequence of the workshop, the participants
are more able to perform this narrative in front of others, and it is speculated that this process
helps to strengthen positive aspects of their narrative identity with subsequent beneficial
impact (Walter, 1999; Pennebaker & Chung, 2007).
This approach demonstrates that the themes are contingent upon each other. In particular it
suggests that the positive impact of the workshop is due to many interconnected factors. This
approach reflects both the complexity of processes taking place and the consistency across
the dataset. The analysis also illustrates that a narrative approach (Murray, 2003) provides a
more comprehensive explanation of the participants’ experiences than a semantic thematic
analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006). On the downside, issues which were only important to one
or two participants are lost. These are outside the scope of the current study and could be
explored in a study with a stronger ideographic focus.
Reflexive analysis
To reflect the relativist aspect of the narrative ontology, this section explores how I may have
influenced this study (Burr, 2003). My interest in the topic arose through commissioning a
digital storytelling project in a previous work role. I inevitably influenced the analysis, for
30
example by asking certain interview questions and the data is clearly jointly constructed by
myself and the interviewees (Gilbert, 2002).To minimise the effect of my expectations and
preconceptions, I took an inductive approach grounded in the data and theoretical
perspectives. With respect to theoretical questions, I carefully worded my questions
impartially to avoid influencing the participants’ responses. But where participants described
experiences similar to those outlined in the theories, I sought clarification, eg. in response to
James describing that it’s ‘like opening a box up’, I suggested that ‘you face them and work
thru them and make a bit more sense out of it’. I also avoided trying to demonstrate that the
workshop was therapeutic. However, when this was described by the participants, I sought
clarification. Although the data is influenced by the theoretical underpinnings, at the time of
the interviews, I had only undertaken a brief literature review, which should have limited this
effect.
I knew all the participants, having met them professionally several times before the
interviews. As a result the participants trusted me and I was quickly able to build rapport in
the interviews which enabled in depth discussions. Furthermore, we shared an understanding
of the workshop and the stories. I also attended a separate digital storytelling workshop so
that I could understand the process and consequently relate better to the participants.
However, there is also a risk that the participants talked about the workshop more favourably
as they knew that I had commissioned the project and had a stake in the current study. To
mitigate this effect, I encouraged the participants to be open and honest in their responses.
However, despite my best endeavours to minimise distortion and loss of content, it is
acknowledged that a different researcher may reach different conclusions. To reflect this
situation, the findings should be viewed as one of many possibly equally valid interpretations.
Concluding Remarks The current study set out to explore the experiences of seven people who took part in a
Patient Voices digital storytelling project. Although digital storytelling is now widespread, its
use in health and social care services has not been explored within the psychological
literature. As a result, the current study is original and difficult to ground in a single
perspective. Semi-structured interviews were carried out to give data which whilst describing
narratives, are not strictly narratives themselves (Murray, 2003). To reflect this ontological
31
uncertainty, a mixed method approach was adopted. There was a good response rate and
seven people were interviewed.
This approach resulted in rich data and five themes were identified which form a coherent
narrative, as follows: difficult life experiences motivated the participants to make a digital
story so that others could learn from their experiences; the process was emotionally difficult;
and was possible because of the supportive context; the storytelling process enabled them to
positively reframe these difficult experiences; which has subsequently had a positive impact
on their lives in general. Although these themes could have been predicted, the strength of the
themes is surprising and this is particular clear from the positive descriptions of the
workshops and its subsequent affect. Rigorous cross checking with the data suggests that
these themes are robust for this sample.
The data revealed a wide range of personal experiences and complex processes which
contrasts with the homogeneity of the overarching themes, but is still consistent with them.
This pattern is reflected in the range of disparate but complementary theoretical perspectives
which have been used. For example, narrative approaches have been used to reflect the
storytelling processes (Murray, 1997); grief theories to interpret how people deal with loss
and trauma (Stroebe & Schut, 1999); constructivist perspectives to reflect how people
construct meaning from life’s challenges (Neimeyer et al. 2010); and theories on
psychotherapy and group work to reflect the context (Rogers, 1957; Pasupathi & Rich, 2005).
The analyses demonstrate that, in this context, these approaches complement each other.
Synthesising these perspectives suggests that the participants undertook loss and restoration
oriented coping (Stroebe & Schut, 1999), were able to form a coherent story (Murray, 1997),
experienced changes to their narrative identity (McAdams, 2008) and were able to make
meaning out of their traumatic experiences (Neimeyer at al., 2010).
Reflecting its novelty, the current study has been unable to look in detail at many aspects of
the participants’ experiences. Subsequent studies could focus on specific aspects of the
workshop; use longer term follow up to investigate the longevity of the benefits; or take more
traditional narrative or phenomenological approaches from the outset. Furthermore, the lack
of relevant psychological research means that speculation has been unavoidable. As a result,
there are many areas worthy of further study, four of which are considered below.
32
Firstly, considering the reasons for taking part, it would be interesting to investigate how the
way in which the stories are used by the storytellers and in services affects the storytellers.
The above data could be triangulated with analyses of the digital stories themselves and the
views of other people involved in the process to provide a more complete picture. Secondly,
the current study has not investigated the use of photos and other forms of symbolic
representation but has speculated about their therapeutic value. Hence further investigation of
this aspect of digital storytelling could be fruitful. Thirdly, it would also be interesting to
investigate the group context in more detail as the current study suggests that it is beneficial
but has not investigated it in depth. Fourthly, reflecting its subjective focus, the current
analyses are based on the participants own descriptions of their thoughts and feelings. In this
respect, interviews are considered performative, ie. participants do not present information
objectively but manage their image to create an intended impact (Goffman, 1959 as cited in
Howitt, 2010). Future studies could use other methods such as observation of the workshop
itself, group discussions and possibly quantitative measures to provide a more complete
picture of the participants’ subjective experiences.
In conclusion, all the participants talked positively about their experiences of digital
storytelling and how they had subsequently benefitted. Many of the participants are
consequently more optimistic about their future. By contrast, they also found it a difficult
experience. The current study has not investigated whether these benefits can be sustained
over the longer term, and for several participants the benefits were relatively short lived.
Synthesising the above perspectives, the analysis suggests that during the workshop the
participants were able to reflect on their past, present and future. They were then able to form
a coherent story, experience changes to their narrative identity and thus make meaning out of
their traumatic experiences. The current study is supportive of narrative psychology’s claim
that people’s stories form an important part of their identity (McAdams, 2008); and the
constructivist view that stories provide an important way for people to make sense of their
world and reconstruct a view of a meaningful world after it has been challenged by loss and
trauma (Neimeyer et al., 2010). The data clearly suggests that the participants found the
workshop beneficial at the time, subsequently and potentially in the future. These findings,
together with the increasing accessibility of digital media, and the lack of an appropriate
integrated theoretical framework, suggest that the topic warrants further investigation.
33
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List of Appendices
1 DVD of Sheffield Carers Voices Digital Stories
2 Participant information sheet
3 Consent form
4 Interview schedule
5 Participant debriefing sheet
6 Summary of study finding for participants
7 Interview transcripts with coding and themes
8 Interview summaries
9 Initial seven themes mapped against interview summaries
10 Final dataset themes mapped against interview summaries
11 Final dataset themes with all second order codes
12 Final dataset themes with the main second order codes
Appendix 2: Participant Information sheet
An exploration of personal experiences of taking part in a digital storytelling project
An MSc Psychology Research Project
Please will you take part in a study about the experience of taking part in a digital storytelling project. This study is being undertaken as part of an MSc in Psychology. It is being carried out with the support of Pip and Tony at Pilgrim Projects. I am asking you as you took part in the Sheffield Carers Voices project in 2009. I aim to interview about five people and your involvement is totally voluntary. This briefing tells you more about what you will have to do if you agree to take part in this study. Thank you Mark Shea 1. What will I be required to do? You will be required to take part in an interview in
which you will have an opportunity to talk about your experience of digital storytelling. Questions will relate to your reasons for taking part, expectations of the process, your experience of making a digital story and how this has had an impact on your life in general.
2. Where will this take place? Interviews will be carried out in a confidential setting at
the Sheffield Hallam University Collegiate Crescent campus. 3. How often will I have to take part, and for how long? The interview is anticipated to
take about half an hour, but there will be flexibility around this timing. You will also need to allow time to prepare for the interview, debriefing after the interview and to read through a transcript of your interview. It may also be necessary to follow up a few issues with you after the interview has finished, but this should be minimal.
4. When will I have the opportunity to discuss my participation? You will be able to
discuss your participation at any point during the study, but in particular will be briefed before the interview and debriefed after it.
5. Who will be responsible for all of the information when this study is over? The data
and study will be the property of the researcher and Sheffield Hallam University. A copy of the report may be published on the Pilgrim Projects website. A one page summary will be produced and sent to all participants. Findings from the study may be used in further research or in teaching situations.
6. Who will have access to it? Members of Sheffield Hallam University and the general
public will be able to read the dissertation report. 7. What will happen to the information when this study is over? The raw data will
remain the property of the researcher and Sheffield Hallam University but will not be
Appendix 2 2
used for further research unless consent for this purpose is gained from the relevant participants. The data will be stored for 5 years in a locked cabinet, after which time it will disposed of using normal university procedures for confidential waste.
8. How will you use what you find out? The findings will be written up as a dissertation
report which will be submitted as part of an MSc in Psychology. The findings may be used other people with an interest in this area, such as Pilgrim Projects.
9. Will anyone be able to connect me with what is recorded and reported? The data will
be presented anonymously; pseudonyms will be used. However, people who have seen your digital story may be able to connect the study data to you if your identity is clear from your digital story. However, you have previously had control over the level of anonymity in your digital story.
10. How long is the whole study likely to last? The interviews are being planned to take
place in March and April 2010. The dissertation is due to be written up by the end of August 2010.
11. How can I find out about the results of the study? You can receive a copy of the
dissertation report by contacting the researcher. A one page summary will also be produced and sent, or emailed, to all participants.
12. What if I do not wish to take part? Participation is totally voluntary. 13. What if I change my mind during the study? You will have the right to withdraw at
any stage of the process up until the interview and subsequent debriefing; and to withdraw all or part of the data arising from your interview up until 7 days after receipt of the transcript.
14. What if I have any other questions? If you have questions please contact the researcher, Mark Shea by email at [email protected] If you have any concerns about the project, you can either contact: Mark using the above contact details Mark’s supervisor, Rachel Abbott on 225 5951or by email at [email protected], or by post at Room 109, Department of Psychology, Southborne, Sheffield Hallam University, Collegiate Crescent Campus, Collegiate Crescent, Sheffield, S10 2BP; If your query relates to your digital story, please contact Pip Hardy at Pilgrim Projects, on 01954 202158, or by post at Pilgrim Projects, The Barn, 1, Corbett Street, Cottenham, Cambs, CB24 8QX or by email at [email protected]
Appendix 3: Participant Consent Form
An exploration of personal experiences of taking part in a
digital storytelling project
An MSc Psychology Research Project
Please answer the following questions by circling your responses Have you read the information sheet about this study? YES NO Have you been able to ask questions about this study? YES NO Have you received answers to all your questions? YES NO Have you received enough information about this study? YES NO Who have you spoken to about this study? ...................................... Do you understand that you are free to withdraw from this study: • At any time up until or during the interview and subsequent
debriefing interview without giving a reason? YES NO • And to withdraw your data up until 7 days after the receipt
of the transcript of your interview without giving a reason? YES NO
Do you agree to take part in this study? YES NO Your signature will certify that you have voluntarily decided to take part in this research study having read and understood the information in the sheet for participants. It will also certify that you have had adequate opportunity to discuss the study with the researcher and that all questions have been answered to your satisfaction Signature of participant:..................................................... Date:..................... Name (block letters):.......................................................... Signature of researcher: .................................................... Date:.................... Please keep your copy of the consent form and the information sheet together. Thank you for your participation. Mark Shea
Appendix 4: Interview schedule
How did you find the process overall
Did you have any particular reasons for taking part /
What were your reasons for taking part
Did you have any expectations of the process /
How did these compare to the actual experience
How did you feel during the process
And immediately after it was over
How about now
Has it had an impact on your life in general
Why do you think that was
Was there anything about the process, experience, context or how you used your story that
stood out
Has it been useful
If so how
On reflection, how would sum up the experience
Pointers from theory
Pennebaker
Inhibition - Experience of disclosing feelings / sensitive information / personal info, opening
up
Cognition - Making sense, coming to terms with, looking back, different perspective, seeing
things in a new light, cognitive restructuring
Appendix 4 2
Social support - being able to talk about, being listened, listening to others, normalisation,
universality
Relating to group therapy
Shared experiences and feelings
Helping each other
Hope gained from seeing others overcoming difficulty
Imitating / learning from others eg. opening up, self efficacy
Catharsis – release of emotional distress thru’ free expression of emotion
Increased self awareness thru’ interaction with others
Self understanding – insight into own situation
Other factors
Public resource / potential audience
Group activity
Not explicitly therapeutic
Narrative approaches
Grief models
Appendix 5: Participant Debriefing sheet
An exploration of personal experiences of taking part in a digital storytelling project
An MSc Psychology Research Project
Thank you for taking part in this study and talking about your experience of digital storytelling. I hope that you have found the process interesting. After the interview you will have an opportunity to discuss your participation. This process is known as debriefing. It is an important part of the research process and helps to ensure that you do not leave with unanswered questions or concerns. There is a small risk that participation could bring up disturbing emotions. If this happens I’d encourage you to discuss this either with myself, Pip at Pilgrim Projects, or with someone else such as a family member, friend or health professional. You will have the right to withdraw at any stage of the process up until the interview and subsequent debriefing; and to withdraw all or part of the data arising from your interview up until 7 days after receipt of the transcript. I am planning to have the transcription complete by the end of June, and apologise for the delay. If you have questions, please contact me by email at [email protected] or by phone on 0114 258 2319 or 07963 375 962. Or my supervisor Rachel Abbott on 225 5951or by email at [email protected], or by post at Room 109, Department of Psychology, Southborne, Sheffield Hallam University, Collegiate Crescent Campus, Collegiate Crescent, Sheffield, S10 2BP. If your query relates to your digital story, please contact Pip Hardy at Pilgrim Projects, on 01954 202158, or by post at Pilgrim Projects, The Barn, 1, Corbett Street, Cottenham, Cambs, CB24 8QX or by email at [email protected] Finally, thank you once again for your participation. It is very much appreciated. With best wishes, Mark Shea
Appendix 6: Summary of study findings for participants The current study set out to explore the experiences of seven people who took part in the Sheffield Carers Voices digital storytelling project. Semi-structured interviews were carried out and the data analysed to identify five common themes as follows: difficult life experiences motivated the participants to make a digital story so that others could learn from their experiences; the process was emotionally difficult; and was possible because of the supportive context; the storytelling process enabled them to positively reframe these difficult experiences; which has subsequently had a positive impact on their lives in general. The data revealed a wide range of personal experiences and complex processes within these broad themes. To reflect this, a broad range of theoretical perspectives were used to interpret the data. For example, narrative approaches were used to reflect the storytelling processes; grief theories to interpret how people deal with loss and trauma; theories on meaning-making to reflect how people make sense of life’s challenges; and theories on therapy and group work to reflect the context. Synthesising the above perspectives, the analysis suggests that the workshop provided a supportive context in which the participants were able to reflect on their past, present and future. This helped them to form a coherent story about difficult life events, and make sense of their traumatic experiences, perhaps for the first time. Being able to make sense of these difficult experiences helps them to understand other life experiences and has had a positive impact on their lives in general. Unfortunately, the current study has been unable to look in detail at many aspects of the participants’ experiences such as the sustainability of the benefits, the use of photos and the group context. In conclusion, all the participants talked positively about their experiences of digital storytelling and how they had subsequently benefitted. By contrast, they also found it a difficult experience and for several participants the benefits were relatively short lived. Many of the participants are more optimistic about their future as a result of the workshop. This digital storytelling workshop clearly provided a context for the participants to produce and share meaningful stories. Furthermore, the experience appears to have had a positive impact on their lives in general since the workshop and consequently warrants further investigation.
Appendix 7: Interview transcripts with coding and themes
Page number Interview transcript 1 Betty 9 Clare
19 James 34 Julie 44 Martin 59 Ruth 70 Tina
1
App
endi
x 7:
In
terv
iew
tran
scri
pts w
ith c
odin
g an
d th
emes
Bet
ty tr
ansc
ript
ana
lysi
s
Sec
tion
Firs
t ord
er c
odin
g Se
cond
ord
er
codi
ng
Inte
rvie
w th
emes
1 In
t R
ight
so to
star
t with
how
did
you
find
the
proc
ess o
vera
ll?
2
Bet
ty
I fou
nd it
(.) i
t was
em
otio
nal (
.) he
art t
earin
g re
ally
hea
ring
som
e of
the
othe
r peo
ple’
s sto
ries e
rr
som
e a
lot w
orse
than
min
e bu
t the
re w
as a
lot o
f sup
port
and
help
ther
e an
d er
r I th
ink
the
fact
that
it
was
in n
ice
surr
ound
ings
hel
ped
a lo
t
Emot
iona
l H
eart
tear
ing
Hea
ring
othe
r peo
ple’
s st
orie
s
Emot
iona
l M
ovin
g
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
Supp
ort
3 In
t Y
eah
yeah
4 B
etty
N
ice
calm
surr
ound
ings
gre
en e
nviro
nmen
t tha
t hel
ped
a lo
t eh
Pip
and
Tony
and
Jo th
ey w
ere
all
brill
iant
C
alm
surr
ound
ings
B
rillia
nt fa
cilit
ator
s Su
ppor
t fa
cilit
ator
s Su
ppor
tive
envi
ronm
ent
Supp
ort
5 In
t R
ight
goo
d
6 B
etty
Eh
h (.)
I st
rugg
led
with
the
tech
nolo
gy si
de o
bvio
usly
but
ther
e w
as th
e su
ppor
t the
re
Stru
ggle
d w
ith
tech
nolo
gy
Supp
ort
Cha
lleng
e Su
ppor
t Su
ppor
t
7 In
t M
mm
goo
d
8 B
etty
(la
ught
er)
9
Int
(laug
hter
) so
emm
(.) d
id y
ou h
ave
any
parti
cula
r rea
sons
for t
akin
g pa
rt?
10
B
etty
M
y m
ain
reas
on fo
r goi
ng in
was
(.) b
ecau
se o
f the
mis
take
s mad
e by
serv
ices
dur
ing
my
son’
s ca
re a
nd e
hh m
ore
than
I co
uld
actu
ally
put
into
the
inte
rvie
w
Wan
ted
serv
ices
to
lear
n fr
om m
ista
kes
with
son’
s car
e
Util
ity o
f sto
ry
impo
rtant
U
tility
of s
torie
s
11
Int
Ok
12
B
etty
B
ecau
se o
f the
m h
avin
g to
be
so sh
ort
13
In
t H
mm
14
Bet
ty
Err n
ot to
bla
me
anyo
ne b
ut th
at se
rvic
es w
ill le
arn
from
the
mis
take
s and
als
o to
hel
p ot
her c
arer
s an
d th
e pe
ople
they
car
e fo
r to
get a
bet
ter d
eal f
rom
this
D
idn’
t wan
t to
blam
e se
rvic
es
Wan
ted
to h
elp
serv
ices
im
prov
e
Util
ity o
f sto
ry
impo
rtant
U
tility
of s
torie
s
15
Int
Rig
ht o
k (.)
so it
was
just
to in
form
the
peop
le d
eliv
erin
g th
e se
rvic
es w
hat i
t was
real
ly li
ke
16
B
etty
W
hat i
t was
real
ly b
ecau
se (.
) the
y do
n’t k
now
(1) w
hat a
car
er g
oes t
hrou
gh (.
) a c
arer
doe
sn’t
chos
e to
car
e (.)
one
day
they
’re
just
an
ordi
nary
per
son
the
next
day
ban
g th
ere’
s bee
n a
cris
is a
nd
they
’ve
foun
d th
emse
lves
car
ing
for s
omeb
ody
(.) b
ut (.
) my
stor
y w
as b
ased
aro
und
the
first
in
cide
nt
Wan
ted
serv
ices
to
know
wha
t it’s
like
to
be a
car
er
Util
ity o
f sto
ry
impo
rtant
U
tility
of s
torie
s
17
Int
Rig
ht y
es
18
B
etty
W
ith m
y so
n (.)
and
(.) I
kno
w m
y so
n (.)
and
(.) w
hen
I tol
d se
rvic
es th
is a
nd th
at I
thou
ght h
e St
rain
of c
arer
C
halle
nge
of
Posi
tive
App
endi
x 7
2
shou
ld b
e in
hos
pita
l and
I w
as ju
st to
ld th
ey’d
com
e ba
ck th
e fo
llow
ing
day
and
then
he
wen
t w
alk
abou
t and
wer
e m
issi
ng a
ll ni
ght a
nd I
just
can
’t te
ll yo
u w
hat I
wen
t thr
ough
B
eing
igno
red
by
serv
ices
ca
ring
Voi
ce ig
nore
d re
fram
ing
19
Int
No
20
B
etty
B
ut (1
) tel
ling
my
stor
y (1
) has
mad
e m
e fe
el fr
ee
Telli
ng st
ory
mad
e m
e fe
el fr
ee -
liber
atin
g Li
bera
tion
Li
bera
tion
21
Int
Rig
ht o
k
22
Bet
ty
And
I ca
n go
into
furth
er d
etai
l if y
ou w
ant m
e to
abo
ut th
at
23
In
t Y
es
24
B
etty
W
hen
(.) a
long
way
dow
n th
e lin
e be
caus
e A
ndre
w d
idn’
t get
the
help
and
supp
ort t
hat h
e sh
ould
ha
ve d
one
and
I had
to g
o to
my
MP
to g
et it
and
eve
ntua
lly (.
) err
ear
ly in
terv
entio
n ca
me
alon
g bu
t thi
s was
a y
ear a
nd a
hal
f afte
r And
rew
had
bee
n ill
Hav
ing
to fi
ght t
o ge
t go
od se
rvic
es fo
r her
so
n
Cha
lleng
e of
ca
ring
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
25
Int
Rig
ht
26
B
etty
A
nd (.
) the
CPN
(.) i
nter
view
ed A
ndre
w in
the
kitc
hen
and
I was
take
n in
the
room
but
the
soci
al
wor
ker a
t my
hous
e
27
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
28
B
etty
A
nd w
e ha
d a
chat
and
I w
as a
sked
if I
had
any
guilt
feel
ings
and
I sa
id n
o be
caus
e I k
now
this
is
just
one
of t
he th
ings
that
hap
pens
and
it w
asn’
t ‘til
(.) I
was
ask
ed (.
) if I
wan
t wel
l was
I as
ked
if I
coul
d ta
ke p
hoto
grap
hs a
long
Look
ing
back
on
past
ev
ents
Lo
okin
g ba
ck
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
29
Int
Rig
ht
30
B
etty
I r
ealis
ed I
had
not l
ooke
d at
31
Int
Phot
ogra
phs o
f And
rew
32
Bet
ty
Whe
n I a
sked
And
rew
som
e he
put
on
one
side
but
he
let m
e ta
ke so
me
of w
hen
he w
as v
ery
youn
g w
here
he
wou
ldn’
t be
reco
gnis
able
and
I ha
dn’t
look
ed b
ack
on p
hoto
s of w
hen
he w
as
youn
ger i
n a
long
tim
e (.)
and
it d
idn’
t hit
me
until
afte
r the
pro
cess
was
fini
shed
(.) I
kne
w I’
d go
t th
is fr
eedo
m b
ut I
didn
’t kn
ow w
hy
Look
ing
back
at p
hoto
s Fo
und
som
e fr
eedo
m
But
did
n’t k
now
why
Look
ing
back
Li
bera
tion
Mys
tery
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g Li
bera
tion
33
Int
Rig
ht o
k
34
Bet
ty
And
it w
asn’
t ‘til
wee
ks la
ter t
hat I
real
ised
that
I ha
d be
en c
arry
ing
guilt
feel
ings
aro
und
with
me
Afte
r sev
eral
wee
ks
real
ised
that
she
had
been
car
ryin
g gu
ilt
feel
ings
Mys
tery
M
akin
g se
nse
of
past
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
35
Int
Rig
ht m
m m
m
36
B
etty
A
nd it
’s re
leas
ed m
e of
that
bec
ause
look
ing
back
on
my
on th
ose
phot
os o
f our
life
bec
ause
whe
n yo
u’re
a si
ngle
par
ent y
ou th
ink
have
I be
en to
o st
rict?
Hav
e I b
een
too
leni
ent?
Hav
e I e
rr c
ould
I ha
ve d
one
a lo
t bet
ter b
asic
ally
? A
nd (.
) I th
ink
I’d
burie
d th
ose
feel
ings
and
had
n’t d
ealt
with
th
em
Has
bee
n re
leas
ed fr
om
feel
ings
of g
uilt
Que
stio
ning
par
entin
g st
yle
Libe
ratio
n Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
Libe
ratio
n Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
37
Int
Rig
ht
38
B
etty
B
ut d
oing
that
mad
e m
e re
alis
e th
at a
nd I
felt
free
r tha
n I h
ave
in a
long
long
tim
e R
ealis
atio
n Fe
elin
g fr
ee
Libe
ratio
n Li
bera
tion
39
Int
Rig
ht a
nd w
as th
at th
roug
h ba
sic
wel
l obv
ious
ly y
ou sa
y yo
u ha
d to
revi
sit t
he p
hoto
s
40
Bet
ty
Yes
H
ad to
revi
sit p
ast
Look
ing
back
Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
App
endi
x 7
3
41
Int
Abo
ut th
e ex
perie
nce
and
so m
aybe
goi
ng th
roug
h th
e fe
elin
gs a
gain
42
Bet
ty
That
’s ri
ght
Rev
isiti
ng o
ld fe
elin
gs
Look
ing
back
O
ld fe
elin
gs
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g 43
In
t So
meh
ow
44
B
etty
Y
ep (.
) and
just
look
ing
back
and
real
ise
it ha
dn’t
(.) b
ecau
se o
nce
you
beco
me
a ca
rer y
ou
conc
entra
te o
n th
e he
re a
nd n
ow
Not
had
a c
hanc
e to
lo
ok b
ack
on p
ast
As a
car
er n
eede
d to
fo
cus o
n pr
esen
t
Rar
e op
portu
nity
N
orm
ally
focu
s on
pre
sent
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
45
Int
Mm
46
Bet
ty
And
you
’re
getti
ng o
n w
ith th
e da
y to
day
livi
ng o
f thi
ngs
47
In
t M
m
48
B
etty
A
nd a
ll yo
u’ve
got
is th
is c
hang
ed p
erso
n (.)
and
you
don
’t th
ink
back
(.) t
o th
e go
od ti
mes
you
ha
d yo
u st
art t
earin
g yo
urse
lf up
ove
r the
tim
es y
ou p
erha
ps th
ink
ohh
was
I bi
t a b
it to
o er
r I c
an
rem
embe
r And
rew
goi
ng m
issi
ng h
e sh
ould
hav
e be
en h
ome
at a
cer
tain
tim
e an
d he
was
n’t
Not
look
ed b
ack
to th
e go
od ti
mes
bef
ore
But
had
que
stio
ned
how
sh
e’d
brou
ght u
p A
ndre
w
Look
ing
back
Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
Form
er d
oubt
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
49
Int
Rig
ht
50
B
etty
A
nd p
laye
d po
p w
ith h
im a
nd se
nt h
im to
his
bed
room
and
you
star
t thi
nkin
g
51
Int
This
is w
hen
he w
as y
oung
52
Bet
ty
This
was
whe
n he
was
you
ng y
ou st
art t
hink
ing
was
I to
o ha
rsh
you
know
all
sort
of th
ings
star
t co
min
g in
to y
our m
ind
and
then
whe
n I l
ook
back
and
thro
ugh
the
holid
ay p
hoto
s and
that
Th
ough
t tha
t she
mig
ht
have
bee
n to
o ha
rsh
with
And
rew
B
ut n
ow lo
oked
bac
k on
hol
iday
pho
tos –
m
ore
bala
nced
vie
w
Look
ing
back
Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
Form
er d
oubt
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
53
Int
Rig
ht
54
B
etty
A
nd y
eah
you
thin
k ye
ah w
e ha
d a
lot o
f goo
d tim
es
Rea
lises
they
had
a lo
t of
goo
d tim
es
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
55
Int
Rig
ht o
k ok
goo
d go
od e
rm so
did
you
hav
e an
y ex
pect
atio
ns o
f the
pro
cess
?
56
Bet
ty
No
I did
n’t k
now
hon
estly
wha
t to
expe
ct
57
In
t R
ight
ok
58
B
etty
N
o I d
idn’
t kno
w w
hat t
o ex
pect
it w
as u
nkno
wn
terr
itory
for m
e bu
t I th
ough
t if t
his c
an h
elp
anyb
ody
in a
ny w
ay I’
m ju
st g
oing
to g
o fo
r it a
nd I’
m g
oing
to sa
y ye
s stra
ight
aw
ay b
ecau
se I
know
whe
n I c
omm
it m
ysel
f tha
t’s it
(.) i
f I h
esita
te th
at’s
whe
n do
ubt s
tarts
cre
epin
g in
and
so I
go o
n m
y fir
st in
stin
cts
Did
n’t k
now
wha
t to
expe
ct
Firs
t ins
tinct
was
to sa
y ye
s to
proc
ess
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
r pe
ople
Few
exp
ecta
tions
U
tility
of s
torie
s im
porta
nt
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
59
Int
Rig
ht o
k ok
do
you
thin
k er
m (.
) bec
ause
you
wen
t rea
lly d
oing
it fo
r oth
er p
eopl
e as
it w
ere
rath
er
than
exp
ectin
g to
get
som
e be
nefit
from
it y
ours
elf d
o yo
u th
ink
that
affe
cted
the
proc
ess a
t all
(.)
do y
ou se
e w
hat I
mea
n? (1
) rat
her t
han
if yo
u go
ne so
rt of
say
wel
l act
ually
this
is a
thre
e da
y
App
endi
x 7
4
wor
ksho
p it’
ll gi
ve m
e a
chan
ce to
mak
e so
me
mor
e se
nse
over
of i
t 60
B
etty
Y
eah
I thi
nk y
eah
I thi
nk it
did
I th
ink
I was
real
ly su
rpris
ed (.
) at t
he fe
elin
g of
free
dom
I go
t and
I t
hink
bec
ause
(.) I
thou
ght w
ell I
’m ju
st g
oing
alo
ng to
hel
p ot
her p
eopl
e an
d le
t ser
vice
s see
In
volv
ed to
hel
p ot
her
peop
le
Surp
rised
at f
eelin
g of
fr
eedo
m sh
e go
t fro
m
proc
ess
Few
exp
ecta
tions
U
tility
of s
torie
s im
porta
nt
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
Libe
ratio
n
61
Int
Mm
mm
62
Bet
ty
The
mis
take
s tha
t can
be
mad
e an
d I d
on’t
thin
k I r
eally
exp
ecte
d to
gai
n fr
om it
mys
elf a
lthou
gh I
knew
oth
er p
eopl
e ha
d w
ho’d
don
e it
prev
ious
ly
Did
n’t e
xpec
t to
gain
fr
om p
roce
ss
Did
n’t e
xpec
t to
bene
fit
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
63
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
64
B
etty
Y
ou k
now
cos
as I
say
I did
n’t k
now
I w
as c
arry
ing
thos
e gu
ilt fe
elin
gs I
thou
ght I
’d d
ealt
with
it
Did
n’t k
now
she
was
ca
rryi
ng g
uilt
feel
ings
Th
ough
t she
’d d
ealt
with
them
Surp
rised
by
hidd
en e
mot
ions
Li
bera
tion
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
65
Int
Mm
mm
(.) e
rm d
o yo
u th
ink
muc
h ha
s cha
nged
sinc
e yo
u di
d th
e w
orks
hop?
You
say
it w
as v
ery
emot
iona
l at t
he ti
me
and
did
you
say
you
felt
free
afte
r the
wor
ksho
p
66
Bet
ty
Afte
r
67
Int
Or m
aybe
seve
ral w
eeks
late
r rea
lised
68
Bet
ty
Yea
h w
hy
69
In
t W
hy
70
B
etty
I t
houg
ht I
got t
he im
med
iate
feel
ing
afte
r we’
d ta
ken
the
phot
ogra
phs t
hat n
ight
(.) I
wok
e up
in
the
early
hou
rs a
nd g
ot th
is fe
elin
g of
joy
and
of fr
eedo
m
Wok
e up
ear
ly m
orni
ng
with
feel
ing
of jo
y an
d fr
eedo
m
Libe
ratio
n Li
bera
tion
71
Int
Rig
ht o
k
72
Bet
ty
Err I
wok
e up
I th
ink
it w
as a
bout
3 o
’clo
ck in
the
mor
ning
I ju
st fe
lt gr
eat
Felt
grea
t Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Li
bera
tion
73
Int
Was
that
afte
r the
firs
t day
74
Bet
ty
That
was
afte
r the
pho
tos a
fter w
e’d
took
the
phot
os th
at w
as la
ter o
n th
at w
as a
bout
was
it th
e se
cond
day
75
Int
May
be it
was
the
seco
nd
76
B
etty
I t
hink
it w
as th
e se
cond
77
Int
It pr
obab
ly w
ould
be
the
seco
nd I’
d ha
ve th
ough
t
78
Bet
ty
The
seco
nd y
eah
79
In
t R
ight
ok
80
B
etty
A
nd e
rr (.
) yea
h th
at’s
whe
n I j
ust w
oke
up w
ith th
is fe
elin
g of
joy
and
free
dom
in e
arly
hou
rs o
f th
e m
orni
ng (.
) and
got
stra
ight
bac
k to
slee
p yo
u kn
ow
Feel
ing
of jo
y an
d fr
eedo
m
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Libe
ratio
n
81
Int
Hm
m h
mm
82
Bet
ty
And
wok
e up
and
the
feel
ings
wer
e st
ill th
ere
but i
t was
like
I sa
y it
took
me
a go
od fe
w w
eeks
to
real
ise
why
Fe
elin
gs o
f joy
and
fr
eedo
m
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Libe
ratio
n
83
Int
Rig
ht (.
) and
sinc
e th
en h
as m
uch
chan
ged?
84
Bet
ty
No
I mea
n ap
art f
rom
the
fact
that
I fe
el y
ou k
now
I’ve
still
got
that
feel
ing
of fr
eedo
m
Still
has
feel
ing
of
free
dom
now
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Li
bera
tion
App
endi
x 7
5
85
Int
Rig
ht th
at’s
goo
d
86
Bet
ty
I’m
not
car
ryin
g an
y gu
ilt fe
elin
gs a
roun
d w
ith m
e or
any
thin
g so
yea
h it’
s goo
d N
o lo
nger
car
ryin
g fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lt It’
s goo
d
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Libe
ratio
n
87
Int
Gre
at (.
) do
you
thin
k er
m (1
) the
fact
that
you
wer
e in
an
envi
ronm
ent w
here
as y
ou sa
id y
ours
elf
othe
r peo
ple
wer
e ta
lkin
g ab
out y
our k
now
ver
y di
ffic
ult l
ife e
xper
ienc
es so
me
very
you
kno
w
very
mov
ing
88
Bet
ty
Yes
89
Int
You
use
d th
e te
rm h
eart
rend
ing
expe
rienc
es (.
) do
you
thin
k ho
w th
at h
ow th
at h
ow d
o yo
u th
ink
that
affe
cted
you
?
90
Bet
ty
Wel
l I th
ink
beca
use
we
wer
e so
rt of
(.) a
lthou
gh w
e’d
all g
ot d
iffer
ent e
xper
ienc
es w
e w
ere
sort
of in
the
sam
e si
tuat
ion
in a
way
and
it m
ade
it ea
sier
to ta
lk a
nd k
now
ing
that
you
was
n’t t
he o
nly
one
who
was
bei
ng e
mot
iona
l and
it fe
lt a
very
safe
pla
ce to
be
All
in th
e sa
me
situ
atio
n M
ade
it ea
sier
to ta
lk
Felt
very
safe
Supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Abl
e to
be
open
Fe
lt sa
fe
Supp
ort
91
Int
Hm
m h
mm
goo
d go
od (.
) you
wer
e fu
ll of
pra
ise
for P
ip T
ony
and
Jo
92
B
etty
Y
es
Full
of p
rais
e fo
r fa
cilit
ator
s V
ery
supp
ortiv
e fa
cilit
atio
n Su
ppor
t
93
Int
Can
you
thin
k of
any
thin
g th
at th
ey (.
) tha
t the
y di
d I m
ean
you
mig
ht n
ot b
e ab
le to
ans
wer
this
qu
estio
n be
caus
e I t
hink
ther
e’s i
s jus
t som
ethi
ng a
bout
the
way
they
wer
e ra
ther
than
wha
t the
y di
d
94
Bet
ty
I thi
nk it
’s th
e w
ay th
ey w
ere
but t
hey’
re v
ery
sens
itive
Fa
cilit
ator
s wer
e ve
ry
sens
itive
V
ery
supp
ortiv
e fa
cilit
atio
n Su
ppor
t
95
Int
Rig
ht
96
B
etty
A
nd v
ery
gent
le e
rr b
ut v
ery
good
at d
raw
ing
out w
hat y
ou w
ant t
o sa
y bu
t not
put
ting
wor
ds in
to
your
mou
th
Ver
y ge
ntle
faci
litat
ion
Gav
e yo
u fr
eedo
m to
ex
pres
s you
rsel
f
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Supp
ort
97
Int
Rig
ht o
k go
od g
ood
erm
98
Bet
ty
But
ver
y ex
perie
nced
and
you
kno
w it
’s th
e ca
re (.
) you
kno
w im
med
iate
ly th
at th
ey re
ally
car
e ab
out p
eopl
e V
ery
expe
rienc
ed
faci
litat
ion
Faci
litat
ors r
eally
car
ed
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Supp
ort
99
Int
Rig
ht o
k th
at c
omes
thro
ugh
10
0 B
etty
Y
eah
10
1 In
t G
ood
good
(1) s
o ba
sica
lly it
’s h
ad a
pos
itive
effe
ct w
hich
is st
ill p
ersi
stin
g to
this
day
has
it k
ind
of (.
) hav
e th
ose
erm
(1) h
as th
at k
ind
of e
ffect
(.) w
hat I
’m tr
ying
to g
et a
t is h
ow e
rm (.
) how
it
mig
ht h
ave
affe
ct o
n yo
ur li
fe o
n th
e w
ider
asp
ects
of y
our l
ife th
is fe
elin
g of
rele
ase
Posi
tive
effe
ct h
as
endu
red
Posi
tive
impa
ct
102
Bet
ty
Err I
thin
k (.)
now
I ca
n (.)
like
(.) w
hen
I wen
t out
(.) I
use
d to
feel
a b
it gu
ilty
som
etim
es y
ou
know
but
now
I do
n’t
Doe
sn’t
feel
gui
lty
whe
n sh
e go
es o
ut
Rel
ease
d fr
om
feel
ings
of g
uilty
Li
bera
tion
103
Int
You
mea
n w
hen
you
left
the
hous
e
104
Bet
ty
Yea
h ha
ving
tim
e fo
r mys
elf
Doe
sn’t
feel
gui
lty
havi
ng ti
me
for h
erse
lf R
elea
sed
from
fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lty
Libe
ratio
n
105
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
App
endi
x 7
6
106
Bet
ty
But
now
I fe
el fi
ne a
bout
it (.
) and
I kn
ow it
’s n
eces
sary
for m
e as
wel
l Fe
els f
ine
abou
t tak
ing
time
for h
erse
lf R
elea
sed
from
fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lty
Libe
ratio
n
107
Int
Hm
m h
mm
(.) g
ood
good
(3) s
o yo
u ta
lk a
bit
abou
t how
(2) i
n pr
epar
ing
for t
he w
orks
hop
in
prep
arin
g yo
ur st
ory
you
look
ed b
ack
at p
hoto
s so
did
that
pro
cess
hel
p yo
u to
kin
d of
com
e to
a
diffe
rent
und
erst
andi
ng o
r a d
iffer
ent s
ee th
ings
in a
diff
eren
t lig
ht p
erha
ps?
Seei
ng p
ast d
iffer
ently
Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g
108
Bet
ty
Wel
l I th
ink
it m
ade
me
real
ise
that
(.) I
’ve
had
to b
e st
rong
ove
r the
yea
rs a
s a si
ngle
par
ent (
.) an
d I (
.) I m
ean
as y
ou k
now
I’ve
got
thre
e ch
ildre
n to
my
ex-h
usba
nd (.
) I m
et A
ndre
w’s
fath
er (.
) and
on
the
day
he w
as d
ue to
go
back
to h
is o
wn
hous
e (in
audi
ble)
I to
ld h
im a
bout
his
gam
blin
g an
d he
had
a b
reak
dow
n an
d it
was
onl
y th
en th
at
Rea
lised
that
she’
s had
to
be
stro
ng a
s a si
ngle
pa
rent
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
109
Int
Rig
ht
11
0 B
etty
O
nly
then
that
I fo
und
he’d
got
a h
isto
ry o
f men
tal i
llnes
s him
self
11
1 In
t R
ight
112
Bet
ty
But
I us
ed to
take
them
aw
ay o
n ho
liday
s mys
elf a
nd I
used
to h
aulin
g al
l lug
gage
trav
ellin
g on
the
coac
h yo
u kn
ow a
nd w
alki
ng ju
st m
anag
ing
it al
l (.)
peop
le u
sed
to sa
y yo
u’re
a st
rong
per
son
and
I nev
er u
sed
to b
elie
ve th
em
113
Int
Ok
ok
11
4 B
etty
B
ut lo
okin
g ba
ck I
mus
t hav
e ha
d to
be
pret
ty st
rong
and
that
rein
forc
ed th
at fo
r me
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g of
se
lf vi
ew b
ased
on
past
ev
ents
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
115
Int
Rig
ht o
k ok
so ri
ght
11
6 B
etty
A
nd so
it g
ave
me
a bi
t mor
e se
lf be
lief a
ctua
lly
Gav
e m
e m
ore
self
belie
f Im
prov
ed se
lf be
lief
Libe
ratio
n
117
Int
Rig
ht o
k (.)
so it
’s q
uite
sign
ifica
nt th
en w
ell y
eah
11
8 B
etty
C
os w
ell (
.) yo
u kn
ow I
just
took
them
all
over
(.) l
ike
I mad
e su
re th
ey g
ot o
n ho
liday
eve
ry to
ei
ther
Ske
gnes
s or S
carb
orou
gh
119
Int
Rig
ht o
k
120
Bet
ty
In a
car
avan
hol
iday
you
kno
w b
ut a
t lea
st w
e go
t aw
ay
12
1 In
t Y
eah
yeah
122
Bet
ty
And
they
got
the
brea
k th
ey n
eede
d
123
Int
Hm
m h
mm
(.) s
o er
m h
uhh
you
mig
ht n
ot b
e ab
le to
ans
wer
this
but
erm
a b
ig p
art o
f you
r m
otiv
atio
n w
as tr
ying
to te
ll yo
ur st
ory
so th
at it
can
hel
p ot
her y
ou k
now
oth
er p
eopl
e
124
Bet
ty
Hm
m
12
5 In
t D
o yo
u w
heth
er th
at’s
hap
pene
d?
12
6 B
etty
I d
on’t
know
cos
I ha
ven’
t had
any
feed
back
127
Int
Oh
ok
12
8 B
etty
I d
on’t
know
whe
ther
any
body
’s se
en th
e st
ory
err I
hav
en’t
had
any
feed
back
abo
ut th
at
12
9 In
t O
k
130
Bet
ty
I do
know
we
had
that
pre
sent
atio
n
131
Int
Yea
h ye
ah th
e la
unch
eve
nt
13
2 B
etty
Th
e la
unch
eve
nt b
ut a
part
from
that
I do
n’t w
heth
er it
’s b
een
used
or w
heth
er
13
3 In
t R
ight
righ
t ok
beca
use
I kno
w I
don’
t kno
w a
bout
all
the
stor
ies I
kno
w R
ethi
nk h
ave
used
som
e of
App
endi
x 7
7
the
stor
ies i
n th
eir t
rain
ing
and
I kno
w L
yn u
sed
her s
tory
in a
pat
ient
safe
ty th
ing
(.) it
’s
som
ethi
ng m
ean
to lo
ok in
to b
ut e
rr
134
Bet
ty
I wou
ld b
e ni
ce to
kno
w th
at it
had
bee
n us
ed th
at so
meb
ody
had
bene
fitte
d fr
om it
W
ould
be
nice
to k
now
th
at st
orie
s wer
e be
ing
used
and
that
peo
ple
bene
fited
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
impo
rtant
U
tility
of s
torie
s
135
Int
I’m
sure
it h
as w
ell w
e ha
d th
e la
unch
and
you
kno
w o
bvio
usly
I’m
no
long
er in
that
job
but
thro
ugh
the
laun
ch e
vent
and
act
ually
pro
duci
ng C
Ds w
hich
can
be
sent
out
to so
that
som
ethi
ng I
kind
of n
eed
to fo
llow
up
on
136
Bet
ty
Bec
ause
I m
ean
Lyn’
s sto
ry w
as h
orrif
ic w
ith th
e br
eakd
own
betw
een
(.) y
ou k
now
var
ious
se
rvic
es b
ut (.
) if l
ike
me
you’
re n
ew in
to m
enta
l hea
lth a
s a c
arer
it’s
crit
ical
that
(.) t
hey
act
corr
ectly
the
first
tim
e
137
Int
Hm
m m
m
13
8 B
etty
Er
r par
ticul
arly
whe
n a
pers
on is
not
kno
wn
to th
em a
nd th
ey sh
ould
take
not
ice
of th
e ca
rer c
os
the
care
r kno
ws t
hat p
erso
n be
st
139
Int
Hm
m m
m m
m y
eah
so a
nd I
thin
k w
ith th
e st
orie
s bei
ng o
n th
e w
ebsi
te p
eopl
e w
ill lo
ok a
t the
m
14
0 B
etty
M
mm
141
Int
Bec
ause
you
do
know
they
go
on th
e w
ebsi
te p
artic
ular
ly w
ith e
mm
wel
l you
mig
ht n
ot k
now
ac
tual
ly b
ut P
ip a
nd T
ony
won
an
awar
d
142
Bet
ty
I kno
w th
ey w
ere
up fo
r one
143
Int
The
BM
J aw
ard
14
4 B
etty
D
id th
ey w
in it
145
Int
Yes
146
Bet
ty
Ohh
bril
liant
I’m
real
ly I
won
dere
d I k
ept w
onde
ring
how
they
’d g
one
on c
os sh
e sa
id a
nybo
dy’s
w
elco
me
to c
ome
who
wan
ts to
but
I di
dn’t
fanc
y go
ing
dow
n to
Lon
don
on m
y ow
n an
d no
one
el
se w
as g
oing
as f
ar a
s I k
now
147
Int
Yea
h ye
ah so
that
giv
es th
em y
ou k
now
that
’s o
bvio
usly
a v
ery
high
pro
file
pres
tigio
us a
war
d so
m
ore
peop
le w
ill lo
ok a
t the
web
site
and
will
look
at t
he st
orie
s
148
Bet
ty
Ohh
I’m
real
ly p
leas
e th
ey g
ot it
yea
h th
ey d
eser
ve to
Fa
cilit
ator
s des
erve
d to
w
in a
war
d V
ery
supp
ortiv
e fa
cilit
atio
n Su
ppor
t
149
Int
Yea
h an
d I k
now
erm
on
the
back
of w
hat L
yn d
id (.
) at t
he p
atie
nt sa
fety
ther
e w
as so
meb
ody
from
the
depa
rtmen
t of h
ealth
who
you
kno
w w
as re
ally
impr
esse
d w
ith th
e st
orie
s and
says
can
I us
e th
ese
stor
ies
150
Bet
ty
Yea
h go
od
15
1 In
t So
yes
(.) s
o ge
nera
lly y
ou fe
el a
lot b
ette
r (la
ught
er)
15
2 B
etty
Y
es I
do (l
augh
ter)
G
ener
ally
feel
s a lo
t be
tter n
ow
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Libe
ratio
n
153
Int
and
hope
fully
the
stor
ies a
re b
eing
use
d yo
u fe
el it
was
a v
ery
supp
ortiv
e en
viro
nmen
t tha
t tha
t yo
u w
ere
in e
rm (.
) so
all v
ery
posi
tive
real
ly a
re th
ere
any
kind
of n
egat
ive
thin
gs a
bout
it
154
Bet
ty
I don
’t th
ink
ther
e ar
e ac
tual
ly (.
) no
I did
n’t f
ind
I cou
ldn’
t fin
d an
ythi
ng n
egat
ive
abou
t it
No
nega
tives
G
ood
expe
rienc
e Li
bera
tion
155
Int
Rig
ht (l
augh
ter)
App
endi
x 7
8
156
Bet
ty
(Lau
ghte
r) y
ou k
now
me
I’d
have
spok
en a
bout
it (l
augh
ter)
any
thin
g ne
gativ
e
157
Int
Yea
h ye
ah so
erm
that
’s re
ally
(.) w
e’ve
cov
ered
an
awfu
l lot
ther
e an
d m
any
of th
e th
ings
you
’ve
said
hav
e be
en re
ally
real
ly q
uite
per
tinen
t and
ver
y re
leva
nt is
ther
e an
ythi
ng e
lse
that
com
es to
m
ind
158
Bet
ty
No
the
only
thin
g is
I w
ould
enc
oura
ge a
nybo
dy w
ho g
ot th
e ch
ance
to d
o it
Wou
ld e
ncou
rage
oth
er
to d
o a
stor
y
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
Libe
ratio
n
159
Int
Hm
m h
mm
160
Bet
ty
It’s r
eally
wor
th d
oing
R
eally
wor
th d
oing
G
ood
expe
rienc
e Li
bera
tion
161
Int
Yea
h ye
ah I
supp
ose
one
of th
e ot
her t
hing
s abo
ut it
is (.
) is t
he w
ay th
at it
com
bine
s the
se
diffe
rent
thin
gs (.
) you
’ve
kind
of g
ot p
eopl
e ge
tting
toge
ther
in a
gro
up su
ppor
ting
each
oth
er
shar
ing
eith
er si
mila
r sto
ries o
r sim
ilar s
ort o
f em
otio
nal c
onte
nt a
nd th
en y
ou’v
e go
t the
kin
d of
th
e m
ain
the
writ
ing
your
ow
n st
ory
prod
ucin
g th
at a
nd th
e di
gita
l sid
e of
thin
gs p
rodu
cing
so
met
hing
that
you
can
show
162
Bet
ty
And
we
all b
onde
d in
the
grou
p A
ll bo
nded
as a
gro
up
Supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Libe
ratio
n 16
3 In
t R
ight
righ
t ok
16
4 B
etty
W
hich
was
goo
d th
ere
was
that
bon
d be
twee
n al
l of u
s you
kno
w
Gro
up su
ppor
t Su
ppor
tive
grou
p Li
bera
tion
165
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k ye
ah w
ell I
thin
k th
at is
impo
rtant
so (.
) hav
e yo
u us
ed y
our s
tory
hav
e yo
u sh
own
it to
fam
ily o
r
166
Bet
ty
I sho
wn
it to
peo
ple
err w
ell o
ur c
urat
es se
en it
at c
hurc
h an
d tw
o or
thre
e fr
iend
s and
(.) i
n fa
ct I
wro
te so
me
note
s dow
n ab
out i
t but
unf
ortu
nate
ly I
have
n’t g
ot th
em in
this
bag
Sh
own
it to
cur
ate
at
chur
ch a
nd a
few
fr
iend
s
Hel
ped
her t
o sh
are
stor
y Su
ppor
t
167
Int
Abo
ut th
eir r
espo
nse
to it
168
Bet
ty
Wha
t the
y th
ough
t yea
h an
d ho
w it
’s m
oved
them
Th
ey fo
und
it m
ovin
g U
tility
of s
torie
s U
tility
of s
torie
s 16
9 In
t Y
eah
17
0 B
etty
Er
r it e
rr (.
) wel
l the
cur
ate
it m
ade
her c
ry w
hen
I sai
d th
e on
ly ti
me
I can
real
ly re
lax
is w
hen
I ge
t aw
ay fr
om h
ome
that
mad
e he
r cry
O
ther
s fou
nd st
ory
mov
ing
Pow
er o
f sto
ry
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
171
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
17
2 B
etty
Er
r (.)
and
they
wer
e al
l agh
ast t
hat s
ervi
ces c
ould
wro
ng li
ke th
ey d
id
Oth
ers s
hock
ed b
y st
ory
Pow
er o
f sto
ry
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
173
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght y
eah
has i
t hel
ped
you
to (.
) kin
d of
shar
e yo
ur st
ory
in o
ther
way
s (.)
just
may
be b
eing
m
ore
open
abo
ut w
hat’s
hap
peni
ng
174
Bet
ty
Oh
a lo
t mor
e op
en a
bout
wha
t hap
pens
with
in in
men
tal h
ealth
I do
n’t h
esita
te to
say
I’m
a c
arer
fo
r som
eone
’s w
ho’s
men
tally
ill
Hel
ped
her t
o be
mor
e op
en a
bout
men
tal
heal
th a
nd se
rvic
es
Impr
oved
self
conf
iden
ce
Libe
ratio
n
175
Int
And
has
that
cha
nged
bec
ause
you
’re
obvi
ousl
y ve
ry in
volv
ed in
176
Bet
ty
Yea
h it
has c
hang
ed in
that
(.) e
rr (.
) at o
ne ti
me
if pe
ople
had
com
e ba
ck w
ith so
met
hing
neg
ativ
e I w
ould
hav
e ju
st sh
ut u
p
177
Int
Rig
ht
17
8 B
etty
A
nd I
chal
leng
e th
at n
ow a
nd sa
y it
coul
d ha
ppen
to a
nyon
e M
ore
conf
iden
t to
chal
leng
e ot
her p
eopl
e re
thei
r opi
nion
s on
men
tal i
llnes
s
Impr
oved
self
conf
iden
ce
Libe
ratio
n
App
endi
x 7
9
179
Int
Ok
ok if
they
wer
e be
ing
nega
tive
abou
t And
rew
180
Bet
ty
Yea
h be
caus
e th
e st
igm
a is
still
ther
e
181
Int
Mm
mm
oh
yes y
eah
yeah
and
it so
unds
like
you
’re
tack
ling
it on
an
indi
vidu
al b
asis
182
Bet
ty
So w
hen
anyb
ody
talk
s abo
ut a
nybo
dy w
hose
men
tally
ill c
os th
ey’v
e se
en so
met
hing
in a
pr
ogra
mm
e
183
Int
Rig
ht o
k
184
Bet
ty
I say
yes
but
that
’s m
edia
exp
loita
tion
and
ther
e’s t
hous
ands
who
are
men
tally
ill a
nd th
ey g
o ou
t an
d th
ey d
o an
ybod
y an
y ha
rm
Mor
e co
nfid
ent /
as
serti
ve re
. tac
klin
g st
igm
a
Impr
oved
self
conf
iden
ce
Libe
ratio
n
185
Int
Yes
yea
h ye
ah (1
) so
over
all q
uite
a e
rr q
uite
a tr
ansf
orm
ativ
e pr
oces
s
186
Bet
ty
Yes
yes
Tr
ansf
orm
ativ
e pr
oces
s Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Li
bera
tion
187
Int
Ok
does
that
cov
er e
very
thin
g?
18
8 B
etty
I t
hink
it d
oes d
oesn
’t it?
(lau
ghte
r) I
thin
k it
does
mar
k. I
can’
t thi
nk o
f any
thin
g el
se
18
9 In
t R
ight
190
Bet
ty
Just
that
it’d
be
nice
to k
eep
in to
uch
with
them
eve
ryon
e at
som
e po
int e
rr I
know
Pip
and
Ton
y ar
e ho
ping
ther
e m
ight
be
a re
unio
n co
s the
re is
that
bon
d W
ould
be
nice
to k
eep
in to
uch
with
gro
up a
nd
faci
litat
ors
191
Int
Yes
it’s
som
ethi
ng th
at e
rm
19
2 B
etty
A
nd w
ere
not v
ery
none
of u
s bec
ause
we’
re so
bus
y ar
e go
ing
to k
eep
in to
uch
with
one
ano
ther
yo
u k
now
N
ot k
ept i
n to
uch
193
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
19
4 B
etty
W
ell a
fter c
os th
ere
is ju
st so
muc
h ha
ppen
ing
in li
fe
19
5 In
t Y
eah
it’s d
iffic
ult t
o m
ake
that
ext
ra ti
me
19
6 B
etty
Y
eah
it is
197
Int
Cos
I kn
ow it
’s so
met
hing
that
Tin
a sa
id y
ou k
now
the
thin
gs sh
e sa
id (1
) with
you
rsel
f Lyn
and
he
r tha
t you
wer
e ve
ry su
ppor
tive
of e
ach
othe
r and
err
198
Bet
ty
Yes
we
wer
e V
ery
supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
grou
p Su
ppor
t
199
Int
Cos
in so
me
way
s you
r circ
umst
ance
s are
wel
l I g
uess
you
’ve
all c
ared
or b
een
carin
g fo
r
200
Bet
ty
Yes
I th
ink
we’
ve a
ll ca
red
for o
ur so
ns b
asic
ally
yea
h
201
Int
Yes
ok
I’ll
stop
ther
e (.)
than
k yo
u
Cla
re tr
ansc
ript
ana
lysi
s
Sec
tion
Firs
t ord
er c
odin
g Se
cond
ord
er
codi
ng
Inte
rvie
w th
emes
1 In
t So
bas
ical
ly th
e fir
st q
uest
ion
is h
ow d
id y
ou fi
nd th
e pr
oces
s ove
rall?
2 C
lare
O
hh (l
augh
ter)
3 In
t (la
ught
er) T
here
are
mor
e sp
ecifi
c qu
estio
ns la
ter b
ut th
at ju
st a
gen
eral
one
App
endi
x 7
10
4 C
lare
Er
m I
thin
k it
was
one
of t
he b
est t
hing
s I’v
e ev
er d
one
in m
y lif
e (.)
it’s
one
of t
he b
est (
.) ru
n or
gani
sed
supp
orte
d gr
oups
I’ve
eve
r bee
n in
(1) t
hey
wer
e ve
ry v
ery
umm
(.) c
onsc
ient
ious
abo
ut
how
peo
ple
felt
(.) th
ey w
ere
very
hig
hly
prof
essi
onal
abo
ut w
hat t
hey
wer
e do
ing
and
yet v
ery
appr
oach
able
peo
ple
that
ran
it so
ove
rall
it w
as ju
st b
rillia
nt re
ally
(.) a
goo
d ex
perie
nce
One
of t
he b
est t
hing
s I’
ve e
ver d
one
Exce
llent
faci
litat
ion
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
Bril
liant
exp
erie
nce
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t V
ery
good
ex
perie
nce
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at ti
me
5 In
t R
ight
that
’s g
reat
(.) s
o er
m (1
) wha
t wer
e yo
ur re
ason
s for
taki
ng p
art i
n it?
6 C
lare
Er
m (.
) gos
h (2
) cos
you
ask
ed u
s (la
ught
er)
7
Int
(laug
hter
) bec
ause
I as
ked
you
too
8
Cla
re
No
beca
use
it so
unde
d lik
e a
very
goo
d id
ea y
ou to
ld m
e ab
out t
he p
atie
nt v
oice
s web
site
I re
ad
som
e th
ings
on
ther
e er
m a
nd th
en y
ou sa
id y
ou w
ere
look
ing
for m
oney
to d
o it
and
I sai
d I’
d de
finite
ly b
e in
tere
sted
(.) w
hy I
did
it I s
uppo
se e
rm (1
) I th
ink
I thi
nk I
just
kne
w a
t tha
t sta
ge
that
so m
any
thin
gs h
ad g
one
wro
ng w
ith Jo
e’s l
ife a
nd h
is d
eath
and
his
exp
erie
nce
of e
rr e
rr th
e ps
ychi
atric
(1) e
rr se
rvic
e (.)
that
I w
ante
d to
(.) u
npic
k it
all a
nd g
et it
toge
ther
and
err
and
I’d
got
back
repl
ies t
o m
y le
tters
of c
ompl
aint
and
stuf
f lik
e th
at a
nd (.
) I ju
st th
ough
t wel
l (.)
I nee
d to
go
som
ewhe
re e
lse
with
this
bec
ause
I to
ok th
e ro
ute
of n
ot b
lam
ing
any
parti
cula
r per
son
for w
hat
wen
t wro
ng b
ut (.
) to
say
(.) th
at le
sson
s nee
ded
to b
e le
arnt
so th
en h
avin
g be
en p
art o
f the
Sh
effie
ld H
ealth
and
Soc
ial C
are
(.) p
atie
nt fo
rum
or u
ser c
arer
foru
m I
then
wen
t on
to st
and
as
gove
rnor
and
cho
se th
at ro
ute
to d
o so
met
hing
abo
ut it
Wan
ted
to u
npic
k ci
rcum
stan
ces
surr
ound
ing
Joe’
s dea
th
Wan
ted
MH
serv
ices
to
lear
n fr
om Jo
e’s d
eath
Wan
ted
to m
ake
sens
e of
the
past
W
ante
d ot
hers
to
lear
n fr
om
mis
take
s
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e St
ory
bein
g us
ed
9 In
t H
mm
hm
m
10
C
lare
A
nd it
’s a
s par
t of t
hat t
hat I
end
ed u
p be
ing
on y
our
11
In
t Y
eah
yeah
12
Cla
re
In y
our m
eetin
gs w
hen
you
wer
e th
ere
and
doin
g it
and
it ju
st se
emed
like
a re
ally
real
ly g
ood
thin
g to
do
cos I
wan
ted
peop
le to
lear
n fr
om w
hat h
appe
ned
Wan
ted
MH
serv
ices
to
lear
n fr
om Jo
e’s d
eath
W
ante
d ot
hers
to
lear
n fr
om
mis
take
s
Stor
y be
ing
used
13
Int
Hm
m h
mm
14
Cla
re
And
oth
er p
eopl
e to
feel
that
they
‘re
not a
lone
if it
’s h
appe
ned
to th
em
15
In
t Y
eah
16
C
lare
O
r wha
teve
r but
mor
e th
an a
nyth
ing
I wan
ted
it to
reac
h do
wn
to p
eopl
e w
ho w
ork
at th
e gr
ass
root
s rat
her t
han
wha
t I’v
e fo
und
abou
t bei
ng a
gov
erno
r is y
ou’r
e w
orki
ng in
the
uppe
r ech
elon
s an
d at
stra
tegy
leve
l
Wan
ted
to re
ach
fron
tline
staf
f W
ante
d ot
hers
to
lear
n fr
om
mis
take
s
Stor
y be
ing
used
17
Int
Yea
h
18
Cla
re
And
I’m
not
hap
py a
t tha
t par
ticul
arly
I’d
rath
er b
e ch
angi
ng th
ings
at t
he g
rass
root
s
19
Int
Rig
ht
20
C
lare
Fo
r the
bet
ter i
f I c
an o
r if i
t nee
ds to
be
done
at a
ll W
ants
to im
prov
e M
H
serv
ices
W
ante
d ot
hers
to
lear
n fr
om
mis
take
s
Stor
y be
ing
used
21
Int
Yea
h ye
ah a
nd d
o yo
u th
ink
thos
e ex
pect
atio
ns h
ave
been
met
or a
re b
eing
met
?
22
Cla
re
Yea
h I m
ean
it’s (
.) th
e vi
deo
I cal
l it a
vid
eo b
ut it
’s a
DV
D re
ally
that
I m
ade
has b
een
used
twic
e (2
) the
firs
t tim
e I m
ean
it’s j
ust k
ind
of li
ke ri
pple
s out
of y
ou k
now
a p
ebbl
e be
ing
drop
ped
in a
po
ol is
n’t i
t
DV
D h
as b
een
used
tw
ice
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Stor
y be
ing
used
23
Int
Mm
m m
m
App
endi
x 7
11
24
Cla
re
The
first
(.) t
hing
that
hap
pene
d w
as th
at R
ethi
nk u
sed
in o
n a
day
with
(.) h
ealth
serv
ice
wor
kers
25
Int
Rig
ht o
k
26
Cla
re
And
ther
e’s a
ver
y go
od p
sych
iatri
st w
ho’s
com
e to
wor
k as
a c
onsu
ltant
psy
chia
trist
for t
he h
ealth
an
d so
cial
car
e fo
unda
tion
trust
and
Sim
on M
ullin
s and
he
(.) m
ade
an a
ppoi
ntm
ent t
o ta
lk to
the
gove
rnor
s and
it tu
rned
out
it w
as n
ot lo
ng a
fter t
his e
vent
(.) a
nd h
e w
as ju
st so
ove
rwhe
lmed
and
fu
ll of
this
thin
g th
e po
or b
loke
had
tear
s in
his e
yes
Con
sulta
nt p
sych
iatri
st
very
mov
ed b
y D
VD
Po
wer
ful s
tory
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Pow
erfu
l sto
ry
Stor
y be
ing
used
27
Int
Rig
ht
28
C
lare
O
f rem
embe
ring
abou
t wha
t was
in th
e vi
deo
and
wan
ted
to m
eet t
he c
arer
gov
erno
rs a
nd so
had
to
then
let o
ut it
was
act
ually
my
vide
o
29
Int
Um
m y
eah
30
C
lare
Er
m b
ut th
en th
e ot
her c
arer
gov
erno
rs c
hipp
ed in
with
thei
r sto
ries w
hich
hav
en’t
been
reco
rded
bu
t (.)
equa
lly v
alid
equ
ally
goo
d po
ints
that
they
had
to m
ake
and
so th
e gu
y le
arnt
a lo
t tha
t day
ju
st a
bout
wha
t it’s
like
to b
e a
care
r
Is h
elpe
d to
rais
e th
e pr
ofile
of c
arer
s with
in
SHSC
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Stor
y be
ing
used
31
Int
Mm
m
32
C
lare
So
that
was
nic
e be
caus
e he
’s tr
ying
ver
y ha
rd to
be
part
of th
e co
mm
unity
33
Int
Is h
e in
the
cris
is te
am?
34
C
lare
A
h er
r pos
sibl
y I c
an’t
rem
embe
r
35
Int
Any
way
ok
36
C
lare
B
ut h
e’s t
ryin
g ve
ry h
ard
to n
ot b
e st
uck
in a
hos
pita
l roo
m so
mew
here
but
to b
e ou
t in
the
com
mun
ity a
s muc
h as
pos
sibl
e
37
Int
Gre
at
38
C
lare
C
os th
at’s
whe
re th
at’s
whe
re th
e ex
perti
se is
nee
ded
if yo
u’re
goi
ng to
kee
p pe
ople
out
of h
ospi
tal
and
in th
e co
mm
unity
39
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
40
C
lare
Pe
ople
who
real
ly u
nder
stan
d w
hat i
t’s li
ke to
be
in th
e co
mm
unity
and
look
afte
r peo
ple
with
ps
ychi
atric
con
ditio
ns
41
Int
Yea
h
42
Cla
re
So
43
In
t So
it is
hav
ing
an im
pact
44
Cla
re
Yea
h th
e ne
xt th
ing
was
wha
t I’v
e ju
st d
one
yest
erda
y D
VD
is h
avin
g an
im
pact
St
ory
is h
avin
g an
ef
fect
St
ory
bein
g us
ed
45
Int
Ok
46
C
lare
Th
e pa
tient
err
(.) o
h w
hat w
as it
cal
led
47
In
t Sa
fety
48
Cla
re
Yea
h pa
tient
safe
ty e
vent
whi
ch w
as ru
n by
the
heal
th a
nd so
cial
car
e fo
unda
tion
trust
aga
in e
rr (.
) an
d th
ey u
sed
that
alo
ng w
ith a
key
note
spea
ker f
rom
the
depa
rtmen
t of h
ealth
err
they
use
d th
e vi
deo
too
to sa
y to
peo
ple
this
wha
t we’
re tr
ying
to so
rt th
is k
ind
of th
ing
DV
D is
hav
ing
an
impa
ct
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Stor
y be
ing
used
49
Int
Mm
mm
50
Cla
re
And
I sp
oke
to it
afte
rwar
ds a
nd e
rr w
ith T
ina
Bal
l and
the
wom
an fr
om th
e de
partm
ent o
f hea
lth
was
ver
y pl
ease
d to
kno
w a
bout
it c
ould
she
use
it D
VD
is h
avin
g an
im
pact
St
ory
is h
avin
g an
ef
fect
St
ory
bein
g us
ed
51
Int
Ah
right
App
endi
x 7
12
52
Cla
re
Yes
of c
ours
e yo
u ca
n us
e it
(laug
hter
) it’s
out
ther
e in
the
ethe
r for
any
body
to u
se it
any
body
that
ne
eds t
o yo
u kn
ow g
ive
som
e pe
ople
a d
ose
of re
ality
bas
ical
ly w
hen
you
get a
cade
mic
s the
y sh
uffle
pap
ers a
roun
d bu
t the
y m
ight
hav
e an
epi
sode
them
selv
es o
f som
e di
ffic
ulty
but
(.) n
ever
re
alis
ing
wha
t it’s
like
at t
he g
rass
root
s for
peo
ple
who
are
tryi
ng to
del
iver
serv
ices
goo
d se
rvic
es
DV
D is
hav
ing
an
impa
ct
Pow
erfu
l sto
ry
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Pow
erfu
l sto
ry
Stor
y be
ing
used
53
Int
Mm
mm
54
Cla
re
That
was
a g
ood
day
55
In
t G
ood
emm
(.) d
id y
ou a
ntic
ipat
e th
at it
wou
ld h
ave
a (.)
pos
itive
wel
l ah
ok y
ou sa
id it
was
a
brill
iant
day
so o
bvio
usly
that
bit
was
goo
d bu
t I’m
won
derin
g
56
Cla
re
Ver
y go
od
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at
time
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at ti
me
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at ti
me
57
Int
Rig
ht o
k bu
t did
you
ant
icip
ate
that
58
Cla
re
Err b
ut w
e w
ere
told
that
som
e pe
ople
wou
ld fe
el it
was
like
a c
atha
rtic
expe
rienc
e so
(1) i
n a
way
at
the
time
it di
dn’t
seem
like
that
it ju
st se
emed
as t
houg
h I’
d be
en (.
) gon
e th
roug
h he
ll an
d ba
ck
agai
n
Did
n’t f
eel c
atha
rtic
Felt
like
she’
d be
en to
he
ll an
d ba
ck
Not
got
clo
sure
V
ery
diff
icul
t pa
infu
l ex
perie
nce
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e St
ill st
rugg
ling
59
Int
Yea
h su
re
60
C
lare
Y
ou k
now
reliv
ed th
e w
hole
thin
g in
gre
at d
etai
l but
at t
he sa
me
time
beca
use
you’
re ta
lkin
g w
ith
like
min
ded
peop
le y
our i
t’s h
ard
to d
o it
but a
fterw
ards
you
kin
d of
(.) f
eel a
lot b
ette
r R
eliv
ed w
hole
ex
perie
nce
With
like
min
ded
peop
le
Felt
a lo
t bet
ter
afte
rwar
ds
Rel
ivin
g pa
st
Supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Posi
tive
impa
ct
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e G
ood
expe
rienc
e at
tim
e H
elpe
d he
r to
feel
be
tter
61
Int
Mm
m m
m
62
C
lare
W
heth
er (.
) erm
in th
e lo
ng te
rm it
’s h
ad th
e sa
me
effe
ct it
’s re
ally
har
d to
judg
e be
caus
e I
serio
usly
wen
t int
o de
clin
e fr
om S
epte
mbe
r to
Chr
istm
as w
hich
aga
in o
f cou
rse
is a
rele
vant
tim
e of
yea
r whe
n Jo
e w
as il
l and
late
r die
d er
m a
nd g
ettin
g th
roug
h th
at fi
rst C
hris
tmas
was
aw
ful s
o (.)
I di
dn’t
expe
ct to
be
hit w
ith th
at a
gain
this
yea
r las
t yea
r as i
t wer
e
Long
term
eff
ect i
s di
fficu
lt to
ass
ess
Wen
t int
o de
clin
e be
twee
n Se
pt a
nd D
ec
2009
– a
yea
r afte
r Joe
w
as il
l and
die
d –
hit
her v
ery
hard
Long
term
eff
ect
uncl
ear
Life
still
diff
icul
t
Still
stru
gglin
g
63
Int
Rig
ht
64
C
lare
Er
m a
nd I
was
and
so n
ow I’
m g
oing
to g
o an
d ge
t som
e m
ore
ther
apy
from
IAPT
and
it’s
take
n w
ell t
he fi
rst l
ette
r the
GP
wro
te w
as a
yea
r las
t Chr
istm
as (.
) I’v
e se
en so
meb
ody
who
just
doi
ng
som
e ve
ry lo
w le
vel
Saw
a lo
w in
tens
ity
IAPT
wor
ker
Still
nee
ds
ther
apy
Still
stru
gglin
g
65
Int
Yea
h ok
66
Cla
re
And
put
me
forw
ard
for t
he n
ext l
evel
up
(.) I’
ve c
ritic
ised
this
step
car
e m
odel
but
nev
er m
ind
err
(.) a
nd I’
d ob
viou
sly
been
forg
otte
n or
they
wer
e ju
st so
snow
ed u
nder
with
it a
ll an
yway
in th
e en
d I w
ent t
hrou
gh th
e Pa
ls th
ing
67
Int
Rig
ht
App
endi
x 7
13
68
Cla
re
I don
’t kn
ow h
ow re
leva
nt th
is is
69
Int
Wel
l it’s
all
part
of y
our e
xper
ienc
e
70
Cla
re
It is
par
t of t
he e
xper
ienc
e th
at’s
follo
wed
on
from
71
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
72
C
lare
I d
idn’
t exp
ect t
o ne
ed to
acc
ess f
urth
er th
erap
y ju
st sp
ecifi
cally
on
Joe’
s thi
ngs m
aybe
for o
ther
th
ings
I do
n’t k
now
D
idn’
t exp
ect t
o ne
ed
furth
er th
erap
y to
dea
l w
ith Jo
e’s d
eath
Still
nee
ds
ther
apy
Still
stru
gglin
g
73
Int
Mm
mm
m
74
C
lare
B
ut I
did
feel
that
I di
d ne
ed to
in th
e en
d er
r em
it’s
not
gon
e aw
ay o
bvio
usly
and
I ph
oned
him
up
and
they
’ve
final
ly a
fter a
fortn
ight
pho
ned
me
back
and
off
ered
me
an a
ppoi
ntm
ent i
n A
pril
so
that
’s q
uite
a lo
ng ti
me
to w
ait f
or (.
) I m
ean
that
’s a
noth
er o
f my
criti
cism
s of w
hat h
appe
ned
to
Joe
Still
stru
ggle
to c
ome
to
term
s with
Joe’
s dea
th
Tryi
ng to
acc
ess m
ore
ther
apy
Not
got
clo
sure
St
ill st
rugg
ling
Still
nee
ds
ther
apy
Still
stru
gglin
g
75
Int
Sure
yes
76
Cla
re
Ther
e w
as n
o su
ppor
t giv
en to
us i
ts c
ome
from
gro
ups l
ike
your
car
ers g
roup
that
you
ran
and
othe
r peo
ple
in it
that
err
whi
ch is
ver
y us
eful
obv
ious
ly
Not
bee
n of
fere
d su
ppor
t N
ot h
ad m
uch
supp
ort
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e
77
Int
Mm
mm
78
Cla
re
But
yes
toug
h tim
e it
was
H
as h
ad a
toug
h tim
e H
as st
rugg
led
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e 79
In
t W
ell a
bsol
utel
y ye
ah b
ound
to b
e em
m (.
) so
(2) I
gue
ss th
e ne
xt q
uest
ion
is so
rt of
how
you
felt
durin
g th
e pr
oces
s whi
ch y
ou’v
e ki
nd o
f sai
d a
bit a
nd th
en a
fterw
ards
and
then
ove
r the
long
term
80
Cla
re
Mm
81
Int
Whi
ch y
ou’v
e to
uche
d on
a b
it ha
ven’
t you
82
Cla
re
I mea
n at
the
time
we
wer
e al
l in
bits
wer
en’t
we
I mea
n yo
u w
eren
’t th
ere
Ever
yone
was
in b
its
durin
g th
e w
orks
hop
V
diff
icul
t at t
ime
83
Int
I was
ther
e at
the
begi
nnin
g an
d th
e en
d an
d yo
u w
ere
smili
ng a
t bot
h po
ints
84
Cla
re
Oh
dear
err
(.) o
bvio
usly
you
talk
abo
ut th
ings
that
touc
h at
raw
ner
ves i
n ot
her p
eopl
e so
ther
e w
ere
peop
le (1
) lea
ving
the
room
in b
its e
rr e
m b
ut th
at w
as a
ll pa
rt of
supp
ortin
g ea
ch o
ther
Ta
lkin
g ab
out d
iffic
ult
expe
rienc
es
Diff
icul
t em
otio
nally
V
ery
upse
tting
Su
ppor
ted
each
oth
er
Rev
isiti
ng
diffi
cult
expe
rienc
es
Ver
y up
setti
ng
wor
ksho
p V
ery
supp
ortiv
e
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e G
ood
expe
rienc
e at
tim
e
85
Int
Yea
h
86
Cla
re
And
afte
rwar
ds sa
ying
I’m
ver
y so
rry
but (
.) I h
ope
it ha
sn’t
upse
t you
too
muc
h bu
t you
kno
w
Apo
logi
sed
for p
eopl
e ge
tting
ups
et
Apo
logi
sed
for
peop
le g
ettin
g up
set
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e
87
Int
Mm
mm
88
Cla
re
Erm
yes
(.) a
nd se
eing
wel
l I th
ink
for a
ll of
us w
e fo
und
havi
ng to
look
for (
.) th
e im
ages
to p
ut
with
the
voic
e ve
ry v
ery
hard
inde
ed I
mea
n I h
ad to
go
back
into
this
box
whe
re I’
ve p
ut a
ll th
e st
uff a
bout
Joe’
s dea
th a
nd th
e lit
tle m
emen
tos t
hat I
kep
t
Look
ing
for a
ppro
pria
te
imag
es w
as v
ery
hard
H
ad to
go
thro
ugh
mem
ento
s of J
oe &
st
uff a
bout
Joe’
s dea
th
Look
ing
thro
ugh
imag
es w
as h
ard
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e
89
Int
Mm
mm
App
endi
x 7
14
90
Cla
re
Erm
and
get
it a
ll ou
t aga
in I
coul
d cr
y no
w if
I al
low
ed m
ysel
f V
ery
upse
tting
V
ery
upse
tting
w
orks
hop
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e
91
Int
Mm
mm
92
Cla
re
But
I try
kee
p pr
ofes
sion
alis
m u
p (la
ught
er)
93
In
t W
ell (
laug
hter
) if y
ou n
eed
to c
ry c
ry
94
C
lare
(la
ught
er)
95
In
t I’
ve g
ot so
me
tissu
es
96
C
lare
Er
m e
hh (1
) yes
it (.
) was
(.) r
eally
toug
h on
all
of u
s (1)
I th
ink
(.) b
ut th
ere
wer
e th
ree
of u
s the
re
ther
e w
as T
ina
and
Mau
reen
V
ery
upse
tting
V
ery
toug
h Su
ppor
ting
each
oth
er
Ver
y up
setti
ng
wor
ksho
p
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e G
ood
expe
rienc
e at
tim
e
97
Int
Yea
h
98
Cla
re
Mau
reen
’s in
was
in y
our g
roup
99
Int
Yea
h
100
Cla
re
And
we
wer
e re
ally
err
apa
rt fr
om b
eing
par
t of a
stro
ng g
roup
real
ly su
ppor
ted
each
oth
er b
ut o
n a
sim
ilar k
ind
of a
them
e as
it w
ere
Stro
ng g
roup
V
ery
supp
ortiv
e
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at ti
me
101
Int
Yea
h su
re y
eah
10
2 C
lare
So
(.) y
ou k
now
Mau
reen
gav
e m
e th
e tit
le fo
r min
e be
caus
e by
then
I co
uldn
’t th
ink
anym
ore
(laug
hter
) H
elpe
d ea
ch o
ther
Ex
haus
ting
proc
ess
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
Exha
ustin
g pr
oces
s
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at ti
me
V d
iffic
ult a
t tim
e 10
3 In
t R
ight
104
Cla
re
At t
he e
nd o
f it
10
5 In
t R
ight
sure
106
Cla
re
Erm
and
put
ting
the
mus
ic to
it w
as e
rr m
usic
’s o
ne o
f the
thin
gs w
hich
real
ly h
olds
me
toge
ther
an
d er
r tha
t was
that
was
nic
e th
at w
as th
e be
st b
it ac
tual
ly c
os it
just
felt
as th
ough
you
wer
e co
mpl
etin
g it
Enjo
yed
com
plet
ing
stor
y, a
ddin
g m
usic
En
joye
d co
mpl
etin
g st
ory
Goo
d ex
perie
nce
at ti
me
107
Int
Rig
ht
10
8 C
lare
A
nd y
ou th
ink
wel
l I h
ope
I’ve
man
aged
to p
ut th
at in
a b
ox a
nd fi
nish
ed w
ith it
now
but
of c
ours
e no
thin
g’s t
hat s
impl
e (la
ught
er)
Thin
k yo
u’ve
got
cl
osur
e B
ut n
othi
ng’s
that
si
mpl
e
Thin
k yo
u’ve
got
cl
osur
e B
ut st
ill
stru
gglin
g
Still
stru
gglin
g
109
Int
No
no
11
0 C
lare
B
ut it
was
bet
ter
But
feel
s bet
ter a
bout
pa
st
Feel
s bet
ter a
bout
pa
st
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r 11
1 In
t A
nd th
e m
usic
’s th
e fin
al b
it
112
Cla
re
Mm
(.) c
hose
som
e m
usic
fit t
hat t
o th
e (in
audi
ble)
113
Int
So is
ther
e a
kind
of s
ense
of y
ou h
avin
g to
face
you
r dem
ons t
hrou
gh th
is c
os y
ou ta
lk a
bout
you
kn
ow re
livin
g di
ffic
ult e
xper
ienc
es (.
) and
obv
ious
ly y
ou c
ome
out w
ell y
ou a
lway
s com
e ou
t the
ot
her s
ide
App
endi
x 7
15
114
Cla
re
Dem
ons (
.) I s
uppo
se th
e de
mon
s are
feel
ing
guilt
y Fa
cing
dem
on o
f fe
elin
g of
gui
lty
Still
feel
s gui
lty
Still
stru
gglin
g
115
Int
Rig
ht
11
6 C
lare
Y
ou’r
e in
you
’re
split
it’s
like
I w
as a
teac
her s
o if
anyt
hing
kic
ks o
ff in
the
clas
sroo
m o
r a k
id
thro
ws u
p yo
ur p
rofe
ssio
nalis
m k
icks
in a
nd y
ou st
ay c
alm
and
act
ually
und
erne
ath
you
mig
ht n
ot
be li
ke th
at a
t all
and
it’s k
ind
of li
ke th
at (.
) I’m
doi
ng th
ings
like
this
like
yes
terd
ay a
nd p
uttin
g on
the
prof
essi
onal
fron
t whe
n ac
tual
ly u
nder
neat
h w
hat i
t’s c
ost m
e ha
s sev
eral
nig
hts b
ad sl
eep
(.) I
mea
n I w
as a
wak
e fo
r hou
rs a
nd h
ours
and
hou
rs la
st n
ight
hav
ing
done
I m
ean
plea
sed
I’d
done
wha
t I’d
don
e
Hig
h co
st o
f fac
ing
past
St
ill st
rugg
ling
with
pas
t St
ill st
rugg
ling
117
Int
Yea
h
118
Cla
re
Yes
terd
ay b
ut a
ctua
lly re
livin
g it
Hig
h co
st o
f rel
ivin
g pa
st
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
119
Int
Yea
h
120
Cla
re
And
and
tryi
ng to
wor
k ou
t all
the
time
why
do
I fee
l lik
e th
is w
here
’s th
is c
ome
from
? (.)
and
ra
tiona
lly y
ou k
now
you
don
’t fe
el g
uilty
and
shou
ldn’
t fee
l gui
lty b
ut a
ctua
lly (.
) it k
eeps
bu
bblin
g th
roug
h th
e cr
acks
aga
in th
at y
ou’v
e pa
pere
d ov
er a
nd y
ou d
o fe
el in
cred
ibly
gui
lty so
th
ose
are
the
dem
ons t
hat o
ne k
eeps
tryi
ng to
cop
e w
ith re
ally
Tryi
ng to
wor
k ou
t why
sh
e fe
els l
ike
she
does
R
atio
nally
shou
ld b
e fin
e, b
ut is
n’t
Still
feel
ing
incr
edib
ly
guilt
y
Still
feel
s gui
lty
Con
fuse
d by
fe
elin
gs
Still
stru
gglin
g H
elpe
d he
r to
feel
be
tter
121
Int
Mm
yea
h
122
Cla
re
Not
so m
uch
the
Trus
t but
the
fact
that
the
wor
k as
a g
over
nor k
eeps
(.) p
ullin
g th
ings
up
Her
wor
k ke
eps t
akin
g he
r bac
k in
to h
er p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
123
Int
Rig
ht o
k so
you
’re
havi
ng to
go
back
thro
ugh
it ag
ain
and
agai
n yo
u ca
n’t j
ust
12
4 C
lare
In
a w
ay y
es
Hav
ing
to g
o ov
er
even
ts a
gain
and
aga
in
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
125
Int
Leav
e it
at re
st
12
6 C
lare
an
d th
e th
e (.)
I th
ink
one
thin
g th
at’s
err
no
I don
’t th
ink
I can
say
it’s t
hat e
xper
ienc
e th
at’s
mad
e (1
) the
cha
nge
but I
thin
k th
e po
st tr
aum
a ty
pe st
uff w
here
(.) I
’d b
e in
a m
eetin
g (.)
I w
as in
a
mee
ting
abou
t nut
ritio
n th
is li
ttle
grou
p go
ing
so I’
m n
ebbi
ng in
on
thei
r bus
ines
s and
erm
(.) t
his
is in
the
Trus
t and
they
’re
just
talk
ing
abou
t (.)
wel
l I’m
sayi
ng y
ou’v
e go
t to
alw
ays a
pply
this
to
peop
le in
the
com
mun
ity a
fter a
ll th
ey’r
e try
ing
to k
eep
peop
le in
the
com
mun
ity a
nd n
ot ju
st y
ou
can’
t jus
t tal
k ab
out p
eopl
e w
ho a
re a
ctua
lly re
side
nt h
ere
127
Int
Yea
h
128
Cla
re
Erm
you
’ve
got t
o ac
tual
ly th
ink
abou
t tho
se o
ut th
ere
as w
ell (
.) an
d yo
u kn
ow I
was
thin
king
ol
der p
eopl
e un
der n
utrit
ion
and
all t
he re
st o
f it a
nd th
ey w
ere
thin
king
yes
real
ly b
ad d
epre
ssio
n an
d th
at im
med
iate
ly to
ok m
e no
t to
som
e lit
tle o
ld la
dy I’
d go
t in
my
head
but
Joe
Still
kee
ps b
eing
re
min
ded
abou
t Joe
’s
illne
ss a
nd d
eath
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
129
Int
Yes
yea
h
130
Cla
re
And
how
ill h
e w
as a
nd th
in h
e go
t som
etim
es
Still
kee
ps b
eing
re
min
ded
abou
t Joe
’s
illne
ss a
nd d
eath
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
131
Int
Rig
ht
App
endi
x 7
16
132
Cla
re
And
so it
bub
bles
up
in th
ose
(.) it
’s c
onst
antly
regu
rgita
ting
and
I sup
pose
it’s
bet
ter n
ot to
bur
y it
but a
t the
sam
e tim
e it
pops
up
whe
n yo
u do
n’t w
ant i
t to
(laug
hter
) tha
t’s th
e th
ing
Mem
orie
s kee
p po
ppin
g up
whe
n sh
e do
esn’
t wan
t the
m to
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
133
Int
Yea
h
134
Cla
re
Espe
cial
ly la
te a
t nig
ht
Reo
ccur
ring
mem
orie
s la
te a
t nig
ht
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
stru
gglin
g
135
Int
Yea
h rig
ht
13
6 C
lare
So
in a
way
it’s
not
got
rid
of th
at b
ut it
is g
ettin
g be
tter a
nd I
thin
k th
at th
e st
oryt
ellin
g pr
obab
ly
was
par
t of t
hat
Not
got
clo
sure
but
ge
tting
bet
ter
Stor
ytel
ling
prob
ably
he
lped
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
But
get
ting
bette
r
Still
stru
gglin
g H
elpe
d he
r to
feel
be
tter
137
Int
Rig
ht o
k
138
Cla
re
Whi
ch is
why
I’m
als
o go
ing
to g
o ba
ck to
(.) b
ut th
e th
ing
abou
t the
stor
ytel
ling
is th
at if
I go
ba
ck in
to so
me
form
of t
hera
py si
tuat
ion
I can
just
tell
them
to g
o to
that
web
site
I do
n’t h
ave
to
talk
the
who
le th
ing
thro
ugh
agai
n
DV
D w
ill b
e us
eful
in
ther
apy
Hel
p he
r to
shar
e he
r st
ory
Hel
ping
her
shar
e he
r sto
ry
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r
139
Int
Rig
ht o
k ye
ah
14
0 C
lare
A
nd th
ey c
ould
get
the
gist
of i
t stra
ight
aw
ay w
ithou
t me
havi
ng to
say
this
is w
hat h
appe
ned
and
brin
g it
all b
ack
up a
gain
W
on’t
have
to re
tell
her
stor
y ag
ain
Hel
ping
her
shar
e he
r sto
ry
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r 14
1 In
t M
m m
m
14
2 C
lare
I m
ean
I will
talk
abo
ut it
obv
ious
ly b
ut I
wan
t get
bey
ond
that
poi
nt o
f hav
ing
to sp
end
a w
hole
se
ssio
n ex
plai
ning
wha
t it’s
all
abou
t
143
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
14
4 C
lare
So
in th
at w
ay it
s per
sona
lly to
me
it’s h
elpf
ul
Has
hel
ped
her
pers
onal
ly
Hel
ping
her
pe
rson
ally
H
elpe
d he
r to
feel
be
tter
145
Int
Mm
mm
mm
146
Cla
re
And
then
I’ve
show
n it
to m
y fa
mily
so it
was
hel
pful
to th
em I
had
my
boys
my
othe
r tw
o bo
ys
com
e ro
und
and
Joe’
s mat
e D
ave
and
thei
r girl
frie
nds a
nd th
ey a
nd w
e al
l sat
thro
ugh
it co
s afte
r I’
d do
ne it
I sa
id I
wan
t you
to k
now
that
this
is w
hat’s
hap
peni
ng a
nd th
is is
wha
t I’v
e do
ne a
nd
this
is w
hat i
t’s g
oing
to b
e us
ed fo
r and
I w
ant t
o kn
ow I
wan
t to
know
wha
t you
thin
k of
it
beca
use
I’ve
feel
I’ve
shou
lder
ed su
ch a
lot a
ll on
my
own
Show
n D
VD
to fa
mily
H
elpe
d he
r to
show
ho
w m
uch
she
has h
ad
to sh
ould
er o
n he
r ow
n
Hel
ping
her
shar
e he
r sto
ry
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r
147
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght m
m
14
8 C
lare
B
ecau
se I
don’
t tal
k to
them
abo
ut it
D
oesn
’t ta
lk to
fam
ily
abou
t it
149
Int
Mm
mm
150
Cla
re
They
’d g
et in
to a
terr
ible
stat
e er
m a
nd so
of c
ours
e th
ey sa
t wat
chin
g ab
solu
tely
in p
iece
s as y
ou’d
ex
pect
D
oesn
’t w
ant t
o up
set
them
151
Int
Mm
m m
m
15
2 C
lare
Er
m a
nd I
said
hav
e I e
xagg
erat
ed it
in a
ny w
ay?
Hav
e I d
isto
rted
the
stor
y? H
ave
I tol
d it
just
ehh
an
d th
ey sa
id n
o m
um th
at’s
just
exa
ctly
how
it w
as
They
val
idat
ed h
er
acco
unt
Hel
ped
her t
o ge
t su
ppor
t H
elpe
d he
r to
feel
be
tter
153
Int
Mm
mm
App
endi
x 7
17
154
Cla
re
So th
at w
as I
thin
k th
at’s
don
e th
em g
ood
and
out o
f tha
t mee
ting
we
are
now
in w
eeks
tim
e go
ing
back
to th
e Is
le o
f Whi
te w
here
I sc
atte
red
Joe’
s ash
es a
nd w
e’re
doi
ng li
ke a
mem
oria
l wal
k ag
ain
acro
ss th
e Te
nnis
on D
own
and
up to
the
Nee
dles
and
bac
k ag
ain
to w
here
we
scat
tere
d hi
s ash
es so
th
at’s
Stor
y ha
s hel
ped
fam
ily
Hel
ped
fam
ily to
co
me
to te
rms
with
Joe’
s dea
th
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r
155
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
15
6 C
lare
So
it’s
kin
d of
like
a li
ttle
ball
a ki
nd o
f litt
le th
ings
som
e lit
tle ri
pple
s and
big
ger r
ippl
es a
nd
com
ing
out o
f the
(.) a
nd y
ou’v
e ch
ucke
d it
in th
e w
ater
and
it’s
still
floa
ting
Stor
y is
hel
ping
in lo
ts
of d
iffer
ent w
ays
Stor
y is
hel
ping
in
lots
of d
iffer
ent
way
s
Stor
y be
ing
used
157
Int
So it
’s so
unds
like
in o
ne se
nse
(.) I
mea
n th
ere’
s a lo
t for
you
abo
ut sh
arin
g yo
ur st
ory
beca
use
of
your
wor
k as
a g
over
nor a
nd (.
) you
kno
w th
at’s
(.) k
ind
of re
gard
less
of t
he st
ory
that
’s k
ind
of
why
you
’re
a go
vern
or
158
Cla
re
Yes
159
Int
beca
use
you
had
carin
g re
spon
sibi
litie
s
160
Cla
re
Yea
h
161
Int
The
way
thin
gs tu
rned
out
you
’re
very
mot
ivat
ed to
impr
ove
serv
ices
as a
resu
lt bu
t the
n th
ere’
s al
so th
e el
emen
t aro
und
shar
ing
it in
you
r per
sona
l life
162
Cla
re
Yes
W
ants
to im
prov
e se
rvic
es
Wan
ts to
impr
ove
serv
ices
St
ory
bein
g us
ed
163
Int
Get
ting
supp
ort t
here
whe
reas
with
in se
rvic
es th
at c
an b
e di
fficu
lt fo
r you
H
elpe
d he
r to
get m
ore
supp
ort
Hel
ped
her t
o ge
t m
ore
supp
ort
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r 16
4 C
lare
Y
es y
eah
16
5 In
t A
lthou
gh b
enef
icia
l for
the
serv
ices
but
in y
our p
erso
nal l
ife th
ere
is m
ore
scop
e fo
r get
ting
supp
ort a
nd b
eing
und
erst
ood
I thi
nk
Hel
ping
fam
ily to
un
ders
tand
wha
t she
ha
s bee
n th
roug
h an
d is
st
ill g
oing
thro
ugh
Hel
ped
her t
o ge
t m
ore
supp
ort
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r
166
Cla
re
Yes
yes
167
Int
Is th
at fa
ir to
say
16
8 C
lare
Y
es th
at’s
fair
yeah
(lau
ghte
r) v
ery
good
169
Int
Erm
(2) I
thin
k yo
u’ve
cov
ered
so m
uch
actu
ally
170
Cla
re
(laug
hter
) pro
babl
y to
o m
uch
17
1 In
t (la
ughe
r) n
o no
I th
ink
you’
ve b
een
very
ver
y ye
ah v
ery
erm
cle
ar in
wha
t you
’ve
said
real
ly
beca
use
you
know
(.) t
he o
ther
que
stio
ns I’
ve g
ot h
ere
(.) y
ou’v
e re
ally
cov
ered
(.) m
ost o
f the
m (.
) re
ally
I m
ean
ther
e’s o
ther
(.) I
mea
n I k
ind
of sa
id h
alf w
ay a
n ho
ur k
ind
of it
s 19
min
utes
now
it
obvi
ousl
y do
esn’
t hav
e to
take
hal
f an
hour
that
’s w
as ju
st re
ally
my
shot
in th
e da
rk I
mea
n th
ere’
s thi
ngs h
ere
you
see
(.) a
s I sa
id th
ere’
s a k
ind
of a
erm
(.) y
ou k
now
I’ve
look
ed a
t the
th
eory
for t
his b
ut I
don’
t wan
t to
colo
ur y
ou sa
y by
sort
of sa
ying
wel
l did
this
hap
pen
172
Cla
re
Yes
yea
h m
m
17
3 In
t So
erm
174
Cla
re
I mea
n I t
hink
not
as a
resu
lt of
the
stor
ytel
ling
but a
s a re
sult
of b
eing
a g
over
nor I
’m w
atch
ing
the
suic
ide
err e
rr p
lan
stra
tegy
for r
educ
ing
suic
ide
and
they
’re
quite
hap
py w
ith th
ings
alm
ost
beca
use
it’s n
ot so
bad
in S
heff
ield
com
pare
d to
oth
er p
lace
s kin
d of
thin
g bu
t at t
he sa
me
time
App
endi
x 7
18
they
’re
begi
nnin
g to
be
awar
e th
at it
’s n
ot in
hou
se th
at th
e su
icid
es a
re h
appe
ning
it’s
out
in th
e co
mm
unity
and
the
mor
e th
at th
at’s
(.) s
o I’
m w
atch
ing
that
one
bec
ause
that
impi
nges
on
the
who
le e
xper
ienc
e as
wel
l so
175
Int
Yea
h ye
ah so
(.) I
’m ju
st th
inki
ng a
re th
ere
any
sort
of (.
) wou
ld y
ou li
ke to
try
and
sum
up
your
ex
perie
nce
and
the
impa
ct it
’s h
ad o
n yo
u
176
Cla
re
Ooh
h
177
Int
Or m
aybe
not
it’s
alri
ght y
ou d
on’t
have
to
17
8 C
lare
Er
mm
(.) I
thin
k do
ing
it ha
d a
mas
sive
impa
ct b
ut I
thin
k th
e im
pact
has
bee
n ot
her p
eopl
e ha
ve
wat
ched
it
Doi
ng it
had
a m
assi
ve
impa
ct
Has
had
an
impa
ct o
n au
dien
ces
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Pow
erfu
l sto
ry
Hel
ped
her t
o fe
el
bette
r St
ory
bein
g us
ed
179
Int
Rig
ht
18
0 C
lare
I m
ean
Tina
said
she
was
wat
chin
g ev
eryb
ody
whe
n th
e vi
deo
was
on
yest
erda
y an
d sh
e sa
id
abso
lute
ly e
very
body
was
utte
rly g
lued
to w
atch
ing
it be
caus
e w
ell i
t’s p
ower
ful a
nd it
says
a lo
t th
ings
abo
ut w
hat’s
hap
peni
ng in
the
com
mun
ity w
hen
you
try a
nd lo
ok a
fter p
eopl
e in
the
com
mun
ity so
Ver
y po
wer
ful s
tory
Po
wer
ful s
tory
St
ory
bein
g us
ed
181
Int
Mm
mm
182
Cla
re
Yea
h so
in th
at w
ay it
kin
d of
(.) y
ou k
now
(.) t
here
’s a
lot o
f peo
ple
at th
ese
sorts
of e
vent
s be
caus
e th
ey a
re th
ere
beca
use
they
hav
e to
be
ther
e no
t bec
ause
they
nec
essa
rily
alw
ays w
ant t
o ha
ve to
be
train
ed a
gain
but
they
kno
w th
at
183
Int
Yea
h rig
ht su
re
18
4 C
lare
So
in th
at w
ay th
ese
vide
o st
orie
s jus
t hav
e fa
r gre
ater
impa
ct th
an so
meb
ody
com
ing
up fr
om
Lond
on a
nd g
ivin
g a
spee
ch a
nd n
o m
atte
r how
goo
d an
d re
ally
with
it sh
e w
as a
nd re
ally
un
ders
tand
ing
of p
eopl
e’s w
here
they
’re
at in
thei
r wor
k lif
e an
d ev
eryt
hing
so y
eah
I mea
n it
has a
bi
g im
pact
that
’s th
e bi
gges
t thi
ng
The
bigg
est i
mpa
ct o
f th
e st
ory
has b
een
on
audi
ence
s
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an
effe
ct
Pow
erfu
l sto
ry
Stor
y be
ing
used
185
Int
Rig
ht
18
6 C
lare
It
has m
ore
impa
ct o
n ot
her p
eopl
e th
an p
ossi
ble
for m
e M
ore
impa
ct o
n ot
hers
th
an o
n he
rsel
f St
ory
is h
avin
g an
ef
fect
St
ill st
rugg
ling
with
life
Stor
y be
ing
used
St
ill st
rugg
ling
187
Int
Yea
h
188
Cla
re
But
I’ll
thin
k ab
out t
hat c
os I
can’
t rea
lly a
nsw
er it
dire
ctly
189
Int
That
’s fi
ne
19
0 C
lare
It’
s ver
y ha
rd to
say
how
muc
h of
an
impa
ct it
’s h
ad o
n m
e D
iffic
ult t
o as
sess
pe
rson
al im
pact
D
iffic
ult t
o as
sess
pe
rson
al im
pact
H
elpe
d he
r to
feel
be
tter
191
Int
Yea
h w
ell y
ou’v
e sa
id a
lot a
lread
y ac
tual
ly
19
2 C
lare
Y
eah
yeah
193
Int
You
hav
e sa
id a
lot
19
4 C
lare
Y
eah
19
5 In
t Sh
all w
e le
ave
it th
ere?
196
Cla
re
Yea
h (.)
I th
ink
so
App
endi
x 7
19
197
Int
Than
k yo
u
198
Cla
re
Than
k yo
u
Jam
es tr
ansc
ript
ana
lysi
s S
ectio
n
Fi
rst o
rder
cod
ing
Seco
nd o
rder
co
ding
In
terv
iew
them
es
1 In
t So
erm
just
to st
art w
ith h
ow d
id y
ou fi
nd th
e pr
oces
s ove
rall?
2 Ja
mes
Er
r ver
y ve
ry ‘a
rd it
had
a b
ig im
pact
(.) t
hem
thre
e da
ys
Har
d ex
perie
nce
Had
a b
ig im
pact
D
iffic
ult
expe
rienc
e Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
3 In
t U
mm
4 Ja
mes
an
d i d
idn’
t rea
lise
how
em
otio
nal a
nd ‘a
rd it
’d b
e V
ery
emot
iona
l V
ery
hard
V
ery
emot
iona
l V
ery
diff
icul
t ex
perie
nce
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
5 In
t R
ight
6 Ja
mes
C
os i’
d ne
ver r
eally
gon
e in
to m
e ac
cide
nt b
efor
e N
ot lo
oked
into
ac
cide
nt b
efor
e th
en
Look
ed in
mor
e de
pth
than
bef
ore
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
7 In
t R
ight
8 Ja
mes
So
i op
ened
a (.
) big
can
of w
orm
s O
pene
d a
big
can
of
wor
ms
Ver
y em
otio
nal
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rienc
e
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
9 In
t O
k
10
Jam
es
Eh (2
) er a
(2) I
supp
ose
at o
ne ti
me
(.) p
art w
ay th
ru’ i
t I fe
lt I c
ould
n’t d
o it
At o
ne p
oint
felt
he
coul
dn’t
do it
V
ery
diff
icul
t ex
perie
nce
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
11
Int
Rig
ht o
k
12
Jam
es
I tho
ught
it w
ere
too
muc
h To
o m
uch
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rienc
e V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 13
In
t R
ight
just
to ta
lk a
bout
err
14
Jam
es
Just
the
who
le e
rr I
thou
ght i
t wer
e th
at e
mot
iona
l V
ery
emot
iona
l V
ery
emot
iona
l V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 15
In
t U
mm
um
m
16
Ja
mes
Er
r and
bei
ng w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
and
thei
r sto
ries
Mov
ed b
y ot
her p
eopl
es
stor
ies
Oth
er st
orie
s w
ere
upse
tting
V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
App
endi
x 7
20
expe
rienc
e 17
In
t Y
eah
18
Ja
mes
I’
d ne
ver b
een
in a
situ
atio
n lik
e th
at b
efor
e N
ot b
een
a si
tuat
ion
like
that
bef
ore
Look
ed in
mor
e de
pth
than
bef
ore
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
19
Int
No
mos
t peo
ple
have
n’t
20
Ja
mes
Er
r and
whe
n w
e ‘a
d an
d w
hen
we
‘ad
that
firs
t dis
cuss
ion
21
In
t U
mm
22
Jam
es
An
an a
ddre
ssed
eve
rybo
dy a
nd y
ou k
now
said
why
we
wer
e he
re a
nd y
ou k
now
that
had
a b
ig
Oth
er p
eopl
e’s s
torie
s ha
d a
bid
impa
ct
Oth
er st
orie
s w
ere
very
up
setti
ng
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
23
Int
Um
m
24
Ja
mes
Im
pact
25
Int
Um
m
26
Ja
mes
Y
ou k
now
cos
I kn
ow I’
ve h
ad a
terr
ible
inci
dent
an
acci
dent
but
list
enin
g to
som
e of
the
othe
r pe
ople
27
Int
Yea
h
28
Jam
es
And
wha
t the
y’ve
bee
n th
ru’
29
In
t Y
eah
30
Ja
mes
Er
r (.)
wel
l I w
ere
in te
ars m
esel
f for
them
as w
ell
Oth
er p
eopl
e’s s
torie
s w
ere
very
ups
ettin
g O
ther
stor
ies
wer
e ve
ry
upse
tting
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
31
Int
Rig
ht o
k
32
Jam
es
You
kno
w w
hen
we
first
intro
duce
d ev
eryb
ody
and
I tho
ught
this
is g
oing
to b
e a
bit o
f a
rolle
rcoa
ster
33
Int
Rig
ht
34
Ja
mes
‘c
os I
thin
k ev
eryb
ody
wer
e in
sam
e (.)
sam
e m
ind
I thi
nk
35
In
t I t
hink
they
wer
e ye
ah
36
Ja
mes
up
setti
ng
Ver
y up
setti
ng
Oth
er st
orie
s w
ere
very
up
setti
ng
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
37
Int
Yea
h I m
ean
I’ve
I’ve
obv
ious
ly lo
ok a
t all
the
stor
ies a
nd m
ost o
f the
m se
vera
l tim
es
38
Ja
mes
Y
eah
yeah
39
Int
Ther
e yo
u kn
ow th
ey’r
e al
l ver
y m
ovin
g
40
Jam
es
They
are
V
ery
mov
ing
stor
ies
Oth
er st
orie
s w
ere
very
up
setti
ng
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
41
Int
You
kno
w th
ere’
s a lo
t of d
iffic
ult
42
Ja
mes
B
ut I
felt
I fel
t tha
t I w
as in
the
right
pla
ce to
be
open
ing
my
stor
y as
wel
l Fe
lt lik
e a
good
en
viro
nmen
t to
talk
ab
out h
is st
ory
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
App
endi
x 7
21
43
Int
Rig
ht o
k
44
Jam
es
With
eve
rybo
dy e
lse
45
In
t U
mm
um
m
46
Ja
mes
W
ith th
eir s
torie
s err
(1) I
mea
n I’
ve (1
) bee
n an
d se
en n
umer
ous p
sych
olog
ists
and
gon
e ov
er m
y st
ory
no e
nd o
f tim
es
47
Int
Rig
ht
48
Ja
mes
A
nd a
m se
eing
a c
ouns
ello
r now
but
(.) i
t’s n
ot ‘a
d th
e im
pact
as w
hat
Mor
e po
wer
ful t
han
seei
ng a
cou
nsel
lor o
r ps
ycho
logi
st
Mor
e po
wer
ful
than
oth
er th
erap
y he
’d h
ad b
efor
e
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
49
Int
Rig
ht e
rr y
eah
50
Ja
mes
A
s it w
as tr
ying
to te
ll th
at g
roup
of p
eopl
e w
hat’d
hap
pene
d to
me
Hav
ing
an a
udie
nce
mad
e a
diffe
renc
e H
avin
g an
au
dien
ce m
ade
a di
ffere
nce
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
51
Int
Rig
ht e
rr o
k
52
Jam
es
So c
os I
have
seen
a lo
t of c
ouns
ello
rs
53
In
t R
ight
54
Jam
es
And
psy
chol
ogis
ts
55
In
t U
mm
56
Jam
es
You
kno
w ‘c
os I
do su
ffer w
ith (.
) you
kno
w p
ost t
raum
atic
stre
ss a
nd e
very
thin
g fr
om th
e ac
cide
nt
Suff
ers f
rom
PTS
D
Suff
ers f
rom
PT
SD
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 57
In
t rig
ht o
k ye
ah
58
Ja
mes
A
nd I’
m st
ill d
oing
now
(.) b
ut th
at w
ere
real
ly ra
w
Raw
exp
erie
nce
Ver
y em
otio
nal
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rienc
e
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
59
Int
Um
m u
mm
60
Jam
es
To m
e do
ing
that
in fr
ont o
f eve
rybo
dy
Har
d te
lling
stor
y in
gr
oup
Har
d te
lling
stor
y in
gro
up
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
61
Int
Um
m
62
Ja
mes
It
felt
mor
e (.)
you
kno
w (.
) mor
e re
al
Felt
mor
e re
al
Ver
y tra
umat
ic
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
63
Int
Rig
ht
64
Ja
mes
W
ith e
very
body
ther
e th
an w
hat I
hav
e do
ne sa
t in
room
with
just
one
per
son
talk
ing
abou
t it
65
In
t Su
re su
re (2
) yes
so it
was
in it
self
very
trau
mat
ic
Ver
y tra
umat
ic
Ver
y tra
umat
ic
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
66
Jam
es
It w
ere
it w
ere
(.) v
ery
upse
tting
V
ery
upse
tting
V
ery
upse
tting
V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 67
In
t Y
eah
App
endi
x 7
22
68
Jam
es
An
an it
kno
cked
the
win
d ou
t me
sails
for a
few
wee
ks th
at
Took
him
seve
ral
wee
ks to
reco
ver
Left
him
feel
ing
shak
en
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
69
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
70
Jam
es
It di
d ph
ysic
ally
and
men
tally
B
oth
phys
ical
ly a
nd
men
tally
Le
ft hi
m fe
elin
g sh
aken
V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 71
In
t U
mm
72
Jam
es
I gla
d I d
id it
G
lad
he d
id it
G
lad
he d
id it
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
73
In
t R
ight
ok
74
Ja
mes
G
lad
I did
(.) b
ut I
stru
ggle
d. I
did
wel
l cos
I w
as o
ne o
f the
firs
t to
finis
h it
Gla
d he
did
it
But
stru
ggle
d O
ne o
f firs
t to
finis
h
Gla
d he
did
it
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rienc
e
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
75
Int
Rig
ht o
k (la
ught
er)
76
Ja
mes
A
nd I
was
hel
ping
eve
ryon
e el
se w
ith th
eir
Hel
ped
othe
rs
Plea
sed
with
pr
oces
s V
ery
supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t 77
In
t Th
at’s
goo
d ‘c
os th
ere’
s a lo
t in
your
s act
ually
78
Jam
es
I fel
t as t
houg
h I’
d go
t to
get i
t don
e as
qui
ck a
s I c
an a
nd g
et
Wan
ted
to g
et it
don
e as
qu
ickl
y as
pos
sibl
e W
ante
d to
get
it
done
qui
ckly
V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 79
In
t O
k ok
cos
you
’ve
got a
lot o
f im
ages
in y
ours
80
Jam
es
Yea
h so
i w
ante
d to
I’d
got i
t all
in m
y he
ad a
nd I
wan
ted
to g
et it
dow
n on
W
ante
d to
get
it d
own
Wan
ted
to g
et it
do
ne q
uick
ly
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
81
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght d
id y
ou w
rite
it be
fore
hand
or e
rr
82
Ja
mes
Er
r
83
Int
And
col
lect
the
imag
es b
efor
ehan
d
84
Jam
es
Err n
o I a
ctua
lly g
ot a
ll m
y ph
otos
toge
ther
act
ually
bro
ught
all
my
phot
os b
efor
e I k
new
wha
t i
was
goi
ng to
writ
e
85
Int
Ok
ok
86
Ja
mes
I’
d so
rted
a lo
ad o
f pho
tos o
ut b
efor
e w
e w
ent t
here
87
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
88
Ja
mes
So
I’d
got t
hem
read
y an
d fil
led
in m
e vo
ice
roun
d th
e im
ages
So
rted
out i
mag
es fi
rst
89
Int
Rig
ht o
k ok
90
Jam
es
So th
at’s
how
I di
d m
ine
91
In
t R
ight
.(.) s
o er
m a
nd h
ow w
as th
e pr
oces
s of l
ooki
ng a
t the
pho
tos?
‘cos
ther
e’s s
ome
of y
ou in
ho
spita
l and
fact
orie
s
92
Jam
es
yeah
ther
e’s s
ome
in h
ospi
tal a
nd so
me
of th
e ro
of w
here
I fe
ll an
d ev
eryt
hing
and
I th
ink
it (1
) lo
okin
g ba
ck n
ow it
’s d
one
me
good
‘cos
I do
n’t (
.) I’
m n
ot d
wel
ling
so m
uch
on th
e ac
cide
nt n
ow
Don
e hi
m g
ood
Doe
sn’t
dwel
l on
acci
dent
so m
uch
now
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Doe
sn’t
dwel
l on
acci
dent
so m
uch
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
Hel
ped
him
get
App
endi
x 7
23
now
cl
osur
e 93
In
t R
ight
94
Jam
es
And
I’ve
had
mor
e tra
uma
with
my
fath
er b
eing
ill t
his p
ast 1
2 m
onth
s and
dyi
ng (.
) but
(.) e
rr I
thin
k it’
s don
e m
e go
od th
at I’
ve o
pene
d th
is c
an o
f wor
ms
Don
e hi
m g
ood
Had
mor
e tra
uma
rece
ntly
with
fath
er
dyin
g
Posi
tive
impa
ct
V
ery
supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
95
Int
Rig
ht o
k
96
Jam
es
And
and
it is
ther
e fo
r peo
ple
to se
e St
ory
is th
ere
for p
eopl
e to
see
97
Int
Um
m
98
Ja
mes
I d
on’t
know
how
I’ve
not
logg
ed o
n I d
on’t
know
how
man
y pe
ople
hav
e
99
Int
Hm
m y
ou c
an’t
tell
actu
ally
100
Jam
es
Had
a lo
ok a
t min
e. W
heth
er it
’s d
one
any
good
I do
n’t k
now
D
on’t
know
whe
ther
it’
s don
e an
y go
od
Hop
es it
has
don
e so
me
good
W
antin
g to
hel
p ot
hers
10
1 In
t W
ell y
ou c
an’t
um I
mea
n um
I th
ink
I can
’t sa
y it’
s som
ethi
ng I
need
to lo
ok a
t
102
Jam
es
Sinc
e do
ing
this
dig
ital s
tory
obv
ious
ly I
mis
sed
that
laun
ch so
I’ve
not
real
ly h
eard
any
thin
g el
se
abou
t it s
ince
I di
d it
103
Int
Rig
ht
10
4 Ja
mes
So
it’s
just
the
impa
ct w
hat I
had
doi
ng it
and
how
I fe
el n
ow
10
5 In
t Y
eah
yeah
106
Jam
es
But
I fe
el b
ette
r for
doi
ng it
Fe
els a
lot b
ette
r for
do
ing
it Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
10
7 In
t Y
eah
10
8 Ja
mes
I’
m g
lad
I did
it
Gla
d he
did
it
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
109
Int
Goo
d go
od th
at’s
the
bit I
’m in
tere
sted
in
11
0 Ja
mes
Y
eah
11
1 In
t Y
our e
xper
ienc
e
112
Jam
es
As f
or fe
edba
ck (.
) I d
on’t
know
wha
t it’s
don
e fo
r any
body
I ho
pe p
eopl
e ha
ve lo
oked
at i
t and
it
does
som
e go
od
Hop
es it
has
don
e so
me
good
H
opes
it h
as d
one
som
e go
od
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
rs
113
Int
Yea
h
114
Jam
es
Cos
that
’s w
hy I
wan
ted
to d
o it
as w
ell.
I wan
ted
to d
o it
to h
elp
me
and
help
oth
er p
eopl
e D
id it
to h
elp
othe
r pe
ople
D
id it
to h
elp
othe
r peo
ple
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
rs
115
Int
Yea
h ye
s (.)
yeah
as I
say
I don
’t kn
ow a
nd I
do w
ant t
o fin
d ou
t a b
it m
ore
I kno
w so
me
of th
e st
orie
s hav
e ce
rtain
ly b
een
used
and
I th
ink
beca
use
(.) P
ip a
nd T
ony
won
this
aw
ard
rece
ntly
from
th
e B
ritis
h M
edic
al Jo
urna
l
116
Jam
es
Rig
ht ri
ght y
eah
11
7 In
t Fo
r inn
ovat
ion
in h
ealth
care
edu
catio
n
118
Jam
es
Oh
yeah
119
Int
So w
hich
is re
ally
pre
stig
ious
so y
ou k
now
I th
ink
a lo
t of p
eopl
e ha
ve lo
oked
at t
he w
ebsi
te
anyw
ay th
e w
ebsi
te’s
had
thou
sand
s and
thou
sand
s of h
its b
ut I
thin
k th
ings
like
that
and
mor
e
App
endi
x 7
24
peop
le a
re le
arni
ng a
bout
the
stor
ies
120
Jam
es
Yea
h an
d (in
audi
ble)
wha
t’s it
abo
ut y
eah
12
1 In
t So
I’m
sure
it w
ill a
nd a
nybo
dy w
ho se
es a
ny o
f the
stor
ies c
an’t
help
but
be
mov
ed b
y th
em
12
2 Ja
mes
Y
eah
and
hope
fully
it w
ill g
ive
som
e ho
pe to
oth
er p
eopl
e H
opef
ully
it w
ill g
ive
som
e ho
pe to
oth
er
peop
le
Hop
es it
has
don
e so
me
good
W
antin
g to
hel
p ot
hers
123
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
12
4 Ja
mes
Y
ou k
now
that
’s th
e go
od th
ing
abou
t it I
mea
n w
e ha
ve th
ese
terr
ible
inci
dent
s in
our l
ife a
nd w
e ha
ve to
get
ove
r the
m d
on’t
we
Hav
e to
get
ove
r the
se
terr
ible
inci
dent
s in
our
lives
Rea
lises
that
he
has t
o m
ove
on
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
125
Int
Um
m u
mm
126
Jam
es
We
have
to c
arry
on
We
have
to c
arry
on
Rea
lises
that
he
has t
o m
ove
on
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 12
7 In
t W
ell y
eah
yes
12
8 Ja
mes
B
ut d
oing
a p
roce
ss li
ke th
at h
elps
you
get
it a
ll in
to e
rr (.
) seq
uenc
e Pr
oces
s hel
ps y
ou g
et
thin
gs in
ord
er
Mak
ing
sens
e of
pa
st
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 12
9 In
t R
ight
righ
t ok
it he
lps y
ou m
ake
mor
e se
nse
of it
per
haps
130
Jam
es
Even
thou
gh I’
m se
eing
a c
ouns
ello
r now
I’m
not
so m
uch
traum
atis
ed b
y m
e ac
cide
nt
Not
so tr
aum
atis
ed b
y ac
cide
nt n
ow
But
still
seei
ng a
co
unse
llor
Has
com
e to
te
rms w
ith h
is
acci
dent
B
ut st
ill
stru
gglin
g
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
131
Int
Rig
ht
13
2 Ja
mes
C
os I
feel
as t
houg
h I’
ve li
fted
the
lid o
n it
(.) b
ut I’
m st
ill st
rugg
ling
(.) m
enta
l and
phy
sica
lly
Feel
s lik
e he
’s li
fted
the
lid o
n it
But
still
stru
gglin
g m
enta
lly &
phy
sica
lly
Has
com
e to
te
rms w
ith h
is
acci
dent
B
ut st
ill
stru
gglin
g
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
133
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght r
ight
ok
yeah
yea
h
134
Jam
es
But
I’m
not
goi
ng b
ack
to th
e ac
cide
nt a
s muc
h as
I w
ere
Not
dw
ellin
g on
the
acci
dent
as m
uch
Doe
sn’t
dwel
l on
acci
dent
so m
uch
now
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
135
Int
Is th
is in
term
s of h
avin
g fla
shba
cks o
r jus
t rum
inat
ing
abou
t it
13
6 Ja
mes
Y
eah
just
life
in g
ener
al a
nd y
eah
alth
ough
I’ve
still
got
the
prob
lem
s now
they
don
’t se
em to
be
as
deep
as t
hey
wer
e Pr
oble
ms d
on’t
seem
as
bad
as th
ey w
ere
Has
com
e to
te
rms w
ith h
is
acci
dent
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
137
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
13
8 Ja
mes
W
ith d
oing
this
and
kno
win
g it’
s on
a D
VD
ther
e
139
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
14
0 Ja
mes
It’
s lik
e pu
t it i
n its
littl
e pl
ace
14
1 In
t O
k ok
App
endi
x 7
25
142
Jam
es
It yo
u ge
t my
mea
ning
143
Int
Yea
h no
that
’s a
goo
d w
ay o
f put
ting
it ye
ah y
eah
14
4 Ja
mes
A
ll th
at tr
aum
a is
on
a lit
tle d
isk
now
A
ll th
e tra
uma
has b
een
put i
n its
pla
ce
Has
com
e to
te
rms w
ith h
is
acci
dent
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
145
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
146
Jam
es
So I’
ve tr
ied
to k
eep
that
sepa
rate
now
(.) I
show
it p
eopl
e H
elps
him
kee
p it
sepa
rate
Sh
ows s
tory
to p
eopl
e
Has
com
e to
te
rms w
ith h
is
acci
dent
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
147
Int
Oh
good
148
Jam
es
I mea
n I’
ve sh
own
me
solic
itor w
ho d
id m
y ca
se a
nd h
e w
ere
right
mov
ed b
y it
he th
ough
t it w
as a
ve
ry g
ood
idea
Sh
own
it to
solic
itor
who
was
ver
y m
oved
by
it
Hel
ped
him
to
shar
e hi
s sto
ry
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
149
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
15
0 Ja
mes
A
nd h
e th
ough
t you
kno
w it
wer
e go
od h
e’d
been
with
all
thro
ugh
the
acci
dent
you
r see
151
Int
Oh
right
ok
15
2 Ja
mes
Sa
w m
e in
hos
pita
l all
the
nine
yea
rs
15
3 In
t R
ight
righ
t ok
15
4 Ja
mes
So
it w
ere
he’s
bee
n a
big
part
of m
y lif
e as
such
so fo
r him
to se
e it
all i
n a
pack
age
like
that
so
15
5 In
t So
wou
ld y
ou sa
y it’
s gen
eral
ly h
elpe
d yo
u to
cos
one
of t
he th
ings
is y
ou c
an sh
are
your
stor
y em
in
term
s of s
how
ing
the
DV
D w
ith fr
iend
s fam
ily o
ther
inte
rest
ed p
artie
s but
do
thin
k it
has k
ind
of
help
ed y
ou to
be
mor
e op
en a
bout
thos
e so
rt of
156
Jam
es
I thi
nk it
has
I do
n’t s
hudd
er so
muc
h w
hen
I say
to p
eopl
e I’v
e ha
d a
fall
at w
ork
and
I can
just
ta
lk a
bout
it n
ow w
here
as b
efor
e I u
sed
to (1
) cow
er u
p ab
out i
t and
not
bot
her
Has
hel
ped
to b
e m
ore
open
abo
ut sh
arin
g hi
s st
ory
No
long
er a
nxio
us
abou
t tel
ling
peop
le h
is
stor
y
Hel
ped
him
to
shar
e hi
s sto
ry
Hel
ped
him
to b
e m
ore
open
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
157
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
158
Jam
es
But
I w
ent t
o w
ork
I fel
l and
I’m
her
e no
w so
I do
n’t s
eem
to d
wel
l on
it as
muc
h as
I do
and
eve
n lo
okin
g at
err
acc
iden
ts in
new
spap
er d
oesn
’t m
ake
me
as a
larm
ed a
s wha
t it u
sed
to d
o D
oesn
’t dw
ell o
n it
as
muc
h Le
ss a
nxio
us
Doe
sn’t
dwel
l on
acci
dent
so m
uch
now
Le
ss a
nxio
us
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
clos
ure
159
Int
So y
ou’r
e ge
tting
less
of a
reac
tion
16
0 Ja
mes
So
it’s
it’s
don
e m
e go
od b
ut I’
ve h
ad th
is o
ther
trau
ma
with
my
fam
ily
Did
him
goo
d Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
16
1 In
t Su
re su
re
16
2 Ja
mes
W
hich
has
set m
e ba
ck if
I ha
dn’t
have
had
that
B
een
set b
ack
by fa
ther
dy
ing
Still
stru
gglin
g H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
clos
ure
163
Int
Ok
ok
16
4 Ja
mes
Th
at li
ttle
set b
ack
agai
n I t
hink
thin
k I’
d lik
e to
mak
e an
othe
r if I
cou
ld n
ow to
clo
se th
is o
ther
W
ould
like
to m
ake
Wou
ld li
ke to
H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
App
endi
x 7
26
chap
ter w
ith m
e da
d co
s I’v
e be
en li
ke lo
okin
g af
ter h
im si
nce
my
acci
dent
on
and
off
anot
her o
ne a
bout
his
fa
ther
dyi
ng to
get
cl
osur
e
mak
e an
othe
r st
ory
to h
elp
deal
w
ith fa
ther
’s
deat
h
clos
ure
165
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght r
eally
166
Jam
es
And
he
he th
at’s
bee
n a
big
part
of e
very
thin
g an
d si
nce
my
acci
dent
we
wer
e re
ally
clo
se so
I w
ould
if I
ever
got
the
chan
ce to
do
anot
her o
ne
Was
clo
se to
fath
er
Wou
ld li
ke to
mak
e an
othe
r sto
ry
Wou
ld li
ke to
m
ake
anot
her
stor
y to
hel
p de
al
with
fath
er’s
de
ath
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
167
Int
Um
you
talk
ed a
bit
abou
t how
(.) c
ompa
red
to c
ouns
ellin
g se
eing
a p
sych
olog
ist a
nd h
ow th
is (.
) I
can’
t rem
embe
r the
exa
ct te
rms y
ou u
sed
but i
t see
med
to h
ave
mor
e of
an
impa
ct o
r allo
w y
ou to
ta
lk a
bout
thin
gs in
a d
iffer
ent w
ay o
r or
168
Jam
es
I thi
nk ‘c
os p
eopl
e ha
ve se
en it
and
it’s
all
proc
esse
d on
wha
t it’s
on
I mea
n er
r a lo
t of w
ork
I’ve
do
ne w
ith p
sych
olog
ists
I m
ean
I’ve
wro
te a
bout
me
acci
dent
(.) I
did
cog
nitiv
e be
havi
our t
hera
py
and
I did
a lo
t of w
ritin
g ab
out
Did
writ
ing
ther
apy
and
CB
T be
fore
but
did
n’t
wor
k
Mor
e ef
fect
ive
than
oth
er th
erap
y he
’d tr
ied
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
169
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
170
Jam
es
From
whe
n I w
ere
born
and
it d
idn’
t wor
k it
didn
’t w
ork
so I
thin
k th
at h
ad m
ore
of a
n im
pact
Th
e st
ory
had
mor
e of
an
impa
ct
Mor
e ef
fect
ive
than
oth
er th
erap
y he
’d tr
ied
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
171
Int
And
do
you
know
why
?
172
Jam
es
I don
’t kn
ow I
wen
t thr
u’ a
yea
r of c
ogni
tive
beha
viou
r the
rapy
writ
ing
abou
t me
life
and
tryin
g to
ge
t it a
ll in
ord
er a
nd ju
st d
oing
that
dig
ital s
tory
put
it a
ll D
id a
yea
r of C
BT
and
writ
ing
But
stor
y he
lped
mor
e
Mor
e ef
fect
ive
than
oth
er th
erap
y he
’d tr
ied
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
173
Int
Was
the
writ
ing
just
shar
ed w
ith th
e C
BT
ther
apis
t
174
Jam
es
Yea
h ju
st u
s tw
o ye
ah
17
5 In
t B
ecau
se th
ere’
s obv
ious
ly I
mea
n on
e of
the
thin
gs a
bout
dig
ital s
torie
s is i
t’s g
ot lo
ts o
f diff
eren
t el
emen
ts it
’s g
ot th
at c
reat
ive
writ
ing
and
sort
of w
ritin
g a
stor
y
176
Jam
es
Yea
h an
d I t
hink
bei
ng w
ith p
eopl
e be
ing
in a
situ
atio
n no
dis
rega
rd to
ther
apis
ts o
f any
thin
g bu
t th
ey h
aven
’t (.)
bee
n in
that
situ
atio
n an
d to
see
peop
le h
eart-
brok
en li
ke w
e al
l wer
e it
it th
at
mov
es y
ou m
ore
than
any
thin
g
Bei
ng w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
with
sim
ilar e
xper
ienc
e w
as v
ery
mov
ing
Rea
lly h
elpe
d
Oth
er st
orie
s w
ere
upse
tting
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
177
Int
Um
m u
mm
um
m
17
8 Ja
mes
Y
ou k
now
cos
get
ting
to k
now
that
gro
up o
f peo
ple
for t
hem
thre
e da
ys a
nd w
hat p
ain
they
wer
e go
ing
thro
ugh
you
know
you
’re
not o
n yo
ur o
wn
Got
to k
now
oth
er
peop
le
Saw
thei
r pai
n K
new
he
was
not
alo
ne
Bei
ng w
ith
peop
le w
ho’d
be
en th
roug
h tra
umas
hel
ped
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
179
Int
And
it h
elps
you
to
18
0 Ja
mes
A
y it
did
me
it di
d m
e V
ery
help
ful
Ver
y he
lpfu
l V
ery
supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
App
endi
x 7
27
181
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
18
2 Ja
mes
M
enta
lly it
did
H
elpe
d m
enta
lly
Hel
ped
men
tally
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
18
3 In
t A
nd d
o yo
u th
ink
that
’s b
ecau
se (1
) jus
t bec
ause
you
feel
that
erm
(1) t
hat’s
its n
or(m
al)
18
4 Ja
mes
I t
hink
it’s
bec
ause
peo
ple
wer
e th
at in
tere
sted
in m
e an
d w
hat h
ad h
appe
ned
to m
e Pe
ople
wer
e in
tere
sted
in
him
C
arin
g gr
oup
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
185
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght y
eah
18
6 Ja
mes
C
os a
lot o
f peo
ple
aren
’t th
ey’r
e no
t bot
here
d Lo
t of p
eopl
e ar
en’t
both
ered
187
Int
Are
n’t t
hey
ok
18
8 Ja
mes
Y
ou k
now
I’ve
had
acc
iden
t tha
t’s it
get
on
with
it y
ou k
now
189
Int
Yea
h
190
Jam
es
But
(.)
you
know
(.) I
thin
k th
e gr
oup
we
wer
e in
real
ly c
ared
abo
ut e
ach
othe
r err
(1) I
thin
k it
did
me
a lo
t of g
ood
bein
g op
en w
ith p
eopl
e w
ho’v
e ha
d a
traum
a th
an p
eopl
e w
ho’v
e no
t bee
n th
ru’ i
t yo
u se
e
Gro
up re
ally
car
ed
abou
t eac
h ot
her
Bei
ng w
ith p
eopl
e w
ho’d
bee
n th
roug
h si
mila
r tra
umas
real
ly
help
ed
Car
ing
grou
p
Bei
ng w
ith
peop
le w
ho’d
be
en th
roug
h tra
umas
hel
ped
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
191
Int
Um
m u
mm
(1) a
nd e
rm h
ow d
id y
ou fi
nd P
ip a
nd T
ony
and
Jo?
19
2 Ja
mes
I t
houg
ht th
ey w
as a
bsol
utel
y fa
ntas
tic
Faci
litat
ors w
ere
fant
astic
G
ood
faci
litat
ors
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
193
Int
Rig
ht o
k
194
Jam
es
You
cou
ldn’
t wis
h fo
r a b
ette
r gro
up o
f peo
ple
to d
o an
ythi
ng li
ke th
at w
ith so
they
just
mad
e yo
u fe
el a
t hom
e (.)
they
wer
e se
nsiti
ve th
ey tr
et y
ou (.
) the
y kn
ew w
hat t
hey
wer
e do
ing
cos i
t’s a
ver
y un
know
n te
rrito
ry th
ey’r
e ta
ppin
g in
to (.
) peo
ple’
s tra
uma
so th
ey’v
e go
t to
know
wha
t the
y’re
on
abou
t
Sens
itive
faci
litat
ors
Faci
litat
ors k
new
wha
t th
ey w
ere
doin
g
Sens
itive
fa
cilit
ator
s G
ood
faci
litat
ors
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
195
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
19
6 Ja
mes
Y
ou k
now
I su
ppos
e so
me
peop
le it
can
real
ly u
pset
them
cos
it u
pset
me
a lo
t H
e fo
und
it ve
ry
upse
tting
V
ery
upse
tting
V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 19
7 In
t It
does
it d
oes
19
8 Ja
mes
B
ut I
thin
k th
e w
ay th
ey d
eal w
ith it
and
the
way
they
take
you
thru
it w
ere
mar
vello
us a
bsol
utel
y Fa
cilit
ator
s wer
e fa
ntas
tic
Goo
d fa
cilit
ator
s
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
199
Int
Goo
d go
od
20
0 Ja
mes
Fu
ll cr
edit
to th
em y
eah
I don
’t th
ink
it co
uld
have
bee
n ru
n an
y be
tter t
o be
hon
est
Cou
ldn’
t hav
e be
en
bette
red
Goo
d fa
cilit
ator
s
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
201
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
202
Jam
es
Even
thou
gh I
stru
ggle
d I w
as st
rugg
ling
with
me
own
feel
ing
not c
os h
ow th
ey w
ere
runn
ing
I w
as st
rugg
ling
cos o
f me
own
feel
ings
St
rugg
led
with
ow
n fe
elin
gs n
ot fa
cilit
atio
n V
ery
emot
iona
l V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 20
3 In
t I m
ean
to so
me
exte
nt y
our s
trugg
le d
iffic
ult e
mot
ions
they
are
alm
ost t
esta
men
t to
the
pow
er o
f it
App
endi
x 7
28
(.) h
ad th
ey n
ot c
reat
ed a
n at
mos
pher
e w
here
peo
ple
wer
e op
enin
g up
you
cou
ld h
ave
gone
and
sa
id y
eah
it w
as g
ood
it he
lped
me
to re
flect
abo
ut it
(.) a
lmos
t cos
they
did
cre
ate
this
atm
osph
ere
204
Jam
es
Yea
h I d
on’t
know
whe
ther
you
’ve
had
that
vie
w w
ith e
very
body
els
e
205
Int
Yea
h I h
ave
actu
ally
that
’s q
uite
erm
if y
ou li
ke th
e co
mm
on th
emes
are
that
the
faci
litat
ors w
ere
brill
iant
that
they
wer
e ve
ry c
arin
g th
e gr
oup
was
ver
y su
ppor
tive
206
Jam
es
They
wer
e ye
ah
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
grou
p V
ery
supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
207
Int
That
em
(.) e
very
body
’s st
orie
s wer
e tra
umat
ic w
ere
very
mov
ing
umm
so th
ose
wer
e ki
nd o
f you
kn
ow th
ere
wer
e lo
ts o
f oth
er th
ings
but
eve
rybo
dy so
rt of
repo
rted
that
(.) I
mea
n th
ere
are
diffe
renc
e as
wel
l bec
ause
peo
ple
cam
e in
to a
t diff
eren
t sta
ges o
f wha
t the
y w
ere
goin
g th
ru
208
Jam
es
But
I’d
been
bat
tling
with
mys
elf f
or a
lot o
f yea
rs w
ith th
is a
nd I
know
som
e pe
ople
had
onl
y ha
d a
rece
nt tr
aum
a w
ho w
ere
ther
e bu
t I se
emed
as t
houg
h I w
as g
oing
roun
d in
circ
les u
ntil
I did
that
H
ad b
een
goin
g ro
und
in c
ircle
s bef
ore
the
wor
ksho
p
Hel
ped
him
to
mov
ed fo
rwar
d H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
clos
ure
209
Int
Rig
ht d
espi
te a
ll th
e ot
her i
nput
that
you
wer
e ha
ving
210
Jam
es
That
I’ve
had
yea
h (1
) loo
king
at i
t now
(.) i
t mad
e an
impa
ct th
en a
nd I’
m g
lad
I did
it e
rr (1
) w
hich
has
pro
babl
y ha
ve p
ut m
e on
a st
eadi
er ro
ad th
an w
hat I
wou
ld h
ave
been
on
err I
mea
n I
wer
e on
ver
ge o
f doi
ng si
lly th
ings
at o
ne ib
t (.)
I’m
not
sayi
ng si
nce
this
dig
ital s
tory
but
ove
r the
la
st 1
2 m
onth
s I’v
e no
t bee
n th
at b
ad
Def
inite
impr
ovem
ent
in h
is m
enta
l hea
lth
Def
inite
im
prov
emen
t in
his m
enta
l hea
lth
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
211
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
212
Jam
es
So ta
ke th
at o
ut w
hat y
ou w
ant t
o ta
ke o
f it (
.) I’
m n
ot a
s bad
as I
wer
e co
s I w
as o
n ve
rge
of
com
mitt
ing
hari
kari
I’d
had
enou
gh
Def
inite
impr
ovem
ent
in h
is m
enta
l hea
lth
Def
inite
im
prov
emen
t in
his m
enta
l hea
lth
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
213
Int
Rig
ht o
k ok
214
Jam
es
And
I’m
not
like
that
now
215
Int
No
no
21
6 Ja
mes
I’
m st
rugg
ling
but I
’m n
ot li
ke th
at
Still
stru
gglin
g bu
t m
uch
bette
r St
ill st
rugg
ling
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 21
7 In
t So
are
you
kin
d of
mor
e po
sitiv
e ab
out y
our f
utur
e ge
nera
lly
21
8 Ja
mes
I a
m n
ow a
nd I’
ve ta
lked
to th
is n
ew c
ouns
ello
r and
she’
s sai
d I c
an’t
belie
ve fr
om I’
ve o
nly
been
se
eing
her
for a
bout
5 w
eeks
I go
to M
ind
actu
ally
do
you
know
Min
d M
ore
posi
tive
abou
t his
fu
ture
M
ore
posi
tive
abou
t his
futu
re
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
219
Int
Yes
I do
kno
w M
ind
yes v
ery
wel
l
220
Jam
es
I go
to M
ind
and
she’
s jus
t see
n a
chan
ge in
me
and
I’m
wan
ting
to p
lan
my
futu
re n
ow a
nd y
eah
know
W
antin
g to
pla
n fo
r the
fu
ture
M
ore
posi
tive
abou
t his
futu
re
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
221
Int
Ok
ok
22
2 Ja
mes
A
nd b
efor
e 12
mon
ths a
go I
didn
’t w
ant t
o do
oug
ht I
didn
’t ev
en w
ant t
o w
ake
up in
the
mor
ning
an
d I w
ant t
o liv
e a
bit n
ow
Did
n’t w
ant t
o do
an
ythi
ng b
efor
e bu
t w
ants
to li
ve a
bit
now
Mor
e po
sitiv
e ab
out h
is fu
ture
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
223
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght o
k
224
Jam
es
So w
heth
er a
ll th
is h
as h
ad a
big
impa
ct o
n it
22
5 In
t W
ell y
eah
it so
unds
just
from
wha
t you
’re
sayi
ng it
has
had
a b
ig im
pact
226
Jam
es
Cos
it n
ot o
nly
me
in m
y lit
tle c
ocoo
n w
hose
had
an
acci
dent
(.) i
t’s n
o go
od fe
elin
g so
rry
for
He’
s not
alo
ne in
K
new
he
was
not
V
ery
supp
ortiv
e
App
endi
x 7
29
mes
elf a
nd th
ere’
s peo
ple
out t
here
and
I sa
w p
eopl
e th
at d
ay w
hose
had
bad
thin
gs a
s wel
l ha
ving
diff
icul
ties
Res
t of t
he g
roup
had
di
fficu
lties
as w
ell
alon
e B
eing
with
pe
ople
who
’d
been
thro
ugh
traum
as h
elpe
d
cont
ext
227
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
22
8 Ja
mes
So
you
kno
w g
et o
ut y
ours
elf f
or it
and
that
’s h
ow I
feel
229
Int
Wel
l it o
bvio
usly
seem
s to
be w
orki
ng
23
0 Ja
mes
St
op fe
elin
g so
rry
for y
ours
elf i
t’s h
appe
ning
to e
very
body
trau
mas
R
ealis
ed th
at e
very
one
has t
o de
al w
ith tr
aum
a an
d he
nee
d to
get
on
with
his
life
Hel
ped
him
to
com
e te
rms w
ith
past
H
elpe
d hi
m to
m
ove
forw
ard
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
231
Int
But
I w
onde
r whe
ther
ther
e’s s
omet
hing
in y
our (
1) in
you
r exp
erie
nce
of k
ind
of e
rm (.
) obv
ious
ly
you
have
bee
n th
ru so
met
hing
whi
ch is
ver
y tra
umat
ic (.
) sou
nds l
ike
you
wer
e ne
arly
kill
ed
wer
en’t
you
and
then
all
the
pain
232
Jam
es
Yea
h ye
ah
23
3 In
t A
nd th
e tra
uma
and
also
tryi
ng to
get
com
pens
atio
n
234
Jam
es
Yea
h it’
s bee
n a
ten
year
bat
tle
23
5 In
t Y
ou k
now
wha
t hap
pens
for (
.) a
lot o
f peo
ple
kind
of j
ust c
ope
with
thes
e di
ffic
ult s
ituat
ions
by
just
pus
hing
thin
gs d
own
and
they
don
’t ex
perie
nce
them
and
wha
t can
hap
pen
and
it ob
viou
sly
does
for s
ome
peop
le in
this
sor
t of s
ettin
g is
that
peo
ple
actu
ally
hav
e to
go
or th
ey g
o th
ru’ i
t ag
ain
and
they
re-e
xper
ienc
e it
thes
e th
ings
and
it n
o lo
nger
has
pow
er o
ver t
hem
so
236
Jam
es
I wer
e re
ally
ove
rwhe
lmed
with
them
thre
e da
ys y
ou it
kno
w e
very
so g
lad
I did
it b
ut it
wer
e to
ugh
cos I
’ve
neve
r bee
n th
ere
befo
re
Had
to re
live
his t
raum
a
Ver
y em
otio
nal
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rienc
e
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
237
Int
It’s k
ind
of li
ke fa
cing
you
r dem
ons i
sn’t
it
238
Jam
es
Yea
h H
ad to
face
dem
ons
Had
to fa
ce
dem
ons
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
239
Int
It’s l
ike
goin
g [o
ver r
eally
diff
icul
t thi
ng
24
0 Ja
mes
[lik
e op
enin
g a
box
up y
eah
Ope
ning
a b
ox
Had
to fa
ce
dem
ons
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
241
Int
And
you
com
e ou
t it t
he o
ther
side
242
Jam
es
And
I th
ink
look
ing
at m
e no
w I’
m a
lot b
ette
r per
son
that
I w
ere
12 m
onth
s ago
and
I’m
bet
ter
with
my
fam
ily y
eah
ther
e’s b
een
a lo
t of p
ositi
ves
He’
s a lo
t bet
ter p
erso
n no
w th
an 1
2 m
onth
s ag
o B
ette
r with
his
fam
ily
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
243
Int
Rig
ht y
eah
24
4 Ja
mes
B
ut 1
2 m
onth
s ago
I’d
had
enou
gh (.
) so
it’s a
pos
itive
and
I ha
ven’
t had
any
thin
g el
se I’
ve d
one
Cha
nge
is d
ue to
dig
ital
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Impr
oved
men
tal
App
endi
x 7
30
this
dig
ital s
tory
I ha
ven’
t bee
n do
ing
anyt
hing
els
e I’
m n
ot sa
ying
it’s
just
that
wha
t’s d
one
it st
ory
heal
th
245
Int
No
24
6 Ja
mes
B
ut it
had
such
a b
ig im
pact
that
I tu
rned
cor
ner a
bit
Had
a b
ig im
pact
H
elpe
d hi
m tu
rn a
co
rner
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
247
Int
Um
m u
mm
248
Jam
es
And
thou
gh c
ome
on n
ow le
t’s g
et o
n w
ith li
fe
Wan
t to
get o
n w
ith li
fe
Mor
e po
sitiv
e ab
out h
is fu
ture
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
24
9 In
t Y
eah
yeah
so w
hat I
thin
k m
aybe
just
goi
ng b
ack
to th
at (.
) thi
s sor
t of w
hat y
ou sa
id e
arlie
r and
ju
st re
peat
ed th
en a
bout
get
ting
on w
ith li
fe th
ere’
s may
be s
omet
hing
abo
ut th
e fa
ct th
at y
ou’v
e go
t al
l thi
s the
se th
ings
goi
ng o
n in
you
r hea
d th
is tr
aum
a th
e m
emor
ies o
r wha
teve
r and
the
fact
that
yo
u ki
nd o
f fac
e th
em fo
r 3 d
ays i
n th
at so
rt of
env
ironm
ent
250
Jam
es
Yea
h
251
Int
You
kin
d of
face
them
and
you
wor
k th
em th
ru a
nd m
ake
a bi
t mor
e se
nse
out o
f it
25
2 Ja
mes
Y
eah
25
3 In
t A
nd th
at k
ind
of a
llow
s you
to m
ove
forw
ard
25
4 Ja
mes
Y
eah
it di
d
255
Int
Is th
at a
fair
25
6 Ja
mes
I’
d go
t a b
ig b
ox o
f thi
ngs s
tuff
ed a
way
they
wer
e al
l ove
r the
pla
ce
25
7 In
t Y
eah
25
8 Ja
mes
A
nd I
took
that
lot o
ut a
nd I’
ve d
ealt
with
that
bit
and
I thi
nk th
at’s
wha
t’s h
elpe
d m
e m
ove
on
Has
sorte
d a
lot o
f th
ings
out
now
and
so
can
mov
e on
Hel
ped
him
to
mov
e fo
rwar
d H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
clos
ure
259
Int
Yea
h an
d no
w it
’s o
n yo
ur D
VD
wha
teve
r and
it
26
0 Ja
mes
Y
eah
and
I’m
qui
te p
roud
of i
t as w
ell
Prou
d of
DV
D
Plea
sed
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
261
Int
Yea
h w
ell y
ou sh
ould
be
26
2 Ja
mes
I t
hink
it’s
goo
d
263
Int
Yea
h it
is
26
4 Ja
mes
A
nd w
hat t
hey
allo
wed
us t
o do
in th
ree
days
to sa
y I’
d ne
ver u
sed
a co
mpu
ter b
efor
e or
any
thin
g N
ot u
sed
a co
mpu
ter
befo
re –
em
pow
erin
g Em
pow
erin
g V
ery
supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t 26
5 In
t R
ight
had
n’t y
ou
26
6 Ja
mes
St
ill c
an’t
now
and
I w
ere
mov
ing
thin
gs h
ere
mov
ing
thin
gs th
ere
and
I wer
e he
lpin
g ot
hers
in th
e en
d (la
ught
er)
267
Int
Yea
h (la
ught
er)
26
8 Ja
mes
A
nd I’
d ne
ver b
een
on a
com
pute
r bef
ore
(laug
hter
) so
ther
e w
ere
a lo
t of p
ositi
ves a
ctua
lly it
wer
e go
od
Lots
of p
ositi
ves
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
26
9 In
t U
mm
um
m so
I m
ean
you
did
wel
l you
said
you
cou
ldn’
t fau
lt th
e fa
cilit
ator
s and
the
set u
p
270
Jam
es
Mea
n th
e se
tting
was
love
ly
Setti
ng w
as lo
vely
Su
ppor
tive
envi
ronm
ent
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
271
Int
Goo
d it
is n
ice
I onl
y vi
site
d it
at th
e be
ginn
ing
and
the
end
so b
ut w
ere
(1) I
mea
n th
ere
wer
e
App
endi
x 7
31
nega
tives
not
nec
essa
rily
abou
t the
wor
ksho
p bu
t abo
ut
272
Jam
es
Oh
no
No
nega
tives
27
3 In
t A
bout
how
it le
aves
you
afte
rwar
ds y
ou w
ere
sayi
ng y
ou fe
lt qu
ite
27
4 Ja
mes
V
ery
frag
ile
Left
feel
ing
very
frag
ile
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
275
Int
Shak
ey
27
6 Ja
mes
Y
eah
I wer
e
277
Int
For s
ever
al w
eeks
afte
r
278
Jam
es
A b
it lo
w li
ke I
thin
k it
wer
e w
orth
it
Felt
a bi
t low
for
seve
ral w
eeks
but
it w
as
wor
th it
Left
him
feel
ing
shak
en
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
279
Int
Yea
h it
soun
ds li
ke it
def
inite
ly
28
0 Ja
mes
Y
eah
yeah
it w
ere
wor
th it
281
Int
So d
id y
ou e
rm
28
2 Ja
mes
I d
on’t
know
if so
me
peop
le it
mig
ht to
uch
the
nerv
e I d
on’t
know
it if
cou
ld se
nd p
eopl
e a
diffe
rent
way
283
Int
Wel
l it y
eah
yeah
284
Jam
es
I don
’t kn
ow if
it c
ould
be
too
muc
h so
met
imes
285
Int
Wel
l I th
ink
that
’s w
hy h
avin
g th
e (.)
you
kno
w th
e fa
cilit
ator
s who
wer
e th
ere
to b
e ve
ry se
nsiti
ve
and
kind
of p
ick
up o
n th
at a
nd e
m th
at c
an h
appe
n an
d su
ppos
e it’
s whe
re th
e sk
ill o
f the
fa
cilit
ator
s to
say
wel
l ok
actu
ally
that
’s b
ut m
aybe
you
’re
not r
eady
to ta
lk a
bout
286
Jam
es
I don
’t th
ink
any
of y
ou g
roup
fell
over
the
edge
I do
n’t t
hink
287
Int
Wel
l I w
asn’
t the
re b
ut y
ou a
ll co
mpl
eted
you
r sto
ries
28
8 Ja
mes
I m
ean
now
I’m
won
derin
g if
its if
any
peo
ple
regr
et d
oing
now
out
of t
he g
roup
289
Int
Wel
l I th
ink
29
0 Ja
mes
W
heth
er it
wer
e to
o m
uch
for t
hem
you
see
29
1 In
t Y
eah
I thi
nk th
ere
is a
dan
ger a
t oth
er e
rr u
m (.
) oth
er so
rt of
sim
ilar s
tudi
es li
ke a
roun
d w
ritin
g th
erap
y it
can
stir
thin
gs u
p pe
ople
feel
wor
se q
uite
shel
l sho
cked
for t
he k
ind
of y
our k
now
ho
wev
er m
any
days
or w
eeks
it is
afte
rwar
ds b
ut th
en th
ey fe
el m
ore
posi
tive
292
Jam
es
Like
I’ve
don
e ye
ah
29
3 In
t So
it c
ould
be
that
ther
e is
risk
that
it c
ould
kin
d of
uns
ettle
thin
gs a
nd so
in te
rms o
f thi
s gro
up
you’
re th
e si
xth
pers
on th
ere
wer
e ni
ne p
eopl
e an
d I’
ll be
seei
ng P
ep in
a m
inut
e sh
e’s t
he se
vent
h th
ere’
s tw
o ot
hers
who
did
n’t g
et b
ack
in to
uch
so a
t lea
st fo
r the
seve
n
294
Jam
es
It’s a
ll po
sitiv
e
295
Int
Wel
l it’s
com
e ou
t pos
itive
296
Jam
es
Yea
h ye
ah
29
7 In
t Th
ru th
ru
29
8 Ja
mes
N
obod
y’s h
ad a
real
ly sh
ocki
ng si
de e
ffec
t fro
m it
like
299
Int
No
no
30
0 Ja
mes
Th
at’s
wha
t I w
ere
mea
ning
if a
nybo
dy
App
endi
x 7
32
301
Int
And
I th
ink
the
thin
g is
like
you
say
it’s i
n th
e co
ntex
t of e
very
thin
g el
se th
at g
oes o
n in
you
r life
be
caus
e yo
u’ve
bee
n ca
ring
for y
our f
athe
r and
now
he’
s pas
sed
away
and
that
obv
ious
ly a
real
ly
sign
ifica
nt th
ing
and
ther
e w
ill b
e th
ose
othe
r eve
nts s
o
302
Jam
es
Yea
h
303
Int
So it
’s h
ad a
pos
itive
impa
ct (.
) ver
y di
ffic
ult p
roce
ss e
rm I’
m w
onde
ring
whe
ther
erm
(.) b
ecau
se
you
wen
t int
o it
real
ly to
shar
e yo
ur st
ory
so th
at o
ther
peo
ple
coul
d be
nefit
whe
ther
that
(1)
whe
ther
the
actu
al e
xper
ienc
e w
as d
iffer
ent t
han
if yo
u’d
gone
on
like
a ki
nd o
f thr
ee w
orks
hop
whi
ch w
as a
bout
you
ope
ning
you
r sui
tcas
e up
do
you
I kno
w th
at is
par
t of y
our e
xpec
tatio
n ju
st
cos I
thin
k th
ey o
bvio
usly
are
impo
rtant
304
Jam
es
Yea
h ye
ah
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
rs
was
impo
rtant
W
ante
d to
hel
p ot
hers
W
antin
g to
hel
p ot
hers
30
5 In
t So
306
Jam
es
But
err
that
’s m
y m
ain
obje
ctiv
e no
w is
to k
eep
help
ing
peop
le th
at’s
why
I st
ill d
o a
little
bit
for
men
tal h
ealth
now
if I
can
help
307
Int
Yea
h an
d yo
ur w
ere
doin
g th
at b
efor
e an
d th
is is
par
t of t
hat k
ind
of th
eme
in y
our l
ife
30
8 Ja
mes
A
nd I
still
do
a lit
tle b
it it’
s mad
e m
e m
ore
wan
t to
help
peo
ple
as w
ell
Has
mad
e hi
m w
ant t
o he
lp m
ore
peop
le
Wan
ts to
hel
p ot
hers
W
antin
g to
hel
p ot
hers
30
9 In
t Y
eah
31
0 Ja
mes
A
nd I
hope
this
stor
y do
es h
elp
peop
le
Hop
e’s t
he st
ory
does
he
lp p
eopl
e W
ante
d to
hel
p ot
hers
W
antin
g to
hel
p ot
hers
31
1 In
t I’
m su
re it
will
312
Jam
es
And
I’d
be w
illin
g to
go
and
talk
to a
nybo
dy a
bout
it
Wou
ld b
e w
illin
g to
ta
lk to
any
body
abo
ut it
W
ants
to h
elp
othe
rs
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
rs
313
Int
Ok
ok y
eah
31
4 Ja
mes
Y
ou k
now
315
Int
Wel
l I k
now
Mia
has
bee
n us
ing
the
stor
ies I
’m n
ot su
re w
hich
one
s as p
art o
f the
indu
ctio
n sh
e’s
very
kee
n on
it th
ough
you
’re
in to
uch
with
her
316
Jam
es
Yea
h re
gula
rly m
e an
d M
ia y
eah
31
7 In
t Y
eah
so th
at’s
an
aven
ue so
(2) I
mea
n I t
hink
we’
ve c
over
ed
31
8 Ja
mes
I c
an’t
thin
k of
any
thin
g el
se it
’s e
rr
31
9 In
t I s
uppo
se p
art o
f it i
s the
err
(.) I
mea
n yo
urs c
lear
ly y
ou k
now
hav
ing
the
acci
dent
was
ver
y tra
umat
ic a
nd g
oing
bac
k to
look
at i
t stil
l see
ms v
ery
traum
atic
but
is th
ere
I’m
just
won
derin
g w
heth
er lo
okin
g at
it in
that
erm
con
text
to se
e it
in a
diff
eren
t mor
e po
sitiv
e
320
Jam
es
It do
es n
ow c
os I
can
put i
t on
now
and
I do
n’t t
hink
It’d
hav
e hu
rt m
e as
muc
h as
it u
sed
to
Abl
e to
talk
and
thin
k ab
out t
he a
ccid
ent
with
out f
eelin
g so
hur
t
Mor
e op
en n
ow
Com
e to
term
s w
ith p
ast
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 32
1 In
t R
ight
righ
t
322
Jam
es
Or u
sed
to ta
lk a
bout
it
32
3 In
t R
ight
righ
t ok
32
4 Ja
mes
I’
d ha
ve n
o pr
oble
ms p
uttin
g it
on n
ow w
ith so
me
peop
le in
her
e an
d er
r Is
ok
to sh
ow h
is st
ory
Com
e to
term
s H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
App
endi
x 7
33
to a
nybo
dy n
ow
with
pas
t cl
osur
e 32
5 In
t R
ight
ok
32
6 Ja
mes
I t
hink
I’d
be c
omfy
with
it
32
7 In
t R
ight
ok
so I
supp
ose
that
’s
32
8 Ja
mes
W
hich
is a
pos
itive
Pl
ease
d th
at h
e ca
n be
so
ope
n ab
out i
t M
ore
open
now
Impr
oved
men
tal
heal
th
329
Int
So I
supp
ose
it’s a
lmos
t lik
e w
hat y
ou’r
e sa
ying
is li
ke o
bvio
usly
the
stor
ies t
he sa
me
and
wha
t’s
happ
ened
in y
our p
ast i
s the
sam
e
330
Jam
es
But
I th
ink
it’s c
onta
ined
now
Th
inks
trau
ma
is
cont
aine
d no
w
Com
e to
term
s w
ith p
ast
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 33
1 In
t Y
eah
you
can
rela
te to
it th
at’s
hap
pene
d he
re I
am n
ow
33
2 Ja
mes
It’
s not
all
here
now
it’s
her
e an
d I c
an u
sed
it
333
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
33
4 Ja
mes
It’
ll al
way
s be
ther
e in
its l
ittle
pac
kage
you
kno
w it
just
doe
sn’t
seem
(1) I
mea
n m
e ac
cide
nt u
sed
to ta
ke 9
5% o
f my
brai
n sp
ace
away
Tr
aum
a is
con
tain
ed in
th
e D
VD
rath
er th
an
goin
g ro
und
his h
ead
Com
e to
term
s w
ith p
ast
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e
335
Int
Rig
ht o
k
336
Jam
es
And
now
it d
on’t
now
N
o lo
nger
con
sum
ed b
y tra
uma
Com
e to
term
s w
ith p
ast
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 33
7 In
t A
nd n
ow y
ou’v
e be
en a
ble
to sh
are
that
338
Jam
es
And
now
I ca
n do
oth
er th
ings
and
mov
e on
a li
ttle
bit
Can
now
mov
e fo
rwar
d H
elpe
d hi
m to
m
ove
forw
ard
Hel
ped
him
get
cl
osur
e 33
9 In
t B
ecau
se o
ne o
f the
thin
gs in
the
liter
atur
e is
abo
ut th
at e
rm (.
) it’s
alm
ost l
ike
erm
in te
rms o
f ke
epin
g se
cret
s
340
Jam
es
Yea
h N
o lo
nger
has
to k
eep
it a
secr
et
Mor
e op
en n
ow
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
34
1 In
t To
kee
p a
secr
et u
ses l
ike
you
wer
e sa
ying
95%
of y
our b
rain
it u
ses
34
2 Ja
mes
B
ut it
’s n
ot a
secr
et n
ow it
’s o
ut
Can
be
open
abo
ut
acci
dent
M
ore
open
now
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
34
3 In
t Li
ke if
you
mee
t som
ebod
y an
d th
ey d
on’t
know
you
and
you
nee
d to
talk
abo
ut w
hat y
ou d
o or
w
hat y
ou u
sed
to d
o
344
Jam
es
Yea
h ye
ah
34
5 In
t O
r why
you
wal
k w
ith a
stic
k or
wha
teve
r
346
Jam
es
Yea
h th
at’s
it
Can
be
open
abo
ut
acci
dent
M
ore
open
now
Im
prov
ed m
enta
l he
alth
34
7 In
t It’
s kin
d of
you
kno
w k
eepi
ng a
secr
et a
bout
that
or b
eing
abl
e to
say
yeah
I ha
d an
acc
iden
t (.)
it’s
wha
t hap
pens
348
Jam
es
But
I’m
def
inite
ly m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d w
hich
is a
goo
d th
ing
in e
very
way
wel
l my
fam
ily a
re h
appy
as
wel
l Is
now
def
inite
ly
mov
ing
forw
ard
Hel
ped
him
to
mov
e fo
rwar
d H
elpe
d hi
m g
et
clos
ure
349
Int
Wel
l tha
t’s it
350
Jam
es
I wer
e ge
tting
a fu
nny
old
sod
(laug
hter
)
App
endi
x 7
34
351
Int
(laug
hter
) wel
l you
wou
ldn’
t be
the
only
per
son
so (.
) is t
here
any
thin
g el
se y
ou w
ant t
o sa
y
352
Jam
es
I don
’t th
ink
so M
ark.
I th
ink
I’ve
said
eve
ryth
ing
that
’s c
ome
to m
e an
yway
353
Int
Yea
h
354
Jam
es
Yea
h
355
Int
Ok
than
k yo
u I’
ll en
d it
ther
e
Julie
tran
scri
pt a
naly
sis
Sec
tion
Firs
t ord
er c
odin
g Se
cond
ord
er
codi
ng
Inte
rvie
w th
emes
1 In
t So
erm
how
did
you
find
the
proc
ess o
vera
ll?
2
Julie
I f
ound
it re
ally
inte
rest
ing
and
real
ly in
tere
stin
g on
lots
of d
iffer
ent l
evel
s (.)
erm
obv
ious
ly fr
om
an e
mot
iona
l lev
el th
at w
as re
ally
inte
rest
ing
erm
als
o fr
om a
cat
harti
c po
int o
f vie
w
Inte
rest
ing
Diff
eren
t lev
els
Emot
iona
l C
atha
rtic
Enga
gem
ent
Com
plex
ity
Emot
iona
l C
atha
rtic
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e C
atha
rtic
expe
rienc
e 3
Int
Rig
ht
4
Julie
I f
ound
it in
cred
ibly
cat
harti
c w
hich
I su
ppos
e in
man
y w
ays I
was
exp
ectin
g er
m (.
) you
kno
w th
e tw
o th
ings
that
I’ve
men
tione
d to
be
prof
ound
but
per
haps
not
qui
te a
s pro
foun
d as
it w
as e
rm a
nd
emot
iona
lly a
real
ly c
halle
ngin
g jo
urne
y er
m so
a m
ixed
arr
ay o
f em
otio
ns (.
) and
just
real
ly tr
ying
to
do
it fr
om a
ver
y ho
nest
per
spec
tive
(1) I
err
yea
h fo
und
it er
m it
was
a jo
urne
y an
d I r
emem
ber
sayi
ng to
Pip
in th
e
Cat
harti
c Pr
ofou
nd
Rea
lly c
halle
ngin
g jo
urne
y M
ixed
arr
ay o
f em
otio
ns
Cat
harti
c Pr
ofou
nd
Cha
lleng
ing
Jour
ney
Emot
iona
l
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e
5 In
t R
ight
yea
h
6 Ju
lie
In th
e de
brie
fing
on th
e la
st d
ay I
rem
embe
r mak
ing
the
anal
ogy
to a
lmos
t som
ethi
ng q
uite
sp
iritu
al b
ut I
thin
k it’
s bec
ause
we
lead
such
bus
y liv
es th
at I
had
the
time
to fo
cus o
n m
e w
hich
M
ark
is v
ery
rare
bei
ng a
wor
king
mum
Qui
te sp
iritu
al
Tim
e to
focu
s on
me
Rar
e op
portu
nity
Spiri
tual
R
efle
ctio
n R
are
oppo
rtuni
ty
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
7 In
t Y
eah
sure
righ
t rig
ht
8
Julie
A
nd it
was
erm
man
y w
ays i
t fel
t qui
te c
onte
mpl
ativ
e co
ntem
plat
ive
R
efle
ctio
n
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 9
Int
Um
m u
mm
10
Julie
A
nd it
’s o
nly
som
etim
es w
hen
we
stan
d st
ill th
at w
e ca
n re
ally
feel
and
hea
r wha
t’s g
oing
on
so
yeah
I fo
und
it ve
ry e
mot
iona
l but
real
ly w
onde
rful
R
eally
feel
& h
ear w
hat
is g
oing
on
Ver
y em
otio
nal
Won
derf
ul
Ref
lect
ion
Prof
ound
Em
otio
nal
Won
derf
ul
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
11
Int
Hm
m
App
endi
x 7
35
12
Julie
B
ut it
trul
y lo
okin
g ba
ck in
ans
wer
to y
our q
uest
ion
it fe
lt lik
e a
real
jour
ney
that
I w
ent o
n R
eal j
ourn
ey
Jour
ney
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 13
In
t R
ight
14
Julie
A
nd I
supp
ose
may
be h
ence
mak
ing
the
anal
ogy
of fe
elin
g sp
iritu
al in
som
e w
ay
Spi
ritua
l exp
erie
nce
Spiri
tual
Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
15
Int
Hm
m h
mm
16
Julie
G
ettin
g to
(lau
ghte
r) g
ettin
g to
(.) I
supp
ose
quite
ofte
n w
e pu
t a p
last
er o
ver o
ur e
mot
ions
and
we
just
try
and
disg
uise
thin
gs a
s bes
t we
can
and
this
felt
real
ly p
ainf
ul b
ecau
se y
ou’r
e ta
king
the
plas
ter o
ff an
d yo
u’re
just
alm
ost g
ettin
g to
the
very
root
cau
se o
f wha
t’s g
oing
on
erm
yea
h
Rea
lly p
ainf
ul
Like
taki
ng th
e pl
aste
r of
f G
ettin
g cl
ose
to th
e ro
ot
caus
e
Pain
ful
Dee
p ex
perie
nce
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e
17
Int
Gre
at th
ank
you
ther
e’s a
n aw
ful l
ot in
that
18
Julie
W
as th
ere
sorr
y (la
ught
er) s
orry
19
Int
No
that
’s g
ood
that
’s g
ood
it’s a
ver
y ve
ry ri
ch a
rea
so c
an y
ou sa
y ab
out a
bit
your
reas
ons f
or
taki
ng p
art
20
Julie
Y
eah
I rem
embe
r whe
n (.)
I w
as a
ctua
lly o
ff d
urin
g M
ay c
os a
s you
kno
w I
wor
k te
rm ti
me
and
was
off
dur
ing
that
per
iod
and
I was
alre
ady
doin
g so
me
othe
r wor
k an
d it
was
whe
n m
y co
lleag
ue
said
she’
d re
ceiv
ed th
e em
ail a
nd I
just
thou
ght i
t was
too
muc
h of
a w
onde
rful
pro
ject
to le
t go
so
I rem
embe
r tak
ing
my
girls
bac
k to
the
offic
e th
at d
ay ju
st to
star
t sen
ding
out
lette
rs e
rm c
os it
felt
like
I wan
ted
to b
e a
part
of it
and
I di
dn’t
wan
t to
mis
s
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
21
Int
Had
you
com
e ac
ross
it b
efor
e?
22
Ju
lie
I cam
e ac
ross
it a
hem
just
whe
n I s
tarte
d in
this
pos
t so
it w
as th
e Se
ptem
ber p
rior t
o yo
u er
r
23
Int
Less
than
a y
ear b
efor
e I c
onta
cted
you
24
Julie
Le
ss th
an a
yea
r (.)
it w
as a
pat
ient
and
pub
lic in
volv
emen
t reg
iona
l lea
ds m
eetin
g th
at’s
sort
of
quar
terly
and
it w
as so
meo
ne fr
om B
radf
ord
had
show
n a
film
and
it w
as to
do
with
a y
oung
med
ic
in tr
aini
ng a
nd F
ay m
y co
lleag
ue a
nd I
sat t
here
and
the
tear
s jus
t pou
red
I jus
t fou
nd it
so u
tterly
po
igna
nt y
eah
it w
as th
e w
ay in
whi
ch th
e yo
ung
med
ic w
as a
ctua
lly se
eing
the
elde
rly p
erso
n no
t ju
st a
s err
Kne
w th
e st
orie
s cou
ld
be p
oign
ant
Pow
er o
f sto
ries
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
25
Int
It is
the
one
whe
re th
e gu
y di
es in
thea
tre
26
Ju
lie
No
27
In
t O
h ok
28
Julie
H
e’s t
ryin
g to
cat
hete
rise
an e
lder
ly w
oman
29
Int
Yes
yes
I kn
ow th
e on
e
30
Julie
A
nd w
hy I
foun
d it
so p
oign
ant I
thin
k it
was
the
way
he
was
refle
ctin
g in
the
busy
ness
of h
is
care
er I
gues
s it’s
ver
y ea
sy to
see
som
eone
as j
ust a
bod
y bu
t he’
d ac
tual
ly li
nked
it to
the
pers
on
erm
and
ther
e w
as a
noth
er o
ne a
bout
a w
oman
hav
ing
I thi
nk it
was
arth
ritis
(.) e
rm h
er h
usba
nd
was
her
car
er a
nd I
just
sat t
here
and
ahh
I ju
st fo
und
it am
azin
g an
d it
was
just
seei
ng e
rr I
thin
k co
s I w
asn’
t exp
ectin
g it
Seen
som
e am
azin
g st
orie
s bef
ore
Pow
er o
f sto
ries
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
App
endi
x 7
36
31
Int
Rig
ht
32
Ju
lie
And
that
was
the
first
tim
e I c
ame
acro
ss it
(.) s
o fr
om th
en I
just
goo
gled
and
I ju
st th
ough
t thi
s is
terr
ific
so w
hen
(.) y
ou c
onta
cted
the
Trus
t it w
as li
ke h
ey y
our k
now
it w
ould
be
fant
astic
to g
et
peop
le in
volv
ed in
it (.
) yea
h so
the
first
tim
e w
hen
we
wen
t whe
n w
e m
et in
the
tow
n ha
ll an
d I
met
Pip
and
you
wer
e th
ere
and
ever
yone
els
e I w
as a
lread
y so
ld in
a w
ay b
ut I
didn
’t fe
el th
at I
coul
d ha
ve a
pla
ce b
ecau
se I
was
ther
e su
ppor
ting
Thou
ght i
t wou
ld b
e gr
eat t
o us
e th
e st
orie
s in
SH
SC
Util
ity
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
33
Int
Yea
h
34
Julie
Y
ou k
now
I ju
st th
ough
t tha
t I re
ally
real
ly w
ante
d to
do
it bu
t I d
idn’
t fee
l abl
e to
do
that
and
it
was
onl
y w
hen
you
know
I w
as lu
cky
to g
et a
pla
ce th
at’s
wha
t I’m
sayi
ng e
rm b
ut I
rem
embe
r du
ring
that
day
I tri
ed to
erm
som
eone
ther
e sa
ying
I ca
n’t s
ee th
e po
int o
f thi
s and
rem
embe
r the
n go
ing
into
my
mar
ketin
g an
d se
lling
mod
e sa
ying
it c
ould
real
ly b
enef
it yo
u bu
t cle
arly
it w
asn’
t rig
ht fo
r thi
s par
ticul
arly
lady
but
yes
Rea
lly w
ante
d to
mak
e a
stor
y ha
ving
seen
th
em b
efor
e Th
ough
t the
stor
ies
wer
e gr
eat
Enth
usia
sm
Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
U
sefu
lnes
s of
stor
ies
35
Int
Rig
ht o
k (la
ught
er)
36
Ju
lie
(Lau
ghte
r)
37
In
t So
(.) s
o I t
hink
wha
t you
are
sayi
ng is
you
’d a
lread
y se
en th
e st
orie
s fou
nd th
em e
xtre
mel
y po
wer
ful a
nd m
ovin
g Fo
und
the
stor
ies t
o be
po
wer
ful a
nd m
ovin
g Po
wer
of s
torie
s U
sefu
lnes
s of
stor
ies
38
Julie
Y
es
39
In
t A
nd th
ough
t it’d
be
cons
eque
ntly
a g
ood
thin
g to
do
in S
heff
ield
and
be
able
to
40
Ju
lie
Abs
olut
ely
41
In
t U
se th
ose
stor
ies w
ithin
the
Trus
t to
(inau
dibl
e)
42
Ju
lie
I thi
nk it
was
als
o fo
r me
just
a d
iffer
ent w
ay o
f doi
ng th
ings
look
ing
a th
ings
from
a c
reat
ive
poin
t of
vie
w
Like
that
it w
as
diffe
rent
and
cre
ativ
e U
tility
C
reat
ivity
U
sefu
lnes
s of
stor
ies
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 43
In
t U
mm
44
Julie
A
nd it
’s c
omin
g fr
om th
e he
art
Stor
ies c
ame
from
the
hear
t D
eep
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 45
In
t U
mm
46
Julie
So
meo
ne is
n’t b
eing
told
wha
t to
say
they
’re
not h
avin
g w
ord
put i
n th
eir m
outh
s its
com
ing
from
th
e he
art a
nd th
at’s
impo
rtant
Im
porta
nt th
at st
orie
s co
me
from
the
hear
t D
eep
Aut
hent
icity
H
ones
ty
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 47
In
t Y
eah
yeah
gre
at (.
) so
kind
of t
he n
ext q
uest
ions
I’ve
got
dow
n he
re re
ally
rela
te to
how
you
felt
durin
g th
e pr
oces
s (.)
afte
r the
pro
cess
and
kin
d of
kno
w 6
mon
ths d
own
the
line
48
Julie
Y
eah
it w
as in
tere
stin
g at
firs
t cos
whe
n I r
ealis
ed th
at I
was
luck
y en
ough
to h
ave
a pl
ace
I st
raig
ht a
way
thou
ght I
’ll d
o so
met
hing
on
PPI p
atie
nt a
nd p
ublic
invo
lvem
ent t
hat w
as m
y in
itial
th
ough
ts c
os I
thou
ght (
.) I w
ant t
o gi
ve so
met
hing
bac
k to
the
Trus
t and
I di
dn’t
wan
t to
be se
lfish
an
d it
was
onl
y er
r so
I was
real
ly to
ying
with
this
Wan
ted
to g
ive
som
ethi
ng b
ack
to th
e Tr
ust
49
Int
Um
m u
mm
50
Julie
It
was
that
nig
ht b
efor
e th
e fir
st d
ay o
f the
trai
ning
that
I ha
d a
drea
m fo
rgiv
e m
e if
I sou
nd li
ke
Dre
amt a
bout
Mum
App
endi
x 7
37
Mar
tin L
uthe
r Kin
g bu
t I h
ad a
dre
am a
nd in
the
drea
m M
um w
as a
bsol
utel
y vi
vid
and
it w
as m
e fin
ding
all
the
lette
rs
51
Int
Rig
ht y
es th
at y
our r
efer
to in
the
stor
y
52
Julie
A
nd it
was
rela
ting
back
to th
at a
nd I
just
thou
ght a
ctua
lly (.
) yes
so a
nyw
ay w
hen
I got
to
Whi
rlow
Gra
nge
that
day
I w
as st
ill th
inki
ng a
m I
bein
g se
lfish
shou
ld I
do P
PI w
hat w
ill b
enef
it an
d it
was
onl
y w
hen
we
sat r
ound
and
Pip
said
you
kno
w w
hat h
ave
your
cho
sen
that
I sa
id I
wou
ld li
ke to
focu
s on
Mum
(1) w
hile
rela
ting
this
stor
y bu
t als
o it
was
bec
ause
I w
ante
d to
be
on
the
sam
e jo
urne
y ev
eryb
ody
else
was
Wan
ted
to d
o a
pers
onal
st
orie
s rat
her t
han
wor
k re
late
d to
be
on th
e sa
me
jour
ney
as th
e ot
her p
eopl
e
Ope
nnes
s Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
53
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
54
Ju
lie
I fel
t if I
did
som
ethi
ng re
latin
g to
wor
k I w
ould
feel
out
side
of t
he g
roup
W
ante
d to
be
on th
e sa
me
jour
ney
Enga
gem
ent
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 55
In
t Y
eah
sure
56
Julie
A
nd I
supp
ose
I jus
t wan
ted
to sh
are
the
sam
e jo
urne
y w
hat e
very
one
was
goi
ng o
n W
ante
d to
be
on th
e sa
me
jour
ney
Enga
gem
ent
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 57
In
t O
k ok
58
Julie
So
hen
ce m
e ch
oosi
ng so
met
hing
ver
y pe
rson
al
Cho
se so
met
hing
ver
y pe
rson
al
Ope
nnes
s Pe
rson
al
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 59
In
t R
ight
righ
t ok
60
Ju
lie
And
I re
mem
ber w
hen
I cho
se it
I sa
t the
re a
nd ju
st so
bbed
and
I w
asn’
t exp
ectin
g it
and
I sat
ther
e an
d so
bbed
(.) a
nd e
vent
ually
it c
ame
out w
hat I
was
goi
ng to
cho
se so
I ye
ah e
mot
iona
l So
bbed
and
sobb
ed
Just
cho
osin
g th
e st
ory
was
em
otio
nal
Emot
iona
l Pa
infu
l Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
61
In
t So
whe
n yo
u w
ere
actu
ally
ask
ed
62
Ju
lie
Um
m y
eah
63
In
t W
hen
Pip
or w
hoev
er w
ent r
ound
in th
e ci
rcle
and
whe
n it
cam
e to
you
r tur
n
64
Julie
I j
ust b
lubb
ered
I ju
st e
rr c
ompl
etel
y C
ried
Emot
iona
l
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 65
In
t R
ight
66
Julie
H
mm
I do
n’t (
.) I d
on’t
thin
k I w
as e
xpec
ting
that
bec
ause
it’s
not
as i
f mum
die
d ye
ster
day
but i
t st
ill fe
lt ve
ry ra
w e
rr u
m so
that
was
qui
te te
lling
real
ly e
rm a
nd I
thin
k th
e w
hole
of t
he th
ree
days
th
at w
e ha
d (1
) uhh
it fe
lt lik
e ha
rd w
ork
and
hard
em
otio
nal w
ork
Was
n’t e
xpec
ting
to c
ry
as m
um d
ied
year
s ago
H
ard
emot
iona
l wor
k
Surp
risin
gly
mov
ing
Emot
iona
l D
iffic
ult
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e 67
In
t Y
eah
yeah
68
Julie
A
nd I
wou
ld g
et h
ome
at n
ight
and
obv
ious
ly h
ave
to g
o in
to li
ke m
um m
ode
and
try a
nd b
e th
e Th
ough
t abo
ut st
ory
App
endi
x 7
38
care
give
r and
eve
ryth
ing
else
you
are
whe
n yo
u le
ave
wor
k an
d er
m I
still
wan
ted
to h
ave
time
to
find
the
phot
os c
os I
knew
I ha
d th
ese
phot
os so
eve
n w
hen
I got
hom
e m
y m
ind
was
still
focu
ssed
on
that
tryi
ng to
find
the
err i
n m
y he
ad I
knew
the
exac
t one
s I w
ante
d an
d I k
new
they
wer
e in
a
safe
pla
ce
whe
n at
hom
e at
nig
ht
69
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
70
Ju
lie
But
it w
as ju
st tr
ying
to fi
nd th
em so
yea
h it
felt
like
thre
e da
ys o
f em
otio
nal w
ork
but I
will
ho
nest
ly sa
y th
at w
ithou
t Pip
and
Ton
y an
d w
as it
Jo a
s wel
l H
ard
emot
iona
l wor
k Em
otio
nal
Diff
icul
t Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
71
In
t Y
eah
Jo y
eah
72
Ju
lie
They
did
it so
min
dful
ly I
felt
look
ed a
fter I
felt
very
ver
y sa
fe (1
) and
I th
ink
it w
ould
be
hard
pu
shed
and
I kn
ow w
hen
peop
le tr
y an
d th
ey sa
y w
e’re
mak
ing
a fil
m a
nd it
’s li
ke w
ell h
ave
you
cont
acte
d Pi
p? h
ave
you
cont
acte
d To
ny?
Cos
I th
ink
with
out t
heir
supp
ort a
nd w
ithou
t gui
ding
m
e it
wou
ldn’
t hav
e fe
lt th
e sa
me
Min
dful
faci
litat
ion
Mad
e to
feel
safe
V
ery
impo
rtant
to
proc
ess
Felt
safe
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
73
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
74
Ju
lie
So th
ere
was
a h
undr
ed p
er c
ent t
rust
10
0% tr
ust
Trus
t Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
75
Int
Um
m
76
Ju
lie
Erm
and
the
grou
p w
as a
maz
ing
(.) it
was
real
ly (.
) to
be a
ble
to tr
ust s
trang
ers (
.) is
qui
te h
ard
real
ly to
do
that
and
to h
ones
tly b
e ab
le to
trus
t (.)
so I
thin
k w
hy I
foun
d it
so h
ard
it w
as e
rm
wan
ting
to b
e as
hon
est a
s pos
sibl
e
Gro
up w
as a
maz
ing
Trus
ted
rest
of g
roup
w
hich
was
diff
icul
t W
ante
d to
be
as h
ones
t as
pos
sibl
e
Supp
ort
Trus
t H
ones
t
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
77
Int
Rig
ht
78
Ju
lie
Erm
79
Int
And
was
that
som
ethi
ng th
at y
ou c
ame
with
or t
hat c
ame
out o
f the
pro
cess
per
haps
80
Julie
M
mm
abs
olut
ely
erm
I ca
me
with
it b
ut i
didn
’t th
ink
it w
ould
be
such
an
emot
ive
thin
g to
do
and
I thi
nk th
e pr
oces
s hel
ped
you
to b
e ho
nest
and
it w
as so
rt of
rela
ted
back
to fe
elin
g sa
fe e
rm (1
) so
yeah
Did
n’t e
xpec
t it t
o be
so
emot
iona
l Pr
oces
s hel
ped
her t
o be
ho
nest
bec
ause
it w
as
safe
Surp
risin
g Em
otio
nal
Hon
esty
Sa
fety
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
81
Int
So it
soun
ds li
ke p
rior t
here
was
a c
erta
in a
mou
nt o
f anx
iety
abo
ut w
hat t
o do
the
stor
y on
82
Julie
U
mm
um
m
83
In
t A
nd th
en d
urin
g th
e th
ree
days
it w
as (.
) wel
l a lo
t of e
rm v
ery
stro
ng e
mot
ions
som
e of
them
ver
y pa
infu
l but
als
o fe
elin
g sa
fe
Stro
ng e
mot
ions
Pa
infu
l B
ut fe
lt sa
fe
Emot
iona
l Pa
infu
l Fe
lt sa
fe
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e C
atha
rtic
App
endi
x 7
39
expe
rienc
e Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
84
Julie
A
bsol
utel
y
85
Int
And
then
afte
rwar
ds
86
Ju
lie
It to
ok so
me
time
to re
cove
ry it
was
so y
ou k
now
stra
ight
bac
k to
wor
k th
e ne
xt d
ay (.
) and
it fe
lt re
ally
stra
nge
it fe
lt lik
e yo
u’d
been
in th
is c
ocoo
n fo
r thr
ee d
ays
Took
som
e tim
e to
re
cove
r M
ovin
g pr
ofou
nd
expe
rienc
e Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
87
Int
Rig
ht
88
Ju
lie
May
be it
’s w
here
you
r hea
d is
it’s
a h
ead
spac
e w
here
you
’ve
allo
wed
you
rsel
f to
be b
ut it
was
al
so in
the
com
pany
of e
very
one
and
then
all
of su
dden
it’s
bac
k in
to w
ork
and
it fe
lt ve
ry u
nrea
l uh
h
Bee
n in
a d
iffer
ent
head
spac
e G
oing
bac
k to
no
rmal
ity w
as a
shoc
k
Mov
ing
prof
ound
ex
perie
nce
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e
89
Int
Wor
k di
d
90
Julie
V
ery
unre
al it
was
alm
ost l
ike
ehh
(.) tw
o so
rt of
par
alle
l dim
ensi
ons
91
In
t R
ight
92
Julie
Th
e on
e w
here
you
r em
otio
ns a
re a
bsol
utel
y up
fron
t and
raw
and
then
bac
k in
to a
n en
viro
nmen
t w
here
it’s
like
ohh
alm
ost n
eedi
ng to
put
a li
d on
it fo
r a ti
me
(1) s
o ye
ah it
took
(.) I
rem
embe
r em
ailin
g Pi
p sa
ying
(.) i
t’s ta
king
a li
ttle
bit l
onge
r to
feel
fully
reco
vere
d
Emot
ions
wer
e up
fron
t an
d ra
w in
wor
ksho
p cf
hi
dden
in e
very
day
life
Ope
nnes
s Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
93
Int
Rig
ht o
k
94
Julie
Er
m y
eah
95
In
t So
it to
ok a
whi
le a
nd n
ow si
x m
onth
s dow
n th
e lin
e
96
Julie
I s
uppo
se w
hat’s
diff
eren
t now
is I
coul
dn’t
wai
t for
my
girls
to se
e it
even
thou
gh y
ou k
now
they
m
oane
d ab
out t
he o
ne o
f the
pic
ture
s cos
they
said
it’s
not
the
best
one
and
you
kno
w b
ut h
ey h
o an
d th
ey fe
lt qu
ite n
ervo
us a
t firs
t abo
ut m
aybe
peo
ple
acro
ss th
e w
orld
will
see
pict
ures
of t
hem
bu
t the
y fe
el fi
ne w
ith th
at a
nd it
’s q
uite
a n
ice
touc
h to
con
nect
to d
iffer
ent p
arts
of t
he w
orld
but
ho
w d
o I f
eel n
ow?
I fee
l as t
houg
h I’
ve le
ft a
lega
cy b
ehin
d of
mum
Has
a le
gacy
of m
um
whi
ch fe
els r
eally
goo
d K
een
for g
irls t
o se
e it
Lega
cy
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
97
Int
Yea
h
98
Julie
W
hich
feel
s rea
lly re
ally
goo
d (1
) so
a nu
mbe
r of p
eopl
e ha
ve se
en it
and
I sh
owed
a re
ally
goo
d gi
rlfrie
nd o
f min
e an
d sh
e ju
st so
bbed
and
sobb
ed b
ecau
se it
abs
olut
ely
tapp
ed in
to h
er m
um a
nd
how
her
mum
die
d an
d so
feel
ing
the
pow
er o
f the
film
I ha
ven’
t err
show
n it
to m
y da
d th
ere
just
ha
sn’t
been
a g
ood
time
whe
n he
’s b
een
on h
is o
wn
Show
n it
to fr
iend
s Po
wer
ful f
ilm
Not
show
n to
dad
as
ther
e’s n
ot b
een
a go
od
time
Shar
ed w
ith
frie
nds
Pow
erfu
l film
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
99
Int
Rig
ht
10
0 Ju
lie
Erm
and
bec
ause
it’s
so p
ower
ful I
’m fr
ight
ened
of (
.) an
d so
I ga
ve d
ad th
e w
ebsi
te a
nd sa
id
whe
n yo
u ha
ve a
mom
ent
Film
is so
pow
erfu
l she
is
frig
hten
ed o
f effe
ct
on h
er D
ad
101
Int
Ok
yes y
es
10
2 Ju
lie
Look
at i
t erm
(1) s
o ye
ah I
feel
it w
as re
ally
wor
th d
oing
(.) I
’ll st
ill ta
ke a
look
at i
t and
I fe
el in
m
any
way
s tha
t the
re w
as a
real
reso
lve
in m
e (.)
erm
hav
ing
done
it
Feel
’s it
was
real
ly
wor
th d
oing
Fe
lt a
real
reso
lve
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Enga
gem
ent
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
Prof
ound
App
endi
x 7
40
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
103
Int
Rig
ht o
k
104
Julie
A
s I so
rt of
said
it fe
lt ve
ry c
atha
rtic
it co
s I a
lway
s fel
t as t
houg
h I h
adn’
t car
ed fo
r mum
eno
ugh
and
it’s o
nly
whe
n (.)
cos
it fe
lt lik
e a
com
plic
ated
dea
th it
s onl
y af
terw
ards
whe
n I r
efle
ct th
at I
thin
k I d
id a
dore
you
Felt
very
cat
harti
c C
hang
ed th
e w
ay s
he
felt
abou
t the
way
she’
s ca
red
for m
um -
posi
tivel
y
Cat
harti
c Po
sitiv
e re
fram
ing
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
105
Int
Um
m I
thin
k th
at c
omes
thru
ver
y st
rong
ly
10
6 Ju
lie
But
may
be it
’s o
nly
whe
n yo
u do
hav
e tim
e to
refle
ct o
ther
wis
e (.)
you
alw
ays t
hink
I co
uld
have
do
ne b
ette
r i c
ould
hav
e do
ne it
this
way
I sh
ould
hav
e do
ne th
at a
nd it
s onl
y af
terw
ard
you
thin
k ah
h I w
asn’
t so
bad
(laug
hter
)
Tim
e to
refle
ct
Aw
are
of se
lf cr
itici
sm
Ref
lect
ion
Insi
ght
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e C
atha
rtic
expe
rienc
e
107
Int
I’m
sure
you
wer
en’t
(laug
hter
) rig
ht so
gen
eral
ly ju
st to
try
and
(1) i
t’s h
ad a
pos
itive
eff
ect
10
8 Ju
lie
Abs
olut
ely
Posi
tive
effe
ct
Posi
tive
impa
ct
C
atha
rtic
expe
rienc
e
109
Int
So
11
0 Ju
lie
Yea
h
111
Int
And
cou
ld y
ou sp
ecul
ate
as I
know
as w
hy th
at is
do
you
thin
k an
d I k
now
you
’ve
said
the
bit
abou
t
112
Julie
I t
hink
it w
as re
ally
hav
ing
the
time
and
the
spac
e an
d ha
ving
peo
ple
arou
nd y
ou to
alm
ost (
.) I
can’
t rea
lly sa
y w
ell m
aybe
teas
e th
ings
out
of y
ou o
r (.)
just
to fe
el so
pro
tect
ed in
a sp
ace
that
yo
u ha
d I d
on’t
wan
t to
say
the
perm
issi
on y
ou w
ere
able
to e
xpre
ss y
ours
elf i
n su
ch a
n ho
nest
w
ay
Hav
ing
time
and
spac
e Pe
ople
to h
elp
you
expr
ess y
ours
elf
Feel
ing
safe
B
eing
abl
e to
exp
ress
yo
urse
lf ho
nest
ly
Opp
ortu
nity
R
efle
ctio
n Fe
lt sa
fe
Expr
essi
on
Hon
esty
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
11
3 In
t H
mm
hm
m
11
4 Ju
lie
Err e
m b
ut I
do th
ink
it w
as a
bout
hav
ing
the
time
to d
o th
at
11
5 In
t R
ight
ok
cos t
here
are
a n
umbe
r of e
lem
ents
whi
ch a
re (1
) pot
entia
lly q
uite
impo
rtant
not
ne
cess
arily
uni
que
but m
aybe
unu
sual
in th
is in
that
you
’re
in a
spac
e w
here
oth
er p
eopl
e ar
e be
ing
hone
st a
nd sh
arin
g ve
ry d
iffic
ult y
ou k
now
Bei
ng w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
shar
ing
diff
icul
t ex
perie
nces
Shar
ing
expe
rienc
e Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
116
Julie
Y
eah
11
7 In
t V
ery
diff
icul
t tra
umat
ic st
orie
s and
the
othe
r and
I su
ppos
e th
ere’
s tha
t asp
ect o
f hav
ing
an
audi
ence
bot
h in
the
room
at t
he ti
me
or k
now
ing
that
you
’ll b
e sh
owin
g it
but t
hen
also
kno
win
g th
at p
oten
tially
any
body
who
look
s at t
he w
ebsi
te c
an se
e it
but i
t’s a
lso
som
ethi
ng y
ou a
s you
say
you’
ve sh
own
it to
you
kno
w fr
iend
s chi
ldre
n
Hav
ing
an a
udie
nce
- in
the
wor
ksho
p an
d la
ter v
ia th
e w
ebsi
te
Show
ing
it to
frie
nds
Shar
ing
stor
y U
sefu
lnes
s of
stor
ies
118
Julie
Y
eah
11
9 In
t So
thos
e ar
e th
e so
rt of
asp
ects
whi
ch p
oten
tially
hav
e an
impa
ct
App
endi
x 7
41
120
Julie
Y
eah
I thi
nk a
t firs
t cos
you
can
alm
ost f
eel e
rm (1
) I re
mem
ber o
n th
e fir
st d
ay a
nd it
was
ear
ly o
n an
d I j
ust c
ried
and
crie
d (.)
but
that
felt
ok
Crie
d lo
ts a
nd th
at fe
lt ok
Em
otio
nal
Cry
ing
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
121
Int
Hm
m
12
2 Ju
lie
Whi
ch so
unds
real
ly p
erha
ps st
rang
e in
a g
roup
of p
eopl
e th
at y
ou’v
e ne
ver m
et b
efor
e bu
t it f
elt
ok to
do
that
O
k to
cry
in fr
ont o
f st
rang
ers
Supp
ort
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t 12
3 In
t U
mm
124
Julie
Er
m w
hich
is q
uite
unu
sual
in so
me
way
s erm
(1) b
ut h
ow I
thin
k (.)
Pip
Ton
y an
d Jo
han
dled
it
you’
re a
ble
to d
o th
at
Unu
sual
situ
atio
n R
are
oppo
rtuni
ty
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t 12
5 In
t Y
eah
12
6 Ju
lie
Erm
yea
h
127
Int
So e
rm (2
) I’m
just
won
derin
g ho
w w
heth
er y
ou c
an th
ink
of o
ther
way
s it’s
had
an
impa
ct o
n yo
ur li
fe a
part
from
just
the
emot
iona
l
128
Julie
U
mm
129
Int
Side
of t
hing
s
130
Julie
U
mm
I th
ink
from
a p
oint
of v
iew
of s
harin
g w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
and
givi
ng th
em th
e in
form
atio
n es
peci
ally
peo
ple
with
in th
e Tr
ust m
y co
lleag
ues f
or e
xam
ple
(1) t
ryin
g to
shar
e w
ith th
em h
ow
usef
ul it
has
bee
n fo
r oth
er m
embe
rs w
ho d
id it
for m
e w
ho d
id it
for e
xam
ple
to g
ive
hmm
car
ers
and
serv
ices
ano
ther
way
of t
ellin
g th
eir s
tory
hm
m e
very
mon
th I
pres
ent a
cor
pora
te in
duct
ion
to
our n
ew st
arte
rs
Impo
rtanc
e of
usi
ng
stor
ies t
o em
pow
er
user
s and
car
ers
Use
s the
m in
the
staf
f in
duct
ion
Util
ity
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
131
Int
Ah
right
132
Julie
A
nd I
alw
ays s
how
a sh
ort f
ilm a
t the
mom
ent i
t’s th
e do
ctor
and
the
door
mou
se
13
3 In
t R
ight
134
Julie
W
hich
goe
s dow
n
135
Int
Is th
at o
ne o
f the
dig
ital s
torie
s
136
Julie
Y
eah
13
7 In
t I’
ve n
ot se
en th
at o
ne
13
8 Ju
lie
It’s a
won
derf
ul o
ne it
epi
tom
ises
how
pat
ient
s ofte
n kn
ow b
ette
r tha
n th
e er
r doc
tor
13
9 In
t R
ight
140
Julie
Th
e cl
inic
ian
14
1 In
t R
ight
142
Julie
It’
s a re
ally
real
ly u
sefu
l one
or I
’ll sh
ow N
ev W
heel
er’s
stor
y
143
Int
Rig
ht I
don’
t thi
nk I’
ve se
en th
at
14
4 Ju
lie
Yea
h Pe
aks a
nd T
roug
hs so
ther
e’s a
rang
e I u
se
14
5 In
t Y
eah
yeah
146
Julie
So
I su
ppos
e it’
s my
way
of l
ettin
g pe
ople
kno
w a
bout
the
stor
ies
Prom
otes
the
stor
ies
Util
ity
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s 14
7 In
t U
mm
um
m
14
8 Ju
lie
So th
ey c
an u
se th
em (3
) urr
h
App
endi
x 7
42
149
Int
Fine
fine
erm
I th
ink
we’
ve c
over
ed m
ost o
f the
poi
nts I
’ve
got d
own
here
erm
and
I do
n’t w
ant t
o le
ad y
ou d
own
any
aven
ues (
.) su
gges
t put
sugg
estio
ns in
you
r min
d (.)
are
ther
e an
y ot
her t
hing
s?
150
Julie
I t
hink
pro
babl
y w
hat w
e ta
lked
abo
ut in
the
first
pla
ce b
eing
abl
e to
afte
r the
(1) a
fter t
he th
ird d
ay
and
afte
r we
wat
ched
the
film
s had
a li
ttle
prem
ier
151
Int
Mm
152
Julie
W
ithin
the
(.) in
fron
t of e
very
one
(.) it
was
not
ing
how
the
film
s cou
ld b
e us
ed w
ithin
the
Trus
t W
antin
g to
use
the
film
s U
tility
U
sefu
lnes
s of
stor
ies
153
Int
Rig
ht y
eah
15
4 Ju
lie
And
cle
arly
ther
e w
ere
som
e th
at c
ould
be
used
155
Int
Rig
ht y
eah
15
6 Ju
lie
And
you
kno
w th
e so
rt of
safe
ty is
sues
and
thin
gs li
ke th
at a
nd so
it w
as ju
st re
ally
wan
ting
to
mak
e us
e of
them
and
letti
ng p
eopl
e kn
ow th
at th
ey c
an (.
) wel
l if t
he fu
ndin
g w
as th
ere
they
cou
ld
mak
e a
stor
y ob
viou
sly
Wan
ting
to u
se th
e fil
ms a
nd w
antin
g ot
her
peop
le to
kno
w th
at
they
cou
ld a
lso
mak
e th
eir o
wn
stor
ies
Util
ity
Shar
ing
stor
ies
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
157
Int
Yea
h ye
ah I
gues
s the
re a
few
oth
er a
spec
t I c
ould
may
be to
uch
on
15
8 Ju
lie
Ok
15
9 In
t Er
m I
supp
ose
one
is e
rm w
ell h
as it
hel
ped
you
to se
e th
ings
diff
eren
tly a
roun
d yo
ur re
latio
nshi
p w
ith y
our m
um o
r the
circ
umst
ance
s aro
und
her d
eath
or
160
Julie
I t
hink
the
circ
umst
ance
s you
kno
w I
abso
lute
ly a
dore
d m
um b
ut b
ecau
se I
felt
it w
as a
co
mpl
icat
ed d
eath
in m
any
way
s her
not
bei
ng d
iagn
osed
ear
ly
161
Int
Rig
ht
16
2 Ju
lie
So (.
) you
kno
w (.
) fro
m th
e da
te o
f dia
gnos
is o
n th
e 6th
and
dea
d on
the
16th
was
ver
y ve
ry q
uick
163
Int
Rig
ht
16
4 Ju
lie
Erm
nev
er h
avin
g tim
e to
alm
ost c
ome
to te
rms w
ith th
at e
rm h
ow q
uick
ly sh
e di
ed a
nd a
lway
s be
lievi
ng w
hy d
idn’
t we
know
? W
hy c
ould
n’t w
e te
ll th
ere
was
som
ethi
ng?
(.) a
nd I
thin
k al
so
livin
g w
ith a
mum
who
suffe
red
from
dep
ress
ion
erm
(.) I
supp
osed
it’s
mad
e m
e m
uch
mor
e m
indf
ul o
f loo
king
afte
r me
Not
had
tim
e to
com
e to
te
rms w
ith h
er d
eath
U
nans
wer
ed q
uest
ions
D
oubt
Ref
lect
ion
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rienc
e
165
Int
Rig
ht
16
6 Ju
lie
Cos
I ca
n se
e ce
rtain
sign
s erm
(1) s
o ye
ah in
som
e w
ays q
uite
lear
ning
cur
ve b
ut it
real
ly fe
els
like
(.) th
e hu
ge a
mou
nt o
f gui
lt I f
elt c
os I
was
n’t t
here
dur
ing
Stee
p le
arni
ng c
urve
H
as h
ad fe
elin
gs o
f gu
ilt c
os sh
e w
asn’
t w
ith m
um w
hen
she
died
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g C
atha
rtic
expe
rienc
e
167
Int
Rig
ht w
hen
she
died
168
Julie
Y
eah
(.) th
at m
akin
g th
e fil
m ju
st h
elpe
d m
e re
flect
on
the
posi
tive
whi
ch I
thin
k in
man
y w
ays i
s ju
st b
een
trem
endo
us c
os I
just
alw
ays v
iew
ed m
e as
such
as b
addy
who
was
n’t t
here
for m
um
Stor
y ha
s hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
on
the
posi
tive
Ver
y be
nefic
ial
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Cat
harti
c ex
perie
nce
16
9 In
t R
ight
170
Julie
So
you
kno
w it
’s re
ally
171
Int
And
now
you
don
’t
App
endi
x 7
43
172
Julie
I s
till t
hink
I co
uld’
ve d
one
mor
e th
at’s
that
’s m
e St
ill d
oubt
s tha
t she
did
en
ough
St
ill d
oubt
s he
rsel
f Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
173
Int
Rig
ht o
k ok
174
Julie
Er
m
17
5 In
t M
m a
nd I
supp
ose
anot
her a
spec
t whi
ch y
ou’v
e to
uche
d on
is th
e ki
nd o
f mm
ove
rcom
ing
inhi
bitio
ns
176
Julie
M
mm
177
Int
Abo
ut n
ot b
eing
abl
e to
shar
e yo
u kn
ow d
iffic
ult e
xper
ienc
es o
r diff
icul
t em
otio
ns w
ith o
ther
pe
ople
178
Julie
Y
eah
and
I thi
nk it
’s q
uite
ehh
(1) i
t’s a
lmos
t lik
e yo
u kn
ow h
avin
g th
at st
iff u
pper
lip
it’s l
ike
bein
g st
rong
for e
very
one
else
Pr
evio
usly
not
abl
e to
sh
are
feel
ings
O
penn
ess w
ith
feel
ings
Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
179
Int
Mm
mm
180
Julie
A
nd g
osh
ther
e’s n
othi
ng w
rong
with
mum
’s c
ryin
g in
fron
t of t
heir
daug
hter
s you
kno
w in
fron
t of
thei
r chi
ldre
n bu
t it’s
act
ually
just
alm
ost g
ivin
g yo
urse
lf pe
rmis
sion
to c
ry
Feel
s lik
e sh
e ne
eds
perm
issi
on to
cry
O
penn
ess w
ith
feel
ings
Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
181
Int
Mm
mm
182
Julie
Er
r (.)
and
I thi
nk if
I w
ould
hav
e ch
osen
som
ethi
ng li
ke p
atie
nt a
nd p
ublic
invo
lvem
ent a
nd n
ot
this
it w
ould
hav
e fe
lt so
diff
eren
t Mar
k w
e w
ould
n’t b
e ha
ving
this
sam
e co
nver
satio
n
183
Int
No
no
18
4 Ju
lie
I wou
ld h
ave
been
doi
ng it
bec
ause
the
corp
orat
e si
de o
f me
was
sayi
ng
18
5 In
t R
ight
ok
18
6 Ju
lie
Do
this
you
kno
w b
ut I
did
it fr
om a
hea
rtfel
t dec
isio
n (.)
so a
lthou
gh it
felt
selfi
sh in
som
e w
ays
(.) it
felt
right
in o
ther
s H
eart-
felt
deci
sion
to
talk
abo
ut h
er m
um
Dee
p Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
187
Int
Mm
mm
mm
but
I th
ink
the
way
you
’ve
done
it in
fact
I’m
pre
tty su
re a
bout
this
you
’ve
ente
red
into
it m
ore
who
lly
188
Julie
A
bsol
utel
y
189
Int
Or v
ery
who
lly a
ctua
lly
19
0 Ju
lie
Yea
h W
holly
invo
lved
in
proc
ess
Dee
p Pr
ofou
nd
emot
iona
l ex
perie
nce
191
Int
Whe
reas
you
kno
w if
you
’d h
ave
just
talk
ed a
spec
ts o
f you
r job
or w
hate
ver y
ou’d
hav
e us
ed th
e te
chno
logy
but
it w
ould
hav
e be
en v
ery
diffe
rent
192
Julie
Y
eah
19
3 In
t A
ctua
lly th
e w
hole
moo
d of
the
who
le w
orks
hop
cou
ld h
ave
been
diff
eren
t bec
ause
of t
hat
19
4 Ju
lie
I thi
nk so
195
Int
So a
ctua
lly w
hat y
ou d
id w
as p
roba
bly
not s
elfis
h
196
Julie
O
k uh
h ok
(lau
ghte
r) o
k
197
Int
You
kno
w y
ou e
nter
ed it
fully
in th
e sp
irit o
f it s
o (.)
any
oth
er la
st c
omm
ents
App
endi
x 7
44
198
Julie
N
o I t
hink
from
an
artis
tic p
oint
of v
iew
it fe
lt re
ally
as t
houg
h I w
ante
d to
mak
e so
met
hing
that
w
ould
last
a lo
ng ti
me
(.) e
rm a
nd I
(.) y
ou k
now
wha
t I w
as sa
ying
bef
ore
that
eac
h of
the
girls
ha
ve a
dis
c
Wan
ted
to le
ave
a le
gacy
of h
er m
um fo
r he
r girl
s
Lega
cy
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
199
Int
Rig
ht
20
0 Ju
lie
And
it d
oes i
t fee
l lik
e I’
ve I’
ve le
ft so
met
hing
for t
hem
201
Int
Mm
m
20
2 Ju
lie
Err t
o se
e (.)
and
I th
ink
it’s a
lso
som
e of
the
pict
ures
they
’ve
seen
of m
um o
ne th
at si
ts o
n ou
r (.)
man
telp
iece
in th
e si
tting
room
fire
plac
e so
rry
in th
e si
tting
room
erm
mum
’s lo
okin
g ol
der a
nd I
thin
k w
hen
you’
re li
ttle
you
forg
et th
at p
eopl
e w
ere
once
you
ng a
nd p
erha
ps re
ally
203
Int
Ok
yeah
204
Julie
So
it’s
als
o gi
ving
them
a d
iffer
ent v
isua
l im
age
of w
hat t
heir
gran
ny o
nce
look
ed li
ke a
nd h
er
havi
ng a
life
she
was
n’t j
ust m
y m
um so
err
just
tryi
ng to
giv
e a
roun
ded
pict
ure
uhh
(laug
hter
) G
ives
the
girls
a
diffe
rent
mor
e ro
unde
d pe
rspe
ctiv
e on
thei
r gr
anny
Shar
e st
ory
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s
205
Int
Ok
20
6 Ju
lie
Yes
207
Int
Rig
ht th
ank
you
M
artin
tran
scri
pt a
naly
sis
Sec
tion
Firs
t ord
er c
odin
g Se
cond
ord
er
codi
ng
Inte
rvie
w th
emes
1 M
artin
I s
uppo
se (.
) hav
ing
done
it e
spec
ially
the
seco
nd o
ne (.
) erm
yea
h th
ings
not
the
sam
e th
ings
ha
ve c
hang
ed fo
r me
to y
ou k
now
that
ext
ent r
eally
(.)
Life
has
cha
nged
B
enef
icia
l Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
2 In
t Y
es
3
Mar
tin
And
that
's th
e di
ffer
ence
yea
h it'
s pro
babl
y go
od fo
r you
r res
earc
h re
ally
4 In
t M
m m
m
5
Mar
tin
The
ther
apeu
tic v
alue
it's
had
on m
e (.)
cos
(.) t
he d
iffer
ence
the
first
one
and
the
seco
nd o
ne is
ju
st (.
) B
een
ther
apeu
tic
Ben
efic
ial
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
6
Int
How
you
wer
e w
hen
you
did
them
7 M
artin
Th
e se
cond
one
esp
ecia
lly (.
) if (
.) w
ell y
ou'v
e ac
tual
ly se
en th
em so
you
kno
w th
e di
ffere
nce
betw
een
how
it st
arts
bet
wee
n th
e fir
st a
nd se
cond
(.) a
nd e
rm (.
) I w
as fr
ight
ened
to d
eath
at t
he
end
of th
e fir
st o
ne (l
augh
ter)
don
't ge
t me
wro
ng I
was
gla
d I'd
don
e it
Frig
hten
ed a
fter t
he
first
stor
y G
lad
he’d
don
e it
Uns
ettli
ng
Plea
sed
D
iffic
ult p
roce
ss
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
8 In
t O
hh y
eah
yes
9
Mar
tin
I was
real
ly g
lad
I'd d
one
it it'
s jus
t (.)
erm
(1) w
ell w
e w
ere
goin
g to
hav
e a
little
mee
ting
afte
r bu
t bec
ause
it ra
n so
late
we
ende
d up
not
hav
ing
the
mee
ting
Gla
d he
’d d
one
it
Plea
sed
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
10
Int
The
heal
ing
jour
neys
one
11
Mar
tin
Yes
12
Int
So d
id y
ou sh
ow th
e st
orie
s?
App
endi
x 7
45
13
Mar
tin
Yea
h w
e ha
d a
prem
ier a
nd th
at w
as fi
ne b
ut th
ings
wer
e ru
nnin
g th
at la
te th
at a
ll of
us t
hat w
ere
goin
g fo
r err
(.) m
eet u
p af
ter d
idn'
t mee
t up
so it
end
ed u
p w
ith m
e an
d it
was
just
all
the
wei
rd
thin
gs g
oing
roun
d in
my
head
you
kno
w (.
) all
of a
sudd
en (.
) the
re's
mill
ions
of p
eopl
e go
ing
to
see
this
they
're a
ll go
ing
to sw
itch
on a
six
o'cl
ock
(laug
hter
) it w
as th
at so
rt of
daf
t thi
ng th
at
wen
t thr
ough
my
head
that
you
kno
w a
t six
o'cl
ock
ever
yone
's go
ing
to sw
itch
on a
nd se
e th
is
thin
g (.)
and
of c
ours
e th
at w
as n
ever
par
t of i
t any
way
cos
I ha
d th
e op
tion
of g
oing
on
the
inte
rnet
or n
ot
Left
him
shak
en
Wor
ried
abou
t lot
s of
peop
le se
eing
his
stor
y –
left
feel
ing
vuln
erab
le
Uns
ettli
ng
Felt
vuln
erab
le
Diff
icul
t pro
cess
14
Int
Yes
sure
15
Mar
tin
It's j
ust t
hat I
said
yea
h in
tern
et d
oesn
't bo
ther
me
and
I go
oh g
od e
very
one's
goi
ng to
see
it bu
t of
cou
rse
it w
as a
nony
mou
s any
way
W
orrie
d ab
out l
ots o
f pe
ople
seei
ng h
is st
ory
– le
ft fe
elin
g vu
lner
able
Felt
vuln
erab
le
Diff
icul
t pro
cess
16
Int
You
rs is
ver
y an
onym
ous y
es
17
M
artin
W
ith th
e fir
st o
ne y
eah
but w
ith th
e se
cond
one
at l
east
you
see
me
18
In
t Y
eah
19
M
artin
So
it's
just
that
's th
e pr
ogre
ssio
n I'v
e go
ne d
own
(1) t
hat I
feel
stro
ng e
noug
h to
do
that
Fe
elin
g a
lot s
trong
er a
s a
resu
lt Fe
els s
trong
er
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
20
In
t R
ight
ok
to b
e le
ss a
nony
mou
s
21
Mar
tin
Ano
ther
yea
r dow
n th
e ro
ad a
nd y
eah
perh
aps I
'll b
e th
ere
sayi
ng c
ome
on y
ou k
now
full
up
fron
t Ex
pect
s re
cove
ry to
pe
rsis
t O
ptim
istic
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
22
Int
Mm
mm
23
Mar
tin
But
it's
just
the
conf
iden
ce I
got f
rom
it
Gai
ned
in c
onfid
ence
M
ore
conf
iden
t Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
24
Int
Rig
ht o
k so
it g
ave
you
conf
iden
ce in
you
r life
in g
ener
al
25
M
artin
Y
eah
26
Int
Whi
ch is
goo
d
27
Mar
tin
Bril
liant
inni
t (la
ught
er) b
ut e
rm d
'you
wan
t to
know
the
reas
on I
star
ted
it in
the
first
pla
ce?
Rea
lly p
leas
ed w
ith
effe
ct it
’s h
ad
Plea
sed
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
28
Int
Yes
yea
h
29
Mar
tin
Wel
l I a
ctua
lly (.
) I'd
seen
a p
sych
olog
ist f
or a
ges f
or a
lmos
t a y
ear s
o I u
nder
stoo
d w
hat w
as
caus
ing
the
prob
lem
s K
new
wha
t was
cau
sing
hi
s pro
blem
s A
war
e of
ow
n pr
oble
ms b
efor
e D
iffic
ulty
mov
ing
forw
ard
befo
re
30
Int
Rig
ht
31
M
artin
Th
en I
wen
t with
an
OT
(.) a
s my
care
coo
rdin
ator
and
she
enco
urag
ed m
e to
writ
e at
cer
tain
tim
es o
f the
day
whe
n I w
as g
ettin
g w
ound
up
and
notic
ed th
e tri
gger
s so
I'd b
asic
ally
star
ted
doin
g th
at (.
) and
then
I w
as e
ncou
rage
to w
rite
som
ethi
ng m
ainl
y fo
r me
(.) w
hich
I di
d I w
rote
pa
ges a
nd p
ages
of t
he st
uff b
ut I
mad
e it
into
an
artic
le fo
r You
r Voi
ce
Had
don
e th
erap
eutic
w
ritin
g be
fore
W
ritin
g ha
d be
en
help
ful b
efor
e Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
32
Int
Rig
ht w
hich
I've
read
33
Mar
tin
So th
at's
sort
of tu
rned
into
an
artic
le fo
r You
r Voi
ce b
asic
ally
and
it so
rt of
follo
ws o
n fr
om th
at
so I'
ve a
lway
s bee
n (.)
mor
e in
tere
sted
in st
uff t
ellin
g m
y st
ory
and
sort
of p
art o
f the
jour
ney
of
thin
gs th
at h
ave
help
ed o
r not
and
then
I w
as ju
st so
rt lik
e w
ould
you
like
to d
o th
e di
gita
l sto
ry?
So a
fter a
cou
ple
of w
eeks
of t
hink
ing
I sai
d ye
ah it
soun
ds g
ood
that
And
so w
as in
tere
sted
in
telli
ng h
is st
ory
Thou
ght i
t sou
nded
go
od
Wan
ted
to te
ll hi
s st
ory
Thou
ght i
t wou
ld
be g
ood
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
rs
App
endi
x 7
46
34
Int
So ju
st g
oing
bac
k to
you
r writ
ing
cos t
here
's tw
o as
pect
s of i
t you
star
ted
by w
ritin
g so
met
hing
fo
r you
rsel
f to
help
you
stru
ctur
e yo
ur id
eas
35
Mar
tin
Yea
h th
is is
it w
as a
lway
s mad
e ve
ry c
lear
that
wha
t I w
as w
ritin
g w
as n
ot fo
r any
body
els
e re
ally
H
ad o
nly
writ
ten
for
him
self
initi
ally
N
ew e
xper
ienc
e Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 36
In
t Su
re
37
M
artin
Er
m sh
e di
d sa
y th
at if
I w
ante
d to
show
her
that
was
fine
(.) b
ut it
was
n't p
art o
f doi
ng it
the
doin
g w
as fo
r me
to h
elp
me
to n
otic
e w
here
the
trigg
ers w
ere
and
thin
gs li
ke th
at th
ings
that
I w
as d
oing
that
mad
e m
e go
of
Writ
ing
had
been
to
help
him
not
ice
his
trigg
ers
Writ
ing
had
been
he
lpfu
l bef
ore
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
38
Int
So th
roug
h th
e pr
oces
s of w
ritin
g yo
u ha
d a
bette
r und
erst
andi
ng o
f you
rsel
f and
wha
t wer
e si
gns
of y
ou b
ecom
ing
mor
e ill
wer
e
39
Mar
tin
This
is it
I kn
ew w
hy I
was
doi
ng it
(.) t
hrou
gh th
e ps
ycho
logi
st
Writ
ing
help
ed h
im to
un
ders
tand
his
trig
gers
W
ritin
g ha
d be
en
help
ful b
efor
e Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 40
In
t R
ight
righ
t
41
Mar
tin
Bec
ause
of t
he tr
aum
a
42
Int
Mm
mm
43
Mar
tin
That
was
cau
sing
the
prob
lem
s but
wha
t I w
asn'
t rec
ogni
sing
was
the
ever
yday
life
thin
gs I
knew
I w
as g
oing
off
and
figh
ting
and
thin
gs li
ke th
at b
ut it
was
all
just
lum
ped
into
one
it w
as ju
st y
ou
know
like
jum
ping
from
one
to th
e ot
her w
here
as th
at w
as (.
) writ
ing
it do
wn
was
mor
e to
say
whe
re th
e tri
gger
s wer
e
44
Int
so it
hel
ped
45
M
artin
W
hat I
was
act
ually
doi
ng w
hen
I sta
rted
to g
o of
f
46
Int
So w
ould
it b
e rig
ht to
say
that
it h
elpe
d yo
u di
sent
angl
e th
ings
H
ad u
sed
writ
ing
to
help
him
mak
e se
nse
of
his b
ehav
iour
bef
ore
the
wor
ksho
p
Writ
ing
had
been
he
lpfu
l bef
ore
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
47
Mar
tin
This
is it
that
was
the
star
t of i
t
48
Int
Mak
ing
sens
e of
you
r eve
ryda
y lif
e an
d ho
w th
at re
late
d to
prio
r exp
erie
nces
49
Mar
tin
All
it w
as ju
st a
cas
e of
avo
idin
g ce
rtain
thin
gs b
ecau
se th
at w
as c
ausi
ng th
e pr
oble
ms
50
In
t M
m m
m
51
M
artin
M
m I'
ve g
ot to
say
that
erm
(.) t
hat d
urin
g th
at ti
me
it w
as lo
oked
at e
rr g
oing
to se
e a
psyc
hoth
erap
ist a
nd (.
) the
y sa
id it
was
pro
babl
y no
t a g
ood
idea
for m
e to
go
dow
n th
at ro
ute
(.)
beca
use
of th
e fit
s bec
ause
of t
he v
iole
nce
beca
use
I'm e
pile
ptic
as w
ell (
.) an
d so
two
tend
to b
e co
nnec
ted
Psyc
hoth
erap
y ha
d be
en
cons
ider
ed b
ut re
ject
ed
beca
use
of h
is e
pile
ptic
fit
s
War
y of
del
ving
in
to p
ast
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
52
Int
Rig
ht
53
M
artin
Th
e m
ore
viol
ent I
get
the
tend
to b
e m
ore
fits t
hat I
get
54
Int
Rig
ht so
you
wer
e of
fere
d ps
ycho
ther
apy
55
M
artin
N
o I w
as n
ot o
ffer
ed it
56
Int
Oh
ok
57
M
artin
Th
ey lo
oked
at g
oing
dow
n th
at ro
ute
ther
e w
as a
gre
at d
ebat
e be
twee
n th
e ps
ychi
atris
t and
the
psyc
hoth
erap
y se
rvic
es
58
Int
Rig
ht
App
endi
x 7
47
59
Mar
tin
And
giv
en w
hat t
hey
knew
(.) t
hey
thou
ght i
t wou
ld n
ot b
e su
ch a
s goo
d id
ea fo
r me
to g
o do
wn
that
rout
e of
psy
chot
hera
py
60
Int
Rig
ht
61
M
artin
C
os it
'd c
ause
too
man
y pr
oble
ms
62
In
t To
revi
sit y
our e
arly
life
exp
erie
nces
the
traum
atic
exp
erie
nces
63
Mar
tin
They
thou
ght I
was
bet
ter o
ff no
t goi
ng th
at ro
ad (l
augh
ter)
giv
en th
e I w
as p
rone
to v
iole
nce
then
so th
e na
tura
l rou
te w
as th
en to
hav
e a
look
at i
t mor
e as
a e
rr a
war
enes
s thi
ng
Dr t
houg
ht it
bes
t not
to
expl
ore
early
his
tory
in
psyc
hoth
erap
y be
caus
e of
risk
of v
iole
nt
outb
urst
s
War
y of
del
ving
in
to p
ast
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
64
Int
Rig
ht
65
M
artin
W
hat w
as c
ausi
ng th
e pr
oble
ms a
nd is
was
upt
o m
e ho
w I
reac
ted
to th
at it
was
mor
e on
ce I
was
aw
are
of th
em th
at I
wou
ld a
void
get
ting
in th
ose
circ
umst
ance
s W
ritin
g ha
d he
lped
him
co
ntro
l his
vio
lent
be
havi
our
Writ
ing
had
been
he
lpfu
l bef
ore
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
66
Int
Rig
ht so
if y
ou li
ke th
e di
gita
l sto
ryte
lling
is p
art o
f a p
roce
ss
67
M
artin
Th
is is
com
ing
tow
ards
mor
e of
the
end
of it
D
igita
l sto
ry is
par
t of
long
er p
roce
ss
Part
of b
igge
r pr
oces
s Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 68
In
t Y
eah
in te
rms o
f you
writ
ing
for y
ours
elf t
hen
shar
ing
your
stor
y w
ith Y
our V
oice
and
then
ob
viou
sly
this
is m
aybe
mor
e in
dep
th b
ut p
oten
tially
a la
rger
aud
ienc
e an
d us
ing
it in
diff
eren
t w
ays a
s wel
l thr
ough
you
r tea
chin
g
69
Mar
tin
Wel
l i d
o it
thro
ugh
the
teac
hing
and
that
side
but
(.) i
t's w
hen
you
com
e to
the
seco
nd o
ne th
at
this
is w
here
you
real
ly se
e th
e di
ffere
nces
U
ses s
tory
in te
achi
ng
Use
s sto
ry in
te
achi
ng
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
70
In
t M
m m
m
71
M
artin
A
nd I
say
thin
gs li
ke I'
ve a
ctua
lly b
roke
n th
e ch
ains
B
roke
n th
e ch
ains
B
roke
n th
e ch
ains
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
72
Int
Mm
mm
73
Mar
tin
Cos
eve
n af
ter t
he fi
rst o
ne th
ere
seem
ed to
be
the
chai
ns th
ere
even
thou
gh I
was
aw
are
of th
em
they
wer
e so
rt of
hol
ding
me
back
from
doi
ng w
hat I
wan
ted
to d
o A
fter t
he fi
rst s
tory
, th
ere
wer
e st
ill c
hain
s ho
ldin
g hi
m b
ack
from
do
ing
wha
t he
wan
ted
to d
o
Cou
ld fe
el c
hain
s ho
ldin
g hi
m b
ack
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
74
Int
Rig
ht
75
M
artin
U
ntil
afte
r I d
id th
e fir
st o
ne o
nce
I got
use
d to
the
fact
that
I'd
done
it a
nd (.
) set
tled
with
it (.
) yo
u kn
ow I
was
qui
te h
appy
A
fter t
he in
itial
shoc
k of
the
first
stor
y w
as
quite
hap
py
Plea
sed
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
76
Int
Mm
77
Mar
tin
And
I've
use
d it
thro
ugh
the
teac
hing
I do
and
it's
even
mad
e m
e go
fast
er d
own
the
road
and
w
hen
I did
n't s
ee a
nyth
ing
befo
re n
ow I
actu
ally
see
som
ethi
ng a
t an
end
(.) I
don'
t thi
nk I'
ll ev
er
quite
reac
h it
(.) b
ut I'
m c
erta
inly
get
ting
clos
er to
the
end
and
I eve
n th
ough
t abo
ut so
met
hing
I di
dn't
drea
m o
f erm
ther
e'd b
e de
cent
tom
orro
w
Usi
ng st
ory
in te
achi
ng
help
ed h
is o
wn
reco
very
N
ow se
es a
brig
hter
fu
ture
Usi
ng st
ory
in
teac
hing
hel
ped
his r
ecov
ery
Opt
imis
tic a
bout
th
e fu
ture
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
App
endi
x 7
48
Nev
er d
ream
t of d
ecen
t fu
ture
bef
ore
78
Int
Rig
ht o
k
79
Mar
tin
I did
n't d
are
thin
k of
that
D
idn’
t dar
e th
ink
of a
de
cent
futu
re
Cou
ldn’
t thi
nk
abou
t the
futu
re
befo
re
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
80
Int
Rig
ht
81
M
artin
W
here
as n
ow y
eah
ther
e is
a (.
) bet
ter t
omor
row
it m
ight
not
be
idea
l N
ow se
es a
brig
hter
fu
ture
O
ptim
istic
abo
ut
the
futu
re
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
82
In
t N
o
83
Mar
tin
It m
ight
not
be
idea
l but
it's
bette
r tha
n w
hat I
've
had
Now
sees
a b
right
er
futu
re
Opt
imis
tic a
bout
th
e fu
ture
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
84
Int
Mm
mm
85
Mar
tin
And
that
I su
ppos
e is
the
bene
fit I
got f
rom
it a
ll (.)
but
as I
say
if pe
ople
see
the
diffe
renc
e be
twee
n th
e fir
st a
nd th
e se
cond
alo
ne
Rec
over
ed si
gnifi
cant
ly
betw
een
first
& se
cond
st
ory
Rec
over
ing
rapi
dly
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
86
Int
Yea
h
87
M
artin
Y
ou k
now
in su
ch a
s sho
rt sp
ace
of ti
me
(.) it
's on
ly ju
st o
ver a
yea
r and
eve
n th
e ch
ange
from
th
at to
err
that
one
sim
ply
beca
use
of h
ow th
ings
hav
e go
ne
Rap
id re
cove
ry
Rec
over
ing
rapi
dly
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
88
In
t D
o yo
u th
ink
the
fact
that
you
've
been
usi
ng y
our s
tory
on
a re
gula
r bas
is h
as k
ind
of h
elpe
d ra
ther
than
if y
ou ju
st d
id y
our s
tory
and
it m
aybe
wen
t on
the
web
site
you
show
ed it
to a
few
pe
ople
and
then
you
forg
ot a
bout
it y
ou k
now
whe
reas
you
've
been
usi
ng y
ours
per
haps
mor
e th
an m
ost p
eopl
e w
ould
89
Mar
tin
Yes
err
qui
te p
ossi
bly
I use
it a
t lea
st tw
ice
a ye
ar a
nd in
fact
it's
on B
lack
boar
d so
it's
ther
e (.)
w
ell I
don
't kn
ow w
heth
er it
stay
s on
ther
e or
not
(lau
ghte
r) I
know
the
first
one
that
was
still
left
on B
lack
boar
d fo
r the
soci
al w
orke
rs b
ut I'
ve a
lso
used
it w
ith th
e oc
cupa
tiona
l the
rapi
sts
90
Int
Rig
ht o
k
91
Mar
tin
And
they
've
got t
hem
on
Bla
ckbo
ard
but i
t's a
t lea
st o
nce
a ye
ar fo
r bot
h se
ts o
f stu
dent
s
92
Int
Mm
mm
93
Mar
tin
So it
's th
ere
(.) a
nd it
's ju
st m
ade
me
able
to a
nsw
er a
nyth
ing
(.) it
doe
sn't
both
er m
e ab
out t
he
traum
a or
any
thin
g an
ymor
e Tr
aum
a no
long
er
both
ers h
im
Muc
h m
ore
resi
lient
in
gene
ral
Mor
e em
otio
nally
re
silie
nt n
ow
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
94
Int
Rig
ht
95
M
artin
Y
ou k
now
it's
not (
.) I d
on't
see
ther
e's (.
) an
emot
iona
l atta
ck w
hich
is so
met
hing
that
use
d to
ca
use
me
prob
lem
s (.)
I was
fine
if y
ou st
ood
up a
nd w
ante
d to
arg
ue a
bout
any
thin
g M
ore
emot
iona
lly
resi
lient
now
Le
ss a
rgum
enta
tive
now
Mor
e em
otio
nally
re
silie
nt n
ow
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
96
Int
Mm
mm
97
Mar
tin
Qua
ntum
phy
sics
or w
hate
ver y
ou k
now
I ar
gue
abou
t it q
uite
nic
ely
but i
f it w
as so
met
hing
on
an e
mot
iona
l lev
el I
was
not
ver
y go
od a
t it
Mor
e em
otio
nally
re
silie
nt n
ow
Mor
e em
otio
nally
re
silie
nt n
ow
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
App
endi
x 7
49
Less
arg
umen
tativ
e no
w
98
Int
Um
m m
m
99
M
artin
W
here
as n
ow it
doe
sn't
real
ly b
othe
r me
that
muc
h (.)
I ju
st a
ccep
t it f
or w
hat i
t is (
.) an
d ha
ve
my
way
s of c
opin
g w
ith it
A
ble
to a
ccep
t the
pas
t be
tter
Has
eff
ectiv
e co
ping
st
rate
gies
Mor
e em
otio
nally
re
silie
nt n
ow
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
100
Int
Yea
h
101
Mar
tin
But
it's
all c
ome
thro
ugh
the
stor
ies r
eally
R
ecov
ery
is a
ll as
a
resu
lt of
the
stor
ies
Rec
over
y du
e to
st
orie
s Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
102
Int
Mm
mm
103
Mar
tin
Espe
cial
ly th
e or
igin
al o
ne e
ven
thou
gh I
had
a m
ad h
our a
t the
end
of e
rm I
supp
ose
it w
as
real
ly b
ecau
se I
was
on
my
own
Firs
t one
was
mos
t po
wer
ful
Pow
erfu
l sto
ries
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
10
4 In
t Y
es
10
5 M
artin
C
omin
g to
term
s with
it a
nd it
was
just
that
and
afte
r an
hour
I re
alis
ed a
nd lo
gic
kick
ed in
(.)
you
know
the
chan
ce o
f six
mill
ion
peop
le sw
itchi
ng o
n at
six
o'cl
ock
I'd b
e be
tter o
ff try
ing
to
win
the
lotte
ry to
be
hone
st c
os th
ere
not n
obod
y kn
ew it
was
ther
e ev
en
Abl
e to
com
e to
term
s w
ith h
is st
ory
Stor
y he
lped
him
to
com
e to
term
s w
ith p
ast
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
106
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
10
7 M
artin
Y
ou k
now
it w
as n
ot o
n th
e th
ing
then
108
Int
But
it w
as y
our p
erce
ptio
n at
the
time
10
9 M
artin
Y
eah
the
initi
al th
ing
it w
as e
rr (.
) it w
as li
ke a
shoc
k th
ing
In sh
ock
afte
r firs
t sto
ry
re. a
nony
mity
U
nset
tling
D
iffic
ult p
roce
ss
11
0 In
t B
ut it
's al
mos
t err
cor
rect
me
if I'm
wro
ng b
ut (.
) jus
t tal
king
gen
eral
ly n
ow if
you
've
had
a tra
umat
ic li
fe e
vent
and
you
've
not e
rr so
me
peop
le k
now
abo
ut it
but
you
've
not r
eally
sort
of
shar
ed it
and
then
may
be y
ou st
art s
harin
g it
with
one
or t
wo
peop
le th
at's
a bi
g st
ep
111
Mar
tin
I thi
nk it
was
the
prem
ier (
laug
hter
) eve
n th
ough
I'd
be sa
t with
the
othe
r sto
ryte
llers
for d
ays i
n fa
ct y
our f
irst d
ay is
nor
mal
ly y
our s
at in
you
r gro
up a
nd te
ll w
hat y
our s
tory
's go
ing
to b
e ab
out
so I'
d be
en sa
t with
thes
e pe
ople
it's
just
that
erm
we'd
all
seen
our
ow
n st
orie
s ind
ivid
ually
and
pe
ople
from
the
univ
ersi
ty h
ad lo
oked
at t
hem
and
said
how
goo
d th
ey w
ere
112
Int
Rig
ht
11
3 M
artin
B
ut th
is w
as e
rr it
mig
ht a
s wel
l hav
e be
en in
the
Ode
on o
r som
ewhe
re
Show
ing
his s
tory
in
prem
iere
was
a b
ig
thin
g fo
r him
Felt
vuln
erab
le
Diff
icul
t pro
cess
114
Int
(laug
hter
)
115
Mar
tin
(laug
hter
) the
gre
at fi
lm p
rem
iere
was
com
ing
up th
e on
ly th
ing
that
was
mis
sing
was
the
Osc
ars
and
the
pop
corn
real
ly b
ut e
very
thin
g el
se y
ou k
now
it w
as th
ere
(.) a
nd it
was
just
one
stor
y af
ter t
he o
ther
116
Int
Mm
mm
117
Mar
tin
And
yea
h so
rt of
logi
c w
ent o
ut th
e w
indo
w fo
r a sh
ort t
ime
Som
ewha
t con
fuse
d at
en
d of
firs
t wor
ksho
p U
nset
tled
Diff
icul
t pro
cess
118
Int
Wha
t do
you
thin
k w
as th
e ef
fect
of t
he fa
ct th
at y
ou w
ere
doin
g th
is w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
and
othe
r
App
endi
x 7
50
peop
le e
rr I
prob
ably
hav
e se
en m
ost o
f the
stor
ies b
ut I'
d ju
st w
onde
ring
wha
t the
eff
ect o
f se
eing
oth
er p
eopl
e of
doi
ng it
with
oth
er p
eopl
e w
ho w
ere
talk
ing
abou
t diff
icul
t life
eve
nts o
r tra
uma
and
then
seei
ng th
em sh
are
it w
as w
ell
119
Mar
tin
Wel
l it w
as a
ctua
lly q
uite
com
forti
ng re
ally
you
kno
w e
ven
thou
gh th
ere
was
not
ano
ther
one
in
the
sam
e po
sitio
n as
me
Com
forti
ng to
be
doin
g it
with
oth
er p
eopl
e Su
ppor
tive
grou
p Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 12
0 In
t M
mm
121
Mar
tin
Ever
ybod
y ha
d di
ffer
ent t
raum
atic
exp
erie
nces
Ev
eryb
ody
had
diffe
rent
trau
mat
ic
expe
rienc
es
Bon
ded
with
gr
oup
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
122
Int
Yea
h I m
ean
Paul
's is
qui
te e
rr
12
3 M
artin
Y
ou k
now
wel
l err
I fe
lt yo
u kn
ow I'
d ha
ve li
ke to
hav
e be
en th
ere
beca
use
I'd h
ave
the
one
that
w
as e
rr fi
ghtin
g fo
r him
W
ante
d to
supp
ort o
ther
gr
oup
mem
bers
B
onde
d w
ith
grou
p Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 12
4 In
t R
ight
125
Mar
tin
You
kno
w w
hen
he w
as b
eing
bul
lied
12
6 In
t In
his
situ
atio
n
127
Mar
tin
I'd b
e th
e on
e th
at w
as e
rr c
ome
from
beh
ind
and
say
oi h
ave
a go
at m
e co
s I'd
don
't m
ind
you
know
that
was
som
ethi
ng th
at I
felt
for h
im
128
Int
Rig
ht o
k ye
s
129
Mar
tin
I cou
ld q
uite
eas
ily h
ave
been
the
one
that
wou
ld'v
e st
and
with
him
and
say
right
com
e on
130
Int
Mm
mm
131
Mar
tin
So th
ere
are
little
thin
gs th
at y
ou p
ick
up a
nd th
ink
(.) y
eah
a bi
t mor
e th
an e
mpa
thy
beca
use
it's
som
ethi
ng th
at y
our n
ow e
rm (1
) yea
h it
give
s you
a b
ond
to a
cer
tain
ext
ent a
s in
the
only
pe
rson
I re
ally
see
is P
ep a
nd e
rm c
os w
e te
nd to
do
the
soci
al w
ork
stud
ents
toge
ther
any
way
co
me
Oct
ober
tim
e bu
t Pau
l I se
e qu
ite a
lot j
ust f
loat
ing
abou
t and
its e
rr a
bit
of b
ond
even
if
it's o
nly
a lo
ose
one
it's t
here
bec
ause
i kn
ow th
at th
ey'v
e go
t tra
umat
ic th
ings
the
sam
e as
I ha
ve
just
slig
htly
diff
eren
t tha
t's a
ll bu
t it h
asn'
t les
sene
d th
e ef
fect
is w
hat I
'm tr
ying
to sa
y
Show
ing
a bi
t mor
e th
an e
mpa
thy
Bon
ded
with
som
e gr
oup
mem
bers
St
ill se
es P
ep &
Pau
l oc
casi
onal
ly
Bon
ded
with
gr
oup
Still
feel
s the
su
ppor
t fro
m th
e gr
oup
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
132
Int
It ha
sn't
less
ened
the
effe
ct o
n yo
u or
err
133
Mar
tin
That
bit
didn
't it
just
mad
e m
e aw
are
that
I'm
not
alo
ne w
ith tr
aum
a
Rea
lised
that
he
is n
ot
alon
e w
ith tr
aum
a St
ill fe
els t
he
supp
ort f
rom
the
grou
p
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
134
Int
Yea
h su
re su
re
13
5 M
artin
Ev
en th
ough
I've
bee
n do
wn
the
road
of e
rm o
f a su
rviv
ors g
roup
that
was
just
a g
roup
of
surv
ivor
s so
you
expe
ct to
hav
e so
me
kind
of b
ond
with
them
but
this
was
a b
ond
that
I w
asn'
t qu
ite e
xpec
ting
cos i
t was
all
diffe
rent
trau
mas
Had
supp
ort f
rom
oth
er
grou
ps in
pas
t Th
is w
as d
iffer
ent a
s w
ider
rang
e of
peo
ple
Still
feel
s the
su
ppor
t fro
m th
e gr
oup
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
136
Int
Mm
mm
137
Mar
tin
And
we
do m
eet u
p ev
ery
now
and
aga
in in
var
ious
thin
gs y
ou k
now
som
e of
the
care
rs I
mee
t up
with
and
that
and
it's
still
ther
e th
at b
onds
still
ther
e
Still
mee
ts so
me
of th
e gr
oup
and
bond
is st
ill
ther
e
Still
feel
s the
su
ppor
t fro
m th
e gr
oup
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
138
Int
Yea
h
13
9 M
artin
A
nd I
thin
k th
at's
som
ethi
ng th
at I'
d al
way
s shi
ed a
way
from
H
ad a
lway
s shi
ed a
way
A
ble
to b
ond
with
Fe
els m
ore
in
App
endi
x 7
51
from
get
ting
clos
e to
pe
ople
pe
ople
mor
e th
an
befo
re
cont
rol n
ow
140
Int
Mm
mm
141
Mar
tin
Any
body
with
err
(.) i
n fa
ct v
ery
few
peo
ple
knew
wha
t hap
pene
d H
ad k
ept h
is h
isto
ry a
se
cret
H
ad k
ept h
is
hist
ory
a se
cret
D
iffic
ulty
mov
ing
forw
ard
befo
re
142
Int
Mm
143
Mar
tin
And
now
ther
e's a
lot m
ore
peop
le k
now
wha
t hap
pene
d an
d I'm
fairl
y co
mfo
rtabl
e w
ith it
(.) I
'm
very
com
forta
ble
with
in th
e un
iver
sity
Lo
t mor
e pe
ople
kno
w
abou
t his
his
tory
H
e’s n
ow c
omfo
rtabl
e w
ith p
eopl
e kn
owin
g hi
s his
tory
Mor
e ab
le to
be
open
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
144
Int
Yea
h su
re
14
5 M
artin
A
ll th
e st
uden
ts a
re v
ery
good
(.) b
ut th
ese
are
outs
ider
s tha
t I fe
el c
omfo
rtabl
e w
ith
Mor
e co
nfid
ent n
ow
Mor
e co
nfid
ent
now
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
146
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
14
7 M
artin
Th
at's
neve
r hap
pene
d co
s I'd
nev
er a
llow
it
14
8 In
t M
m m
m
14
9 M
artin
I'd
nev
er a
llow
that
to h
appe
n
150
Int
Mm
m so
in so
me
sens
e th
is k
ind
of e
rm a
nd I
don'
t wan
t to
put w
ords
in y
our m
outh
it's
alm
ost
chan
ged
the
way
you
see
the
wor
ld o
r how
you
see
othe
r peo
ple
err w
here
as p
erha
ps b
efor
e yo
u di
dn't
feel
safe
with
them
151
Mar
tin
No
15
2 In
t To
talk
abo
ut c
erta
in th
ings
153
Mar
tin
I sup
pose
you
'd c
all i
t a b
it of
par
anoi
a I h
ad I
had
even
it w
eren
't fo
r any
thin
g (in
audi
ble)
cos
I ju
st w
ould
n't a
llow
any
body
in
Bit
para
noid
bef
ore
but
OK
now
Fe
els m
ore
conf
iden
t now
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
154
Int
Yea
h su
re
15
5 M
artin
W
here
as n
ow it
's a
case
of I
hav
e le
t the
m in
and
I've
don
e it
quite
eas
ily
Now
abl
e to
let p
eopl
e ge
t clo
se to
him
A
ble
to b
ond
with
pe
ople
mor
e th
an
befo
re
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
156
Int
Mm
m
15
7 M
artin
H
ence
in th
e se
cond
stor
y br
eaki
ng th
e ch
ains
bit
(.) is
wha
t it m
eans
(.) a
nd if
I re
mem
ber
right
ly th
e la
st li
ttle
bit g
oes t
he tr
aum
a w
ill a
lway
s affe
ct m
e bu
t the
thin
gs th
at c
hang
ed is
it
won
't co
ntro
l me
anym
ore
The
traum
a w
ill a
lway
s ef
fect
him
but
will
no
long
er c
ontro
l him
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
158
Int
Yea
h su
re
15
9 M
artin
A
nd th
at's
the
grea
t diff
eren
ce it
won
't co
ntro
l me
anym
ore
Feel
s muc
h fr
eer n
ow
Feel
s muc
h fr
eer
now
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
160
Int
Mm
mm
161
Mar
tin
And
may
be th
at's
wha
t it i
s may
be it
's a
bit o
f con
trol t
hing
that
I'm
in c
ontro
l of (
.) w
ho I
tell
who
do
I tel
l and
I fe
el a
lot m
ore
com
forta
ble
with
a lo
t mor
e pe
ople
than
I di
d be
fore
Fe
els m
ore
in c
ontro
l no
w
Feel
s mor
e co
mfo
rtabl
e w
ith m
ore
peop
le n
ow
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
App
endi
x 7
52
162
Int
Did
doi
ng th
is st
ory
help
you
to c
larif
y th
at in
you
r min
d th
e fa
ct th
at th
e tra
uma
will
alw
ays
effe
ct y
ou b
ut it
won
't al
way
s con
trol y
ou
163
Mar
tin
This
is it
eve
n af
ter t
he fi
rst o
ne (.
) im
med
iate
ly a
fter i
t was
alw
ays s
eem
to b
e th
at th
is c
hain
w
as p
ullin
g m
e ba
ck it
wou
ldn'
t let
me
go m
uch
beyo
nd th
at
Ther
e’s a
lway
s see
med
to
be
a ch
ain
hold
ing
him
bac
k
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
D
iffic
ulty
mov
ing
forw
ard
befo
re
164
Int
Rig
ht y
es
16
5 M
artin
A
nd (.
) yea
h it
was
star
ted
doin
g th
at u
sing
it a
t uni
vers
ity a
nd a
ll th
at a
nd th
e ch
ain
just
w
eake
ned
and
ever
ythi
ng ju
st w
ent a
nd th
at w
as it
Th
roug
h us
ing
his s
tory
at
the
univ
ersi
ty, c
hain
be
cam
e w
eake
r and
has
no
w b
roke
n
Use
s sto
ry in
te
achi
ng
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
166
Int
Dur
ing
the
first
one
167
Mar
tin
Yea
h be
caus
e I f
elt m
ore
com
forta
ble
with
mys
elf a
bout
it a
nd e
rr th
e tu
g of
the
chai
n w
asn'
t th
ere
anym
ore
it'd
gone
(.) i
t's g
ot b
roke
n Fe
els m
ore
com
forta
ble
with
him
self
Cha
in h
as b
een
brok
en
Feel
s mor
e co
nfid
ent n
ow
Cha
in h
as b
een
brok
en
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
168
Int
Gre
at
16
9 M
artin
It'
s got
bro
ken
and
that
was
it (.
) so
now
I ca
n lo
ok a
t and
thin
g w
hy d
idn'
t thi
s hap
pen
man
y ye
ars a
go re
ally
C
hain
has
bee
n br
oken
W
onde
rs w
hy it
did
n’t
happ
en e
arlie
r
Cha
in h
as b
een
brok
en
Mys
tery
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 17
0 In
t Y
ou sa
y th
at in
you
r sec
ond
stor
y
171
Mar
tin
Why
did
n't t
his h
appe
n m
any
year
s ago
172
Int
Yea
h
173
Mar
tin
But
it's
like
ever
ythi
ng e
lse
prog
ress
ion
isn'
t it
17
4 In
t W
ell v
ery
muc
h so
175
Mar
tin
And
that
's th
e on
ly th
ing
I hop
e th
roug
h th
e st
orie
s tha
t peo
ple
see
is th
e fa
ct th
at th
ere
is
prog
ress
ion
even
for s
omeb
ody
as fa
r dow
n th
e lin
e as
me
and
I had
a lo
ng w
ay to
com
e an
d yo
ur k
now
(.) a
lot t
o ch
ange
(.) s
ort o
f 40
odd
year
s of d
oing
thin
gs m
y w
ay (.
) beh
avin
g in
a
certa
in w
ay fo
r tha
t to
be re
vers
ed y
ou k
now
it's
not g
oing
to h
appe
n ov
erni
ght
Wan
ts p
eopl
e to
kno
w
that
reco
very
is p
ossi
ble
even
afte
r dec
ades
of
men
tal i
llnes
s
Wan
ting
othe
rs to
se
e th
at re
cove
ry
is p
ossi
ble
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
rs
176
Int
No
17
7 M
artin
B
ut th
at I
just
hop
e th
at w
ith th
e st
uff I
do
it w
ill g
ive
the
stud
ents
som
e in
sigh
t whe
n th
ey g
o to
se
e pe
ople
and
cat
ch th
em e
arlie
r tha
t's th
e w
hole
idea
is to
cat
ch th
em e
arlie
r and
then
ther
e w
on't
be p
eopl
e lik
e m
e w
ell t
here
will
be
Hop
es st
uden
ts g
et
insi
ght i
nto
peop
le w
ith
MH
pro
blem
s and
are
ab
le to
hel
p th
em e
arlie
r
Wan
t oth
ers t
o le
arn
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
rs
178
Int
Yea
h
179
Mar
tin
Ther
e w
ill a
lway
s be
peop
le li
ke m
e ju
st th
ey'll
cau
ght e
arly
with
a b
it of
luck
W
ants
to im
prov
e se
rvic
es
Wan
ts to
impr
ove
serv
ices
W
ante
d to
hel
p ot
hers
18
0 In
t Y
eah
18
1 M
artin
A
nd tr
eate
d ea
rly a
nd y
eah
so th
at's
all I
(ina
udib
le)
18
2 In
t M
m
18
3 M
artin
A
nd it
's fo
r me
I've
done
it fo
r me
as w
ell y
ou k
now
that
's pa
rt of
it I'
m a
ctua
lly d
oing
it fo
r me
Doe
s tea
chin
g fo
r D
oes t
each
ing
for
Feel
s mor
e in
App
endi
x 7
53
as w
ell (
laug
hter
) hi
mse
lf as
wel
l hi
mse
lf as
wel
l co
ntro
l now
18
4 In
t So
did
you
exp
ect i
t to
have
som
e th
erap
eutic
val
ue fo
r you
to c
ome
out f
eelin
g be
tter i
n so
me
way
afte
r the
thre
e da
ys
185
Mar
tin
I did
n't a
ctua
lly k
now
I kn
ew th
at e
rr w
ell I
use
d to
writ
e an
d th
at u
sed
to a
lway
s mak
e m
e fe
el a
lit
tle b
ette
r but
I di
dn't
unde
rsta
nd w
hat i
t was
doi
ng in
that
resp
ect i
t was
just
yea
h I d
id fe
el a
bi
t bet
ter
Did
n’t k
now
whe
ther
he
’d b
enef
it fr
om th
e w
orks
hop
Alth
ough
kne
w w
ritin
g he
lped
Few
exp
ecta
tions
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
rs
186
Int
Mm
mm
187
Mar
tin
Whe
reas
this
was
a to
tal e
xpan
sion
on
that
and
sort
of a
fter t
hat i
nitia
l bit
it so
rt of
yea
h it'
s he
lpin
g ot
hers
but
it w
as h
elpi
ng m
e th
at's
whe
n it
star
ted
it w
asn'
t jus
t a c
ase
of if
yea
h I a
lway
s th
ough
t if I
can
doi
ng so
met
hing
els
e so
met
hing
els
e is
com
ing
up th
at's
(inau
dibl
e) y
eah
brill
iant
I th
ough
t I w
as w
ell p
asse
d it
Proc
ess a
lot m
ore
pow
erfu
l tha
n w
ritin
g w
as fo
r him
W
ante
d to
hel
p ot
hers
Th
ough
he
was
pas
sed
it
Wan
t oth
ers t
o le
arn
Did
n’t t
hink
he
coul
d ch
ange
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
rs
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
188
Int
Rig
ht
18
9 M
artin
A
nd I'
ve sa
id th
at in
the
past
you
kno
w I'
m to
o fa
r dow
n th
e ro
ad it
's so
man
y ye
ars b
ehin
d m
e th
at I
can'
t cha
nge
(.) I
actu
ally
bel
ieve
d I c
ould
n't c
hang
e D
idn’
t thi
nk h
e co
uld
chan
ge
Did
n’t t
hink
he
coul
d ch
ange
D
iffic
ulty
mov
ing
forw
ard
befo
re
190
Int
Rig
ht
19
1 M
artin
A
nd a
fter d
oing
the
stor
y (.)
that
's w
hen
thin
gs st
arte
d to
cha
nge
a lit
tle b
it (.)
and
the
mor
e I w
as
doin
g it
(.) th
e m
ore
thin
gs c
hang
ed (.
) and
thin
gs g
ot b
ette
r for
me
Afte
r the
stor
y he
did
be
gin
to c
hang
e an
d th
is
has p
ersi
sted
Rec
over
ing
rapi
dly
Opt
imis
tic
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
192
Int
Mm
193
Mar
tin
But
I di
dn't
delib
erat
ely
go o
ut th
ere
and
thin
k I'm
goi
ng to
do
this
and
I'm
goi
ng to
feel
tons
be
tter
Did
n’t d
o it
with
the
inte
ntio
n of
hel
ping
hi
mse
lf to
feel
bet
ter
Few
exp
ecta
tions
D
idn’
t thi
nk h
e co
uld
chan
ge
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
194
Int
Mm
195
Mar
tin
I did
n't a
ctua
lly b
elie
ve th
at (.
) and
I co
uld
have
gon
e do
ne d
own
the
road
and
said
no
I wan
t it
just
for m
e or
I'll
let t
he u
nive
rsity
see
it bu
t nob
ody
else
196
Int
Yea
h
197
Mar
tin
I cou
ld h
ave
gone
dow
n th
at ro
ad
19
8 In
t So
som
ehow
dur
ing
the
proc
ess y
our v
iew
of y
our f
utur
e ch
ange
d al
mos
t lik
e a
door
ope
ned
and
you
kind
of t
hink
wel
l act
ually
may
be th
ere
is a
cha
nce
of re
cove
ry
199
Mar
tin
It w
asn'
t sor
t of o
pene
d w
ide
20
0 In
t N
o no
201
Mar
tin
You
r rig
ht th
at's
a go
od a
nalo
gy re
ally
in th
at (.
) the
re's
a do
or in
the
corn
er a
nd a
ll of
sudd
en it
op
ens a
littl
e bi
t (.)
wel
l its
alw
ays b
een
lock
ed
202
Int
Yea
h
203
Mar
tin
So it
's op
ened
a li
ttle
bit g
ives
a c
hanc
e to
snea
k an
d ha
ve a
littl
e lo
ok ro
und
the
corn
er y
ou
know
wha
t's b
ehin
d th
at d
oor a
nd th
at's
sort
of y
eah
that
's qu
ite g
ood
actu
ally
cos
that
's th
e ki
nd
of fe
elin
g it
was
I w
ante
d to
hav
e lit
tle lo
ok b
ehin
d th
at d
oor
Hel
ped
him
to c
hang
e H
elpe
d hi
m to
ch
ange
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
App
endi
x 7
54
204
Int
Mm
205
Mar
tin
And
to se
e w
hat w
as g
oing
on
and
all o
f sud
den
I cou
ld a
ctua
lly g
o in
that
one
that
's an
othe
r ro
om I
can
go in
to a
noth
er sp
ace
I can
go
Hel
ped
him
to se
e th
ings
diff
eren
tly
Hel
ped
him
to se
e th
ings
diff
eren
tly
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
20
6 In
t Y
es d
o yo
u th
ink
ther
e's a
nyth
ing
in th
e w
ay th
at th
e w
orks
hop
was
faci
litat
ed th
at k
ind
of c
os
you
know
you
've
got t
he te
chno
logy
you
've
got t
he sh
arin
g th
e st
uff y
ou d
o yo
urse
lf th
e w
ritin
g th
e pr
esen
tatio
n bu
t how
it's
pres
ente
d an
d ho
w y
ou're
supp
orte
d th
roug
h it
is so
met
hing
that
's
207
Mar
tin
Wel
l I th
ink
that
's th
e im
porta
nt p
art
Faci
litat
ion
was
im
porta
nt
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
208
Int
Mm
cos
it c
ould
be
done
in a
ver
y te
chno
logi
cal w
ay
20
9 M
artin
I t
hink
if it
had
bee
n ju
st a
cas
e of
erm
(1) s
omeb
ody
from
erm
the
IT p
eopl
e in
the
univ
ersi
ty
play
ing
ther
e w
ith th
e co
mpu
ters
whi
le I
was
sayi
ng so
met
hing
and
add
ing
the
bits
that
I w
ante
d to
be
adde
d w
hils
t I w
as te
lling
my
stor
y I d
on't
thin
k th
at w
ould
wor
k th
e sa
me
as th
at li
ttle
bit
210
Int
No
21
1 M
artin
If
you
feel
a b
it of
f it P
ip w
as th
ere
you
know
sort
of v
ery
intu
itive
pro
babl
y (.)
to lo
ok v
ery
com
forta
ble
just
a li
ttle
chat
then
ther
e's n
ice
regu
lar b
reak
s jus
t to
get a
cof
fee
and
chat
abo
ut a
ll so
rts o
f stu
ff to
act
ually
take
it a
way
from
it b
ut it
's w
hen
you
get i
nvol
ved
to d
o th
e lit
tle b
its
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
212
Int
Rig
ht o
k
213
Mar
tin
You
brin
g yo
ur o
wn
pict
ures
C
ontro
lling
con
tent
was
im
porta
nt
Con
trolli
ng
cont
ent w
as
impo
rtant
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
214
Int
Cos
you
've
got a
n an
imat
ion
in y
ours
215
Mar
tin
Wel
l thi
s is i
t whe
n w
e fir
st d
iscu
ssed
wha
t it w
as a
bout
that
was
whe
n I r
eally
said
tota
lly
anon
ymou
s not
goi
ng to
be
me
(.) a
t all
216
Int
Um
m
21
7 M
artin
So
hen
ce th
e ro
ad th
e co
untry
lane
and
they
said
wha
t do
you
wan
t and
I sa
id w
ell y
eah
(.) y
ou
know
thin
king
abo
ut m
y gr
oup
in a
way
Fa
cilit
ator
s hel
ped
him
to
exp
ress
him
self
Empo
wer
ing
faci
litat
ion
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
218
Int
Step
s
219
Mar
tin
So I
just
thou
ght y
eah
foot
prin
ts a
nd I
had
foot
prin
ts g
oing
squi
ggly
acr
oss t
he sc
reen
220
Int
Wel
l the
y go
up
and
then
dow
n
221
Mar
tin
They
go
squi
ggly
it's
a w
avy
line
isn'
t it b
ut th
ey so
rt of
star
t mid
dle
and
they
go
dow
n do
n't t
hey
and
they
slow
ly b
ut su
rely
it e
nds u
p a
bit f
urth
er u
p
222
Int
Yea
h
22
3 M
artin
Th
at w
as v
ery
delib
erat
e th
e fa
ct th
at's
whe
re I
star
ted
from
and
the
ups a
nd d
owns
and
twis
ts
I've
actu
ally
still
end
ed u
p a
little
bit
furth
er u
p an
d th
en th
e en
d pi
ctur
e w
as (.
) the
road
had
got
sh
orte
r it w
as a
ctua
lly th
e sa
me
pict
ure
Expr
essi
on a
nd c
ontro
l im
porta
nt
Expr
essi
on a
nd
cont
rol i
mpo
rtant
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
224
Int
Rig
ht o
k
225
Mar
tin
It w
as th
e sa
me
pict
ure
but I
wan
ted
it lo
ok a
s tho
ugh
I'd g
ot d
own
the
road
a b
it so
Pip
just
br
ough
t it i
n W
ante
d to
show
pr
ogre
ss in
stor
y W
antin
g ot
hers
to
see
that
reco
very
is
pos
sibl
e
Wan
ted
to h
elp
othe
rs
226
Int
Mm
mm
227
Mar
tin
I dec
ided
yea
h fo
r all
I don
't w
ant t
o be
on
scre
en w
hat I
will
do
is th
e by
e bi
t whi
ch is
the
last
W
ante
d an
onym
ity
Felt
vuln
erab
le
Diff
icul
ty m
ovin
g
App
endi
x 7
55
fram
e th
at y
ou se
e fo
rwar
d be
fore
22
8 In
t R
ight
229
Mar
tin
Is m
e w
alki
ng d
own
the
corr
idor
in H
alla
m
23
0 In
t Y
eah
yeah
231
Mar
tin
Bye
(.) a
nd e
ven
that
's w
ithin
the
little
spac
e of
telli
ng th
e st
ory
(.) e
ven
that
littl
e bi
t had
gro
wn
Ove
r the
wor
ksho
p de
velo
ped
conf
iden
ce
for a
per
sona
l pho
to to
be
incl
uded
Dev
elop
ed
conf
iden
ce
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
232
Int
Ok
so th
ings
like
that
can
be
havi
ng b
een
thro
ugh
it m
ysel
f litt
le th
ings
you
do
can
be v
ery
sym
bolic
233
Mar
tin
Wel
l it w
as v
ery
delib
erat
e on
my
beha
lf th
at I
wan
ted
it th
at w
ay a
nd I
wan
ted
the
finis
h sl
ight
ly
high
er th
an th
e st
art
234
Int
Yea
h
235
Mar
tin
Ver
y de
liber
ate
but (
.) I k
now
wha
t it w
as a
bout
236
Int
Yea
h
237
Mar
tin
In a
lot o
f way
s tha
t was
ver
y pe
rson
al
Ver
y pe
rson
al st
ory
Ver
y pe
rson
al
stor
y Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 23
8 In
t O
h ye
ah
23
9 M
artin
W
ell I
felt
I'd m
oved
a b
it (.)
rega
rdle
ss o
f wha
t oth
er p
eopl
e sa
w
Felt
he’d
mov
ed
forw
ard
in 3
day
s R
apid
reco
very
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
240
Int
And
are
you
thin
king
of t
hat m
ovem
ent i
n re
latio
n to
wha
t hap
pene
d in
thos
e th
ree
days
?
241
Mar
tin
Yea
h
242
Int
So a
s a re
sult
of y
our e
xper
ienc
e ov
er th
e th
ree
days
you
felt
a bi
t fur
ther
alo
ng th
e jo
urne
y an
d a
bit h
ighe
r tha
n yo
u di
d to
star
t with
243
Mar
tin
Yes
pre
cise
ly
24
4 In
t A
nd th
at if
you
like
star
ted
to c
hang
e yo
ur v
iew
of w
hat c
ould
hap
pen
in th
e fu
ture
B
ecam
e m
ore
optim
istic
abo
ut th
e fu
ture
Feel
s mor
e op
timis
tic
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
245
Mar
tin
Wel
l tha
t was
the
star
t of i
t (.)
the
odd
daft
setb
ack
but a
as y
ou sa
y it'
s lik
e ev
eryt
hing
els
e
246
Int
Mm
247
Mar
tin
To se
e al
l the
stor
ies t
oget
her i
n th
e fil
m p
rem
ier t
hat I
cou
ld u
nder
stan
d th
at's
how
it w
ent a
nd it
w
as ju
st a
n ho
ur o
f pan
ic in
me
head
all
sorts
of t
hing
s whi
zzin
g th
roug
h (.)
unt
il th
e so
rt of
logi
c ki
cked
in a
gain
and
thin
gs c
hang
ed
248
Int
Do
you
thin
k th
ere's
som
ethi
ng a
bout
erm
(1) f
acin
g yo
ur d
emon
s not
to so
und
too
emot
ive
abou
t it?
249
Mar
tin
Yea
h it'
s jus
t the
way
you
face
them
I th
ink
and
this
is w
hat p
sych
othe
rapy
wer
e ve
ry w
ary
of
25
0 In
t Y
eah
25
1 M
artin
If
they
som
ebod
y so
rt of
sat t
here
hel
ping
me
to c
onfr
ont t
hese
dem
ons I
'm m
ore
likel
y to
pun
ch
thei
r lig
hts o
ut c
os I'
m g
ettin
g w
ound
up
and
that
was
n't t
he ri
ght w
ay to
do
it W
as e
ffect
ivel
y ab
le to
fa
ce d
emon
s cf.
psyc
hoth
erap
y
Abl
e to
face
de
mon
s Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
252
Int
No
App
endi
x 7
56
25
3 M
artin
Th
e rig
ht w
ay to
do
is to
sort
of le
t me
(.) c
ontro
l wha
t bits
com
e ou
t whe
n th
ey c
ome
out a
nd I
still
get
to th
e en
d it'
s jus
t how
long
it ta
kes m
ight
be
long
er th
an sh
orte
r its
one
of t
hose
thin
gs
(.) it
's m
ore
I hav
e co
ntro
l of w
hat b
its c
ome
out a
nd w
hen
they
com
e ou
t
Abi
lity
to c
ontro
l pac
e of
dis
clos
ure
was
cr
ucia
l
Con
trol w
as
impo
rtant
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
254
Int
Rig
ht in
the
digi
tal s
tory
telli
ng
25
5 M
artin
D
igita
l sto
ries a
re n
ot m
uch
diff
eren
t to
that
(.) I
had
me
scrip
t and
the
scrip
t on
the
first
day
is
noth
ing
like
the
finis
hed
prod
uct (
.) in
a lo
t of r
espe
cts i
t had
cha
nged
as i
t wen
t alo
ng
Stor
y ch
ange
d ov
er th
e 3
days
R
apid
cha
nge
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
25
6 In
t So
is th
at
25
7 M
artin
I w
as tr
ying
to g
et th
e fe
elin
gs a
cros
s tha
t I fe
lt W
as tr
ying
to e
xpre
ss
his f
eelin
gs
Expr
essi
on
impo
rtant
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 25
8 In
t M
m m
m
25
9 M
artin
I d
idn'
t wan
t tha
t to
chan
ge b
ut so
me
of th
e ot
her t
hing
s tha
t did
cha
nge
that
I ca
n't e
ven
rem
embe
r now
but
I ju
st n
eede
d to
cha
nge
thos
e lit
tle b
its
Nee
ded
to c
hang
e a
few
bi
ts
Expr
essi
on
impo
rtant
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 26
0 In
t R
ight
261
Mar
tin
And
as I
say
the
heig
ht o
f the
fini
sh w
as to
tally
for m
e it
was
n't m
eant
for a
nyon
e el
se e
ven
thou
gh it
's qu
ite o
bvio
us it
fini
shes
like
that
St
ory
had
pers
onal
m
eani
ng w
hich
may
be
hidd
en to
oth
ers
Ver
y pe
rson
al
stor
y Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
262
Int
Yea
h
263
Mar
tin
They
wou
ldn'
t kno
w w
hy it
did
(.) f
or m
e it
was
ver
y pa
rticu
lar t
hat I
wan
ted
it to
do
that
but
that
w
as fo
r me
(.) it
's lik
e ar
tists
put
a li
ttle
squi
ggle
som
ewhe
re a
nd th
ey're
they
onl
y on
es w
ho
know
whe
re it
is (.
) you
kno
w th
at so
rt of
thin
g
264
Int
Mm
yea
h
265
Mar
tin
And
of c
ours
e w
hen
the
seco
nd o
ne c
ame
alon
g (.)
I sp
oke
to P
ip I
said
I kn
ow w
hat I
wan
t (.)
I w
ant t
hing
s tha
t (.)
it's w
hat i
t mea
ns to
me
with
the
seco
nd o
ne w
as th
e gh
osts
W
ante
d gh
osts
in
seco
nd o
ne
Ver
y pe
rson
al
stor
y Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 26
6 In
t M
m
26
7 M
artin
Th
e gh
osts
I w
ante
d th
em to
app
ear a
nd d
isap
pear
unt
il th
e la
st o
ne w
here
it sh
rinks
and
van
ishe
s an
d I k
now
it's
ther
e bu
t it's
not
goi
ng to
con
trol m
e an
ymor
e th
at's
the
thin
g al
l tho
se d
emon
s ha
ve lo
st c
ontro
l of m
e it'
s jus
t how
I pu
t it t
he d
emon
s'll a
lway
s eff
ect m
e th
ey d
on't
appe
ar
anym
ore
cos I
bro
ke th
e ch
ains
from
them
they
're n
ot g
oing
to c
ontro
l me
anym
ore
Wan
ted
ghos
ts to
di
sapp
ear
Wan
ted
to sh
ow th
at th
e de
mon
s had
lost
thei
r po
wer
Dem
ons h
ad lo
st
thei
r pow
er
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
268
Int
It's i
nter
estin
g to
hea
r you
talk
abo
ut c
ontro
l and
I'm
won
derin
g w
heth
er th
ere's
any
par
alle
ls
betw
een
you
can
alm
ost c
ontro
l how
you
pre
sent
this
bit
of y
our l
ife st
ory
in it
s dig
ital f
orm
at
the
fact
that
you
can
cha
nge
from
how
you
orig
inal
ly w
ante
d to
pre
sent
it to
how
you
end
up
pres
entin
g it
and
the
tech
nolo
gy g
ives
you
a lo
t of c
ontro
l as w
ell (
.) I w
onde
r whe
ther
that
giv
es
you
a se
nse
that
you
can
con
trol h
ow y
our h
isto
ry a
ffect
s you
or w
hat y
ou d
o in
the
futu
re ra
ther
th
an it
con
trolli
ng y
ou
269
Mar
tin
Wel
l thi
s is i
t onc
e yo
u le
arn
that
that
's it
27
0 In
t M
m
27
1 M
artin
A
nd fo
r me
that
was
it w
as a
mat
ter o
f lea
rnin
g th
at y
eah
I can
con
trol a
lot o
f thi
ngs i
n lif
e bu
t it
tend
s to
be n
ot th
e em
otio
nal t
hing
s Le
arnt
that
he
coul
d co
ntro
l a lo
t of t
hing
s in
life,
but
not
his
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
App
endi
x 7
57
emot
ions
27
2 In
t N
o no
273
Mar
tin
I ten
d no
t to
be a
ble
to c
ontro
l the
m so
eas
ily b
ut th
at e
ven
thou
gh th
e st
orie
s qui
te e
mot
iona
l I
still
had
con
trol o
f it
Lear
nt th
at h
e co
uld
cont
rol h
is e
mot
ions
in
the
stor
y
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
274
Int
Mm
275
Mar
tin
I'd sa
y th
e m
agic
bit
was
whe
n I s
aid
to P
ip th
is is
wha
t I w
ant (
.) th
e gh
osts
is w
hat I
wan
ted
but
even
that
was
mor
e fo
r me
than
any
one
else
Pa
rts o
f the
stor
y w
ere
just
for h
im
Ver
y pe
rson
al
stor
y Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 27
6 In
t Y
eah
yeah
277
Mar
tin
It w
as m
ore
for m
e (.)
not
reas
surin
g as
such
but
yea
h (.)
that
sort
of th
ing
that
any
tim
e I l
ook
at
that
now
(.) t
hat's
all
I'm g
oing
to se
e th
e th
ing
for m
e is
not
the
stor
y co
s I k
now
the
stor
y it'
s the
gh
osts
278
Int
Rig
ht o
k (la
ught
er)
27
9 M
artin
(la
ught
er) I
t's th
e gh
osts
app
earin
g
280
Int
Rig
ht so
you
've
got t
he im
ages
ver
y po
wer
ful i
mag
es in
ther
e
281
Mar
tin
But
you
see
even
that
was
for m
e re
ally
the
ghos
ts d
isap
pear
ing
mea
ns m
ore
to m
e th
an a
nybo
dy
that
doe
sn't
know
me
The
ghos
ts h
ave
pers
onal
mea
ning
for
him
Ver
y pe
rson
al
stor
y Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
282
Int
Mm
mm
283
Mar
tin
It m
eans
a lo
t to
me
thos
e gh
osts
dis
appe
arin
g Th
e gh
osts
di
sapp
earin
g m
ean
a lo
t to
him
Ver
y pe
rson
al
stor
y Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
28
4 In
t R
ight
yea
h ye
ah
28
5 M
artin
A
nd it
's ju
st a
ll pa
rt of
it a
nd (.
) the
seco
nd st
ory
and
this
is so
met
hing
I've
to th
ank
Pip
for
actu
ally
ver
y m
uch
(.) e
rm th
ere
is q
uite
a lo
ng sc
ene
whe
re I'
m ta
lkin
g ab
out t
he st
uden
ts
286
Int
Mm
mm
287
Mar
tin
Ther
e w
as so
met
hing
ther
e ve
ry b
land
we
coul
dn't
find
anyt
hing
from
Hal
lam
that
's w
hy it
look
s a
bit w
eird
you
can
't se
e it'
s Hal
lam
288
Int
Yea
h
289
Mar
tin
But
you
kno
w it
's so
mew
here
that
stud
ents
go
to (.
) but
then
Pip
and
Ton
y w
ith th
eir l
ittle
mag
ic
(.) b
roug
ht so
met
hing
out
from
the
first
stor
y an
d if
you
look
at i
t you
'll se
e pe
ople
from
the
first
st
ory
ther
e as
like
(.) e
rr su
ppor
t for
me
Mag
ical
nat
ure
of
stor
ies
Stor
ies a
s sup
porti
ve
tool
s
Mys
tery
Em
pow
erin
g st
orie
s
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
290
Int
Rig
ht
29
1 M
artin
I d
on't
know
how
Pip
thou
ght o
f it (
.) bu
t for
me
I tho
ught
yea
h br
illia
nt th
is is
som
ethi
ng th
at I
coul
d ha
ve d
one
dead
eas
y co
uld
you
still
hav
e th
e im
age
of th
e ha
ll bu
t it's
alm
ost a
s if t
hey
are
ther
e to
supp
ort m
e yo
u kn
ow w
hat I
mea
n
Supp
ort f
rom
rest
of
grou
p ha
s end
ured
Su
ppor
tive
grou
p Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
292
Int
Yea
h ok
293
Mar
tin
Whe
reas
bef
ore
it w
as li
ke e
vil g
host
s and
spoo
ks th
is is
mor
e a
feel
ing
of th
ere's
supp
ort t
here
fo
r you
Su
ppor
t fro
m re
st o
f gr
oup
has e
ndur
ed
Still
feel
s the
su
ppor
t fro
m th
e Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
App
endi
x 7
58
grou
p 29
4 In
t R
ight
ok
29
5 M
artin
A
nd it
's re
ally
wei
rd h
ow th
at c
ame
acro
ss a
nd I
was
n't e
xpec
ting
that
and
that
's al
l dow
n to
Pip
re
ally
D
idn’
t exp
ect i
t to
be
this
pos
itive
Su
rpris
ed b
y im
pact
Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
296
Int
Mm
mm
297
Mar
tin
So it
just
show
s tha
t in
a lo
t of w
ays h
ow m
uch
she
thou
ght a
bout
wha
t I w
as tr
ying
to g
et a
cros
s Fa
cilit
ator
s hel
ped
him
to
exp
ress
him
self
Empo
wer
ing
faci
litat
ion
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
298
Int
Yea
h ye
ah
29
9 M
artin
W
hich
ans
wer
s ano
ther
par
t of o
ne o
f you
r que
stio
ns b
efor
e w
as w
ho is
doi
ng it
who
's ac
tual
ly
doin
g it
(.) I
thin
k if
had
anyb
ody
doin
g it
like
som
e IT
fella
that
just
doe
s tha
t bit
I don
't th
ink
it w
ould
wor
k if
the
pers
on d
idn'
t hav
e a
feel
ing
for o
r ins
tinct
abo
ut w
hat y
ou w
ere
tryin
g to
get
ac
ross
and
I th
ink
that
's w
hat c
ount
s
Faci
litat
ors h
elpe
d hi
m
to e
xpre
ss h
imse
lf Fa
cilit
atio
n ve
ry
impo
rtant
Empo
wer
ing
faci
litat
ion
Fa
cilit
atio
n ve
ry
impo
rtant
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
300
Int
Yea
h
301
Mar
tin
Hav
ing
som
ebod
y th
at h
as a
bit
of k
now
ledg
e of
wha
t you
're g
oing
thro
ugh
Empa
thy
from
fa
cilit
ator
s was
im
porta
nt
Supp
ortiv
e fa
cilit
atio
n Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s
302
Int
Yes
yea
h
303
Mar
tin
And
wha
t you
wan
t to
portr
ay re
ally
cos
whe
n yo
u ge
t it r
ight
and
whe
n yo
u se
e it
(.) it
's ve
ry
pow
erfu
l for
you
rsel
f Fi
nish
ed st
orie
s had
a
pow
erfu
l im
pact
on
him
Em
pow
erin
g st
orie
s Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 30
4 In
t Y
ou m
ean
for y
ou a
s err
mak
ing
it
305
Mar
tin
Yes
bec
ause
you
get
acr
oss e
xact
ly w
hat y
ou w
ant a
nd I
supp
ose
that
's an
art
in it
self
erm
(.)
whe
n th
ey ju
st se
e a
scrip
t whe
n yo
u w
rite
abou
t it b
ut w
hen
you
talk
abo
ut it
that
it c
omes
ac
ross
and
err
you
've
got t
o ha
ve th
at in
stin
ct o
r int
uitio
n to
kno
w w
hat I
'm sa
ying
(.) y
ou k
now
lik
e w
hen
I'm sa
ying
I w
ant t
hese
gho
sts t
o ap
pear
and
dis
appe
ar so
rt of
thin
g th
at c
ould
be
done
ve
ry IT
sort
of so
meb
ody
just
sayi
ng d
o th
is d
o th
at
306
Int
Yea
h
307
Mar
tin
But
whe
n yo
u're
ther
e an
d so
rt of
Pip
was
ther
e an
d sh
e he
lped
me
to g
et th
e rig
ht s
ort o
f gho
st
not b
ig n
asty
gho
sts j
ust i
mpi
sh ty
pe th
ings
whi
ch re
flect
how
they
aff
ect m
e yo
u kn
ow I
coul
d be
in th
e m
iddl
e of
the
Co-
op a
nd th
ese
ghos
ts w
ould
com
e an
d th
at's
wha
t I w
ante
d fo
r the
m to
ap
pear
and
just
dis
appe
ar u
ntil
it ge
ts to
the
end
and
they
just
dis
appe
ar a
nd th
ey d
on't
com
e ba
ck
and
that
's it
they
just
shrin
k an
d go
dow
n to
not
hing
Faci
litat
ion
very
im
porta
nt
Fini
shed
stor
ies h
ad a
po
wer
ful i
mpa
ct o
n hi
m
Faci
litat
ion
very
im
porta
nt
Empo
wer
ing
stor
ies
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
308
Int
Mm
mm
309
Mar
tin
But
that
's w
here
they
com
e fr
om
31
0 In
t So
rry
31
1 M
artin
Y
ou'v
e go
t a lo
t of p
ower
and
con
trol e
ven
pow
er c
omes
into
it
Hel
ped
him
to fe
el in
co
ntro
l and
mor
e po
wer
ful
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l and
po
wer
ful
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
312
Int
Rig
ht
31
3 M
artin
A
ll so
rts o
f litt
le b
its c
ome
into
the
digi
tal s
tory
(.) f
or m
e th
e m
ost p
ower
ful i
mag
e I s
uppo
se is
th
e ch
ains
C
ompl
ex p
roce
ss
Pow
erfu
l im
ager
y Em
pow
erin
g st
orie
s Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s 31
4 In
t Y
eah
App
endi
x 7
59
315
Mar
tin
The
brea
king
of a
nd a
ll it
is is
a p
ictu
re o
f cha
ins b
ut I
know
wha
t it m
eans
to m
e Po
wer
ful i
mag
ery
Empo
wer
ing
stor
ies
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
316
Int
Ver
y sy
mbo
lic
31
7 M
artin
Y
eah
you
see
it w
as th
at v
ery
sym
bolic
and
all
but t
o m
e it'
s a b
it m
ore
than
that
mm
in so
me
way
s i c
an lo
ok a
t it a
nd th
ink
ha h
a I k
now
wha
t it m
eans
real
ly y
ou d
on't
(laug
hter
) Po
wer
ful i
mag
ery
H
elpe
d hi
m to
feel
m
ore
pow
erfu
l
Empo
wer
ing
stor
ies
Empo
wer
ing
proc
ess
318
Int
(laug
hter
)
319
Mar
tin
You
don
't I k
now
wha
t it m
eans
to m
e re
ally
you
don
't yo
u ha
ve so
me
idea
(.) l
ike
the
artis
t pu
tting
a li
ttle
trick
in th
e co
rner
and
i th
ink
yeah
that
's m
e an
d th
at's
wha
t I g
ot o
ut o
f it
Hel
ped
him
to fe
el in
co
ntro
l and
mor
e po
wer
ful
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l and
po
wer
ful
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
320
Int
Rig
ht g
ood
32
1 M
artin
A
pow
er is
sue
cont
rol i
ssue
H
elpe
d hi
m to
feel
in
cont
rol a
nd m
ore
pow
erfu
l
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l and
po
wer
ful
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
322
Int
Pow
er a
nd c
ontro
l do
you
wan
t to
end
it th
ere
or h
ave
you
got a
ny la
st
32
3 M
artin
N
o I t
hink
that
's ab
out i
t but
I'd
certa
inly
reco
mm
end
it (.)
to a
nybo
dy d
one
in th
e rig
ht si
tuat
ion
Wou
ld re
com
men
d it
Wou
ld
reco
mm
end
it Fe
els m
ore
in
cont
rol n
ow
324
Int
Mm
m I'
ll en
d it
ther
e
Rut
h tr
ansc
ript
ana
lysi
s
Sect
ion
Firs
t ord
er c
odin
g Se
cond
ord
er
codi
ng
Inte
rvie
w th
emes
1 In
t So
per
haps
a g
ood
plac
e to
star
t is h
ow d
id y
ou fi
nd th
e pr
oces
s ove
rall
but t
hen
agai
n yo
u’ve
don
e it
twic
e
2 R
uth
In a
wor
d
3 In
t N
o yo
u ca
n us
e
4 R
uth
Ver
y ve
ry h
elpf
ul v
ery
heal
ing
Hea
ling
Hea
ling
Val
uabl
e Po
sitiv
e im
pact
5 In
t R
ight
6 R
uth
Erm
(1) d
o yo
u w
ant m
e to
exp
and
7
Int
Erm
yes
8 R
uth
Wel
l err
(1) t
here
wer
e lik
e di
ffer
ent b
its o
f it t
he c
reat
ive
proc
ess I
love
d an
d I h
adn’
t rea
lised
(.)
how
muc
h I w
as g
oing
to lo
ve th
at (1
) I th
ink
cos i
t was
on
com
pute
rs a
nd I
thou
ght I
’d b
e a
bit
terr
ified
Love
d cr
eativ
e pr
oces
s C
reat
ivity
En
gage
men
t Se
lf ex
pres
sion
9 In
t R
ight
ok
10
R
uth
But
bec
ause
ther
e’s s
omeo
ne a
roun
d w
ho ju
st k
now
s how
to p
ress
that
but
ton
and
mak
e it
all c
ome
back
11
Int
Yes
oh
right
App
endi
x 7
60
12
Rut
h I f
elt v
ery
rela
xed
and
real
ly fo
und
that
I kn
ew e
xact
ly w
hat I
wan
ted
to d
o in
that
cre
ativ
e pr
oces
s Fe
lt re
laxe
d K
new
wha
t she
wan
ted
to d
o C
reat
ive
proc
ess
Cre
ativ
ity
Age
ncy
Self
expr
essi
on
Age
ncy
13
Int
Rig
ht
14
R
uth
I fou
nd a
sort
of p
ower
and
I er
r (1)
wou
ld h
ave
liked
to h
ave
mad
e it
even
bet
ter b
ut th
ere
was
n’t
the
time
Foun
d a
sort
of p
ower
Po
wer
A
genc
y
15
Int
The
stor
y?
16
R
uth
The
who
le th
ing
you
know
I m
ight
hav
e tw
eake
d pi
ctur
es a
gain
zoo
med
er I
wou
ld h
ave
liked
to
have
had
(1) m
ore
I wou
ld li
ked
to b
e m
ore
skill
ed so
that
acc
ess t
o do
ing
all t
hose
thin
gs w
ith th
e ph
otos
it w
as e
r I fo
und
it a
very
exc
iting
exp
erie
nce
real
ly lo
ved
that
tapp
ed in
to a
n en
ergy
that
I ha
dn’t
tapp
ed in
to fo
r age
s
Foun
d it
very
exc
iting
Ta
pped
into
an
ener
gy
she
hadn
’t ta
pped
into
fo
r age
s
Pow
er
Mys
tery
A
genc
y Po
sitiv
e Im
pact
17
Int
Rig
ht o
k be
caus
e yo
u ta
lk a
bout
(.) i
ts so
long
sinc
e I s
aw y
our f
irst s
tory
but
you
talk
abo
ut (1
) so
met
hing
with
thre
ads
18
Rut
h W
eavi
ng
19
In
t Y
eah
wea
ving
20
Rut
h So
it’s
abo
ut
21
In
t A
nd th
at se
emed
like
a b
it of
life
line
to y
ou
22
R
uth
Wel
l it w
as
23
In
t Y
our c
reat
ive
ener
gies
into
that
rath
er th
an m
usic
I th
ink
24
R
uth
That
’s ri
ght I
did
it w
as li
ke (1
) it w
as li
felin
e (1
) bec
ause
I th
ink
I’d
kind
of d
etac
hed
mys
elf f
rom
re
ality
real
ly I’
d be
com
e so
imm
erse
d in
the
dram
a of
eve
ryth
ing
goin
g on
aro
und
me
that
I ki
nd
of lo
st m
y id
entit
y (.)
it’d
bec
ome
my
stor
y ra
ther
than
me
bein
g an
indi
vidu
al a
nd h
avin
g
Wea
ving
(cre
ativ
e pr
oces
s) a
s a li
felin
e Lo
st h
erse
lf in
the
dram
a of
car
ing
/ los
t id
entit
y
Iden
tity
Ref
ram
ing
past
25
Int
Rig
ht y
ou’d
bee
n co
nsum
ed b
y yo
ur ro
le o
f car
ing
for y
our t
wo
sons
26
Rut
h I h
ad b
een
cons
umed
I ha
d ye
ah a
nd I
supp
ose
that
hav
ing
the
oppo
rtuni
ty to
hav
e a
voic
e ab
out
that
hav
e it
out t
here
was
erm
(1) w
ell i
t hel
ped
me
mov
e on
bec
ause
I co
uld
let g
o of
it a
nd
beca
use
I had
this
exp
erie
nce
of g
ettin
g in
touc
h w
ith m
y cr
eativ
ity it
rem
inde
d m
e of
me
you
know
Lost
her
self
in c
arin
g ro
le
Hav
ing
a vo
ice
help
ed
her t
o m
ove
on –
to le
t go
of c
arin
g ro
le /
iden
tity
Get
ting
in to
uch
with
cr
eativ
ity /
rem
inde
d he
r of h
er o
ld se
lf
Cha
nge
Iden
tity
Cre
ativ
ity
Ref
ram
ing
past
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
A
genc
y Po
sitiv
e im
pact
27
Int
Rig
ht o
k
28
Rut
h It
was
it w
as p
ower
ful l
ike
that
and
that
was
the
heal
ing
for m
e I r
emem
ber P
ip sa
id so
met
hing
ab
out w
e ha
ven’
t got
a m
onop
oly
on su
ffer
ing
and
that
stuc
k w
ith m
e be
caus
e yo
u kn
ow y
ou h
ear
ever
yone
els
e’s s
torie
s and
real
ise
that
eve
rybo
dy’s
got
a st
ory
(1) i
t’s n
ot a
bout
you
r sto
ry it
’s
abou
t how
you
dea
l with
thin
gs w
ith li
fe a
nd th
e ex
perie
nce
show
ed m
e th
at I
was
mis
sing
out
on
Pow
erfu
l H
ealin
g G
aine
d in
sigh
t /
pers
pect
ive
on o
wn
Pow
er
Hea
ling
Insi
ght
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Ref
ram
ing
past
App
endi
x 7
61
livin
g on
livi
ng re
ally
ex
perie
nce
rela
tive
to
othe
r peo
ple
/ nor
mal
ity
Sens
e of
age
ncy
in
situ
atio
n R
ealis
atio
n sh
e w
as
mis
sing
out
on
livin
g
Pow
er
Insi
ght
29
Int
Um
m
30
R
uth
Yea
h um
m (.
) kin
d of
just
wok
e m
e up
I w
ould
say
it w
as li
ke m
y fir
st w
akin
g up
and
sinc
e th
em I
do fe
el li
ke I’
m li
ving
diff
eren
tly
Firs
t exp
erie
nce
of
‘wak
ing
up’
Now
feel
s lik
e sh
e is
liv
ing
diff
eren
tly
Insi
ght
Cha
nge
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
31
Int
Rig
ht o
k (.)
so o
bvio
usly
you
did
you
r firs
t sto
ry a
bout
a y
ear a
nd h
alf a
go n
ow
32
R
uth
Or t
wo
I don
’t kn
ow n
ow
33
In
t A
whi
le a
go a
nd th
en th
e se
cond
stor
y so
34
Rut
h It
was
goo
d G
ood
expe
rienc
e
Posi
tive
impa
ct
35
In
t So
how
com
e yo
u ca
me
to d
o th
e fir
st st
ory
36
R
uth
Erm
(.) b
ecau
se I
was
invo
lved
in th
e Sh
effie
ld H
alla
m U
ser a
nd C
arer
s pro
ject
and
we
wer
e in
vite
d al
ong
I did
n’t r
eally
kno
w w
hat I
was
doi
ng I
just
wen
t alo
ng fo
r a b
it of
adv
entu
re
No
spec
ific
expe
ctat
ions
of p
roce
ss
– ju
st w
ante
d a
bit o
f ad
vent
ure
37
Int
Rig
ht
38
R
uth
Ern
umm
39
Int
Did
you
hav
e lik
e an
intro
duct
ory
wor
ksho
p lik
e th
e on
e th
at I
orga
nise
d at
the
tow
n ha
ll
40
Rut
h N
o
41
Int
You
spok
e at
that
42
Rut
h W
e sa
w e
rr w
e sa
w (1
) the
re w
as a
car
ers a
nd u
sers
con
fere
nce
and
Julie
Col
eman
was
ther
e an
d sh
e sh
owed
her
stor
y an
d w
e di
d ha
ve th
at a
nd w
e w
ere
told
to h
ave
an id
ea o
f wha
t we
wan
ted
to
writ
e a
stor
y on
and
I re
ally
had
an
idea
that
I w
as ju
st g
oing
to te
ll th
e w
hole
wor
ld y
ou k
now
my
stor
y an
d th
e an
ger a
nd it
was
ther
e an
d w
hat I
as I
say
in th
e th
ing
the
seco
nd I
was
am
azed
wha
t st
ory
cam
e ou
t it w
asn’
t wha
t I e
xpec
ted
at a
ll bu
t it w
as b
ecau
se o
f tha
t bei
ng in
volv
ed w
ith
ever
yone
els
e an
d so
rt of
list
enin
g th
at w
e w
ere
give
n yo
u kn
ow n
o on
e ha
d an
age
nda
you
didn
’t fe
el li
ke y
ou h
ad to
(.) I
don
’t kn
ow h
ow it
hap
pene
d (.)
I do
n’t k
now
but
that
just
was
n’t t
he st
ory
that
was
goi
ng to
com
e ou
t
Had
a c
lear
idea
of h
er
first
stor
y pr
ior t
o w
orks
hop
Wan
ted
to te
ll th
e w
hole
wor
ld a
bout
her
an
ger
Act
ual s
tory
that
cam
e ou
t am
azed
her
– n
ot
expe
cted
Ef
fect
of b
eing
in
volv
ed w
ith e
very
one
else
and
list
enin
g to
th
eir s
tory
N
o on
e ha
d an
age
nda
(fre
edom
?)
Expr
essi
on
Insi
ght
Pow
er
Cre
ativ
ity
Mys
tery
Self
expr
essi
on
Age
ncy
Ref
ram
ing
past
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
A
genc
y
App
endi
x 7
62
Doe
sn’t
know
how
her
st
ory
cam
e ab
out.
43
Int
No
44
R
uth
It w
as a
lmos
t lik
e I h
ad n
o co
ntro
l It
was
alm
ost l
ike
she
had
no c
ontro
l of t
he
stor
y
Mys
tery
R
efra
min
g pa
st
45
Int
Rig
ht
46
R
uth
Som
e na
tura
l
47
Int
Som
e fo
rce
48
R
uth
Org
anic
forc
e ye
s N
atur
al fo
rce
wor
king
th
roug
h he
r Po
wer
A
genc
y
49
Int
Rig
ht o
k um
m y
eah
50
R
uth
Mm
m
51
In
t W
ell I
gue
ss I
can
see
how
that
hap
pens
in so
me
sens
e be
caus
e yo
u’ve
got
(1) n
ot th
inki
ng a
bout
yo
u in
par
ticul
ar b
ut a
lot o
f peo
ple
talk
abo
ut y
ou k
now
(1) T
im w
as ta
lkin
g ab
out l
ike
you
know
op
enin
g a
suitc
ase
you
know
with
all
the
past
trau
ma
abou
t his
acc
iden
t lik
e he
’d k
ind
of st
uffe
d ev
eryt
hing
all
and
lock
ed th
em a
way
and
ove
r the
cou
rse
of th
e w
orks
hop
he’d
ope
ned
it an
d go
ing
thro
ugh
and
pulli
ng th
ings
out
and
err
mak
ing
sens
e of
them
and
I th
ink
may
be th
ere’
s err
on
ce y
ou’v
e op
ened
that
suitc
ase
to u
se th
at a
nalo
gy th
en th
en y
ou k
now
that
can
be
pow
erfu
l and
yo
u of
ten
don’
t hav
e th
e po
wer
of w
hat w
hat’s
52
Rut
h O
f wha
t’s in
the
suitc
ase
53
In
t O
f wha
t com
es o
ut a
nd h
ow it
’s g
oing
to a
ffec
t you
54
Rut
h Y
eah
yes
55
In
t B
ut y
ours
soun
ds d
iffer
ent
56
R
uth
Um
m o
f cou
rse
beca
use
I’m
so sp
ecia
l (la
ught
er)
57
In
t (L
augh
ter)
58
Rut
h I t
hink
wha
t cam
e ou
t the
suitc
ase
was
erm
(1) t
he th
e ur
ge to
be
crea
tive
and
the
mis
sing
I m
ean
the
wea
ving
’s a
bout
that
so it
was
kin
d of
con
nect
ed th
at I
have
alw
ays b
een
very
ver
y cr
eativ
e an
d th
at h
ad b
een
I’d
been
isol
ated
from
it
Urg
e to
be
crea
tive
Cre
ativ
ity
Self
expr
essi
on
59
Int
Um
m u
mm
(1) s
o ha
ve y
ou th
en b
een
able
to m
ore
crea
tive
in y
our l
ife b
etw
een
the
two
stor
ies
and
subs
eque
ntly
60
Rut
h I
thin
k I’
ve e
rm n
ot in
a so
rt of
tang
ible
way
that
I’m
mak
ing
lots
of t
hing
s
61
Int
Rig
ht
62
R
uth
Not
in th
at w
ay b
ut I
feel
like
erm
I liv
e (1
) I li
ve in
the
mom
ent
Livi
ng in
the
mom
ent
Bei
ng c
reat
ive
Cre
ativ
ity
Self
expr
essi
on
63
Int
Ok
64
R
uth
Muc
h m
ore
and
that
feel
s cre
ativ
e B
eing
cre
ativ
e C
reat
ivity
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
65
In
t R
ight
so th
at’s
abo
ut (.
) is t
hat a
bout
you
’re
bein
g ab
le to
cre
ativ
ely
resp
ond
on m
omen
t to
mom
ent b
asis
C
reat
ivel
y re
spon
ding
in
the
mom
ent
66
Rut
h Y
es I
thin
k so
67
Int
Rat
her t
han
on th
e ba
sis o
f you
r his
tory
App
endi
x 7
63
68
Rut
h I t
hink
that
’s a
goo
d w
ay o
f put
ting
it (.)
I co
uldn
’t pu
t it a
ny b
ette
r yea
h
69
Int
Ok
70
R
uth
Life
whe
reas
I w
as g
oing
aro
und
and
not s
eein
g st
uff n
ow I
am I’
m e
xcite
d lik
e I w
as e
xcite
d ab
out b
eing
cre
ativ
e no
w I’
m m
ore
exci
ted
abou
t wel
l its
real
ity is
n’t
Exci
ted
abou
t life
C
reat
ivity
Ex
cite
d ab
out r
ealit
y /
livin
g
Insi
ght
Cre
ativ
ity
Cha
nge
Posi
tive
impa
ct
71
Int
Rig
ht o
k ab
out l
ife in
gen
eral
(1) s
o er
m (1
) and
I’m
won
derin
g w
heth
er so
me
of th
at’s
abo
ut y
ou
kind
a be
ing
able
to (1
) kin
d of
err
com
e to
term
s with
som
e th
ings
and
dea
l with
them
so th
at
they
’re
not c
ontro
lling
you
Com
ing
to te
rms w
ith
thin
gs
Reg
aini
ng c
ontro
l of
her l
ife
Cha
nge
Pow
er
Posi
tive
impa
ct
72
Rut
h Y
eah
yeah
73
Int
So th
at k
inda
free
s you
up
Feel
ing
free
C
reat
ivity
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
74
R
uth
Abs
olut
ely
75
In
t To
err
76
Rut
h Y
eah
77
In
t To
live
mor
e in
the
mom
ent
78
R
uth
Yea
h an
d er
r bec
ause
you
kno
w h
earin
g ot
her p
eopl
e’s s
torie
s you
real
ise
that
you
can
let a
stor
y co
ntro
l you
for t
he re
st o
f you
r life
or y
ou c
an (1
) get
som
e so
rt of
per
spec
tive
I sup
pose
I do
n’t
know
how
to p
ut it
into
wor
ds b
ut th
at it
’s n
ot a
ll co
nsum
ing
and
that
you
can
act
ually
live
as w
ell
Get
ting
pers
pect
ive
Hav
ing
mor
e co
ntro
l ov
er y
our l
ife
Insi
ght
Pow
er
Ref
ram
ing
past
A
genc
y
79
Int
Um
m u
mm
80
Rut
h B
ut I
supp
ose
that
I as
car
ers w
e ra
rely
eve
r get
the
chan
ce to
tell
our s
tory
ther
e’s h
undr
eds o
f op
portu
nity
to te
ll th
eir s
tory
and
it’s
a n
eces
sity
and
so a
nd p
erha
ps th
at’s
one
of t
he re
ason
s why
yo
u lo
se to
uch
with
you
rsel
f as w
ell
Rar
ely
get t
o te
ll yo
ur
stor
y as
a c
arer
Lo
se to
uch
with
yo
urse
lf
Iden
tity
Ref
ram
ing
past
81
Int
Rig
ht
82
R
uth
Bec
ause
you
bec
ome
this
(.) I
had
bec
ome
a vo
ice
for t
hese
peo
ple
who
cou
ldn’
t com
mun
icat
e Te
lling
som
ebod
y el
se’s
stor
y Id
entit
y R
efra
min
g pa
st
83
In
t Y
eah
yeah
84
Rut
h So
this
exp
erie
nce
was
abo
ut m
e an
d th
at w
as e
rr th
at w
as n
ew
Nov
elty
of f
ocus
sing
on
hers
elf
Iden
tity
Age
ncy
85
Int
Um
m u
mm
erm
(2) s
o ho
w d
id y
ou so
rt of
feel
dur
ing
the
proc
ess
86
R
uth
Um
m (2
) in
the
first
one
ther
e w
as a
sort
of fr
ustra
tion
at th
e st
art b
ecau
se I
coul
dn’t
quite
get
my
grov
e an
d I w
rote
a st
ory
but i
t jus
t did
n’t f
eel r
ight
and
then
I er
r (1)
and
I fe
lt a
bit d
etac
hed
from
it
and
inte
rest
ing
beca
use
I’d
writ
ten
in th
e er
m it
was
all
‘I’ (
.) yo
u kn
ow c
os th
ey sa
y do
it a
ll in
fir
st p
erso
n
Initi
al fe
elin
gs o
f fr
ustra
tion
and
deta
chm
ent
Cha
nge
87
Int
Rig
ht
88
R
uth
And
then
I ca
n re
mem
ber s
ittin
g th
ere
thin
king
ah
I wan
t to
tell
this
like
a fa
iry ta
le a
nd p
uttin
g it
in th
at te
nse
and
then
I cr
ied
Ligh
t bul
b m
omen
t C
ryin
g C
reat
ivity
Ex
pres
sion
In
sigh
t Em
otio
nal
Ref
ram
ing
past
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
89
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
App
endi
x 7
64
90
Rut
h A
s soo
n as
I I r
emem
ber j
ust s
obbi
ng w
hen
I rea
d it
thru
’ bec
ause
it w
as ju
st I
don’
t kno
w w
hy it
m
ade
a di
ffere
nce
but i
t did
C
ryin
g Em
otio
nal
Expr
essi
on
91
Int
Hm
m
92
R
uth
May
be it
spok
e to
the
child
in m
e
93
Int
May
be it
did
or m
ay it
erm
I gu
ess I
mea
n yo
u ki
nd o
f des
crib
ed tw
o th
ings
hap
peni
ng th
ere
one
was
cha
ngin
g fr
om fi
rst t
o th
ird p
erso
n an
d th
e ot
her o
ne is
usi
ng th
e fa
iry ta
le la
ngua
ge a
nd in
a
fairy
tale
thin
gs a
re e
xagg
erat
ed a
nd y
ou k
ind
of p
olar
ise
thin
gs a
nd so
the
diff
icul
t per
son
in y
our
life
beco
mes
the
wic
ked
witc
h or
the
evil
step
mot
her o
r gob
lin a
nd I
gues
s it k
ind
of g
ives
you
m
ore
free
exp
ress
ion
94
Rut
h M
aybe
95
Int
Alm
ost g
ives
you
a li
cenc
e to
exp
ress
som
ethi
ng w
hich
may
be y
ou d
on’t
get t
o ex
pres
s (.)
I’m
sp
ecul
atin
g
96
Rut
h It
defin
itely
(.) I
can
rem
embe
r sitt
ing
ther
e an
d To
ny c
omin
g ov
er I
was
all
I did
was
just
cha
nge
just
a fe
w li
ttle
bits
not
that
muc
h of
cha
nge
it w
as a
lmos
t lik
e I w
as lo
okin
g at
mys
elf
Diff
eren
t per
spec
tive
– lo
okin
g at
her
self
Insi
ght
Ref
ram
ing
past
97
Int
Wel
l yes
yea
h th
e th
ird p
erso
n
98
Rut
h G
ave
me
a bi
t of s
pace
I re
mem
ber t
hat a
nd I
just
rem
embe
r fly
ing
with
it a
nd b
eing
abs
olut
ely
com
plet
ely
abso
rbed
com
plet
ely
abso
rbed
and
so fr
ustra
ted
som
etim
es th
at I
coul
dn’t
get t
he h
elp
whe
n I n
eede
d th
e he
lp c
os I
wan
ted
to g
et th
is ju
st so
(.) a
bsol
utel
y fo
cuss
ed o
n it
(laug
hter
) tim
e ju
st (s
tood
) and
it’s
incr
edib
le b
ecau
se I
hadn
’t ha
d th
at e
xper
ienc
e fo
r so
long
that
I w
as th
at
abso
rbed
so e
njoy
able
so so
enj
oyab
le re
al li
fe th
at a
hh lo
vely
yea
h an
d th
en y
ou k
now
and
not
re
ally
all
awar
e of
any
one
else
aro
und
cos s
o fo
cuss
ed
Get
ting
a bi
t of s
pace
/ pe
rspe
ctiv
e C
ompl
ete
abso
rptio
n &
fo
cus
Enjo
ymen
t Lo
st in
cre
ativ
e pr
oces
s
Insi
ght
Cha
nge
Pow
er
Cre
ativ
ity
Self
expr
essi
on
Posi
tive
impa
ct
99
Int
Rig
ht (l
augh
ter)
100
Rut
h B
ut o
f cou
rse
at th
e en
d w
hen
you
see
ever
ybod
y’s s
tory
that
was
a e
rm th
at w
as v
ery
mov
ing
beca
use
you
real
ly h
ave
been
thru
’ the
jour
ney
with
them
from
beg
inni
ng to
the
end
that
was
err
I fe
lt en
orm
ousl
y pr
ivile
ged
to h
ear t
hese
peo
ple
to h
ear t
heir
stor
ies a
nd I
kind
of b
e pa
rt of
that
pr
oces
s tha
t the
y ha
d (1
) I’m
not
sure
that
I w
as te
rrib
ly su
ppor
tive
to p
eopl
e in
the
first
one
I w
as
mor
e so
in th
e se
cond
one
Bei
ng m
oved
by
othe
r pe
ople
’s st
orie
s Pr
ivile
ged
to h
ear o
ther
pe
ople
’s st
orie
s B
eing
supp
ortiv
e to
ot
hers
Emot
iona
l Su
ppor
t
Posi
tive
impa
ct
101
Int
Rig
ht o
k
102
Rut
h B
ut e
h ye
ah y
es I
thin
k I w
as e
rr c
augh
t int
o it
all
10
3 In
t U
mm
how
do
you
thin
k he
arin
g ot
her p
eopl
e’s s
torie
s affe
cted
you
r sto
ry?
Bec
ause
pre
sum
ably
at
the
begi
nnin
g yo
u si
t rou
nd in
a st
ory
circ
le a
nd y
ou w
on’t
have
the
stor
y fu
lly fo
rmed
but
you
’ll
talk
abo
ut y
our i
deas
for a
stor
y do
n’t y
ou
104
Rut
h I d
on’t
know
I ca
n’t t
hink
how
it a
ffect
ed m
y st
ory
I kno
w it
affe
cted
me
this
reve
latio
n of
ev
eryo
ne h
avin
g st
orie
s erm
ah
no (1
) how
I w
rote
the
stor
y? H
ow d
id it
aff
ect t
he w
ay I
wro
te th
e st
ory?
Ever
yone
has
stor
ies
Insi
ght
Ref
ram
ing
past
105
Int
Wel
l I ju
st th
inki
ng th
at y
ou c
ame
with
a st
ory
that
you
wan
ted
to w
rite
and
ther
e w
as a
lot o
f an
ger i
n it
106
Rut
h Y
eah
10
7 In
t A
nd so
mew
here
in th
e pr
oces
s the
stor
y yo
u w
ere
goin
g to
writ
e ch
ange
d an
d I’
m ju
st w
onde
ring
whe
ther
you
can
kin
d of
pin
poin
t
App
endi
x 7
65
108
Rut
h I d
on’t
know
wha
t tha
t was
abo
ut m
aybe
I fe
lt th
at (2
)
109
Int
I won
der w
heth
er th
ere’
s som
ethi
ng a
bout
just
pic
king
up
on w
hat y
ou’v
e sa
id a
bout
how
dur
ing
the
proc
ess y
ou fe
el y
ou c
an li
ve m
ore
in th
e m
omen
t now
and
won
derin
g w
heth
er so
met
hing
ha
ppen
ed b
ecau
se o
bvio
usly
the
stor
y is
his
toric
al a
nd a
ny st
ory
is a
nd w
heth
er th
ere
is so
met
hing
ab
out n
ot w
antin
g to
dw
ell i
n th
e pa
st a
nd b
eing
in th
e pr
esen
t tha
t you
wan
ted
to re
flect
in y
our
stor
y I m
ean
I don
’t kn
ow in
all
thes
e th
ings
not
you
rs sp
ecifi
cally
but
a lo
t is a
bout
it c
erta
inly
ca
me
thro
ugh
how
muc
h po
wer
our
pas
t has
on
our p
rese
nt so
for e
xam
ple
Ian
uses
the
term
br
eaki
ng th
e ch
ains
talk
s abo
ut e
mpo
wer
men
t but
he
likes
the
term
bre
akin
g th
e ch
ains
and
yes
his
hi
stor
y is
still
the
sam
e ab
out h
avin
g be
en a
buse
d as
a c
hild
but
it n
o lo
nger
has
the
pow
er to
co
ntro
l him
110
Rut
h Th
at’s
righ
t yea
h
111
Int
And
I th
ink
ther
e’s k
ind
of e
lem
ent o
f tha
t in
ever
ybod
y’s s
tory
112
Rut
h I w
ould
say
that
with
min
e I m
ean
I use
the
wor
d he
alin
g w
hich
is th
e sa
me
I don
’t br
eak
my
chai
ns y
eah
it do
es w
hen
you
can
nam
e it
whe
n yo
u ca
n ge
t it o
ut th
ere
and
it’s r
eally
list
ened
to
Hea
ling
Nam
ing
it G
ettin
g it
out t
here
B
eing
list
ened
to
Hea
ling
Expr
essi
on
Supp
ort
Ref
ram
ing
past
113
Int
Yea
h
114
Rut
h Its
cat
har c
atha
rtic
wha
teve
r tha
t wor
d is
C
atha
rtic
Expr
essi
on
Cha
nge
115
Int
It is
cat
harti
c th
at’s
the
wor
d (la
ught
er)
11
6 R
uth
Yes
it is
um
m
11
7 In
t A
nd sh
arin
g yo
ur st
ory
as w
ell
11
8 R
uth
Like
if y
ou’v
e go
t mon
ster
s and
you
nam
e th
em a
nd th
ey ju
st b
ecom
e sm
alle
r the
y ju
st g
et in
to
pers
pect
ive
don’
t the
y th
at’s
how
it fe
lt fo
r me
Nam
ing
a m
onst
er
Taki
ng it
s pow
er a
way
H
avin
g a
pers
pect
ive
Expr
essi
on
Emot
ion
Pow
er
Insi
ght
Ref
ram
ing
past
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
A
genc
y 11
9 In
t So
it’s
abo
ut k
ind
of a
lmos
t nam
ing
your
dem
ons o
r mon
ster
s or s
omet
hing
120
Rut
h Y
eah
(2) v
ery
soot
hing
V
ery
soot
hing
H
ealin
g Po
sitiv
e im
pact
121
Int
Um
m h
ad y
ou tr
ied
othe
r app
roac
hes t
o ta
me
your
dem
ons
12
2 R
uth
I’d
had
a lo
t of t
hera
py lo
ads a
nd lo
ads o
f the
rapy
H
ad lo
ts o
f the
rapy
be
fore
123
Int
Rig
ht
12
4 R
uth
Ther
apy
quee
n so
yea
h ye
ah
12
5 In
t R
ight
126
Rut
h A
nd I
thin
k an
d its
ver
y he
lpfu
l but
this
was
it w
as d
efin
itely
abo
ut se
lf ex
pres
sion
for m
e th
at’s
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
im
porta
nt
Expr
essi
on
Self
expr
essi
on
12
7 In
t O
k rig
ht y
eah
12
8 R
uth
Just
so b
ecau
se it
cam
e fr
om m
e an
d I g
ot in
touc
h w
ith m
e in
a w
ay th
at I
hadn
’t er
m b
eing
abl
e to
writ
e an
d ye
ah it
real
ly it
cam
e fr
om m
y so
ul m
y he
art I
mea
nt I’
ve h
ad g
esta
lt th
erap
y w
here
yo
u do
(.) d
o lo
ts o
f cre
ativ
e (.)
can
do
lots
of c
reat
ive
thin
gs b
ut n
ot in
as a
con
cent
rate
d po
wer
ful
Get
ting
in to
uch
with
he
r sou
l, he
art,
self
Con
cent
rate
d po
wer
ful
Insi
ght
Expr
essi
on
Emot
ion
Ref
ram
ing
past
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
Se
lf ex
pres
sion
App
endi
x 7
66
way
Id
entit
y Po
wer
A
genc
y
129
Int
No
I mea
n I s
uppo
se in
term
s of t
he p
ract
ical
ities
you
r the
rapy
mig
ht b
e an
hou
r or s
o
130
Rut
h Ex
actly
131
Int
Whe
reas
this
is y
ou k
now
it is
thre
e 8
hour
s day
s or w
hate
ver i
t is
Inte
nse
3 da
y pr
oces
s En
gage
men
t
132
Rut
h Y
eah
and
then
you
go
hom
e th
inki
ng a
bout
it a
s wel
l ooh
I’ll
do th
is (l
augh
ter)
I’m
a fr
ustra
ted
film
mak
er
133
Int
Rig
ht o
k (la
ught
er)
13
4 R
uth
May
be a
nd th
en a
fterw
ards
I w
as re
ally
exh
aust
ed fo
r a lo
ng lo
ng w
hile
wee
ks y
eah
it to
ok it
s tol
l on
me
the
first
on
mor
e th
an th
e se
cond
one
the
seco
nd o
ne w
as li
ke fo
r me
(3) i
t was
like
fin
ishi
ng it
off
like
com
plet
ing
it lik
e it
didn
’t ha
ve th
e sa
me
inte
nse
hold
on
me
as th
e fir
st o
ne b
ut
Exha
ustin
g pr
oces
s Fi
rst o
ne m
ore
pow
erfu
l th
an se
cond
one
Pow
er
Emot
ion
Self
expr
essi
on
Age
ncy
135
Int
Dur
ing
the
proc
ess y
ou m
ean
13
6 R
uth
I thi
nk I
was
fairl
y in
tens
e bu
t I w
as m
ore
awar
e of
eve
ryon
e el
se I
can
rem
embe
r tha
t I h
ad ti
me
to si
t by
peop
le a
nd th
ings
Se
cond
one
less
in
tens
e, m
ore
awar
e of
ot
hers
137
Int
Rig
ht
13
8 R
uth
It w
as m
aybe
cos
it’s
you
r sec
ond
one
and
you’
ve g
one
thro
ugh
that
firs
t bit
of th
e pr
oces
s it f
elt
very
satis
fyin
g it’
s lik
e yo
u’ve
gon
e th
ree
quar
ters
way
roun
d th
e ci
rcle
and
you
got
that
littl
e bi
t ne
eded
to b
e do
ne
Seco
nd o
ne fe
lt lik
e co
mpl
etin
g a
circ
le
Expr
essi
on
Self
expr
essi
on
139
Int
Rig
ht
14
0 R
uth
And
uhh
ahh
gla
d th
at’s
don
e (.)
goo
d fe
elin
g Fe
elin
g sa
tisfie
d at
the
end
Cha
nge
Age
ncy
141
Int
So y
ou’r
e sa
ying
you
don
’t fe
el a
ny d
esire
to m
ake
anot
her o
ne?
14
2 R
uth
Ooh
ahh
hun
dred
s yea
h ye
ah
Wan
ts to
mak
e hu
ndre
ds m
ore
Val
uabl
e Po
sitiv
e im
pact
143
Int
Ok
right
144
Rut
h I’
d lik
e to
get
the
softw
are
real
ly a
nd u
mm
145
Int
Ok
ok
14
6 R
uth
But
erm
(2) I
don
’t kn
ow w
heth
er th
ey’d
eve
r be
as in
tens
e as
that
firs
t one
Su
bseq
uent
stor
ies
likel
y to
be
less
inte
nse
Cha
nge
Age
ncy
147
Int
Wel
l life
’s k
ind
of li
ke th
at is
n’t i
t and
how
’s it
kin
da a
ffec
ted
your
life
in g
ener
al sa
y fo
r exa
mpl
e w
ith y
ou k
now
the
rest
of t
he fa
mily
you
r kid
s?
148
Rut
h Th
e ki
ds (3
)
149
Int
Bec
ause
pre
sum
able
you
’re
still
car
ing
for y
our a
utis
tic k
ids
15
0 R
uth
Yea
h ah
h
151
Int
I gue
ss th
ey’r
e ol
der
15
2 R
uth
Wel
l I d
on’t
I thi
nk it
’s m
y m
y at
titud
e to
life
that
’s d
iffer
ent i
n th
at w
ay a
nd p
roba
bly
bette
r to
be
arou
nd e
rm (1
) I d
on’t
feel
the
enor
mity
of r
espo
nsib
ility
that
I di
d A
ttitu
de to
life
has
ch
ange
d D
oesn
’t fe
el e
norm
ity
of re
spon
sibi
lity
that
sh
e di
d be
fore
Cha
nge
Insi
ght
Age
ncy
Ref
ram
ing
past
App
endi
x 7
67
153
Int
Rig
ht
15
4 R
uth
I don
’t fe
el a
s alo
ne w
ith it
yea
h er
m I
feel
(1) y
eah
(1) y
ou k
now
it’s
just
life
is to
ugh
and
that
’s
how
it is
life
can
be
crap
(.) d
eal w
ith it
sort
of th
ing
and
I was
n’t l
ike
that
at a
ll I w
as v
ery
muc
h aa
hh p
oor m
e th
is d
read
ful s
ituat
ion
oohh
you
kno
w it
mad
e m
e fe
el sp
ecia
l I th
ink
Doe
sn’t
feel
as a
lone
w
ith it
H
ealth
ier p
ersp
ectiv
e on
life
in g
ener
al –
life
is
toug
h –
deal
with
it
rath
er th
an p
oor m
e
Supp
ort
Insi
ght
Ref
ram
ing
past
A
genc
y
155
Int
Rig
ht ri
ght
15
6 R
uth
Yea
h bu
t I fe
el li
bera
ted
from
that
I fe
el li
bera
ted
from
the
dram
a of
it
Felt
liber
ated
from
dr
ama
Cha
nge
Ref
ram
ing
past
157
Int
Rig
ht o
k
158
Rut
h Er
m e
rm y
eah
and
I’m
bet
ter a
t loo
king
afte
r mys
elf I
’m b
ette
r at b
eing
mor
e in
touc
h w
ith w
hat I
ne
ed w
hat I
real
ly n
eed
to d
o fo
r me
Bet
ter a
t loo
king
afte
r he
rsel
f M
ore
in to
uch
with
w
hat s
he n
eeds
Cha
nge
Insi
ght
Posi
tive
impa
ct
159
Int
Um
m u
mm
160
Rut
h Th
at m
ight
just
be
slee
ping
lots
erm
hav
e m
ore
sens
e of
that
than
I di
d
161
Int
Rig
ht o
k so
may
be p
art o
f you
hea
ring
your
ow
n st
ory
in th
e th
ree
day
sess
ion
may
be h
elpe
d yo
u to
list
en to
you
r ow
n st
ory
on m
ore
regu
lar b
asis
M
ore
able
to li
sten
to
own
stor
y on
day
to d
ay
basi
s
Insi
ght
Age
ncy
162
Rut
h Y
eah
16
3 In
t R
athe
r tha
n as
a c
arer
whe
n yo
u w
ere
sayi
ng y
ou w
ere
cons
tant
ly te
lling
oth
er p
eopl
e’s s
torie
s for
th
em
Stro
nger
iden
tific
atio
n w
ith se
lf as
a p
erso
n in
ow
n rig
ht ra
ther
than
as
a ca
rer
Iden
tity
164
Rut
h Y
eah
so th
at’s
err
wha
t cam
e in
to m
y he
ad th
en th
ere
is m
ore
of I’
m m
ore
obje
ctiv
e ab
out
ever
ythi
ng I
don’
t kno
w w
heth
er o
bjec
tive
is th
e rig
ht w
ord
whe
reas
I fe
lt al
l con
sum
ed I
have
m
ore
ther
e’s I
’m m
ore
sepa
rate
bec
ause
I’ve
got
mor
e of
an
iden
tity
or fe
el th
at I’
ve m
ore
of a
n id
entit
y ye
ah I
can
sort
of (.
) not
just
reac
t to
it al
l (.)
all t
he ti
me
Abl
e to
be
mor
e ob
ject
ive
Feel
ing
less
con
sum
ed
by li
fe
Stro
nger
sens
e of
id
entit
y N
ot ju
st re
actin
g
Cha
nge
Iden
tity
Age
ncy
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
165
Int
Yea
h yo
u ca
n st
ep b
ack
16
6 R
uth
Yea
h
167
Int
And
be
mor
e co
nsid
ered
mak
e a
mor
e co
nsid
ered
resp
onse
(.) s
o ha
s it c
hang
ed y
our v
iew
s abo
ut
the
futu
re a
t all?
A
ble
to m
ake
a m
ore
cons
ider
ed re
spon
se
Age
ncy
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
168
Rut
h U
mm
err
I do
n’t t
hink
muc
h ab
out t
he fu
ture
169
Int
Bus
y liv
ing
in th
e pr
esen
t Fo
cus o
n pr
esen
t rat
her
than
wor
ryin
g ab
out t
he
futu
re
Insi
ght
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
170
Rut
h W
ell t
ry to
real
ly d
o
App
endi
x 7
68
171
Int
Um
m
17
2 R
uth
Ther
e’s n
o po
int b
ecau
se I
have
no
idea
whe
re th
ese
kids
‘ll t
ake
us th
ere
is ju
st n
o po
int d
wel
ling
on it
and
we
do d
o a
day
at a
tim
e A
ble
to se
e un
help
ful
habi
ts li
ke w
orry
ing
abou
t the
futu
re
Insi
ght
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
173
Int
Rig
ht
17
4 R
uth
Ver
y m
uch
umm
um
m b
ut I
used
to w
orry
abo
ut th
e fu
ture
all
the
time
and
Use
d to
wor
ry a
bout
the
futu
re
Cha
nge
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
175
Int
Ok
so
17
6 R
uth
And
I us
ed to
con
trol i
t you
try
and
sort
thin
gs o
ut li
ke th
is a
nd n
ow I
don’
t I d
on’t
do th
at
No
long
er tr
ies t
o co
ntro
l the
futu
re
Cha
nge
Age
ncy
Posi
tive
impa
ct
177
Int
Rig
ht d
o yo
u th
ink
may
be y
ou’v
e ki
nd o
f jus
t got
mor
e er
r I’m
tryi
ng to
thin
k of
the
wor
d (2
) w
ords
con
fiden
ce a
nd k
ind
of fa
ith o
r tru
st (
inau
dibl
e)
178
Rut
h U
mm
um
m
17
9 In
t Le
ss w
orry
ing
and
need
ing
to p
lan
kind
of a
lmos
t whe
re y
ou tr
ust o
r are
con
fiden
t tha
t thi
ngs w
ill
be o
k
180
Rut
h B
e al
right
yea
h I t
hink
trus
t yea
h (1
) yes
I’m
a lo
t mor
e (2
) at e
ase
yeah
M
ore
at e
ase
Can
trus
t tha
t the
futu
re
will
be
ok
Cha
nge
Insi
ght
Posi
tive
impa
ct
181
Int
Um
m (2
) is t
here
any
thin
g el
se th
at y
ou c
an th
ink
of fr
om e
ither
the
proc
ess o
r how
you
’ve
been
su
bseq
uent
ly?
182
Rut
h I d
on’t
wan
t to
show
them
any
I do
n’t w
ant t
o st
and
up a
nd h
ave
peop
le lo
ok a
t the
m w
ith m
e th
ere
anym
ore
Doe
sn’t
wan
t to
show
st
orie
s to
stud
ents
an
ymor
e
Cha
nge
183
Int
Rig
ht y
ou’v
e do
ne th
at
18
4 R
uth
And
I do
n’t w
ant t
o do
that
any
mor
e
185
Int
Ok
ok
18
6 R
uth
And
it fe
lt I f
elt q
uite
unc
omfo
rtabl
e Fe
lt un
com
forta
ble
show
ing
her s
tory
to
stud
ents
Emot
iona
l
187
Int
Rig
ht
18
8 R
uth
Like
I w
as
18
9 In
t So
wer
e yo
u do
ing
that
with
stud
ents
her
e
190
Rut
h Y
eah
yeah
alm
ost l
ike
I was
und
ress
ing
Felt
expo
sed
Vul
nera
ble
19
1 In
t R
ight
192
Rut
h Er
m h
appy
for o
ther
peo
ple
to se
e it
but I
don
’t w
ant t
o be
aro
und
Hap
py fo
r oth
er p
eopl
e to
see
her s
tory
but
do
esn’
t wan
t to
be
pres
ent
Cha
nge
193
Int
But
not
with
you
ther
e
194
Rut
h It’
s ver
y so
rt of
pre
ciou
s and
per
sona
l St
ory
is p
reci
ous a
nd
pers
onal
V
alua
ble
App
endi
x 7
69
195
Int
It is
it is
196
Rut
h U
mm
erm
oh
wha
t did
you
say?
197
Int
Wel
l I w
as ju
st w
onde
ring
whe
ther
ther
e w
as a
nyth
ing
else
real
ly (3
) I m
ean
one
of th
e th
ings
w
hich
com
es o
ut o
r may
com
e ou
t with
peo
ple
is th
e fa
ct th
at b
ecau
se y
ou’v
e ki
nd o
f sha
red
your
st
ory
once
or m
ay h
ave
open
ed u
p to
oth
er p
eopl
e in
this
situ
atio
n it
then
may
mak
e it
easi
er fo
r yo
u to
shar
e yo
ur st
ory
or sh
are
your
thou
ghts
in fu
ture
bec
ause
you
’ve
been
abl
e to
do
it in
a in
an
envi
ronm
ent i
f you
like
whe
re p
eopl
e ha
ve li
sten
ed to
you
198
Rut
h U
mm
199
Int
They
hav
e gi
ven
the
time
so it
kin
d of
200
Rut
h U
mm
I th
ink
I do
the
othe
r way
don
’t I (
.) yo
u kn
ow in
that
erm
I do
n’t n
eed
to
Doe
sn’t
need
to sh
are
stor
y C
hang
e
201
Int
Ok
20
2 R
uth
I don
’t ne
ed to
do
that
any
mor
e in
the
sam
e yo
u kn
ow e
rm
20
3 In
t O
k
204
Rut
h I d
on’t
parti
cula
rly w
ant p
eopl
e to
be
(2) g
et lo
ads o
f det
ails
abo
ut it
and
erm
205
Int
I gue
ss th
ere’
s alm
ost k
ind
of tw
o th
ings
her
e th
ere’
s wel
l the
re’s
lots
of t
hing
s but
in so
me
sens
e th
ere
coul
d be
you
r sto
ry a
s a c
arer
206
Rut
h U
mm
207
Int
Then
ther
e’s a
lso
you
the
othe
r sid
e of
you
so in
som
e w
ays y
ou c
ould
be
sort
of sa
ying
wel
l I
don’
t fee
l tha
t wel
l thi
s is a
lmos
t wha
t I fe
el y
ou w
ere
sayi
ng c
orre
ct m
e if
I’m
wro
ng b
ut th
at y
ou
don’
t nee
d to
tell
ever
ybod
y th
at y
ou a
re a
car
er a
nd li
fe’s
a b
ig d
ram
a
Doe
sn’t
need
to re
tell
stor
y of
bei
ng a
car
er
and
life
bein
g a
dram
a an
ymor
e
Cha
nge
Iden
tity
208
Rut
h Y
eah
20
9 In
t B
ut e
qual
ly th
ere’
s oth
er b
its to
you
that
you
feel
hap
pier
to sh
are
beca
use
that
H
appy
to sh
are
othe
r bi
ts o
f her
life
, sel
f Su
ppor
t
210
Rut
h Y
eah
yeah
211
Int
Part
of y
ou h
as
21
2 R
uth
Com
e al
ive
yeah
it is
it’s
like
that
was
my
iden
tity
and
all a
nyon
e ta
lked
to m
e ab
out s
o no
w th
ere
is m
ore
for m
e to
(.) m
ore
stor
y ab
out m
e M
ore
sens
e of
self
an
pers
on in
depe
nden
t of
bein
g a
care
r
Iden
tity
Age
ncy
213
Int
Um
m u
mm
214
Rut
h Y
eah
that
’s tr
ue
21
5 In
t So
you
thin
k th
at is
(ina
udib
le) o
n a
day
to d
ay b
asis
216
Rut
h I t
hink
and
it’s
a p
roce
ss a
s wel
l it’s
gro
wth
as w
ell l
ike
I don
’t th
ink
that
you
do
thes
e st
orie
s and
ov
er n
ight
I th
ink
its e
rr it
’s b
een
like
a gr
adua
l G
radu
al p
roce
ss o
f ch
ange
C
hang
e Po
sitiv
e im
pact
217
Int
Yea
h
218
Rut
h A
wak
enin
g an
d th
ere’
s oth
er st
uff t
hat’s
goi
ng o
n in
my
life
that
’s c
ontri
bute
d to
it b
ut I
do b
elie
ve
that
it so
rt of
sort
of g
ave
little
star
t G
radu
al a
wak
enin
g St
ory
as a
cat
alys
t O
ther
fact
ors i
mpo
rtant
Insi
ght
Pow
er
Posi
tive
impa
ct
219
Int
Goo
d
220
Rut
h Lo
vely
to a
roun
d fa
cilit
ator
s tha
t are
ver
y (3
) in
tune
with
you
and
sort
of u
nhur
ried
and
patie
nt
Patie
nt re
spec
tful
Supp
ort
App
endi
x 7
70
and
very
resp
ectfu
l (.)
it w
as v
ery
help
ful t
o ha
ve th
at so
rt of
ene
rgy
arou
nd e
rm I
thin
k it
kind
of
allo
wed
me
to g
o fu
rther
than
I w
ould
hav
e do
ne y
eah
(3) s
eem
s a lo
ng w
hile
ago
thou
gh M
ark
I m
ust s
ay I
feel
like
I no
t in
touc
h w
ith it
faci
litat
ion
was
ver
y im
porta
nt a
llow
ed h
er
to g
o fu
rther
Val
uabl
e
221
Int
Ok
yeah
I gu
ess i
t is a
whi
le u
mm
(1) b
ut it
obv
ious
ly st
ill h
as a
n ef
fect
doe
sn’t
it m
ight
be
hard
er
to re
call
but I
supp
ose
may
be th
e fa
ct th
at y
ou’v
e do
ne tw
o st
orie
s is k
inda
may
be p
oten
tially
all
the
expe
rienc
es c
an b
lur i
nto
one
a bi
t
222
Rut
h Th
ey d
o se
em to
yea
h
223
Int
So I
thin
k
224
Rut
h Th
at’ll
do
22
5 In
t Th
at’s
cov
ered
eve
ryth
ing
that
I w
ante
d w
as th
ere
anyt
hing
els
e?
22
6 R
uth
Can
’t th
ink
of a
nyth
ing
Mar
k
227
Int
Ok
we’
ll en
d it
ther
e
228
Rut
h Pi
ng
T
ina
tran
scri
pt a
naly
sis
Sec
tion
Firs
t ord
er c
odin
g Se
cond
ord
er
codi
ng
Inte
rvie
w th
emes
1 In
t So
do
you
wan
t to
say
a bi
t abo
ut h
ow y
ou fo
und
the
proc
ess o
vera
ll? P
erha
ps ju
st fo
cuss
ing
on
the
thre
e da
y w
orks
hops
and
any
pre
para
tion
you
did.
2 Ti
na
Ok
wel
l (.)
it w
as (.
) err
the
grou
p w
ork
wor
king
in th
e gr
oup
was
qui
te a
n ex
traor
dina
ry
expe
rienc
e re
ally
and
the
way
peo
ple
open
ed u
p um
m so
it b
ecam
e a
supp
ort g
roup
I su
ppos
e Ex
traor
dina
ry
Peop
le v
ery
open
Su
ppor
t gro
up
Supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
3 In
t R
ight
yes
4 Ti
na
And
um
m (3
) ver
y em
otio
nal (
upse
t) V
ery
emot
iona
l V
ery
emot
iona
l D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
5 In
t M
m m
m
6
Tina
I m
ean
othe
r peo
ple’
s exp
erie
nces
real
ly c
ut m
e up
O
ther
peo
ple’
s sto
ries
wer
e ve
ry u
pset
ting
Pow
erfu
l up
setti
ng st
orie
s D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
7 In
t M
m m
m
8
Tina
A
nd u
mm
I fo
und
it ve
ry d
iffic
ult t
o ta
lk a
bout
my
expe
rienc
e (.)
at a
ll an
d um
m a
nd so
wha
t I a
nd
I had
mas
ses o
f pho
togr
aphs
(.) t
hat I
cou
ld u
se a
nd e
rr a
nd th
ey k
ept o
n er
r try
ing
to m
ake
me
talk
ab
out m
ysel
f whi
ch I
coul
d no
t do
Foun
d it
very
diff
icul
t to
talk
abo
ut h
er
expe
rienc
e
Diff
icul
ty ta
lkin
g ab
out s
elf
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g
9 In
t R
ight
10
Tina
So
I co
uld
talk
abo
ut B
en I
coul
d ta
lk a
bout
the
fam
ily I
coul
d ta
lk a
bout
oth
er p
eopl
e I c
ould
talk
ab
out p
sych
iatri
sts I
cou
ld ta
lk a
bout
the
syst
em
Cou
ld ta
lk a
bout
Ben
, fa
mily
, MH
serv
ices
etc
W
illin
g to
talk
ab
out o
ther
s, M
H
serv
ices
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
11
Int
Mm
m y
es
12
Ti
na
But
wha
t I c
ould
not
do
was
talk
abo
ut m
ysel
f C
ould
n’t t
alk
abou
t sel
f D
iffic
ulty
talk
ing
Diff
icul
ty
App
endi
x 7
71
abou
t sel
f re
flect
ing
13
Int
Rig
ht
14
Ti
na
And
err
um
so th
at is
som
ethi
ng I
find
very
diff
icul
t to
do a
nd I
thin
k th
e m
y er
r I tr
y to
exp
lain
th
at m
y at
titud
e ha
s bee
n br
ingi
ng u
p fo
ur k
ids o
n m
y ow
n m
y hu
sban
d bu
gger
ed o
ff w
hen
they
w
ere
smal
l Ben
was
onl
y se
ven
(.) y
ou ju
st h
ave
to lo
ok fo
rwar
d yo
u m
ove
on a
nd y
ou p
ack
all
the
shit
in y
our l
ife y
ou p
ack
it in
to a
suitc
ase
you
lock
it u
p an
d yo
u pu
t it o
ut o
f the
way
Had
alw
ays h
ad to
look
fo
rwar
d in
life
(not
ba
ck)
Put d
iffic
ult f
eelin
gs
away
Diff
icul
t for
her
to
look
bac
k D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
15
Int
Mm
mm
16
Tina
So
um
m I
thin
k m
akin
g m
e do
thin
gs th
at I
hadn
’t do
ne a
nd h
ad a
void
ed d
oing
was
ver
y ve
ry v
ery
hard
and
just
for a
min
ute
beca
use
it re
min
ded
me
and
I err
don
’t w
ant t
o go
to p
iece
s err
V
ery
hard
to lo
ok b
ack
Had
avo
ided
it fo
r so
long
V
ery
diff
icul
t
Diff
icul
t for
her
to
look
bac
k D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
17
Int
Yea
h it’
s ok
if yo
u do
18
Tina
So
that
is w
hat t
hat’s
abo
ut h
ence
my
avoi
danc
e of
all
that
um
m m
y m
ain
reas
on fo
r doi
ng th
is
was
to (1
) I th
ough
t the
idea
of t
he C
Ds w
hich
wou
ld b
e us
ed a
s tea
chin
g th
ings
was
a b
rillia
nt
idea
and
that
’s w
hat a
ttrac
ted
me
so so
rry
we’
ve m
oved
aw
ay fr
om y
our q
uest
ion
Wan
ted
peop
le to
lear
n fr
om h
er e
xper
ienc
e W
ante
d pe
ople
to
lear
n fr
om st
ory
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
19
Int
No
no th
at’s
ok
that
is a
ctua
lly th
e ne
xt q
uest
ion
your
reas
ons f
or ta
king
par
t
20
Tina
Th
ank
you
wel
l I th
ough
t the
um
m th
e th
ing
I fou
nd fo
r yea
rs w
as e
xcep
t for
psy
chia
trist
s (.)
erm
th
ere
was
n’t r
eally
any
body
and
can
I sa
y ex
cept
for M
cCas
kill
who
was
won
derf
ul it
was
ver
y di
fficu
lt to
com
mun
icat
e th
e pr
oble
m b
ecau
se y
ou k
now
with
psy
chot
ic e
piso
des y
ou g
et th
e I’
d ha
ve to
hav
e th
e po
lice
roun
d or
then
you
’d h
ave
the
soci
al w
orke
r and
doc
tor r
ound
and
Ben
co
uld
very
qui
ckly
be
smili
ng a
nd w
ell b
ehav
ed a
nd e
very
thin
g w
here
as te
n m
inut
es b
efor
e he
w
as a
n ab
solu
te ra
ging
luna
tic th
reat
enin
g to
kill
peo
ple
and
thin
gs a
nd n
o so
wha
t you
got
was
th
e id
ea th
at y
ou w
ere
bein
g a
very
fuss
y hy
per n
euro
tic p
erso
n er
m a
nd m
aybe
you
’re
the
one
who
shou
ld b
e ca
rted
of y
ou k
now
Had
n’t b
een
unde
rsto
od
in th
e pa
st
Und
erm
ined
N
ot v
alid
ated
Lack
of s
uppo
rt in
the
past
H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
21
Int
Rig
ht
22
Ti
na
Erm
so th
ere
wer
e lo
ts o
f epi
sode
s lik
e th
at a
nd o
f cou
rse
whe
n I g
o to
thes
e w
hen
I use
d to
go
to
thes
e m
eetin
gs o
f cou
rse
that
’s n
ot a
n un
com
mon
exp
erie
nce
that
oth
er p
eopl
e ha
ve h
ad e
rm (1
) so
I thi
nk (.
) err
I su
ppos
e it
was
tryi
ng to
wid
en u
nder
stan
ding
of t
hat e
rm a
nd a
lso
also
you
can
ne
ver r
eally
talk
to fr
iend
s abo
ut it
bec
ause
like
me
they
don
’t ha
ve a
ny u
nder
stan
ding
or i
nsig
ht
unle
ss th
ey’v
e ha
d so
met
hing
like
that
in th
e fa
mily
and
so fo
r exa
mpl
e if
you
have
a re
lativ
e sa
y yo
ur h
usba
nd g
ets k
illed
in a
car
cra
sh e
very
body
rush
es ro
und
and
give
s you
supp
ort (
.) it’
s a b
it lik
e th
at if
they
just
bug
ger o
f the
y th
ink
oh w
ell h
ard
luck
sor
t of t
hing
and
it’s
the
sam
e w
ith
men
tal i
llnes
s with
you
r son
erm
you
can
’t re
ally
talk
abo
ut b
ecau
se o
f the
stig
ma
and
the
lack
of
unde
rsta
ndin
g an
d ev
eryt
hing
it’s
just
not
(.) p
ossi
ble
and
I thi
nk o
ne o
f the
mai
n th
ings
I w
ante
d to
try
and
get a
cros
s was
the
sens
e of
loss
and
the
grie
f
Her
exp
erie
nce
was
ty
pica
l of o
ther
car
ers
Wan
ted
othe
rs to
un
ders
tand
car
ers
expe
rienc
e H
ad n
ot re
ceiv
ed m
uch
supp
ort i
n pa
st
Wan
ted
to
com
mun
icat
e he
r sen
se
of lo
ss a
nd g
rief
Lack
of s
uppo
rt in
the
past
W
ante
d pe
ople
to
lear
n fr
om st
ory
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
23
Int
Mm
yes
24
Tina
If
som
ebod
y di
es y
ou su
ffer g
rief a
nd g
iven
long
eno
ugh
time
you
som
ehow
com
e to
term
s with
it
(.) b
ut y
ou k
now
with
a lo
vely
you
ng p
erso
n w
ho o
ne m
inut
e yo
u kn
ow th
e gr
ief n
ever
goe
s you
kn
ow b
ecau
se it
’s li
ke so
meo
ne d
ying
ove
r and
ove
r and
ove
r aga
in a
nd th
at’s
I th
ink
one
of th
e th
ings
I w
ante
d to
try
and
get a
cros
s erm
and
that
sort
of se
nse
of d
estru
ctio
n so
that
’s w
hy I
used
(.)
som
e ph
otog
raph
s of B
en w
hen
he lo
oked
real
ly w
ell
Not
com
e to
term
s with
ow
n gr
ief
Kee
ps b
eing
rein
forc
ed
Wan
ted
to
com
mun
icat
e se
nse
of
Still
com
ing
to
term
s with
pas
t W
ante
d pe
ople
to
lear
n fr
om st
ory
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
App
endi
x 7
72
dest
ruct
ion
25
Int
Mm
26
Tina
H
e w
as o
bvio
usly
not
wel
l eve
n th
en to
be
quite
hon
est y
ou k
now
whe
re y
ou se
e hi
m sm
iling
with
a
girlf
riend
at t
he b
egin
ning
R
efle
ctin
g on
Ben
’s
loss
of s
elf,
illne
ss ?
? Ta
lkin
g ab
out
Ben
W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
27
In
t O
k ye
s
28
Tina
C
os h
e’d
sort
of d
ropp
ed o
ut o
f thi
ngs b
ut y
ou c
an se
e he
is li
vely
inte
llige
nt a
nd se
nsiti
ve y
ou c
an
see
that
in h
is e
yes c
an’t
you
29
Int
Mm
yes
30
Tina
H
e w
as a
lway
s ver
y th
ough
tful a
nd se
nsiti
ve to
oth
er p
eopl
e an
d th
ere’
s som
ethi
ng a
bout
ps
ycho
tic e
piso
des w
hich
of c
ours
e (.)
shut
s tha
t off
erm
and
the
real
thin
g ab
out t
he p
sych
otic
ep
isod
es w
ith B
en a
nd I
know
it’s
diff
eren
t for
diff
eren
t peo
ple
is th
at h
e go
es in
to (.
) a n
ight
mar
e w
orld
whe
re h
e is
terr
ified
terr
ified
terr
ified
and
so e
rm (.
) som
e of
the
viol
ence
I re
alis
ed
even
tual
ly w
as o
f cou
rse
you
know
whe
n he
’s si
tting
bro
odin
g w
hate
ver a
nd y
ou g
o in
to th
e ro
om
(inau
dibl
e) h
e do
esn’
t see
you
he
sees
som
e m
onst
er a
nd so
ther
e’s a
lot o
f stra
tegi
es fo
r dea
ling
with
som
eone
whe
n th
ey’r
e no
t wel
l you
kno
w I
thin
k th
ere’
s lot
s of s
heet
s of i
nfor
mat
ion
abou
t it
now
Ref
lect
ing
on B
en’s
ill
ness
and
how
it h
as
affe
cted
him
Talk
ing
abou
t B
en
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
31
Int
Hm
m h
mm
32
Tina
A
nd w
hen
I was
doi
ng th
ose
cour
ses f
or st
uden
ts I
used
to so
rt of
put
all
this
info
rmat
ion
(laug
hter
) of y
ou k
now
nev
er tr
ying
to (.
) bul
ly o
r mak
e so
meb
ody
do so
met
hing
whe
n th
ey’r
e no
t w
ell s
it do
wn
and
give
them
supp
ort (
.) an
d th
en th
ey m
ight
tell
you
wha
t’s g
oing
on
so it
’s th
at
idea
of s
prea
ding
und
erst
andi
ng
33
Int
Rig
ht o
k
34
Tina
B
ut e
mpa
thy
I thi
nk a
s wel
l so
that
peo
ple
get (
.) ev
en w
hen
they
seem
to b
e be
havi
ng so
bad
ly
som
e so
rt of
insi
ght i
nto
the
horr
ors t
hat t
hey
are
goin
g th
roug
h pe
rhap
s W
antin
g pe
ople
to h
ave
insi
ght i
n m
enta
l illn
ess
Wan
ted
peop
le to
le
arn
from
stor
y W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
35
In
t M
m m
m
36
Ti
na
I thi
nk is
wha
t I w
ante
d to
com
e ac
ross
W
ante
d st
orie
s to
conv
ey h
orro
r of
psyc
hosi
s
Wan
ted
peop
le to
le
arn
from
stor
y W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
37
Int
Rig
ht o
k (.)
so it
was
abo
ut tr
ying
to (.
) sha
re y
our e
xper
ienc
e
38
Tina
Y
es y
es
39
In
t B
road
en u
nder
stan
ding
40
Tina
Y
es y
es
41
In
t Pe
rhap
s in
a w
ay th
at y
ou’d
not
exp
erie
nced
whe
n yo
u w
ere
goin
g th
roug
h it
over
the
last
20
year
s
42
Tina
Y
es th
at’s
righ
t (.)
and
I mea
n an
d I s
uppo
se a
lso
to to
pos
sibl
y w
hat w
e al
l wan
t to
do is
spre
ad a
m
uch
wid
er u
nder
stan
ding
in so
ciet
y at
larg
e co
s you
kno
w w
ith th
e cl
osin
g up
of a
ll th
e bi
g ho
spita
ls a
nd c
are
in th
e co
mm
unity
the
mai
n re
ason
is th
at p
eopl
e di
dn’t
have
any
und
erst
andi
ng
you
know
and
you
still
hea
r the
se h
orrib
le st
orie
s of p
eopl
e w
ho a
re n
ot w
ell a
nd th
ey g
o to
try
and
get h
elp
or th
ey’r
e se
nt o
ut in
to th
e co
mm
unity
too
soon
and
erm
(.) I
feel
ver
y sa
d ab
out t
hat
ther
e ar
e pe
ople
who
then
bec
ause
of t
hat t
hey
you
know
you
occ
asio
nally
hea
r som
eone
goe
s out
an
d th
ey (.
) kill
som
ebod
y so
that
fam
ily’s
lost
a p
erso
n co
s the
y’ve
bee
n m
urde
red
and
then
the
pers
on w
ho d
id it
is so
rt of
lock
ed u
p in
Ram
pton
or s
omew
here
for l
ife w
here
as if
they
had
bee
n
Wan
ting
peop
le to
hav
e in
sigh
t in
men
tal i
llnes
s R
efle
ctin
g th
at M
H
Serv
ices
hav
e fa
iled
man
y pe
ople
and
so
ciet
y at
larg
e
Wan
ted
peop
le to
le
arn
from
stor
y Ta
lk a
bout
MH
se
rvic
es
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
App
endi
x 7
73
kept
in h
ospi
tal f
or a
noth
er w
eek
or tw
o or
giv
en a
bit
mor
e su
ppor
t (.)
it m
ight
hav
e be
en a
void
ed
it m
ight
not
but
you
nev
er k
now
do
you?
Mm
m so
that
’s a
ll a
bit s
cary
I th
ink
mm
m I
don’
thin
k B
en w
as re
ally
(.) l
ike
that
but
I di
d m
eet a
lot o
f peo
ple
who
wer
e lik
e th
at a
nd e
rr th
ere
wer
e a
lot o
f inc
iden
ces o
f tak
ing
tryin
g to
get
him
bac
k in
to h
ospi
tal o
r frie
nds c
omin
g ro
und
here
cl
early
not
wel
l and
Ben
taki
ng th
em to
hos
pita
l and
they
wer
e ju
st b
eing
turn
ed a
way
43
In
t R
ight
44
Tina
N
ow I
gath
er th
at th
e la
test
thin
g is
that
cer
tain
ly w
ithin
this
are
a th
ey d
o ha
ve in
form
atio
n on
co
mpu
ters
in th
e ho
spita
l or t
hey’
ve g
ot so
me
sort
of li
st a
bout
peo
ple
with
men
tal i
llnes
s who
are
be
ing
look
ed a
fter i
n th
is a
rea
so if
Ben
or a
ny o
f his
con
tact
s had
turn
ed u
p in
the
loca
l hos
pita
l th
ey lo
ok u
p hi
s nam
e an
d se
e he
’s w
ith D
r so
and
so o
r he’
s on
this
med
icat
ion
or w
e’ll
cont
act
the
psyc
hiat
rist
Ref
lect
ing
on
impr
ovem
ent i
n se
rvic
es
45
Int
Rig
ht y
es
46
Ti
na
How
ever
it’s
not
on
the
mai
n co
mpu
ter t
hing
and
this
new
nat
iona
l hea
lth th
ing
whi
ch is
cos
ting
billi
ons n
one
of it
’s g
oing
to b
e on
that
so st
uden
ts li
ke B
en so
rry
patie
nts w
hate
ver y
ou w
ant t
o ca
ll th
em h
e w
ould
just
take
off
and
go
dow
n to
Lon
don
or so
met
hing
and
ther
e’d
be n
o in
form
atio
n th
ere
no su
ppor
t so
(.) w
hen
peop
le a
re li
ke th
at a
nd th
ey w
ant t
o ge
t off
thei
r sec
tion
and
they
just
bug
ger o
ff th
e sy
stem
(.) b
reak
s dow
n
Ref
lect
ing
prob
lem
s w
ith M
H se
rvic
es
Talk
abo
ut M
H
serv
ices
W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
47
Int
Mm
mm
yes
48
Tina
So
wha
t can
you
do
(laug
hter
) erm
so th
ere’
s tha
t but
I do
thin
k th
e w
hole
supp
ort s
yste
m h
as
impr
oved
eno
rmou
sly
so I
am v
ery
glad
abo
ut th
at b
ut th
ere’
s stil
l an
awfu
l lot
mor
e to
be
done
an
d I t
hink
the
othe
r thi
ng I
wan
ted
to ra
ise
in th
at li
ttle
CD
was
that
in sp
ite o
f peo
ple
beha
ving
ba
dly
bein
g ve
ry il
l it d
oesn
’t m
ean
that
they
’re
unin
telli
gent
or t
heir
crue
l or t
hey’
re la
ckin
g in
se
nsiti
vity
or t
hey’
re la
ckin
g in
aw
aren
ess a
nd q
uite
ofte
n th
e m
edic
atio
n da
mpe
ns th
em d
own
so
they
’re
(.) st
ompi
ng a
roun
d lik
e zo
mbi
es
Ref
lect
ing
on
impr
ovem
ents
in
serv
ices
B
ut st
ill w
antin
g to
im
prov
e M
H se
rvic
es
and
broa
den
unde
rsta
ndin
g of
men
tal
illne
ss
Talk
abo
ut M
H
serv
ices
W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
49
Int
Mm
mm
50
Tina
B
ut th
ey a
re e
ven
if th
ey c
an’t
talk
ver
y w
ell m
edic
atio
n so
met
imes
seem
s to
fur u
p th
e to
ngue
th
ey a
re a
war
e of
wha
t’s g
oing
on
a lo
t of t
he ti
me
(.) b
ecau
se th
ey d
on’t
(.) re
talia
te in
som
e w
ay
they
’re
treat
ed a
bit
like
back
war
d ch
ildre
n so
met
imes
51
Int
Mm
mm
52
Tina
Er
m a
nyw
ay in
Whi
tely
Woo
d yo
u ne
ver k
new
who
was
a n
urse
who
was
a p
atie
nt w
ho w
as o
n se
ctio
n co
s the
re w
as n
o w
ay o
f sto
ppin
g pe
ople
dis
appe
arin
g I m
ean
it w
as a
n ab
solu
te d
ead
loss
I m
ean
he’d
bee
n so
me
year
s ago
he
wen
t to
the
new
pla
ce a
t Net
her E
dge
wha
t was
it c
alle
d M
icha
el C
arlis
le c
entre
and
that
was
ver
y go
od I
thou
ght
Ref
lect
ing
prob
lem
s w
ith M
H se
rvic
es
Ref
lect
ing
on
impr
ovem
ents
in
serv
ices
Talk
abo
ut M
H
serv
ices
W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
53
Int
Ok
ok y
eah
54
Ti
na
He
was
on
the
first
floo
r peo
ple
coul
dn’t
get i
n w
ithou
t (in
audi
ble)
he’
d go
ne o
ff so
mew
here
and
w
as te
rrib
ly il
l and
the
polic
e (.)
bro
ught
him
bac
k th
e po
lice
wer
e lo
vely
to h
im in
that
inst
ance
th
ey g
ave
him
food
cos
he
hadn
’t ha
d an
ythi
ng to
eat
cos
he’
d be
en o
n th
e ru
n fo
r day
s hid
ing
you
know
slee
ping
on
the
beac
h go
d kn
ows w
here
they
rolle
d ci
gare
ttes f
or h
im a
nd g
ave
him
App
endi
x 7
74
sand
wic
hes a
nd b
roug
ht h
im b
ack
and
he w
ent i
nto
Mic
hael
Car
lisle
and
they
gav
e hi
m a
littl
e ro
om a
nd h
e w
as in
that
stat
e of
trau
ma
and
they
wer
e so
goo
d to
him
ther
e 55
In
t M
m m
m
56
Ti
na
So th
at so
meb
ody
wou
ld g
o in
and
spen
d tim
e w
ith h
im a
nd tr
y an
d co
mfo
rt hi
m th
e tro
uble
is th
e Sh
effie
ld O
utre
ach
Team
then
had
a d
iffer
ent p
sych
iatri
st w
hose
nam
e I c
an’t
reca
ll w
ho w
as
usel
ess a
nd h
is id
ea w
as o
nce
Ben
was
bac
k he
dis
agre
ed w
ith p
eopl
e be
ing
in h
ospi
tal a
nd sa
id h
e sh
ould
com
e ho
me
alth
ough
the
doct
ors i
n th
e ho
spita
l dis
agre
ed w
ould
n’t l
iste
n w
ould
n’t l
iste
n to
m
e an
d he
was
just
beg
inni
ng to
go
and
sit i
n th
e ca
ntee
n an
d if
som
eone
wou
ld c
ome
up h
e’d
give
them
a c
igar
ette
but
he
was
still
at t
he st
age
of te
rror
of p
eopl
e he
wou
ldn’
t tal
k an
d th
is
bloo
dy p
sych
iatri
st se
nt h
im h
ome
erm
fortu
nate
ly o
ther
peo
ple
had
com
plai
ned
abou
t him
and
he
left
and
we’
ve n
ow g
ot C
hris
Wal
lbrid
ge w
hose
love
ly h
e’s a
real
ly g
ood
blok
e bu
t Ben
has
nev
er
actu
ally
reco
vere
d th
at e
rm h
e’s t
errif
ied
of m
ixin
g w
ith p
eopl
e be
caus
e of
the
para
noia
so h
e’ll
thin
k pe
ople
are
look
ing
at h
im h
owev
er in
the
last
cou
ple
of y
ears
that
’s e
ased
up
and
wha
t he
does
now
he
goes
off
to c
offe
e ba
rs h
e si
ts b
y hi
mse
lf
Ref
lect
ing
prob
lem
s w
ith M
H se
rvic
es
Not
bei
ng li
sten
ed to
in
past
R
efle
ctin
g on
im
prov
emen
ts in
se
rvic
es
Impr
ovem
ents
in B
en’s
M
H h
ealth
Talk
abo
ut M
H
serv
ices
La
ck o
f sup
port
in th
e pa
st
Talk
abo
ut B
en
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
57
Int
Oh
right
ok
58
Ti
na
Whi
ch is
such
a b
ig b
reak
thro
ugh
but I
mea
n he
’s n
early
50
so I
don’
t kno
w w
heth
er it
’s th
e m
edic
atio
n or
that
the
illne
ss is
loos
enin
g its
grip
som
e w
ritin
g su
gges
ts th
at a
s peo
ple
get o
lder
or
whe
ther
it’s
that
the
SOR
T te
am h
as b
een
so m
arve
llous
bec
ause
they
hav
e tu
rned
my
life
roun
d
Gra
titud
e to
SO
RT
team
Su
ppor
t fro
m
SOR
T W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
59
Int
Rig
ht g
ood
60
Ti
na
And
erm
my
big
wor
ry is
that
I kn
ow T
ed is
retir
ing
next
yea
r and
She
ila w
ho u
sed
to b
e w
ith B
en
in W
hite
ly W
oods
and
she’
s one
of t
he v
isito
rs w
ho ta
kes h
im o
ut it
took
him
yea
rs to
adj
ust t
o an
d op
en u
p to
the
peop
le o
n th
e SO
RT
team
so I’
m v
ery
frig
hten
ed a
bout
the
pros
pect
of t
hose
tw
o pe
ople
leav
ing
beca
use
som
eone
els
e co
min
g in
cou
ld e
asily
see
that
Ben
is n
ot g
oing
to k
ill
anyo
ne h
e’s n
ot li
kely
to g
o on
the
ram
page
whe
n he
’s il
l he
just
shut
s him
self
up a
nd I’
m
frig
hten
ed o
f him
bei
ng ta
ken
off t
heir
list y
ou k
now
Frig
hten
ed o
f Ben
be
ing
disc
harg
ed fr
om
SOR
T te
am
Fear
abo
ut th
e fu
ture
D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
61
Int
Mm
mm
62
Tina
B
ecau
se w
ithou
t the
ir vi
sits
he
wou
ld b
e le
adin
g th
e lif
e of
a m
onk
and
you
can
tell
whe
n so
met
imes
peo
ple
have
bee
n of
f sic
k an
d he
’s n
ot h
ad a
ll th
e vi
sits
he
star
ts h
avin
g w
eird
thou
ghts
an
d go
ing
a bi
t wei
rd b
ut b
ecau
se h
e do
esn’
t go
roun
d th
reat
enin
g pe
ople
peo
ple
thin
k he
’s a
lrigh
t
63
Int
Mm
mm
yea
h
64
Tina
So
that
’s a
ll th
at so
the
expe
rienc
e of
doi
ng a
ll th
at c
os a
s you
can
see
it’s v
ery
diff
icul
t to
focu
s on
me
beca
use
you
this
is w
hat P
ip a
nd T
ony
kept
on
wan
ting
me
to ta
lk a
bout
to fo
cus o
n m
e an
d I r
eally
can
’t se
e th
e po
int i
n ta
lkin
g ab
out m
e I m
ean
I’ve
got
won
derf
ul su
ppor
t fro
m th
at (.
) it
was
real
ly li
ke a
supp
ort t
eam
and
Pip
and
Ton
y I w
ould
like
to fe
el w
ill b
e m
y fr
iend
s for
life
af
ter t
hat b
ecau
se th
ey w
ere
mar
vello
us a
nd th
ey w
ere
so se
nsiti
ve a
nd su
ppor
tive
and
they
do
seem
to h
ave
som
e in
sigh
t int
o pe
ople
’s g
rief y
ou k
now
ver
y su
ppor
tive
and
gent
le a
bout
that
(.)
wha
t I h
ave
foun
d si
nce
doin
g it
I do
have
bou
ts o
f dep
ress
ion
beca
use
I fin
d it
hard
to k
eep
it al
l ou
t of m
y m
ind
you
know
som
etim
es it
just
goe
s rou
nd a
nd ro
und
and
roun
d
Ack
now
ledg
emen
t of
her d
iffic
ulty
focu
ssin
g on
her
self
Can
’t se
e th
e po
int i
n ta
lkin
g ab
out h
erse
lf V
alue
d su
ppor
t V
ery
supp
ortiv
e fa
cilit
atio
n H
as b
outs
of d
epre
ssio
n Su
ffer
s fro
m
rum
inat
ion
Diff
icul
ty ta
lkin
g ab
out h
erse
lf Su
ppor
tive
proc
ess
Still
com
ing
to
term
s with
pas
t
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
65
Int
Rig
ht
App
endi
x 7
75
66
Tina
A
ll th
e ba
d th
ings
that
hav
e go
ne w
rong
in m
y lif
e (.)
bef
ore
we
knew
Ben
was
ill y
ou k
now
to d
o w
ith h
is fa
ther
and
fam
ily (.
) cop
ing
(.) a
nd I
thin
k an
aw
ful l
ot o
f Ben
’s il
lnes
s was
to d
o w
ith a
ll th
ose
year
s of t
errib
le st
ress
erm
and
he
bein
g th
e ol
dest
boy
tryi
ng to
car
ry th
e ca
n an
d I d
o th
ink
(1) I
’ve
neve
r rea
lly d
iscu
ssed
it w
ith h
im e
xcep
t whe
n he
was
littl
e (.)
I th
ink
he tr
ied
to ta
ke o
n th
e bu
rden
as a
smal
l chi
ld o
f bei
ng th
e m
an in
the
fam
ily a
nd fe
elin
g a
lot o
f it w
as h
is fa
ult
Poss
ible
cau
ses o
f B
en’s
illn
ess
Talk
abo
ut B
en
W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
67
Int
Rig
ht o
k
68
Tina
A
nd th
at’s
not
unc
omm
on is
it a
nd so
one
of t
he re
ason
s it g
oes r
ound
and
roun
d an
d ro
und
is
havi
ng re
ache
d a
stag
e w
here
I ca
n’t u
npic
k th
e pa
st I’
ve g
ot to
mov
e fo
rwar
d w
hat t
his d
id w
as
mak
e yo
u go
bac
k in
to th
e pa
st
Has
unp
icke
d th
e pa
st
Wan
ts to
mov
e fo
rwar
d Pr
oces
s mad
e he
r go
back
Still
com
ing
to
term
s with
pas
t D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
69
Int
Sure
yea
h
70
Tina
A
nd e
rm a
s I sa
y th
ere
is st
ill a
ll th
at st
uff a
bout
you
kno
w s
uppo
sing
we
had
done
som
ethi
ng
diffe
rent
supp
osin
g I h
ad h
andl
ed it
diff
eren
tly a
nd e
rm a
nd g
iven
him
mor
e su
ppor
t if o
nly
I had
kn
own
abou
t wha
t men
tal i
llnes
s is y
ou k
now
Gui
lt, re
spon
sibi
lity
for
Ben
’s il
lnes
s Ta
lk a
bout
Ben
St
ill c
omin
g to
te
rms w
ith p
ast
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
71
Int
Yea
h
72
Tina
W
hich
I di
dn’t
and
I per
haps
trea
ted
him
as a
nau
ghty
bad
ly b
ehav
ed a
dole
scen
t som
etim
es w
hen
real
ly h
e ne
eded
supp
ort y
ou k
now
G
uilt,
resp
onsi
bilit
y fo
r B
en’s
illn
ess
Talk
abo
ut B
en
Still
com
ing
to
term
s with
pas
t
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
73
Int
Um
m y
es I
can
reca
ll a
psyc
hiat
rist a
t one
or o
ur c
arer
s eve
nts s
ayin
g ho
w d
iffic
ult i
t is t
o te
ll th
e di
ffere
nce
betw
een
diff
icul
t beh
avio
ur a
nd m
enta
l hea
lth p
robl
ems i
n ad
oles
cent
s
74
Tina
B
ut th
ere
is a
lso
the
othe
r (.)
new
rese
arch
is su
gges
ting
that
(.) a
ll th
ose
idea
s tha
t it’s
in th
e ge
nes
or it
’s a
diff
icul
t birt
h or
som
eone
is b
orn
with
a v
ulne
rabi
lity
ther
e is
als
o th
e id
ea th
at n
urtu
re
upbr
ingi
ng y
ou k
now
if y
ou h
ave
enou
gh st
ress
erm
I th
ink
I’m
bas
ical
ly a
ver
y op
timis
tic
outg
oing
det
erm
ined
per
son
but I
hav
e pa
tche
s in
my
life
whe
n I’
ve b
een
real
ly su
icid
al
Ref
lect
ing
on p
ast
Ref
lect
ing
on p
ast
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
75
Int
Rig
ht
76
Ti
na
Erm
in o
ther
wor
ds if
thin
gs h
ad n
ot g
one
so b
adly
wro
ng I
wou
ld n
ever
hav
e ha
d th
ose
patc
hes
but r
eally
wha
t I’m
sayi
ng w
ith B
en is
that
ok
he w
as q
uite
a h
yper
sens
itive
em
otio
nal c
hild
but
he
was
hav
ing
a di
fficu
lt ch
ildho
od
Ref
lect
ing
on p
ast
Ref
lect
ing
on p
ast
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
77
Int
Yea
h
78
Tina
Er
m a
nd p
art o
f me
thin
ks if
he’
d ha
d a
mor
e se
cure
fam
ily b
ackg
roun
d pe
rhap
s if I
had
mor
e un
ders
tand
ing
he m
ight
hav
e co
ped
bette
r bec
ause
he
did
cope
for a
long
tim
e er
m a
nd in
the
end
I m
ade
him
pul
l his
CV
toge
ther
and
go
for i
nter
view
s and
my
attit
ude
was
the
reas
on th
e yo
ur
depr
esse
d is
bec
ause
you
hav
en’t
got a
girl
frie
nd y
ou h
aven
’t go
t any
mon
ey y
ou h
aven
’t go
t a jo
b so
go
out a
nd g
et a
job
and
umm
er a
nd I
push
ed h
im o
ut a
nd so
he
got a
goo
d jo
b an
d he
wen
t off
to
Grim
sby
and
with
in si
x m
onth
s he
had
his f
irst b
ig p
sych
otic
epi
sode
now
he
had
been
doi
ng a
ll so
rts o
f vol
unta
ry w
ork
and
he w
ante
d to
stay
in S
heff
ield
bec
ause
he
thou
ght t
here
wou
ld b
e jo
b co
min
g up
my
attit
ude
was
get
a jo
b no
w a
nd y
ou’ll
hav
e a
bette
r cha
nce
of p
icki
ng u
p th
e lo
cal
job
but m
aybe
I sh
ould
hav
e lis
tene
d to
him
bec
ause
he
actu
ally
kne
w w
hat h
e co
uld
and
coul
dn’t
cope
with
Gui
lt, re
spon
sibi
lity
for
Ben
’s il
lnes
s Ta
lk a
bout
Ben
St
ill c
omin
g to
te
rms w
ith p
ast
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g
79
Int
Wel
l (.)
yes (
.) m
aybe
but
a lo
t of p
eopl
e de
velo
p ps
ycho
sis e
ven
if th
ey’v
e be
en b
roug
ht u
p in
a
App
endi
x 7
76
norm
al w
ell f
unct
ioni
ng fa
mily
80
Ti
na
Yes
yes
81
Int
Mm
I gu
ess w
hat’s
of i
nter
est i
n th
is c
onte
xt is
the
exte
nt to
whi
ch d
oing
the
digi
tal s
tory
look
ing
at th
e ph
otos
star
ting
to ta
lk a
bout
it w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
who
’ve
been
thro
ugh
sim
ilar e
xper
ienc
e
82
Tina
Y
es y
es
83
In
t W
heth
er th
at h
elpe
d yo
u to
com
e to
term
s with
it m
ore
84
Ti
na
I wis
h I’
d be
en a
ble
to d
o it
year
s ago
act
ually
bec
ause
then
it w
ould
hav
e be
en a
bsol
utel
y m
arve
llous
R
egre
ts n
ot d
oing
it
earli
er
Mar
vello
us p
roce
ss
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
85
Int
Yes
86
Tina
I t
hink
I’m
so b
utto
ned
up n
ow in
a w
ay b
ut w
hat’s
inte
rest
ing
I’ve
nev
er sh
own
it to
Ben
I do
n’t
thin
k I c
ould
I do
n’t t
hink
it w
ould
hel
p B
en to
see
it I t
hink
it c
ould
(.) n
o N
ot sh
own
to B
en
Find
s it d
iffic
ult
to b
e op
en
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g 87
In
t R
ight
88
Tina
B
ut I
have
show
n it
to h
is si
blin
gs a
nd e
rm (.
) his
you
nges
t bro
ther
who
real
ly u
sed
to lo
ok u
p to
hi
m a
nd w
as re
ally
shak
en w
hen
he b
ecam
e ill
and
phy
sica
lly a
nd e
mot
iona
lly th
ey w
ere
both
so
alik
e he
real
ly th
ough
t he
was
goi
ng to
dev
elop
it
Show
n it
to fa
mily
Sh
own
it to
fa
mily
H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
89
Int
Mm
mm
90
Tina
H
e w
as sh
it sc
ared
he
was
goi
ng to
follo
w th
e sa
me
path
any
way
he’
s in
his e
arly
40s
now
and
he
’s a
lrigh
t but
whe
n I s
how
ed h
im th
e th
ing
ahh
91
Int
Mm
mm
wel
l it i
s a v
ery
mov
ing
stor
y
92
Tina
So
it w
as re
ally
(.) r
eally
pow
erfu
l for
him
(.) I
thin
k it
was
pow
erfu
l for
the
othe
rs a
s wel
l but
th
ey’r
e a
bit l
ike
me
they
’ve
sort
of le
arnt
to b
utto
n up
(lau
ghte
r)
Pow
erfu
l eff
ect o
n fa
mily
Sh
ared
with
fa
mily
Po
wer
ful e
ffec
t on
fam
ily
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
D
iffic
ulty
re
flect
ing
93
Int
Mm
mm
yea
h so
you
say
that
you
’ve
kind
of a
lmos
t rel
ived
the
expe
rienc
e an
d th
e fa
ct th
at y
ou
say
you
wis
h yo
u’d
done
it y
ears
ago
sugg
ests
that
it’s
ben
efic
ial
94
Tina
V
ery
bene
ficia
l yes
V
ery
bene
ficia
l pro
cess
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
95
Int
But
als
o hi
nts o
f the
fact
that
it’s
obv
ious
ly a
ver
y di
ffic
ult e
xper
ienc
e th
en b
ut I’
m w
onde
ring
whe
ther
ther
e’s a
sens
e of
you
’ve
alm
ost s
ort o
f and
can
’t se
em to
shut
it a
gain
96
Tina
I t
hink
ther
e is
that
ele
men
t yes
I th
ink
that
’s w
hat’s
so d
istu
rbin
g ab
out i
t rea
lly (.
) I d
o re
mem
ber
talk
ing
to T
ony
and
I mad
e a
joke
abo
ut th
e su
itcas
e an
d he
said
you
’ll fi
nd th
at o
ne o
f the
se d
ays
you’
re g
oing
to h
ave
open
that
suitc
ase
(laug
hter
) but
erm
I do
n’t k
now
to w
hat p
urpo
se w
e ju
st
joke
d an
d m
oved
on
but e
rm
Ope
ned
Pand
ora’
s box
D
iffic
ult f
or h
er
to lo
ok b
ack
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g
97
Int
It’s i
nter
estin
g ju
st g
oing
bac
k to
wha
t’s in
som
e of
the
liter
atur
e on
writ
ing
abou
t tra
umat
ic
expe
rienc
es e
rm th
at p
eopl
e w
ho’d
writ
ten
abou
t tra
umat
ic e
xper
ienc
es fo
und
it em
otio
nally
up
setti
ng im
med
iate
ly a
fter t
he w
ritin
g ex
erci
se b
ut th
eir h
ealth
ove
r the
long
er te
rm w
as
gene
rally
bet
ter t
han
the
cont
rol g
roup
who
’d w
ritte
n ab
out u
nem
otio
nal t
hing
s
98
Tina
Y
es it
’s in
tere
stin
g it’
s a b
it lik
e a
boili
ng k
ettle
just
letti
ng so
me
of th
e st
eam
out
Li
ke le
tting
off
stea
m
99
Int
Yes
yea
h th
e lit
erat
ure
also
sugg
ests
that
kee
ping
secr
ets c
ause
s psy
chol
ogic
al st
ress
whi
ch e
ffect
s th
e bo
dy in
subt
le w
ays w
hich
we
may
not
not
ice
and
so p
erha
ps o
peni
ng th
at su
itcas
e le
tting
out
App
endi
x 7
77
som
e of
the
stuf
f par
ticul
arly
in a
supp
ortiv
e en
viro
nmen
t has
bee
n sh
own
to b
e be
nefic
ial
100
Tina
W
ell o
ne o
f the
oth
er o
utco
mes
of t
his h
as b
een
that
Lyn
and
I ju
st se
e ea
ch o
ther
onc
e in
whi
le
Still
sees
Lyn
Su
ppor
t B
enef
ittin
g fr
om
supp
ort
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
101
Int
Oh
right
ok
10
2 Ti
na
And
we
don’
t nee
d to
refe
r to
this
we
just
giv
e ea
ch o
ther
a b
ig lo
ng h
ug
10
3 In
t R
ight
ok
10
4 Ti
na
And
we’
re b
oth
wom
en w
ho a
re li
ving
on
our o
wn
and
that
phy
sica
l thi
ng is
act
ually
(.) b
ecau
se
of c
ours
e w
hen
we
wer
e m
akin
g th
e fil
ms a
part
from
all
the
grie
f the
re w
as lo
ts o
f hug
ging
and
so
whi
ch is
pro
babl
y ve
ry th
erap
eutic
(lau
ghte
r)
Supp
ort f
rom
gro
up
was
ver
y th
erap
eutic
Su
ppor
tive
grou
p
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
105
Int
Yes
yea
h
106
Tina
Er
m y
es I’
m s
ure
that
doe
s us g
ood
ever
y tim
e w
e se
e ea
ch o
ther
we
have
a b
ig h
ug w
hich
pr
obab
ly m
akes
us f
eel a
bit
bette
r (la
ught
er)
Supp
ort f
rom
Lyn
B
enef
ittin
g fr
om
supp
ort
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
107
Int
But
I gu
ess o
ne o
f the
oth
er th
ings
that
you
talk
ed a
bout
at t
he b
egin
ning
was
wel
l you
feel
par
t of
supp
ort g
roup
(.) e
rm a
nd o
bvio
usly
you
’ve
done
this
with
7 o
ther
peo
ple
erm
with
diff
eren
t ex
perie
nces
108
Tina
W
e al
l met
up
at th
e R
iver
side
reun
ion
thin
g bu
t apa
rt fr
om th
at w
e’ve
not
act
ually
got
toge
ther
ag
ain
exce
pt L
yn a
nd I
have
109
Int
Um
m y
es
11
0 Ti
na
Alth
ough
we
did
inte
nd to
we
just
som
ehow
cou
ldn’
t get
our
selv
es o
rgan
ised
(lau
ghte
r)
Did
inte
nd to
mee
t up
with
rest
of g
roup
but
ne
ver h
appe
ned
111
Int
Laug
hter
112
Tina
W
ell a
re th
ere
som
e ot
her q
uest
ions
?
113
Int
I do
have
som
e ot
her p
oint
ers b
ut w
hat e
lse
did
you
note
dow
n?
11
4 Ti
na
I can
’t re
mem
ber (
2) n
o yo
u as
k m
e so
me
mor
e qu
estio
ns
11
5 In
t O
k (1
) so
how
has
it im
pact
ed o
n yo
ur li
fe in
gen
eral
? (1
) bef
ore
and
afte
r is t
here
any
thin
g di
ffere
nt a
bout
how
you
see
Ben
or h
ow y
ou se
e yo
urse
lf? O
r you
r abi
lity
to p
erha
ps sh
are
your
st
orie
s or y
our e
mot
ions
and
exp
erie
nces
with
oth
er p
eopl
e
116
Tina
W
ell I
show
ed th
e C
D to
Ted
who
se b
een
look
ing
afte
r us a
nd o
ften
we
just
hav
e a
little
cha
t on
the
phon
e bu
t Ted
cam
e ro
und
to se
e m
e an
d so
I sh
owed
him
that
and
I th
ink
he w
as (.
) qui
te (1
) di
dn’t
say
anyt
hing
ver
y m
uch
you
see
he’s
nev
er se
en B
en b
efor
e he
was
puf
fed
up a
nd b
loat
ed
you
know
and
to se
e th
e yo
ung
man
and
I th
ink
that
’s th
e ot
her t
hing
for p
eopl
e to
real
ise
wha
t B
en w
as li
ke b
efor
e th
e ill
ness
took
ove
r (.)
beca
use
the
drug
s do
chan
ge th
e ph
ysic
al sh
ape
of
peop
le e
norm
ousl
y do
n’t t
hey
Show
n st
ory
to T
ed in
SO
RT
team
H
elpe
d he
r to
shar
e he
r sto
ry
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
117
Int
Yea
h th
ey d
o th
ey d
o
118
Tina
A
nd a
lso
of c
ours
e th
ey sh
ut d
own
parts
of t
he b
rain
in a
way
you
kno
w th
ey so
rt of
shut
off
a lo
t of
cre
ativ
ity a
nd so
on
(.) c
erta
inly
with
the
olde
r dru
gs w
ith th
eir s
ide
effe
cts (
.) B
en a
lway
s had
ho
rrib
le si
de e
ffect
s so
he’d
did
n’t g
et o
n (.)
I re
mem
ber s
ayin
g to
one
psy
chia
trist
I fe
el B
en is
Ref
lect
ing
on B
en’s
ill
ness
St
ill c
omin
g to
term
s
Talk
abo
ut B
en
Still
com
ing
to
term
s with
pas
t
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
Diff
icul
ty
App
endi
x 7
78
bein
g us
ed a
s a g
uine
a pi
g lo
ok e
very
dru
g in
the
book
has
bee
n us
ed o
n hi
m o
ver t
he y
ears
all
to
no e
ffec
t at a
ll su
rely
now
he
coul
d be
can
dida
te fo
r Clo
zapi
ne a
nd h
e lo
oked
thro
ugh
Ben
’s fi
le
and
he a
gree
d ca
use
in th
ose
days
it w
as q
uite
diff
icul
t to
get o
n it
beca
use
of th
e co
st o
r its
dan
ger
(1) n
ow B
en’s
bee
n on
it fo
r a fe
w y
ears
may
be 5
yea
rs a
nd se
ems t
o be
stab
le o
n it
with
Ben
’s il
lnes
s re
flect
ing
119
Int
So it
has
hel
ped
you
to sh
are
your
stor
y a
bit
12
0 Ti
na
Oh
yes a
nd I
thin
k (1
) tha
t was
one
of t
he fe
w ti
mes
I’ve
nev
er re
ally
bee
n ab
le to
shar
e it
so th
at
was
(.) v
ery
good
(.) I
thou
ght i
t was
goo
d fo
r Ted
to se
e th
at a
nd I
supp
ose
that
’s th
e ot
her t
hing
ab
out p
sych
iatri
sts h
avin
g so
me
insi
ght b
y ta
lkin
g to
fam
ily a
bout
wha
t a p
erso
n’s l
ike
befo
re th
ey
lose
touc
h w
ith re
ality
as w
e se
e it
beca
use
(1) i
t’s n
ot ju
st a
bout
trea
ting
the
illne
ss is
it (.
) it’s
ab
out t
reat
ing
the
pers
on th
eir p
erso
nalit
y w
ho th
ey a
re (1
) so
it’s t
hat l
iste
ning
thin
g ag
ain
isn’
t it
Has
hel
ped
her t
o sh
are
her s
tory
N
ot b
een
able
to sh
are
it be
fore
Hel
ped
her t
o sh
are
her s
tory
H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
121
Int
Mm
mm
122
Tina
So
me
of th
e st
orie
s tha
t som
e pe
ople
told
in th
at g
roup
wer
e ve
ry d
istre
ssin
g (.)
talk
ing
abou
t di
fficu
lties
with
thei
r rel
atio
nshi
ps d
epre
ssio
n ot
her t
hing
s (.)
one
of th
e th
ings
that
I be
gun
to
real
ise
with
this
goi
ng ro
und
and
roun
d an
d ro
und
in m
y m
ind
and
som
e of
the
stuf
f I h
ave
writ
ten
rece
ntly
is th
at I
was
pro
babl
y su
fferin
g a
kind
of m
enta
l abu
se in
my
mar
riage
whi
ch y
ou k
now
I go
t mar
ried
very
you
ng w
hat w
e us
ed to
cal
l a sh
ot g
un w
eddi
ng m
m y
ou a
re to
tally
as a
wom
an
dise
mpo
wer
ed e
rm a
nd so
met
hing
I’d
not r
eally
take
n on
bef
ore
not e
ven
thou
ght a
bout
Oth
er st
orie
s dis
tress
ing
Look
ing
back
now
feel
s sh
e m
ay h
ave
suff
ered
fr
om m
enta
l abu
se in
m
arria
ge
Emot
iona
l Lo
okin
g ba
ck -
pain
ful
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g
123
Int
Rig
ht
12
4 Ti
na
Cos
the
idea
was
then
that
you
mad
e yo
ur b
ed a
nd n
ow y
ou c
an b
lood
y w
ell l
ie o
n it
you
know
an
d er
r (la
ught
er) s
o (1
) tha
t’s a
noth
er th
ing
that
has
onl
y ju
st c
ome
into
my
figur
ing
thin
gs o
ut
and
why
I be
have
d as
I di
d yo
u kn
ow a
ll th
at so
rt of
stuf
f
Still
wor
king
thin
gs o
ut
Ref
lect
ing
on p
ast
copi
ng st
rate
gy
Still
com
ing
to
term
s with
pas
t M
ore
able
to lo
ok
back
now
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
125
Int
It so
unds
like
ther
e’s a
n aw
ful l
ot o
f stu
ff to
com
e ou
t
126
Tina
O
h ye
s I re
ally
thin
k I c
ould
do
with
doi
ng a
noth
er o
ne to
tack
le so
me
of th
is o
ther
stuf
f whi
ch is
m
uch
mor
e ab
out m
e bu
t whi
ch I
had
neve
r (1)
nev
er ta
ken
on a
nd e
rr (1
) pro
babl
y ha
d (1
) th
ough
t wel
l if y
ou m
ake
mis
take
s you
pay
for t
hem
whi
ch is
the
old
attit
ude
Wou
ld li
ke to
mak
e an
othe
r sto
ry
Focu
s mor
e on
self
as
othe
r stu
ff is
com
ing
out
Mor
e w
illin
g to
lo
ok b
ack
now
H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
127
Int
Mm
m y
eah
wel
l I’m
sure
that
’s a
goo
d co
ping
stra
tegy
yea
h an
d I t
hink
for m
ost p
eopl
e th
at’s
ho
w th
ey c
ope
128
Tina
Y
es a
nd th
ere
is th
e qu
estio
n if
you
pull
it al
l out
(.) w
ill it
hel
p yo
u? O
r not
? Y
ou k
now
som
e of
th
e st
ones
you
’ve
pile
d up
to b
uild
a st
ruct
ure
to li
ve o
n w
ill it
pul
l the
m a
way
Q
uest
ioni
ng w
heth
er
look
bac
k is
hel
pful
M
ore
will
ing
to
look
bac
k no
w
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
12
9 In
t M
m w
ell t
hat’s
a fe
ar fo
r a lo
t of p
eopl
e an
d I t
hink
in a
lot o
f cas
es th
at’s
qui
te a
legi
timat
e fe
ar
beca
use
you
can
(.) m
ake
thin
gs w
orse
in th
e sh
ort t
erm
real
ly o
r if y
ou o
pen
up in
an
envi
ronm
ent
whe
re y
ou’r
e no
t sup
porte
d or
face
ridi
cule
or v
alue
judg
emen
t the
n th
at c
an b
e ev
en w
orse
for
you
130
Tina
Y
es a
nd I
thin
k if
you’
ve c
oped
on
your
ow
n be
caus
e yo
u’ve
cop
ed o
n yo
ur o
wn
beca
use
you
have
n’t g
ot a
ll th
ose
supp
ort t
hing
s the
n yo
u fin
d go
od w
ays o
f cop
ing
even
tual
ly a
nd so
with
out
that
littl
e su
ppor
t gro
up th
ere
is n
o su
ppor
t gro
up if
you
see
wha
t I m
ean
(laug
hter
)
Has
cop
ed w
ith li
ttle
supp
ort f
or y
ears
H
as c
oped
with
lit
tle su
ppor
t for
ye
ars
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
131
Int
Rig
ht y
es y
es w
ell I
thin
k fo
r a lo
t of p
eopl
e w
ho h
ave
carin
g re
spon
sibi
litie
s as w
ell a
s par
entin
g re
spon
sibi
litie
s as y
ou k
now
they
do
beco
me
very
isol
ated
App
endi
x 7
79
132
Tina
Th
at’s
righ
t yes
but
als
o if
your
left
on y
our o
wn
I mea
n m
y da
ught
er’s
just
com
ing
up to
51
(.) if
yo
u’re
left
on y
our o
wn
as a
sing
le m
othe
r with
sm
all c
hild
ren
and
you
have
no
mon
ey a
nd n
o su
ppor
t tha
t’s v
ery
isol
atin
g an
d th
en y
ou b
ring
men
tal i
llnes
s int
o it
you’
re v
ery
isol
ated
Car
ing
and
bein
g a
sing
le p
aren
t she
has
fe
lt ve
ry is
olat
ed
Has
cop
ed w
ith
little
supp
ort f
or
year
s
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
133
Int
Yes
mm
I’ve
just
one
last
thou
ght r
eally
(.) w
as e
rm ju
st re
ally
refle
ctin
g on
the
fact
that
you
wen
t in
to th
is re
ally
to c
reat
e re
sour
ce to
try
and
info
rm p
eopl
e in
men
tal h
ealth
serv
ices
or w
ider
abo
ut
the
expe
rienc
e of
suff
erin
g fr
om sc
hizo
phre
nia
or c
arin
g fo
r a c
hild
with
schi
zoph
reni
a ra
ther
be
caus
e yo
u th
ough
t tha
t you
’d fi
nd it
use
ful b
enef
icia
l or w
hate
ver a
nd I’
m w
onde
ring
if th
ere’
s an
ythi
ng in
that
that
mad
e it
diff
eren
t rat
her t
han
say
the
SOR
T te
am d
ecid
ing
to h
ave
a ca
rers
su
ppor
t gro
up w
hich
mee
ts o
nce
a m
onth
and
you
shar
e yo
ur st
orie
s thr
ough
that
134
Tina
Y
es (2
) erm
wel
l I d
id se
e it
as b
eing
som
ethi
ng v
ery
diff
eren
t fro
m th
at (.
) I d
id th
ink
if yo
u (.)
w
ere
give
n an
opp
ortu
nity
to te
ll yo
ur st
ory
(1) a
nd if
you
wer
e ab
le to
tell
som
e of
the
bits
that
yo
u th
ough
t wer
e im
porta
nt to
peo
ple
out t
here
they
wou
ld li
sten
erm
and
my
hope
was
that
it
wou
ld p
rovi
de a
use
ful i
nsig
ht in
to a
mor
e se
nsiti
ve h
andl
ing
of p
eopl
e w
ith m
enta
l illn
ess
Diff
eren
t to
supp
ort
grou
p W
ante
d ot
her p
eopl
e to
un
ders
tand
men
tal
illne
ss
Wan
ted
peop
le to
le
arn
from
stor
y W
antin
g to
ed
ucat
e ot
hers
135
Int
Mm
mm
136
Tina
Th
at’s
bas
ical
ly w
hat i
t was
and
I su
ppos
e it
was
(.) a
lso
a w
ay o
f som
ehow
vin
dica
ting
Ben
W
ante
d to
vin
dica
te
Ben
– sh
ow h
is p
ositi
ve
side
Wan
ted
peop
le to
le
arn
from
stor
y W
ante
d to
vi
ndic
ate
Ben
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
137
Int
Rig
ht e
rr o
k
138
Tina
I d
on’t
know
whe
ther
that
mak
es se
nse
err f
or e
xam
ple
it m
eant
a lo
t for
me
to sh
ow th
at to
Ted
w
hose
bee
n lo
okin
g af
ter B
en a
nd e
rr (1
) so
it’s t
wo
leve
ls a
s a tr
aini
ng th
ing
139
Int
Wel
l it’s
kin
d of
thre
e le
vels
if y
ou’v
e go
t Ben
you
rsel
f and
the
wid
er c
omm
unity
140
Tina
Y
es th
at’s
righ
t and
I er
m I
hear
d I t
hink
it w
as fr
om L
yn th
at m
y th
ing
had
been
show
n at
so
met
hing
for p
sych
iatri
sts a
nd th
ey w
ere
real
ly q
uite
mov
ed b
y it
so I
thou
ght t
hat’s
goo
d it
is
bein
g us
ed (.
) it w
as im
porta
nt to
me
to th
ink
it w
ould
be
usef
ul a
s a tr
aini
ng ty
pe o
f thi
ng
Plea
sed
that
it is
bei
ng
used
Po
sitiv
e im
pact
H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
141
Int
Yes
yes
wel
l the
y ar
e be
ing
used
I do
n’t k
now
how
muc
h bu
t the
y ce
rtain
ly a
re b
eing
use
d er
m (.
) ar
e th
ere
any
final
refle
ctio
ns I
mea
n w
e’ve
cov
ered
an
awfu
l lot
142
Tina
Er
m w
ell I
supp
ose
I jus
t do
feel
I w
as v
ery
luck
y to
be
able
to d
o it
(.) it
was
a w
onde
rful
op
portu
nity
so it
was
ver
y go
od to
mee
t peo
ple
like
Pip
and
Tony
Fe
els v
ery
luck
y to
ha
ve d
one
it G
ood
to m
eet P
ip &
To
ny
Ben
efic
ial
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Hel
ped
her t
o re
flect
Su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
143
Int
Yes
144
Tina
Pe
ople
who
I th
ink
are
doin
g a
won
derf
ul jo
b an
d ve
ry im
porta
nt v
ery
impo
rtant
I ca
n th
ink
of so
m
any
situ
atio
ns w
here
telli
ng a
stor
y lik
e th
at (1
) cou
ld b
e so
cat
harti
c I m
ean
I thi
nk it
was
err
do
ing
at th
e tim
e to
hav
e pe
ople
list
enin
g an
d be
ing
supp
ortiv
e w
as a
won
derf
ul e
xper
ienc
e
Faci
litat
ors d
id a
w
onde
rful
job
Impo
rtant
that
stor
ies
get t
old
Cat
harti
c
Won
derf
ul e
xper
ienc
e
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Wan
ted
peop
le to
le
arn
from
stor
y C
atha
rtic
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t H
elpe
d he
r to
refle
ct
Wan
ting
to
educ
ate
othe
rs
145
Int
Mm
mm
146
Tina
V
ery
good
and
I th
ink
that
was
the
only
tim
e I’
ve e
ver h
ad th
at u
mm
(1) s
o it
was
goo
d ye
s it w
as
Firs
t tim
e sh
e’d
ever
H
as c
oped
with
H
elpe
d he
r to
App
endi
x 7
80
very
pos
itive
(lau
ghte
r)
expe
rienc
ed th
at ty
pe o
f su
ppor
t V
ery
posi
tive
expe
rienc
e
little
supp
ort f
or
year
s B
enef
icia
l
refle
ct
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t
147
Int
Shal
l we
end
it th
ere?
(lau
ghte
r)
14
8 Ti
na
Yes
(lau
ghte
r)
14
9 In
t Th
ank
you
Appendix 8: Interview summaries Summary of Betty’s Interview Betty wanted to make a story to highlight the mistakes which had been made in her sons care. She didn’t want to blame anyone, but wanted services to learn from these mistakes. She wanted people to have some insight into what a carer goes through. She did not expect it to have such a therapeutic effect on her and so was consequently surprised when she felt liberated by the process. The role of her story in helping other people may be part of her own healing. It perhaps gave her some sense of agency or validated her as a person, whereas a long term carer, her voice had often been ignored. She recounts an incident when John first became ill and her request for him to be admitted to hospital was ignored. As result he went missing that night, and she was worried sick. Thus she may have felt some responsibility for her son not receiving an appropriate level of care. She found the workshop very emotional and found listening to other people’s stories very upsetting. She acknowledges the high level of support that was available and the nice environment. Being with other people who’d had similar experiences made it easier for her to talk about her experiences. She bonded with the rest of the group. She was full of praise for the facilitators. All these factors helped her to feel safe. She would like to keep in touch with rest of the group. Betty was able to look at her past and interpret it more positively which helped to liberate her from hidden feelings of guilt. Telling her story has helped her feel free. She woke up early in the morning after the second day with feelings of joy and freedom. It was several weeks after the workshop that she realised that she had been carrying feelings of guilt around with her. Looking back at photos of when her son was younger made her relive the feelings of doubt that she had about whether she was being a good mother. She realised that she’d blamed herself for her role in John’s illness and had buried these feelings. Looking at photos helped her to see that she had been a good mum and had looked after her children properly. She saw how challenging it had been bringing up three children as a single mum and how she’d had to be strong. Despite these challenges she’d always managed to take the children on holiday every year. Overall, the process helped to release her from feelings of guilt and blame. The positive effects have endured since the workshop. Now she is able to leave the house and do things for herself without feeling guilty. She is generally feeling a lot happier and more confident as a result of the process. She has shown her story to friends. This has helped her friends to understand what she has been through and has validated her experiences. She feels she can be more open about mental illness now and more confident about addressing the stigma of mental illness. Overall, her interview suggests that she was able to reflect positively on how she brought up her son. She was listened to, had her experience validated and felt part of a supportive group. She hopes that she can help others through her story. These factors have helped her to come to terms with her past, be released from negative feelings and have lead to her feeling more confident, freer and generally happier.
Appendix 8 2
Summary of Clare’s Interview Clare wanted to ‘unpick’ the circumstances around her son’s death and ‘get it together’. So there is some sense that this was a way for her to make sense of and come to terms with her son’s death. But she also wanted mental health services to learn from the mistakes that had been made in his care. She also wanted other people in similar circumstances to feel that they’re not alone. As a Sheffield Health & Social Care Trust governor she has been at events where her story has been shown. She has seen how it has a powerful impact on the audience. Clare describes the workshop as one of the best experiences of her life. However, at the time she felt like she’d been to ‘hell and back’. She had to relive events surrounding her son’s death, but because she’d been in a supportive context, she felt better for the experience. Looking through Matt’s things and trying to find photos to illustrate the story was very upsetting. She had to confront feelings of guilt. Although she felt better after the workshop, she had a difficult time coming up to Christmas last year and has been trying to get some therapy since then. Although at the time of the workshop she thought ‘I’ve managed to put that in a box and finished with it now’, she later realised that ‘nothing’s that simple’. But it did help her to feel better about her son’s death. Through her work she keeps on having to revisit her son’s death which makes it very difficult for her to move on. She has shown the story to her children and friends. This has helped her to get support and deal with the feelings of guilt and blame which continue to trouble her. Although she describes how the process has helped, because she is still struggling emotionally, she is uncertain about its long term impact on her emotional well-being. However, she is confident that it is having a massive impact on staff in mental health services and thus her main objective has been fulfilled. Summary of James’s Interview James found the workshop a very hard and emotionally difficult experience. He hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be as he’d not ‘gone into his accident’ in such depth before. He felt this was the right context for him to be reflecting on his accident. Although he’d seen psychologists and counsellors before, having to tell his story to the group seemed to have a bigger impact on him than other types of therapy. He found retelling his story traumatic and it seemed more ‘raw’ and ‘real’ than previous experiences in therapy. Perhaps reliving it so vividly helped him to come terms with it more effectively. Prior to the workshop he’d done CBT and therapeutic writing for a year, but felt that he’d just being going round in circles. This approached seemed to be much more effective. A year ago he was feeling suicidal but is now feeling much more positive about life. He still sees a counsellor but is actually planning for the future.
Appendix 8 3
He was really upset by other people’s experiences. Being with other people who were dealing with personal trauma was also therapeutic for James. He knew that he was not alone in dealing with emotional pain. James felt that it was a very caring group and that other people really listened to him, whereas he felt that most other people just weren’t bothered. The process motivated to ‘stop feeling sorry himself because everybody has traumas to deal with’. He is now able to talk more openly about his accident and not get upset. In a sense, he no longer has to keep it a secret. He found the process really hard and wanted to get it done as quickly as possible. He describes having all this stuff in his head which he wanted to get down as quickly as possible. He feels that the process helped him to open the box into which he put all the negative things about his accident, take everything out and deal with it (and possibly put the lid back on and keep it contained). The process has helped him to move on with his life. There is a sense that he was able to face all these difficult things, within such as supportive context, and come through the other side, albeit shaken. The process has left him feeling that his accident no longer has the power to hold him back, that it is contained on a DVD now and he can move on in life. Since the story he spends less time dwelling on his accident. He thought the facilitators were fantastic and treated the group very sensitively. Despite finding it very difficult emotionally, he thinks that the workshop could not have been improved upon. It took him several weeks to recover from the experience but is really glad that he did it. Although he is still struggling, life has got better. Since making the story, his father has died and he feels this has set back his recovery from PTSD. He would like to make another story to help him deal with the impact of his father’s death He wanted to make a story so that other people could learn from his experiences and that it would give them hope. He is proud of his story and it has consequently probably been good for his self confidence. He is even more keen now on helping people with mental health problems. James expresses concern that the process may be too much for some people, which reflects that at one point he couldn’t go on. So the fact that he has got through seems even more of an achievement. He’d also never used a computer before and so completing the story gave him a great sense of achievement. In summary, the process has helped him to make sense of his past and find some closure. He says ‘all that trauma is on a little disk now’ which has helped him to move forward. Being part of a supportive group and being listened to helped him to open up and work through difficult life events. Just getting through the workshop, which at one point felt too difficult, seems to have been good for his confidence. He has developed the internal resources to break out of vicious circle of despair. Having been suicidal about a year ago, he is now much happier and optimistic about the future.
Appendix 8 4
Summary of Julie’s Interview Julie found it to be an incredible cathartic experience. It was more profound than she had anticipated. She described it as a ‘really challenging emotional journey’ which was almost spiritual. It gave her time to reflect and to ‘feel and hear what’s really going on’ which is a rare opportunity for her. In day to day life she ‘just sticks a plaster over her emotions’ and this gave her an opportunity to get to the root cause of what’s going on, which was very painful but ultimately therapeutic. She had come across the Patient Voices programme before and was impressed by the power of the stories. She liked the creativity of the stories and that they ‘came from the heart’. Consequently she was keen to take part and for the stories to be used in SHSC to enlighten staff. She also felt that service users and carers should have priority for places on the workshop over a member of staff like herself and was delighted when she was offered a place on the workshop. She now uses the stories in the corporate induction training which she delivers and is keen for more people to be involved with the Patient Voice programme and for people to watch the stories. She had initially wanted to do a story related to work, but was moved to talk about her mum. When she first mentioned this in the story circle she found it very emotional and burst into tears. She was surprised by her response as her mum had died a while previously, but it showed how raw her emotions still were despite the passage of time. By talking about her mum she was able to fully involve all of herself in the workshop and be on the same journey as the other participants who were also talking about traumatic life events. She thought the facilitation was excellent and felt very safe. She was able to trust the whole group. The context helped her to be honest about her emotions and she felt safe to express them. On the first day she just sobbed and sobbed and that felt ok. She found it hard emotional work. It took some time to recover and describes how the workshop had felt like being in a different world where her ‘emotions were absolutely up front and raw’. By contrast she normally has to ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ and be strong for everyone else, whereas in the workshop it felt ok to show her emotions and cry. She was keen to show her story to her two daughters and now feels that she’s left behind a legacy of her mum which presents positive images of her mum when she was she was younger in contrast to how she was in old age. She hasn’t shown it to her Dad and she is afraid of how it might affect him. Prior to the workshop, she had been critical of how she had cared for her mum, thinking that she could have done better. Through the process she was able to see herself more positively and was freed from some of her negative emotions. It helped her to come to terms with her mum’s death, which because of how quickly her mum had died, and being a busy working mum, she not really had time to do before. She’d felt guilty about not being with her mum when she actually passed away and saw herself as ‘such a baddy’. The process her gave her the time and space to reflect on events and see how much she had cared for her mum.
Appendix 8 5
Overall, she thought it was a wonderful experience which has helped her to positively reframe the events around her mum’ death and free her feeling guilty about not being there when her mum died. She is a great advocate for the approach and keen for others to be involved. Summary of Martin’s Interview Martin produced his first story so that others could learn about mental illness and his second story so that people in a similar position to him could see that recovery is possible, even if they’d be debilitated by mental illness for decades. He also wanted students and staff in mental health services to have more insight in the realities of living with severe mental illness and thereby improve mental health services. However, he was also doing it for himself as well although he thought he was passed the stage where recovery was possible. Prior to making the first digital story, Martin had insight into his own illness which was as a result of childhood trauma. However, despite the help of many mental health professionals he had been unable to control his violent outbursts. He felt unable to break the chains of the past and did not believe that recovery was possible. He found the process difficult and felt vulnerable telling his story to the rest of the group. The first story initially left him feeling shaken and anxious at the thought of millions of people seeing his story on the internet. Martin found it difficult to open up to people and was worried about the impact of other people learning about his past. Martin found the actual experience very empowering. He found the group very supportive and was able to bond with the group in a way which he hadn’t hitherto been able. He saw that everyone has traumatic experiences in their lives and this helped him to bond with the rest of the group, whereas he’d always found it difficult to let people get close to him before. He found the facilitation very supportive and empowering which helped to express his feelings more fully than before. He has done writing therapy previously, which he had found useful, but his was much more powerful. During the process he felt able to confront his demons, or ghosts, and during the process their power over him diminished. He was able to see things more clearly (maybe his past or maybe other futures / ways of being – not clear). He felt he started to move forward during the workshop and has been continuing to recover every since. Being able to control the content of the story and the pace at which he opened up was important which helped him to see that he could control other aspects of his life. The story was also very personal and through it he was able to express himself in new ways which he consequently found empowering. The process has had a gradual but dramatic effect on him which he describes in his second story as a ‘new dawn and brighter future’. Overall he feels more confident, in control, emotionally resilient and optimistic about the future. He sees the process as helping him to come to terms with his past and of breaking the chains which were holding him back.
Appendix 8 6
Overall, as a result of the two storytelling projects and using the stories to teach students, he has gone from struggling to control his violent behaviour and having little hope for the future to being well on the road to a brighter future. He is surprised by the progress he’s made and consequently thinks it is a brilliant thing to do. Summary of Ruth’s Interview Ruth made her first story because she thought it would be a bit of an adventure. She went along wanting to tell the whole world about the anger that she felt but was surprised that she told a very different story. The story that she told came not from her normal angry self but from her creative essence from which she had become isolated over the years. She describes an organic power working through her. She initially found the first workshop frustrating until she changed the voice in her story from the first to the third person so that it read more like a fairy tale. At this point she cried and had some sort of epiphany. She became completely absorbed in the creative process and describes ‘completely flying with it’. The change of voice in some mysterious way gave her a different perspective on her life. She loved the creative aspect of the process. She seemed to tap into some creative power within her which she really loved. It was reminiscent of other creative things she used to do when she was younger but hadn’t done for a long time. For her, creative expression seems to have been an important part of her identity which she had lost because of the burden of caring for her children. Having a voice helped her to move on from an all consuming identity as a carer, and get back in touch a sense of her having a life of her own. Seeing other people’s stories had a big impact on her. She describes seeing other people’s stories as an enormous privilege. She realised that everyone’s got a story but that how we deal with it is important. Through the experience she realised that she’d been missing out on life, and has since been living differently. She saw how her story had been controlling her and realised that she didn’t have to let it control her any longer. She described how she had lost her own identity and had become consumed by the identity of a carer. She describes how she had had little opportunity to tell her story before but had become a voice for her children who couldn’t communicate. She’d had lots of therapy before but this was more powerful probably because it allowed her to express herself creatively and involved an intense period over three days. She found the process exhausting and it took her several weeks to recover. The first workshop transformed her life and since then she has been living more fully and been able to respond more creatively on a day to day basis. She has been able to see through some of the unhelpful views which had been disempowering her. She feels freer and is more able to live in the moment. She feels liberated from the drama of life as a carer and has moved from feeling hard done to and having to cope with a dreadful situation to seeing that life can be hard and that you just need to get on with it. She feels that she is better at looking after herself and in some sense is more able to listen to her own story on a day to day basis. She feels she has more of an
Appendix 8 7
identity and can respond creatively to life’s challenges rather than simply reacting all the time. She has used her first story in teaching students but no longer wants to do this. Although she is still happy for people to use her stories, she no longer wants to be present. In some sense, she appears to have moved on from telling her story as a carer. She feels her story is very precious and personal and doesn’t necessarily want to discuss this with strangers. She describes a gradual awakening. Other factors have been important in this, but her first story helped to get the process started. The second story felt like completing circle. Overall, Ruth found the process very helpful and healing. The creative process and seeing other people’s storied gave her insight into her life and freed her from a disabling identity as a carer. She had a rare opportunity to tell her story, rather than speaking for her children. She has regained a more empowering creative identity which had been lost through the burden of caring. She generally seems to have a more healthy perspective on life, is able to respond more creatively to life’s challenges and worries less about the future. Summary of Tina’s Interview Her main reason for doing this was to produce a story which would be used in teaching. She wanted to help other people to understand what it’s like to have a mental illness and convey the ‘horrors of psychosis’. She wanted to get across the sense of loss and grief. She describes Robert’s illness as like ‘somebody dying over and over and over again’ and how because of its ongoing nature, how it is difficult to come to terms with. But she also wanted to show Robert when he was well and to some extent vindicate him. She described how she managed to cope as single mum by ‘packing all the shit in her life into a suitcase, locking it up and putting it out of the way’ and looking forward. So it was very difficult for her to look back. Over the years her voice had been ignored by mental health services which had undermined her. Neither had she been able to talk to friends because of the stigma around mental illness. She spent a lot of time in the interview talking about Robert’s illness and mental health services. This may reflect the fact that her voice as a carer has often been ignored. She feels that she needs to advocate for people with severe mental illness who have been disabled by their illness and their medication and end up ‘stomping around like zombies’. Although she is critical of mental health services, she also acknowledges some good services and clinicians. She found it a very emotional and moving experience. Other people’s stories really upset her. She found it very difficult to talk about herself both in the interview and in the workshop. By contrast she was very willing to talk about Robert and mental health services. She describes how she has become ‘so buttoned up’ and that this did allow her to ‘let off steam’. She found it very beneficial and wishes that she had done it years ago. She is full of praise for the caring and sensitive facilitation and for the support from the rest of group. However, she still ruminates on difficult experiences and does not seem to have fully come to terms with Robert’s illness. She says that she cannot unpick the past but has to
Appendix 8 8
move forward, and consequently this process was difficult because it made her go back into her past. She thinks that not having a father placed a burden on Robert to be the ‘man in the family’ and thus feels partially responsible for Robert’s illness and questions whether she was a good mother to him. She describes how she encouraged Robert to get a job and how after 6 months away from home he had his first big psychotic episode. Thus there is a sense that she put too much pressure on him and this was one of the things which led to him becoming ill. She found the support from other group members therapeutic and continues to see Clare, another carer, and they are able to support each other emotionally. She has shown the story to Robert’s care coordinator as she thought it was good for him to see Robert before he became ill. She found this process helpful. She talks about suffering from depression, both prior to and after the workshop and how in the past she has felt really suicidal. Since making the story she has come to realise that she was subject to mental abuse when she was married. She feels that you have to accept the consequences of your decisions. She feels she could do with making another story to deal with some of the stuff about her past which she’s become more aware recently. Overall, although her main motivation was for her story to help other people understand mental illness, she found it really valuable to be in a supportive context and be properly listened to. It was the first time that she had experienced that level of support. However, although the process helped her to deal with some things, she has subsequently become aware of other difficult emotions and thoughts, and so still struggles emotionally. Having gone through life suppressing her feelings, which was not always an effective strategy, she now struggles to deal with her feelings as she becomes more aware of them.
App
endi
x 9:
In
itial
seve
n th
emes
map
ped
agai
nst i
nter
view
sum
mar
ies
Dat
aset
and
inte
rvie
w th
emes
in b
old
Not
es fr
om in
terv
iew
sum
mar
ies i
n bl
ack
T
hem
es
B
etty
C
lare
Ja
mes
Julie
M
artin
T
ina
Rut
h
Wan
ting
stor
ies
to h
elp
othe
r pe
ople
Im
prov
e M
H
serv
ices
To
lear
n fr
om
past
mis
take
s H
elp
othe
rs to
un
ders
tand
ing
MI a
nd c
arin
g To
giv
e ot
hers
ho
pe
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
W
ante
d se
rvic
es
to le
arn
from
the
mis
take
s in
her
son’
s car
e W
ants
peo
ple
to
have
som
e in
sigh
t in
the
burd
en o
f bei
ng a
ca
rer
Stor
y is
hel
ping
to
impr
ove
serv
ices
W
ante
d M
H
serv
ices
to le
arn
from
the
mis
take
s whi
ch
had
been
mad
e w
ith h
er so
n’s
care
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
r pe
ople
W
ants
to g
ive
othe
rs h
ope
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s Sh
e us
es th
e st
orie
s with
in
SHSC
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
rs
Wan
ted
to g
ive
peop
le m
ore
insi
ght i
nto
livin
g w
ith S
MI
Wan
ted
to g
ive
othe
r hop
e th
at
they
cou
ld
reco
ver
Wan
ting
peop
le
to u
nder
stan
d m
enta
l illn
ess
Wan
ted
to
conv
ey th
e ‘h
orro
rs o
f liv
ing
with
psy
chos
is’
and
to c
onve
y he
r sen
se o
f los
s an
d gr
ief
No
long
er w
ants
to
be
invo
lved
in
usin
g he
r sto
ry
with
stud
ents
Peop
le b
eing
he
ld b
ack
by
thei
r pa
st
Hel
ped
peop
le to
re
alis
e hi
dden
fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lt H
elpe
d pe
ople
to
brea
k ou
t of
nega
tive
cycl
es
and
disa
blin
g id
entit
ies
Free
d pe
ople
fr
om th
eir p
ast
Not
fully
su
cces
sful
for
som
e
She
real
ised
that
sh
e ca
rryi
ng
feel
ings
of g
uilt
arou
nd w
ith h
er.
And
this
re
alis
atio
n he
lped
he
r to
be fr
ee o
f th
em.
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
As a
n SH
SC
gove
rnor
she
is
cont
inua
lly
rem
inde
d of
her
so
n’s s
uici
de
whi
ch m
akes
it
diff
icul
t for
her
to
mov
e on
Has
hel
ped
him
to
mov
e on
with
hi
s life
–hi
s ac
cide
nt n
o lo
nger
has
the
pow
er to
hol
d hi
m b
ack
Had
bee
n go
ing
ro
und
and
roun
d in
ther
apy
for
year
s W
as m
otiv
ated
to
‘sto
p fe
elin
g so
rry
for h
imse
lf’
Free
d he
r fro
m
guilt
y D
iffic
ulty
m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d be
fore
H
as b
roke
n th
e ch
ains
and
the
past
will
no
long
er c
ontro
l hi
m
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g on
pa
st, s
elf
Feel
s she
can
not
unpi
ck th
e pa
st
but h
as to
mov
e fo
rwar
d.
Not
fully
com
e to
te
rms w
ith B
en’s
ill
ness
Free
d fr
om a
di
sabl
ing
iden
tity
as a
car
er
App
endi
x 9
2
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
peri
ence
R
eliv
ing
diff
icul
t &
trau
mat
ic
expe
rienc
es
Oth
er p
eopl
es
stor
ies w
ere
very
up
setti
ng
Alm
ost s
pirit
ual
She
foun
d th
e w
orks
hop
very
em
otio
nal a
nd
foun
d lis
teni
ng to
ot
her p
eopl
e’s
stor
ies v
ery
upse
tting
.
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rien
ce a
t tim
e Fe
lt lik
e sh
e’s
been
to h
ell a
nd
back
H
ad to
reliv
e th
e ev
ents
aro
und
her s
on’s
dea
th
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
peri
ence
Se
emed
mor
e ra
w a
nd re
al th
an
othe
r the
rapy
R
eally
ups
et b
y ot
her p
eopl
e’s
expe
rienc
es
At o
ne p
oint
felt
that
he
coul
dn’t
go o
n
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rien
ce
Rea
lly
chal
leng
ing
emot
iona
l jo
urne
y A
lmos
t spi
ritua
l
Diff
icul
t pro
cess
Fe
lt vu
lner
able
te
lling
his
stor
y to
the
rest
of t
he
grou
p
She
was
ver
y up
set b
y ot
her
peop
le’s
stor
ies
Self
expr
essi
on
Initi
ally
fr
ustra
tion
Cre
ativ
e ex
pres
sion
ver
y po
wer
ful
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s G
ave
peop
le a
vo
ice
Val
idat
ed th
eir
expe
rienc
e Se
nse
of
achi
evem
ent
Posi
tive
view
of
self
Hel
p ot
hers
Bei
ng a
ble
to
help
oth
ers
thro
ugh
her s
tory
an
d m
aste
ring
the
tech
nolo
gy
and
com
plet
ing
a st
ory
may
hav
e gi
ven
her a
sens
e of
age
ncy
It is
hel
ping
her
to
tell
the
stor
y of
her
son’
s de
ath
so M
H
serv
ices
can
le
arn,
so is
m
eetin
g he
r mai
n ob
ject
ive
for
taki
ng p
art
Was
abl
e to
face
hi
s dem
ons
Can
now
talk
ab
out h
is
acci
dent
with
out
getti
ng u
pset
Abl
e to
see
hers
elf m
ore
posi
tivel
y
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s ‘b
reak
ing
the
chai
ns’
As a
car
er h
er
voic
e ha
d of
ten
been
igno
red
by
MH
serv
ices
but
sh
e fe
lt lis
tene
d to
by
the
grou
p
Age
ncy
Had
a ra
re
oppo
rtuni
ty to
te
ll he
r sto
ry
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Se
nsiti
ve c
arin
g gr
oup
and
faci
litat
ors
Felt
safe
B
eing
with
pe
ople
with
si
mila
r ex
perie
nces
– n
ot
alon
e w
ith
Supp
ort
Bei
ng w
ith
peop
le w
ith
sim
ilar
expe
rienc
es
help
ed h
er to
op
en u
p Sh
e bo
nded
with
th
e re
st o
f the
gr
oup
Goo
d ex
peri
ence
at
time
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
Ver
y ca
ring
grou
p W
as re
ally
lis
tene
d to
Ex
celle
nt
faci
litat
ion
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Fe
lt ve
ry sa
fe
Exce
llent
fa
cilit
atio
n
He
was
abl
e to
bo
nd w
ith th
e gr
oup
in a
way
w
hich
he
hadn
’t be
en a
ble
to
befo
re
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Fu
ll of
pra
ise
for
the
sens
itive
ca
ring
faci
litat
ion
and
a su
ppor
tive
grou
p H
ad n
ever
ex
perie
nce
such
go
od su
ppor
t be
fore
App
endi
x 9
3
traum
a B
eing
list
ened
to
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g In
sigh
t – a
ble
to
see
mor
e cl
early
Se
e ow
n st
reng
ths
Hel
ped
peop
le to
co
me
to te
rms
with
pas
t eve
nts
Not
fully
su
cces
sful
for
som
e
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g A
ble
to re
flect
on
how
stro
ng sh
e’s
been
as a
mot
her
Has
hel
ped
her t
o co
me
to te
rms
with
her
son’
s de
ath,
but
she
is
still
stru
gglin
g
Has
hel
ped
him
ge
t clo
sure
/ to
co
me
to te
rms
with
his
ac
cide
nt
Cat
hart
ic
Incr
edib
ly
cath
artic
ex
perie
nce
Abl
e to
see
hers
elf m
ore
posi
tivel
y
He
was
abl
e to
se
e th
ings
mor
e cl
early
Not
real
ly b
een
able
to p
ositi
vely
vi
ew th
e pa
st
Look
s crit
ical
ly
at h
erse
lf Se
es h
erse
lf as
pa
rtly
resp
onsi
ble
for
Ben
bec
omin
g ill
Ref
ram
ing
past
G
ave
her i
nsig
ht
into
her
life
Posi
tive
impa
ct
on m
enta
l he
alth
Fr
eedo
m,
liber
atio
n A
ble
to g
et m
ore
supp
ort
Free
d fr
om g
uilt
Hea
ling
Opt
imis
tic
Som
e pe
ople
still
st
rugg
ling
Mos
t wou
ld li
ke
to m
ake
anot
her
stor
y B
rillia
nt
won
derf
ul
expe
rienc
e
Lib
erat
ion
Free
dom
from
gu
ilt a
nd b
lam
e Fe
els m
ore
conf
iden
t and
ge
nera
lly h
appi
er
Hel
ped
her
get
mor
e su
ppor
t Pr
oces
s has
he
lped
but
she
is
still
stru
gglin
g em
otio
nally
Posi
tive
impa
ct
on m
enta
l he
alth
M
ore
posi
tive
abou
t the
futu
re
and
wan
ts to
live
ag
ain
Free
d he
r fro
m
guilt
y Pa
infu
l but
ul
timat
ely
ther
apeu
tic
Won
derf
ul
expe
rienc
e
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Fr
eedo
m,
brea
king
the
chai
ns, a
new
da
wn
and
a br
ight
er fu
ture
Th
inks
it’s
a
brill
iant
thin
g to
do
Hel
ped
her
to
refle
ct, b
e m
ore
open
Sh
e fo
und
it ve
ry
bene
ficia
l and
w
ishe
s she
cou
ld
have
don
e it
year
s W
ould
like
to
mak
e an
othe
r st
ory
as h
as n
ot
got c
losu
re y
et
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Ver
y he
lpfu
l and
he
alin
g Is
abl
e to
resp
ond
mor
e cr
eativ
ely
to li
fe’s
ch
alle
nges
Se
eing
oth
er
peop
le’s
stor
ies
had
a bi
g im
pact
on
her
App
endi
x 10
:
Fi
nal d
atas
et th
emes
map
ped
agai
nst i
nter
view
sum
mar
ies
Dat
aset
and
inte
rvie
w th
emes
in b
old
Not
es fr
om in
terv
iew
sum
mar
ies i
n bl
ack
T
hem
es
B
etty
C
lare
Ja
mes
Julie
M
artin
R
uth
Tin
a
Wan
ting
stor
ies t
o he
lp o
ther
peo
ple
Impr
ove
MH
serv
ices
To
lear
n fr
om p
ast
mis
take
s H
elp
othe
rs to
un
ders
tand
ing
MI a
nd
carin
g To
giv
e ot
hers
hop
e
Util
ity o
f sto
ries
W
ante
d se
rvic
es
to le
arn
from
the
mis
take
s in
her
son’
s car
e W
ants
peo
ple
to
have
som
e in
sigh
t in
the
burd
en o
f bei
ng a
ca
rer
Bei
ng a
ble
to
help
oth
ers
thro
ugh
her s
tory
Stor
y is
hel
ping
to
impr
ove
serv
ices
W
ante
d M
H
serv
ices
to le
arn
from
mis
take
s w
hich
had
bee
n m
ade
with
her
so
n’s c
are
It is
hel
ping
her
to
tell
the
stor
y of
her
son’
s de
ath
so M
H
serv
ices
can
le
arn
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
r pe
ople
W
ants
to g
ive
othe
rs h
ope
Use
fuln
ess o
f st
orie
s Sh
e us
es th
e st
orie
s with
in
SHSC
Wan
ting
to h
elp
othe
rs
Wan
ted
to g
ive
peop
le m
ore
insi
ght i
nto
livin
g w
ith S
MI
Wan
ted
to g
ive
othe
r hop
e th
at
they
cou
ld
reco
ver
No
long
er w
ants
to
be
invo
lved
in
usin
g he
r st
ory
with
stud
ents
Wan
ting
peop
le
to u
nder
stan
d m
enta
l illn
ess
Wan
ted
to
conv
ey th
e ‘h
orro
rs o
f liv
ing
with
psy
chos
is’
and
to c
onve
y he
r sen
se o
f los
s an
d gr
ief
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l exp
erie
nce
Rel
ivin
g di
ffic
ult &
tra
umat
ic e
xper
ienc
es
Oth
er p
eopl
es st
orie
s w
ere
very
ups
ettin
g D
iffic
ult t
ellin
g st
ory
to re
st o
f gro
up
Pow
er o
f cre
ativ
e ex
pres
sion
She
foun
d th
e w
orks
hop
very
em
otio
nal a
nd
foun
d lis
teni
ng to
ot
her p
eopl
e’s
stor
ies v
ery
upse
tting
.
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
expe
rien
ce a
t tim
e Fe
lt lik
e sh
e’s
been
to h
ell a
nd
back
H
ad to
reliv
e th
e ev
ents
aro
und
her s
on’s
dea
th
Ver
y di
ffic
ult
emot
iona
l ex
peri
ence
Se
emed
mor
e ra
w a
nd re
al th
an
othe
r the
rapy
R
eally
ups
et b
y ot
her p
eopl
e’s
expe
rienc
es
At o
ne p
oint
felt
that
he
coul
dn’t
go o
n
Prof
ound
em
otio
nal
expe
rien
ce
Rea
lly
chal
leng
ing
emot
iona
l jo
urne
y
Diff
icul
t pro
cess
Fe
lt vu
lner
able
te
lling
his
stor
y to
the
rest
of t
he
grou
p
Self
expr
essi
on
Initi
ally
fr
ustra
tion
Cre
ativ
e ex
pres
sion
ver
y po
wer
ful
She
was
ver
y up
set b
y ot
her
peop
le’s
stor
ies
App
endi
x 10
2
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Se
nsiti
ve c
arin
g gr
oup
and
faci
litat
ors
Felt
safe
B
eing
with
peo
ple
with
sim
ilar
expe
rienc
es
Felt
like
they
wer
en’t
alon
e w
ith tr
aum
a B
onde
d w
ith g
roup
G
ave
peop
le a
voi
ce
Bei
ng li
sten
ed to
A
ble
to te
ll st
ory
Val
idat
ed th
eir
expe
rienc
e
Sens
e of
ach
ieve
men
t Po
sitiv
e vi
ew o
f sel
f Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s A
lmos
t spi
ritua
l
Supp
ort
Bei
ng w
ith
peop
le w
ith
sim
ilar
expe
rienc
es
help
ed h
er to
op
en u
p Sh
e bo
nded
with
th
e re
st o
f the
gr
oup
Mas
terin
g th
e te
chno
logy
and
co
mpl
etin
g a
stor
y m
ay h
ave
give
n he
r a se
nse
of a
genc
y
Goo
d ex
peri
ence
at
time
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
cont
ext
Ver
y ca
ring
grou
p W
as re
ally
lis
tene
d to
Ex
celle
nt
faci
litat
ion
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Fe
lt ve
ry sa
fe
Exce
llent
fa
cilit
atio
n A
lmos
t spi
ritua
l
He
was
abl
e to
bo
nd w
ith th
e gr
oup
in a
way
w
hich
he
hadn
’t be
en a
ble
to
befo
re
Age
ncy
Had
a ra
re
oppo
rtuni
ty to
te
ll he
r sto
ry
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t Fu
ll of
pra
ise
for
the
sens
itive
ca
ring
faci
litat
ion
and
a su
ppor
tive
grou
p H
ad n
ever
ex
perie
nce
such
go
od su
ppor
t be
fore
A
s a c
arer
her
vo
ice
had
ofte
n be
en ig
nore
d by
M
H se
rvic
es b
ut
she
felt
liste
ned
to b
y th
e gr
oup
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g In
sigh
t – a
ble
to se
e m
ore
clea
rly
See
own
stre
ngth
s H
elpe
d pe
ople
to
com
e to
term
s with
pa
st e
vent
s H
elpe
d pe
ople
to
real
ise
hidd
en fe
elin
gs
of g
uilt
Hel
ped
peop
le to
br
eak
out o
f neg
ativ
e cy
cles
and
dis
ablin
g id
entit
ies
Free
d pe
ople
from
th
eir p
ast
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g A
ble
to re
flect
on
how
stro
ng sh
e’s
been
as a
mot
her
She
real
ised
that
sh
e ca
rryi
ng
feel
ings
of g
uilt
arou
nd w
ith h
er.
And
this
re
alis
atio
n he
lped
he
r to
be fr
ee o
f th
em.
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Has
hel
ped
her t
o co
me
to te
rms
with
her
son’
s de
ath,
but
she
is
still
stru
gglin
g
As a
n SH
SC
gove
rnor
she
is
cont
inua
lly
rem
inde
d of
her
so
n’s s
uici
de
whi
ch m
akes
it
diff
icul
t for
her
to
mov
e on
Has
hel
ped
him
ge
t clo
sure
/ to
co
me
to te
rms
with
his
ac
cide
nt
Has
hel
ped
him
to
mov
e on
with
hi
s life
– h
is
acci
dent
no
long
er h
as th
e po
wer
to h
old
him
bac
k H
ad b
een
goin
g
roun
d an
d ro
und
in th
erap
y fo
r ye
ars
Cat
hart
ic
Incr
edib
ly
cath
artic
ex
perie
nce
Abl
e to
see
hers
elf m
ore
posi
tivel
y Fr
eed
her f
rom
gu
ilty
Diff
icul
ty
mov
ing
forw
ard
befo
re
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s H
as b
roke
n th
e ch
ains
and
the
past
will
no
long
er c
ontro
l hi
m
He
was
abl
e to
se
e th
ings
mor
e cl
early
Ref
ram
ing
past
G
ave
her i
nsig
ht
into
her
life
Fr
eed
from
a
disa
blin
g id
entit
y as
a c
arer
Diff
icul
ty
refle
ctin
g on
pa
st, s
elf
Feel
s she
can
not
unpi
ck th
e pa
st
but h
as to
mov
e fo
rwar
d.
Not
fully
com
e to
te
rms w
ith B
en’s
ill
ness
N
ot re
ally
bee
n ab
le to
pos
itive
ly
view
the
past
Lo
oks c
ritic
ally
at
her
self,
sees
he
rsel
f as p
artly
App
endi
x 10
3
Not
fully
succ
essf
ul
for s
ome
Was
mot
ivat
ed to
‘s
top
feel
ing
sorr
y fo
r him
self’
W
as a
ble
to fa
ce
his d
emon
s C
an n
ow ta
lk
abou
t his
ac
cide
nt w
ithou
t ge
tting
ups
et
resp
onsi
ble
for
Ben
bec
omin
g ill
Posi
tive
impa
ct o
n lif
e in
gen
eral
Fr
eedo
m, l
iber
atio
n A
ble
to g
et m
ore
supp
ort
Free
d fr
om g
uilt
Hea
ling
Opt
imis
tic
Som
e pe
ople
still
st
rugg
ling
Mos
t wou
ld li
ke to
m
ake
anot
her s
tory
B
rillia
nt w
onde
rful
ex
perie
nce
Lib
erat
ion
Free
dom
from
gu
ilt a
nd b
lam
e Fe
els m
ore
conf
iden
t and
ge
nera
lly h
appi
er
Hel
ped
her
get
mor
e su
ppor
t Pr
oces
s has
he
lped
but
she
is
still
stru
gglin
g em
otio
nally
Posi
tive
impa
ct
on m
enta
l he
alth
M
ore
posi
tive
abou
t the
futu
re
and
wan
ts to
live
ag
ain
Free
d he
r fro
m
guilt
y Pa
infu
l but
ul
timat
ely
ther
apeu
tic
Won
derf
ul
expe
rienc
e
Feel
s mor
e in
co
ntro
l now
Fr
eedo
m,
brea
king
the
chai
ns, a
new
da
wn
and
a br
ight
er fu
ture
Th
inks
it’s
a
brill
iant
thin
g to
do
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Ver
y he
lpfu
l and
he
alin
g Is
abl
e to
resp
ond
mor
e cr
eativ
ely
to li
fe’s
ch
alle
nges
Se
eing
oth
er
peop
le’s
stor
ies
had
a bi
g im
pact
on
her
Hel
ped
her
to
refle
ct, b
e m
ore
open
Sh
e fo
und
it ve
ry
bene
ficia
l and
w
ishe
s she
cou
ld
have
don
e it
year
s W
ould
like
to
mak
e an
othe
r st
ory
as h
as n
ot
got c
losu
re y
et
Wan
ting
stor
ies t
o he
lp o
ther
peo
ple
Stor
y is
hav
ing
an e
ffect
W
ante
d ot
hers
to le
arn
from
mis
take
s W
ants
to im
prov
e se
rvic
es
Pow
erfu
l sto
ry
Wan
ting
peop
le to
lear
n fro
m st
orie
s Ta
lk a
bout
Rob
ert
Talk
abo
ut M
H se
rvic
es
Shar
ed w
ith fa
mily
Po
wer
ful e
ffec
t on
fam
ily
Wan
ting
to v
indi
cate
Ben
Ver
y di
ffic
ult e
mot
iona
l exp
erie
nce
Ver
y pa
infu
l exp
erie
nce
Rev
isiti
ng d
iffic
ult e
xper
ienc
es
Exha
ustin
g pr
oces
s Lo
okin
g th
roug
h im
ages
was
har
d St
ill c
omin
g to
term
s with
pas
t D
iffic
ult f
or h
er to
look
bac
k D
iffic
ulty
talk
ing
abou
t her
self
Ver
y em
otio
nal
Pow
erfu
l and
ups
ettin
g st
orie
s H
ad to
face
dem
ons
V
ery
traum
atic
W
ante
d to
get
it d
one
quic
kly
Ver
y di
ffic
ult e
xper
ienc
e H
avin
g an
aud
ienc
e m
ade
it ha
rder
/ m
ore
pow
erfu
l ?
Left
him
feel
ing
shak
en
Surp
rised
by
hidd
en e
mot
ions
Sp
iritu
al, D
eep
expe
rienc
e C
reat
ivity
A
uthe
ntic
ity, H
ones
ty, P
erso
nal
Ope
nnes
s with
feel
ings
, Cry
ing
Com
plex
ity
Jour
ney
En
gage
men
t, En
thus
iasm
M
ovin
g pr
ofou
nd e
xper
ienc
e C
halle
ngin
g, D
iffic
ult,
Pain
ful
Surp
risin
gly
mov
ing
Fe
lt vu
lner
able
U
nset
tling
Supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t V
ery
supp
ortiv
e co
ntex
t V
ery
good
exp
erie
nce
Ben
efic
ial
Ben
efitt
ed fr
om su
ppor
t V
ery
supp
ortiv
e fa
cilit
atio
n Su
ppor
tive
proc
ess
Goo
d fa
cilit
ator
s Se
nsiti
ve fa
cilit
ator
s C
arin
g gr
oup
Kne
w h
e w
as n
ot a
lone
Su
ppor
tive
envi
ronm
ent
Ver
y he
lpfu
l V
ery
supp
ortiv
e gr
oup
Plea
sed
with
pro
cess
B
eing
with
peo
ple
who
’d b
een
thro
ugh
traum
as h
elpe
d
Posi
tive
impa
ct o
n m
enta
l hea
lth
Posi
tive
impa
ct
Hel
ped
her g
et m
ore
supp
ort
Hel
ping
her
shar
e he
r sto
ry
Hel
ped
fam
ily c
ome
to te
rms w
ith M
att’s
dea
th
Cat
harti
c H
elpe
d he
r to
shar
e he
r sto
ry
Pow
erfu
l eff
ect o
n fa
mily
D
oesn
’t dw
ell o
n ac
cide
nt so
muc
h no
w
Hel
ped
him
to b
e m
ore
open
D
efin
ite im
prov
emen
t in
his m
enta
l hea
lth
Less
anx
ious
M
ore
posi
tive
/ opt
imis
tic a
bout
the
futu
re
Mor
e ef
fect
ive
than
ther
apy
he’d
had
bef
ore
Gla
d he
did
it
App
endi
x 11
: Fin
al d
atas
et th
emes
with
all
seco
nd o
rder
cod
es
Oth
er /
Still
stru
gglin
g em
otio
nally
/ to
com
e to
term
s w
ith th
e pa
st
Still
stru
gglin
g w
ith p
ast
Still
feel
s gui
lty
Long
term
eff
ect u
ncle
ar
Con
fuse
d by
feel
ings
Fe
ar a
bout
the
futu
re
Still
stru
gglin
g Su
ffer
s fro
m P
TSD
W
ould
like
to m
ake
anot
her s
tory
to h
elp
deal
with
fa
ther
’s d
eath
St
ill d
oubt
s her
self
Did
it to
hel
p ot
her p
eopl
e H
opes
it h
as d
one
som
e go
od
Util
ity o
f sto
ries i
mpo
rtant
D
idn’
t exp
ect t
o be
nefit
Le
gacy
W
ante
d to
tell
his s
tory
W
antin
g ot
hers
to se
e th
at re
cove
ry is
po
ssib
le
Few
exp
ecta
tions
Th
ough
t it w
ould
be
good
D
oes t
each
ing
for h
imse
lf as
wel
l
Libe
ratio
n Im
prov
ed se
lf be
lief
Impr
oved
self
conf
iden
ce
Rel
ease
d fro
m fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lt V
alua
ble
Hea
ling
Plea
sed
Feel
s mor
e in
con
trol a
nd
pow
erfu
l Fe
els m
uch
free
r now
B
roke
n th
e ch
ains
R
ecov
erin
g ra
pidl
y M
ore
emot
iona
lly re
silie
nt n
ow
Wou
ld re
com
men
d it
Empo
wer
ing
Abl
e to
be
open
Fe
lt sa
fe
Hel
ped
her t
o sh
are
stor
y Sh
arin
g ex
perie
nce
Su
ppor
t
Trus
t W
onde
rful
R
are
oppo
rtuni
ty
Expr
essi
on
Con
trolli
ng c
onte
nt w
as im
porta
nt
Empo
wer
ing
faci
litat
ion
Ver
y su
ppor
tive
faci
litat
ion
Faci
litat
ion
very
impo
rtant
St
ill fe
els t
he su
ppor
t fro
m th
e gr
oup
Posi
tive
refr
amin
g W
ante
d to
mak
e se
nse
of th
e pa
st
Feel
s bet
ter a
bout
the
past
En
joye
d co
mpl
etin
g st
ory
Not
had
muc
h su
ppor
t H
as st
rugg
led
Still
com
ing
to te
rms w
ith p
ast
Diff
icul
t for
her
to lo
ok b
ack
Mor
e w
illin
g to
look
bac
k no
w
Ref
lect
ing
on p
ast
Lack
of s
uppo
rt in
the
past
Su
ppor
t fro
m S
OR
T Lo
oked
in m
ore
dept
h th
an b
efor
e R
ealis
es th
at h
e ha
s to
mov
e on
Hel
ped
him
com
e to
term
s with
his
acc
iden
t M
akin
g se
nse
of p
ast
Hel
ped
him
to m
ove
forw
ard
Hel
ped
him
to sh
are
his s
tory
C
halle
nge
of c
arin
g Fo
rmer
dou
bt
Look
ing
back
M
yste
ry
N
orm
ally
focu
s on
pres
ent
Old
feel
ings
R
are
oppo
rtuni
ty
Voi
ce ig
nore
d In
sigh
t Sh
ared
with
frie
nds /
fam
ily
Age
ncy,
Pow
er
Iden
tity
Cha
nge
Aw
are
of o
wn
prob
lem
s bef
ore
Had
kep
t his
his
tory
a se
cret
W
ary
of d
elvi
ng in
to p
ast
Did
n’t t
hink
he
coul
d ch
ange
C
ould
feel
cha
ins h
oldi
ng h
im b
ack
Cou
ldn’
t thi
nk a
bout
the
futu
re b
efor
e
Abl
e to
face
dem
ons
Dem
ons h
ad lo
st th
eir p
ower
Em
pow
erin
g st
orie
s V
ery
pers
onal
stor
y Ex
pres
sion
and
con
trol i
mpo
rtant
N
ew e
xper
ienc
e H
elpe
d hi
m to
see
thin
gs d
iffer
ently
Hel
ped
him
to c
hang
e M
ore
able
to b
e op
en
Usi
ng st
ory
in te
achi
ng h
elpe
d hi
s rec
over
y
Rap
id c
hang
e B
enef
icia
l M
ore
able
to b
ond
with
peo
ple
1. W
antin
g th
eir
stor
ies t
o he
lp o
ther
peo
ple
Impr
ove
MH
serv
ices
To
lear
n fr
om p
ast m
ista
kes
Hel
p ot
hers
to u
nder
stan
ding
MI a
nd c
arin
g To
giv
e ot
hers
hop
e Ex
pect
ed to
ben
efit
pers
onal
ly a
s wel
l H
avin
g th
e st
orie
s use
d ha
s em
pow
ered
the
stor
ytel
lers
2. V
ery
diff
icul
t em
otio
nal e
xper
ienc
e R
eliv
ing
diff
icul
t & tr
aum
atic
ex
perie
nces
O
ther
peo
ple’
s sto
ries w
ere
very
up
setti
ng
Diff
icul
t tel
ling
stor
y to
rest
of g
roup
Pa
infu
l mem
orie
s O
penn
ess w
ith fe
elin
gs
Dee
p co
mpl
ex e
xper
ienc
e
3. S
uppo
rtiv
e co
ntex
t Se
nsiti
ve c
arin
g gr
oup
Se
nsiti
ve c
arin
g fa
cilit
ator
s Fe
lt sa
fe
Abl
e to
fully
exp
ress
feel
ings
A
ble
to te
ll st
ory
B
eing
with
peo
ple
with
sim
ilar
expe
rienc
es
Felt
like
they
wer
en’t
alon
e de
alin
g w
ith
emot
iona
l pai
n B
onde
d w
ith g
roup
G
ave
peop
le a
voi
ce
Bei
ng li
sten
ed to
Se
nse
of a
genc
y V
alid
ated
thei
r exp
erie
nce
Se
nse
of a
chie
vem
ent
Posi
tive
view
of s
elf
Pow
er o
f cre
ativ
e ex
pres
sion
Em
pow
erin
g pr
oces
s Pr
ofou
nd, a
lmos
t spi
ritua
l V
ery
good
exp
erie
nce
4. P
ositi
ve r
efra
min
g In
sigh
t – a
ble
to se
e m
ore
clea
rly
Rar
e op
portu
nity
to re
flect
Se
e ow
n st
reng
ths
Empo
wer
ing
Abl
e to
face
dem
ons
Bei
ng a
ble
to c
ontro
l the
stor
y he
lped
so
me
to re
alis
e th
ey c
ould
con
trol i
ts
pow
er o
ver t
hem
H
elpe
d pe
ople
to c
ome
to te
rms w
ith p
ast
even
ts
Hel
ped
peop
le to
real
ise
hidd
en fe
elin
gs o
f gu
ilt
Hel
ped
peop
le to
bre
ak o
ut o
f neg
ativ
e cy
cles
and
dis
ablin
g id
entit
ies
Free
d pe
ople
from
thei
r pas
t
5. P
ositi
ve im
pact
on
life
in g
ener
al
Free
dom
, lib
erat
ion
Abl
e to
get
mor
e su
ppor
t A
ble
to b
e m
ore
open
now
Fr
eed
from
gui
lt an
d bl
ame
- cat
harti
c H
ealin
g M
ore
optim
istic
abo
ut th
e fu
ture
M
ost w
ould
like
to m
ake
anot
her s
tory
B
rillia
nt w
onde
rful
exp
erie
nce
M
ore
effe
ctiv
e th
an th
erap
y Im
prov
ed se
lf co
nfid
ence
& se
lf be
lief
Feel
s mor
e in
con
trol o
f life
App
endi
x 12
: Fin
al d
atas
et th
emes
with
the
mai
n se
cond
ord
er c
odes