it cao»,ii v uru'cM*. , n Ai wsm is i-"- Ut* sf-tt* *:..., C OtW 1 jAUtdrt- (Ac .ScxualO** ’. t-o** Jjtyiwy, hmnc*j</TJsvon (Ac /tycs, Lett ■ na, Liltr JN+. cn. iW»u ■4. it- KOM OOIH OBJQUI he discua arlrln*u,i ihr case, recottryu i i"nnaneßt cureeen v vrn alter th« -H|r >l() ! iciuna and restated? m m e pleasant without I ■ii. mtrenry orbifiaa. i nvf rescued from the ill' tin* lost Stages of , <!i given up to di» bT m promising to th* umlcr mv care, A per- s. iises are the greatest irst cause of Coosutnp. ■itseH, and ahould .be a lii.-.neut cure U acaros. ■eseK foiling into the .ot only fall to core'tb* li.g the system with -tens the sufferer Into itmcnt not caueedeath he .license Is entailed i feeble constltnthms, .< virus -which betrays options and other-af. 111 Lungs, entail ipa py- m and consigningtnin !>• •'n. ipv to >f human diseases C&q. ryt-icm, drawing .ita v.- vesrs of (UflhHag tr'jb the Nervous in- it h 'of life, caoaee mia- development of ths tv,' business aadwui •■TrT wriickrd In n :tniVn train ofevda Will. Uie fullest cya- inii of that • iT'ctcil, anil aitb-iEa' valent* con be reftonw ■ho nto of Patent 3(fd> •«U8 »narca In thacol- ■J rob Uni unwary tof- :u Uons ruined by the ’l:r t-iiually polaonoo*-' O' I have carefully :.t Modlcines and Cud ■ V" Sublimate, which :::crcunr and a dvo£> ' SSHwe dUablM the :• nctw In um are put ■ai', who do not nn- .rnu inrdica, and ale . i tin: humaneyytfcm, -i’. to make money re- f ;iale« and' fiitnalea . jventy yeaiW of nab* 'hr muHt remarkable ■ ii nt to any part ot i • ntt commuhlcaUac j c-(A!LdenceatrtetJy II ItTILLIt. M. D- /. ioS i lltlcv TvnffOL 'July VS, ■' iT-ly. i lON, PHIL- facial i-ndownatt . ixjTtrAtd FSr- hi.viisee,!nrh«taMP* 1 ■■■ Cf-Hi jTtljxo, weft, I O' :-f. dV„ Jk. •’> : (.) fal dmtructlOh •• -. and tb*' doccptiatu I r. of atii dlsemiesjiy t t-.n»ujtlpg surgeon, io". to-yj'en a Dtabaft. I : iu all thetp I r-o% all who apply j ■. r.»i;ti‘ju,<>jp>, pCCB* I ••••' of poverty a *■ < • '*■/ cherfeT’JX & 1 . pi..;; i* T!ir Mgh«t I ii-Vj t .i-T. fi*l Msnred that I'-.t; njl'it. oi- ! |y to t li? junns, ii-Mr-*. with r*nVft«l •!■■■)(,coup. * lii-porroii • ->f Onaulwa, At«a of tho Seittd h::n will to 4tttl by yf. ta tho receipt of > ;:;oiiOEß.cXlr a datioii, So. it: i li r ..r t!u> Director, Ai.T'.VELIi. I’idZ . ;i>c.z-ijr. UiCKSAtf^S 11 1 j: DITTOS. Cp Speltt A scfeatUlcr. • ro of. -V irvqu Jpift Emtaior.*, lifipo- - Acquat-ddai-iqstbS :.* of England. (ISSTi) J ;:•) year* KcaMeav -'Memoir* ofSlnjla written .tor • mi, point* pul the .oft* b,!.'-- ret at ting froftr i f its kind written la. tinti. It shcmldbetn d healtii o -seljpt of whkii U' . ‘;y Dr. OIL IOLVS; r.k. MER 3 m i-i theoklymedlCtßft «i>onb, Spavin-Mfii Iment, as it S§, ft* i -it it -will cure VtLf ;r t», but only ,to ln.-w-rdlng to iWSt* •Inv.-aref of precisely') £ no width will bene* i hi* Ointment pefift- 1 r. rts the callous Into, : discharged to tS w-iUioutreacaitjai lions. It ■rd.tliat ItwiUettta- i s ever, that It win - - horse, wherewr v -k. acoordlng ao ’S efficacy, miuft r 1 the money. ‘Pnoa [Jan. __ uti_La.ii •lITIES m I mpoteocy, tSkl I AyEYiX.V. * ' iu in this now i- isVnabJ^^^m/i f;>•: In ftse*Jal«.(; >fvl)r DZVASm, AZETtiS- mi CrimtcaU ij’iß nUUod ihrooshoot »’ Trial a, Criminal. eomivtogtthtr Wilt to Imj found in any. for Six month*, M I write their noma*' h' T reside plainly) FKJXiCO., ' I'ilije Gazette, u iff I York Cay. JEST PRQ- Ai IAISST TIIOSK on and other fiirap- exposed state oftb# tjunl ' 0 AV. KKSSXJSB.A X FOR RX- uir.s, ASl&j#*' Ur ant drctuacUOv .'■'3 js-at> ~ KEBEUER. fit/ JS. t:u- •,t. T r'-'-’-i.' MoCRUM & ALLISON, {independent in everything.] VOL. S. ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 1858. THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE. V McCKX7M A AItUSON,. Publfchera uul Proprietor*. Hflcrt' Well, to make a long story short, just before daylights, my charmer and I went dashing home iu great style. On arriving there, I went ih, of course, and she took me in a where was a fire and a bed. Holy Moses! thought I, into whose hands have I fallen V It was her bed room ! Oh, Eve, Eve, you horrible first apple cater! how tHosex goes to it naturally! Well, she got off her hat and sat down to warm her feet.; After a while she fixed her eyes on me, and said in a tone of mingled wonder and dissatisfaction ?. ‘What in the name of all that’s natral, are you about Yorker? Are you goin' to sit gawkin’ there all night—say ? Off with them ere muddy boots, to wonst, and git ready to puddle!’ ‘ Why,’ said I, totally unable to under- stand her, ‘ mutt I take off my boots be- fore I can puddle V ‘Why,thunderation,yes yergreatskeert calf,’ she exclaimed, ‘you cant get in bed with your boots on can you V ‘ Bed/ queried I, beginning to grow alarmed, ‘ excuse me, I don’t understand you. I’d rather not bundle, if it’s all the same to you. I ain’t well. I—l want to go to York to-nigbt the worst kind !’ ‘ ou do, hey V said she snappish!}’, ‘ well if you stir one peg out of this ere shantce 111 you’ve bundled, I’ll set the dogs on you. Gome, get ready to bundle ! Off with them boots or it will be wuss for you!’ Frightening Children. Look out Tor the Bridge!—A The* atfieal Incident. Per ammtß, (payable invariably in advance,) $1,50 AU papers diacontinoed at the expiration of tbe time paid for. We know of nothing more reprehensi- ble, nothing more dangerous and injurious, than the practice of frightening children in the nursery, at the l family fireside, and in the social circle, by relating to them ghost stories, goblin tales, and witchcraft fictions. They receive painful Impres- sions from which their nervous system does not recover for years, perhaps not during their whole lives. Children and young folks have general- ly great curiosity in relation to these tales of the imagination, especially when they are attended by some gossipping nurse, whose head, being empty of good sense, has been filled brim full of ghost legends and black letter recollections. We hap- pen to know something about this matter by a most unhappy and'painful experi- ence. We know what melancholy effects attend these revelations of goblins and ghosts in the nursery. We have even now, while we a dim, shuddering recol- lection of tnese appalling horrors, which makes the blood chill, creep and curdle about the heart—even after the finger of time has planted furrows on the brow, and sown silver threads in the hair. It was the practice of a full grown hoy of nine- teen or twenty years of age, (we are cer- tain he never became a man') to take the writer upon his knee (then three or four years old,) when the twilight was gradu- ally fading into darkness, veil his face with a black handkerchief, and then, for our especial edification, affirm that he was the unmentionable personage who is supposed to be no better than he should be. Then would follow a long dissertation upon witch- es, ghosts, hobgoblins, a whole family of horrible monstrosites, by way of giving tone to the infantile imagination. The lessons operated upon the young mind like a potent spell. Soon it became as much as the life.was worth to attempt to cross a dark entry after nightfall. If left alone in a sleeping apartment, the avenue to the eyes was carefully barricaded by the pillow and bed-clothes ; there, panting, trembling, shivering, huge drops of cold perspiration oozing out at ever}' pore, the writer lay a full believer in all monstrous shapes and terrible forms, the shuddering victim of a most cruel delusion, at times but a single removal from a maniac ▲ Bundling Scrape. Some years ago, the manager of a ‘ well regulated theatre’ somewhere along the line of the Erie Canal, engaged a good looking and brisk young lady -as supernu- merary. It happened that the young la- dy in question had formerly officiated in some capacity as a ‘ hand ’ on.hoard a ca- nal boat, a fact which ,she was extremely anxious to conceal. She evinced much anxiety to master the details of her newly chosen profession, and soon exhibited a more than ordinary degree of comic tal- ent, She was duly promoted,' and in a short time became a general favorite with both manager and public. One night she was antfounced to appear in a favorite part, and a couple of boat- men found their way into the pit, near the footlights, particularly anxious to see the new comedienne. The house .was crowd- ed, and after the subsidence pf the gener- al applause which greeted her appearance, one of the boatmen slapped his companion on the shoulder, and with an eujphatic ex- pletive, exclaimed loud enough to bo heard over the house: naiu or advwwzjwo. l iosertioD 2 do. Z do. Boor linafcor taw, SS6 | 8J& $5O Ugeuuiini) ( li ttaHf) 60 76 1,00 Two “ (16 “ ) 100 160 200 Three « (24 “ ) V5O 200 250 Oter three weak* and lew than throe month*, 25cents per tor each Insertion. , ‘gossip/ in the New York Dispatch gives the following description of “ A Bundling Scrape I bavn’t a word to say against Jones, not li; nor against Brown, either; but if you wish to sec a real character just get acquainted with our Smith. Oh, I prom- ise you he is qn “ old.” He is one of the direct descendants of the immortal John, who 4 fit, bled and died’ more for his country, iperhaps, than any other boy or main of hip size. The Tact is, while a boy, he was always fighting and bleeding in view of which fact you will be surpris- ed to learn that he always was and still is the veriest coward in the presence of a woman. S month*. 0 months. 1 year. StarUflMortoH, 11 60 $ 3 00 $ 6 00 Ono square, 2 50 4 00 7 00 <C wo » 4 00 6 00 10 00 thras" 6 00 8 00 12 00 Pour « « 00 10 00 U 00 Half a. wfjMMi. 10 00 , 14 00 20 00 One column* 14 CO 26 00 40 00 *•" AdmlnUteators-aml Executors Notices, 176 Mercbafats advertising by. the year, three equate*, \ with liberty to change, „ 10 00 Professional or Bnsinesa Garde, not exceeding 8 ! linos, ■with paper, per year. 6 00 Communications of apolitical character or Individual in- terest ■yUl he charged according to thoabovoratee. Advertisements not marked with the number of insertions desired, Will bo continued till forbid and charged according to the above terms. Business notice* live cent* per line for every insertion. Obituary notices exceeding ten lines; fifty cents asquare. Smith’s roosting dormitory is just two rooms from ours, and it is curious to hear him lock the do«Jr at night, then put a ta- ble before it, then a chair on top of that again, for fear, I suppose, that some fe- male somnambulist might take it iu her head to give Ihim a call. Bless me, howlred he gets in the face, When we speak, td him. Why, the young woman who helps the family with the housework, (they don’t keep a servant,) is almost afraid to ask him for buttons, when she needs them, to put on the bosom of his shirt, and when she takes up to him his clean clothes, she has to wrap the shirts up in a paper. PROSPECTUS OP %UM ALTOONA TRIBUNE. ‘ Bill, I know that gal!’ ‘ Pshaw !’ saidßill, ‘ dry up. 1 «Ptnz CASH SYSTJEJtf ADOPTED! ‘ But I’m d d if I dolu’t now, Bill. It’s Sal Fluking, as sure as you’re born. She’s old Flukins’ daughter; that used to run the ‘lnjured Polly/ and she used to sail with him.’ 1 ■ The Cheapest Paper ib the County! With the present number, the Tribune has ca- tered upbn its thlnl volume. Commenced at a lime when the confidence of the citiiens of Al- toona in newspapers and newspaper publishers was considerably shaken, if not totally annihila- ted, it has slowly but surely restored that con- fidence, and now stamls upon a sure foundation, and is universally acknowledged to be one of the fixed institutions of our town. But this re- sult has not been achieved without a hard strug- gle, and considerable expenditure of time and means on the port of its editors. The steady increase of patronage, however, has afforded in- dubitable evidence that their labors have been ap- 1 Oh, heavens, spare me my dear young lady !’ I exclaimed. r I wont, said she. ‘ do you ’sposo I’m a goiu’ to be fooled that way ? E\ crybody does it in Jarsey, and I know they do it in York, too. You cant cheat me, you mean cuss I mebbey they call it some other name, though!’ Well, I had to take off my boots, and then she insistedXon my getting in bed with her. She was already there. ‘Oh Lord !’ exclaimed I, ‘1 must go out! lam dreadful sick\at the stomach ! I don’t want to bundle '( Ltold you 1 didn't know how!’ \ She got mad us aturkey cqck, and jump- ing out of bed she opened the door and called for ‘ Bouncer’ and ‘ Wolf,’ and I made a break for the door. I was in my socks, but I tiew over the soil like the wind. The dogs were so close that I could feel their teeth in imagination. Presently one seized a skirt of my coat, and off it came, of course. I never slackened my speed, but shortly afterwards a mouthful of pant- aloons was seized, and, oh I horror ! that went the way of my coat tail. By this time the demon was aroused within me and I veiled like an Indian, and turninjr like a hunted stag, I stood at bay,grappled with the nearest; brute, and we came to the mad together.- Over and over we went, growling, sweating, tearing and ripping. Bunches of dogdiair and shreds of miscel- laneous clothing were all mixed up togeth- er, and just, as I had given up to die, a friendly knife was put into the brute’s throat by my chum, who had opportunely come along from some house where he bad been bundling. We quickly dispatched the other dog, and then in an awful plight I had to walk three .miles, ‘ weak and wounded, sick andsore,’ before we got toa place of shelter. I never went back. I was determined not to encounter the Jersey Venus again, arid never did. Since that time I bare been more fearful of a woman than of a she briar robbed of her cubs. It dosn’t make a bit 1 of difference where they hail from, they arc all alike. lam afraid 6f them all. Sometimes when I think of a married life, and! wonder if ever I will come to that, ari iWrful sound smites my ear, and bundle! drives it out of my mind altogether. ‘Well, Smith,’ said I, ‘I thank you for your narrative, but you might have better luck the nest time.* ‘ Never !’ exclaimed he and he-left' the room. - 1 Tom/said Bill, ‘you’re a fool, and if you don’t stop your infernal clack, you’ll get put out. Sal Flukins! You know u sight if you'think that’s her ?’ Poor Smith, it makes one melancholy to think of it. I don’t suppose he ever dreams of such a thing as marrying—in fact, ,1 don’t believe he could entertain such a tho’t and keep his balance. I asked him one day if he had always been so, and his reply was that he got awfully fright- ened once by a nice young woman, after which experience he fought shy of the whole tribe. After trying in vain to reason him out of his foolish predjudice, I insis- ted upon his relating to rao the incident which had so steeled him against the sof- ter sex. Torn was silenced but not convinced. He watched the actress in all her motions with intense interest, and ere long broke out again. ‘ I tell ye, Bill, that’s her-n-I know ’tis You can’t fool me —I know too well!’ Bill, who was a good deal interested in the play, was out of all patierioe at this Eersistent interruption on thepatt of Tom. lc gave him a tremendous nudge in the ribs with his elbow, as an emphatic hint' to keep quiet. i Tom, without minding the admonition, said, ‘ you just wait, I’ll fix her—keep your eye ou her.' j Sure enough he did fix her. Watching his opportunity when the actress was deep- ly absorbed in her part he sung out in a voice which rung through the-galleries: ‘ Low Bridge!’ , dated. •In entering upon the new volume it is almost unnecessary to say that the Tribune will coutiri- ne to-be “Ikubtbxdext ix Everythiko,” be- ing biassed neither by fear, favor nor affection, in favor of parties or sects. In this respect it is only necessary to say that the past affords a fair index as to our future course. ‘ Well,' said he at length, with a sigh, “if I must, hut you are the only one to whom I would relate the story, for you dont belong to the ‘Prunes and Prism’ school.” ‘ Thank-ce. sir,’ I replied —‘ pro- ceed, if you please—l am all attention !’ ‘ Well,’ he continued, ‘it is about three years since a chum of mine asked me to accompany him just back of B , iu the State of New Jersey, to a quilting frolic. Now, I had always entertained a particu- lar aversion tp Jersey mud, Jersey light- ning and Jersey dogs, but as I had never been present sit an assemblage of Jersey belles, and as a quilting frolic was some- thing which I had often heard my mother —heaven bless her I—tell about, I deter- mined to know what it was by personal experience. reached the scene of ac- tion in good time, assisted in tearing the quilt from the frame and throwing it over a grist of plump girls, thereby disarrang- ing their hair and other fixins awfully.— .This fun lasted some time, and I shouldn’t wonder if in the course of it, they all got kissed. After a while the fiddler came, and we went into dancing with a will, and an understanding also. Phew I the sweat streamed down our faces, and we had nearly shook ourselves out of our trousers —hooks and eyes were lying around loose, and near- ly every girl was backing herself up to Some other girl to get pinned up. That was what they called a, ‘ square eight.’— We got along amazingly, and in the course of the evening I managed to get pretty thick with, a certain for, red cheeked, roguish-eyed damsel, who didn’t need any- wadding to bring her into proper shape—- her hand was fat and warm as a rabbit—and I felt all over as though briars were sticking in me when I took hold of it to chasso her around and cjos-a-dos her back. ! " “ After the performance was concluded, I got into a corner with the beauty, and be- gan sparking hey like fun. T likened her to a goddess, and told her that to gain her love I would go in my shirt-tail to the ends of the earth. Well, she kinder puck- ered up her mouth, and looking at me, said: Those terrible night time solitudes, the darkness peopled by the imagination with spectres the most terrific, how vividly do they come back, even now in the days of maturcr judgment and riper reason, never to he erased from the recollection by the hand of time ! If there is a worse condi- tion upon earth than that into which this monstrous superstition { lunges an imagi- native child, we have no conception of its curdling horrors. Never to lay the head upon the pillow, from the time it is two or three years of age, until, seven, eight or ten, without feeling the most perfect assu- rance in its own mind of realizing its own prophecy, and seeing some hideous spectre before morning! This is the purgatory of early, innocent and otherwise happy child- hood. It has always been our aim to make the Tri- tync,.a reliable first-class Local Pater, as we believe tliat in that character alone, country pa- pers can successfully compote with their flashy city neighbors. - To this end we have secured correspondents in various parts of the county, who furnish us with all the items of local inter- est in their vicinity. We purpose adding others to out list as soon as we can obtain them. Du- ring the next year we shall redouble our efforts to .make the Tribune a perfect , compendium of Home News —a reliable, pinsTrULAsa Local Pater, second to none in the country, and as such a welcome weekly visitor to our patrons, whether at home or abroad. But while the Local Department shall be our special care, we shall also demote a considera- ble space to Literary Matter, Fcn axd Hu- mor, and the .chronicling of events of general interest to our readers. We purpose also pub- lishing from time to time “Original Sketches'of Men and Things ” Which will be furnished by our contributors. We have made arrangements also to have a weekly letter from Philadelphia, and judgingfrom the reputation our correspon-, sustains as a popular writer, these letters wiU be a rich treat to our readers. As wrare decidedly journalists of the pro- gressive school, we have concluded to adopt the cash system id our business. The neglect of quite a number of our patrons to pay up prompt- ly, *nd the rascality of others, has compelled ns to adopt this course. Time ,and experience has fully proved to our satisfaction that the' •cketlit system will not work with newspaper publishers. From this date no paper will be cent from this office, unless paid for in advance, pud at the' expiration of the time paid for, if not renewed, will be promptly stopped. This arrangement does no injustice to our patrons, whUkit will protect us from ;the impositions of soilless scoundrels, and enable us to devote more attention to our paper. ■ From force of habit the actress instant- ly and involuntarily ducked her head to avoid the anticipated collision. Down came the house-with a perfect thunder of applause at this palpable ‘hit/ high above which Tom’s voice could be, heard as he returned Bill’s punch in the jibs with in- terest : ‘ Didn't I tell ye, old bby. I know' 'twas her. You can’t fool nie.’ How to Settle an Accocnt--—To settle coffee with an egg is an easy matter; but it is not exactly .so easy to settle an old account, as a racy writer En Otsego coh'nty, New York, shows in this letter : ‘ Seldom have I been more amused than when, some two years ago, Upon the North Fork of the Salmon river, in California, I overheard aconversationbetween.au honest miner, named Riley, and one Mike Don- nelly, a trader whom it seethed Riley was indebted some $5O to for provisions. Said Donnelly to Riley—- “ You ought to pay this little bill, for you know I trusted you when |no other trader on the river would. ‘Cpme, now I’ll throw of half, ifyou’ll pay ■ the rest. ‘ Well, Mike,’ said Riley, * I’ll be hang- ed if I’ll allow you to be more liberal than I am. If you throw off one half I’ll throw off the other! These midnight horrors haunt the im- agination even to old age. They may lose somewhat of their painful vividness, their appalling distinctness-—something of their curdling horror, so potent in its mystery and so terrific even in its impossibility but these terrors linger in the imagina- tion still, ready to he called up in every suspicious spot, awakened in every soli- tude, in spite of all the judgment can do or the reason can urge. For a moment, at certain times, even to old age, the heart will throb with painful distinctness, the hair will become perpendicular, and a dis- agreeable shudder will make the blood cold in the veins, even when manhood has reached its prime. To be sure the judg- ment soon dispels these unfounded fears, but they will haunt the victim at times to his dying day. These are some of the painfully deleterious effects of frightening children in the early season of their growth. How important is it, that parents should guard them against these groundless ter- rors, exciting the early imagination, and chaining the trembling victim to the in- describable agony of this nervous bondage for all its future life. ‘■But that don’t settle my account.’ ‘ Then break an egg into it !’• said Ri- ley, and eooly walked off. ■ ■ A Shabp Hoosier.—Oliver H. Smith gives this incident in the early history of Indiana: At the Kush Circuit Court my friend Judge Kerry bargained for a pony for $25 to he [delivered the next day, on a credit of, six months. The man came with thc pppy, but required security of the judge fbr|s2s. The judge .drew the note at the tqp bf a sheet of foolscap, and signed it. Tjsigned it; James Earidan signed it and handed it on, and on it went from lawyer to lawyer around the bar, till- some twenty of us had signed it. I then handed it ujp to;; the Court, and the three judges put their names to it JudgePetr ly prcaented it to the man he bad bought the pony of, but he promptly refused it, saying : ‘ Dw|F£ybu think lam a fool to let you get this Court and all the lawyers on your stdhi jl see you intend tb cheat mfe opt nf jmyfpphy^ , tip he jumped, jpahy; and started for hoime atduU 1 The Marshall (Textd))Rcpttbli€an tells of an qld negro, ‘ Hard;’yyho supplies that town with fuel: ‘ Hard ’ is really a good looking custo- mer and understands the science of load- ing a wagon to the best advantage. Re- cently, we were struck with admiration at one of his conical piles, through the in- terstices of which a . large, fat than might have crawled with case and safety. ‘Hard/ said we, fyoh certainly possess the talent for loading a wagon/ ■' / Old Hard’s eyes twinkled with delight at the compliment,, and surveying -with pleasure his loaded i Tyagpfy >he: - tgrpedto us, exposing his iyorios, ahdr^lmd. ‘ Oh, yes; massdj jhtit da's no habin a takm -less it pays well. -5 : / * Becognizing, the principle that contracts to be satisfactory should be fraught with mutual benefit to both parties, and as money in large amounts, in advance, is of more value to us than when received in driblets, as an induce- ment to numbers who would otherwise discon- tinuous well as to those who .hate never yet. wo offer it at the following canting year t one year $1.50 at tkaaaine rate—sl percopy. Ihe must, is off. fa»a, accompany the 0p4«.: .. ■-■■■■■■: . Bythe abdvett wiU be seen that our paper is emphatioallythe cheapw* Vthe county.— As to its merits we leave In to the jinbiic t*. de- cide. We earnestlyrequest out the county to “give as a-Uftf” --as-wovhite no doubt each of them can readily qhtoin « in their neighborhood. ‘ Look-a-here, Yorker, have you a mind to gohwne with me to-night ?’ ‘ Oh, my charming, divine Hebe, re- turned I, that would be tod much bliss I’ ‘Pshal'jreplied she, ‘no hiiss at all about it. Km you bundle, say ?' / BunßersaTdX soipesb|tt.puzzled,: < I don’t know .as t pver tried it. Is it hard to dof ' * V I Non Conductors,—Colonel Jones is a gentleman and a wit. The other day he was showing the town to some ladies from the steeple of the Court-House. One of these asking him why the lightning-rod, where it was attached to the building for support, was incased in a piece' of horn, the Colonel replied that horn was a non- conductor. ‘Oh, judged!’says the lady; ‘ I never knovr that before/ ‘ To be sure,- says the Colonel. j 1 Have you never* ob- servod that when the J>oys have had a horn Or tvo th pj tan- 1 comfortthemselves prop- erly'?’ ; The great height fropa the ground : ‘ BjardY returned grip, ‘ jf knpTO'pn^mbstydurigJ fellers finds it.easy ” ‘ Weß'shid you can learn pie, T■.-■i ■ 1 \- V v *ue } tfypu ain’t pokin’ at rfid). ypnp, are behind the age. Don’t they btthdfe in York !’ '. . <- ,•'\ • ~,.X Xr' J I never heard that I wißwetP ed, ‘ apd to tell you .the truth, I Xeally ! don’t know what the points are*- / ■ Md die* ,< KmxMid—Mm, to-we •, A; Prayer for ran save mp frojn the sh#hi^! my o^p heart.' t -• ; t me froth false doctrines, feb® ah-‘ thorities and bigd|nes* : ’m and life. ' pnrt oh dn nh»dodeMicsmost admire when dev go to do ctofdj ?’ f We& i teH ifhftfc datis: can von fodf t OSF ‘I lave to look upon ft youpg jnam ?^ewm^ahidfen his breast wguoh charmsand painsipe/ , ThedaughterofaclergjTnanhapponing to find the dboTe Scpten to at the df : the iniquity foaWpwh?? ,f / Have me the over thmgbef»usoit Is stop^ri* v-’k ■ ■ ' '■• Afefve me from au soteialf; Slut corinntiooa aad> v - &V Cahvabsers Wasmd.—fiff?eu4 evreasimen wanted to nanri^ 1 th*^ ♦ EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS. NO. 11. ‘Got Him Foul.' — Aunt Jenny. was. a very exemplary colored woman, and al- ways felt and allowed much, concern .'for the future welmre of her numerous chit dren. But little 'Nicholas had po much / of the ‘OldNick' in him, that, with all i her persuasions andthreats, she oodld not j bring him good-way of saying hisj prayers. One afternoon. Aunt Jenny was ■> startled by hearing loud cries froaa the barn yard—‘O Dord l* and, hasteningout, she saw young Nick pinned, to theibnoe with the homs -of acow, one on each side of him, and now and then she vronhllejt. him out, but to ‘bunt’ Idmbadk again. Nick kept up his cries-*-* Qtoru 1* and all the louder when he saw his {both- er coming. But she didn’t interfere;-*— She stopped, took a good look, sot her , arms a kimbo, and sang out, ‘Oh yea ? you’s mighty billin’ to call, on do Lord now.you’s got into trubul nut you couldn’t pray wid your mader like a ’speotablochile I’ And turning to the kitchen she left Nick to the tender mercies of the cow, being quite sure, however, that no serious ham would come to. him. Profits of; Tobacco.—There are.fif> ty-six manufacturers of the staple iu Bioh* mond, whose United capital amounts to four or fire millions of dollars. More to- bacco is raisedj in andropcaojl, inspected and sold in haps in any one place in the United Stytcs. It is here that'the choicest specunani of the weed assumes the shape which com* mends it to the regard of devoted ohetresa everywhere. Tobacco is put up in as many different ways almost as. there are chcwers. There is as much difference be* tween the ideas of the Yankee and'Souths erner on this question of taste, as there hi on any other matter. The former Kkc» the 4 pig-tail ’ plentifully sweetened and. liquoriced to a degree; the latter, sweetning you put in, the bettec theto* bacco. Buyers’congregate here, who pur* chase for all parts of the globe, fofelea governments are supplied hy agentswho reside hero for that purpose.: citizens the road to wealth had Been via tobacco. —Richmond South. ■ •&> At a late ball in Baltimore a g**. tleman (probably one of the codfish arS*% tpcracy,) having danced with dy whose attractions, both personal ' and conversational,, seemed, to have made an impression on his sensibilities, asked to have the pleasure of sccii& hear ttefol* lowing evening. ; "S v' * Why, no sir/ i ‘I shall be co gaged on tOrmorrow even ing; but I’ll tell you when you can see jao£ ? ‘ I shall be most happy/ stricken swain. ' * ; ‘ Well, on Saturday/resumedlhe tody, ‘you can see me at the foot of market, selling cabbage.’ tfaß* Two darkies, one a BapUst, tbe. other a Universalist got into a sy about the origin of man.. The &ip* tist said God made Adam put of clay, squeezed it into the right shape, set it tip agin de fence to dry, and aftorwac&bfcV' ed breff into the body. ‘StopT said the Universalist. ‘Yon say dat de fust man eber made?’ ' ‘ Sartin i’ said the Baptist darkey. / Well den, jest tell a feller whardat arc fence come from V r ‘ Hnsh!’ said the other darkey ‘ <juca- dons Tike dat ihnst not be axed; aeywould spile all de theology in de world? ■ ' A Valuable CANBiiEsnoK—-An Irish ‘ gintleman/ had occasion tbvisit : the South sometime since. When .%g>rc*- turned, he remarked to a friend that, the Southern people were*very extravagant:! Upon being asked why so, he itimiroelr that where he staid, they had « stick worth eleven hun<feec('UfoUlin. , ‘ few in the wprld it npst that mhehr inquired thhmend. “ / ‘Gob, be goiry t it' a hig, stager fellow, a" boldin' "i tbn&itir’ us te eat by? ‘ I- V, r ;. - : = « I _•>C t . ’ •• -F.r-r- ■ ■ . • : %BLK BO man for not tmnkipg as you thihk., J>V every one enjoy the full and ftee Kbertj of thinking for himself, lief ibrcry matt nso his own judgment i ’since dvery man * mpst giro ap account of. himself to Ood. Abhor gra, to the spmt of perseoution. If you cannot reason'or perspado a man info the trtfth,heyS*-attemptHb force him into : If loVe Willnbfc compel him, leave hiih to (rod the Judge of all.s Ifap* Toast at a surprise party, February 2,1858: io the man who swgaxs, steals and lies—swears off from drinking^ ' steals away from had company, and Uesra au honest bedi* ■; strongest kind of a hint-st ypo»g lady asking a gentleman to see if on« v of.her rings will go on his UtfJefinget, An old Whelorisdefiniriohpfhw%s dy|ng f and a great dealof ' . 'S 1 ■*
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I write their noma*'h' T reside plainly)FKJXiCO., 'I'ilije Gazette,. uiff I York Cay.
JEST PRQ-Ai IAISST TIIOSKon and other fiirap-exposed state oftb#tjunl '
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MoCRUM & ALLISON, {independent in everything.]
VOL. S. ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 1858.
THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE.V McCKX7M A AItUSON,. Publfchera uul Proprietor*. Hflcrt' Well, to make a long story short, just
before daylights, my charmer and I wentdashing home iu greatstyle. On arrivingthere, I went ih, of course, and she tookme in a where was a fire anda bed. Holy Moses! thought I, intowhosehands haveI fallen V Itwas her bed room !Oh, Eve, Eve, you horrible first applecater! how tHosex goes to it naturally!Well, she got off her hat and sat down towarm her feet.; After a while she fixed hereyes on me, and said in a tone of mingledwonder and dissatisfaction ?.
‘What in the name of all that’s natral,are you about Yorker? Are you goin' tosit gawkin’ there all night—say ? Off withthem ere muddy boots, to wonst, and gitready to puddle!’
‘ Why,’ said I, totally unable to under-stand her, ‘ mutt I take off my boots be-fore I can puddle V
‘Why,thunderation,yes yergreatskeertcalf,’ she exclaimed, ‘you cant get in bedwith your boots on can you V
‘ Bed/ queried I, beginning to growalarmed, ‘ excuse me, I don’t understandyou. I’d rather not bundle, if it’s all thesame to you. I ain’t well. I—l want togo to York to-nigbt the worst kind !’
‘ ou do, hey V said she snappish!}’,‘ well if you stir one peg out of this ereshantce 111 you’ve bundled, I’ll set thedogs on you. Gome, get ready to bundle !
Off with them boots or it will be wuss foryou!’
Frightening Children. Look out Tor the Bridge!—A The*atfieal Incident.
Per ammtß, (payable invariably in advance,) $1,50AU papers diacontinoed at the expiration of tbe time
paid for.
We know of nothing more reprehensi-ble, nothing more dangerous and injurious,than the practice of frightening childrenin the nursery, at thel family fireside, andin the social circle, by relating to themghost stories, goblin tales, and witchcraftfictions. They receive painful Impres-sions from which their nervous systemdoes not recover for years, perhaps notduring their whole lives.
Children and young folks have general-ly great curiosity in relation to these talesof the imagination, especially when theyare attended by some gossipping nurse,whose head, being empty of good sense,has been filled brim full of ghost legendsand black letter recollections. We hap-pen to know something about this matterby a most unhappy and'painful experi-ence. We know what melancholy effectsattend these revelations of goblins andghosts in the nursery. We have even now,while we a dim, shuddering recol-lection of tnese appalling horrors, whichmakes the blood chill, creep and curdleabout the heart—even after the finger oftime has planted furrows on the brow, andsown silver threads in the hair. It wasthe practice of a full grown hoy of nine-teen or twenty years of age, (we are cer-tain he never became a man') to take thewriter upon his knee (then three or fouryears old,) when the twilight was gradu-ally fading into darkness, veil his face witha black handkerchief, and then, for ourespecial edification, affirm that he was theunmentionable personage who is supposedto be no better than he should be. Thenwould follow a long dissertation upon witch-es, ghosts, hobgoblins, a whole family ofhorrible monstrosites, by way of givingtone to the infantile imagination. Thelessons operated upon the young mind likea potent spell. Soon it became as muchas the life.was worth to attempt to cross adark entry after nightfall. If left alonein a sleeping apartment, the avenue to theeyes was carefully barricaded by the pillowand bed-clothes ; there, panting, trembling,shivering, huge drops of cold perspirationoozing out at ever}' pore, the writer lay afull believer in all monstrous shapes andterrible forms, the shuddering victim of amost cruel delusion, at times but a singleremoval from a maniac
▲Bundling Scrape. Some years ago, the manager of a ‘ wellregulated theatre’ somewhere along theline of the Erie Canal, engaged a goodlooking and brisk young lady -as supernu-merary. It happened that the young la-dy in question had formerly officiated insome capacity as a ‘ hand ’ on.hoard a ca-nal boat, a fact which ,she was extremelyanxious to conceal. She evinced muchanxiety to master the details of her newlychosen profession, and soon exhibited amore than ordinary degree of comic tal-ent, She was duly promoted,' and in ashort time became a general favorite withboth manager and public.
One night she was antfounced to appearin a favorite part, and a couple of boat-men found their way into the pit, near thefootlights, particularly anxious to see thenew comedienne. The house .was crowd-ed, and after the subsidence pf the gener-al applause which greeted her appearance,one of the boatmen slapped his companionon the shoulder, and with an eujphatic ex-pletive, exclaimed loud enough to bo heardover the house:
naiu or advwwzjwo.
l iosertioD 2 do. Z do.Boor linafcor taw, SS6 | 8J& $5OUgeuuiini)( li ttaHf) 60 76 1,00Two “ (16 “ ) 100 160 200Three « (24 “ ) V5O 200 250
Oter three weak* and lew than throemonth*, 25centspertor each Insertion. ,
‘gossip/ in the New York Dispatchgives the • following description of “ ABundling Scrape
I bavn’t a word to say against Jones,not li; nor against Brown, either; but ifyou wish to sec a real character just getacquainted with our Smith. Oh, I prom-ise you he is qn “ old.” He is one ofthe direct descendants of the immortalJohn, who 4 fit, bled and died’ more forhis country, iperhaps, than any other boyor main of hip size. The Tact is, while aboy, he was always fighting and bleedingin view of which fact you will be surpris-ed to learn that he always was and still isthe veriest coward in the presence of awoman.
S month*. 0 months. 1 year.StarUflMortoH, 11 60 $ 3 00 $ 6 00Ono square, 2 50 4 00 7 00<Cwo » 4 00 6 00 10 00thras" 6 00 8 00 12 00Pour « « 00 10 00 U 00Half a. wfjMMi. 10 00 , 14 00 20 00One column* 14 CO 26 00 40 00
*•" AdmlnUteators-aml Executors Notices, 176Mercbafats advertising by. the year, three equate*,\ with liberty to change,
„
10 00Professional or Bnsinesa Garde, not exceeding 8 !
linos, ■with paper, per year. 6 00Communications of apolitical character or Individual in-
terest ■yUl he charged according to thoabovoratee.Advertisements not marked with the number of insertions
desired, Will bo continued tillforbid and charged accordingto theabove terms.
Business notice* live cent* per linefor every insertion.Obituary noticesexceeding ten lines;fifty cents asquare.
Smith’s roosting dormitory is just tworooms from ours, and it is curious to hearhim lock the do«Jr at night, then put a ta-ble before it, then a chair on top of thatagain, for fear, I suppose, that some fe-male somnambulist might take it iu herhead to give Ihim a call.
Bless me, howlred he gets in the face,When we speak, td him. Why, the youngwoman who helps the family with thehousework, (they don’t keep a servant,)is almost afraid to ask him for buttons,when she needs them, to put on the bosomof his shirt, and when she takes up to himhis clean clothes, she has towrap the shirtsup in a paper.
PROSPECTUSOP %UM
ALTOONA TRIBUNE.‘ Bill, I know that gal!’‘ Pshaw !’ saidßill, ‘ dry up. 1
«Ptnz CASH SYSTJEJtf ADOPTED!‘ But I’m d d if I dolu’t now, Bill.
It’s Sal Fluking, as sure as you’re born.She’s old Flukins’ daughter; that used torun the ‘lnjured Polly/ and she used tosail with him.’ 1 ■
The Cheapest Paper ib the County!With the present number, the Tribune has ca-
tered upbn its thlnl volume. Commenced at a
lime when the confidence of the citiiens of Al-toona in newspapers and newspaper publisherswas considerably shaken, ifnot totally annihila-ted, it has slowly but surely restored that con-fidence, and now stamls upon a sure foundation,
and is universally acknowledged to be one ofthe fixed institutions of our town. But thisre-sult has not been achieved without a hard strug-
gle, and considerable expenditure of time andmeans on the port of its editors. The steadyincrease of patronage, however, has afforded in-dubitable evidence that their labors have been ap-
1 Oh, heavens, spare me my dear younglady !’ I exclaimed.
r I wont, said she. ‘ do you ’sposo I’m agoiu’ to be fooled that way ? E\ crybodydoes it in Jarsey, and I know they do it inYork, too. You cant cheat me, you meancuss I mebbey they call it some other name,though!’
Well, I had to take off my boots, andthen she insistedXon my getting in bedwith her. She was already there.
‘Oh Lord !’ exclaimed I, ‘1 must goout! lam dreadful sick\at the stomach ! Idon’t want to bundle '( Ltold you 1 didn'tknow how!’ \
She got mad us aturkey cqck, and jump-ing out of bed she opened the door andcalled for ‘ Bouncer’ and ‘ Wolf,’ and Imade a break for the door. I was in mysocks, but I tiew over the soil likethe wind.The dogs were so close that I could feeltheir teeth in imagination. Presently oneseized a skirt of my coat, and off it came,of course. I never slackened my speed,but shortly afterwards a mouthful of pant-aloons was seized, and, oh I horror ! thatwent the way of my coat tail. By thistime the demon was aroused within meand I veiled like an Indian, and turninjrlike a hunted stag, I stood at bay,grappledwith the nearest; brute, and we came to themad together.- Over and over we went,growling, sweating, tearing and ripping.Bunches of dogdiair and shreds of miscel-laneous clothing were all mixed up togeth-er, and just, as I had given up to die, afriendly knife was put into the brute’sthroat by my chum, who had opportunelycome along from some house where he badbeen bundling. We quickly dispatchedthe other dog, and then in an awful plightI had to walk three .miles, ‘ weak andwounded, sick andsore,’ before we got toaplace of shelter. I never went back. Iwas determined not toencounter the JerseyVenus again, arid never did. Since thattime I bare been more fearful ofa womanthan of a she briar robbed of her cubs. Itdosn’t make a bit 1 of difference where theyhail from, they arc all alike. lam afraid6f them all. Sometimes when I think ofa married life, and! wonder if ever I willcome to that, ari iWrful sound smites myear, and bundle! drives it out of my mindaltogether.
‘Well, Smith,’ said I, ‘I thank you foryour narrative, but you might have betterluck the nest time.* ‘ Never !’ exclaimedhe and he-left' the room.
-1 Tom/said Bill, ‘you’re a fool, and if
you don’t stop your infernal clack, you’llget put out. Sal Flukins! You know usight if you'think that’s her ?’Poor Smith, it makes one melancholy
to think of it. I don’t suppose he everdreams of such a thing as marrying—infact, ,1 don’t believe he could entertainsuch a tho’t and keep his balance. I askedhim one day if he had always been so, andhis reply was that he got awfully fright-ened once by a nice young woman, afterwhich experience he fought shy of thewhole tribe. After trying in vain to reasonhim out of his foolish predjudice, I insis-ted upon his relating to rao the incidentwhich had so steeled him against the sof-ter sex.
Torn was silenced but not convinced.—He watched the actress in all her motionswith intense interest, and ere long brokeout again.
‘ I tell ye, Bill, that’s her-n-I know ’tisYou can’t fool me—I know too well!’
Bill, who was a good deal interested inthe play, was out of all patierioe at this
Eersistent interruption on thepatt of Tom.lc gave him a tremendous nudge in the
ribs with his elbow, as an emphatic hint'to keep quiet. i
Tom, without minding the admonition,said, ‘ you just wait, I’ll fix her—keepyour eye ou her.' j
Sure enough he did fix her. Watchinghis opportunity whenthe actress was deep-ly absorbed in her part he sung out in avoice which rung through the-galleries:
‘ Low Bridge!’
, dated.•In entering upon the new volume it is almost
unnecessary to say that the Tribune will coutiri-ne to-be “Ikubtbxdext ix Everythiko,” be-ing biassed neither by fear, favor nor affection,
in favor of parties or sects. In this respect itis only necessary to say that the past affords a
fair index as to our future course.
‘ Well,' said he at length, with a sigh,“if I must, hut you are the only one towhom I would relate the story, for youdont belong to the ‘Prunes and Prism’school.” ‘ Thank-ce. sir,’ I replied—‘ pro-ceed, if you please—l am all attention !’‘ Well,’ he continued, ‘it is about threeyears since a chum of mine asked me toaccompany him just back of B , iutheState of New Jersey, to a quilting frolic.Now, I had always entertained a particu-lar aversion tp Jersey mud, Jersey light-ning and Jersey dogs, but as I had neverbeen present sit an assemblage of Jerseybelles, and as a quilting frolic was some-thing which I had often heard my mother—heaven bless her I—tell about, I deter-mined to know what it was by personalexperience. reached the scene of ac-tion in good time, assisted in tearing thequilt from the frame and throwing it overa grist of plump girls, thereby disarrang-ing their hair and other fixins awfully.—.This fun lasted some time, and Ishouldn’twonder if in the course of it, they all gotkissed. After a while the fiddler came,and we went into dancing with a will, andan understanding also. Phew I the sweatstreamed down our faces, and we had nearlyshook ourselves out ofour trousers—hooksand eyes were lying around loose, and near-ly every girl was backing herself up toSome other girl to get pinned up. Thatwas what they called a, ‘ square eight.’—We got along amazingly, and in the courseof the evening I managed to get prettythick with, a certain for, red cheeked,roguish-eyed damsel, who didn’t need any-wadding to bring her into proper shape—-her hand was fat and warm as arabbit—and I felt all over as though briarswere sticking in me when I took hold ofit to chasso her around and cjos-a-dos herback. !
"
“ After the performance was concluded, Igot into a corner with the beauty, and be-gan sparking hey like fun. T likened herto a goddess, and told her that to gainher love I would go in my shirt-tail to theends of the earth. Well, shekinder puck-ered up her mouth, and looking at me,said:
Those terrible night time solitudes, thedarkness peopled by the imagination withspectres the most terrific, how vividly dothey come back, even now in the days ofmaturcr judgment and riper reason, neverto he erased from the recollection by thehand of time ! If there is a worse condi-tion upon earth than that into which thismonstrous superstition { lunges an imagi-native child, we have no conception of itscurdling horrors. Never to lay the headupon the pillow, from the time it is two orthree years of age, until, seven, eight orten, without feeling the most perfect assu-rance in its own mind of realizing its ownprophecy, and seeing some hideous spectrebefore morning! This is the purgatory ofearly, innocent and otherwise happy child-hood.
It has always been our aim to make the Tri-tync,.a reliable first-class Local Pater, as we
believe tliat in that character alone, country pa-pers can successfully compote with their flashycity neighbors. - To this end we have securedcorrespondents in various parts of the county,who furnish us with all the items of local inter-est in their vicinity. We purpose adding othersto out list as soon as we can obtain them. Du-ring the next year we shall redouble our effortsto .make the Tribune a perfect , compendium ofHome News—a reliable, pinsTrULAsa LocalPater, second to none in the country, and assuch a welcome weekly visitor to our patrons,
whether at home or abroad.But while the Local Department shall be our
special care, we shall also demote a considera-ble space to Literary Matter, Fcn axd Hu-mor, and the .chronicling of events of generalinterest to our readers. We purpose also pub-lishing from time to time “Original Sketches'ofMen and Things ” Which will be furnished byour contributors. We have made arrangementsalso to have a weekly letter from Philadelphia,and judgingfrom the reputation our correspon-,
sustains as a popular writer, these letterswiU be a rich treat to ourreaders.
As wrare decidedly journalists of the pro-gressive school, we have concluded to adopt thecash system id our business. The neglect ofquite a number ofour patrons to pay upprompt-ly, *nd the rascality of others, has compelledns to adopt this course. Time ,and experiencehas fully proved to our satisfaction that the'•cketlit system will not work with newspaperpublishers. From this date no paper will becent from this office, unless paid for in advance,pud at the' expiration of the time paid for, ifnot renewed, will be promptly stopped. Thisarrangement does no injustice to our patrons,whUkit will protect us from ;the impositions of
soilless scoundrels, and enable us to devotemore attention to our paper. ■
From force of habit the actress instant-ly and involuntarily ducked her head toavoid the anticipated collision. Downcame the house-with a perfect thunder ofapplause at this palpable ‘hit/ high abovewhich Tom’s voice could be, heard as hereturned Bill’s punch in the jibs with in-terest :
‘ Didn't I tell ye, old bby. I know''twas her. You can’t fool nie.’
How to Settle an Accocnt--—Tosettle coffee with an egg is an easy matter;but it is not exactly .so easy to settle anold account, as a racy writer En Otsegocoh'nty, New York, shows in this letter :
‘ Seldom have I been more amused thanwhen, some two years ago, Upon the NorthFork of the Salmon river, in California, Ioverheardaconversationbetween.au honestminer, named Riley, and one Mike Don-nelly, a trader whom it seethed Riley wasindebted some $5O to for provisions. SaidDonnelly to Riley—-
“ You ought to pay this little bill, foryou know I trusted you when |no othertrader on the river would. . ‘Cpme, nowI’ll throw of half, ifyou’ll pay ■ the rest.
‘ Well, Mike,’ said Riley, * I’ll be hang-ed if I’ll allow you to be more liberalthan I am. Ifyou throw offone half I’llthrow off the other!
These midnight horrors haunt the im-agination even to old age. They may losesomewhat of their painful vividness, theirappalling distinctness-—something of theircurdling horror, so potent in its mysteryand so terrific even in its impossibility—
but these terrors linger in the imagina-tion still, ready to he called up in everysuspicious spot, awakened in every soli-tude, in spite of all the judgment can door the reason can urge. For a moment, atcertain times, even to old age, the heartwill throb with painful distinctness, thehair will become perpendicular, and a dis-agreeable shudder will make the bloodcold in the veins, even when manhoodhasreached its prime. To be sure the judg-ment soon dispels these unfounded fears,but they will haunt the victim at times tohis dying day. These are some of thepainfully deleterious effects of frighteningchildren in the earlyseason oftheir growth.How important is it, that parents shouldguard them against these groundless ter-rors, exciting the early imagination, andchaining the trembling victim to the in-describable agony of this nervous bondagefor all its future life.
‘■But that don’t settle my account.’‘ Then break an egg into it !’• said Ri-
ley, and eooly walked off. ■ ■A Shabp Hoosier.—Oliver H. Smithgives this incident in the early history ofIndiana: At the Kush Circuit Court myfriend Judge Kerry bargained for a ponyfor $25 to he [delivered the next day, on acredit of, six months. The man camewith thc pppy, but required security ofthe judge fbr|s2s. The judge .drew thenote at the tqp bf a sheet of foolscap, andsigned it. Tjsigned it; James Earidansigned it and handed it on, and on itwentfrom lawyer to lawyer around the bar, till-some twenty ofus had signed it. I thenhanded it ujp to;; the Court, and the threejudges put their names to it JudgePetrly prcaented it to the man he bad boughtthe pony of, but he promptly refused it,saying : ‘ Dw|F£ybu think lam a fool tolet you get this Court and all the lawyerson your stdhi jl see you intend tb cheatmfe opt nf jmyfpphy^ , tip he jumped,
jpahy; and started for hoimeatduU 1
The Marshall (Textd))Rcpttbli€antells of an qld negro, ‘ Hard;’yyho suppliesthat town with fuel:
‘ Hard ’ is really a good looking custo-mer and understands the science of load-ing a wagon to the best advantage. Re-cently, we were struck with admiration atone of his conical piles, through the in-terstices ofwhich a . large, fat than mighthave crawled with case and safety.
‘Hard/ said we, fyoh certainly possessthe talent for loading a wagon/ ■'
'
/
Old Hard’s eyes twinkled with delightat the compliment,, and surveying -withpleasure his loaded i Tyagpfy >he:- tgrpedtous, exposing his iyorios, ahdr^lmd.
‘ Oh, yes; massdj jhtit da's no habina takm -less it pays well. -5 : / *
Becognizing, the principle that contracts tobe satisfactory should be fraught with mutualbenefit to both parties, and as money in largeamounts, in advance, is of more value to us thanwhen received in driblets, as an induce-ment to numbers who would otherwise discon-tinuous well as to those who .hate never yet.
wo offer it at the followingcantingyear t
one year $1.50
at tkaaainerate—sl percopy.Ihe must, is off. fa»a, accompany the
0p4«.: ..■-■■■■■■:
.Bythe abdvett wiU be seen that our paper
is emphatioallythe cheapw* Vthe county.—As to its merits we leave In to the jinbiict*. de-cide. Weearnestlyrequestout the county to “give as a-Uftf” --as-wovhiteno doubt each of them can readily qhtoin«
in their neighborhood.
‘ Look-a-here, Yorker, have you a mindto gohwne with me to-night ?’
‘ Oh, my charming, divine Hebe, re-turned I, that would be tod much bliss I’
‘Pshal'jreplied she, ‘no hiiss at allabout it. Km you bundle, say ?'
/BunßersaTdX soipesb|tt.puzzled,: < Idon’tknow .as t pver tried it. Is it hardto dof ' *
V
I Non Conductors,—Colonel Jones is agentleman and a wit. The other day hewas showing the town to some ladies fromthe steeple of the Court-House. One ofthese asking him why the lightning-rod,where it was attached to the building forsupport, was incased in a piece' of horn,the Colonel replied that horn was a non-conductor. ‘Oh, judged!’says the lady;‘ I never knovr that before/ ‘ To be sure,-says the Colonel. j 1 Have you never* ob-servod that when the J>oyshave had ahornOrtvo thpj tan- 1 comfortthemselves prop-erly'?’ ; The great height fropa the ground:
‘ BjardY returned grip,‘ jfknpTO'pn^mbstydurigJfellers finds it.easy ”
‘ Weß'shid you can learn pie,T■.-■i ■ 1
\- . Vv
*ue} tfypu ain’t pokin’ at rfid). ypnp,are behind the age. Don’t they btthdfein York !’ '. . <- ,•'\ • ~,.X Xr'J I never heard that IwißwetPed, ‘ apd to tell you .the truth, I Xeally !
don’tknow what the points are*-/ ■ Md die* ,<KmxMid—Mm,
to-we
•, A; Prayer for ransave mp frojn the sh#hi^! my o^pheart.' t -•
; t
me froth false doctrines, feb® ah-‘thorities and bigd|nes* : ’mand life. '
pnrt oh dnnh»dodeMicsmost admire when devgo to do ctofdj ?’
fWe& i teH ifhftfc datis:can von fodf t
OSF ‘I lave to look upon ft youpg jnam
?^ewm^ahidfenhis breast wguoh charmsand painsipe/ ,
ThedaughterofaclergjTnanhapponingto find the dboTe Scptento at the df
: theiniquity foaWpwh?? ,f /
Have me the overthmgbef»usoit Isstop^ri* v-’k ■ ■ ' '■•Afefve me from au soteialf; Slutcorinntiooa aad> v- &V
Cahvabsers Wasmd.—fiff?eu4evreasimen wanted to nanri^ 1 th*^
♦
EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS.
NO. 11.
‘Got Him Foul.'—Aunt Jenny. was. avery exemplary colored woman, and al-ways felt and allowed much, concern .'forthe future welmre of her numerous chitdren. But little 'Nicholas had po much /
of the ‘OldNick' in him, that, with all iher persuasions andthreats, she oodld not jbring him good-way of saying hisjprayers. One afternoon. Aunt Jenny was ■>startled by hearing loud cries froaa thebarn yard—‘O Dord l* and, hasteningout, ’
she saw young Nick pinned, to theibnoewith the homs-of acow, one on each sideof him, and now and then she vronhllejt.him out, but to ‘bunt’ Idmbadkagain. Nickkept up his cries-*-* Qtoru 1*and all the louderwhen he saw his {both-er coming. But she didn’t interfere;-*—She stopped, took a good look, sot her ,arms a kimbo, and sang out, ‘Oh yea ?
you’s mighty billin’ to call, on do Lordnow.you’s got into trubul nut you couldn’tpray wid your maderlikea’speotablochile I’And turning to the kitchen she left Nickto the tender mercies of the cow, beingquite sure, however, that no serious hamwould come to. him.
Profits of; Tobacco.—There are.fif>ty-six manufacturers ofthe staple iu Bioh*mond, whose United capital amounts tofour or fire millions ofdollars. More to-bacco is raisedj in andropcaojl,inspected and sold inhaps in any one place in the United Stytcs.It is here that'the choicest specunani ofthe weed assumes the shape which com* -
mends it to the regard of devoted ohetresaeverywhere. Tobacco is put up in asmany different ways almost as. there arechcwers. There is as much difference be*tween the ideas of the Yankee and'Southserner on this question oftaste, as there hion any other matter. The former Kkc»the 4 pig-tail ’ plentifully sweetened and.liquoriced to a degree; the latter,sweetning you put in, the bettec theto*bacco. Buyers’congregate here, who pur*chase for all parts of the globe, fofeleagovernments are supplied hy agentswhoreside hero for that purpose.:citizens the road to wealth had Been viatobacco.—Richmond South.
■ •&> At a late ball in Baltimore a g**.tleman (probably one of the codfish arS*%tpcracy,) having danced withdy whose attractions, both personal ' andconversational,, seemed, to have made animpression on his sensibilities, asked tohave the pleasure of sccii&hear ttefol*lowing evening. ; "S v'
* Why, no sir/ i‘I shall be co gaged on tOrmorrow evening;but I’ll tell you when you can see jao£
?
‘ I shall be most happy/stricken swain. '
* ;
‘ Well, on Saturday/resumedlhe tody,‘you can see me at the foot ofmarket, selling cabbage.’ . .
tfaß* Two darkies, one a BapUst, tbe.other a Universalist got into asy about the origin of man.. The &ip*tist said God made Adam put of clay,squeezed it into the right shape, set ittipagin de fence to dry, and aftorwac&bfcV'ed breff into the body.
‘StopT said the Universalist. ‘Yonsay dat de fust man eber made?’ '
‘ Sartin i’ said the Baptist darkey./ Well den, jest tell a feller whardat
arc fence come from V -
r
‘ Hnsh!’ said the other darkey ‘ <juca-dons Tike dat ihnst not be axed; aeywouldspile all de theology in de world? ■ '
A Valuable CANBiiEsnoK—-AnIrish ‘ gintleman/ had occasion tbvisit :
the South sometime since. When .%g>rc*-turned, he remarked to a friend that, theSouthern people were*very extravagant:!Upon being asked why so, he itimiroelrthat where he staid, they had «
stick worth eleven hun<feec('UfoUlin.,
‘ few in the wprld it npstthat mhehr inquired thhmend. “
/‘Gob, be goiry t it'
a hig, stager fellow, a" boldin' "i tbn&itir’us te eat by? ‘ I- V, r;. - : =«I_•>C t . ’
• • -F.r-r- ■ ■ .-
•
:%BLK BO -
man for not tmnkipg as you thihk., J>Vevery one enjoy the full and ftee Kbertjof thinking for himself, lief ibrcry mattnso his own judgmenti ’since dvery man *mpst giro ap account of. himself to Ood.Abhorgra, to the spmt of perseoution. Ifyoucannot reason'or perspado a man info thetrtfth,heyS*-attemptHb force him into :
IfloVe Willnbfc compel him, leave hiih to(rod the Judge of all.s
Ifap* Toast at a surprise party, February2,1858: io the man who swgaxs,steals and lies—swears off from drinking^ '
steals away from had company, and Uesraau honest bedi*
■; strongest kind of a hint-stypo»g lady asking a gentleman to see ifon« vof.herrings will go on his UtfJefinget,
An old Whelorisdefiniriohpfhw%sdy|ngf and a great dealof '
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'S
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