Across Kent is Environmentally Friendly IN THIS ISSUE For: Property ~ Vehicles ~ Food ~ Recruitment ~ Entertainment ~ Classifieds ~ Personals To Advertise Tel: 0844 588 7611 Issue 12 July 2010 www.acrosskent.co.uk Last Few Remaining Houses available at Brompton with Orbit See them on page 8 It’s a Sadio Show Fabio! After all our hopes and dreams die. England Failed...Again! I don’t think anything else needs to be said. Well except, has anyone got a spare £12m please? Oh he’s staying! Never mind this picture is bound to put a smile back on your face. Now is definitely the Time to consider taking out Private Health Insurance See why on page 20
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It’s a Sadio Show Fabio! After all our hopes and dreams die. England Failed...Again!
I don’t think anything else needs to be said. Well except, has anyone got a spare £12m please? Oh he’s staying!
Never mind this picture is bound to put a smile back on your face.
Now is definitely the Time to
consider taking out
Private Health Insurance See why on
page 20
2 Please Mention Across Kent When You Call Our Advertisers 0844 588 7611
Published by: Across Kent Limited Sales Telephone: 0844 588 7611 Address: 32 Bu ckthorne Road, Minster on Sea, Kent. ME12 3RP Email: info@acros skent.co.uk Web: www.acr osskent.co.uk Produced: Maximum Period Betwe en Issues 1 Month
Whilst every care has been taken to ensure that the data in this publication is accurate, neither the publisher nor its editorial contributors can accept, and hereby disclaim, any liability to any party to loss or damage caused by errors or omissions resulting from negligence, accident or any other cause. All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be copied, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise. We are not responsible for any digital reproduction quality or any errors to adverts. Any views or opinions expressed here are those of their writers and do not reflect those of the Across Kent group of e-papers or its Director, staff or editor. Across Kent Ltd or any of its trading companies accepts no responsibility legal or otherwise for the accuracy or content of any of its e-papers or other publications, past or present or future. (Company Registration No: 6973755 ~ VAT No: 976 1936 72).
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It's a hot day and I hate my wife. We're playing Scrabble. That's how bad it is. I'm 42 years old, it's a blistering hot Sunday afternoon and all I can think of to do with my life is to play Scrabble. I should be out, doing exercise, spending money, meeting people. I don't think I've spoken to anyone except my wife since Thursday morning. On Thursday morning I spoke to the milkman. My letters are crap. I play, appropriately, BEGIN. With the N on the little pink star. Twenty-two points. I watch my wife's smug expression as she rearranges her letters. Clack, clack, clack. I hate her. If she wasn't around, I'd be doing something interesting right now. I'd be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I'd be starring in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. I'd be sailing the Vendee Globe on a 60-foot clipper called the New Horizons - I don't know, but I'd be doing something. She plays JINXED, with the J on a double-letter score. 30 points. She's beating me already. Maybe I should kill her. If only I had a D, then I could play MURDER. That would be a sign. That would be permission. I start chewing on my U. It's a bad habit, I know. All the letters are frayed. I play WARMER for 22 points, mainly so I can keep chewing on my U. As I'm picking new letters from the bag, I find myself thinking - the letters will tell me what to do. If they spell out KILL, or STAB, or her name, or anything, I'll do it right now. I'll finish her off. My rack spells MIHZPA. Plus the U in my mouth. Damn. The heat of the sun is pushing at me through the window. I can hear buzzing insects outside. I hope they're not bees. My cousin Harold swallowed a bee when he was nine, his throat swelled up and he died. I hope that if they are bees, they fly into my wife's throat. She plays SWEATIER, using all her letters. 24 points plus a 50 point bonus. If it wasn't too hot to move I would strangle her right now. I am getting sweatier. It needs to rain, to clear the air. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I find a good word. HUMID on a double-word score, using the D of JINXED. The U makes a little splash of saliva when I put it down. Another 22 points. I hope she has lousy letters. She tells me she has lousy letters. For some reason, I hate her more. She plays FAN, with the F on a double-letter, and gets up to fill the kettle and turn on the air conditioning. It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle. This is why I hate my wife. I play ZAPS, with the Z doubled, and she gets a static shock off the
air conditioning unit. I find this remarkably satisfying. She sits back down with a heavy sigh and starts fiddling with her letters again. Clack clack. Clack clack. I feel a terrible rage build up inside me. Some inner poison slowly spreading through my limbs, and when it gets to my fingertips I am going to jump out of my chair, spilling the Scrabble tiles over the floor, and I am going to start hitting her again and again and again. The rage gets to my fingertips and passes. My heart is beating. I'm sweating. I think my face actually twitches. Then I sigh, deeply, and sit back into my chair. The kettle starts whistling. As the whistle builds it makes me feel hotter. She plays READY on a double-word for 18 points, then goes to pour herself a cup of tea. No I do not want one. I steal a blank tile from the letter bag when she's not looking, and throw back a V from my rack. She gives me a suspicious look. She sits back down with her cup of tea, making a cup-ring on the table, as I play an 8-letter word: CHEATING, using the A of READY. 64 points, including the 50-point bonus, which means I'm beating her now. She asks me if I cheated. I really, really hate her. She plays IGNORE on the triple-word for 21 points. The score is 153 to her, 155 to me. The steam rising from her cup of tea makes me feel hotter. I try to make murderous words with the letters on my rack, but the best I can do is SLEEP. My wife sleeps all the time. She slept through an argument our next-door neighbours had that resulted in a broken door, a smashed TV and a Teletubby Lala doll with all the stuffing coming out. And then she bitched at me for being moody the next day from lack of sleep. If only there was some way for me to get rid of her. I spot a chance to use all my letters. EXPLODES, using the X of JINXED. 72 points. That'll show her. As I put the last letter down, there is a deafening bang and the air conditioning unit fails. My heart is racing, but not from the shock of the bang. I don't believe it - but it can't be a coincidence. The letters made it happen. I played the word EXPLODES, and it happened - the air conditioning unit exploded. And before, I played the word CHEATING when I cheated. And ZAP when my wife got the electric shock. The words are coming true. The letters are choosing their future. The whole game is - JINXED. My wife plays SIGN, with the N on a triple-letter, for 10 points.
I have to test this. I have to play something and see if it happens. Something unlikely, to prove that the letters are making it happen. My rack is ABQYFWE. That doesn't leave me with a lot of options. I start frantically chewing on the B. I play FLY, using the L of EXPLODES. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, waiting for the sensation of rising up from my chair. Waiting to fly. Stupid. I open my eyes, and there's a fly. An insect, buzzing around above the Scrabble board, surfing the thermals from the tepid cup of tea. That proves nothing. The fly could have been there anyway. I need to play something unambiguous. Something that cannot be misinterpreted. Something absolute and final. Something terminal. Something murderous. My wife plays CAUTION, using a blank tile for the N. 18 points. My rack is AQWEUK, plus the B in my mouth. I am awed by the power of the letters, and frustrated that I cannot wield it. Maybe I should cheat again, and pick out the letters I need to spell SLASH or SLAY. Then it hits me. The perfect word. A powerful, dangerous, terrible word. I play QUAKE for 19 points. I wonder if the strength of the quake will be proportionate to how many points it scored. I can feel the trembling energy of potential in my veins. I am commanding fate. I am manipulating destiny. My wife plays DEATH for 34 points, just as the room starts to shake. I gasp with surprise and vindication - and the B that I was chewing on gets lodged in my throat. I try to cough. My face goes red, then blue. My throat swells. I draw blood clawing at my neck. The earthquake builds to a climax. I fall to the floor. My wife just sits there, watching.
By Charlie Fish Death By Scrabble
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When it comes to taking care of your family’s medical needs nothing is more important than protecting their health and wellbeing. Ensuring prompt access for both you and them to the latest medical technology, drugs and procedures should be an overriding factor when considering the options available. So Why take out Private Health Insurance? In short, Peace of Mind knowing that in the unfortunate event of an accident or sickness your hospital expenses are covered. Yes the NHS is free and something to be proud of but even though every government tries to resolve the issue, they are renowned for long waiting lists, questionable cleanliness and loss of the best doctors to the private sector. By taking out Private Health Insurance you have access to the fastest, cleanest and best hospitals in the country at a time that is possibly most needed. What is Private Health Insurance? Private Health Insurance is designed to cover costs of in-patient medical care. The insurance policy is paid monthly to the health plan provider, this insures against large lump sum medical bills should an accident or illness occur. The health insurance provider covers all medical costs (subject to plan taken). Most Cover plans provides for in-patient, day patient treatment and out-patient surgical procedures for a comprehensive range of minor and major conditions and illnesses, including MRI, CT and PET scans in a scanning centre listed in the Directory of Hospitals you will receive with your policy. You can also add a range of specific treatments to Essential Cover such as physiotherapy, complimentary medicine and psychiatric support. Upgrading is simple and you can do it when arranging your cover, or at any renewal thereafter.
What will it cost? The cost of Private Health Insurance varies widely depending on the type of policy taken, any additional Essential Cover taken and the personal circumstances of the individual. Variables include age, exercise, smoking habits and type of employment. Private Health Insurance has often been considered an expensive solution but that is no longer the case. At My Phi.co.uk they understand that everyone is different and whether you are looking for peace of mind for yourself, your family or a group at your place of work, they can help you find private health cover to suit your specific needs from a comparison of different policies available on the market today. At My Phi.co.uk their FREE, NO OBLIGATION & EASY TO USE , online quotes system takes less than 60 seconds to complete and once submitted means you can obtain Private Health Insurance quotes from a wide selection of companies all eager to offer you the most appropriate policy FAST. Allowing you to feel assured in the knowledge of knowing that should the unexpected occur and you or your loved ones become ill or injured, the affordable private health cover they can find for you today can give you access to private treatment at a convenient time. And finally, Why choose MyPHi.co.uk? My Phi compares the market with one easy to complete simple form.
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