A SIN AGAINST YOUR OWN BODY 1Corinthians 6:18 “Flee ...

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iLESSON 1: A SIN AGAINST YOUR OWN BODY 1Corinthians 6:18 “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. (NAS) A. Is Addictive Sexual Sin a Disease or a Sin?

This question is a sometimes bitter debate in the psychological/counseling/Christian communities. Does sexual addiction affect the person’s physical body? Does sexual addiction affect the Christian’s walk with God? The answer is yes on both counts. Are there physical changes in the body that cause a person to have uncontrollable sexual desire and commit sexual acts that are against everything they believe in and hold dear? Do these physical changes cause the uncontrollable behavior, or are the physical changes caused by the person’s choice of illicit sexual behavior? On the other hand, when a person chooses to have illicit sex, does the body change and become a driver for the future response to sexual stimulation? Can God deliver a person from sexual addiction? What does scripture say? 1. Write out 1Corinthians 6:18 from the King James translation:

2. Use a dictionary and write out the definition of fornication:

3. What is the verse, 1Corinthians 6:18, saying to you relative to sexual sin?

4. Where does Jesus say that fornication comes from? (See Matthew 15:19)

5. Can a Christian be a fornicator? See 1Corinthians 5:1.

6. If a Christian decided to walk by the flesh in fornication (see Galatians 5:19), would the earthly consequences be the same as a non-Christian? See 1Corinthians 5:4-13.

7. If the immoral man (fornicator) is turned over to Satan what would happen to him/her? See Romans 1:24-25, 28-32 for some suggestions.

8. Read Romans 7:14-24. What do you think these verses describe? Do you think that they

are applicable to addictive sexual sin?

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B. Physical Consequences of Sexual Addiction Anyone who has been sexually addicted knows that when illicit sexual activity is planned or thought about, there is a physical change in the body, a physical “rush” like a response to taking a “upper” drug. This response occurs before the sexual act is ever physically consummated. This “rush” we feel in our body cannot be controlled, it happens naturally. This illicit “rush” is also usually more powerful than the physical feelings we have when we think about and plan to have normal sexual relations with our spouse. The scripture gives us a reason that sexual addiction is different. In 1Corinthians 6:18, Paul tells us “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.” Why is this sin different? I believe it is different because it affects our automatic physical response to sexual stimulation. The sex drive is a gland function that is controlled by the autonomic part of the nervous system, which means the sexual response is automatically programmed by our sexual activity. When the physical sex drive is normal, the sexual play and consummation is a wonderful natural part of the communication of love between married heterosexual spouses. There is no lust and each spouse’s sexual drive can be fulfilled by the other spouse without any guilt or shame just as God intended. When one spouse transgresses the marriage bed, and fills his/her mind with pornography, enters into adulterous physical relations with other partners, or in any other way responds sexually to someone or something other than their spouse, their body’s response to sexual stimulation is heightened for the illicit encounter, and the illicit act becomes lustful for that spouse. The other side of this person’s sexual life with their spouse becomes less appealing and less exciting, because the unsuspecting spouse cannot meet the expectations of the adulterous partner’s lust. So both are frustrated sexually. The more the unfaithful spouse entertains the illicit sexual contacts, the more addicted they become, and the less fulfilled they are with their faithful spouse. 1. The function of the sympathetic nervous system is defined in The Bantam Medical

Dictionary as follows: “one of the two divisions of the autonomic nervous system having fibers that leave the central nervous system, via a chain of ganglia close to the spinal cord, in the thoracic and lumbar regions. Its nerves are distributed to the blood vessels, sweat glands, salivary glands, heart, lungs, intestines and other abdominal organs and genitals, whose functions it governs by reflex action, in balance with the parasympathetic nervous system (the other division of the autonomic nervous system).”

2. If the genitals (sex glands) are controlled by reflex action, how much control do you have

of their function? 3. What do you think determines the intensity of the reflex action in your body when you

are sexually stimulated?

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4. Why do you think that the pornographic/fantasy images continue so strongly in your mind weeks, months and even years after you see them?

5. Do you think that the intense reflex response to illicit sexual stimulation could be at least part of the reason that “the immoral man sins against his own body”?

GOD’S PLANNED SEXUAL RESPONSE

DEPRESSED LUST SEXUAL SEXUAL RESPONSE RESPONSE

4 6 0 10 THE SEXUAL RESPONSE GAGE The Sexual Response Gage above may help explain how the body responds to sexual stimulation. If a married couple come to the marriage bed on their wedding night as virgins, when they consummate their marriage with sexual intercourse, there is a sexual drive that is opened in each of their bodies. For the purpose of comparison say that the sexual drive is in the range of 4 to 6 on the gage; everybody has a different sexual need. This is a normal and God designed function for the married couple given to them for the ultimate communication of love, caring and wellbeing, and with the purpose of procreation. When both mates have sexual response in the normal (God’s Plan) range, the mates will normally be fulfilled in their sexual relationship. If one of the mates comes to the marriage bed already sexually addicted, this partner’s gage has the needle pointing at 10 in lust. The other unsuspecting sexually normal mate will not be able to satisfy the sexually addicted mate’s lust, and therefore the addicted mate will never be satisfied and fulfilled sexually. This brings frustration to the addicted mate, who probably thought that getting married would solve the lust problem, and causes the addiction to be intensified. The sexually normal mate is also not fulfilled, and is made to feel like a sexual object, instead of feeling loved. This mate many times will become less interested in having sexual intercourse, and their gage needle begins to the depressed side of the scale. This further intensifies the sexual addiction in the mate because they feel rejected.

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This discussion is a very simple view of a very complex relationship. But it is evident that illicit sexual behavior on the part of one or both partners will completely derail God’s plan for providing love and affection (a sense of belonging) for the couple.

C. Recovering the Physical Sexual Response

1. If the sexual response of your body has been preprogrammed by illicit sexual behavior, what, if anything, can you do to move the needle of your Sexual Gage from a 10 to the normal range (4-6)?

2. Read Galatians 5:16-25. What kind of walk (lifestyle) is required for self-control.

3. If the sex addict is a Christian, and begins to really believe that his/her flesh with its passions and desires has been crucified with Christ, what difference will that make in his/her mind? In his/her body?

4. If a Christian is walking by the Holy Spirit, will they be more able to take their thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2Corinthians 10:5)?

5. If a Christian that has been sexually addicted begins to focus on Christ and take their thoughts captive (not think illicit sexual thoughts), do you think their body’s response to sexual stimulation will change?

6. Since the sex addict’s body response was programmed by his/her sexual/romantic thinking, does it make sense that the body can be restored through godly thinking?

7. Read 1Corinthians 6:9-11. Can God restore the one who is sexually addicted? Does God say that He saves the sinner and allows the sin to continue?

8. If God says you can change, would he give you a disease (something that cannot be pathologically cured) that you could not overcome in your mind and body?

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries; September, 2001

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iLESSON 2: SEXUAL ADDICTION, THE SIN OF IDOLATRY Colossians 3:5 “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.” (NAS) A. Sexual Sin From God’s Point of View

God hates idolatry, particularly in His people. "You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. 5. You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,”. Exodus 20:4-5 Many times in the Bible, God uses the term fornication and/or adultery as a picture of idolatry. Why would He not use some other sin like stealing, lying, murder, gossip, slander, etc. to describe and deal with the sin of idolatry? Maybe its because the sin of fornication/adultery has duplicity, or these other sins are manifested through the sins of fornication and adultery. For example, when a person is involved in addictive sexual sin, there are usually other sins that result in their life. A big one is lying and covering up the sin. Some people report that they have stolen pornography from book stores. An adulterous person is stealing sexual energy from his/her marriage that is meant for the fulfillment of their mate. In the Old Testament , King David murdered Uriah to cover up his adultery. In almost every marriage separation or divorce caused by the issue of sexual sin, there is gossip and slander, one mate against the other. God hates idolatry because the idol takes His place in His child’s life. Sexual sin is a form of idolatry, because the focus of the person’s life is their own self-gratification, rather than any thought about others in their life and particularly about their worship of almighty God. In reality all idolatry is the same as original sin which seeks to satisfy our human need to be in control, and not be controlled (or submitted) to anyone else. Sexual sin is the ultimate example of using what God has given for the fulfillment of you and your mate’s relationship, and turning to false gods (harlots) to get lustful pleasure without having to have a personal relationship. The worship of God is based on having a personal relationship with our God. Sexual sin breeds disloyalty, because its focus is completely on self instead of God. From God’s perspective, He wants and deserves our loyalty because of the price that He paid to redeem our souls from death. What we say when we enter into sexual sin is that we don’t think the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for us is enough, because meeting my emotional and biological needs is more important than my redemption. Through the Prophet Hosea in the Old Testament, God exposes Israel’s sin of idolatry, using the metaphor of harlotry. We can gain insight into God’s heart from a study of His dealing with unfaithful Israel. And we see the steps necessary to restore true worship through the study of King Asa in 2Chronicles.

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Read Hosea 2:1-13 and answer the following questions: 1. Since Israel was God’s covenant people, how does He view their unfaithfulness (harlotry)

in verse 2, and what is the consequence? • If you are unfaithful in your covenants with God, would you expect there to be

consequences in your life either allowed or caused by Him? Explain.

• What covenants have you made with God?

2. If the wife in this passage represents you and the husband represents God, has your addictive sexual sin caused any consequences like those mentioned in verse 3. Explain.

3. In verse 5, who does the wife believe provided what she needed? Why? • In your addictive sexual sin what or who do you believe meets your needs? Why?

4. In verses 6-7a, how does God say He will deal with His unfaithful wife? • Since you are the bride of Christ, do you see any ways that your Husband (the Lord

Jesus) has dealt with you similarly? Explain how.

5. The Husband (God) in verses 7b-13 confronts His unfaithful wife with the reality of what she has done. What parallels do you see in your life in the following areas after you decided to return to God (vs.7b)? • Provision

• Exposure

• Happiness and joy • Financial issues

• Worship

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B. Sexual Addiction is an Idol

1. In the study of Hosea 2: 1-13, what is the sin of the wife in God’s eyes?

2. Write out a definition of “unfaithful” from the dictionary.

3. In what ways is the sexually addicted Christian person “unfaithful” to God?

4. What is the sexually addicted Christian’s attitude toward God when he/she is unfaithful?

5. See 1Samuel 15: 23. How does God see the sinful attitude of the sexually addicted

Christian? Who does God say you are worshipping with this attitude?

6. Who or what is the idol that replaces God in the sexually addicted Christian’s life? (hint: is there a graven image or object involved?)

7. Who is the focus of the worship of the sexual images or fornicating/adulterous relationships? (Hint: whose needs are trying to be met independent of God?)

8. What is God’s answer to the sexually addicted Christian’s idolatry? (see Romans 12:1)

What does it mean to you to “present your body as a living sacrifice”?

9. How can you be transformed by the renewing of your mind? (See Romans 12:2 and 2Timothy 3: 16-17) What is the transforming agent?

10. What was Jesus’ instruction to those who wanted to come after Him? (See Luke 9:23-25)

• What does it mean to you to deny yourself in your sexual addiction?

• What does the cross represent in the context of denying your self in the sexual addiction?

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C. Restoration of True Worship for the Sexually Addicted Christian Read 2Chronicles chapters 14 and 15, and answer the following questions: 1. How did King Asa restore true worship in Judah?

• Use a Bible dictionary/commentary and define Asherim or Asherah.

• How can you cut down the Asherim in your life?

2. Who did King Asa ask for help when the enemy became overwhelming? (Vs.11) What does he say about the Helper’s power?

• When the enemy of sexual sin seems overwhelming, is the same helper available to

you? How do you practically get the help?

3. After God brings great victory in King Asa’s life, what warning does God give him? • What application does the same warning have for you in light of your past sexual sin?

4. How does the true worship of God benefit King Asa and all of Judah? • Will true worship of the Jesus bring the same benefit to your life today? If so, how?

5. Was King Asa’s resolve to stand firm in his faith tested? By whom? Over what?

• Will your true worship will be challenged? If so, how?

6. Read Hosea 2:14-23. How does this passage encourage you?

• Who is the restorer of Israel’s worship?

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries; September, 2001

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iLESSON 3: TEMPTATION; SATAN’S FIERY MISSLES 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.” (NAS) A. Is Temptation Sin?

The line between sin and temptation becomes very blurred for the Christian in sexual addiction. The automatic response to tempting sexual material or sensual people because of the addicted person’s autonomic nervous system make the thoughts overwhelming, and they seem to say there is no way out. But is it a sin to be tempted? Jesus was tempted when He “was led about in the wilderness for forty days” (Luke 4:1-2). Did He sin? The writer to the Hebrews tells us: “For we do not have a high priest (Jesus) who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15 (NAS). Jesus did not sin, but He was tempted. We have been tempted and given in to sexual temptation, and therefore we have preprogrammed our mind and our bodies to respond to sexual stimulation in a sinful (lustful) way. This preprogrammed lust is the reason that we feel like the temptation is sinful. This is another one of Satan’s lies he uses to get us to make the next step, which is the sinful act.

1. Write out James 1:2 from the King James translation.

• What is the purpose of your temptations?

• What is the result of resisting temptation?

2. Read James 1:12-15; What metaphor does is used to describe the temptation-sin cycle?

• Does God tempt us to sin?

• Who or what causes us to sin through temptation?

• When does sin happen and what are the consequences?

• What is the reward for the one who resists the temptation?

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B. The Channels of Temptation1

How are you vulnerable to temptation? What human functions cause temptation to be effective in your life? Do we have a model in scripture of how to handle the temptations of life when they come? God has promised us that no temptation will come to us except what other people experience, and that there is always a way of escape provided. (1Corinthians 10:13) There are three human channels of temptation, the lust of the flesh (illicit passions), the lust of the eyes (selfishness, self-interest), and the pride of life (self-promotion, self-exhaltation). See 1John 2:15-17. If we compare how Adam and Eve handled these temptations versus how Jesus handled the same temptations, we may get some insight into how we are vulnerable. Read Genesis 3:1-6, and Matthew 4:1-11. 1. What thought does Satan use to begin the deceptive temptation of Eve? (See Genesis 3:1)

• Which human channel of temptation does Eve give in to? (See Genesis 3:6a) How

does Eve validate Satan’s temptation?

• How does giving in to this channel of temptation affect our relationship with God?

(See Galatians 5:16, and John 15:5)

2. What human channel does Satan use to begin his deceptive temptation of Jesus? What did

Satan want Jesus to do? (Matthew 4:3-4)

• How did Jesus maintain His relationship with the Heavenly Father in the midst of this temptation? What did He say to Satan?

3. What human channel does Satan use against Eve next? What words does he use? (See Genesis 3:4)

• How does Eve validate this second temptation? (See Genesis 3:6b)

• How does this temptation affect Eve’s relationship with God? (See Genesis 3:6b, and

John 15:7).

1 Adapted from The Bondage Breaker”; Neil T Anderson; Freedom in Christ Ministries

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4. What is the second human channel that Satan tries to use against Jesus? (See Matthew 4:5-7)

• How does Jesus defeat the tempter? What is His weapon?

5. What is the final channel of temptation that Satan uses to appeal to in Eve? (See Genesis

3:5) What words or thoughts does he use?

• How does Eve validate this temptation? (See Genesis 3:6c)

• What are the consequences in Eve’s relationship with God? (See 1Peter 5:5-11, and

John 15:8-10)

6. What is the last channel of temptation Satan uses with Jesus? (See Matthew 4:8-10)

• How does Jesus defeat Satan in this temptation? What are His words?

7. What response in Eve made her enter into the temptations and commit the original sin? (See Genesis 3:6 and James 1:14)

C. The Way of Escape

1. What human channels did Satan use to initially tempt you in your addictive sexual sin?

• Can you identify if and how the enemy has used all of the channels of temptation in

your life? Explain.

2. Read Romans 7:14-25. Do you identify with this person? Is he Christian? What’s his

problem?

• If death is defined as “separation from”, what does death in this context mean to you?

• Who or what does Paul say frees us from the “body of this death”?

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3. Read Romans 8:1-14. List the different characteristics of flesh or walking by the flesh, and Spirit and walking by the Spirit from this passage.

• What is Paul’s answer to defeating the deeds of the flesh? (Also see John 6:63, and Galatians 5:16-17, 24)

4. Can we win this battle of the flesh in our own strength? (See 2Corinthians 10:4, and Ephesians 6:12) What is the nature of the battle?

5. List some practical ways we can defeat the channels of temptation in our life.

How does a Christian who is sexually addicted escape the corruption in his/her flesh. First, they must begin to take their thoughts captive; the only thing they can change is what they think. But they can’t change what they think if they are completely engulfed in their bondage. Some can “gut it out” for a while, but most do not get lasting freedom from this kind of discipline. They need a discipline that is enabled by the Holy Spirit, and to have that, they must choose to walk by the Holy Spirit. They cannot walk by the Spirit, and continue in their sin. The real issue here is how can they come to the place where they want to walk by the Spirit. The answer is that they must resolve the personal and spiritual issues that are driving the sinful behavior. The needs that drive the sinful behavior are “the need to be loved and accepted”; “the need to be secure”; and “the need to be significant”. Every person has these basic “being” needs. For a Christian (and anyone else) these needs are only met in Christ. Even the best marriage with the best most fulfilling sexual relationship is just a reflection of the love God has for those two people. The basic “being” needs can only be met in Christ. Leading the addicted person through a process of resolving their personal and spiritual conflicts before God will help them resolve the lies that they are believing about their ability to meet their “being” needs independent of God through sexual sin. When the sexually addicted Christian realizes that they can only meet the life issues that are driving their sexual lust in Christ, they are then free to depend on Him in the area of their addiction, and the Spirit led discipline they mount against the sexual stronghold becomes effective. They begin to take their lustful thoughts captive, and they begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel of their despair. The best part of this process with God is that they learn Him in ways that they have never known Him before. Ultimately this Holy Spirit led discipline that has become part of their life becomes a devotional love for Christ that was not there before. An undivided devotion to Christ is the answer to all addictions particularly the sexual addiction, and it is the way of escape. 6. Read Hebrews 2:18. Who is our Helper in the hour of our temptation? Does this verse

encourage you? i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries; September, 2001

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iLESSON 4: ABIDING IN CHRIST John 15:5-6 "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing. (NAS) Many Christians when confronted with the term abiding in Christ don’t know what is meant, and what affect it would have on their life if they did it. A good definition of the word abiding is “living in a continuing close relation to”. A sexually addicted Christian will not be able to live in victory without understanding and applying the abiding fellowship of Jesus Christ. First, abiding in Christ changes the person’s focus from self to Christ. If this change in focus is never made then the person in bondage remains in bondage to what pleases the flesh. The second reason that abiding is important is related to the first, abiding in Christ changes our focus from temporal things to the things that are eternal. If we continue to believe that our needs will be met by some temporal means, our bondage will continue, because self is the temporal means of meeting needs. When the addicted Christian begins to live in an abiding relationship with Jesus Christ, The addictive behavior begins to subside, and his/her other relationships begin to improve. As this abiding relationship is lived out over time, the person begins to feel and understand the joy of the Lord, which is dwelling in them, and their joy is made complete. (John 15:11) The joy of the Lord is our strength to defeat the enemy in all of our addictions and strongholds. Until the sexually addicted Christian quits doing by discipline, and begins to be in an abiding devoted relationship with Jesus Christ, the sexual addiction will not be defeated. A. Abiding vs. Performing

1. Read John 15: 1-11, and answer the following questions:

• Christ uses the metaphor of a grapevine to describe our relationship and fellowship with Him. Who does He say the vine is?

• What is the significance of the vine? (See John 15: 5)

• Who is the vine-dresser? What seems to be the purpose of the vine-dresser? (See John 15:1,2)

• How are you as a believer identified? What is your purpose? (See John 15:4) • The purpose of the vine is to produce fruit that is natural to the vine. What is the fruit

that results from your life when you abide in the vine of Christ? (See John 15:8-11)

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2. Read Luke 10:38-42. What does Jesus tell Martha about her activity to provide for Him? How do you think Mary’s actions picture “abiding”?

• What’s the message for our life? (See Matthew 6:25-34)

3. How does Jesus present the reality of the Christian’s relationship. (See John 15: 2,6)

• What benefits supercede the pain of the human part of the relationship? (See John 15:7,10,11)

4. Hypocrisy - Read Acts 8:9-24.

• Does Simon go through the ritual of becoming a Christian?

• What is Simon’s motive for being a Christian?

• What was the evidence (or lack of) of his relationship with Christ? Does the sexually addicted Christian exhibit the same evidence in his/her life as Simon.

• How will we know that we are in Christ even when we sin? (See 1Thessalonians 1:4-5; John 16:8-11)

5. “Working for Jesus” - Read Acts 5: 1-11.

• Do you think Ananias and Sapphira were true Christians?

• How were Ananias and Sapphira trying to bear fruit in the early church?

• Who does Peter say is the source of the lies?

• In what ways have you as a sexually addicted Christian bought into and perpetrated the same lies as Ananias and Sapphira?

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B. The Conditions of Abiding in Christ

1. Read John 15:1-11 again and 1John 4:12-21, and then record below any conditions that are required of you for you to abide in Christ and for Christ to abide in you.

2. How would you describe the relationship pictured by these conditions? (See Romans 6:17-18)

3. If in Roman times the “bond-slave” was defined as a slave who had served his/her indenture, and chose to remain a slave subject to the master, how would this definition change how you view your relationship with Christ? Explain.

4. When do you find it difficult to remain subject to your heavenly Master?

5. How is the fellowship/relationship between you and your heavenly Father communicated? (See 1John 4:13)

6. What are the conditions of the lines of communication to your heavenly Father remaining open and clear? (See 1John 1:6-7)

Christ Abiding in You You Abiding in Christ

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C. Restoration Through Abiding in Christ

1. The results and benefits to the Christian who chooses to abide in Christ:

• Peace of God (See Phil. 4:6-7); What is different vs. peace with God? (See Romans 5:1)

• Answered prayer (See John 15:7); Why is this prayer always answered?

• Manifested joy (See John 15:11); Is this joy the same as happiness?

• Obedience to the Father is easy (See 1John 5:3); How are your overwhelming burdens made easy? (See Matthew 11:28-30)

• Have you given Him your burdens? (See Hebrews 12:1-2) Whose responsibility is it to lay down the burdens?

• All of our earthly relationships are affected for the good. Good human relationships for a Christian start with a good relationship with Jesus Christ. (See Ephesians 5:21) How does Paul see our relationships in this verse?

• What do you think changes when you approach your human relationships as a reflection of your relationship with Christ?

Abiding in Christ is a choice that a Christian makes to live in close personal relationship with Jesus Christ, his Lord and Savior. Many Christians today want to be fixed so they don’t have any problems. This view of life is unrealistic and self-centered. Life for every human is problematic. The real question is where does the Christian get answers to life issues that honor Christ and build-up and edify His body. Will the Christian choose the truth of God and His word over the lure of the world, the flesh and the devil? A Christian that abides in Christ begins to understand that the basic needs of life are only met in Christ, and that trying to meet these basic needs in the world, flesh or the devil only exasperates their sin and their bondage to it. The needs of the sexually addicted Christian, to be loved and accepted, to be secure, and to be significant, are only met in Christ. When this Christian realizes this, and resolves the lies they have been believing about themselves, they are free to have an abiding relationship with Christ that mitigates their sexual sin. Then and only then can they have fulfilling intimate human relationships.

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries; September, 2001

iLESSON 5: TRUSTING GOD Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” A. Can You Trust Someone You Don’t Really Know? Why do many Christians of long standing live defeated lives, particularly in the area of their sexuality? We could simply say that they are living by the flesh in the sexual area of their life and that would be true. But what is the basis (root) of their need to walk by the flesh instead of walking by the Holy Spirit? Talking to many Christian men and women who are sexually addicted or dysfunctional , I have noted that the visible ways people sin sexually are just symptomatic of the real problem (the root). If you only deal with the flowers (overt sexual sins), the person will still be in bondage. This bondage of behavior modification becomes a discipline or “law” unto them, and scripture says “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death” Romans 8:2 (NASB). Trying to overcome this bondage to fleshly sin by “working harder” only leads to further defeat. What is the real issue? Trusting God, particularly in the areas of their basic needs to be loved and accepted, to be secure, and to be significant, seems to always be the common denominator to continuing in sin or walking in Freedom. Many of these Christians grew up in a “churchy” family that lived in turmoil. Because of their parent’s failures, they saw God as untrustworthy and even unable to meet their basic needs. They accepted Christ as young adults and grew in their faith, except in the area of their sinful lustful thinking. They did not believe that God would meet their basic needs, particularly in the area of their sexual needs. In other words, they believed that there was something beyond their relationship with God that would make them “feel” approved and gratified. Because sexual orgasm brings a temporary sense of well being, they began to “look for love in all the wrong places”. In their own words “I can do it better my way”, “I can live my life without anyone else”, and “I have a tendency to think I have no needs”. These statements give an indication of a lack of trust in God. Notice the focus of the quoted statements. They were trusting in themselves to meet their “being” needs. Until the trust in self is defeated in a Christian, replaced with a growing trust in God, they will continue to believe they have to meet their own needs. There doesn’t seem to be any other option. 1. List the negative characteristics you have perceived (and believed) about your parents

(primary caretakers) in your primary and teen years. 2. Is it possible that you perceive (believe) that God is like your earthly parents (primary

caretakers) in the ways they failed you or did not meet your expectations? List the ways?

B. Knowing God, the One You Can Trust1 Trust in God for some people who have grown up in church is difficult. Many Christians believe they do trust God, while all they have really “learned” is how to respond to issues in their life the way they were taught, so they would “look good”. Real trust in God is a deeper issue of total submission. When people submit (cry out) to God first in their personal circumstances and temptations, that is a sign of real trust in God. Growing trust comes by learning about the object of our trust. Those who are weak in faith must unlearn their flawed ways of addressing the needs and issues in their lives. They must renew their mind in a real trusting relationship with God regardless of their trials, tribulations, and circumstances. It takes time to unlearn old habit patterns and learn the depth of God’s character and worthiness of our trust. (See Romans 12:1-2) We will never completely fathom the depths of His trustworthiness. One way to begin this walk of trust in God is to dispel some of the lies we have believed about God because of the behavior we have seen in our parents (primary caretakers). 1. Lie – my Heavenly Father is distant and disinterested in me. Read Psalm 139:1-18.

• How well does God know you? What does He know about you? List the ways.

• Does God show any real interest in what you are doing? (See vs. 1-5)

• How far away can you go from Him? (See vs. 7-10) 2. Lie – my Heavenly Father is insensitive and uncaring. Read Psalm 103:8-14.

• How has our Heavenly Father shown compassion toward us?

• To what or whom is God’s caring for us compared? 3. Lie – my Heavenly Father is stern and demanding. Read Matthew 11:28-30, and

Zephaniah 3:16-17.

• How difficult is it to follow Christ and trust Him?

• How does our Heavenly Father communicate with us?

1 Adapted from “The Truth About Our Heavenly Father” , Freedom From Fear, Neil Anderson and Rich Miller.

4. Lie – my Heavenly Father is passive and cold. Read Isaiah 40:11 and Psalm 121.

• How does the picture Isaiah paints of our Heavenly Father communicate His engagement in your life?

• List the ways God is actively participating in your life from Psalm 121. 5. Lie – my Heavenly Father is absent or too busy to spend time with me. Read Ezekiel 34:11-

16.

• In what ways does God eagerly spend time with you according to Ezekiel? List them.

• How often does God spend time with you if want Him to? See Matthew 28:20 6. Lie – my Heavenly Father is never satisfied with what I do; impatient and angry. Read

Exodus 34:6, Hebrews 11:6, 13:15-16, 1John 3:21-22.

• Is it in God’s character for Him to have outbursts of anger?

• What about us satisfies (pleases) God?

• Does God become impatient with us (or our sin)? 7. Lie – my Heavenly Father is mean, cruel and abusive. Read Psalms 94:18-23, Isaiah 54:10-

17, 1John 4:9-11,16,19.

• When we slip, when we are anxious, who holds you up? Who is your stronghold against the enemies of your soul?

• How does God’s lovingkindness protect you?

• How do you know God loves you?

8. Lie – my Heavenly Father is trying to take all the fun out of my life. Read Psalms 63:1-8, Lamentations 3:22-23, John 10:10, Romans 12:1-2.

• What are the sources of real fun (happiness and rejoicing)? List the sources.

• What does abundant life mean to you?

• How do you prove God’s will for you? Is God’s will oppressive? 9. Lie – my Heavenly Father is controlling and manipulative. Read Luke 15:11-16, Hebrews

4:15-16.

• Does the prodigal’s father ever manipulate or control his son?

• If this father represents God and we represent the prodigal, how does God treat you?

• Is God controlling or manipulating you? What is His method of dealing with you? 10. Lie – my Heavenly Father is condemning and unforgiving. Read Psalms 130:1-4, Luke 15:

17-24, Romans 8:31-34

• How is God pictured in these verses (condemning or forgiving)? Give example.

• Who is it that condemns us? See John 10:10. What is the thief’s purpose? 11. Lie – my Heavenly Father is nitpicking, exacting and perfectionistic. Read 2Peter 1:5-8,

Hebrews 12:5-11.

• What is the purpose of applying (adding to) your faith? Is God requiring perfection here?

• How does discipline relate to growth? What is the fruit of Godly discipline? Renunciation: I renounce the lie that you God are like my earthly parents (primary caretakers) in the ways they failed me; I announce the truth that you God love me with an everlasting love and accept me unconditionally in the beloved Jesus Christ. i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries; September, 2001

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iLESSON 6: OVERCOMING FEAR Romans 8:15 “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" (NAS) Illegitimate irrational fear is the major tool of the enemy to defeat Christians. Overall in our culture, fear and anxiety disorders are the number one mental health diagnosis. Illegitimate fear of all kinds is usually prominent in sexually addicted Christians. The difference between anxiety and fear is that anxiety doesn’t have an object. The driver of anxious thinking is uncertainty, whereas fear has a definable object. Our definition of illegitimate fear is irrational fear of anything other than God (these fears are not part of our normal fight/flight fears, which were created in us for our protection). Illegitimate fears are mutually exclusive to faith in God, and take the focus off of God and puts it on ourselves. Illegitimate fears for a Christian always lead him to run away from God, and quenches His Spirit in us. Since illegitimate fears changes the object of faith (from God to self), it becomes a worship issue for a Christian. Hebrews 11:6 says “Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him”. We essentially make idols of the objects of our illegitimate fears, because the true worship of God becomes diluted by removing worship energy (trust) from God and applying it at the shrine of those things we fear. If we believe that He is, and love Him in accordance with the greatest commandments the legitimate fear of Him will expel all other fears (1John 4:18). My observation is that there are three attributes of fear:

• Fight/flight – placed in our created being for protection. Sometimes uncontrolled, but usually not irrational.

• Spiritual attack – fear as a result of the enemy putting thoughts in the mind, or manifestations of supernatural power that’s not from God. This type attack is repulsed by standing in faith, “Submit to God and resist the devil”, James 4:7.

• Learned behavior – patterns of fearful and anxious thinking developed over time, which do not seem to respond completely to standing spiritually as in James 4:7, but leave a residue of anxious and fearful thinking which is ultimately resolved by renewing the mind and understanding the truth of trusting God over time.

The illegitimate fears of the sexually addicted Christian usually have both a measure of attack from the enemy and a long standing fear that has been learned over time. All illegitimate fear is a choice to to focus on the problem instead of the solution.1The solution is to fear God legitimately and worship Him only. There is a lie imbedded in every illegitimate fear, but one big lie for the sexually addicted Christian is:

God can’t love me because I am perverted and unlovable. Now I am at the mercy of Satan and the negative human circumstances and consequences. So I fear the future.

1 Freedom From Addiction Workbook, Neil Anderson and Mike Quarles

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A. Fear of Loss

1. Identify those things, people, relationships, etc. that you fear you will lose because of your sexual sin.

2. When you think of this fear of loss, what is your focus?

3. For a sexually addicted Christian, what is lost? See Nehemiah 8:10, and 1John 1:6

4. Read Matthew 6: 25-34

• Why does Jesus tell us not to be anxious and fearful over our losses and our needs?

• How does He prove His statement?

• Who knows and cares where you are in your life right now?

• What is Jesus’ remedy for anxious and fearful thinking about our loss and needs? (See 1Peter 5:6-7)

• Why should we not fear the future? (See Psalm 118:24)

• What have you feared or been anxious about that you have not submitted to God?

5. Read 1John 4:13-18.

• As a Christian, what do you have that should enable you not to be fearful?

• What attribute does God have that shows that He is not the source of your fear?

• If fear involves punishment, who is the author of fear? (See John 10:10a)

• How can you demonstrate the perfect love that casts out fear? (See Matthew 22:37-39)

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B. Fear of Rejection

1. List the ways you have felt rejected in the past that you think may be in some way driving your sexual addiction.

2. Why do you think your sexual sin promises to meet your need to not be rejected (to be loved and accepted)? Is the promise ever really fulfilled?

3. Does the person in the pornographic picture, or the prostitute, etc. really care for you? What do they care about?

4. Are you still letting your perceived rejections of the past set the agenda for your life now?

5. Read Romans 8:15.

• What does your sexual bondage lead you to?

• How has God made provision for you to overcome fear of rejection resulting from the bondage to sexual sin? (See also Romans 5:6-8)

• What is the significance of being adopted by your Father God? (See Romans 8:38-39) Will He ever reject you?

6. Read Philippians 4:6-7

• When we are anxious or fearful over perceived rejection by people or circumstances, what is the remedy given in these verses?

• What promise does God make here if we handle our anxious and fearful thoughts in accordance with the principles of these verses?

• What is left out of the promise that most of us want because of our flesh?

• If we could figure out all the whys and wherefores of our life what would be missing in our relationship with God that pleases Him (see Hebrews 11:6)?

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C. Facing Your Fears2

1. Analyze Your Fear

• What are you afraid of? Identify all your fear objects.

• When did you first experience the fear or anxiety attack?

• What events preceded the first occurrence?

2. Determine where God’s place in your life has been replaced with the objects of your fear.

• In what way does any fear prevent you from behaving responsibly, or compel you to irresponsibility?

• Confess any active or passive participation on your part where you have allowed fear to control your life.

• Commit yourself to God with the understanding that you are willing to fulfill your responsibility in the matter.

3. Make a plan of responsible behavior when you are faced with the fear again.

• If the fear involves a relationship issue, commit to God to engage in the relationship at the level of your responsibility with His help and speak the truth in love and humility (power under control).

4. Determine in advance what your response will be to every possible reaction.

5. Commit yourself to carrying out the plan in His Strength and by His Spirit. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (KJV)

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, September

2 Adapted from Freedom From Addiction Workbook, Anderson and Quarles

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iLESSON 7: THE BATTLE FOR YOUR MIND 2 Cor. 10:5 “We are destroying speculations (ideas) and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, (NAS) It’s not what you do that determines who you are, but it’s who you are inside and what you really believe about yourself that determines what you do over the span of your life. The writer of Proverbs said it this way, Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” How we think about ourselves and what we choose to believe in our mind controls our behavior; i.e. I am perverted and hopeless because of my sexual sin, therefore I have to think sinful sexual thoughts. How can I as a Christian, trapped in sexual addiction, begin to act like the person I really am? The answer seems simple, but it is not simplistic, you must begin to believe what is really true about you and your relationship to the God of the universe. Dr. Tim Warner says “People will not always do what they say, but they will always do what they really believe.” What do you really believe? Is it biblical? Is what you have believed about yourself, your sexual addiction, and the remedy for the addiction helped you or hurt you? The big lie that many believe is:

If I find a good program (including this one), and work the program with great discipline, I will free myself from my addiction”

What’s wrong with this thinking? This lie has the same root sin that caused the addiction in the first place. Notice who is responsible to bring your freedom in this lie – YOU! This lie will put you in bondage to the program. “Jesus therefore was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, "If you abide in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. " John 8:31-32. The sexually addicted Christian must change what he/she believes, so that they can behave in accordance with who they really are. A. Why we believe lies

1. Read 1Timothy 4:1-5

• Who is the author of the lies that changed the behavior of these people? • What was the principle tool of the enemy here? • Have you seen the same principle driving your sexual sin? How?

2. Read Revelation 12:10 • What is the enemy’s tactic against the brethren ? • Have you experienced this tactic of the enemy as part of your sexual addiction? How?

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3. Read 1Corinthians 7:5 • What is Satan’s method of attack? • How does Satan use this method of attack against you?

4. How much of your sexual addiction do you believe is attributable to these three areas of attack?

5. Read Ephesians 2:1-3 • What other areas of conflict does Paul mention here? • How do you see these conflicts influencing your sexual addiction? Be specific. • How are these areas of conflict tied to the enemy’s influence in your life?

B. Living in agreement with the truth of who you are as God’s child

1. Read John 8:31-36 • What does Jesus say is the requirement to be free? • If truth sets you free, what keeps you in bondage? • What is the evidence that a person is not free? (See Romans 6:17-18) • Jesus says that being a part of His family is necessary for freedom. Are you a son or a

slave? In what ways do you act more like a slave than a son? • Since sons are free, is it possible that you have believed the lie that you are still a

slave to sin and therefore in bondage to it? Explain. See Romans 6:5-14.

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• How complete is the freedom that Jesus promised? • Do you believe that complete freedom is possible for you? Why or why not?

2. Read 2Corinthians 10:3-5 • How have you raised up thoughts (speculations/ideologies) against the knowledge of

God? What are they? • What does it mean to take every thought captive? How do you do that? • Why must the weapons of our warfare be divinely powerful? • Is the battle for our mind psychological, neurological, or spiritual? What percentage

would you assign to each? • Regardless of where the thoughts come from, whose responsibility is it to win the

battle for our mind?

Many Christians do not know how to detect and reject lying thoughts. We need to learn how to discern the difference between convicting thoughts and condemning thoughts, so we know which ones to obey and which ones to discard. One explanation is that condemning thoughts always put the person down; make the person feel as if they are of no value, worthless, inadequate, not loved, not loveable. According to scripture, these thoughts are not true of a Christian, because Romans 8:1 says “There is therefore now no condemnation (no put downs) for those who are in Christ Jesus.” So the Christian must choose to believe what the Bible says about them, instead of listening to the condemning thoughts the enemy is putting in their mind. On the other hand, the Christian needs to listen to the thoughts of conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to their mind. The difference in these thoughts is the purpose. These convicting thoughts are always for the purpose of restoring the Christian’s fellowship with Jesus from some sinful activity. These thoughts never tear down or put the Christian down, because the Christian is always God’s child, even when he sins. This conviction may make the Christian mourn over their sin, but Jesus said “Blessed are those who mourn” Matthew 5:4. How does the enemy get away with deceiving the Christian with condemnation? All people have a damaged emotional core caused by the hurt and pain of the past. If the person believes the lies of the enemy in their mind, the lie hooks into the damaged emotional core, and the person “feeeels” like the thought is true and the result is they feel condemned and then this thought may produce sinful behavior to try to cover the pain the thought produces. Neil Anderson says “If what you believe is not true, then what you feel will not reflect reality”.

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The Christian can make choices about what they think. We can think righteously. We need to have great confidence in God to enable us to assume our responsibility before God to take our thoughts captive. One illustration that seems to be helpful, is that of comparing the person’s mind to an airport. All airports have control towers, and the air traffic controller in the control tower determines who can land in the airport and more importantly who cannot land in the airport. The person whose mind is under attack is the controller in the control tower of their mind. This person cannot control what flies around or through the air space around the airport, but they are in complete control of what is allowed to land in their airport. So if an airplane with Satan or Hitler on board radioed and said they wanted to land, would you let them? Of course not. But if Jesus, or Paul or John radioed and wanted to land, we would say come in and stay a while. The point is that the Christian cannot just think any kind of thought without it affecting their life. God has given us His Word, and we can measure every thought by that truth, rejecting all other thoughts that don’t measure up. C. How we win the battle

1. Read Colossians 3:1-11.

• How can you begin to seek things above in times of stress or temptation?

• What truths in this passage will help you set your mind on things above?

• How can you consider the members of your earthly body as if they were dead to your sinful deeds, particularly the sexual sin? See Romans 6:11.

• What does it mean to you to put off the old self and have put on the new self?

2. Read Philippians 4:6-8

• If the answer to your wrong thinking is choosing to believe the truth, how does Paul say that we do that in these verses?

• What is the result of thinking done in accordance with this passage? What is not the result? See vv.7

• If your thoughts were always measured by verse 8, how would it change your life; your relationships; your behavior?

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, September, 2001. Some material in this Lesson was adapted from Freedom From Addiction Workbook, by Anderson and Quarles.

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iLESSON 8: RIGHTEOUSNESS – THE POWER OF GOD 1 Corinthians 4:20 “For the kingdom of God does not consist in words, but in power.” NAS Most Christians who are sexually addicted would agree that they have seen the power of Satan in their life, but they have struggled to see and understand the power of God in their life. They feel helpless against the onslaught of the enemy in their mind. Is God involved in a battle with Satan on equal terms, where the outcome is in doubt? Many Christians give Satan these god-like powers. The truth is that God is in a realm by Himself. Satan is a created being, and does not have god-like powers, even though he wants us to think that he does. Satan is not omnipotent (all-powerful), Omniscient (all-knowing), or omnipresent (everywhere present). If God and Satan are not locked in an equal battle for my life, and we can easily identify Satan’s power in our life, then how does God exhibit His power? A. What is God’s power?

1. Read Ephesians 1:18-23

• What is the source of the power of God mentioned in these verses?

• Who receives the benefit of the power described in these verses?

• Is this power necessarily evident in all believers?

• How is this power related to the believer according to these verses?

2. Read Romans 5:17-21

• What is the gift believers receive because of the grace of God that has been shown to them?

• How has the believer received justification (right standing before God)?

• How does the phrase “sin reigned in death” describe your experience with addiction?

• What is the reigning quality that is a channel of God’s grace?

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3. Read Romans 6:1-10

• What does Paul say is already true of you if you have accepted Christ into your life? Notice the tense of the verbs.

• How do verses 1-2 give you a sense of hope and pain at the same time?

• If verses 5-7 are true of you (and they are), how have you continued in your bondage to sexual sin?

4. Read Romans 6:11-13

• What is Paul asking you to do in verse 11? How will that change your need to act out sexually?

• According to verse 12, what has the sexual sin done to you?

• What is Paul telling you about the characteristics of a Christian in verse 13?

• How does Paul say that you can choose to stop using your body as an instrument of sin?

• What are the members of your body?

• How can you submit those members to unrighteousness? How has this been demonstrated by your sexual sin?

5. Read Romans 6: 17-19

• What human condition does Paul use to describe our relationship to sin?

• When we became obedient to the gospel, does Paul say the human relationship changes or the object of the relationship? What is the object?

• Why is it not a bad thing to be a slave to righteousness? What is the result?

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My observation is that when Christians really begin to overcome sinful strongholds in their life, their relationship with sin changes. In the words of Paul, “they become slaves (by choice) of righteousness. It is this power of God in their life, the power of righteousness, that defeats the enemy’s hold on their life, and produces real spiritual growth. The power of God through choosing righteousness cannot be overstated. When we choose righteousness, the enemy has no comeback, influence or control. He is defeated by this power of God displayed in our life on this earth. In turn we have chosen not to sin, because the fact is that we are dead to sin, and God is glorified, and we are progressing in our sanctification by operating in the truth of our salvation. The term slave here and the context it is used, gives the picture of a Hebrew slave that at the year of Jubilee, when all slaves were released, chose because of love for the master and/or his family, to become a bond-slave to the master for life. That is what we choose when we accept Christ, and it is effective in our life and our choices to sin or not sin. (See Psalm 25:12) Those Christians who do not wholly give themselves as a bond-slave to God and His righteousness continue to struggle with sinful choices. They escape back to their sin (plan B) that had given them a measure of comfort in the past. These Christians are still trying to make happiness their goal, and are missing the real joy of the Lord in their life here and now. B. Practical Righteousness

1. Read Isaiah 55:6-9

• What is the attribute connected to the “wicked” in verse 7?

• What is the attribute attributed to the “unrighteous “ man in verse 7?

• What’s the difference between the wicked and unrighteous man described here?

• What is the remedy for both?

• How are God’s ways and thoughts compared to man’s in verses 8-9?

2. Read 2Corinthians 10:3-5

• Who does Paul say our battle is with? Who is it not with?

• What are the weapons of our warfare?

• Where does Paul indicate the battle occurs in verse 5?

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The very basis of our spiritual battle is rooted in the discipline of our thinking. Most all sexually addicted Christians have no discipline in their thinking. Scripture requires us to the “taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” 2Corinthians 10:5. In the same passage, verse 4, we are told that our battle is not against the flesh, and our weapons are not of the flesh, but they are divinely (supernaturally) powerful to tear down strongholds in our life. The sexually addicted Christian must begin to see the schemes of the devil that have been used against him/her in their mind and have become strongholds in their life.

He/she must see their thinking like God sees it, and how it is tied to what He asks them to be in their life. In the letter to the Romans, Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, says in chapter 6, verse 7, “he who has died is freed from sin”. He goes on to say that because Christ died to sin (vs.10), and because in fact we have died to sin with Him (vs.2-3), we are to “consider ourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God” (vs.11) with the result of not letting sin reign in our mortal body (vs.12). Continuing, Paul says don’t present the members of your body to sin as an instrument of unrighteousness, but present yourself to God and the members of your body as instruments of righteousness to God (vs.13). Paul’s continuing argument then is that because you have been freed from sin to which you were once slaves, now you have become slaves (by choice) of righteousness (vs.18). This is the key to what God wants us to do. He is pleased by our choice to be slaves of righteousness in all areas of our life. The Lord gives us a picture in Isaiah 55: 7 of what He considers unrighteous; “Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts”. Here God connects unrighteousness with man’s thinking. Since the brain is an instrument of our body, and subsequently our thinking, then these instruments are to be presented to God as instruments of righteousness. At the most basic level, a man does not do anything he doesn’t think about first. If a man’s thoughts make him unrighteous in God’s eyes, then righteous thoughts will produce righteous actions. Of course the only way for a man to have righteous thoughts and therefore be a slave of righteousness is through his abiding relationship with Jesus Christ. The most basic goal of the sexually addicted Christian should be to begin the process of righteous biblical thinking which is usually in contradiction to their fleshly and worldly thinking and appetites. You don’t do anything that you don’t think about first. The sexually addicted Christian will never be able to change his behavior until he changes the way he thinks. When he begins to think righteous thoughts, his behavior will begin to have the evidence of right actions and activities. Righteous thinking is a product of focusing on Christ instead of self. Without this focus on Christ our thinking is self-absorbed, and ultimately sinful. Righteousness is the power of God in our earthly life.

"Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready." And it was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Rev 19:7-8 (NAS)

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, September, 2001

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iLESSON 9: LAW vs. GRACE Galatians 2:19-21 "For through the Law I died to the Law, that I might live to God. 20"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me. 21"I do not nullify the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly." (NAS) Most human beings want to know what to do, a list of rules, to know that they are doing it right. Christians have struggled with the idea of walking by faith in a gracious God, believing that He will protect us and meet our needs as He promises in His Word. What can we do? We think that we have something to offer God that He needs. What He keeps telling us in His Word is that He doesn’t need us to do anything. What He calls us to is an intimate personal relationship with Him that He starts, and continues with empowerment by His Spirit. He begins the relationship with us completely out of His love and grace. It is not based on anything that we do; "No one can come to Me, unless the Father who sent Me draws him; John 6:44 (NAS). “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9(NAS). In general laws are measure of what is acceptable as cultural behavior. These laws do not prevent unacceptable behavior, but the laws establish the limits of behavior and the penalty to the person or group that transgresses the laws. So laws by themselves do not necessarily change individual behavior. Much the same in the sexually addicted Christian, the “laws” or principles stated in God’s Word do not change the person’s sexual behavior, but it is the Holy Spirit in the Christian that convicts the person of the transgression, and leads them to repentance and reestablishes them in the grace of God. A. God’s Law – Our Rules List?

1. Read Galatians 3

• Can you be justified (declared righteous) by keeping the Law?

• If you say I will be justified by keeping the Law, what is the requirement of God

relative to keeping the Law? (See vv. 10-12, also Romans 3:19-20)

• How is the Law related to faith? (See vv. 2, 7-12)

• What is the purpose of the Law? (See vv. 24-25)

• What does the Law represent? (See Romans 3:21)

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2. Read Deuteronomy 22:13-30 • List the different immoral sexual sins covered by these laws and the penalty for each. • Why is the penalty so severe in most cases?

• How has your sexual sin paralleled breaking some of these laws? (See Matthew 5:27)

• What would have been your penalty? What do you deserve?

• Why does God not give you the punishment you deserve?

• Using a Bible dictionary, write out the definition of grace.

• Has your sexual sin allowed evil to dwell in your family and sphere of influence?

In Matthew 5:17, Jesus said "Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish, but to fulfill.” If the Law is connected to the glory and character of God, and this character was to be the way mankind lived created in God’s image, then what does Jesus mean that He came to fulfill the Law, since no human can measure up to the Law. The Law has two divisions, one is the moral requirements, and the second is the ceremonial requirements. It is easily seen how Christ met the requirement of the ceremonial Law by becoming the perfect sacrifice on the cross. But what about the moral requirements of the Law? How are these requirements fulfilled in Christ? B. Laws Full of Promise

1. Is the Law still applicable to my life after I receive Christ? Why or why not? (See Matthew 5:18-20)

2. How does my relationship with Christ change my relationship to the Law?

(See Romans 8:3-4)

3. Paul says in Romans 6:14, “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under Law but under grace”. How is this verse to be understood in the light of obeying the Law?

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How do we look at the Law if it no longer is our ruler? 1This is best illustrated by the story of a man in prison for stealing who had become a Christian. After he got out of prison, he wanted to attend church, and picked a church at random. On the front wall of the church he saw two plaques, one on each side of the pulpit, and written on them were the Ten Commandments, five on each one. He thought to himself, “the last thing I want to do is to sit here and read those laws that only condemn me”. But he did read them and began to realize that he was reading them differently. He realized that he was reading the Commandments as promises. For example he read “You shall not steal”, which in times past had been a command, but now he read “You will not steal”, not as a command from a father to a child, but as a father’s promise to the child. It is the father that will prevent the failure. The demands of the Law have not changed, but the resources that equal the demand of the Law have been made available to us in Christ and allow the Law to become a promise to us. C. The Ten Promises

1. “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me” “By the grace of God, I will put no other gods before You God”

2. “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image”

“By the grace of God, I will not make or allow any graven image to be put in Your place God”

3. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain”

“By the grace of God, I will not use the name of the Lord my God in vain”

4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy” “By the grace of God, I will remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy”

5. “Honor thy father and thy mother”

“By the grace of God, I will honor my father and my mother”

6. “Thou shalt not kill” “By the grace of God, I will not kill”

7. “Thou shalt not commit adultery”

“By the grace of God, I will not commit adultery”

8. “Thou shalt not steal” “By the grace of God, I will not steal”

9. “Thou shalt not bear false witness”

“By the grace of God, I will not bear false witness”

10. “Thou shalt not covet” “By the grace of God, I will not covet”

1 Story adapted from Alive in Christ,, by Charles Price, Kregel Books

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D. Caught in the Act

1. Read John 8:1-11

• Using a Bible dictionary, determine who scribes and Pharisees were in this passage.

• What Jewish law had the woman broken?

• What was the penalty?

• In your sexual sin, have you broken this law?

• What has been the penalty in your life?

• What is the basis of Jesus’ defense of the woman’s life?

• How does He get the scribes and Pharisees to leave?

• Notice who left first?

• When Jesus said “I do not condemn you”, was He saying that she wasn’t guilty?

• According to the law, should she have been stoned?

• How does Jesus extend grace to her without breaking the law?

• How does God extend grace to you and I for our sexual sin without violating His perfect attributes?

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, September, 2001

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iLESSON 10: OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO WALK FREE Hebrews 12:1-2 “let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith,” (NAS) “Please fix me so I never have another problem again”. I have heard this statement over and over again from those suffering through addictive behaviors. Does God promise to “fix” us? That doesn’t seem to be His emphasis in scripture. He says rather directly that He wants us to repent of our sin, deny self, and follow Him. This to me pictures a lifetime relationship that is changing, growing, and maturing. Relating this to sexually addicted Christians seems to be “pie in the sky” theology. They cannot see how a relationship will change their lustful needs, because most of them have not had a fulfilling relationship in their life. But they underestimate the supernatural power available to them through a devotional relationship with Christ. Relationships require the persons involved to be responsible for the ongoing health of the relationship. In our relationship with God, the same thing applies. He is responsible for saving me, for sealing me with His Holy Spirit, loving me, keeping me, etc. Only He can do these things for me. How do I respond to His keeping His part of the bargain? I have to be responsible for my part of the relationship too. There are things that I am responsible for in my relationship with Him that only I can do. He will not do them for me. A. Submitting My Life to God

1. Using a dictionary record the definition of “submit”.

2. What is the connection between being slaves of righteousness (Romans 6:18) and submission to God?

3. How does submitting your life to God fulfill your responsibility in your relationship with God? (See Job 40:1-5)

4. Why do you find it difficult to submit your life to God?

5. How do you submit your life to God? See Matthew 6:25-34.

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6. How do you seek God as a condition of submission? • Prayer – Ephesians 6:18 – What is the context of this type prayer?

• Your position in Christ – James 4:7 – What is the result of submitting and resisting?

• Is God hard to find? 2Chronicles 15:2,4 – What’s the key to finding God?

B. Put off and Put on We not only must seek God on His terms, but we have to practice righteousness. When you come to Christ as Savior, He also becomes Lord of your life. This is the area where most addicted Christians have the most difficulty, because they want to stay in control of their life. Submission to God does not allow you to be master and Lord. Practically then you have to choose (by the power of the Holy Spirit) to put a stop to the sinful practices of your life.

1. Read Ephesians 4:21-32 and answer the following questions:

• Why do we have to put off the old self (man)?

• What are we to replace the old self with?

• What characteristics are we to lay aside?

• What characteristics are we to put on (take up)?

2. Read Colossians 3:1-11 and respond to the following:

• By what power can we choose not to sin?

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• What do we have to do with this transforming power, so that we do not sin?

• What sinful practices are we to choose to put off?

• What practice are we to put on?

3. How do we choose to put off the old self and put on the new self? Read Hebrews 12:1-3.

• What is your responsibility for weights and sins? Will God do this for you?

• What is to be your focus?

• What is the metaphor used here to describe your life? What’s the key to victory?

4. Since the victory over sin in your life includes your body, what is your responsibility before God for your body? See Romans 12:1

5. How do you persevere through temptation when you have given your body to God? See 2Timothy 3: 14-17 and Ephesians 5:26.

6. How does your choice of friends affect your use of your body? See 1Corinthians 15:33.

7. What discipline of the Christian life makes the ability to put off the old self and put on the new self an easier process?

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C. Standing Firm in Our Faith Why do Christians continue to be defeated in their life? Many of the Christians I have encouraged, are not “letting the Word of Christ dwell in them richly” Colossians 3:16. They somehow believe that they can run their spiritual life by osmosis, that is attend church on Sunday morning and let the pastor feed them spiritually. Since we are connected to Christ in relationship, letting someone else talk to our Father and friend for us doesn’t provide us any real benefit, because we have abdicated our part of the relationship. Standing firm in our faith is impossible without intimate relational knowledge of the Lord Jesus. That knowledge does not come without studying His Word devotionally.

1. If we know the Word of God, will that alone be enough to cause our life to be victorious? (See James 1:21-25) What else is required?

2. Read Ephesians 6:10-20 and respond to the following:

• What is the purpose of the armor of God?

• Who is the armor to protect us from?

• What pieces of the armor do you have on by virtue of your walk of faith?

• What pieces of the armor do you have to purposely choose to put on (take up)?

• What are the flaming arrows (missiles)?

• What is the only offensive weapon in the armor? What does it represent?

• Using a Strong’s Concordance, define the Greek word “rhema”. Why is it significant in the way it is used in verse 17?

It is our responsibility to stand in our faith practically by knowing and doing the Word of God. (James 1:22) i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, October , 2001

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iLESSON 11: INTEGRITY OF HEART, A WAY OF LIFE Psalms 25:20-21 “Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in Thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for Thee. (NAS) A. Integrity, what is it? Many Christians have told me that they understand the Word of God intellectually in their mind, but it doesn’t seem to connect with the belief of their heart. If this is the case they are not walking in integrity in their Christian life. The dictionary defines “integrity” as “the entire, unimpaired state of anything, particularly the mind, moral soundness or purity, incorruptible, upright, honest.” Further the root of the word “integrity” is the same for the word “integral” which means unfractured. As we look at the scriptures, it appears that the Christian who walks with integrity has integrated, made whole, the Christian message in his mind with the deep seated beliefs of his heart, so that the result is a walk of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. He has truly put off the old worldly and fleshly beliefs and become a partaker of the truth of the Word. Jesus said "But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. Matt 15:18-19 (NAS). When we “let the Word of Christ dwell richly in us” Colossians 3:16-17, the Word does not just land in our mind, but it connects with our heart, and our life actions will change naturally, because the belief of our heart is changed by the truth of the Word of God implanted there. That’s walking with integrity.

1. Read Job 1-2 and answer the following questions:

• How does God see Job? (See Job 1:8) What attributes does Job display?

• What is the evidence of Job’s integrity before he is afflicted? (See Job 1:5)

• How does Satan afflict Job’s possessions?

• What was Job’s response? Could you respond the way Job did?

• How does Satan afflict Job’s body?

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• How does Job’s wife respond to Job’s pain? What word does she use to describe Job’s behavior?

• How does Job respond to his wife? Could you respond the way Job did?

• Why do you think Job could respond to all these negative circumstances in the way that he did?

• How does God see Job’s response? (See Job 1:22; 2:10)

2. Read Job 3. What is Job’s state of mind?

3. Read Job 4:1-11, and answer the following questions:

• What is his friend, Eliphaz, trying to convince Job that his problem is?

• Is Eliphaz right? Who or what could be behind this thinking?

• What does Eliphaz point to in Job’s life as his hope? (Job 4:6)

4. Read Job 38:1-7

• What does God say to the question of why this happened?

5. Read Job 42:1-6

• How is Job’s integrity demonstrated? Words? Actions?

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B. Integrity Pleases God David expressed an integrity of the heart in his life that pleases God in many of his Psalms.

1. Read Psalm 7.

• In asking God to defend him, how does David begin his supplication? (See vv.3-5, and Matthew 7:3-5)

• In David’s conflict, why does he feel justified in asking God to vindicate and defend him? (See vv8)

• How does David know he can trust God to vindicate him? (See vv9-11)

• What is the evidence that God is pleased with David here? (See vv17)

2. Read Psalm 15. David writes this Psalm to describe a person who is pleasing to God.

• What is the evidence that the person described in this Psalm is pleasing to God? (See vv1)

• What are the basic attributes of this person who pleases God? (See vv2)

• What character traits are attributed to this man of integrity? (See vv3-5 and Matthew 15:18-19)

3. In Psalm 42:11-12, David knows that God is pleased with him.

• What is the evidence in David’s life that he is pleasing God?

• To what does David attribute God’s pleasure over him?

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In the New Testament, the word “integrity” is not used, but words like “sincerity”, “truth”, “pure heart” and “single eye” are equivalents to the Old Testament word. These words give us an even more defined picture of what it means to walk with integrity of the heart. Jesus did not use the word integrity, but communicated the same thought with a call to purity or singleness of heart. The idea of being single-minded or single-eyed probably gives the best New Testament picture of what it means to walk in integrity of the heart.

4. Read Matthew 5:8.

• If the root of the word “pure” is single, what is the Lord telling us?

• What is the result of being single-hearted?

5. Read Matthew 6:22-24 KJV.

• If you are single-eyed (single-minded), what is the result?

• If your eye is evil (divided) what is the result?

• Why is it important to be single-minded in your service? (See vv24 and also James 1:7-8)

Integrity of the heart is akin to walking by the Holy Spirit and abiding in Christ. We know that these are the goals of our life in Christ in order that we may claim the prize, “the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14). We must follow Christ by faith in Him, and this pleases Him (Hebrews 11:6). When we walk by faith in Him, we show that we believe that “He is” in the very depths of our soul, which displays an unbroken, unfractured life. A life of integrity demonstrates a “single-minded” eternal perspective of who we are in Christ and where we are going with Him.

6. What is the essential element that connects our intellectual understanding of spiritual

things and the born again spiritual part of our soul that produces integrity of the heart?

i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, November,2001

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iLESSON 12: REAL INTIMACY Psalms 25:14 “Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him. With them alone he shares the secrets of his promises. (TLB) One of the most basic questions asked by Christians today is, “Is it really possible for me to have an intimate relationship?”. There are many books and articles written on the “How To’s” of intimate relationships. These books include issues like communication, showing affection, love languages, etc. Many of these focus on human issues of intimacy rather than the most important ingredient of bringing intimacy to relationships. Real intimacy begins with learning how to relate intimately with God. Knowing how to have intimate relationships is learned behavior. If a person has been hurt in the past by primary relationships, many times they transfer their hurt, and lack of trust in their human relationships to their expectations for their relationship with God. These are flawed expectations and if they don’t trust humans, most times they will not trust God. So the person is not only isolated from their human relations, they also are isolated and do not know and trust God in the way He has provided for them in Christ Jesus. The answer to this dilemma is to begin to know the God of the Bible. He is not human, and He loves perfectly, something we cannot expect from human relationships. Then we can transfer the attributes of a real intimate relationship with God to our human relationships. I asked my spouse what feelings would she connect with an intimate relationship. She said “when I feel loved”, “when I am cared for”, and “when I am special in the other person’s eyes”. With that definition in mind, we need to understand and know deeply how God loves and accepts us, so we can love our brothers and sisters in the appropriate way. A. How God Loves (The Way We Should Love)

1. Why can God meet our deep need to be loved and accepted? See 1John 4:7-12.

2. How did God express His perfect love to us? See vs.10, and Romans 5:6-8.

3. What are the characteristics of this godly love? See 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

4. How can you demonstrate these same godly characteristics to those you presently have or want to have intimate relationships with?

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5. If one of our basic intimacy needs is to be accepted, how do you know you are accepted?

• Read Romans 5:1; what does it mean that you are justified? What’s the result?

• Read Romans 8:14-17; what does it mean to you to be adopted by God? See Bible Dictionary for Roman practice of adoption.

• Look up definition of “Abba Father” in Bible Dictionary. What is the significance to your feeling loved by God?

• Can anyone or anything separate your relationship of love with God? See Romans 8:35-39.

• As a believer, does it comfort you to know that you no longer belong to yourself, but to God? Why do you belong to God? See 1Corinthians 6:19-20.

• What is the evidence that we are loved and accepted? See Ephesians 2:18, 1John 1:3,7, and Hebrews 2:17-18.

B. How Now Are We To Live in Our Relationships In light of God’s love and caring for us, what is our responsibility before God to live in loving relationships with all who are in our sphere of influence? How do we express appropriate intimacy to those closest to us? 1Research has been done to determine what are the felt needs to promote intimacy in our close relationships. The 10 greatest felt needs (not in order of greatest need) expressed in this research are:

1. We need acceptance by the other person. How are we to accept one another? See Romans 15:5-7.

1 The Pursuit of Intimacy, Leader’s Guide, Center for Marriage and Family Intimacy, Dr, David Ferguson and Jim Walter

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2. We need to have affection expressed to us through closeness and physical touch. How

did early Christians greet one another? See Romans 16:16. What is a holy kiss?

3. We need to be appreciated (praised) for the person we are. What do we praise the other people for? See Philippians 1:3-5, 7.

4. We need approval from those who love us. See Romans 14:15-19. What is the result of proper approval of one another?

5. We need others to pay attention to us. We need their engagement into our life. In our relationships, we are members of one another. What happens when one member suffers? See 1Corinthians 12:22-26.

6. We all need to be comforted. What is the source of our comfort and ability to comfort? See 2Corinthians 1:3-7. Do our sufferings necessarily go away when we are comforted?

7. We all want and need encouragement. When are we encouraged the most? See Hebrews 10:23-25. What is the source of real encouragement? See Philippians 2:1-4.

8. We all need to be respected (honored). In this way we communicate value to one another. What is a result of honoring one another? See Romans 12:10.

9. We all need to feel secure, free from threat or harm. What is your responsibility to help others feel secure? See Romans 12:17-18.

10. We all need to feel supported by one another, and helped when the burdens are overwhelming. See Galatians 6:2. What is the law of Christ applicable to bearing burdens?

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In our relationships, I am responsible for my character before God, and to meet the other persons needs as much as I can. Although there are other Intimacy Needs, if we could follow through and begin to meet the needs of our spouse, children, and friends given above, would it change your relationships with those people close to you? The answer is “of course it would”. How can I do it? Peter gives instruction to husbands and wives which sums up the beginnings of changes in relationships.

Read 1Peter 3:8-9 and answer the following:

1. List the attributes Peter says will produce good relationships?

2. What behavior does Peter identify that will begin to produce harmony? See vs.9.

3. What is the result of giving a blessing?

4. What do you think the blessing is?

Read Ephesians 5: 25. 1. How are you to love your spouse?

2. How did Jesus show His love for His church?

3. How can you show that love to your spouse? See Ephesians 5:18,21.

4. If you show this servant love, what are the results? See Ephesians 5:22, 33. i Written and compiled by Hal Parks, Freedom in Christ Ministries, November, 2001