A Pole Dancer's Guide to the Anti-Poler

A Pole Dancer’s Guide to Dealing with the Anti-Poler

By: Claire Griffin SterrettCopyright 2010

Ohhhh, you know who I’m talking about. The people who, when you tell them that you pole dance, look at you and say “Why would you want to do that?”…or just outright call you a whore. The road to bringing pole dancing into the mainstream is fraught with social and cultural pitfalls, and every single one of us will face some form of censorship or prejudice along the way. So how do we deal with this? What do we say to convince skeptics what we know to be true in the very core of our bodies: That this type of erotic movement is an essential part of who we are? More to the point, how should we respond to those who disagree and perhaps even attack us? These are essential questions that need to be answered if we hope to ever move pole dancing and other forms of erotic expression into the mainstream.

1. THE FITNESS ARGUMENTThe fitness argument is a GREAT place to start talking about the wonders of pole dancing. I have pretty strong arms and shoulders as a result of pole dancing, and people inevitably ask what I do to keep them so toned. I usually look them squarely in the eye and I tell them I pole dance. (Interestingly, I find that direct eye contact seems to have a way of warding off flip comments from the more ignorant types). I then tell them I’m also a massage therapist, which, let me tell you, DEFINITELY makes them think I’m a whore! Believe me, I have loads of fun with this.

In all seriousness though, people are generally more inclined to accept pole dancing if they think of it as a good form of exercise.

And it is. So please feel free to let that be the first thing out of your mouth. Of course, it’s a lot more than that. And, as I said above, there are a million ways to get good exercise. If you choose pole dancing, I think it’s safe to say that you are not just excited about the great workout. You are also excited about how super sexy and sexual you get to be. Yes, it’s fun and it’s different, but so is pilates, so is ballet booty barre and so is ultimate frisbee. And while most people might just be willing to accept your “It’s good workout” explanation, others will not. And, quite frankly, if you really want to change the way people perceive pole dancing, you shouldn’t either.

2. LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX AND THE TEMPTRESS

If we look at the history of women, the temptress archetype (or whore archetype, if you prefer) has always been around, and she has not exactly been held in high regard. I’m not going to go into all the theories of why this is true, but I will say this: There is tremendous power in the female body, particularly in her ability to give birth, in her ability to move sensually, and to arouse. The female body represents the sensate, the life giving, the nurturer, the goddess and the temptress. The temptress is an important part of a healthy female psyche because she puts us in touch with our bodies and our sexuality, both of which inform us about who we are and what we desire. And it has not always been the case that

women were encouraged to explore who they are and what they desire. More recently, the temptress has gotten a bad rap in the wake of first wave feminism, which asks that we be respected for our minds not our bodies. The thing is, I love my body. I live in my body. And I would like to be respected for both, please. I would also like to be able to let my temptress unleash from time to time, for her to inform me, guide me, and play without being judged by men or women. After all, she has a lot to say and a lot of it is worth listening to.

The problem is that the temptress is quite dangerous to most people. When women unleash their sexuality and take pleasure in it they are immediately viewed with suspicion. The ones who get paid for it are even worse. And under no circumstances should a woman sell any part of her body. Never mind it happens all the time under the guise of motherhood (such as donating your eggs or becoming a surrogate mother) ad no one bats an eyelash.

When people think of women being paid for their sexuality, they often think of it as something that has been forced upon the women by dire economic circumstances or sexual slavery. Just to be clear: Under no circumstances do I defend or support these practices, which are abhorrent. When I talk about women choosing to take pleasure in displaying their sexuality, I am talking about just that: The choice. If that choice is in any way compromised, then the arguments I am making here do not apply. In fact, I see three requirements that I think need to happen in any sexual exchange, paid or unpaid, public or private: It needs to be safe for any parties involved, it needs to be sane for any parties involved, and it needs to be consensual.

3.ATTITUDEWhen approaching an anti-poler, I think the way in which you approach the subject is as important as what you say. I’m (hopefully) giving you a lot of information that can help you to outsmart people, but if you scream these points at them, chances are you’re not going to get through. One of the things I mentioned in The Fitness Argument above was the importance of having fun with people, and it’s really hard to keep your sense of humor about you when someone is either behaving ignorantly or attacking you. But the more I keep my cool, the more they look like the jerk. This is a hard-learned lesson for me, because it is not in my nature to stay cool—I have a fiery temper, I’m impulsive, and I’m passionate. However, I have learned that if I stay cool in the

face of someone’s attack, two things happen: 1. They run out of steam, because they have nothing to push against, and 2. They inevitably end up looking like a huge, aggressive wacko who has lost their mind. Think of it this

way: Someone who is having a strong reaction towards your decision to pole dance is dealing with something very personal around his or her own sexuality. Your decision to display, play with or flaunt your sexuality stirs up some very deep fears. If you can stay calm and cool and rational while they have a little aggressive meltdown, then it becomes very clear who is struggling with what. You are not struggling with your decision to be a pole dancer. You do not care that it is affiliated with sex work. You are comfortable and confident in the decision you have made with your body and you are happy to share some of your beautiful, feminine sexual energy with the world. And you do not feel ashamed of that, because what you are really doing is giving the world a very beautiful gift. If that guy (or girl) has a problem with it, that is his or her problem. They need to work it out for themselves. You can give them the facts, the explanations, the rundown, and if, at the end of the day, they still want to call you a whore, then maybe the best thing to do is to straighten up, look them straight in the eye, smile, and say, “Yes. I have a little bit of the whore in me. Every woman does. So now what?”

4.THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CLUB POLE, COMPETITIVE POLE, AND STUDIO POLE—RELEVANT DISTINCTIONS, OR JUST DISTRACTIONS?While there are obvious distinctions between club pole dancing, competitive pole dancing, and studio pole, and while I think it may be important to make these differences clear to the general public, I believe it does all women a great disservice to distance pole dancing too far from its erotic, strip club roots. Part of what makes moving pole dancing into the mainstream so empowering is that it gives women permission to creatively display, play with, and express their sexuality with less of the stigma and shame than our strip club sisters had to deal with. I worry that the distinction some of us occasionally make between strippers and pole dancers will drive little wedges between us, weaken our collective voice, and perpetuate that awful good girl/bad girl split that is so pervasive in our culture. It does not serve us, as women, to make petty distinctions between who did what to whom, whether or not money was involved, and that since I don't take my clothes off and no one puts dollar bills in my g-string then technically I'm better, more professional, etc. and so on. These distinctions only serve to perpetuate the madonna/whore myth that keeps our sexuality in chains. Let’s be honest—anyone who has ever wanted to pole dance has a little bit of the whore in them. And every time you dance, she comes out to play. That remains true whether you are dancing in a club, a competition, a studio, or for a lover. And we all know there are a million ways to get fit without putting on six-inch stilettos, a bikini and swinging sensually around a pole.

I can hear all of you screaming “BUT THEY ARE DIFFERENT! AND THIS ISN’T GOING TO HELP ME CONVINCE ANY OF THOSE A**HOLES OTHERWISE!”True enough. Perhaps one of the biggest differences between dancing in a club and dancing competitively or in a studio is the end goal. In club dancing, for the

most part, you are trying to make money by doing a stage show and then hopefully getting some clients for a lap dance or a table dance, etc. There may or may not be pole work involved. In general, you gear your dancing towards fulfilling your client’s fantasy. In competitive dancing, you are trying to beat out the other dancers for a cash prize by expressing athletic grace and strength on the pole. There is generally no lap dancing, and you are free to express your sexuality as you see fit (as long as it is within the rules of the competition). In studio dancing, you are exploring different moves, exploring your body and sometimes the accompanying emotions, training to get stronger, and exploring floor work and lap dancing. There are no rules around what you can and cannot wear (except for nudity in some studios). You are often times encouraged to explore that naughty part of yourself, to let her come out and play in a safe environment. Most importantly, you are learning to take pleasure in displaying your sexual side.

Ultimately, however, there’s just no escaping the sex. The problem is the sex!

So how do we get around that? Well, one solution is to get rid of the sexual aspects of pole dancing—to make it a competitive sport, a straight-laced type of gymnastics and nothing more. Of course, you can certainly probably guess how I feel about this solution, so we can move on.

Another option is to begin to shift the way people perceive the entire pole dancing industry. How would it be, if, instead of condemning and shaming women who had the courage to playfully and wholeheartedly display and share their sexuality, we celebrated them? How would it be, if, instead of marginalizing and pushing away that temptress whore part of ourselves, we were able to proudly own her as a part of being a woman? Well you should be proud, ladies, because that is what you are doing every time you dance. And as dancers, we have the power to change how the world sees us. The more we inform

ourselves, the more we speak clearly and graciously and intelligently about our work – no matter the venue – the more the world will have to listen. And perhaps, as they get past their own fears and prejudices around sexuality, they too will come to embrace the power of the pole.

About the Author:

Claire Griffin Sterrett was born and raised in Washington, D.C.   She moved to Los Angeles in 2000 and started studying pole dancing in 2006 with a woman named Tara Moore.  Since then, she has trained at S Factor Studio, Evolve Dance Studio and Rock Angel Dance Studio. In 2008, Claire completed her MA in Somatic Psychology at Santa Barbara Graduate Institute.  Her thesis topic?  “The Embodiment of Female Sexuality Through Erotic Dance.”  Claire’s blog, “The Pole Story”, focuses on pole dancing and female sexuality and has been featured on PoleSuperstar.com and PoleSkivvies.com.  Claire is also a contributing writer for BadKittyExoticWear, The Pole Revolution Magazine, and her writing has also been published in Pole2Pole Magazine and S Factor Magazine. Claire is passionate about educating the public on the benefits of pole dancing and the ways in which it can help women to reconnect with their sensual, sexual selves.

Photo by George Grigorian