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If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famously erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.“ His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems. Half the people you know are below average. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 82.7% of all statistics are made
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Dec 30, 2015

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If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famously erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.“ His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Page 1: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famously erudite (comic) scientist who once said:"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.“ His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems.

• Half the people you know are below average.

• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

• 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Page 2: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

4. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

5. If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

6. All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

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D’varim ים ��ב�ר� בד

(Deuteronomy)34-35 ,1.29-32

(from) D’varim / Wordsים ��ב�ר� בד

D’varim ים ��ב�ר� בד

(Deuteronomy) 1.29-32, 34-35

(from) D’varim / Words ים ��ב�ר� בד

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1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudgery or dread.

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.29D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.29

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.30D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.30

7 9י יADONI

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.31aD’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.31a

7 9י יADONI

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.31bD’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.31b

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.32D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.32

7 9י יADONI

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.34D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.34

7 9י יADONI

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.35D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.35

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•603,550 men according to the first census, plus wives and children.•601,730 38 years later, at the second census•~5,000,000 people.•40 years 5,000,000/40 = 125,000 deaths/year•343 deaths per day, all around the camp. 343 daily funerals.

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T’hillim/Ps 90.7-12 For we are destroyed by your anger, overwhelmed by your wrath. You have placed our faults before you, our secret sins in the full light of your presence. All our days ebb away under your wrath; our years die away like a sigh. The span of our life is seventy years, or if we are strong, eighty; yet at best it is toil and sorrow, over in a moment, and then we are gone. 

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T’hillim/Ps 90.7-13  Who grasps the power of your anger and wrath to the degree that the fear due you should inspire?  So teach us to count our days, so that we will become wise. Return, ADONI! How long must it go on? Take pity on your servants! 

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Yeshayahu/Is. 42.4 NIV He will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his Torah the islands will put their hope."

Mtt.11.12 From the time of Yokhanan the Immerser until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been suffering violence; yes, violent ones are trying to snatch it away. 

Phil. 4.13 I can do all things through him who gives me power.

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T’hillim/Ps 90.14-17   Fill us at daybreak with your love, so that we can sing for joy as long as we live. Let our joy last as long as the time you made us suffer, for as many years as we experienced trouble. Show your deeds to your servants and your glory to their children. 

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T’hillim/Ps 90.13-17  May the favor of Adonai our God be on us, prosper for us all the work that we do -yes, prosper the work that we do.

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Tikkun ןO RקOו Oתsoul correction, lot in life

Ro 8.28

Everything in life you don’t like, commit to the truth, “This is my

Tikkun ןO RקOו Oת, my love gift from King Messiah.”

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Levels of living faith.

�ה �נ Emunah א�מו

faith, trust, confidence Active faith.

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1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudgery or dread.

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.29

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D’varim (Deuteronomy) 1.30

7 9י יADONI

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July 8 the IDF launched Operation Protective Edge צוק איתן to stop Hamas and other Islamist terrorists from attacking Israeli population centers by unprovoked rocket fire. Once Protective Edge began, Israeli forces were stunned to find the extend of Hamas’ underdround city. Last week, during one of the major tunnel discoveries, an excavation revealed plans for an organized attack against Israel. 

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IDF uniforms were found in the tunnel as well as operation plans, weapons and detailed maps of Israeli communities. Later when 24 terrorists were apprehended, interrogation one of the prisoners revealed the rest of the details.  Here is what was revealed: 

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 “For twelve years we have been building these tunnels and waiting for the right moment, when we were trained and ready. We decided that the time would be this year on Rosh Hashana, 2014. We chose Rosh Hashana because most of the soldiers get leave to go home and there aren’t a lot on guard duty, and it’s a two day holiday. All of Hamas would go through the tunnels we’ve built over twelve years and capture Israel.

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In every tunnel we’d send two, three dozen armed terrorists and kidnap civilians, women, children and bring them back to Gaza through the tunnels. And then Israel couldn’t bomb the tunnels because of all the Israeli civilians inside them. And in this way we would occupy the entire country and rule Israel and kill all the Zionists. For years we were planning this and it was going to happen in two months. Your attacks on Gaza destroyed our plans.” 

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As per the Hamas documents, on Rosh Hashanah of this year (starting September 24), up to 200 Hamas gunmen were to pour out of each of the dozens upon dozens of terror tunnels, many of which we now know exit inside or very near to Israeli civilian communities.In fact, many of the tunnels uncovered over the past week were found to contain holding rooms where presumably Hamas intended to hide kidnapped Israelis.

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Hamas propaganda animation

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Ps 33.10 ADONI brings to nothing the plans of nations, he foils the plans of the peoples. Mishlei/Prov 19.21 One can devise many plans in one's mind, but ADONI's plan will prevail.  This was a MAJOR near disaster, like Purim, or Hanukkah, or Passover.

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1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudgery or dread.

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T’hillim/Ps 37.3-9 Don't be upset by evildoers or envious of those who do wrong,  for soon they will wither like grass and fade like the green in the fields.  Trust in ADONI, and do good; settle in the land, and feed on faithfulness.  Then you will delight yourself in ADONI, and he will give you your heart's desire. Commit your way to ADONI; trust in him, and he will act. 

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T’hillim/Ps 37.3-9  He will make your vindication shine forth like light, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before ADONI; wait patiently till he comes. Don't be upset by those whose way succeeds because of their wicked plans. Stop being angry, put aside rage, and don't be upset - it leads to evil. For evildoers will be cut off, but those hoping in ADONI will inherit the land.

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1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudgery or dread.

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I observed the hand of G-d today with my own eyes. Now I know FOR SURE that there is a G-d!! No one told it to me...I didn't hear it from someone else...I saw this happen with my own eyes. I am an integral part of the iron dome operation. What we do here is an exact science and I cannot give many details of what we do.

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The other day we knew that a missile was headed directly for Tel Aviv...aimed at one of the 3 big towers, a shopping center in the middle of the city. We sent up one missile to intercept it, and we missed. We sent a second one, and we missed. We sent a third one to intercept...and we missed.

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Azrieli HaShalom Center, Tel Aviv

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Something even remotely like this has only happened other other time ever that I am aware of. We are very exact and very good at what we do. We do not miss. So to miss 3 times is not possible.

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By this time, disaster was eminent. We alerted all of the emergency crews within and around Tel Aviv to evacuate, but by this time there was little that could be done. Their missile was only minutes from detonation. We began the procedure of sending off one final missile to try and intercept it just before it came down, but we knew that casualties would still be imminent. But all of a sudden,

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as we were scrambling to do anything and everything we could to save Tel Aviv, all of a sudden OUT OF NOWHERE came up a huge wind... and blew the missile from over Tel Aviv all the way into the Sea and dropped it off exactly safely into the water where no one was injured!!! You must understand ...there was NO WIND...and then there was A HUGE WIND.

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It was nothing other than the hand of Gd!! I saw it with my very own eyes!!! The wind was not there before and it was not there after.

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It didn't come from somewhere, it came from NOWHERE. And after it moved the missile to the sea, it disappeared! So, after seeing this, I can no longer deny the existence of Gd. I put tfellin on right after this, and I took upon myself to keep Shabbat. Yesterday was my first Shabbat to keep and it was the best Shabbat of my life."

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1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudgery or dread.

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Jewish people are commanded to remember things. Our recorded history in the Bible helps us to remember the highlights and the low points. The prophet Zechariah’s name means “ADONI remembers.” God asks, “How can I forget you, O Israel? I will never forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15; Hosea 11: 8).

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The psalmist swears to God and asks for his right hand of livelihood to be cursed if he does not remember Jerusalem and prioritize her above his own greatest joy (Psalm 137:5-6). He then asks Adoni to remember the hatred and cold-heartedness that Edom exhibited when they fought against Israel and cursed her (Psalm 137:7). Therefore Tisha B’Av: REMEMBER and pray for no more disasters.

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Nissan IyarSivanTammuzAv  fast of the fifth monthElulTishriKheshvanKislevTevetShevatAdar I Adar Beit

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Zekh 7.3-5 They inquired of the cohanim of the house of ADONI-Tzva'ot and the prophets, "Should we go into mourning and abstain from pleasure during the fifth month, as we have been doing for all these years?" It was then that this message came to me from ADONI-Tzva'ot: "Speak to all the people of the land and to the cohanim. Tell them, ‘…You fasted and mourned in the fifth…month”

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Mishnah (Taanit 4:6), five specific events occurred on the ninth of Av that warrant fasting:

1. The twelve spies sent by Moses to observe the land of Canaan returned from their mission. Ten spoke disparagingly about the land. The majority report caused Israel to panic and despair.

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 Mishnah (Taanit 4:62. The First Temple built by King

Solomon and the Kingdom of Judah was destroyed by the Babylonians led by Nebuchadnezzar in 587 BCE  and the Judeans were sent into the Babylonian exile. 

3. The Second Temple was destroyed by the Romans in August 70 CE commencing the Jewish exile from the Holy Land.

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4. The Romans crushed Bar Kokhba's revolt and destroyed the city of Betar, killing over 100,000 Jews, on July 8, 132 CE

5. Following the Bar Kokhba revolt, Roman commander Turnus Rufus plowed the site of the Temple and the surrounding area, in 133 CE.

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6. The episode of the Golden calf (17th of Tammuz) in which the Hebrews, after their exodus from Egypt, reintroduced idolatry as a form of spirituality7. The First Crusade officially commenced on August 15, 1096 4856), killing 10,000 Jews in its first month and destroying Jewish communities in France and the Rhineland. A grand total of 1.2 million Jews were killed by this crusade that started on the 9th of Av.

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8. The Jews expelled from England on July 18, 12909. The Jews were expelled from France on July 22,130610. The Jews expelled from Spain on July 31, 1492 / 5252).11. Germany entered World War I on August 1–2, 1914 5674), which caused massive upheaval in European Jewry; aftermath led to the Holocaust.

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Julius Streicher (February 12, 1885 – October 16, 1946) was a prominent Nazi prior to and during World War II. He was the publisher of the Nazi Der Stürmer newspaper, which was to become a part of the Nazi propaganda machine. After the war, he was convicted of crimes against humanity and executed.

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(when asked to state his name) You know my name well. Julius Streicher! …(to the hangman) Purim festival,

1946! 

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The IDF’s discovery of Hamas’s Rosh Hashana plot was the last straw for any Israeli leftists still harboring fantasies about picking up our marbles and going home. Hamas’s plan to use its tunnels to send hundreds of terrorists into multiple Israeli border communities and carry out a massacre of unprecedented scope, with the abduction of hostages to Gaza, was the rude awakening the Left had avoided since it pushed for Israel’s 2005 withdrawal from Gaza.

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But then the telephone rang. And Obama told Netanyahu that Israel must lose. He wants an unconditional “humanitarian” cease-fire that will lead to a permanent one.And he wants it now.And by the way, the eventual terms of that cease-fire must include opening Hamas-controlled Gaza’s borders with Egypt and Israel and ending Israel’s maritime blockade of the Gaza coast.

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Obama stepped in and dropped his bombshell, suggesting that he’d only press the issue of Gaza’s disarmament in the context of a final status peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinian Authority.  

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“Gaza was supposed to be totally demilitarized. That is a Palestinian commitment signed on the White House lawn 20 years ago,” Yuval Steinitz told CNN, noting that former President Bill Clinton and those involved at the time all recognized the necessity of disarming Gaza as a fundamental step toward peace.

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That Obama is now using, and allowing the Palestinian Authority to use the militarization of Gaza as leverage against Israel is further proof to many Israelis that the American government cannot be trusted to honor or guarantee any agreement signed by the Jewish state.

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This came from a friend of mine in Israel. Michael WolfWe went into Shuja’iya, to discover and destroy the Hamas’ terrorist tunnels. We discovered there an entire underground city, with multi-shaft, wide tunnels, with Wi-Fi & air-conditioning systems, concrete walls, and stocked to the ceiling with weapons and explosives. Some of the tunnels are so wide, that they can ride back and forwards on Vespa-type scooters. And then came the worst!

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The Hamas “fighters” started sending towards us 13- and 14-year-old Palestinian children, running at us, wearing explosive-laden suicide-bomber belts!! Those children were death-trapped, and became human bombs, by the community’s adults!! We were trained to fight adult soldiers or any other skilled adults, enabling us to defend our families and countrymen.

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But this?? We had no other option but, in self-defense, to shoot them at as far a range from us as we could, before the “responsible adult” that sent them used his mobile phone to detonate the belts, and kill us.” One of the injured soldiers ended up by saying, “I do not know if I’ll ever be able to sleep again; the pictures of those poor children, killed by my gun, will probably never leave me!”

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 a quote of many years ago by Golda Meir, one of Israel's early leaders, which might have been said yesterday.

"We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children," she said. "But we can never forgive them for forcing us to kill their children."

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Since July 8, when the IDF launched Operation Protective Edge to stop Hamas and other Islamist terrorists from attacking Israeli population centers, a wave of antisemitism has overtaken Europe. •“Jews are pigs,” protesters in Berlin shouted.

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•In the Parisian suburb of Sarcelles – nicknamed “Little Jerusalem” for its large community of Sephardic Jews, dozens of youths raided shops and wrecked a funeral home as nearby protesters shouted profanity against Israel. Others raided a drugstore that caught fire.

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•Hours ago, antisemitic phrases were spray painted all over the Italian capital city of Rome, including “Jews, the end is near,” and more, all related to the situation in Gaza. •Benjamin Albalas, president of the Jewish community of Greece, said delegitimization of the State of Israel was “a first step toward the intimidation of the Jews’ right to live in their own home countries.” (Jerusalem Post) 

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1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudger or dread.

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ש ד� ק�

Kadesh (The Sanctification)

Public Domain

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Magnified and sanctified be His great name

in the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom during your life andduring your days,

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and cause His salvation to sprout, and bring near His Messiah, during the life of all the house of Israel,

even speedily and at a near time. And all say, "A-mayn."

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Let His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.

[Ee-yov [Job] 1:21, Dan 2:20, Tehillim 113:2]

Blessed, praised, and glorified, exalted, extolled, and honored,

magnified, and lauded be the name of the Holy One,

blessed be He;

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though He be high above all the blessings and hymns,

praises and consolations, which are uttered in the world;

and all say, "A-mayn."

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May there be abundant peace from heaven,

and a happy life for us and for all Israel;

and all say, "A-mayn."

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He who makes peace in His high places,

[Ee-yov [Job] 25:2]

may He in His mercy make peace for us and for all Israel;

and all say, "A-mayn."

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fOל fOד Yeet-ga-dal ית9ג

jש fO 9ית9קfד V'yeet-ka-dash ו

.Sh'mayh ra-ba .ש9jמoהO רfב7Oא[Y'khezkel 38:23, Ee-yov [Job] 1:21]

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,OהoתO י ב9ר7א כRר9עו RO ב9Oע7ל9מ7א דB'al-ma dee v'ra kheer-u-tayh

OהoתO 9 מfל9כו לRיך fמ9 9י וV'yam-leekh mal-khu-tayh

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uה Oר9קfOנ ו Oח פfצ9מf 9י וV'yats-makh pur-ka-neh

9קfOרoב מ9שRjיחoה Rי וVeey-ka-rayv M'shee-khay

יכוyן oמyב9יוO oOיכוyן ו ב9OחfיB'khi-yay-khon uv-yo-may-khon

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oOי ד9כ7ל בoOית יש9zר7אoל Oב9חfי .וuv-khi-yay d'khawl bayt Yees-ra-ayl

ן ק7רRיב f9מ OבRז בfOע|ג7ל7א וB'ah-ga-la u-veez-man ka-reev

[Congregation:]

ן: oא7מ O 9אRמ9רו V'eem-ru a-mayn ו

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9 9הoא ש9jמoהO רfב7Oא מ9ב7רfך י7Oא: י fי ע7ל9מ oל9ע7ל9מO ל9ע7לfם ו

9 ...ית9ב7OרfךY'hay sh'may ra-ba m'va-rakh

[Ee-yov [Job] 25:2, Dan 2:20]

L'a-lam ul-al-may al-may-a. Yeet ba-rakh.

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[Leader:] fבfOח O9תj9יש 9 ו ,ית9ב7Oרfך

Yeet-bar-akh v'yeesh-ta-bakh

fשoOzא 9ית9נ 9ית9רוyמfם ו 7אfר ו O9ית9פ וV'yeet-pa-ar v'yeet-ro-mam

V'yeet-na-say

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7Oר 9ית9הfד 7Oל ו 9ית9הfל uOה ו 9ית9עfל וv'yeet-ha-dar

V'yeet-a-lay v'yeet-ha-lal

9Oק~ד9ש7jא ש9jמoהO דSh'may d'kud'sha

[Congregation:]

Oא 9 הו B'reekh hu ב9OרRיך

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[Leader:]

7Oל בROר9כ7ת7א כ R7א מO ל9עoלL'ay-lah mee-kawl beer-kha-ta

9שRjיר7ת7א ,ו V'shee-ra-ta

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uח�מ7ת7א 9נ ~ש9jב9Oח7ת7א ו Oת,Tush-b'kha-ta v'neh-kheh-ma-tah

יר7ן ב9Oע7ל9מ7א Rא|מfO ,ד Da-a-mee-ran b'al-ma

ן oא7מ O 9אRמ9רו :וV'eem'ru a-mayn

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7Oא י f9מjן ש R7א מOבf9ל7מ7א רjא שo9ה יY'hay sh'la-ma ra-ba meen sh’mi-

ya

O ROים ע7לoינו 9חfי 7Oל יש9zר7אoל ו 9עfל כ ו ,ן oא7מ O 9אRמ9רו :ו

v'khi-yeem a-lay-nu v'al kawl Yees-ra-ayl, v'eem'ru a-mayn.

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לום ה ש� עשOseh shalom(Make Peace)

Public DomainBased on Ee-yov [Job] 25:2

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יו עשuzה ש7jלוyם בROמ9רוyמ7O fע|שuzה ש7Ojלוyם ע7לoינו Oא י הו

O-seh sha-lom beem-ro-mav Hu ya-a-seh sha-lom a-lay-nu

O 9אRמ9רו O, ו 9אRמ9רו 7Oל יש9zר7אoל, ו 9עfל כ ון oא7מ:

V'al kawl Yis-ra-el, V'eem-ru, V'eem-ru, A-mayn [repeat]

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fע|שuzה ש7Ojלוyם fע|שuzה ש7Ojלוyם, י יYa-a-seh sha-lom. (x2)

7Oל יש9zר7אoל 9עfל כ O ו ש7Ojלוyם ע7לoינוSha-lom a-lay-nu, V'al kawl Yis-ra-el

[repeat all][May He Who makes peace in the heavenlies (Eph. 4: 10)

Make peace for us, and for all Israel. (Matt. 16: 19) ]

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יו עשuzה ש7jלוyם בROמ9רוyמ7O fע|שuzה ש7Ojלוyם ע7לoינו Oא י הו

O-seh sha-lom beem-ro-mav Hu ya-a-seh sha-lom a-lay-nu

O 9אRמ9רו O, ו 9אRמ9רו 7Oל יש9zר7אoל, ו 9עfל כ ון oא7מ:

V'al kawl Yis-ra-el, V'eem-ru, V'eem-ru, A-mayn [repeat]

Page 99: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

1. Our faithfulness even in drudgery.

2. His faithfulness in drudger or dread.

2nd Lt. Hadar Goldin