5 keys to blended family success If you find yourself in a stepfamily environment, or are planning to blend, the following keys will assist you towards making certain that this time is forever. Five keys to success 1. Set aside quality time with your partner; be emotionally and mentally available for them. If possible, arrange access so that you can enjoy some child-free time. Have fun together and appreciate each other’s company. It’s not just how you resolve conflict that determines your success, but the level of happiness you experience together that also matters. 2. Work on resolving conflict in a healthy manner; conflict is inevitable, combat is optional. Conflict should not be treated as a bad thing. It can lead to deeper intimacy in your relationship as you learn to successfully negotiate issues. You’re giving each other the freedom to be honest and when you resolve the small issues, it will give you confidence to address the bigger ones that arise. 3. Remain committed to your partner by focusing on what brought you together. Many issues you currently experience will revolve around children and are temporary so aim to nurture and sustain relationships. Love your partner for who they are rather than making your love conditional on how they choose to parent, if their style is different to yours. According to Statistics New Zealand, one in every three marriages is a second or subsequent marriage. When a new partnership includes children from a person’s prior relationship, they become a stepfamily (also known as a blended family). When a couple are in love, it’s natural for them to desire that their partner and children share a meaningful relationship too. Blending is therefore about having those who are in a step relationship form such a bond by learning to accept, respect and care for each other. Along the path to happily-ever-after in a step family, there’s a number of obstacles couples must first overcome. These include navigating different parenting styles, helping the stepparent feel satisfied in their new role, dealing with ex-partners and reducing a parent’s feeling of being torn between trying to keep both their children and partner happy. During conflict these pressures can cause a step family to divide along biological lines. Rather than choosing to escape the conflict by breaking up, the challenge is for couples to explore their way through it. All couples in a step family have a tremendous opportunity to experience lifelong satisfying and fulfilling relationships when they choose to remain committed to each other. Couples can create a loving and stable environment for their children while modelling the skills that make a relationship successful. Children are able to witness how their parent and stepparent work together and learn valuable life skills in the process. By Adele Cornish