4th Material

8/6/2019 4th Material

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SRI SATHYA SAI PROGRAMMING LIVES

Personal Grooming

Personal Grooming by Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organisations 1


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Personal Grooming Module

Personal grooming is nothing but to understand self in a better way. The major difference

between the SUCCESSFUL Person and the other is that , he understands himself better

than anyone else. He can identify and get rid of all those qualities which he doesnt

require to succeed in life/career.

Personal grooming is necessary for oneself to identify his own strengths, areas of

improvements and other required qualities to acquire and utilize them to the optimumlevels, to get the required output.

Now we will see some EMPOWERING QUESTIONS which will make us understandabout our own selves in a much better way.

Qn 1: WHAT ARE ALL THE ACHIEVEMENTS IN MY LIFE TILL DATE?

Hint to Answer: Here you need not look into such achievements which are

UNIVERSAL. Achievements are those which gives us a feel/sense of accomplishment.These need not necessarily a universal one. Eg: You might have got 25 out of 25 marks in

your school assignment test & your teacher could have praised you for getting suchmarks. This could have given you a proud moment. Identify the age at which you have

such an ACHIEVEMENTS. Write down as many as you can recollect.

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Qn 2: WHAT ARE ALL MY STRENGHTS TILL DATE?

Hint to Answer: Look into your self so minutely and write down as much strength asyou can. Eg: I look smart/ Handsome, Or I can mingle with a stranger easily Etc.,

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10.

Qn 3: WHAT ARE ALL MY AREAS OF IMPROVEMENTS AS OF DATE?

Hint to Answer: Look into your self so minutely and write down as much strength asyou can. Eg : My dress sense is very poor or Laziness or Postponing the works Etc.,

1.

2.

3.

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5.



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Qn 4:WHAT IS THAT I WANT TO ACHIVE/ BECOME IN NEXT 12 MONTHS?

Hint to Answer: See that this 12 months goal is in line with your life goal. It will helpus in chunking down the goals and if required can reframe our goals.

Qn 5: WHAT IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS THE 12 MONTHS GOAL?

Hint to Answer: Most of the people who have set their goals could not reach them just

because they dont know where to start from. Its better you know where to start from, sothat you can reach your goal without any hurdle.

Qn 6: WHO ARE ALL THE ROLE MODELS FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE?

Hint to Answer: Here the role models need not be a well known personalities. Usuallywe take the names of people like APJ Abdulkalam, Swamy Vivekananda Etc., but if you

look into your life we take people around us as our role models. Probably we might have

felt at least once in our life by seeing someones qualities that if I have those qualities

how good it would be? Write down all those names of the people from whom you want

to learn / acquire certain qualities.



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Qn 7: WHO ARE THE PEOPLE WHO LOVES ME & WHOM I LOVE?

Hint to Answer: Look out for the list of people who loves you because they are the oneswho will keep you on track of SUCCESS and the people whom you love , will keep you

motivating all the time in your SUCCESS Journey.

Qn 8: What is that with which I relax the most when I needed it the most?

Hint to Answer: Identify your self how do you relax when you are tensed up.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Take at least 15 minutes for each of the questions to answer.

To get the better results, keep answering these questions ONCE in a month. You

will certainly see the results. If not , Answer every 15 days once.



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The 4 Quadrants of lifes Learnings forsuccess

These are the 4 wonderful quadrants with which we can make sure of the path for success

in any walk of life. Only thing what you have to do is, write down all those things which pops up in your mind first. Then follow the instructions given by the trainer very

carefully.

I HAVE

But

I Dont WANT

I Dont Have

But

I WANT

I HAVE

&

I WANT

I Dont Have

&

I Dont WANT

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2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.



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GOAL SETTING for SUCCESS

Goal Setting:

Usually most of us say that we have a goal in life but most of the goals are very vague. Ifsome one asks us what is your goal? We end up saying I want to SETTLE in life. Still

if we probe what is meant by SETTLE, we say that we want to work in a GOOD

position in a GOOD company and should have a GOOD bank balance. Again when weprobe in to what is the meaning of GOOD we are not at all clear about it. If we take a

close look at this GOOD, its a very personal one. The one which is good for some one

need not necessarily good for the others. So lets take a look at what is a goal? What is

the importance of it? How many types of goals are there? How a goal should be? AndHow to achieve them?

What is a Goal?

Goal is nothing but a DREAM with a DEADLINE. It means any dream that we have andif we keep a time line for it, it becomes a GOAL.

Is GOAL an important one in our life?

Yes. We need to have GOALS in place in our life. Then only we can advance in our

lives. Most of us have goals in our day to day life and we keep achieving them but still

we dont believe that we have goals in life and we achieve them. We think that GOAL isa JARGAN and we are far away from those kinds of JARGANS.

Types of GOALS:

Broadly there are 3 types of GOALS.

1. Long Term

2. Medium Term3. Short Term

Long term Goals:

A goal which has got a time frame of more than 10 years is a long term goal. Usually

these goals are also called as life time goals.

Medium Term Goal:

These goals are of 5 to 10 years time frame.

Short term goals:

These goals are of less than 5 years time frame.

How a GOAL should be?

By and large experts say that a goal should be a S M A R T goal.



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S: Specific

M: Measurable

A: Achievable / Accessible

R: Relevant

T: Time bound

Example of writing a SMART Goal.

I want to become a ZONAL MANAGERwith a salary of Rs. Xyz by -------year.

Here, whether the GOAL is ACHIEVABLE ornot and RELEVANT ornot would

depend upon ones Strengths and Areas of improvements.

Easy way to REMEBER your GOAL

Every one like to have a goal in their life. In fact they define their goals, particularly in

the NEW YEAR. But how many succeed in achieving their goals? Frankly, very few.

Why???

Reason being, they don't remember them every time. Frankly speaking, how many timesin a given day, do we remember our GOALS???

Then how to remember our goals in life and who will remind us every day? There is

secret to remember this, which am going to share with you now. People with whom youinteract every day will remind you without their knowledge and even without you sharing

your GOALS with them.

If you question your self , what is that you love to listen more number of times and

Practically listen the same word more number of times , in a give day?

Answer is your name.

At least 10 people( least count) will call us with our name. how will it be, if every timethey call you and you being reminded of your goal. Secret is simple. Attach your goal

with your name.

How to attach my GOALS with my NAME?

For example. DASU. D: DELIVERABLE, A: ACCESSIBLE, S: SUPPORTIVE and U:

Should make his participants ULTIMATE or The training should be ULTIMATE for the

participants.

Now, whenever some one calls Dasu, these 4 things pops up before me and ultimately to

remind my GOAL.

May be some people find it difficult as their name is too big to call. Don't worry; take

your commonly used name in your circle. Even it could be your pet name like Bublu ,Chinna , mike , maggi Etc.,



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Also one can use the meaning of their name for remembering their GOALS, likeRavikiran. Means Sun rays. Use the meaning of the name and attach with your goals.

For effective use of this method, attach your EMOTIONS with your GOALS like WHYonly this GOAL, What is the reason for selecting this GOAL and What is the possible

State once you ACHIEVE these GOALS.

Wish you all the best in REMEMBERING yourGOALS.

SIX AREAS OF LIFE:

As we have six subjects in school , we have six important areas in lifewhere we need to concentrate. As we are called failed , If we fail in one

subject in school. So as in these six areas of life . As we need to scoreminimum marks to pass, we also need to cater certain minimum timein these areas to be SUCCESSFUL in life.

What are they?

1. Personal life 2.Professional life 3.Financial Life

4. Family life 5. Social Life 6.

Spiritual Life



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Communication: A Definition

Communication is the process of exchanging information by the use of words, letters,

symbols, or nonverbal behavior.

Types of communication:

a) Verbal Communication b) Non Verbal Communication

Verbal Communication:

First of all Know very clearly what you want to say. When you are talking you need to

take care of the following.1. Control your Fear

2. Stop Talking and Listen carefully

3. Think before you talk

4. Have clarity in your message

5. Repeat Major Points in the message6. Find Out what your Listener wants from you.

Advantages of Effective Communication:

The following are the advantages of an Effective Communication.1. Quicker problem solving2. Stronger decision making

3. Increased productivity



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4. Steadier work flow

5. Stronger business relationships

6. Clearer promotional materials7. Enhanced professional image

8. Improved stakeholder response

Steps involved in the Communication Process1. Sender 2. Message

3. Channel

4. Receiver

5. Feedback

It does not matterwhat you saybut it does how you sayit.

Your communication style is a combination of various behaviors and methods of relaying

information that impact all facets of life. Learning all communication styles is importantin order to avoid mis-communication andin order to recognize those styles in others so

as to be able to deal with them effectively. People are not difficult. They only seem to be

difficult to the extent that we do not have the skills to deal with what they bring to the

table. It is our lack of knowledge that makes the situation difficult.

Understanding Verbal Communication Styles1. Passive,2. Aggressive and

3. Assertive Communication

Passive CommunicationAllowing our own rights to be violated by failing to express our honest feelings. The

goal of being a passive communicator is to avoid conflict no matter what. Little riskinvolved very safe. Little eye contact, often defers to others opinions, usually quiet

tone, may suddenly explode after being passive too long.

Examples of Passive Communication1. I dont know.

2. Whatever you think.

3. You have more experience than I. You decide.4. Ill go with whatever the group decides.

5. I dont care. It doesnt matter to me Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. . . NO!



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Aggressive CommunicationProtecting ones own rights at the expense of others rights no exceptions. The goal

of the aggressor is to win at all costs; to be right. Does not consider actions a risk because this person thinks they will always get their way. It is risky in terms of

relationships. Eye contact is angry and intimidating; lots of energy; loud and

belittling; never defers to others, or at least does not admit to; manipulative andcontrolling. Often uses violence or verbal abuse.

Examples of Aggressive Communication1. I dont know why you cant see that this is the right way to do it.2. Its going to be my way or not at all.

3. Youre just stupid if you think that will work.

4. Who cares what youfeel. Were talking about making things work here.

Assertive CommunicationProtecting your own rights without violating the rights of others. The goal of the

assertive person is to communicate with respect and to understand each other in order

to find a solution to the problem. This communication may give you a risk with others

in the short run, but in the long run, the relationships are much stronger.

Major Advantages:With Assertiveness one can maintain the eye contact, can listen and validate others

views, can make you strong, confident and flexible. It can make you objectiveoriented and unemotional. It helps you to present your wishes very clearly and

respectfully.

Examples of Assertive Communication1. So what youre saying is. . . .

2. I can see that this is important to you, and it is also important to me. Perhapswe can talk more respectfully and try to solve the problem.

3. I think. . . I feel. . . I believe that. . . .

4. I would appreciate it if you. . .5. Let me understand your thoughts on this

Which is the Best Style?All styles have their proper place and use.

Assertive communication is the healthiest.1. Boundaries of all parties are respected.

2. Easier to problem-solve; fewer emotional outbursts.

3. It requires skills and a philosophy change, as well as lots of practice and hardwork.

4. When both parties do it, no one is hurt in any way and all parties win on some

level.



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NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

The study of non-verbal communication examines how messages are communicatedthrough physical behavior, vocal cues and spatial relationships.

The total impact of a message breaks down like this:

7 percent verbal (words)

38 percent vocal (volume, pitch, rhythm, etc)

55 percent body movements (Mostly facial expressions)

Non-verbal Communication in Organizations:

Environment

Body placement

Posture

GesturesFacial expressions and movement

Clothing, dress, appearance

Effective communication is the combined harmony of verbal and nonverbal

actions. Nonverbal communication consists of body movement, facial

expressions and eye movement.

Major areas of non-verbal behaviors are:

Eye contactFacial expressions

Gestures

Posture and body orientationProximity

Para linguistics

EYE CONTACT:

The eyes can give clues to a persons thoughts. When someone is excited, his pupils

dilate to four times the normal size. An angry or negative mood causes the pupils tocontract. Good eye contact helps the audience develop the interest in the speaker.

Eye-contact helps regulate the flow of communication and reflects interest in others.

Direct eye-contact conveys interest, warmth, credibility and concern. Shifty eyessuggest dishonesty. Downward gaze may be a sign of submissiveness or inferiority.



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You have 80 muscles in the face that can create more than 7,000 facial expressions. Thefacial muscles produce the varying facial expressions that convey information about

emotion, mood, and ideas. Emotional expressions are one primary result of activity by the

facial muscles.

There are six categories of facial expressions:

1. Happiness2. Sadness

3. Anger 4. Disgust

5. Surprise6. Fear

HAPPINESS

Whoever is happy will make others happy too. -Mark Twain

SADNESS

Personal Grooming by Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organisations

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

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Sadness dulls the heart more than the grossest sin --Author Unknown

ANGER

Anger is one letter short of danger -- Author Unknown

DISGUST

A disgusting expression on the face is considered negative and should be avoided in

formal gatherings.

SURPRISE



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The eye-brows and the eyes are most affected in an expression of surprise.

FEAR

There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.

GESTURES

Recognizing attitudes conveyed through Body Language

Right postures to adopt at the Work Place and postures to avoid

Pick up non-verbal signals from a customers body language

Facial expressions can enhance or detract verbal communication

Setting standards of Body Language to drive Customer Delight at the Public

Office Gestures communicate as effectively as words, sometimes even better.

Gestures support the verbal communication.



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They sometimes detract from what you say.

There are some negative gestures which should be avoided:

Pointing at people- It is perceived as accusatory.

Fiddling with your items-It gives the impression that you are nervous. Dragging the feet-It implies lethargy.

Head Down- It suggests timidity

Drooping shoulders- It implies weariness and lethargy. Weak handshake-It implies meek and ineffectual personality.

Shifty eyes- It suggests nervousness.

Arms crossed on the chest- It is a defensive gesture.

Hands in pockets- Shows disrespect, and that you have something to hide. Covering your mouth- It suggests you are lying.

Shaking feet or legs- It shows indifference and disinterest.

Avoid these hand gestures

Use these hand gestures

POSTURE AND BODY ORIENTATION:

Body posture can be open or closed.



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Interested people pay attention and lean forward.

Leaning backwards demonstrates aloofness or rejection.

A head held straight up signals a neutral attitude.

A head down is negative and judgmental.

A head tilted to the side indicates interest.

Some negative postures, which should be avoided:

Rigid Body Posture-Anxious/ Uptight

Hunched Shoulders Lacks interest/ Feeling inferior

Crossed Arms-Protecting the body/ Negative Thoughts

What impression do the following people give you?

What impression do the following people give you?



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P ROXIMITYProximity is the distance people maintain between themselves while talking.



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DISTANCE ZONES

1. Intimate Zone- No more than18 inches apart (mother and baby)

2. Personal Distance-18 inches to 4 feet. (Casual and personal conversations).

3. Social Distance-4-12 feet (impersonal, business, social gatherings)

4. Public Distance-More than 12 feet( Public speaking)5. Space/Distance as an indicator of intimacy-The more we get to know each

other the more we are permitted into each other's personal space

6. Space/Distance as an indicator of status- Executives, presidents of colleges,government officials have large offices with big space... secretaries have small

space

PARALINGUISTICSPara linguistics is what accompanies your words to make up for its true meaning.

Paralanguage refers to the vocal aspect of communication.

Components of Para linguistics are:

1. Rate of speed- When a speaker speaks too fast, he is seen as more competent.

2. Pitch-Pitch should be changed in accordance with the context of spoken words.

3. Volume- It refers to loudly we speak. Loud people are perceived as aggressive or

over-bearing. Soft-spoken voices are perceived as timid or polite.

4. Fillers- Words like umhh ahaaa are used to gather thoughts.

Listening:

Nature has intended us to LISTEN twice as much as we speak!



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Decide to be a better listener.

Remember - hearing is only physical , listening is intellectual.

There are four basic components to effective listening

Listening with empathy

Listening with openness

Listening with awareness

Listening actively

Listening with Empathy

Sometimes we do not listen to others because

We are not interested in what the other person is saying

We do not understand what the other person is saying

We do not agree with the other person

To listen with empathy, try to identify what needs the other person is trying to meet

Ask yourself these questions:

What need is this persons emotion(s) coming from?

What danger is the person experiencing?

What is he or she asking for?

Sometimes we do not listen because

We do not want to hear what is being said

We feel threatened by the content

We fear being wrongWe cannot believe that an unlikable person has something to say that is worth

considering

Listening with Openness

To listen with openness, imagine you are a detective trying to get all the facts. You are

trying to find the truth.

View the information from the perspective of the other person.

Consider the other persons background, culture, history, etc.

Listening with Awareness

There are two components to listening with awareness:

Being aware of conflicts between what is being said and your own knowledge

base Being aware of conflicts between the content of the message and the body

language of the speaker (tone, voice inflections, stance, etc.)

Recognizing that conflicts can be a tool for making the verbalized message more

accurate.

Active ListeningActive listening means to be verbally involved with the communication.

Active listening helps us to keep our minds focused on the communication.



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The three elements of active listening are

paraphrasingclarifying

feedback

More types of Listening

1. Informative Listening

2. Relationship Listening3. Appreciative Listening

4. Critical Listening

5. Discriminative Listening

Major Barriers for listening

1. Hearing what you want to hear called selective listening

2. Thinking of what you are going to say next3. Distractions such as co-workers, noise, side conversations etc.

4. Thinking about the previous customer call5. Worrying about the next customer call or work in general

6. Stress

7. Getting involved emotionally (instead of logically)

8. Holding preconceived ideas about the callers inquiry9. Thinking about personal issues

10. Boredom

11. Making assumptions rather than asking questionsAND More

Remember Its Fun to be Good !

Emotional Intelligence



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Emotional Intelligence - EQ - is a relatively recent behavioral model,rising to prominence with Daniel Goleman's 1995 Book called'Emotional Intelligence'. The early Emotional Intelligence theory wasoriginally developed during the 1970s and 80s by the work andwritings of psychologists Howard Gardner (Harvard), Peter Salovey

(Yale) and John 'Jack' Mayer (New Hampshire). Emotional Intelligence isincreasingly relevant to organizational development and developingpeople, because the EQ principles provide a new way to understandand assess people's behaviors, management styles, attitudes,interpersonal skills, and potential. Emotional Intelligence is animportant consideration in human resources planning, job profiling,recruitment interviewing and selection, management development,customer relations and customer service, and more.

Emotional intelligence - two aspects

This is the essential premise of EQ: to be successful requires theeffective awareness, control and management of one's own emotions,and those of other people. EQ embraces two aspects of intelligence:

Understanding yourself, your goals, intentions, responses,behavior and all.

Understanding others, and their feelings.

Emotional intelligence - the five domains

Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EQ as:

1. Knowing your emotions.2. Managing your own emotions.3. Motivating yourself.4. Recognising and understanding other people's emotions.5. Managing relationships, ie., managing the emotions of

others.

Emotional Intelligence embraces and draws from numerous otherbranches of behavioral, emotional and communications theories, such

as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Transactional Analysis, andempathy. By developing our Emotional Intelligence in these areas andthe five EQ domains we can become more productive and successful atwhat we do, and help others to be more productive and successful too.The process and outcomes of Emotional Intelligence development alsocontain many elements known to reduce stress for individuals andorganizations, by decreasing conflict, improving relationships andunderstanding, and increasing stability, continuity and harmony.



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Transactional analysis

Transactional Analysis is a theory developed by Dr. Eric Berne in the1950s. Originally trained in psychoanalysis, Berne wanted atheory which could be understood and available to everyone and

began to develop what came to be called Transactional Analysis(TA). Transactional Analysis is a social psychology and a methodto improve communication. The theory outlines how we havedeveloped and treats ourselves, how we relate and communicatewith others, and offers suggestions and interventions which willenable us to change and grow. Transactional Analysis isunderpinned by the philosophy that:

people can change

we all have a right to be in the world and be accepted

Theoretical concepts within the Transactional Analysis world areconstantly being challenged and developed making it a rich dynamicprocess. Berne died in July 1970 at the age of 60. However,Transactional Analysis has not stood still and continues to develop andchange, paralleling the processes we encourage in ourselves andothers.

The key concepts in Transactional Analysis are outlined below in theform of introductory information.

Transactional analysis contractingTransactional Analysis is a contractual approach. A contract is "anexplicit bilateral commitment to a well-defined course of action" BerneE. (1966). Which means that all parties need to agree:

why they want to do something

with whom

what they are going to do

by when

any fees, payment or exchanges there will be

For example, we want the outside of our house painted, we need tofind a person who will paint it and who will give us a quote for doing it.If we agree the quote, and we like him or her enough, we will no doubtemploy them. We will agree a date and time, perhaps check they areinsured, and choose the colour of the paint and off they go.



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Sometimes contracts will be multi-handed with all parties to thecontract having their own expectations. If these expectations are allcongruent then fine, if not then discussing everyone's expectations willlead to greater understanding and therefore to a clear contract.

Contracts need to be outlined in positive words i.e. what is wanted,rather than what is not wanted. Our minds tend to focus on thenegative and so this encourages failure. For example, how many timesdo we look round when someone says to us "Don't look now but......." ,the same is true when we set up contracts which start "I don't want todo .............. anymore".

We have contracts about employment, how much will we be paid andwhen, what holidays we are due, what deductions there will be etc. Inorder to ensure placements are effective then different, but similar,details are required. Naturally, these details will vary dependent on the

setting in which we work.

All parties need to state what are they are prepared to do. Are theyable and willing to undertake what is being asked, is this appropriate?Does it fit within any statements of purpose and function? Is it legal?Do they have the competence to deliver this? Do they want to? Whatdoes each party want of the others?

In summary contracts need to be: measurable, manageable andmotivational. Measurable means that the goals need to be tangible.That each party involved in the contract will be able to say in advance

how they will know when the goal has been achieved. The goal will bespecific and behavioural and clearly defined. The contract will alsoneed to be manageable and feasible for all those concerned.

Transactional analysis - ego states

Berne devised the concept of ego states to help explain how we aremade up, and how we relate to others. These are drawn as threestacked circles and they are one of the building blocks of TransactionalAnalysis. They categorise the ways we think, feel and behave and arecalled Parent, Adult, and Child. Each ego state is given a capital letter

to denote the difference between actual parents, adults and children.



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Parent ego state

This is a set of feelings, thinking and behaviour that we have copiedfrom our parents and significant others.

As we grow up we take in ideas, beliefs, feelings and behaviours fromour parents and caretakers. If we live in an extended family then thereare more people to learn and take in from. When we do this, it is calledintrojecting and it is just as if we take in the whole of the care giver.For example, we may notice that we are saying things just as ourfather, mother, grandmother may have done, even though,consciously, we don't want to. We do this as we have lived with thisperson so long that we automatically reproduce certain things thatwere said to us, or treat others as we might have been treated.

Adult ego state

The Adult ego state is about direct responses to the here and now. Wedeal with things that are going on today in ways that are notunhealthily influenced by our past.

The Adult ego state is about being spontaneous and aware with thecapacity for intimacy. When in our Adult we are able to see people asthey are, rather than what we project onto them. We ask for



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information rather than stay scared and rather than makeassumptions. Taking the best from the past and using it appropriatelyin the present is an integration of the positive aspects of both ourParent and Child ego states. So this can be called the Integrating Adult.Integrating means that we are constantly updating ourselves through

our every day experiences and using this to inform us.

In this structural model, the Integrating Adult ego state circle is placedin the middle to show how it needs to orchestrate between the Parentand the Child ego states. For example, the internal Parent ego statemay beat up on the internal Child, saying "You are no good, look atwhat you did wrong again, you are useless". The Child may thenrespond with "I am no good, look how useless I am, I never getanything right". Many people hardly hear this kind of internal dialogueas it goes on so much they might just believe life is this way. Aneffective Integrating Adult ego state can intervene between the Parent

and Child ego states. This might be done by stating that this kind ofparenting is not helpful and asking if it is prepared to learn anotherway. Alternatively, the Integrating Adult ego state can just stop anynegative dialogue and decide to develop another positive Parent egostate perhaps taken in from other people they have met over theyears.

Child ego state

The Child ego state is a set of behaviours, thoughts and feelings whichare replayed from our own childhood.

Perhaps the boss calls us into his or her office, we may immediatelyget a churning in our stomach and wonder what we have done wrong.If this were explored we might remember the time the head teachercalled us in to tell us off. Of course, not everything in the Child egostate is negative. We might go into someone's house and smell alovely smell and remember our grandmother's house when we werelittle, and all the same warm feelings we had at six year's of age maycome flooding back.

Both the Parent and Child ego states are constantly being updated. For

example, we may meet someone who gives us the permission weneeded as a child, and did not get, to be fun and joyous. We may welluse that person in our imagination when we are stressed to counteractour old ways of thinking that we must work longer and longer hours tokeep up with everything. We might ask ourselves "I wonder what Xwould say now". Then on hearing the new permissions to relax andtake some time out, do just that and then return to the work renewed



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and ready for the challenge. Subsequently, rather than beating up onourselves for what we did or did not do, what tends to happen is weautomatically start to give ourselves new permissions and take care ofourselves.

Alternatively, we might have had a traumatic experience yesterdaywhich goes into the Child ego state as an archaic memory thathampers our growth. Positive experiences will also go into the Childego state as archaic memories. The positive experiences can then bedrawn on to remind us that positive things do happen.

The process of analysing personality in terms of ego states is calledstructural analysis. It is important to remember that ego states do nothave an existence of their own, they are concepts to enableunderstanding. Therefore it is important to say "I want some fun"rather than "My Child wants some fun". We may be in our Child ego

state when we say this, but saying "I" reminds us to take responsibilityfor our actions.

Johari window

The Johari Window model is a simple and useful tool for illustrating andimproving self-awareness, and mutual understanding betweenindividuals within a group. The Johari Window tool can also be used toassess and improve a group's relationship with other groups. The JohariWindow model was developed by American psychologists Joseph Luftand Harry Ingham in the 1950's, while researching group dynamics.

Today the Johari Window model is especially relevant due to modernemphasis on, and influence of, 'soft' skills, behaviour, empathy,cooperation, inter-group development and interpersonal development.

Johari window four regions

1. what is known by the person about him/herself and is also knownby others - open area, open self, free area, free self, or'the arena'

2. what is unknown by the person about him/herself but whichothers know - blind area, blind self, or 'blindspot'

3. what the person knows about him/herself that others do notknow - hidden area, hidden self, avoided area, avoidedself or 'facade'

4. what is unknown by the person about him/herself and is alsounknown by others - unknown area or unknown self

Johari window four regions - model diagram



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Like some other behavioural models (eg, Tuckman, Hersey/Blanchard),the Johari Window is based on a four-square grid - the Johari Window islike a window with four 'panes'. Here's how the Johari Window isnormally shown, with its four regions.

This is thestandardrepresentation ofthe JohariWindow model,showing eachquadrant thesame size.

The JohariWindow 'panes'can be changedin size to reflectthe relevantproportions ofeach type of'knowledge'of/about aparticular personin a given groupor team situation.

In new groups orteams the openfree space forany teammember is small(see the JohariWindow newteam memberexample below)because sharedawareness isrelatively small.

As the teammember becomesbetterestablished andknown, so the



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size of the teammember's openfree areaquadrantincreases. See

the JohariWindowestablished teammember examplebelow.

The Johari Window processes of serious feedback solicitation,disclosure, and striving to uncover one's unknown area relate toMaslow's 'self-actualization' ideas contained in the Hierarchy of Needs.

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