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1400:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,935So how was your hiatus?Start with what puzzles you did.
1500:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,805Venice, solar system,unicorn...
1600:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,174The cast of L. A. Law.That one took me a while.
1700:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,677So much white.Anyway...
1800:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,179Good to be back,
but stressful.
1900:00:46,213 --> 00:00:49,015The usual Liz Lemonwork-life balancing act.
2000:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,583- How are things with Chris?- Good.
21
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:53,987Great.We are trying...
2200:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,388Really, Lemon?You can't even say "trying"?
2300:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,991What positionsare you using?
2400:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,160The one. There's only one.Talk about something else.
2500:01:00,194 --> 00:01:02,829Fine.We'll talk about me.
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00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:28,555And do you likethe information channel
4000:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,023you get when you stayin a hotel?
4100:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,858Well, Thursdaysis just that now.
4400:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,564Yes, little big mandiscovered
4500:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,532the grass isn't always greeneron the other side,
4600:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,967and came crawling back.
4700:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,203My grandmotherwas seriously ill.
4800:01:43,237 --> 00:01:46,372I went to salinasto feed and bathe her.
4900:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,410- I'm sorry.- I still don't like you.
5000:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,478God cop?
5100:01:51,529 --> 00:01:54,397"Crime just got
a new worst friend."
5200:01:54,431 --> 00:01:56,232[Laughs]The hell is that?
5300:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,568A show I am
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very excited about.
5400:01:58,602 --> 00:02:00,603A New York City detectivesolves crimes
5500:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,373with the helpof his new partner, God.
5600:02:03,407 --> 00:02:05,542So God justtells him who did it?
5700:02:05,576 --> 00:02:07,577God can't justtell him who did it.
5800:02:07,611 --> 00:02:09,129
- Why not?- Watch the pilot, Lemon.
5900:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,463It's all explainedin the end
6000:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,665by the wise black manplayed by Karl Malone.
6100:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,751You're reallytaking some swings here.
6200:02:14,785 --> 00:02:16,052I have no choice.
6300:02:16,086 --> 00:02:19,139My boss Hank Hooperis clearly planning to retire.
6400:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,390Word is he bought a boat.
6500:02:20,424 --> 00:02:21,674But it's not a yacht,
66
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00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,394for corporate partiesand Hooker disposal.
6700:02:24,428 --> 00:02:25,795It's a two-manfishing boat.
6800:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,730I believe thatis called a skiff.
6900:02:27,765 --> 00:02:31,184I will not have you telling meboat names in my own office.
7000:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,970Hank has vowed to keepKabletown in his family.
7100:02:33,988 --> 00:02:37,023I have one chance to changehis mind before he retires.
7200:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,858That's where showslike God cop,
7300:02:38,909 --> 00:02:41,778O.J. Simpson live,
and Rule of threes come in.
7400:02:41,812 --> 00:02:44,197- Oh, brother.- Oh, brother...
7500:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,283A comedy abouttwo jive-talking con men
76
00:02:47,317 --> 00:02:49,502hiding out in a monastery.
7700:02:49,537 --> 00:02:53,790Jonathan,bring me my green light.
7800:02:53,824 --> 00:02:56,793
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[Exciting jazz music]
7900:02:56,827 --> 00:02:58,427* *
8000:03:07,251 --> 00:03:10,05130 RockS07 Ep01 - The beggining of the end
8100:03:10,220 --> 00:03:13,720Sync, corrections by dr.jacksonfor www.addic7ed.com
8200:03:13,844 --> 00:03:16,512[Screaming, crying]
8300:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,399My wedding is gonna bea disaster!
8400:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,035The doves I orderedfor the wedding came,
8500:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,821and they're all dead!
8600:03:24,855 --> 00:03:28,157Ugh! Ugh!
One of 'em touched my tongue!
8700:03:28,191 --> 00:03:29,709[Sobbing]
8800:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,411Calm down.
8900:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,129I'll show you
that video of Taylor Swift
9000:03:33,163 --> 00:03:34,581getting hit in the facewith a foul ball.
9100:03:34,632 --> 00:03:38,134Oh, I'm fine, Liz.
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The doves were just a drill.
9200:03:38,168 --> 00:03:41,203Everyone needs to be on theirtoes for my wedding year.
9300:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,223I'm gonna be a nightmare.
9400:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,392Wait, if that was a drill,did you kill those doves?
9500:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,678No. I bought themat the dead dove store.
9600:03:48,712 --> 00:03:49,879Grow up, Liz.
9700:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,714Jenna, you're always a...
9800:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,349High-strung perfectionist.
9900:03:53,383 --> 00:03:54,851I prefersoul-sucking monster.
10000:03:54,885 --> 00:03:56,385How could your weddingmake you any worse?
10100:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,937I don't know,
10200:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,606but it's a fun little journey
we're all gonna go on together.
10300:03:59,657 --> 00:04:01,223Uh huh.So when is this wedding?
10400:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,327I can't tell you.
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It's a secret surprise wedding.
10500:04:04,361 --> 00:04:06,579Because that's whatall the big celebrities do.
10600:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,332Beyonce, J.Lo,Natalie Portman,
10700:04:09,366 --> 00:04:11,901whose real last nameis Hershlag, by the way.
10800:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,202Okay, that's not relevant.
10900:04:13,236 --> 00:04:14,420I just think
people should know.
11000:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,705You know,
11100:04:15,739 --> 00:04:17,340I have a lotof really good friends
11200:04:17,374 --> 00:04:19,175
I could ask to bemy maid of honor.
11300:04:19,209 --> 00:04:22,845Paz de la huerta,the former Mrs. Jon Cryer,
11400:04:22,880 --> 00:04:24,246honey boo boo's mom.
115
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:25,548June.
11600:04:25,582 --> 00:04:27,183But you'remy oldest friend.
11700:04:27,217 --> 00:04:29,052
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And also, I've known youfor a long time.
11800:04:29,086 --> 00:04:32,138Liz, will you bemy maid of honor?
11900:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,891Oh, Jenna,that is so nice.
12000:04:34,925 --> 00:04:37,193But I've just gotso much going on
12100:04:37,227 --> 00:04:39,279with the showand baby stuff.
122
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,197Oh, God!My hands! Please!
12300:04:41,231 --> 00:04:44,617I'll do it! I'd love to do it!You're my best friend!
12400:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,370Oh, yay!
12500:04:47,404 --> 00:04:49,238Oh, you're in chargeof the bachelorette party.
12600:04:49,272 --> 00:04:52,075Make sure you have a stripperthere from every race.
12700:04:52,109 --> 00:04:54,744Start looking for Indian now.
It's a tough booking.
12800:04:54,778 --> 00:04:56,879Mm, best friendies!
12900:04:56,914 --> 00:04:59,281[Smooching]
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13000:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,668[Door closes]
13100:05:01,719 --> 00:05:05,305[Knocks] Mr. Jordan.I need some advice.
13200:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,873I recommend you get itfrom Liz Lemon
13300:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,992or an owlwho wears glasses.
13400:05:09,026 --> 00:05:11,678No, sir.It's about women.
13500:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,846I've been living with Hazelfor the past few months,
13600:05:13,897 --> 00:05:17,433and while we havegotten to second base...
13700:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,768You mean a threesome
with Robinson Cano?
13800:05:18,802 --> 00:05:19,769No.
13900:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,355I mean sharing a yogurt.
14000:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,940I'm saving myself
for marriage,
14100:05:23,974 --> 00:05:25,575and Hazel saysshe's saving herself
14200:05:25,609 --> 00:05:28,244for a grade-a pork machine.
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14300:05:28,278 --> 00:05:30,146And those are expensive.
14400:05:30,164 --> 00:05:34,033It's just Hazel'smy first real girlfriend,
14500:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,585and I want tomake sure I'm doing
14600:05:35,619 --> 00:05:37,787everything I canto make her happy.
14700:05:37,821 --> 00:05:39,372I'll tell youhow to make a woman happy.
14800:05:39,423 --> 00:05:40,656You take charge.
14900:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,258She comes home one night,
15000:05:42,292 --> 00:05:44,961you're in the kitchen nakedcooking chili.
15100:05:44,995 --> 00:05:47,163You feed it to herout of your hands.
15200:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,849Make her act like a bird.
15300:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,719Damn it, I don't know.
I've been married for 22 years.
15400:05:52,770 --> 00:05:55,638That's half as long as itfelt like Arliss was on TV.
15500:05:55,672 --> 00:05:57,306You want to make
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in the hospital for a week.
16900:06:23,467 --> 00:06:24,700Could you go find out why?
17000:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,420- Ooh.- Thank you.
17100:06:30,540 --> 00:06:32,008Frank, you do stand-up.
17200:06:32,042 --> 00:06:34,093How would you liketo have your own sitcom?
17300:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,094Can I have a hot wife?
17400:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,679- If you gain 50 pounds.- Yeah.
17500:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,264Hey, I have an ideafor a show.
17600:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,400It's about a boy
who befriends a talking panda,
17700:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,851and they're allowedto sleep in the same bed.
17800:06:41,885 --> 00:06:42,985Have iton my desk tomorrow.
179
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:46,823Okay.[Coughs]
18000:06:48,225 --> 00:06:51,160Look, Jack,I know you think fixing NBC
181
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00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:55,164is just another negativesynergy dynamics matrix.
18200:06:55,199 --> 00:06:56,565I wish.
18300:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,334Then I could just solve itwith a Schwarzfeld tesseract.
18400:06:58,368 --> 00:07:01,587No, this is the nadirof my career, Lemon.
18500:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,923No room for advancement,a boss who doesn't get it.
186
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,926Every day, I wish some othercompany had bought NBC.
18700:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,095Xerox, Alcoa, Paas.
18800:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,680The Easter Egg company?
189
00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:11,681They own their market.
19000:07:11,715 --> 00:07:12,682When was the last timeyou bought
19100:07:12,716 --> 00:07:14,767a non-Paas egg-dyeing kit?
192
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,552Try never.Paas is the best.
19300:07:16,586 --> 00:07:18,554Their wire egg dipperis tops in the industry
194
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00:07:18,588 --> 00:07:20,606with the thinnest egg loopto reduce dye lines.
19500:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,974Exactly.
19600:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,426Only I don't work for Paas.I work for Kabletown.
19700:07:24,445 --> 00:07:26,896But I have a planthat will fix everything.
19800:07:26,930 --> 00:07:28,448Okay,here's the thing, Jack.
199
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:31,818Your plan isn't gonna work.Your shows are terrible.
20000:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,787I mean, have you seenthat new game show Homonym?
20100:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,824Your next word is "meat."
20200:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,158Oh, boy. Um...
20300:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,043Like when two peoplerun into each other.
20400:07:41,078 --> 00:07:42,495Uh, sorry,it's the other one.
20500:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,831- Your next word is "stare."- Okay.
20600:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,499Um, the thingsyou climb to get...
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20700:07:46,550 --> 00:07:47,884No, no,it's the other one.
20800:07:47,918 --> 00:07:49,469It's always the other one.Let me see the card.
20900:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,287No! Never!
21000:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,005- Your shows stink, Jack.- Really?
21100:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,223So you don't peacock them?
21200:07:54,258 --> 00:07:56,092I don't... think so.
21300:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,643But look, I get it.
21400:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,929The clock's ticking, and youfeel like time's running out.
21500:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,564It's like meand everything.
21600:08:01,598 --> 00:08:03,015How long is this showgonna last?
21700:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,400How many eggs
do I have left?
21800:08:04,434 --> 00:08:06,635Will I ever finish readingthe corrections?
21900:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,938But you can't let that panic
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get into your head.
22000:08:08,972 --> 00:08:10,406Well, thank youfor your feedback, Lemon,
22100:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,692but I'm not panicking,I know exactly what I'm doing,
22200:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,911so good peacock to you.
22300:08:14,945 --> 00:08:19,615- But, Jack...- I said good peacock.
22400:08:19,649 --> 00:08:20,816[Sighs]
22500:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,503Mr. Jordan.
22600:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,505I mentioned yourdinner party idea to Hazel.
22700:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,956Yes.
22800:08:26,990 --> 00:08:31,127And I thought we'd have a littlefete Chez nous ce soir.
22900:08:31,161 --> 00:08:33,129Oh, how nice to meet a womanwho speaks the language
23000:08:33,163 --> 00:08:35,848
of the Nazis'most enthusiastic collaborators.
23100:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,466What a kind invitation.
23200:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,719I do enjoy seeing
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the homes of poor whites.
23300:08:39,770 --> 00:08:40,770What should I bring?
23400:08:40,804 --> 00:08:43,389Just bringyour fascinating self.
23500:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,673Kenneth tells methat you started
23600:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,442your own movie studiothis summer.
23700:08:46,476 --> 00:08:49,228Yes. I'm sort of
the black Tyler Perry.
23800:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,396Oh, and I'man aspiring actress
23900:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,814whose most recentcredits include
240
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,150running onstageduring Sister act.
24100:08:54,184 --> 00:08:55,735This is wonderful.
24200:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,204Tracy Jordanis coming to dinner.
24300:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,239Just like in that episodeof Family matters
24400:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,375when Tracy Jordancame to dinner.
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24500:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,127You know I wasn't scriptedto be in that episode.
24600:09:05,162 --> 00:09:09,365I just wandered onto set becauseReginald Veljohnson owed me $40.
24700:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,133Oh.[Chuckles]
24800:09:11,168 --> 00:09:13,336I'm thinking about Vegasfor the bachelorette party.
24900:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,703We can't stay at the Palms.
25000:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,055One of the Maloofswants me dead,
25100:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,139and the other one loves me.
25200:09:17,174 --> 00:09:18,391I don't rememberwhich is which.
25300:09:18,425 --> 00:09:19,842Okay, great.
25400:09:19,876 --> 00:09:21,143Tracy, I need your advice.
25500:09:21,178 --> 00:09:22,261You like to throw parties.
25600:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,146Why is everyoneasking me for advice?
25700:09:24,181 --> 00:09:25,848I'm Tracy Jordan.
258
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00:09:25,882 --> 00:09:28,050Father of 3,married 22 years.
25900:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,152I run my own business.
26000:09:30,187 --> 00:09:33,656Oh, my God.I'm the most stable adult here.
26100:09:33,690 --> 00:09:35,908Oh, God, I don't want to beJenna's maid of honor.
26200:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,559She wants her"something borrowed"
263
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,445to be Jessica Biel's youth.
26400:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,447I don't knowhow to get that.
26500:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,366If you don't want to do this,you should tank it.
26600:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,951That's what I do whenI want to get out of something
26700:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,336like a schedule,a parent-teacher conference,
26800:09:47,371 --> 00:09:49,121or this boring conversation.
26900:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,289Tank it?Wow, no.
27000:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,674That's not "how I roll."
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27100:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,542Thank you for saying thatin dated urban slang
27200:09:53,576 --> 00:09:55,177so that I'll understand you.
27300:09:55,212 --> 00:09:56,429Word.
27400:09:56,463 --> 00:09:59,015And I would certainly never tankon my friend Jenna.
27500:09:59,049 --> 00:10:00,383Because you'reterrified of her,
276
00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:02,602the way most white ladies arewith their best friends?
27700:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,437That is racist,and only part true.
27800:10:04,471 --> 00:10:07,857A good person doesn'tintentionally do a bad job.
27900:10:07,891 --> 00:10:09,525I mean, look at Jack.
28000:10:09,559 --> 00:10:10,643He's in thisterrible position at work,
28100:10:10,694 --> 00:10:11,894he wishes he were
somewhere else.
28200:10:11,928 --> 00:10:13,195Is he tanking it?
28300:10:13,230 --> 00:10:16,265No. In fact,he's trying even harder.
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28400:10:16,283 --> 00:10:19,619Tonight on NBC,Joe Rogan is Mandela.
28500:10:19,653 --> 00:10:22,405And if it's Wednesday, it mustbe cricket night in America.
28600:10:22,439 --> 00:10:25,658Then on Jay, a full hourof Gary Sinise's band.
28700:10:25,709 --> 00:10:30,162Oh, my God.Jack's tanking NBC!
28800:10:33,820 --> 00:10:36,120Turn your round.
God cop scene 24.
28900:10:36,134 --> 00:10:37,568I know whatyou're doing, Jack.
29000:10:37,602 --> 00:10:39,737You are purposelytanking the network.
291
00:10:39,771 --> 00:10:41,005Good God, Lemon,what is it
29200:10:41,039 --> 00:10:42,740with you liberalsand your conspiracy theories?
29300:10:42,774 --> 00:10:43,941I've got bad news for you.
29400:10:43,975 --> 00:10:46,293The CIA did notinvent crack cocaine,
29500:10:46,328 --> 00:10:48,245the Levees blew themselves upin New Orleans,
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29600:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,265and no one is tryingto destroy NBC.
29700:10:51,299 --> 00:10:53,250Hang on, did you cast yourselfin this show?
29800:10:53,285 --> 00:10:54,251What can I say?
29900:10:54,286 --> 00:10:56,037We saw hundreds of actorsfor God.
30000:10:56,088 --> 00:10:58,255Finally, the network executivesaid I should just play it.
30100:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,757You're the network executive.
30200:10:59,791 --> 00:11:04,512Uh, could we have a moment,please?
30300:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,514Fine.You got me.
30400:11:06,548 --> 00:11:09,467I'm steering the Titanicinto the iceberg.
30500:11:09,501 --> 00:11:10,851Why?Are you trying to get fired?
30600:11:10,886 --> 00:11:12,503
I'm trying to get Hankto sell the network,
30700:11:12,521 --> 00:11:13,888and the only wayto make him do that
30800:11:13,939 --> 00:11:16,107
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is to turn it intoa money-losing embarrassment.
30900:11:16,141 --> 00:11:18,609[Gasps]This explains everything.
31000:11:18,643 --> 00:11:20,010How long has thisbeen going on?
31100:11:20,028 --> 00:11:21,612Seven years, eight?
31200:11:21,646 --> 00:11:22,730Six weeks.
31300:11:22,781 --> 00:11:24,348I have an investor lined up
31400:11:24,366 --> 00:11:26,784who'll buy the networkand keep me in charge.
31500:11:26,818 --> 00:11:28,152I can't tell youwho it is,
31600:11:28,186 --> 00:11:29,370
but his word is as good
31700:11:29,404 --> 00:11:31,455as the color consistencyon one of his Easter Eggs.
31800:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,523Adolph Paas?
31900:11:32,541 --> 00:11:34,959
This is wrong, Jack.
32000:11:34,993 --> 00:11:37,745Lemon, I cannot go to anotherbusiness school reunion
32100:11:37,796 --> 00:11:40,998and sit at the non-CEO table
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
26/45
with the...
32200:11:41,032 --> 00:11:42,716Women and nice men.
32300:11:42,751 --> 00:11:44,885You're right, Lemon, the clockis ticking for both of us,
32400:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,588but if I pull this off,it's good for you too.
32500:11:47,639 --> 00:11:50,874You've never worked at aproperly-managed company before.
32600:11:50,892 --> 00:11:52,176That's true.
32700:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,727Before this, I ranan all-women's theater company.
32800:11:53,762 --> 00:11:56,547- Everyone was vice-president.- Think of the job stability.
32900:11:56,565 --> 00:12:00,217
Less stress, a commissarythat has taco Tuesdays again.
33000:12:00,235 --> 00:12:03,270After seven years,you'll finally have a life.
33100:12:03,321 --> 00:12:04,321And what if your plandoesn't work?
33200:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,940Of course, it's a risk,
33300:12:05,991 --> 00:12:08,409but sometimes your only choiceis to blow everything up
334
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
27/45
00:12:08,443 --> 00:12:11,195and build something betterout of the rubble.
33500:12:11,229 --> 00:12:13,948Look at Sherman'smarch to the sea.
33600:12:13,999 --> 00:12:16,617Or what my good friend banetried to do to Gotham.
33700:12:16,668 --> 00:12:17,701Join me, Lemon.
33800:12:17,735 --> 00:12:19,170Help me tank NBC.
33900:12:19,204 --> 00:12:22,957
Never. You're playingwith peoples' lives here.
34000:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,074Who do you think you are?
34100:12:24,092 --> 00:12:26,410God, we're ready for you.
34200:12:30,915 --> 00:12:34,351
If there is one thingI have realized from being God,
34300:12:34,386 --> 00:12:35,936it's that the more you know,
34400:12:35,971 --> 00:12:38,556the more you realizeyou do not...
345
00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:39,557Know.
34600:12:39,591 --> 00:12:40,858Why is helearning anything?
34700:12:40,892 --> 00:12:42,726
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28/45
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
29/45
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
30/45
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
31/45
a surprise wedding,
38600:14:25,196 --> 00:14:26,396you're gonna wantto carry around
38700:14:26,414 --> 00:14:28,065your bridesmaid's dresswith you at all times.
38800:14:28,083 --> 00:14:31,068Look how great this isgonna look next to me.
38900:14:31,086 --> 00:14:32,419You know I can'twear green, Jenna.
39000:14:32,454 --> 00:14:35,623
The clinique lady saysI have witch undertones.
39100:14:35,674 --> 00:14:36,924Liz,this isn't about you.
39200:14:36,958 --> 00:14:39,009Now, tonight, we havea tasting with the caterer.
39300:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,127It's gonna bemolecular gastronomy.
39400:14:40,178 --> 00:14:43,013The cakeis a tasteless foam.
39500:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,515[Deep voice]
There's no cake?
39600:14:44,549 --> 00:14:45,849Tonight on NBC...
39700:14:45,884 --> 00:14:47,051Tank it,
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
32/45
39800:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,585the reality eventof the year
39900:14:48,603 --> 00:14:50,087where we make grandpasput on tank tops
40000:14:50,105 --> 00:14:52,189and then laugh at them.
40100:14:52,223 --> 00:14:53,641Tank it.
40200:14:53,692 --> 00:14:56,527You know what?I can't do anything tonight.
403
00:14:56,561 --> 00:15:01,264Because tonight is your surprisebachelorette party! Aah!
40400:15:01,283 --> 00:15:03,600Aah! No way!You planned it already?
40500:15:03,618 --> 00:15:06,570Sure. And you shouldget your hopes way up.
40600:15:06,604 --> 00:15:08,238See you at my apartmentat 8:00.
40700:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,157Your apartment?Why?
40800:15:10,208 --> 00:15:12,275
It's a surprise.
40900:15:12,294 --> 00:15:14,828And there's nothing worsethan a surprise Lemon party.
41000:15:24,610 --> 00:15:26,543Kenneth,
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
33/45
darling,
41100:15:26,583 --> 00:15:28,691why don't you run outand get dessert?
41200:15:28,697 --> 00:15:31,666Oh, but we havegovernment ice cream.
41300:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,202And that's what you'regonna serve to Tracy Jordan?
41400:15:34,220 --> 00:15:36,137I'm as shockedas anybody.
41500:15:36,172 --> 00:15:38,757
Oh, uh, okay.
41600:15:38,808 --> 00:15:40,008Oh, maybe the nicevending machine
41700:15:40,042 --> 00:15:42,594at the prisonis working again.
418
00:15:45,881 --> 00:15:47,098You're a real man,Tracy Jordan,
41900:15:47,149 --> 00:15:48,316playing it cool all night
42000:15:48,351 --> 00:15:50,485while I rubbed your footunder the table.
42100:15:50,519 --> 00:15:51,987My foot?
42200:15:52,021 --> 00:15:54,072No.That's shoe stuffing.
423
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
34/45
00:15:54,106 --> 00:15:56,441It helps keepthe shape of my shoes.
42400:15:56,492 --> 00:15:59,194Why was yourubbing my foot anyway?
42500:16:01,747 --> 00:16:03,031Please.
42600:16:03,065 --> 00:16:05,000You knowwhat's happening here.
42700:16:05,034 --> 00:16:08,119I never knowwhat's happening anywhere.
428
00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:09,838[Giggling]
42900:16:09,872 --> 00:16:13,041Okay, let's getthis party started!
43000:16:13,075 --> 00:16:16,928Ooh, I smell Italian guys.
431
00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:19,714What is this?
43200:16:19,748 --> 00:16:21,082It's yourbachelorette party.
43300:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,251Bethany from work is here,and a bunch of my neighbors,
43400:16:23,269 --> 00:16:24,636a clown.
43500:16:24,687 --> 00:16:27,255And there'sa God cop marathon on NBC.
436
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35/45
00:16:27,273 --> 00:16:28,440I think Espositolied to us.
43700:16:28,474 --> 00:16:30,976What do you mean "you think"?You're God!
43800:16:31,027 --> 00:16:32,811I don't understandthe rules of this.
43900:16:32,862 --> 00:16:34,529Let us pray.
44000:16:34,563 --> 00:16:36,398To whom?
44100:16:36,432 --> 00:16:37,482
Before you say anything,
44200:16:37,533 --> 00:16:39,484I have one moresurprise for you.
44300:16:39,535 --> 00:16:42,404Officer, we're ready!
44400:16:42,438 --> 00:16:45,440
Oh, thank God.
44500:16:45,458 --> 00:16:47,909Listen up, ladies.You're all in a lot of trouble
44600:16:47,943 --> 00:16:51,112if you don't protect yourselvesagainst identity theft.
447
00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:53,281Please take a pamphlet,pass them along.
44800:16:53,299 --> 00:16:55,583Okay, you're upset.
44900:16:55,617 --> 00:16:56,835
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
36/45
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
37/45
And if he ever wakes upfrom that coma, I'm dead!
46300:17:25,481 --> 00:17:27,815That's whyI live for today.
46400:17:27,833 --> 00:17:30,785You're just using Kenneth,and I'm telling him everything!
46500:17:30,819 --> 00:17:33,588Whatever.Go ahead and try.
46600:17:33,622 --> 00:17:35,340I'm gonna have to try?
46700:17:35,374 --> 00:17:38,593
Worst night ever!
46800:17:38,627 --> 00:17:40,011[Crash]
46900:17:40,046 --> 00:17:41,329Just ask one of your famousfriends to be maid of honor!
47000:17:41,347 --> 00:17:43,598
Why do you think I asked youin the first place?
47100:17:43,632 --> 00:17:45,666Because you're not famous!
47200:17:45,685 --> 00:17:47,719You think I wantsomeone up there with me
473
00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:49,054that other peopleare looking at?
47400:17:49,105 --> 00:17:50,338I wanted youbecause you're nothing!
475
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38/45
00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:51,606[Glass breaks][Screams]
47600:17:51,640 --> 00:17:52,840Yeah, I get it.
47700:17:52,858 --> 00:17:54,309You didn't wantto get Pippa Middleton.
47800:17:54,343 --> 00:17:56,811Why would youeven mention her?
47900:17:56,845 --> 00:17:58,980[Crash]
48000:17:59,014 --> 00:18:02,517
Who's gonna bemy maid of honor now, Liz?
48100:18:02,535 --> 00:18:03,568Nobody.
48200:18:03,619 --> 00:18:06,287From the rubble,I will build.
483
00:18:06,322 --> 00:18:08,656Are you talking about meunderneath your breath?
48400:18:08,690 --> 00:18:10,024Jenna, that's it.
48500:18:10,042 --> 00:18:11,826Nobody will beyour maid of honor
48600:18:11,860 --> 00:18:13,495because there's onlyone person who can be.
48700:18:13,529 --> 00:18:14,695You.
488
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39/45
00:18:14,714 --> 00:18:17,165- What? That's crazy.- Think about it.
48900:18:17,199 --> 00:18:19,167There would be nobodyto steal your spotlight.
49000:18:19,201 --> 00:18:22,754In fact, you wouldhave two spotlights.
49100:18:22,805 --> 00:18:26,307I think the maid of honorshould sing at my wedding.
49200:18:26,342 --> 00:18:27,708Sure.
493
00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:29,427And she could do a fashionshow that takes the audience
49400:18:29,478 --> 00:18:31,045all the way throughthe wedding night.
49500:18:31,063 --> 00:18:32,514And what if she came inin a wheelchair,
49600:18:32,548 --> 00:18:37,102and then stood up, and everyoneapplauded and cried?
49700:18:37,153 --> 00:18:40,021I know you doubted me, but nowyou see my plan could work.
49800:18:40,055 --> 00:18:42,824
So what do you say?
49900:18:42,858 --> 00:18:44,225Are you on board, Liz?
50000:18:44,243 --> 00:18:45,660You just called me Liz!
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
40/45
50100:18:45,694 --> 00:18:47,162Oh, we can fix thatin the cutting room.
50200:18:47,196 --> 00:18:48,696Uh, Jonathan...
50300:18:48,730 --> 00:18:50,865Where's my car?
50400:18:55,204 --> 00:18:59,841Kenneth, I have somethingI need to tell you.
50500:18:59,875 --> 00:19:03,011Last night when you left,Hazel came on to me
506
00:19:03,045 --> 00:19:04,629'cause she wants meto put her in a movie.
50700:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,747Hazel, is this true?
50800:19:06,766 --> 00:19:09,467Yeah, it is true.
509
00:19:09,518 --> 00:19:10,585Not!
51000:19:10,603 --> 00:19:11,919What I said was
51100:19:11,937 --> 00:19:14,522I would never sleep with Tracyfor a part in a movie.
512
00:19:14,557 --> 00:19:17,308Oh, please, you would love forme to fall asleep on top of you.
51300:19:17,359 --> 00:19:18,893Come on,Kenmore washers and dryers,
514
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
41/45
00:19:18,928 --> 00:19:20,695who you gonna believe here?
51500:19:20,729 --> 00:19:23,264- My best friend.- Not really.
51600:19:23,282 --> 00:19:25,766- And my girlfriend.- You wish.
51700:19:25,785 --> 00:19:27,768Well, I alwaysbelieve you, sir,
51800:19:27,787 --> 00:19:29,320because you're on television.
51900:19:29,371 --> 00:19:31,706
And webisodes.
52000:19:31,740 --> 00:19:33,708But yesterday you told meour women are queens,
52100:19:33,742 --> 00:19:34,942and they're always right,
52200:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,213
which means I shouldbelieve Hazel.
52300:19:38,247 --> 00:19:40,782But that would make you wrong,Mr. Jordan.
52400:19:40,816 --> 00:19:43,418And you've never been wrongabout anything before.
52500:19:43,452 --> 00:19:45,253It's a blessingand a purse.
52600:19:45,287 --> 00:19:48,640You can't both be right.
527
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42/45
00:19:52,895 --> 00:19:55,230Unless Hazelis always right.
52800:19:55,264 --> 00:19:58,299But only because you said so,Mr. Jordan,
52900:19:58,317 --> 00:20:01,603which meansyou're right too.
53000:20:01,637 --> 00:20:05,273And both sides being rightis like kissing your sister.
53100:20:05,307 --> 00:20:08,276A wonderful treat!
532
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:09,744[Laughs]
53300:20:09,778 --> 00:20:11,246Bad move, Jordan.
53400:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,481We'll see who's stillworking here in six months.
535
00:20:13,499 --> 00:20:16,034My hearing is badbecause of firecrackers,
53600:20:16,085 --> 00:20:19,037but we'll see who's stillworking here in six months.
53700:20:19,088 --> 00:20:21,489- That's what I just said.- What?
53800:20:21,507 --> 00:20:22,874Okay, I get it.
53900:20:22,925 --> 00:20:24,659Sometimes tanking itis the only option.
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
43/45
54000:20:24,677 --> 00:20:26,094What did you do?
54100:20:26,128 --> 00:20:29,597Fake a sprained ankle to getout of that breast health 5k?
54200:20:29,632 --> 00:20:30,831No, I did that.
54300:20:30,850 --> 00:20:32,500I forgot my sports bra,so ironically...
54400:20:32,518 --> 00:20:33,801Uh, it doesn't matter,Lemon.
545
00:20:33,835 --> 00:20:36,521I'm just gladthat you've seen the light.
54600:20:36,555 --> 00:20:40,975Now, help me tank NBC,and you'll be helping yourself.
54700:20:41,009 --> 00:20:42,227You'll have it all.
54800:20:42,278 --> 00:20:44,395Jack, it's 9:30in the morning.
54900:20:44,446 --> 00:20:46,981We're not trying to doa good job here, Lemon.
55000:20:47,015 --> 00:20:48,116Now, what do you say?
55100:20:48,150 --> 00:20:51,686Are you in?
55200:20:51,704 --> 00:20:53,621Let's takethis mother down.
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
44/45
55300:21:00,658 --> 00:21:02,742- Next word, "sent."- I don't care.
55400:21:02,780 --> 00:21:05,282Okay, "cent" like a penny.Whatever.
55500:21:05,333 --> 00:21:06,733No! Sorry, no.
55600:21:06,751 --> 00:21:09,502Oh, it's a homonymdouble down.
55700:21:09,537 --> 00:21:10,754Means youget to guess again.
55800:21:10,788 --> 00:21:11,788- "Sent."- Okay, um...
55900:21:11,839 --> 00:21:15,125Then "scent"like a smell or an odor.
56000:21:15,176 --> 00:21:17,010No. It's the third one.
56100:21:17,044 --> 00:21:18,578[Bleep] Yourself!
56200:21:18,596 --> 00:21:20,413Next word is "au pere."
56300:21:20,431 --> 00:21:21,965What? There is onlyone definition.
56400:21:22,016 --> 00:21:23,583It's like a nanny,a foreign nanny.
56500:21:23,601 --> 00:21:24,751No! You forgot.
8/12/2019 30 Rock - 07x01 - The Beginning of the End
45/45
56600:21:24,769 --> 00:21:26,436It could also be an exclamationabout a fruit,
56700:21:26,470 --> 00:21:28,305as in, "oh, pear!"
56800:21:28,356 --> 00:21:30,190What you are doing hereis not right!
56900:21:30,224 --> 00:21:32,525I'm... I'm leaving.[Laughs]
57000:21:34,269 --> 00:21:39,269Sync, corrections by dr.jacksonfor www.addic7ed.com