2062.ppt

Today’s Mind Menu

• A philosophy of communication (we are not born communicators)

• Character and personality ethics

• Turning behaviors into character

• Empathetic Listening

• Supportive/Defensive Communication

• Conflict – the bright side

• Dialogic Listening

A Philosophy of Courageous Communication

• Self – critical analysis

• Listening, the most used and least taught communication skill

• Kaizen

• Honesty with self and others

Courageous Communication

• We sometimes teach people to lie, based on how we respond when they speak the truth

Character vs. Personality Ethics

• Character ethic - people experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate sound principles into basic character

• Personality ethic - success is a matter of personality, public image, attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques that lubricate interaction

Character vs. Personality Ethics

• In character based ethic, others come to rely on our strong character and dependability

• In personality ethic people may only know us based on a given situation, or how we present ourselves rather than who we are

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

• An approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness that is:

– Principle centered

– Character based

– Inside-out

A View from the Inside Out

• When we want to change a situation, we must first change ourselves

• Who/what we are communicates far more than what we do

• The way we actually see the problem might be the problem

Habits Become Character

• Be proactive – response-ability

• Begin with the end in mind - collaborative

• Put first things first – prioritize

• Think win/win – abundant and creative

• Seek to understand before seeking to be understood – empathy and dialogue

• Synergy – creative collaboration

• Rest

Empathetic Listening

• Sympathy, Apathy, Empathy, Monologue, Dialogue

• Empathetic listening

• Dialogic listening

• Confirming communication

“Paths” in Communication

• Sympathy – feeling an emotion for or about another person “I feel ___ for you.”

– Tends to have “me” orientation

• Apathy – lack of feeling

– Tends to have no orientation

• Empathy - Ability to view and understand issues from another person’s perspective, being other oriented

Empathetic Listening

• Listening to help another person empower themselves to work through (find resolution) their own issues

• “Give a person a fish…”

The Empathetic “Hand-up”

1. Define the issue

2. Analyze the issue

3. Generate solutions

4. Pick a solution and visualize how the solution will be achieve

5. Evaluate the success

Empathetic Skills and Challenges

• “Paraphrase plus” – listen reflectively

• Support disclosure

• Don’t interrupt

• Avoid giving advice

• Self reflection – “what did I do well, what could I have done better”

Confirming Communication

• People know that we value them and the relationship

• People feel acknowledged and directly respond to

• People know we understand their feelings and thoughts

• People feel supported

• People know we have positive regard

Dia-logic

• Reasoning together to produce solutions

• Dialogue – a discussion between two people

• Dialogic listening – listening to work through issues that are occurring within a relationship; being “we” oriented and empowering a relationship

What Creates Conflict?

• Interdependent people perceive incompatible goals and interference from the other in achieving them

• Conflict is fear based

Nature of Conflict—True or False?

1. If two people engage in relationship conflict, it means their relationship is in trouble

2. Conflict hurts an interpersonal relationship

3. Conflict is bad because it reveals our negative selves (our pettiness, our need to be in control, our unreasonable expectations)

Types of Conflict

• Pseudo

• Ego

• Issue

The Dialogic “Hand-shake”

1. Both people describe perceptions of problem as well as their feelings about it

2. Both describe circumstances in which problem occurs

3. Both describe what they would like to see happen; generate solutions to the problem

4. Mutually choose solution and visualize the plan to carry it out

5. Each describes how they will know the solution has been successful or unsuccessful

Dialogic Skills and Challenges

• Try to address problems in the present

• Be clear about the intent of the discussion

• Keep problems “between” people rather than “on top” of people

• Learn how to “paraphrase plus” – listen reflectively

Dialogic Skills and Challenges

• Support disclosure

• Don’t interrupt

• Ask for clarification when necessary, don’t assume

• Try to think “we” rather than “me/you”

Defensive Climate

• Evaluation vs. description

You and I statements

• Control vs. problem orientation

My way, as opposed to our way

• Strategy vs. spontaneity

Pre-planned communication for outcome, rather than here/now

Defensive Climate

• Neutrality vs. empathy

Uninvolved with other’s views, instead of seeing their views

• Superiority vs. equality

I’m ok, you’re not; rather than we’re ok

• Certainty vs. provisionalism

Mind is made up, rather than flexibility