2014 Devon Tour Magazine - Southgate Compton Cricket Club · 9) Which writer created Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? 10) Don Wales is the grandson and nephew of men who drove the world record

2014 Devon Tour Magazine

www.southgatecompton.com

Intro and our accommodation Ladram Bay Holiday Park Otterton EX9 7BX

http://www.ladrambay.co.uk/

Whitsun half term is here again, and its time to decamp from Sunny Cockfosters to the tropical climes of Devon for our 54th tour.

Ladram Bay …….……historic picture of Ladram Bay, the last time blue sky was seen in 1904.

Tour Manager – Ron “Special Brew” Masters

Tour manager duties are again with the Special Brew Masters. Please treat everything Special Brew says with the respect it deserves. Any problems, questions, medical issues, intellectual posers please contact the Special One in the first instance. SB will be in ultimate charge of affairs and will decide on discipline, team selection, diet, and tidal flows.

Accommodation Caravan 87 Ron Gary Robbie Peri Duke

Caravan 89 Chloe Dave Graham

Caravan 90 Andy Liam Roxanne

JOKES

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.

Jenny Pierson’s neighbour (left, in green) is shocked to get this response when she asks Jenny to demonstrate her favourite sex position. Geoff, you old dog!

Apparently, boneless melons are in vogue this year!

Whilst Linda won’t be with us this year, owing to her having to go to Sweden for some cosmetic surgery to have her hand removed from her purse, there are plenty of things you can see in the Devon countryside to remind you of this lovable old dear……

The Sidmouth Chinese Restaurant “Master Ye Not” has taken steps to prevent another incident by banning the entire Southgate Compton touring side.

"Mrs Lawless...... we're going to let

you back up now as there are some

inspectors coming to Barnet Council

offices. Now remember, you have a

sore throat and can't speak."

What would the drummer in the Mexican Beatles be called?

Gringo Starr

Where's the best place in South Africa to get a Batman outfit?

Cape Town

What did the 0 say to the 8……Nice belt!

A guy walks into a bar with a set of jump leads…the bartender

says, buddy, I’ll serve you as long as you don’t start anything

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the

bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.

Two cows are sitting in a field, and one says to the other, “so,

how about that mad cow disease? Scary stuff, right?” To

which to other replies, “terrifying. But what do I care? I’m a

helicopter.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an

agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who lays awake at

night wondering if there really is a dog.

Sudoku Instructions for everyone except Ron Complete the grid with the numbers 1-9 in every row and column and in each 9 space square. Instructions for Ron Colour in the empty boxes.

Starting with the highlighted letter follow a continuous path to find lots of fishy things. The trail passes through each and every letter just once and may twist up, down or sideways but never diagonally.

Ronnie’s

General

Knowledge

Crossword

The real reason Pete no longer works on the post.....he can’t swim!

"Please trust me Shahid, I've

smuggled dozens of tablecloths out of the hotel this way"

General Knowledge Crossword II

Never again would Pete Creed ask for a 55 inch plasma screen TV to watch the World Cup.....

Sat Nav M25 to M3 J6 onto A303 Take A30 to Honiton At Honiton take A375 to Sidmouth At Sidford turn right onto A3052 Turn left onto the B3178 (Exmouth Rd) After 3 miles, at roundabout, 1

st exit onto Sleap Hill

(signposted Otterton) Continue to Fore St, then Bell Street Bear left onto Ladram Road Sharp right onto Lower Ladram Lane

Destination EX9 7BX

Restaurants La Rosetta (Italian) An italian – need we say more? High St, Newton Poppleford, EX10 0DW 01395 568136

Sidmouth Tandoori (Indian)

For all you curriholics, a reasonable curry house. 7, Radway Place, Sidmouth, EX10 8PY 01395 579944

Brown's Restaurant & Wine Bar

The best cocktails, wine list and food in the area. 33, Fore St, Sidmouth, Devon, EX10 8AQ 01395 516724

Wheelwrights Pub Very Pleasant pub which does good pub food and more substantial meals in the back.

Wheelwright Inn Swan Hill Rd Colyford Colyton EX24 6QQ 01297 552585

The Chattery 67, High St, Sidmouth, Devon EX10 8LE 01395 515853

Willow Tree Restaurant Church St, Sidmouth, Devon EX10 8LZ 01395 514890

The Old Clockhouse 12, Fore St, Sidbury, Sidmouth, Devon EX10 0SD 01395 597322

Hare & Hounds Inn Putts Corner, Sidbury, Sidmouth, Devon EX10 0QQ 01404 41760

Neil's Restaurant Radway Place,Vicarige Rd, Sidmouth, Devon EX10 8TL 01395 519494

The following are Devon country sayings. Try a few out in the pubs and cricket grounds and see how you get on. When entering a pub, I would suggest “I’m right achuucked, I’ve been oofing and querking all day, and that witpot filled Zart, Ron Masters, has been snishums and gurt noodling since yawning”.

Apple drain = a wasp Idden = not Rimy = damp cold

Achuucked = thirsty Jit = slight push Raymes = a skeleton

Back se fore = wrong way round Jannie fortnight = commercial traveller Snishums = sneezing

Blid - a poor person Jibber = horse that won't go Steeved = numbed with cold

Bullums = sloes Kiffy = left handed Tatie trap = the mouth

Cawtch = a mess Kone = top of a bank or hedge Tea drinkers = a pair of soft best boots

Chaynee-eyed = squinting Lent rosums = daffodils Tid'n Vitty = ill fitting

Clat = lump of earth Leary = hungry Umby = later in the evening

Drumbeldrone = bumble bee Mascalls = caterpillars Ulking = big and heavy

Dranget = a crowd of folks Maze as a brush = being silly Ump = 'enough to drive me maze'

Dummon = wife Mommet = scarecrow Vake = sulky temper

Emtin cloam = drinking Nomye = no Vamp dish = a font

Eval = dung fork No nort = not having much sense Vitty = a job well done

Elfs = handles for tools Oodwail = green woodpecker Weest = sickly

Flass = fleece of wool Oof = cough Witpot = nonsense

Flink = to sprinkle Ort = anything Wipswile = now and again

Folshid = cheated Phizog = a person's face Yessle or yessling = fidgeting

Gakeing = day dreaming Pinswell = a festering boil Yawning = lambing time

Gurt noodle = acting silly Palsh = walking slowly Zart = daft

Hollee = to shout loudly Querking = grunting Zule = plough

Hooskey = hoarse Raim = to get up and stretch Zummit = something

Ronnie Master’s Famous Tour Quiz...

Lucky Numbers?

1) How many colours are there in the visible spectrum? 2) How many points are awarded to the winning car in a Formula 1 Grand Prix? 3) Who many operas are there in Richard Wagner's Ring cycle? 4) Denoting the original number of states in the Union, how many stripes are there on the flag of the U.S.A.? 5) How many hours from Tulsa was Gene Pitney in a 1963 hit? 6) How old (in years) is somewhat wayward pop star Miley Cyrus? 7) How many zeros are there following the 1 in the number called a Googol? 8) How many paintings did Vincent van Gogh sell in his lifetime? 9) How many milligrams are there in a kilogram? 10) Which number Boeing plane is also called the Dreamliner?

Here in My Car

1) From which country do Škoda cars come? 2) Lexus cars are the luxury division of which Japanese car firm? 3) Which actor played Michael Knight, driver of the modified Pontiac Firebird Trans Am KITT, in Knight Rider? 4) Both Rolls-Royce and Mini are now owned by which German car firm? 5) Which island country has the international vehicle registration letter M? 6) Which Italian car marque has over the years used a number of Greek letters for its models, such as Gamma,

Theta, Lambda and currently Delta? 7) Defender, Freelander and Discovery are models of which car brand? 8) Where in Britain are cars whose numberplate begins with the letter C registered? 9) Which writer created Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? 10) Don Wales is the grandson and nephew of men who drove the world record breaking Bluebird cars and currently

does so himself. What was the surname of his illustrious predecessors? Mixed Bag 1) On what island was Bob Marley born in 1945? 2) In the card game of Blackjack or Pontoon, what are the two values an ace can have? 3) Three members of which band face paying millions of pounds of tax after a scheme they were in was declared to

be one of tax avoidance? 4) The title of which British legal official is abbreviated as DPP? 5) Which business-orientated newspaper has the largest weekday circulation of newspapers in America? 6) Who is the current reigning champion of Celebrity Big Brother? 7) What was the name of the Austrian act which won the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest? 8) Which country gained independence from Indonesia in May 2002? 9) Who has held the world men's long jump record of 8.95 metres since setting it in 1991 at the World

Championships in Tokyo? 10) According to the proverb, necessity is the mother of what?

What's in a Name?

1) Which capital city has a name that is the Spanish for "good winds"? 2) What was the name of Sherlock Holmes' older brother? 3) Played by Dawn French, what was the name of the Vicar of Dibley? 4) Desdemona is the wife of which titular Shakespeare character? 5) Which type of German wine has a name which translates into English as "the milk of the Virgin Mary"? 6) Parts of which two stations are combined to make the name of the brown-coloured line on the London

Underground map? 7) What is the name of the character played by Sue Nicholls in Coronation Street? 8) The only monarch of the country to have this name, who was King of England between Henry I and Henry II? 9) Beethoven's Sixth Symphony and Vaughan Williams's Third both share which nickname? 10) After the suicide of Ian Curtis, what name did the remaining members of Joy Division adopt for their new band?

Living in the Past

1) When he acceded to the British throne in 1714, George I was Elector of which city-state in Germany? 2) Who designed St Paul's Cathedral and numerous London churches after the Great Fire? 3) In which country did the Tokugawa Shoguns exercise power from 1603 to 1868? 4) Spain was effectively established as a country after Queen Isabella of Castile-Leon married King Ferdinand II of

where? 5) Which inventor made the first long-distance telephone call, from New York to Chicago in 1892? 6) What is the only surname common to a U.S. President and a U.K. Prime Minister in the twentieth century? 7) In which modern-day country was the Toltec civilisation based around the end of the first millennium A.D.? 8) Which city did Rome defeat in the Punic Wars? 9) In which century AD was the Prophet Muhammad born? 10) On their beheadings, Thomas Cromwell in 1540 and Robert Devereux in 1601 both held the title of Earl of which

county?

On the Big Screen

1) Which cinematic monster made his debut in a 1954 Toho Film movie, and has made numerous appearances since?

2) Who plays Dr Watson opposite Robert Downey Jr.'s Sherlock Holmes? 3) What is the name of the Princess voiced by Cameron Diaz in the Shrek films? 4) In Four Weddings and a Funeral, who plays Gareth, whose death during the film provides the funeral of the title? 5) Who starred as Wayne Campbell in the two Wayne's World films? 6) In the 1951 Ronald Reagan film Bedtime for Bonzo, who or what was the titular Bonzo? 7) Sir Alec Guinness won his only Oscar for his performance as Colonel Nicholson in which 1957 film? 8) In which film does Russell Brand play out-of-control rock star Aldous Snow? 9) Which New Zealand-born director won an Oscar for best screenplay for her film The Piano? 10) In which film does Michael Fassbender play a musician who wears a giant papier-mâché head?

Tour Teams and Details The teams are subject to change due to weather and other factors

Teams Tipton St John Clyst Hydon Budleigh Kilmington

Date Monday 26th May Tuesday 27th May Wed 28th May Thursday 29th May

What to do in the morning

Putting competition Sidmouth

Throw eggs at a passing politician.

Sri Lanka v England (Old Trafford)

Have a swim before breakfast

Where to lunch

The Golden Lion Inn Tipton St. John, EX10 0AA

The Five Bells Inn, Clyst Hydon, EX15 2NT

The Salterton Arms, 22 Chapel Street, EX9 6LX

Old Inn EX13 7RB New Inn EX13 7SF

Contact 01395 568198 Jeremy Gillham

01404 822692 John Bowden

01392 431434 Lloyd White

01297 33203 David Lavender

Start time 2.30pm *** 12 noon *** 2.30pm 2.30pm

Captain Liam Andy Liam Geoff

Keeper Andy Liam Andy

Robbie Robbie Liam

Robbie Chloe Chloe Robbie

Chloe Peri Peri Peri

Tea money Peri Ed Greg Mike

Beer for oppo Geoff Mike A player

Willo B player

Mark S Willo

Umpire Derek Bracewell Derek Bracewell Derek Bracewell Ian Day

Scorer Any players welcome!