2013 Labor Day Issue - Concerned United Birthparentswith adoption. Like the cheese touch, the latest word for coo-ties, adoption touched my life and I’m stuck with it. It seems terribly

Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.

CUB COMMUNICATOR Established nationally since 1976 LABOR DAY ISSUE 2013

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Marks of Passage by Kim Demko, September 2000

You asked me questions of the aftermath of your arrival I answered as best I could. I got home to an image Of a Sea Turtle digging furiously in the sand To safely deposit her eggs. Behind her was a symmetrical series of marks in the sand, The marks of her passage to this moment in time. The turtle does as nature drives her, To deposit her offspring in as safe a place as she can construct. Then, she returns to the sea, knowing that she has done The best she can do To ensure the survival of her children.

Surrender and Subordination: Birth Mothers and Adoption Law Reform

by Elizabeth J. Samuels University of Baltimore - School of Law

20 Michigan Journal of Gender and Law 33 (2013)

Abstract: For more than 30 years adoption law reform advocates have been seeking to restore for adult adoptees the right to access their original birth certificates, a right that was lost in all but two states between the late 1930s and 1990. The advocates have faced strong opposition and have succeeded only in re-cent years and only in eight states. Among the most vigorous advocates for access are “birth mothers” who surrendered their children during a time it was believed that adoption

would relieve unmarried women of shame and restore them to a respectable life. The birth mother advocates say that when they surrendered their children, their wishes were subordinated and their voices silenced. They say they want to be heard now as they raise their voices in support of adult adoptees’ rights to information in government records about the adoptees' original identities. Opponents of restoring access, in “women-protective rhetoric” reminiscent of recent anti-abortion efforts, argue that access would harm birth mothers, violating their rights and bringing shame anew through unwanted exposure of out-of-wedlock births. Opponents say they must speak for birth moth-ers who cannot come forward to speak for themselves. Birth mother advocates respond that the impetus historically for closing records was to protect adoptive families from public

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Grumpy Turtle by Beth Jaffe — drawn 8 months post surrender in 1990.

AUGUST 2013 CUB COMMUNICATOR PAGE 2

The CUB Communicator

is an occasional newsletter published by Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.

Please send submissions (max.800 words) to: [email protected]

Or use the online submission form at: http://cubirthparents.submittable.com/submit

Visit our website at www.CUBirthparents.org Find us on Facebook at http://tinyurl.com/3rwafo2

Moving?

Please send address updates to: Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.

PO Box 341442 Los Angeles, CA 90034-9442

USA Or to [email protected]

The opinions expressed by individual contributors in this publication are not necessarily those of

Concerned United Birthparents, Inc. ©2013

Readers are encouraged to copy and share but to credit The CUB Communicator

Mission Statement

Concerned United

Birthparents, Inc.

provides support for all

family members separated by

adoption and resources to

help prevent unnecessary

family separations; educates

the public about the life-long

impact on all touched by

adoption; and advocates for fair

and ethical adoption laws,

policies, and practices.

Editor’s Note: Hello and thanks for reading this newsletter! Ever wonder why I put in the effort to do this? I wonder because actually I’m pretty dang busy raising three young boys, working at our software company, and keeping myself sane which is really a full time job all by itself. I’m an artist who needs lots of quiet time, time for exercising, and time for making art. But here I am fitting in this volunteer job too. I’ve decided I do it because of you, but also because this helps me live with being a birthmother.

This issue has been a labor of love for me. The real challenge has been finding the heart to do it. Sometimes I just want to give up being involved and facing the fact that I still live with adoption. Like the cheese touch, the latest word for coo-ties, adoption touched my life and I’m stuck with it. It seems terribly wrong to touch anyone else in order to get rid of it, like I would if I were playing cooties tag in elementary school. So, I hold it close and try to protect those near me from getting caught with it too. This is heavy impossible work.

Recently I was particularly disheartened to learn that CUB is struggling to prove its relevance to one of my favorite online resources : Wikipedia. We could use some help leading and working through the issues CUB has to face as an organiza-tion. Please consider getting more involved and being more active. Visit our website and our Facebook page. Look for updates and ways to get involved including going to Wikipedia and making comments or writing letters about

recent issues such as the Baby Veronica case where a mili-tary father and Native American is struggling to end an ille-gal adoption and raise his daughter. Being aware and active can be mission impossible, but it can be fun and worth the effort too.

My best solution to facing the impossible: take little steps and never give up. It’s a treat to find others who really un-derstand. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean. And you inspire me. I’m writing to fill a little blank spot this newslet-ter had. And I couldn’t stomach dropping another piece of clipart when I really wanted to say thanks for being there and carrying your load. Let’s meet up in California by the sea, drop our load for a bit, catch our breath from this heavy work, and have a good laugh.

The next Communicator will come out sometime in early November, The Holidays Issue. I am going to need your sub-missions! To help you think about what to contribute, here are some ideas: art, photos, personal stories, reunion stories, articles on adoption related issues, poems, and movie or book reviews are always welcome. Use the theme to help direct your thoughts or send something generic for any issue. Contribute online: http://cubirthparents.submittable.com/submit or by good old fashioned US Mail: CUB Editor, 1225 S. 2nd. W., Missoula, MT 59801—be sure to include a stamped return envelope if you want the submission returned.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

~Beth Jaffe


Announcing the 2013 CUB Retreat: Gifts from the Sea

October 11-13 in Carlsbad, CA

Register now to receive the Early Registration price $150 current members $190 non-members (join and pay the $40 annual dues to receive the discounted price) Add $25 late registration fee after September 9th.

There are many great speakers including Kathryn Joyce, author of The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption, Jean Strauss' most recent film: A Simple Piece of Paper, and Lisa Marie Rollins (comedienne) who will have you rolling in the aisles! See old friends, meet new ones, all members of the triad welcome.

Registration price includes all presentations, Friday and Saturday hosted dinners and Sunday hosted breakfast. Price does not in-clude hotel room. You must call the Hilton Garden Inn Carlsbad to reserve your room. The CUB room rate of $130 is only guaran-teed until September 9th, so make your reservations soon. 760-476-0800 Airport info: The Hilton Garden Inn Carlsbad is about 30 miles from the San Diego airport (SAN). Ground transportation is avail-able from Cloud 9 Shuttle, Primetime Shuttle, or Supershuttle for about $50 each way. The Carlsbad airport (CLD) is about 6 miles from the hotel.

Registration form on page 10 of this newsletter. Register on-line, by fax or by mail.

Full details on the schedule and presenters are available on our website:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/


Some Thoughts on Kathryn Joyce’s latest book

“The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption”

By Sarah Burns

If the image of young black boys and girls being taken from small villages in Liberia, West Africa and sent to a remote community in rural Tennessee where the girls are dressed in Amish-style bonnets and layered clothing and the boys are forced to work the land for white families seems strange, or strikes you as improbable or even odd, then prepare yourself to enter the new world of Evangelical Christian adoption in 21st Century America! In this world, you will learn that slav-ery is still with us and is being practiced in this country to-day.

Kathryn Joyce’s latest book “The Child Catchers; Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption,” describes the perils of international adoption and why we should all be aware of the pervasive and negative force that has become virtual “child trafficking” today.

The world she describes about the lives of children taken from their homes in Russia, Rwanda, Haiti, Liberia and Ethiopia and other countries, and adopted into Evangelical homes in the USA will raise your concerns and your worst fears about the new face of the unregulated multi-million dollar adoption industry.

Perhaps more frightening is Joyce’s research on the reason behind the growing trend to adopt “orphans” and raise them in conservative Christian homes throughout the United States. This book is mandatory reading for all adoption re-form advocates and for those curious about where the world’s growing number of so-called “orphans” are coming from and the abuse they suffer once they arrive in the USA. Most fascinating is the WHY they are being adopted, and the new culture of spreading one’s religion by adopting children from other countries, other cultures and other faiths.

CUB members and guests will have the opportunity hear Kathryn Joyce speak about this movement and her new book at its annual RETREAT from October 11 – 13th in Carlsbad, CA. DON’T MISS HER!

********* Photo from flickr “The Commons” - a gallery of photos with no known copyright


The Hearing By Tammy Marquardt

I didn’t want him there. I swear I didn’t. He didn’t support me throughout the process anyway. Why should he get to see it all end? Why should he get to see what he had to have known was going to be the outcome in the end?

My father didn’t understand that he wasn’t welcome to the court hearing that decided whether or not voluntarily termi-nating mine and my boyfriend’s parental rights was the best thing for our son, Dante. I needed my dad for a ride to the courthouse, that’s all. I could have walked but it was the be-ginning of July. Even though it was in Wisconsin, 100+ de-grees is still suicide to walk in. Little did I know I would be walking half of the way home.

Mark, my son’s father, didn’t want my dad there either. If I had told my dad straightforward I didn’t want him there he was sure to assume Mark was behind it. This time, Mark really had no part in it. I wanted to do this alone because that’s how I felt. A sixteen year old, sophomore in high school, doing things as I always did: with little support.

Dad sat in between Mark and I while we waited for the four lawyers and the social worker to arrive. Dad hadn’t showered or shaved that day. He never did anyway I don’t know why I expected him to. I hated it when he went in public for any-thing to do with me. I know that’s typical for most teenagers. They find it embarrassing because god forbid they be caught dead in public with the person who gave them life. Though I didn’t feel these were the same circumstances as the “typical” teenager. Not many teens have parents that refuse to shower except once every three weeks. The stench of ciga-rettes and body odor was his permanent cologne. I hoped where ever we went that I wouldn’t be judged for his appear-ance. There have been so many situations when I didn’t want to claim him as my parent for that reason; adoption meetings, potential adoptive parent meetings, parent/teacher confer-ences, and now this. I was walking around with a chain smoking hobo, not my father.

Mark and I exchanged glances just wanting to get this over with. This had been a day we had been dreading for about a month. Of course, lawyers have to be “fashionably” late.

The first person to arrive at the St. Croix County Court House after we did was Susannah, the social worker. She was a sweet, young woman whom I thought to be unmarried. Dressed in a beautiful sundress like always, she always man-aged to make them look professional. Every meeting I had ever had with her, she wore necklaces where the clasp would slide to the front. It drove me crazy and made it difficult to focus on all the legal information she was giving to me at the time.

Susannah walked in like she had done this a million times. She had a sympathetic expression on her face as if to say, “I know you’re not ready for this, Tonya, but here it comes”. Dad smiled at her, like the elevator had revealed a beautiful goddess instead of a social worker. I found it absolutely re-pulsive that my dad found her attractive. Dad was 55 years old, Susannah had to be half that.

One by one, the three guardians ad litem stepped off the ele-vator. We nodded at each other in acknowledgement, but we had all met a day prior so there wasn’t much to talk about in the eerie silent hallway.

For those who have never had to go into the court system as a minor, a guardian ad litem is a lawyer who looks into the best interest of the minor in question. In this particular case, we needed three of them. One for Dante – age 11 months, one for Mark – age 17, and lastly, one for me – age 16. I liked all three of them. They were good people. Mine had even offered to take me for driving practice since I was still in driver’s education at the time.

Stephen Kosa was the last to arrive, the “legitimate” lawyer who would be asking all the questions in the courtroom. He had a small lisp when he spoke and his hair was a cotton color white. He seemed ready for the day, business as usual.

I felt like such trash sitting near all these nicely dressed, pro-fessional adults. I hadn’t bothered to dress up much. I was losing my rights to the reason I got up in the morning. I had no reason to look or feel beautiful. I didn’t care if the judge saw me dressed as an adult or a child. Mark didn’t look much better, dressed in torn jeans and his favorite Billabong sweatshirt that read “BONG” in big bold print across the front. This environment wasn’t me; I was a good student and a good person. I had no reason to be there outside of a court-room like a criminal.

Before we entered the courtroom, Mark and I met with all four lawyers and Susannah in a cramped room, without my dad. He was asked to wait outside I could tell right then and there he wasn’t very happy. I was trying to send him a mes-sage he wasn’t welcome. Before we left the room, I asked if my dad had to be there, since I was a minor and all.

“Well, no.” Susannah responded sounding a little confused. I suppose she thought I was on good terms with my dad since he was present at almost every meeting.

“Do you want him there?” My guardian ad litem asked, al-most eager to hear me say no. I already explained my home life to her so she understood why I wouldn’t want him there.

Mark and I shook our heads.

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My guardian ad litem told me she would take the fall for wanting him out the courtroom so as to not cause prob-lems in the home. A noble gesture, but I was positive it wouldn’t work. Either way I was going to hear about this at home.

We were all guided in the echoing hall of a courtroom. The courtroom was empty besides Susannah and my dad sitting in the observing benches. The lawyers and the judge had returned after having a private meeting. For the life of me, I can’t remember the judge’s name. He looked like a nice man, casual but professional, re-solved, and wise. We all had to stand up for him. There was no rustling of bodies and paper like you hear on television when everyone is told to rise, when there are only eight in attendance. I had never been in a real court room before. I had no clue where to sit. On television there was always a clear side for the defendant and a clear side for the plaintiff, but there was no dispute here. All we were here for was two parents discussing what they thought was best for their son, mutually.

Mark took a seat at the table on the left with his guard-ian. My guardian and I took a seat at the table on the right.

“Before we begin, judge, I’d like to propose that I don’t think Tonya’s father is essential to be in the courtroom during the hearing.” I heard my lawyer say.

My heart sank. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead…

“Granted.” The judge said with little hesitation.

“I won’t do anything, I’m just sitting here.” My dad pro-tested.

“Mr. Marquardt, you are relieved from the courtroom.”

I couldn’t turn around. I didn’t dare look at the broken-hearted expression on my father’s face. I heard him get out of his seat. Footsteps clunked down the aisle from his shoes then the courtroom doors swung open and clicked shut. I died each time a sound met my ears, hav-ing a feeling I’d more than hear about this when I got home. At the moment, I didn’t really care what hap-pened to me anymore. Dad could burn in hell for all I cared. Maybe now he’d understand the abandonment I had felt this whole time. After my dad left, the trial pro-ceeded as normal.

“Ms. Marquardt, are you the mother of Dante Aleczan-dar Ward?” Kosa asked me. He wasn’t the man I had met on several occasions. It was clear to me this really was just his job. The case wasn’t a matter of winning or losing but it was, in fact, that: a case.

“I am.” I muttered away from the microphone.

“Can you speak louder, Tonya? So the judge can hear you.”

“I am.” I said, speaking up. Feeling like it took too much effort to raise my voice the slightest bit he had asked for.

“And is Mark Rivers the father?”

“Yes.”

“Are there any other possible fathers?”

“No.” I stated a little louder than I should have. I was a little offended by what the question insinuated but I knew it was a routine one that he had to ask. My blood boiled as he spoke again.

“Are you sure?”

“YES.”

I couldn’t look at Mark either. For the year and nine months that I had been with him I had learned most of his habits. He had been living with me under my dad and stepmother’s roof for too long—11months—of the time we had been together. I could imagine him clench-ing his fists underneath the table, unable to handle the stresses that were going on around him. I knew he felt that he failed his son. I wasn’t sure what to tell him. I know he didn’t but I could not convince him of that.

“Tonya, do you understand that there are other options for placement of your son? Foster care, temporary fam-ily placement, and so on.” Kosa continued.

“Yes.”

“And they’ve been explained to you?”

“Yes.”

I was getting sick of the yes/no questions. This entire day was completely impersonal. Just “insert your name here” and “insert child’s name there”. My world was becoming part of a template that I had no control over.

Kosa said something to Dante’s guardian. The guardian asked for a moment to prepare quickly. The judge took that moment to speak to Mark and me, for the first time, like we were people.

He spoke softly, saying a few words that I could never forget, “I understand this is a difficult day for you both, and even for me. To be honest, I would rather put some-one in jail for life than take away a child from his fam-ily.”

I should have felt a few moments of guilt when he said that but I didn’t. I felt like I could trust the man. Unlike Kosa, the judge seemed to care about the people he was dealing with rather than the work. Not every teenager that went through his halls was a delinquent, not every-one was a screw up.

Dante’s guardian was ready to continue after reorganiz-ing a few papers. I thought my guardian was getting


scrutiny and from interference by birth parents, rather than to protect birth mothers from being identified in the future by their children. They maintain that birth moth-ers did not choose and were not legally guaranteed life-long anonymity. They point out that when laws that have restored access have been challenged, courts have found neither statutory guarantees of nor constitutional rights to anonymity. They also offer evidence that an overwhelming majority of birth mothers are open to contact with their now grown children. As a means of assessing these competing claims, this article analyzes the provisions in a collection of birth mother surrender documents assembled by the author — seventy-five mid-twentieth century documents executed in twenty-six different states. In order to establish the significance of the provisions with respect to these claims, the article first relates depictions by birth moth-ers of a journey from silence to legislative advocacy. The article then examines the conflicting claims about birth mothers that pervade legislative contests over adult

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ready to take notes but suddenly on her notepad ap-peared the doodling of a flower, one of those simple ones with the five oval petals. I rolled my eyes as Kosa began to ask Mark the same questions he had asked me.

I started to zone out. Every word spoken started to slur together until my name was called again.

“Ms. Marquardt, why do you think terminating your parental rights is the best thing for your son?”

My heart and mind had been waiting for this question. I had been asked it several times even before entering the courtroom by friends, family, the adoption agency, school counselors, and the list goes on. Oddly enough, every time I answered my response was slightly differ-ent. I just wanted to be able to tell the truth, the entire truth. I wished I had the courage to tell my lawyers and the judge exactly what happened to lead me to this choice. I didn’t trust them. I didn’t trust anyone, not even myself. I wanted to scream that nothing in my god-forsaken life was going right and that my son should not have to be part of that unlucky streak. I wanted to be able to tell explain in detail so they would understand the pain, suffering, and hardships that lead up to this decision between Mark and I.

In reality, I only stammered out the responses I could think of off the top of my head. They were true, but they didn’t capture the real reasons I was in the courtroom that day. I wasn’t there for myself as some seemed to believe. I wasn’t there to make things easier for anyone

adoptee access to original birth certificates. Finally, the article analyzes the provisions of the surrender documents. The analysis of the provisions definitively supports birth mother advocates’ reports that women were neither offered a choice of nor guaran-teed lifelong anonymity. Their opponents’ contentions to the con-trary, whether motivated by concern for birth mothers or other interests, reinscribe an earlier culture of shame and secrecy, sub-ordinating women’s own wishes and silencing their newly raised voices.

*********

A big thanks to Elizabeth Sammuels for this body of work, an amazing labor of love, and for permission to reprint this abstract here. A heart felt thanks to the many CUB members who contrib-uted their surrender papers to help make this work possible.

To read the entire paper, please find it online:

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2233400##

else but my son. I did that by revoking Mark’s and my parental rights. The most heart breaking reality was explained to me by Mr. Kosa: that at the end of this hearing I would have as much rights to Dante as a stranger on the street.

*********

"Children are my life. I'm 19 years old and currently a college student majoring in Early Childhood Education. My birth son just turned four, although, having parented for 9 months before placement I am only a little over three years into my adoption journey as a birth mother."

- Tammy Marquardt


CUB History Corner By Lee Campbell

If you are a CUB member, you have free access to CUB’s History Channel. There you will find more than 4,000 pages of materials that CUB has produced since 1976! Each publi-cation was designed to report on, to provide support for, and to advocate on behalf of mothers and fathers just like YOU. Check them out to see the labor CUB has performed over time to change adoption for generations to come, and to learn about the work that remains unaddressed.

For example, is anyone (anyone?) advocating for birthpar-ents’ access to records? Should this be part of a discussion? Has CUB ever championed for birthparents’ access to our surrender documents, to our hospital records, to the original certificate that tells the truth of having birthed our children? One of the reviewers of my book, STOW AWAY, called the role of birthparents one of “silent servitude.” Is there truth in that? Did CUB ever try to give voice to, and to shrug off, the injustice of being only a server of others’ needs? The an-swers are there in CUB’s own historical records.

In addition to CUB members having access to CUB history, CUB’s Board authorized me to grant free access for one year to professional writers, researchers, producers, historians and such. The hope is these professionals will help to set the re-cord straight. Birthparents aren’t “only now” telling our sto-ries, as some publishers and producers allege. We have been telling our stories for decades and there’s valuable insight and information about that through CUB.

I have granted professional access to three people so far. Dr. Adam Pertmann, Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, is one. Adam writes fre-quently about adoption issues in the popular press. Another person who is using our archives is Melissa Weger. She is working on a master’s thesis. She updates her progress by writing me that she is “exploring the influence of the field of social work and the social construct of the time on adoption.” She writes she is using “a lot of quotes from the surveys.” She is referring to the hundreds of questionnaires displayed on the History Channel which were completed by birthpar-ents in the early 1980s about their surrender and reunion experiences. Melissa is the raised-daughter of a birthmother. Another raised-daughter of a birthmom to whom I granted professional access is Dr. Kimberly Heikkila. In reviewing a study on the History Channel she writes she is “struck by the number of birthmothers” who were discovered to be at 250% greater risk of secondary infertility (unable to have a second child) than is the general population of mothers. Naturally, Kimberly is also interested in the parenting ex-periences of birthmothers who did have more children.

If you know a professional who is interested in knowing more about birthparenthood, please have them contact me through CUB or at [email protected] . CUB’s long-standing words have become like fossilized butterflies in amber. Help me to provide tools to those who can expose our gems for all the world to see.

*********

The sea erases the marks of birth To await the next creature That will briefly record it’s passage In the freshly smoothed sand. From the moment you existed, My body prepared to do the same for you. Nature held sway and prepared your path And began to leave the marks of your passage in the sand. Unlike the turtle, There was no forgiving tide To wipe away evidence of your passage.

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Before I could “see” you in my belly or feel you move, My breasts began to swell In anticipation of your arrival. Preparing, in nature’s way, to feed you Once you breathed air. The marks of your passage began to appear Almost overnight Encompassing tender tissues that grew great With the weight of impending motherhood. As I began to grow great with child, I expected more marks to appear on my belly. I had seen them on other women. Great stripes of stressed flesh Longitudinally releasing it’s underlying support To the need of room For the child. But I carried you high under my heart And those did not occur right away. In the meantime, I began to hear the litany. I was making the best choice. Like the turtle, I would leave you In the best possible place. And we would all go on with our lives. Like the turtle, I would forget. Like the turtle, I would move on. All the while, I spoke to you, I sang to you, I rubbed the feet that you stuck up under my ribs Announcing your presence. I marveled at the miracle Of you. In the last days of our time together, You moved down in my body preparing to escape. A few marks appeared Near scars on my belly from other events in my life. My appendix scar from surgery at 14, My Chicken Pox marks from when I was 9. Here was mute testimony Of your residence. On the day of your birth, I lay in the hospital An IV dripped Pitocin Into my arm To encourage my labor. Your heart rate shot up, indicating distress. Did you know that there would be no welcoming arms? Did you know they wouldn’t allow me to comfort you? Did you know there was to be no welcoming bosom To be cradled against?

I had silently accepted what was “best” for us. I didn’t argue with anyone. I barely understood That this most significant event of my young life Was going to be treated as though It had never happened. As though you had never happened. I mechanically answered questions that were put to me, Signed the myriad of papers they placed before me. I waited for something As turtles wait for signs from the moon I thought of you Alone in the nursery with no one to comfort you. They herded me away from that wing. Turtle crawled seaward. Nurses told me what a brave thing I was doing. I didn’t feel brave, I felt bereft. My body was empty and so were my arms. Turtle swam out with the tide I didn’t understand. After 5 days, they released me from the hospital I was whisked home. Not to the place where we had grown together, But home to where I had been raised. Turtle returns each year through wave and storm to the same beach. The following Monday, I returned to the high school that I had left the year before Rejoined classes that I had not attended all year. I put on my shell. It was spring, but it felt like winter in my soul. After all that time, After all the papers I had signed, My only tangible evidence of your existence Were the marks of passage Written upon my body. Time might soften them, But the tide could never wash them away. I may have moved on, But I would never forget………..

*********

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CUB 2013 RETREAT (OCT. 11-13) REGISTRATION FORM

City State/Province ZIP code

Check or Money Order payable to CUB, Inc. enclosed

Concerned United Birthparents, Inc. P.O. Box 341442 Los Angeles, CA 90034-9442 www.CUBirthparents.org

Fax: 858-712-3317 Need help or have questions? Call Denise 800-822-2777 ext. 82.

Early Registration due by Sept. 9, 2013. No refunds after this date.

Late Registrations accepted until Oct. 4, 2013 (with $25 late registration fee)

Subtotal

(Optional) Donation to support CUB

Total

$190

Name on card

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Method of Payment

Exp. date

Signature

Board meeting: Please let us know if you plan to attend the CUB Board of Directors meeting at 10AM on October 10, 2013.

I plan to attend the Oct. 10, 2013 CUB Board of Directors meeting.

Individual Day Registration: Although we encourage you to stay at The Hilton Garden Inn to immerse yourself in the retreat atmosphere, we do offer single day registration for those who would like to attend select days only. Includes hosted meals that day only.

Day Registration, Friday, October 11, 2013. $75

Day Registration, Saturday, October 12, 2013. $75

Late Registration Fee: Registrations received after Sept 9, 2013 are subject to a $25 late fee. Register early to avoid this fee!

Late Registration Fee (Received after Sept 9, 2013) $25

Registrant Information:

Lodging: Please make reservations for lodging separately at:

The Hilton Garden Inn, Carlsbad Beach 6450 Carlsbad Blvd Carlsbad, CA 92011 Telephone: 1-760-476-0800 Fax: 1-760-476-0801 www.carlsbadbeach.hgi.com Use this code when registering online: CBI

If registering by phone or fax identify yourself as a participant in the CUB Retreat to get the group nightly rates:

$130 Single or Double Occupancy $130 Triple or Quad Occupancy

Rates do not include resort fees and tax. Rates cannot be guaranteed after Sept. 9, 2013 so please make reservations early. Rooms have two beds, some king-size. All rooms are non-smoking. The hotel requires notice of cancellation at least 3 days prior to arrival.

If you have any special requests, i.e. mobility/disability assistance, special dietary requirements, etc. please indicate below:

________________________________________________________

Directory: A directory of all retreat participants will be published and provided to all who attend the retreat. If you would prefer that your name and contact information NOT be included in the directory, please check the following box.

DO NOT publish my name and contact information in the directory made available to retreat attendees.

MAIL OR FAX REGISTRATION WITH PAYMENT TO:

Full Retreat Admission: Includes all retreat presentations and activities from Thurs. evening (Oct. 10) to Sun. morning (Oct. 13). It also includes Friday’s dinner, Saturday’s dinner, and Sunday’s breakfast. Does not include lodging or other meals.

Name

Address, line 1

Address, line 2

Country Telephone

Email Address

Adoption Status: please check all that apply.

Birthparent

Adoptee

Adoptive Parent

Spouse or Family member

Adoption Professional

Open Adoption

Other (please specify):

This is the first CUB retreat I have attended.

REV 0813

Member Discount: All current CUB members receive a $40 discount on the retreat. If you are not a member or your membership has expired, join today on this form to receive the discount.

Join or renew now (Member Discount applies). Newsletters sent by email.

-$40

$40

Member Discount. Subtract $40 from total.

Full Retreat Admission. Members may take $40 discount (see below)

Refund Policy: Refunds for cancellations prior to Sept 9, 2013, will be given. No refunds for cancellation will be given after Sept 9, 2013.

CUB Retreats are meant to enhance personal care and support for one another. They are not a replacement for personal therapy, but instead a quiet time to reflect on our experiences with others who have been on similar, difficult paths.


This form is available online at http://www.cubirthparents.org/docs/member.pdf

$40 Membership Renewal.

$40 New Membership

Electronic Documents: Newsletters and other communications will be sent by email or accessible through our web site. Valid email address required.

Mail newsletters to me by U.S. Mail. Other communications will utilize email where possible.

International Postage, required for addresses outside USA, add $15.

Join or renew your membership in CUB

How do you want to receive mailings?

Check or Money Order payable to CUB, Inc. enclosed Concerned United Birthparents, Inc. P.O. Box 341442 Los Angeles, CA 90034-9442 www.CUBirthparents.org

Fax: 858-712-3317 Need help or have questions? Call Denise at 800-822-2777 ext. 82.

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MAIL OR FAX FORM WITH PAYMENT TO: Payment Method

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Name

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City State/Province ZIP code

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Adoption Status: please check all that apply.

Birthparent

Adoptee

Adoptive Parent

Spouse or Family member

Adoption Professional

Open Adoption

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CUB National Board Members REV082013

Officers President Vice President 800-822-2777 ext. 82 Vice President 800-822-2777 ext 81 Mary Lou Cullen, Denise Schnelle Leslie Pate Mackinnon [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Secretary Treasurer Newsletter Editor Mary Anne Cohen Arlene Donovan Beth Jaffe [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Past President Retreat Director Mimi Janes Karen Vedder [email protected] [email protected] Regional Directors Region 1: 800-822-2777 ext. 1 Region 2: 800-822-2777 ext. 2 Region 3: 800-822-2777 ext. 3 Linda Clausen Patty Collings VACANT Washington, DC Winter Haven, FL [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] IL,IN,KY,MI,OH,WI,WV, CT,DC,MA,MD,ME,NH,NJ.NY, AL,FL,GA,MS,NC,SC,TN Canada: NB,NF,NS,ON,PE,PQ PA, RI, VA,VT, Europe Region 4: 800-822-2777 ext. 4 Region 5: 800-822-2777 ext. 5 Region 6: 800-822-2777 ext. 6 Sally Macke Coco Brush Sarah Burns St. Louis, MO Portland, OR Valley Glen, CA [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] AR,IA,KS,LA,MN,MO,NE,ND,OK, AK,CO,ID,MT,OR,UT,WA,WY, AZ,CA,HI,NM,NV, Mexico, SD,TX, Canada: MB Canada: AB,BC,SK Australia, New Zealand

Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.

Membership Registration

"The cure for anything is salt water

-- sweat, tears, or the sea."

-Isak Dinesen (pen name of Karen Blixen), author (1885-1962)

Concerned United Birthparents, Inc. P.O. Box 341442 Los Angeles, CA 90034-9442 www.CUBirthparents.org

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Check your membership status online at

www.cubirthparents.org