2013 CRA-W Graduate Cohort Workshop Balancing Graduate School and Personal Life.

2013 CRA-W Graduate Cohort Workshop

Balancing Graduate School and Personal Life

A.J. BrushSenior Researcher

Microsoft Research

Thanks to Andrea Danyluk, Tiffani Williams

(GHC 2011 on this topic), Padma Raghavan (GHC 2012 on this topic)

Everyone’s Definition of Everyone’s Definition of Professional-Personal Balance is DifferentProfessional-Personal Balance is Different

• Your definition must be unique to you and your situation.

• Without a definition or some type of guidance, how will you know you are out-of-balance?

• Being out of balance causes even more stress, etc.

Question #1: What does Question #1: What does Graduate School and Personal Graduate School and Personal

Life Balance Mean to You?Life Balance Mean to You?AKAAKA

I feel in balance when _______.I feel in balance when _______.I feel out of balance when I feel out of balance when

____.____.

A.J.’s JourneyA.J.’s Journey

Parallel Computing,Graphics

Got married in Got married in Graduate SchoolGraduate School

Moved to St. Louis, Moved to St. Louis, 1 year leave from 1 year leave from graduate schoolgraduate school

Human Computer Interaction

Returned to Returned to Graduate SchoolGraduate School

Human Computer Interaction

Finished Ph.D., Finished Ph.D., internships, had a kid,internships, had a kid,

post-docpost-doc

Joined MSR in 2004, Joined MSR in 2004, husband found job,husband found job,

had another kidhad another kid

Question #1: What does Question #1: What does Graduate School and Personal Graduate School and Personal

Life Balance Mean to You?Life Balance Mean to You?AKAAKA

I feel in balance when _______.I feel in balance when _______.I feel out of balance when I feel out of balance when

____.____.

Take a few minutes now to write down your answers

A.J. feels “Balanced” when IA.J. feels “Balanced” when I• Minimize work in the evenings/weekends • Spend time in my kids classrooms• Exercise

A.J. feels “Un-Balanced”:A.J. feels “Un-Balanced”:• Email inbox gets large• Too many meetings back to back• 6 month/year professional goals aren’t well

defined

Question #2: When do you Question #2: When do you feel in and out of balance?feel in and out of balance?

Session Take-awaySession Take-away

“Balance” takes effortCan we each leave with 2 balance goals?•Next week goal (short term)•6 month goal (longer term)

How we get out-of balance:How we get out-of balance:General Academic StressesGeneral Academic Stresses

• The nature of grad school itself– Open-ended– What it means to complete a milestone more vague once

course requirements complete– No obvious finishing date

• We’re “high achievers”– We tend to be goal-oriented perfectionists– There’s always more to do– Can feel as if it’s a competition for “who works the

hardest”• We all have insecurities• We can’t manage an insane pace forever

– Burnout, poor productivity• Demands come from many directions

How we get out-of balance:How we get out-of balance:Some Specific Academic StressesSome Specific Academic Stresses

• Courses– Want to learn the material and to do well– Need to learn that sometimes doing “well enough” is ok

• Research– Might be a new experience– Requires a new level of independence and confidence (paper

submissions, rejections….)– Need to push through the times when you’re just stuck– Requires dealing with group dynamics– Requires learning from but also “managing” your advisor

• Advisor/Thesis Topic• Service

– It’s fun (and easy!) to get involved in departmental and other service

– Extra demands placed on women• Work as a TA, RA, etc.

How we get out-of balance:How we get out-of balance:Personal StressesPersonal Stresses

• Many people in our lives (partners, parents, friends, children)– A source of happiness, but– Their stresses can be our stresses

• For many, a time for finding a partner, starting a family

• Managing finances on a grad student stipend• Logistics of caring for a home (even a small

shared apartment), a car, etc.• Health issues

Achieving balance:Achieving balance:Goals and ExpectationsGoals and Expectations

• Know your own goals– Prioritize them– Post them where you can see them, if needed

• Understand others’ expectations– Know which expectations are self-inflicted!

• Understand what’s required to achieve a goal– Know why you want to achieve it– Be sure (to the extent possible) that it’s achievable– Know how to evaluate your progress– Talk to your mentors and others

• Learn to enjoy the process– Focus on the present– Appreciate your achievements before moving on

Question #3: What Are Question #3: What Are Your Balance/Life Goals?Your Balance/Life Goals?

TIPS & STRATEGIES TIPS & STRATEGIES FOR BALANCINGFOR BALANCING

http://www.phdcomics.com

Tip 1: Time Management!!!!!Tip 1: Time Management!!!!!

• Treat graduate school like a job– It doesn’t need to be/shouldn’t be 24 hrs/7 days a week

• Know when it’s time to stop– For many tasks, 1-hr increments work well– Keep the perfectionist in you under control

• Get organized– To-do lists: short, medium, and long term– Keep a calendar– Set aside time each day to review your schedule

• Avoid distractions– Make a list of your bad habits– Set aside quiet time; pick a time to work when others aren’t

there– Set aside time for email– If a stray thought pops into your head, write it down. Save it

for later.

TIME SPENT != PRODUCTIVITY

http://www.phdcomics.com

Tip 2: Cope with InsecuritiesTip 2: Cope with Insecurities

• Seek out a support system– Mentors– Family and friends

• Realize that we all have insecurities• Do your homework to minimize your chances

of failing– But everyone will fail once in a while. It’s a

natural consequence of doing something hard.• Learn to enjoy your successes

– Don’t belittle your own accomplishments– Keep a “good file” of positive feedback

Tip 3: Choose activities carefullyTip 3: Choose activities carefully

• Saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to something else– Or at least it means having less time for

what you’re already doing• Take some time before you decide

– “Thanks for the invitation let me think it over and get back to you by X”

• Does it fit your goals and priorities?• Don’t do anything out of guilt

– Say “yes” or “no” to the task, not the person

Tip 4: Managing OthersTip 4: Managing Others

• If you plan to say “no” to a request to take on a new responsibility– Do it as soon as possible– Suggest someone else who might be available and want

to do it– If you really wish you could do it, say so; ask to be invited

again• Set boundaries, parameters

– Explain why you believe it will take longer– Communicate about the resources you need

• What to do about the advisor, student (if you’re a TA), fellow grad student who needs you now– “I’d be happy to talk/help you/etc. Can we schedule a

time (in 5 min, an hour, next week….) do do that?”

Tip 5: Making time for yourselfTip 5: Making time for yourself

• Schedule time for yourself– “Free time” won’t magically appear; you have

to make it• Exercise.• Share responsibilities with friends• Throw money at responsibilities (when you

can afford it; can be tough as a grad student!)

• Streamline• Don’t apologize for the fact that you have a

life outside of grad school!

Tip 6: Learn what motivates you!Tip 6: Learn what motivates you!

• Figure out how you are motivated– “Fear” – e.g. sign up for half marathon– “Big reward” – trip/clothes/stuff– Publicity – tell all your friends– ….

• Use that to achieve your goals

REWARD YOURSELF!

Discussion:Discussion:

Discussion Starter Ideas•Work Overload •Advisors/Thesis topics•Two-body opportunities•Children/Family•“Lean-in”

Session Take-awaySession Take-away

“Balance” takes effortCan we each leave with 2 goals•Next week goal (short term)•6 month goal (longer term)

THIS IS A CONSTANT WORK-IN-PROGRESS YOU WILL HAVE UP’s AND DOWN’s