Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Back Ads
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Books by Kiera Cass
Credits
CHAPTER 1
THE ANGELES AIR WAS QUIET, andfor a while I lay still, listening to thesound of Maxon’s breathing. It wasgetting harder and harder to catch him ina truly calm and happy moment, and Isoaked up the time, grateful that heseemed to be at his best when he and Iwere alone.
Ever since the Selection had beennarrowed down to six girls, he’d beenmore anxious than he was when thethirty-five of us arrived in the first place.I guessed he thought he’d have more timeto make his choices. And though it mademe feel guilty to admit it, I knew I was
the reason why he wished he did.Prince Maxon, heir to the Illéa
throne, liked me. He’d told me a weekago that if I could simply say that I caredfor him the way he did for me, withoutanything holding me back, this wholecompetition would be over. Andsometimes I played with the idea,wondering how it would feel to beMaxon’s alone.
But the thing was, Maxon wasn’treally mine to begin with. There werefive other girls here—girls he took ondates and whispered things to—and Ididn’t know what to make of that. Andthen there was the fact that if I acceptedMaxon, it meant I had to accept a crown,a thought I tended to ignore if only
because I wasn’t sure what it wouldmean for me.
And, of course, there was Aspen.He wasn’t technically my boyfriend
anymore—he’d broken up with mebefore my name was even drawn for theSelection—but when he showed up atthe palace as one of the guards, all thefeelings I’d been trying to let go offlooded my heart. Aspen was my firstlove; when I looked at him … I was his.
Maxon didn’t know that Aspen wasin the palace, but he did know that therewas someone at home that I was trying toget over, and he was graciously givingme time to move on while attempting tofind someone else he’d be happy with inthe event I couldn’t ever love him.
As he moved his head, inhaling justabove my hairline, I considered it. Whatwould it be like to simply love Maxon?
“Do you know when the last timewas that I really looked at the stars?” heasked.
I settled closer to him on ourblanket, trying to keep warm in the coolAngeles night. “No idea.”
“A tutor had me studying astronomya few years ago. If you look closely, youcan tell that the stars are actuallydifferent colors.”
“Wait, the last time you looked atthe stars was to study them? What aboutfor fun?”
He chuckled. “Fun. I’ll have topencil in some between the budget
consultations and infrastructurecommittee meetings. Oh, and warstrategizing, which, by the way, I amterrible at.”
“What else are you terrible at?” Iasked, running my hand across hisstarched shirt. Encouraged by the touch,Maxon drew circles on my shoulderwith the hand he had wrapped behind myback.
“Why would you want to knowthat?” he asked in mock irritation.
“Because I still know so little aboutyou. And you seem perfect all the time.It’s nice to have proof you’re not.”
He propped himself up on anelbow, focusing on my face. “You knowI’m not.”
“Pretty close,” I countered. Littleflickers of touch ran between us. Knees,arms, fingers.
He shook his head, a small smile onhis face. “Okay, then. I can’t plan wars.I’m rotten at it. And I’m guessing I’d bea terrible cook. I’ve never tried, so—”
“Never?”“You might have noticed the teams
of people keeping you up to your neck inpastries? They happen to feed me aswell.”
I giggled. I helped cook practicallyevery meal at home. “More,” Idemanded. “What else are you bad at?”
He held me close, his brown eyesbright with a secret. “Recently I’vediscovered this one thing ….”
“Tell.”“It turns out I’m absolutely terrible
at staying away from you. It’s a veryserious problem.”
I smiled. “Have you really tried?”He pretended to think about it.
“Well, no. And don’t expect me to start.”We laughed quietly, holding on to
each other. In these moments, it was soeasy to picture this being the rest of mylife.
The rustle of leaves and grassannounced that someone was coming.Even though our date was completelyacceptable, I felt a little embarrassedand sat up quickly. Maxon followed suitas a guard made his way around thehedge to us.
“Your Majesty,” he said with abow. “Sorry to intrude, sir, but it’sreally unwise to stay out this late for solong. The rebels could—”
“Understood,” Maxon said with asigh. “We’ll be right in.”
The guard left us alone, and Maxonturned back to me. “Another fault ofmine: I’m losing patience with therebels. I’m tired of dealing with them.”
He stood and offered me his hand. Itook it, watching the sad frustration inhis eyes. We’d been attacked twice bythe rebels since the start of the Selection—once by the simply disruptiveNortherners and once by the deadlySoutherners—and even with my briefexperience, I could understand his
exhaustion.Maxon was picking up the blanket
and shaking it out, clearly not happy thatour night had been cut short.
“Hey,” I said, urging him to faceme. “I had fun.”
He nodded.“No, really,” I said, walking over
to him. He moved the blanket to onehand to wrap his free arm around me.“We should do it again sometime. Youcan tell me which stars are whichcolors, because I seriously can’t tell.”
Maxon gave me a sad smile. “Iwish things were easier sometimes,normal.”
I moved so I could wrap my armsaround him, and as I did so, Maxon
dropped the blanket to return the gesture.“I hate to break it to you, Your Majesty,but even without the guards, you’re farfrom normal.”
His expression lightened a bit butwas still serious. “You’d like me moreif I was.”
“I know you find it hard to believe,but I really do like you the way you are.I just need more—”
“Time. I know. And I’m preparedto give you that. I only wish I knew thatyou’d actually want to be with me whenthat time was over.”
I looked away. That wasn’tsomething I could promise. I weighedMaxon and Aspen in my heart over andover, and neither of them ever had a true
edge. Except, maybe, when I was alonewith one of them. Because, at thatmoment, I was tempted to promiseMaxon that I would be there for him inthe end.
But I couldn’t.“Maxon,” I whispered, seeing how
dejected he looked at my lack of ananswer. “I can’t tell you that. But what Ican tell you is that I want to be here. Iwant to know if there’s a possibility for… for …” I stammered, not sure how toput it.
“Us?” Maxon guessed.I smiled, happy at how easily he
understood me. “Yes. I want to know ifthere’s a possibility for us to be an us.”
He moved a lock of hair behind my
shoulder. “I think the odds are veryhigh,” he said matter-of-factly.
“I think so, too. Just … time,okay?”
He nodded, looking happier. Thiswas how I wanted to end our night, withhope. Well, and maybe one more thing. Ibit my lip and leaned into Maxon, askingwith my eyes.
Without a second of hesitation, hebent to kiss me. It was warm and gentle,and it left me feeling adored andsomehow aching for more. I could havestayed there for hours, just to see if Icould get enough of that feeling; but toosoon, Maxon backed away.
“Let’s go,” he said in a playfultone, pulling me toward the palace.
“Better get inside before the guardscome for us on horseback with spearsdrawn.”
As Maxon left me at the stairs, thetiredness hit me like a wall. I waspractically dragging myself up to thesecond floor and around the corner to myroom when, suddenly, I was quite awakeagain.
“Oh!” Aspen said, surprised to seeme, too. “I think it makes me the worstguard ever that I assumed you were inyour room this whole time.”
I giggled. The Elite were supposedto sleep with at least one of their maidson watch in the night. I really didn’t likethat, so Maxon insisted on stationing aguard by my room in case there was an
emergency. The thing was, most of thetime that guard was Aspen. It was astrange mix of exhilaration and terrorknowing that nearly every night he wasright outside my door.
The lightness of the moment fadedquickly as Aspen grasped what it meantthat I hadn’t been safely tucked in mybed. He cleared his throatuncomfortably.
“Did you have a good time?”“Aspen,” I whispered, looking to
make sure no one was around. “Don’t beupset. I’m part of the Selection, and thisis just how it is.”
“How am I supposed to stand achance, Mer? How can I compete whenyou only ever talk to one of us?” He
made a good point, but what could I do?“Please don’t be mad at me, Aspen.
I’m trying to figure all this out.”“No, Mer,” he said, gentleness
returning to his voice. “I’m not mad atyou. I miss you.” He didn’t dare say thewords aloud, but he mouthed them. Ilove you.
I melted.“I know,” I said, placing a hand on
his chest, letting myself forget for amoment all that we were risking. “Butthat doesn’t change where we are or thatI’m an Elite now. I need time, Aspen.”
He reached up to hold my hand inhis and nodded. “I can give you that. Just… try to find some time for me, too.”
I didn’t want to bring up how
complicated that would be, so I gavehim a tiny smile before gently pulling myhand away. “I need to go.”
He watched me as I walked into myroom and shut the door behind me.
Time. I was asking for a lot of itthese days. I hoped that if I had enough,everything would somehow fall intoplace.
CHAPTER 2
“NO, NO,” QUEEN AMBERLYANSWERED with a laugh. “I only hadthree bridesmaids, though Clarkson’smother suggested I have more. I justwanted my sisters and my best friend,who, coincidentally, I’d met during mySelection.”
I peeked over at Marlee and washappy to find she was looking at me, too.Before I arrived at the palace, I hadassumed that with this being such a high-stakes competition, there’d be no wayany of the girls would be friendly.Marlee had embraced me the first timewe met, and we’d been there for each
other from that moment on. With a singlealmost-exception, we’d never even hadan argument.
A few weeks ago, Marlee hadmentioned that she didn’t think shewanted to be with Maxon. When I’dpushed her to explain, she clammed up.She wasn’t mad at me, I knew that, butthose days of silence before we’d let itgo were lonely.
“I want seven bridesmaids,” Krisssaid. “I mean, if Maxon chooses me andI get to have a big wedding.”
“Well, I won’t have bridesmaids,”Celeste said, countering Kriss. “They’rejust distracting. And since it would betelevised, I want all eyes on me.”
I fumed. It was rare that we all got
to sit and talk with Queen Amberly, andhere Celeste was, being a brat andruining it.
“I’d want to incorporate some ofmy culture’s traditions into mywedding,” Elise added quietly. “Girlsback in New Asia use a lot of red intheir ceremonies, and the groom has tobring gifts to the bride’s friends toreward them for letting her marry him.”
Kriss piped up. “Remind me to bein your wedding party. I love presents!”
“Me, too!” Marlee exclaimed.“Lady America, you’ve been
awfully quiet,” Queen Amberly said.“What do you want at your wedding?”
I blushed because I was completelyunprepared to comment.
There was only one wedding I’dever imagined, and it was going to takeplace at the Province of CarolinaServices Office after an exhaustingamount of paperwork.
“Well, the one thing I’ve thoughtabout is having my dad give me away.You know when he takes your hand andputs it in the hand of the person youmarry? That’s the only part I’ve everreally wanted.” Embarrassingly enough,it was true.
“But everyone does that,” Celestecomplained. “That’s not even original.”
I should have been mad that shecalled me out, but I merely shrugged. “Iwant to know that my dad completelyapproves of my choice on the day it
really matters.”“That’s nice,” Natalie said, sipping
her tea and looking out the window.Queen Amberly laughed lightly. “I
certainly hope he approves. No matterwho it is.” She added the last wordsquickly, catching herself in the middle ofimplying that Maxon would be mychoice.
I wondered if she thought that, ifMaxon had told her about us.
Shortly after, the wedding talk dieddown, and the queen left to go work inher room. Celeste parked herself in frontof the large television embedded in thewall, and the others started a card game.
“That was fun,” Marlee said as wesettled in at a table together. “I’m not
sure I’ve ever heard the queen talk somuch.”
“She’s getting excited, I think.” Ihadn’t mentioned to anyone whatMaxon’s aunt had told me about howQueen Amberly tried many times foranother child and failed. Adele hadpredicted that her sister would warm upto us once the group was smaller, andshe was right.
“Okay, you have to tell me: Do youhonestly not have any other plans foryour wedding or did you just not want toshare?”
“I really don’t,” I promised. “I havea hard time picturing a big wedding, youknow? I’m a Five.”
Marlee shook her head. “You were
a Five. You’re a Three now.”“Right,” I said, remembering my
new label.I was born into a family of Fives—
artists and musicians who weregenerally poorly paid—and though Ihated the caste system in general, I likedwhat I did for a living. It was strange tothink of myself as a Three, to considerembracing teaching or writing as aprofession.
“Stop stressing,” Marlee said,reading my face. “You don’t haveanything to worry about yet.”
I was about to protest but wasinterrupted by a cry from Celeste.
“Come on!” she yelled, slammingthe remote against the couch before
pointing it at the television again. “Ugh!”“Is it just me or is she getting
worse?” I whispered to Marlee. Wewatched as Celeste hit the remote overand over before giving up and going tochange the channel manually. I guessed ifI had grown up as a Two, that would besomething worth getting worked up over.
“It’s the stress, I think,” Marleecommented. “Have you noticed thatNatalie’s getting, I don’t know … morealoof?”
I nodded, and we both looked overto the trio of girls playing their cardgame. Kriss was smiling as she shuffled,but Natalie was examining the ends ofher hair, occasionally pulling out astrand she didn’t seem to like. Her
expression was distracted.“I think we’re all starting to feel
it,” I confessed. “It’s harder to sit backand enjoy the palace now that the groupis so small.”
Celeste grunted, and we peekedover at her but quickly averted our eyeswhen she caught us looking.
“Excuse me for a moment,” Marleesaid, shifting in her seat. “I think I’mgoing to go to the bathroom.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.Do you want to go together?” I offered.
Smiling, she shook her head. “Yougo ahead. I’ll finish my tea first.”
“Okay. I’ll be back.”I left the Women’s Room, taking my
time walking down the gorgeous
hallway. I wasn’t sure I would ever getover how spectacular it was here. I wasso distracted that I ran smack into aguard as I turned the corner.
“Oh!” I said.“Pardon me, miss. Hope I didn’t
startle you.” He held me by my elbows,helping me regain my footing.
“No,” I said, giggling. “It’s fine. Ishould have been watching where I wasgoing. Thanks for catching me. Officer…”
“Woodwork,” he answered, givingme a quick bow.
“I’m America.”“I know.”I smiled and rolled my eyes. Of
course he knew.
“Well, I hope the next time I runinto you, it won’t be quite so literal,” Ijoked.
He chuckled. “Agreed. Have a niceday, miss.”
“You, too.”I told Marlee about my
embarrassing run-in with OfficerWoodwork when I got back and warnedher to watch her step. She laughed at meand shook her head.
We spent the rest of the afternoonsitting by the windows, chatting abouthome and the other girls as we drank inthe sunshine.
It was sad to think about the futurejust then. Eventually the Selection wouldbe over, and while I knew Marlee and I
would still be close, I would misstalking to her every day. She was thefirst real friend I’d ever made, and Iwished I could keep her beside me allthe time.
As I tried to stay in the moment,Marlee gazed dreamily out the window.I wondered what she was thinking about;but everything was so peaceful, I didn’task.
CHAPTER 3
THE WIDE DOORS OF MY balconywere open, as well as the one to thehallway, and my room was filled withthe warm, sweet air blowing in from thegardens. I had hoped the soft breezeswould be a consolation for the fact that Ihad so much work to do. Instead theydistracted me, making me ache to beanywhere but stuck at my desk.
I sighed and reclined in my seat,letting my head drape over the back ofthe chair. “Anne,” I called.
“Yes, miss?” my head maidanswered from the corner where shewas sewing. Without looking, I knew
that Mary and Lucy, my other two maids,had perked up, waiting to see if theycould serve me as well.
“I command you to figure out whatthis report means,” I said, pointing a lazyarm at the detailed account on militarystatistics that sat in front of me. It was atask that all the Elite would be tested on,but I couldn’t bring myself to focus on it.
My three maids laughed, probablyfrom both the ridiculousness of mydemand and the fact that I’d issued oneat all. I wouldn’t have called leadershipone of my strong suits.
“I’m sorry, my lady, but I think thatmight be overstepping my boundaries,”Anne answered. Even though my requestwas a joke and her answer was, too, I
could hear the genuine apology in hervoice for not being able to help me.
“Fine.” I moaned, heaving myselfinto an upright position. “I’ll simplyhave to do it myself. The whole lot ofyou are worthless. I’m getting newmaids tomorrow. This time I mean it.”
They all chuckled again, and Ifocused on the numbers one more time. Iwas getting the impression that this wasa bad report, but I couldn’t be sure. Ireread paragraphs and charts, furrowingmy brow and biting the back of my penas I tried to concentrate.
I heard Lucy laugh quietly, and Ilooked up to see what she was soamused by, following her eyes to thedoor. There, leaning against the frame,
was Maxon.“You gave me away!” he
complained to Lucy, who continued tosnicker.
I pushed back my chair in a rushand ran into his arms. “You read mymind!”
“Did I?”“Please tell me we can go outside.
Just for a little while?”He smiled. “I have twenty minutes
before I have to be back.”I pulled him down the hall, the
excited chatter of my maids fadingbehind us.
There was no denying the gardenshad become our place. Almost everychance we got to be alone, we came out
here. It was such a stark contrast to howI used to spend my time with Aspen:holed up in the tiny tree house in mybackyard, the only place we could betogether safely.
Suddenly I wondered if Aspen wasaround somewhere, indistinguishablefrom the numerous guards in the palace,watching as Maxon held my hand.
“What are these?” Maxon asked,brushing across the tips of my fingers aswe walked.
“Calluses. They’re from pressingdown on violin strings four hours a day.”
“I’ve never noticed them before.”“Do they bother you?” I was the
lowest caste of the six girls left, and Idoubted any of them had hands like
mine.Maxon stopped moving and lifted
my fingers to his lips, kissing the tiny,worn tips.
“On the contrary. I find them ratherbeautiful.” I felt myself blush. “I’ve seenthe world—admittedly mostly throughbulletproof glass or from the tower ofsome ancient castle—but I’ve seen it.And I have access to the answers of athousand questions at my disposal. Butthis small hand here?” He looked deeplyinto my eyes. “This hand makes soundsincomparable to anything I’ve everheard. Sometimes I think I only dreamedthat I heard you play the violin, it was sobeautiful. These calluses are proof that itwas real.”
At times the way he spoke to mewas overwhelming, too romantic tobelieve. But though I cherished thewords in my heart, I was nevercompletely sure I could trust them. Howdid I know he wasn’t saying such sweetthings to the other girls? I had to changethe subject.
“Do you really have the answers toa thousand questions?”
“Absolutely. Ask me anything; andif I don’t know the answer, I knowwhere we can find it.”
“Anything?”“Anything.”It was tough to come up with a
question on the spot, much less one thatwould stump him, which was what I
wanted. I took a moment to think of thethings I’d been most curious about whenI was growing up. How planes flew.What the United States used to be like.How the tiny music players that theupper castes had worked.
And then it hit me.“What’s Halloween?” I asked.“Halloween?” Clearly, he’d never
heard of it. I wasn’t surprised. I’d onlyseen the word once myself in an oldhistory book my parents had. Some partsof that book were tattered beyondrecognition, with pages missing ormostly destroyed. Still, I was alwaysfascinated by the mention of a holidaywe knew nothing about.
“Not so certain now, Your Royal
Smartness?” I teased.He made a face at me though it was
clear he was only playing at beingannoyed. He checked his watch andsucked in a breath.
“Come with me. We have to hurry,”he said, grabbing my hand and launchinghimself into a run.
I stumbled a bit in my little heels,but I kept up pretty well as he led meback to the palace with a huge grin onhis face. I loved when Maxon’s carefreeside came through; too often he was soserious.
“Gentlemen,” he said as we racedpast the guards by the door.
I made it halfway down the hallbefore my shoes got the better of me.
“Maxon, stop!” I gasped. “I can’t keepup!”
“Come on, come on, you’re goingto love this,” he complained, tugging myarm as I slowed. He finally eased backto my pace but was obviously itching tomove faster.
We headed toward the northcorridor, near the area where theReports were filmed, but ducked into astairwell before we got that far. Wewent up and up, and I couldn’t containmy curiosity.
“Where are we going exactly?”He turned and faced me,
immediately serious. “You have toswear never to reveal this littlechamber. Only a few members of the
family and a handful of the guards evenknow it exists.”
I was beyond intrigued.“Absolutely.”
We reached the top of the stairs,and Maxon held open the door for me.He took my hand again and pulled medown the hallway, finally stopping infront of a wall that was mostly coveredby a magnificent painting. Maxon lookedbehind us to make sure no one was there,then reached behind the frame on the farside. I heard a faint click, and thepainting swung toward us.
I gasped. Maxon grinned.Behind the painting was a door that
didn’t go all the way to the ground andhad a small keypad on it, like the kind on
a telephone. Maxon punched in a fewnumbers and then a tiny beep sounded.He turned the handle as he looked backto me.
“Let me help you. It’s quite a highstep.” He gave me his hand and gesturedfor me to walk in first.
I was shocked.The windowless room was covered
with shelves full of what appeared to beancient books. Two of the shelvescontained books that had curious redslashes on the bindings, and I saw amassive atlas against one wall, openedto a page that held the shape of somecountry I couldn’t name. In the middlewas a table with a handful of books onit, looking as if they’d been handled
recently and left out for quick recovery.And finally, embedded in one wall wasa wide screen that looked like a TV.
“What do the red slashes mean?” Iasked in wonder.
“Those are banned books. As far aswe know, they may be the only copiesthat still exist in all of Illéa.”
I turned to him, asking with my eyeswhat I didn’t dare say out loud.
“Yes, you can look at them,” hesaid in a manner that implied I wasputting him out but with an expressionthat said he had been hoping I’d ask.
I lifted one of the books carefully,terrified that I might accidentally destroya one-of-a-kind treasure. I flippedthrough the pages but ended up setting it
back down almost immediately. I wassimply too awestruck.
I turned around to find Maxontyping on something that looked like aflat typewriter attached to the TV screen.
“What’s that?” I asked.“A computer. Have you never seen
one?” I shook my head, and Maxondidn’t seem too surprised. “Not manypeople have them anymore. This one isspecifically for the information held inthis room. If anything about yourHalloween exists, this will tell us whereit is.”
I wasn’t fully sure of what he wassaying, but I didn’t ask him to clarify. Ina few seconds his hunt produced a three-bullet list on the screen.
“Oh, excellent!” he exclaimed.“Wait right there.”
I stood by the table as Maxon foundthe three books that would reveal whatHalloween was. I hoped it wasn’tsomething stupid and that I hadn’t madehim go through all this effort for nothing.
The first book defined Halloweenas a Celtic festival that marked the endof summer. Not wanting to slow us, Ididn’t bother mentioning I had no ideawhat a Celtic was. It said they believedthat spirits passed in and out of theworld on Halloween, and people wouldput on masks to ward off the evil ones.Later, it evolved into a secular holiday,mainly for children. They dressed up incostumes and went around their towns
singing songs and were rewarded withcandy, creating the saying “trick ortreat,” as they did a trick to get a treat.
The second book defined it assomething similar, only it mentionedpumpkins and Christianity.
“This will be the interesting one,”Maxon claimed, flipping through a bookthat was much thinner than the others andhandwritten.
“How so?” I asked, coming aroundto get a better look.
“This, Lady America, is one of thevolumes of Gregory Illéa’s personaldiaries.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “Can I touchit?”
“Let me find the page we’re
searching for first. Look, it even has apicture!”
And there, like an apparition, animage from an unknown past showedGregory Illéa with a tight expression onhis face, his suit crisp and his stance tall.It was bizarre how much of the king andMaxon I could see in the way he stood.Beside him, a woman was giving thecamera a halfhearted smile. There wassomething to her face that hinted she wasonce very lovely, but the luster had goneout of her eyes. She seemed tired.
Surrounding the couple were threefigures. The first was a teenage girl,beautiful and vibrant, grinning widelyand wearing a crown and a frilly gown.How funny! She was dressed as a
princess. And then there were two boys,one slightly taller than the other and bothdressed as characters I didn’t recognize.They looked like they were on the vergeof mischief. Below the image was anentry, amazingly enough, in GregoryIlléa’s own hand.
THE CHILDREN CELEBRATEDHALLOWEEN THIS YEAR WITH APARTY. I SUPPOSE IT’S ONE WAY TOFORGET WHAT’S GOING ONAROUND THEM, BUT TO ME ITFEELS FRIVOLOUS. WE’RE ONE OFTHE FEW FAMILIES REMAININGWHO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO DOSOMETHING FESTIVE, BUT THISCHILD’S PLAY SEEMS WASTEFUL.
“Do you think that’s why we don’tcelebrate anymore? Because it’swasteful?” I asked.
“Could be. If the date’s anyindication, this was right after theAmerican State of China started fightingback, just before the Fourth World War.At that point, most people had nothing—picture an entire nation of Sevens with ahandful of Twos.”
“Wow.” I tried to imagine thelandscape of our country like that, blownapart by war, then fighting to pull itselfback together. It was amazing.
“How many of these diaries arethere?” I asked.
Maxon pointed to a shelf with arow of journals similar to the one weheld. “About a dozen or so.”
I couldn’t believe it! All thishistory right in one room.
“Thank you,” I said. “This issomething I would never even havedreamed of seeing. I can’t believe allthis exists.”
He was beaming. “Would you liketo read the rest of it?” He motioned tothe diary.
“Yes, of course!” I practicallyshouted before my duties came back tome. “But I can’t stay; I have to finishstudying that terrible report. And youhave to get back to work.”
“True. Well, how about this? You
can take the book and keep it for a fewdays.”
“Am I allowed to do that?” I askedin awe.
“No.” He smiled.I hesitated, afraid of what I held.
What if I lost it? What if I ruined it?Surely he had to be thinking the samething. But I would never have anopportunity like this again. I could becareful enough for the sake of this gift.
“Okay. Just a night or two and thenI’ll give it straight back.”
“Hide it well.”And I did. This was more than a
book; it was Maxon’s trust. I tucked itinside my piano stool under a pile ofsheet music—a place my maids never
CHAPTER 4
“I’M HOPELESS!” MARLEECOMPLAINED.
“No, no, you’re doing great,” I lied.I’d been giving Marlee piano
lessons nearly every day for more than aweek, and it genuinely sounded like shewas getting worse. For goodness’ sake,we were still working on scales. She hitanother sour note, and I couldn’t help butwince.
“Oh, look at your face!” sheexclaimed. “I’m terrible. I might as wellbe playing with my elbows.”
“We should try that. Maybe yourelbows are more accurate.”
She sighed. “I give up. Sorry,America, you’ve been so patient, but Ihate hearing myself play. It sounds likethe piano is sick.”
“More like it’s dying, actually.”Marlee collapsed into laughter, and
I joined her. Little did I know that whenshe’d asked for piano lessons, my earswould be in for such painful—buthilarious—torture.
“Maybe you’d be better at theviolin? Violins make very beautifulmusic,” I offered.
“I don’t think so. With my luck, I’ddestroy it.” Marlee rose and went overto my little table, where the papers wewere supposed to be reading werepushed to one side and my sweet maids
had left tea and cookies for us.“Oh, well, that’s fine. The one here
belongs to the palace anyway. You couldthrow it at Celeste’s head if youwanted.”
“Don’t tempt me,” she said, pouringus both some tea. “I’m so going to missyou, America. I don’t know what I’ll dowhen we don’t get to see each otherevery day.”
“Well, Maxon’s very indecisive, soyou don’t have to worry about that justyet.”
“I don’t know,” she said, turningserious. “He hasn’t come right out andsaid it, but I know that I’m here becausethe public likes me. With the majority ofthe girls gone, it won’t be long before
their opinions change and they have anew favorite, and then he’ll let me go.”
I was careful with my words,hoping she’d explain the reason for thedistance she’d put between the two ofthem but not wanting her to shut down onme again. “Are you okay with that? Withnot getting Maxon, I mean?”
She gave a small shrug. “He’s justnot the one. I’m fine with being out of thecompetition, but I really don’t want toleave,” she clarified. “Besides, Iwouldn’t want to end up with a manwho’s in love with someone else.”
I sat bolt upright. “Who is he—”The look in Marlee’s eyes was
triumphant, and the smile hiding behindher cup of tea said Gotcha!
She had.In a split second, I realized that the
thought of Maxon being in love withsomeone else made me so jealous Icouldn’t stand it. And the moment afterthat—the understanding that she meantme—was infinitely reassuring.
I’d put up wall after wall, makingjokes at Maxon’s expense and talking upthe merits of the other girls; but in asingle sentence, she found her waybehind all that.
“Why haven’t you ended this,America?” she asked sweetly. “Youknow he loves you.”
“He never said that,” I promised,and that was true.
“Of course he hasn’t,” she said, as
if this would be obvious. “He’s trying sohard to catch you, and every time he getsclose you push him away. Why do youdo that?”
Could I tell her? Could I confessthat while my feelings for Maxon wentdeep—deeper than I knew, apparently—there was someone else I couldn’t let goof?
“I’m just … not sure, I guess.” Itrusted Marlee; I really did. But it wassafer for us both if she didn’t know.
She nodded. It looked like shecould tell there was more to it than that,but she didn’t press me. It was almostcomforting, this mutual acceptance ofour secrets.
“Find a way to be sure. Soon. Just
because he’s not the one for me doesn’tmean Maxon’s not a great guy. I’d hatefor you to lose him because you wereafraid.”
She was right again. I was afraid.Afraid that Maxon’s feelings weren’t asgenuine as they seemed, afraid of whatbeing a princess might mean for me,afraid of losing Aspen.
“On a lighter note,” she said,setting down her cup of tea, “all that talkabout weddings yesterday made me thinkof something.”
“Yes?”“Would you want to, you know, be
my maid of honor? If I get marriedsomeday?”
“Oh, Marlee, of course I would!
Would you be mine?” I reached to grabher hands, and she took them happily.
“But you have sisters; won’t theymind?”
“They’ll understand. Please?”“Absolutely! I wouldn’t miss your
wedding for the world.” Her toneimplied that my wedding would be theevent of the century.
“Promise me that even if I getmarried to a nobody Eight in an alleysomewhere, you’ll be there.”
She gave me a disbelieving look,positive that no such thing could everhappen. “Even if that’s the case. Ipromise.”
She didn’t ask me to make a similarvow for her, which made me wonder as
I had in the past if there was anotherFour back home who she had her heartset on. I wouldn’t press her though. Itwas clear we both had secrets; butMarlee was my best friend, and I woulddo anything for her.
That night I was hoping to spend sometime with Maxon. Marlee had mequestioning a lot of my actions. Andthoughts. And feelings.
After dinner, as we all stood toleave the Dining Room, I caughtMaxon’s eye and tugged my ear. It wasour secret sign to ask for time together,and it was rare to pass up an invitation.But tonight Maxon’s expression wasdisappointed as he mouthed the word
“work” to me. I gave him a mock poutand a tiny wave before leaving for thenight.
Perhaps it was for the best anyway.I really needed to think on some thingswhere Maxon was concerned.
When I rounded the corner to myroom, Aspen was there again, standingguard. He looked me up and down,taking in the snug green dress that didamazing things for the few curves I had.Without a word, I walked past him.Before I could turn the handle on mydoor, he gently grazed the skin on myarm.
It was slow but brief, and in thosefew seconds I felt that need, that sense oflonging, that Aspen tended to inspire in
me. One look at his emerald eyes, hungryand deep, and I felt my knees start to goshaky.
I moved into my room as quickly asI could, tortured by our connection.Thank goodness I barely had time tothink about what Aspen made me feel,because the moment the door shut, mymaids swarmed around me, preparingme for bed. As they chatted away andbrushed my hair, I tried to let myselfforget about everything for a moment.
It was impossible. I had to choose.Aspen or Maxon.
But how was I supposed to decidebetween two good possibilities? Howcould I make a choice that would leavesome part of me devastated either way? I
CHAPTER 5
“SO, LADY CELESTE, YOU’RESAYING that the quantities aren’tsufficient, and you feel the number ofmen taken in the next draft should beraised?” Gavril Fadaye, the moderatorof discussions on the Illéa CapitalReport and the only person who everinterviewed the royals, asked.
Our debates on the Report weretests, and we knew it. Even thoughMaxon didn’t have a timeline, the publicwas aching for the field to narrow; and Isensed the king, queen, and theiradvisers were, too. If we wanted to stay,we had to perform, whenever and
wherever they said. I was glad I’d madeit through that awful report about thesoldiers. I remembered some of thestatistics, so I stood a decent chance ofmaking a good impression tonight.
“Exactly, Gavril. The war in NewAsia has been going on for years. I thinkone or two rounds of inflated draftswould give us the numbers we need toend it.”
I really couldn’t stand Celeste.She’d gotten one girl kicked out, ruinedKriss’s birthday party last month, andliterally tried to rip a dress off my back.Her status as a Two made her considerherself a cut above the rest of us. To behonest, I didn’t have an opinion aboutthe number of soldiers Illéa had, but now
that I knew Celeste’s, I wasunwaveringly opposed.
“I disagree,” I said in as ladylike atone as I could manage. Celeste turnedmy way, her dark hair whipping over hershoulder in the process. With her back tothe camera, she felt perfectlycomfortable blatantly glaring at me.
“Ah, Lady America, you thinkincreasing the numbers is a bad idea?”Gavril asked.
I felt the heat of a blush on mycheeks. “Twos can afford to pay theirway out of the draft, so I’m sure LadyCeleste has never seen what it doeswhen families lose their only sons.Taking more would be devastating,particularly for the lowest castes, who
tend to have larger families and needevery member to work in order tosurvive.”
Marlee, beside me, gave me afriendly nudge.
Celeste took over. “Well, then whatshould we do? Certainly you aren’tsuggesting that we sit back and let thesewars drag on?”
“No, no. Of course I want Illéa tobe done with the war.” I paused togather my thoughts and looked across atMaxon for some sort of support. Next tohim, the king looked peeved.
I needed to switch directions, so Iblurted out the first thing that came tomind. “What if it was voluntary?”
“Voluntary?” Gavril asked.
Celeste and Natalie chuckled,which made it worse. But then I thoughtabout it. Was it such a terrible idea?
“Yes. I’m sure there would need tobe certain requirements, but perhapswe’d get more out of an army of menwho wanted to be soldiers as opposed toboys who were only doing what it tookto stay alive and get back to the life theyleft behind.”
A hush of consideration fell on thestudio. Apparently, I’d made a point.
“That’s a good idea,” Elise chimedin. “Then we’d also be sending out newsoldiers every month or two as peoplesign up. It might be invigorating to themen who’ve been serving awhile.”
“I agree,” Marlee added, which
was usually the extent of her comments.She clearly wasn’t comfortable indebate situations.
“Well, I know this might sound alittle modern, but what if it was open towomen?” Kriss commented.
Celeste laughed aloud. “Who doyou think would sign up? Would you beheading into the battlefield?” Her voicedripped with an insulting disbelief.
Kriss kept her head together. “No,I’m not soldier material. But,” shecontinued, to Gavril, “if there’s onething I’ve learned from being in theSelection, it’s that some girls have afrightening killer instinct. Don’t let theball gowns fool you,” she finished witha smile.
Back in my room, I allowed my maids tostay a little later than usual to help meget the pile of pins out of my hair.
“I liked your idea of the army beingvoluntary,” Mary said, her nimblefingers hard at work.
“Me, too,” Lucy added. “Iremember watching my neighborsstruggle when their oldest sons weretaken. It was almost unbearable when somany didn’t come home.” I could see adozen memories flash before her eyes. Ihad some of my own.
Miriam Carrier was widowedyoung; but she and her son, Aiden,managed all right, just the two of them.When the soldiers had shown up at herdoor with a letter and a flag and their
meaningless condolences, she’d cavedin on herself. She couldn’t make it on herown. Even if she had the ability, shedidn’t have the heart.
Sometimes I saw her begging as anEight in the same square where I hadsaid my good-byes to Carolina. But itwasn’t as if I had anything to give her.
“I know,” I said to Lucy’sreflection.
“I thought Kriss went a bit too far,”Anne commented. “Women in battlesounds like a terrible idea.”
I smiled at her prim face as shefocused intently on my hair. “Accordingto my dad, women used to—”
A short burst of knocks came at thedoor, startling all of us.
“I had a thought,” Maxonannounced, walking in without waitingfor an answer. It appeared we had astanding date Friday nights after theReport.
“Your Majesty,” they said together,Mary dropping pins as she sank into hercurtsy.
“Let me help you,” Maxon offered,coming to Mary’s aid.
“It’s all right,” she insisted,blushing fiercely and backing out of theroom. Far less subtly than I’m sure sheintended, she made wide eyes at Lucyand Anne, begging them to leave withher.
“Oh, um, goodnight, miss,” Lucysaid, tugging on the hem of Anne’s
uniform to get her to follow.Once they were gone, Maxon and I
both broke down into laughter. I turnedto the mirror and continued to work thepins out of my hair.
“They’re a funny lot,” Maxoncommented.
“It’s just that they admire you somuch.”
Modestly, he waved thecompliment away. “Sorry I interrupted,”he said to my reflection.
“It’s fine,” I answered, tugging outthe last pin. I ran my fingers through myhair and draped it over my shoulder.“Do I look okay?”
Maxon nodded, staring a littlelonger than necessary. He came to his
senses and spoke. “Anyway, this idea…”
“Do tell.”“You remember that Halloween
thing?”“Yes. Oh, I still haven’t read the
diary. It’s well hidden though,” Ipromised.
“It’s fine. No one’s looking for it.Anyway, I was thinking. All those bookssaid it fell in October, right?”
“Yes.”“It’s October now. Why don’t we
have a Halloween party?”I spun around. “Really? Oh, Maxon,
could we?”“Would you like that?”“I would love it!”
“I figure all the Selected girls couldhave costumes made. The off-dutyguards could be spare dance partnerssince there’s only one of me and itwould be unfair to make everyone standaround waiting for a turn. And we coulddo dancing lessons over the next weekor two. You did say there wasn’t muchto do during the days sometimes. Andcandy! We’ll have the best candies madeand imported. You, my dear, will bestuffed by the end of the night. We’llhave to roll you off the floor.”
I was mesmerized.“And we’ll make an announcement,
tell the entire country to celebrate. Letthe children dress up and go door-to-door doing tricks, like they used to. Your
sister will love that, yes?”“Of course she will! Everyone
will!”He deliberated a moment, pursing
his lips. “How do you think she wouldlike celebrating here, at the palace?”
I was stunned. “What?”“At some point in the competition,
I’m supposed to meet the parents of theElite. Might as well have siblings comeand do this around a festive time asopposed to waiting—”
His words were cut off by mebarreling into his arms. I was so elatedby the possibility of seeing May and myparents, I couldn’t contain myenthusiasm. He wrapped his armsaround my waist and stared into my
eyes, his own glittering with delight.How did this person—someone I’dimagined would be my polar opposite—always seem to find the things thatwould make me the happiest?
“Do you mean it? Can they reallycome?”
“Of course,” he answered. “I’vebeen longing to meet them, and it’s partof the competition. Anyway, I think itwould do all of you good to see yourfamilies.”
Once I was sure I wouldn’t cry, Iwhispered back, “Thank you.”
“You’re quite welcome …. I knowyou love them.”
“I do.”He chuckled. “And it’s clear you’d
do practically anything for them. Afterall, you stayed in the Selection forthem.”
I jerked back, putting spacebetween us so I could see his eyes.There was no judgment there, only shockat my abrupt movement. I couldn’t letthis pass though. I had to be absolutelyclear.
“Maxon, they were part of thereason I stayed in the beginning, butthey’re not why I’m here now. You knowthat, right? I’m here because …”
“Because?”I looked at Maxon, his adoring face
so hopeful. Say it, America. Just tellhim.
“Because?” he asked again, this
time with an impish smile coming to hislips, which made me soften even more.
I thought about my conversationwith Marlee and the way I’d felt theother day when we talked about theSelection. It was hard to think of Maxonas my boyfriend when there were othergirls dating him, but he wasn’t just myfriend. That hopeful feeling hit me again,the wonder that we might be somethingspecial. Maxon was more to me than I’dlet myself believe.
I gave him a flirtatious smile andstarted walking toward the door.
“America Singer, you get backhere.” He ran in front of me, wrappingan arm around my waist as we stood,chest to chest. “Tell me,” he whispered.
I pinched my lips together.“Fine, then I shall have to rely on
other means of communication.”Without any warning, he kissed me.
I felt myself dip backward a bit,completely supported by his arms. Iplaced my hands on his neck, wanting tohold him to me … and something shiftedin my head.
Usually when we were alonetogether, I could block out the othergirls. But tonight I thought about thepossibility of someone else in my place.Just imagining it: someone else inMaxon’s arms, making him laugh,marrying him … It broke my heart. Icouldn’t help it; I started to cry.
“Darling, what’s wrong?”
Darling? The word, so tender andpersonal, enveloped me. In that moment,any desire I had to fight my feelings forMaxon disappeared. I wanted to be hisdear, his darling. I wanted to beMaxon’s alone.
It might mean welcoming a future Inever thought I would and saying good-bye to things I never intended to, but thethought of leaving him now wasn’tsomething I could handle.
It was true that I wasn’t the bestcandidate for the crown, but I didn’tdeserve to be in the running at all if Icouldn’t at least be brave enough toconfess how I felt.
I sighed, trying to keep my voicesteady. “I don’t want to leave all this.”
“If I remember correctly, the firsttime we met, you said it was like acage.” He smiled. “It does grow on you,though, doesn’t it?”
I gave my head a small shake.“Sometimes you can be so stupid.” Aweak laugh pushed through my choked-up throat.
Maxon let me pull away just enoughso I could look into his brown eyes.
“Not the palace, Maxon. I couldcare less about the clothes or my bed or,believe it or not, the food.”
Maxon laughed. It was no secrethow excited I had been about theextravagant meals here.
“It’s you,” I said. “I don’t want toleave you.”
“Me?”I nodded.“You want me?”I giggled at his bewildered
expression. “That’s what I’m saying.”He paused a moment. “How—But
—What did I do?”“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug.
“I just think that we’d be a good us.”He smiled slowly. “We’d be a
wonderful us.”Maxon pulled me in, roughly by his
standards, and kissed me again.“Are you sure?” he asked, holding
me at arm’s length, staring intently at me.“Are you absolutely positive?”
“If you’re sure, I’m sure.”For a flicker of a second, something
changed in his expression. But it passedso quickly, I wondered if it—whatever itwas—was even real.
In the very next moment, he led meover to the bed, and we perched on theedge together, holding hands as my headrested on his shoulder. I was expectinghim to say something. After all, wasn’tthis what he had been waiting for? Butthere were no words. Every once in awhile he’d let out a long sigh, and in thatsound alone I could hear how happy hewas. That helped me not to feel soanxious.
After a while—perhaps becauseneither of us knew what to say—Maxonsat up straighter. “I should probably go.If we’re going to add all the families to
the celebration, I need to make extraplans.”
I pulled back and smiled, stillgiddy that I was going to get to hug mymom, dad, and May soon. “Thank youagain.”
We stood together, walking towardthe door. I held on to his hand tightly.For some reason, I dreaded letting it go.It felt like this whole moment wasfragile somehow, and if it shifted toomuch it might break.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” hepromised in a whisper, his nosemillimeters away from mine. He lookedupon me with such adoration that I feltsilly for worrying. “You’re astonishing.”
Once he was gone, I closed my
eyes and pulled in everything from ourshort time together: the way he stared atme, the playful smiles, the sweet kisses.I thought about them over and over as Igot ready for bed, wondering if Maxonwas doing the same thing.
CHAPTER 6
“LOVELY, MISS. KEEP POINTINGAT the sketches, and the rest of you, trynot to look at me,” the photographerasked.
It was Saturday, and all the Elitehad been excused from our obligatoryday of sitting in the Women’s Room. Atbreakfast, Maxon made hisannouncement about the Halloweenparty; and by the afternoon, our maidshad started working on costume designs,and photographers had shown up todocument the whole process.
Now I was attempting to looknatural as I went over Anne’s drawings
while my maids stood behind the tablewith pieces of fabric, containers ofsequins, and an absurd amount offeathers.
The camera snapped and flashed aswe tried to give several options. Just asI was about to pose with some goldfabric held up to my face, we had avisitor.
“Good morning, ladies,” Maxonsaid, strolling through the open doorway.
I couldn’t help but stand a littlestraighter, and it felt like my smile wastaking over my face. The photographercaught that moment before addressingMaxon.
“Your Majesty, always an honor.Would you mind posing with the young
lady?”“It would be my pleasure.”My maids stepped back, and Maxon
picked up a few sketches and stood rightbehind me, the papers in front of us inone hand and his other settled low on mywaist. That touch conveyed so much tome. See, it said, soon I’ll get to touchyou like this in front of the world. Youdon’t have to worry about anything.
A few pictures were taken, and thephotographer left for the next girl on hislist. I realized my maids hadinconspicuously dismissed themselves atsome point as well.
“Your maids are quite talented,”Maxon said. “These are wonderfulconcepts.”
I tried to act like I always did withMaxon, but things felt different now,better and worse at the same time. “Iknow. I couldn’t be in better hands.”
“Have you settled on one yet?” heasked, fanning out the papers on mydesk.
“We’re all fond of the bird idea. Ithink it’s meant to be a reference to mynecklace,” I said, touching the thin stringof silver. My songbird necklace was agift from my dad, and I preferred it overthe heavy jewelry the palace providedfor us.
“I hate to say this, but I thinkCeleste has picked something avian aswell. She seemed awfully determined,”he said.
“That’s all right,” I replied with ashrug. “I’m not crazy about feathersanyway.” My smile faltered. “Wait. Youwere with Celeste?”
He nodded. “Just a quick visit tochat. I’m afraid I can’t stay long here,either. Father’s not thrilled about allthis, but with the Selection still going on,he understood that it would be nice tohave some more festivities. And heagreed it would be a much better way tomeet the families, all things considered.”
“Like what?”“He’s eager for an elimination, and
I’m supposed to do one after I meet witheveryone’s parents. The sooner theycome, the better in his eyes.”
I hadn’t realized sending someone
home was part of the Halloween plan. Ithought it was just a big party. It mademe nervous, though I told myself therewas no reason I should be. Not after ourconversation last night. Of all themoments I’d shared with Maxon, nothingseemed quite so real as that one.
Still scanning the designs, he spokeabsentmindedly. “I suppose I ought tofinish my rounds.”
“You’re leaving already?”“Not to worry, darling. I’ll see you
at dinner.”Yes, I thought, but you’ll see all of
us at dinner.“Is everything all right?” I asked.“Of course,” he answered, offering
me a quick kiss. On the cheek. “I have to
run. We’ll talk again soon.”And, just as suddenly as he
appeared, he was gone.
As of Sunday, the Halloween party waseight days away, which meant the palacewas a hurricane of activity.
On Monday the Elite spent themorning with Queen Amberly tastetesting and approving a menu for theparty. It was easily the best task we’dbeen given so far. That afternoon,however, Celeste was missing from theWomen’s Room for a few hours. Whenshe returned around four, she announcedto us all, “Maxon sends his love.”
Tuesday afternoon we greetedextended members of the royal family
who were coming to town for thefestivities. But that morning we allwatched out the window as Maxon gaveKriss an archery lesson in the gardens.
Meals were full of guests who hadcome to stay early, but Maxon was oftenmissing, as well as Marlee and Natalie.
I felt more and more embarrassed.I’d made a mistake by confessing myfeelings to Maxon. For all his talk, hecouldn’t really be interested in me if hisfirst instinct was to spend time witheveryone else.
I’d all but lost hope by Friday whenI found myself sitting at the piano in myroom after the Report, wishing thatMaxon would come.
He didn’t.
I tried to put it out of my mind onSaturday, as the Elite were obligated toentertain the influx of ladies at thepalace in the Women’s Room in themorning and have yet another dancerehearsal in the afternoon.
Thank goodness our family chose tofocus on music and art as Fives, becauseI was a terrible dancer. The only personin the room worse than me was Natalie.Obnoxiously enough, Celeste was theepitome of gracefulness. More than oncethe instructors asked her to help others inthe room, the result of which wasNatalie nearly twisting her anklebecause of Celeste’s intentionally poorguidance.
Smooth as a snake, Celeste faulted
Natalie’s two left feet for her problems.The teachers believed her, and Natalielaughed it all off. I admired Natalie fornot letting Celeste get to her.
Aspen had been there for all thelessons. The first few times I avoidedhim, not really sure I wanted to interactwith him. I heard rumors that the guardswere switching schedules so fast it wasdizzying. Some wanted to go to the partydesperately while others had girls backhome and would be in huge trouble ifthey were seen dancing with someoneelse, especially since five of us wouldbe eligible again soon and in very highdemand.
But seeing as this was our lastformal rehearsal, when Aspen was near
enough to offer me a dance, I didn’t turnhim down.
“Are you all right?” he asked.“You’ve seemed down the last fewtimes I’ve seen you.”
“Just tired,” I lied. I couldn’t talkwith him about boy problems.
“Really?” he asked doubtfully. “Iwas sure that it meant bad news wascoming.”
“What do you mean?” Did he knowsomething I didn’t?
He sighed. “If you’re preparing totell me that I need to stop fighting foryou, that’s not a conversation I want tohave.”
In truth, I hadn’t even thought aboutAspen in the last week or so. I was so
consumed by my mistimed words andmistaken guesses, I couldn’t consideranything else. And here, while I’d beenworried about Maxon letting me go,Aspen had been worrying about medoing the same to him.
“That’s not what it is,” I answeredvaguely, feeling guilty.
He nodded, satisfied with thatresponse for now. “Ouch!”
“Oops!” I said. I genuinely hadn’tmeant to step on him. I worked to focus alittle more on the dancing.
“I’m sorry, Mer, but you’reterrible.” He was chuckling even thoughthe heel of my shoe had to have hurt him.
“I know, I know,” I saidbreathlessly. “I’m trying, I swear!”
I pranced around the room like ablind moose, but what I lacked in grace Imade up for in effort. Aspen, kindly, didhis best to make me look good,attempting to be a little less on the beatto be in time with me. That was sotypical of him, always trying to be myhero.
By the end of that last lesson, I atleast knew all the steps. I couldn’tpromise I wouldn’t accidentally take outa visiting diplomat with an energetickick of my leg, but I’d do my best. As Iconsidered that image, I realized it wasno wonder Maxon was having secondthoughts. I’d be an embarrassment totake to another country let alone receiveanyone here. I just didn’t have that
princess air about me.I sighed and went to get a cup of
water. Aspen followed me while the restof the girls left.
“So,” he started. I did a sweep ofthe room to make sure no one waswatching. “I have to assume that ifyou’re not worried about me, you’reworried about him.”
I lowered my eyes and blushed.How well he knew me.
“Not that I’m cheering for him oranything, but if he can’t see how amazingyou are, he’s an idiot.”
I smiled, continuing to study thefloor.
“And if you don’t get to be princessthen, so what? That doesn’t make you
any less incredible. And you know …you know …” He couldn’t get out whathe wanted to say, and I risked looking athis face.
In Aspen’s eyes I saw a thousanddifferent endings to that sentence, all ofthem connecting him to me. That he wasstill waiting for me. That he knew mebetter than anyone. That we were thesame. That a few months at the palacecouldn’t erase two years. No matterwhat, Aspen would always be there forme.
“I know, Aspen. I do.”
CHAPTER 7
I STOOD IN LINE WITH the other girlsin the massive foyer of the palace,bouncing on the balls of my feet.
“Lady America,” Silvia whispered,and that was all it took to know I wasbehaving in an unacceptable way. As ourmain tutor for the Selection, she took ouractions quite personally.
I tried to still myself. I enviedSilvia and the staff and the handful ofguards who were moving around thespace if only for the fact that they wereallowed to walk. If I could do the same,I knew I’d feel much calmer.
Maybe if Maxon was here already
it wouldn’t be so bad. Then again,maybe it would make me more anxious. Istill couldn’t figure out why, aftereverything, he hadn’t made any time forme lately.
“They’re here!” I heard through thepalace doors. I wasn’t the only one whomade sounds of delight.
“All right, ladies!” Silvia called.“Best behavior! Butlers and maidsagainst the wall, please.”
We tried to be the lovely, regalyoung women Silvia wanted us to, butthe second Kriss’s and Marlee’s parentsmade it through the doorway, it all fellapart. I knew that both girls were onlychildren, and it was obvious theirparents missed them too much to bother
with decorum. They ran in screaming,and Marlee dashed out of the linewithout so much as a pause.
Celeste’s parents were more puttogether, though they clearly werethrilled to see their daughter. She brokerank as well, but in a much morecivilized way than Marlee. I didn’t evenregister Natalie’s or Elise’s parents,because a short figure with wild red hairblazed around the open door, her eyessearching.
“May!”She heard my call and saw my
waving arm and rushed to me, Mom andDad following her lead. I knelt on thefloor, embracing her.
“Ames! I can’t believe it!” she
crooned, admiration and jealousy in hervoice. “You look so, so beautiful!”
I couldn’t speak. I could barelyeven see her, I was crying so much.
A moment later, I felt the steadyarms of my father taking us both in. ThenMom, abandoning her usual propriety,joined us, and we all held one another ina heap on the palace floor.
I heard a sigh that I knew wasSilvia’s, but I really didn’t care at themoment.
Once I could breathe again, I spoke.“I’m so happy you guys are here.”
“We are, too, kitten,” Dad said.“Can’t even tell you how much wemissed you.” I felt his kiss on the back ofmy head.
I twisted so I could hug him better.I didn’t know until this very momenthow badly I had needed to see them.
I reached for Mom last. I wasshocked that she was so quiet. I couldn’tbelieve she hadn’t already demanded adetailed report of my progress withMaxon. But when I pulled back, Inoticed the tears in her eyes.
“You’re so beautiful, sweetheart.You look like a princess.”
I smiled. It was nice not to have herquestion or instruct me for once. Shewas just happy in the moment, and thatmeant the world to me. Because I was,too.
I noticed May’s eyes focus onsomething over my shoulder.
“That’s him,” she breathed.“Hmm?” I asked, looking down at
her. I turned to see Maxon watching usfrom behind the grand stairwell. Hissmile was amused as he made his way towhere we were huddled on the floor. Myfather stood immediately.
“Your Highness,” he said, his voicefull of admiration.
Maxon walked up to him, handoutstretched. “Mr. Singer, it’s an honor.I’ve heard so much about you. And you,too, Mrs. Singer.” He moved to mymother, who had also risen andstraightened her hair.
“Your Majesty,” she squeaked, alittle starstruck. “Sorry about all that.”She motioned to the floor as May and I
stood, still holding each other tightly.Maxon chuckled. “Not at all. I’d
expect no less enthusiasm from anyonerelated to Lady America.” I was sureMom would want an explanation for thatlater. “And you must be May.”
May blushed as she extended herhand, expecting a shake but getting akiss. “I never did get to thank you for notcrying.”
“What?” she asked, blushing evenmore in her confusion.
“No one told you?” Maxon saidbrightly. “You won me my first date withyour lovely sister here. I’ll be forever inyour debt.”
May giggled back. “Well, you’rewelcome, I guess.”
Maxon put his hands behind hisback, his education coming back to him.“I’m afraid I must meet the others, butplease stay here for a moment. I’ll bemaking a short announcement to thegroup. And I’m hoping to get to speakwith you more very soon. So glad youcould come.”
“He’s even cuter in person!” Maywhispered loudly, and I could tell by theslight shake of his head that Maxon hadheard.
He went off to Elise’s family, whowere easily the most refined of thegroup. Her older brothers looked asrigid as the guards, and her parentsbowed to Maxon as he approached. Iwondered if Elise had told them to do
that or if that was just who they were.They all looked so polished, withmatching heads of jet-black hair toppingtheir small, smartly dressed frames.
Beside them, Natalie and her verypretty younger sister were whispering toKriss as their parents shook hands. Thewhole space was full of warm energy.
“What does he mean, he expectedenthusiasm from us?” Mom demanded ina low whisper. “Is this because youyelled at him when you met? Youhaven’t been doing that again, haveyou?”
I sighed. “Actually, Mom, we arguepretty regularly.”
“What?” She gaped at me. “Well,stop it!”
“Oh, and I kneed him in the groinonce.”
There was a split second of silencebefore May barked a laugh. She coveredher mouth and tried to stop, but it keptcoming out in awkward, squeaky sounds.Dad’s lips were pressed together, but Icould tell he was on the verge of losingit himself.
Mom was paler than snow.“America, tell me you’re joking.
Tell me you didn’t assault the prince.”I didn’t know why, but the word
assault pushed us all over the edge; andMay, Dad, and I bent over laughing asMom stared at us.
“Sorry, Mom,” I managed.“Oh, good lord.” She suddenly
seemed very excited to meet Marlee’sparents, and I didn’t stop her from going.
“So he enjoys a girl who stands upto him,” Dad said once we all calmeddown. “I like him more already.”
Dad looked around the room, takingin the palace, and I stood there trying toabsorb his words. How many times inthe years Aspen and I had been dating insecret had he and my father been in thesame room? A dozen at least. Maybemore. And I’d never really worriedabout him approving of Aspen. I knewgetting him to consent to me marryingdown a caste would be hard, but I hadalways assumed I’d get his permissionin the end.
For some reason, this felt a
thousand times more stressful. Even withMaxon being a One, with him being ableto provide for the lot of us, I wassuddenly aware that there was a chancemy dad might not like him.
Dad wasn’t a rebel, out burninghouses or anything. But I knew he wasunhappy with the way things were run.What if his issues with the governmentextended to Maxon? What if he said Ishouldn’t be with him?
Before I could go too far down thatpath of thought, Maxon bounded up afew of the steps so he could see all ofus.
“I want to thank you again forcoming. We’re so pleased to have you atthe palace, not only to celebrate the first
Halloween in Illéa in decades, but sothat we can get to know all of you. I’msorry my parents weren’t able to greetyou as well. You will meet them verysoon.
“The mothers, sisters, and Elite areinvited to have tea with my mother thisafternoon in the Women’s Room. Yourdaughters will be able to escort youthere. And the gentlemen will be havingcigars with my father and myself. We’llhave a butler come for you, so noworries about getting lost.
“Your maids will escort you to therooms you’ll use for the duration of yourstay, and they will get you properlysuited for your visit, as well as for thecelebration tomorrow night.”
He gave us all a quick wave andwent on his way. Almost immediately, amaid was at our side.
“Mr. and Mrs. Singer? I’m here toescort you and your daughter to yourquarters.”
“But I want to stay with America!”May protested.
“Sweetie, I’m sure the king gave usa room every bit as nice as America’s.Don’t you want to see it?” my motherencouraged.
May turned to me. “I want to liveexactly how you live. Just for a littlewhile. Can’t I stay with you?”
I sighed. So I’d have to forgo someprivacy for a few days, so what? Therewas no way I could say no to that face.
“Fine. Maybe with two of us, mymaids will actually have something todo.”
She hugged me so tightly, it wasinstantly worth it.
“What else have you learned?” Dadasked. I looped my arm through his, stillgetting used to him in a suit. If I hadn’tseen Dad a thousand times in his dirtypaint clothes, I could have sworn he wasborn to be a One. He looked so youngand smart in the formal outfit. He evenseemed taller.
“I think I told you everything wewere taught about our history, howPresident Wallis was the last leader ofwhat was the United States, and then he
led the American State of China. I didn’tknow about him at all, did you?”
Dad nodded. “Your grandpa toldme about him. I heard he was a decentguy, but there wasn’t much he could dowhen things got as bad as they did.”
I’d only learned the solid truth ofthe history of Illéa since I’d been at thepalace. For some reason, the story of ourcountry’s origin was mostly passed onorally. I’d heard several different things,and none of them was as complete as theeducation I’d received in the last fewmonths.
The United States was invaded atthe beginning of the Third World Warafter they couldn’t repay their cripplingdebt to China. Instead of getting money,
which the United States didn’t have, theChinese set up a government here,creating the American State of China andusing the Americans as labor. Eventuallythe United States rebelled—not onlyagainst China, but also against theRussians, who were trying to steal thelabor force set up by the Chinese—joining with Canada, Mexico, andseveral other Latin countries to form onecountry. That was the Fourth WorldWar, and—while we survived it,became a new country because of it—itwas pretty economically devastating.
“Maxon told me that right beforethe Fourth World War people hardly hadanything.”
“He’s right. It’s part of why the
caste system is so unfair. No one hadmuch to offer in the way of help in thefirst place, which is why so many peopleended up in the lower castes.”
I didn’t really want to go down thispath with Dad, because I knew he couldget really worked up. He wasn’t wrong—the castes weren’t fair—but this was ahappy visit, and I didn’t want to waste ittalking about things we couldn’t change.
“Besides the little history, it’smostly etiquette lessons. We’re getting abit more into diplomacy now. I think wemight have to do something with thatsoon, they’re pushing it so hard. Thegirls who stay will have to anyway.”
“Who stay?”“It turns out one girl will be going
home with her family. Maxon’ssupposed to make an elimination aftermeeting you all.”
“You sound unhappy. Do you thinkhe’ll send you home?”
I shrugged.“Come on now. You must know if
he likes you or not by this point. If hedoes, you have nothing to worry about. Ifhe doesn’t, why would you even want tostay?”
“I guess you’re right.”He stopped walking. “So which is
it?”This was kind of embarrassing to
talk about with my dad, but I wouldn’thave talked about it with Mom either.And May would be worse at interpreting
Maxon than I was.“I think he likes me. He says he
does.”Dad laughed. “Then I’m sure you’re
doing fine.”“But he’s been a little … distant
this last week.”“America, honey, he’s the prince.
He’s probably been busy passinglegislation or something like that.”
I didn’t know how to explain thatMaxon seemed to be making time foreveryone else. It was too humiliating. “Iguess.”
“Speaking of legislation, have youall learned anything about that yet?About how to write up proposals?”
I wasn’t any more excited about
this topic, but at least it was boy-free.“Not yet. We’ve been reading a lot ofthem though. They’re hard to understandsometimes; but Silvia, the woman fromdownstairs, she’s sort of a guide or tutoror whatever. She tries to explain things.And Maxon is helpful if I ask himquestions.”
“Is he?” Dad seemed happy aboutthis.
“Oh, yes. I think it’s important tohim that we all feel like we could besuccessful, you know? So he’s reallygreat about explaining things. He even…” I deliberated. I wasn’t supposed tomention the book room. But this was mydad. “Listen, you have to promise not tosay anything about this.”
He chuckled. “The only person Iever talk to is your mother, and we allknow she can’t be trusted with a secret,so I promise I won’t tell her.”
I giggled. Trying to imagine Momkeeping anything to herself wasimpossible.
“You can trust me, kitten,” he said,giving me a little side hug.
“There’s a room, a secret room,and it’s full of books, Dad!” I confessedquietly, double-checking to make sure noone was around. “There are books thatare banned and these maps of the world,old ones with all the countries like theyused to look. Dad, I didn’t know thereused to be that many! And there’s acomputer in there. Have you ever seen
one in real life?”He shook his head, stunned.“It’s amazing. You type what
you’re looking for, and it searchesthrough all the books in the room andfinds it.”
“How?”“I don’t know, but that’s how
Maxon found out what Halloween was.He even …” I looked up and down thehall again. I decided there was no wayDad would tell about the library, but if Itold him I had one of those secret booksin my room, it might be too much.
“He even?”“He let me borrow one once, just to
see.”“Oh, that’s very interesting! What
did you read? Can you tell me?”I bit my lip. “It was one of Gregory
Illéa’s personal diaries.”Dad’s mouth dropped open before
he composed himself. “America, that’sincredible. What did it say?”
“Oh, I haven’t finished. Mostly, itwas to figure out what Halloween was.”
He considered my words for amoment and shook his head. “Why areyou worried, America? Clearly, Maxontrusts you.”
I sighed, feeling foolish. “I guessyou’re right.”
“Amazing,” he breathed. “Sothere’s a hidden room around heresomewhere?” He looked at the walls ina whole new way.
“Dad, this place is crazy. There aredoors and panels everywhere. For all Iknow, if I tipped this vase, we might fallthrough a trapdoor.”
“Hmm,” he said, amused. “I’ll bevery careful making my way back to myroom then.”
“Which you should probably dosoon. I need to get May ready for teawith the queen.”
“Ah, yes, you and your teas with thequeen,” he joked. “All right, kitten. I’llsee you tonight for dinner. Now … howbest not to fall into a secret hatch?” hewondered aloud, spreading his arms outlike a protective shield as he walked.
Once he got to the stairwell, hetentatively put his hand on the rail. “Just
so you know, this is safe.”“Thanks, Dad.” I shook my head
and made my way back to my room.It was difficult not to skip down the
halls. I was so happy my family washere, I could hardly stand it. If Maxondidn’t send me home, it was going to beharder than ever to be separated fromthem.
I rounded the corner to my roomand saw that the door was open.
“What did he look like?” I heardMay ask as I approached.
“Handsome. To me anyway. Hishair was kind of wavy, and it neverstayed down.” May giggled, and so didLucy as she spoke. “A few times, Iactually got to run my fingers through it. I
think of that sometimes. Not as much as Iused to.”
I tiptoed closer, not wanting todisturb them.
“Do you still miss him?” Mayasked, curious about boys as always.
“Less and less,” Lucy admitted, atiny lilt of hope in her voice. “When Igot here, I thought I would die from theache. I kept dreaming up ways to escapethe palace and get back to him, but thatwould never really happen. I couldn’tleave my dad, and even if I got outsidethe walls, there’s no way I could havefound my way back.”
I knew a little about Lucy’s past,how her family gave themselves asservants to a family of Threes in
exchange for the money to pay for anoperation for Lucy’s mother. Lucy’smom eventually died, and when themother found out her son was in lovewith Lucy, she sold Lucy and her fatherto the palace.
I peeked through the door to findMay and Lucy on the bed. The balconydoors were open, and the deliciousAngeles air wafted in. May fell into thepalace look so naturally, her day dresshanging perfectly on her frame as she satbraiding parts of Lucy’s hair back andletting the rest fall free. I’d never seenLucy without her hair pulled up tight intoa bun. She looked lovely like this, youngand carefree.
“What’s it like to be in love?” May
asked.Part of me ached. Why hadn’t she
ever asked me? Then I remembered, asfar as May knew, I’d never been in love.
Lucy’s smile was sad. “It’s themost wonderful and terrible thing thatcan ever happen to you,” she saidsimply. “You know that you’ve foundsomething amazing, and you want to holdon to it forever; and every second afteryou have it, you fear the moment youmight lose it.”
I sighed softly. She was absolutelyright.
Love is beautiful fear.I didn’t want to let myself think too
much about losing things, so I walkedinside.
“Lucy! Look at you!”“Do you like it?” She reached back,
touching the delicate braids.“It’s wonderful. May used to braid
my hair all the time, too. She’s verytalented.”
May shrugged. “What else was Isupposed to do? We couldn’t afford tohave dolls, so I used Ames instead.”
“Well,” Lucy said, turning to faceher, “while you’re here, you will be ourlittle doll. Anne, Mary, and I are goingto make you look as pretty as the queen.”
May tilted her head. “No one’s aspretty as her.” Then she quickly turned tome. “Don’t tell Mom I said that.”
I chuckled. “I won’t. For now,though, we have to get ready. It’s almost
time for tea.”May clapped her hands together
excitedly and went to settle in front ofthe mirror. Lucy pulled her hair up,managing to keep the braids together asshe made her bun, putting her cap on tocover most of it. I couldn’t blame her forwanting it to stay as it was a little bitlonger.
“Oh, a letter came for you, miss,”Lucy said, handing an envelope to mewith great care.
“Thank you,” I replied, unable tokeep the shock out of my voice. Most ofthe people I expected to hear from werecurrently with me. I tore it open and readthe brief note, its deliberate scratchcompletely familiar.
America,I have found out belatedly that the
families of the Elite were recentlyinvited to the palace, and that Father,Mother, and May have left to visit you.I know that Kenna is far too pregnantto travel, and Gerad is much too young.I’m trying to understand why thisinvitation wasn’t extended to me. I’myour brother, America.
My only guess is that Father choseto exclude me. I certainly hope itwasn’t you. We are on the edge of greatthings, you and I. Our positions can bevery helpful to each other. If any otherspecial privileges are ever offered toyour family, you ought to remember me,America. We can help each other.
Did you happen to mention me tothe prince? Just curious.
Write soon.Kota
I debated crumpling it up andtossing it in the trash. I had hoped Kotamight be getting over his caste climbingand learn to be content with the successhe had. No such luck, it seemed. I threwthe letter in the back of a drawer,choosing to forget about it entirely. Hisjealousy wasn’t going to spoil this visit.
Lucy rang for Anne and Mary, andwe all had a wonderful time gettingready. May’s effervescent attitude keptus all in good spirits, and I found myselfsinging while we dressed. Not long
after, Mom came by, asking all of us todouble-check that she looked all right.
She did, of course. She was shorterand curvier than the queen, but she wasevery bit as regal in her dress. As wewalked downstairs, May clutched myarm, looking sad.
“What’s wrong? You’re excited tomeet the queen, aren’t you?” I asked.
“I am. It’s just …”“What?”She sighed. “How am I supposed to
go back to khakis after all this?”
The girls were animated, and everyonewas sparkling with energy. Natalie’ssister, Lacey, was about May’s age, andthey sat in a corner, talking. I could see
how Lacey resembled her sister.Physically, they were thin, blond, andlovely. But where May and I wereopposites personality-wise, Natalie andLacey were so similar. I would havedescribed Lacey as a bit less whimsical,however. Not quite as clueless as hersister.
The queen made her rounds,speaking to all the mothers, askingquestions in her sweet way. I was in asmall group listening to Elise’s mothertalk about her family back in New Asiawhen May tugged on my dress, pullingme away.
“May!” I hissed. “What are youdoing? You can’t act like that, especiallywhen the queen’s present!”
“You have to see!” she insisted.Thank goodness Silvia wasn’t here.
I wouldn’t put it past her to admonishMay for something like this, even thoughMay didn’t know any better.
We made our way to the window,and May pointed outside. “Look!”
I peered past the shrubs andfountains and saw two figures. The firstwas my father, speaking with his handsas he either explained or askedsomething. The second was Maxon,pausing to think before responding. Theywalked slowly, and sometimes my dadwould put his hands in his pockets orMaxon would tuck his behind his back.Whatever this conversation was, itseemed intense.
I glanced around. The women wereall still engrossed with the experience,with the queen herself, and no oneseemed to notice us.
Maxon stopped, stood in front ofmy father, and spoke deliberately. Therewas no aggression or anger, but helooked determined. After a pause, Dadheld out his hand. Maxon smiled andshook it eagerly. A moment later, theyboth seemed lighter, and Dad slappedMaxon on the back. Maxon seemed tostiffen a bit at that. He wasn’t used tobeing touched. But then Dad put his armaround Maxon’s shoulder, the way hedid with me and Kota, the way he didwith all his kids. And Maxon seemed tolike that very much.
“What was that about?” I askedaloud.
May shrugged. “It looked importantthough.”
“It did.”We waited to see if Maxon had a
conversation with anyone else’s father;but if he did, they didn’t go to thegardens.
CHAPTER 8
THE HALLOWEEN PARTY WAS ASamazing as Maxon had promised. When Iwalked into the Great Room with Mayby my side, I was stunned by the sheerbeauty before me. Everything wasgolden. Ornaments on the walls,glittering jewels in the chandeliers,cups, plates, even the food—everythinghad hints of gold in it. It was nothingshort of magnificent.
Popular music was playing througha sound system, but in the corner a smallband waited to play the songs for thetraditional dances we’d learned.Cameras—both for photography and
video—dotted the room. No doubt thiswould be the highlight of Illéaprogramming tomorrow. There couldn’tbe a celebration equal to this one. Ibriefly wondered what it would be likeif I was still here at Christmastime.
Everyone’s costumes weregorgeous. Marlee was dressed as anangel and dancing with that guard I raninto, Officer Woodwork. She even hadwings that looked like they’d been madeout of iridescent paper floating behindher. Celeste’s dress was short and madeof feathers, with a large plume behindher head announcing she was a peacock.
Kriss was standing with Natalie,and they seemed to have coordinated.Natalie’s dress had flowers blossoming
on the bodice, and her full skirt wasfluttery blue tulle. Kriss’s dress was asgolden as the room and covered withcascading leaves. Guessing, I’d say theywere spring and fall. It was a cute idea.
Elise’s Asian heritage was beingtaken full advantage of. Her silken dresswas an exaggeration of the demure onesshe tended to favor. The draping sleeveswere incredibly dramatic, and I was inawe of her ability to walk with theornate headdress she was wearing. Elisedidn’t typically stand out, but tonight shelooked lovely, almost regal.
Around the room, all the family andfriends were in costume, too, and theguards were equally dashing. I saw abaseball player, a cowboy, someone in a
suit with a name tag that said GAVRILFADAYE, and one guard so bold as toput on a lady’s dress. A few girls werenear him, laughing up a storm. But manyof the guards were in the dress versionof their uniforms, which was simplypressed white pants and their bluejackets. They had on gloves but no hats,and these features helped distinguishthem from the guards who were actuallyon duty, surrounding the perimeter of theroom.
“So, what do you think?” I askedMay, but when I turned, I saw she haddisappeared into the crowd, alreadyexploring. I laughed to myself as Isurveyed the room, trying to find herpuffy little dress. When she said she
wanted to go to the party as a bride—“the kind we see on TV”—I hadthought it was a joke. She lookedabsolutely adorable in her veil though.
“Hello, Lady America,” someonewhispered in my ear.
I started and turned to see Aspen inhis dress uniform beside me.
“You scared me!” I put my handover my heart as if that would slow it.Aspen only chuckled.
“I like your costume,” he saidjovially.
“Thank you. I do, too.” Anne hadmade me into a butterfly. My dress wastapered from front to back in a flutteringmaterial edged in black that floatedaround me. A tiny mask that looked like
wings covered my eyes, making me feelmysterious.
“Why didn’t you dress up?” Iasked. “Couldn’t you think of anything?”
He shrugged. “I prefer theuniform.”
“Oh.” It seemed sad to waste aperfectly good reason to be extravagant.Aspen had even fewer opportunities thanI did in that department. Why not live itup?
“I just wanted to say hello, see howyou were.”
“Good,” I said quickly. I felt soawkward.
“Oh.” He sounded unsatisfied. “Allright then.”
Maybe after his little speech the
other day, he expected more of ananswer, but I wasn’t ready to sayanything yet. He gave me a bow andwent off to see another guard whoembraced him like a brother. I wonderedif being a guard gave him a sense offamily the way the Selection had donefor me.
Marlee and Elise found memoments later and dragged me onto thedance floor. As I swayed, trying not tohit anyone, I caught Aspen standing onthe edge of the floor, talking with Momand May. Mom ran her hand overAspen’s sleeve, like she wasstraightening it out, and May wasbeaming. I could imagine them tellinghim how handsome he looked in his
uniform, how proud his mother must be.He smiled back, and I could see howpleased he was, too. Aspen and I wererarities, a Five and Six pulled out of ourmonotonous lives and placed in thepalace. The Selection had been so lifechanging that I sometimes forgot toappreciate the experience.
I danced in a circle with some ofthe other girls and guards until the musicquieted and the DJ spoke.
“Ladies of the Selection, gentlemenof the guard, and friends and relatives ofthe royal family, please welcome KingClarkson, Queen Amberly, and PrinceMaxon Schreave!”
The band swelled with music, andwe all curtsied and bowed as they came
in together. The king was apparentlydressed as a king, simply that of anothercountry. I didn’t catch the reference. Thequeen’s dress was a blue so deep italmost appeared black, with glitteringjewels across it. She looked like thenight sky. And Maxon, comically, was apirate. His pants were torn in places,and he wore a loose shirt with a vest anda bandanna over his hair. To add to theeffect, he hadn’t shaved in a day or two,and a shadow of dark blond fuzzcovered the bottom half of his face like asmile.
The DJ asked us to clear the floor,and the king and queen had a first dancetogether. Maxon stood to one side besideKriss and Natalie, whispering things to
each in turn and making them laugh.Finally I saw that he was doing a sweepof the room. I didn’t know if he waslooking for me or not, but I didn’t wantto be caught staring at him. I fluffed outmy dress and stared at his parentsinstead. They looked very happy.
I thought about the Selection andhow crazy it seemed, but I couldn’targue with the outcome. King Clarksonand Queen Amberly were suited for eachother. He seemed forceful, and shecombated that with a calming nature. Shewas a quiet listener, and he alwaysseemed to have something to say.Though the whole thing should bearchaic and wrong, it worked.
Did they ever grow apart during
their Selection the way I felt Maxonmight be growing apart from me? Whyhad he not made a single attempt to seeme in the midst of dating the rest of thegirls? Maybe that was why he wasspeaking with Dad, to explain to himwhy he’d have to let me go. Maxon wasa polite person, so that seemed likesomething he would do.
I surveyed the crowd, looking forAspen. In the process, I saw that Dadhad finally arrived and was standing armin arm with Mom on the opposite side ofthe room. May had found her way toMarlee and was tucked right in front ofher. Marlee held her arms across May’schest in a sisterly gesture, and theirwhite dresses shone in the lights. It
didn’t surprise me at all that they got soclose in less than a day. I sighed. Wherewas Aspen?
In a last effort, I peeked behind me.There he was, just over my shoulder,waiting by me as always. When our eyesmet, he gave me a quick wink, and itlifted my entire mood.
After the king and queen finished,we all crowded onto the dance floor.Guards shuffled around, pairing up withgirls easily. Maxon was still standing onthe side of the room with Kriss andNatalie. I hoped maybe he’d come askme to dance. I certainly didn’t want toask him.
Gathering my nerve, I smoothed mydress and walked in his direction. I
decided that I would at least present himwith an opportunity to ask me. I made myway across the floor, planning to jumpinto their conversation. When I got closeenough to do that, Maxon turned toNatalie.
“Would you like to dance?” heasked.
She laughed and tilted her blondhead to the side like it was the mostobvious thing in the world, and I breezedpast them, my eyes trained on a table ofchocolates, as if that was my goal theentire time. I kept my back to the roomas I ate the delicious treats, hoping noone could see how deeply I wasblushing.
Perhaps a half-dozen songs in,
Officer Woodwork appeared next to me.Like Aspen, he had opted to stay in hisuniform.
“Lady America,” he said with abow. “May I have this dance?”
His voice was bright and warm,and his enthusiasm washed over me. Itook his hand easily.
“Absolutely, sir,” I replied. “Ishould warn you, though, I’m not verygood.”
“That’s fine. We’ll take it slow.”His smile was so inviting that I couldn’tbe worried about my poor dancingskills, and I happily followed him to thefloor.
The dance was an upbeat one,which suited his mood. He spoke
through the entire thing, and it was hardto keep up. So much for taking it slow.
“It seems you’ve fully recoveredfrom me nearly running you over,” hejoked.
“It’s a shame you didn’t do anydamage,” I shot back. “If I was in asplint, I wouldn’t have to dance atleast.”
He laughed. “I’m glad you’re asfunny as everyone says you are. I hearyou’re a favorite of the prince, too.” Hemade it sound as if it was commonknowledge.
“I don’t know about that.” Part ofme was sick of people saying that.Another part yearned for it still to betrue.
Over Officer Woodwork’sshoulder, I saw Aspen dancing withCeleste. Something knotted in my chestat the sight.
“Sounds like you get along wellwith most everyone. Someone even saidthat during the last attack you took yourmaids with you to the hiding place forthe royal family. Is that true?” Hesounded amazed. At the time, it seemedlike a completely normal thing to protectthe girls I loved, but to everyone else itcame across as daring or strange.
“I couldn’t leave them behind,” Iexplained.
He shook his head in awe. “You’rea true lady, miss.”
I blushed. “Thank you.”
I was left gasping for breath afterthe song, so I took a seat at one of themany tables sprinkled around the room. Idrank orange punch and fanned myselfwith a napkin, watching others dancingon the floor. I found Maxon with Elise.They looked happy as they spun aroundin circles. He’d danced with Elise twicenow and still hadn’t sought me out.
It took awhile to find Aspen on thefloor since so many men were inuniform, but I finally spotted him in acorner, talking with Celeste. I watchedas she winked at him, her lips turned upin a flirtatious smile.
Who does she think she is? I stoodto go and tell her to stop but realizedwhat that would mean for both Aspen
and myself before I took a step forward.I sat back down and continued to sip mypunch. By the time the song ended,though, I was on the move and hadsituated myself close enough to Aspenfor it to be appropriate for him to ask meto dance.
And he did, which was good,because I didn’t think I could have beenpatient.
“What in the world was that?” Iasked quietly but with obvious outragein my voice.
“What was what?”“Celeste was running her hands all
over you!”“Somebody’s jealous,” he sang into
my ear.
“Oh, stop it! She’s not supposed tobe acting like that; it’s against the rules!”I looked around to make sure no onecould see how intimately we weretalking, particularly my parents. Inoticed Mom sitting and talking withNatalie’s mother. Dad had disappeared.
“This from you,” he said, rollinghis eyes playfully. “If we aren’t together,you can’t tell me who I’m not allowed totalk to.”
I made a face. “You know it’s notlike that.”
“So what is it like?” he whispered.“I don’t know if I’m supposed to beholding on or letting go.” He shook hishead. “I don’t want to give up, but ifthere’s nothing for me to hope for, then
tell me.”I could see the effort behind him
keeping his face so calm, the lingeringsadness in his voice. And I hurt, too.Thinking about letting this end brought astabbing pain to my chest.
I sighed and confessed. “He’s beenavoiding me. He’ll say hello, but he’sbeen very devoted to dating the othergirls recently. I think I must haveimagined that he actually liked me.”
He stopped dancing for a moment,shocked at what I was saying. Hequickly picked back up, studying my facefor a moment.
“I didn’t realize that was what wasgoing on,” he said softly. “I mean, youknow I want us to be together, but I
didn’t want you to get hurt.”“Thanks.” I shrugged. “I feel stupid
more than anything.”Aspen pulled me in a little closer,
still keeping a respectful distance thoughI knew he didn’t want to. “Trust me,Mer, any man who passes up the chanceto be with you is the stupid one.”
“You tried to pass me up,” Ireminded him.
“That’s how I know,” he repliedwith a smile. I was glad we could jokeabout that now.
I looked over Aspen’s shoulder andfound Maxon dancing with Kriss. Again.Wasn’t he even going to ask me once?
Aspen leaned in. “You know whatthis dance reminds me of?”
“Tell me.”“Fern Tally’s sixteenth birthday
party.”I gave him a look like he was crazy.
I remembered Fern’s sixteenth birthday.Fern was a Six, and sometimes we gothelp from her when Aspen’s mom wastoo busy to fit us in. Her sixteenthbirthday party came about seven monthsafter Aspen and I had started dating. Wewere both invited, and it wasn’t much ofa party. A cake and water, the radioturned on because she didn’t own anymusic discs, and the lights dimmed inher unfinished basement. The big thingwas that it was the first party I’d been tothat wasn’t a “family” party. It was justthe local kids alone in a room, and that
was exciting. However, it in no waycompared to the splendor of what washappening around us now.
“How in the world is this party likethat one?” I asked disbelievingly.
Aspen swallowed once and spoke.“We danced. Remember? I was so proudto have you there, in my arms, in front ofother people. Even if you did look likeyou were having a seizure.” He winkedat me.
The words stirred my heart. I didremember that. I lived off that momentfor weeks.
In an instant a thousand secrets thatAspen and I had built and saved floodedmy mind: the names we’d picked out forour imaginary children, our tree house,
his ticklish spot on the back of his neck,the notes we’d written and hidden away,my failed efforts in making homemadesoap, games of tic-tac-toe played withour fingers on his stomach … gameswhere we couldn’t remember ourinvisible moves … games he always letme win.
“Tell me you’ll wait for me. Ifyou’ll wait for me, Mer, I can handleanything else,” he breathed into my ear.
The music switched to a traditionalsong, and a nearby officer asked for adance. I was swept away, leaving bothAspen and myself without any answers.
The night went on, and I foundmyself peeking over at Aspen more thanonce. Though I tried to seem casual
about it, I bet anyone really payingattention might have noticed, particularlymy dad, if he had been in the room. Buthe seemed more interested in touring thepalace than in dancing.
I tried to distract myself with theparty and must have danced witheveryone in the room except for Maxon.I was sitting down resting my tired feetwhen I heard his voice beside me.
“My lady?” I turned to see him.“May I have this dance?”
That feeling, that indefinablesomething, coursed through me. Asdejected as I’d felt, as embarrassed asI’d been, when he offered me thatmoment, I had to take it.
“Of course.” He took my hand and
walked me out to the floor, where theband was starting a slow song. I felt arush of happiness. He didn’t seem upsetor uncomfortable. On the contrary,Maxon held me so close I could smellhis cologne and feel his stubble againstmy cheek.
“I was wondering if I was going toget a dance at all,” I commented, tryingto sound playful.
Maxon managed to pull me evencloser. “I was saving this one. I’ve putin time with all the other girls, so myobligations are over. Now I can enjoythe rest of the evening with you.”
I blushed the way I always didwhen he said things like that to me.Sometimes his words were like single
lines of poetry. After the last week, Ididn’t think I’d ever hear him speak tome that way again. It made my pulserace.
“You look lovely, America. Muchtoo beautiful to be on the arm of ascraggly pirate.”
I giggled. “How could you havepossibly dressed to match? Come as atree?”
“At the very least, some kind ofshrubbery.”
I laughed again. “I would paymoney to see you dressed as ashrubbery!”
“Next year,” he promised.I looked at him. Next year?“Would you like that? For us to
have another Halloween party nextOctober?” he asked.
“Will I even be here nextOctober?”
Maxon stopped dancing. “Whywouldn’t you?”
I shrugged. “You’ve been avoidingme all week, dating the other girls. And… I saw you talking to my dad. I thoughtyou might be telling him why you had tokick out his daughter.” I swallowed thelump in my throat. I was not going to cryhere.
“America.”“I get it. Someone has to go, and
I’m a Five, and Marlee’s the people’sfavorite—”
“America, stop,” he said gently.
“I’m such an idiot. I had no idea you’dsee it that way. I thought you felt securein your standing.”
I was missing something here.Maxon sighed. “Honestly? I was
trying to give the other girls a sportingchance. From the beginning, I’ve reallyonly looked at you, wanted you.” Iducked my head for a moment, overcomeby his deep stare. “When you told mehow you felt, I was so relieved that apart of me didn’t believe it. I still have ahard time accepting that it was real.You’d be surprised how infrequently Iget something I truly want.” Maxon’seyes were hiding something, somesadness he wasn’t prepared to share. Buthe shook it away and continued
explaining, starting to sway to the musicagain.
“I was afraid I was wrong, that youwould change your mind any second.I’ve been looking for a suitablealternative, but the truth is …”—Maxonlooked me in the eyes again, unwavering—“there’s only you. Maybe I’m notreally looking, maybe they aren’t rightfor me. It doesn’t matter. I just know Iwant you. And that terrifies me. I’vebeen waiting for you to take back thewords, to beg to leave.”
It took me a moment to find mybreath. Suddenly all that time awaylooked different. I could understand thatfeeling—that it was too good to be true,too good to trust. I felt like that every
day with him.“Maxon, that’s not going to
happen,” I whispered into his neck. “Ifanything, you’re going to realize I’m notgood enough.”
His lips were at my ear. “Darling,you’re perfect.”
My arm on his back drew himtoward me, and he did the same, until wewere closer to each other physically thanwe’d ever been. In the back of my mind,I realized we were in a crowded room,that somewhere my mother was probablyfainting at the sight, but I didn’t care. Forthat moment, it felt like we were the onlytwo people in the world.
I pulled back to look at Maxon,noticing that I needed to get the moisture
out of my eyes to do so. But I liked thesetears.
Maxon explained everything. “Iwant us to take our time. After Iannounce the dismissal tomorrow, thatwill appease the public and my father,but I don’t want to rush you at all. I wantyou to see the princess’s suite. It adjoinsmine, actually,” he said quietly.Something about being that close to himall the time made my bones feel weak.
“I think you should start decidingwhat you want in there. I want you tofeel completely at home. You’ll have topick a few more maids, too, and figureout if you want your family in the palaceor just nearby. I’ll help you witheverything.” A tiny beat of my heart
whispered, What about Aspen? But Iwas so taken in by Maxon that I barelyeven heard it.
“Soon, when it’s proper for me toend the Selection, when I propose toyou, I want it to be as easy as breathingfor you to say yes. I promise to doeverything in my power between nowand that moment to make it that way.Anything you need, anything you want,say the words. I will do everything I canfor you.”
I was overwhelmed. He understoodme so well, how nervous I was aboutmaking this commitment, how frighteningit was for me to become a princess. Hewas going to give me every last secondhe could and, in the meantime, lavish me
with everything possible. I had anotherone of those moments when I couldn’tbelieve this was all happening.
“That’s not fair, Maxon,” Imumbled. “What in the world am Isupposed to be able to give you?”
He smiled. “All I want is yourpromise to stay with me, to be mine.Sometimes it feels like you can’tpossibly be real. Promise me you’llstay.”
“Of course. I promise.”With that I rested my head on his
shoulder, and we slow danced throughsong after song. Once May caught myeye, and she looked like she was aboutto die with happiness watching ustogether. Mom and Dad stood looking
on, and Dad shook his head as if to sayAnd you thought he was sending youhome.
Something occurred to me.“Maxon?” I asked, turning my face
toward him.“Yes, darling?”I smiled at the name. “Why were
you talking with my dad?”Maxon smiled. “He is aware of my
intentions. And you should know that heapproves wholeheartedly, so long asyou’re happy. That seemed to be his onlystipulation. I assured him that I’d doeverything I could to see that you were,and I told him you seemed happy herealready.”
“I am.”
I felt Maxon’s chest rise. “Then heand I both have everything we need.”
Maxon’s hand moved slightly andsettled low on my back, encouraging meto stay close. In that touch I knew somany things. I knew that this was real,that it was happening, and that I could letmyself believe it. I knew I’d let go of thefriendships I’d made here if I had to,though I was sure Marlee wouldn’t mindlosing in the slightest. And I knew I’d letthe torch I held for Aspen burn out. Itwould be slow, and I would have to tellMaxon, but I would do it.
Because now I was his. I knew it.I’d never been so sure.
For the first time I could see it. Isaw the aisle, the guests waiting, and
Maxon standing at the end of it all. Withthat touch, it all made perfect sense.
The party went on late into thenight, when Maxon dragged the six of usto the balcony at the front of the palacefor the best view of the fireworks.Celeste was stumbling up the marblesteps, and Natalie had acquired somepoor guard’s hat. Champagne was beingpassed around, and Maxon wascelebrating our engagement prematurelywith a bottle he’d kept all to himself.
As the fireworks lit up the sky inthe background, Maxon raised his bottlein the air.
“A toast!” he exclaimed.We all raised our glasses and
waited expectantly. I noticed Elise’s
glass was smeared with the dark lipstickshe’d been wearing, and even Marleeheld a glass quietly, choosing to siprather than gulp.
“To all you beautiful ladies. And tomy future wife!” Maxon called.
The girls hooted, thinking this toastmight be especially for each of them, butI knew better. As everyone tipped theirglasses back, I watched Maxon—myalmost fiancé—who gave me a tiny winkbefore taking another swig ofchampagne. The glow and excitement ofthe entire evening was overwhelming,like a fire of happiness was swallowingme whole.
I couldn’t imagine anything strongenough to take that happiness away.
CHAPTER 9
I BARELY SLEPT. BETWEENGETTING in so late and the excitementover what was coming, it wasimpossible. I curled closer to May,comforted by her warmth. I’d miss herso much once she left, but at least I hadthe prospect of her living here with meto look forward to.
I wondered who would be leavingtoday. It didn’t seem polite to ask, so Ididn’t; but if pressed, I would guess itwas Natalie. Marlee and Kriss werepopular with the public—more popularthan I was—and Celeste and Elise hadconnections. I had Maxon’s heart, and
that left Natalie without much to hold onto.
I felt bad because I really didn’thave anything against Natalie. Ifanything, I wished Celeste would go.Maybe Maxon would send her homesince he knew how much I disliked her,and he did say he wanted me to becomfortable here.
I sighed, thinking of everything he’dsaid last night. I’d never imagined thiswas possible. How did I, AmericaSinger—a Five, a nobody—fall forMaxon Schreave—a One, the One? Howdid this happen when I’d spent the lasttwo years bracing myself for life as aSix?
A tiny part of my heart throbbed.
How would I explain this to Aspen?How would I tell him that Maxon hadchosen me and that I wanted to be withhim? Would he hate me? The thoughtmade me want to cry. No matter what, Ididn’t want to lose Aspen’s friendship. Icouldn’t.
My maids didn’t knock when theycame in, which was typical. Theyalways tried to let me rest as long as Icould, and after the party, I certainlyneeded it. But instead of going to prepthings, Mary went around to May andgently rubbed her shoulder to wake her.
I rolled over to see Anne and Lucywith a garment bag. A new dress?
“Miss May,” Mary whispered, “it’stime to get up.”
May slowly roused. “Can’t Isleep?”
“No,” Mary said sadly. “There’ssome important business this morning.You need to go to your parents rightaway.”
“Important business?” I asked.“What’s going on?”
Mary looked to Anne, and Ifollowed her eyes. Anne shook her head,and that seemed to be the end of it.
Confused but hopeful, I got out ofbed, encouraging May to do the same. Igave her a big hug before she went toMom and Dad’s room.
Once she left, I turned back to mymaids. “Can you explain now that she’sgone?” I asked Anne. She shook her
head. Frustrated, I huffed. “Would ithelp if I commanded you to tell?”
She looked at me, a clear solemnityin her eyes. “Our orders come frommuch higher. You’ll have to wait.”
I stood at the door to my bathroomand watched them move. Lucy’s handswere shaking as she pulled out fistfuls ofrose petals for my bath, and Mary’seyebrows were knit together as she linedup my makeup and the pins for my hair.Lucy sometimes trembled for no reasonat all, and Mary tended to do that withher face when she was concentrating. Itwas Anne’s look that made me scared.
She was always put together, evenin the most frightening and taxing ofsituations, but today she looked as if her
body was full of sand, her whole framelow with worry. She kept stopping andrubbing her forehead as if she couldsmooth away the anxiety in her face.
I looked on as she pulled my dressout of the garment bag. It wasunderstated, simple … and jet-black. Ilooked at that dress and knew it couldonly mean one thing. I started cryingbefore I even knew who I was mourning.
“Miss?” Mary came to help me.“Who died?” I asked. “Who died?”Anne, steady as ever, pulled me
upright and wiped the tears from undermy eyes.
“No one has died,” she said. Buther voice wasn’t comforting; it wascommanding. “Be grateful for that when
this is all over. No one died today.”She gave me no further explanation
and sent me straight to my bath. Lucytried to keep herself under control; butwhen she finally broke into tears, Anneasked her to go get me something light toeat, and she jumped on the commandobediently. She didn’t even curtsy as sheleft.
Lucy eventually returned with somecroissants and apple slices. I wanted tosit and eat slowly, stretching out mytime, but one bite was all it took for meto know that food was not my friendtoday.
Finally Anne placed my name pinon my chest, the silver shiningbeautifully against the black of my dress.
There was nothing left for me to do butface this unimaginable fate.
I opened my door but found myselffrozen. Turning back to my maids, Ibreathed out my fear. “I’m scared.”
Anne put her hands on my shouldersand spoke. “You are a lady now, miss.You must handle this like a lady.”
I gave a small nod as she releasedme, unclenched my hands from the door,and walked away. I wish I could havesaid my head was high; but honestly,lady or not, I was terrified.
To my immense surprise, when Ireached the foyer, the rest of the girlswere waiting, all wearing dresses andexpressions similar to my own. A waveof relief hit me. I wasn’t in trouble. If
anything, we all were, so at least Iwouldn’t be going through whatever thiswas alone.
“There’s the fifth,” a guard said tohis counterpart. “Follow us, ladies.”
Fifth? No, that wasn’t right. It wassix. As we walked down the stairs, Iquickly scanned the girls. The guard wasright. Only five. Marlee wasn’t here.
My first thought was that Maxonhad sent Marlee home, but wouldn’t shehave come by my room to say good-bye?I tried to think of a relationship betweenall this secrecy and Marlee’s absence,and nothing I came up with made sense.
At the bottom of the stairs, anassembly of guards waited, along withour families. Mom, Dad, and May
seemed anxious. Everyone did. I lookedat them, hoping for some sort of clarity,but Mom shook her head while Dad gaveme a shrug. I scanned the uniformed menfor Aspen. He wasn’t there.
I saw a pair of guards escortingMarlee’s parents to the back of our line.Her mother was hunched with worry,and she leaned into her husband, his faceheavy, as if he had aged years in a singlenight.
Wait. If Marlee was gone, whywere they here?
I turned as a burst of light floodedthe foyer. For the first time since I’dbeen at the palace, the front doors wereboth opened wide, and we were paradedoutside. We crossed the short circular
driveway and headed past the massivewalls that fenced us into the grounds. Asthe gates creaked open, the deafeningsound of a massive crowd greeted us.
A large platform had been set up inthe street. Hundreds, maybe thousands ofpeople were crowded together, childrensitting on the shoulders of their parents.Cameras were positioned around theplatform, and production people wererunning in front of the crowds, capturingthe scene. We were led to a smallsection of stadium seats, and the crowdcheered for us as we walked out. I couldsee the shoulders of every girl in front ofme relax as the people in the streetscalled out our names and threw flowersat our feet.
I lifted my hand in a wave aspeople called my name. I felt so silly forworrying. If the people were this happy,then nothing bad could be happening.The staff at the palace really needed torethink the way they handled the Elite.All that anxiety for nothing.
May giggled, happy to be a part ofthe excitement, and I was relieved to seeher back to herself. I tried to keep upwith all the well-wishers, but I wasdistracted by the two odd structureswaiting on the platform. The first was aladder-like contraption in the shape ofan A; the second was a large woodenblock with loops on either end. With aguard at my side, I climbed into my seatin the middle of the front row and tried
to figure out what was going on.The crowd erupted again as the
king, queen, and Maxon emerged. Theytoo were dressed in dark clothes andwore sober expressions. I was close toMaxon, so I turned his way. Whateverwas happening, if he looked at me andsmiled, I knew it would be fine. I keptwilling him to glance at me, to give mesome sort of acknowledgment. ButMaxon’s face was hard.
A moment later the crowd’s cheersturned into cries of disdain, and I turnedto see what made them so unhappy.
My stomach twisted as I watchedmy world shatter.
Officer Woodwork was beingdragged out in chains. His lip was
bleeding, and his clothes were so dirtyhe looked like he’d spent the nightrolling in mud. Behind him, Marlee—herbeautiful angel costume lacking its wingsand covered in grime—was also inchains. A suit coat covered her hunchedshoulders, and she squinted into thelight. She took in the massive crowd,finding my eyes for a split second beforeshe was pulled forward again. Shesearched once more, and I knew who shewas seeking out. To my left, I sawMarlee’s parents watching, grippingeach other tightly. They were visiblycrushed, gone from this place, as if theirvery hearts had abandoned them.
I looked back to Marlee andOfficer Woodwork. The anxiety in their
faces was obvious, yet they walked witha certain pride. Only once, when Marleetripped over the hem of her dress, didthat veneer crack. Beneath it, terrorawaited.
No. No, no, no, no, no.As they were led up onto the
platform, a man in a mask beganspeaking. The crowd hushed for him.Apparently, this—whatever it was—hadhappened before, and the people hereknew how to respond. But I didn’t; mybody lurched forward, and my stomachheaved. Thank goodness I hadn’t eaten.
“Marlee Tames,” the man called,“one of the Selected, a Daughter of Illéa,was found last night in an intimatemoment with this man, Carter
Woodwork, a trusted member of theRoyal Guard.”
The crier’s voice was full of aninappropriate amount of self-importance,as if he was reciting the cure for somedeadly disease. The crowd booed againat his accusations.
“Miss Tames has broken her vowof loyalty to our prince Maxon! And Mr.Woodwork has essentially stolenproperty of the royal family through hisrelations with Miss Tames! Theseoffenses are treason to the royal family!”He was shrieking out his statements,willing the crowd to agree. And theydid.
But how could they? Didn’t theyknow this was Marlee? Sweet, beautiful,
trusting, giving Marlee? She made amistake, maybe, but nothing deserving ofthis much hatred.
Carter was being strapped up to theA-shaped frame by another masked man,his legs spread wide and his arms pulledinto a position that mimicked thestructure. Padded belts were wrappedaround his waist and legs, tightened to apoint that looked uncomfortable evenfrom here. Marlee was forced to kneel infront of the large wooden block as a manripped the coat from her back. Herwrists were bound down to the loops oneither side, palms up.
She was crying.“This is a crime punishable by
death! But, in his mercy, Prince Maxon
is going to spare these two traitors theirlives. Long live Prince Maxon!”
The crowd chanted after the man. IfI had been in my right mind, I wouldhave known I was supposed to call out,too, or at least applaud. The girls aroundme did, and so did our parents, even ifthey were in shock. But I wasn’t payingattention. All I saw were Marlee’s andCarter’s faces.
We had been given front-row seatsfor a reason—to show us what wouldhappen if we made such a stupid mistake—but from here, not more than twentyfeet from the platform, I could see andhear everything that really mattered.
Marlee was staring at Carter, andhe was looking right back at her, craning
his neck to do so. The fear wasunmistakable, but there was also thislook on her face, as if she was trying toreassure him that he was worth all this.
“I love you, Marlee,” he called toher. It was barely audible over thecrowd, but it was there. “We’re going tobe okay. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
Marlee couldn’t speak in her fear,but she nodded back at him. In thatmoment, all I could think of was howbeautiful she looked. Her golden hairwas messy and her dress a disaster, andshe’d lost her shoes at some point; but,my God, she looked radiant.
“Marlee Tames and CarterWoodwork, you are both herebystripped of your castes. You are the
lowest of the low. You are Eights!”The crowd cheered, which seemed
wrong. Weren’t there any Eightsstanding here who hated being referredto that way?
“And to inflict upon you the shameand pain you have brought on HisMajesty, you will be publicly canedwith fifteen strikes. May your scarsremind you of your many sins!”
Caned? What did that even mean?My answer came a second later.
The two masked men who had boundCarter and Marlee pulled long rods outof a bucket of water. They swiped themin the air a few times, testing them out,and I could hear the sticks whistling asthey cut at the air. The crowd applauded
this warm-up with the same frenzy andadoration they had just given theSelected.
In a few seconds, Carter’s backsidewould be humiliatingly struck, andMarlee’s precious hands …
“No!” I cried. “No!”“I think I’m going to be sick,”
Natalie whispered as Elise made a weakmoan into her guard’s shoulder. Butnothing stopped.
I stood up and lunged towardMaxon’s seat, falling over my father’slap.
“Maxon! Maxon, stop this!”“You have to sit down, miss,” my
guard said, trying to wrangle me backinto my chair.
“Maxon, I beg you, please!”“It’s not safe, miss!”“Get off me!” I yelled at my guard,
kicking him as hard as I could. Try as Imay, he held on tight.
“America, please sit down!” mymother urged.
“One!” cried the man on the stage,and I saw the cane fall on Marlee’shands.
She let out the most patheticwhimper, like a dog that had beenkicked. Carter made no sound.
“Maxon! Maxon!” I yelled. “Stopit! Stop it, please!”
He heard me; I knew he did. I sawhim slowly close his eyes and swallowone time, as if he could push the sound
out of his head.“Two!”Marlee’s cry was pure anguish. I
couldn’t imagine her pain—and therewere still thirteen more strikes to go.
“America, sit!” Mom insisted. Maywas between her and Dad, her faceaverted, her cries almost as pained asMarlee’s.
“Three!”I looked at Marlee’s parents. Her
mother buried her head in her hands, herfather’s arms wrapped around her, as ifhe could protect her from everything theywere losing in that moment.
“Let me go!” I yelled at my guard tono avail. “MAXON!” I screamed. Mytears were blurring my vision, but I
could see him enough to know he’dheard me.
I looked at the other girls.Shouldn’t we do something? Someappeared to be crying, too. Elise wasbent over, a palm pressed to herforehead, looking as if she might passout. No one seemed angry though.Shouldn’t they be?
“Five!”The sound of Marlee’s shrieks
would haunt me for the rest of my life.I’d never heard anything like it. Or thesickening echo of the crowd cheering iton, as if this was merely entertainment.Or Maxon’s silence, allowing this tohappen. Or the crying of the girls aroundme, accepting it.
The only thing that gave me any sortof hope was Carter. Even though he wassweating from the trauma and shakingwith pain, he managed to pant outcomforting words to Marlee.
“It’ll be … over soon,” hemanaged.
“Six!”“Love … you,” he stammered.I couldn’t handle this. I tried to
claw at my guard, but his thick sleevesprotected him. I shrieked as he grippedme tighter.
“Get your hands off my daughter!”Dad yelled, pulling the guard’s arms.With that space, I wiggled myself until Iwas facing him and thrust my knee up ashard as I could.
He let out a muffled cry and fellback, my dad catching him on the waydown.
I hopped over the railing, clumsy inmy dress and heeled shoes. “Marlee!Marlee!” I screamed, running as quicklyas I could. I almost got to the steps; buttwo guards caught up with me, and thatwas a fight I couldn’t win.
From the angle behind the stage, Isaw that they’d exposed Carter’sbackside, and his skin was already torn,pieces hanging sickeningly. Blood wastrickling down, ruining what used to behis dress pants. I couldn’t imagine thestate of Marlee’s hands.
The thought sent me into an evendeeper hysteria. I screamed and kicked
at the guards, but all that accomplishedwas the loss of one of my shoes.
I was dragged inside as the mancried out for the next strike, and I didn’tknow whether to be grateful or ashamed.On the one hand, I didn’t have to see itall; on the other, I felt like I’d abandonedMarlee in the worst possible moment ofher life.
If I had been a true friend, wouldn’tI have done better than that?
“Marlee!” I screamed. “Marlee,I’m sorry!” But the crowd was sofrenzied, and she was crying so much, Ididn’t think she heard me.
CHAPTER 10
I THRASHED AND SHRIEKED ALLthe way back. The guards had to hold meso tightly that I knew I’d be covered inbruises later, but I didn’t care. I had tofight.
“Where’s her room?” I heard oneask, and twisted to see a maid walkingdown the hall. I didn’t recognize her, butshe clearly knew me. She escorted theguards to my door. I heard my maidsshouting in protest at the way I wasbeing handled.
“Calm down, miss; that’s no way tobehave,” a guard said with a grunt asthey threw me onto my bed.
“Get the hell out of my room!” Iscreamed.
My maids, all of them in tears,rushed over to me. Mary started trying toget the dirt from my fall off my dress, butI slapped her hands away. They knew.They knew, and they didn’t warn me.
“You, too!” I yelled at them. “Iwant all of you out! NOW!”
They recoiled at my words, and thetremors running down Lucy’s little bodyalmost made me regret saying them. But Ihad to be alone.
“We’re sorry, miss,” Anne said,pulling the other two back. They knewhow close I was to Marlee.
Marlee …“Just go,” I whispered, turning to
bury my face in my pillow.Once the door clicked shut, I
slipped off my remaining shoe andclimbed deeper into bed, finally makingsense of a hundred tiny details. So thiswas the secret she had been too afraid toshare. She didn’t want to stay becauseshe wasn’t in love with Maxon, but shedidn’t want to leave and be separatedfrom Carter.
A dozen moments suddenly madesense: why she chose to stand in certainplaces or stared toward doors. It wasCarter; he was there. The time the kingand queen of Swendway came and sherefused to get out of the sun … Carter. Itwas Marlee he was waiting for when Iran into him outside the bathroom. It was
always him, standing silently by,perhaps sneaking a kiss here and there,waiting for a time when they could trulybe together.
How much must she have loved himto be so careless, to risk so much?
How could this even be real? Itdidn’t seem possible. I knew that therewould be a punishment for somethinglike this, but that it happened to Marlee,that she was gone …. I couldn’tunderstand it.
My stomach writhed. It so easilycould have been me. If Aspen and Ihadn’t been so careful, if someone hadoverheard our conversation on the dancefloor last night, that could have been us.
Would I ever see Marlee again?
Where would she be sent? Would herparents have anything to do with her? Ididn’t know what Carter was before thedraft made him a Two, though my guesswas he was a Seven. Seven was low,but it was better than Eight by a longshot.
I couldn’t believe she was an Eight.This could not be real.
Would Marlee ever be able to useher hands again? How long did suchwounds take to heal? And what aboutCarter? Would he even be able to walkafter that?
That could have been Aspen.That could have been me.I felt so sick. I had a cruel sense of
relief that it wasn’t me, and the guilt of
that relief was so heavy it was hard tobreathe. I was a terrible person, aterrible friend. I was ashamed.
There was nothing left to do butcry.
I spent the morning and most of theafternoon curled in a ball on my bed. Mymaids brought me lunch, but I couldn’ttouch it. Mercifully, they didn’t insist onstaying and let me be alone in mysadness.
I couldn’t pull myself together. Themore I thought over what had happened,the sicker I felt. I couldn’t get the soundof Marlee screaming out of my head. Iwondered if a time would come whenI’d forget.
A hesitant knock came at the door.My maids weren’t here to open it, and Ididn’t feel like moving, so I didn’t. Aftera brief pause the visitor came in anyway.
“America?” Maxon said quietly.I didn’t answer.He shut the door and walked across
the room to stand by my bed.“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t have
a choice.”I stayed still, unable to speak.“It was that or kill them. The
cameras found them last night andcirculated the footage without usknowing,” he insisted.
He didn’t talk for a while, maybethinking that if he stood there longenough, I’d find something I wanted to
say to him.Finally he knelt beside me.
“America? Look at me, darling?”The endearment made my stomach
turn. I did look at him though.“I had to. I had to.”“How could you just stand there?”
My voice sounded funny. “How couldyou not do anything?”
“I told you once before that part ofthis job is looking calm, even when youaren’t. It’s something I’ve had to master.You will, too.”
My brow folded together. Hecouldn’t still think I wanted that now?Apparently, he did. As he slowly took inmy expression, his fell into absoluteshock.
“America, I know you’re upset, butplease? I told you; you’re the only one.Please don’t do this.”
“Maxon,” I said slowly, “I’m sorry,but I don’t think I can do this. I couldnever stand by and watch someone gethurt like that, knowing it was myjudgment that sent them there. I can’t bea princess.”
He drew in a staggered breath,probably the closest thing to a truly sademotion I’d ever seen from him.
“America, you’re basing the rest ofyour life on five minutes of someoneelse’s. Things like that rarely happen.You wouldn’t have to do that.”
I sat up, hoping it would help mesee matters more clearly. “I just … I
can’t even think right now.”“Then don’t,” he urged. “Don’t let
this make a decision for the both of uswhen you’re so upset.”
Somehow those words soundedlike a trick.
“Please,” he whispered intensely,clutching my hands. The desperation inhis voice made me look at him. “Youpromised you’d stay with me. Don’t giveup, not like this. Please.”
I let out a breath and nodded.His relief was palpable. “Thank
you.”Maxon sat there, holding on to my
hand like a lifeline. It didn’t feel like itdid yesterday.
“I know …,” he started. “I know
that you’re hesitant about the job. Ialways knew that would be hard for youto embrace. And I’m sure this makes itharder. But … what about me? Do youstill feel sure about me?”
I fidgeted, uncertain of what to say.“I told you I couldn’t think.”
“Oh. Right.” His absolute dejectionwas clear. “I’ll let you be for now.We’ll talk soon though.”
He leaned forward like he mightkiss me. I looked down, and he clearedhis throat. “Good-bye, America.”
Then he was gone.And I broke down all over again.Maybe minutes or hours later, my
maids came in and found me bawling. Irolled over, and there was no way they
could miss the pleading in my eyes.“Oh, my lady,” Mary cried, coming
to embrace me. “Let’s get you ready forbed.”
Lucy and Anne began working onthe buttons of my dress while Marycleaned my face and smoothed my hair.
My maids sat around me,comforting me as I cried. I wanted toexplain that it was more than Marlee,that it was this sick ache over Maxon,too; but it was embarrassing to admithow deeply I cared, how wrong I’dbeen.
Then my heartbreak doubled when Iasked for my parents, and Anne told methat all the families had been escortedaway quickly. I didn’t even get to say
good-bye.Anne stroked my hair, gently
shushing me. Mary was at my feet,rubbing my legs comfortingly. Lucysimply held her hands to her heart, as ifshe felt it all with me.
“Thank you,” I whispered betweensniffles. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
They exchanged glances. “There’snothing to apologize for, miss,” Anneinsisted.
I wanted to correct her, because I’dcertainly crossed the line with how Itreated them, but another knock came atthe door. I tried to think of how topolitely say I didn’t want to see Maxonright now, but when Lucy hopped up toanswer it, Aspen’s face was on the other
side.“I’m sorry to disturb you, ladies,
but I heard the crying and wanted tomake sure you were all right,” he said.
He crossed the floor toward mybed, a bold move considering the daywe’d all had.
“Lady America, I’m very sorryabout your friend. I heard she wassomething special. If you need anything,I’m here.” The look in Aspen’s eyescommunicated so much: that he waswilling to sacrifice any number of thingsto make this better if he could, that hewanted to take it all away if only for mysake.
What an idiot I’d been. I’d almostgiven up the one person in the world
who really knew me, really loved me.Aspen and I had been building a lifetogether, and the Selection nearlydestroyed it.
Aspen was home. Aspen was safe.“Thank you,” I replied quietly.
“Your kindness means a great deal tome.”
Aspen gave me an almostimperceptible smile. I could tell hewanted to stay, and I wanted that aswell; but with my maids bustling around,it couldn’t happen. I rememberedthinking the other day that I wouldalways have Aspen, and I was happy tofind that it was absolutely true.
CHAPTER 11
HEY KITTEN,I’M SO SORRY WE DIDN’T GET
TO SAY GOOD-BYE. THE KINGSEEMED TO THINK IT WOULD BESAFEST FOR THE FAMILIES TOLEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. ITRIED TO GET TO YOU, I PROMISE.IT JUST DIDN’T HAPPEN.
I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOWWE GOT HOME SAFELY. THE KINGLET US KEEP OUR CLOTHES, ANDMAY IS SPENDING EVERY SPAREMOMENT IN THOSE DRESSES. ISUSPECT SHE’S SECRETLY HOPINGSHE NEVER GROWS ANOTHER INCH
SO SHE CAN USE HER BALL GOWNAT HER WEDDING. IT REALLY LIFTSHER SPIRITS. I’M NOT SURE I’LLEVER FORGIVE THE ROYAL FAMILYFOR MAKING TWO OF MYCHILDREN WATCH THATFIRSTHAND, BUT YOU KNOW HOWRESILIENT MAY IS. IT’S YOU I’MWORRIED ABOUT. WRITE US SOON.
MAYBE THIS ISN’T THE RIGHTTHING TO SAY, BUT I WANT YOU TOKNOW: WHEN YOU RAN FOR THESTAGE, I’VE NEVER BEEN SOPROUD OF YOU IN ALL MY LIFE.YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN BEAUTIFUL;YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN TALENTED.AND NOW I KNOW THAT YOURMORAL COMPASS IS PERFECTLY
ALIGNED, THAT YOU SEE CLEARLYWHEN THINGS ARE WRONG, ANDYOU DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TOSTOP IT. AS A FATHER, I CAN’T ASKFOR MORE.
I LOVE YOU, AMERICA. AND I’MSO, SO PROUD.
DAD
How was it that Dad always knewwhat to say? I kind of wanted someoneto rearrange the stars so they spelled outhis words. I needed them big and bright,and somewhere I could see them whenthings felt dark. I love you. And I’m so,so proud.
The Elite were given the option ofbreakfast in their rooms, and I took it. I
wasn’t ready to see Maxon yet. By theafternoon I was a bit more put togetherand decided to go down to the Women’sRoom for a while. If nothing else, therewas at least a television, and I couldstand to be distracted.
The girls seemed surprised when Iwalked in, which I guessed was to beexpected. I did tend to hide from time totime, and if there was ever a moment todo that, it was now. Celeste waslounging on a couch, flipping through amagazine. Illéa didn’t have newspaperslike I’d heard other countries did. Wehad the Report. Magazines were theclosest things we had to printed news,and people like me could never affordthem. Celeste always seemed to have
one on hand, and, for some reason, thatirritated me today.
Kriss and Elise were at a tabledrinking tea and talking as Natalie stoodin the back, looking out a window.
“Oh, look,” Celeste said to no onein particular. “Here’s another one of myads.”
Celeste was a model. The idea ofher flipping through pictures of herselfdrove my irritation deeper.
“Lady America?” someone called. Iturned and saw the queen and some ofher attendants in the corner. She lookedlike she was doing needlework.
I curtsied, and she waved me over.My stomach did a flip as I consideredmy behavior yesterday. I’d never
intended to offend her and was suddenlyafraid I’d done just that. I felt the eyes ofthe other girls on me. The queen usuallyspoke to us as a group, rarely one-on-one.
I gave another curtsy as Iapproached. “Majesty.”
“Please sit, Lady America,” shesaid kindly, motioning to an empty chairacross from her.
I obliged, still very nervous.“You put up quite a fight
yesterday,” she commented.I swallowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.”“You were very close to her?”I choked back my sadness. “Yes,
Your Majesty.”She sighed. “A lady ought not to
behave in such a way. The cameras wereso focused on the action at hand that theymissed your conduct. Still, it doesn’tbehoove you to lash out like that.”
It wasn’t the order of a queen. Itwas the reprimand of a mother. Thatmade it a thousand times worse. It waslike she felt responsible for me, and I’dlet her down.
I bowed my head. For the first time,I truly felt bad about how I reacted.
She reached over and rested herhand on my knee. I looked up to her face,shocked by the casual touch.
“All the same,” she whispered,“I’m glad you did it.” And she smiled atme.
“She was my best friend.”
“That doesn’t stop because she’sgone, sweetheart.” Queen Amberlypatted my leg kindly.
It was exactly what I needed:motherly affection.
Tears bit at the corners of my eyes.“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered.I nearly let everything spill out rightthere about how I was feeling, but I wasconscious of the eyes of the other girlson me.
“I told myself I wouldn’t getinvolved,” she stated, and sighed. “Evenif I wanted to, I’m not sure there’s muchto say.”
She was right. What words couldundo all that had happened?
The queen leaned in to me and
spoke sweetly. “Still, go easy on him.”I knew she meant well, but I really
didn’t want to discuss her son. I noddedand rose. She smiled at me kindly andgestured that I was free to go. Iwandered over to sit with Elise andKriss.
“How are you doing?” Elise askedsympathetically.
“I’m fine. It’s Marlee I’m worriedabout.”
“At least they’re together. They’llmake it as long as they have each other,”Kriss commented.
“How do you know Marlee andCarter are together?”
“Maxon told me,” she replied, as ifit was common knowledge.
“Oh,” I said, disappointed.“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you,
of all people. You and Marlee were soclose. Besides, you’re his favorite,right?” she said.
I glanced at Kriss, then at Elise.They both carried a look of concern intheir eyes but also maybe a sense ofrelief.
Celeste laughed. “She’s obviouslynot anymore,” she muttered, notbothering to look up from her magazine.Clearly, my fall was to be expected.
I changed the subject back toMarlee. “I still can’t believe Maxon putthem through that. It was disturbing howcalm he was about it.”
“But what she did was wrong,”
Natalie remarked. There wasn’t anythingjudgmental about her tone, only a quietacceptance, like she was followinginstructions.
Elise spoke up. “He could have hadthem killed. The law is on his side inthat one. He showed them mercy.”
“Mercy?” I scoffed. “You callhaving your skin torn apart in publicmerciful?”
“Yes, all things considered,” shecontinued. “I bet if we could ask Marlee,she’d choose caning over dying.”
“Elise is right,” Kriss said. “I agreethat it was absolutely terrible, but Iwould rather have that than death.”
“Please,” I sneered, my angercoming to the surface. “You’re a Three.
Everyone knows your dad’s a famousprofessor, and you’ve lived your wholelife in libraries, completely comfortable.You’d never survive the beating, letalone a life as an Eight afterward. You’dbe begging to die.”
Kriss glared at me. “Don’t pretendthat you know anything about what I canand cannot tolerate. Just because you’rea Five, you think you’re the only onewho’s ever suffered?”
“No, but I’m sure I’ve experiencedfar worse than you,” I said, my voicerising in anger, “and I couldn’t take whatMarlee went through. I’m saying I doubtyou’d fare any better.”
“I’m braver than you think,America. You have no idea the things
I’ve sacrificed over the years. And if Imake a mistake, I own up to theconsequences.”
“Why should there be anyconsequences at all?” I posed. “Maxonkeeps saying how difficult the Selectionis for him, how hard it is to make thechoice, and then one of us falls forsomeone else. Shouldn’t he be thankingher for making his decision easier?”
Natalie, seeming distressed, triedto interject. “I heard the funniest thingyesterday!”
“But the law—” Kriss called overher.
“America has a point,” Elisecountered quickly, and the orderedconversation crumbled.
We were speaking over oneanother, trying to make our opinionsheard, justifying why we thought whathappened was wrong or right. This wasa first, but something I’d been expectingfrom the start. With this many girlstogether, competing against one another,there was no way we wouldn’t fighteventually.
Then, in a disconnected voice,Celeste mumbled to her magazine as wecontinued to argue, “Got what shedeserved. Whore.”
The following silence was ascharged as our quarrel.
Celeste looked over her shoulderjust in time to see me lunge at her. Shescreamed as I landed on her, knocking us
both into a coffee table. I heardsomething, probably a cup of tea, smashonto the floor.
I’d closed my eyes midjump, andwhen I opened them, Celeste wasunderneath me, trying to grab at mywrists. I pulled back my right arm andslapped her as hard as I could across herface. The burning sensation in my handwas nearly overwhelming, but it wasworth it to hear the satisfying smack thaterupted when it made contact.
Celeste immediately let out a shriekand started clawing at me. For the firsttime I regretted not keeping my nailslong like the other girls did. She made afew cuts on my arm, which only angeredme more, and I struck her again. This
time I cut her lip. In response to the pain,she reached for something—the saucerfrom her cup of tea—and slammed itagainst the side of my head.
Thrown off, I tried to grab at heragain, but people were pulling us apart. Iwas so consumed, I hadn’t noticedsomeone calling for the guards. I took aswing at one of them, too. I was tired ofbeing manhandled.
“Did you see what she did to me?”Celeste cried.
“You keep your mouth shut!” Iscreamed. “Don’t you ever talk aboutMarlee again!”
“She’s crazy! Don’t you hear her?Did you see what she did?”
“Let me go!” I said, struggling
against the guard.“You’re psychotic! I’m going to tell
Maxon right now. You can kiss thepalace good-bye!” she threatened.
“No one’s seeing Maxon rightnow,” the queen said sternly. She lookedinto Celeste’s eyes and then into mine.Her disappointment was clear. I hung myhead. “You’re both going to the hospitalwing.”
The hospital wing was a long, pristinecorridor with beds against the walls.Pinned by the head of each bed was acurtain to wrap around for privacy.Cabinets of medical supplies werescattered throughout.
Wisely, Celeste and I were placed
at opposite ends of the wing, withCeleste being closer to the entrance andme near a window in the back. She’dpulled her curtain partially around herbed almost immediately so she wouldn’thave to see me. I couldn’t blame her. Idid have a rather smug look on my face.Even while the nurse tended to the sorespot behind my hairline where Celestehad hit me, I couldn’t bring myself togrimace.
“Now, hold this ice here, and thatwill help keep the swelling down,” sheoffered.
“Thanks,” I replied.The nurse looked up and down the
wing quickly, seeming to check that noone could hear us. “Good for you,” she
whispered. “Most everyone’s beenwaiting for something like this tohappen.”
“Really?” I asked, my voice as lowas hers. I probably shouldn’t have beensmiling this much.
“I can’t begin to count the horrorstories I’ve heard about that one,” shesaid, nodding her head toward Celeste’scurtained bed.
“Horror stories?”“Well, she provoked that one girl
who hit her.”“Anna? How do you know?”“Maxon’s a good man,” she said
simply. “He made sure she was checkedout here before she went home. She toldus what Celeste said about her parents. It
was so filthy, I can’t repeat it.” The lookon her face conveyed her disgust.
“Poor Anna. I knew it had to besomething like that.”
“One girl came in with her feetbleeding after someone slipped glass inher shoes in the night. We can’t prove itwas Celeste, but who else would dosomething so mean?”
“I never heard about that.” Igasped.
“She looked terrified that she mightget worse. I suppose she chose to keepher mouth shut. And Celeste hits hermaids. Not with anything more than herhands, but they come in for ice from timeto time.”
“No!” All the maids I’d
encountered were sweet girls. I couldn’timagine any of them doing something thatwould provoke getting hit at all, letalone regularly.
“Suffice to say, your antics aremaking the rounds already. You’re ahero around here,” the nurse said with awink.
I didn’t feel like a hero.“Wait,” I said suddenly. “You said
Maxon had Anna checked out before hesent her home?”
“Yes, miss. He’s very concernedthat you’re all taken care of.”
“What about Marlee? Did she comehere? How was she when she left?”
Before the nurse could answer, Iheard Celeste’s pouty voice pierce the
room.“Maxon, sweetheart!” she called as
he marched through the doorway.We shared a brief moment of eye
contact before he approached Celeste’sbed. The nurse walked away, leaving mealone and aching to know if she’dactually seen Marlee.
The sound of Celeste’s whiny voicewas almost too irritating to bear. I heardMaxon murmur his condolences,comforting the poor thing beforeextricating himself. He made his wayaround her curtain and focused his eyeson me, seeming exhausted as he walkeddown the wing.
“You’re lucky my father had thecameras barred from the palace,
otherwise there’d be hell to pay for youractions.” He ran his hand through hishair, exasperated. “How am I supposedto defend this, America?”
“Are you going to kick me out,then?” I played with a piece of my dresswhile I waited for his answer.
“Of course not.”“What about her?” I asked, nodding
my head toward Celeste’s bed.“No. You’re all stressed after
yesterday, and I can’t hold that againstyou. I’m not sure my father will acceptthat excuse, but that’s what I’m going tosay.”
I paused. “Maybe you should tellhim it was my fault. Maybe you shouldjust send me home.”
“America, you’re overreacting.”“Look at me, Maxon,” I urged. I felt
the lump rising in my throat and fought tospeak past it. “I’ve known from thebeginning I don’t have what it takes, andI thought that I could—I don’t know—change, or somehow make it work; but Ican’t stay here. I can’t.”
Maxon moved to sit on the edge ofmy bed. “America, you might hate theSelection, and you might be mad aboutwhat happened to Marlee; but I knowthat you care about me enough not to justabandon me in this.”
I reached for his hand. “I also careenough about you to tell you you’remaking a mistake.”
I could see the pain in Maxon’s
face as he held my hand tighter, as if hecould hold me there and keep me fromdisappearing. Hesitantly, he leaned inand whispered, “It’s not always sodifficult. And I want to show that to you,but you have to give me time. I canprove that there are good things to this,but you have to wait.”
I inhaled to contradict him, but hecut me off. “For weeks, America, you’veasked me for time, and I gave it to youwithout question because I had faith inyou. Please, I need you to have a littlebit of faith in me, too.”
I didn’t know what Maxon couldpossibly show me that might change mymind, but how could I not give him moretime when he’d done that for me?
I sighed. “Fine.”“Thank you.” The relief in his
voice was obvious. “I have to get back,but I’ll come see you soon.”
I nodded. Maxon stood and left,stopping briefly to tell Celeste good-bye. I watched him go and wondered iftrusting him was a bad idea.
CHAPTER 12
BOTH CELESTE’S AND MYINJURIES were minimal, so we weresent back to our rooms within an hour.They staggered our release times so wedidn’t have to leave together, and thankgoodness for that.
As I turned the corner at the top ofthe stairs, I saw a guard coming towardme. Aspen. Even though he was biggerafter being bulked up from training, Iknew his walk and his shadow and athousand other things that were ingrainedin my heart.
As he approached, he stopped togive me an unnecessary bow.
“Jar,” he whispered, and roseagain, continuing on his path.
I stood there for a split second,confused, and then realized what hemeant. Fighting the urge to run, I moveddown the hall eagerly.
I opened the door and was bothsurprised and relieved to find that allthree of my maids were out.
I went over to the jar on mybedside table and found that the onelittle penny in there had company. Iopened the lid and pulled out the foldedsheet of paper. How clever of him. Mymaids probably wouldn’t have noticedit; and if they had, they never wouldhave intruded on my privacy.
I unfolded the note and read a very
clear list of instructions. It seemedAspen and I had a date tonight.
The directions Aspen gave me werecomplicated. I took a roundabout way toget to the first floor, where I was to lookfor the door next to the five-foot-highvase. I remembered that vase fromwalking around the palace before. Whatflower in the world needed a containerthat big?
I found the door and looked aroundto double-check that no one saw me. I’dnever managed to find myself so freefrom the eyes of the guards. Not a one insight. I opened the door slowly and creptinside. The moon shone through thewindow, giving the room sparse light
and making me feel a little nervous.“Aspen?” I whispered into the
darkness, feeling silly and scared all atonce.
“Just like old times, eh?” his voicecalled, though I couldn’t see him.
“Where are you?” I squinted, tryingto find his form. Then the shadow of theheavy drape by the window shifted inthe moonlight, and Aspen appeared frombehind it.
“You startled me,” I complainedjokingly.
“Wouldn’t be the first time, won’tbe the last.” I heard the smile in hisvoice.
I walked over to him, knocking intoevery obstacle along the way it seemed.
“Shhh!” he complained. “The entirepalace is going to know we’re in here ifyou keep pushing things over.” But Icould tell he was playing.
“Sorry,” I said, laughing quietly.“Can’t we turn on a light?”
“No. If someone sees it shiningunder the door, we might get caught.This corridor isn’t checked a lot, but Iwant to be smart.”
“How did you even know about thisroom?” I reached out, making contactwith Aspen’s arms at last. He pulled mein for a hug and then started walking metoward the back corner.
“I’m a guard,” he said simply.“And I’m very good at what I do. I knowthe entire grounds of the palace, inside
and out. Every last pathway, all thehiding spots, and even most of the secretrooms. I also happen to know therotations of the guards, which areas areusually the least checked, and the pointsin the day when the guards are at theirfewest. If you ever want to sneak aroundthe palace, I’m the guy to do it with.”
“Unbelievable,” I mumbled. We satbehind the broad back of a couch, thefloor blanketed in a patch of moonlight.Finally I could make out Aspen’s face.
I questioned him seriously. “Areyou sure this is safe?” If he hesitated atall, I was planning to bolt that verysecond. For both our sakes.
“Trust me, Mer. An extraordinarynumber of things would have to happen
for someone to find us here. We’resafe.”
I was still worried, but I needed tobe comforted so badly, I went along.
He wrapped an arm around me andpulled me in close. “How are youdoing?”
I sighed. “Okay, I guess. I’ve beensad a lot, and angry. Mostly I wish Icould undo the last two days and getMarlee back. Carter, too, and I didn’teven know him.”
“I did.” He sighed. “He’s a greatguy. I heard he was telling Marlee heloved her the whole time and trying tohelp her get through it.”
“He was,” I confirmed. “At least inthe beginning anyway. I got hauled off
before it was over.”Aspen kissed my head. “Yeah, I
heard about that, too. I’m proud youwent out with a fight. That’s my girl.”
“My dad was proud, too. The queensaid I shouldn’t act that way, but she wasglad I did. It’s been confusing. Like itwas almost a good idea but not really,and then it didn’t fix anything anyway.”
Aspen held me closer. “It wasgood. It meant a lot to me.”
“To you?”“Yeah,” he whispered, seeming
reluctant to share. “Every once in awhile I wonder if the Selection haschanged you. You’ve been so taken careof, and everything is so fancy. I keepwondering if you’re the same America.
That let me know that you are, that theyhaven’t gotten to you.”
“Oh, they’re getting to me all right,but not like that. Mostly this placereminds me that I wasn’t born to dothis.”
I ducked my head into Aspen’schest, the safe place where I’d alwayshidden when things were bad.
“Listen, Mer, the thing about Maxonis that he’s an actor. He’s always puttingon this perfect face, like he’s so aboveeverything. But he’s just a person, andhe’s as messed up as anyone is. I knowyou care about him or you wouldn’t havestayed here. But you have to know nowthat it’s not real.”
I nodded. Maxon with his talk about
putting on a calm face. Was that what hewas always doing? Was he acting whenhe was with me? How was I supposed tobe able to tell?
Aspen continued. “It’s better youknow now. What if you got married andthen found out it was like this?”
“I know. I’ve been thinking aboutthat myself.” Maxon’s words on thedance floor played themselves on repeatin my head. He seemed so sure of ourfuture, prepared to give me so much. Isincerely thought the only thing hewanted was for me to be happy.Couldn’t he see how unhappy I wasnow?
“You’ve got a big heart, Mer. Iknow you can’t just get over things, but
it’s okay to want to. That’s all.”“I feel so stupid,” I whispered,
wanting to cry.“You’re not stupid.”“I am, too.”“Mer, do you think I’m smart?”“Of course.”“That’s because I am. And I’m way
too smart to be in love with a stupid girl.So you can drop that right now.”
I gave a tiny laugh and let Aspenhold on to me.
“I feel like I’ve hurt you so much. Idon’t understand how you can stillpossibly be in love with me,” Iconfessed.
He shrugged. “It’s just the way it is.The sky is blue, the sun is bright, and
Aspen endlessly loves America. It’show the world was designed to be.Seriously, Mer, you’re the only girl Iever wanted. I couldn’t imagine beingwith anyone else. I’ve been trying toprepare myself for that, just in case, and… I can’t.”
We sat there, holding each other fora moment. Every little tickle of Aspen’sfingers, the warmth of his breath in myhair felt like medicine for my heart.
“We shouldn’t stay much longer,”he said. “I’m pretty confident in myabilities, but I don’t want to push it.”
I sighed. It felt like we’d only justgotten here, but he was probably right. Imoved to stand, and Aspen jumped up tohelp me. He pulled me in for one last
hug.“I know it’s hard to believe, but
I’m really sorry Maxon turned out to besuch a bad guy. I wanted you back, but Ididn’t want you to get hurt. Especiallynot like that.”
“Thanks.”“I mean it.”“I know you do.” Aspen had his
faults, but he didn’t have it in him to be aliar. “It’s not over though. Not if I’m stillhere.”
“Yeah, but I know you. You’ll rideit out so your family gets money and youcan see me, but he’d have to reversetime to fix this.”
I let out a long breath. It felt like hemight be right. Maxon’s hold on me was
slipping away, shrugging off my skin likea coat.
“Don’t worry, Mer. I’ll take care ofyou.”
Aspen didn’t have any way toprove that at the moment, but I believedhim. He’d do anything for the people heloved, and I knew without question that Iwas the person he loved the most.
The next morning I let my mind wanderto Aspen all through getting ready,breakfast, and my hours in the Women’sRoom. I was blissfully detached until theslap of a pile of papers on the table infront of me jarred me back to the realworld.
I looked up to see Celeste, still
sporting a puffy lip. She pointed to oneof her gossip magazines opened to atwo-page spread. It didn’t even take afull second for me to recognize Marlee’sface, even though it was twisted withpain from the caning.
“Thought you should see this,”Celeste said before she walked away.
I wasn’t exactly sure what shemeant, but I was so eager to knowanything about Marlee, I dived in.
Of all our country’s great traditions,perhaps none is looked upon with suchexcitement as the Selection. Createdspecifically to bring joy to a saddenednation, it seems everyone still gets a
little giddy watching the great love storyof a prince and his future princessunfold. When Gregory Illéa took thethrone more than eighty years ago andhis elder son, Spencer, died suddenly,the entire country mourned the loss ofsuch an enigmatic and promising youngman. When his younger son, Damon, wasset to inherit the throne, many wonderedif he was ready even to train for the taskat nineteen. But Damon knew he wasprepared to step into adulthood and setout to prove it via the greatestcommitment in life: marriage. Withinmonths the Selection was born, and thespirits of the country were lifted by thepossibility of an average girl becomingthe first princess of Illéa.
However, since then we have beenforced to wonder at the effectiveness ofthe competition. While a romantic ideaat heart, some say it’s unfair to forceprinces to marry women beneath them,though no one can deny the absolutepoise and beauty of our current queen,Amberly Station Schreave. Some of usstill remember the rumors of AbbyTamblin Illéa, who allegedly poisonedher husband, Prince Justin Illéa, only afew years into their marriage beforeagreeing to marry his cousin, PorterSchreave, thus keeping the royal lineintact.
While that rumor has never beenconfirmed, what we can say for sure isthat the behavior of the women in the
palace this time around is nothing shortof scandalous. Marlee Tames, now anEight, was caught with a guardundressing her in a closet Monday nightafter the Halloween Ball that was billedto be the highlight of the Selectionprogramming. Its splendor wascompletely overshadowed by MissTames’s reckless behavior, sending thepalace into a frenzy the very nextmorning.
But beyond Miss Tames’sinexcusable actions, the girls remainingat the palace might not be crown-worthyeither. An unnamed source tells us thatsome of the Elite are constantlybickering, rarely making the effort toperform the duties they’re required to.
Everyone remembers Anna Farmer’sdismissal in early September afterdeliberately attacking the lovely CelesteNewsome, a model from Clermont. Andour source confirms that that isn’t theonly physical interaction to take place atthe palace between the Elite, forcing thisreporter to question the pool of girlschosen for Prince Maxon.
When asked for a comment on theserumors, King Clarkson only said, “Someof the girls come from less-refinedcastes and aren’t used to the properbehavior expected at the palace. ClearlyMiss Tames wasn’t prepared for life asa One. My wife has a particularindefinable quality about her and is oneof the rare exceptions to the rule of
lower castes. She has always sought toraise herself to a level befitting a queen,and it would be quite a challenge to findsomeone more suited for the throne thanshe. But for some of the lower castesremaining in the current Selection, itwould be difficult to say we weren’texpecting this from them.”
While Natalie Luca and EliseWhisks are both Fours, they have alwaysbeen the height of refinement whenpresented to the public, particularlyLady Elise, who is quite sophisticated.We are forced to assume our king isreferring to America Singer, the onlyFive who made it past day one of theSelection. Miss Singer has had anaverage run at the Selection. She’s pretty
enough, but not quite what Illéa wasexpecting for its new princess. Fromtime to time her interviews on theCapital Report are entertaining, but weneed a new leader, not a comedienne.
In further disturbing news, we haveheard reports that Miss Singer attemptedto release Miss Tames during hercaning, which in this reporter’s eyesmakes her an accessory to thetreacherous activities in which MissTames was partaking by being unfaithfulto our prince.
With all of these reports (and withMiss Tames no longer in the top spot)one question remains: Who should be thenew princess?
A quick poll of readers has
confirmed what we’ve suspected allalong.
We congratulate Miss CelesteNewsome and Miss Kriss Ambers fortheir neck-and-neck places on the top ofour public poll. Elise Whisks takes thethird spot, with Natalie Luca not too farbehind. In a wide gap between fourthand fifth places, America Singer comes(unsurprisingly) in last.
I think I speak for all of Illéa whenI encourage Prince Maxon to take histime finding us a good princess. Wenarrowly avoided disaster by MissTames exposing her true nature before acrown was placed on her head. Whoeveryou love, Prince Maxon, make sure she’sworthy. We want to love her, too!
CHAPTER 13
I RAN FROM THE ROOM. Of courseCeleste wasn’t doing me a favor. Shewas showing me my place. Why was Ieven bothering with this? The king wasexpecting me to fail, the public didn’twant me, and I was sure I couldn’t be aprincess.
I made my way upstairs quickly andquietly, trying not to draw attention tomyself. There was no telling who thatmagazine’s unnamed source was.
“My lady,” Anne said when Iwalked through the doorway. “I thoughtyou’d be downstairs until lunch forsure.”
“Could you leave, please?”“I’m sorry?”I huffed, trying not to lose my
patience. “I need to be alone. Please?”Without a word, they curtsied and
left me. I went to the piano. I woulddistract myself until I couldn’t thinkabout this anymore. I played a handful ofsongs that I knew by heart, but that wastoo easy. I needed to really focus.
I stood up and dug through thebench for something more challenging. Iburrowed past pages of sheet music untilthe edge of a book peeked out at me.Illéa’s diary! I’d completely forgotten itwas down here. This would be a greatdistraction. I carried the book over to thebed and opened it, taking in the ancient
pages as they flipped through my hands.The diary opened to the page with
the Halloween picture, the stiff photoacting as a natural bookmark, and Ireread the entry.
THE CHILDREN CELEBRATEDHALLOWEEN THIS YEAR WITH APARTY. I SUPPOSE IT’S ONE WAY TOFORGET WHAT’S GOING ONAROUND THEM, BUT TO ME IT ALLFEELS FRIVOLOUS. WE’RE ONE OFTHE FEW FAMILIES REMAININGWHO HAS ENOUGH MONEY TO DOSOMETHING FESTIVE, BUT THISCHILD’S PLAY SEEMS WASTEFUL.
I looked at the picture again,wondering about the girl in particular.How old was she? What was her job?Did she like being Gregory Illéa’sdaughter? Did it make her very popular?
I turned the page and realized that itwasn’t a new entry but a continuation ofthe Halloween post.
I GUESS I THOUGHT THATAFTER CHINA INVADED WE’D SEETHE ERROR OF OUR WAYS. IT’SBEEN OBVIOUS TO ME,PARTICULARLY RECENTLY, JUSTHOW LAZY WE’VE BECOME. REALLY,IT’S NO WONDER CHINA CAME INSO EASILY, AND IT’S NO WONDER ITTOOK SO LONG FOR US TO GET IN A
POSITION TO FIGHT BACK. WE’VELOST THAT SPIRIT THAT DROVEPEOPLE ACROSS OCEANS ANDTHROUGH DEVASTATING WINTERSAND CIVIL WAR. WE GOT LAZY. ANDWHILE WE WERE SITTING BACK,CHINA TOOK THE REINS.
IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS INPARTICULAR, I’VE FELT DRIVEN TOGIVE MORE THAN MONEY TO THEWAR EFFORTS. I WANT TO LEAD. IHAVE IDEAS, AND PERHAPS SINCEI’VE DONATED SO GENEROUSLY,NOW IS THE TIME TO OFFER THEMUP. WHAT WE NEED IS CHANGE. ICAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF IMIGHT BE THE ONLY PERSON WHOCAN PROVIDE IT.
I got chills. I couldn’t help butcompare Maxon to his predecessor.Gregory seemed inspired. He was tryingto take something broken and make itwhole. I wondered what he’d say aboutthe monarchy if he was here today.
When Aspen slid my door open thatnight, I was nearly bursting at the seamsto tell him what I’d read. But Iremembered that I’d already mentionedto my dad that the diary existed, andeven that was going past what I’d swornto do.
“How have you been?” he asked,kneeling by my bed.
“All right, I suppose. Celesteshowed me this article today.” I shook
my head. “I’m not sure I want to get intoit. I’m so tired of her.”
“I guess with Marlee gone, hewon’t be sending anyone home for awhile, huh?”
I shrugged. I knew the public hadbeen looking forward to an elimination,and what happened with Marlee wasmore dramatic than anything anyoneexpected.
“Hey,” he said, risking a touch inthe light of the wide-open door. “It’sgoing to be all right.”
“I know. I just miss her. And I’mconfused.”
“Confused about what?”“Everything. What I’m doing here,
who I am. I thought I knew …. I don’t
even know how to explain it right.” Thatseemed to be the problem lately. Everythought that passed through my head wassloppy. I couldn’t line up anything.
“You know who you are, Mer.Don’t let them try to change you.” Hisvoice was so sincere, and for a minute Idid feel sure. Not because I had anyanswers, but because I had Aspen. If Iever lost sight of who I really was, Iknew he’d be there to guide me back.
“Aspen, can I ask you something?”He nodded. “This is kind of strange, butif being the princess didn’t mean I had tomarry someone, if it was just a jobsomeone could pick me for, do you thinkI could do it?”
Aspen’s green eyes grew wide for
a second, taking in the enormity of thatquestion. To his credit, I could see himconsidering the possibility.
“Sorry, Mer. I don’t. You don’thave it in you to be as calculating as theyare.” There was an apology in hisexpression, but I wasn’t offended that hethought I couldn’t do it. I was a bitsurprised at his reasoning though.
“Calculating? How so?”He sighed. “I’m everywhere, Mer. I
hear things. There’s a lot of turmoildown South, in the areas with a heavyconcentration of lower castes. Fromwhat the older guards say, those peoplenever particularly agreed with GregoryIlléa’s methods, and there’s been unrestdown there for a long time. Rumor has it,
that was part of why the queen was soattractive to the king. She came from theSouth, and it appeased them for a while.Not so much anymore it seems.”
I thought again about bringing upthe diary, but I didn’t. “That doesn’texplain what you meant by calculating.”
He hesitated. “I was in one of theoffices the other day, before all theHalloween stuff. They were mentioningrebel sympathizers in the South. I wastold to see these letters to the postalwing safely. It was over three hundredletters, America. Three hundred familieswho were getting knocked down a castefor not reporting things or for helpingsomeone the palace saw as a threat.”
I sucked in a breath.
“I know. Can you imagine? What ifit was you, and all you knew how to dowas play the piano? Suddenly you’resupposed to know how to do clericalwork, how to find those jobs even? It’s apretty clear message.”
I nodded. “Do you … Does Maxonknow?”
“I think he has to. He’s not that faroff from running the country himself.”
In my heart, I didn’t want to believethat he’d agreed with this, but it seemedlikely he was aware of what was goingon. He was expected to fall in line.
Could I do that?“Don’t tell anyone, okay? A slip
like that could cost me my job,” Aspenwarned.
“Of course. It’s already forgotten.”Aspen smiled at me. “I miss being
with you, away from all this. I miss ourold problems.”
I laughed. “I know what you mean.Sneaking out of my window was somuch better than sneaking around apalace.”
“And scrounging to find a penny foryou was better than having nothing togive you at all.” He tapped on the glassjar by my bed, the one that used to holdhundreds of pennies that he’d given mefor singing to him in the tree house backhome, payment that he thought Ideserved. “I had no idea you’d savedthem all until the day before you left.”
“Of course I did! When you were
away, they were all I had to hold on to.Sometimes I used to pour them over myhand on the bed, just to scoop them upagain. It was nice to have something youtouched.” Our eyes met, and everythingelse felt distant for the moment. It wascomforting finding myself in that bubbleagain, the place that Aspen and I hadcreated for ourselves years ago. “Whatdid you do with all of them?”
I had been so mad at him when Ileft, I’d given them back. All except forthe one that stuck to the bottom of the jar.
He smiled. “They’re at home,waiting.”
“For what?”His eyes glittered. “That, I cannot
say.”
I sighed through my smile. “Fine,keep your secrets. And don’t worryabout not giving me anything. I’m justhappy you’re here, that you and I can atleast fix things, even if it’s not what itused to be.”
But clearly, for Aspen, that wasn’tenough. He reached down to the bottomof his sleeve and tore off one of hisgolden buttons. “I literally have nothingelse to give you, but you can hold on tothis—something I’ve touched—and thinkof me anytime. And you can know thatI’m thinking of you, too.”
As silly as it seemed, I wanted tocry. It was unavoidable, the naturalinstinct to compare Aspen to Maxon.Even now, when thinking of choosing
one or the other felt like something verydistant, I measured them side by side.
It seemed very easy for Maxon togive me things—to resurrect a holidayfor my sake, to make sure I had the bestof everything—because he had the entireworld at his disposal. Here Aspen was,giving me precious stolen moments andthe tiniest trinket to connect us to eachother, and it felt like he’d given me somuch more.
I remembered suddenly that Aspenhad always been this way. He sacrificedsleep for me, he risked getting caught outafter curfew for me, he scroungedtogether pennies for me. Aspen’sgenerosity was harder to see because itwasn’t as grand as Maxon’s, but the
heart behind what he gave was so muchbigger.
I sniffed back the lingering urge tocry. “I don’t know how to do this rightnow. I feel like I don’t know how to doanything. I … I haven’t forgotten you,okay? It’s still here.”
I put my hand to my chest, partly toshow Aspen what I meant and partly tosoothe the strange longing there. Heunderstood.
“That’s enough for me.”
CHAPTER 14
I SURREPTITIOUSLY WATCHEDMAXON THE next morning at breakfast.I wondered how much he knew about thepeople losing their castes in the South.Only once did he glance my way, but hedidn’t seem to be looking at me so muchas at something near me.
Anytime I felt uncomfortable, I’dreach down and touch Aspen’s button,which I’d laced on a tiny ribbon andmade into a bracelet. He would get methrough my time here.
Toward the end of the meal, theking stood and we all turned to him. “Asthere are so few of you now, I thought it
would be nice for us to have teatomorrow night before the Report. Sinceone of you will be our new daughter-in-law, the queen and I would like to makemore opportunities to speak with you,learn your interests and such.”
I felt a little nervous. Relating tothe queen was one thing, but I wasn’tsure how I felt about the king. While theother girls watched him eagerly, I sippedmy juice.
“Please come an hour before theReport to the lounge on the first floor. Ifyou’re not familiar, don’t worry. Thedoors will be open, and there will besome music playing. You’ll hear usbefore you see us,” he said with achuckle. The others giggled lightly in
return.Soon after, girls started making
their way to the Women’s Room. Isighed. Sometimes that room, huge as itwas, made me feel claustrophobic. Iusually tried to interact with people oruse the time to read. This would be aCeleste day. I was going to park myselfin front of the television and zone out.
It was easier said than done. Thegirls seemed particularly chatty today.
“I wonder what the king wants toknow about us,” Kriss gabbed.
“We just have to remembereverything Silvia taught us about poise,”Elise commented.
“I hope my maids have a gooddress for tomorrow night. I don’t want to
have to go through what I did forHalloween. They’re so scatterbrainedsometimes.” Celeste sounded put out.
“I wish the king would grow abeard,” Natalie said wistfully. I peekedover my shoulder to see her stroking animaginary beard on her own chin. “Ithink he’d look good.”
“Yes, I can see that,” Kriss saidgraciously before moving on.
I shook my head and tried to focuson the ridiculous show in front of me,but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t tuneout the words of the other girls.
By lunch I was a ball of nerves.What would he want to say to me—thegirl from the lowest caste left in thecompetition? What would he want to
discuss with the girl he expected so littlefrom?
King Clarkson was right. I heard thefloating melody from the piano longbefore I found the lounge. The musicianwas good. Better than me, that was forsure.
I hesitated before walking in. Idecided to pause before I spoke, reallythink about my words. I realized Iwanted to prove him wrong. I wanted toprove that reporter wrong, too. Even if Ilost, I didn’t want to go home a loser. Iwas surprised by how much thissuddenly meant to me.
I stepped through the doorway, andthe first thing I saw was Maxon standing
along the back wall of the room talkingto Gavril Fadaye. Gavril was sippingwine as opposed to tea, and he’dsuddenly lost Maxon’s attention. I sawMaxon’s eyes rake over me, and I couldhave sworn his lips made the shape of aWow.
I turned my head and blushed,walking away. I took the risk of glancingat him again and saw that he waswatching me move. It was hard to thinkrationally when he looked at me thatway.
King Clarkson was talking toNatalie in one corner, and QueenAmberly was with Celeste in another.Elise was sipping her tea, and Kriss waswalking around the room. I watched as
she passed Maxon and Gavril, givingGavril a warm smile. She saidsomething, which they both chuckled at,and kept walking, peeking over hershoulder at Maxon once as she did so.
After that she made her way to me.“You’re late,” she jokingly scolded.
“I was feeling a little nervous.”“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. It
was actually kind of fun.”“You’re already done?” If the king
was finished speaking with at least twogirls, I’d have less time to composemyself than I thought.
“Yes. Sit with me. We can havesome tea while you wait.”
Kriss pulled me over to a table, anda maid approached us immediately,
setting tea, milk, and sugar in front of us.“What did he ask you?” I pressed.“Actually, it was very
conversational. I don’t think he’s tryingto get any information exactly, more likehe’s trying to get a feeling for ourpersonalities. I made him laugh once!”she gushed. “It went really well. Andyou’re naturally funny, so if you just talklike you would to anyone else, you’ll befine.”
I nodded before picking up my tea.She made it sound all right. Maybe theking had to compartmentalize himself.When it came to dealing with threats tothe country, he had to be decisive, cold.He had to act quickly and deliberately.This was just tea with a bunch of girls.
There was no need for him to be thatway with us.
The queen had moved away fromCeleste and was now speaking softly toNatalie. The look on Natalie’s face wasadoring. For a while I’d been irritatedby her dreamy disposition; but she wassimple, and it was refreshing.
I sipped my tea again. KingClarkson drifted over to Celeste, and shegave him a seductive smile. It was alittle disturbing. Where were herboundaries?
Kriss leaned over to touch mydress. “That fabric is amazing. Withyour hair, you look like a sunset.”
“Thank you,” I said, blinking myeyes. The light had caught on her
necklace, an explosion of silver on herthroat, and it blinded me for a moment.“My maids are very talented.”
“Absolutely. I like mine, but if Ibecome princess, I’m stealing yours!”
She laughed, maybe meaning herwords as a joke, maybe not. Either way,something about my maids hemming herclothes bothered me. I forced a smilethough.
“What’s so funny?” Maxon asked,walking over.
“Just girl talk,” Kriss saidflirtatiously. She was really on tonight.“I was trying to calm America. She’snervous about speaking to your father.”
Thank you for that, Kriss.“You don’t have a thing to worry
about. Be natural. You already lookfantastic.” Maxon gave me an easysmile. He was clearly trying to open upour lines of communication again.
“That’s what I said!” Krissexclaimed. They shared a quick look,and there was this feeling of them beingon a team. It was strange.
“Well, I’ll leave you to your girltalk. Good-bye for now.” Maxon gave usboth a short bow and went over to joinhis mother.
Kriss sighed and watched Maxongo. “He’s really something.” She gaveme a quick smile and went to talk toGavril.
I watched the elaborate dance ofthe room, couples coming together to
speak, separating to find new partners. Iwas even happy to have Elise join me inmy corner, though she didn’t say much.
“Oh, ladies, the time has gottenaway from us,” the king called. “Weneed to make our way downstairs.”
I looked up at the clock, and he wasright. We had about ten minutes to getdown to the set and prepare ourselves.
It didn’t seem to matter how I feltabout being a princess, or how I feltabout Maxon, or how I felt aboutanything. The king clearly thought I wasso unlikely a candidate that he didn’teven want to bother speaking with me. Iwas excluded, perhaps on purpose, andno one even noticed.
I held it together through the
Report. I even made it throughdismissing my maids. But once I wasalone, I broke down.
I wasn’t sure how I’d explainmyself when Maxon came knocking, butthat ended up not mattering. He nevershowed. And I couldn’t help but wonderwhose company he was enjoyinginstead.
CHAPTER 15
MY MAIDS WERE GIFTS. THEYdidn’t ask about the puffy eyes or thetear-stained pillows. They merelyhelped me pull myself together. Iallowed myself to be pampered, gratefulfor the attention. They were wonderful tome. Would they be this nice to Kriss ifshe managed to win and took themaway?
I watched them as I debated, and Iwas surprised to notice a tension amongthem. Mary seemed mostly fine, maybe alittle worried. But Anne and Lucylooked like they were deliberatelyavoiding eye contact with each other and
not speaking unless they absolutely hadto.
I couldn’t begin to guess at whatwas happening, and I didn’t know if itwas my place to ask. They neverintruded on my sadness or anger. Isupposed it was only right that I do thesame for them.
I tried not to let the silence botherme as they did my hair and dressed mefor a long day in the Women’s Room. Iached to put on one of the luxuriouspants that Maxon had given me forSaturday use, but this seemed like a badtime for that. If I was heading down, Iwanted to be a lady about it. Points tome for effort.
As I settled in for another day of tea
and books, the others chatted about thenight before. Well, all of them except forCeleste, who had more gossip magazineswaiting to be read. I wondered if the onein her hands said anything about me.
I was debating trying to take itwhen Silvia came in with a thick pile ofpaper in her arms. Great. More work.
“Good morning, ladies!” Silviacrooned. “I know you usually wait forguests on Saturdays, but today the queenand I have a special assignment for you.”
“Yes,” the queen said, walkingover to us. “I know this is short notice,but we have visitors coming next week.They will be touring the country andstopping by the palace to meet all ofyou.”
“As you know, the queen is usuallyin charge of receiving such importantguests. You all saw how she graciouslyhosted our friends from Swendway.”Silvia gestured over to Queen Amberly,who smiled demurely.
“However, the visitors we havecoming from the German Federation andItaly are even more important than theSwendish royal family. And we thoughtthis visit would be an excellent exercisefor you all, especially since we’ve beenso focused on diplomacy lately. Youwill work in teams to prepare areception for your respective guests,including a meal, entertainment, andgifts,” Silvia explained.
I gulped as she continued.
“It is very important for us tomaintain the relationships we have aswell as to forge new ones with othercountries. We have outlines of properetiquette for interacting with theseguests, as well as guides for what’stypically frowned on when hostingevents for them. However, the actualexecution is in your hands.”
“We wanted to make it as fair aspossible,” the queen said. “I think we’vedone a good job of putting you all on thesame field. Celeste, Natalie, and Elise,you will be organizing one reception.Kriss and America, you will take care ofthe other. And since you have one lessperson, you will have one more day. Ourvisitors from the German Federation
will be coming on Wednesday, andwe’ll be receiving guests from Italy onThursday.”
There was a short moment ofsilence as we took that in.
“You mean we have four days?”Celeste screeched.
“Yes,” Silvia said. “But a queenhas to do this work alone and sometimeson far less notice.”
The panic was palpable.“Can we have our papers, please?”
Kriss asked, holding out her hand.Instinctively, I put mine out as well.Within seconds we were devouring thepages.
“This is going to be tough,” Krisssaid. “Even with the extra day.”
“Don’t worry,” I assured her.“We’re going to win.”
She laughed nervously. “How canyou be so sure?”
“Because,” I said decisively,“there’s no way I’m letting Celeste dobetter than me.”
It took two hours to read through thepacket and one more to digest everythingit said. There were so many differentthings to consider, so many details toplan. Silvia claimed she would be at ourdisposal, but I had a feeling asking forhelp would make her think we couldn’tdo a good enough job on our own, sothat was out.
The setup was going to be
challenging. We weren’t allowed to usered flowers because they wereassociated with secrecy. We weren’tallowed to use yellow flowers becausethey were associated with jealousy. Andwe weren’t allowed to use purpleanything because that color wasassociated with bad luck.
The wine, food, everything had tobe opulent. Luxury wasn’t seen asshowing off; it was meant to make astatement about the palace. If it wasn’tgood enough, our guests might leaveunimpressed and completely unwillingto meet with us again. On top of all that,the regular things we were supposed tohave learned—speaking clearly, propertable manners, and the like—had to be
adapted to a culture of which neitherKriss nor I had any knowledge besideswhat was printed in our packets.
It was incredibly intimidating.Kriss and I spent the day taking
notes and brainstorming while the othersdid the same thing at a nearby table. Asthe afternoon wore on, our groupsstarted complaining back and forth aboutwho had the worse situation, and after awhile it was actually kind of funny.
“You two at least get another day towork,” Elise said.
“But Illéa and the GermanFederation are already allies. TheItalians might hate everything we do!”Kriss worried.
“Do you know we’re supposed to
wear dark colors for ours?” Celestecomplained. “It’s going to be a very …rigid event.”
“We probably don’t want it to befloppy anyway,” Natalie said, doing alittle shimmy. She laughed at her ownjoke, and I smiled before moving on.
“Well, ours is supposed to besuperfestive. And you all have to wearyour best jewelry,” I instructed. “Youneed to make a great first impression,and appearances are very important.”
“Thank goodness I’ll get to lookgood at one of these stupid things.”Celeste sighed, shaking her head.
In the end, it was clear we were allstruggling. After everything that hadhappened with Marlee and then being
somewhat dismissed by the king, I feltstrangely comforted to know we weremiserable together. But it would be a lieto say that paranoia didn’t take overbefore the end of the day. I wasconvinced that one of the other girls—Celeste in particular—might try tosabotage our reception.
“How loyal are your maids?” Iasked Kriss at dinner.
“Very. Why?”“I wonder whether we should store
some things in our rooms instead of inthe parlor. You know, so the other girlsdon’t try to take our ideas.” It was only atiny lie.
She nodded. “That’s a good idea.Especially since we go second, and it
would look like we copied them.”“Exactly.”“You’re so smart, America. It’s no
wonder Maxon liked you so much.” Andshe went back to eating.
I didn’t miss her casual use of thepast tense. Maybe while I’d beenworrying about being good enough to bea princess and feeling completely unsureI wanted to be one at the same time,Maxon was forgetting all about me.
I convinced myself that she was justtrying to make herself feel moreconfident about her standing withMaxon. Besides, it had only been a fewdays since Marlee was caned. Howmuch could she possibly know?
The piercing scream of a siren jerked mefrom my sleep. The sound was soforeign, I couldn’t even begin to processwhat it was. All I knew was that myheart was pounding in my chest from thesudden rush of adrenaline.
Before a second had passed, thedoor to my room flew open and a guardran in.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it,” herepeated.
“Huh?” I said groggily as he racedover to me.
“Get up, Mer!” he urged, and I didas he said. “Where are your damnshoes?”
Shoes. So I was going somewhere.Only then did the sound make sense to
me. Maxon had told me once before thatthere was an alarm for when the rebelscame, but it had been thoroughlydismantled in a recent attack. It finallymust have been repaired.
“Here,” I said, finding and slippingmy feet into them. “I need my robe.” Ipointed to the end of the bed, and Aspengrabbed it, trying to open it for me.“Don’t bother, I’ll carry it.”
“You need to hurry,” he said. “Idon’t know how close they are.”
I nodded, heading for the door,Aspen’s hand on my back. Before I hitthe hallway, he jerked me toward him. Ifound myself in a deep, rough kiss.Aspen’s hand was behind my head,holding my lips to his for one long
moment. Then, as if he forgot the danger,his other hand pulled my waist to his,and the kiss deepened. It had been a longtime since he’d kissed me this way—between my fickle heart and the fear ofbeing caught, there was no reason to. ButI could feel an urgency tonight.Something might go wrong, and thiscould be our last kiss.
He wanted to make it count.We stepped apart, barely taking a
second to look at each other one moretime. He put his hand around my arm andpushed me out the door. “Go. Now.”
I dashed for the secret passagehidden at the end of the hall. Before Ipushed the wall, I looked behind me andcaught sight of Aspen’s back as he ran
around the corner.There was nothing I could do but
run myself, so I did. As quickly as Icould manage, I made my way down thesteep, dark stairs to the safe roomreserved for the royal family.
Maxon had told me once that therewere two kinds of rebels: Northern andSouthern. The Northern ones werepesky, but the Southern ones weredeadly. I hoped whatever I was runningfrom was more interested in disturbingus than in killing.
As I descended the stairs, the coldset in. I wanted to throw on my robe, butI worried I might trip. I felt steadier asthe light of the safe room came intoview. I leaped from the last step, and I
could see a figure standing out among theshapes of the guards. Maxon. Though itwas late, he was still in his suit pantsand his shirt, slightly rumpled butpresentable.
“Am I the last?” I asked, pulling onmy robe as I approached.
“No,” he answered. “Kriss is stillout there. So is Elise.”
I looked behind me at the darkenedcorridor that seemed to go on forever. Ineither direction, I could make out theskeletons of three or four stairwaysstemming from their secret origins in thepalace above. They were empty.
If anything Maxon had told me wastrue, his feelings for Kriss and Elisewere limited. But there was no mistaking
the concern for them in his eyes. Herubbed his temple and craned his neck,as if that would really help in the dark.We looked past each other, watching thestairs as guards milled around the door,clearly anxious to close it.
Suddenly he sighed and put hishands on his hips. Then, with no warningat all, he embraced me. I couldn’t helpbut clutch him to my chest.
“I know you’re still probably upset,and that’s fine. But I’m happy you’resafe.”
Maxon hadn’t touched me sinceHalloween. It hadn’t even been a week,but for some reason, it felt like aneternity. Maybe because so much hadhappened that night, and even more had
happened since.“I’m glad you’re safe, too.”He held me tighter. Suddenly he
gasped. “Elise.”I turned to see her thin figure
coming down the stairs. Where wasKriss?
“You should go inside,” Maxongently urged. “Silvia is waiting.”
“We’ll talk soon.”He gave me a small, hopeful smile
and nodded. I headed into the room, withElise following right behind. As shewalked in, I saw she was crying. I put anarm around her shoulder, and she did thesame to me, happy to have the company.
“Where were you?” I asked.“I think my maid is sick. She was a
little slow to help me. And then I was sofrightened by the alarm, I got confusedfor a moment and couldn’t rememberwhere to go. I pushed on four differentwalls before I found the right one.” Eliseshook her head at her forgetfulness.
“Don’t worry,” I said, hugging her.“You’re safe now.”
She nodded her head to herself,trying to slow her breathing. Of the fiveof us, she was easily the most delicate.
As we went deeper, I saw the kingand queen sitting close together, both ofthem in robes and slippers. The king hada small stack of papers on his lap, as ifhe was going to use the time down hereto work. The queen had a maidmassaging one of her hands, and they
both wore serious expressions.“What, no company this time?”
Silvia joked, drawing our attention toher.
“They weren’t with me,” I said,suddenly worried about the safety of mymaids.
She smiled gently. “I’m sure they’refine. This way.”
We followed her to a row of cotsset up against an uneven wall. The lasttime I was in this place, it was clear thatthe people who maintained the roomweren’t prepared for the chaos of all theSelected girls down here. They’d madeprogress since then, but it wasn’tcompletely up-to-date. There were sixbeds.
Celeste was curled up on the oneclosest to the king and queen, though wewere still quite a ways from them.Natalie had settled in next to her andwas braiding thin pieces of her ownhair.
“I expect you to sleep. You all havea serious week ahead of you, and I can’thave you planning if you’re deliriouslytired.” Silvia went away, probably tolook for Kriss.
Elise and I both sighed. I couldn’tbelieve they were going to make us gothrough with the whole reception thing.Wasn’t this stressful enough? We let goof each other and made our way toneighboring cots. Elise was quick to tuckherself into the blankets, obviously worn
out.“Elise?” I said quietly. She peeked
up at me. “If you need anything, let meknow, okay?”
She smiled. “Thank you.”“Sure thing.”She rolled back over, and it looked
like she was asleep within seconds. Iknew it was true when she didn’t turnover at the bustle of noise coming fromthe door. I glanced back and saw Maxoncarrying Kriss into the safe room, withSilvia close by. Immediately after shewas through, the door was sealed shut.
“I tripped,” she explained to Silvia,who was fretting over her. “I don’t thinkI broke my ankle, but it really hurts.”
“There are bandages in the back.
We can at least wrap it,” Maxoninstructed. Silvia walked away quickly,passing us as she went hunting forbandages.
“Sleep! Now!” she ordered.I sighed, and I wasn’t the only one.
Natalie took it in stride, but Celesteseemed very irritated. I checked myselfthen. If my behavior was anything likehers, it needed to change. Though Ididn’t want to, I crawled into my cot andfaced the wall.
I tried not to think about Aspenfighting upstairs, or my maids maybe notmaking it to their hiding place fastenough. I tried not to worry about theupcoming week, or the possibility of therebels being Southern and trying to
slaughter people above us as we rested.But I did think about all of that. And
it was so exhausting, I eventually foundsleep on my cold, hard cot.
I didn’t know what time it was when Iwoke up, but it must have been hourssince we’d come to the safe room. Irolled over, looking at Elise. She wassleeping peacefully. The king wasreading his papers, whipping themthrough his hands so quickly, heappeared to be mad at them. The queen’shead rested on the back of her chair. Shelooked even more beautiful when sheslept.
Natalie was still asleep, or at leastshe looked that way. But Celeste was
awake, propped up on one arm andlooking across the room. Her eyes held afire that she usually reserved for me. Ifollowed her gaze over to the oppositewall, where she was watching Kriss andMaxon.
They sat side by side, his armwrapped around her shoulder. Kriss hadher legs curled to her chest, looking as ifshe was trying to keep warm, eventhough she was wearing a robe. Her leftankle was wrapped in gauze and didn’tappear to be bothering her at themoment. They spoke quietly with smileson their faces.
I didn’t want to watch, so I rolledback over.
By the time Silvia tapped me on my
CHAPTER 16
AS I EMERGED FROM THE stairwellthat had ushered me to safety the nightbefore, it was all too apparent that theSoutherners had been here. In the shorthallway that led to my room, there was apile of debris that I had to climb over toget to my door.
Typically, the worst of the messwas gone by the time we were releasedfrom the safe room. This time, however,it looked like there had been too muchfor the staff to get to, and we would havebeen down there all day. Still, I wishedthey’d tried a little harder. I spied agroup of maids working to scrub away
giant letters on a far wall.WE’RE COMING
The line was repeated down thehall, sometimes written in mud, othertimes in paint; and one appeared to bedone in blood. Chills ran through me,and I wondered what that meant.
As I stood there, my maids dashedup to me. “Miss, are you all right?”Anne asked.
I was startled by their suddenappearance. “Um, yes. Fine.” I lookedback to the words on the wall.
“Come away, miss. We’ll get youready,” Mary insisted.
I followed obediently, slightlystunned from everything I saw and tooconfused to do anything else. They
worked deliberately, the way they didwhen they tried to soothe me with theroutine of getting dressed. Somethingabout their steady hands—even Lucy’s—was calming.
By the time I was ready, a maidcame to escort me outside, where wewould apparently be working thismorning. The smashed glass and chillinggraffiti were easy to forget about in theAngeles sun. Even Maxon and the kingwere standing at a table with advisers,reviewing piles of documents andmaking decisions.
Under a tent, the queen read overpapers, pointing out details to a nearbymaid. Near her, Elise, Celeste, andNatalie sat at a table discussing plans
for their reception. They were soengrossed, it looked like they’dcompletely forgotten the rough night.
Kriss and I sat on the opposite sideof the lawn, under a similar tent, but ourwork was going slowly. I was having ahard time talking to her as I fought to getthe image of her sharing a moment withMaxon out of my head. I watched as sheunderlined sections in the papers Silviagave us and scribbled notes in themargin.
“I think I might have figured outhow to do our flowers,” she commentedwithout looking up.
“Oh. Good.”I let my eyes wander over to
Maxon. He was trying to look busier
than he was. Anyone really watchingcould see how the king pretended not tohear his comments. I didn’t understandthat. If the king was worried aboutMaxon being a good leader, the thing todo was to truly instruct him, not keephim from doing anything because heworried his son would make a mistake.
Maxon shuffled some papers andlooked up. He caught my eye and waved.As I went to raise my hand, I saw Krissenthusiastically wave back from thecorner of my eye. I focused on thepapers again, fighting a blush.
“Isn’t he handsome?” Kriss asked.“Sure.”“I keep imagining how children
would look with his hair and my eyes.”
“How’s your ankle?”“Oh,” she said with a sigh. “It hurts
a little, but Doctor Ashlar says I’ll befine by the reception.”
“That’s good,” I said, finallylooking up at her. “Wouldn’t want youhobbling around when the Italianscome.” I was trying to sound friendly,but I could tell she was questioning mytone.
She opened her mouth to speak butthen quickly looked away. I followedher gaze and saw that Maxon washeading over to the refreshment table thebutlers had set up for us.
“I’ll be right back,” she saidquickly, and limped toward Maxonfaster than I would have thought
possible.I couldn’t help but watch. Celeste
had walked over, too, and they were alltalking quietly as they poured water orgrabbed finger sandwiches. Celeste saidsomething, and Maxon laughed. It lookedlike Kriss was smiling, but she wasclearly too bothered by Celesteinterrupting her time to be genuinelyamused.
I was almost grateful for Celeste atthat moment. She might have been ahundred things that irritated me, but shewas also impossible to intimidate. Icould use some of that.
The king bellowed something toone of his advisers, and my headsnapped in his direction. I missed
exactly what he’d said, but he soundedirritated. Over his shoulder, I caught aglimpse of Aspen, walking his rounds.
He looked my way briefly, riskinga fast wink. I knew that was meant toease my worries, and it did a little. Still,I couldn’t help but wonder what he wentthrough last night that led to the slightlimp in his step and the bandaged gashby his eye.
As I was debating whether therewas a way to inconspicuously ask him tocome see me tonight, a call rang out fromjust inside the palace doors.
“Rebels!” a guard yelled. “Run!”“What?” another guard called back,
confused.“Rebels! Inside the palace! They’re
coming!”The guard’s words made the threat
on the walls this morning flash throughmy mind: WE’RE COMING.
Things started moving very quickly.The maids ushered the queen toward thefar side of the palace, some pulling herhands to make her move faster whileothers dutifully raced behind her,blocking her from an attack.
Celeste’s red dress blazed as shefollowed the queen, rightly assuming thatwas probably the safest way to go.Maxon scooped up Kriss and her injuredfoot, turning to place her in the arms ofthe nearest guard, who happened to beAspen.
“Run!” he screamed at Aspen.
“Run!”Aspen, faithful to a fault, bolted,
carrying Kriss like she weighed nothingat all.
“Maxon, no!” she cried overAspen’s shoulder.
I heard a loud pop from inside theopened doors to the palace andscreamed. As several of the guardsreached under their dark uniforms andpulled out guns, I understood what thatsound was. Two more pops came, and Ifound myself frozen, watching the flurryof bodies move around me. The guardspushed people to the sides of the palace,urging them to move out of the way as aswarm of people in rugged pants andsturdy jackets raced outside, running
with backpacks or satchels packed to thebrim. Another shot came.
Finally realizing that I needed tomove, I turned and ran without thinking.
With the rebels flooding out of thepalace, the logical thing to do seemed tobe to run away from them. But that putme heading toward the great forest witha pack of vicious people chasing me. Iran and slipped a few times in the flats Iwas wearing, and I considered takingthem off. In the end, I decided slipperyshoes were better than none.
“America,” Maxon called. “No!Come back!”
I risked peeking back and saw theking grabbing Maxon by the neck of hissuit jacket, pulling him away. I could see
the terror in Maxon’s eyes as he staredafter me. Another shot was fired.
“Stand down!” Maxon shrieked.“You’ll hit her! Cease fire!”
There were some more shots, andMaxon continued to scream his ordersuntil I was too far away to make themout. I ran through the open field andrealized then that I was alone in this.Maxon was being held back by hisfather, and Aspen was doing his duty.Any guard coming for me would bebehind the rebels. All I could do was runfor my life.
Fear made me fast, and I wassurprised by how well I avoided theundergrowth once I hit the woods. Theground was dry, parched from months
with no rain, and it was solid. I vaguelyfelt my legs getting scratched, but Ididn’t slow down to see how bad it was.
I was sweating, and my dress wassticking to my chest as I moved. It wascooler in the woods, and steadily gettingdarker, but I was hot. At home Isometimes ran for fun, to play withGerad or just to feel the ache of exertion.But I’d been sitting in the palace formonths, eating real food for the firsttime, and I could feel it now. My lungsburned, and my legs were throbbing.Still, I ran.
After I got far enough in the woods,I looked over my shoulder to check howclose the rebels were. I couldn’t hearthem with the blood pounding in my
ears, and when I checked, I couldn’t seethem either. I decided this was my bestchance to hide, before they caught sightof the bright dress in the dim woods.
I didn’t stop until I saw a tree thatlooked wide enough to conceal me.Once I was behind it, I noticed that therewas a branch low enough to grab andclimb, too. I took off my shoes, tossingthem away, hoping they wouldn’t leadthe rebels right to me. I climbed, thoughnot very high, and turned my back to thetree, making myself as small as I could.
I focused hard on slowing mybreath, fearing the sound would give meaway. But even after I did that, for amoment it was quiet. I figured I’d lostthem. I didn’t move, waiting to be sure.
Seconds later, I heard a loud rustling.“We should have come at night,”
someone—a girl—huffed. I flattenedmyself against the tree, praying nothingwould snap.
“They wouldn’t have been outsideat night,” a man replied.
They were still running, or tryingto, and it sounded like they were havinga rough go of it.
“Let me carry some,” he offered. Itsounded like they were getting veryclose.
“I can do it.”I held my breath and watched as
they passed right under my tree. Justwhen I thought I might be safe, the girl’sbag ripped, and a pile of books fell to
the forest floor. What was she doingwith so many books?
“Damn it,” she cursed, gettingdown on her knees. She was wearing adenim jacket with some kind of flowerembroidered on it over and over again.She had to be burning in that.
“Told you to let me help.”“Shut up!” The girl pushed at the
boy’s legs. In that playful gesture, Icould see how much affection there wasbetween them.
In the distance, someone whistled.“Is that Jeremy?” she asked.“Sounds like him.” He bent and
picked up a few books.“Go get him. I’ll be right behind
you.”
He looked unsure but agreed,kissing her forehead before jogging off.
The girl gathered the rest of herbooks, using a knife to cut the strap offher bag and bind them together.
I felt a sense of relief as she rose,assuming she would start moving. Butshe flipped her hair back out of her face,raising her eyes to the sky.
And she saw me.No amount of quiet or stillness
would help me now. If I screamed,would the guards come? Or were therest of the rebels too close for that tomatter?
We stared at each other. I waitedfor her to call the others, hoping thatwhatever they had planned for me
wasn’t too painful.But she didn’t make a sound except
to let out a single quiet laugh, amused atour situation.
Another whistle sounded, slightlydifferent from the last, and we bothglanced in the direction it came frombefore looking at each other again.
And then, in the least expected ofall possible gestures, she swung one legbehind the other, lowering herself in agraceful curtsy. I looked on, completelystunned. She rose, smiling, and ran offtoward the whistle. I watched her backas a hundred tiny sewn flowersdisappeared into the brush.
When it felt like more than an hourhad passed, I decided I could get down.
I stood at the foot of the tree, realizing Ididn’t know where my shoes were. Iwalked around the base of the trunk,trying to locate the little white slippersto no avail. Giving up, I decided Ishould make my way back to the palace.
Looking around, it became clearthat that wasn’t going to happen. I waslost.
CHAPTER 17
I SAT AT THE BASE of the tree, legsfolded up to my chest, waiting. Momalways said that was what we weresupposed to do when we were lost. Itgave me time to think about what hadhappened.
How was it possible that rebelshad gotten into the palace two days in arow? Two days in a row! Had thingsgotten so much worse on the outsidesince the Selection had begun? Based onwhat I’d seen back in Carolina and hadexperienced at the palace, this wasunprecedented.
My legs had a bunch of scratches
on them, and now that I wasn’t hiding, Icould finally feel the sting. There wasalso a small bruise halfway up my thighthat I wasn’t sure how I’d acquired. Iwas thirsty; and as I settled down, I feltworn-out from the emotional, mental,and physical strain of the day. I let myhead rest against the tree, closing myeyes. I didn’t intend to fall asleep. But Idid.
Sometime later, I heard the distinctsound of footsteps. My eyes flashedopen, and the forest was darker than Iremembered. How long had I beenasleep?
My first instinct was to climb backup the tree, and I ran around to the otherside, stepping on the torn remnants of the
rebel girl’s bag. But then I heard peoplecalling my name.
“Lady America!” someone said.“Where are you?”
“Lady America?” another voicecalled. Then, after a while, in a loudvoice, a command came. “Be sure tolook everywhere. If they’ve killed her,they might have hung her or tried to buryher. Pay attention.”
“Yes, sir,” men chorused back.I peeked around the tree, focusing
on the sound. I squinted, trying to makeout the figures moving through theshadows, unsure they could really behere to save me. But one guard, his slightlimp not slowing him at all, made mefinally sure that I was safe.
A small patch of fading sunlight fellacross Aspen’s face, and I ran. “I’mhere!” I yelled. “I’m over here!”
I ran straight into Aspen’s arms, foronce not caring about who saw. “Thankgoodness,” he breathed into my hair.Then, turning toward the other figures,“I’ve got her! She’s alive!”
Aspen bent down and picked meup, cradling me. “I was terrified wewere going to find your bodysomewhere. Are you hurt?”
“My legs a little.”A second later, several guards
were surrounding us, congratulatingAspen on a job well done.
“Lady America,” the one in chargesaid, “are you injured at all?”
I shook my head. “Just somescratches on my legs.”
“Did they try to hurt you?”“No. They never caught up to me.”He looked a bit shocked. “None of
the other girls could have outrun them, Idon’t think.”
I smiled, finally at ease. “None ofthe other girls is a Five.”
Several of the guards chuckled,Aspen included.
“Good point. Let’s get you back.”He went in front of us and called out tothe other guards, “Be on the lookout.They could still be lingering in thearea.”
As we moved, Aspen talked to mequietly. “I know you’re fast and smart,
but I was terrified.”“I lied to the officer,” I whispered.“What do you mean?”“They did catch up with me,
eventually.”Aspen looked at me in horror.“They didn’t do anything, but this
one girl saw me. She curtsied and ranoff.”
“Curtsied?”“I was surprised, too. She didn’t
look angry or threatening at all. In fact,she just looked like a normal girl.”
I thought over Maxon’s comparisonof the two rebel groups and knew thisgirl must be a Northerner. There wasabsolutely no aggression in her, only adrive to do her task. And there was no
doubt that the attack last night was fromthe Southern rebels. Did that meansomething, that the attacks weren’t onlyback-to-back, but by different groups?Were the Northerners watching us,waiting for us to be this drained?Thinking about them spying on thepalace so intently was a littlefrightening.
At the same time, the attack wasalmost funny. Did they simply walk inthe front doors? How many hours werethey in the palace collecting theirtreasures? Which reminded me.
“She had books, lots of them,” Isaid.
Aspen nodded. “That seems tohappen a lot. No clue what they’re doing
with them. My guess is kindling. I thinkit’s cold where they stay.”
“Hmm,” I replied, not reallyanswering. If I needed kindling, I couldthink of much easier places to get it thanthe palace. And the way the girl was sodesperate to gather up the books mademe sure it was something more than that.
It took nearly an hour of slow,steady trekking to get back to the palace.Even though he was injured, Aspennever let his hold on me slip. In fact, helooked to be enjoying the walk despitethe extra labor. I liked it, too.
“The next few days might be busyfor me, but I’ll try to come see yousoon,” Aspen whispered as we crossedthe wide, grassy lawn leading up to the
palace.“Okay,” I answered quietly.He smiled a little as he looked
forward, and I joined him, taking in theview. The palace was glittering in theevening sun, with windows lit up onevery story. I’d never seen it like this. Itwas beautiful.
For some reason I thought Maxonwould be there, waiting by the backdoors for me. He wasn’t. No one was.Aspen was instructed to take me to thehospital wing so Dr. Ashlar could tendto my legs while another guard went offto tell the royal family I’d been foundalive.
My homecoming was a nonevent. Iwas alone in a hospital bed with
bandaged legs, and that was how Istayed until I fell asleep.
I heard someone sneeze.I opened my eyes, confused for a
second before remembering where Iwas. I blinked, looking around the room.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,”Maxon said in hushed tones. “Youshould go back to sleep.” He waspropped up in a chair by my bed, soclose he could rest his head by myelbow if he wanted to.
“What time is it?” I rubbed myeyes.
“Almost two.”“In the morning?”Maxon nodded. He watched me
carefully, and I was suddenly veryworried about how I looked. I hadwashed my face and pulled my hair upwhen I came back, but I was pretty sure Ihad a pillow imprinted on my cheek.
“Don’t you ever sleep?” I asked.“I do. I’m just on edge a lot.”“Occupational hazard?” I sat up a
bit more.He gave me a thin smile.
“Something like that.”There was a long pause as we sat
there, unsure of what to say next.“I thought of something today, when
I was in the woods,” I said casually.He smiled a bit more at how easily
I brushed off the incident. “Oh, really?”“It was about you.”
He inched closer, his brown eyesfocused on mine. “Do tell.”
“Well,” I started, “I was thinkingabout how you were last night whenElise and Kriss weren’t in the hall, howworried you were. And then today I sawyou try to run after me when the rebelscame.”
“I tried. I’m so sorry.” He shookhis head, ashamed that he hadn’t donemore.
“I’m not upset,” I explained.“That’s the thing. When I was out therealone, I thought about how worried youprobably were, how worried you areabout the others. And I can’t pretend toknow how you feel about all of us, but Iknow that you and I aren’t exactly a
highlight right now.”He chuckled. “We’ve seen better
days.”“But you still ran after me. You
handed Kriss off to a guard because shecouldn’t run. You’re trying to keep us allsafe. So why would you ever hurt one ofus?”
He sat silently, not sure where Iwas going.
“I understand now. If you’re thatconcerned with our safety, you couldn’thave wanted to do that to Marlee. I’msure you would have stopped it if youcould.”
He sighed. “In a heartbeat.”“I know.”Tentatively, Maxon reached across
the bed for my hand. I let him take it.“Do you remember how I said I hadsomething I wanted to show you?”
“Yes.”“Don’t forget, okay? It’s coming.
This position requires a lot of things,and they aren’t always pleasant. Butsometimes … sometimes you can dogreat things.”
I didn’t understand what he meant,but I nodded.
“I suppose it will have to wait untilyou’re done with this project though.You’re a bit behind.”
“Ugh!” I pulled my hand fromMaxon’s to cover my eyes. I’dcompletely forgotten about the reception.I looked back at him. “Are they still
going to make us do that? There’ve beentwo rebel attacks, and I spent themajority of my day lost in the woods.We’re going to mess it up.”
Maxon’s face was sympathetic.“You’ll have to push through.”
I let my head flop back on thepillow. “It’s going to be a disaster.”
He chuckled. “Don’t worry. Even ifyou don’t do as well as the others, Idon’t have it in me to kick you out.”
Something in that sounded funny. Isat back up. “Are you saying that if theothers do worse, one of them could bekicked out?”
Maxon hesitated a moment, clearlyunsure how to respond.
“Maxon?”
He sighed. “I have about twoweeks before they expect another cut.This is supposed to be a big part of it.You and Kriss have the harder setup. Anew relationship, fewer people to do thework; and while the culture is verycelebratory, the Italians are easy tooffend. Add to that the fact that you’vehardly been able to do any work at all…”
I wondered if the blood was visiblydraining from my face.
“I’m not supposed to help, but ifyou need something, please say so. Ican’t send either of you home.”
When we’d had our first fight, astupid spat over Celeste, I thought apiece of me shattered for Maxon. And
then when Marlee left so abruptly, Ithought it did again. I was sure that everytime something blocked my way, bits ofmy heart were crumbling to nothing. ButI was wrong.
There, lying in the hospital wing,my heart broke for the first time overMaxon Schreave. And the ache wasunthinkable. Up until then I couldconvince myself that I’d imaginedeverything I’d seen between him andKriss, but now I knew for sure.
He liked her. Maybe as much as heliked me.
I nodded at his offer for help,unable to say anything else.
I told myself to tug my heart back,that he couldn’t have it. Maxon and I
started all this as friends, and maybethat’s all we were meant to be: closefriends. But I was crushed.
“I should go,” he said. “You needsleep. You had a very long day.”
I rolled my eyes. That wasn’t thehalf of it.
Maxon stood and straightened hissuit. “I wanted to say so much more toyou. I really thought I’d lost you today.”
I shrugged. “I’m fine. Really.”“I can see that now, but there were
several hours today when I was forcedto brace myself for the worst.” Hepaused, measuring his words. “Usually,of all the girls, you’re the easiest to talkto about what we are. But I have afeeling that perhaps that’s not the wisest
thing to do right now.”Ducking my head, I gave a slight
nod. I couldn’t try to talk about myfeelings for a person who obviously hada crush on someone else.
“Look at me, America,” he askedgently.
I did.“I’m fine with that. I can wait. I just
want you to know … I’m not able to findwords big enough to express howrelieved I am that you’re here, in onepiece. I’ve never been so grateful foranything.”
I was stunned into silence, the wayI always was when he touched the shyplaces of my heart. A corner of myselfworried at how easily I trusted his
CHAPTER 18
IT WAS MONDAY NIGHT. ORTuesday morning. It was so late, it washard to tell.
Kriss and I had worked all dayfinding appropriate swaths of fabric,having butlers hang them, choosing ourclothes and jewelry, picking china,creating a rough draft of the menu, andlistening to a language coach speak linesin Italian to us in the hope that some of itwould stick. At least I had the advantageof knowing Spanish, which helped mepick it up faster; they were so similar.Kriss was just doing all she could tokeep up.
I ought to have been exhausted, butall I could think about were Maxon’swords.
What had happened with Kriss?Why was she all of the sudden so closeto him? Should I even care this much?
But this was Maxon.And try as I might to pull away, I
still cared about him. I wasn’t ready togive up completely.
There had to be a way to figure thisout. As I debated everything that washappening, attempting to separate myissues from one another, it looked likeall the pieces fell into one of fourcategories.
My feelings about Maxon. Maxon’sfeelings about me. Whatever was going
on between Aspen and me. And myfeelings about actually becoming aprincess.
Of all the things swimming in myhead right now, it actually felt like theprincess thing might be the easiest totackle. At least in that area, I hadsomething the other girls didn’t. I hadGregory.
I went over to my piano stool, drewout his diary, and hoped with all myheart that he would have some wisdomfor me. He hadn’t been born into royalty;he must have had to adjust. Based onwhat he’d said in his Halloween entry,he was already preparing for a bigchange in his future.
I pulled up the covers, protecting
the words from the world, and dove in.
I WANT TO EMBODY THE OLD-FASHIONED AMERICAN IDEAL. IHAVE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY, ANDI’M VERY WEALTHY; AND BOTH OFTHOSE THINGS SUIT THIS IMAGEBECAUSE THEY WEREN’T HANDEDTO ME. ANYONE WHO SEES ME NOWKNOWS HOW HARD I WORKED FORWHAT I HAVE.
BUT THE FACT THAT I’VE BEENABLE TO USE MY POSITION, TOGIVE SO MUCH WHERE OTHERSEITHER HAVE NOT OR COULD NOT,HAS CHANGED ME FROM SOMEFACELESS BILLIONAIRE INTO APHILANTHROPIST. STILL, I CANNOT
REST ON THIS. I NEED TO DOMORE, TO BE MORE. WALLIS IS INCHARGE, NOT ME, AND I NEED TOFIGURE OUT HOW TO PROPERLYGIVE THE PUBLIC WHAT THEYNEED WITHOUT BEING SEEN AS AUSURPER. A TIME MAY COME WHENI WILL LEAD AND CAN DO WHAT ISEE FIT. FOR NOW I WILL PLAY BYTHE RULES AND GO AS FAR AS I CANWITH THAT.
I tried to glean some actual wisdomfrom his words. He said to use yourposition. He said to play by the rules. Hesaid not to be afraid.
Maybe that should have been
enough, but it wasn’t. It didn’t even feelclose to helpful. Since Gregory failedme, there was only one other man I couldcount on. I went over to my desk, pulledout a pen and paper, and scribbled abrief letter to my father.
CHAPTER 19
THE NEXT DAY FLEW BY, andsuddenly Kriss and I were arriving at theother girls’ reception in conservativegray dresses.
“What’s the plan?” Kriss asked aswe walked down the hall.
I considered for a moment. Idisliked Celeste and wouldn’t mindseeing her fail, but I wasn’t sure Iwanted her to do it on this grand a scale.“Be polite, but not helpful. Watch Silviaand the queen for cues. Absorbeverything we can … and work all nightto make ours better.”
“All right.” She sighed. “Let’s go.”
We were on time, as was crucial tothe culture, and the girls were already amess. It was like Celeste was sabotagingherself. Where Elise and Natalie were inrespectable deep blues, Celeste’s dresswas practically white. Put a veil on her,and this was a wedding. Not to mentionhow revealing it was, especially whenshe stood next to any of the Germanwomen. Most of them were wearingsleeves to their wrists despite the warmweather.
Natalie had been put in charge ofthe flowers and missed the detail thatlilies were traditionally used at funerals.All the flower arrangements had to beremoved hastily.
Elise, though clearly more agitated
than she usually was, appeared to be theimage of calm. To our guests, she wouldlook like the star.
It was intimidating, trying so hardto communicate with the women from theGerman Federation—who spoke verybroken English—particularly when I hadso much Italian in my brain. I tried to behospitable; and despite their severeappearance, the ladies were actuallyquite friendly.
It became clear pretty quickly thatthe true threat of disaster was Silvia andher clipboard. While the queengraciously aided the girls in hosting theGerman guests, Silvia walked theperimeter of the room, her sharp eyesmissing nothing. It seemed she had pages
of notes before the event had ended.Kriss and I quickly realized that our onlyhope was to have Silvia fall in love withour reception.
The next morning, Kriss came to myroom with her maids, and we got readytogether. We wanted to make an effort tolook similar enough so it was clear wewere in charge but not so much alike welooked silly. It was kind of fun having somany girls in my room. The maids allknew one another, and they talkedanimatedly behind us as they worked. Itreminded me of how things had feltwhen May was here.
Hours before our guests weresupposed to arrive, Kriss and I made ourway to the parlor to double-check
everything one last time. Unlike the otherreception, we were forgoing place cardsand letting our guests sit wherever theyliked. The band came to practice in thespace, and as a lucky bonus, it seemedour choice of fabrics to cover the blandwalls made for great acoustics.
I straightened Kriss’s necklace aswe quizzed each other on theconversational phrases one last time.She sounded very natural speakingItalian.
“Thank you,” she said.“Grazie,” I answered.“No, no,” she replied, facing me. “I
mean thank you. You did an amazing jobon this, and … I don’t know. I thoughtthat after Marlee, you might give up. I
was afraid that I’d be doing this alone,but you’ve worked so hard. You’ve donegreat.”
“Thanks. You have, too. I don’tknow if I would have survived if I had towork with Celeste. You made it almosteasy.” Kriss smiled. I meant it, too. Shewas tireless. “And you’re right; it’s beenhard without Marlee, but I wouldn’t quit.This is going to be great.”
Kriss bit her lip and considered fora moment. Quickly, as if she might loseher nerve, she spoke. “So you’re stillcompeting then? You still want Maxon?”
It wasn’t like I didn’t know whatwe were all doing here, but none of theother girls had spoken about it like that. Iwas caught off guard for a moment,
wondering if I should answer her. And,if I did, what would I say?
“Girls!” Silvia trilled, rushing inthrough the doorway. I’d never been sograteful to see that woman. “It’s nearlytime. Are you ready?”
Behind her, the queen came in, asoothing calm to balance Silvia’senergy. She studied the room, admiringour work. It was a huge relief to see hersmile.
“Almost ready,” Kriss said. “Wejust have a few details to take care of.One we specifically need you and thequeen for.”
“Oh?” Silvia said curiously.The queen approached us then, her
dark eyes warm with pride. “It’s
beautiful. And you both look stunning.”“Thank you,” we chorused. The
pale-blue dresses with large goldaccents had been my idea. Festive andlovely, but not too over the top.
“Well, you might notice ournecklaces,” Kriss said. “We thought thatif they were similar, it would helppeople identify us as hosts.”
“Excellent idea,” Silvia said,scribbling on her clipboard.
Kriss and I smiled at each other.“Since you are both hosts here, too, wethought you should have ones as well,” Isaid as Kriss pulled the boxes off thetable.
“You didn’t!” The queen gasped.“For … for me?” Silvia asked.
“Of course,” Kriss said sweetly,handing over the jewelry.
“You’ve both been so helpful. Thisis your project, too,” I added.
I could see how touched the queenwas by our gesture, but Silvia wascompletely speechless. I suddenlywondered if anyone at the palace evergave her any kind of attention. Yes, we’dthought up the idea yesterday as a way toget Silvia on our side, but I was gladwe’d done it for more than just that now.
Silvia might be overwhelming, butshe did try to do all this instruction forour benefit. I vowed to do a better job ofthanking her.
A butler told us our guests werearriving, and Kriss and I stood on either
side of the double doors to welcomepeople as they came. The band startedplaying softly in the background, maidsbegan circulating with hors d’oeuvres,and we were ready.
Elise, Celeste, and Natalie werewalking toward us, surprisingly on time.Once they caught sight of our setup—thebillowing fabric covering the drabwalls, the sparkling centerpiecestowering on our tables, the overflowingflowers—there was a clear ache in theeyes of Elise and Celeste. Natalie,however, was too excited to bebothered.
“It smells like the gardens,” shesaid with a sigh, practically dancing intothe room.
“A bit too much like it,” Celesteadded. “You’re going to give people aheadache.” Leave it to her to find faultwith something beautiful.
“Try to sit at different tables,”Kriss suggested as they poured past.“The Italians are here to make friends.”
Celeste sucked her teeth, acting asif this was putting her out. I wanted totell her to pull it together: We had beenon our best behavior for her reception.But then I heard the warm buzzingconversation of the Italian women asthey came down the hall and forgot allabout her.
The best way to describe the Italianladies was statuesque. They were tall,golden skinned, and absolutely beautiful.
As if that wasn’t enough, they were allso good-natured. It was like they carriedthe sun inside their souls and let it shineout on everything around them.
The Italian monarchy was evenyounger than Illéa’s. They had beenclosed off to our attempts at friendshipfor decades, according to the packet I’dread, and this was the only time they’dever reached out to us. This meeting wasthe first step toward a closerrelationship with a growing government.It had been frightening to think aboutuntil the moment they walked through thedoorway, and their kindness melted myworries. They kissed Kriss and me onboth cheeks and yelled “Salve!” Ihappily tried to match their level of
enthusiasm.I botched some of my Italian
phrases, but our visitors were gracious,laughing off my mistakes and helping tocorrect me. Their English wasimpressive, and we doted on oneanother’s hairstyles and dresses. Itseemed we’d made a good firstimpression appearance-wise, and thathelped me relax.
I ended up settling in for most of theparty next to Orabella and Noemi, twoof the princess’s cousins.
“This is delicious!” Orabella cried,raising her glass of wine.
“We’re glad you like it,” I replied,worrying that I was coming across as tooshy. They were so loud when they
talked.“You must have some!” she
insisted. I hadn’t had anything to drinksince Halloween, and I wasn’t very fondof alcohol in the first place. I didn’twant to be rude, though, so I took theglass she handed me and sipped.
It was incredible. Champagne wasall bubbles; but the deep, red wine hadseveral flavors overlapping, eachcoming to the forefront in its own time.
“Mmmm.” I sighed.“Now, now,” Noemi said, drawing
my attention to her. “This Maxon, he ishandsome. How can I get into theSelection?”
“A heap of paperwork,” I joked.“That’s all? Where’s my pen?”
Orabella cut in. “I will take someof this paper, too. I would love to takeMaxon home with me.”
I laughed. “Trust me, it’s a bit of amess in here.”
“You need more wine,” Noemiinsisted.
“Absolutely!” Orabella seconded,and they called over a butler to refill myglass.
“Have you ever been to Italy?”Noemi asked.
I shook my head. “Before theSelection, I’d never even left myprovince.”
“You must come!” Orabellainsisted. “You can stay with meanytime.”
“You always hog the company,”Noemi complained. “She stays withme.”
I felt the wine warming me all over,and their excitement was making mealmost too happy.
“So, is he a good kisser?” Noemiasked.
I choked a little on the sip I wastaking, pulling the glass away to laugh. Iwas trying not to give too much away,but they knew.
“How good?” Orabella demanded.When I didn’t answer, she waved herhand. “Have some more wine!” sheexclaimed.
I pointed an accusing finger at them,realizing what they were doing. “You
two are nothing but trouble!”They threw back their heads
laughing, and I couldn’t help but jointhem. Admittedly, girl talk was muchmore tempting when we weren’t allcompeting for the same boy, but Icouldn’t get too drawn into this.
I stood to leave before I ended uppassed out under the table. “He’s veryromantic. When he wants to be,” I said.They clapped and laughed as I walkedaway, smiling at how playful they were.
After I got some water and food inme, I played some of the folk songs I’dlearned on my violin, and most of theroom sang along. Out of the corner of myeye, I spotted Silvia taking notes andtapping her foot to the beat at the same
time.When Kriss got up and proposed a
toast to the queen and Silvia for theirhelp, the room applauded them. When Iraised my glass to our guests, theyshrieked with delight, downing theirglasses and then throwing them againstthe walls. Kriss and I weren’t expectingthat and shrugged before tossing ours aswell.
The poor maids scuttled around toclean the shattered pieces as the bandstarted up again and the whole roombegan to dance. Perhaps the highlightwas Natalie on top of the table, doingsome kind of dance that made her looklike an octopus.
Queen Amberly sat in a corner,
speaking jovially with the Italian queen.I felt a rush of accomplishment at thesight and was so engrossed, I nearlyjumped when Elise addressed me.
“Yours is better,” she saidreluctantly but genuinely. “You tworeally pulled together an incrediblereception.”
“Thanks. I was worried for a while—we got off to such a bad start.”
“I know. That makes it even moreimpressive. It looks like you two havebeen working for weeks.” She lookedaround the room, staring longingly at thebright decor.
I put a hand on her shoulder. “Youknow, Elise, anyone could see yesterdaythat you worked the hardest on your
team. I’m sure Silvia will make sureMaxon knows that.”
“You think?”“Of course. And I promise, if this is
some sort of a competition and you lose,I’ll tell Maxon myself what a good jobyou did.”
She squinted her already thin eyes.“You would do that?”
“Sure. Why not?” I said with asmile.
Elise shook her head. “I reallyadmire you for how you are. Honest, Iguess. But you need to realize we’recompeting, America.” My smiledisappeared. “I wouldn’t lie and sayanything bad about you, but I wouldn’tgo out of my way to tell Maxon you did
something good. I can’t.”“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I
said quietly.She shook her head. “Yes, it does.
This isn’t just some prize. This is ahusband, a crown, a future. And youprobably have the most to gain or loseby it.”
I stood there, completely stunned. Ithought we were friends. Except forCeleste, I really trusted these girls. WasI too blind to see how hard they werefighting?
“That doesn’t mean I don’t likeyou,” she went on. “I like you a lot. But Ican’t cheer for you to win.”
I nodded, still taking in her words.It was obvious I wasn’t as mentally in
this as she was. One more thing thatmade me doubt my ability to do this job.
Elise smiled over my shoulder, andI turned to see the Italian princesscoming toward us.
“Pardon me. Can I have the hostess,please?” she asked in her lovely accent.
Elise gave her a curtsy beforeheading back to the dancing. I tried toshake off that conversation and focus onthe person I was meant to impress.
“Princess Nicoletta, I’m sorry wehaven’t gotten to speak much today,” Isaid, giving her a curtsy myself.
“Oh, no! You’ve been very busy.My cousins, they love you!”
I laughed. “They’re very funny.”Nicoletta pulled me into a corner of
the room. “We’ve been hesitant to makebonds with Illéa. Our people are much… freer than yours.”
“I can see that.”“No, no,” she said seriously. “I
mean, in personal freedoms. They enjoymore than you. You have the castes still,yes?”
Suddenly understanding that thiswas more than a friendly conversation, Inodded.
“We watch, of course. We see whathappens here. The riots, the rebels. Itseems people are not happy?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. “YourMajesty, I don’t know if I’m the bestperson to talk to about this. I don’t reallycontrol anything.”
Nicoletta took my hands. “But youcould.”
A shiver ran through me. Was shesaying what I thought?
“We saw what happened to the girl.The blonde?” she whispered.
“Marlee.” I nodded. “She was mybest friend.”
She smiled. “And we saw you.There’s not much footage, but we sawyou run. We saw you fight.”
The look in her eyes mirrored theway Queen Amberly had looked at methis morning. There was unmistakablepride there.
“We are very much interested informing a bond with a powerful nation,if that nation can change. Unofficially, if
there is anything we can do to help youacquire the crown, let us know. Youhave our full support.”
She crammed a piece of paper intomy hand and walked away. As sheturned her back, she shouted outsomething in Italian, and the room roaredwith delight. I didn’t have pockets, so Iquickly shoved the note in my bra,praying that no one would notice.
Our reception went on much longerthan the first, and I suspected it wasbecause our guests were too happy toactually leave. Still, for as lengthy as itwas, the whole thing passed in a blur.
Hours later, I headed back to myroom completely worn out. I was muchtoo full to even think about dinner, and
though it was early in the evening, theidea of going straight to bed was veryappealing.
Before I could even look at my bed,however, Anne walked up to me with asurprise. I gasped and took the letterfrom her hand immediately. I had to givethe postal workers at the palace credit;they were very fast.
I tore open the envelope and wentto the balcony, soaking up my father’swords and the last few rays of sunshineat the same time.
DEAR AMERICA,YOU’LL NEED TO WRITE A
LETTER TO MAY SOON. WHEN SHESAW THIS WAS INTENDED FOR MY
EYES ONLY, SHE WAS VERYDISAPPOINTED. I HAVE TO SAY, IWAS A LITTLE CAUGHT OFF GUARDMYSELF. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IWAS EXPECTING, BUT CERTAINLYNOT WHAT YOU ASKED.
FIRST, IT’S TRUE. WHEN WECAME TO VISIT, I SPOKE WITHMAXON, AND HE WAS VERY CLEARABOUT HIS INTENTIONS TOWARDYOU. I DON’T THINK HE HAS IT INHIM TO BE LESS THAN GENUINE,AND I BELIEVED (AND STILL DO)THAT HE CARES ABOUT YOU VERYMUCH. I THINK IF THE WHOLEPROCESS WAS SIMPLER, HE’D HAVECHOSEN YOU ALREADY. PART OFME THINKS THE SLOWNESS IS ON
YOUR SIDE. AM I WRONG?THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS YES. I
APPROVE OF MAXON, AND IF YOUWANT TO BE WITH HIM, I SUPPORTTHAT. IF YOU DON’T, I SUPPORTTHAT, TOO. I LOVE YOU, AND IWANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. MAYBETHAT MEANS YOU LIVE IN OURSCRUBBY LITTLE HOUSE INSTEADOF A PALACE. I’M FINE WITH THAT.
AS FOR YOUR OTHERQUESTION, I HAVE TO SAY YES TOTHAT, TOO.
AMERICA, I KNOW YOU DON’TSEE MUCH IN YOURSELF, BUT YOUNEED TO START. WE TOLD YOU FORYEARS YOU WERE TALENTED, BUTYOU DIDN’T BELIEVE IT UNTIL
YOUR BOOKINGS WENT UP. IREMEMBER THE DAY YOU SAW THEFULL WEEK AND KNEW IT WASBECAUSE OF YOUR VOICE AND THEWAY YOU PLAY, AND YOU WERE SOPROUD. IT WAS LIKE YOU WERESUDDENLY AWARE OF EVERYTHINGYOU COULD DO. AND WE’VE SAIDFOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBERTHAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, BUT I’MNOT SURE YOU EVER TRULY SAWYOURSELF THAT WAY UNTIL YOUWERE PICKED FOR THESELECTION.
YOU HAVE IT IN YOU TO LEAD,AMERICA. YOU HAVE A GOOD HEADON YOUR SHOULDERS; YOU AREWILLING TO LEARN; AND, PERHAPS
MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU SHOWCOMPASSION. THAT IS SOMETHINGPEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY YEARNFOR MORE THAN YOU KNOW.
IF YOU WANT THE CROWN,AMERICA, TAKE IT. TAKE IT.BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE YOURS.
AND YET … IF YOU DON’TWANT THAT BURDEN, I COULDNEVER BLAME YOU. I WOULDWELCOME YOU HOME WITH OPENARMS. I LOVE YOU.
DAD
The tears spilled out quietly. Hegenuinely thought I could do it. He wasthe only one. Well, he and Nicoletta.
Nicoletta!
I’d forgotten completely about thenote. I fished inside my dress and pulledit out. It was a telephone number. Shedidn’t even put her name on it.
I couldn’t imagine how much shewas risking to make that offer.
I held the tiny piece of paper andthe letter from my dad in my hands. Ithought of Aspen’s certainty that Icouldn’t be a princess. I remembered thelast-place spot in the public poll. Ithought of Maxon’s cryptic promiseearlier this week ….
I closed my eyes and tried to searchwithin myself.
Could I really do this? Could I bethe next princess of Illéa?
CHAPTER 20
THE DAY AFTER THE ITALIANreception we gathered in the Women’sRoom after breakfast. The queen wasabsent, and none of us knew what thatmeant.
“I bet she’s helping Silvia write upthe final report,” Elise guessed.
“I don’t think she’s supposed tohave much of a say,” Kriss countered.
“Maybe she’s hung over,” Natalieoffered as she pressed her fingers to hertemples.
“Just because you are doesn’t meanshe is,” Celeste spat.
“She might not be feeling well,” I
said. “She tends to get sick a lot.”Kriss nodded. “I wonder why that
is.”“Didn’t she grow up in the South?”
Elise asked. “I hear the air and wateraren’t very clean down there. Maybe it’sbecause of how she was raised.”
“I hear everything is bad belowSumner,” Celeste added.
“She’s probably just resting,” Iinterjected. “There’s a Report tonight,and she simply wants to be ready. She’ssmart. It’s barely ten, and I need a nap.”
“Yeah, we should all take naps,”Natalie said wearily.
A maid entered with a small platterand walked quietly across the room,almost too nimble to be noticed.
“Wait,” Kriss said. “You don’tthink they’ll talk about the reception stuffon the Report, do you?”
Celeste groaned. “I hated thatstupid thing. You and America luckedout.”
“You’re joking, right? Do you haveany …”
Kriss’s words dropped off as themaid stopped just to my left, revealing asmall, folded note on the platter.
I felt everyone’s eyes on me as Itentatively picked up the letter and readit.
“Is that from Maxon?” Kriss asked,trying not to seem as interested as shewas.
“Yes.” I didn’t look up.
“What’s it say?” she probed.“That he needs to see me for a
moment.”Celeste laughed. “Sounds like
you’re in trouble.”I sighed and stood to follow the
maid from the room. “Guess there’s onlyone way to find out.”
“Maybe he’s finally kicking herout,” Celeste whispered loudly enoughfor me to hear.
“You think?” Natalie asked a littletoo excitedly.
A chill went through me. Maybe hewas kicking me out! If he wanted to talkto me or spend time with me, wouldn’the have said it differently?
Maxon was waiting in the hallway,
and I walked up timidly. He didn’t lookupset, but he did seem tense.
I braced myself. “So?”He took my arm. “We have fifteen
minutes. What I’m about to show you,you can’t share with anyone. Do youunderstand?”
I nodded.“All right then.”We darted up the stairs, all the way
to the third floor. Gently but quickly,Maxon pulled me down the hallway to aset of white double doors. “Fifteenminutes,” he reminded.
“Fifteen minutes.”He took a key out of his pocket and
unlocked one of the doors, holding itopen so I could go in before him. The
room was wide and bright, with lots ofwindows and two doors opening onto abalcony along the wall. There was abed, a massive armoire, and a table withchairs; but other than that the room wasempty. No paintings on the walls, nopieces on the inlaid shelves. Even thepaint was a little drab.
“This is the princess’s suite,”Maxon said quietly.
My eyes widened.“I know it’s not much to look at
right now. The princess is supposed tochoose the decor, so once my mothermoved to the queen’s suite, the roomwas stripped.”
Queen Amberly had slept here.Something about the room felt magical.
Maxon came up behind me andstarted pointing. “Those doors go to thebalcony. And over there”—he pointed tothe other end of the room—“those doorsgo to the princess’s personal study.Right here”—he noted a door to ourright—“this goes to my room. Can’t havethe princess too far off.”
I felt myself blush thinking ofsleeping here with Maxon so close.
He stepped toward the armoire.“And this? Behind this piece of furnitureis the escape to the safe room. You canget to other places in the palace thisway, too, but that’s its main purpose.”He sighed. “This is a slight misuse, but Ithought it would be worth it.”
Maxon placed his hand on a hidden
latch, and the armoire and the panel ofwall behind it swung forward. I saw himsmile at the space behind it. “Right ontime.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” another voicesaid.
I sucked in a breath. There was noway that voice belonged to who I thoughtit did. I stepped to see around thehulking piece of furniture and Maxon’ssmiling face. There, dressed in veryplain clothes and with her hair pulledinto a bun, was Marlee.
“Marlee?” I whispered, sure I hadto be dreaming. “What are you doinghere?”
“I’ve missed you so much!” shecried, and ran to me with her arms open.
With her hands out, I could see clearlythe red, healing welts on her palms. Itreally was Marlee.
She wrapped me in a hug, and wecrumpled to the ground, I was soovercome. I couldn’t stop from cryingand asking over and over what in theworld she was doing here.
When I quieted down long enough,Maxon got my attention. “Ten minutes.I’ll be waiting outside. Marlee, you canleave the way you came.”
She gave him her word, and Maxonleft us alone.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “Youwere supposed to go south. You weresupposed to be an Eight. Where’sCarter?”
She smiled through mymisunderstanding. “We’ve been here thewhole time. I just started working in thekitchens; and Carter’s still on the mend,but I think he’ll be in the stables soon.”
“On the mend?” So many questionswere racing through my mind, I wasn’tsure why that one popped out.
“Yes, he walks and can sit andstand, but it’s hard for him to do anythingtoo strenuous. He’s helping in thekitchens until he’s fully healed. He’sgoing to be fine though. And look at me,”she said, holding out both hands. “We’vebeen very well taken care of. Theyaren’t pretty, but at least they don’t hurtanymore.”
I carefully touched the swollen
lines on her palms, sure they couldn’tactually be painless. But she didn’tflinch, and after a moment I slid my handinto hers. It felt funny, but at the sametime completely natural. Marlee washere. And I was holding her hand.
“So Maxon’s had you in the palacethe whole time?”
She nodded. “After the caning, hewas afraid we would be hurt if we wereleft on our own, so he kept us here. Twoother servants, a brother and sister whohad family in Panama, were sent instead.We’re going by new names, and Carteris growing out his beard, so after awhile we’ll blend in. Not a lot of peopleknow we’re in the palace in the firstplace, just a few of the cooks I work
with, one of the nurses, and Maxon. Idon’t even think the guards knowbecause they have to answer to the king,and he wouldn’t be pleased to find out.”
She shook her head before quicklymoving on. “Our little apartment issmall, basically just enough room for ourbed and some shelves; but at least it’sclean. I’m trying to sew us a newbedspread, but I’m not—”
“Hold on. Our bed? As in, youshare one?”
She smiled. “We got married twodays ago. I told Maxon the morning wewere caned that I loved Carter and thathe was the one I wanted to marry, and Iapologized for hurting him. He didn’tcare, of course. He came to me two days
ago saying there was some big eventhappening and that if we wanted to getmarried, this was the time.”
I counted back. Two days ago waswhen the German Federation had come.The entire palace staff was eitherhelping serve them or preparing for theladies from Italy.
“Maxon gave me away. I’m notsure I’ll ever see my parents again. Themore distance they have from me, thebetter.”
I could tell she was pained to sayso, but I understood why. If it had beenme and I was suddenly an Eight, thekindest thing I could do for my familywas disappear. It would take time, butpeople would forget. Eventually, my
parents would recover.To push away her sad thoughts, she
fanned out her left hand, and I noticedthe little band across her finger for thefirst time. It was twine tied in a simpleknot, but it was a clear statement: I’mtaken.
“I think I’m going to have to get himto give me a new one soon; I’m alreadyfraying this one. I guess if he works inthe stables, I’ll have to make him a newring every day.” She playfully shrugged.“Not that I mind.”
My mind had jumped to anotherquestion that I worried might be rude toask, but I knew I would never be able tohave this kind of conversation with mymom or Kenna. “So, have you … you
know?”It took her a moment to understand,
but then she laughed. “Oh! Yes, wehave.”
We both giggled. “How is it?”“Honestly? A little uncomfortable
at first. The second time was better.”“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to
say.“Yeah.”There was a bit of a pause.“I’ve been really lonely without
you. I miss you.” I played with the littlepiece of twine on her finger.
“I miss you, too. Maybe onceyou’re the princess, I can sneak up hereall the time.”
I snorted. “I’m not so sure that’ll
happen.”“What do you mean?” she asked,
her face turning serious. “You’re still hisfavorite, right?”
I shrugged.“What happened?” The question
was laced with concern, and I didn’twant to admit that it had started withlosing her. It wasn’t her fault.
“Just things.”“America, what’s going on?”I sighed. “After you got caned, I
was upset with Maxon. It took me awhile to realize that he wouldn’t havedone something like that if he could havestopped it.”
Marlee nodded. “He tried so hard,America. And when he couldn’t, he did
everything he could to make the situationbetter. So don’t be mad at him.”
“I’m not anymore, but I’m also notsure I want to be the princess. I don’tknow if I could do what he did. And thenthere was this poll in a magazine Celesteshowed me. The people don’t like me,Marlee. I’m at the bottom.
“I’m not sure I have what it takes. Iwas never a good choice, and it seemslike I’m plummeting. And now … now… I think Maxon wants Kriss.”
“Kriss? When did that happen?”“I have no idea, and I don’t know
what to do. Part of me thinks it’s a goodthing. She’d make a better princess; andif he really likes her, I want him to behappy. And he’s supposed to do another
elimination really soon. When he calledme out today, I thought I might be goinghome.”
Marlee laughed. “You’re soridiculous. If Maxon didn’t have feelingsfor you, he’d have sent you home a longtime ago. The reason you’re still here isbecause he refuses to lose hope.”
Something between a choke and alaugh came out of my mouth.
“I wish we could talk more, but Ishould go,” she said. “We’re takingadvantage of guards changing to do this.”
“I don’t care that it’s short. I’m justglad to know you’re okay.”
She pulled me in for a hug. “Don’tgive up yet, all right?”
“I won’t. Maybe you could send me
a letter or something sometime?”“That might work. We’ll see.” She
let me go, and we stood together. “If theypolled me, I would have voted for you.I’ve always thought it should be you.”
I blushed. “Go on, now. Say helloto your husband for me.”
She smiled. “I will.” Nimbly, shewent over to the armoire and found thelatch. For some reason, I thought thecaning would break her, but she wasstronger now. She even carried herselfdifferently. Marlee turned to blow me akiss and disappeared.
I quickly exited the room and foundthat Maxon was waiting in the hallway.At the sound of the door, he looked upfrom his book, smiling, and I went over
to sit by him.“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”“I had to make sure they were safe
first. My father doesn’t know I did this;and until I knew it wouldn’t endangerthem, I had to keep it to myself. I’mhoping to arrange for you to see hermore, but that will take time.”
I felt my shoulders lighten, as if thebricks of worry I’d been carrying aroundwere falling off all at once. Thehappiness at seeing Marlee, theassurance that Maxon was as kind as Ithought he was, and the general reliefthat this meeting wasn’t about himsending me home were overwhelming.
“Thank you,” I whispered.“Of course.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say.After a moment Maxon cleared histhroat.
“I know that you are averse todoing the difficult parts of this job, butthere are a lot of opportunities here. Ithink you could do great things. I can tellyou see the prince in me now, but thathad to come eventually if you were evergoing to truly be mine.”
My eyes held his. “I know.”“I can’t read you anymore. I used to
be able to see it in the beginning whenyou didn’t really care for me; and whenthings changed between us, you lookedat me differently. Now there aremoments when I think it’s there andothers when it seems like you’re already
gone.”I nodded.“I’m not asking you to say you love
me. I’m not asking for you to suddenlydecide you want to be a princess. I justneed to know if you want to be here atall.”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Istill didn’t know if I could do the job,but I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up onit. And seeing this kindness in Maxonshifted my heart. There was still so muchto consider, but I couldn’t give up. Notnow.
Maxon’s hand was resting on hisleg, and I slid mine under his. He gaveme a welcoming squeeze. “If you’ll stillhave me, I want to stay.”
Maxon let out a relieved sigh. “I’dlike that very much.”
I returned to the Women’s Room after aquick stop in the bathroom. No one saidanything until I sat down, and it wasKriss who was bold enough to ask.
“What was that all about?”I looked not just to her, but to all
the watching eyes. “I’d rather not say.”With my puffy face, a response like
that was enough to make it seem likenothing good could have come from themeeting; but if that was what I had to sayto protect Marlee, then I was fine with it.
What really stung was Celestepressing her lips together to hide hersmile, Natalie’s raised eyebrows as she
pretended to read her borrowedmagazine, and the hopeful glancebetween Kriss and Elise.
The competition was deeper than Ihad guessed.
CHAPTER 21
WE WERE SPARED THEHUMILIATION of dealing with theaftermath of our receptions on theReport. The visits from our foreignfriends were mentioned in passing, butthe actual events were kept from thepublic. It wasn’t until the next morningthat Silvia and the queen came to speakto us about our performances.
“It was a very daunting task wegave you, and it absolutely could havegone horribly wrong. I’m pleased to say,however, that both teams did very well.”Silvia looked at each of us appraisingly.
We all sighed, and I reached for
Kriss’s hand as she did the same. Asconfused as I was about her and Maxon,I knew there was no way I could havemade it through that without her.
“If I’m honest, one event wasslightly better than the other, but youshould all be proud of youraccomplishments. We received thank-you letters from our longtime friends inthe German Federation for your gracioushosting,” Silvia said, looking at Celeste,Natalie, and Elise. “There were a fewminor hiccups, and I don’t think any ofus truly enjoy such serious affairs, butthey certainly did.
“And as for you two,” Silvia turnedtoward Kriss and me. “The ladies fromItaly enjoyed themselves immensely.
They were quite impressed with yourstyle, and the food; and they made aspecial point to ask for the wine youserved, so, bravo! I wouldn’t besurprised if Illéa gained a wonderfulnew ally based on that welcome. You’reto be commended.”
Kriss squeaked, and I let out anervous laugh, happy enough that it wasover, let alone that we’d beat the others.
Silvia went on to talk about howshe would be writing up an officialreport to hand over to the king andMaxon but said that none of us had athing to worry about. As she spoke, amaid scurried into the room and ran overto the queen, whispering in her ear.
“Absolutely, they may,” the queen
said, suddenly standing and walkingforward.
The maid rushed back and openedthe door for the king and Maxon. I knewmen weren’t supposed to come into thisroom without the queen’s permission,but it was comical to see it in action.
As they entered, we stood to curtsy,but they didn’t seem to care aboutformalities.
“Dear ladies, we are sorry tointrude, but we have urgent news,” theking informed us.
“I’m afraid we’ve had adevelopment with the war in NewAsia,” Maxon said firmly. “The situationis so dire that Father and I are leavingthis very moment to see if we can do any
good.”“What’s wrong?” the queen asked,
clutching her chest.“It’s nothing to worry about, my
love,” the king said confidently. But thatcouldn’t be a completely honeststatement if they had to rush out of hereso suddenly.
Maxon walked over to his mother.They had a brief, whisperedconversation before she kissed hisforehead. He hugged her and steppedaway. The king then began rattling off alist of instructions to the queen whileMaxon came to say good-bye to each ofus.
His good-bye to Natalie was soshort it almost didn’t happen. Natalie
didn’t seem too bothered, and I didn’tknow what to make of that. Was sheactually not worried by Maxon’s lack ofaffection, or was she so bothered thatshe was forcing herself to be calm?
Celeste draped herself acrossMaxon and exploded into the worstdisplay of fake crying that I’d ever seen.It reminded me of May when she wasyounger, thinking tears would magicallybring money for us to have what wewanted. When he went to untanglehimself, she planted a kiss on his lipsthat he promptly—and in as polite amanner as possible—wiped away afterhis back was turned.
Elise and Kriss were so close that Iheard his good-byes to them.
“Call ahead and tell them to goeasy on us,” he said to Elise. I’d almostforgotten that the main reason she wasstill here was that she had family ties toleaders in New Asia. I wondered if thiswar going downhill would cost her herspot.
Then I suddenly realized that I hadno clue what Illéa stood to lose if welost this war.
“If you get me a phone, I will talkto my parents,” she promised.
Maxon nodded and kissed Elise’shand, then walked over to Kriss.
She immediately laced her fingersin his.
“Will you be in danger?” she askedquietly, her voice beginning to shake.
“I don’t know. During our last tripto New Asia, the situation wasn’t nearlyso tense. I can’t be sure this time.” Hisvoice was so tender, I felt they shouldhave been having this conversation inprivate. Kriss lifted her gaze to theceiling and sighed, and in that quicksecond Maxon looked over to me. Iaverted my eyes.
“Please be careful,” she whispered.A tear fell onto her cheek.
“Of course, my dear.” Maxon gaveher a silly little salute, which made herlaugh a bit. He then kissed her cheek andput his lips to her ear. “Please try tokeep my mother entertained. Sheworries.”
He pulled back to look into her
eyes, and Kriss nodded once and let hishands go. The second they were nolonger touching, a tremor went throughher body. Maxon’s hands twitched for asecond, like he was going to embraceher, but then he stepped away and startedto walk toward me.
As if Maxon’s words of last weekweren’t enough, here was physical proofof their relationship. By the look of it,they had something very sweet and real.One glimpse of Kriss with her face inher hands was proof of how much shecared for him. Either that, or she was anincredible actress.
I tried to gauge his expression whenhe looked at me versus the way he hadlooked at Kriss. Was it the same? Was
there less warmth there?“Try not to get into any trouble
while I’m gone, all right?” he saidteasingly.
He didn’t joke with Kriss. Did thatmean something?
I raised my right hand. “I promiseto be on my best behavior.”
He chuckled. “Excellent. One lessthing to worry about.”
“What about us? Should weworry?”
Maxon shook his head. “We shouldbe able to smooth over whatever’s goingon. Father can be very diplomatic and—”
“You are such an idiot sometimes,”I said as Maxon’s brow furrowed. “I
mean about you. Should we worry aboutyou?”
His face was very serious then anddid nothing to help my fears.
“Flying in and flying out. If we canmake it to the ground …” Maxonswallowed once, and I saw howfrightened he was.
I wanted to ask something else, butI didn’t know what to say.
He cleared his throat. “America,before I go …”
I looked up to Maxon’s face andfelt the tears rising.
“I need you to know that everything—”
“Maxon,” the king barked. Maxonlifted his head and waited for his
father’s instructions. “We need to go.”Maxon nodded. “Good-bye,
America,” he said quietly, and lifted myhand to his lips. As he did so, he notedthe little homemade bracelet I wore. Hestudied it, seeming confused, then kissedmy hand tenderly.
That little feather of a kiss sent meback to a memory that felt years old. Hehad kissed my hand like that my firstnight in the palace when I’d yelled athim, when he’d let me stay anyway.
The other girls’ eyes were glued tothe king and Maxon as they left, but Iwas watching the queen. Her entire bodyseemed weak. How many times wouldher husband and only child be put indanger before she cracked?
The moment the door shut behindher family, Queen Amberly blinked afew times, inhaled deeply, and pulledherself up to her full height.
“Forgive me, ladies, but thissudden news will require a lot of workfrom me. I think it’s best if I go to myroom so I can focus.” She was fightingso hard. “How about I have lunchdelivered here so you can eat at yourleisure, and I will join you all for dinnertonight?”
We nodded. “Excellent,” she said,and turned to leave. I knew she wasstrong. She’d grown up in a poorneighborhood in a poor province,working in a factory until she waschosen for the Selection. Then, once she
was queen, she suffered miscarriageafter miscarriage before she finally hada child. She would make it to her roomlooking like a lady, as her positiondemanded. But she would cry once shewas alone.
After the queen left, Celeste went,too. Then I decided I didn’t have to stayeither. I went to my room, wanting to bealone and to think.
I kept wondering about Kriss. Howhad she and Maxon suddenly connected?Not too long ago, he was making mepromises about our future. He couldn’thave been that interested in her if he wassaying such intimate things to me. It musthave happened after that.
The day passed quickly. After
dinner, as my maids quietly helped meprepare for bed, a single sentence liftedme from my reflections.
“Do you know who I found in herethis morning, miss?” Anne asked as shegently pulled a brush through my hair.
“Who?”“Officer Leger.”I froze, but only for a fraction of a
second. “Oh?” I said. I kept my eyes onmy reflection as they continued.
“Yes,” Lucy said. “He said he wasdoing a sweep of your room. Somethingabout security.” She looked a littleconfused.
“It was strange though,” Anne said,echoing Lucy’s expression. “He was inhis plain clothes, not his uniform. He
shouldn’t be doing security work on histime off.”
“He must be very dedicated,” Icommented in a disconnected tone.
“I think he is,” Lucy said with awe.“Whenever I see him around the palace,he’s always noticing things. He’s a verygood soldier.”
“True,” Mary said matter-of-factly.“Some of the men who come throughhere really aren’t fit for the job.”
“And he looks good in his plainclothes. Most of them look terrible onceyou get them out of their uniforms,” Lucycommented.
Mary giggled and blushed, andeven Anne cracked a smile. It had been along time since they’d seemed so
relaxed. On another day, in anothermoment, it might be fun to gossip aboutthe guards. Not today though. All I couldthink about was that there was a letter inmy room from Aspen. I wanted to peekover my shoulder at my jar, but I didn’tdare.
It felt like an eternity before theyleft me alone. I forced myself to bepatient and wait a few minutes to makesure they didn’t come back. Finally Idarted over to my bed and clutched myjar. Sure enough, a tiny slip of paperwas waiting for me.
Maxon is gone. This changeseverything.
CHAPTER 22
“HELLO?” I WHISPERED,FOLLOWING THE instructions Aspenhad left for me the day before. Icautiously walked into a room lit only bythe fading daylight spilling in through thegossamer curtains, but it was enough forme to see the excitement on Aspen’sface.
I closed the door behind me, and heimmediately ran over and scooped meup.
“I’ve missed you.”“I missed you, too. I was so busy
with that reception, I barely had time tobreathe.”
“Glad it’s over. Did you have ahard time getting here?” he joked.
I giggled. “Seriously, Aspen,you’re way too good at your job.” It wasalmost comical how simple his ideawas. The queen was a little morerelaxed when it came to running thepalace. Or maybe she was distracted.Either way, she’d made dinner anoption: in your room or downstairs. Mymaids prepped me for the meal, butinstead of heading to the dining room, Iwalked across the hall to Bariel’s oldroom. It was too easy.
He smiled as he took in my praiseand sat me down in the back corner ofthe room on some pillows he’d alreadypiled there. “Are you comfortable?”
I nodded and expected him to sittoo, but he didn’t. Instead he pushedover a large couch, which blocked thedoor from sight, and then pulled in atable that brushed the top of our heads aswe sat on the floor. Finally he grabbed abundle he’d left on top of the table—itsmelled like food—and settled next tome.
“Almost like home, huh?” Hemoved behind me so I was between hislegs. The position was so familiar andthe space was so small that it did feel alittle like our old tree house. It was likehe’d taken a piece of something I thoughtwas gone forever and placed it neatly inmy hands.
“It’s even better.” I sighed, leaning
into him. After a minute I felt his fingerscombing down my hair. It gave meshivers.
For a while we sat there in silence,and I closed my eyes and focused on thesound of Aspen’s breathing. Not so longago, I’d done the same thing withMaxon. But this was different. If I hadto, I thought I could pick Aspen’sbreathing out of a crowd. I knew him sowell. And, clearly, he knew me. Thistiny bit of peace was everything I’d beenaching for, and Aspen made it real.
“What are you thinking about,Mer?”
“Lots of things.” I sighed. “Home,you, Maxon, the Selection, everything.”
“What are you thinking about all of
that?”“Mostly how confused I get about
them. Like how I’ll think I understandwhat’s happening to me, and thensomething shifts, and my feelingschange.”
Aspen was quiet for a moment, andhis voice sounded pained when heasked, “Do your feelings about mechange a lot?”
“No!” I said, pushing myself closerto him. “If anything, you’re the oneconstant. I know that if everything turnsupside down, you’ll still be here, in theexact same place. Everything gets socrazy that my love for you gets pushed tothe background, but I know it’s alwaysthere. Does that make sense?”
“It does. I know I make this wholething more complicated than it alreadyis. I’m glad to know I’m not completelyout of the running though.”
Aspen wrapped his arms aroundme, like he could hold me there forever.
“I haven’t forgotten us,” Ipromised.
“Sometimes I feel like Maxon and Iare in our own version of the Selection.It’s just him and me, and one of us willget you in the end; and I can’t decidewho’s worse off. Maxon doesn’t exactlyknow we’re competing, so he might notbe able to try as hard. But then, I have tohide, so it’s not like I can give youeverything he can. It’s not really a fairfight either way.”
“You shouldn’t think about it thatway.”
“I don’t know how else to see it,Mer.”
I exhaled. “Let’s not talk aboutthat.”
“All right. I don’t like talking abouthim anyway. What about all the otherstuff you’re confused about? What’sgoing on?”
“Do you like being a soldier?” Iasked, turning toward him.
He nodded enthusiastically as hereached down and opened the food. “Ilove it, Mer. I thought I’d hate everyminute, but it’s fantastic.” He popped achunk of bread into his mouth and kepttalking. “I mean, there’s the obvious
stuff, like I’m always being fed. Theywant us to be big, so there’s plenty offood. And the injections, too,” he said,amending his thoughts. “But they’re notso bad. And I get an allowance. Eventhough I have everything I need, I getmoney.”
He stopped for a moment, toyingwith an orange slice. “I know you knowhow good it feels to send money home.”
I could tell he was thinking abouthis mom and his six siblings. He hadbeen the father figure at his home; Iwondered whether that made him evenmore homesick than I was.
He cleared his throat and went on.“But there are other things that I wasn’texpecting to like, too. I really enjoy the
discipline of it and the routine. I likeknowing that I’m doing somethingnecessary. I feel so … content. I’ve beenrestless for years, counting stock orcleaning houses. Now I feel like I’mdoing what I was meant to do.”
“So that’s a big yes? You love it?”“Completely.”“But you don’t like Maxon. And I
know you don’t like the way Illéa is run.We used to talk about it back home, andthen that whole thing with the people inthe South losing their castes. I know thatbothers you, too.”
He nodded. “I think it’s cruel.”“Then how are you okay with
protecting it? You fight against rebels tokeep the king and Maxon safe. They’re
the ones who make everything happen,and you don’t like any of what they do.So how do you love your job?”
He chewed as he thought. “I don’tknow. I guess it doesn’t make sense, but… okay, like I said, there’s the sense ofpurpose. And feeling challenged andengaged, the ability to do somethingmore with my life. Maybe Illéa isn’tperfect. In fact, it’s far from it. But Ihave … I have hope,” he said simply.
We were both quiet for a momentwhile the word washed over us.
“I have this feeling that things havegotten better than they were, though Ihonestly don’t know enough about ourhistory to prove that. And I have thisfeeling that things will get even better in
the future. I think that there arepossibilities.
“And maybe this is silly, but it’s mycountry. I get that it’s broken, but thatdoesn’t mean these anarchists can justcome and take it. It’s still mine. Doesthat sound crazy?”
I nibbled my bread and reflected onAspen’s words. They took me back toour tree house and all the times I wouldask him questions about things. Even if Idisagreed, it helped me understand thembetter. But I didn’t disagree on thispoint. In fact, it helped me see what wasprobably hiding in my heart all this time.
“It doesn’t sound crazy at all. Itsounds completely reasonable.”
“Does that help with whatever
you’ve been thinking about?”“It does.”“Are you going to explain any of
it?”I smiled up at him. “Not yet.”
Though Aspen was smart, and he mighthave already guessed. The wistful lookin his eyes suggested that he probablyhad.
He looked away for a moment,running his hand down my arm, finishingby playing with the button braceletaround my wrist. “We’re a mess, aren’twe?”
“A big one.”“Sometimes I feel like we’re a
knot, too tangled to be taken apart.”I nodded. “It’s true. So much of me
is tied up in you. I feel kind of lostwithout you.”
Aspen pulled me close, running ahand over my temple and down mycheek. “We’ll just have to stay tangledthen.”
He kissed me gently, like, if hepushed too hard, the moment mightshatter and we’d lose everything. Maybehe was right. Slowly, he lowered me tothe mattress of pillows, holding on tome, tracing curves as he kissed me onand on. It was all so familiar, so safe.
I ran my fingers through Aspen’scropped hair, remembering the way itused to fall and tickle my face when hekissed me. I noted his arms around me,so much fuller than they used to be, so
much sturdier. Even the way he held mehad changed. There was a newfoundconfidence there, something instilled inhim through becoming a Two, becominga soldier.
Too soon it was time to leave, andAspen walked me to the door. He gaveme a lingering kiss, making me a littlelight-headed. “I’ll try to get another noteto you soon,” he promised.
“I’ll be waiting.” I leaned into him,holding on to him for one long moment.Then, to keep us safe, I left.
My maids prepped me for bed, andI went through it in a daze. It used to feellike the Selection was one choice:Maxon or Aspen. And as if that wassome decision my heart could make
simply, it grew into so many morethings. Was I a Five or a Three? Whenthis was over, would I be a Two or aOne? Would I live out my days as anofficer’s wife or a king’s? Would I slidequietly into the background in which I’dalways been so comfortable or forcemyself into the spotlight I’d alwaysfeared? Could I happily do either?Could I not hate whoever Maxon endedup with if I chose Aspen? Could I nothate whoever Aspen chose if I stayedwith Maxon?
As I got into bed and turned out thelight, I reminded myself that it was mydecision to be here. Aspen may haveasked, and my mother may have pushed,but no one forced me to fill out the form
CHAPTER 23
I CURTSIED TO THE QUEEN as Iwalked into the dining room, but shedidn’t notice. I looked over to Elise,who was the only one already there, andshe merely shrugged. I sat down asNatalie and Celeste entered and wereequally ignored; and finally Krissarrived, sitting next to me but keepingher eyes on Queen Amberly. The queenseemed to be in her own world, staringat the floor or occasionally glancing atMaxon’s and the king’s chairs as ifsomething was wrong.
The butlers began serving food, andmost of the girls started eating; but Kriss
kept watch on the head table.“Do you know what’s going on?” I
whispered.Kriss sighed and turned to me.
“Elise called her family to get someinsight into what was happening and tohave her relatives meet Maxon and theking once they got to New Asia. ButElise’s family says they never arrived.”
“They never came?”Kriss nodded. “The weird thing is,
the king called when they landed, and heand Maxon both spoke with QueenAmberly. They’re fine, and they told herthey were in New Asia; but Elise’sfamily kept saying they never showed.”
I scrunched my forehead, trying tounderstand. “What does that all mean?”
“I don’t know,” she confessed.“They say they’re there, so how couldthey not be? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Huh,” I said, not sure of what elseto add. Why would Elise’s family notknow they were there? What if, maybe,they weren’t actually in New Asia?Where could they be?
Kriss leaned closer to me. “There’ssomething else I wanted to talk to youabout,” she whispered. “Could we gofor a walk in the gardens afterbreakfast?”
“Of course,” I answered, eager tohear what she knew.
We both ate quickly. I wasn’t surewhat she’d found out, but if she wantedto talk outside, there was clearly a need
for secrecy. The queen was sodistracted, she barely even noticed aswe left.
Stepping into the sunlit gardens feltwonderful. “It’s been awhile since I’vebeen out here,” I said, closing my eyesand lifting my face to the sun.
“You usually come with Maxon,right?”
“Mm-hmm.” A second later, Iwondered how she knew that. Was itcommon knowledge?
I cleared my throat. “So, what didyou want to talk about?”
She stopped under the shade of atree and turned to face me. “I think youand I should talk about Maxon.”
“What about him?”
She fidgeted. “Well, I had preparedmyself to lose. I think we all had, exceptfor maybe Celeste. It was obvious,America. He wanted you. And theneverything with Marlee happened, and itchanged.”
I wasn’t quite sure what to say.“So, are you just telling me you’re sorryfor moving to the top or something?”
“No!” she said emphatically. “I cansee he still cares about you. I’m notblind. I’m only saying, I think you and Imight be neck and neck at this point. Ilike you. I think you’re a really greatperson, and I don’t want for things to getugly, however it turns out.”
“So this is …?”She clasped her hands in front of
her, trying to think of the right words.“This is me offering to be completelyhonest about my relationship withMaxon. And I’m hoping you’ll do thesame.”
I crossed my arms and went for theone question I’d been dying to ask.“When did you two get so close?”
Her eyes got a little dreamy, andshe toyed with a piece of her light-brown hair. “I guess right aftereverything with Marlee. It probablysounds stupid, but I made him a card.That’s what I always did back homewhen my friends were sad. Anyway, heloved it. He said no one had given him apresent yet.”
What? Oh. Wow. After everything
he’d done for me, had I really neverdone anything for him in return?
“He was so happy, he asked me tosit with him awhile in his room and—”
“You’ve seen his room?” I asked,shocked.
“Yes, haven’t you?”My silence was all the answer she
needed.“Oh,” she said awkwardly. “Well,
you’re not missing anything. It’s dark,and there’s a gun rack, and then he hasthis mess of pictures on the wall. It’snothing special,” she promised, wavingit away. “Anyway, after that he startedvisiting me during pretty much every freemoment he had.” She shook her head. “Ithappened kind of fast.”
I sighed. “He basically told me,” Iconfessed. “He made a little commentabout needing us both here.”
“So …” She bit her lip. “You’repretty sure he still likes you?”
Hadn’t she already suspected that?Did she simply need me to confirm it?“Kriss, do you really want to hear allthis?”
“Yes! I want to know where Istand. And I’ll tell you anything youwant to know, too. We aren’t runningthis thing, but that doesn’t mean we haveto be lost in it.”
I walked in a short circle, trying tomake sense of everything. I wasn’t sure Iwas brave enough to ask Maxon aboutKriss. I could barely talk honestly with
him about me. But I kept feeling like Iwas missing pieces of the truth aboutwhere I stood. Maybe this was my onlyhope of really knowing.
“I’m pretty sure he wants me to stayaround for a while. But I think he wantsyou here, too.”
She nodded. “I figured.”“Has he kissed you?” I blurted out.She smiled bashfully. “No, but I
think that he would have if I hadn’t askedhim not to. In my family, we sort of havethis tradition where we don’t kiss untilwe’re engaged. Sometimes we have aparty when people announce theirwedding date, and everyone gets to seethe first kiss. I want that for me.”
“But he tried to?”
“No, I explained before we got thatfar. He kisses my hands a lot, though, orsometimes my cheek. I think it’s kind ofsweet,” she gushed.
I nodded, looking at the grass.“Wait,” she said, hesitating. “Did
he kiss you?”Part of me wanted to brag that I
was his first kiss ever. That when wekissed, it felt like time stopped.
“Sort of. It’s kind of hard toexplain,” I hedged.
She made a face. “No, it’s not. Hashe or hasn’t he?”
“It’s complicated.”“America, if you’re not going to be
honest, then this is a waste of time. Icame here wanting to be open with you. I
thought it would benefit us both to befriendly.”
I stood there, wringing my hands,trying to think of a way to explainmyself. It wasn’t that I disliked Kriss. IfI went home, I’d want her to win.
“I do want to be friends with you,Kriss. I kind of thought we alreadywere.”
“Me, too,” she said gently.“It’s just hard for me to share
private things. And I appreciate yourhonesty, but I’m not sure I want to knoweverything. Even though I asked,” I saidquickly, seeing the words coming to herlips. “I already knew he had feelings foryou. I could see it. I think I need things tobe vague for the time being.”
She smiled. “I can respect that.Would you do me a favor though?”
“Sure, if I can.”She bit her lip and turned her eyes
away for a minute. When she lookedback, I could see the hint of tears in hereyes. “If you’re certain that he doesn’twant me, could you maybe warn me? Idon’t know how you feel, but I love him.And I’d appreciate being told. If youknow for sure anyway.”
She loved him. She said it out loud,fearlessly. Kriss loved Maxon.
“If he ever told me for sure, Iwould tell you.”
She nodded. “And maybe we couldmake another promise? Not to purposelyget in each other’s way? I don’t want to
win that way, and I don’t think you doeither.”
“I’m no Celeste,” I said withdisgust, and she laughed. “I promise tobe fair.”
“Okay then.” She dabbed at hereyes and straightened her dress. I couldsee it so easily, how elegant she wouldlook with the crown on her head.
“I need to go,” I lied. “Thanks fortalking to me.”
“Thanks for coming. I’m sorry if Iwas too intrusive.”
“It’s fine.” I stepped away. “I’ll seeyou later.”
“Okay.”I turned as quickly as I could
without being rude and made my way to
the palace. Once inside, I quickened mypace and bolted up the stairs, aching tohide.
I made my way to the second floorand headed toward my room. I noticed apiece of paper on the floor, which wasunusual for the typically immaculatepalace. It was by the corner leading tomy door, so I guessed it might be for me.To be sure, I flipped it over and read.
Another rebel attack this morning, thistime in Paloma. Current count is overthree hundred dead, at least one hundredmore wounded. Again, the main demandappears to be terminating the Selection,calling for an end to the royal line.Please advise on best response.
My body went cold. I scanned bothsides of the paper, looking for a date.Another attack this morning? Even if thiswas a few days old, it was at least thesecond one. And the demand was againending the Selection. Was this what allthe recent attacks had been about? Werethey trying to get rid of us? If so, wereboth the Northern and Southern rebelspursing that end?
I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’tsupposed to have seen this message, soit wasn’t like I could talk to anyone. Butdid the people who were supposed toknow already have this information? Idecided to put the paper back on the
ground. Hopefully, a guard would comearound soon and get it to the right place.
For now I would just be optimisticthat someone was responding.
CHAPTER 24
I TOOK ALL MY MEALS in my roomfor the next two days, managing to avoidKriss until dinner on Wednesday. Ithought I wouldn’t feel so awkward bythen. I was sadly mistaken. We gaveeach other quiet smiles, but I couldn’tbring myself to speak. I almost wished Iwas across the room sitting betweenCeleste and Elise. Almost.
Just before dessert was served,Silvia came sprinting in as fast as herheeled shoes could carry her. Her curtsywas particularly brief before she madeher way to the queen and whisperedsomething to her.
The queen gasped and ran withSilvia out of the room, leaving us alone.
We’d been taught never to raise ourvoices, but in the moment we couldn’thelp ourselves.
“Does anyone know what’s goingon?” Celeste called, abnormallyconcerned.
“You don’t think they’re hurt, doyou?” Elise said.
“Oh, no,” Kriss breathed, and puther head down on the table.
“It’s okay, Kriss. Have some pie,”Natalie offered.
I found myself speechless, afraideven to think about what this couldmean.
“What if they were captured?”
Kriss worried aloud.“I don’t think the New Asians
would do that,” Elise said, though Icould see she was worried. I wasn’tsure if her concern was strictly forMaxon’s safety or because anyaggression on the part of the people shehad a connection with would ruin herchances.
“What if their plane went down?”Celeste said quietly.
She looked up, and I was surprisedto see genuine fear on her face. It wasenough to silence us all.
What if Maxon was dead?Queen Amberly returned with
Silvia in tow, and we all watched hereagerly. To our intense relief, she was
beaming.“Good news, ladies. The king and
prince will be home tonight!” she sang.Natalie clapped as Kriss and I
simultaneously fell back into our chairs.I hadn’t realized how tense my body wasfor those few minutes.
Silvia chimed in. “Since they’vehad such an intense few days, we’vedecided to forgo any big celebration.Depending on when they leave NewAsia, we might not even see them beforebedtime.”
“Thank you, Silvia,” the queen saidpatiently. Really, who cared? “Forgiveme, ladies, but I have some work to do.Please enjoy your desserts and have alovely night,” she said, then turned and
flew out the door.Kriss left seconds later. Maybe she
was making a welcome home card.After that I ate quickly and made
my way back upstairs. As I was walkingdown the hall toward my room, I saw alittle flash of blond hair under a whitecap and the fluttering black skirt of amaid’s uniform running toward the far-side stairs. It was Lucy, and it soundedlike she was crying. She seemed sodetermined to get away unnoticed that Idecided not to call out after her.Rounding the corner to my room, I sawthat my door was wide-open. Without itto block their voices, Anne and Mary’sargument spilled into the hallway, whereI overheard everything.
“—why you always have to be sohard on her,” Mary complained.
“What was I supposed to tell her?That she can have whatever she wants?”Anne shot back.
“Yes! What would the harm be insimply saying you had faith in her?”
What was going on? Was this whythey had all seemed so distant lately?
“She aims too high!” Anne accused.“It would be unkind of me to give herfalse hope.”
Mary’s voice bled with sarcasm.“Oh, and everything you told her was sokind. You’re just bitter!” she accused.
“What?” Anne lashed back.“You’re bitter. You can’t stand that
she might be closer to something you
want than you are,” Mary yelled.“You’ve always looked down on Lucybecause she wasn’t raised at the palaceas long as you were, and you’ve beenjealous of me because I was born here.Why can’t you be happy with who youare instead of stepping on her to makeyourself feel better?”
“That’s not what I was trying todo!” Anne said, her voice breaking.
The tight sobs were enough tosilence Mary. It would have stopped me,too. Anne crying seemed like animpossibility.
“Is it so bad that I want more thanthis?” she asked, her voice thick withtears. “I understand that my position isan honor, and I’m glad to do my job; but
I don’t want to do this for the rest of mylife. I want more. I want a husband. Iwant …” She was finally overcome byher sadness.
My heart broke into a thousandpieces. The only way for Anne to get outof this job was to marry her way out.And it wasn’t like a slew of Threes orFours were going to parade down thepalace halls looking for a maid to takeas a wife. She really was stuck.
I sighed, steadied myself, andentered the room.
“Lady America,” Mary said with acurtsy, and Anne followed. Out of thecorner of my eye, I saw her feverishlymopping the tears off her face.
Given her pride, I didn’t think
acknowledging them was a good thing,so I strode past the both of them to themirror.
“How are you?” Mary continued.“Really tired. I think I’ll be going
to bed right away,” I said, focusing onthe pins in my hair. “You know what?Why don’t you both go relax? I can takecare of myself.”
“Are you sure, miss?” Anne asked,trying so hard to keep her voicecomposed.
“Very. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”They didn’t need any more
encouragement than that, and thankgoodness. I didn’t want them to take careof me right now any more than theyprobably felt like it. Once I managed to
get out of my dress, I lay in bed for along time thinking of Maxon.
I wasn’t even sure exactly what Iwas thinking about him. It was allslightly vague and unfixed, but I keptflashing back to my overwhelminghappiness when I found out he was safeand on his way back. And there was acorner of my mind that wondered if he’dthought about me at all while he wasgone.
I tossed for hours, completely unsettled.At about one in the morning, I figuredthat if I couldn’t sleep, I might as wellread. I turned on the lamp and pulled outGregory’s diary. I skipped past the fallentries and picked one from February.
SOMETIMES I ALMOST HAVETO LAUGH AT HOW SIMPLE THISHAS BEEN. IF THERE WAS EVER ATEXTBOOK WRITTEN ON THE TOPICOF OVERTHROWING COUNTRIES, IWOULD BE THE STAR OF IT. OR ICOULD PROBABLY WRITE ITMYSELF. I’M NOT SURE WHAT I’DSAY STEP ONE WAS, AS YOU CAN’TREALLY FORCE ANOTHER COUNTRYTO TRY AND INVADE OR PUT IDIOTSIN CHARGE OF WHAT ALREADYEXISTS; BUT I CERTAINLY WOULDENCOURAGE ANY OTHER WOULD-BE LEADERS TO ACQUIREUNGODLY AMOUNTS OF MONEY BYANY MEANS NECESSARY.
A FASCINATION WITH MONEY
WOULDN’T BE ENOUGH, HOWEVER.YOU MUST POSSESS IT AND BE IN APOSITION TO LORD IT OVEROTHERS. MY LACK OFBACKGROUND IN POLITICS HASN’TBEEN AN ISSUE IN GAININGALLEGIANCE. IN FACT, I WOULDSAY AVOIDING THAT SECTORALTOGETHER MAY BE ONE OF MYGREATEST STRENGTHS. NO ONETRUSTS POLITICIANS, AND WHYWOULD THEY? WALLIS HAS BEENMAKING EMPTY PROMISES FORYEARS IN THE HOPES THAT ONE OFTHEM MIGHT COME THROUGH,AND THERE ISN’T A CHANCE INHELL ANY OF THEM COULD. I, ONTHE OTHER HAND, OFFER THE
IDEA OF MORE. NO GUARANTEES,MERELY THAT FAINT GLIMMER OFOPTIMISM THAT CHANGE MIGHTCOME. IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTERAT THIS POINT WHAT THE CHANGEMIGHT BE. THEY’RE SODESPERATE, THEY DON’T CARE.THEY DON’T EVEN THINK TO ASK.
PERHAPS THE KEY IS STAYINGCALM WHILE OTHERS PANIC.WALLIS IS SO HATED NOW, HE’S ALLBUT HANDED THE PRESIDENCYOVER TO ME, AND NOT A SOUL ISCOMPLAINING. I SAY NOTHING, DONOTHING, AND WEAR A PLEASANTSMILE AS EVERYONE AROUND MESINKS INTO HYSTERICS. ONEGLANCE AT THAT COWARD NEXT TO
ME, AND THERE’S NO DENYING ILOOK BETTER AT A PODIUM ORSHAKING A PRIME MINISTER’SHAND. AND WALLIS IS SODESPERATE TO HAVE SOMEONETHE PEOPLE LOVE ON HIS SIDE,I’M PRETTY SURE IT WILL ONLYTAKE TWO OR THREEINCONSPICUOUSLY WORDEDDEALS TO HAVE ME RUNNINGEVERYTHING.
THIS COUNTRY IS MINE. I FEELLIKE A BOY WITH A CHESS SETPLAYING A GAME HE KNOWS HEWILL WIN. I’M SMARTER, RICHER,AND FAR MORE QUALIFIED IN THEEYES OF A COUNTRY THAT ADORESME FOR REASONS NO ONE CAN
SEEM TO NAME. BY THE TIMESOMEONE THINKS TO CONSIDER IT,IT WON’T MATTER ANYMORE. I CANDO WHAT I LIKE, AND THERE’S NOONE LEFT TO STOP ME. SO WHAT’SNEXT?
I FEEL IT’S TIME TO COLLAPSETHE SYSTEM. THIS PITIFULREPUBLIC IS ALREADY INSHAMBLES AND BARELY WORKS.THE REAL QUESTION IS, WHO DO IALIGN MYSELF WITH? HOW DO IMAKE THIS SOMETHING THEPUBLIC BEGS FOR?
I HAVE ONE IDEA. MYDAUGHTER WON’T LIKE IT, BUT I’MNOT REALLY CONCERNED WITHTHAT. IT’S ABOUT TIME SHE MADE
HERSELF USEFUL.
I slammed the book shut, confusedand frustrated. Was I missing something?Collapsing what system? Lording overpeople? Was the structure of our countrynot a necessity but a convenience?
I considered hunting through thebook for what happened to his daughter,but I was already so disoriented, Idecided against it. Instead I went to thebalcony, hoping some fresh air wouldhelp me wrap my mind around the wordsI’d just read.
I looked to the sky, trying toprocess all this, but I didn’t even knowwhere to start. I sighed, and my eyeswandered the gardens, stopping on a
flicker of white. Maxon was walkingalone on the grounds. He was finallyhome. His shirt was untucked, and hewasn’t wearing a coat or tie. What washe doing out so late? I saw that he washolding one of his cameras. He musthave been having a rough night himself.
I hesitated a moment, but who elsecould I talk to about this?
“Pssst!”He jerked his head around, looking
for the source. I did it again, waving myarms until he saw me. A surprised smileflashed across his face as he wavedback. Hoping he’d be able to see it, Ipulled on my ear. He did the same. Ipointed to him, then to my room. Henodded, holding up a finger to tell me
it’d be a minute. I nodded back and wentinside as he did the same.
I put on my robe and ran my fingersthrough my hair, wanting to look half asput together as he did. I wasn’t sureexactly how to talk about this, because Iwas essentially about to ask Maxon if heknew he was sitting on top of somethingthat was much less altruistic than thepublic had been led to believe. Just as Iwas starting to wonder what was takinghim so long, he knocked on the door.
I rushed over to open it and wasgreeted by the lens of his camera. Itclicked a still of my shocked smile. Myexpression dissolved into something thatexpressed how unamused I was by thislittle stunt, and he captured that, too,
laughing.“You’re ridiculous. Get in here,” I
ordered, grabbing him by the arm.He followed. “Sorry, I couldn’t
resist.”“You took your time,” I accused,
settling on the edge of the bed. He cameto sit beside me, far enough away thatwe could face each other.
“I had to stop by my room.” Heplaced his camera safely on my bedsidetable, flicking at my jar with the penny init. He made a sound that was almost alaugh and turned back to me, notexplaining his detour.
“Oh. So how was your trip?”“Odd,” he confessed. “We ended
up going to the rural part of New Asia.
Father said it was some local dispute;but by the time we got there, everythingwas fine.” He shook his head.“Honestly, it made no sense. We spent afew days walking through old cities andtrying to speak to the natives. Father isquite disappointed with my grasp of thelanguage and is insisting I study more.As if I’m not doing enough these days,”he said with a sigh.
“That is kind of strange.”“I’m guessing it was some sort of
test. He’s been throwing them at merandomly lately, and I don’t alwaysknow they’re happening. Maybe this wasabout decision making or dealing withthe unexpected. I’m not sure.” Heshrugged his shoulders. “Either way, I’m
sure I failed.”He fidgeted with his hands for a
minute. “He also really wanted to talkabout the Selection. I think he felt likedistance would do me good, give meperspective or something. Honestly, I’mtired of everyone else talking about adecision that I’m supposed to make.”
I was sure the king’s idea ofperspective meant getting me out ofMaxon’s head. I’d seen the way hesmiled at the other girls at meals ornodded to them in the hallways. Henever did that to me. I felt instantlyuncomfortable and didn’t know what tosay.
It appeared Maxon didn’t either.I decided I couldn’t ask him about
the diary yet. He seemed so humbleabout these things—the way he led, thekind of king he wanted to be—that Icouldn’t demand answers from him that Iwasn’t anywhere close to sure he had. Atiny corner of my brain couldn’t shakethe worry that he knew more than he’dever shared, but I needed to know moremyself before I spoke.
Maxon cleared his throat andpulled a little string of beads out of hispocket.
“As I said, we were walkingthrough a bunch of towns, and I saw thisin an old woman’s street shop. It’sblue,” he added, pointing out theobvious. “You seem to like blue.”
“I love blue,” I whispered.
I looked at the little bracelet. A fewdays ago, Maxon was walking on theother side of the world, and he saw thisin a shop … and it made him think of me.
“I didn’t find anything for anyoneelse, so maybe you could keep thisbetween us?” I nodded my head inagreement. “You never were the type tobrag,” he mumbled.
I couldn’t stop staring at thebracelet. It was so understated, withpolished stones that weren’t quite gems.I reached out and ran a finger over oneof the oval-shaped beads, and Maxonwiggled the bracelet in his hand, whichmade me laugh.
“Do you want me to put it on?” heoffered.
I nodded and stretched out the wristthat didn’t have Aspen’s button on it.Maxon placed the cool stones against myskin and tied the little ribbon that heldthem together.
“Lovely,” he said.And there it was, pushing up
through all the worries: hope.It lifted the heavy parts of my heart
and made me miss him. I wanted to eraseeverything since Halloween, go back tothat night, and hold on to those twopeople on the dance floor. And then, atthe same time, it made my heartplummet. If we were back at Halloween,I wouldn’t have a reason to doubt thisgift.
Even if I let myself be everything
my father said I was, everything Aspensaid I wasn’t … I couldn’t be Kriss.Kriss was better.
I was so tired and stressed andconfused, I started crying.
“America?” he asked hesitantly.“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t understand.”“What don’t you understand?” he
asked quietly. I mentally noted that hewas doing much better around cryinggirls these days.
“You,” I admitted. “I’m just reallyconfused about you right now.” I wipedaway a tear on one side of my face, and,so gently, Maxon’s hand moved to wipethe tears on the other.
In a way, it was strange to have him
touch me like that again. At the sametime, it was so familiar that it wouldhave seemed wrong if he hadn’t. Oncethe tears were gone, he left his handthere, cupping my face.
“America,” he said earnestly, “ifyou ever want to know anything aboutme—what matters to me or who I am—all you need to do is ask.”
He looked so sincere that I nearlydid ask. I almost begged him to tell meeverything: if he’d always consideredKriss, if he knew about the diaries, whatit was about this perfect little braceletthat made him think of me.
But how did I know it would be thetruth? And—because I was slowlyrealizing he was the steadier choice—
what about Aspen?“I don’t know if I’m ready to do
that yet.”After a moment of thought, Maxon
looked at me. “I understand. I think I doanyway. But we should talk about someserious things very soon. And whenyou’re ready, I’m here.”
He didn’t press me; instead hestood, giving me a small bow beforegrabbing his camera and making his wayto the door. He looked back at me onelast time before disappearing into thehall, and I was surprised by how much Iached to see him go.
CHAPTER 25
“PRIVATE LESSONS?” SILVIAASKED. “As in, several a week?”
“Absolutely,” I replied.For the first time since I arrived, I
was truly grateful for Silvia. I knew thatthere was no way she’d be able to resisthaving someone willing to hang on herevery word; and if she was making medo extra work, it meant I could keepmyself busy.
Thinking about Maxon and Aspenand the diary and the girls was too muchright now. Protocol was black-and-white. The steps for proposing a lawwere orderly. These were things I could
master.Silvia looked at me, still slightly
stunned, before she broke into a hugesmile. Embracing me, she cried out,“Oh, this will be wonderful. Finally oneof you understands how important thisis!” She held me at arm’s length. “Whendo you want to start?”
“Now?”She was bursting with delight. “Let
me go get some books.”I dove into her studies, so grateful
for the words and facts and statistics shecrammed into my head. If I wasn’t withSilvia, I was reading up on somethingshe’d assigned me as I spent countlesshours in the Women’s Room, all buttuning out the other girls.
I worked, and I was excited aboutthe next time the five of us had a jointclass.
When that time came, Silvia startedby asking us what we were passionateabout. I scribbled down my family,music, and then, as if the worddemanded to be written, justice.
“The reason I ask is because thequeen is typically in charge of acommittee of some kind, something thatbenefits the country. Queen Amberly, forexample, began a program for trainingfamilies to take care of their mentallyand physically infirmed members. Somany get deposited in the streets oncethe families can no longer deal withthem, and the amount of Eights grows to
an unmanageable number. The statisticsover the last ten years have proven thather program has helped keep thenumbers lower, thus keeping the generalpopulation safer.”
“Are we supposed to come up witha program like that?” Elise asked,sounding nervous.
“Yes, that will be your newproject,” Silvia said. “On the CapitalReport in two weeks’ time, you’ll beasked to present your idea and proposehow you might start it.”
Natalie made a little squeak of asound, and Celeste rolled her eyes.Kriss looked like she was alreadydreaming something up. Her instantenthusiasm made me nervous.
I remembered Maxon talking aboutan upcoming elimination. I felt like Krissand I were at a slight advantage, butstill.
“Is this really helpful?” Celesteasked. “I’d rather learn about somethingwe’ll actually use.”
I could tell that beneath herconcerned tone, she was either boredwith this idea already or intimidated byit.
Silvia looked appalled. “You willuse this! Whoever becomes the newprincess will be in charge of aphilanthropy project.”
Celeste muttered something underher breath and started fiddling with apen. I hated that she wanted the position
with none of the responsibility.I’d make a better princess than
she would, I thought. And in that momentI realized there was some truth to that. Ididn’t have her connections or Kriss’spoise, but at least I cared. And wasn’tthat worth something?
For the first time in a while, I felt atrue shot of enthusiasm course throughme. Here was a project that would allowme to show off the one thing thatseparated me from the others. I wasdetermined to pour myself into this andhopefully produce something that mightgenuinely make a difference. Maybe I’dstill lose in the long run; maybe Iwouldn’t even want to win. But I wouldbe as close to a princess as I possibly
could, and I would make my peace withthe Selection.
It was hopeless. Try as I might, Icouldn’t come up with a single idea formy philanthropy project. I thought andread and thought some more. I asked mymaids, but they had no ideas. I wouldhave sought out Aspen, but I hadn’theard from him in days. I guessed hewas being extracautious with Maxonhome.
What was worse was that Krisswas clearly deep into her presentation.She skipped hours of time in theWomen’s Room to go read; and whenshe was present, she had her nose in abook or was scribbling notes furiously.
Damn.When Friday came, I felt like dying
as I suddenly realized I only had a weekleft and no prospects on the horizon.During the Report, Gavril set up thestructure for the next show, explainingthat there would be a few briefannouncements and then the rest of theevening would be dedicated to ourpresentations.
A light sweat broke out on myforehead.
I caught Maxon looking at me. Hereached up and tugged his ear, and Iwasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t quitewant to say yes, but I didn’t want to justbrush him off. I pulled on my ear, and helooked relieved.
I fidgeted while I waited for him toshow up, twiddling the ends of my hairand pacing around my room.
Maxon’s knock was brief before helet himself in the way he used to. I stood,feeling I needed to be a bit more formalthan usual. I could tell that I was beingridiculous, but I felt completely unableto stop it at the same time.
“How are you?” he asked, crossingthe room.
“Honestly? Nervous.”“It’s because I’m so good-looking,
isn’t it?”I laughed at the sympathetic face he
made. “I should avert my eyes,” I said,playing along. “Actually, it’s mostlyabout that philanthropy project.”
“Oh,” he said, sitting at my table.“You could run your presentation by meif you like. Kriss did.”
I felt deflated. Of course she wasdone. “I don’t even have an idea yet,” Iconfessed, sitting across from him.
“Ah. Yes, I can see how that wouldbe stressful.”
I gave him a look as if to say he hadno idea.
“What’s important to you? Therehas to be something that really touchesyou that the others might miss.” Maxonleaned back in the chair comfortably,one hand on the table.
How was he so at ease? Couldn’the see how on edge I was?
“I’ve been thinking all week, and
nothing’s come to mind.”He laughed quietly. “I would have
thought that you’d have the easiest time.You’ve seen more hardships in your lifethan the other four combined.”
“Exactly, but I’ve never knownhow to change any of it. That’s theproblem.” I stared at the table,remembering Carolina with perfectclarity. “I can see it all … the Sevenswho get injured doing their labor-heavyjobs and are suddenly downgraded toEights because they can’t work anymore.The girls who walk the streets on theedge of curfew, wandering into the bedsof lonely men for practically anything.The kids who never have enough—enough food, enough heat, enough love—
because their parents are workingthemselves to death. I can remember myworst days like they’re nothing. Butcoming up with a feasible way to doanything about it?” I shook my head.“What could I possibly say?”
I looked at him, hoping there wasan answer in his eyes. There wasn’t.
“You make an excellent point.”Then he was quiet.
I thought over everything I said aswell as his response. Did it mean that heknew more about Gregory’s plans than Ithought? Or did it mean he felt guiltybecause he had so much when others hadso little?
He sighed. “This really wasn’twhat I was hoping we’d talk about
tonight.”“What did you have on your mind?”Maxon looked up at me as if I must
be crazy. “You, of course.”I tucked my hair behind my ear.
“What about me exactly?”He changed positions, angling his
chair so we were a bit closer andleaning in as if this was a secret. “Ithought that after you saw that Marleewas fine, things would change. I wassure you’d find a way to care about meagain. But that hasn’t happened. Eventonight, you agreed to see me, buteverything about you is standoffish.”
So he did notice.I ran my fingers across the table,
not looking him in the eyes. “It’s not
exactly you I have a problem with. It’sthe position.” I shrugged. “I thought youknew that.”
“But after Marlee—”My head popped up. “After Marlee,
things kept happening. I’ll have a graspon what being a princess will mean oneminute and lose it the next. I’m not likethe other girls. I’m the lowest caste here;and Elise might have been a Four, buther family is way different from mostFours. They own so much, I’m surprisedthey haven’t bought their way up yet.And you were raised in this. It’s aserious change for me.”
He nodded, his endless patiencestill there. “I do understand that,America. That’s part of why I wanted
you to have time. But you need toconsider me in this, too.”
“I am.”“No, not like that. Not like I’m part
of the equation. Consider mypredicament. I don’t have much time left.This philanthropy project will be thespringboard for another elimination.Surely, you’ve guessed that.”
I lowered my head. Of course I had.“So what am I to do once it’s down
to four? Give you more time? When itgets to three, I’m supposed to choose. Ifthere are only three of you and you’restill debating if you want theresponsibility, if you want the workload,if you want me … what am I supposed todo then?”
I bit my lip. “I don’t know.”Maxon shook his head. “That’s not
acceptable. I need an answer. Because Ican’t send someone who really wantsthis—who wants me—home if you’regoing to bail out in the end.”
My breathing picked up. “So I haveto give you an answer now? I don’t evenknow what I’m giving an answer to.Does saying I want to stay mean saying Iwant to be the one? Because I don’tknow that.” I felt my muscles tensing,like they were preparing to run.
“You don’t have to say anythingnow; but by the Report you need to knowif you want this or not. I don’t like givingyou an ultimatum, but you’re being a bitcareless with my one shot.”
He sighed before continuing. “Thatwasn’t where I wanted this conversationto go either. Maybe I should leave.” Icould hear in his voice that he wantedme to ask him to stay, to tell him thiswas all going to work itself out.
“I think you should,” I whispered.He shook his head, irritated, and
stood. “Fine.” He walked across theroom in quick, angry strides. “I’ll just gosee what Kriss is doing.”
CHAPTER 26
I WENT DOWN FOR BREAKFAST onthe late side. I didn’t want to riskrunning into Maxon or any of the girlsalone. Before I made it to the stairs,Aspen came walking up the hall. I madean exasperated sound, and he lookedaround before approaching me.
“Where have you been?” I quietlydemanded.
“Working, Mer. I’m a guard. I can’tcontrol when and where they scheduleme. I’ve stopped being placed on theround for your room.”
I wanted to ask why, but this wasn’tthe time. “I need to talk to you.”
He thought for a moment. “At two,go to the end of the first-floor hallway,down past the hospital wing. I can bethere, but not for long.” I nodded. Hegave me a quick bow and went on hisway before anyone noticed ourconversation, and I continueddownstairs, not feeling satisfied at all.
I wanted to scream. Saturday beinga day-long sentence to the Women’sRoom was really unfair. When peoplecame to visit, they wanted to see thequeen, not us. When one of us wasprincess, that would probably change,but for now I was stuck watching Krisspour over her presentation again. Theothers were reading things, too, notes orreports, and I felt sick to my stomach. I
needed an idea and fast. I was sureAspen would help me figure this out, andI had to start something tonight no matterwhat.
As if she could read my thoughts,Silvia, who had been visiting with thequeen, stopped by to see me.
“How’s my star pupil?” she asked,keeping her voice low enough that theothers wouldn’t notice.
“Great.”“How is your project going? Do
you need any help fine-tuning?” sheoffered.
Fine-tuning? How was I supposedto tweak nothing?
“It’s going great. You’re going tolove it, I’m sure,” I lied.
She cocked her head to the side.“Being a bit secretive are we?”
“A bit.” I smiled.“That’s fine. You’ve been doing
wonderful work lately. I’m sure it’ll befantastic.” Silvia patted my shoulder asshe headed out of the room.
I was in so much trouble.The minutes passed so slowly that
it was like a special kind of torture. Justbefore two I excused myself and wentdown the hallway. At the very end, therewas a burgundy upholstered couchunderneath a massive window. I sat towait. I didn’t see a clock, but the minutespassed too slowly for comfort. FinallyAspen came around a corner.
“About time.” I sighed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked,standing by the couch, looking official.
So much, I thought. So many thingsI can’t talk to you about.
“We have this assignment, and Idon’t know what to do. I can’t think ofanything, and I’m stressed, and I can’tsleep,” I said spastically.
He chuckled. “What’s theassignment? Tiara designing?”
“No,” I said, shooting him afrustrated glare. “We have to come upwith a project, something good for thecountry. Like Queen Amberly’s workwith the disabled.”
“This is what you’ve been workedup about?” he asked, shaking his head.“How is that stressful? That sounds like
fun.”“I thought it would be, too. But I
can’t come up with anything. Whatwould you do?”
Aspen thought for a moment. “Iknow! You should do a caste exchangeprogram,” he said, his eyes glitteringwith excitement.
“A what?”“A caste exchange program. People
from the upper castes switch places withpeople from the lower castes so they canknow what it feels like to walk in ourshoes.”
“I don’t think that would work,Aspen, at least not for this project.”
“It’s a great idea,” he insisted.“Can you imagine someone like Celeste
breaking her nails stocking shelves? It’dserve them right.”
“What’s gotten into you? Aren’tsome of the guards natural Twos? Aren’tthey your friends now?”
“Nothing’s gotten into me,” heanswered defensively. “I’m the same asever. You’re the one who’s forgottenwhat it was like to live in a house withno heat.”
I straightened my back. “I haven’tforgotten. I’m trying to come up with aservice project to stop things like that.Even if I go home, someone might usemy idea, so I need it to be good. I wantto help people.”
“Don’t forget, Mer,” Aspenimplored me with a quiet passion in his
eyes. “This government sat by while youwent without food. They let my brotherget beaten in the square. All the talk inthe world won’t undo what we are. Theyput us in a corner we could never get outof on our own, and they’re not in a rushto pull us out. Mer, they just don’t getit.”
I huffed and stood.“Where are you going?” he asked.“Back to the Women’s Room,” I
answered, starting to move.Aspen followed. “Are we seriously
fighting over some stupid project?”I turned on him. “No. We’re
fighting because you don’t get it either.I’m a Three now. And you’re a Two.Instead of being bitter about what we
were handed, why can’t you see thechance you have? You can change yourfamily’s life. You could probablychange lots of lives. And all you want todo is settle the score. That’s not going toget anyone anywhere.”
Aspen didn’t say anything, and Ileft. I tried not to be upset with him forbeing passionate about what he wanted.If anything, wasn’t that an admirablequality? But it made me think so muchabout the castes and how they couldn’tbe undone that I started getting angryabout the situation.
Nothing was going to change it. Sowhy bother?
I played my violin. I took a bath. I tried
to nap. I spent part of the evening sittingin a quiet room. I sat on my balcony.
None of it mattered. It was gettingdangerously late in the game, and I stillhad nothing for my project.
I lay in bed for hours, trying tosleep and not getting far with that either.I kept flashing back to Aspen’s angrywords, his constant struggle with his lotin life. I thought about Maxon and hisultimatum, his demand for me to commit.And then I wondered if any of thismattered anyway, since I was certainlygoing home as soon as I showed upFriday night without anything to present.
I sighed and pulled back myblankets. I’d been avoiding looking atGregory’s diary again; I was worried
that it would give me more questionsthan answers. But maybe something inthere would give me direction,something I could talk about on theReport.
Besides, even if I couldn’t helpmyself, I had to know what happened tohis daughter. I was pretty sure her namewas Katherine, so I flipped through thebook looking for any mention of her,ignoring everything else, until I found apicture of a girl standing next to a manwho appeared to be much older. Maybeit was just my imagination, but shelooked like she’d been crying.
KATHERINE WAS FINALLYMARRIED TODAY TO EMIL DE
MONPEZAT OF SWENDWAY. SHESOBBED THE WHOLE WAY TO THECHURCH UNTIL I MADE IT CLEARTHAT IF SHE DIDN’T STRAIGHTENUP FOR THE CEREMONY, THERE’DBE HELL TO PAY AFTERWARD. HERMOTHER ISN’T HAPPY, AND ISUSPECT SPENCER IS UPSET NOWTHAT HE’S AWARE OF HOW LITTLEHIS SISTER WANTED TO GOTHROUGH WITH THIS. BUTSPENCER IS BRIGHT. I THINK HE’LLFALL INTO LINE QUICKLY ONCE HESEES ALL THE POSSIBILITIES I’VECREATED FOR HIM. AND DAMON ISSO SUPPORTIVE; I WISH I COULDTAKE WHATEVER IT IS IN HISSYSTEM AND INJECT IT INTO THE
REST OF THE POPULATION.THERE’S SOMETHING TO BE SAIDFOR THE YOUNG. IT’S SPENCERAND DAMON’S GENERATION THATHAS BEEN THE MOST HELPFUL INGETTING ME WHERE I AM. THEIRENTHUSIASM IS UNSWAYABLE, ANDTHEY ARE A FAR MORE POPULARCROWD FOR OTHERS TO LISTEN TOTHAN THE FEEBLE ELDERLY WHOINSIST WE’VE GONE DOWN THEWRONG PATH. I KEEP WONDERINGIF THERE’S A WAY TO SILENCETHEM FOR GOOD THAT WOULDN’TMIRE MY NAME.
EITHER WAY, WE ARE SLATEDTO HAVE THE CORONATIONTOMORROW. NOW THAT SWENDWAY
HAS GOTTEN THE POWERFUL ALLYOF THE NORTH AMERICAN UNION, ICAN HAVE WHAT I WANT: A CROWN.I THINK THIS IS A FAIR TRADE. WHYSETTLE FOR PRESIDENT ILLÉAWHEN I CAN BE KING ILLÉAINSTEAD? THROUGH MYDAUGHTER, I’VE BEEN DEEMEDROYAL.
EVERYTHING IS IN PLACE.AFTER TOMORROW THERE WILL BENO TURNING BACK.
He sold her. The pig sold hisdaughter to a man she hated so he couldhave everything he wanted.
My instinct was to close the bookagain, to shut it all out. But I forced
myself to flip through it, readingpassages at random. In one place a roughdiagram of the caste system was laid out,originally dreamed up with six tiersinstead of eight. On another page heplotted to change people’s last names toseparate them from their pasts. One linemade it clear that he intended to punishhis enemies by placing them lower onthe scale and reward the loyal byplacing them higher.
I wondered if my great-grandparents simply had nothing to offeror if they had resisted this. I hoped itwas the latter.
What should my last name havebeen? Did Dad know?
My whole life I’d been led to
believe that Gregory Illéa was a hero,the person who saved our country whenwe were on the edge of oblivion.Clearly, he was nothing more than apower-hungry monster. What kind ofman manipulated people so willingly?What kind of man hawked his daughterfor his own convenience?
I looked at the older entries I’dread in a new light. He never said hewanted to be a great family man; he justwanted to look like one. He would playby Wallis’s rules for now. He was usinghis son’s peers to gain support. He wasplaying a game from the very beginning.
I felt nauseated. I stood and pacedthe floor, trying to wrap my head aroundit all.
How had an entire history beenforgotten? How was it that no one everspoke of the old countries? Where wasall this information? Why didn’t anyoneknow?
I opened my eyes and looked to thesky. It seemed impossible. Surely,someone would have disapproved,would have told their children the truth.But then again, maybe they had. I’d oftenwondered why Dad never let me talkabout the timeworn history book he hadhidden in his room, why the history I didknow about Illéa was never in print.Maybe it was because, if it was there inwriting that Illéa was a hero, peoplewould have rioted. But if it was alwaysa point of speculation, where one person
insisted it was a certain way and anotherdenied it, how would anyone ever holdon to the truth?
I wondered if Maxon knew.Suddenly a memory came to me.
Not so long ago, Maxon and I had ourfirst kiss. It was so unexpected that I hadpulled away, leaving him embarrassed.Then when I realized that I wantedMaxon to kiss me, I suggested that wesimply erase that memory and plant anew one.
America, he’d said, I don’t thinkyou can change history. To which Ireplied, Sure we can. Besides, who’dever know about it but you and me?
I’d meant it as a joke. Surely, if heand I end up together, we’d remember
what really happened no matter howsilly it was. We’d never actually replaceit with a more perfect-sounding storysimply for the sake of show.
But the whole Selection was ashow. If Maxon and I were ever askedabout our first kiss, would we tellanyone the truth? Or would we keep thatlittle detail a secret between the two ofus? When we died, no one would know,and that fraction of a moment that was soimportant to who we were would begone.
Could it be that simple? Tell onestory to one generation and repeat it untilit was accepted as fact? How often had Iasked someone older than Mom or Dadwhat they knew or what their parents had
seen? They were old. What did theyknow? It was so arrogant of me todiscount them completely. I felt sostupid.
But the important issue wasn’t howthis all made me feel. The importantissue was what I was going to do with it.
I’d lived my whole life stuck in ahole in our society; and because I lovedmusic, I didn’t complain. But I hadwanted to be with Aspen, and becausehe was a Six, it was harder than it had tobe. If Gregory Illéa hadn’t coldlydesigned the laws of our country, sittingcomfortably at his desk all those yearsago, then Aspen and I wouldn’t havefought and I never would have caredabout Maxon. Maxon wouldn’t even be a
prince. Marlee’s hands would still beintact, and she and Carter wouldn’t beliving in a room barely big enough fortheir bed. Gerad, my sweet baby brother,could study all the science he wantedinstead of pushing himself into the artsfor which he had no passion.
By obtaining a comfy life in abeautiful house, Gregory Illéa hadrobbed most of the country of its abilityto ever attempt to have the very samething.
Maxon said if I wanted to knowwho he was, all I had to do was ask. I’dbeen afraid to face the possibility of himbeing this person, but I had to know. If Iwas meant to make a decision aboutbeing a part of the Selection or going
home, I needed to know exactly what hewas made of.
Donning my slippers and robe, Ileft my room, passing the nameless guardon my way.
“You all right, miss?” he asked.“Yes. I’ll be back soon.”He looked like he wanted to say
more, but I left too quickly for him tospeak. I headed up the stairs to the thirdfloor. Unlike the other floors, guardsstood at the landing, preventing me fromsimply walking to Maxon’s door.
“I need to speak to the prince,” Isaid, trying to sound firm.
“It’s very late, miss,” the one to theleft said.
“Maxon won’t mind,” I promised.
The one to the right smirked a little.“I don’t think he’d appreciate anycompany right now, miss.”
My forehead creased in thought as Iplayed that sentence in my head again.
He was with another girl.I had to assume it was Kriss, sitting
there in his room, talking, laughing, ormaybe giving up on her no-kissing rule.
A maid came around the cornerwith a tray in her hands, passing me asshe descended the stairs. I stepped to theside, trying to decide if I should push theguards to let me through anyway or giveup. As I went to open my mouth again,the guard cut me off.
“You need to go back to bed,miss.”
I wanted to yell at them or dosomething because I felt so powerless. Itwouldn’t help, though, so I left. I heardthe one guard—the smirking one—mumble something as I walked away,and that made it worse. Was he makingfun of me? Feeling sorry for me? I didn’tneed his pity. I was feeling bad enoughon my own.
When I got back to the secondfloor, I was surprised to see that themaid who had passed me was there,kneeling as if she was adjusting her shoebut clearly doing nothing of the sort. Sheraised her head as I approached, pickingup her tray and walking toward me.
“He’s not in his room,” shewhispered.
“Who? Maxon?”She nodded. “Try downstairs.”I smiled, shaking my head in
surprise. “Thank you.”She shrugged. “He’s not anywhere
you couldn’t find him if you lookedanyway. Besides,” she said, her eyes fullof admiration, “we like you.”
She moved away, heading down tothe first floor very quickly. I wonderedexactly who “we” was, but for now, hersimple act of kindness was enough. Istood for a moment, leaving some spacebetween the two of us, and headeddownstairs.
The Great Room was open butempty, as was the dining room. Ichecked the Women’s Room, thinking
that would be a funny place to go on adate, but they weren’t there either. Iasked the guards by the door, and theyassured me that Maxon hadn’t gone intothe gardens, so I checked a few of thelibraries and parlors before guessingthat he and Kriss must have either partedways or gone back to his room.
Giving up, I turned a corner andheaded for the back stairwell, whichwas closer than the main one. I didn’tsee anything; but as I approached, Iheard the distinct hiss of a whisper. Islowed, not wanting to intrude and notcompletely sure where the sound wascoming from.
Another whisper.A flirtatious giggle.
A warm sigh.The sounds focused, and I was
certain where they were coming from. Itook one more step forward, looked tomy left, and saw a couple embracing inthe shadows. After the image settled andmy eyes adjusted to the light, a shockwent through me.
Maxon’s blond hair wasunmistakable, even in the darkness. Howmany times had I seen it just so in thedim light of the gardens? But what I’dnever seen before, never imaginedbefore, was how that hair would lookwith Celeste’s long fingers, nails paintedred, digging into it.
Maxon was all but pinned to thewall by Celeste’s body. Her free hand
was pressed against his chest, and herleg was wrapped around his, the slit ofher dress revealing her long leg, tintedslightly blue in the dark of the hall. Shepulled back slightly, only to fall backinto him slowly, teasing him it seemed.
I kept waiting for him to tell her toget off him, to tell her she wasn’t whathe wanted. But he didn’t. Instead hekissed her. She lavished in it and giggledagain at his affection. He whisperedsomething in her ear, and Celeste leanedin and kissed him, deeper, harder thanbefore. The strap of her dress fell off hershoulder, leaving what seemed likemiles of exposed skin down her back.Neither of them bothered to fix it.
I was frozen. I wanted to scream or
cry, but my throat felt constricted. Why,of everyone, did it have to be her?
Celeste’s lips slid off Maxon’s andsettled onto his neck. She gave anotherobnoxious giggle and kissed him oncemore. Maxon closed his eyes andsmiled. With Celeste no longer blockinghim, I was in Maxon’s line of sight.
I meant to run. I meant to disappear,to evaporate. Instead I stood there.
So when Maxon opened his eyes,he saw me.
As Celeste drew pictures in kissesup and down his neck, Maxon and Imerely stared at each other. His smilenow gone, Maxon had suddenly turned tostone. The shock in his eyes willed mefinally to move. Celeste didn’t notice, so
I backed away quietly, not even stirringa breath.
Once I was out of earshot, I brokeinto a run, blazing past all the guards andbutlers working late into the night. Thetears started coming before I made it upthe main stairway.
I pulled myself up and movedquickly to my room. I pushed past theconcerned guard and through thedoorway, sitting on my bed facing thebalcony. In the quiet stillness of myroom, I felt my heart ache. So stupid,America. So stupid.
I’d go home. I’d forget this everhappened. And I’d marry Aspen.
Aspen was the only person I couldcount on.
It wasn’t long before there was aknock on my door, and Maxon came inwithout waiting for an answer. Hestormed across the room, looking aboutas angry as I was.
Before he could say a word, Iconfronted him.
“You lied to me.”“What? When?”“When haven’t you been? How
could the same person who talked aboutproposing to me want to be caught deadin a hallway with someone like her?”
“What I do with her has absolutelynothing to do with how I feel about you.”
“You’re joking, right? Or becauseyou’re the next king, I suppose it’sacceptable for you to have half-naked
girls draped across you whenever youlike?”
Maxon looked stricken. “No. That’snot what I think at all.”
“Why her?” I asked, looking to theceiling. “Why, of anyone on the planet,would you want her?”
When I looked to Maxon for ananswer, he was shaking his head andlooking around the room.
“Maxon, she’s an actress, a fake.You have to be able to see that under allthat makeup, and the push-up bra isnothing but a girl who wants tomanipulate you to get what she wants.”
Maxon huffed out a laugh.“Actually, I do.”
I was taken aback by his calm.
“Then why—”But I already had my answer.He knew. Of course he knew. He’d
been raised here. Gregory’s diarieswere probably his bedtime stories. Ididn’t know why I’d expectedotherwise.
How naive had I been? When I keptthinking that there was a better optionthan me for his princess, I’d beenimagining Kriss. She was lovely andpatient and a million things that I wasn’t.But I’d been seeing her next to adifferent Maxon. For the man he wouldhave to be to follow in Gregory Illéa’sfootsteps, the only girl here for him wasCeleste. No one else would be socontent to keep a country under her
thumb.“That’s it,” I said, wiping my hands
in front of me. “You wanted a decision,and here it is: I am done with this. I’mdone with the Selection, I’m done withall the lies, and I am especially donewith you. God, I can’t believe howstupid I was.”
“You’re not done, America,” hecontradicted me quickly, his stancesaying as much as his words. “You’redone when I say you are. You’re upsetright now, but you aren’t done.”
I gripped my hair, feeling like I wasseconds away from pulling it all out bythe roots. “What is wrong with you? Areyou delusional? What makes you thinkthat I will ever be okay with what I just
saw? I hate that girl. And you werekissing her. I want nothing to do withyou.”
“Good God, woman, you never letme get a word in edgewise!”
“What could you possibly say thatcould explain that away? Just send mehome. I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Our conversation had been goingback and forth so quickly that his silencewas startling.
“No.”I was enraged. Wasn’t this exactly
what he’d been asking for? “MaxonSchreave, you are nothing but a childwho has his hands on a toy that hedoesn’t want but can’t stand for someoneelse to have.”
Quietly, Maxon spoke. “Iunderstand that you’re angry, but—”
I shoved him. “I’m beyond angry!”Maxon remained calm. “America,
do not call me a child. And do not pushme.”
I shoved him again. “What are yougoing to do about it?”
Maxon grabbed my wrists, pinningmy arms behind my back, and I saw theanger in his eyes. I was glad it wasthere. I wanted him to provoke me. Iwanted a reason to hurt him. I could tearhim to bits right now.
But there was no rage in him.Instead I felt the warm buzz of electricitythat had been missing for a long time.Maxon’s face was inches from mine, his
eyes searching my own, perhapswondering how he’d be received,perhaps not caring at all. Though it wasall wrong, I still wanted it. My lipsparted before I realized what washappening.
I shook my head to clear it andstepped back, moving toward thebalcony. He didn’t put up a fight as Ipulled away. I took a few steadyingbreaths before I turned to him.
“Are you going to send me home?”I asked quietly.
Maxon shook his head, eitherunable or unwilling to speak.
I ripped his bracelet off my wristand threw it across the room. “Then go,”I whispered.
I turned back to look out mybalcony and waited a few heavymoments to hear the click of the door.Once he left, I fell to the floor andsobbed.
He and Celeste were so much alike.Everything about them was a show. AndI knew that he would spend the rest ofhis life sweet-talking the public intothinking he was wonderful, all the whilekeeping them trapped where they were.Just like Gregory.
I sat on my floor, legs crossedunder my nightgown. As upset as I waswith Maxon, I was even more upset withmyself. I should have fought harder. Ishould have done more. I shouldn’t besitting here so defeated.
I wiped the tears away andassessed the situation. I was done withMaxon, but I was still here. I was donewith the competition, but I still had apresentation due. Aspen might not think Iwas tough enough to be a princess—andhe was right—but he did have faith inme. I knew that. And so did my father.And so did Nicoletta.
I wasn’t here to win anymore. Sohow could I go out with a bang?
CHAPTER 27
WHEN SILVIA ASKED WHAT I wouldneed for my presentation, I told her asmall desk for some books and an easelfor a poster I was designing. She wasparticularly excited about my poster. Iwas the only girl here with any trueexperience making art.
I spent hours writing my speechonto note cards so I wouldn’t missanything, flagging sections in books to bemy resources midpresentation, andrehearsing it in the mirror to get throughthe parts that particularly worried me. Itried not to think too hard about what Iwas doing; otherwise my whole body
started trembling.I asked Anne to make me a dress
that looked innocent, which made hereyebrows pucker.
“You make it sound like we’vebeen sending you out in lingerie,” shesaid mockingly.
I chuckled. “That’s not what I meanat all. You know I love all the dressesyou’ve made me. I just want to seem …angelic.”
She smiled to herself. “I think wecan come up with something.”
They must have been working likecrazy, because I didn’t see Anne, Mary,or Lucy the day of the Report until thehour before it started, when they camebustling in with the dress. It was white,
gauzy, and light, adorned with one longstream of green and blue tulle runningalong the right side. The bottom fell insuch a way that it looked like a cloud,and its empire waist added a level ofvirtue and grace to the gown. I feltlovely in that dress. It was by far myfavorite of everything they’d designedfor me, and I was glad it worked out thatway. It would probably be the last dressof theirs I’d ever wear.
It had been hard to keep my plan asecret, but I did. When the girls askedwhat I was doing, I simply said it was asurprise. I got a few skeptical looks forthat, but I didn’t care. I asked my maidsnot to touch the things on my desk, noteven to clean, and they obeyed, leaving
my notes facedown.No one knew.The person I most wanted to tell
was Aspen, but I refrained. Part of mefeared he would talk me out of it, and Iwould cave. Another part feared hewould be far too gung-ho.
As my maids worked to make melook beautiful, I stared into the mirrorand knew I was walking into this alone.And that was for the best. I didn’t wantanyone—not my maids, not the othergirls, and especially not Aspen—to getin trouble for my actions.
All that was left to do was to putthings in order.
“Anne, Mary, would you please goget me some tea?”
They looked at each other. “Both ofus?” Mary clarified.
“Yes, please.”They looked suspicious but curtsied
and left all the same. Once they weregone, I turned to Lucy.
“Sit with me,” I invited, pulling herdown to the padded bench on which Iwas sitting. She complied, and I askedher simply, “Are you happy?”
“Miss?”“You’ve seemed kind of sad lately.
I was wondering if you were all right.”She dropped her head. “Is it that
obvious?”“A little,” I admitted, wrapping my
arm around her and holding her close.She sighed and placed her head on my
shoulder. I was so happy that she forgotthe invisible boundaries between us fora moment.
“Have you ever wanted somethingyou couldn’t have?”
I snorted. “Lucy, before I came hereI was a Five. There were too manythings I couldn’t have to bothercounting.”
In a very un-Lucy-like manner, asingle tear fell to her cheek. “I don’tknow what to do. I’m stuck.”
I straightened up and made her faceme. “Lucy, I want you to know I thinkyou can do anything, be anything. I thinkyou’re an amazing girl.”
She gave me a weak smile. “Thankyou, miss.”
I knew we didn’t have much time.“Listen, I need you to do something forme. I wasn’t sure if I could count on theothers, but I’m trusting you.”
Though she looked confused, Icould tell she meant it when she said,“Anything.”
I reached over to one of thedrawers and pulled out a letter. “Couldyou give this to Officer Leger?”
“Officer Leger?”“I wanted to tell him thank-you for
how kind he’s been, and I thought itmight be inappropriate to give him aletter myself. You know.” It was a lameexcuse, but it was the only way I couldexplain to Aspen why I did what I wasgoing to do and to tell him good-bye. I
assumed I wouldn’t have much time inthe palace after tonight.
“I can get this to him within thehour,” she said eagerly.
“Thank you.” Tears threatened tocome, but I pushed them down. I wasscared, but there were so many reasonsthis needed to be done.
We all deserved better. My family,Marlee and Carter, Aspen, even mymaids were all stuck because ofGregory’s plans. I would think of them.
When I walked into the studio forthe Report, I was clutching an armful ofmarked books and a portfolio for myposter. The setup was the same asalways—the king’s, queen’s, andMaxon’s seats to the right near the door,
the Selected in seats on the left—but inthe middle, where there was usually apodium for the king to speak at or a setof chairs for interviews, there was aspace for our presentations instead. Isaw a desk and my easel, but also ascreen that I assumed someone wasshowing slides on. That was impressive.I wondered who had found the resourcesto go that far.
I went over to the last open chair—next to Celeste, unfortunately—andplaced my portfolio beside me, keepingmy books on my lap. Natalie had a fewbooks, too; and Elise was readingthrough her notes over and over. Krisswas looking toward the sky andappeared to be reciting her presentation
mentally. Celeste was checking hermakeup.
Silvia was there, which sometimeshappened when we had to discusssomething she’d briefed us on, and todayshe was beside herself. This wasprobably the hardest we’d worked todate, and it would all reflect back onher.
I inhaled sharply. I’d forgottenabout Silvia. Too late now.
“You look beautiful, ladies,fantastic!” she said as she approached.“Now that you’re all here, I want toexplain a few things. First, the king willget up and give a few announcements,and then Gavril will introduce the topicof the evening: your philanthropy
presentations.”Silvia, usually a level-headed,
palace-hardened machine, was giddy.She was actually bouncing as she spoke.“Now, I know you’ve been practicing.You have eight minutes; and if anyonehas a question for you afterward, Gavrilwill facilitate that. Remember to stayalert and poised. The country iswatching you! If you get lost, take abreath and move on. You’re going to bewonderful. Oh, and you’ll be going inthe order in which you’re seated, soLady Natalie, you’re first; and LadyAmerica will be last. Good luck, girls!”
Silvia skipped off to check anddouble-check things, and I tried to calmmyself. Last. I guessed that was a good
thing. I supposed Natalie had it worse bybeing first up. Looking over, I saw herbreaking into a sweat. It must be torturefor her to try and focus like this. Icouldn’t help but stare at Celeste. Shedidn’t know I’d seen her and Maxon, andI kept wondering why she never toldanyone about it. The fact that she kept itto herself led me to believe it wasn’t thefirst time.
That made it so much worse.“Nervous?” I asked, watching her
pick at something on her nail.“No. This is a stupid idea, and no
one really cares. I’ll be glad when it’sover. And I’m a model,” she said, finallylooking at me. “I’m naturally good atbeing in front of an audience.”
“You do seem to have masteredhow to pose,” I mumbled.
I could see the wheels turning asshe tried to weed out the insult in there.She ended up rolling her eyes andlooking away.
Just then the king walked in withthe queen by his side. They werespeaking in whispers, and it looked veryimportant. A moment later, Maxonentered, adjusting his cuff links as hemade his way to his seat. He cameacross so innocent, so clean in his suit; Ihad to remind myself that I knew better.
He looked over at me. I wasn’tgoing to be intimidated and turn awayfirst, so I stared back. Then, tentatively,Maxon reached up and tugged at his ear.
I slowly shook my head with anexpression that conveyed we wouldnever speak again if I had anything to dowith it.
A cold sweat broke out on myentire body as the presentations started.Natalie’s proposal was short. Andslightly misinformed.
She claimed that everything therebels were doing was hateful andwrong, and their presence should beoutlawed to keep Illéa’s provinces safer.We all stared at her quietly once shewas done. How did she not know thateverything they did was alreadyconsidered illegal?
The queen’s face in particularseemed incredibly sad as Natalie sat
back down.Elise proposed a program that
would involve members of the uppercastes getting involved in a pen pal–typeof relationship with people in NewAsia. She suggested that it would helpstrengthen the bonds between ourcountries and aid in ending the war. Iwasn’t sure that it would do any good,but it was a fresh reminder to Maxon andthe public of the reason she was stillhere. The queen asked if she happened toknow anyone in New Asia who wouldbe open to being in the program, andElise assured her that she did.
Kriss’s presentation wasspectacular. She wanted to revamp thepublic school systems, which I already
knew was an idea near and dear to boththe queen’s and Maxon’s hearts. As thedaughter of a professor, I was sure she’dbeen thinking about this her whole life.She used the screen to show picturesfrom her home province’s school thather parents had sent to her. It was plainto see the exhaustion on the teachers’faces, and in one picture it showed aroom where four children were sittingon the floor since there weren’t enoughchairs. The queen piped up with dozensof questions, and Kriss was quick toanswer. Using copies of old reportsabout financial issues we’d read, she’deven found a place where we couldborrow the money to start the work andhad ideas on how to continue the
funding.As she sat down, I saw Maxon give
her a smile and a nod. She responded byblushing and studying the lace on herdress. It was really cruel of him to playwith her like that, considering howintimate he was with Celeste. But I wasdone interfering. Let him do what hewanted.
Celeste’s presentation wasinteresting, if slightly manipulative. Shesuggested that there be a minimum-payment wage for some of the lowercastes. It would be a sliding scale, basedon certifications. However, to get thesecertifications, the Fives, Sixes, andSevens would have to go to school …which they would have to pay for …
which would mostly benefit the Threes,as they were the authorized teachers.Since Celeste was a Two, she had noidea how we had to work around theclock to make ends meets. No one wouldhave the time to get these certifications,meaning their pay would never change.On the surface it sounded nice, but therewas no way it would work.
Celeste returned to her seat, and Itrembled when I stood. For a briefsecond I considered pretending to passout. But I wanted this to happen. I justdidn’t want to face what would comeafter.
I placed my poster—a diagram ofthe castes—on the easel, and set mybooks in order on the desk. I took a deep
breath and gripped my cards, surprisedto find that when I started, I didn’t evenneed them.
“Good evening, Illéa. Tonight Icome to you not as one of the Elite, notas a Three or a Five, but as a citizen, anequal. Based on your caste, yourexperience of our country is shaded avery specific way. I can say that forcertain myself. But it wasn’t untilrecently that I understood how deep mylove for Illéa went.
“Despite growing up sometimeswithout food or electricity, despitewatching people I love forced into thestations we are assigned at birth withlittle hope for change, despite seeing thegaps between myself and others because
of this number even though we aren’tvery different”—I looked over to thegirls—“I find myself in love with ourcountry.”
I switched the card automatically,knowing the break. “What I proposewouldn’t be simple. It might even bepainful, but I genuinely believe it wouldbenefit our entire kingdom.” I inhaled. “Ithink we should eliminate the castes.”
I heard more than one gasp. I choseto ignore them.
“I know there was a time, when ourcountry was new, when the assignmentof these numbers helped organizesomething that was on the brink of notexisting. But we are no longer thatcountry. We are so much more now. To
allow the talentless to have exaltedprivileges and suppress what could bethe greatest minds in the world for thesake of an archaic organization system iscruel, and it only stops us frombecoming the best we can be.”
I noted a poll from one of Celeste’sdiscarded magazines after we talkedabout having a volunteer army, andsixty-five percent of the people thought itwas a good idea. Why eliminate thatcareer path completely for people? Ialso cited an old report we had studiedabout the standardized testing in thepublic schools. The article was slanted,stating that only three percent of Sixesand Sevens tested to elevated levels ofintelligence; and since it was so low, it
was clear they were intended to staywhere they were. My argument was thatwe ought to be ashamed that thosepeople are stuck digging ditches whenthey could be performing heart surgeries.
Finally the daunting task was nearlyover. “Perhaps our country is flawed,but we cannot deny its strength. My fearis that, without change, that strength willbecome stagnate. And I love our countrytoo much to let that happen. I hope toomuch to let that happen.”
I swallowed, grateful that at least itwas over now. “Thank you for yourtime,” I said, and turned slightly towardthe royal family.
It was bad. Maxon’s face was stonyagain, like the way he’d looked when
Marlee was caned. The queen avertedher eyes, looking disappointed. Theking, however, stared me down.
Without so much as a blink, hefocused in on me. “And how do yousuggest we eliminate the castes?” hechallenged. “Just suddenly take them allaway?”
“Oh … I don’t know.”“And you don’t think that would
cause riots? Complete mayhem? Allowfor rebels to take advantage of publicconfusion?”
I hadn’t thought this part through.All I could process was how unfair it allwas.
“I think the creation caused adecent amount of confusion, and we
managed that. In fact”—I reached to mypile of books—“I have a descriptionhere.”
I started looking for the right pagein Gregory’s diary.
“Are we off?” he bellowed.“Yes, Majesty,” someone called.I looked up and saw that all the
lights that usually indicated that thecameras were on had gone dim. In somegesture I’d missed, the king had shutdown the Report.
The king stood. “Point them to theground.” Each camera was aimed to thefloor.
He stormed over to me and rippedthe diary from my hands.
“Where did you get this?” he
yelled.“Father, stop!” Maxon jogged up
nervously.“Where did she get this? Answer
me!”Maxon confessed. “From me. We
were looking up what Halloween was.He wrote about it in the diaries, and Ithought she’d like to read more.”
“You idiot,” the king spat. “I knewI should have made you read thesesooner. You’re completely lost. Youhave no clue of the duty you have!”
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.“She leaves tonight,” King
Clarkson ordered. “I’ve had enough ofher.”
I tried to shrink down, distance
myself from the king as much as I couldwithout being obvious. I tried not toeven breathe too loudly. I turned myhead toward the girls, for some reasonfocusing on Celeste. I’d expected her tobe smiling, but she was nervous. Theking had never been like this.
“You can’t send her home. That’smy choice, and I say she stays,” Maxonresponded calmly.
“Maxon Calix Schreave, I am theking of Illéa, and I say—”
“Could you stop being the king forfive minutes and just be my father?”Maxon yelled. “This is my choice. Yougot to make yours, and I want to makemine. No one else is leaving without mysay so!”
I saw Natalie lean in to Elise. Theyboth looked like they were shaking.
“Amberly, take this back to whereit belongs,” he said, shoving the book inher hand. She stood there, nodding herhead but not moving. “Maxon, I need tosee you in my office.”
I watched Maxon; and maybe I onlyimagined it, but it looked like panicflickered briefly behind his eyes.
“Or,” the king offered, “I couldsimply talk to her.” He gestured over tome.
“No,” Maxon said quickly, holdingup a hand in protest. “That won’t benecessary. Ladies,” he added, turning tous, “why don’t you all head upstairs?We’ll have dinner sent to you tonight.”
He paused. “America, maybe you shouldgo ahead and collect your things. Just incase.”
The king smiled, an eerie actionafter his recent explosion. “Excellentidea. After you, son.”
I looked at Maxon, who seemeddefeated. I felt ashamed. Maxon openedhis mouth to say something, but in theend he shook his head and walked away.
Kriss was wringing her hands,looking after Maxon. I couldn’t blameher. Something about all of this seemedmenacing.
“Clarkson?” Queen Amberly saidquietly. “What about the other matter?”
“What?” he asked in irritation.“The news?” she reminded him.
“Oh, yes.” He walked back towardus. I was close enough that I decided toretreat into my chair, afraid of being outthere alone again. King Clarkson’s voicewas steady and calm. “Natalie, wedidn’t want to tell you before the Report,but we’ve received some bad news.”
“Bad news?” she asked, fiddlingwith her necklace, already too anxious.
The king came closer. “Yes. I’mvery sorry for your loss, but it appearsthe rebels took your sister this morning.”
“What?” she whispered.“Her remains were found this
afternoon. We’re sorry.” To his credit,there was something close to sympathyin his voice, though it sounded more liketraining than genuine emotion.
He quickly returned to Maxon,escorting him forcefully out the door asNatalie broke into an ear-shatteringscream. The queen rushed over to her,smoothing her hair and trying to calm herdown. Celeste, never too sisterly,quietly left the room, with anoverwhelmed Elise close behind. Krissstayed and tried to comfort Natalie, butonce it was clear that she couldn’t domuch, she left as well. The queen toldNatalie there would be guards with herparents for good measure and that shewould be able to leave for the funeral ifshe wanted to, holding on to her thewhole time.
Everything had gotten so dark soquickly, I found myself frozen in my seat.
When the hand appeared in front ofmy face, I was so startled, I shied away.
“I won’t hurt you,” Gavril said.“Just want to help you up.” His lapel pinshimmered, reflecting the light.
I gave him my hand, surprised byhow shaky my legs were.
“He must love you very much,”Gavril said once I had my footing.
I couldn’t look at him. “What makesyou say that?”
Gavril sighed. “I’ve known Maxonsince he was a child. He’s never stoodup to his father like that.”
Gavril walked away then, talking tothe crew about keeping all that they hadheard tonight quiet.
I went to Natalie. It wasn’t like I
knew everything about her, but I wassure she loved her sister the way I lovedMay; and I couldn’t imagine the ache shemust be feeling.
“Natalie, I’m so sorry,” Iwhispered. She nodded. That was themost she could manage.
The queen looked up at mesympathetically, not sure how to conveyall her sadness. “And … I’m sorry toyou, too. I wasn’t trying to … I just …”
“I know, dear.”With how Natalie was doing,
asking for more of a good-bye was tooselfish, so I gave the queen a final, deepcurtsy and slowly left the room,wallowing in the disaster I’d created.
CHAPTER 28
THE LAST THING I WAS expectingwhen I walked in my doorway was thesmattering of applause from my maids.
I stood there for a moment,genuinely moved by their support andcomforted by the shining pride in theirfaces. Once they were done making meblush, Anne took me by the hands.
“Well said, miss.” She gave agentle squeeze, and I saw in her eyes somuch joy over my words, for a second Ididn’t feel so awful.
“I can’t believe you did that! Noone ever stands up for us!” Mary added.
“Maxon has to pick you,” Lucy
cried. “You’re the only one who givesme hope.”
Hope.I needed to think, and the one place
I could really do that was the gardens.Though my maids were insistent that Istay, I left, taking the long way, down aback stairwell on the other end of thehall. Besides the occasional guard, thefirst floor was empty and quiet. It feltlike the palace should be bustling withactivity, given how much had happenedin the last half hour or so.
As I passed the hospital wing, thedoor flew open and I ran right intoMaxon, who dropped a sealed metalbox. He groaned after we collided, eventhough it really wasn’t that hard.
“What are you doing out of yourroom?” he asked, slowly bending to pickup the box. I noticed it had his name onthe side. I wondered what he was storingin the hospital wing.
“I was going to the gardens. I’mtrying to figure out if I did somethingstupid or not.”
Maxon appeared to be having adifficult time standing. “Oh, I can assureyou it was stupid.”
“Do you need help?”“No,” he answered quickly,
avoiding my eyes. “Just heading to myroom. And I suggest you do the same.”
“Maxon.” The quiet plea in myvoice made him look at me. “I’m sosorry. I was mad, and I wanted to … I
don’t even know anymore. And youwere the one who said there were perksto being a One, that you could changethings.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re not aOne.” There was a silence between us.“Even if you were, did you not payattention at all to the way I’m doingthings? It’s quiet and small. That’s howit has to be for now. You can’t go ontelevision complaining about the waythings are run and expect to have myfather’s, or anyone’s, support.”
“I’m sorry!” I cried. “I’m so, sosorry.”
He paused for a moment. “I’m notsure that—”
We heard the shouting at the same
time. Maxon turned and started walking,and I followed, trying to make sense ofthe sound. Was someone fighting? As wegot closer to the intersection of the mainhallway and the doors to the gardens, wesaw guards come flooding toward thearea.
“Sound the alarm!” someonecalled. “They’re through the gates!”
“Guns at the ready!” another guardyelled over the shouts.
“Alert the king!”And then, like bees intent on
landing, small, quick things buzzed intothe hall. A guard was struck and fellback, his head hitting the marble with adisturbing crack. The blood pouringfrom his chest made me scream.
Maxon instinctively pulled meaway, but not very quickly. Perhaps hewas in shock as well.
“Your Majesty!” a guard called,racing over to us. “You have to getdownstairs now!”
He gruffly turned Maxon aroundand shoved him away. Maxon cried outand dropped the metal box again. Ilooked over at the guard’s hand onMaxon, expecting to see that he’d drivena knife into his back based on the soundMaxon had made. All I saw was a thick,pewter ring around his thumb. I pickedup the box by the handle on the side,hoping that didn’t mess up anythinginside, and ran in the direction the guardwas trying to move us.
“I won’t make it,” Maxon said.I turned back to him and saw that he
was sweating. Something was reallywrong with him.
“Yes, sir,” the guard said grimly.“This way.”
He pulled Maxon around a cornerto what appeared to be a dead end. Iwondered if he was going to leave usthere when he hit some invisible triggeron the wall and another one of thepalace’s mysterious doors opened. Itwas so dark inside, I couldn’t see whereit went; but Maxon walked in, hunchedover, without a second thought.
“Tell my mother that America and Iare safe. Do that before anything else,”he said.
“Absolutely, sir. I’ll come back foryou myself when this is over.”
The siren sounded. I hoped that wasfast enough to save everyone.
Maxon nodded and the door closed,leaving us in complete darkness. Theseal was so secure, I couldn’t even makeout the sound of the alarm. I heardMaxon’s hand rubbing against the wall,and he eventually came upon a switchthat dimly lit the room. I looked aroundand surveyed the space.
There were some shelves that helda bunch of dark, plastic packages and adifferent shelf that held a few thinblankets. In the middle of the tiny spacewas one wooden bench big enough toseat maybe four people, and in the
opposite corner was a small sink andwhat looked like a very crude toilet.Hooks lined one wall, but there wasnothing on them; and the whole roomsmelled like the metal that appeared tomake up the walls.
“At least this is one of the goodones,” Maxon said, and hobbled over tothe bench to sit.
“What’s wrong?”“Nothing,” he said quietly, and
propped up his head on his arms.I sat beside him, placing the metal
box on the bench and looking around theroom again.
“I’m guessing those were Southernrebels?”
Maxon nodded. I tried to slow my
breathing and erase what I’d just seenfrom my mind. Would that guardsurvive? Could anyone survivesomething like that?
I wondered how far the rebels hadgotten in the time it took us to hide. Wasthe alarm fast enough?
“Are we safe here?”“Yes. This is one of the places for
servants. If they happen to be down inthe kitchen and storage area, they’repretty safe as it is. But the ones runningabout doing chores might not be able toget there quickly enough. It’s not quite assafe as the big room for the royal family,and we have supplies to survive downthere for quite some time; but these workin a pinch.”
“Do the rebels know?”“They might,” he said, wincing as
he sat up a bit straighter. “But they can’tget in once the rooms are in use. Thereare only three ways out. Someone with akey has to activate it from the outside,someone with a key can activate it fromthe inside”—Maxon patted his pocket,implying that he could get us out if hehad to—“or you have to wait for twodays. After forty-eight hours, the doorsautomatically open. The guards checkevery safe room once the danger haspassed, but there’s always a chance theycould miss one; and without the delayed-unlocking mechanism, someone could bestuck in here forever.”
It took him awhile to get all this
out. He was clearly in pain, but itseemed that he was trying to distracthimself with the words. He leanedforward and then hissed when the actionadded to whatever was hurting him.
“Maxon?”“I can’t … I can’t take it anymore.
America, help with my coat?”He held out his arm, and I jumped
up to help him slide his coat down hisback. He let it drop behind him andmoved to his buttons. I started helpinghim, but he stopped me, holding myhands in his.
“Your record for keeping secretsisn’t that impressive right now. But thisis one that goes to your grave. And mine.Do you understand?”
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure whathe meant. Maxon released my hands, andI slowly unbuttoned his shirt. I wonderedif he’d ever imagined me doing this. Icould admit that I had. Halloween night,I had lain in bed and dreamed of thisvery second in our future. I thought itwould be much different. Still, a thrillwent through me.
I had been raised a musician, but Iwas surrounded by artists. I’d once seena sculpture that was hundreds of yearsold of an athlete throwing a disk. I’dthought to myself at the time that only anartist could do that, make someone’sbody look so beautiful. Maxon’s chestwas as sculpted as any piece of art I’dever seen.
But everything changed as I went toslide the shirt down his back. It stuck tohim, making a slippery, sticky sound as Itried to get it to move.
“Slowly,” he said. I nodded andwent behind him to try from there.
The back of Maxon’s shirt wassoaked with blood.
I gasped, immobile for a moment.But then, sensing that my staring madethings worse, I kept working. Once I gotthe shirt off, I threw it on one of thehooks, giving myself a moment to gainmy composure.
I turned around and got a good lookat Maxon’s back. A bleeding gash on hisshoulder tore down to his waist andcrossed over another one that was also
dripping blood, which crossed overanother one that had been healed for awhile, which crossed over yet anotherone that was puckered from age. Itlooked like there were maybe six freshslashes across Maxon’s back piled ontop of too many more to count.
How could this have happened?Maxon was the prince. He was royal,sovereign, set apart from everyone. Hewas above everything, sometimesincluding the law, so how had he cometo be covered with scars?
Then I remembered the look in theking’s eyes tonight. And Maxon’s effortto hide his fear. How could any man dothis to his son?
I turned away again, hunting until I
found a small washcloth. I went to thesink, glad to find that it worked eventhough the water was ice-cold.
I steadied myself and walked over,trying to be calm for his sake. “Thismight sting a little,” I warned.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’mused to it.”
I took the wet washcloth anddabbed at the long gouge in his shoulder,deciding that I’d work from the topdown. He pulled away a bit but took itall silently. When I moved on to thesecond gash, Maxon started talking.
“I’ve been preparing for tonight foryears, you know? I’ve been waiting forthe day when I was strong enough to takehim on.”
Maxon was silent for a moment,and some things made sense: why aperson who sat at a desk had suchserious muscles, why he always seemedhalf dressed and ready to go, why a girlcalling him a child and pushing himwould make him angry.
I cleared my throat. “Why didn’tyou?”
He paused. “I was afraid that if hedidn’t have me, he’d want you.”
I had to stop for a moment, tooovercome even to speak. Tearsthreatened to spill over, but I tried tohold it together. I was sure it would onlymake things worse.
“Does anyone know?” I asked.“No.”
“Not the doctor? Or your mother?”“The doctor must, but he’s quiet.
And I would never tell my mother oreven give her a reason to suspect. Sheknows Father is stern with me, but Idon’t want her to worry. And I can takeit.”
I kept dabbing.“He’s not like this with her,” he
promised quickly. “She gets mistreatedin her own ways, I suppose, but not likethis.”
“Hmm,” I said, not sure of whatelse to say.
I wiped again, and Maxon hissed.“Damn, that stings.”
I pulled away for a minute while heslowed down his breathing. After a
moment, he made a small nod, so Istarted again.
“I have more sympathy for Carterand Marlee than you know,” he said,trying to sound light. “These things takeawhile to stop hurting, especially ifyou’re determined to take care of themon your own.”
I paused for a moment, shocked.Marlee got caned fifteen times at once. Ithink if I had to, I’d pick that over themcoming at times you weren’t prepared.
“What are the others for?” I asked,then shook my head. “Never mind.That’s rude.”
He shrugged his uninjured shoulder.“Things I said or did. Things I know.”
“Things I know,” I added. “Maxon,
I’m so …” My breathing hitched,threatening to send me over the edge. Imight as well have caned him myself.
He didn’t turn around, but his handsearched and found my knee. “How areyou going to finish fixing me up if you’recrying?”
I laughed weakly through the tearsand wiped my face. I got everythingcleaned, trying to stay gentle.
“Do you think there are anybandages in here?” I asked, lookingaround the room.
“The box,” he said.As he sat there, steadying his
breathing, I opened the clasps on thebox, looking at the abundance ofsupplies.
“Why don’t you have bandages inyour room?”
“Sheer pride. I was determinednever to need them again.”
I sighed quietly. I read the labels,finding a disinfectant solution, somethingthat looked like it would help soothe thepain, and bandages.
I moved behind him, preparing toapply the medication. “This might hurt.”
He nodded. When it made contactwith his skin, he grunted once and thenreverted to silence. I tried to be quickand thorough, ready to make him ascomfortable as possible.
I started putting ointment on hiswounds, and it was clear that whatever Iwas using helped. The tension in his
shoulders eased as I worked, and I wasglad; it felt in a way like I was makingup for some of the trouble I’d caused.
He snorted out a light laugh. “Iknew my secret would come outeventually. I’ve been trying to come upwith a good story for years. I was hopingto find something believable before thewedding since I knew my wife wouldsee them, but I’m still stumped. Anyideas?”
I thought a moment. “The truthworks.”
He nodded. “Not my favoriteoption. Not for this anyway.”
“I think I’m done.”Maxon twisted and bent a little bit,
moving gingerly. He turned to look at
me, his expression thankful. “That’sgreat, America. Better than any job Iever did.”
“Anytime.”He looked at me a moment, and the
silence grew. What was there to saynow?
My eyes kept darting to his chest,and I needed to stop that.
“I’m going to wash your shirt.” Iburied myself in the corner, rubbing hisshirt against itself, watching the waterturn rust colored before it escaped downthe drain. I knew all the blood wouldn’tcome out, but at least it gave mesomething to do.
When I finished, I wrung it out andplaced it back on a hook. I turned
around, and Maxon was staring at me.“Why don’t you ever ask questions
I actually want to answer?”I didn’t think I could sit next to him
on the bench without being tempted totouch him. Instead I settled on the flooracross from him.
“I didn’t know I did that.”“You do.”“Well, what am I not asking that
you want me to?”He let out a long breath and gently
leaned forward, resting his elbows onhis knees.
“Don’t you want me to explainKriss and Celeste? Don’t you think youdeserve that?”
CHAPTER 29
I CROSSED MY ARMS. “I’VE heardKriss’s version of what happened, and Idon’t think she’s exaggerating anything.As for Celeste, I’d rather never talkabout her ever again.”
He laughed. “So stubborn. I’ll missthat.”
I was quiet for a minute. “So it’sdone then? I’m out?”
Maxon thought it over. “I’m notsure I could stop it now. Isn’t that whatyou wanted?”
I shook my head. “I was mad,” Iwhispered. “I was so mad.”
I looked away, not wanting to cry.
Apparently Maxon decided that I neededto listen to what he had to say, whether Iwanted to or not. Finally he had metrapped, and I would hear everythinghe’d been waiting to tell me.
“I thought you were mine,” he said.I peeked over and found him staring atthe ceiling. “If I could have proposed toyou at the Halloween party, I wouldhave. I’m supposed to do somethingofficial with my parents and guests andcameras, but I got special permission toask you privately when we were readyand have a reception afterward. I nevertold you about that, did I?”
Maxon looked over to me, and Igave a small shake of my head. Hesmiled bitterly, remembering.
“I had this speech prepared, allthese promises I wanted to make. Iprobably would have forgotten it andmade an idiot of myself. Though … I canremember it now.” He sighed. “I’llspare you.”
He paused briefly. “When youpushed me away, I panicked. I hadthought that I was done with this insanecontest, and I found myself feeling like itwas the very first day of the Selectionall over again, only this time my optionswere far more limited. And just theweek before, I’d spent time with allthose girls trying to find someone whooutshone you, who I thought I could wantmore, and failed. I felt hopeless.
“And then Kriss came to me, so
very humble, only wanting to see mehappy, and I wondered how I’d missedthat in her. I knew she was nice, andshe’s very attractive; but there wassomething more to her this whole time.
“I think I simply wasn’t reallylooking. What reason did I have whenthere was you?”
I wrapped my arms around myself,trying to hide from the ache. There wasno me anymore. I’d ruined all that.
“Do you love her?” I asked meekly.I didn’t want to see his face, but the longpause let me know that there wassomething deep between the two ofthem.
“It’s different than what you and Ihad. It’s quieter, maybe friendlier. But
it’s steady. I can depend on Kriss, and Iknow without question that she isdevoted to me. As you can see, there isvery little certainty in my world. She’srefreshing in that way.”
I nodded, still avoiding eye contact.All I could think about was how hespoke of him and me in the past tenseand had nothing but praise for Kriss. Iwished I had something bad to say abouther, something that would bring herdown a notch; but I didn’t. Kriss was alady. From the beginning she’d doneeverything well, and I was surprised thathe had ever favored me over heranyway. She was perfect for him.
“Then why Celeste?” I asked,finally facing him. “If Kriss is so
wonderful …”Maxon nodded his head, seeming
embarrassed about this subject. It washis idea to talk about this in the firstplace, though, so he must already havehad something in mind to say. He stood,giving his back another tentative stretch,and started pacing the small space.
“As you now know, my life is fullof stresses that I prefer not to share. Ilive in a constant state of tension. I’malways being watched, judged. Myparents, our advisers … there arealways cameras in my life, and nowyou’re all here,” he said, motioning tome. “I’m sure you’ve felt trapped at leastonce because of your caste, but imaginehow I feel. There are things I’ve seen,
America, and things I know; and I don’tthink I’ll ever be able to change them.
“You’re aware, I’m sure, thattechnically my father is supposed toretire in my twenties, when he feels I’mready to lead; but do you think he’ll everstop pulling the strings? That’s not goingto happen so long as he lives; and Iknow he’s terrible, but I don’t want himto die …. He is my father.”
I nodded.“Speaking of which, he’s had his
hand in the Selection from very early on.If you look at who’s left, it’s prettyclear.” He started ticking off the girls onhis fingers. “Natalie is extremelypliable, and that makes her my father’sfavorite, as I am too willful in his
opinion. The fact that he’s so fond of hermakes me have to fight the urge to hateher.
“Elise has allies in New Asia, butI’m not sure if that’s of any use at all.That war …” Maxon debated somethingand shook his head. There was somedetail about this war that he didn’t wantto share with me. “And she’s so … Idon’t even know the word for it. I knewfrom the beginning that I didn’t wantsome girl who would agree witheverything I said or just roll over andadore me. I try to contradict her, and sheconcedes the point. Every time! It’sinfuriating. It’s like she doesn’t have aspine.”
He took a steadying breath. I didn’t
realize how much she got under his skin.He was always so patient with us.Finally he looked at me.
“You were my pick. My only pick.My father wasn’t enthusiastic; but at thatpoint you hadn’t done anything to upsethim. So long as you were quiet, he didn’tmind me keeping you. In fact, he wasfine with me choosing you, if you werewell behaved. He’s used your recentactions to point out the flaws in myjudgment and is insisting that he have thefinal say now.”
He shook his head. “That’s besidethe point. The others—Marlee, Kriss,and Celeste—were chosen by advisers.Marlee was a favorite, as is Kriss.” Hesighed. “Kriss would be a fine choice. I
wish she would let me closer, if only forthe fact that I don’t know if we have …chemistry. I’d like to at least have anidea.
“And Celeste. She is veryinfluential, a celebrity in her own right.It looks good on TV. It sounds right forsomeone who is close to being on thesame level as me to be the final choice. Ilike her if only for her tenacity. She atleast has a backbone. But I can tell thatshe’s got a manipulative streak and thatshe’s working this whole situation foreverything she can get out of it. I knowwhen she holds me, it’s the crown shepulls close to her heart.”
He closed his eyes, as if what hewas about to say was the worst of all.
“She’s using me, so I don’t feel guiltyusing her. I wouldn’t be surprised ifshe’d been encouraged to throw herselfat me. I can respect Kriss’s boundaries.And I’d much prefer to be in your arms,but you’ve barely spoken to me ….
“Is it so awful of me to want fifteenminutes of my life not to matter? To feelgood? To pretend for a little while thatsomeone loves me? You can judge me ifyou want, but I can’t apologize forneeding something normal in my life.”
He stared deep into my eyes,waiting for me to reproach him andhoping I wouldn’t at the same time.
“I get that.”I thought of Aspen, holding me tight
and making his promises. Hadn’t I done
the very same thing? I could see thewheels turning in Maxon’s head,wondering how literally I meant that.This was one secret I couldn’t share.Even if it was all over for me, I couldn’tlet Maxon think of me that way.
“Would you ever pick her? Celeste,I mean?”
He came to sit beside me, makinghis moves carefully. I couldn’t imaginehow much his back was hurting him.
“If I had to, I’d take her over Eliseor Natalie. But that won’t happen unlessKriss decides she wants to go.”
I nodded. “Kriss is a good choice.She’d make a much better princess than Iever would have.”
He chuckled. “She is less of an
instigator. Lord knows what wouldhappen to the country with you at thehelm.”
I laughed along because he wasright. “I’d probably ruin it.”
Maxon continued to smile when hespoke. “But maybe it needs ruining.”
We sat there in silence for a littlewhile. I wondered what our worldwould look like ruined. We couldn’t getrid of the royal family—how could wepossibly transition it out?—but maybewe could change the way some thingswere run. Offices could be electedinstead of inherited. And the castes … Ireally would love to see those dead andgone.
“Would you indulge me?” Maxon
asked.“What do you mean?”“Well, I’ve shared a lot of things
with you tonight that are very difficultfor me to admit. I was wondering if youcould answer one question for me.”
His face was so sincere, I didn’twant to deny him. I hoped I wouldn’tregret whatever this was about, but hehad been more honest than I deserved atthis point.
“Yes. Anything.”He swallowed. “Did you ever love
me?”Maxon looked into my eyes, and I
wondered if he could see it there. All theemotions I’d fought because I thought hewas something he wasn’t, all the feelings
I never wanted to put a name on. Iducked my head.
“I know that when I thought youwere responsible for hurting Marlee, itcrushed me. Not just because ithappened, but because I didn’t want tothink of you as that kind of person. Iknow that when you talk about Kriss orwhen I think about you kissing Celeste… I’m so jealous I can hardly breathe.And I know that when we talked onHalloween, I was thinking about ourfuture. And I was happy. I know if youhad asked, I would have said yes.”Those last words were a whisper,almost too difficult to think about.
“I also know that I never knew howto feel about you dating other people or
being a prince. Even with everything youtold me tonight, I think there are piecesof yourself that you will always guard….
“But, with all that …” I nodded. Icouldn’t say the words aloud. If I did,how would I be able to leave?
“Thank you,” he whispered. “Atleast I can know for certain that, for onebrief moment of our time together, youand I felt the same thing.”
My eyes stung, threatening to spillover with more tears. He’d neveractually told me he loved me, and hewasn’t exactly saying it now. But thewords were so, so very close.
“I’ve been so foolish,” I said, mybreath catching. I’d fought hard against
the tears, but I couldn’t anymore. “I keptletting the crown scare me out ofwanting you. I told myself that you didn’treally matter to me. I kept thinking thatyou had lied to me or tricked me, thatyou didn’t trust me or care about meenough. I let myself believe that I wasn’timportant to you.”
I stared at his handsome face. “Onelook at your back says you’d do damnnear anything for me. And I threw itaway. I just threw it away ….”
He opened his arms, and I fell intothem. Maxon held me silently, runninghis hands through my hair. I wished Icould erase everything else and hold onto this moment, this brief second whenhe and I knew how much we meant to
each other.“Please don’t cry, darling. I’d
spare you tears for the rest of your life ifI could.”
My breathing was uneven as Ispoke. “I’ll never see you again. It’s allmy fault.”
He held me closer. “No, I shouldhave been more open.”
“I should have been more patient.”“I should have proposed that night
in your room.”“I should have let you.”He chuckled. I looked up at his
face, unsure of how many more of hissmiles I’d have. Maxon’s fingers sweptaway the tears from my cheeks, and hesat there gazing into my eyes. I did the
same to him, wanting to remember thisso badly.
“America … I don’t know howmuch time we have left together, but Idon’t want to spend it regretting thingswe didn’t do.”
“Me either.” I turned my face intohis palm, kissing it. Then I kissed thetips of each of his fingers. He slid thathand deep into my hair and pulled mylips to his.
I had missed these kisses, so quiet,so sure. I knew that, in my whole life, ifI married Aspen or someone else, no onewould ever make me feel this way. Itwasn’t like I made his world better. Itwas like I was his world. It wasn’t someexplosion; it wasn’t fireworks. It was a
fire, burning slowly from the inside out.We shifted, sliding so I was on the
floor and Maxon was above me. He ranhis nose along my jawline, down myneck, across my shoulder, and kissed thesame path back to my lips. I kept runningmy fingers through his hair. It was sosoft, it almost tickled my palms.
After a while we pulled out theblankets and built a makeshift bed. Heheld me for the longest time, looking intomy eyes. We could have spent yearsdoing this if not for me.
Once Maxon’s shirt was dry, he putit on, covering the dried stains with hiscoat, and curled up next to me again.When we both got tired, we startedtalking. I didn’t want to sleep through a
second of this, and I sensed he didn’teither.
“Do you think you’ll go back tohim? Your ex?”
I didn’t want to talk about Aspenright now, but I considered this. “He’s agood choice. Smart, brave, maybe theonly person on the planet more stubbornthan me.”
Maxon laughed lightly. My eyeswere closed, but I kept talking. “It wouldbe awhile before I could think about thatthough.”
“Mmm.”The silence stretched. Maxon
rubbed his thumb along the hand he washolding.
“Could I write you?” he asked.
I thought about that. “Maybe youshould wait a few months. You might noteven miss me.”
He gave an almost-laugh.“If you do write … you have to tell
Kriss.”“You’re right.”He didn’t clarify whether that
meant he would tell her or simply notwrite me, but I didn’t really want toknow at the moment.
I couldn’t believe that all this washappening because of a stupid book.
I gasped, and my eyes shot open. Abook!
“Maxon, what if the Northernrebels are looking for the diaries?”
He shifted, still not quite alert.
“What do you mean?”“When I was chased that day in the
gardens, I saw them as they passed me.A girl dropped a bag full of books. Theguy with her had bunches, too. They’restealing books. What if they’re lookingfor a specific one?”
Maxon opened his eyes, squintingin thought. “America … what exactlywas in that diary?”
“A lot. About how Gregorybasically stole the country, how heforced the castes on people. It wasawful, Maxon.”
“But the Report was cut off,” heinsisted. “Even if that is what they’relooking for, there’s no way they couldknow that was it or what’s inside it.
Trust me, after that little display, myfather is making sure those things areeven more protected than usual.”
“That’s it.” I covered my face,stifling a yawn. “I know it.”
“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t getworked up. For all we know, they justreally, really like to read.”
I moaned at his attempt at humor.“I seriously thought I couldn’t make
this any worse.”“Shh,” he said, coming closer. His
strong arms grounded me to the earth.“Don’t worry now. You should probablysleep.”
“But I don’t want to,” I whispered,though I curled closer into him.
Maxon closed his eyes again, still
holding on to me. “Me either. Even on agood day, sleeping makes me nervous.”
It made my heart ache. I couldn’timagine his constant state of worry,especially considering that the personkeeping him on edge was his own father.
He let go of my hand and reachedinto his pocket. My eyelids parted a bit,but he was doing all this with his eyesclosed. We were both so close to sleep.He found my hand again and started tyingsomething on my wrist. I recognized thefeeling of the bracelet he got me in NewAsia as it slid into place.
“I’ve been carrying it in my pocket.I’m a pitiful romantic, right? I was goingto keep it, but I want you to havesomething from me.”
He’d put the bracelet on overAspen’s, and I felt the button pressinginto my skin underneath it.
“Thank you. It makes me happy.”“Then I’m happy, too.”We didn’t say anything else.
CHAPTER 30
THE SOUND OF THE CREAKINGdoor woke me, and the light streaming inwas so bright, I had to block my eyes.
“Your Majesty?” someone asked.“Oh, God! I’ve found him,” hescreamed. “He’s alive!”
There was a sudden flurry aroundus as guards and butlers stormed to ourlocation.
“Were you not able to getdownstairs, Your Majesty?” one of theguards asked. I looked at his name.Markson. I wasn’t sure, but he seemed tobe one of the higher-ups in the guard.
“No. An officer was supposed to
tell my parents. I told him to go therefirst,” Maxon explained, trying tostraighten his hair. Only once did hisface give away that the movement painedhim.
“Which officer?”Maxon sighed. “I didn’t get his
name.” He looked to me forconfirmation.
“Me either. But he was wearing aring on his thumb. It was gray, likepewter or something.”
Officer Markson nodded. “Thatwas Tanner. He didn’t make it. We lostabout twenty-five of the guards and adozen staff.”
“What?” I covered my mouth.Aspen.
I prayed that he was safe. I’d beenso consumed last night, it hadn’toccurred to me to worry.
“What about my parents? The otherElite?”
“All fine, sir. Your mother has beenhysterical though.”
“Is she out yet?” We startedmoving, Maxon leading the way.
“Everyone is. We missed a few ofthe small safe rooms and were doing asecond sweep, hoping to find you andLady America.”
“Oh, God,” Maxon said. “I’ll go toher first.” But then he stopped dead inhis tracks.
I followed his eyes and saw thedestruction. That same line, the one from
last time, was scrawled across the wall.WE’RE COMING
Over and over, by any means theycould find, the warning covered thehalls. Beyond that, the level ofdestruction was elevated yet again. I’dnever seen what the rebels managed todo to the first floor, only to the hallwaysnear my room. Huge stains in the carpetannounced where someone, perhaps ahelpless maid or fearless guard, haddied. Windows were shattered, leavingjagged teeth of glass in their place.
Lights were broken, someflickering as they refused to give up.Terrifyingly, there were massive gougesin the walls; and it made me wonder ifthey had seen people going into the safe
rooms, if they had been hunting. Howclose were Maxon and I to death lastnight?
“Miss?” a guard said, bringing meback to the moment. “We’ve taken theliberty of contacting all the families. Itappears the attack on Lady Natalie’sfamily was a direct attempt to end theSelection. They’re targeting yourrelatives to get you to leave.”
I covered my mouth. “No.”“We’re already sending palace
guards out to protect them. The king wasadamant that none of the girls shouldgo.”
“What if they want to?” Maxonchallenged. “We can’t hold them hereagainst their will.”
“Of course, sir. You’ll need tospeak with the king.” The guard seemedembarrassed, not quite sure how tohandle the difference of opinions.
“You won’t have to guard myfamily long,” I said, hoping to breaksome tension. “Let them know I’ll behome soon.”
The guard’s eyes flickered betweenMaxon and me, looking to confirm thatI’d been eliminated. Maxon simplynodded once.
“Yes, miss,” the guard said with abow.
Maxon interjected. “Is my mother inher room?”
“Yes, sir.”“Tell her I’m coming. You’re
dismissed.”We were alone again.Maxon took my hand in his. “Don’t
rush away. Say good-bye to your maidsand any of the girls if you want. And eatsomething. I know how you love thefood.”
I smiled. “I will.”Maxon wet his lips, almost
fidgeting. This was it. This was good-bye.
“You’ve changed me forever. AndI’ll never forget you.”
I ran my free hand down his chest,straightening his coat. “Don’t tug yourear with anyone else. That’s mine.” Igave him a tight smile.
“A lot of things are yours,
America.”I swallowed. “I need to go.”He nodded.Maxon kissed me once, quickly, on
the lips, and ran down the hall. Iwatched until he was out of sight andthen made my way back to my room.
Each step up the main stairwellwas torture, both because of what I hadleft and what I feared was coming. Whatif I rang the bell and Lucy didn’t come?Or Mary? Or Anne? What if I looked atevery face of every guard I passed andnot a single one was Aspen’s?
I made my way to the second floor,passing destruction at every turn. It wasstill recognizable, the most beautifulplace I’d ever seen, even in ruins. But
the time and money it would take torestore this was beyond my imagination.The rebels were very thorough. As I gotcloser to my room, I heard the distinctsound of crying. Lucy.
I let out a breath, happy she wasalive but terrified of what was makingher cry. I braced myself and turned thecorner into my room.
Working with red faces andswollen eyes, Mary and Anne werecollecting the shattered glass from thedoors to my balcony. I watched as Maryhad to stop midsweep to exhale andcalm herself. In a corner, Lucy wasweeping into Aspen’s chest.
“Shh,” he said, comforting her.“They’ll find her, I know it.”
I was so relieved, I burst into tears.“You’re okay. You’re all okay.”
Aspen let out a huge sigh, his tightshoulders slumping as they relaxed.
“My lady?” Lucy said. A secondlater she was running for me. Not too farbehind, Mary and Anne came,enveloping me in hugs.
“Oh, this isn’t proper,” Anne saidas she held me.
“For goodness’ sake, give it arest,” Mary retorted.
And we were so happy to be aliveand safe that we laughed about it all.
Behind them, Aspen stood,watching with a quiet smile, so clearlygrateful to see me there.
“Where were you? They looked
everywhere.” Mary pulled me over tothe bed to sit, though it was a terriblemess, with the comforter shredded, thepillows stabbed and leaking feathers.
“In one of the safe rooms theymissed. Maxon’s okay, too,” I said.
“Thank God,” Anne said.“He saved my life. I was on my
way to the gardens when they came. IfI’d been outside …”
“Oh, my lady,” Mary cried.“Don’t you worry about a thing,”
Anne said. “We’ll get this room fixed upin no time, and we have a fantastic newdress once you’re ready. And we can—”
“That won’t be necessary. I’mgoing home today. I’ll put on somethingsimple and leave in a few hours.”
“What?” Mary gasped. “But why?”I shrugged. “It didn’t work out.” I
looked up at Aspen but was unable toread his face. All I could see was reliefthat I was alive.
“I really thought it would be you,”Lucy said. “From the start. And aftereverything you said last night … I can’tbelieve you’re going home.”
“That’s very sweet, but it’ll be allright. From here on out, anything you cando to help Kriss, please do that. Forme.”
“Of course,” Anne said.“Anything for you,” Mary
seconded.Aspen cleared his throat. “Ladies,
maybe you could give me a moment. If
Lady America is leaving today, I need togo over some security measures. Wedidn’t get her this far only to let someonehurt her now.
“Anne, maybe you could go getsome fresh towels and things. She shouldgo home like a lady. Mary, some food?”They both nodded. “And Lucy, do youneed to rest?”
“No!” she cried, standing tall. “Ican work.”
Aspen smiled. “Very well.”“Lucy, go to the workroom and
finish that dress. We’ll come help soon.I don’t care what anyone says, LadyAmerica. You’re leaving in style,” Annesaid, addressing me at the end.
“Yes, ma’am,” I answered. They
left, closing the door behind them.Aspen walked over, and I stood to
face him.“I thought you were dead. I thought
I’d lost you.”“Not today,” I said, smiling
weakly. Now that I saw how bad it was,the only way to stay calm was to jokeabout it.
“I got your letter. I can’t believeyou didn’t tell me about the diary.”
“I couldn’t.”He bridged the space between us
and ran his hand down my hair. “Mer, ifyou couldn’t show it to me, you reallyshouldn’t have tried to show it to thecountry. And the caste thing … You’recrazy, you know that?”
“Oh, I know.” I looked at theground, thinking over all the insanity ofthe last day.
“So Maxon kicked you out becauseof that?”
I sighed. “Not exactly. The king’sthe one sending me home. If Maxonproposed to me this very second, itwouldn’t matter. The king says no, soI’m going.”
“Oh,” he said simply. “It’s going tobe strange without you here.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh.“I’ll write,” he promised quickly.
“And I can send you money if you want.I’ve got plenty. We can get married rightwhen I come home. I know it’s going tobe awhile—”
“Aspen,” I said, cutting him off. Ididn’t know how to explain that my hearthad just been crushed. “When I leave, Iwant some peace, okay? I need torecover from all this.”
He stepped back, offended. “So,what, do you not want me to write orcall?”
“Maybe not right away,” I said,trying to make it sound like it wasn’t abig deal. “I just want to spend some timewith my family and get my bearingsagain. After everything I’ve felt here, Ican’t—”
“Wait,” he said, holding up a hand.He was silent for a moment, reading myface. “You still want him,” he accused.“After everything he’s done—after
Marlee—and even when there’sabsolutely no hope, you’re still thinkingabout him.”
“He never did anything, Aspen. Iwish I could explain about Marlee toyou, but I gave my word. I have no hardfeelings toward Maxon. And I know it’sover, but it’s the same way I felt whenyou broke up with me.”
He scoffed incredulously, rollinghis head back like he couldn’t believewhat he was hearing.
“I’m serious. When you ended it,the Selection became my lifelinebecause I knew I’d at least have sometime to get past what I felt for you. Andthen you showed up here, and everythingshifted. You were the one who changed
us when you left me in the tree house;and you keep thinking that if you pushhard enough, you can make everything goback to before that moment. It doesn’twork that way. Give me a chance tochoose you.”
As the words came out of mymouth, I knew that this was so much ofwhat was wrong. I’d loved Aspen for solong, we’d just assumed a lot of things.But everything was different now. Itwasn’t like we were still two nobodiesfrom Carolina. We’d seen too much topretend we would ever happily be thosepeople again.
“Why wouldn’t you choose me,Mer? Aren’t I your only choice?” heasked, sadness dripping into his voice.
“Yes. Doesn’t that bother you? Idon’t want to be the girl you end up withbecause my only other option isn’tavailable and you never looked atanyone else. Do you really want to getme by default?”
He spoke intensely. “I don’t carehow I get you, Mer.”
Suddenly he charged at me, takingmy face in his hands. Aspen kissed mefiercely, willing me to remember whathe was to me.
I couldn’t kiss him back.When he finally gave up, he pulled
back my head, trying to read my face.“What’s happening here,
America?”“My heart is breaking! That’s
what’s happening! How do you think thisfeels? I’m so confused right now, andyou’re the only thing I have left, and youdon’t love me enough to let me breathe.”
I started crying, and he finallycalmed down.
“I’m sorry, Mer,” he whispered.“It’s just, I keep thinking I’ve lost youfor some reason or another, and it’s myinstinct to fight for you. It’s all I know todo.”
I looked at the floor, trying to pullmyself together.
“I can wait,” he promised. “Whenyou’re ready, write me. I do love youenough to let you breathe. After lastnight, that’s all I need you to do. Pleasebreathe.”
I walked into him, letting him holdme, but it felt different. I’d thought Iwould always have Aspen in my life,and for the first time I wondered if thatwas completely true.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Staysafe here. Don’t be a hero, Aspen. Takecare of yourself.”
He stepped away, giving me a nodbut no words. He kissed my foreheadand made his way to the door.
I stood there for a long time, notsure what to do with myself, waiting formy maids to come and pull me togetherone last time.
CHAPTER 31
I TUGGED AT MY DRESS. “Isn’t thisa bit grand for the occasion?”
“Not at all!” Mary insisted.It was late afternoon, but they’d put
me in an evening gown. It was purple,and very regal. The sleeves went to myelbows, as it was colder back inCarolina; and a sweeping hooded capewas draped over my arm for when Ilanded. A high collar would protect myneck from any wind that might come, andthey’d pulled up my hair so elegantly, Iwas positive this was the prettiest I’dever looked at the palace. I wished that Icould go see Queen Amberly, sure that
even she would be impressed.“I don’t want to linger,” I insisted.
“It’s hard enough to go as it is. I justwant you all to know that I’m so gratefulfor everything you’ve done for me. Notonly for keeping me clean and dressed,but for spending time with me and caringabout me. I’ll never forget you.”
“And we’ll always remember you,miss,” Anne promised.
I nodded and started fanning myface. “Okay, okay, I’ve had enough tearsfor one day. If you could tell the driverI’ll be right down, I’m going to take amoment.”
“Of course, miss.”“Is it still improper for us to hug?”
Mary asked, looking at me and then
Anne.“Who cares?” she said, and they
crowded around me one last time.“Take care of yourselves.”“You, too, miss,” Mary said.“You were always a lady,” Anne
added.They stepped away, but Lucy held
on. “Thank you,” she breathed, and Icould tell she was crying. “I’ll missyou.”
“Me, too.”She let me go, and they walked to
the door, standing together in a group.They gave me one last curtsy, and Iwaved as they left me alone.
So many times in the last fewweeks I had wished I could leave. Now
that it was here, seconds away, I wasdreading it. I walked onto the balcony. Ilooked down at the gardens, gazing at thebench, the spot where Maxon and I hadmet. I didn’t know why, but I suspectedhe’d be there.
He wasn’t though. He had moreimportant things to do than to sit aroundthinking about me. I touched the braceleton my wrist. He would think about me,though, from time to time, and thatcomforted me. No matter what, this wasreal.
I backed away, closing the doorand heading to the hallway. I movedslowly, taking in the beauty of the palaceone last time, even though it was slightlymarred by broken mirrors and chipped
frames.I remembered walking down this
grand stairwell the first day, feelingconfused and grateful at the same time.There were so many girls then.
When I reached the front doors, Ipaused for a moment. I’d gotten so usedto being behind those massive blocks ofwood that it almost felt wrong to gothrough them.
I took a deep breath and reachedfor the handle.
“America?”I turned. Maxon was standing at the
other end of the corridor.“Hey,” I said lamely. I hadn’t
thought I’d get to see him again.He walked over to me quickly.
“You look absolutely breathtaking.”“Thank you.” I touched the fabric of
my last dress.There was a breath of silence as
we stood there, watching each other.Maybe that’s all this was: a last chanceto see.
Suddenly he cleared his throat,remembering his purpose. “I’ve spokenwith my father.”
“Oh?”“Yes. He was quite happy that I
wasn’t killed last night. As you mighthave guessed, carrying on the royal lineis very important to him. I explained tohim that I nearly died because of histemper and attributed my finding a hidingplace to you.”
“But I didn’t—”“I know. But he needn’t.”I smiled.“I then told him that I set you
straight on some behavioral things.Again, he needn’t know that’s untrue; butyou could act like it happened, if youwanted.”
I didn’t know why I would need toact like anything happened when I wouldbe on the other side of the country, but Inodded.
“Considering that I owe my life toyou as far as he knows, he agreed thatmy desire to keep you here might besomewhat justified, so long as you wereon your best behavior and could learnyour place.”
I stared at him, not completely sureI was hearing this right.
“Really, the fair thing to do is letNatalie go. She’s not cut out for this; andwith her family grieving right now, herhome is the best place for her. We’vealready spoken.”
I was still dumbstruck.“Shall I explain?”“Please.”Maxon reached for my hand. “You
would stay here as a member of theSelection and still be a part of thecompetition, but things will be different.My father will probably be harsh towardyou and do whatever he can to make youfail. I think there are some ways to fightthat, but it will take time. You know how
ruthless he is. You have to prepareyourself.”
I nodded. “I think I can do that.”“There’s more.” Maxon looked to
the carpet, trying to align his thoughts.“America, there’s no question thatyou’ve had my heart from the beginning.By now you have to know that.”
When he brought his eyes up tomine, I could see it in every part of himand feel it in every piece of me. “I do.”
“But what you do not have rightnow is my trust.”
I was stricken. “What?”“I’ve shown you so many of my
secrets, defended you in every way Ican. But when you aren’t pleased withme, you act rashly. You shut me out,
blame me, or, most impressively, try tochange the entire country.”
Ouch. That was pretty rough.“I need to know that I can depend
on you. I need to know that you can keepmy secrets, trust my judgment, and nothold things back from me. I need you tobe completely honest with me and tostop questioning every decision I make. Ineed you to have faith in me, America.”
It hurt to hear all of that, but he wasright. What had I done to prove to himthat he could trust me? Everyone aroundhim was pulling or pushing him intosomething. Could I just be there for him?
I fiddled with my hands. “I do havefaith in you. And I hope you can see thatI want to be with you. But you could
have been more honest with me, too.”He nodded. “Perhaps. And there
are things I want to tell you, but many ofthe things I know are of such a naturethat they cannot be shared if there’s evena minuscule chance that you can’t keepthem to yourself. I need to know that youcan do that. And I need you to be whollyopen with me.”
I inhaled to respond, but it nevercame out.
“Maxon, there you are.” Krisscalled, rounding the corner. “I didn’t getto ask you earlier if we were still on fordinner tonight.”
Maxon looked at me as he spoke.“Of course. We’ll eat in your room.”
“Wonderful!”
That hurt.“America? Are you really
leaving?” she asked, coming up to us. Icould see the spark of hope in her eyes. Ilooked to Maxon, whose expressionseemed to say This is what I’m talkingabout. I need you to accept theconsequences of your actions, to trustme to make my own choice.
“No, Kriss, not today.”“Good.” She sighed, coming to hug
me. I wondered how much of thisembrace was for Maxon’s sake; but,really, it didn’t matter. Kriss was mytoughest competition, but she was alsothe closest friend I had here. “I wasreally worried about you last night. I’mglad you’re okay.”
“Thanks, it was lucky—” I almostsaid that it was lucky I had Maxon tokeep me company, but bragging wouldhave probably ruined what little bit oftrust I’d built in the last ten seconds. Icleared my throat. “Lucky the guards gotthere so fast.”
“Thank goodness. Well, I’ll see youlater.” She turned to Maxon. “And I’llsee you tonight.”
Kriss skipped down the hall,giddier than I’d ever seen her. I guess ifI saw the guy I loved put me above hisformer favorite, I’d feel like skipping,too.
“I know you don’t like that, but Ineed her. If you let me down, she’s mybest bet.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said with ashrug. “I won’t let you down.”
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheekand headed upstairs without lookingback. A few hours ago, I thought I’d lostMaxon for good; and now that I knewwhat he meant to me, I was going to fightfor him. The other girls wouldn’t knowwhat hit them.
As I made my way up the grandstairwell, I felt encouraged. I probablyshould have been more worried aboutthe challenge that was ahead of me, butall I could think of was how I’deventually overcome it.
Perhaps the king sensed my joy, ormaybe he was just waiting; but as Istepped onto the second floor, he was
there, halfway down the hall.He approached me slowly, a clear
display of control. When he stopped infront of me, I curtsied.
“Your Majesty,” I said.“Lady America. It seems you’re
still with us.”“So it does.”A pack of guards passed us,
bowing as they did so. “Let’s talkbusiness,” he said sternly. “What do youthink of my wife?”
I pursed my forehead, surprised atthe direction of the conversation. Still, Ianswered honestly. “I think the queen isamazing. I don’t know enough words tosay how wonderful I think she is.”
He nodded. “She’s a rare woman.
Beautiful, obviously, and also humble.Timid, but not to the point of beingcowardly. Obedient, good-humored, anexcellent conversationalist. It seems thateven though she was born into poverty,she was meant to be a queen.”
He paused and looked at me, takingin the clear admiration on my face. “Thesame cannot be said of you.”
I tried to stay calm as he continued.“Your looks are average. Red hair, a bitpale, and I suppose a decent figure; butyou’re nothing next to Celeste. As far asyour temper …” He inhaled sharply.“You’re rude, jocular; and the one timeyou do something serious, it tears at thefabric of our nation. Completelythoughtless. And that’s not even counting
your poor posture and gait. Kriss is farlovelier and more agreeable.”
I pushed my lips together, willingmyself not to cry. I reminded myself thatI already knew all this.
“And, of course, there is absolutelyno political advantage to having you inthe family. Your caste isn’t low enoughto be inspiring, and your connections arenonexistent. Elise, however, was veryhelpful with our trip to New Asia.”
I wondered how true that could beif they never actually made contact withher family. Maybe there was somethinggoing on that I simply didn’t know about.Or maybe all of this was beingexaggerated to make me feel worthless.If that was the goal, he’d done an
excellent job.His cold eyes focused on mine.
“What are you doing here?”I swallowed. “I suppose you would
have to ask Maxon.”“I’m asking you.”“He wants me here,” I said firmly.
“And I want to be here. As long as bothof those things are true, I’m staying.”
The king grinned. “You’re what,sixteen? Seventeen?”
“Seventeen.”“I suspect you don’t know very
much about men, which you shouldn’t ifyou’re here. Let me say, they can be veryfickle. You might not want to hold on toyour affection for him so tightly when asingle moment could take his heart away
for good.”I squinted, unsure of what he meant.“I have eyes all over this palace. I
know there are girls offering him morethan you’d dream. Do you think someoneas plain as you could stand a chance nextto them?”
Girls? As in plural? Was he sayingthat more than what I’d seen in the hallbetween Maxon and Celeste washappening? Were our hours of kisses lastnight tame compared to everything elsehe was experiencing?
Maxon had said he wanted to behonest with me. Was he keeping this asecret?
I had to decide in my heart that Itrusted Maxon.
“If that’s true, then Maxon will letme go in his own time, and you havenothing to worry about.”
“But I do!” he bellowed, thendropped his voice. “If by some act ofstupidity, Maxon actually chooses you,your little stunts would cost useverything. Decades, generations ofwork gone because you thought you werebeing a hero!”
He got in my face to the point that Iactually took a step back, but he camecloser, leaving very little space betweenus. His voice was low and harsh, and farmore frightening than when he wasyelling.
“You’re going to need to learn tohold your tongue. If not, you and I will
be enemies. Trust me when I say that youdo not want to be my enemy.”
His angry finger was pointing intomy cheek. He could rip me to shredsright now. Even if there was someonenearby, what would they do? No onewas going to protect me from the king.
I tried to sound calm. “Iunderstand.”
“Excellent,” he said, suddenlyturning cheerful. “Then I’ll leave you tosettle back in. Good afternoon.”
I stood there, only realizing once heleft that I was shaking. When he said tokeep my mouth shut, I assumed thatmeant not even thinking of mentioningthis to Maxon. So, for now I wouldn’t. Iwas betting this was a test to see how far
he could push me. I willed myself to beunbreakable.
As I thought it, something in mechanged. I was nervous, yes, but I wasalso angry.
Who was this man to order mearound? Yes, he was king; but, really, hewas just a tyrant. Somehow he’dconvinced himself that by keepingeveryone around him oppressed andquiet, he was doing us all a favor. Howwas it a blessing to be forced to live in acorner of society? How was it good thatthere were limits for everyone in Illéabut him?
I thought of Maxon sneaking Marleeinto the depths of the kitchens. Even if Iwasn’t here for very long, I knew he
would do a better job than his father.Maxon at least had the capacity forcompassion.
I continued to breathe slowly, andonce I felt composed, I carried on.
I walked into my room and scurriedover to press the button that sent for mymaids. Faster than I could haveimagined, Anne, Mary, and Lucy camerunning breathlessly into my room.
“My lady?” Anne said. “Issomething wrong?”
I smiled. “Not unless you think mestaying is a bad thing.”
Lucy squealed. “Really?”“Absolutely.”“But how?” Anne asked. “I thought
you said—”
“I know, I know. It’s hard toexplain. All I can say is that I’ve beengiven a second chance. Maxon matters tome, and I’m going to fight for him.”
“That’s so romantic!” Mary cried,and Lucy started clapping her hands.
“Hush, hush!” Anne called outsternly. I thought she would be excitedand didn’t understand her suddenseriousness.
“If she’s going to win, we need aplan.” Her smile was diabolical, and Igrinned with her. I’d never met anyoneas organized as these girls. If I had them,there was no way I could lose.
END OF BOOK TWO
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
WELL, HELLO THERE, SASSYREADER. Thank you for reading mybook! I hope it made you haveunbearable feelings that you findyourself tweeting about at 3:00 a.m.That’s what it does to me, so …
To Callaway, the sweetest hubby agirl could have. Thank you for yoursupport of and pride in what I do. Youmake it so much better. Lurve you.
To Guyden and Zuzu, Mommyloves you bunches! I’m crazy about thestories I write, but you’ll always be thebest things I ever made.
To Mom, Dad, and Jody, thanks for
being the weirdest family possible, andfor loving me just like I am.
To Mimi, Papa, and Chris, thanksfor your love and support, and for beingso excited every step of the way.
To the rest of my family—too manynames to even think about listing—thankyou! I know that, wherever you are,you’re always bragging about yourniece/granddaughter/cousin who writesbooks, and it means a lot to me to knowyou’re behind me all the way.
To Elana, thanks for pretty mucheverything under the sun. This wouldn’thave happened without you.*awkwardhug*
To Erica, thanks for letting me callyou a zillion times and for being as
excited as I am about this story and forjust generally being awesome.
To Kathleen, thank you for makingit so people in Brazil and China andIndonesia and wherever else get to readthese books, too! Still blows my mind.
To the gang at HarperTeen, youguys are unendingly rad, and I love you.
To FTW … *throws ham incelebration*
To Northstar, thanks for being homefor the Cass family.
To Athena, Rebeca, and the gang atthe Christiansburg Panera for making megreat hot chocolates and being awkwardin the background while I did phoneinterviews. Thanks!
To Jessica and Monica …
basically because a promise is apromise, and you guys make me laugh.
To you for sticking with America(and with me) while this all unfolds.Also, you rock my face off.
To God for the mercy that iswriting. I’d be lost otherwise.
To naps … which is where I’mgoing now. And to cake, just because.
About the Author
KIERA CASS is a graduate of RadfordUniversity and currently lives inBlacksburg, Virginia, with her family.She is also the author of the New YorkTimes bestseller THE SELECTION andthe self-published fantasy novel THESIREN. Kiera has kissed approximatelyfourteen boys in her life. None of themwere princes. You can learn more aboutKiera’s books, videos, and love of cakeonline at www.kieracass.com.
V i s i t www.AuthorTracker.com forexclusive information on your favoriteHarperCollins authors.
Copyright
HarperTeen is an imprint ofHarperCollins Publishers.
THE ELITECopyright © 2013 by Kiera Cass
All rights reserved under Internationaland Pan-American Copyright
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cass, Kiera.The Elite / Kiera Cass. — 1st ed.
p. cm.Summary: “Sixteen-year-old America
Singer is one of only six girls stillcompeting in the Selection—but beforeshe can fight to win Prince Maxon andthe Illean crown, she must decide whereher own heart truly lies”—Provided by
publisher.ISBN 978-0-06-205996-3 (trade)ISBN 978-0-06-226285-1 (int’l ed.)[1. Marriage—Fiction. 2. Contests—
Fiction. 3. Social classes—Fiction. 4.Princes—Fiction. 5. Love—Fiction.6. Revolutionaries—Fiction.] I. Title.PZ7.C2685133Eli 2013[Fic]—dc23
2012038124CIPAC
13 14 15 16 17 CG/RRDH10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
FIRST EDITION
EPub Edition © APRIL 2013 ISBN:
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