1979-80_v02,n14_Imprint

Campus Events I

- FRIDAY - Tonight at the Waterloo Motor Inn, the Federation presents Some shitty band Denephew was able to book at a good price. Tickets are too much.

Fed Flicks: various X-rated 8-mm films will be shown at 3am in the Fed office. Everybody welcome.

Fed Fix: LSD-25 will be distributed in AL116 at 8pm. Federation President Mark McMuck'n'Mire will be unavailable for comment for several weeks.

The CC Spud will be open tonight and tomorrow night. Four hundred gallons of potato beer will be available.

The scheduled meeting of the Apathy Club was cancelled due to interest.

From 8pm on there will be a Disco Burning sponsored by the MISPRINT rock reviewers in the great hall of the CC. BYOD (Bring Your Own Disco).

The monthly meeting of the UW Procrastination Society has been postponed indefinitely.

The Waterloo Christian Fellowship will hold an ~ ~ o r a Sweater at 8 p h in ' CC110. Lana Turner will be inside it.

- SATURDAY - What's a classifiedad doing in Campus Events? For this and other juicy tidbits, contact JWB at 885-9216.

The KW and District Underwater Association sponsors a film night in the PAC pool beginning at 8. Admission is $5.

The Otter's Club will be holdinga trip to rape and pillage a colony of cherrystone clams. Anyone interested can call Flipper at 576-4449.

- SUNDAY - The Sunday Evening 5-Pin ~owliAg Club will convene at Conrad Grebel Chapel beginning at 7pm for inspirational guttering.

The UW chapter of the National Organization for the Legalization of Marijuana and the .UW Punsters League will hold a joint press conference in AL202 today at 4pm.

The Beer Committee will drink themselves in the C C Pub from 7 to 8 this

evening.

Linus Van Pelt will speak at a meeting of the Insecurity Council held in C C 110 at 1:30. Blankets welcome. Mono- grammed pewter straws available.

- MONDAY .- The Legal Resource Office will be sponsoring a special libel and slander for fun and profit seminar in C C 217A today at l lam.

The Birth Control Centre is distri- buting live chipmunk condoms for all you bizarre people out there. Available throughout the week.

Mark McMuck'n'mire will be unavailable for comment today between 12:OO and 3:OO am tonight in the C C Pub.

The Outer's C l ~ b is hdding a meeting in CO 135 to discuss why they only had one announcement in Campus Events this week.

This year's Worldball Tournament will be held throughout the week. Atlas, Captain of last year's winning team, will be on hand to throw out the ceremonial first ball.

- TUESDAY - L

Join the rally protesting haircuts held by Cutting Hair is Cruel (CHIC) at a barber shop on Queen. The bus leaves the C C at 4:30pm. ,

' There will be a Liberal Club meeting to discuss what happened at the Conserva- tive Club meeting last Thursday and how to infiltrate the NDP Club meeting on Friday. Nominations will be taken for a new leader. Those interested are asked to report at the usual place at the usual time.

Interested in gelatinous cubes? For information on the Running Jokes Club, see Mondaa's entry.

There will be a THATSIC meeting in MC 5158 at 7:30. Coffee and doughnuts will be supplied; leather fetish games will be played afterwards. New members are welcome. Separatists must be pre- paired.

- WEPNESDAY - There will be d WPIRG Seminar on Acid Rain in HH 150 today at 12:30.

Topic for discussion: should the government legalize Alka-Seltzer umbrellas?

Mid-week Chapel Services will be held in Conrad Grovel College Chapel and Disco tonight at 8pm. Tonight's sermon: Is there life after Saturday Night Fever?

The Suicide Club holds its annual meeting tonight at 7:30in the world room of the Campus Centre. Please knock to be admitted (if there's no answer, just walk right in).

The World of Dance presents Ancient Sacrificial Tribal Dances at 4pm in the Theatre of the Arts.

The World of Dance is looking for volunteers to star in their production today at 4pm. Experience is not necessary.

There will be a Brown Bag Seminar at 12:30 in HH 227 on "Brown Bags in Society", a follow-up to last week's seminar on "Brown Bags and the Law".

Interested in Mark ~uck'n'mire? For information on the Running Jokes Club, see Monday's entry.

- THURSDAY - The final Music at Noon Concert put on by WLU will,be held in the Theatre Auditorium at 8pm. /

The Federation of Students presents another punk band with a disgusting name at the Waterloo Motor Inn at 8pm.. Tickets are $5 for Feds, $7.50 for others.

Interested in monogrammed pewter straws? For information on the Running Jokes Club, see Monday's entry.

The executive of the Never Give a Sucker an Even Break Association will be holding a potluck dinner at 5pmin CC 207.

Gabriel will be giving a demonstration of hornblowing at 8 pm precisely in front of the Theatre of the Arts, also signalling the End of the World. If you have nothing important to do, stay in bed. Refreshments and discussion will take place after the event.

Renaissance Anteaters perform in the C C at 12 noon tomorrow, much to the disgust of everybody. Eat first and plan to leave your lunch behind.

Last week as I rushed from a BEER (Boards of Education and External - Relations) meeting to ‘a BENT (Board..of-Entertairiment) meeting, having, ’ already covered a BOG (Board of Governors) meeting, I stopped in an empty corridor and yelled out, “These f ***ing acronyms are- driving me nuts!” Fortunately, no one heard me, although a few monogrammed pewter straws gave me some awfully strange looks. _ I couldn’t help it. Sure, I know that acronyms are supposed to be memory aids, but why do they have to be so idiotic. 3 I have dreams about beer bottles discussing education and external relations in the CC pub. I fear , that BENT has alkeady permanently warped my mind with3ts punk rock concerts and perverted Hallowe’en parties. And every time I walk by a bog the frogs and lizards in it start talking about university fiscal policy from their lily pads.

_

My mind finally blew a gasket last week*.as I read over these groups’ application forms for club status: SCREWS:Special Council for Research into Environmental Work Services CRUNCH:Council for the Resurrection of U-nderground Nuclear Clouds in Hawaii PIFFLE:Pinball Imprinters For Free Lunchtime Entertainment

There must be a reason for these acronyms. I had to find out.

Federation presidefit Mark McMuck’n’Mire was unavailable for comment,but Vice-President Peter Wigglyworm did say, “Get the hell out of my office, you jerk !” Wigglyworm is the president of the Gelatinous Cubes Kibosh Organization (GECKO).

UW Disintegrated Studies Professor Dunk Doughnut explains that acronyms are “a plot by the wealthy, imperialist, evil, CIA-controlled, monopolist, capitalist, anti-proletarian, amoral, exploiting class to steal the minds of the workers, having already stolen their labour.” M-ost of Doughnut’s colleagues agree that Doughnut is an unfortunate victim of this plot, clearly having “lost his mind” to the capitalists. ‘.

Obviouslyihe time to act against acronyms is now. Already, the Council Opposed to Contrived and Outrageous Acronyms (COCOA) has started fighting this blight on our society. Misprint, setting an example of crusading journalism in the basic interests of the students, has also formed a group to combat this plague. The Board Against Niggling and Needless Acronyms in Society (BANANAS) will lead the battle. So join the fight against acronyms. 1 Denounce this growing acronymism! Down with acronyms! Up with COCOA and BANANAS!

Stoned Pennies, MIGSCAB (vember in good standing of COCOA and BANANAS)

PUZZLE FOUR “There are six million

storys in the Naked Puzzle...‘;

ACROSS I. Milked of half. h e stayed with his people 4. Eef you vont representation, you haf to pay ze Federation zis 7. Vital organ, precious gem, stick or hoe 10. Crande! Bravo! 11. Et 12. Keen direction [abbr) 13. Abie sent a note explaining why he was oway 14. He beats everybody [except a real ace) 15. Enough Things Continue (abbr) 17. Will o’ the frail one 21. Place of training (abbr) 22. The dirty parts of Freudian psychology 25. What most lectures claim to be 28. Cosy place west, no, east of Eden 29. The Californian note (French) 30. You can’t have a little Jot: a Jot is too much 31. As Darryl is to Sittler, so Mohammed is to

32. Four Jorn and hungry students 35. “Birth of a . ...“. D.W. Griffith’s first idea 40. Mire, fire and desire; what these have in common will make you mad 41. Short speaker 42. Connection between the gun and the son 43. “Tennis Without Sin” must still be played with this 44. A bunch who go together 45. Jt makes movies and money [as foriegn investors have found - abbr) 46. Down to earth clouds 49. A man you do more than merely nod to (if ‘you Jive on his floor] 52. A fall guy! 55. The answer is planted! Terror grows! 59. Dog-in-training 62. Yoq can accept this tree 65. Nothing much to make a fuss about 66. He could destroy a pea [or a peabrain; he’s such an animal!) 67. If you intend finishing this puzzle. you’ll have to use every amount of energy you have, I’ll bet! 68. The villian poused after he’hid the estate 74. A t the centre of the world, a placq of legal ald

1

75. He has a musical fear (oh, for the life of Brian!J 76. Not more than a coupJe 77. The Jetter the IJpper Class drinks

78. The health spot not for a spus [sing] 79. The molecular code which could rule your life (abbr) 80. No, not Elemental Mechanics University; an Australian bird 81. Brigid wouldn’t like this delicacy; 1 don’t see the use 82. We’f nay many 83. Jndependent minus tea minus Andy minus vowels equals Socialists (abbr)

84. You too can have purpose! [And you and you...J 85. Two of these make a salutation

87. / 88. Looks for the target 90. D.O. loves F.N. 91. At the core of 90 across? I doubt it 93. “What ..,., what 105 across and what will be.” 94. What? Us? fabbr) 96. Sticky sailor 98. Has the knack (even without case) 101. Agent 86 103. AJJ you need to see this answer is a pair of eyes 105. “What 93 across, what . . . . be.”

and what will

107. The car: one of the corporate dinosaurs of the twentieth century lab&r) 110. Ability to do well 1114. A strange version of my name 115. The...uh...abiJity to transmit id...uh,.. thoughts, yeah, thoughts 119. Would be Snow Dog slayer: By-.... 120. Not me 121. Don’t say! 122. The stuff dreams are made of 124. Clobber the production with a cooking utensil 125. Life Saving Drug? (abbr) 126. Wait! No - weight! /No - abbr) 1 127. Indefinite article [at least, it wasn’t the last time J looked) 128. Not you

161. A rose by any other colour...? 162. Swelling in a pig’s eye (that’ll get him wheri he Jives!) 163. Used cars sound fine to thesesheep (with an apology to engineers) 165. Good bread will rise to the occasion. 166. Two words which, if used incorrectly, could make you suffer till divorce do you part. 167. Knitter, when told what to do with her needles. “ - - what?!” 168. Tea is ingested in a different way. 171. Distressingly Deadly Toxin 173. What you shouldn’t wear if you want to win 175. This made John Dean blind (abbr) 176. It isn’t even even I 77. This question made me sick

130. He was killed by (I wooden Cain 132. The kind of clothing you’d expect a \ Jawver to wear 135: 137. 139. 141.

l-44. 145. 146. (abb 148. mok 150. 153. 154.

155. 156. 158. 159. 160.

DOWN 1. You have entered abbr alley: t,Fe terrorist organization closes in... 2. . ..from the shadows when they hear your political affiliation... I 3. . ..but you give them all sleep-inducing punches. Congratulations, you made it out alive! 4. Big Blowhard 5. Bored? This is something enjoyable ’ 6. In terms of reincarnation, the step above wr 7. The province whose finger always seems to get stuck in the pie (abbr) 8. Wherein yuu find room and board 9. Notch 14. Place where Dorothy belongs (abbr) 15. Prefix not to be used once or even twice 17. We would marry 18. At this time, Caesar began to march to a

Rules for tRe Imprint Crossword Puzzle Contest

1. Entries should be brought or mailed to thelmprint office, CC 140, before 6 pm Tuesday afternoon. Entries should have the name, ID number and telephone number or address of the entrant(s). 2. A prizeoffifteendollars will beawarded tooneoftheentries (regardless of how many people contributed to its solution). After the deadline, the winning puzzle will bechosenat random from all of the completely cohrect solutions. The person(s) having completed the puzzle will then be notified of the decision. The results will be announced in the first Imprint of the next term. If there are no completely correct puzzles, the solution which has thegreatest number,ofcorrectanswerswiJJ be adjudged the winner. In thecaseofa tie, a random draw will occur. Note: partially finished puzzles will be accepted. 3. Entrants must be students, stafforfoculty at the University of Waterloo. Staff of the Imprint are not eligible to enter. 4. The creator of the puzzle, Ira Nayman, will judge the completeness of the entries; the judge’s decision is final. 5. Good luck!

60. This question is better left unmentioned

178. Many vertebrates; most humans 179. Merely l&l Even poetic 182. It claims to be the smallest thing around, but scientists disagree 186. The alphabet from cover to cover _ 187. Oh, no! J have created a monster! (What is this strange contraction?) 190. 1. L. meant that she hadsent mesomething romantic 193. A dog. a cat. a rock or a lover - 194. To exist to Bea

r, 195. Jt can be broken and robbed (but only one is socially acceptablej 196. That lady was almost a hero 197. The greater number in Rome 200. This is really the same as in fact 205. The lost honest man? J hope not

\ 206. Having this in the hole could really come in handy. 206. Guy who comes on like a lion 208. Tuck’s partner 209. Not short enough to be a craze, not long enough to be a fashion 210 Sponkh bull-shout /

61. Daddio bursts 206. Ant;-climactic Finish 62. Unusually Regressive Idiocy? Let’s face it, _ URI could attack anybody (three words) 63. Measures which arkin sensible 64. Itty-bitty 68. To understand my kind of humour, you need an unfair advantage 69. Take it from me: keep an eye on this on thi5: recording company (abbr) 70. Additive answers 71. Since it rotted, no Ed. can keep pace 72. A long time 73. Devoted (not quite dessicated) 86. 168 across in the past tense (oh, we’re way past tents and into bungalows...) 89. With 96 down, what the man who wanted his money back on his potatoes ilaimed (two words) 90. See 89 down 92. Mr. Owen’s to have 94. If you disagree, you’re all this 95.. Erich Van Daniken’s forte (can he be said to be outstanding in his burnt field? - abbr) 97. Either/or, according to current statistics 99. DAN (this definition brought to you in conjunction with the Federation, unofficial suppliers to the 1980 Winier Olympics)

Comes the deluge! Congratulations to Neil Campbell for submitting the first completely correct answer. Keith Rowe, Ken Davidson and Alan Adamson, Brent Chrichton and Ted Hogg, Craig Halket, Brian Martin and Jeanette Lee and Dzeph Haentz also submitted correct answers while Michael Albert and Lynn Marsball, Peter Kristensen and Bernie Roehl were close enough to shake a stick at it.

100. The latest prefix 102. Sounds like a letter that is 103. Fun loving character (even a chimp, if not on CHCH, TV 11) 104. - - Nerd (initials - archaic joke which; for some reason, is still funny) 106. Karate cry 108. Unflattering term for a mother-in-law 109. When insects survive man, this one will supply the social order 111. “I was --!‘I cried the painting 112. An interesting preposition 113. Pep 116. The man w’ho gets rid of all opposition does this for his country 117. I’-- You Like It”, Shakespearean comedy 118. Top dogs (if they score enough of these, they’re bound to bel 222. Not fulli (prefix) 123. Shove in retaliation to this 127. Lemon and orange: the of March? 129. Letters not difficult to figure out 131. Press, fly, or stool 133. Person who lives (suffix) 134. Five’11 get you - - couldn’t bluff your way out of this one (two words) 136. AlthoughtheCockneyhopesso,thisisnot poetic for opinions 137. ‘Female possessive (possessive female?) 138.. Ancient string instrument reputed to have been played by the great Tiny Tim (slang) 140. Order a stock broker cannot refuse 142. Apocalypse when? 143. Male beverage? 146. Green .slime which climbs walls andgives buildings an air of respectability 147. An answer well-suited to a businessman 149. Duo (dynamic or otherwise) 151. Latin salutation 152. I know all about this grassy moisture

7 --. 157. Collective name for all the pot-bellied construction workers who drink beer while watching Monday Night Football and..

164. things are always what the - - to a tailor. 165. Irate chef: “I don’t knead this job!” 169. This am a doctor group (abbr) 170. Local photog (abbr) 171. we though he’d been k.o.‘ed, but he’d apparently o.d.‘d; in any case, this is how he arrived at the hospital (abbr) 172. Trivia question of the week: Who are Rick Azar, Pat Hannigan and Ted Darling (abbr) 173. Bogart: “It’s the stuff cans are made of.” 174. This question is enough to make you sick 179. It can equally apply totimeortheball (but it has nothing to do with relativity) 181. ‘Ow does ‘e explain this definition, Guv? Easy: ‘e ‘ad three odd letters wot made no sense! 182. A poisonous snake can make this of himself 183. Half a laugh 184. Short province 185. Your words are nothing but a mountainof empty letters (abbr) 187. Between a shot and give come two little words 188. Haalen, Morrison or truck tvoe 189. They go the watering hole i;l’spring [and youshouldseethemrunwhentheyfindoutthat its only water. or so the old joke goes.) 191. --, you be, he be (two words) 192. take note (common latin abbr) 196. The singularly third person 197. Chauvinist race? 198. So, when she said: “I bet you won’t be able to fit a Japanese sash into your puzzle”, I said: “Guess again, sweetheart.” 199. Representative with a reputation 201. No? Are you really a nerd, guy? 202. Musical abbr I can’t get out of my head 203. Shocking fish, perhaps 204. One would expect this to pop out of a cake at a stag party

. Nooze I - _- 0

Friday, December 7,1979. Misprint 3 -

. - Derailment unleashes “free love”? - I

None hospitalized; but An investigation is .be- took place at the Columbia gine, the train carried 2

ing made in-to the recent St. crossing at 3:30 last tank cars and 2 box cars, , derailment of a 6 car

freight train on a Water- Friday afternoon. Along The box cars contained loo CN line. The accident with the caboose and en- supplies destined fdr food

y Security was’tdd . where tb park 0

1t “Today we declare the

revolution!” said Raoul Quarterless, a third year Engineering student, in a speech to some of his fellow students in the Carl Pollock Hall Lounge.

Quarterless, a noted EngSoc leader (recipient of the 1978 Monogrammed Pewter Straw Award) described a system to defeat the one and two quarter parking lot system.

“Cars should have freedom of association too! If Security doesn’t agree-we trick ‘em!” His rousing speech described a system of _ co-operation between automobile driving students entering the pay- parking lots such as the notorious “M” lot in the northern campus.

The first student in the “convoy” would , pay his quarters, blink his brake- lights three times to signal that he was going to co-

, operate with the system, and with his hand out the window in the Vulcan “live long and prosper” sign, would signal as he drove

’ through slowly, The rest of the cars in the line would

follow closely, at constant speed, keeping less than two feet between bumpers. “That’s the critical distance for the magnetic sensors under the gates. Keep metal over it, and we’re home free!”

In an unsolicited statement, Al Romanoff, Czar of ~ UW Security, promised “...retribution against all students abusing our parking lots. These damn kids just don’t seem to realize that we’re running a business here. We have no recourse open to us but to get tough.”

The students are getting tough, too. Two Security cars and a tow truck were boxed in and air let-out of their tires when they attempted to remove a convoy of vehicles.

The officer at the kiosk reported that he was “bored to tears. Nobody asks me for change anymore!”

Mark McMuck’n’Mire; President of the Federation of students was unavailable for comment, though his Vice President self- declared Ubermarshal

Peter Wigglyw.orm, said that the Federation Council planned “to recognize the Free- Parki’ng Association, if they’re Fed members,” and grant them funding in the form of two quarters per day. The association. has ‘three hundred members, and feels that they are underfunded, as they need access to more than one parking lot.

,Quarterless, leader of the FPA, believes that in less than two months free parking will be established on campus. With the 10s~ of funding, the security department will wither away, and he expects that shortly the wooden gates will be removed by the heating plant people to fuel their auxiliary boiler.

Quarterless, commenting on the upcoming OFS referendum, asked. “What have they ever done for us? Heck, when it comes to the really important issues,, we have to do it ourselves-we didn’t even get a message of support. Freedom for Cars!”

P.S. Onetwenty

Mark McMuckin’Mire looking pensive -and sleepy obviously- unavailable for comment.

photo by Liz Wouldn’t

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a good time had by all services which included a large quantity of ‘mystery meat’ to be used for Mon- day’s supper. One tanker is believed to have contained nitrous-oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, while the other held n- Butyl nitrite, a known aphro- disiac.

Campus security was first to arrive on the scene, but a massive crowd soon ga- thered. Security initiallycor- donned off the area but were soon incapable of main- taining any kind of order. ,

Nick O’Shark, safety director, notified the Che- mistry and Engineering De- partments, and their experts arrived on the scene within 20 minutes. Upon their arrival, they observed throngs of students, staff and faculty laughing hysterically. They initially considered the scene to be a normal Friday afternoon situation, but soon determined that something was amiss as Mathsoc set up their coffee and doughnut concessions. Coffee was being served with monogrammed pewter straws.

As the crowd grew larger

Waterloo Regional Police instigated their contingency plans for emergency evacuation. They initially attemp-

Reports indicated that the

ted to control the crowd, but

nitrous oxide tank was

soon got into the spirit of

leaking and it -was feared that the second tank con-

things.

taining the n-Butyl nitrite would be set loose by the enthusiastic crowd. Secu- rity did not seem to care whefh%r this occurred.

Soon two enterprising engineering students found the release valve. Trickles of n-Butyl nitrite formed a large pool. The air was filled with the characteristic n- Butyl nitrite odour of un- washed feet. The effect, however, was more stimulating than the odour. The crowd receiving this effect soon began to disperse on its own in pairs, trios andgangs into the oncoming -night, many’stopping at the birth control centre on their way. They were seen to return periodically to check out the situation.

The Peel Regional Police was summoned to bring the

experienced ‘Crowd Control and Evacuation Team’. The Squad arrived wearing pro- tective clothing and gas masks, and soon began to

Crowds refused to all;w the police to get to -the

attempt to clean up the

derailment, knowing that their fun would be spoiled. Police then retreated to

situation.

regroup at Tim’s Horny Donuts, knowing that the’ situation would blow itself out. Crowds did eventually disperse Saturday afternoon, tired but happy. Police and fire departments were then able to move in and clean up various bottles, cans, papers and balloons.

The investigative squad of the Waterloo Regional Police are continuing their inquiries into the matter. It has been determined that the train’s engineer Mr. Bill, was in no way responsible for the derailment. The police have in custody, one suspect, Mr. Hands.

Federation President Mark McMuck n’Mire was unavailable for comment.

Mathnews’ h as ___ news Dr. Button C. MathNews,

President and man who would be king of the University of Waterloo, announced his resignation Tuesday at the annual ge-neral meeting of distaff and faulty members. Math- News had decided t-o end his term several minutes prior to-the meeting since, as he put it, he had“assured myself that my future was s’ecure.

“A university today is such that it is not in anyone’s best interests to hold that position (univ’er- sities no longer being a prime factor in social change). Ten years is quite enough.” MathNews will stay on for a period of six months, after which he is certain he will be succeeded by a janitor from Newark. He stated that he plans to become Prime Minis- ter of Canada by 1981 and Supreme Emperor of the World by 1986.

“I know it sounds ambi- tious,” MathNews admitted to the crowd of dozens which had turned out to hear him speak, “But I have, in fact, been working towards this goal for a number of years.

“As most of you, I am sure, are aware, the computer in the Math and Computer building is prone to breaking down and slowing up in the running of programmes. All of you nai- urally ,assumed, were led to assume, that this was a natural state of affairs due to the poor quality of the equipment.

“In reality, I was using the computer during those periods, hooking it into other computers and computer net- works and creating one vast network across the country and around the world.

“A network which I control. I now have personal

control of over 95% of the stored data in the world, 91% of all its money and 82% of the media.”

To demonstrate the ex- tent of his powers, Math- News announced that, at a given moment, all thelights on campus would go out, and that they would return precisely 5’3 seconds later. He then counted down the seconds until, right on cue, the lights were ex- tinguished. They were turned back on precisely as he had outlined.

“The official story of what just occurred,” Math- News commented, “Is that somebody left. a pot of coffee brewing too long in one of the Engineering buildings causing a temporary short in one of the circuits of the computer we are installing in all the buildings on campus. I need not tell you that that is how the incident will be portrayed in all the media which I control.”

MathNews was to discuss the new career courses (in Risk M ismanagement and Impatience, and a co- op course in Refined Hair- styling and Toenail Clip- ping) to be offered at UW, but decided to merely g-lost instead. “I, of course, was responsible for the resignation of Pierre Trudeau as head of the Federa’l Liberal party. With the resources at my comfiand, only a fool would contend that I will have any trouble becoming leader of the party, then Prime Minister. With a majority.

’ “Gaining control of the entire world will, of course, be more difficult. Still, the seeds have been sown.”

“I have been working towards creating conditions v;‘here countries are dissatisfied with themselves. In this area, I have taken advantage of the deaths of some of the greatest comic minds ever known, most notably Charlie Chaplin, Groucho Marx and S.J. Perelman. The death of comedians has been known to create an air of futility in society because of society’s tendency to connect it with the death of comedy itself.”

Just when it appeared that MathNews was going to takecredit for World War II and the Russian revolution of 1917, he threw up his hands, deprecating himself for foolishly giving away many of his best ideas. He spent the rest of his time talking about the fondymemories of the university which he - would take with him.

“When I think particularly of the Misprint,” he stated, “I shall chuckle.”

Reaction to MathNews’ announcements was mixed; most members accepted his reasons for re- signing as valid, but questioned his plans for the future. As one member pointed out, “Nuts!” Mark McM-uck’n’Mire was unavailable for comment.

If MathNews is to be believed, somewhere in Newark, New Jersey is an unemployed janitor who will be UW’s next Pres- ident. On the other hand, if all of what he says can be believed, it really doesn’t matter who UW’s next President is.

Irate Nomenclature

Nooze. i

Friday, December 7,1979. Misprint 4- -

x -a Vadkrithrotcoti lives! There comes a time in the

course of human events when even the most noble and just of revolutionary organizations must pause and take inventory of its goals, its achievements, its pens and pencils andpaper- clips and, yes, even its pewter straws, be they monogrammed or otherwise.

This period of self-ques- tioning may come at a time of crisis, when the moral binder twine which ho.lds the group together, the intellect&l tap- ioca which is the very glue of solidarity, theatens to break down in a cataclysmic dis- integration of doubt and mixed metaphors.

On the other hand, it may be due t,o boredom. But whatever the case, when it happens, this dilemma on whose ,horns those progres- sives get hung who, in a flurry of demonstrative ad- jectives find themselves en- twined in a sentence from which there is, so to speak, no grammatically correct means of escape.

When it happens, disaster is usually the result. Phil- osophies crumble, sweeping generalizatiQns retreat to the broom closet in the face of what was left under the rug, and. people are at a loss to come’up with sets of three descriptive phrases with which to embellish their sentences. Dogma is no longer impervious to obvious, tired- puns, and minds are shaken arid certainties toppled at the influx of that most dangerous of danger-

ous things, a little knowledge.

So much for introductions. Here’s the facts.

The paper has, apparently, come to realize the 6reat Truths lying in the VADKRI- THROTCOTI’s statement of beliefs. The Vigorous and Democratic Kakistocracy Re- solved Irrevocably To Have Ray On The Cover Of The Im- print has had its stated goal achieved.

And, quite frankly, we’re at a loss to know what to do about it.

It’s actually quite embar- assing. This sort of thing isn’t-’ supposed to happen to progressive organizations. Here we are, a close-knit group with a purpose in life, something we can aim-towards as we sail on into middle age and senility: a destination that we can see in the distance, but that we don’t have to worry about reaching. We can shout, we can stamp otir feet;‘ive can do things that look an awful lot like steps in the direction we have chosen but which, on closer inspection, are only more shouting and stamping. And the beauty of it is that we’ll never run out oft hings to do. We can ignore all the inconsistencies that make this world too complex. for any one person to understand. We’re set for life!

And then this blasted ,newspaper has to come along and blow us out of the water. So how are we supposed to feel? Grateful? Some journal- istic jerkoffs come along and, in one fell swoop dump us

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back into the real world. Now

Well, listen here, nice guys. that’s mean.

You rngy think that you’ve appeased us, but we’re not going to fall for that line of malarky. And neither are the students. In the last referendum, not one student said that we didn’t have , his support-. That means that one hundred per cent of the students support us, and what we do. So here’s what we’re going to do.

The VADKRITHROTCOTI realizes that the placement of Ray on the cover of this issue was not in fact an act of appeaseqent, but a declar- ation of all-out war. Never before in the history of anti- democracy has such an underhanded attempt to destroy a political group taken place. By complying with our requests and bringing about the ach- ievement of our stated aim, you have made an obvious and feeble attempt to silence us . forever. But you shall not succeed. Though we now have no purpose for existing, yet we will exist. Even now our combined intellectual strength is hard at work finding a new cause that will mesh with our philosophies and our acronym. Until then, we will continue to single-mindedly do what we do under the transitional organizational name, Visibly Altered (Despite Knowirigly Repeated Interference) Team of Hardened Revolutionaries Out To Conquer Opression, Tyranny, and things that begin with the letter “I”.

Long Live the VA(DKRI)- THROTCOTI!!

Denouce the underhanded policy of’appeasement by this paper! P

Try not to giggle!!! Etienne Ottawa

Through ati Aardvark Darkly . ..And Sense ‘To None

DOO doo doo doo doot Yet with the advent of the Christmas Doot doot doo doo doo doot holidays in all their materialist glory, DOO doo doo doo doot a break mbst come in this most

Doot doot dad doot alternative of educations. Even

(Suite,:’ Judy Blue Eyes, by Crosby, Cowznofski took a rest now and then. Life is stil’l a crock of shit.

Stills 6 Nash) You can see the future, shining like a

Some time during the past term, the lump of gold. But I swear as we get

first year student made yet another closer, it looks more like a lump of coal.

world. ,* This is University. It is not real. And when I say not, I mean not

eerie, rather frightening discovery. This is not a discovery most first year students want to make. Few dis- coveries rarely are. It will have had hit him during one of the numerous as,signment collaborations. It might hit him during a lecture at which the prof is six chapters ahead of the’ class. The spectre of it haunts him, unless he is a she, in which case it haunts her, in varying degrees throughout the term until finally he gives it voice, in a voice seething with the frustrations of being a individual trapped in an unceasingly uncaring _ _

Now that’s no way to waste your youth.

Now, take Charles, for example. Charles is an average student. Many’s the time I’ve heard Charles say (all right, this’ is ‘an assumption), “Irate, I’m as scared shitless by things I can’t understand as you are,” or “Irate, I wish I could bash people over the head with obvious stereotypes until their brains threaten to dribble out their nostrils.” But Charles can’t. Charles hasn’t got a clear, defined, rigid purpose. Charles hasn’t got a set of maxims, minims, and rituals to base his life upon. Charles is having too much fun.

Charles has b‘uddies who think he’s a good guy, ladies who fawn over his bod (funky, aren’t I?) and an alcohol consumption far above average for his weight and age group.

really, which is to say not really real. Have you ever had reason to stay awake for an entire day of classes? Concepts such as “nihilification” and “ontology” lose their relevance. Dur- ing the second half of this period, which is not to say this period, since we are not in high school any more, your perceptions of time will be changed. Particularly if you get to handle ether in Chem 121L.

Hi. My name is Irate Nomenclature. If feel that I should introduce myself to you because none of you have bothered to introduce you to myself. This is despite the fact that my brilliant condensations - of non- essential reality into fifteen column inches weekly earned me a notoriety second in this paper only to the Battered You-Know-Whats. It seems incredible now that on that day long ago when I first marched into the Misprint office and demanded my rights as an individual trapped in an uncaringly unceasing world, not a soul (or lack thereof) paid any attention. It was only after repeated discussion with a harried editor that she was shown the error of her ways and proceeded- to bestow upon me a column.

That’s too bad, for other than-a minor moral offense (stupidity), she hadn’t done anything not covertly legal (unless you count that incident with the state-organized racist attack), or not even legally covert.

While my cdmpositions may have been somewhat -turgid due to my unwillingness to eschew obfuscation in lieu of clarity, you must doubtless have been comforted by the thought that these columns, like sugar pills with bitter coating, wer’e good for you.

And let’s face it, friends, neither you or I are safe from such treats.

Charles has been seduced. (At least a couple of times). And it is to unseduce people like Charles that I originally agreed to do this column. The final installment of this term was to reveal a truth so great that it would surely snap all the Charleses out of their selfish apathy into selfish activity. but the editor wouldn’t print it. Says it conflicts with ‘her principles. Besides, it would be a l’ogical point to revoke my columnhood at. And none of us wants that.

So I shall continue to keep you informed as to my perceptions of things, those which are not imper- ceptible. I an-i still interested in finding’ out if my experiences are of benefit to you. Well, not my experiences, niy perceptions of my experiences. I’m still waiting for any of you to agree or- disagree with any of the views expressed herein or fo’rthwith so that I may convince you of the error of your ways. As to the great truth, I have placed a couple of subtle clues in this article. I wonder how many of you will

,{ spot it.

You still want to hear about the strange title? It’s my mother’s name. So fuck off.

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- Nooze . Friday, December 7,1979. Misprint 5 ‘-

- Bore stays -

Leather “livc%3’ up to reputation We wouldlike to takethis

opportunity of assuring dur readers that there is absalutely no truth in the

’ rumovr that the Open-Bore gift shop will be closed due to the violent and abusive behaviour of some of its recently arrived merchan- dise.

Staff and students alike were astounded this past week at the curiously point- less actions of a large number, of rather lively leather products. “Honestly, when the invdice said ‘stimu- lated leather hand-bags’, we thought it was a type-o.” giggled store supervisor

’ Glen O’Gullable. . Several unidentified

Math and Computer students were known to have spent the last three days wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles; the majority of customers have maintained an attitude of

reticent indignation concerning their experiences on the premises.

Others were more vocal in their objections, however: “This rude behaviour and disgusting manners have got to be stopped,” gasped one HKLS student. “I’ve been goosed four times by an umbrella case, flashed at by a raincoat, and the pencil cases are all going around with their flies at half mast. It’s indecent! she said, clut- ching at her wriggling art portfolio.

Noting that the arrival of these products coincided with the recent derailment of tankers containing nitrous oxide and n-Butyl nitrite, spokesperson for purchasing Suzgnnah Stacks stopped fondling herrecently/ obtained camera bag long enough to confide,“We don’t know yet what kiiid of effect the chemical leaks had onour

shipment from Toronto. It was sitting in the unloading, depot the whole time. And

, this is only the beginning,” said Stacks, “I hate to think what will happen when we unpack our ~consignment of monogrammed pewter straws.”

Ensoc. “B” president J. Sylvester (Patch-the-dog) Swank denied any con- b nection between his society and the giftstore activities. “Anything gross like this, and it gets tossed in our laps,” he complained, con- templating the recently ac- quired raincoat cooing in his lap.

Federation president Mark McMuck’n’Mire was unavailable for comme’nt. According to BEEP spokesperson Diana Cluck, “he just ran into his office with his new briefcase and locked the door.”

Mmg Sandpaper

Diana Cluck keeps up with the nooze. photo by Liz Wouldn’t

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,Unde / Cutbacks may be at an-end

Two more grants were announced this week. They were given by the Special Council for Research into Environmental Work Services (SCREWS) and the Committee for the Resurrection of Underground Nuc- lear Clouds of Hawaii (CRUNCH). The total was $47.69.

The SCREWS grant was awarded to Prof. IMA Nurd of Physics in the amount of $32.88 to study the effects of pollution from Meat Loaf reactors. Environmentalist groups have ‘complained that fish taken from water- ways which have such plants situ- ated on them bigin to taste like beef. The ES department will also be lending their support.

The remaining $18.81 has been given to Food Services to improve the quality of its product. According to a representative from FS, the Satyrday morning breakfast next week will include six dozen fresh doughnutS. Further plans for the windfall are currently under discussions.

Burnout cancels CCB SFF

The Campus Centre board today cancelled its planned Silent Film Festival.’ Festival coordinator Dave Burnout commented that,“We had to cancel out when we realized that the sound system in the CC just wasn’t up to it.”

What Do They Do For An Encore “I don’t believe it,” Denise Oneliner,

Programming Co-ordinator of the Federation said of the turnout to the latest Fed sponsored event. “Only fifteen lousy people is...shit, I just can’t believe it at all!”

She was, of course, referring to the appearance of The Lord Almighty, Creator of All Things in the Theatre of the Arts on Sunday morning. “The time yas right, the price wasn’t too bad...aargh!” she went on to say.

His Majestic Holiness, Ruler Over ‘Us All, when told that the audience He was facing was all that He could expect, took the information in stride, laughing and joking with the crowd as He ran through -i brief list of His

rwear favourite miracles and did a reading from His books. The lack of an audience worked against Him in strange ways however, and He was forced not to do a second set (cutting His performance time in half):

After the show, God, the Omni- potent, was asked if He blamed Denise for the poor turnout. “Well,” He admitted, “I have had better advertising, but I don’t really think that, in this case, that was a factor.

“I understand that students are getting ready. to study for their midterms, finishing off their projects or ‘doing other things important to themselves, and simply don’t have the time to come out to speak to Me. I was young once too, you’know?”

He then proceeded to bless all the ‘reporters and those who had paid $7.50 to see Him.

Mark McMuck’n’Mire, Federation President, was nowhere to be found, but he left a note on his door saying: “No comment.”

Denise Oneliner was not put out by the poor response to this latest fiasco, and has plans for even 1 bigger activities for the next term. “Perhaps I can get the Beatles...” she said as she left the theatre.

ES Society declares war onEngSoc

The UW Environmental Studiks Society has declared war on the Engineering Society, joining the other faculties in getting revenge for the past twenty years. Federation President Mark McMuck’n’Mire was unavailable for comment. ESS initiated the conflict with a three-way attack: the School of Urban Planning rezoned the Engineering buildings for limited agricultural use, Architecture re- desi’gned Engineering Lectui;:e Hall, and Geography proceeded to write EngSoc off the map and divert Laurel Creek between Engineering 3 and 4.

ESS representative Lorenzo Moo said that he was hopeful that ES would win. “The hardest part was obliter- ating Arts Lecture Hall, so we could put the creek there. Urban Planning and Architecture are going to turn the ruins into a re‘creationa! swimming, fishing, and rollerdisco park,” he said. “We may save Engineering 4 to use as a home for Man-Environment.”

CC, gets facelift, -. It looks like the Campqs

Centre is going to get anotheI‘.round of redecora- a ting in the Federation’s ongoing attempt .to encour- age student involvement. Or so says Deepknees Lo- wenbrau, high Federation official.

“What we’re planning to do is give the students< a chance to.participate in the

painting of the CC. Since there aren’t really enough walls to go around for,-

thousands of students, we’re going to put up more parti- tions and pillars. This will also give the place a more ‘homey’ atmosphere.”

Further, she said that the Pub would get a disco dance floor, complete with flash/- ing lights and synchronized circuits. “However, this kind of thing is expensive, so we don’t want people stepping on it and maybe wrecking it. We plan to put it up on the wall. I mean, that way, only the really good dancers would get on it, and they’re not going to fall, are they?

“And even if they do fall; they won’t fall on the floor.”

Lowenbrau also revealed that the roof work which has been done on the CC was part of a plan to give the building more space; “The roof now stretches up an

extra three inches when we want it to. It’s something that we feel is really needed, and it only cost us three billion dollars.”

Other changes in the CC include:.

217B will become aperma- nent Straight Lib Office, dedicated to helping , straights who feel that deep down they are normal.

The CC sound system will be improved with the addition of several small coins to the t-onearm of the turntable.

The turnkdy desk will be converted into a fireplace.

Federation President Mark McMuck n’Mire was unavailable for comment.

Frank Helptus

,’ . ._ . . I _ . - _, _ ,

I I CORRECTIO’V re 1,979-.80H’andtqook

Please notethat the extensibn listing for

Eaton’s Travel on campus (page 97 of the Handbook) _ shoujd read 3362, not

3363. We apologize for any inconvenience:

Extended Hours ’ The ,EMS Library will be open -November 25 -

. (SundaG) to.December 20 (Thursdsy), 8:OO AM to 2:00 AM.. There will bk no extension of services. ,Y-

YFhe Arts Library will be open 8:OO AM to 12:OO . Midnigh-t during this period. , I ---

‘Cbsed-!ec. 2 1 and reopening again Tues., Jan 2.-

Ifwecanbeofservicetoyou 6vqr thk holiday season, please ,Gontact the Apple Styfist, ’ Queen St. South. Phone 5799 I 2750..

: ., *.

Downstairs in the Campus Centre across from the bank’. ’

‘Tennis Squzish &

GgIf ;

: ,-- \ L ‘

- -at *_

-Round trip &sf& to k&onto * International . &port - --- :. I - *

-Round trip air folDaytqtia . -Round tiip tiakfk’s’t6 Hotel iri Florida 1 ’ ’ - ’ Y -Accommodation for 7 nights , - I . -Plus more! I -__ . ’ -’ ’

_I - N& in&dgd: ’ , -Airtaxes - .

I .- -Hotel service charge and Tax +Gel surcharges if applicable

. I For full details con& “ i k ,, .- Eaton’s travels ‘l- . _ -/ ‘Sduths Cam/pus H&l

86S-12-I 1 : ext. 3$62/3,760 , ’ I r, -.

c

Misprint M-shots ’ Friday, December 7,1979. Misprint 7 _

Reactionaries healthy and stable

Waterloo - Nuclear reactionaries which leak are simply a fact of life and must be dealt with on a first come, first serviced basis.

According to Professor Promytheus Babcapon there is no great danger to University of Waterloo students even if the two reactionaries do leak “now and then,” Babcapon is in charge of then reactionaries located in the university’s physics apartment.

The reactionaries have been around since Easter he stated, and only three leaks have resulted.

“We tried to repress these redction- ary leaks,” he said “but they came at a time when we were short-handed due to radical changes in our waste disposal ares.”

Reactionary waste used to be contained in the campus newspaper and then buried in white’sand at Columbia

bLake, but protests and high costs have forcedachange.Foroverayearnowthe waste has been stored in granite in Timmins. In the event of an earth- quake, Icarus Wilcapon explained that he would think about it after it happened and then would say “We’re working on it. No further comment.”

Wilcapon is in charge of maintenance of the reactionaries. “They are healthy and stable” said Wilcapon in a quote and “are invaluable for research into measurem‘ent of mineral content in the brain.”

NFS says closing 102 universities- will limit

accessibility O%wa and the provinces are

arbitary and insensitive about their plans to close 102 universities and divert funds to Petro-Can before its sale to private industry.

In a new paragraph, National Student Federation (NSF) researcher Bogie Birdie claims that thirteen briefs submitted to the government Haze Phase Education ,Committee were ignored even though they were sub-

mitted three years prior to the election. The average age of the committee is

63.4 according to NSF chairperson Alley Daschund.

“These people. are too old ‘and too well-educate,d to care,” said. Daschund, 23. “Education will be totally inaccesible.”

A mass livingroom is planned for all mansions and unemployment lines some time in the past.

In a different paragraph, Tory back- benchers refuted Birdie’s claim saying that all Canadians and for’eign, students enrolled in Pharmacy! will be offered “a share or two in the closed universities.”

‘Buggy ‘UBC student fails to save insects in residence VANCOUVER-A buggy Univer-

sity of B.C. student has failed in a campaign, which drew on tactics used in Greenpeace’s Save the Seals fight,

‘to stop the extermination of insect pests in residence.

- Ken Koebke launched a “Save Our &Silverfish” campaign aimed at stopping plans to spray the insects out of existence in residence apartments at UBC.

“Now a UBC tragedy-will you stand by and let the silverfish be slaughtered?” asked one sign Koebke posted in the residence lobby. The , poster also urged students to “Smash the state...not the silverfish.”

Concerned-residents were asked to submit protest letters to Koebke’s mailbox but the campaign failed when exterminators came in, spraying clos- ets, garbage areas and washrooms.

Koebke said that although the campaig

P was a joke, he was dis-

appoin ed that no one replied to his plea. He added that he thought the spraying was really a plot to enable the RCMP to get into the rooms of students.

Disco to soothe the rioting masses.

(ZNS)-Disco music may soon be used against rioters.

It’s not your first job that’s important!

But <the one’after that, and the one after that. . .

You’ve heard about new graduates who find that their first ’ jobs run out of steam before they do. . . and then find there’3 no career option in the company.

That’s why you should be seriously considering Northern Telecom, an all-Canadian company and a world leader in the high-technology world of telecommunications. We’re big, still growing. . . and very, very successful.

* As a new graduate in engineering, computer science, V L. business, commerce or other suitable disciplines, you will find you can put your talents and energy to good use with us. And we’ll give you management responsibility as fast as you’re ready for it.

There’s ample opportunity to develop a number of possible career paths and, importantly, to keep your career on an* upward track.

So, if you’re looking to the future, look to Northern Telecom . . . . and contact your campus placement office.

\ TOOtIY’S, LEADERS IN TOMORROW’S TECHNOLOGIES.

A South African firm has announced plans to market a special anti-riot, vehicle which broadcasts- disco music through powerful lou~d- c speakers in order to soothe the emotions of demonstrators. / .

For rioters who do not appreciate the music, the dark-blue vehicle is also equipped with a water cannon and tear gas.

politically correct stories. “Oh, sure, ‘there’ll be sports and entertainment!”

commented Nigel Awning, CUP field-- worker.

Politically correct magazine profitable

Maureen McEvoy, Presi.dent of Can- adian Universal Pressbox, announced today to all member papers that they would be combined into a Canada- wide national magazine.

“It’ll save campuses a lot of trouble. They won’t have to hire editors, or worry about getting many entertainment people to write about movies

that aren’t politically car-- rect anyway,” McEnvoy said in her statement, distributed through the CUP news service.

“The Chinese are doing great things in sports; and I guess we’ll cover movies that are advertised if they don’t exploit women, men, children, or D boats.” Awning was at a loss to suggest a suitable film.

Asked what the magazine would bet alled, Awning replied, “CUP is a democratic organization. We’ll call it what just about every member paper calls their CUP stuff. It’ll be named “CUP Shorts”.”

CUP is guaranteeing returns no less , than the GNJR (gross national joke-

real) and also guaranteeing at least 4200 paragraphs per issue.

Twenty-seven papers have dropped out of Canadian Universal Pressbox.at last count.

Each campus would have one studentnew,spaperrep, who would report back to Ottawa every week; It was suggested, in view of the proximity between Laurier and Waterloo, that one rep would serve, but this plan was vetoed wh*mhe Fed- eration learned that he would expect to use CC 140 as c a base. “We don’t let nobody use 140 unless we pull their strings,“” Steve “Screw” Connolly, Feder- ation executive, said today. “Laurier doesn’t help us, we don’t help them.”

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Federa ion of Students ’ Uniuersi,ty of Waterloo

Notice of Math By-Election Nominations are now open to fill the Math regular seat on

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Nomination forms may be picked up at the Fed office, room I 235 in the Campus Centre and must be returned to that office by 4:30 p.m. January 9,198O. Election Committee

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Friday, December 7,1979. Misprint 9 _

- Loaf Energy Controversy -

To our chi1dre.A children’s children Discovery

Late in October, 1965, a sociology student conducting an experiment at Lindstadt College (then known as Gresham College] mad3 a startling discovery: those students who lived on campus had a higher incidence of cancer and leukemia than those who did not. In a study of the health of five hundred students chosen at random for his-random Health Study of Five Hundred College Students 151 course, Ron Fox noted that something about living on campus could reduce the life expectancy of the average student by as much as fifteen years.

On the insistence of the department, Fox continued his research two months later with an exhaustive Study of the conditions under which students in residence lived. Among the over four hundred factors studied were such diverse elements as collar size, sock colour and favorite pudding flavour. None of these considerations were of any use, though, and Fox was about to abandon the project, when, in a stroke of good fortune which could only be referred to as serendipitous, the solution was found.

One evening, the Health Services Depart- ment oft he College was called into the cafeteria by numerous complaints of a certain touch of ‘greenness’ in the rice pudding. An entire meal was salvaged, and, to the complete surprise of all concerned, the cause of the problems was radiation traced back to the meat loaf served that evening.

This conclusion wasnot easily arrived at: there were few people who, having gotten sick from eating it the first time it wasserved, dared eat it again. However, a study of the incidence of acute gastric illness on the nights when the meat loa& was served proved that a direct

correlation between the two existed. Fox, getting wind of these findings, quickly

amended his own report. “The food in question,” it stated, “seems to emit some strange new source of radiation which has a seriously adverse effect on the human nervous system (death, for example). Thus, indigestion is not a factor in radiation poisoning, only prolonged exposure.“*

Fox’s study, because of the alleged ridic- ulousness of its conclusion, was ignored by the faculty which had sponsored it. Therefore, it wasn’t until next fall when a member of the engineering faculty noticed that the effects of meat loaf radiation on the human body were

similar to those of plutonium. Stewart Crowley, Benson Pong, et al** worked on the problems of isolating the radioactive elements of the dish (mainly by getting rid of what little meat existed in it) for that entire term, to the exclusion of all else. They failed (all their courses) but went on to win the Nobel Prizes in Physics for the discovery of ML 238.

ML 238 was an isotope of the meat loaf which immediately was recognized as having market- able potential in the field of energy. The researchers were soon swamped by offers from national ’ and multinational corporations to help develop ‘meat loaf energy’. Within amatter

of months, researchers around the world were

1- - -

‘_

I)water enters system from fake

2Jpump speeds water to- ‘wards ML 238

3j’impurifier’ turns water to thick ‘gravy’

4)water, .exposed to heated ML 238, turns to sludge

5JsJudge turns tu.rbines . * 6JsJudge is cooled, condenses

to ‘gravy’ 7)‘gravy’ is purified (almost) 8)water returns to lake

working on ways of harnessing the fie.ry food, looking for alternatives to such conventional forms of energy as coal, oil, and nuclear power. While it has yet to totallyreplaceallotherforms in commercial use, loaf energy has expanded into a multibillion dollar industry.

The Process In 1973, scientists at the MultiTronic-

TechnoStructure LabsinFloridadevelopedthe first working model of the loaf reactor. In it, water from a nearby lake was pumped past a serving of the irradiated meat which had been kept warm in an oven. This caused the water to turn into steam. The steamswas then forced to drive a turbine to generate electricity. It was then condensed and returned to the lake.

Unfortunately, good as the system may seem on paper, it had one major, rather basic, drawback: more energy was used in pumping the water than was created by turning the turbines. Obviously, a rethinking of the problem was in order.

Soon after, a modified version of the MTTSL reactor came out from behind the iron curtain. In it, the water was treated with chemicals so as to gain the most benefit from passing by the ML 238. The technical term for water so treated is ‘gravy’. Upon passing by the loaf, the gravy undergoes a change of state and turns into a thick grey ooze called ‘sludge’.

Scientists are at a loss to explain why, but this sludge is far more effective in turning a specially modified turbine than the steam was at turning the normal one. In any,case, it is the’n returned to its gravy state, perfectly purified (well, almost) and the resulting water is returned to the lake from which it came. ’

ML 238 (so called because it is supposed to continued on page IO

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f Science. continued from page 9 contain 238 calories) has proven to be the most effective form of irradiated meat loaf. As it occurs naturally (in the kitchens of Lindstadt College), only one part in four is useable; therefore, it has to go through a process of refinement before being used.

The first reactor to be constructed in Canada (the Bruce Hood Generating Plant) startled the scientific commu.nity with quite an innovation in the field: the mat loaf’s radiation levels were modified by special damping rods, known in the business as ‘tenderizing forks’. This allowed technicians to control reactions to a hitherto unheard of degree. So crucial was it that tenderizing forks are now used in most reactors in the world today.

With the proliferation of meat loaf energy across North America, research continued, paying off in a second type of loafreactor: the so called ‘bleeder’ reactor. This generator uses the raw meat directly from the butcher. Opinion in sdientific circles is divided as to whether it is more effective in creating energy than the normal reactor.

Social Concerns With the creation of the first meat loaf

reactor, there has beenstrongpublicreaction to the science of loaf physics. Females Against Loaf Energy (FALE) was formed in Chicago in the winter of 1974, but, due to its name more than anything else, it was, doomed not to succeed. Since then, hundreds of organizations in the United States and Canada [and around the world) have sprung up in protest of the growing lo’af industry.

There are four basic objections to the use of loaf energy: 1) ML 238is anunstable substance, and if not handled corr&ctl.y, could blow up and spray the surrounding countryside wit’h deadly radiation (meat loaf radiation has been known to cause ‘death by nutrition’inlaboratory rats): 2). that-the fish in lakes taste like meat loaf because the purifying process in nearby

reactors is not perfect; 3) meat loaf reactors have been known to leak radiation into the _ atmosphere (inexplicably creating a thick fog), and 4) in the case of war, ML 238 can be a terrifying weapon (political prisoners; prisoners of war and/or terrorist’s hostages could conceivably be force-fed the deadly substance).

Pose and Bring me my Pen of burning gold: Bring me my Camera, SLR: . v

Proetry Bring me my Typewriter Bold! Bring CompuGraphic Jun-i-arr.

And did that face in’ ancient tim-e ’ I will not cease from Letter Write,

Shine upon Imprint’s hed and foot? My Classifieds will burst with Rage

And was the beamish smile of Ray U Till we have seen Ray Butterworth

On Imprint’s artless cover put? On Imprint’s bourgeois frontal Page.

“And did those pearly Whites Divine William Bloke, official Shine forth like Dragushan’s and Hull’s? And was our Office-Mate featured here poet of the

’ Among the boring Arti-culls? VAD-KRI~THROTCOTI

-‘nux vomica - -\r-r

Seeds of content?

To these objections, individual scientists have said “Ha!“. As a whole, however, the scientific community has not been able tore’ach a censensus on the safety of loaf reactors. This indecision on their part has only fanned the flames of controversy. Further contributing to these feelings of discontent are the recent disclosures that both the United States and Russia have used extensive underground tests in determining the destructive potential of loaf energy. Although the tests were disappointing (seven out of eight loaves merely sat in the

been called on account 01 rain, limiting tne number o,f existing reactors to seven. The Americ,an government, although hard-pressed for sources of energy, does not appear to be wholeheartedly embracing meat loaf energy. This can obviously be attributed to the feelings of the Americanpublic...but that’s acheap shot.

The Future Who knows?

Irate Nomenclature L and Benny Roll

caverns and radiated), public opinion condemned both governments. Of course, for some inexplicable reason, public opinion has also. condemned the Dallas Cowboys, so perhaps it would be best to ignore it.

Although fifteen reactors were supposed to be built in the United States by the end of 1979, work on five has been cancelled, work on two has been delayed and work on a further one has , .1 * . 0 . 1. *.a .1

soon forgotten as the Seeds mdde their entrance 25 minutes early. This reviewer was still lined up in front of the arithmetic building when the band first began to play “Where is the entrance way to play Well, I’ve been trying hard all day Well, all I want is some love from you To have some fun making love to you But they keep you locked away j Like pheasant under glass, you’re wilting away Where is the entranceway to play Well, I’ve been trying hard all day Where is the entranceway to play

Waterloo has done it again. Last Saturday’s Seeds concert in the PAC was a nux vomica. The slovenly audience, chiefly comprised of student and drug-type elements, initially appeared angry at having to reveal their pupil diameters upon entry into the PAC. But this minor distraction was

Darling (Board of Detainment) decided a large, pricey name band like this wouldn’t entice the students to go unless they had some ulterior motive.

Where is the ehtranceway to play Oh, my, my, oh my - where’s Denise

Such lyrics epitomizing their pythian roots (the Seeds are from out of town).

Midway through the jam, peanut butter on toast was served to all the people with red hats on. This was done because Denise

“Fox, R. “All This and Dinner, Too”, Unpub. mss. **Crowiey, Pong, Bindiestiff, Roskolnikoff and Godot, “High Energy Applications of the Cuisinart”, Iournai of Culinary Physics, XXVIII/3 (1966).

The band’s backdrop incorporated what were apparently several rhinestone-en- crusted gelatinGus cubes, although some sources claim that the objects were, in fact, monogrammed pewter straws. By the end of the show, everyone was a-clappin’ their hands and singin ’ “Here come the Flower Children Girls”. Truly, even the Mert Bethune family had a good time.

?iTRIUMHL.ACCIilIMEDWORLDWIDi! m Connoisseurs of screen acting at its best would- 0 be wise not to miss AUTUMN SONATA. A histrionic tourde=force that could easily result in two Academy Award nominations.

Clyde Gilmour /TORONTO STAR

m$ergman and Ullmann: both are’superb! LIV Ullmann has never given a performance like it,

Jay Scott /THE GLOBE AND MAIL

m The finest drama I have seen this year. Bernard 5rewlGannett

E lliuminates while setting the senses aquiver. BERGMAN IS IN TOP FORM.

Joe Gelmlsl Newsday

111 An absolutely stunning and devastating film. Jeffrey Lyons/ WPIX-TV

l ingrid Bergman gives her finest in ingmar Bergman’s new masterpiece, AUTUMN SONATA.

Judrth CnstlNew York Daily News

m iNGRiD BERGMAN’S CROWNING TRIUMPH... ‘y William Wolf/Cue

m Ingrid and Liv outdoing themselves in ASTONISHING AND OVERWHELMING PERFORMANCES.

Archer WmsfonlNew York Post

q THE BEST BERGMAN’S FiLMJti YEARS... ingrid Bergman, definitely one of the finest of screen actresses, and Liv Ulimann, superb, in a pairing that simply must not be missed... Jack KrolllNewsweek

m Bergman directing Bergman for the first time just has to be one of the movie milestones of the decade. Rex Reed

b A MASTERPIECE.., r Vincent Canbyl New York Times

m Wilt rank among Bergman’s lasting works. Every moment, every single moment is true and forceful. A CLASSIC... ._ Stanley Kauffmann / New Republic

m A sPLEiwi3 AND FASCINATING MOVIE. Norma McLainlAfter Dark

m Profoundly moving, deeply thoughtfull, briiiia~tiy acted... OVERWHELMING.

Davrd Sterritt/Chrrstian Science Monitor

a fibmy INGw with Lw a"dINGRID ,BERGMAN ULLMANN BERGMAN . .

Entirely in English --

Starts Friday 2 showsnightly

FredehCk & Edna - Telephone 57M670 at 7 :oo & g:oo PM

- Romero at;it again -

Will the world survive i The movie blurb says, “In space, you Although the movie is loaded with talent

can’t make a rest stop,“and one would have (Margot Kidder, Charles Bronson, Dean to credit producer George A. Romero (who Martin, Ruth Gordon, Michael York and has produced such classics as “Night of the Charlton Heston as the Beaver) it is still the Bored Dead” and “Dusk of the Evening of story which is important. The storyline here the Afternoon of the High Tea of the Bored is simple, yet highly effective. Basically, a Dead”) with this, for it is clearly the group of space travellers are looking for a underlying philosophy of his work. And place to shit. Seeing the Earth (a nice what a perfect example this film is. comment on pollution here), they decide to

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land. While they’re occupied, a crazed student (played by Kidder), armed with a gelatinous cube, tries to kill them. It sounds so simple, and yet it is.

The tension as Bronson realizes he has drowned in a urinal is nicely underplayed and we have to credit cinematographer Geoffrey Geophry’s innovative technique of leaving the lens cover on the camera for this. This tension further builds until Gordon meets her inevitable end at the hands of a meat grinder.

Romero has outdone himself. Just to point out a few of the high F+ ints

(and there are so many) would take the rest of this article. Romero’s highly developed sense of pacing carries him well here. He has made a definite point of including a beginning, a middle, and an end in this movie, and I think we will see more of this trend in the future. Romero intersperses moments of (dare I say it?) high Terran with

surmised, over how our excretory habits can both divide us and unite us), and I think - she’ll be up for a Johnny this year. Bronson runs the gamut of his emotional spectrum,

-and manages to involve us in the plight of the ‘alien plumber. Martin does well as the alcoholic pilot of the alien craft smitten with earthly marshmallow saleswoman. ‘Ruth 1 Gordon is simply superb in the first part of the film as an alien, and in thetlater part as a Big Mat.

Heston as the Beaver? Well, hey, Chuck Heston is Chuck Heston and what more can I add to that. Maybe, though, Heston’s talent is...too big for the part as written. However, I hear that Romero is writing a spinoff movie (tentatively titled “Federation president Mark McMuck n’Mire was unavailable for comment”).

“Terran.” If you see one movie this year, . and you’ve already seen it, keep your eyes closed during this one.

low comedy - the scene between the gelatinous cube and Bill Cosby (in a cameo) is going to ‘become a classic in cinema.

I was talking about pacing. Romero’s treatment of the climax of the film is an excellent example of this. Instead of using hackneyed techniques such as close-ups during the assault on Iwo Jima (a twist ending that has to be seen to be believed), he has used a long pan which gives one an idea of how infin- itesimal we are in this. universe. Of course, no - one knew quite what was happen- ing on screen, but every technique has its own small disadvantages.

Margot Kidder gives a ’ beautiful performance as the student mad with constipa- tion (the entire film revolves, as you may have

Creative cl white space

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1 The Exam, 1 El El - m I stare at the stars for some time, then turn and a,nnounce, “heads”. The coin is thrown and goes up and up, spinning. Everyone holds his breath, all eyes on the small silver disc.

The coin lands on a velvet covered table prepared for that very purpose. The Master of Ceremonies and his two assistants examine it, the official photograph is taken. I wait shifting from one foot to the other swallowing and sweating.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” begins the Master of the Ceremonies, then pauses as the drums growl, “‘heads’ it is!” He \ would like to continue but he can’t, the roar of the cheering crowd is simply deafening. At last, it quiets down. “Mr. Kozlinski, on behalf of the Commission, I congratulate you on your passing of the exam. You have just demonstrated your ability as a Seer and afe henceforth entitled to the practice of the Profession with all its accruing rights and privileges.” Everyone cheers. “At last, at last,” I think, “I’m licenced,

I! oh, what luck!“, then faint. 111

0 Wojtek Kozlinski e

Graphics b\y John McFarland and Karen Manning

Another long ovation on another l6ng night.

And the crowd sings to the sound of the horn, C’etait un matin d’hiver,

For the songs know no age, il gelai‘t a.pierre fendre. Ma vie etait dodce et tendre:

And the crowd sings, and small groups form. Are they trying to rush the stage?

un bouquet de primevevres.

Richard tries to imagine where He’ll find fame and hide it there. ‘It’s nice that they can identify, But it’s no? something we can ail live by.”

Richard’s world is crumbling in reams Of doubt. So sad. He’s insecure. Seems he’s troubled by terrible dreams... Something about being dumb aftd poor?

Doug VOII

’ Un jou’r, su.r mes cheveux noirs Comme une brille irisee I un papillon s’est place; s’elevait notre romance,

une aile il y a laisse: proie facile et sans defense Une meche blanc d’ivoire. pour qui la voulait briser.

Nous disions “vous” sans audace La vie a suivi son tours mais nous nous tenions la main, loin des rives enchantees. et quand nous disions “demain” II faut rire, il faut chanter c’etait comme un autre espace. puisqu’il n’est point de recours.

C’est la saison- des vendanges mais les rosiers sont fletris. La-haut, un nuage gris: un souvenir qu’on derange. /

The Spectre of Christmas Presents Diane Aubin

Luke woke to the tinny sound of an AM top song (“Pop Music”, coaching him to pop out of bed). He lay in bed quietly rejoicing in those first few minutes of the day when he felt absolutely no sense of urgency.

The pop song was interrupted by sweet ringing voices chiming a faintly famiiiar song. -What was it? Luke hummed along until he finally recognized it: “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. He sat up with a start, desperately hoping that he was dreaming. However, when he was more firmly rooted in the waking world, he tried to reassure himself: surely it couldn’t be Christmas yet - the last time he remembered being awake, it was Hallowe’en. He increased the volume on his radio, and a booming ’ frantic voice was now urging “all those late shoppers” to hurry to the nearest store to do their last minute Christmas shopping.

. with greens and reds. And as if he were

- couldn’t move. People were eve’rywhere. standing in a bushy pine tree, Luke

At least there was one advantage to last minute Christmasshopping -

.

.

He turned abruptly away from the boxing match, determined to get his shopping over-with as soon ai possible. Those craft shops that sell everithing- you-ever-wanted-to-own-but-wouid- never-use were always g&at when all else failed. Luke dashed-in and bought ten stuffed frogs (that could, after all, serve as paper weights, or pin cushions). He grabbed gift wrapping at the nearest novelty shop and with a growing feeling of apprehension, he hastily escaped the maze of crazy shoppers.

evervone would be meiry in anticipation of the next day’s festivities. Dodging customers bearing bundles of paper bags, Luke-stepped into the nearest store. He decided to make the best of his predicament and saluted a fellow last- minuter with “Merry Christmas!” His address was countered by a cold glare. Oh well, there always was one ,in the crowd. But by the time Luke had entered his ninth store (still without any prospect of finding any appropriate gifts) he noticed that the Christmas spirit had somehow passed over the shopping centre.

Well, at least it wasn’t Christmas Day! It must be Christmas Eve. And poor Luke hadn’t done any Christmas shopping. He hurriedly dressed and strode out of his __ apartment, not pausing just yet to question how ahd why he had slept so long. There was no wasting time now. His mind was already formulating a mental list of all those for whom he had to buy a gift.

Luke paused at the entrance of the store. Weary now, he watched the chaos before him. The mass of bodies was in turmoil as arms and legs bumped, .kicked, pushed, pulled and punched., Sweaty faces either wore bland expressions, or showed frustration and \ aggravation. Luke looked away but his eyes were still riveted on an identical scene. He was startled until he realized he’d been watching through a mirror.

It was quite warm for a Christmas Eve, and there still wasn’t any sriow on the ground. The shopping centre was just a couple & blocks away, and already the flow of the crowd on the street was sucking him towards the revolving doors.

He pushed his way into the mall and stood still not knowing where to start. Someone brushed briskly by him, butting

him back into the glass do&s. He looked aropnd to see the culprit and caught a glimpse of a receding plump fellow, . dressed all in red. In the spirit qf Qristmas, he chuckled as he reentered the maul.

He felt as though he was in the midst of a giant Christmas tree, so intensely , decorated was the shopping centre: life size elves and Santa Claus’s hung high above his head; $ilver and gold garland formed a maze of dewy webs across the great expanse of the ceiling; every store window was decorated extravagantly

The quiet and solitude of his apartment comforted Luke, and he was now able to reflect on the day’s events. He recalled those da s, when selecting gifts i

so long ago, or loved ones was

done with care. He sighed. Now, it seemed that everyone had abandoned hope of escaping the powerful grasp of commercialism. Everyone had become sheep of a modern shepherd. Was the old Shepherd gone from their minds f&ever?

Wearied and depressed, Luke slept again. He dreamt he met Jesus at the shopping centre. The young boy was staring at a woolen shawl which He yearned to purchase for His Mother. But

his desolate expression revealed that He had no money to buy it for Her. Luke stepped into his dream to offer Jesus all Fe money he had so that He could afford the shawl. But each time Luke withdrew his hands from his pockets, he held a stuffed frog. He kept searching for money, reaching into his coat, his pants, his wallet - but always the stuffed frogs appeared. Soon they began leaping out from everywhere on his body - out of his shoes, from his hair, from inside his shirt - and they began to pile up arouhd him until he was entirely surrounded by . slimy sweaty green and red frogs. He could feel them leaping and leering as their arms and legs bumped, kicked, pushed, pulled and punched. The noise from their chirping grew in crescendo until every sound from the inflated throats blended into the sarcastic repetition of two words: “MER-RY- CHRIST-MAS-MER-RY-CHRIST- MAS...”

Luke awoke drenched in sweat. He resolved to dwell on his former thoughts no more and proceeded to wrap his frog gifts. When he had carefully labelled . each package individually, he placed them in a suitcase he would take home the next day.

His excitement grew in a&icipation of celebrating with his family as he drove towards home Christmas morning. The feeling of r&newaI that so had always accompanied Christ’s birthday began again to refresh Luke and lifted away his burdens of the day before. He began to bellow out his favorite carols, in the privacy of his car (cars often have the same effect as showers when it comes to singing alone). ’ \

He was still whistling “Joy to the World” when he bounded out of the car and ran into his house “Merry Christmas Everyone! I’m Home! MERRY CHRIST- MAS!” The ensuing silence slapped him in the face. Nobody was home. But surely they would be home soon. L.uke walked into the family room and unloaded his fr’ogs onto a table (because he couldn’t find the Christmas tree).- Then he settled himself into a chair to await his mother and father a,nd sisters and biothers, whom he expbcted presently. .I

And so it was that on,November 2, 1979, Luke St. James was found at his home, heaped over the green and red packages of stuffed frogs.

. _, 7.

$

-Cover

mprint ) December 7.1979. Volume 2, Number 14, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario

Page 16 .

, mpri Editor AdvertisingManager Business Msris&r Production Manager r:ews

I

Liz Wood Diane $3$za

SyhTiaw Jacob Arseneault

Marg Sanderson Mark D’Gabriel

Bernie Fkehl J-or1 Farnhsm

Tom McAnulty Im Eayman Imprint is the student newspaper at the University of Waterloo.

It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications Waterloo, a corporation without share capital, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario. Phone 883 1660 or extension 2331 or 2332. Imprint is a member of the Canadian University Press (CUP), a student press organization of 63 papers across Canada.’ Imprint is also a member of the

L Ontario Weekly Newspaper Association (OWNA). Imprint publishes every Friday durm the term. Mail shouldbe addressed to “Imprint, Campus Centre Room 140.” We are typeset on campus with a Camp/Set 510; paste-up ia likewise done on campus. Imprint: ISSN 07067380. ,

The Berserkers closed in from all quadrants. The convoy moving through the Bottleneck was forced to a halt. In an instant, weapons flaredthe huge metal monsters and the battle&.ips of the fleet, looking~hke gnats next to the hundred-mile-wide doomsday devices. Fleet commanders Steve Hull and Liz Wood ordered the fleet to disperse and attack at will. The crew responded well to the pressure, but with the nervousness of battle showing on their faces. The precious cargo had to get through to Earth! I orderedup more power from the FTLengines. Leslie Treseder, Chris Farrugia, Mary Mitchell, Nickie Bonner, Sue Melville and Jane Harding worked furiously to keep the ship going andwere rewardedwith success. Around me, the command crew of Celia Geiger, Fran Helper& Kathy Hay, Stu Dollar, Frank Morison, Glenn StGermain and Diane Aubin were busy correlating myriads of incoming data. Navigation plotted a clear course through the wreckage and only the skilled efforts of Ed Zurawski, Rick Laidlaw, Chris Dobkin, John McFarland and Malcolm Murray got us there. The assault force, made up of Marg Sanderson, Ira Naymen, William Bloke, John McMullen, Brian Dorion, Leslie Robinson, Wojtek Kozlinski and Doug Voll prepared themselves. Jason Mitchell, I@%n Hoyle& Brenda Ftawnand James Allenbrokeus through; the nuclear detonators were planted and we zoomed off through a hail of debris from the destroyed Berserker. JWB and I checked the hold:the cargo of firs and evergreens being brought to Earth, now long-extinct from their native world, were undamaged It lookedas if the holidays would proceed after all. Thank the universe for a crew like we had this term. And if not for Diane Ritza and Sylvia Hannigan, we never would have lifted off the ground Jacob~senea~t,myAcademyflightinstructor,nevertoldmeitw~~dbelikethis.Goodbye for now, MJD.

. I

I Holiday Message ’ Imprint has enjoyed a productive and satisfying term. We’ve got a lot of new our typesetter.

faces working for us and next term we expectto see quite a few old faces back All in all a satisfying term for us all here, as we hope it has been for you who from work term. We also hope to see more new faces and welcome your input read Imprint. and contributions to the paper. Our success has been made possible by the many students who have given

Imprint has completely fulfilled its debt obligations incurred during last so generously of their time. On behalf of all students at UW weaay thankyou. term’s growing pains and we are in a sound financial position for the future. Imprint staff would like to wish you all good luck during exams, and wish Plans are near completion to repay the Federation its loan for the purchase of you a happy, safe and peaceful holiday season. Liz Wood

-Letters- reflects the sentiment of a would-be jingoist. What a trifle in an ocean of human anguish...Why _ should the Iranians not burn the American flag, a flag that rings

I the bell of death for the Iranian people. Are

Violence by we to believe that the American flag really represents the ‘honour’ of the American \ any other name people? Better still, are we to accept the

The Editor: illusion that the interests of the Pentagon, Last Saturday evening (Dec. l), we the C.I.A. and the Government of the

happened to attend a public discussion United States are synonymous with the sponsored by the Moslem Students’ aspirations of the American people? Association regarding the recent Amer- Government by consensus exists only in ican Embassy occupation by the Iranian political science fiction. Indeed, the belief students.

Although interesting comments did - come out of that discussion,’ a few questions raised by ,some of the members of the audience made us wonder whether the people on this side of the world really

I understand the anguish of the Iranian people. The atrocities committed by the Shah-a U.S. puppet-against the people of Iran should have raised our deepest

n indignation. The unspeakable suffering of the Iranian people (and all people of the oppressed nations) should have moved the heart to tears. Yet a member of the audience -asked, “Why did the Iranians burn the American flag?” This certainly

in such a myth is precisely what the state has always-wanted from its ruled.

What concerns’us the most, however, is the continuous attempt of the massmedia to turn the people of this continent against the people of Iran. As usual, every accusing finger is pointing at the East. Iranians are presented as ‘.‘backward”, “anti-western”, and “fanatical”. Propa- ganda of this sort, if’internalized by the people, prepares an ideal psycholocial condition for mass murder-war. It is not the first time in the history) of this continent that the mass media has attempted to divide the peoples of the

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world. Reflect back to the times of the two world wars, the war in Korea, and the war in Vietnam, and see how the ‘enemies’ were being portrayed (oldnewspapers are available in every library). The old, but effective solgan of the mighty Roman rulers still holds: DIVIDE AND CONQUER.

Lest the readers misunderstand the point of this letter, the above is not meant to be a justification of hostage taking.’ Violence, regardless of its form, can never be justified, it can only be understood. The ultimate form of justice lies in the sanctity of human life itself. But for a state (in this case, the U.S. state), whose very existence depends upon the use of legalized violence, to condem violence is hypocrisy par excellence.

Rikki Hortian Sandy Wang

Lost Faith and Health Services

The Editor, Well, losing faith in another institution

which supposedly upholds interest in the individual seems to have generated the enthusiasm to compose this (whatever it turns out to be). \

Regretably, due to the huge amount of information deemed necessary to keep us in order under the system of bureaucracy we are treated in effect as a number. Now tell me, who among all this number calling should we expect to treat us, the individual(s) with. a bit of compassion and understanding due, other than someone we are supposed to trust and be honest with, namely our doctor.

Well, expect very little of that treatment if you happen to have the fortunate experience of acquiring a very personal bit of aparatus (an IUD maybe?) at our wonderful institution of health here on our wonderful university campus.

Rather expect to be faced quite snappily in fact with such reassuring statements as, or rather to the effect of ‘Haven’t you bought one yet? Go down the hall and do so then come back, and undress and wait in the examining room.’

Wait indeed. Roughly fifteen minutes later expect the doctor to return, ac- complish the feat, offer little advice, then retreat to the office to do what doctors do. Meanwhile undergo pain and uncertainty that you even want this foreign object implanted within your body. Wish all the while that pills every morning didn’t do to your system what they do.

But they do. Alas, had I’ not have had someone very

dear to me waiting outside to _ offer comfort and company walking home, when I wanted to do nothing.but chew out

the impersonalitv of the svstem. I’m afraid I would have, yes my friends, cried. How childish. And they wonder why?

Gay Foulis

Evolution and Liberation ,

The Edit or, This is a comment to the letter of Van

der Wal entitled “We are sinners in need of Christ’s liberation”.

I agree with the author that both, evolution and evolutionism contradict the Christian belief of creation of the world by the Almighty God as described in Chapters 1 and-2 of Genesis. Evolution causes a dichotomy of knowledge and _ Christian faith as the instant creation of man by God is described in detail in Genesis and acknowledged by Christ, the Son-of God Incarnate.

Evolution also contradicts the Christian belief of instant resurrection of the body of Christ and the coming instant resurrection of the body of man as described in the New Testament.

A dichptomy of knowledge and faith caused by evolution in not necessary, as contrary to common belief, evolution is a figment of man’s imagination without direct experiential proof. \

The very definition of evolution ren- ders both, any. direct experiential verification of it and also any prediction by it impossible for mortal man. Evolution is imagined to have taken place over millions of years through survival of the fittest. Consequently any attempt of its experiental verification is out of reach of mortals, firstly because of the long time spans postulated for evolution and second- ly because of the unknown past survival condition claimed to be necessary for evolution.

’

The concept of survival of the fittest merely defines the survivors as the fittest or vise versa, but no evolutionist can predict the survivors of the future, if for no other reasons than that he does not know the future condition of nature.

Evolution is also traditional as it arbitrarily associates shapes of fossilized bones and skulls of man with primitive and not-so-primitive modern man, whereas it is common knowledge that the shape of man’s skull has nothing to do with his mental state and some of the most outstanding men have lived in primitive surroundings. Also if a man evolves from primitive to modern into someone unknown, his thought about his origin evolves from primitive to evolutionary into something who knows non-evolutionary.

Dr. J. Schroeder Professor of Civil Engineering

\ News . ./ ’ Friday, December 7,1979. Imprint 17 -

Che,vron Club loses 11-3 ) I

Council has busy Sunday Students’ Council met

last Sunday, December 2, to discuss, among other things, whether or not .to recognize the Chevron Club.

0

Federation President Mark McGuire, ’ secon- ded by Tom Porttious, put a motion to the floor that the Chevron Club not be gran- ’

. ted club status within the Federation of Students.

Graduate Students rep-’ ’ resentative and Chevron

editor, Larry Hannant, claimed that the Chevron Club conformed to all the Federation of Students’ rules for club status which, basically affirm the students’ right to free association and requires a democratic constitution from all clubs:Hannant claimed that the Fede&tidn of Stu- dents is discriminating a- gainst the Chevron Club because it disagrees with the Chevron’s political

. views. ; BENT coordinator Denise

Donlon denied that charge, pointing out that BENT’s recognition recently of the Progressive Culture Club [which she claims holds

common interests and membership with the Chevron Club) shows that the Federation of Students is not politically biased.

Chevron over $14,000, anyway.

McGuire questioned Hannant on several issues regarding the Chevron newspaper and club. Han- nant fefused to answer .one of McGuire’s questions regarding allegations that the Chevron has printed ad- vertisements without the permission of the advertiser and th%n billed the advertiser. Donlon claimed that she had spoken with- the owner of Leisure Lodge, who said that he received a bill from the Chevron for an advertisement which- he had not placed and which appeared to have been “lifted” from the Kitchener- Waterloo Record.

In a later interview, Han- nant itemized this as being composed of about $,2,425 in student fees left in the newspaper budget as of December 30,1978, $6,000 in student fees paid in Jan- uary, mostly by returning co-opstudents, for the winter ‘term 1979, and about $5,700 in advertising revenues seized of divert.ed from the Chevron to the Federation during the fall 1978 term.

McGuire also asked Han- nant if it’was true that the Chevron had taken approx- imately $4000 worth of equipment from the CC140 office (now the Imprint office) when the Chevron left last year. Hannant replied that this was true, but added that the Feder- ation of Students owes the

McGuire claims that he “doesn’t know where they got that figure,” claiming that the Chevron bad over- spent their fall budget, the $2,125 left supposed to be a large part of the news- papers’ budget during the winter term. (Many stu-’ dents pay theirstudent fees for the fall and winter terms in one lump sum in September. Some co-op students add to this when they return to campus in winter but most of the winter fees are supposed to be left over from Septem-

continued on page 19

MSA discusses Iran crisis

t What happens next? F

\ The mounting tension at

the Moslem Student’s As- sociation i-neeting last Sat- urday was not allowed to deteriorate in chaos thanks to the level-headed chairman, Mike Manoussi.

The meeting began quietly enough. Manoyssi explained to about 100 in attendance that the purpose of the meeting was to analyse the crisis in Iran and to help everyone- including UW students- understand the feelings of the Iranians. He stress;d that “we are not here to create any unnecessary emotional feeling. This is a

\ friendly gathering, for dis- . cussion on a one to one

basis.” Following his subduing

speech was a lengthy film from which the audience was told to make their own judgement about the Iran crisis. The film consisted mostly of masses of people shouting or chanting their traditional Islamic mourn- ing song, -Patriotic music swelled whenever the pic- ture of, Dr. .Mohammad Mossadeq, the leader of revolutionaries against the Shah, was on the screen: cartoons depected Amer- icans with money hanging out of their pockets and the Shah’s men “amongst the petticoats of his ‘women- folk”. The film ended with pathetic drawings of several slain revolutionaries. The film relayed the message that members of the MSA, like most Iranians, are against the Shah and American presence in Iran.

Those who stayed until

the end of the film were shown a series of slides depicting the carnage of “Black Friday” when thousands of revolutionaries were slain. The carcasses were mangled and slashed from torture, and covered with blood from violent deaths. One of the last slides - the last one I looked at - was i photograph of a leg apparently severed from an anti-Shah revolutionary in a t,orture chamber.’

Tea, coffee and cookies were served right after this. During that break one could sense already that there was conflict among the crowd.

When the meeting recon- vened, Manoussi again stres- sed that the question and answer period was for our education, and should deal with the present hostage situatio% in Iran. Most questions went right to the root of the proble’m and were answered with conviction by the two Iranian guest speakers, Rafie Mogadamm and Mehdi Hashemi.

Mogtidamh indirkctly answered the most prominent question in the minds of Americans- what is the moral justification for the hostage-taking? - by accusing the former Amer- ican Ambassador of being a “murderer, a spy, a central intelligence agent and the cause of the massacre.” Another Iranian in the audience later more ef- .fectively countered the question by asking, “What is the moral justification for what has happened to Iranians?”

what is the goal of the Iranian students holding the American hostages? “It is to put Americans, not the diplomats, on trial”.. Will there be a fair trial for the diplomats ? “They should be judged by Iranian jud- ges, with enough evidence, witnesses and documents to support the ’ accusat- ions”.

How can you make sure that the revolution doesnot produce despotism? “Are 35 million people (in Iran) making a mistake?” This retort caused the first out- break of laughter which indicated that most of the audience, of which about half were Iranian, supported the guest speakers. Mogadamm continued, “Their role is to create an Islamic republic-the best choice for them-and they will have a democracy.”

What about Sadat’s in- vitation to the Shah for exile in Egypt? “He (Sadat) is digging his own grave... Let him have it!” Again the laughter and applause showed the general feeling of the crowd, but- the next quetion proved there was conflict.

why did the Iranian students burn the Amer- ican flag in the U.S.? Mogadamm avoided con- frontation on this point by stating that “it was wrong, contradictory to the Iran- ians goals”. An Iranaian student in the audience confirmed that this incident should not be indic- ative of the general feeling of Iranians. This caused an outburst from a student in a the crowd who strongly op-“

News- Renaissance course in Waterloo library - ’

Italy as it was in the 15tb and 16th centuries will be the subject of a course being offered Monday evenings, January 7 to March 31, in the Waterloo public library. The dourse will be taught by Prof. Michael Cherniavsky, Uni- versity of Waterloo historian, who says he’s had a lifelong love affair with his subject. “The period we will be dealing with witnessed an outburst of creative activity never surpassed anywhere,” he claims.

Prof. Cherniavsky will discuss many facets of the Italian Renaissance, from the rediscovery of Greek and. Roman antiquity to the politics of Machiavelli and from the development of printing to the genius of Leonardo da Vinci. The Oxford-educated historian will provide illustrations, and he’ll include a visit to UW’s rare books room for a lecture on Renaissance printing. On another occasion Prof. E.R. Haldenby of UW’s school of architecture will talke about Renaissance architecture; films from Sir Kenneth Clark’s “Civilization” series will also be shown on occasion.

The Is-week course can be taken for university degree credit, or sidply atteneded as a series of free lectures. More information is available from the Waterloo public library, or from UW’s partYtime offibe. I

Five UW courses in Cambridge

The University of Waterloo will offer five courses in Cambridge this winter, three in the central librgry and two In the Preston branch. The central library courses will-be on conver- sational French, fine arts and religious studies; the Preston courses will be on anthropology and sociology.

The fine arts course is “An Intro- duction to Drawing” and will be taught by Mieke Bevelander, an Elora artist who has taught a number of off- campus courses for UW; a year ago she taught an introductory printmaking course here.

The religious studies course instruc- tor will be Prof. Francois Gerard, principal of St. Paul’s College, the United Church college affiliated with UW. Prof. Gerard has also previously given courses in Cambridge.

*The Preston branch courses will be taught Wednesda-jr and Thursday evenings.

Uldis Kundrats, UW sociologist, will teach the Wednesday course.‘This will be the fourth one he has given in Cambridge. Its title is “The Sociology of Sex Roles”’ and some of the topics to be cov’ered will be: sex roles in society, sex roles and the world of work, the politics of sex roles, biological and psychological perspectives on sex roles, deviance and sex roles, and prostitution.

Dr. Dorothy Counts, anthropologist, will teach the Thursday course. It swill

.Shorts be entitled “People of the Pacific” and will discuss the people of the Pacific islands . . . where they came from, how the islands were settled, social insti- tutions, religion, money and trade, competition and conflict, and their response to 20th century technology. A number of films will also be shown.

The above courses may be taken for ~ university degree credit or they may

simply be attended, free of charge, for personal interest. Additional information is available at either Cambridge public library, or Preston branch, or from UW’s part-time studies office.

Council awards grants to UW

Three research projects at the University of Waterloo will receive more than $46,000 in support from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council.

In the current announcement three professors in the economics department, John Hotson (department chairman), Anna Koutsoyiannis and James Brox, have been awarded $10,000 to work on a project that bears the title, “Stagflation and government policy: towards a radical solution.”

In the psychology department, Pro- . fessor Melvin Lerner is the recipient of

$28,468 for research on a project titled, “The justice motive in social behaviour: hypothesis as to its origin and forms.”

Professor Siegfrid Hoefert in the department of Germanic and Slavic languages and literatures, is preparing a researeh-oriented biography of the German novelist and playwright

-Gerhardt Hauptmann (1862-1946) and has been awarded a $7800 grant.

WUSC needs -grads overseas

The World University Service of Canada (WUSC) held an organizational meeting on Thursday November 29th. This organization, designed to promote student emergency relief and educational exchanges, was active on campus quite a few years ago, and is being revived by Jeff Page.

’ WUS was founded in 1920 in Europe to provide relief for countries destroyed by WWI, with emphasis on educational relief, rebuilding universities and supplying teachers. The University of Toronto founded a Cana- dian WUS branch in 1939; today over 50 Canadian university and college campuses have a WUSC group.

WYSC members from other universities were on hand to tell about WUSC, and a short film was presented about helping with a university in Lesotho. WUSC members who go overseas on-a job are there for two yearsStudents and teachers are both needed, especially in the

,, fields of science, engineering, and mathematics.

Anyone interested in being part of WUSC should oontact Jeff Page, c/o- Federation of Students.

posed their views, but the chairman intervened comi- cally with “We don’t want to explodk anyone’s brain!” But the discussion was still out of hand when an emotional Iranian sttideht stood up to say, “Islam is for freedom of human beings and that is why we are against dictators and com- munists. We have a message from God.” A voice cried out above the ensuing applause, “Why are you enslaving women then?” The question was lost in the groans and was never answered. The chairman commented, “I realize you’re interested, but let’s keep it clean and not get offended”.

Is it worth taking the chatice of another World War? “We are ready for them to come - but they won’t - it has to be a political solution from neg- otiations.” This answer en- larged upon by a student in the audience; he contended that there is “a consistent misconception to indentify the hostage-taking as an attempt to humiliate Am- ericans - but what is on trial is the government of the U.S. The media is trying to say that the Pentagon is the same as the people. They (the media) and not the Iranians, are trying to stimulate -war. We must

begin to say we don’t want to go to war. Let’s begin to say no!” His answer succeeded in stimulating the crowd to overwhelming applause.

The tension in the meeting eased off for a while as discussion dealt with less controversial ‘matters, but

came to a climax when one _ student accused the MSA of handing out propaganda that was “garbage”. An infuriated Iranian student shouted back, “We don’t have to listen to your garbage!” A little Iranian baby cried for awhile, then finally the meeting ended.

Diane Aubin

~NMws i - I’srael’s media image. should be change&

Last Thursday the Jew- ish Student Organization of Waterloo held Jerusalem Day. During the day a constant supply of falaffel (Israeli version of a sandwich) was on hand as well as 1itKrature outlining Is- rael’s history. Literature was also available on the Palestine Liberation Organ- ization (PLO) and its effect on Israel.

,In the afternoon, Simcha Jacobvici, a candidate for a political science doctorate at the University of Tor- onto, spoke about the media’s role in the Middle East. Jacobvici explained his own concept of the media as being a tool used inforeign diplomatic relations. He cited examples of the media’s power and select- ivity by referring to the Globe and Mail. A story about 1 million Chinese expelled from Indonesia was on a third or fourth news page along with the story of a trial for a Nazi war criminal. He explained that he wanted to prove th,at issues can be weighed according to a copy-editor’s disposition.

Jacobvici then explained that he felt there was “value in being caught up in the past” as the people who have forgotten about Auch- witz are now seeing the same in Cambodia. The media can not allow people to overlook this parallel, he stated.

Still analyzing the nature of the media, he showed that television deals with images rather than content. “Instant soup, instant news, instant knowledge,” is the

phrase ‘he used to sum up what we derive from the media.

Jacobvici applied what he had said about the media to Israel’s history. He asked what was most commonly known, that Israel used to be Palestine or that Jordan had also been Palestine at one time. He felt that the media had played up the fact that Israel had formerly been Palestine and had . completely ignored that Jor- dan ever had been, and that 80% of the territory only gained independence one year before Israel.

Jacobvici claimed that the media made Jerusalem into a double city, Israeli and Arab by playing up certain issues and ignoring others, the media has limited its coverage of Israel’s history to oniy part of the story.

An explanation of the nature of the “shuttle diplo- macy” prior to the Jerusalem visit of Egyptian president Anwar Sadat was given at this point. Israel was, he stated, in a period of “no peace, no war.”

Jacobvici gave an example of the type of media coverage that did not tell the entire story. He claimed that when Israel made, an attack on PLO bases and 6 civilians were killed, the media made Israel look like the -villain rather than checking more carefully into the situation. It was stated that it would be clear if anyone knew the truth that theIsraelis sent 18 waves of Phantom jetstothe terrorist camps. Obviously, he continued, if they had wanted to kill, civilians, there would have been many

.

SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU SAUZA IS NUMl?ER ONE! YOU DON’T

SEEM TO UNDERSTAND... NUMERO UNO! SAUZA! I DON’T

t WAN’T TO HAVE TO SEND

more dead. He then pointed out that the media did not ask the question “What was the actual target?” -

Buys y0.u ti term of: S -N.ews -Sports

Reference was then made to Time magazine which explains the Arabs as “mod- erate...helpful” and the Isra- elis as “immovable...defen- sivei..inflexible.”

Jacobvici concluded by stating that Sadat knows

-Entertainment The Arts -UW!

Getyourworktermhbscriptionat how to make use of the positive world’opinion. American media whereas Jerusalem Day continued Israel -does not. He clearly on into the evening with the felt that the media was a tool showing of Elie Wiesel’s that Israel had to make use film Jerusalem. of in order to maintain Fran Helpert

’ $,3.00 -

’ CC 140. Keepinformed. -

Your career is our future... As you approach the end of your academic career, you have undoubtedly begun to ponder the future. Where will all these dedicated years of.study lead you? Perhaps you have already chosen the career path you’d like to follow. How will you-go about achieving it? You see it all beginning with that very * important initial step - your first job. It will be one of the most influential experiences of your career.

At Bell-Northern Research, ,we understand how important that first job is to you. After all, it’s not that long ago that many of us embarked on our own careers. We would like to help you achieve’ your career aspirations by offering you the challenge of working in one of the foremost research organizations - a Canadian Corporation, owned jointly by Northern Telecom Ltd. and Bell Canada. We have some of the best people in Canada, if not the world - over 2500 young and enthusiastic people like yourself who have helped Bell-Northern Research achieve its enviable reputation throughout the world.

Bell-Northern Research continues to advance the technology in a number of specialized, areas . . . software, computer- aided design, microprocessor applications, silicon device design and processing, . solid state device physics, digital _ communications, circuit design, fiber optics, systems planning, network analysis, human factors and many more . . . exciting fields of endeavor that require the talents of people like yourself.

We’ll be visiting your campus January 8th, 9th & 10th and would like to ‘meet with you to talk about your future. Even if you’re not graduating this year, perhaps we can help you prepare for the future by offering you a summer position, or simply providing you with information about career opportunities, in your field of interest. <Watch for our posters in your faculty area or drop down to the Placement Office to find out a little more about what we have to offer.

Bell-Northern Research Ltd. P.O. Box 3511, Station C Ottawa, Ontario, Canada KlY 4H7

We’l’l be - l

interviewing soon Come and talk to us about your future _

Bell-Northern ’ Research 1

News Friday, December 7,1979. Imprint 19

Council Meeting continued from page 17 .

ber). As to the ,$6,100 in - student fees collected in

January for the winter term, McGuire said that such fees were for an official student newspaper, which, by that time, the Chevron was not. McGuire flatly denies that the Fed- eration of Students seized any advertising revenues saying that the Federation of Students only received advertising revenues after January 1 to help pay off Chevron debts.

on behalf of the Grads, asked Federation President MaIi’k McGuire a series of questions dealing with the the Imprint. He began by asking whether McGuire had met with rkpresenta- tives of the Imprint in order to renegotiate the terms of the typesetting agreement; McGuire said that he hadn’t, but that he soon would.

cused on the recent Fed-

Integrated Studies student, Larry Srnylie, claim- edthattheissueonvhether or not to recognize the Chevron Club was a question of rights. He said that the Federatiori was deny- ing the rights of a minority group to free speech by not recognizing- the Chevron Club. Several student representatives pointed out to Smylie that their consti- tuents were overwhelm- ingly against the Chevron Club being recognized by the Federation of Students. Smylie said that the majority does not have the right to deny a minory its rights and that in such cases the elected representatives should vote against the wishes of their constitu- ents, rather than sacrifice democratic principles.

McGuire pointed-out that club recognition by the Federation of Students was a privilege,not a right.

Eventually, the matter was put to a vote. Eleven representatives ,voted a-< gainst the Chevron Club being granted club status while three votedinfavour.

During Question Period, Lprry Hanriant, speaking

When questions arose about the amount of the increase in the ad rate for students which the Zmprint rec.ently implemented, McGuire stated that the increase was 40 cents per column inch.

Concerning the question of the Federation’s “ban” on advertising in the Chevron, McGuire pointed out that although the Federation would not supply the money to clubs for such advertising, they were free to do so with money which they themselves had made. The graduate . representative then asked whether ‘the Imprint had the right to room 140 of the Campus Centre. He was told that, in the bylaws of the Feder- ation of Students, the official student newspaper was entitled to tharspace, and that the official student newspaper, whether he wished to recognize the fact or not, was the Imprint. When concern was expressed over the lawsuits which recently hit the Im- print, it was psinted out that the Imprint had not besn served with notice of a suit by a process serverand that, in fact, it had yet to be #legally sued.

Attention was then fo-

eration advertising in Engi- news and why it had been placed there. “You think sexism is just fine and en- courage it,” said the Grad rep to McGpire, who attempted to explain that placing the ad in Enginews di’d not mean approval of its content. To this, Denise Donlon, Programme Coor- dinator for the Federation, added that Enginews is widely read “on compus and,therefore, an excellent place to advertise an event.

Danny Lam asked the final question of th.e Period; he wondered whether the Federation p1anne.d subsi- dy for clubs which advertised in the Imprint. McGuire responded that there wouldn’t be one.

Various and sundry minutes were accepted and received, and the Council voted in favour of acting on behalf of the temporary employees and seeing that they become members of C.U.P.E. Chris McIntosh was then accepted as head of the Election Committees for the upcoming Math By- election, the Presidential election/OFS referendum and the student council election.

The question of wording in the OFS referendum was raised at this point. Danny Lam suggested that the student first be asked whether he/she accepted thein- crease in fees (from 75 cents to $1.50). A debate ensued, but the motion was lost when a call for quorum ended the meeting.

Ira Nayman Stu Dollar

CCB to get vice-chairpersoiz.

Cornmerck1 events limited The Ca’mpus Centre

Board (CCB) met on Tues- day for the last time this term. Most of the meeting was spent finishing old business and preparing for next term.

The first point of business, brought up after the

*passing+ of the minutes of the last meeting, was the election of a Vice-Chair- man. The position of Vice- Chairman is open to any current CCB member and is a non-paying position. The Vice-Chairman is to substi- tute for the Chairman whenever necessary. Turn- key and Graduate representative Jo.yce Pickard was nominated for the position. Although her nomination still stands as the only one put forth so‘ far, nominations will remain open until the vote which will be held at the first meeting of the coming year.

drafted policy regarding the sale of goods at the Campus Centre was passed. The passing of this motion will restrict commercial activities but will allow sales in conjunction &th certain ’ events. All events must be approved by the Operations Co- ordinator whether or not the sale of goods is included in the event. The campus centre has allowed several craft fairs, flea markets and poster sales to be heldin the Great Hall but wishes to avoid constant sales.

The CCB also moved to approach the Federation of Students to enquire if they have any interest in having

-a representative at CCB . meetings. It was proposed

that a representative from the Federation would func- tion as a non-voting obser-

A request was made to draw up a specific policy regarding soliciting of customers for goods being sold in the Centre. At present the only policy which exists is contained’in the Information Tables Policy, which forbids interest groups which have tables set up in the CC from actively approaching students present in the Centre. Those in booths must restrict the\ms.elves to being approached ‘by interested students in order that they

the two organizations. ’ A motion to accept the

bers felt that these restric- tions should also specifically apply to merchants.

The board continued its debate concerning the proposed $5000 cutback of turnkiys’ salaries. A sub- committee has been appointed to study the problem but has not yet appointed a Chairperson.

The turnkeys have written a letter to-Vice-C.han- cellor and President of U of W, Burt Matthews, to state their position and to express concern about Mat- thews’ request. Matthews has replied in a letter giving further reasons fork the proposed salary cuts-which he had not previously pr’e- . sented. The exact contents of the letters will be discussed when the sub-committee studying the issue has met and has presented its findings to the CCB. 3

Mention was made of the Christmas dinner which will be held on December 25 in the Campus Centre. As well as the dinner, the centre will provide decora- tions, carolling and people to talk to. The campus centre will be open throughout the holiday season. ~ ver who would facilitate da not interfere with stu-

communication between dent activities. Board mem- ’ Celia Geiger

.

CUP Briefs ~ - NUS to meet secretarv of

state on student aii weeks and to express maximum assist- ance levels on a weekly basis instead of on the academic vear. so students in

task force OTTAWA - Conflicting reports an

longer than norAa1 ‘courses receive sufficient aid.

’ the status of student representation on the recently announced federal-provincial task force on student aid will be discussed Dec. 3 at a meeting between David MacDonald, -the secretary of state and the National Unidn of Students (NUS).

In replying to a question from NDP MP Pauline Jewett Nov. 28 in the House of Commons, MacDonald said that the task force is ‘:an important matter and one which affects both student representatives and the various provinces as well as the federal government.”

“When I met with my officials on Monday of this week we examined particularly the way in which we cotild responsibly involve representatives of the students federation in order that there be a total input and involvepent by them with respect to the final report and recommendations which would come forward,” MacDonald said.

On Nov. 21, however, Jim Horsman, the minister of advanced education and manpower -of Alberta, told the Federa- tion of Alberta Students (FAS) in a letter that the “decision has been made by the CMEC that no student representatives will be on the task force.”

The Council of Ministers of Educa- tion Canada (CMEC) told NUS that no final decision on the student representation question has been made.- As late as N&.29 Lucien Perras, the executive director of CMEC, told NUS {hat a decision on that question would have to be taken by the ministers of education.

Jewett said later in an interview that only two groups, NUS and the National Association of Student Financial Aid Officers should be represented on the task force.

Education ministers discuss student ajd

with NUS TORONTO - The Council of Ministers of Education Canada (CMEC) has decided to recommend to the federal government that no increase in the student loan ceiling * be introduced this year, the result of student opposition to the move and fears by the ministers of increas- ing student indebtedness. NUS has argued that more grants and less loans are necessary to ensure acce’ss to education.

Mice prove smarter than engineers in

mousetrap match-up LOS ANGELES (ZNS) - A group of engineers has discovered that the resourcefulness of rodents should never be underestimated.

According to Saskatchewan continuing minist‘er Doug MacArthur, the decision is a reversal of a stand taken in favour of an increase by the

*council in a September. meeting in Winnipeg. After that -meeting CMEC chairman Pat McGeer, the B.C. universities minister, claimed the council had not taken any position on the loan ceiling but MacArthur told NUS representatives that in fact the CMEC had privately agreed to support a loan ceiling increase.

Reporters were called to the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory recently so an engineering team could proudly show off their version of the better mousetrap. The trap works by placing the bait at the top end of a teeter-totter contraption. The unsus,pecting rodent is supposed to run up the teeter-totter to get the bait, only to tip the balance, fall into a bucket of water and drown. .

The mice, however, stole the show when one ran up the teeter-totter to get the food while another sat on the bottom end of the board to keep his partner from being dumped in the drink.

It’s back to the drawing board.

NUS executive officer Morna Bal- lantyne said Nov. 26 the student organization thinks the CMEC may decide to allow student representation on the recently-announced federal- provincial task force on student aid.

Ontario universities asked to define role in provincial

system

Ballantyne said NUS is also optimis- tic ab.out the possibility that the task force may hold public hearings across Canada. She said McGeer indicated his support for the idea in a recent letter to the University of Victoria students’ union.

TORONTO - The Ontario Council’on University Affairs (OCUA) has asked all 15 Oritario, ‘universities to define their role and place in the ‘provincial system.

The CMEC has also decied to recommend that federal secretary of state David MacDonald introduce changes in the Canada student loan plan to make part-time students eligible for student aid, to make student aid availa,ble td students in 12-week or longer courses instead of the current minimum of 26

University of Toronto president James Ham said the OCUA wants to know the future enrolment intentions of the universities-and if there will be any distinctive changes in the undergraduate programs.

OCUA chairman William Winegard said the information will be used as “the beginning of the process to-define the role, job and thrust each university has.”

Also, the CMEC sub-comniittee refused a NUS request for a representative on the recently-announced bilingualism task force because it said the task force is actually a negotiating team seeking agreements between the provinces on bilingualism in education rather than an investigative body.

Fine arts dean at York resigns to protest cutbacks

TORONTO - The dean of fine Arts at York University has resigned because ’ of excessive financial cutbacks in the faculty.

Joseph Green said in his letter of resignation that the faculty is not getting the financial supcport it needs and criticized contentious budgetary practices by the university’s board of governors and the inability of the board to raise funds for the faculty.

Green was also angered by the board’s failure to raise funds for a proposed $15 million performing arts and gallery centre, a project the board had supported in the past.

Green said there are no priorities for allocating fun’ds to the university’s ten faculties. “It has been a fleet-footed dean who has been able to capture what he or she needed,” he said.

Arts dean Harold Kaplap has agreed with Green’s charges about the financial operation. He siad that because of excessive budget cutting by the board, York has a $1.4 million surplus this year. In a memo to department heads Kaplan condemned “bad news budget- ting” and said the surplus was created when the university underestimated its income by $9OO,OOO.

“The surpluses, carry-forwards and one-time only funds cannot compen- sate us for the people terminated four months earlier and cannot repair the damage inflicted on acad‘emic programs through these cuts,” he said.

TImArts ,Friday, December 7,1979. Imprint 20 I L

Music by DAVE GRUSIN Screenplay by ROBERT GARLAND Screen Story by PAUL GAER and ROBERT GARLAND produced by RAY STARK

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- Humanities concert -

Simmerin’ Sims _ . . . ..so they send this rock’n’roll fan to

cover a jazz concert,, and as a helper, they send along a jazz enthusiast from CKMS who professes to be a borderline illiterate and knows next to nothing about “Zoot” Sims. Good pair! What to do.....? Improvise, obviously!

The trio of Joe Sealy on piano, Jerry Fuller on drums and Steven Wallis on bass opened the show to an audience of about 340 people. Their three number set lasted

* about half an hour, and was punctuated by a l couple of long, impressive - though

perhaps strained - bass solos, which were to be a frequent occurrence throughout the night.

An amazing change took place in the band when “Zoot” Sims came on; they suddenly became more fluid, loose and energetic, and appeared to be enjoying themselves more. It was immediately obvious why Sims is so renowned; his saxophone playing was smooth and under- stated, and his solos were short and always

added to the song, unlike Wallis’ loud and distracting solos. Every time Sims stepped back after a minute up front and let the band play for a while, one always wished he had played just a little bit more.

The third part of the show saw MC Peter Appleyard come on to join the band on vibes, and he almost stole the show. His lively solo on “Fascinating Rhythm” was greeted with loud applause, and his duet with Sims was the highlight of the over two hour show. As a member of the psych department was heard to say after the show, Sims and Appleyard were the physical embodiment of the two sides of a manic depressive personality; their work together struck a sharp contrast.

Zoot Sims show at Humanities last Monday proved without a doubt that the man deserves the great reputation in the field of jazz he has.

Brenda Rawn Jason Mitchell

-‘The Arts ,’

Friday, December 7,1979. Imprint 21

- Termination -

Brothers’ are / good A near capacity boogied their hearts out

celebrating the TEKMination last Thursday, oblivious to the fact that they were four days early. The entertainment for the evening * was the ever popular Good Brothers and they met expectations.

When this reviewer arrived the warm-up band was already into their act. The Backbeats, they played an uninspired combination 1950’s rock and more recent punk. Towards the end of the set about half a dozen diehards bounced away on the dance floor, but in genera1 they were received with complete apathy by the crowd. The largest applause they received was when they announced that their next number would be their last. This was not received well by the members of the band. It was a clear case of band and audience being mismatched.

The audience came to life at the appearance of the Good Brothers. The entire audience was on its feet, stamping and clapping before the band got two bars into its opening number (the name of the tune escapes me now, all that great music is running together in my mind, but it was a great bluegrass classic), and they kept it up all night. The dance floor never emptied.

The Good Brothers played their usual excellent concert, two good long sets. They

managed to mix in between classics a fair selection of songs from their new album. They got through most of the classics before the evening ended, ‘The Battle of New Orleans,’ ‘The Hot Night Boogie,’ and of course, that never ending saga of ‘The Fox on the Run’ (twice, but it wasn’t enough).

Judging by the turnout, and comments I heard the bus system did a good job of transporting people down to Bingemann Park. But for those who wanted to leave early, the system seemed to break down. A friend and his lady tried to leave around midnight, but found that all the busdrivers must have been inside enjoying the music and that they may as well stay to the end. Sooner or later the bugs will be out of the system.

For the rest of us though the end came too early. The Good Brothers seem to have survived the loss of two band members last month quite well. The fiddle virtuosity of Carl Kees is missing, but it did not show Thursday night.

So the term’s entertainment is now over. Thursday night showed that successful pubs can be run at Waterloo, and that we can have fun at this school. Try to remember that over Christmas people, and give BENT some support next term and we may actually enjoy it. c

Frank Morison

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- Two man tiusical -

. Peterson brilliant

experienced by flying ace Billy Bishop who

Billy Bishop made a spectacular landing

hailed from Owen Sound, Ontario.

before a capacity crowd at Hagey Hall last Wednesday night in a triumphant Canadian two-man musical entitled Billy Bishop Goes to War. The award-winning hit details the humour and the terror of World War I

The show is a masterpiece -of humour, ingenuity and economical but detailed characterization. It is almost entirely the work of song-writer, lyricist, script-writer, director, piano player and singer John Grey and Eric Peterson who helped write the script but more amazingly portrays Billy Bishop and sixteen other characters with an agility and clarity that boggled the mind.

The musical focuses on the character of Billy a liar and a cheat and “on record as the worst scholar K.M.C. ever had”. Im- mediately, Peterson engages us with a plaintive, cynical, naive and boisterous soldier who joins the cavalry only to find out that he is allergic to horses and can’t manage to stay on them properly.

lusts after killing. His love of glory becomes so great that he attacks a German

nice for the “colonial”.

~ Aerodrome singlehandedly one night, fight-

Once in the air, Billy finds he doesn’t

ing until he is out of ammunition. His only regret is that he has worn only his pyjamas

know how to turn; he lands only by

under his coat and is afraid to get shot down

accident; He becomes possessed by the

because he doesn’t want to spend the rest of the war as a prisoner in pyjamas. Needless

war. Originally a man who wanted to spend

to say, he escapes and becomes a decorated

the war in the hospital, he becomes one who

hero. Peterson’s’ performance as Billy is extra-

ordinary. Billy is alive: cocky and brash, _ sensitive, repelled by bloodlust but at- tracted to it, insubordinate and irreverent. f Billy alone would make Peterson’s performance a tour de force.

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Having endured seasickness on his voyage to Europe and experienced the mud and rain of a soldier’s life he looks up to the sky and decides he wants to become a pilot because flyers are dry. And they don’t have horses.

Billy lies to get into the air. force. Of course, the air force needs observers so badly that the potty General only askshim, “Do you ski? Do you ride a horse? Do you. play tennis ? What about sports? He becomes a pilot through the .influence of Lady St. Helier who wants to do something

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But there is so much more. With a few simple gestures he creates an aristocratic and autocratic Lady St. Helier and the criticizing. butler Cedric, alternating between these two characters, portraying Billy and talking directly to the audience in rapid succession. With a gesture, he creates characters as diverse as Lovely Helene, the nightclub singer, King George V, his effeminate rival Albert Ball and generals and instructors.

As well as creating living personalities Peterson, with the aid of John Gray, also creates all of the sound effects. The stage is sparse. Chairs serve as horses and airplanes. Peterson creates the noises of airplanes, bombs, dogfights and bullets,

‘. making them so vivid that our imaginations 1 fill in the rest of the the scene.

John Gray’s songs and dialogue are simple and clear yet brimming with incisive- characterizations and insights. Above all, Gray has filled the play with rollicking humour in’his characterization of Billy and his reactions to the war and the people he meets. \

Gray was also responsible for the truckin’ musical 18 Wheels that rolled into town a month ago. There is no comparison between these two shows. 18 W/reds was good; Sily Bishop is brilliant. Gray and Peterson have collaborated to create a stunning production.

&lia Geiger

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. I t Sports Friday, December 7,1979. Imprint 22

Inti-amural .

The finals of the women’s Intramural . A-league action saw the Basket cases basketball program were held last Mon- ease past the Swish kids 19-l 6: Both day evening in the PAC. finalists had an easy time of it in the

St. Paul’s and Renison met in the final semi-finals, the Basketcases defeating of the B-league. Renison made it to the the Last Minutes 16-l 0, while the Swish final by squeaking by West B- and C 14- kids-downed kin 2A 20-8. l3. St. Paul’s scored an easy 15-8 win over East B to make it to the final.

Shown above is action in the B-league

In the final game St. Paul’s were final between St. Paul’s and Renison.

victorious 18- 16. photo by Ed Zurawski

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Ice Hockey

Two exciting games were played last Monday night to determine the champions in the A and .B leagues of Intramural Ice Hockey.

The B division final was the closer of the two games which featured the East Animals, a Village II team, against Hector’s Heroes, an independent team made up mostly of 4A Chem Eng students. The Heroes led 2- 0, on goals by Robert Smart and Jim Calder, going into second period play. The East team scored three unan- swered goals (P. Lynch, D. Plum and M. Harris)totakea 3-2 lead. With 1:51‘ left, Mike Tomiak of the Heroes tied the game at3-3sending the game into overtime. Both teams had manychan- ces to score in the ten minute overtime period, but it was Jim Calder of the Heroes who banged home the winning goal with 1:40 left giving them the championship.

The A final was a very .different type of game featuring the Wrecking Crew

,form Village I South and a team from Co-op residence. The game was a rough one with neither team scoring until late in the first period. At 15:38, Jerry Vanhaele- meexl of Co-op put his team

a head 1-O. Wrecking Crewls K. O’Reilly tied thegame l-l with two minutes remaining in the first period.

The score was the same at the start ‘of the second period when a serious injury to James Orr of the Co-op-- team brought that team to life. Although Co-op did not score until late in the period,

the injury was an obvious turning point in the game as the Wrecking Crew never seemed able to get their offence on track. With 1:28 left in the game, Alan Dunn put Co-op ahead to stay on a pass from Ron Bell. Frank Schreiner put the icing on the cake with an unassisted goal with 23 seconds remaining.

X-country skiing Seminar next month The UW Kinesiology Stu-

dent’s Association will be holding a day-long symposium on cross-country skiing, on Saturday, Jan- uary 26, 1980.

The symposium will be held in conjuction with next year’s Heritage Loppet, an annual cross-country ski race and tour. The Loppet will be held on the day’ following the symposium, January 27.

The Loppet has fourteen sections in it, with divisions according todistance(30km and 10 km), competitive persuasion (elite and tour- ing), age class and sex.

The featured speaker *at the symposium will be Ed- ward Baldwin, author of

Skiing Cross Co&try, who’s topjc of discussion is “cross- country skiing terrain as a determinant of technique and equipment.” *

In addition, the following topics will be presenteed:

“Physiological responses of elite and novice cross- country skiers and impli- cations for their condition- ing” by Dr. Rich Hughson.

“A comparative bio- m,echanical study of the diagonal technique of world class skiers,” by Dr. R.W. Norman.

“Psycho-motor behaviour -Are head movements a key to ski technique?” by Dr. I.D. Williams.

continued on page 23

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Sports ~ 1 9

Friday, December T, 1979. I&print 23 1 I

\

k UW 107, Ottawa 93’-

Warriorsifind range; dump ‘Gee Gees The basketball Warriors

contested two exhibition tussles last week with con- trasting results.

On Wednesday, Waterloo travelled to Ohio to play

’ NCAA Division I school Kent State and, in a not entirely unexpected result, dropped an 81-46 decision.

The score is probably unimportant relative to the benefits of playing major college opposition before the impending OUAA league schedule commen- ces in the New Year. This experience is bound to toughen the team.

“We were very selective i in the shots which we took.. The boys were happy when they saw they could control the pace of the game,” said coach Don McCrae. “That will help us later in the season.”

Seymour Hadwen (14 points), Doug Vance (13)

and Rich Kurtz (12) paced Waterloo’s attack.

On Friday, it appeared this trio had merely been warm- ing up. In a feature exhibition highlighting the War- rior High School 13vitation- al, Waterloo thoroughly do- minated the Ottawa Gee Gees to post a 107-93 victory, a score which actually flattered Ottawa.

Vance set the pace with a torrid 17 point first half and finished the game with 25. In the Naismith tournament, Vance was moved to a wing positionon the perimeter of the Warrior offence and his fine outside shooting is likely to keep him there.

“With him shooting from 15 or 20, feet out, the 30 second clock should never bother us,” McCrae corn- mented.

Ktlrtz supported Vance’s effort ably, totalled 19 points, and showed a deli-

cate scoring touch inside. Most encouraging of all

for Warrior supporters was the aggressive two-way effort of Hadwen. Nagged by injuries thus far in the young season, he scored 26 points, set up several more, played tough defence, and was the dominant performer of the second half.

Poor field goal shooting snuffed Warrior chances against Carleton in the Naismith two weeks ago; but in this match, they shot a sparkling 70% as a team. While the offence is keyed to Vance, Kurtz, and Hadwen, it was by no means limited to them. ,

“We ‘played everybody and everybody played well,” McCrae enthused. On deck for the Warriors are tourna- ments in Winnipeg (Decem- ber 27 through 29) and Calgary (January 3-5).

Intercollegiate Briefs ‘z Swimming

Three more members of UW’s swim teams qualified for the national champion- ships at meets held this past

X weekend. Stuart Cross qualified in

the 50 metre freestyle last Saturday at York University when he posted a time of

, 24.7 seconds. Norma Wilke and Fiona

Tetlow also qualified last Friday night; Wilkie in the 50 yard freestyle (26.5) and Tetlow in the 200 yard breastroke (2:41).

/ (There may be some con- fusion in distances in Inter- collegiate swim meets as some pools are metric.and -others ar measured in yards. Meets swum in yards have their times converted to th.eir metric equivalents by adding 11% of the time over the particular yardage).

Earlier in the season, Leslie Patterson (50 yard free), Brian Harvey (100 metre back), Rick Frame (100 back), John Heinbuch (400 IM), Chris Treleaven (100, 200 back) and Lynn

’ Marshall (100, 200 free) also qualified for the Nat- ionals to be held on the last weekend in February at

_. Laval. Dave Heinbuch, head

coach of both the Warrior and Athena swim teams in commenting on the Nat- ionals, said “my goal’is to have 10 men and eight women” qualify.

With those numbers he feels UW will have an outside chance of taking a title.

The Warriors are the defending CIAU champions.

Henibuch added that the favourites for the national title are Toronto and Laval.

“We were also trying to get Jerry DeLeeuwqualified in the 100 fly and the 200 metre IM. Jerry .Luill be working in Flin Flon, Man-

itoba and we don’t know if he’ll be able to enter a qualifying meet prior to the OUAA championship. We hope to have him back for that meet and have him take a run at the qualifying time. He’ll be able to train in Flin Flon but we sure would have liked to have him qualify for the CIAU championship before he went on his work term.

In the women’s duel meet held last Friday, the U of T scored a relatively easy 71- 41 victory over the Athenas.

“Lynn Marshall won three events. She was first in the 200 and 400 yard freestyle events and she was a member of the first- place 400 yard freestyle relay event,” comm’ented Heinbuch.

“Even though we lost the meet, I wasstill pleased with the performance of ourgirls. We were without one of our top swimmers in the person of Chris Treleaven. She tore ligaments in her ankle during the week. She would have helped in a lot of events.”

The swimmers break now until the new year when they begin a series of duel meets, most of which are at home.

Basketball

The Athenas basketball team won games against Queen’s and Ottawa over the weekend. The Athenas beat Queen’s’ 82-63 and Qttawa 50-43.

In the Queen’s game, the Athenas got an outstanding performance from Jennifer Russell.

“Jennifer has been getting frustrated in some of our outings. She’s been bothered by some missed shots and by her getting into foul trouble. She stayed away from foul trouble against Queen’s and she had a great shooting day.

She finished the game with 25 points,” commented head coach Sally Kemp.

“Nancy Campbell had another good game. She scored 16 points, while Nori Spence, had 11: That will help their confidence.

“In the Ottawa game, Ottawa played a zone. They are not that good a team but they started with a zone, which sometimes gives us trouble and then they began to change their defences. That caused us some other problems.

Richard Kurt+ seems to be p them for the rebound. Kurtz victory.

laying his respects to his Ottawa opponents after beating P had another fine game potting 19 points in the Warrior

, photo by Jacob Arseneault

“The score was kept low because of all the adjust- ments that both teams were making. Beth Parsons had a goodgamefor us. She pulled down 11 rebounds. That’s a team high for us this year.”

Jennifer Russell scored 14 points against Ottawa, Nancy Camp,bell had 12 and Nori Spence scored 10.

X-countr y skiing . continued from page 22

“Nutrition-is it really of any use in competition? Diet and nutrition from the com- petitor’s viewpoint em- phasizing periods before, during and after the event” by Drs. Jay Thompson and Mike Houston.

racer” by Richard Lay. “Equipment and cloth-

ing” by W. Deyarmond. “Cross-country ski camp-

ing” by the Outer’s club. “Waxing for the racer” by

Anton Scheier.

The scientific nature of the morning lectures will be complemented. by several workshop experiences in the afternoon. The rec- reational aspects of cross- country skiing are the main focus of the afternoon ses- sions.

Afternoon’workshops will include:

Further information can be obtained from the Symposium Committee, Kinesiology Students As- sociation, U of W, N2L 3Gl.

Registration forms may be obtained at the- above address or at OW Sports, 92 King St. South, Waterloo, the PAC Reception desk and at the Department of Kin- esiology Office, 6th floor, MC building.

The cost for the day is $5 and registration is limited to “Coaching technique and

training of thecross-country the first 300 applicants.

\

Skiathon The Men’s intercollegiate Athletic Council in co-

operation with the UW ski club is sponsoring a Skiathon, January 24, 1980, to raise money, for

I men’s varsity athletics. ~-. The event will be held at Chikopee and will also feature open skiing for all UW students.

Entertainment will follow the day’s activities when v a Bluegrass band will serenade the participants in

the clubhouse. Watch for details in the New Year.

Psrmwn Pctm lkstm~s A S E N E llB@JE%RRl Pdwtrm A ROBERT WI3 him STAR TREK-M MOTyrJ F!CTl.R stanno WU.LlAM SHATNER LEONAfiU NMOY OeFOREST KELLEY F’rwntlng P E R % KHAMBATTA and Stwm~ S T E P H E N C U t t I N S B S Oedw

* khw by JERRY OOLOSMITH Screenplay by H A R O t O LIV@lGZTO+J Story by A t A N O E A N FOSTER Rucbd ty G E N E R M X l E N B E f V I Y _ Onxtsd ty ROBERT WlsE Copynghr 0 MCMLXXIX by Paramamt PICM~S Corpwaran

STARTING FRIDAY -

’ at a -THEATRE NEAR YOU.

/

Live Magnetic Air (America’s Veins, Here among the Cats,

Charmonium) Feds $5.47 Non Feds $6.47

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Dam&he Torpedos

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Tonv Banks

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kTapes: BASF, Maxell,TDK, etc. eck on our many i,n storespecials!

ILower Mall, Campus Centre University of Waterloo

E.L.O.‘s Greatest Hits (Evil Woman, L&in Thing, Turn to Stone,

Strange Magic) Feds.$5.47 Non Feds $6.47

JeffersonStarship Freedom and Point Zero

(Jane, Rock Music, Lighting Rose)

BarbraStreisand A Curi&Feeling _ Andrew Davis, English Chamber Orchestra Reason to Be’ Wet

(FCT-CXMY Mornins. For a While, In The Dark) (AdagioforGuitarandStrings,AironaGString) (Glamour, Houston, Over Dry Martini) (No More Tears, Niagara, Kiss me in the Rain) Feds $5.47 Non Feds $6.47 Feds$5.47 NonFeds$6.47

Images a;Twilight (Hot-to Cold, See Them Smile,

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Little Feat Down on the Farm

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1979-80_v02,n14_Imprint

Documents

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liberal club meeting

ndp club meeting

monthly meeting

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thatsic meeting

conserva tive club meeting