17204 how to write dialogue that works

How to write dialogue that works

This page talks about the essentials of how to write dialogue. At the bottom, you can find more

creative writing resources, including the chance to take a free writing course.

How to write dialogue that expresses your character's voice

I bet if you hung around on a random street corner and asked ten different passers-by how to get

to the airport, they'd all give you different answers.

Okay, maybe if you're lucky, they'd suggest similar routes. But they'd all use different words to

say it. Even the, "Uh, don't know," answers would likely come out differently.

"I'm sorry, I really couldn't say."

"No friggin idea."

"Get a map, man."

How does each of your characters talk? The answer will depend on:

Geographic background (a Texan doesn't speak the same as a Bostonian)

Educational level

Age (Like, is your character, like, a total teenager?)

Personality (Is your character nervous, impulsive, aggressive, flirtatious, shy?)

Your character's relationship with the person she's speaking with. She wouldn't talk to her

boss the same way she speaks to a friend or to her five-year-old son.

Your character's attitude to the conversation topic. Does it make him nervous, proud,

defensive? Would he rather avoid the subject all together? All this will affect his

speaking style.

Dialogue is when you let the reader listen in on a conversation between your characters. Just as

every stranger you stop on a street corner will answer your question in a different way, every

character involved in a dialogue will have a slightly different speaking style.

This may seem like a lot to manage as an author, but it's simple to learn.

1. Get in the habit of really listening to how people talk (not only what they say). Take

every opportunity to eavesdrop, on the bus, on elevators, in line at the bank...

2. Get to know your characters deeply. If you haven't done so already, take a few minutes to

read about character development here

3. Once you have a clear vision of your characters, you can play out their conversations in

your head. Put the characters in an imaginary situation, and listen to what they would say.

Try saying their lines out loud. And then write down what you hear.

4. Clean it up afterwards. Effective dialogue is not the same as the way people really speak.

Repeat that three times. Then keep reading below for details.

How to write dialogue that doesn't bore or annoy your reader.

Something I've noticed in TV shows and movies is that people hang up on each other a lot.

"I think the police are onto Scotty."

"I'll take care of it."

Click.

I don't know about you, but my phone calls tend to end more like this:

"I think the police are onto Scotty."

"I'll take care of it."

"You will? Great."

"Yeah, well, I'll try."

"Okay, great, thanks a lot. Appreciate it."

"Anyway, I should get back to making dinner."

"Okay, then, talk to you later. And good luck with the police."

"Thanks, I'll need it. All right. Got to go."

"See you."

"Right, on Saturday."

"That's right. We'll be there at six."

"Okay, see you then."

"Hm..."

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

"I thought you said something?"

"No, sorry. Just clearing my throat. Got some phlem."

"Yuck, phlem."

"Yeah, I know."

"Anyway..."

If you write your story dialogue like this, your reader is likely to stop reading... assuming that

he's still awake.

Writing effective dialogue is a delicate art. You need to sound authentic, capture each character's

voice. And you need to cut it at the right moments.

How to write dialogue and when to summarize instead.

Some reasons for using dialogue:

To let the reader hear your character's voice.

When the conversation is a key event in the story. In other words, if your characters are

chatting about the weather while they're waiting for the bus, that might just be

background. But if your story's about a pregnant teenager, the conversation where her

boyfriend proposes marriage is probably a critical event that will change the direction of

the story. Show it.

(In small quantities) As background, to set a scene.

In other cases, dialogue's not the best option, and it's better to summarize the conversation.

For example:

"She repeated to her husband everything that had just happened. He listened to her for

hours, until the sun started to come up."

"We almost died of boredom as Aunt Bertha went on and on about her poodle's weight

loss program."

Those are two conversations you probably don't want to write out as dialogue.

How to write dialogue -- what not to do

Some dialogue no-nos:

Information stuffing: "Hey, is that your sister Kate, who dropped out of college to

become a welder, causing your father to have a nervous breakdown?"

Extended incoherent babbling: "Like, I was, you know. Like. Right. Okay, well. Um.

What's that? Right. Anyway."

Putting YOUR words in their mouths: "My Daddy won't let me play with Stevie's trucks,

which makes me cry because I'm only four years old and I'm already the victim of gender

stereotypes."

How To Write Effective Dialogue In Your

Novel

September 15, 2011 Gary Smailes — 2 Comments

Characterization is an accident that flows out of action and dialogue. Jack Woodford

If you follow the techniques outlined in this post you will be able to write more effective

and revealing dialogue for your novels. The techniques will allow you to avoid writing one

dimensional characters that fail to grasp the reader’s interest and imagination.

Characterization

In Jack Woodford’s quote above he mentions the word characterization. This is an essential

concept for any writer looking to write effective dialogue.

Wiki defines characterization as ‘the process of conveying information about characters in

narrative or dramatic works of art or everyday conversation. Characters may be presented by

means of description, through their actions, speech, or thoughts’.

Everyone you will ever meet in your life is a paradox, you included. Each person has a set of

beliefs and understandings. This is the never-ending internal dialogue, the voice in your head that

dictates your thoughts and feelings. This is the first dimension. The second dimension is your

external dialogue, the words you say. Your internal thoughts and external dialogue are not

always the same. The final dimension is your reaction to events. How you react to events is a

mirror of your internal dialogue and often in contradiction to your external dialogue.

It is this contradiction between internal thoughts, external dialogue and reaction to events that

creates believable and memorable characters.

For example: Imagine a situation in a novel. A father’s only son is murdered by a serial killer.

The father says at one point in the novel, “I intend to find and kill the man who murdered my

son.” Then, later in the climax of the novel when the father does indeed come face-to-face with

the killer, rather than kill the killer, he turns him over to the police. It turns out that the father’s

external thoughts and internal dialogue where not aligned – just like real life. Perhaps the father

believed that justice, rather than murder, was the correct moral solution. Thus, the novel sees the

father contradicting his dialogue, and his actions reflecting his internal feeling. It is this

complexity that makes for a three dimensional character.

Dialogue is not conversation

Just listen to any real-life conversation and you will see it has little resemblance to the dialogue

written in novels. When we converse in real-life situations are sentences are clipped, we talk

across each other and most of the time use non-verbal cues for communication. The mistake

many writers make is to see dialogue in a novel as a reflection of real-life conversation – this is

not the case. The aim of dialogue in a novel is to fulfil one of two very distinct goals:

To provide plot or character information. To develop characterization and build the depth of your characters.

Writing Dialogue

To write effective dialogue you must first understand what Robert McKee calls ‘beats’. He

suggests that the ‘beat’ is the smallest unit of construction, used to build scenes and acts. He

defines a beat as, ‘an exchange of behaviours in action/reaction’. A second important aspect of a

beat is that it passes a very particular piece of information or documents a change in character.

Dialogue can be made up of a string of beats, each with its own distinct direction.

For example: If we return to our fictional novel that sees a child killer on the loose. This

exchange takes place between the father of a murdered child and a police officer. As we have

said previously all dialogue must have a direction. The aim of this exchange is to set up the

father as a person who has said they will kill the murderer of his child. It also provides important

plot information (private investigator), which would be built on later.

It had been a few days since they had discovered the mutilated body but this was the first time

the policeman and the father had met in person. They had chatted on the phone twice, but the

conversations had been truncated, nothing more than short, unemotional exchanges of

information. Though the policeman had met many grieving parents in his long career, he still

always felt uncomfortable in the presence of deep grief.

”I am sorry for your loss,” said the policeman.

”Yeah,” said the father, his head in his hands, not looking up as he spoke.

”I have just spoken to my boss and he is expecting to make an arrest in the next few days,” said

the officer.

”I hope so,” replied the father, looking up. “You are not the only person looking for the killer. I

have hired a private detective to follow some of my own theories.”

The officer’s face failed to show any emotion. “That’s regrettable. We don’t encourage…” he

paused searching for the correct word. ”Vigilantes. I hope you plan to pass any information you

gather to the police.”

”No,” says the father looking directly into the officer’s eyes. “I intend to find and kill the man

who murdered my son.”

If we look at this exchange we can see the action/reaction process:

Exchange 1

[ACTION]”I am sorry for your loss,” said the policeman.

[REACTION]”Yeah,” said the father, his head in his hands, not looking up as he spoke.

Here we see the police officer unable to cope with the deeply emotional situation and reverting to

a well-worn, even clichéd comment. The father has been under extreme emotional pressure for

days and has spoken to countless police officers. He feels helpless and less of a man. The

authority figure of the policeman is challenging him on many levels. Therefore, his reaction is

almost a non-reaction as he tries to maintain some control of the situation.

Exchange 2

[ACTION]”I have just spoken to my boss and he is expecting to make an arrest in the next few

days,” said the officer.

[REACTION]”I hope so,” replied the father, looking up. “You are not the only person looking

for the killer. I have hired a private detective to follow some of my own theories.”

Unable to express his emotions the police officer tries to engage in conversation by offering

‘information’ he feels the father will find useful. The father’s reaction is one of anger and leaves

him feeling more helpless as a father and man. In the exchange he tries to gain some level of

control by telling the police office about the private detective.

Exchange 3

[ACTION] The officer’s face failed to show any emotion. “That’s regrettable. We don’t

encourage…” he paused searching for the correct word. ”Vigilantes. I hope you plan to pass any

information you gather to the police.”

[REACTION] ”No,” says the father looking directly into the officer’s eyes. “I intend to find and

kill the man who murdered my son.”

The police officer suspects the father is not telling the truth about the private detective. His

response is to ‘toe the line’ and provide un-emotional information. This further angers the father

and he responds with the threat to murder the killer. At that moment the father believes his words

since they gives him some control and increases his feelings of masculinity. Only his actions at a

later date will show his true internal voice.

The Key Points

In order to write effective dialogue, here are the key points to understand:

1. A character is made up of three elements; dialogue, internal thoughts/feelings/beliefs and reaction to events. Characterization is the inconsistency of these three elements.

2. See dialogue as ‘beats’. That is short sections that alter a character and/or pass a specific piece of plot information.

3. Dialogue is all about action and reaction. 4. You can only write effective dialogue if you understand the internal motivations of your

characters

Writing Dialogue That Works

Some writers love writing dialogue while some hate it, in most cases I have found a writer’s

feeling about it is directly proportional to how capable they are at using it.

Regardless of how you or they feel about it, dialogue (words spoken aloud) or internal/inner

dialogue (words thought) are a vital part of prose writing. When done well they can propel a

story along, add depth to characters, and provide information. However, when done badly, they

can make a story stilted, clunky and unrealistic.

DIALOGUE TIPS

No long diatribes Long paragraphs of any kind rarely work in everyday fiction, so avoid writing dialogue that has

one person talking for half a page of dialogue. Instead keep it short and realistic. If your

character must talk for an extended time break it up with actions and pauses, perhaps even

interjections from other characters or inner dialogue.

Language In today’s world we rarely speak the King’s English, it’s more like a mixture of slang,

colloquialism and everyday chitchat. In most cases we alter words like ‘did not’ to ‘didn’t’ and

‘will not’ to ‘won’t’. In fact, the only times we usually hear people speaking without these

contractions is if English is not their native language or if they are truly ‘old school’.

Slang and colloquialisms can be used when writing dialogue, when used in moderation they can

help build the character of the person speaking. However be aware that using this kind a

language can date your work and may make reading harder if you use it liberally.

Make it realistic Take some time to listen to everyday conversation around you. Become aware of phrasing,

pauses, actions and everything else we do without thinking when conversing with others. To

research this more consider listening to radio or audio plays

Read it aloud Always, always, always read dialogue aloud to see if it sounds authentic.

FORMAT

When you’re physically writing dialogue there are certain rules that it’s necessary to stick to.

• Start a new line when a new person starts speaking.

• Dialogue needs to be typed in inverted commas, pick either double (“) or single (‘), but

whichever you choose be consistent with them.

• Internal/inner dialogue (thinking) does not need to be in inverted commas.

• Remember to show who is speaking, it needn’t be a ‘he said’ or a ‘she said’, an action works

just as well providing we are told who is doing it.

• During a discussion include a name of who is speaking after every five to six pieces of dialogue

otherwise the reader may find themselves counting back to find out who actually said what.

• Avoid tags to your dialogue like ‘he laughed’ and ‘he smirked’. In reality words are always

said never laughed or smirked.

• Dialogue is always stronger if it has a sentence to itself rather then being slipped into the

middle of sentence.

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10 Easy Ways to Improve Your Dialogue

In dialogue

“And what is the use of a book,” thought Alice, “without pictures or conversations?” – Lewis

Carroll

I can manage books without pictures, but I know how Alice feels about the conversations. When

I’m browsing, I flick through books to see how much dialogue there is. If there doesn’t seem to

be much, I’ll put the book down and choose something else.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who does this, either…

As a writer, dialogue lets you:

Show rather than tell – when characters act and speak, they become real to us Build tension and drama, furthering the plot Reveal character in what’s said (or what isn’t said) Create white space on the page – attractive to busy readers

But many writers list “dialogue” as one of the key things they struggle with. I love writing

dialogue, and I still have to work hard at it – though thanks to the wonderful Lorna Fergusson

from fictionfire, I’ve definitely improved.

So what makes for good dialogue?

#1: Watch Your Dialogue Tags

A “dialogue tag” is the bit you put before or after the dialogue, like:

he said she asked I replied

In primary (elementary) school, I was taught to vary dialogue tags with words like whispered,

shouted, pondered … This might be great for encouraging kids to grow their vocabulary, but it’s

poor advice for any adult fiction writer.

Normally, the word “said” will do just fine. Throw in an occasional “whispered” or “shouted”

if you need to, but don’t get fancier than that. The reader will barely notice the word “said” – but

when characters start “mumbling awkwardly” or “opining” then the dialogue tags end up

distracting from the actual dialogue.

(I particularly dislike the use of words like “laughed” and “giggled” as dialogue tags. Does

anyone really giggle a whole sentence?)

You can normally avoid adjectives and modifying phrases, too. If the dialogue is well-written,

readers will know that it was “said happily” or “shouted furiously”.

#2: Ground Your Dialogue in a Scene

It’s easy to fall into the trap of “talking heads” – two characters discussing something in bare

lines of dialogue, with little or no supporting text.

Every conversation that takes place needs to be somewhere. The location or scene makes a

difference to the actual dialogue. Think about:

Where are your characters? In a busy coffee shop, driving in a car, on a train, at home…? Who’s nearby? Nosy onlookers, young children, the boss…

You don’t have to have action or description after every single line of dialogue, but you do need

a sense that your characters are physically located in a particular setting.

It can be tough to manage dialogue on the phone, where characters can’t see one another; you

can use tone of voice or background noise to help add to the scene.

#3: Use Dialect and Accents with Caution

One mistake that newer writers often make is to go over the top with dialect words or accents.

This can make the text incredibly hard to read – and it can also be unintentionally comic, or even

offensive.

Generally, less is more. If you have a Scottish character, they don’t need to sound like a

Burns poem. Use the occasional dialect word like “wee” and the reader will get the idea.

Similarly, if you have an uneducated or lower-class character, using non-standard grammar or

phrases (e.g. “ain’t”) will establish their voice – you don’t need to start knocking letters off every

word.

#4: Don’t Let One Person Speak for Too Long

In real life, we don’t normally give long speeches during regular conversations. There are some

circumstances where one person might speak for several minutes at a time – during a lecture,

sermon, etc – but this is limited to special occasions.

If your characters have long blocks of speech, break those up. Other characters could butt in

or simply ask for clarification. You could also have non-verbal responses from the listeners

(nodding, sighing, frowning, etc).

When your plot requires a character to speak for some length of time, don’t give us the whole

speech! A few lines from the start and end, plus a narrative summary of what was said, will be

enough.

#5: Realistic Doesn’t Mean Real

This was one of the areas I struggled with in my novel. I tried too hard to make my dialogue

realistic – with lots of “ums”, hesitations, repetitions and so on. It was over-the-top. Dialogue is

supposed to give an impression of real speech; it’s not supposed to be a transcript of how

we really talk.

When I went back and cleaned up the dialogue, my text flowed much more smoothly. That

meant having my characters speak in realistic-sounding but clear sentences. They did hesitate or

stumble at times – but only when it was really warranted by what was going on.

#6: Give Your Characters Distinct Speech Patterns

Do all your characters sound exactly the same? If so, you need to do some tweaking.

Think about:

Age: a 13-year-old will speak differently from a 70-year-old Gender: women and men may use different vocabulary Social background: does your character use down-to-earth words or “posh” ones? Education level: does your character have a wide or limited vocabulary? Geographical area: where do they live? Particular catch phrases: don’t go overboard here, but consider whether your character has any

common phrases (things like “for sure!” or “good good” or “awesome”) Verbosity: some people tend to babble, others will be taciturn

One good trick is to take just the lines of dialogue in your short story or novel – cut out the

action and dialogue tags – and see whether you can work out who said what.

#7: Don’t Put Exposition in the Dialogue

Sometimes, you need to convey information about the characters. Don’t try to force this into the

dialogue – it’ll come across as stagey and fake. Avoid having characters tell one another

things that they logically should already know. This sort of dialogue is a particular problem

for sci-fi writers: “But captain, if the unobtanium runs out, the whole ship is gonna blow…”

If you’re really keen to get information across during a conversation, then make sure that the set-

up for the conversation is appropriate. If two friends are catching up after 10 years apart, they

might well fill in one another on the details of their work, family and lives in general.

#8: Use Silence as Well as Words

Sometimes, what’s not said is more powerful than what is said.

If one character says “I love you” and the other person doesn’t say anything at all, that’s often

stronger than a response like “Oh, okay” or “Yeah, right”.

When a character refuses to respond to a particular question, or refuses to speak to a certain

person, we immediately know that there’s something going on – without the author having to say

“James didn’t want to talk about his marriage” or “Mary hadn’t been on speaking terms with

her mother-in-law for years.”

#9: Get in Late, Leave Early

I’m indebted to Lorna for this particular tip: you don’t have to begin the conversation at the

first word and end at the last.

If someone’s talking on the phone, cut out all the “Hi, how are you?” “Fine thanks, and you?”

bits at the start. Yes, they’re realistic – but the reader isn’t interested.

Often, it’s powerful to end a scene on a line of a dialogue. We don’t need to see how the other

character responds. We definitely don’t need the conversation to tail off into “Bye” and “See you

next time.”

#10: Punctuate Your Dialogue Correctly

This is crucial if you’re going to be submitting your work to publishers, or if you’re entering

writing competitions. It’s also vital if you’re self-publishing – you want your story or novel to

be as professional as possible.

Dialogue should:

Begin on a new line for each new speaker Have double or single quotation marks around the words (be consistent with which you choose

– as a rule of thumb, the US standard is double and UK is single) Have punctuation inside the quotation marks End the dialogue line with a comma if you’re adding a dialogue tag, but with a full stop if you’re

adding an action.

Here’s an example:

“Joe, please come here,” Sarah said. “We need to talk.”

“What about?”

“You know what.” She folded her arms.

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Rules of Grammar and Punctuation in

Dialogue Writing

One of the most common mistakes writers make is using improper punctuation and grammar when writing dialogue. Punctuation, especially in dialogue, is a big deal in writing and if you don't know the basic rules for punctuation in dialogue, pay attention to the article below. The wrong way can ruin whatever chance you might have had of getting a story accepted.

The punctuation at the end of a quote and the beginning of a sentence extension on a quote has a

lot to do with the tone of the quote and what comes after the quote. This is what many people

have a problem with.

1 - Regular Quote

In a regular quote, with no continuing or following sentence, use your standard punctuation.

"You didn't see her?"

"I didn't see her."

2 - Quote as End of a Sentence

Same deal here. If the quote, whether there are other parts to the paragraph or not, is a sentence

all its own, the same rule applies as in the first example I wrote.

"You didn't see her?" Detective Martin paced back and forth in front of the two way mirror, the

click click of his shoes making me nervous.

"I didn't see her." He was trying to wear me down. I knew for a fact I didn't see her that night.

3 - Do Not Capitalize a Sentence Extension

When you have an extension on the same sentence as the quote, you need to make sure that the

extension of the sentence does not begin with a capital letter. I offer this example to better

illustrate what I'm describing.

The wrong way:

"You didn't see her?" The detective asked.

The right way:

"You didn't see her?" the detective asked.

The same goes for any quote that has an extension of the sentence on it, regardless of the

punctuation ending that quote. Too many times I see the extension capitalized as if the extension

of the sentence is a sentence all on its own. It just doesn't work that way.

4 - Knowing When to Use a Comma

This is a basic grammar rule that often gets overlooked and is confusing for some people.

When you have a quote that ends with a period and it has a sentence extension on it, you need to

replace the period with a comma.

The wrong way:

"I didn't see her." I told him.

The right way:

"I didn't see her," I told him.

Please take note that since "I" is always capitalized in a sentence, rule 3 does not apply to this

particular sentence. However, if you change "I" to a pronoun or something else, rule 3 must

apply in conjunction with rule 4.

The wrong way:

"I didn't see her." She whispered, holding back her anger.

The right way:

"I didn't see her," she whispered, holding back her anger

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Dialogue

“The dialogue was so believable, I forgot it was spoken by fictional characters.”

Most writers dream of such compliments. After all, dialogue is one of the basic ingredients for a

good story. Yet realistic dialogue is an illusion; no good writer recreates human vocal

interactions. Real people trip on their tongues, stutter, speak over each other, and most say more

than is necessary once speaking. Reading a verbatim transcript of a conversation is almost

painful.

Exercise

Record a casual exchange over a cup of coffee. Precisely transcribe ten minutes of dialogue,

including every pause and false start. Once transcribed, re-write the dialogue with readers in

mind. Do not cheat and write a short script. Attempt to write the exchange as if it were appearing

in a novel.

How does a good writer trick readers or an audience into accepting dialogue as realistic? He or

she assumes the role of editor. Just as an editor removes minor flaws from a text, so must a

writer act on behalf of characters’ speech. A talented writer excises the “oh, uh, yeah, well”

patterns many of us use. Experienced writers force subject-verb agreement into conversation,

unless poor grammar is essential to a character. Most importantly, writers do not allow characters

to ramble unless it is a device to communicate nervousness or another trait.

Readers and audiences seldom notice well-edited dialogue. Good dialogue fits seamlessly within

the story.

Effective dialogue is:

Economical and condenses time Tied to the plot and adds to the story Indirect for dramatic effect Without prompts or cues Realistic in terms of emotions, not wording Audience appropriate “Said” much of the time Not a break in narrative, nor broken by narrative Not a replacement for narrative exposition

Words of Caution

Not every story requires dialogue, while some are nothing but dialogue. A writer needs to

discover what the unique balance is for a particular story, as well as what the audience expects

from a genre. For example, crime novels are driven by internal dialogue and brisk exchanges

between characters. A crime novel without dialogue would seem strange. However, a personal

tale of mountian climbing would need to dialogue because it is a first-person narrative.

Economy of Dialogue

The only “law” good writers observe is “every sentence serves a purpose.” If a sentence does not

fit this law it should be killed. In dialogue, every word is important. Dialogue breaks the

narrative of a story or the visuals of a film. Readers and audiences pay closer attention to

dialogue because it is special.

A ten minute conversation condenses into three paragraphs.

We talked about our husbands, the kids, and work. Neither of us said anything. Then, she

shattered everything.

“I’ve been having an affair.”

I couldn’t breath. I had hoped I was wrong.

The writer of the preceding example omits nine minutes and 45 seconds of dialogue. Readers

miss nothing. While condensed, the words quoted reveal the essential information. The narrator’s

reaction is not spoken; the lack of a response is a response. Not every statement requires a reply.

Notice the word choice. The adulteress says “I’ve been having,” not “I am” or “I was.” The affair

is ongoing. At this point it is not important when, how, or why the relationship began, so the

writer omits those details. Effective word economy focuses a reader on what matters. Dialogue

should be economical and purposeful, not a perfect recreation of reality.

More Than Plot

Effective dialogue advances the plot and reveals information to create a unique story. Doing one

but not the other results in weak dialogue.

“I’m going to kill my wife,” he said.

The preceding dialogue might advance a plot, but what does it add to the story?

“I hate my wife,” he added.

Not only does the second line seem like a writer’s desperate attempt to affix a motivation to this

character, it also lacks dramatic effect. The two statements can be re-written as one.

“I’m going to enjoy getting rid of my wife,” he said, calmly eating his steak.

Now the writer has plot advancement and a hint of a story. The dialogue leads the reader to

explore possibilities. The work is interactive. One wonders, is the husband a jerk? The wife a

witch? Why will he enjoy killing her? Mystery readers want to “play along” with the sleuth.

Again, word selection is important. There is a difference between “getting rid of” and killing.

The wife is a burden or obstacle. Hopefully, readers want to know which she is and why.

There are a limited number of plot structures upon which to hang a story. Readers and audiences

are comfortable with a defined subset of plots. Effective dialogue provides a tool for writers

wanting to create interesting stories. Each line of dialogue should add to the story, usually by

adding to a character.

Dialogue advancing the plot but not contributing to the story results from including dialogue for

the sake of dialogue or overzealous editing. Inexperienced writers should avoid using dialogue

merely because they have been told dialogue is essential.

Indirect Dramatic Effect

Remember that all fiction, and some non-fiction, requires drama to retain readers. Writing

dramatically means getting readers and audiences to wonder “what next?” as the story

progresses. Do not confuse dramatic effect with melodrama. Dramatic dialogue resembles a

poker game or negotiation. The indirect dramatic effect is how a writer alludes to situations.

In dramatic dialogue the speakers avoid being direct. Questions and statements are subtle, as they

often are in reality.

“Do you think she’s cute?” Anne asked.

Anne is fishing for a compliment instead of directly asking, “Am I cute?” People learn to be

indirect as children. Those who do not learn are considered tactless. Well-written dialogue

mirrors this reality.

“It’s a shame you have to work late at the office so often,” she said, facing away from him.

Disguising a question as a statement is effective dialogue because it reveals the game being

played. Coupling the dialogue with narrative reveals more. Good writers balance indirect

statements with clues to their meanings. The speaker does not face her lover.

Unstated Emotions

A rare but effective form of dialogue is unstated emotion. Unlike other forms of indirect

dialogue, the intent is clear to other characters but the words are carefully chosen. As poets

know, allusions to emotions are more dramatic than blunt statements. “I can’t live without you”

bests “I love you.”

The most common method for employing unstated emotions is to have one character describe

another. Readers and audiences know that when someone is not present is when others reveal

how they feel about the missing party.

“Your mother is never happy. She asked what the food was, as if she couldn’t tell. Then, she

examined it like Quincy. To ask if we have any Rolaids, the nerve of that woman.”

Readers recognize anger in the speaker’s words. She does not like her mother-in-law. It is an

overstatement that the mother-in-law is “never” happy, but this statement establishes their

relationship. The writer can omit a detailed history.

The writer uses what are known as “loaded phrases” to convey the wife’s emotions. “As if” and

“the nerve” illustrate the distrust and distaste felt by the speaker. The example is superior to the

alternative:

“I don’t like your mother. She put on a show, insulting my cooking just to be spiteful.”

The blunt, but accurate, version is boring. In this sample, the writer over-edited. The reader

doesn’t sense the depth of anger.

Real Emotions, Unreal Words

Good writers understand readers expect “real” emotions from characters. A realistic response in

fiction does not mirror reality; it is understandable from the character’s perspective. Dialogue

must ring true to readers based upon their knowledge of a character.

Real emotions vary in intensity and duration. Only a handful of people have near-perfect self-

control, but most do calm quickly following an outburst. Fictional characters often fail to return

to a calm state. Good writing requires heightened emotions that explain motivations and allow

for confrontations.

“I still remember her standing up at our wedding and screaming, ‘I object, I object.’ Cruel

doesn’t describe her.”

Because most readers know emotional people, they accept characters with strong emotions.

There is a fine distinction between dramatic effect and melodrama. Emotional dialogue contains

hyperbole, with more passion than real conversation. Also, dramatic dialogue tends toward

greater eloquence than daily speech.

“For years I have waited, patiently, quietly in the background. Now, it’s my turn.”

Never Be Prompted

Prompts are lines of dialogue meant to elicit a response. Some prompts are social rituals and the

last thing we really expect is a detailed response. Other prompts fill in the empty space during a

conversation. Though used in real conversations, prompts are lazy writing. Unfortunately,

prompts are common, especially in mass-market fiction.

Frequently used prompts include:

“How are you?” “What’s happening?” “What did he/she say/do?” “How dare you.” “I don’t know.” “Do you remember?”

There are dozens of prompts, all worthy of deletion from a manuscript. Deleting a prompt, also

known as an “empty cue,” seldom affects a conversation.

Audience Appropriate

Audience appropriate dialogue does not refer to the content of the dialogue, but rather the

language and mechanics utilized by a writer. Each writer must determine what is appropriate

content. Audience appropriate dialogue is dialogue that respects the reading abilities and

conceptual levels of readers and audiences. While a gifted child might read a thriller with ease,

does he or she comprehend to social commentary within the text? Or, can someone with a lower

reading ability but good conceptual foundation enjoy the story?

Younger readers and audiences increasingly want mysteries, thrillers, and other forms of highly

conceptual fiction. For this audience, writers often utilize intermediate exposition. By design,

one character is required to explain facts and concepts to a “Watson,” a reference to the fictional

chronicler of Sherlock Holmes’ exploits. Holmes had to explain a great deal to Watson, therefore

Watson exists for the readers.

“Sugar pills killed him?”

“The lack of his prescription did. Without his medication, his heart was vulnerable.”

He Said, She Said

Most dialogue is “said,” not muttered, sighed, screamed, or exclaimed. In school, students are

encouraged to add variety to dialogue by replacing “said” with other verbs. These verbs often

seemed forced within text. Most of the time it is best to have characters “say” dialogue or omit

the attribution.

“My mother is a saint,” he said.

“Your mother dated Satan.”

In the preceding example there is no need to explain how the characters spoke. The man defends

his mother, so readers likely assume a defensive tone of voice. The accusation his mother dated

Satan does not require attribution of any kind.

Only when the tone of voice is not obvious should a verb other than “said” be used. Ironic or

sarcastic comments should be attributed with another verb.

“Great,” she muttered upon hearing her mother-in-law was coming for dinner.

Using “said” in the above instance fails to convey the wife’s displeasure.

Don't Break It

Breaking the flow of either narration with dialogue or dialogue with narration damages a story.

Never insert dialogue merely for the sake of dialogue. Likewise, do not interrupt an exchange

between characters with narration. Writers are tempted to mix the two because teachers told

them doing so is proper. It might be what a teacher wants, but it does not result in effective

dialogue.

The police stopped at the doorway.

“Come in,” she said. She was sitting in her favorite chair, a dark walnut rocker. Her voice was

calm. “I’ve been expecting you.”

Though not terrible, the preceding passage can be improved.

The police stopped at the doorway. They studied her, rocking calmly in a dark walnut chair.

“Come in,” she said. “I’ve been expecting you.”

The revised passage creates the scene first, then introduces dialogue. The writer leaves the

attribution “she said” to enforce a dramatic pause, but gone is the long interruption created by

scene description.

Meaningless Exposition

Exposition is the introduction of background or information otherwise essential to the

understanding of a story. The key word is “essential.” If exposition does not further the plot,

omit it. As stated earlier, effective dialogue always furthers both plot and story. Since seldom

does exposition advance the story by exploring character relationships, it should not appear as

dialogue.

“Do you remember my father’s funeral?” he asked his wife.

“It was dark, cold, and raining.”

The example fails to illustrate the relationship between the two speakers. Certainly the wife

would recall a funeral, so why is the question asked? There are more effective ways to have a

character brood about the past. One approach is “asked and answered,” which demonstrates a

character’s contemplation.

“Do you remember my father’s funeral? It was dark, cold, and raining.”

By removing the wife’s response, the writer now presents a character feeling a deep loss. The

words did not change, but they are more intense.

Risks of Internal Dialogue

Many writers are tempted to take readers “into the heads” of characters. Instead of letting readers

assume what a character is thinking, the writer decides to tell the thoughts through internal

dialogue. There are times when internal dialogue works, but usually it seems awkward. In the

worst cases, internal dialogue ignores point-of-view and leaves nothing to the reader.

I wonder what she wants? Daniel thought to himself.

Erika looked at the ground. I bet he won't lend me the money.

Internal dialogue in the example above leaves nothing to be said by the characters. The writer

has also assumed a complete omniscience, which is now rare in fiction. The question the writer

should ask is, “Will this improve the storytelling?”

To reduce potential confusion, the internal dialogue might appear in italic type. In a manuscript,

this text would be underlined. The fact that it is necessary to indicate when a sentence is a

thought illustrates how confusing internal dialogue can become.

Layer upon Layer

Mastery of good dialogue practices allow a writer to concentrate on great dialogue. Great

dialogue works on multiple levels and frequently conveys multiple meanings. The best way to

learn to write dialogue is to listen to people speaking in various settings. Listen in to

conversations around you and think of which lines are the most powerful. Usually, the most

powerful lines are ones that say something directly while also hinting at many others.

Formatting Dialogue: A Quick And Dirty

Guide

Posted on Wednesday, August 15th, 2012 at 7:50 am.

Written by bubblecow

Formatting dialogue correctly can trip up even the most talented writer. From the outside it can

appear that formatting dialogue is a black box of contradictory rules. In this article I want to

dispel this myth and detail a set of easy-to-use guidelines that will allow you to grasp the basic

building blocks of dialogue formatting.

The best way to explain the rules of formatting dialogue is to use an example.

In this article we will follow the steps that are required to format the following section of

dialogue:

Hi have you seen my cat said Bob. No said Bill I have no idea where your cat is. If you see my

cat will you let me know questioned Bob looking sad. Of course replied Bill with a tone of

concern.

Formatting Dialogue: New Speaker, New Line

This is a pretty easy rule to apply. Each time a new speaker speaks you place the line of dialogue

on a new line. This line should also be indented (assuming you are indenting new paragraphs).

We can see how this applies to our example:

Hi have you seen my cat said Bob.

No said Bill I have no idea where your cat is.

If you see my cat will you let me know questioned Bob looking sad.

Of course replied Bill with a tone of concern.

Formatting Dialogue: Adding Speech Marks

Our next rule says that all speech should be placed in speech marks. These can be either single

(‘) or double (“), it’s your choice. However, keep in mind that if you use, say single (‘), you need

to be using the opposite, in this case double (“) when you are reporting speech inside speech. I

also like to use the opposite when a writer places thoughts within a text.

‘Hi have you seen my cat’ said Bob.

‘No’ said Bill ‘I have no idea where your cat is.’

‘If you see my cat will you let me know’ questioned Bob looking sad.

‘Of course’ replied Bill with a tone of concern.

Formatting Dialogue: Punctuation

When writing dialogue you will often use ‘tags’. These are verbs that link the spoken words with

the remainder of the sentence. Commonly used tags includes said, asked, replied and many more.

Without going into the technical detail, to correctly punctuate spoken words and tags you must

link them using a comma. If you use a full stop the sentences are broken and it no longer makes

sense. If we look at the second line of our example we see:

‘No’ said Bill

This is a single sentence and therefore must end with a full stop, giving us:

‘No’ said Bill.

The tag in this sentence is ‘said’ and this must be connected to the speech. If you added a full

stop at the end of the spoken words, it would separate the tag and become incorrect:

‘No.’ Said Bill. [WRONG]

Instead we must link the spoken word and the tag with a comma, this gives us:

‘No,’ said Bill. [CORRECT]

If we apply this to the full example we get:

‘Hi, have you seen my cat?’ said Bob.

‘No,’ said Bill. ‘I have no idea where your cat is.’

‘If you see my cat will you let me know?’ questioned Bob, looking sad.

‘Of course,’ replied Bill, with a tone of concern.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Dialogue By Brenda B. Covert

1 Written dialogue represents the spoken words of two or more people involved in a

conversation. Dialogue is special for a number of reasons. It captures the reader's attention. It

breaks up blocks of prose. It adds more white space to a page, which pleases the eye. Dialogue is

the first thing many fiction editors look for in stories. If the dialogue doesn't work, the whole

manuscript is rejected.

2 In dialogue, each person gets his own paragraph each time he speaks, no matter how briefly.

Even a simply spoken, "No," gets a paragraph all to itself. Study the following passage.

3

"We've got a new recruit, Rosh," [Daniel] said.

Heavy legs braced, Rosh measured the newcomer. "Speak up, boy," he barked. "Who are

you?"

Rosh was used to seeing men cringe. Joel did not cringe....

"Joel bar Hezron, sir," he managed finally.

"Your father know you're here?"

"N-no, sir."

"In trouble in the town, are you?"

"Oh, no."

"Then what do you want with me?"

Joel stood his ground. "I wanted to see you," he said, "because they say that someday you will

drive the Romans out of Israel. When you do, I want to be with you."

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

How to Write Dialogue Suppose I’m writing a scene in which Aardvark gives Squiggly a present. I write:

“You shouldn’t have!” said Squiggly, and grabbed the box of chocolates.

Or wait—instead of that, maybe I should write

“You shouldn’t have!” said Squiggly, and HE grabbed the box of chocolates,

putting in the pronoun “he” to refer to Squiggly.

In fact, both sentences are fine, but if you’ve started to pay attention to parallel structure in your writing, you might be second-guessing yourself about what to do in cases like these.

Recap: What Is Parallel Structure?

I talked about parallel structure in the episode on how to write a better resume. Here’s a quick review. A sentence like this is sloppy:

Fenster crawled slowly, steadily, and won the race.

It’s sloppy because it has the conjunction “and” linking an adverb (“slowly”), another adverb (“steadily”), and a verb phrase (“won the race”). Though the sentence is understandable, readers can find it disconcerting. They’re expecting another adverb in the series and then have to suddenly shift gears to process a verb phrase instead. To fix it, all you need to do is put in another “and”:

Fenster crawled slowly and steadily, AND won the race.

Now the first “and” is linking the adverbs “slowly” and “steadily.” The second “and” is linking two verb phrases. The first verb phrase is “crawled slowly and steadily”; the second verb phrase is “won the race.” Making this sentence parallel is a reader-friendly thing to do.

Style and Parallel Structure

That’s enough of parallel structure, for now. Next we need to talk about writing style. When you’re having your characters speak or have thoughts, often you’ll want to take what a character is saying or thinking and put it at the front of the sentence, before the attributive--the he-said or she-said part. So instead of writing

Squiggly said, “You shouldn’t have!”,

you might write,

“You shouldn’t have!” Squiggly said,

or

“You shouldn’t have!” said Squiggly.

I’ll call this “quotation fronting.” It’s a useful stylistic option.

However, parallel structure and quotation fronting are on a collision course. For example, they collide in the sentence about Squiggly and the box of chocolates:

“You shouldn’t have!” said Squiggly, and grabbed the box of chocolates.

What is the “and” is connecting? Before it, we have an entire clause: “‘You shouldn’t have!’ said Squiggly.” But after the “and,” all we have is a verb phrase: “grabbed the box of chocolates.” Oh, no! It’s not parallel! If you want the actions of saying and doing to be more like separate events, then repeat the subject for the verb of doing.

Here’s the basic problem. On the one hand, we want to join two predicates: the one about saying, “You shouldn’t have!” and the one about grabbing the box of chocolates. On the other hand, with the quotation fronting, we’re rearranging the pieces of the speaking predicate. In doing that, we sacrifice parallel structure, and it’s OK! It’s part of English’s heritage as a Germanic language that it can do these unusual coordinations with things moving to the front and the subject and verb flip-flopping.

Of course, there is a way to phrase sentences like our Squiggly example so that they’re parallel. What you do is repeat the subject, as in:

“You shouldn’t have!” said Squiggly, and HE grabbed the box of chocolates.

Now the “and” is joining two independent clauses. Clause #1: “‘You shouldn’t have!’ said Squiggly.” Clause #2: “He grabbed the box of chocolates.”

At this point, you may be thinking, “Great! I’ll play it safe and always repeat the subject.” That’s not a good idea. To see why, let’s take an example without quotation fronting. Suppose we write

Squiggly squealed with glee and grabbed the box of chocolates.

The “and” is joining two verb phrases: “squealed with glee” and “grabbed the box of chocolates.” This option is good if you want the squealing and the grabbing viewed as parts of a single event. Alternatively, we could restate the subject for the second verb phrase, so that the “and” joins two entire clauses, like this:

Squiggly squealed with glee, and he grabbed the box of chocolates.

This option is better if you want the squealing and the grabbing viewed as separate events. It’s the difference between, “I came, saw, and conquered” and “I came, I saw, and I conquered.”

But wouldn’t it be weird if you read a story whose author always chose to repeat the subject in situations like this? The same is true when it comes to repeating the subject in sentences that use quotation fronting.

So here’s the quick and dirty tip for sentences in which a character says or thinks something, and immediately afterward does something. First, write the part about what the character says or thinks, using or not using quotation fronting as you please. Then, if you want the actions of saying and doing to be more like a single event, don’t repeat the subject: Squiggly squealed with glee and grabbed the box of chocolates. If you want the actions of saying and doing to be more like separate events, then go ahead and repeat the subject for the verb of doing: Squiggly squealed with glee, and he grabbed the box of chocolates