1.6

The original Thanksgiving

Yummy turkey (dramatization)

Saturday: Mother Goose Parade Day (sing a nursery rhyme)

Sunday: Group Rates for Group Souls Day (die with someone???)

Monday: Writing on the Wall Day (listen to Destiny’s Child)

Tuesday: World Hello Day (greet the world)

Wednesday: Start Your Own Country Day

Thursday: Thanksgiving Day (eat too much and watch football)

Strange Observances (holidays etc…)

attempted to protest, he began to cry and Redcorn pointed and laughed.

The first Thanksgiving feast was complete and soon thereafter, Redcorn announced that he and his people would be leaving to start a gambling ring in the desert. When asked why, Redcorn replied that the bird Jonathan Brisby had killed was sacred and since the sacred bond was broken, the Indians could no longer live there for fear of death. But the Pilgrims stayed for years to come until they discovered what the dodo had meant to Redcorn and the Indians, and by then, they had suffered many great losses to disease, witchcraft, floods and hornets. In penance for their mistakes, the Pilgrims then moved to New Jersey and became a low-budget, third rate basketball team. Happy Thanksgiving!

-- Samuel Clemens

The Thanksgiving holiday is fast approaching which can mean only two things. We will all soon be consuming mountains and mountains of deliciously overindulgent food items and a vast majority of the population, at least here in Texas, will be watching the Longhorns beat the snot out of A&M once again. Now, both of these are amazing options, and I, for one, will most definitely be enjoying both, but what is the truth behind Thanksgiv-ing? Yes, I know that the pilgrims landed at Dodge Stone or whatever, but the truth I speak of goes much deeper; I want to know about the Thanksgiving turkey.

Tradition dictates that a turkey is to be served with the now customary Thanksgiving Day meal, but the question is, why turkey? The turkey, or as some youngsters call it, the turdy, was plentiful in America, aptly named, histori-ans say, for Amerigo Vespucci (but really, it was named after Ame Rica, a famous person I just invented). The turkeys were free to roam the moderately unadulterated land in peace and harmony with the Indians. That is, until the Pilgrims came on the scene.

The Pilgrims arrived to their destina-tion at Fraggle Rock during the early morning on September 14th, 1621, perhaps some historians believe, and were overjoyed to be on dry land once again. After tidying up a bit, and slaughtering some Indians, the Pilgrims began building their new civilization. Many hours passed, then days, then perhaps a week. Before long, the Pilgrims, some of whom had become decapitated and very tired, decided they should eat and give thanks for being delivered to the new world. And thus, the first Thanks-giving was born. Although, it is interesting to note that Thanksgiving was not established as a yearly event until much later.

The Pilgrim men were in charge of the gathering of the morsels for the feast while the women were in charge of pretty much every-thing else. Having not had much time to prepare, the earth decided to be generous and spew forth a few kernels of corn, a chaff of wheat and some barley. But the men were unsatisfied by this and desired meat. Plenty of fowl were abreast, but alas, the Pilgrims were much too exhausted to aim correctly and could not even hit the broad side of the barn they had just built three days prior. Suddenly, an idea, or perhaps a rock, struck Jonathan Brisby, one of the Pilgrim males, and he sought the council of the Indians.

The Indians, generous souls, took pity on the poor John and told him, in a round about way, that what they should eat was a turkey. With that knowledge, and little else, he went a-hunting. As he left, the Indians burst into an uproarious cacophony of laughter and flatulence. You see, turkey, to an Indian back then, was a word that meant poop. Heedless of the wind and weather, as well as his own surroundings, Jonathan Brisby trudged into the woods to find the mythical creature known as “turkey.” As he walked, Jonathan spied a largely plumed, ugly and very rotund looking bird and immediately assumed it was a turkey.

Upon returning to the village trium-phant, Jonathan was greeted by his Pilgrim brethren, 76 trombones, and very angry mob of Indians that had been invited to the feast out of pity for the loss of their family mem-bers. He laid the bird to rest on a tree stump and began to pluck the feathers out when a large, muscular and quite scary looking Indian named Redcorn approached. Redcorn told Jonathan that he had just killed the sacred bird of his people, the dodo. When Jonathan

Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week 2

Movie Review 2

Quote of the Week 3

Weather 3

Street Interviews 3

This Week 3

Fashion (NEW) 4

Who’s this? 4

Classifieds 5

Comics 5

Movies 5

Picture of the Week bad RA...

November 17, 2006 Take A Hike Day

Volume 1, Issue 6

Ramdiculous Page

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Hello again. It’s time for the Weekly Rant-rant-rant. As you all know, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. By general consensus I have come to the conclusion that 92% of all you people are looking forward to become tryptophan and carbohydrate laden in about two weeks. But then again 52% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

I would like to begin this with a question. What might happen to be your favorite part of Thanksgiving? Would it be getting together with family? Being thankful for all that you have been bestowed throughout the year? Maybe it might be the green bean casserole. Or perhaps the pies. But my favorite happens to be the huge plump oven baked/basted turkey. Since the days of Job the turkey has been the American symbol for gluttony on one specific day. Some of us like turkey sooo much that we want to be turkey. Don’t deny it. At one point in your life you have wanted to be a turkey. Introduction aside, I want to communicate with you the best way to become a turkey. That is, dress like a turkey. Not dress a turkey, but dress like a turkey. Of course you would want to start off stark naked. This is the way a real turkey starts their day off. Next you want to put on undergarments, undies, panties, johns, whitey-tighties, boxers, boxer briefs, you get the point. Bear in mind that these are optional. I myself prefer to wear some, but it is up to you. And please, please, please keep this option to yourself. I would probably punch you in the face if you told me you weren’t using them at the time. Next on the list are turkey pants. You can get these at your local grocer. There are only two sizes F.Y.I. Choose wisely. Of course these garments go on your legs/hip area. Do not put them on your head. They would be very uncomfortable. Next you want to put on turkey legs. This is most imperative to the whole of becom-ing a turkey. What you do is go out to the equalization channels about 9 miles out of town on Knickbocker. Once there, you must gather eucalyptus branches. Duct tape them to your legs. Now you need a turkey shirt. Go to Wal-Mart and ask for one. They should know what you are saying unless all have been outsourced to India. Once you slip the turkey shirt on, its time to move on to the head. You will be must unrecognizable if you skip this step. In order to get the head of a turkey you must find the Amazo-nian head-enlarger tribe. The head-shrinkers and head-enlarger tribe have been battling for centuries because of complicated matters I will not attempt to inform you about. Once you take the head of a turkey to them (by the way it should cost about 28 euros.). No, I didn’t even know the Amazo-nians were European. The process should take about 13 minutes. This is the fastest service I could find. Of course you could go the cheap route and go to Norway to have the head enlarged, but the quality of work is in the gutter. It’s just messy. It should be noted that the beak doesn’t come with the head. I don’t know why just go with it. Locate a carrot. Shove it up your nose. Make sure the head-enlargers leave enough room for you to breath or you will die. Die until your dead. Weeeoooo-peeeeooooo! (watch Kung Pow). And there you have it. A bona fide turkey in the flesh. One word of warning: due the ultra-realisticnessity of the cos-tume, humans may mistake you for the largest turkey in the world. Be sure to wear a sign on your person somewhere visible where it says “HUMAN TURKEY”. Just for legality: I am not responsible for any damages inflicted upon your person for wearing an ultra-realistic turkey costume. Any videos containing images of you and your stupid buddies doing stupid stuff will not be accepted. Now be safe, and have a great Thanksgiving!

—The best turkey around

Dogs are good to eat...

Ramdiculous Page

Awkwardness...

When you walk into the Texan lobby and you see 2 people having sex at

10 o’clock at night. This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person

feel awkward… Submit your thoughts @ [email protected]

Eric Thornal

SPS Can Roll Monday Nov. 20 thru Wednesday Nov. 22

1:00 PM to 5:00 PM in the Vincent Building Bring canned goods to roll down a ramp to see if yours will

roll the farthest! Top 3 get prizes, all food goes to local charity.

RAM OF THE WEEK How do you solve a problem like

Eric Thornal? Simple, you let his fiancée take care of it. Eric is a die hard Rangers fan, unfortunately, and has plans to be a teacher or some-thing like that. He is currently in his final semester and has very little free time that he is not eating, sleeping, breathing or beating his roommate at

NFL Blitz. Eric enjoys chocolate sprinkles, kitties and marble collect-ing. Additionally, he can blow a bub-ble the size of a football with his nose. Eric Thornal, our Ram of the Week, is brought to you by the letter E, the number 43, and is made possible, in part, by viewers like you.

Thumbtanic is the epic story of an ill-fated ship and its’ passen-gers and crew. The story is breath-taking and the cinematography is very much, low budget, but a high quality of low budget. The acting leaves a bit to be de-sired, but that is to be ex-pected when the entire cast is made up of t h u m b s . That’s right, thumbs. Steve Oedekerk, the film’s writer and director, bril-liantly parodies the nauseating film Titanic, that was a titanic bore for those of us on the male side of the gender war.

The vision Oedekerk had, was to take the original film, condense it down to less than thirty minutes, and make it as ridiculous as possible. And he

succeeded. The film is a brief twenty three minutes in length and more fun than a barrel full of snapping turtles. The marriage

of sheer mindlessness with comedic timing and writ-ing is seamless and a joy to watch and all the while, you don’t have to hear Celine Dion warble about her heart going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Al-though, in his brilliance, Oedekerk does parody the song and puts in a short clip of it in the middle of the film just because he got

it like that. Overall, I won’t rate this

filmette because it doesn’t de-serve to be rated, but I would say that if you have any sense of humor whatsoever, you will appreciate the unadulterated idiocy that this short has to offer.

-- Towndrow P Snood

Page 2 Volume 1, Issue 6

THE WEEKLY JOURNAL by: George Ferguson

Thumbtanic: An Instant Classic

Now be safe, and have a g r e a t Thanksgiving!

WEATHER: Ramdiculous Page

Dr. Evil

“one hundred million cubits”

Upcoming Events

Holiday Concert Tuesday @ 7:30

1st Presbyterian Church

Thanksgiving Thursday @ All day

UR HOUSE or McDonalds

Quote of the Week

“Can I get one of those sweeping kind of brooms?”

Consumables of the Week

Drink: Dr. Pepper + Big Red

Snack: Raisinets

Make sure you have at least one this week

Primetime TV

Show Time Channel Day

The Count of Monte Cristo 7:00 PM 28 Family Friday 11/17

UT @ Kansas State 7:00 PM 2 ABC Saturday 11/18

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 7:00 PM 2 ABC Sunday 11/19

The Amazing Race 10 7:00 PM 5 CBS Sunday 11/19

Family Guy 8:00 PM 10 FOX Sunday 11/19

How I Met Your Mother 7:00 PM 5 CBS Monday 11/20

The New Adventures of Old Christine 8:30 PM 5 CBS Monday 11/20

One Tree Hill 8:00 PM 14 CW Wednesday 11/22

Survivor 7:00 PM 5 CBS Thursday 11/23

Shark 9:00 PM 5 CBS Thursday 11/23

Lost would go here if ABC wouldn’t have put a 13-week break in the hit series, We are disappointed.

Jessica Ray

“did you just make that question up?”

Bobby Green

“that’s a whole lot of wood man”

Aktjubinsk, Kazakhstan

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

This Week’s Happenings

BSM Activities

Monday: Lunch for International Students @ noon

Monday: Ignite @ 7:30 PM

Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM

Page 3 Volume 1, Issue 6

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

let us know…

[email protected]

If you would like your ad to appear in the Ramdiculous Page please email us:

[email protected]

Your Feet Mean You Suck (an experiment in irrational logic)

most strive to achieve. Achievement is the mark of a goal-oriented person. Person-ality is a quality some people lack. Lacking in something is a deficiency. Deficiencies are seen as bad. Bad things happen to everyone. Everyone should know how to speak and read English. English is an interesting course of study. Studying helps people to pass exams. Exams are administered by teachers. Teachers often talk too much. Much ado about nothing. Nothing else mat-ters. Matter is built by atoms. Atom bombs are powerful. Powerful storms destroy homes. Homes are where people live. Living arrangements sometimes go bad. Bad things happen all the time. Time is a factor in hospitals. Hospitals operate on people. People have funny quirks. Quirks are unique. Unique people exist everywhere. Everywhere there is death. Death is stupid. Stupid

people suck. -- Albert Einstein

Dragging your feet is probably not the best way to get around town. Town halls are built out of many bricks. Bricks will be plentiful during basketball season. Seasons change on a regular basis and usually at the same time of year. Years and years ago, there were less people. People are very much afraid of things they do not understand. Understanding is being able to come to an agreement about a particular subject. Sub-jects are often loyal to their king. Kings live in castles. Castles are often ostentatious and gaudy. Gaudiness is disgusting and should be avoided. Avoidance breeds irregularity. Irregularity can be remedied with an in-crease in fiber. Fiber is often used to de-scribe the character of someone. Someone, somewhere, someday is going to love me. Me, a name I call myself, while fa is a long, long way to run. Running is good for the heart. Heart to heart is a type of talk you

have with someone who is in trouble. Trouble is a fun board game. Gaming is a big industry. Industry creates jobs for poor people. People have very short attention spans. Spans are bridges. Bridges can be burned. Burning things on purpose is a crime. Crime should be punished. Punish-ment is a great way to stop a negative behav-ior. Behaviors are developed. Development breeds expansion and is good for life. Life is precious and should not be frittered away. Away is being out of the general or immedi-ate vicinity of another person. Personally, there is no reason not to shower. Showering shows good hygiene. Hygiene is something everyone should take the time to consider. Consider the following: apples are red. Redness is a sign of embarrassment. Embar-rassing moments happen to most everyone. Everyone likes to get presents. Presents make girls happy. Happiness is a general quality

Page 4 Volume 1, Issue 6

DDOO YOUYOU KNOWKNOW WHOWHO THISTHIS ISIS??????

If you do send your answer to

[email protected] the winner will be

featured in next weeks paper.

Ramdiculous Page

The “Pimp” look is out

the fashion police this weeks do’s and don’ts

Ugg boots, more like Uggly boots

Overalls, OH-NO!!!

Yes, layers = good

Thoughts To Ponder

• Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?

• If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?

• What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?

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RAMDICULOUS POLICY

Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas State University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submis-sions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, [email protected]. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration.

Casino Royale

10:00AM 12:45PM 1:20PM 4:10PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 8:15PM 10:45PM

Happy Feet

10:55AM 11:25AM 1:30PM 2:10PM 4:20PM 4:50PM 7:05PM 7:35PM 9:45PM

Facing the Giants

10:45am 1:25pm 4:05pm 6:50pm 9:30pm

Borat

10:10am 12:20pm 2:30pm 4:40pm 7:25pm 9:40pm

Stranger Than Fiction

10:15am 1:00pm 4:00pm 7:00pm 9:50pm

Saw III

10:35am 1:10pm 4:30pm 7:20pm 10:05pm

Let’s Go To Prison

11:45am 2:00pm 5:00pm 7:45pm 10:10pm

Movies That We Want To See

Wasco’s Corner

ANGELO STATE'S FINEST PAPER SINCE FALL 2006

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Wouldn’t You Like To Know

To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

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