16--Spirit of Truth

Chapter SixteenSpirit of Truth

Dark clouds loomed overhead as I deboarded the bus in Panuco. I had gotten alater start than I had wanted that morning, and now I only had a brief afternoon to spendin this northern Veracruz town. To make matters worse, it looked like an afternoon rainshower would dampen my visit. I took a deep, moisture-laden breath, and walkedtowards downtown Panuco. The Capilla de San Esteben, painted in a comforting pastelpink, greeted me as I crossed the plaza. From there, I passed the supermarket Modelos,where I had done all my shopping, the Michoacana ice cream store that I had frequentedwith Elder Jenson, and the residential streets with Panuco’s unique five-wayintersections. Since my time was limited, a visit with Luz and Julio was my highestpriority.

I had met the couple during my second tour of duty in Panuco. They were stillrecent converts to the Church, and were still full of the excitement and optimism thataccompanies true conversion. My companion and I had grown close to them, despite thefact that they did not live in our area. This had never stopped Elder Avila and I frombefriending the Pablo and Maribel in Huejutla, and it did not prevent Elder Jenson and Ifrom visiting frequently in the home of Luz and Julio.

It was during one of these visits that Luz had related to us the circumstances oftheir conversion. They had met the missionaries while shopping in the Centro one day.They made an appointment, and later in the week, received the elders with graciousnessand respect. They listened to the message, felt the spirit, and soon thereafter decided tobe baptized. At first, theirs was a textbook perfect example of a young couple choosingto join the church. Such stories as theirs were often told in the MTC to motivate greenand inexperienced missionaries.

Hidden from the missionaries’ view, though, was a quiet but steady decay in theirmarriage. They had been wed at a young age, and now, five years later, the problems ofreal life were straining their once-strong relationship. In prayer, Luz had pleaded withher father in Heaven to heal the growing rift. And then the missionaries had come into

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their lives. She and her husband had grown closer; together they had conquered life’sdaunting challenges, even taking strength from the hardships incident to Julio’s briefhospitalization in Tampico.

And then, only a week from their scheduled baptism, Luz lost all her desire to bebaptized. She skipped out on an appointment with the missionaries, leaving instead anote asking them to never return. After hearing the fifth discussion from themissionaries, she had decided that it would be impossible to turn her back on the faithtaught to her by her mother. She could not give up her veneration of the Virgin, nor takedown the small family shrine honoring the mother of the Son of God. Such sacrifice asthe missionaries demanded was not possible.

The night after she had asked the missionaries to stop visiting, she had a dream.In it, she saw a road filled with obstacles. She begged and pleaded for someone toremove the obstacles from her path. In answer to her pleadings, she heard a voiceexplain, “you asked for My help, and then you rejected it. I opened the door, and thenyou closed it.” With tears in her eyes, she awoke and realized that she had erred insending the missionaries away.

The following Sunday, she and her husband went to the church services and toldthe missionaries that they were now ready to be baptized. Since that time, they had neverlooked back, and had only grown stronger in their conviction and faith, stronger in theirdevotion to each other. In later years, when I sat down to visit and a reminisce about oldtimes, I learned that Julio was serving as elder’s quorum president, and Luz was in theprimary presidency. After six years of trying, she was finally expecting their first child.

Luz and Julio had been blessed by the Lord. The missionaries, by their effortsalone could not have been able to bring this wonderful family into the church. It wasonly through the whisperings of the spirit, through the couple’s willingness to open theirhearts, and a little push from on high, that Luz and Julio were able to receive the joys ofgospel living.

And such is the case with missionary work throughout the world. It is onlythrough the spirit’s whisperings that individuals and families are able to find the strengthto follow the Master. I found my greatest success as a missionary when I finallyrecognized my weaknesses, and instead of brining all of my limited wisdom and learningto the teaching process, I chose instead to simply testify of the Gospel’s power andtruthfulness.

Tuesday, December 16, 1997

Here I am in Panuco once again. I’m in the same house as before andeverything. My return to Panuco was less than triumphal. Had my previous tourof duty here lasted longer than a handful of weeks, then perhaps seeing Panucoagain would have moved me more. I was excited about once more living in thePanuco house; with its flat and accessible roof, I looked forward to spendingsome more time gazing at the night sky. I was glad to see, however, that theelders since my previous visit had moved the mattresses back to their respectivebedrooms and the living room was once more a living room.

I’ve been paired up with Elder Jenson, from Richfield, Utah, a small ruralcommunity. He’s my first gringo comp and I’m excited about working with him.Once again, the President transferred both my companion and I into a new area,

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hoping that a clean slate might help the area to restart itself effectively. Althoughthe previous elders had left us with a handful of investigators, Elder Jenson and Iweren’t even sure exactly where our area was, let alone the names and addressesof those investigators. My second tour of duty in Panuco found me working in thesame branch that I had been in during my previous brief stay, though now I wasassigned to the eastern half of that branch, instead of the western, where I hadonce worked with Elder Bautista.

After we had moved in, I went out working with Elder Perez and got toknow my area. Elder Perez had been working the western area for the last sixweeks, and had been on several splits with the previous district leader, many ofthem into the eastern half of the branch. He knew some of the investigators, aswell as most of the members. I was able to take note of where our investigatorsand new members lived, and I also took note of which barrios and coloniasseemed to have been overlooked by the previous team of missionaries.

The transfer news was, as always, of great interest to me. Elder Burch hasreturned to Matamoros as a zone leader. He even returned to the same ward andthe same house in which he and I had lived and worked together. Elder Ramoswent to Soto la Marina. His comp is Elder Taylor, his district leader is ElderWatkins, and zone leader is Elder Felley. I thought it quite interesting that all ofhis file leaders, including Elder Fister, the AP, were elders from my MTC district.Elder Camaal is now a district leader in Madero, taking the place of Elder Smith,who in turn took my place in Barrio Independencia. Elder Plott is senior comp.Hermana Martinez is also senior and trainer. Elder Rule is district leader inAmpliación, and Elder Shaw went to Tantayuca, finally leaving the offices afternearly nine months as financial secretary. I love transfers and all the missiongossip.

It’s nice to be back in Panuco and have a second chance at it. It was herethat I first learned to be lazy. I hope to redeem myself and kick some butt.

Wednesday, December 17, 1997

We got our goals accomplished and are beginning to lay some solidgroundwork for future baptisms in Panuco. We’ve almost got no members in myarea—they all live in the area of Elders Perez and Acosta. While not entirely true,it was a fact that none of the branch leadership lived in our area. Elder Jensonand I, instead of being disheartened by the prospect before us, took a morepositive view. Our new area seemed to be a vast tract of untapped potential. Wewent to a Relief Society meeting with the hopes of meeting the members, butnone of them lived in our area. I did meet up again with Betsy—an old CaptainAllen convert I met when I was here last April. She was still serving in thePrimary presidency.

The town of Panuco was divided into two branches. The Panuco Secondbranch served the spiritual needs of the people in the southern half of the town.Our area was divided by Venustiano Carranza, a major street which came southout of the main plaza, and then one mile later, made a ninety degree turn to the


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west, and from there led out of town to Ebano and Tempoal. The other eldersworked the area inside the dogleg formed by Carranza (to the north and west).

Elder Jenson and I worked the areas outside the dogleg formed byVenustiano Carranza. Our area was, in effect, two separate mini-areas. The firstmini-area was located on the east side of Carranza and was a mish-mash of amultitude of colonias that stretched to the river. The other mini-area was locatedsouth of Carranza and consisted of mostly rural areas on the edges of the localsugar cane fields.

The day was long, but we are making progress. I’m looking at things I didwith Elders Jimenez, Monroy, Avila, and Ramos that brought us success. In eachof those companionships, I had a similar situation to work with—laboring in anew area with a companion who was also new to the area. It was always adifficult task. In trying to seamlessly continue the efforts of the previous elders,some investigators were invariably lost. This happened to Elder Ramos and I inMadero, and I expected the same to occur in Panuco. However, at the same timewe were exerting our efforts in not losing the few investigators we had inherited,we were also building our own teaching pool from the ground up. I know thefield is white, all ready to harvest.

Elder Jenson is pretty cool, but ask me again after the “honeymoon.” Thefirst weeks of any companionship are always agreeable, as both parties try theirhardest to cooperate and be pleasant. It was only after working with ElderJenson for several months that I was able to definitively label him as one of myfavorite companions. He had spent the early months of his mission in Cincinnati,waiting for the Mexican government’s permission to enter the country as amissionary. Thus, he had experience in working in both stateside and foreignmissions. He knew how to set and achieve goals, and he knew how to work hard.After his jaunt with me in Panuco, he was transferred to Matamoros, where hewas a senior companion, and shortly thereafter, he was called to be a zoneleader. He finished his mission as an assistant to the president.

Thursday, December 18, 1997

There’s just something about Panuco that invites head wounds. I still havevivid memories of the concrete porch that cracked my head during my first tour ofduty in Panuco. My second tour of duty also began with a similar accident.Tonight we were walking home and I clothes-lined myself on a guide wire that Ididn’t quite see. The wire was supporting an electrical pole, and in the dark, Isaw the pole but not the wire. It cut a shallow scratch across the bridge of mynose and it bled a great deal. When all was said and done, I smiled ruefully at myown clumsiness.

Other than that, the day was fine. We gave service in the morning toFamilia Soto. It was nice to see this family again, although it would have beenmore meaningful had I actually spent a significant amount of time in Panucobefore. Hermana Soto was still the branch Relief Society president, and she livedin the western extremes of Panuco. Her home had a fantastic view of the flat,endless plains and fields that stretched to the horizon west of our little pueblo.

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Elder Bautista and I had visited in her home frequently, giving service, eatinglunch, or just chatting away a hot afternoon. While it was nice to return to herhome, I had not had the chance to form any emotional connection with the family.

We went to work in the afternoon and achieved our goals. The Lord isblessing me. Not quite as much as He did two weeks ago, but we’re getting there.A little disobedience goes a long way in hurting our efficiency.

Friday, December 19, 1997

I was sick with a terrible cold all day, but despite the fact that we lost threeand a half hours on my sick bed, we still achieved our goals. I was a littledisappointed that I had not remained in Madero long enough to see the fruits ofmy new goal-focused approach to missionary work, but I had faith that if I keptworking hard, setting challenging goals for myself and my companion, that theLord would bless us. While we had to use numbers to measure our goals, theywere not the reason for the goals themselves. We wanted to demonstrate to theLord our willingness to work hard on His behalf; by so doing, we had faith thatthe Lord would do His own work through us.

I miss working with a Mexican companion. It’s very difficult having todepend on my Spanish skills to get us through each contact. While I trusted ElderJenson’s wisdom and advice, I could not rely on him to the same degree that I hadrelied on Elders Avila and Ramos. They had been able to step into any discussionor argument with much needed linguistic support. In Elder Jenson, I had acompanion whose language skills were still developing, and we therefore had todepend on my Spanish skills in any given interaction with contacts, investigators,or members.

I have a lot of goals for this area, and I need to find a place to start. Ourarea book is very well organized, but it’s not updated in parts. Before this time,the area book was an oft-neglected record. President Gillespie encouraged themissionaries to make the area book a priority in our companionship inventories.This three-ring binder contained information sheets for every new investigatorthat ever listened to a discussion in the area. Thus, if an investigator decided tostop taking the charlas, missionaries six to twelve months later could return to thefamily and try teaching them anew. The area book was also of great aid infinding less-actives and new converts. I’m excited about the challenge.

We taught the fourth charla to an investigator that turned out fairly good.Her name was Clara, and she lived in Colonia Carranza, one of the sparselysettled colonias south of Calle Carranza. While we had inherited Clara and herhusband from the previous companionship, Elder Jenson and I quickly workedour way through her immediate family. Within a month, we were also teachingClara’s mother, sister, and cousin. We had some eventual success with thisfamily, though the rate of return was low, compared to the amount of love andlabor we invested in them. We’re having a fairly average week, though I hope tolift us up to new heights in the coming weeks and months.


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Saturday, December 20, 1997

I added “God Speed the Right” to my small repertoire of hymns that I canplay on the piano. I can play the right hand of “Come, Follow Me” as well.Thanks to Elder Ramos, I’ve learned a great deal in the last month. The piano isbecoming less foreign. My erstwhile companion, after church one day in Madero,showed me what a C-note looked like on the printed page, and showed me thecorresponding key on the piano. From there, working on my own, I was able tofigure out which notes corresponded to which keys, and began teaching myselfhow to play the piano. On this particular Saturday, we were at the chapel for acorrelation meeting. I became restless and bored waiting for the branchpresident to arrive, so I sat myself on the piano bench and attempted to play somemusic while we waited for the meeting to start.

As far as the work goes, we’re progressing. We’re having the sameproblem as always—no seguimiento, no follow-up charlas. We’re teaching a lotof first charlas, but slow in the second charlas. I love my district, but I’m afraidthat I’ll fall in the same way that I fell as a leader in the MTC. I hope I’ve learneda little since then. This was the first time, since the MTC, that I was living in thesame house as those I was called upon to lead. Being a district leaders oversisters is easy; they did not get to see my imperfections up close like myhousemates in Panuco did. For example, we found a Jell-O No-Bake cheesecakein the house. I insisted that we save it for a special occasion, that we bake it andeat it for Christmas Eve. The other elders saw no reason to wait, and a small(and stupid) argument ensued. I eventually gave in, and made the blastedcheesecake a few days later.

We shared the apartment with Elders Perez and Acosta. The two were anodd couple. Where Perez was lightly built, his companion was heavy andmuscular. Perez, the senior companion was serious and focused; Acosta wasjovial and fun-loving. I had a better relationship with Elder Acosta than I didwith Elder Perez, with whom I was only able to establish a mutual trust andrespect. Eventually, I learned to work with these elders, teach them, and bondwith them, despite the difficult moments that tested and tried my leadershipabilities.

Sunday, December 21, 1997

We had branch conference today. I found myself looking forward to thePiney Creek Ward seven months from now. My problem with sacramentmeetings in Mexico is twofold. First, the leadership is inexperienced in leadingand organizing church meetings—the most experienced have ten or twelve yearsas members of the church. Second, I find myself constantly fretting about myinvestigators and new converts, worrying about whether or not they are enjoyingthemselves, feeling the spirit, or feeling welcomed by the branch family. In anygiven sacrament meeting, I would constantly worry about every detail, hopingand praying that no one would say anything embarrassing or offensive to myinvestigators. Empathy, I found, could be a two-edged sword. It’ll be such a

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relief when I can attend a functioning, vital ward without having to worry aboutthe small details and the comfort of visitors.

At the end of our first week in Panuco, my companion and I sat down andtalked through our goals and aspirations for the area. We discussed the tacticsand strategies we would use to accomplish these goals, and we then focused onthe activities we would engage in during the coming week. In short, Elder Jensonand I had an excellent dialogo de acuerdo. Although there were some drawbacksto having an American companion, I loved being able to communicate andconnect more fully than I had ever been able to do with my Mexican companions.

After the dialogo de acuerdo, I spent some time pondering my role as adistrict leader in this small Mexican town. I knew that through our example,Elder Jenson and I have got to bring some life to this district.

Monday, December 22, 1997

It’s getting easier to add songs to my piano library. I learned “Praise tothe Man,” “Sweet Hour of Prayer,” and “Choose the Right.” All this occurred asElder Jenson and the other missionaries from Panuco played basketball with thedistrict president on the court outside. Never being much inclined towards sportsand physical activity in general, I opted to spend my time in the chapel teachingmyself new hymns on the piano. I just need to learn how to play sharps and flats,improve my technique, and learn the left hand. A month ago, this would haveseemed impossible to me.

Tonight, I gave in, and we made the cheesecake two days earlier than Ihad previously insisted. It was something that I haven’t done since my BYUdays; back then I had made a cheesecake to celebrate the end of each of my twofreshman semesters. We’ll eat it in half an hour, after it has had time tosufficiently cool in our refrigerator.

I washed my clothes by hand, but used “Lirio” soap. The stuff ismiraculous. It cut my working time down to an hour. By improving my hand-washing technique, and discovering the miracles of lye soap, I finally decided thatdoing laundry by hand was not a terribly onerous a task. However, I still took myshirts and pants to a sister in the branch, who for a small fee, washed thoseclothes for us. I was thus left with the task of cleaning my own undergarments.

My district meeting was fine. We talked about goals and I gave mystandard capacitation on how to use the scriptures. I had first given the training inSan Felipe, wherein I emphasized the importance of using the scriptures of therestoration to teach the message of the restoration. I seem to have a set of talksand sermons that can be used over every time I enter a new area. Besides thisstandard training that I used, I also had two sacrament meeting talks which Irecycled every time I entered a new area. The first of those talks was one I hadbeen carrying around with me since the Branch Conference in Soto la Marina. Ilove my new companion. We’re going to rock Panuco.

This evening, Elder Jenson and I began a tradition that lasted for thewhole of our companionship. After the district meeting, as we walked back to ourarea to check up on investigators, we passed by a Michoacana ice cream shop.


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We stopped in and we each bought a small cup of ice cream. The young ladybehind the counter was very friendly, and as the weeks went on, and as shebecame accustomed to our Monday evening ice cream stops, the scoops sheserved us grew larger and larger. Every week we tried out a different flavor, andthen had to start recycling through our favorites. This weekly tradition is one ofthe happiest memories I have of my time together with Elder Jenson.


This is supposed to be the toughest week for charlas and contacts. Thework was always a little slow during the Yuletide season. Most of that was due tothe fact that nobody wanted to talk to missionaries when they were so busy with aplethora of other holiday activities. However, another part of the reason for theannual Christmas slowdown was our own reluctance to work during the holidays.Homesickness was at it sharpest during December, and so the desire to makeevery day count was much more difficult to summon.

Notwithstanding and nevertheless, Elder Jenson and I had a fairly goodday. We achieved our goals and then went to the branch Christmas party. Wehad agreed earlier that morning that we would keep working until we hadaccomplished our daily goals, after which we would allow ourselves to minglewith the members at that evening’s activity. While Elder Jenson mingled,however, while I went to the empty chapel and practiced the piano. I quickly grewbored with that, and I went and drove the piñata for the primary kids. It was fun,and relatively light work, to yank the rope from which the piñata was suspended.Apparently, between now and the last time I had been in Panuco, the branchpresident had reversed himself on his previous “no piñata at the chapel” rule.

I participated in a small skit, a choir, and played Santa Claus with a bunchof balloons that I had brought. The balloons, in retrospect, were a bad idea. Ionly wanted to bring some sunshine to the evening, by blowing up balloons andgiving them to the little kids in the branch. However, I was harassed by two orthree under-disciplined children, who kept trying to steal the package of balloonsfrom out of my pockets.

I also received a bunch of letters. One was from Ady (she’s going on hermission to Moscow!). I also got one from good ole Juan Carlos Ramos, myformer companion from my Matamoros day. He was one of the best companions Ihad ever worked with. What a stud.


It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m stuck in a podunk Mexican town watchingsecond-class church movies in Spanish. A little self-pity to brighten the Yuleseason. We borrowed a TV from a member, hooked up a VCR, and watched thenewly released Old Testament Media Videos. I was bored out of my mind, andwishing I was home for the holidays.

I think the highlight of my day was our visit to the Olmec head at thewestern border of my area. Our concentration broke, and halfway through the

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day, we just gave it up as a lost cause. The President had issued a warning to theelders to be home by seven that evening, and it’s twice as hard to maintainmomentum on a day when you know you’ll be packing it in early. Instead, we didsome sightseeing that had been on our to-do list for some time. It was real fun—we took photos.

We tried to contact, gave a few charlas, and developed photos. I supposea year from now I’ll be heading back to the Y! This morning I spent some timetrying to track down a good Provo apartment using information sent to me byfriends. I needn’t have worried. I still had plenty of time. I’ll send info on to thehome front and see if I can find a place to live. I haven’t felt very Christmassy. Itmay be due to the lack of anything Christmas-like. Last year was different.Matamoros was different. Matamoros in December was chilly, and peoplefollowed more Americanized traditions—Christmas lights, Christmas trees, andChristmas carols. Panuco is hotter and less American.

Thursday, December 25, 1997

It’s not that today was a bad day, it just could have been a whole lot better.We left the house at 8:30; my comp was going to call his family at 9:00 and then Iwould call mine at 11:00. When we arrived at our zone leader’s house where wewere to receive the phone calls, we learned instead that his phone had been cut.Elder Carrillo had forgotten to pay the phone bill that month, and thus had nophone service on Christmas Day.

We spent a half hour looking for the district president, who gave us keysto his office so we could call from there. We still had to wait because Alicia wascalling her missionary son. I had an enjoyable talk with my family, though it wasconsiderably shorter than it had been the previous year.

We went to work, but only nominally. Most of our visits were to membersand already established investigators. The only member that offered us anythingto eat gave us something real gross. They had no electricity, so we couldn’t seewhat we were eating, but I smuggled a piece out in my napkin. When we found astreetlight we opened it to find a pig’s tongue. I related this story to PresidentGillespie the next day, and he laughed, not because he sympathized with us, butbecause he had grown up on a farm and had always considered that particularcut of meat to be a delicacy.

Friday, December 26, 1997

We had interviews with Pappy G this morning. It was rather brief andmundane. The surprise was that I received two packages—one from my parents,and one from my ward. My parents included some tapes with Christmas musicand now that Christmas has passed I’m feeling pretty Christmassy. The tapes alsoincluded a few John Denver songs, which have since become some of my favoritetunes. One of them, “Some Days are Diamonds” meant a lot to me as I laboredin Panuco. I knew that some days are diamonds, but others are stone; some times


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the cold wind puts a chill in my bone. I just have to keep on working through thebad in order to get to the good.

We worked hard, harder than any other day this week, which, consideringhow little we had worked that whole week, was not saying much at all. We finallyinvited Olivia to baptism, which she accepted, but she’s got so many personalproblems that we’ll have to struggle a bit to bring her to the font. Olivia was thesister of an investigator that we had contacted earlier in the week. She was sevenmonths pregnant from her husband, whom she did not live with. Her live-inboyfriend didn’t seem to object with her sexual liaisons, but we shook our head infrustration, knowing that the situation did not bode well for our desires to seeOlivia in the baptismal font.

My parents sent me a book of word puzzles and games that I’ve beenenjoying thoroughly. It’s a bloody shame that the packages didn’t come beforeChristmas to give me that boost of Christmas cheer that I needed so much.During my interview, President Gillespie informed me of my release date. It’sofficial, I go home July 1, 1998. Not that I’m counting. The date was laterchanged, because Salt Lake changed the length of our transfer cycles. Instead ofreceiving new elders (and shuttling the old ones home) every six weeks, the timewas reduced to every four weeks.

Saturday, December 27, 1997

It was one of those days to be dreamed of. We finished off with eightcharlas—two new families and three charlas of seguimiento. After talking withthe Prez the previous day, my comp and I decided to work the calculations. Wefigured that I only have 185 days left to me. Now I now know that my days arenumbered. I’ve got to make them all count.

I remember back in Huejutla, Elder Avila and I worked real hard and cameup with ten baptisms. Elder Jenson and I are working even harder than that. Inever worked with more fervor and dedication than I did during those days inPanuco with Elder Jenson. Even during my last four months, when I wasbaptizing every week, I wasn’t putting nearly as much effort into every single dayas Elder Jenson and I did in Panuco. I know that the Lord will bless us.

Today our asesora made us hamburgers—with beef, cheese, lettuce, ham,avocado and tomato. The Asesora Program was an alternative to the traditionallunch appointment. Instead of having various sisters volunteer to feed themissionaries, only one sister in the ward or branch would be paid to do it. Thissister not only prepared our midday meals, but also bought our groceries for us.Consequently, we received less for our living allowance than we would if we werestill using the traditional method.

The theory behind the Asesora Program was to implement a system inwhich the nutritional needs of the missionaries would be more carefullymonitored. A single sister would be better equipped to provide us with abalanced diet than would five or ten or twenty sisters. However, the only asesoraI met that actually planned healthy and nutritional meals was Hermana Lupita inHuejutla. I didn’t like this new system, preferring instead to get to know the ward

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by eating with various ward members. Then again, when the chosen Asesora wasa fabulous cook, as was Alicia in Panuco, I could easily forgive the program’sother shortcomings. The hamburgers that day were absolutely dreamy, albeit a bitmessy.

When we had first arrived in Panuco, Elder Jenson and I noticed thatevery day after lunch, a small black and white dog would follow us for severalhours, sometimes even sitting at our feet while we taught charlas on people’spatios. We had no idea who this dog belonged to, or why it would follow us.Finally, well into our second week, we learned that the dog’s name was Willie,and he belonged to Alicia, our asesora. With that key bit of understanding, wewere content to allow him to follow us forever.

Sunday, December 28, 1997

Today we dined on hot dogs. They were wrapped in ham, placed in a bunon top of tomatoes and mayonnaise, and topped with shredded carrots. If there isanything better than a Mexican hamburger, it is a Mexican hot dog. Their non-traditional condiments leant them an exotic air, and they were dang tasty. Sotasty, in fact, that I ate five.

I had a lot of fun in church today. I directed the hymns, and was thendrafted into the teenagers’ Sunday School to be their teacher. I had a good timeteaching and talking about goals. I figured that the end of one year and thebeginning of the next provided an excellent context for me to foist my newfoundpassion for goal-making onto the youth of Panuco. We all had a good time, and Iwas pleased that the spirit was present to edify and instruct.

In priesthood, I had to instruct the branch president on proper priesthoodprotocols. I just about took over control of his class. Martin, a new convert, wasbeing ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood, and I suggested to the branchpresident that it would be a good idea to allow Julio, a newly ordained priest, tostand in the circle. I then explained that by doing so, the person doing theordination, in this case the branch president himself, had two options. He couldeither say “we ordain by the authority of the Aaronic Priesthood” or “I ordain bythe authority of the Melchizedek.” This was proper, since not every personstanding in the circle was a holder of the Melchizedek Priesthood. I had beentrying so hard not to be respectful and deferential to the branch president, notwanting to lose his critical support. I think I was able to impart this bit ofinstruction without being condescending or rude. The other elders in my districtthought I was pretty cool.

We got in a good afternoon of proselyting. Actually, one of my mosteffective Sundays. We ended with a well-organized, well-done dialogo deacuerdo. I’m really feeling good about this whole mission thing. I love it!

Monday, December 29, 1997

Great little P-Day. I spent some time on the piano this morning, while mycomp played basketball. I’m on my way to understanding sharps and flats. My


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companion had come inside searching for a drink of water, and found me in thechapel, futilely attempting to play “The Spirit of God” on the piano. As a youngchild, Elder Jenson had received some piano lessons, and even though he thoughtmy odd little hobby to be a quixotic pursuit, he gave me a very brief explanationof sharps and flats before returning to the basketball court.

Thanks to my recent discovery of lye soap, I spent less than an hourwashing my clothes. The chore still bores me. However, Elder Jenson ownedseveral Janice Kapp Perry albums, and since our room had a windowoverlooking the back porch where we washed our garments, on P-Days we wouldprop the radio on the windowsill and listen to those spiritual tunes. It made thechore less onerous, and I found a new peace as I opened my heart to thesebeautiful melodies. To this day, those songs will bring back memories of Panucomore vivid than anything that these pages could evoke.

There are four songs in particular that have the power to conjure imagesof Panuco in my heart. “The Test” (“Didn’t he say, he sent us to be tested/Didn’the say, the way would not be sure/But didn’t he say we could live with Himforevermore…”). “Live That Ye May Attain” (“This new and untried author maymiss the happy ending/Except the master teacher knows the end from thebeginning/And he puts these words in my mind…”). “The Least of These”(“Lord, help me love the least of these/Help me to go where thy light leadsme/Give me a heart that sees another’s need…”). “Song of Testimony” (“I knowGod lives/I know He loves me/I know He hears and answers when I pray/I knowHis son is my redeemer/And that He died for me/That I may live eternallysomeday…”).

In the evening, I gave my D&C 76 lesson which I had first given to mydistrict of sister missionaries in Madero. Once more I tried to broaden mydistrict’s vision. We were doing more than simply baptizing people. We weresetting them on a course for the celestial kingdom and eternal life with our Fatherin Heaven. I think the lesson went over well.

I got animated during the interviews and talked to Elders Perez and Acostaabout goals. Throughout the entire conversation, I emphatically waved my handsand pointed my fingers. Elder Acosta had to hide a smile because my enthusiasticgesticulation amused him. I, too, hid a smile, knowing that for some strangereason, I had begun to preach the gospel of goal-setting to every congregationwho would listen to me. That’s something I thought I’d never do. I’ve never beena goal-oriented person. I’m more so now, but still have a ways to go. PappyGoodman once said that learning to make goals will make me rich someday.


It was kind of a shallow day. We got the numbers, but they really don’tmean anything. I think the most effective things we did today was with our newconverts and less-actives, activities that, unfortunately, were not reflected directlyin the weekly reports.

I’m really enjoying my time with Elder Jenson. He knew how to spin agood yarn, and he would often entertain us both between appointments by

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regaling me with mirthful tales of his youth and adolescence. He had grown up ina small town in rural Utah. His father was a science teacher at the local highschool, and Elder Jenson was extremely involved in gardening, horticulture, andlandscaping. He often was excused from classes because the principal had askedhim to care for the high school’s flowerbeds and trees. He had so many storiesabout life in rural Utah, and each story was always so masterfully told that Iwould forget my aching feet as we walked from one end of Panuco to the other. Ithink we’ll baptize a ton together.

We stopped by Esther’s house and helped her make a piñata. She was acontact that we had made on Christmas Eve, but Elder Jenson and I had not yetfound the time to follow up with her. On our visit that day, we found her onceagain too busy to talk with the missionaries. Nevertheless, it was an effectivevisit in that it helped us to demonstrate our love and concern for her.

Some funny things occurred today. Ausencio’s wife tried to reject us butcouldn’t quite do it because her husband is spineless. This was another charlafrom earlier in the week, not a very effective one, but one that amused me.Ausencio had accepted our invitation to read the Book of Mormon, and we hadgiven him a copy of the same. When we came to follow up with him, he tried toreturn the book to us, telling us that his wife had informed him that the two ofthem were Catholic and thus had no need for the Book of Mormon.

I was saddened by the whole exchange, yet at the same time somewhatamused. I thus continued to toy with Ausencio. I asked him if he had read thebook, and he replied in the negative, and once more tried to return the book tome. I told him that the book had been a gift, and when he had accepted the gift,he had promised to read it. I could not, therefore, accept it from him in goodconscience unless he read it first. He stood there for a good two minutes, in silentfrustration, not knowing what to do or say. “Just read the book, and we’ll be bynext week to pick it up from you,” I told him. Then we turned our backs on himand left. We never did return.

Areli, another contact from the week before, rejected us from a distance byshouting across her darkened yard, telling us to leave her alone and never comeback. This exchange amused me as well, perhaps because working with ElderJenson always put me in such a good mood. The two of us had a laugh at Areli’sexpense, figuring that she didn’t have the nerve to look us in the eye and ask us totake our message of everlasting salvation to someone more appreciative.

I’m growing to love Panuco like I never did while I was here before. Thekey to loving a people is working (hard) on their behalf.


And thus 1997 closes. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. Today wasabout as useless as they come. The president had once more asked all the eldersin the mission to be in their apartments by seven o’clock; New Year’s Eve inMexico can approach dangerous levels of revelry.

I hope the year to come will treat me well. The one I leave behind issomething special. I feel like I’ve accomplished quite a bit. I suppose that I want


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to improve on the basics—scripture study and prayer. I know that if I can buildthese patterns into my life, I won’t go astray. I still have much to learn aboutleadership.

The previous week, when we had been confined to quarters for an evening,we had watched church videos. This week, Elder Perez asked me if we could renta movie. I relented, and we watched the G-rated movie Babe. Elder Jenson didnot join us, spending the evening in our room, studying his scriptures. Hisdedication to the rules inspired me at the same time that it shamed me. When allwas said and done, I regretted not being a leader of more firm resolve. If I coulddo things over I would have done today differently. I need to learn to put my footdown and keep it down. I want to be a man of Christ, a disciple. That is mygreatest desire.

Thursday, January 1, 1998

We figured out how to use the darts that my ward sent me. These were nottraditional metal pointed darts. They were made of plastic and the dartboard waslike a three-dimensional plastic comb; supposedly the darts were to stick betweenthe plastic teeth. Before that day, whenever we threw a dart, it would simplybounce off the dartboard, not sticking even for a few seconds. Afterexperimenting during our breakfast time, we figured out how to throw the cheapdarts with just the right flick of the wrist to make them stick in the dart board.

I don’t think we found a sober person all day. I don’t think it was thatbad, but it was pretty bad. Contacting was pretty useless. I can’t wait to get backto normal and work hard and effectively.

My studies are getting back up to par. I’m having problems to rememberEnglish words and getting them to translate here in my journal. My cold isreturning with vengeance. I’ll probably pop a pill and go to sleep. None of mythoughts are making sense right now. I just need some sleep and start over rightnow. The greatest adventure is what lies ahead; today and tomorrow have yet tobe said.

Friday, January 2, 1998

I don’t think I was quite sober myself last night. Nothing that I wroteseems to make sense now. None of my thoughts seemed to connect. I had beenfeeling out of it for the past week, fighting off one of the worst head colds I hadever had. It would be another few weeks before my body finally finished fightingoff the infection, but in the meantime, Elder Jenson and I worked hard, even onthose days when we stayed home in the morning to allow my body some rest.

We’re passing through some down moments, but I’m trying to beoptimistic. The Prez wants me to baptize, so I guess that’s what I’ll have to do.It’s so hard when the people don’t want to cooperate. Esther backed out today.Juan Israel is having second thoughts, and all our other investigators are sitting ontheir thumbs. Juan Israel was a young man who lived in a middle-class coloniabetween Calle Carranza and the Rio Panuco. He lived at home with his parents

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and was honestly searching for truth. During the time we knew him, he wasmeeting with representatives from several different religions. He continued towaffle for weeks, causing us no end of backbreaking labor and frustration. Wedid all that we could, the spirit testified to the truthfulness of our message, andstill Juan Israel hesitated.

Elder Jenson and I have decided that we need to be talking more aboutbaptism with every charla. In Cincinnati, he had to put it into every principle inevery charla. We’ll do something similar. We started by being more bold in ourfirst charlas. For the rest of our time together, we mentioned baptism in one formor another in every single discussion we gave. In the most powerful discussionswe gave, we always informed the contact that once he (or she) knew that ourmessage was true, we would invite him (or her) to be baptized. In most instances,we only planted the seed of an idea, by mentioning how prophets in every ageurged the people to follow Christ by being baptized.

Saturday, January 3, 1998

We got in a fairly decent day today—one new family, two second charlas,and a third and a fourth charla. I haven’t had days like this since Huejutla. I’mready to take off running, even though my cold has returned with a vengeance andI’m dying. I’m coughing, sniffing, wheezing, sneezing, complaining, whining,and all the other symptoms of a terrible cold. In the following weeks, there werefrequent days in which Elder Jenson and I would take the morning off, my coldhaving knocked me off my feet and sucked the energy from my body. On thosedays, we worked extra hard in the afternoon, trying to achieve our goals despitethe setback in the morning.

I think we’ve started the year off right. These last couple of days we havebeen working hard and teaching lots of discussions. I just hope that this coldweather goes away and that I can move on with my life.

Today while visiting with Juan Israel, we noticed that he had severalbooks from various religions lying around his bedroom. We asked our host for adrink of water, and when he left the room for a few minutes, Elder Jenson and Istole a JW book from Juan Israel. Elder Jenson had done similar things withinvestigators in Cincinnati. Inspired by his tales of derring-do, I opened mybackpack, grabbed the offending material, and quickly stuffed them in beside myproselyting material. I figured that Juan would progress much faster towardsbaptism without the distractions of false doctrine slowing him down. However,we were unable to remove all the distractions. Juan Israel, as any typicalteenager would, had his room plastered in posters of half-naked women. Thus, Itaught a charla in front of a wall of near-pornographic posters.

Other challenges that day included an awkward discussion with one of ourinvestigators. We taught Olivia the law of chastity, even though she had somepretty specific, personal questions. As mentioned earlier, her situation wascomplex, involving as it did a live-in boyfriend, an ex-husband, and an unbornchild fathered during a tryst with the latter. Helping her to see the error of her


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ways was a difficult proposition. After all was said and done, it was a verymemorable and productive day. I wish every day could be like today.

Sunday, January 4, 1998

Today we met at 1:00 p.m. The two branches met together for a combinedtestimony meeting that lasted two hours. This was a tradition of the Panucobranches, dating back to the time when the original Panuco branch was first split.The first Sunday of every year was reserved for a combined meeting of the twobranches, in which everyone was given an opportunity to bear their testimony.The meeting lasted for a long two hours, with the missionaries sitting on the backrow getting tired and restless. To make matters worse, the microphone wasn’tworking, so we could only hear half the testimonies; the rest were mumbled tooincomprehensibly for us to feel their spirit. I got bored out of my mind, so withElders Jenson and Perez looking on, I calculated how many hours I have left untilI go home. It’s over 4,000.

With meetings smack-dab in the middle of the day, we’re back toinefficient Sundays. These types of Sundays were always difficult to work,because we never had the opportunity to build the necessary momentum. Theworking day was only a few hours long anyways, and being dissected by threehours of meetings and an hour of lunch made it all the more difficult to build upany workable steam. After the meetings, we lingered in the chapel briefly, givingAlicia time to return home and begin preparations for our lunch. During thattime, I worked a little bit more on the piano, but nothing real serious.

We had another good week—thirty charlas, six new families. I’ve neverhad such a long string of good weeks. The last time I did that, was during mytime in Huejutla with Elder Avila. Back then, our hard-work paid off; webaptized a bunch of people. I hope the same happens in Panuco.

Monday, January 5, 1998

One of my finest P-Days ever. I started with a thorough cleaning of ourkitchen. We then ran errands in the Centro, washed clothes, and studied. By 1:00I had everything done that I needed to get done. My definition of a successfulpreparation day was one in which all the necessary chores were finished earlyenough to provide myself with a substantial amount of leisure time. Not only did Ienjoy those down moments, but having been so efficient during the earlier part ofthe day left me with a euphoric feeling of self-satisfaction during the remainder.

We traded zone leaders today. Elder Carillo went north for health reasons(he had kidney stones) and we received Elder Rios. Our former zone leaderwould finish his mission in Tampico, while Elder Rios, whom I had known inMatamoros, was sent to us in his place. I was actually quite excited aboutworking with him again; the two of us had had a workable relation in our formerdays in that far off city on the Rio Grande. However, something had changed theequation of our relationship, and that January saw the beginnings of a powerstruggle between the two of us.

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He arrived in the middle of my district meeting, and my first impressionafter meeting him again after nearly a year was that he’s not as fun as he was inMatamoros. Nevertheless, I was optimistic about the future, believing that he hadgrown and developed as a leader in the months that had separated us. I thinkhe’ll help the zone a ton. Together, we’ll lift the zone, we’ll baptize. I’m just alittle worried because he’s become so stiff and un-fun. I didn’t feel any warmthor love from him during his first introduction to the zone. His leadership stylewas so crisp and militaristic that Elder Jenson and I began making jokes abouthim that would begin “back when I was in ‘Nam, we would…”

We finished our day with our traditional ice cream, and then had a waterfight with Mayra, and ate a Rosca. The Rosca is a traditional Mexican cake,eaten on the Día de los Reyes. This oft-overlooked holiday commemorated thearrival of the three wise men, and is the last day of the oft-sung of “Twelve Daysof Christmas.” The Rosca, a round pastry traditionally eaten on that day, held asmall plastic doll inside it somewhere. Whoever received the slice of cake withthe doll in it, had thirty days to do some small service for those he (or she) waseating the cake with. As luck would have it, I received the plastic doll, and sobegan planning my small service for Elders Perez, Acosta, and Jenson.

The weather had taken a chilly downturn, which was contributing to mypersistent cold. I finally realized, one evening, that the window above my headwas broken in the upper corner and letting in a frosty draft during the evening,which may have been the reason for my cold being so terrible when I awoke in themornings. Having recognized this, I worked to rectify the situation, covering thebroken window with a heavy blanket, and heating my bath water in a bucket onthe stove. It was with some remorse and optimism that I recorded the lament—I’m back to bathing in buckets.

Tuesday, January 6, 1998

What a dreamy conference. Like all conferences in the Huasteca, this onewas held in the chapel in Tempoal; it was a large and roomy chapel; previously ithad served as the district headquarters for the entire Huasteca region. We metwith elders from Ebano, Tantayuca, Tempoal, San Felipe, Tamazunchale, and ofcourse, Huejutla.

On the bus that morning, I rode to Tempoal with Elder Perez andanswered his gospel questions. It was an opportunity for the two of us to bond. Ihad been feeling a level of hesitation or doubt from Elder Perez, and it had keptus from forming a satisfying working relationship with him. It was therefore niceto sit down with him and chat. I treated all of his questions with respect, andafter that day, our relationship improved substantially.

I was thrilled to see many of my old friends again, especially Elder Avila.Boy, do I love that guy. He was working in Tantayuca as a senior companion. Iwas excited to see him again, and sat next to him throughout the conference,swapping mission gossip and updates from our former areas. We had both beenin Huejutla together, and I had followed him into Barrio Independencia, so wehad a lot of common ground to cover together. From him, I got an update on our


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former area: Huejutla had achieved an attendance of one hundred; Chela andCarolina were both baptized; and Teófila’s third eldest daughter, who hadrecently turned eight had also entered the waters of baptism. The most excitingnews for me was that Antonia and Yolanda Monterubio and Lupita and PilarLopez went to the temple! It makes me so happy to see Huejutla progressing.Every member of the branch presidency is endowed now.

Sister Gillespie was absent from the conference, so at lunch time, we piledinto the assistant’s van and traveled to the opposite end of town. The Prez tookus to a really cool restaurant in Tempoal. The exterior had a large grass roof, andthe president had reserved the entire establishment for the combined Panuco,Tempoal, and Huejutla zones. We sat five to a table, and I sat with my two sons—Elders Avila and Garcia—along with my current companion. Elder Kennedy alsojoined us; he had been Elder Jenson’s trainer in Ebano. We ate a seven-coursemeal for only $N25 (less than $4!!). The food was grubbin’. It was a pleasureseeing so many of my old buddies.

After the conference, I challenged President Gillespie on a point ofdoctrine. He looked thoughtful, and together we searched for an answer in thescriptures. It turned out that he was correct, but he smiled and shook my hand.The Prez told me that I was the only one of his elders who had the ability tocorrect him on a point of doctrine, (and the only elder whose challenge he wouldseriously consider.) A few months later, I watched as a greenie tried to correctthe mission president on a minor point of doctrine. The president, however, justshook his head, and told the young elder that he was mistaken.

Elder Kennedy and I rode the bus home together. We had been goodfriends when I had been in Huejutla and he had been in nearby San Felipe. Wewere in the same zone now, though he was an hour to the west in small-townEbano. He was still a lot of fun to talk to, an excellent listener, and excited byanything I told him. He praised me on my teaching style, which he had observedfrom time to time when I had presented messages in district meetings. I wassurprised, though, to learn that Elder Jenson had told him I was a good teacher.

Wednesday, January 7, 1998

An average day, I suppose. (Average, he says? He taught eight charlasand found two new families!). I’m just so focused now on our goal of fourbaptisms this month that I’m no longer paying much attention to our dailyprogress. In fact, I didn’t view four baptisms as our own goal, but as the Lord’sgoal. Elder Jenson and I had faith that the Lord would bless our labors becausewe were being obedient and working hard, and we knew that the goal we had setwas one that the Lord wanted accomplished. I knew that in trying to help theLord out in every way I can, we could prepare the way for four people in Panucoto receive the gospel.

As part of that effort, we had worked with Clara and her husband,Antelmo. We had lost many other hand-me-down investigators when we firstentered the area, but Clara remained faithful in listening to our message.Antelmo, who was not legally her spouse, stopped listening to the discussions

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after we had asked him to obey the word of wisdom by abstaining from alcohol.However, he did not forbid Clara from continuing to meet with us. This morning,however, the two of them were married. The bureaucrats in the Civil Recordsoffice wouldn’t let us be witnesses. Unlike the other weddings in which I hadbeen a witness, the records office in Panuco demanded that we show a MexicanID card, which of course, we did not have. Instead, we pulled another couplefrom the waiting room who witnessed for Clara and Antelmo, and then our happycouple in turn witnessed for their witness couple. We lost two hours at the civilrecords office, as well as 120 pesos. We paid the fee out of our own pocket,footing half the bill for the wedding. The other half was provided by Clara andAntelmo themselves.

We’re excited about the coming weeks. We have a lot to do and we justneed to get it done. Our teaching pool was full, and we had several peoplenearing baptismal dates. I hadn’t had such a promising teaching pool since mydays in Huejutla. I knew that it was just a matter of time before the success I hadachieved there would be duplicated in Panuco.

Today, for lunch, Hermana Alicia made us hamburgers again. This time Icould only down three. But she also made French fries. It was all so verydreamy. Onward, upward, outward, and forward!


Little by little we’re making progress. I was talking to Elder Jenson todayabout professional seminary teachers; their job, life, etc. I think it’s something Iwould definitely like to do. His uncle worked for the Church Educational System,and thus he had inside information on what the lifestyle of CES employees waslike. President Goodman had also been an instructor with the ChurchEducational System, and he had given me advice and encouragement in pursuingthat vocation.

Yesterday and today have been just sort of blah—bland and lacking taste.We’re achieving our goals, making progress with various persons toward baptism.I was being so careful with our large teaching pool, that we were not makingprogress as fast as I would have liked. Besides Clara and Juan Israel, we werealso working with the family of a newly baptized member, Andres. His wife wasvery interested in our message, his son was marginally so. His daughter, on theother hand, wanted nothing to do with her father’s new religion.

We had also tracted out an entire colonia, albeit a small one. The coloniawas surrounded by sugarcane fields on two sides, and felt very remote andpeaceful. Clara’s mother lived there and we had found three new families thatwere preparing for baptism. The colonia was sparsely settled, with no water orelectric services, but in which we found a great deal of success. We were jugglingso many families, so many appointments, and yet I was moving very cautiouslywith each one of them. I was afraid to lose any of them because I wanted tobaptize all of them. As a result, I’m beginning to run out of gas.

I am studying the New Testament in the mornings and it’s really helpingme to see the eternal gospel. If I really understand the New Testament then I will


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be able to see the common threads that connect the modern church with theprimitive. I began to feel a connection to Peter and Paul, knowing that wepreached the same message to a population direly in need of what we had to offer.That connection with the ancient apostles increased my faith, and helped me tofind the energy and commitment to keep working, even in the face ofoverwhelming despair.

As part of the combat against that despair, I used an order form from thecrossword puzzle book that I had received for Christmas, and using money sent bymy parents, I sent away for six more similar books. I was very excited aboutgetting some more crossword puzzles. They filled my P-Days, and after lunch,Elder Jenson and I would often work a word puzzle or two to relax before oncemore entering the fray.


Well, I guess that’s it. I finally died. Worst day I’ve had in nearly amonth and a half. There’s nothing more to do than to go to bed and do bettertomorrow. I’ve been sick with a cold all day, with stuffy nose, headache, sneezes,and so forth. We lost some hours because of that. Our family home evening withJuan Israel fell through. He wasn’t home when he was supposed to have been, sowe had to trudge back to Alicia’s home to tell her that we would not be needingher living room, or television, or VCR.

Sometimes I just want to quit fighting, throw in the towel. Working withpeople is just too darn hard. Getting schedules to coincide, people motivated, andso forth. I’m really not built for such tasks. Not much more to say. Today wasone of the most difficult and useless days in the last year and a half. I alwaysknew that there would be ups and downs.

Perhaps Satan was trying to dissuade me from working hard. Not only didI have several future members in my teaching pool that week, but the very nextday, Elder Jenson and I would find the most powerful and faithful family that hasever been my privilege to teach. Satan knew that our hard work in the nextcouple of days would lead a family to salvation and eternal life, and that they, inturn, would be a force for righteousness in the Panuco Branch. Satan tried tomake me give up before ever finding Ruben and Soledad.


I hate Family Home Evenings. We planned one out for Juan Israel andOlivia, but, as always, we didn’t get started on time. We did, however, getstarted, which was more than could be said for the family home evening that wehad planned for the previous evening. We had already planned an FHE forOlivia for this Saturday evening, and since Juan Israel had been a no-show theprevious night, we invited him as well. The family home evening was a simpleaffair. It consisted of watching a church video at a member’s home. Since Alicia,our asesora, was the only active member with a VCR in our area, she often served

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above and beyond by opening her home to these activities. This evening, we alsoinvited Luz and Julio, recent converts from Elder Perez’s area.

The late start that evening was partly my fault. We headed over toColonia Solidaridad to give service to María de la Cruz. She was a less-activemember who lived in the same colonia as Clara and Antelmo. María’s daughterlived with her, along with five grandchildren. Her daughter’s husband wasworking in the U.S. We had made considerable progress with the family, thoughin recent weeks, they had once more turned bitter towards the church. In searchof aid for her family, María de la Cruz asked the branch president for help. Shewas offended when the branch president requested that she work for the money hegave her, asking her to clean the chapel. We continued to work with the family,hoping to return them to full activity.

The service we rendered that evening was simple; we moved a big pile ofbricks. I thought the task would only take us an hour, but we went for an hourand a half. And the family was helping us, too. We had to leave for our FHEbefore the task was finished, but we promised to return to finish it soon. We thenswung by Luz and Julio’s house, dropped them off at Alicia’s, then ran and gotJuan Israel and Olivia. The family home evening, despite its late start, was agreat success.

We achieved most of our goals, but I’m finding it harder and harder not tobe trunky. I really can’t imagine doing anything else; missionary work is such apart of who I am. I’m just anxious to move on to something that perhaps I’ll bebetter at doing.

Unmentioned in this entry, was our initial contact with Ruben andSoledad. The contact had been like any other contact before it, one of fivecharlas we gave that day. Both Elder Jenson and I were impressed with thefamily, and I was uncertain that my abilities were going to be sufficient to teachand baptize this man, his wife, and his three children. Ruben was the principal ofa local elementary school, and Soledad was a teacher at another nearby school.The two were urbane and articulate, and in that respect, they were unlike any ofthe people in our teaching pool at that time.


It was a pretty good Sabbath. We went out to work in the morning, andwork we did. Not only did we find a new family, but we also gave a half an hourof service. We returned to Colonia Solidaridad and finished moving the brick pilefor María de la Cruz. My shirt got fairly dirty, so we had to return home tochange. We left to go to church, but when I had changed my shirt, I had forgottento change my nametag. We had to return home to retrieve it. We also had toexplain to Elder Perez why we had to make a quick exit, and he was appalled atthe thought of doing manual labor on the Sabbath. I figured that in giving serviceto our fellow man, we were only giving service to God, an appropriate Sundayactivity. Elder Perez disagreed with my theological exegesis.

We finally arrived on time, and I blessed the sacrament. I was called uponto give a talk, following Elder Perez, who also give a decent talk. Elder Perez


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had a lot of good things to say, but his speaking style was rather mellow. I gotbehind the podium and tried to put all the energy that I could behind my words.

We only had two investigators in sacrament meeting, and Elder Riosdidn’t come for his scheduled interview with Juan Israel. He was supposed tomeet with us after our Sunday meetings, but he was a no-show. This was my firstindication that I was going to have problems with my new zone leader. I hadalways believed that a leader should put the needs of those he served above hisown needs. As a district leader, I often canceled or rescheduled appointments inmy own area so that I could go to the baptismal interviews that had been set forme by the members of my district. I was angry because I thought that Elder Rioshad such disregard for the success of my area that he had failed to show up at thisbaptismal interview.

The dart board is up and I’m improving noticeably every day.


My laziest Panuco P-Day. I was done with my laundry by 8:15 and spenttwo hours in my crossword puzzles. I didn’t do anything, which explains theunsettled feeling I now have. Last night I gave the bathroom a good cleaning, forwhich everyone now thinks I’m a sinner. Oh well. At least our bathroom isclean. Although I feel justified in giving service to María de la Cruz on thatSabbath morning, I probably shouldn’t have begun my P-Day chores on Sundaynight. Elder Perez, who already thought I had erred in giving service, now knewthat I really was mistaken in my Sabbath day observances.

Tonight I gave the Atributo Cristiano about the role we have asmissionaries to gather scattered Israel. I finished up with Elder Jenson’s favoriteline—“This ain’t no two-year, EFY, get-closer-to-Jesus trip!” He had heard thequote from his mission president in Cincinnati, and had shared it with me. Itdidn’t translate into Spanish very easily, but Elder Jenson knew what I was tryingto say, and he busted a gut laughing, incredulous that I should repeat such a thingin our district meeting.

I’ve just about got “Spirit Of God” on the piano. I think I’ve about burnedout on that goal. What I need is a teacher. I felt that I had taught myself as muchas I could, and figured that upon returning home, I could easily find someone toteach me how to play the piano. I still haven’t revisited that goal, though I hopeto someday.

Upon returning to the apartment that night, I went on an unnecessaryrampage. I was angry that no one else had put in the time or effort to clean theapartment. I began shouting, sounding much like my mother, about how terriblydifficult it must be to throw away empty cans, or rinse off dirty dishes. I shamedElders Perez and Acosta into doing some cleaning that evening, but I felt bad thatI had done it in such a heavy-handed way.

While they were distracted by their chores, I made a discreet exit withElder Jenson, and walked to the corner store. I bought a dozen donuts, andreturned with them to the apartment. I gave the donuts to my housemates, toldthem I loved them, and that I appreciated their efforts, not only in cleaning the

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apartment, but also in working in the Lord’s vineyard. In doing so, I tried tofollow the admonitions of the Lord, as contained in the 121st section of theDoctrine and Covenants. Because I had reproved with sharpness that evening, Ifelt a responsibility to show an increase in love towards those I had rebuked, lestthey esteem me as their enemy.

Tuesday, January 13, 1998

I went on a split with my zone leader today. Elder Rios is a good deal likeElder Castro, my erstwhile zone leader. Both of them had rather stern andinflexible proselyting styles. We had a fairly efficient day, but I’m not sure if Ifully agree with his proselyting tactics. I was afraid that such a forward andoverconfident proselyting manner could be interpreted as uncivil or rude. Istrongly believed that my job as a missionary was to help other to feel the spirit,and this I could not do if they were turned off by some perceived slight or offense.I needed to be on my best behavior if I was going to succeed, and I had doubtsabout that I could succeed if I were to employ Elder Rios’ more vigorousapproach to missionary work.

Nevertheless, I was not entirely confident that my style of missionary workwas the kind of style that brought in large numbers of baptisms. I worried that inteaching the gospel in a less forceful manner, that I would never reach the levelsof success that others, Elder Rios included, had already achieved. I’m back towondering if I really have what it takes to be a good missionary. I lack theaggressive forwardness of Elder Rios.

For strength, I recalled the missionary opportunities of my youth. I thinkmy experience with Shawn has shaped the way I now work. It took him threeyears to finally be baptized, through which I watched three sets of different elderstrying to do it, pushing him and manipulating him. In the end, it was Sylvia’sdeath that was the final push into the font, aggressive missionariesnotwithstanding. It was only at that tragic funeral that he was able to open hisheart to the spirit of God and embrace the truth of the plan of salvation.However, even then, he still waited another six months before being baptized.

I learned, in watching Shawn’s conversion, that missionaries can donothing to make a person be baptized, only the still small voice of the spirit hasthat convincing power. Nevertheless, missionaries can hinder or slow a person’sprogress towards salvation by being too forward or aggressive. The choice to bebaptized is a very personal matter between an individual and God. I will trust inthe spirit. I will do all I can and trust that the Spirit of the Lord will touch thehearts of those I have been called to teach.

Wednesday, January 14, 1998

I went on another split today, this time with Elder Perez in his area. Wewalked a ton, and had very little success. I’ve gotten way too trunky these lastcouple of days. I’ve got to refocus and move onward. Today we made a ton ofvisits but no one was home. It was nice to sit back and be the junior comp and let


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someone else drive. This was the least effective split I ever did as a missionary. Ilooked at it as a day off, an opportunity to not worry about my area, not worryabout planning, or charlas, or no-shows. I should have used it as an opportunityto teach Elder Perez, and help him to be a better missionary.

While we were working the western half of the Panuco Second Branch,our companions worked the eastern and southern ends. Thus, Elder Jenson didthe first follow-up with Ruben and Soledad. Later that evening, my companionenthusiastically reported that both husband and wife had read the passage in theBook of Mormon that we had marked for them, and they were interested inlistening to more of our message. It was finally beginning to dawn on us that wehad something special in Ruben and Soledad. However, the day that I had spentworking with Elder Rios had weakened my confidence, and I worried that I wasnot a good enough missionary to bring Ruben and Soledad into full fellowshipwith the saints of God.

The day gave me the opportunity to meditate on the state of the world andmy own place in it. I guess I’ve lived a sheltered life. I see so much wickednessand anguish in the world. I’ve always known it was there, but I’ve never seen itso up close and personal. I want to do my best to stem the tide.


Elder Jenson really is a good companion. Without me having to verballyexpress what was bothering me, he was able to resolve some major concerns.Ever since I had worked with Elder Rios two days before, I had been feeling downand depressed. I felt that Elder Rios had been such a successful missionary, andhis success must vindicate his forceful and forward style. Sensing my distress anddespair, Elder Jenson opened my eyes to the reality of my situation.

First, about my low number of baptisms, he pointed out that most of mymission had been spent not in the big cities, like Elder Rios’s mission, but I hadspent nearly all my time in pueblitos. In the smaller towns, the people live closerto the past, and were thus tied much more strongly to the traditions of theirfathers. The larger cities were fertile grounds for the conversion of souls. Thoseelders who spent the majority of their time in the big cities of Mexico often hadlarger numbers of baptisms. Elder Rios (50+ baptisms) only spent 3 of his 23months in a pueblo. Elder Burch has yet to leave the big city.

Second, Mexico is not a mentally demanding mission, though it isphysically taxing. Elder Jenson says the reverse is true in the States. He wasqualified to make that judgment, because he had spent several months in theLouisville Kentucky Mission while waiting for the Mexican government toapprove his visa. I recognized that I was often unfocused or distracted during alarge portion of our proselyting time. I was often depressed because I felt that mymind was constantly racing into inappropriate topics or tangential thoughts.Because the missionary work here doesn’t wear on me mentally, it’sunderstandable the fight I’ve had to stay focused. It would also explain why Ialways feel so darn tired and worn out—it’s because I am.

Now, if I can only find peace about my lack of Christian attributes.

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Last night we stopped on our way to an appointment to enjoy the twilighthours of the day. Across the street from us was a baseball field. We werewatching the game, when all of a sudden play stopped. A cow had wandered intothe outfield. That’s Mexico for you. Elder Jenson and I both laughed and movedon to our scheduled appointment.

We were going to have an interview for Clara tomorrow, but the zoneleader’s phone has been cut again. This just gave me one more reason to dislikeand mistrust Elder Rios. Other than that, though, we had a fairly good day. Wefound some fairly good families. María Isabel is a widow of two months withsmall kids. Her husband died one night last year after having been hit by a car. Inteaching her, we focused on the doctrine of eternal families, and how she could bewith her husband forever. It was only later that we discovered that her husbandwas an abusive drunk, and that she felt a surge of relief and liberation the nighther husband died. We presented the wrong message at the right time.

María Isabel’s neighbor is a humble and receptive Teresa. This was alarge family that lived in a newly constructed house a few blocks from whereClara’s mother lived. We were never able to get an accurate count as to thenumber of children that lived there; every time we visited, we were greeted by adifferent set of siblings. We presented our message to the home, and were wellreceived.

We’re progressing, little by little. We’re throwing everything we’ve gotinto these days. We will baptize, if not in January, we’ll do it in February. I hadalready lost faith that the Lord would bless our work in the month of January. Idid not feel that we had worked hard enough, nor sacrificed sufficiently. Instead,Elder Jenson and I were preparing for an outpouring of the Spirit for thefollowing month.


My body has shut down. I’m sick. I’ve got a stuffy head, coughs,sneezes, runny nose, diarrhea, and a headache. I’ve never felt worse.Notwithstanding my sickness, we went to work and had an average day. Myjournal keeping is beginning to fall off. I have to bathe tonight, but it’ll have tobe in cold water, so that’ll just make me worse.

Today we wandered a lot, but taught some charlas. I feel kind ofconcerned that I’ve been sick every week. Maybe I’m allergic to something. Wetaught a chaffa first charla to the daughter-in-law of a member. I really wasn’tfeeling very good so I couldn’t seem to give it the energy and ánimo that itdeserved. She didn’t seem too interested, but oh well. We had worked with thisfamily for quite some time. The mother and father of the family were members ofthe church, though none of their children were still active. We tried teaching thechildren’s spouses, but in most cases had no success. The discussion on this day


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suffered not only from my own lack of excitement, but from the contact’s lack ofexcitement as well. We nevertheless continued working with the family.


We finally taught Areceli the third charla today. She said she believedeverything that we have taught her. And she knows what that means. She knowsshe has to accept all or reject all. You can’t pick and choose in the gospel plan.We were also teaching her brother the discussions, but the two of them were veryrarely home at the same time. Thus we were forced to teach them separately.

After the meetings today, I added “Israel, Israel, God Is Calling” to mylibrary of musical memorizations. That brings it up to eight; I’ll try to make it aneven ten before I attempt to use my left hand. María Animas, Clara’s mother,came to church today. She had some spiritual yearnings, and so attended the onlychurch where she knew she would be welcomed. She often came with herdaughter, but for some reason, resisted our invitations to baptism.

I had to teach the adult Sunday school with zero notice. I went to withfaith and energy. Alicia, who normally taught the adult Sunday school class wasnot in church that day. She was a little intimidated, after this lesson, about takingthe reins back from my capable hands. Thus began my two-month stint as aGospel Doctrine teacher. The study that year focused on the Old Testament, andthis first lesson I presented was about Noah and the Flood.

I skipped out on the priesthood meeting, but helped with the hometeaching assignments. Elder Jenson and I agreed to do some splits with membersof the ward, not for the purpose of our own missionary work, but to facilitate thehome teaching efforts and strengthen the Panuco Branch. We agreed to do it, andwe were partnered with Julio and Martin, both recent converts.


It was another fun P-Day. We ran by the Capilla de San Esteban and tooka quick self-guided tour. Huejutla’s cathedral was cooler, but Panuco’s had moresaints. It was a crying shame. Every saint had his or her own money box. Wetook a look at the priest’s chair and the big, bloody crucifix. It was anotherthoroughly apostate experience.

I slept, read old letters, wrote one to my family and so forth. ElderJorgenson called in the transfers to me instead of to our zone leader, becauseElder Rios’s phone bill is still unpaid. Elder Perez takes off, and Elder Randallwill come in his place. He was Elder Avila’s first junior comp. I looked forwardto swapping stories about one of my favorite (and most unconventional)companions.

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Elder Barrett visiting the Olmec HeadChristmas Day, Panuco, 1997

Elder Jenson on the southern outskirts of Panuco


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Willi, the Faithful DogAfter a long day of proselyting with the missionaries

Elder BarrettGetting lost in a sugar cane field

16--Spirit of Truth

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