10 P RINCIPLES O F P OSITIVE D ISCIPLINE A look at behavior in toddlers and preschoolers and 10 principles to help you deal with difficult behaviors -taken.

10 PRINCIPLES OF POSITIVE DISCIPLINEA look at behavior in toddlers and preschoolers and 10 principles to help you deal with difficult behaviors

-taken from Dr. Becky Bailey

-Presented by Kellie Mulder

INTRODUCTION

www.consciousdiscipline.com

Discipline is a process, not an

event.

DISCIPLINE VS PUNISHMENT

Discipline: Intent to teach Consistent Based on love Focuses on

cooperation Sets clear

expectations Demonstrates

positive behavior Focuses on what to

do Emphasizes solutions

Punishment:• Expects child to “get

it right”• Emphasizes Blame• Hurtful to child and

self• Focuses on what

he/she didn’t do• Someone always loses• Intent to feel bad/hurt• Based on fear

PRINCIPLE #1: KNOW YOUR CHILD

What is temperament? The manner of thinking, behaving, or

reacting characteristic of a specific person. 4 Temperaments:

Sigher: Easygoing Trier: Patient, Persistent Crier: Cries, whines, gives up Flyer: Flies off in a rage

PRINCIPLE #2: KNOW WHAT IS NORMAL

Children turn fear into a game Preschoolers create their own reality Young children have immature inner speech DON’T is a meaningless word Children can only see the world through their

eyes

PRINCIPAL #3: ADULTS ARE ACCOUNTABLE AS MODELS

Anger is fear in disguise. When we become angry and fearful, we model the very behavior we are trying to eliminate. Screaming “Be quiet”

“Don’t worry that your kids won’t listen. Worry that they

are watching you!” –Robert Fulghum

PRINCIPLE #4: ADULTS MUST MAINTAIN SELF-CONTROL

Know your hot-buttons Disrespect, whining, tattling, physical

aggression, tantrums, lying, etc. Know (and PRACTICE!) how you will respond

when your buttons are pushed. Parroting technique “Honey, do we need some milk?”

Know how to calm yourself STAR- Stop, Take a deep breath, Relax Take a Mommy timeout Own your feelings Calming phrases

“I can do this” “I am safe” “Breathe”

PRINCIPLE #5: ADULTS MUST SEE THE WORLD FROM THE CHILD’S POINT OF VIEW

Two states of being: Calling for love

In children- “acting out” behaviors, fighting, disrespect In adults- being argumentative, yelling, over-drinking, only

talking about themselves.

Extending love In children- showing affection, wanting adults to

play/interact with them In adults- cooking dinner for significant other, giving a gift,

calling a friend to see how they’re doing

Is the child seeking information or understanding? Consider the level of emotion behind what is

expressed.

PRINCIPLE #6: ADULTS MUST SPEAK CLEARLY AND ASSERTIVELY Three Forms of Communication

Passive Aggressive Assertive

Tell kids what to do rather than what not to do. Examples

Don’t touch Fold your hands in front of you. Don’t run Walk Don’t take that from her! Give the toy back to your sister.

CPA Technique Clearly communicate what you want Provide positive choices to facilitate the process Acknowledge resistance with empathy

Commands vs Requests Give Specific Praise!

PRINCIPLE #7: DISCIPLINE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TEACH, NOT PUNISH

In conflicts between kids, attend to the victim first, and the aggressor second

To the victim: “Did you like it?” “Go tell ___ ‘I don’t like it when you ___’.”

To the aggressor: Positive Intent- “You wanted ___” Unacceptable- “You may not …” Reason- “_____ hurts/is not safe” Explore alternatives- “You may ___ or ____”

PRINCIPLE #8: DEMANDS THAT THE ADULT BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILD

5 minutes of focused play each day reduces power struggles by 50%. Let the child lead. Get down on their level. Do

hands-on, physical play! Laugh! Pretend. Provide kids with POSITIVE attention.

Catch kids being good. Don’t just say, “Good job, you’re being nice”, give

specific praise “Look at you sharing with your sister by giving her a goldfish. You are so considerate..”

At home, keep a post-it on the fridge with a tally. In the

classroom, create a “helpfulness tree”.

PRINCIPLE #9: SEEK SOLUTIONS, NOT BLAME

Create a climate where it’s okay to make mistakes.

Show kids this by acknowledging your own mistakes.

In conflict: Define the problem Seek solutions

Give kids the chance to do this before immediately offering your own solution

Restore Relationships

PRINCIPLE #10 COMMUNICATE WITH THE INTENTION OF LOVE, NOT FEAR

Believe the best about kids! Build their confidence by reassuring you will

keep them safe and offer them support, even when they make mistakes.

CONCLUSION

Questions/Comments? What will you commit to working on, whether

at home or in the classroom? Drawing Evaluations