1 WELCOME! This slide show is one (modified) part of a professional development workshop that I conduct. During those workshops, the slides are accompanied.

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WELCOME!WELCOME! This slide show is one This slide show is one (modified)(modified) part of a part of a professional development workshop that I conduct. professional development workshop that I conduct. During those workshops, the slides are accompanied During those workshops, the slides are accompanied by narration, elaboration, examples, and humor. by narration, elaboration, examples, and humor. Group activities and video clips are interspersed. I Group activities and video clips are interspersed. I don’t just turn on the show and sit back with a cup of don’t just turn on the show and sit back with a cup of steaming hot oolong tea.steaming hot oolong tea.

There is a “There is a “codecode” for making optimal use of this ” for making optimal use of this show. A show. A redred punctuation mark (period, question punctuation mark (period, question mark, colon) indicates that the show has paused. mark, colon) indicates that the show has paused. Left click your mouse to continue with the show. A Left click your mouse to continue with the show. A greengreen punctuation mark means that you have punctuation mark means that you have reached the end of a slide. Left click your mouse to reached the end of a slide. Left click your mouse to move to the next slide.move to the next slide.

Enjoy the showEnjoy the show. . (Left click to move to the next (Left click to move to the next slide.)slide.)Dr. MacDr. Mac

Dr. MacDr. Mac

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The Conflict CycleThe Conflict Cycle This slide show presents Nick Long’s model This slide show presents Nick Long’s model

for explaining why teachers and students for explaining why teachers and students engage in arguments and disciplinary battles engage in arguments and disciplinary battles (some of my personal variations and interpretations (some of my personal variations and interpretations of the model are interwoven).of the model are interwoven).

While I believe that Dr. Long’s model has While I believe that Dr. Long’s model has certain limitations, it is an excellent certain limitations, it is an excellent introduction into understanding classroom-introduction into understanding classroom-based based (and our own home-based)(and our own home-based) conflict. conflict. Hopefully, I’ll have my version of the teacher-Hopefully, I’ll have my version of the teacher-student discord phenomenon student discord phenomenon (and how to respond (and how to respond

productively and proficiently)productively and proficiently) uploaded to this site uploaded to this site ((www.BehaviorAdvisor.comwww.BehaviorAdvisor.com)) in the near future. in the near future.

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““Do Now” ActivityDo Now” ActivityRecollect an argument or disciplinary battle that you’ve Recollect an argument or disciplinary battle that you’ve had with a youngster. If you’ve not had this sort of had with a youngster. If you’ve not had this sort of interaction, think of an extended argument that you interaction, think of an extended argument that you have witnessed in the classroom between a staff have witnessed in the classroom between a staff member and a student. member and a student. (If you’ve not witnessed a (If you’ve not witnessed a classroom event of this nature, recall an extended argument classroom event of this nature, recall an extended argument that ensued with a friend or family member).that ensued with a friend or family member).

Jot down some notes describing the sequence Jot down some notes describing the sequence of events of events (see above)(see above).. What action brought out the What action brought out the first negative comment? How did the other first negative comment? How did the other person react? How then did the first party person react? How then did the first party respond? respond? EtceteraEtcetera..

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Room 106Room 106 Student:Student: Curtis, is a “SPED” kid from a Curtis, is a “SPED” kid from a

“disorganized” home. He has been showing “disorganized” home. He has been showing promise academically and socially over the last promise academically and socially over the last year and a half in Mr. Rogers’ room. This year, year and a half in Mr. Rogers’ room. This year, he is experiencing a rough start with his new he is experiencing a rough start with his new teacherteacher..

Teacher:Teacher: Mr. Lee, an experienced educator who Mr. Lee, an experienced educator who prides himself on “not putting up with any crap prides himself on “not putting up with any crap from kids”from kids”. .

Click here to read the script of the event. Click here to read the script of the event. (in “Word” format)(in “Word” format)

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Self Self discipline discipline

isn’t isn’t taught in taught in obediencobedience school.e school.

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The Beatings Will ContinueThe Beatings Will ContinueUntil Morale ImprovesUntil Morale Improves..

““Getting toughGetting tough” with persistently defiant, non-compliant kids is counter ” with persistently defiant, non-compliant kids is counter productive.productive.

These youngsters don’t succumb to coercion.These youngsters don’t succumb to coercion. Rather, they are incited by it.Rather, they are incited by it. If our penalties are harsh and repeatedly applied, we might possibly be If our penalties are harsh and repeatedly applied, we might possibly be

able to subdue the rebellion and create a non-motivated, withdrawn kid able to subdue the rebellion and create a non-motivated, withdrawn kid (ala Driekurs’ stages…see the link on the (ala Driekurs’ stages…see the link on the www.BehaviorAdvisor.comwww.BehaviorAdvisor.com home page titled “Figuring out why kids misbehave”). This outcome home page titled “Figuring out why kids misbehave”). This outcome represents another hollow victory for educators.represents another hollow victory for educators.

Skilled, knowledgeable and caring teachers do what we’re paid to doSkilled, knowledgeable and caring teachers do what we’re paid to do:: TeachTeach InspireInspire

In order to promote positive behavior change and motivation, “In order to promote positive behavior change and motivation, “toughtough” ” teachers must change their ways. While those ways work with 95% of teachers must change their ways. While those ways work with 95% of the kids, it’s the 95% who don’t need to be treated in that manner in order the kids, it’s the 95% who don’t need to be treated in that manner in order to get them to behave. Their ways don’t work at all with the “difficult” 5%. to get them to behave. Their ways don’t work at all with the “difficult” 5%. In fact, their coercive interventions make things worse. However, it’s hard In fact, their coercive interventions make things worse. However, it’s hard to convince negative teachers of the faults of their ways. They commonly to convince negative teachers of the faults of their ways. They commonly respond withrespond with::

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What ?!What ?!

Me Change?!Me Change?!

THEY’RETHEY’RE

the problem.the problem. (not me)(not me)..

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With respect to nasty-tempered teachers, the With respect to nasty-tempered teachers, the words of Pogo words of Pogo (a cartoon character)(a cartoon character) come to mind: come to mind:

We have met the enemy;We have met the enemy;

And it is us!And it is us!

When teachers attempt to overpower a kid When teachers attempt to overpower a kid who has defeated more powerful who has defeated more powerful adversaries, they fight a losing battle.adversaries, they fight a losing battle.

These teachers create the very conflict about These teachers create the very conflict about which they complainwhich they complain..

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Conflict in the ClassroomConflict in the Classroom

Given that “no nonsense” teachers tend to Given that “no nonsense” teachers tend to view defiant students as the enemy, let us view defiant students as the enemy, let us for the moment, talk in their terms.for the moment, talk in their terms.

If one is “fighting” an enemy, it is best to If one is “fighting” an enemy, it is best to gather information about them in order to gather information about them in order to increase one’s chances of successincrease one’s chances of success..

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Reconnaissance 101Reconnaissance 101 Gather information on your adversary.Gather information on your adversary.

Use this information to inform your actions.Use this information to inform your actions.

Sun Tzu:Sun Tzu: ((The art of warThe art of war).). The greatest victory is The greatest victory is to win without ever having battledto win without ever having battled..

Tom McIntyre:Tom McIntyre: The sweetest victory is one in The sweetest victory is one in which both sides are winnerswhich both sides are winners..

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At this point, we would watch a video clip of a teacher and At this point, we would watch a video clip of a teacher and student engaged in an escalating war of words. The student engaged in an escalating war of words. The

following questions would be discussed:following questions would be discussed:

In the short term In the short term (and the long term)(and the long term), who , who “won”?“won”?

Did either person convince the other that Did either person convince the other that his/her way was correct?his/her way was correct?

Has a “show of force” prevented future Has a “show of force” prevented future conflict?conflict?

Did the teacher do anything of which she Did the teacher do anything of which she could be proud? Did she implement best could be proud? Did she implement best practice? practice?

(Assuming a “(Assuming a “NoNo” answer)” answer) Why not Why not??

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The Conflict CycleThe Conflict Cycle Dr. Nick Long, a senior statesman in our field Dr. Nick Long, a senior statesman in our field

of students with behavior disorders, of students with behavior disorders, developed a model to explain why teachers developed a model to explain why teachers and students get into battles.and students get into battles.

While the diagram is used primarily with While the diagram is used primarily with respect to students with disabilities in making respect to students with disabilities in making appropriate behavior choices, you will appropriate behavior choices, you will probably find it to be applicable to most probably find it to be applicable to most situations in which individuals engage in situations in which individuals engage in arguments.arguments.

Does it apply to the situation you described Does it apply to the situation you described in slide #3in slide #3??

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An explanation of the diagram can be found on the slides that follow.An explanation of the diagram can be found on the slides that follow.

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What do you bring to the table?What do you bring to the table?

The top rectangular box refers to the self image (how one sees oneself The top rectangular box refers to the self image (how one sees oneself and the personal traits that we see in ourselves) and self esteem (how and the personal traits that we see in ourselves) and self esteem (how highly or lowly one perceives oneself…The extent to which someone highly or lowly one perceives oneself…The extent to which someone likes himself or herself).likes himself or herself).

The second rectangular box refers to inaccurate beliefs that one holds The second rectangular box refers to inaccurate beliefs that one holds about the world and the people in it. These perceptions develop from about the world and the people in it. These perceptions develop from our experiences and what we have heard from important others, the our experiences and what we have heard from important others, the media, etcetera. media, etcetera. Examples:Examples: “All people of that religious group are…” “All people of that religious group are…” “Those kids from that housing project are all…” “Teachers are all…” “No one “Those kids from that housing project are all…” “Teachers are all…” “No one will ever love me.”will ever love me.”

Our sense of self and our experiences influence how we perceive events Our sense of self and our experiences influence how we perceive events and the actions of others. “and the actions of others. “OddOdd” reactions, “” reactions, “strangestrange” behavior, and ” behavior, and ““weirdweird” actions reflect a difference between the experiences of the ” actions reflect a difference between the experiences of the person being described and the person doing the describingperson being described and the person doing the describing..

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Behind the BehaviorBehind the Behavior Students who persistently display behavior that is “unacceptable” and Students who persistently display behavior that is “unacceptable” and

“inappropriate” in our schools, are revealing their “life space” “inappropriate” in our schools, are revealing their “life space” (what they (what they have experienced and learned about life so far).have experienced and learned about life so far).

““No nonsense”, “tough”, and “mean” teachers blame the victim for the No nonsense”, “tough”, and “mean” teachers blame the victim for the “crime”. Children have no choice as to the homes into which they are born. “crime”. Children have no choice as to the homes into which they are born. They do not choose their parents. They have little control over the things They do not choose their parents. They have little control over the things that will influence them in their young lives. They are a product of their that will influence them in their young lives. They are a product of their environments. Teachers who view these youngsters as “the enemy” and environments. Teachers who view these youngsters as “the enemy” and “attack” them with negative words, punishments, and rejection further “attack” them with negative words, punishments, and rejection further ingrain the unfortunate self images and life views that the student presently ingrain the unfortunate self images and life views that the student presently holds.holds.

Caring and skilled educational professionals help these kids to develop Caring and skilled educational professionals help these kids to develop positive self images, accurate life views positive self images, accurate life views (such as (such as “Not all teachers are mean…just “Not all teachers are mean…just a lot of them. Some are nice, so I ought to give each new teacher I meet a chance to prove a lot of them. Some are nice, so I ought to give each new teacher I meet a chance to prove themselves as worthy of my trust and compliance.”themselves as worthy of my trust and compliance.”),), better interpretations of events, better interpretations of events, and more appropriate ways of behaving.and more appropriate ways of behaving.

We’ll look more in-depth at these two rectangular boxes in the Conflict We’ll look more in-depth at these two rectangular boxes in the Conflict Cycle diagram in later slidesCycle diagram in later slides..

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Sucked Down Into The WhirlpoolSucked Down Into The Whirlpool

The four connected circles in the lower part of the Conflict The four connected circles in the lower part of the Conflict Cycle diagram represent the events in an escalating battle Cycle diagram represent the events in an escalating battle that are readily apparent and observable that are readily apparent and observable (unlike the self (unlike the self

assessment and world views found in the rectangular boxesassessment and world views found in the rectangular boxes).).

In the top circle, the student experiences a stressful incident In the top circle, the student experiences a stressful incident frustration in trying to meet a goal, rejection by others). The frustration in trying to meet a goal, rejection by others). The level of the stress is dependent on the student’s self image level of the stress is dependent on the student’s self image and interpretation of events and interpretation of events (the items in the rectangular boxes at (the items in the rectangular boxes at

the top of the diagram)the top of the diagram). To the teacher, the event may seem . To the teacher, the event may seem innocuous, but that assessment on our part results because innocuous, but that assessment on our part results because we are looking at the event from our perspective. The we are looking at the event from our perspective. The student views that event from a very different perch on the student views that event from a very different perch on the tree of lifetree of life..

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FlushedFlushed The stress will cause emotions to well up (the circle on the right side of the diagram). The stress will cause emotions to well up (the circle on the right side of the diagram).

Perhaps the student feels anger, fear, anxiety, intrigue/interest, sadness, or sulks in Perhaps the student feels anger, fear, anxiety, intrigue/interest, sadness, or sulks in self pity or self hatred.self pity or self hatred.

If the emotions overwhelm the student’s ability to contain and manage them, an If the emotions overwhelm the student’s ability to contain and manage them, an observable behavior (the lower bubble on the cycle diagram) will burst out. We might observable behavior (the lower bubble on the cycle diagram) will burst out. We might witness crying, hitting oneself or another, running away, verbal insults toward oneself witness crying, hitting oneself or another, running away, verbal insults toward oneself or others, cursing, or other behavior. The behavior might increase in magnitude as or others, cursing, or other behavior. The behavior might increase in magnitude as the youngster continues to reflect on the incident (perhaps “inaccurately” in our the youngster continues to reflect on the incident (perhaps “inaccurately” in our minds) and emotions continue to build.minds) and emotions continue to build.

Upon witnessing the “inappropriate” action, the adult responds (even ignoring or not Upon witnessing the “inappropriate” action, the adult responds (even ignoring or not noticing is a response)noticing is a response)..

Competent and concerned teachers will respond in a manner that then reduces the Competent and concerned teachers will respond in a manner that then reduces the stress (as we move up to the top circle), soothes the emotions, and subdues the stress (as we move up to the top circle), soothes the emotions, and subdues the behaviorbehavior..

Teachers who brag that Teachers who brag that “I don’t put up with any crap from kids.”“I don’t put up with any crap from kids.” react in harsh ways react in harsh ways that heighten the stress on the student, intensify the emotions, and increase the that heighten the stress on the student, intensify the emotions, and increase the observable behaviorsobservable behaviors..

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Making Sense of What HappenedMaking Sense of What Happened Read a somewhat modified version of the page containing Read a somewhat modified version of the page containing

the “Curtis” script. Label where the various parts of the the “Curtis” script. Label where the various parts of the conflict cycle come into play. conflict cycle come into play. Click here for the script.Click here for the script.

When finished, list various reasons that teachers When finished, list various reasons that teachers sometimes have a “sometimes have a “short fuseshort fuse” (become irritated) on certain ” (become irritated) on certain days or in certain situations with certain kids. What things days or in certain situations with certain kids. What things influence our perceptions and reactionsinfluence our perceptions and reactions??

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Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals

“Lose Their Cool” With These Kids“Lose Their Cool” With These Kids ?? (with kids, colleagues, supervisors, and loved ones)(with kids, colleagues, supervisors, and loved ones)

Inadequate training in respectful, supportive, non-Inadequate training in respectful, supportive, non-confrontational ways to manage behaviorconfrontational ways to manage behavior~~

Unappreciated or ineffective efforts drain our energy, Unappreciated or ineffective efforts drain our energy, make us doubt our competence, & build dislike for make us doubt our competence, & build dislike for persistent offenderspersistent offenders~~

Life events lower our ability to handle frustrationLife events lower our ability to handle frustration~~

Their actions violate our value systemTheir actions violate our value system~~

Unresolved personal or professional issues of our ownUnresolved personal or professional issues of our own~~

These circumstances can cause us toThese circumstances can cause us to

strike out at our students when theystrike out at our students when they

don’t quickly and fully complydon’t quickly and fully comply..

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Behind the FacadeBehind the Facade

Despite what was said to Dorothy and her escorts Despite what was said to Dorothy and her escorts by the enormous, fiery, angry head of the by the enormous, fiery, angry head of the Wizard Wizard of Ozof Oz……

DODO pay attention to the man behind the curtain pay attention to the man behind the curtain!!

Attempt to understand the factors that have Attempt to understand the factors that have influenced this student’s behavioral pattern. influenced this student’s behavioral pattern. (For (For those nasty-tempered teachers who can’t stop being mean, keep those nasty-tempered teachers who can’t stop being mean, keep thinking “reconnaissance on the enemy” until you come to better thinking “reconnaissance on the enemy” until you come to better understand human behavior and are ready to become more effective understand human behavior and are ready to become more effective with “with “toughtough” kids” kids..

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Tabla RosaTabla Rosa

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Rousseau, Freud, God, and othersRousseau, Freud, God, and others Whether you believe that we are born “Whether you believe that we are born “tabla tabla

rosarosa” ” (“blank slate”, waiting for society to write upon you)(“blank slate”, waiting for society to write upon you),, inherently evil inherently evil (as per Freud’s view and the Bible’s view based (as per Freud’s view and the Bible’s view based

on “on “original sinoriginal sin”)”),, or inherently good or inherently good (Right now, I can’t think (Right now, I can’t think

of any names to go with this view)of any names to go with this view),, the massive influence the massive influence of society of society (parents, teachers, influential others, media)(parents, teachers, influential others, media) on who on who one becomes one becomes (loyal, friendly, trustworthy, and (loyal, friendly, trustworthy, and cooperative cooperative versusversus disloyal, manipulative, untrustworthy, and disloyal, manipulative, untrustworthy, and uncooperative)uncooperative) is a belief that the viewpoints hold is a belief that the viewpoints hold in common.in common.

Kids become who they are “trained” to be Kids become who they are “trained” to be (systematically or haphazardly so; via informed positive (systematically or haphazardly so; via informed positive guidance or by parents badly “winging it” due to guidance or by parents badly “winging it” due to incompetence/misinformation/lack of informationincompetence/misinformation/lack of information))..

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Predictability in one’s environment, combined with Predictability in one’s environment, combined with consistently calm and supportive adult guidance, gives consistently calm and supportive adult guidance, gives children emotional comfort and psychological security children emotional comfort and psychological security in a world that can seem random and/or threatening.in a world that can seem random and/or threatening.

The further the distance from that style of upbringing, The further the distance from that style of upbringing, the less kids are able to trust othersthe less kids are able to trust others..

Kids who did not experience calm, supportive Kids who did not experience calm, supportive guidance from adults in their lives, will test each new guidance from adults in their lives, will test each new authority figure to see if s/he is deserving of their trust authority figure to see if s/he is deserving of their trust and allegiance and allegiance (Hoping, against the history of past (Hoping, against the history of past experiences, that this adult will be their “guiding light”)experiences, that this adult will be their “guiding light”). Few . Few adults are able to pass the rigorous tests they are adults are able to pass the rigorous tests they are givengiven..

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In the beginning… Life at homeIn the beginning… Life at home

Let it be said here and now that there are Let it be said here and now that there are wonderful, loving, skilled parents who have kids wonderful, loving, skilled parents who have kids who have developed inappropriate behavior who have developed inappropriate behavior patterns for reasons other than incompetent or patterns for reasons other than incompetent or wrongly directed parenting practices.wrongly directed parenting practices.

Let it also be said that among kids with Let it also be said that among kids with behavioral and/or emotional disorders, there is behavioral and/or emotional disorders, there is an unusually high occurrence of disorganized an unusually high occurrence of disorganized and wrongly-practiced parenting.and wrongly-practiced parenting.

The following slides provide some examplesThe following slides provide some examples..

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Many Kids Have Low Self Esteem &

Negative Self Concepts Due To? (Top rectangle in Cycle)

• Rotten childhoods filled with negative experiences.

•Abuse, neglect, and/or consistent messages of rejection.

•Inconsistently due to multiple care-takers using very different practices, and/or giving very different messages.

•Inconsistent caretaking from primary adults who are:

•alcoholic/substance addicted

•mentally ill (unmanaged)

•manic-depressive (unmanaged)

•negatively oriented authoritarian personalities

•incompetent due to lack of childrearing knowledge.

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Reiterated negative labels & messages:

“You rude little son of a b----. When I catch you, I’ll…” “You little criminal. You’re going to end up

dead or in jail someday.” “Man, you’re strange.” “Why don’t you use your head once in a

while? Stupid.” “What’s wrong with you, anyway? Get outta my

face before I…” “You little loser. Why can’t you be like Fran?” “You evil little beast! I’ll beat the devil out of you!”

Client to psychologist friend of mine when the parent was Client to psychologist friend of mine when the parent was asked what he does when his 10 year old son acts up:asked what he does when his 10 year old son acts up:

““I tell him he’s an a- -h-leI tell him he’s an a- -h-le..””

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Kids Who Have Had Randomized Kids Who Have Had Randomized and Inconsistent Upbringingsand Inconsistent Upbringings::

Like the kids who have come from negative and Like the kids who have come from negative and hurtful environments, kids from disorganized hurtful environments, kids from disorganized and inconsistent households will initially and inconsistent households will initially challenge the legitimacy of procedures & challenge the legitimacy of procedures & practices in structured and positive practices in structured and positive environments. This support and predictability environments. This support and predictability is all new & bewildering to themis all new & bewildering to them..

Are in a state of hyper-vigilance anticipating Are in a state of hyper-vigilance anticipating that a threat to their emotional comfort could that a threat to their emotional comfort could occur at any momentoccur at any moment..

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Due to those painful or unpredictable Due to those painful or unpredictable childhood experiences, “irrational” childhood experiences, “irrational” beliefs form about oneself & othersbeliefs form about oneself & others

(2(2ndnd rectangle in the Cycle) rectangle in the Cycle)

Based on their inconsistent and/or negative history of Based on their inconsistent and/or negative history of happenings, they interpret happenings differently than happenings, they interpret happenings differently than most people.most people.

They view those events through a distorted lens They view those events through a distorted lens (as is (as is

explained on the next slide)explained on the next slide)..

Their Their (re)(re)actions reflect those misperceptionsactions reflect those misperceptions.. Waco.

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The Perceptions That Might Develop From Maltreatment, Neglect, Rejection

• “My parents treated me badly.” (Fact)

•“I can’t count on my parents to care for me or treat me well.” (Fact)

• “I was treated badly because I am a bad person. Because I’m ‘BAD’, no one could ever like me, care for me, or treat me well.” (Distorted

belief)

•“You say that you want to help me, but I know adults… When I show you why I’m not likeable, you’ll quickly reject and hurt me like my parents (and past teachers).

(Identity and reaction pattern become further ingrained~)

• You say you’re different… While I hope that is true, you’ll have to PROVE IT!PROVE IT! ”

(over & over again as I seek reassurance that you really are different).

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With regard to kids who’ve heard With regard to kids who’ve heard consistently negative messages:consistently negative messages:

Our task is to help themOur task is to help them develop accurate and useful perceptionsdevelop accurate and useful perceptions exhibit prosocial behaviors when under stressexhibit prosocial behaviors when under stress..

Kids who have had painful lives need adults who refuse to inflict more Kids who have had painful lives need adults who refuse to inflict more emotional harm.emotional harm. Kids who have experienced confusion in their young Kids who have experienced confusion in their young lives need organized, stable, and supportive adults.lives need organized, stable, and supportive adults.

If we de-value kids, they separate from us. Domination tactics backfire If we de-value kids, they separate from us. Domination tactics backfire as injured kids strike out in order to protect their fragile sense of self from as injured kids strike out in order to protect their fragile sense of self from further harm. further harm. If “getting tough” works, why do we still have defiant kids?If “getting tough” works, why do we still have defiant kids?

All kids need and deserve long-term exposure to “pole star” adults who All kids need and deserve long-term exposure to “pole star” adults who demonstrate predictable and assertive responses wrapped in calm, demonstrate predictable and assertive responses wrapped in calm, unswervingly supportive emotional displaysunswervingly supportive emotional displays..

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What Can We Do To Win Over What Can We Do To Win Over Defiant YoungstersDefiant Youngsters??

Establish personal connections.Establish personal connections. (308 NYC BD)(308 NYC BD)

Human nature: We are more motivated to do things for those for Human nature: We are more motivated to do things for those for whom we hold respect and affectionwhom we hold respect and affection..

Promote achievement/Ensure progress.Promote achievement/Ensure progress. The desire to continue in a pursuit requires that one see oneself as The desire to continue in a pursuit requires that one see oneself as

proficient, or making progress. proficient, or making progress. (driving test repeated failure)(driving test repeated failure)

Modify material and assignments to meet special needs.Modify material and assignments to meet special needs. Create a “safe” environment for individuals with a “failure identity” Create a “safe” environment for individuals with a “failure identity”

who will otherwise resist trying new thingswho will otherwise resist trying new things. . ((Eskimo roll)Eskimo roll)

Teach the behaviors we want to seeTeach the behaviors we want to see Appropriate Appropriate ((re)re)actions & behavior choices, like academics, are learned.actions & behavior choices, like academics, are learned. We often need to teach correct behavior to those aren’t yet displaying it.We often need to teach correct behavior to those aren’t yet displaying it. We may need to teach how to interpret happenings & handle feelingsWe may need to teach how to interpret happenings & handle feelings..

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How do we establish positive personal How do we establish positive personal

connections with our studentsconnections with our students?? Give them “the time of day”.Give them “the time of day”. Develop a history of positive interactions.Develop a history of positive interactions. Make sure that the first contact of the day or period is a Make sure that the first contact of the day or period is a

positive one.positive one. Make sure that the last contact of the day is a positive one.Make sure that the last contact of the day is a positive one. Remain consistently supportive and encouraging, even Remain consistently supportive and encouraging, even

when needing to administer penalties.when needing to administer penalties. ““You made a mistake in judgment, but they are further and farther You made a mistake in judgment, but they are further and farther

between. I’m sure that the future will bring even more good choicesbetween. I’m sure that the future will bring even more good choices..”” Find the little bit of positive inside an inappropriate action.Find the little bit of positive inside an inappropriate action.

““I admire your loyalty to friends. However, it is not OK to pummel others I admire your loyalty to friends. However, it is not OK to pummel others on their behalf.”on their behalf.”

““Even though you refused the direction, I want to thank you for doing it Even though you refused the direction, I want to thank you for doing it with acceptable words. That shows maturity. However, ...with acceptable words. That shows maturity. However, ...””

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How do we promote self controlHow do we promote self control?? Social skills instructionSocial skills instruction.. Teach reflective thinkingTeach reflective thinking..

““Stop-think-choose” Stop-think-choose” (see the link on this site’s home page (see the link on this site’s home page titled “Problem solving”titled “Problem solving”) ) ..

Problem solving Problem solving (see the link on this site’s home page(see the link on this site’s home page) ) .. Self monitoring Self monitoring (see the link on this site’s home page(see the link on this site’s home page) ) .. Anger management/replacement trainingAnger management/replacement training.. Differential reinforcement procedures Differential reinforcement procedures (see the link on this (see the link on this

site’s home pagesite’s home page) ) .. Personalized check-ins with supportive adultPersonalized check-ins with supportive adult(s)(s)..

Other ideas from Other ideas from www.www.BehaviorAdvisor.BehaviorAdvisor.com com &&

““The Behavior Survival Guide for Kids:The Behavior Survival Guide for Kids: How to make How to make good choices and stay out of troublegood choices and stay out of trouble” ” (McIntyre, Free Spirit Press)(McIntyre, Free Spirit Press)..

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How do we promote academic achievementHow do we promote academic achievement?? Modify materials and presentationModify materials and presentation.. Ensure understanding by asking the student to Ensure understanding by asking the student to

repeat the directions in own wordsrepeat the directions in own words.. Check in early with the student to assureCheck in early with the student to assure..

understanding and task engagementunderstanding and task engagement.. Relate material to the student’s life & interestsRelate material to the student’s life & interests.. Promote motivation by:Promote motivation by:

Focusing on effort rather than accuracyFocusing on effort rather than accuracy Reminiscing about earlier successes resulting from Reminiscing about earlier successes resulting from

efforteffort.. Assign peer helpers/cross age tutorsAssign peer helpers/cross age tutors..

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““It’s Deja’ Vu all over again.”It’s Deja’ Vu all over again.”(Yogi Berra, NY Yankees Baseball Hall of Fame Catcher)(Yogi Berra, NY Yankees Baseball Hall of Fame Catcher)

Got it?Got it? The following slides will provide you with a The following slides will provide you with a

bit of a review of Nick Long’s “Conflict bit of a review of Nick Long’s “Conflict Cycle” model.Cycle” model.

Does that instruction seem a bit Does that instruction seem a bit redundant? If so, you’ll have to excuse redundant? If so, you’ll have to excuse meme……

I used to work for the Department of I used to work for the Department of Redundancy DepartmentRedundancy Department..

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How Do Nice Educators End Up In Conflict?

Past negative experiences with teachers and authority figures influence

interactions with caring folks (like you)

Student Self Esteem & Self Concept: The youngster has a history of painful rejections in his/her life from parents, peers, & teachers. S/he possesses a negative sense of self and a distrust of educators.

Stressful incident: The student is enrolled in class of a nice teacher like you. S/he hears the promises of “a good year”. S/he has heard it before and makes the “inevitable” rejection from you happen on his/her terms, preventing the increased pain that would result if you became important to him/her previous to that rejection.

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Student Behavior: Displays behavior that caused rejection before. We try to deal with it nicely. However, we eventually get irritated with the persistent “testing” behavior; failing that test when we decide to…Teacher Reaction: “show ‘em who’s boss”.

We then find ourselves failing to notice appropriate actions, but being hyper-vigilant for inappropriate ones.

We intervene (negatively) more quickly (and maybe even predict misbehavior by saying “Don’t you be…”)

as we “get tough” with “that kid”.

Because the student causes us to reflect upon our personal frailties & concerns that we have about our teaching skills, our own Conflict Cycle engages at the “stressor” of student misbehavior. Emotions well up and we then deliver directions, comments, and punishments in an caustic or condescending manner (“reaction”). The student refuses this disrespectful and alienating treatment, piling more stress onto us.

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An activity that illustrates the Cycle:An activity that illustrates the Cycle:

Rent a DVD or video tape of “Rent a DVD or video tape of “The Breakfast ClubThe Breakfast Club” movie ” movie (Circa 1982).(Circa 1982).

Watch the scene in which the students in the library Watch the scene in which the students in the library detention engage in arguments with each other detention engage in arguments with each other (a peer (a peer example of the Conflict Cycle)example of the Conflict Cycle). Watch it for ten or fifteen minutes . Watch it for ten or fifteen minutes as the adult enters into the fray, causing the students to as the adult enters into the fray, causing the students to bond together to fight against him bond together to fight against him (Old Middle Eastern saying: (Old Middle Eastern saying: ““The enemy of my enemy is my friend”)The enemy of my enemy is my friend”).. Watch as a hero arises Watch as a hero arises from the masses to confront the bully from the masses to confront the bully (the adult).(the adult). Watch until Watch until the adult prepares to leave the library after engaging in an the adult prepares to leave the library after engaging in an escalating battle with the kid in the leather coat. escalating battle with the kid in the leather coat. (You might (You might want to stop the movie before the adult gets to the library exit because want to stop the movie before the adult gets to the library exit because as he is walking out, the kid yells the “F” wordas he is walking out, the kid yells the “F” word..))

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Suggestions for “The Dean of Discipline” in Suggestions for “The Dean of Discipline” in “The Breakfast Club”“The Breakfast Club” Video Video::

Devise a plan before entering or while waiting in doorwayDevise a plan before entering or while waiting in doorway.. Avoid “Why” questions Avoid “Why” questions (especially when in an agitated state) (especially when in an agitated state)

(see the link on this site titled “Nice ways to build self-discipline)(see the link on this site titled “Nice ways to build self-discipline).. Use respectful phrasing and voice toneUse respectful phrasing and voice tone

see the link on this site titled “Nice ways to build self-discipline)see the link on this site titled “Nice ways to build self-discipline).. Talk with the suspect privatelyTalk with the suspect privately.. Find a “Plan B”: Open the other door or wedge a chair to Find a “Plan B”: Open the other door or wedge a chair to

partially open the door that won’t stay openpartially open the door that won’t stay open.. Offer a choice: Offer a choice: “When I return in 3 minutes, this door will “When I return in 3 minutes, this door will

have to be in working order again , orhave to be in working order again , or…… -I’ll have to sit in here with you.”-I’ll have to sit in here with you.” -We’ll be leaving 15 minutes later than scheduled-We’ll be leaving 15 minutes later than scheduled..

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To make a long story short.To make a long story short. (Too late?)(Too late?)

““Difficult kidsDifficult kids”:”: Have an ingrained behavior patterns that become more so with Have an ingrained behavior patterns that become more so with

rejection by significant adults (including educators)rejection by significant adults (including educators) They often project a “hardened” image to those who would help them They often project a “hardened” image to those who would help them

in order to fend off more emotional hurt (from rejection by someone in order to fend off more emotional hurt (from rejection by someone they start to trust)they start to trust)

Punishing these youngsters strengthens their negative world view.Punishing these youngsters strengthens their negative world view.

It takes highly skilled, emotionally secure, caring, and resilient It takes highly skilled, emotionally secure, caring, and resilient professionals to “reach” these youngstersprofessionals to “reach” these youngsters..

The most “The most “hardenedhardened” of kids are the most in need of the guidance of an ” of kids are the most in need of the guidance of an ““iron hand in a velvet gloveiron hand in a velvet glove”.”. Firmness and strength underlie the “soft” Firmness and strength underlie the “soft” touchtouch..

The glove must remain on the behavior management hand at all timesThe glove must remain on the behavior management hand at all times..

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WhenWhen eemmoottiioonnss start tostart to

FFllaarree Remember…Remember…

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Is your Chinese a bit rusty?Is your Chinese a bit rusty? While I’m told While I’m told (by my Chinese speaking wife)(by my Chinese speaking wife) that the translation that the translation

isn’t precise. The two kanji/symbols on the previous slide, isn’t precise. The two kanji/symbols on the previous slide, taken together, can be translated to the English word taken together, can be translated to the English word ““CrisisCrisis”. The first symbol translates to “”. The first symbol translates to “DangerDanger” ” (This simplified (This simplified modern symbol is a stylized version of the ancient pictograph showing a modern symbol is a stylized version of the ancient pictograph showing a human figure on the edge of a cliff. See it?) human figure on the edge of a cliff. See it?) The lower symbol is The lower symbol is equivalent to the English word “equivalent to the English word “OpportunityOpportunity”.”.

The messageThe message???????? In a crisis situation with another, there is danger for making In a crisis situation with another, there is danger for making

the situation worse, and opportunity for making it betterthe situation worse, and opportunity for making it better..

Seize the opportunitySeize the opportunity!!

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Your Turn To Talk BackYour Turn To Talk Back

Which points made the most impact on you?Which points made the most impact on you?

In what ways do you see yourself changingIn what ways do you see yourself changing your interaction/intervention patterns?your interaction/intervention patterns?

With which points do you disagree? With which points do you disagree? (and why?)(and why?)

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Stretch Your BrainStretch Your Brain Do you have your brain wrapped around the model?Do you have your brain wrapped around the model? If so, it’s time to bend it into another shape.If so, it’s time to bend it into another shape. This show talked about the student’s conflict cycle. This show talked about the student’s conflict cycle.

However, it takes two to tangle…er, I mean tango. However, it takes two to tangle…er, I mean tango. The teacher also has a conflict cycle going.The teacher also has a conflict cycle going.

Your task:Your task: Draw a blank, unlabeled Conflict Cycle Draw a blank, unlabeled Conflict Cycle diagram. Then fill in the boxes and circles as they diagram. Then fill in the boxes and circles as they pertain to your “pertain to your “Do NowDo Now” activity from slide #3” activity from slide #3..

Hint:Hint: The top circle in the diagram will have The top circle in the diagram will have “student’s unacceptable behavior” as the stressor“student’s unacceptable behavior” as the stressor..

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ResourcesResources Why not read about it from the man Why not read about it from the man (and his former student)(and his former student)

who wrote it? For Long & Fescher’s description to the who wrote it? For Long & Fescher’s description to the Conflict Cycle model, go to: Conflict Cycle model, go to: http://cecp.air.org/interact/authoronline/april98/3.htmhttp://cecp.air.org/interact/authoronline/april98/3.htm They They also provide a brief introduction to the “also provide a brief introduction to the “Life Space Crisis Life Space Crisis InterviewInterview”, a counseling strategy for working with kids in ”, a counseling strategy for working with kids in crisis.crisis.

To get a better idea of how the Conflict Cycles of two To get a better idea of how the Conflict Cycles of two individuals individuals (perhaps a student and teacher)(perhaps a student and teacher) interact, go to: interact, go to: http://www.aiksaath.com/conflict.htmlhttp://www.aiksaath.com/conflict.html While this cycle While this cycle diagram differs from the model proposed by Dr. Long, it is diagram differs from the model proposed by Dr. Long, it is conceptually similarconceptually similar..