1 Virtual Health Winter 2014 Edition

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1 Virtual Health, Inc.PO Box 874Norco, CA 92860(951) 200-5809

Winter 2014 Edition A quarterly publication for 1virtualhealth.com™, serving nationwide Telemedicine and Well-Being Communities

A quarterly publication for 1virtualhealth.com™, serving nationwide Telemedicine and Well-Being Communities

3 Message from the President: Global Grief

4 Decreasing Holiday Stress

5 Nutritional Approaches to Reducing Blood Pressure

6 Stress Management Program

7 Finding Holiday Joy When You’re Home Alone

8 Holidays, Grief, and Children

9 Essential Oils for the Holidays

10 Equanimity & Tai Chi

11 Marketplace Comparison

12 Ghosts of Christmas Past

14 Giving Children the Gift of Gratitude

15 From the Chief Executive Editor’s Office

Contributors:Cathie Allman, M.A.

Mona J. Boyes, R.N. (Non-Practicing), Certified Health Coach

Ellen Diamond, M.A.

Beth Ellen DiLuglio, M.S., RDN, CCN, LDN

Ki Ennes, M.Ac., L.Ac.

John Loupos, M.S., C.S.E.

Brian K. Shaffer, CPBS, GC-C, FT

Sherri D. Webb, Ph.D.

Tracy Wood, CPC, ELI-MP, President and Founder, 1 Virtual Health, Inc.

Virginia A. Gannaway, M.A., Chief Executive Editor

Well-Being Community Fall Issue 2014

In This Issue:

1virtualhealth.com™ Community Newsletter | Fall 2014 | Page 3

Many books have been written about grief. One book tells us there are seven stages of grief. Another tells us that grief is a process not to be labeled and identified in stages. Grief is a very personal gut-level emotion. Often it gets surrounded and confused with anger, resentment, frustration, and fear.

The world has watched in recent weeks how the people of the United States grieve through the Internet, news on Facebook, Twitter, and the global news media. Our country has exploded with violence, outrage, frustration, and grief. What started as an officer-involved shooting and death of a young black man in August has become a global battle against racism.

Both sides of the argument are demanding their idea of justice, based on their perceptions of what happened. And while this may settle some of the anger and some of the frustration, it will not eliminate the grief that the parents and families feel for the one that was lost in this battle.

Is there an absolute right or wrong when it comes to situations like this or situations like the most recent shooting of the 12-year-old boy in Cleveland, Ohio? We must make a commitment to ourselves and our communities to not replicate these tragedies.

As the Thanksgiving holiday approached, people showed their responses to grief and loss in many different ways. In Ferguson, Missouri, grief was expressed by protesters marching in the street with duct tape across their mouths and signs in their hands, proclaiming “No justice, no peace.” Others chose a more aggressive way to show their sadness by rioting, looting, and setting fires to their own communities. In Los Angeles protesters took to the streets and the freeways. They lay down in the middle of rush hour traffic to stop the progress of people trying to get home to their families. In Boston and New York, the demonstrations were very similar. There was 24-hour-a-day media coverage of these events. Yet, when you ask most of your friends and associates, they received their updates through the Internet and specifically Facebook in their newsfeed.

Many people with opinions on the Michael Brown case developed those opinions from their “newsfeeds.” The important issues of grief were not addressed. We addressed whether the officer was a killer or whether Michael brown was a thug. Judgments, not dialogue, prevailed in most of our posts. Regardless of how you classified the looting, the rioting, the fires, and the violence, it all stemmed from one core human emotion: grief.

Grief is not always sitting in a dark room with a box of tissues. Grief is not always shown by withdrawing from your community and your family. The experience of grief is different for every person. People experience anger, disbelief, sadness, frustration, regret, and a lot of emotions that most of us thought we would never experience on a regular basis. It’s what we do with our grief that defines us as human beings.

There are many traditional ways to work through grief and loss. These include therapy, hypnotherapy, spiritual counseling, and medical intervention with pharmaceuticals. Now, I am not suggesting that people should run out and start seeing a therapist because of their feelings over what has happened in our country. What I am suggesting is that many of us--black, white, Hispanic, Native American, and others—have commonalities. We have a basic human need to be understood. Lack of understanding will result in feelings of resentment, anger, fear, and even grief.

There will always be triggers for our grief. Whether it’s our individual grief, the grief of our community, or the grief of a nation, people will need positive tools to help themselves heal. Often our grief is triggered by a smell, a song, or even seeing a close friend. If we can find it in ourselves to be vulnerable and share in those moments our grief and our sadness, maybe the resentments and anger that often build will not harden our hearts.

With a lack of comprehensive healthcare in this country, people need to reach out for support they can afford. It is our commitment to provide those services for those that reach out and that need them. We make it as affordable, as accessible, and as safe as we can.

So as you approach the rest of the holiday season and you find something that triggers you toward that grief and sadness, I encourage you to reach out. Seek support from your community, your spiritual leaders, or the medical community that we have tried to provide.

I pray for peace, not only in Ferguson, Missouri, but all across our global community. And I pray that when we act on anything, we always try to put ourselves in the line of fire of the person across from us.

Start living TODAY!

Tracy WoodPresident

From The President : Global Grief


Wellness : Decreasing Holiday Stress

Stress is an unavoidable part of life. It’s natural and inevitable for all of us. Unfortunately, we frequently overlook this fact. We assume that everything in life should run smoothly. As a result, when difficulties do occur, we overreact and become unnecessarily upset, angry, or anxious. When we learn to accept problems as natural and normal, we can respond more realistically and effectively. Accepting reality sometimes means recognizing its existence without undue distress, anger, or resentment.

Identify your stressors. We can deal with stress more effectively when we are aware of it. Learn to understand the kinds and sources of stress in your life. Learn to adopt a problem-solving approach to stress. Learn to view stress as a problem to be solved rather than an injustice inflicted upon you. Stop resenting the demands and frustrations of life, and start accepting their realities. Approach them as problems to be solved. Take one step at a time. Break problems into smaller parts. This can significantly decrease the stress you experience.

Take care of yourself by taking care of your body and your health. In other words, exercise, watch your diet, get adequate sleep, and avoid drugs and excess alcohol.

Remember to play and laugh. Be careful not to become overly preoccupied with yourself and your worries. Invest your energy outside yourself.

Take time out for self-care and relaxation. Vacations, mini-vacations, or “mind” vacations can really do wonders. Practice meditation, deep muscle relaxation, or rhythmic breathing. Or get a therapeutic massage.

Revise unspoken rules. These internal demands are stressful above and beyond the unavoidable demands of life.

Reduce uncertainty by seeking information and taking action. At times, our questions cannot be fully answered, at least for the moment. When this happens, allow yourself the uncertainty that comes with the bigger questions.

Anticipate change whenever possible. Sudden or unexpected situations are more stressful. When we are caught off guard by even a small problem, stress is increased. Expecting sameness will also increase your

stress. This does not preclude the importance of routine as a stress reducer. Excessive change is stressful, as is excessive sameness.

Identify your emotional wants and needs. Communicate them, and take responsibility to meet them. Wants are the qualities we desire in life to make it satisfying for us. You can lower your stress by increasing the degree to which your needs are satisfied. You may also need to reevaluate your needs to determine if they are reasonable and realistic. Assertion and reaching out for support are important for self-care. These actions also build intimacy with others.

Learn to resolve conflicts. When we are forced to make difficult choices, we often experience frustration, anger,

anxiety, or worry. The energy we spend working on conflicts, or just fretting about them,

contributes to our stress. Conflict, like change, is a natural part of life. Learn

healthy conflict resolution skills and use them.

Clarify your values. When you face stressful circumstances, see them in the larger context of your life. This will enable you to deal with them more easily.

Reduce the demands on yourself, both internal and external. Be more

reasonable with yourself, and don’t feel like you need to be perfect or be

the best, to be worthwhile.

Seeking support by talking to others may offer more information or a fresh perspective. Other people may have had similar experiences. Sharing may help you feel less alone. Or they may just listen and be available for warmth and encouragement.

Stress Management during Periods of High Stress:

• Avoid or minimize other changes during periods of massive transformations or upheaval.

• Conserve energy by establishing set routines and behavior.

• Set aside specific blocks of time for specific tasks.

• Take time out daily for self-care. Balance physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs.

• Establish one day a week for rest and relaxation.

• Remember that a vacation can be highly stressful.

• Avoid alcohol and drug use.

This is an original work authored by Rev. Brian K. Shaffer, CPBS, GC-C, FT.


Wellness: Nutritional Approaches to Reducing Blood Pressure

High blood pressure is a very serious condition. It can damage your arteries and lead to heart disease and stroke.Fortunately, you can take simple steps to bring your blood pressure down and keep yourself healthy, inside and out. Nutrition and exercise are keys to lowering your blood pressure and keeping it low for life.

Nutrition is one of the most important things you can focus on for healthy blood pressure. Even the government recognizes this and has developed a program called Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH). The DASH diet emphasizes plant-based foods, especially fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes (dried beans and peas), seeds, nuts, and healthy oils. In addition to these delicious, healthy foods, DASH recommends low-fat or lean animal products such as dairy, fish, and poultry. For example, a DASH diet for someone who needs 1800 calories per day would consist of the following:

• up to 6 servings of whole grains (gluten-free if needed)

• 4-5 servings of vegetables

• 4-5 servings of fruits

• 2-3 servings of dairy

• 6 ounces of lean meat/poultry/fish

• 1 serving of nuts/seeds/legumes

• 2-3 servings of healthy fat per day

Snack foods high in salt and sugar should be limited or avoided. Because DASH is based on fresh, whole foods instead of processed foods, it is naturally low in salt. It is also rich in minerals (potassium, magnesium, and calcium) that help control blood pressure. Similar eating plans include Mediterranean and well-planned vegetarian diets.

Once you have adopted a basic DASH diet, it can be tweaked to be even healthier. Focusing on organic produce and organic animal products helps eliminate pesticides, chemicals, and additives. Eating grass-fed animal-based products can increase your content of

heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids. Try plant-based alternatives to dairy products such as almond, rice, or coconut milk. Experiment with healthy oils such as olive and coconut. Even organic butter from grass-fed animals is a healthy choice.

Some people find that they are sensitive to gluten. Gluten is a protein found in grains such as wheat, barley, and rye. Whole grains can be swapped out for tasty gluten-free alternatives that easily fit into a healthy eating plan. A qualified nutrition professional can review your options in detail if you need to eat a gluten-free diet.

Exercise is the second key to maintaining healthy blood pressure. Being at least moderately active and

not being sedentary are important for everyone. It is especially important

for keeping your blood pressure low. You can start slowly and

work up to 30-60 minutes of moderate activity on most days of the week. Regular physical activity can help keep you fit and at a healthy weight.

These guidelines are your first steps in taking control

of your blood pressure. Stay tuned for more. It is

important to work closely with your physician and a qualified

nutrition professional to be sure you are following a program that is just

right for you.

References

Estruch, Ramon, “Anti-inflammatory effects of the Mediterranean diet: the experience of the PREDIMED study,” Proceedings of the Nutrition Society 69:3 (August 2010), 333-40, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20515519

“Following the DASH Eating Plan,” Health Information for the Public (National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute/National Institutes of Health, 6 June 2014), http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/dash/followdash.html

Salehi-Abargouei, Amin, Zahra Maghsoudi, Fatemeh Shirani, and Leila Azadbakht, “Effects of Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH)-style diet on fatal or nonfatal cardiovascular diseases--incidence: a systematic review and meta-analysis on observational prospective studies,” Nutrition 29: 4 (April 2013), 611-8, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23466047

This is an original work authored by Beth Ellen DiLuglio, M.S., RDN, CCN, LDN.


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Parenting: Finding Holiday Joy When You’re Home Alone

One of the most difficult challenges for divorced parents is the loss of free access to their children. Family law court judges and mediators determine where children reside and how much time they have with each parent. This is especially trying during the holidays when parents will find themselves home alone some of the time. The season of togetherness and joy is diminished by the reality that children of divorce live in two different homes. The moments and days without children can be made bearable with a little bit of organization and planning. Below are suggestions for making your own holiday magic when children are in the other parent’s time-share.

• Plan ahead. Do not let the holidays sneak up on you Check the court order or shared parenting plan a couple of months in advance. Mark the days on a calendar that your children are with the other parent. These are your days to relax, pamper yourself, travel, and establish new traditions. Look forward to this time to have experiences that you can share with your children. Make a list of everything you wish to do, can afford to do, and have time to do. The act of planning ahead becomes a distraction from thoughts of loneliness. • Take care of yourself. The holidays are stressful. Many people celebrate for an entire month by eating too much, sleeping too little, and putting off exercising until after the New Year. Indulging yourself may feel good at the time but doing so may also compromise your health. Stay consistent with a good health routine, especially when you are alone. Go for walks, eat relaxed, nutritious meals, and sleep in. Give yourself the gift of health during the holiday season.

• Plan to spend time with extended family and friends. Isolating yourself magnifies feelings of sadness or loss. Let friends and family members know that you would like to see them for dinner, a day, or a weekend. Use your days to maintain

connections with people you have little time to see during the year.

• Volunteer your time. One of the most meaningful ways to help manage feelings of loneliness is by being of service to others. There are plenty of opportunities during the holidays to help at soup kitchens, homeless shelters, or nursing homes. Check local newspapers for announcements of toy drives and other ways to give to needy children. The rewards are plentiful when you give of yourself.

• Finish a project at home. Surprise your children by making something for their room, re-

decorating a part of the house, painting, or adding indoor plants. The changes

that they see when they come home are a testament to your

industry and creativity during your days.

• Make a scrapbook. It is important to keep a record of the new traditions and rituals you create for yourself as a single parent. Scrapbooks can

be reminders of meaningful holiday experiences with and

without children.

• Take the dog on a road trip. Well-trained dogs make wonderful

travel companions. Their enthusiasm for being with you wherever you are makes

travel a lot of fun. Do some research ahead of time regarding safe travel for pets, pet-friendly hotels, and tourist sites. Dogs make every day a holiday.

• Focus on what you have instead of what you’ve lost. You may not have your children with you for the holidays, but you do have their love and the opportunity to be the best parent possible for the rest of their childhood years. Be the gift to your children that keeps on giving.

Making the most of your days during the holiday season is an accomplishment. Finding joy during moments when you are by yourself insures that your children will return to a happy home.

This is an original work authored by Sherri D. Webb, Ph.D.


Parenting: Holidays, Grief, and Children

Children are a special concern during the holidays. Many adults say that the children are the reason they are celebrating. Although it may be a sad time, children still need what they always need—love and reassurance. Keeping their routines as normal as possible brings stability to the confusion created by emotions of grief. They need to know they are as special as the person who died.

• Reserve a special shelf or part of a wall for putting up remembrances of the person who died. Let the children purchase or make a small present and hang it on the wall or on the shelf.

• Hang a stocking for your loved one who died. Let every family member or friend put something special in it. The object should be one that reminds the child of that person. Read or show the stocking contents after dinner or before opening presents.

• Purchase a candle to represent the loved one and light it on special occasions. This can be a focusing point when the day gets busy with family and friends who may not know what to say or do. You will know the candle is a symbol of love shared.

• Designate, make, or purchase a tree ornament in honor of the loved one.

Saying you miss the person who died and that this holiday is sad for you will not be a surprise to your loved ones. But it will give permission for others to say what

they are feeling or thinking. Then they might find it a little easier to move into the events of the day. Remember that even the youngest children should be part of the planning. Yes, it may be difficult to manage the holidays with and for children. Later, however, many parents share how much it means to them.

Suggestions for Gifts for Grieving Kids • A journal for writing or tape recorder for exploring and recording private thoughts and memories

• Pieced together fabric or clothing of their loved one. The fabric or clothing can be used to make a quilt, pillow, or teddy for the child’s use.

• A pad of drawing paper with new markers or crayons

• A pillow fight

• A cuddly stuffed animal—big enough for hugs

• Something the missing loved one might have given them

• A photo of their loved one, framed or on the first page of a scrapbook for them to fill

• A handwritten story about, or a cherished possession of, their loved one

• Help in planting a tree or flower bulbs in memory of their loved one

• A special outing doing what they would like to do

This is an original work authored by Rev. Brian K. Shaffer, CPBS, GC-C, FT.


Parenting: Holidays, Grief, and Children Oriental Medicine: Essential Oils for the Holidays

For most people, the holiday season is a feast for the senses. There’s the taste of the seasonal foods, the sound of holiday music, the feeling of the brisk crisp winter air, and the sight of colored lights and festive decorations. Of all our senses, the one that evokes the strongest emotion is the sense of smell.

Our sense of smell may be the oldest and most strongly developed. When we inhale a scent through our nose, the message travels along pathways to the emotional center of the brain. This area, called the limbic system, not only controls our emotions but also our memories. Nothing conjures up memories like a familiar smell.

When it comes to health and healing, the sense of smell can be a very powerful tool. Essential oils are a great way to promote good health as well as influence our emotions. During the holidays our health can be compromised by extra stress and demands on our time and energy. All those wonderful cookies, cakes, candies, and holiday beverages that we love so much can have a negative effect on our physical health.

Essential oils can be a wonderful addition to your holidays before, during, and after. To set the mood for the holidays, use oils such as pine, spruce, orange, cinnamon, and peppermint. Before guests arrive or while decorating, put 10 drops each of sweet orange, cinnamon, and cloves into a ceramic bowl. Pour hot, not quite boiling, water into the bowl to make a natural diffuser.

If preparations and commitments become overwhelming, oils can be used for stress reduction. Most everyone has heard about the calming effects of lavender. But not everyone responds the same way. If you’re feeling irritable, try cedarwood, spruce, and lavender. These can be diffused as above.

The holidays aren’t always full of joy and good memories for everyone. For the holiday blues, try bergamot, grapefruit, and sandalwood in your diffuser. You might also try putting 2 drops each in a tablespoon of massage oil, such as almond or jojoba oil. Massage the oil on your belly, chest, or shoulders.

If you find yourself overindulging in all the holiday goodies, there are oils for heartburn and nausea, too. Try one drop each of lemon, patchouli, and basil in the massage oil. Rub it on your belly for quick relief.

After all the excitement is over, a long hot bath with oils can be just the thing to restore your body, mind, and spirit. Add 5 drops each of lavender, spruce, geranium, and rosemary to bath salts. Pour the scented salt under running water to mix the oils into the bath. Soak and breathe deeply to unwind and renew yourself.

Essential oils are powerful substances. They are highly concentrated and should be used with caution. Do not apply undiluted directly to the skin. If you are interested in more specific information, we recommend that you consult a professional healthcare provider with knowledge of essential oils. Contact us at www.1virtualhealth.com for more information.

This is an original work authored by Ki Ennes M.Ac., L.Ac.

http://www.naturaldispensary.com/


Martial Arts: Equanimity & Tai Chi

When prospective students visit my Tai Chi school, I always invite them to sit in on a Tai Chi class in progress. I think it’s only fair and prudent that potential students have the opportunity to observe a class before committing to a course of study. Observing first, prior to enrolling, gives prospects the benefit of full disclosure of what I teach and how I teach it. Occasionally, prospective students ask if they might try a class before signing up. As a rule, I prefer that visitors watch first, rather than participate. Non-participatory observation offers a broader objective vantage point. Aside from the “what’s” and “how’s” of my teaching method, observers can also get a sense of the school’s ambience and its social atmosphere. This all makes for an important first step in determining if any given school is a good match for any given student.

After class is over, I like to chat with observers to discuss their impressions. What do they think? How do they feel about what they’ve observed? Almost without exception, observers volunteer impressions along the lines of, “Gee, I can’t believe how relaxed I feel after watching Tai Chi class.” Just watching Tai Chi can induce a deeply relaxing effect on people. This comes as no surprise, and not just because I hear it so often. I expect such a response because I understand that even just observing Tai Chi triggers a parasympathetic (relaxation) response in the brains and bodies of those observing. Watching Tai Chi can, all by itself, prove to be calming. Experiencing the calmness that Tai Chi can confer is the first step in acquiring Tai Chi’s most underrated benefit—equanimity.

Equanimity is what many of us seek from Tai Chi, and from life, even though we may not have an explicit awareness of this goal. “Equanimity” represents a state of personal composure and balance and of imperturbability in the face of agitation or disorder. Equanimity makes for a state of dispassionate recognition, and qualified acceptance, of life’s realities. It is a state of being that transcends cultures. The Taoists claim to confer equanimity through Tai Chi

and meditation. Various religions do so through prayer and penance. Even Alcoholics Anonymous advocates for equanimity with its Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.1

The Serenity Prayer represents a top-down approach to equanimity. Persons lacking serenity and personal wisdom can speak those words over and over like a mantra until the message, hopefully and eventually, sinks in. In Tai Chi, equanimity stems from a bottom-up approach. If you practice slowly and mindfully, the wisdom and serenity that Tai Chi can confer will follow.

This is the result of direct experience through practice and discipline. The benefits of

Tai Chi will thus become more durably hardwired into the whole person.

The end result makes the process very much worth the effort.

While I can’t speak for all Tai Chi players, I can attest, based on my own experience, that the equanimity conferred by Tai Chi can be life changing. As

a younger man, I was akin to the typical Type A personality.

While I can still be effectively focused on important tasks and

goals, Tai Chi has taught me to be more curious about, reflective

on, patient with, and accepting of life’s whimsies and eventualities.

By submitting yourself to the time-tested joys and rigors of Tai Chi, you, too, can achieve a sense of equanimity.1 Niebuhr, Reinhold, “The Serenity Prayer,” (n.d.), http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html.

Except as noted, this is an original work authored by John Loupos, M.S., H.S.E.

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Wellness: Ghosts of Christmas Past

Charles Dickens was a popular author and social critic who sought to raise people’s awareness of various problems and injustices.He was especially concerned with the poor and with children. His novella, “A Christmas Carol,” first published in 1843, brought readers a humanitarian view of a traditional holiday. It motivates us to reflect on our lives, how we live, and why it is important to make thoughtful choices.

If we were confronted with ghosts of our past Christmases, what would we see? Cruelty or kindness?

Generosity or self-absorption? For most of us, our ghosts would present mixed views of our experiences. Like Scrooge, our childhoods would likely be a mixture of happiness and sadness or disappointment. Dickens wanted to move us toward generosity and concern with others.

This work by Charles Dickens was fictional. Following are some nonfiction holiday memories of a few people on our team.

Ellen Diamond, M.A., Senior Associate Editor, describes “Learning about Santa Claus”: Since I’m Jewish, I wasn’t aware of Santa’s existence until I went to kindergarten. As December started and Christmas grew closer, the other kids began talking about Santa and what he was going to bring them. I had no idea what they were talking about. One day I went home and asked my Mom, “Is Santa Claus going to come to our house and bring me and Cindy (my sister) presents?”

I’m sure this was a moment my mother had been dreading, but she was prepared. She sat me down and told me she was going to tell me a secret, but I must NEVER tell anyone, especially any of the kids I knew. Then she said, “There is no Santa Claus.” She explained how the parents put the gifts under the Christmas tree (which we also did not have) and told their children that the gifts were from Santa. “But Santa doesn’t visit us, because we don’t celebrate Christmas,” she went on. “We celebrate Hanukkah, and you will get some presents each of the eight nights.” Then she explained a little about our holiday, reiterating that Cindy and I would get presents for eight nights (a fact we later taunted our Christian friends with). Then she ended by reminding me not to tell anyone, “Because that’s not nice.” Luckily, I was the type of child who loved knowing something no one else did, and I never did tell anyone.

Mona Boyes, R.N. (Non-Practising), Certified Health Coach and Managing Director of Corporate Wellness, has “Christmas Memories” of family: My mother lost her battle with cancer just weeks after my thirteenth birthday, so my fondest Christmas memories predate that event.

Christmas for our family was swaddled in warmth and excitement. In preparation for my parents’ annual Christmas party, we decorated the house. Everything sparkled and there was lots of colour. I “helped” my mom cook and bake. (I had to stand on a footstool to reach the kitchen counter.) But we could consume no party food until after the event. I lay in bed at night hearing voices and laughter downstairs. Sometimes I’d recognize the peals of laughter that heralded my mom. I was excited that I could eat some of my favourite leftovers first thing next morning. The weekends leading up to Christmas were filled with visiting. My dad’s family had the Boyes Christmas Eve tradition with sixteen of us. Aunt Mary made oyster stew and warm bread, and we had several decadent desserts. We kids played while the adults talked. On our way home another tradition brought excitement. “Uncle” George would monitor Santa’s progress on the radio. Depending on how close Santa was to Canada, we might stay for a bit or rush right home.

Christmas morning was just we three and Ambrose my cat. If we were hosting dinner, my dad would stuff and cook the turkey very early. If not, we still rose early to find out if Santa had visited. The tree, the lights, and the excitement of spending more time with cousins, aunts, and uncles made Christmas day very special. Love, laughter, warmth, and cheer marked those early Christmases. I cherish those memories. Cathie Allman, M.A., Video Scripts Editor, discusses her family finally “Breaking Bread Together”: The holidays are a great opportunity for families to get together. But it’s not so easy for people from broken homes.

My parents divorced when I was a very young child. And I do not remember spending any of the holidays with my mom and dad at the same time. I always had two Thanksgivings, two Hanukkahs, and even two birthday parties. Separate celebrations continued into adulthood. I learned to accept my parents’ estrangement, but, even as an adult, I wished for my parents to get along.

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Wellness: Ghosts of Christmas Past Wellness: Ghosts of Christmas Past

Many years passed. As I raised my own family, I continued eating two Thanksgiving dinners, one with each parent. But then something miraculous happened: My parents somehow learned to get along with each other. Even my mom and stepmom could sit together and have a nice conversation. I’m really not sure what caused this blessing, but I was elated.

I was very lucky to have a year or two with one Thanksgiving meal, one Hanukkah celebration, and one birthday party with my entire family in attendance. My father passed away but not before he left me with wonderful and happy memories. It meant the world to me that my parents could finally sit and break bread together.

Virginia Gannaway, M.A., Chief Executive Editor, cherishes “Fun Holidays as an Adult”: Growing up, I did not enjoy Christmas or any other holiday. On the few occasions we were allowed to celebrate, it was OK until my father began drinking. Not working on a holiday allowed him to start early. However, my first Christmas, at age 23, with the man I later married (and his family) was delightful. We talked and laughed. Nobody was obnoxious or hostile. We sang carols. We teased each other (lovingly) and had

fun! That Christmas was the best I had ever had—and the first of many happy holidays.

Like many, I think of holidays as centered on families. But people are not necessarily born into families. Families are people we care about, people we want to be with. Unlike Scrooge, my early “Ghost of Christmas Past” does not present a happy memory. But most of my adult holidays have been wonderful. Traditional gifts are not important—connections are. Seeing my “families” and celebrating with them make all holidays special for me now. And that’s my story.

Regardless of the occasion, we all need to appreciate what we have and receive, not only the tangible gifts but also the experiences. To get started, look at Dr. Webb’s article on teaching children the gift of gratitude. As a company, we work to help people improve their physical and mental health. As individuals, we can help make the world a better place. Let us reflect on our pasts and actively work toward improving our presents and futures. Let the “Ghosts of Christmas Present and Future” show us happy situations! The 1998 movie Scrooged has a stirring concluding song that might help: “Put a Little Love in Your Heart.”

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Parenting: Giving Children the Gift of Gratitude

Several years ago, a friend adopted two children from the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

I attended a homecoming celebration to introduce the nine-year-old girl and her four-year-old sister to their new, extended family. The children were given presents of food, clothing, toys, and games. I was struck by the way each child said “thank you” to each person who offered a gift. The girls’ genuine expression of gratitude touched all who were in attendance that day. These two children, rescued from an orphanage more than 8,000 miles away, reminded me to appreciate the blessings in my own life.

Children are not born with an attitude of appreciation. Such thankfulness must be taught. Even little ones can learn to be grateful for the small and large gifts they receive each day. Giving thanks feels good. Giving thanks helps children develop empathy for others. Giving thanks strengthens relationships. Giving thanks enables children to focus on the good that they have in addition to the things that they want. There is no better time than the holiday season to teach children about gratitude. Here are some suggestions:

• Enlist children’s help. It is much easier for children to appreciate what they have if they are required to take good care of their possessions and do some basic chores around the house. Children have a much better understanding of the effort it takes to maintain a home when they pitch in and do their part. Parents can make chore selection fun by putting all of the age-appropriate tasks on pieces of paper and placing them in a fishbowl. Let children reach into the fishbowl to choose how they will help out for the week. By routinely assisting their parents at home, children develop awareness that things done for them are the result of someone’s time, energy, and work.

• Teach children to say “thank you.” Establish this rule: in this house, we say “please” and “thank you.” Compliment children when they follow the rule while interacting with siblings, other relatives,

and friends. Encourage children to send thank- you notes,thank-you emails, and thank-you text messages when appropriate. This helps children be mindful of other people’s generosity.

• Donate toys to local hospitals. Many hospitals welcome donations year-round for their pediatric patients. Check with the hospitals regarding their guidelines for accepting toys and games. Take children shopping for coloring books, crayons, soft baby dolls, crafts, and other gifts to be given to children who are in the hospital.

• Downplay the receiving of gifts. There are many enjoyable holiday experiences apart from receiving gifts. Children will one day forget what they got, but they will remember whom they were with and what they did. Emphasize the activities that foster togetherness such as baking cookies, decorating the home, visiting relatives, and sharing a meal. Show children that the celebration of a holiday is the entire experience, including the sights, the sounds, the hugs, and the laughter.

• Open one gift at a time. Teach children to savor the moment by taking turns opening gifts. Doing so encourages them to celebrate with others in the family before moving on to the next item. Taking turns also gives children an opportunity to say thank you.

• Save some gifts for later. The number of gifts that some children receive for holidays can be overwhelming. It is difficult for children to feel grateful when they are presented with so much. Ask children to choose a few gifts that they want to play with first, and then put the rest away for a later time

• Make a gratitude calendar. Encourage children to use a wall calendar to write down one thing that they are grateful for each day. It is the daily appreciation of small things that add up to greater joy.

Start teaching children today to be aware of the goodness in their lives. Gratitude does not mean that everything in a child’s family, home, and life experience is great. Gratitude simply shines a spotlight on the blessings that do exist. We may want children to have everything, but they are guaranteed nothing. Raise children to receive all that they have in thankfulness and gratitude.

This is an original work authored by Sherri D. Webb, Ph.D.


Parenting: Giving Children the Gift of Gratitude

Editor’s Message:A few years ago I gave my two honorary granddaughters pretty dresses. Both politely thanked me. Then the younger looked around the room and, puzzled, said, “Nana, these dresses are nice, but where are our books? You always give us books.”

Wow! I liked that expectation and made sure that they would not need to ask that question again. Over the years, they have gotten science books, novels, picture books, history and geography books, and joke books. Because of their interests, the majority were science books.

Did you know that December is “Read a New Book Month”? Yes, many holidays occur around this time of year. We may deplore the commercialization of American holidays and the urge to acquire more STUFF. To me, books are not “stuff.” Besides, they are portable and can be read on electronic devices if desired.

Books are great gifts in themselves. Often they provide new information or teach new skills. Or books entertain by telling a story or raising interesting

questions. Some books may have a calming effect or enable us to deal with stress more effectively. The challenges in some books stimulate our thinking and creativity. Or they may help us hone skills or develop new ones. Some books, such as those featuring art and photography, provide pure pleasure. So, if you need a gift idea, even for yourself, try a book!

Virginia A. Gannaway,Chief Executive Editor,1virtualhealth.com

From the Chief Executive Editor’s Office

1 Virtual Health Winter 2014 Edition

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