1 b class 11

CLASS 11EWRT 1B

AGENDA

0Surface Revision: Essay #2 0Discussion: QHQ SBB 0In-class writing: SBB

SURFACE REVISION

EDITING YOUR REVISED ESSAY

WordinessA sentence is not concise simply because it is short; a concise sentence contains

only the number of words necessary to achieve its effect or to make its point.

Deadwood

0Wordy: There were many factors that influenced his decision to become a teacher.

0Concise: Many factors influenced his decision to become a teacher.

Unnecessary phrases that take up space and add nothing to meaning.

Examples

Hint: omit the filler phrases "it is," "there is," and "there are" at the beginning of sentences; these often delay the sentence's true subject and verb.

0 Wordy: They played a softball game that was exhausting.

0Concise: They played an exhausting softball game.

0Wordy: It is expensive to upgrade computer systems.

0Concise: Upgrading computer systems is expensive.

Some familiar expressions that are Deadwood

0There is/There are0I feel0I think0It seems to me0All things considered0Without a doubt0It is important to note0In my opinion0The reason why0In conclusion

Examples of Utility Words to Eliminate or Replace

Vague Nouns Adverbs denoting degree0Thing (something,

anything, everything)0Situation0Kind0Type0Aspect0Sort 0Area

0Basically0Very0Definitely0Quite

Omit "which" or "that” when possible.

0Wordy: Because the fluid, which was brown and poisonous, was dumped into the river, the company that was negligent had to shut down.

0Concise: Because the brown, poisonous fluid was dumped into the river, the negligent company had to shut down.

PunctuationUsing commas and semi-colons

Checking the Details

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Miscellaneous Questions0Does the paper follow MLA guidelines?0 Is the page length within assigned limits?0 Is the font type and size within the assigned guidelines?0Does the Header follow the assignment guidelines?0 Is the professor's name spelled correctly? Kim Palmore0 Is your name spelled correctly?0Does the paper have a title? Is it a good title? Is the title in

the appropriate location?0Have you italicized book and movie titles and put stories,

articles, and poems in quotation marks.

Writing Tips0Write about literature in present tense0Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and

“anything.”0Avoid writing in second person.0Avoid using contractions. 0Cut Wordy Sentences0Fix run-on sentences0Check for misused words0Put commas and periods inside quotation marks

The Works Cited Page

A Work in an Anthology, Reference, or Collection

0 Works may include an essay in an edited collection or anthology, or a chapter of a book. The basic form is for this sort of citation is as follows:

0 Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. Ed. Editor's Name(s). City of Publication: Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.

0 Example:0 Harris, Muriel. "Talk to Me: Engaging Reluctant Writers." A

Tutor's Guide: Helping Writers One to One. Ed. Ben Rafoth. Portsmouth: Heinemann, 2000. 24-34. Print.

Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. (Date of original publication if applicable). Ed. Editor’s Name(s). City of Publication: Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.

A Work in a Collection or Anthology

Toni Morrison“Recitatif”Source: Confirmation: An Anthology of African American WomenPublisher: MorrowEdition: 1983Editors: Imamu Amiri Baraka & Amina BarakaPlace Published: New YorkPages 243-260Print

Langston Hughes“Passing”The Ways of White FolksNew YorkVintage 1990 1934No Editor in this casePages 51-55Print

Recorded Films or Movies

List films by their title. Include the name of the director, the distributor, and the release year. If relevant, list performer names after the director’s name. Use the abbreviation perf. to head the list. End the entry with the appropriate medium of publication (e.g. DVD, VHS, Laser disc).

Ed Wood. Dir. Tim Burton. Perf. Johnny Depp, Martin Landau, Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette. Touchstone, 1994. DVD.

The Human StainDirected by Robert BentonPerformers: Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Ed Harris, and Gary Sinise. Distributor: MiramaxRelease Year: 2003Medium: DVD

An Article in a Scholarly Journal

0Always provide issue numbers, when available.0Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal

Volume. Issue (Year): pages. Medium of publication.

0Example: Bagchi, Alaknanda. "Conflicting Nationalisms: The

Voice of the Subaltern in Mahasweta Devi's Bashai Tudu." Tulsa Studies in Women's Literature 15.1 (1996): 41-50. Print.

Article in an Online Scholarly Journal That Also Appears in PrintCite articles in online scholarly journals that also appear in print as you would a scholarly journal in print, including the page range of the article. Provide the medium of publication that you used (in this case, Web) and the date of access.

Wheelis, Mark. "Investigating Disease Outbreaks Under a Protocol to the Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention." Emerging Infectious Diseases 6.6 (2000): 595-600. Web. 8 Feb. 2009.

Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year of publication): pages. Medium of publication. Date retrieved.

Randall Kennedy“Racial Passing”Ohio State Law JournalVolume 62Issue 114520011-28Web8 Feb. 2013

William Pickens“Racial Segregation”Opportunity: Journal of Negro LifeDecember, 1927364-367Web.8 Feb. 2013

Hughes, Langston.Passing (the poem)Phylon Vol. 11Issue 1(1950)15Web

Article in an Online Scholarly Journal That Also Appears in PrintCite articles in online scholarly journals that also appear in print as you would a scholarly journal in print, including the page range of the article. Provide the medium of publication that you used (in this case, Web) and the date of access.

Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year of publication): pages. Medium of publication. Date retrieved.

Discussion

QHQStone Butch Blues

“I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be everything grownups wanted, so they would love me.” ch.2 p.13

0This stood out to me because I think that people should be able to be whoever they want and not have to worry about being judged and everyone’s opinion. There is no map to how a kid should act, everyone is different. Parents are suppose to not worry about what you enjoy doing, or your preferences, they are just suppose to love you unconditionally. Kids should not have to change or try their hardest to please and impress there parents or family, it should just happen, with whatever they choose to be doing. Everyone has the right to be whoever they want, no one should scare them into taking that away. Everyone is unique in there own ways.

"Crow, are you a boy or a girl?""Caw, Caw!" (17).

0The quote shows what horrible treatment the character goes through just because he/she is different. Difference is not coped with well in society so in order for us to digest it, people make fun of it because they feel insecure. We do not realize what we are doing the person who is being treated badly. The character never had the courage to stand up to the people that kept asking him/her the question which I wish he/she did so that he/she would feel more confident about who he/she is.

“Just when it seemed like it couldn’t get worse I noticed my breasts were growing. Menstruation didn’t bother me. Unless I bled all over myself it was a private thing between me and my body. But breast! Boys hung out of car windows and yelled vulgar things at me.[....]I liked my body before puberty. Somehow I thought it would never change, not like this!” (23)

0 These lines stood out because it reminded of myself the way she was feeling at that moment. Its like something I experience the feeling of being uncomfortable with my own body. I was barely entering high school. I remember that physical education was required to be taken for two years. I was totally different back then than what i am now. I was super shy not very social-able. Back then I also hated that I had too. The thought of my own body changing before my eyes. Especially when in class we had to run, jump I felt so uncomfortable . Every boy staring and even men as well. I would try to cover myself with large sweaters or shirts. But I knew that there was nothing that I could do. As of today I can’t really change anything and i still hate the fact that i keep getting compliments about their size or how big they are.

There is a lot of hurt behind these words. This is more than just admitting someone was hurting them, this was her accepting what society thought and said about her. This was acceptance of the fact that society perceived her behavior and feelings as “wrong.”This quote just goes to show how much power societal pressures have over us, even our perception of ourselves. It’s striking… and a little scary.

“Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I finally began to agree they were right” (23)

I felt sentimental as I read this because been different doesn’t make us inferior, it simply means we are distinguishable, and unique.

“Part of the nightmare was that it all seemed so matter of fact. I couldn’t make it stop, I couldn’t escape it, and so I pretended it wasn’t happening.

I looked at the sky, at how pale and placid it was. I imagined it was the ocean and the clouds were white-capped waves.” (Feinberg, 41)

0 This passage is being said while she is being raped by her classmates. I found this passage significant because it is heartbreaking what those guys did to her. Additionally, that passage shows how powerless she is in this incident. I think that a person may have their opinions about others but to do such a degrading act is extremely inhumane. This type of event definitely marks a person for life and many times that person can never fully recover from it. While I was reading this scene, it reminded me of the French movie, Irréversible, I saw a couple of years ago. The film is about two men who want revenge for the rape a girlfriend. It reminded me of this because both talk about this matter. Rape is a very sensible topic that is not discussed in society; so watching and reading about it is very profound.

“I didn’t know what else to write. They could find me at my job if they wanted to, but there was a chance that they’d be as happy to be rid of me as I’d be relieved to be gone”(47) .

0Thee lines stood out to me because it is really sad Jess does not feel happy or safe in her own home, which is suppose to the place you feel the safest being at home and being with your family. It is also really sad that her parents made no effort to look for her or help her change her mind.

“Then I felt her body move closer and we kind of melted together. I discovered all the sweet surprises a femme can give a butch: her hand on

the back of my neck, open on my shoulder, or balled up like a fist. The feel of her belly and thighs against mine. Her lips almost touching my ear [. . .] I felt

her pain, she knew mine. I felt her desire, she aroused mine” (33-34).

0 Jess describes her first dance with another woman in the book. Before this event, Jess had gone on a terrible date with Monique. This quote stood out to me because it is the first real connection that Jess establishes with another girl. It is an innocent act compared to her past experience with Monique. Her “rite of passage” moment that displayed her sexy side. In a room full of older butches and femmes, this was her proving point to all of them. That she could be just as sexy as they are. I think that we have all experienced this “looking for acceptance” moment and finally receiving it. I have seen this in my current job, where I was once the newbie who was afraid and oblivious to everything. Flash forward a few months later and I know mostly everything. This was Jess’ moment of acceptance. In a situation where she felt alone, this next quotation shows how understanding Yvette (her dance partner) had been. It is always a nice feeling knowing that someone out there understands you.

“They cuffed my hands so tight behind my back I almost cried out. Then the cop unzipped his pants real slow, with a smirk on his face, and

ordered me on my knees. First I thought to myself, I can’t! Then I said out loud to myself and to you and to him, ‘I won’t’ “ (10)

0 Jess describes a night she had with Theresa. They were alone in a strange tuff at that night, waiting for their friends, who never showed up. Then, the cops came in and started targeting at Jess and Theresa for no reason as usual. However, this time is different, Jess was alone, she did not have anyone to back her up, or tell her it’s alright. Suddenly, Jess was so vulnerable and weak, and she knew exactly what was going to happen to her. She did not fight back because she was cuffed and she knew that if she fought back, everyone in the bar would be beaten. The thing that stood out to me the most is Jess’s attitude after the incident. She was not even mad, and something inside her was changed. She accepted the fact and lived with it, “ I learned the difference between what I can’t do and what I refuse to do.” Jess did not tell what happen to her in the cell that night. But we all know that it was so traumatized that there was nothing she could do but to accepted it.

“Either eat me or eat my shit, bulldagger. It’s up to you” (109)

0Of all the strife we read Jess had endured since being a mere child, this particular scene in the book I couldn’t get past. To be beaten to near death, and then treated the way she was, made me sick. Rarely have I ever had such a reaction to a novel, it stood out to me, even brought me to tears. Having to take as much grief as Jess did on a daily basis it made me burn with hatred for these cops that went specifically out of their way to terrorize butches and femmes, as if they were the criminals for their sexual orientation. To be put in a position like that and survive, as broken as she was for a long time, gave me great respect for jess as the novel went on. Relentlessly she was hurt, and relentlessly she fought.

“Deep down, my insides seethed. I knew I was stone, too. It was a home alarm system that didn’t seem to have an on-off switch. Once installed, the sirens went off and the gates shut, even if the intruder was loving”

(94)

0 These lines in the book spoke very strongly to me. From them, you realize just how much psychological damage that Jess has taken from the repeated gang rapes and the beatings. Any one of the events that Jess suffered before the age of sixteen would have had a significant effect on her still developing personality. Just one on these events could have caused her to shut down all attempts by others to reach her on a personal level. The fact that Jess, while damaged, still goes on to form personal attachments, and to form romantic relationships is a testament to how strong a person she is inside. Jess also has the examples from the older butches who have suffered through the same exact types of abuse, to draw on. While the other butches rarely talk about the abuse they have suffered, the fact that someone else really does understand what you have been through can be an enormous help in getting through it yourself. I believe that Jess recognizing she has scars is what allows her to continue reaching out to others.

“Only you could melt this stone.”

0 This line stands on its own, in or out of context it has a very powerful meaning behind it. The actual act of melting a stone takes the most powerful forces to even chip away at stone and to melt it away takes more years than most people can keep track of. This line makes me think of sea water wearing away at a rock along the shore, working for decades only to barely make a dent in the size of the object. The way this line is written, however, indicates a faster change, a change that can be watched. Only a very powerful person could do something that remarkable to someone who is seemingly so very hardened to the core. In context this line represents a connection so powerful that the person that she is writing to is the only person on the entire planet that truly knows her. In addition this person holds so much power over her, she is the only person that can make her vulnerable. For a person that hardened this would be something that would be extremely difficult to do. Out of context this line means that there is only one important person in someone’s life, only one person can see the true colors of the other person. Only one person can break down all the walls that were built around the others heart.

“I went to the window and looked out over the mounds of snow, wishing I could do everything in my life once as

practice and then go back and do it again.”(102)

0 Jess said this after Duffy gave her the present he got for her. This text in the book stood out to me because she felt guilty leaving the plant for a different job after everything she fought for there. She also might have felt proud of the reputation she had established there. Also, I think she senses a reoccurring theme in her life. Every time she makes a mistake she always wishes she could take it back. For example, she didn’t know what to do when Duffy asked her to step aside and give her promotion to Leroy. She said she regretted it later and did it because she thought it was the right thing to do. This specific quotation is indicative that Jess is uncertain of herself despite what she expresses outward. The author depicts Jess a certain way but this quote at the same time reminds us that Jess doesn’t know how to live the life she has been forced into.

“”You know”, Duffy added, “I don’t think I really realized how hard it is for you. I know what jerks the guys at work can be sometimes.”……..”But when I went to the

hospital with you, I saw how they treated you, how they talked about you,” he rubbed his face. When he looked back at me, I saw tears in his eyes. “ I felt so

helpless you know? I kept yelling at them that you were a human being that you mattered, and it was like they weren’t listening to me.”” (Feinberg 93)

0This post really stood out for me. Why? It was sad; it is unbelievable how people are so cruel and selfish. Duffy was right, Jess was a human being like everyone else, but the doctors didn’t help Jess just because of the appearance. And was a butch. I liked how Duffy stood up for Jess, it was brave and a show of friendship towards Jess. Also how he cried while he was saying it was touching. I believe that everyone deserves the right as everyone else; we all should have equal rights. This as many other parts was sad.

“ I drifted in and out of consciousness. I remember Theresa propping me up against a brick wall in the precinct parking lot and assessing the

damage with her eyes. she chewed her lower lip and fingered the bloody places on my shirt. ‘I'll never get these stains out.’ ‘Indirect messages cut

through my fog much more clearly than direct ones.’” (136)

I believe that what Theresa and Jess understood clearly is the damage of that night inside them is something they are not going to forget for the rest of their lives. the small cuts and the blood is going to be cured in a week or two but that night left Jess a big scare inside that is never going to be cured. I like these lines because deep inside us we can not explain everything or talk about everything we have been through sometimes, but still we can have our beloved make us feel better by showing us that they understand us and how we feel without reminding us of what hurts us and without opening our ugly scars.

These lines stood out to me the most since i have never experienced a beating like this. And the beating was caused just because she was a lesbian is shocking. What homosexual men and women went through before people were more accepting is terrible. I am glad that people have wised up to this and now this is punishable under hate crime laws.

“I shrugged. ‘I’m twenty-one today and I feel old’” (140).

0This quote stood out to me beyond all others because of some preconceptions I had. I had assumed more time had passed between her talks of high school and this birthday party. When she moved onto talking about her fights in the union and all the time spent in the bar, I assumed she had skipped forward in her life story a bit and was in her mid-twenties. Being twenty-two myself, the fact that she had undergone all of those beatings and overall stresses of her life before reaching twenty-one puts the earlier part of the story in perspective for me.

“All my life I didn’t want to feel different. But in the dream I liked it and I was with other people who were different”

(143).

0 Jess describes a dream she had with Theresa. In the dream, Jess is in a bar out in the woods with the other drag queens. She tells Theresa she doesn’t want to be different from other people; she wants to fit in and she feels like she does. For most of my life I have felt different from people, because I have a learning disability. I can’t learn new material as quickly as most people can. I tried taking statistics but had to drop the class simply because I wasn’t learning the material fast enough. Whenever I hear someone say, “I got an A in statistics” I think, “Why can’t I do that?” I’ve wanted to go into astronomy for quite a while but I’m having second thoughts because of all the math involved. I feel disadvantaged because I’m not sure if I can learn all the math. However, I felt very much at home when I was in high school. Every student there had a disability of some type. It made me feel as if I wasn’t alone in the world.

In-Class Writing

0Explore a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know?

0Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know?

HOMEWORK Edit Essay #2: Submit your essay electronically before our next class

(feel free to submit early) by emailing a copy saved in MS Word to [email protected]. Please save your essay as your last name and the number 2. Example: Palmore 2

Reading: Stone Butch Blues (196-End). Post #16: Best paragraph from essay #2

Post #17: Jess interacts with medical personnel in various ways throughout the novel. Explore an experience Jess has with a medical professional. Does her gender identity influence the treatment she receives or doesn’t receive? Or explore a moment when Jess passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know? Include a quotation with your discussion.

Studying: Terms