1 ABC DISTRICT CHURCH WORKER CONFERENCE OCTOBER 18 – 21, 2010 ABC DISTRICT CHURCH WORKER CONFERENCE OCTOBER 18 – 21, 2010.

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ABC DISTRICT CHURCH WORKER

CONFERENCEOCTOBER 18 – 21,

2010

ABC DISTRICT CHURCH WORKER

CONFERENCEOCTOBER 18 – 21,

2010

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A QUESTION FROM A PASTOR’S WIFE

A QUESTION FROM A PASTOR’S WIFE

I need a little help. . . How much of myself do I need to CHANGE in order to be an effective

minister’s wife? I’m basically an introvert and would much rather stay at home and do my

own thing. I don’t FEEL like doing anything. Do I need to force myself to get out and do

church things?

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A PASTOR WROTE A PASTOR WROTE

I am not the strong person everyone believes me to be. I feel like a hypocrite!

2 Corinthians 12:10 “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

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Pastor’s wife to her husband, “Honey, let’s reverse things this Sunday morning. You’ll be nice to us and grumpy to the congregation.”

ROLE REVERSALROLE REVERSAL

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A SURVEY OF CLERGY FAMILIES

A SURVEY OF CLERGY FAMILIES

• 81% said that they have insufficient time together• 71% have tension, if not arguments over money• 70% are struggling with their income level• 64% have communication difficulties• 63% are experiencing problems with their

congregation• 57% are struggling over lack of leisure time• 53% are having difficulties in raising their children• 46% are experiencing a lack of sexual fulfillment

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A SURVEY OF CLERGY FAMILIES

A SURVEY OF CLERGY FAMILIES

• 41% are concerned with the pastor’s anger toward his spouse

•35% are having disagreements over the pastor’s ministry career

•25% are having disagreements over the pastor’s spouse’s career.

Leadership Magazine Survey

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FULLER SURVEYFULLER SURVEY

•90% of pastors work more than 46 hours a week

•80% of pastors believe their ministry affects their families negatively

•33% said that ministry was a hazaard to their family

•75% of pastors reported that they had experienced a significant stress related crisis at least once in their ministry

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FULLER SURVEYFULLER SURVEY

• 50% of pastors felt they were unable to meet the needs of their ministry adequately

•90% felt in adequately trained ot cope with ministry demands

•70% say they have a lower self esteem now compared to when they started in ministry.

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FULLER SURVEYFULLER SURVEY

• 40% reported serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month

•37% confessed to having been involved in inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church

•70% do not have someone they consider a close friend

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If a healthy clergy family relationship is maintained it can become a source of strength and inspiration for clergy, clergy families and their congregations.

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ELEMENTS MINISTERS OF RELIGION NEED FOR A LIFE

THAT MATTERS• A healthy spiritual life

Regular, intentional, personal daily devotional life.

Regular, intentional, devotional life with spouse/family

Father confessor --- a time for personal, private, confession and absolution

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SURVEY RESULTS

1. Personal devotions --- Mean is 22 minutes/day. Range is zero to 120 minutes per day.

2. Devotions with wife/spouse --- 3.75 days per wk3. Devotions with children --- 4.79 days per wk4. Asst. kids with catechesis --- 3.53 days per wk

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ELEMENTS MINISTERS OF RELIGION NEED FOR A LIFE THAT MATTERSINTENTIONAL TIME/TASK MANAGEMENT

Prepare a weekly time/task to do listPrepare a weekly schedule based upon the weekly to do listMake sure that time is alotted in the schedule for prep time, devotions, family, self, etc.Monitor time spent at the office and engaged in official ministry functions. (select an accountability partner to help with this --- not your spouse)

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SURVEY RESULTS

1. 70 prepare a “to do” list 32 do not2. 68 prepare a written daily schedule 35 do not3. 38 schedule intenitonal personal time (55 no)4. 30 schedule intentional time with wife (50 no)5. 18 schedule intentional time with kids (31 no)6. Average hours for church vocation is 44.227. 1.51 days of personal time per wk8. 6.56 hrs per wk scheduled for prep time

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ELEMENTS MINISTERS OF RELIGION NEED FOR A LIFE THAT MATTERSCARE OF SELF

Adequate sleep (most experts say 8 hrs/ night)Vigorous physical exerciseAnnual physicalTake medications as prescribedModerate use of alcoholPractice good eating habitsRead nutrition labels (become an educated eater)

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SURVEY RESULTS

1. 22.84 minutes per day for vigorous exercise2. 64 have annual physical (38 no)3. 74 take medications as prescribed (12 no)4. Use of illegal drugs/over consumption of

alcohol 82 never, 21 seldom, 0 often5. 63 choose food for dietary health. (40 no) 6. 58 read nutrition labels (45 no)7. 6 morbidly obese; 8 obese; 33 overweight; 2

underweight

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ELEMENTS MINISTERS OF RELIGION NEED FOR A LIFE THAT MATTERS

INTENTIONAL, REGULAR, DAILY PERS0NAL TIME WITH SPOUSE

Couple devotionsSeveral nights a week at homeDate nights (at least two per month)Develop healthy friendships with Christian

couplesTake vacationsHelp with house work and care of childrenDevelop and monitor family budget together

(Couple should sit down at least 1/X per month to compare spending to budget and make adjustments as needed.)

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SURVEY RESULTS1. Eat as a family: 29 all; 51 most; 12 few; 0 none.2. 6 nights at home per wk with family3. 30 schedule personal time with spouse/wife4. Go on dates times per month (no answers)5. Have written spending plan and review regularly 29

(71 no)6. Keep detailed records of spending 45 (55 no)7. Successfully follow written spending plan 9 all; 36

mostly; 10 seldom; 14 never.8. 80 give 10% or more to the Lord (21 no)9. 13 have high credit card balances (87 do not)10. 42 use a professional financial advisor (58 no)

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SUMMARY

1. Disciplined, intentional, personal spiritual/devotional life

2. Take control of time/tasks3. Take control of physical life4. Priority of marriage and family is Biblically

proper --- Quality and Quantity time with spouse and family

5. Family finances are properly managed6. Healthy social life

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SEEK HELP

District PresidentTrusted PeerQualified, properly trained Christian counselorFinancial advisorMedical DoctorEtc.

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Ministers of Religion must plan for quality family times and mark them in red on their calendar. When scheduling conflicts arise (they are inevitable) as a family discuss how the missed date, outing, etc. will be made up.

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Thank you for the opportunity to be

with you!

God bless all you and your families!

Thank you for the opportunity to be

with you!

God bless all you and your families!