Xscape Negotiation Training

Xscape Negotiation Training

Victoria Pynchon, J.D., LL.MADR Services, Inc. , Century City, California

and She Negotiates Consulting and Training on the Web

wake up!

The Northridge earthquake occurred on January 17, 1994 at 4:31 AM Pacific Standard Time in Reseda, a neighborhood in the city of Los Angeles, California, lasting for about 45 seconds. The earthquake had a "strong" moment magnitude of 6.7, but the ground acceleration was one of the highest ever instrumentally recorded in an urban area in North America.

Negotiation is a conversation

leading to agreement

in a mixed motive exchange

Compete for scarce resources

Collaborate for mutual gain

Negotiate this . . .

Negotiate these . . .

Do you want some coffee?

Only if you’re

having someWell, do you want some?

Do you?

Well, I’m going to

make some Great! I’ll have some too!

• Let’s have lunch or coffee . . . • Small talk . . . • How’s business?• Me too . . . . • I was hoping we might be able to do business

together . . . . • Here’s what I bring to the table• I thought it might benefit you to have . . . • My rate is $_____ (MORE THAN YOU WANT)

Could we talk

about this

later?

I appreciate it but it was not

what I was expecting

We must not be on the same

page

My product is worth . . . .

Responses to Conflict

• Suppression• Avoidance• Resolution• Transformation• Transcendence

Dispute Resolution Tactics

• Yielding/Ingratiation• Shaming• Persuasive

argumentation• Promises of future action• Threats of future action• Physical force

recognize the opportunity to

negotiate

Women tend to value relationship more than money

tit for tat

S is for Shakedown Artist copyright 2010 Reason Press

The Prisoners’ Dilemma

• If u both play ur Y card, u each earn 2 points. • If u both play ur X card, u each earn 3 points.• If u play ur X card & ur partner plays her Y

card, u earn 0 & ur partner earns 5 points. • If u play Y card & ur partner plays her X card, u

earn 5 points & ur partner earns 0• Begin play by holding ur card of choice up to

ur chest.

We measure our work by what we need

We compare our income to our women friends’

often leading us to value ourselves less than male peers

We over-deliver to our clients and superiors

and under-deliver to ourselves

We work 22%

longer and 10% faster for the same reward

we can close the gap NOW

monkey economy

50 million years

ANCHORINGANCHORING

When we set our value in the market When we set our value in the market we set our own future value; we set we set our own future value; we set our women colleagueour women colleague’’s value and we s value and we set the value for our children and set the value for our children and childrenchildren’’s childrens children

Image credit istockphoto.com 2010

Recalibrate our Market value

Sk for it

we all have universal tendencies of thought called cognitive biases

universal ways of thinking about what motivates other people

But we never learned to read one another’s

minds

Suspicion followedP is for Paranoid copyright 2010 Reason Press

We needed to cooperate to

survive

What do we most want to know

What the HECK are they THINKING?

and will it be harmfulto me?

Will they cooperate

or attack ?

How can I make them do what I

want them to do?

we read signs and symbols

in an effort to control our own destiny

and make common cognitive errors

We see patterns

where none exist

Clustering Illusion

we discount everything our

bargaining partners say

reactive devaluation

confirmation bias

we search for and interpret information in a way that confirms our preconceptions

Cognitive Biases Prevent us from learning Other’s mind

• what do they want/need• what do they have of value• how do they value it

• why do they want what they are seeking

Prevent us from accurately assessing •perils

•opportunities

Getting what you want

Copyright 2010 Reason Press

Negotiate from Strength

You are as strong as you

believe yourself to be

L is for Lawyer copyright 2010 Reason Press

how can we reach mutually beneficial and durable agreements?

By ascertaining their interests, preferences, priorities, needs, desires, constraints, strengths, and weaknesses

Z is for Zen Master copyright 2010 Reason Press

Collaborative Problem Solving

C is for Coward copyright 2010 Reason Press

Ask Diagnostic Questions

• What are my intended outcomes and interests?– Preferences, priorities,

needs, desires, fears, aspirations, bottom line

• What are their possible interests and outcomes?– Put yourself in their shoes

• What are the options?– Potential points of

agreement– Differences that might be

dove-tailed

Q is for Questioner copyright 2010 Reason Press

T is for Them and Us copyright 2010 Reason Press

• Compatibility (issues not in conflict)

• logrolling, or trading off concessions on low-priority issues for gains on higher priority issues

• trading differential time preferences– Allocating more initial outcomes to

the more impatient party – Allocating greater profits over a

longer period to the more patient party

• adding issues not inherent in the initial negotiation framework– Bonuses– Flex-time– Best associates

• contingent contracts– If I bring in $X this year,

I’ll receive Y% of it

T is for Them and Us copyright 2010 Reason Press

FramingFraming

• Present Losses as Gains

•Strong tendency to prefer avoiding losses over acquiring gains

• a service business’ most important assets go down the elevator every night and you have to give them a good reason to come back

• the cost of replacing you

• competitor’s deal would be a loss because – they’re not as nimble, creative, resourceful . . .

• Frame your proposal in your favor

• state your qualities as what your client needs

• state your settlement proposal as what your opponent’s client needs

• state your deal terms as what your negotiation partner prefers, prioritizes, needs, and desires

•Make contingent concessions, i.e., if you’ll raise your offer to $150K, I’ll lower my demand to $200,000K

•Creates appearance of concession•Almost risk free

•Label concessions & demand reciprocity• Stress difficulty in making concession

•This will cut our profit razor thin•If I make this concession, you should be willing to promise me partnership next year

Concessions & Reciprocity

Distributive Bargaining• The process by which the parties

distribute between themselves what they believe to be a fixed “pie” of money, goods or services

• A Zero Sum exchange in which whatever one side gains, the other side loses

• Parties move toward resolution through a series of concessions

Image credit istockphoto.com 2010

• High initial demands• Maintain them throughout• make few (and small) concessions • adhere to a high level of aspiration• obtain as much information as

possible• give away little• bluff• mislead • threaten retaliatory action if the

other side does not comply.

Competitive Competitive BargainingBargaining

Difficult people

Behind every accusation is a cry for help

D is for Drama Queen copyright 2010 Reason Press

• They’re not difficult, they are uninformed– Educate them about

their true interests, consequences of their actions

– Help them understand what is in their best interest

– May have misunderstood or ignored a crucial piece of information

I is for Idiot copyright 2010 Reason Press

They’re not evil; they have hidden interests– Personal (unrelated

to you or deal)– Relational (related to

you but not to the deal, i.e., “face”)

– Political, social, cultural

O Is for Outlaw copyright 2010 Reason Press

They are not irrational; they have hidden constraints– Institutional– Precedential– Promises to others– Deadlines

• People err in one direction or the other by:– Prioritizing the

relationship & saying “yes” when you want/need to say “no” or

– Prioritizing their own power by brusquely saying “no” or

– Take middle ground of avoidance saying nothing & hoping a problem won’t arise

F is for Friend copyright 2010 Reason Press

Practice practice practice

• Negotiate retail• Ask for something

– You know they’ll say no to– You know they’ll say yes to

• Collect a dozen “no’s” in the next two weeks

• Set your price 2x higher than normal

• Have a difficult conversation asking diagnostic questions

• Teach your children• Teach your spouse• Make a game out of it

K is for Kin copyright 2010 Reason Press

You can have it all

Just not at the same time