Sibling Relationships - HCPS Blogsblogs.henrico.k12.va.us/rbozmore/files/2013/11/Siblings-presentation.pdfSiblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber How to Talk So Kids Will Listen by

Sibling RelationshipsRebecca Ozmore, M.Ed.

School Counselor (and parent)Tuckahoe Elementary

Why am I doing this presentation?Meet Grant (10) & charley (7)

I grew up as an only child. I was mostly raised by women. The thought that I have two boys has always thrilled me but made me question, “What do I do with them?”

Let’s start with birth order

first middle youngest

Birth Order Theory

▧ The idea has been around for 100+ years that birth order among siblings affects personality

▧ Dr. Kevin Leman has written a lot of books on the topic

▧ Remember it’s a theory and not proven ideology, but many find it to be true or somewhat true of their personality

Common Personality Traits

Firstborn/Onlies▧ Tend to take on

more responsibility

▧ Often more independent

▧ Will fill in parent role at times

▧ Tend to be natural born leaders

▧ Reliable▧ Achievers▧ “Mini adults”

Middle▧ Often the family

peacemaker▧ Can be rebellious▧ Also tend to be

more flexible▧ Varies based on

gender of older/younger siblings

▧ Usually has lots of friends

▧ May compete with siblings

Youngest▧ The “baby” of

the family, for better or worse

▧ More likely to be coddled by parents and older siblings

▧ Often fun-loving and outgoing

▧ Can be manipulative

▧ Tend to be more easy going

Gaps of 5+ yearsBirth order effects are stronger when the age between siblings is shorter. After five years, the process tends to start over.

Want big impact?

Use big image

But how do I help them get along?

Let me start with this:

Mom

Counselor

But…. like you...

I don’t always know

AND

It’s REALLY hard!!

Mom of the Year

Kids worst enemy

My unique perspective

▧ Very little experience growing up▧ Counseling/educator perspective:

problem-solve and what can we learn▧ More educator influence: teach them what I

want them to know and then let them practice

▧ Sibling relationship highly important to me because I didn’t have any growing up

Key Points

Does it always work - NO

Trial and error

Firm with expectations but encourage conversation

Experts = psychologists, pediatricians, behavior specialists

But I think most parents agree that there’s no manual and not everything works.

▧ Families should foster community▧ Each child needs to be recognized for their own unique

interests, abilities, and personalities▧ Parents should strive to create some regular 1:1 time with

each child▧ Conflict resolution skills are important and parents need to

model▧ Fighting is normal and to be expected - we need to teach

them how to handle conflicts with respect

Most “experts” agree...

Also consider

▧ What personality traits do your kids get from each parent, naturally or by what they see?

▧ What positive relationships are they exposed to for examples?

▧ How did/do you get along with your siblings? How does that impact how you expect your children to get along?

▧ Chocolate is an appropriate tonic for handling all of this. (Ha - wanted to see if you were paying attention!)

Birth Order Resources

http://www.parents.com/baby/development/social/birth-order-and-personality/

Great birth order infographic:

https://brandongaille.com/how-birth-order-impacts-personality/

Sibling Resources

http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/six-parenting-mistakes-that-fuel-sibling-rivalry

Awesome sibling rivalry infographic:

http://www.thejennyevolution.com/sibling-rivalry-solutions/

Mom blog, but I really like how she explains what most experts agree on in very basic terms:

https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/handlesiblingfighting/

Books to Consider

Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele FaberHow to Talk So Kids Will Listen by Adele FaberThe Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin LemanThe Birth Order Effect by Clifford IsaacsonPeaceful Parent, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura MarkhamQueen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind WisemanMasterminds and Wingmen by Rosalind WisemanThe Sibling Project by Samantha Roose (brand new so I don’t know much about it but good reviews!)A Smart Girl’s Guide to Understanding Her Family and The Sister Book (American Girl series - books for girls, not parents)

Have you seen this? I want to try it - what about you?

Thanks!

Any questions?

You can email me at:rbozmore@henrico.k12.va.us

blogs.henrico.k12.va.us/rbozmore

Special Thanks

Special thanks to all the people who made and released these awesome resources for free:▧ Presentation template by SlidesCarnival▧ Photographs by Unsplash▧ Backgrounds by Pixeden