"Parenting : Be The Best Friend of Your Child"

D R . I M T I Y A Z K O N D K A R IB U M S , C G O , C C H , C F P, S FA ( U S A ) , TRAINS THE TRAINER FOR CPR, FIRST-AIDER,

NURSING, PRIMARY TRAUMA CARE

I TREAT THE RARELY TREATED DISEASES :

PREVENTION AND REVERSAL OF HEART ATTACK BENIGN HYPERTROPHY OF PROSTATE MANAGEMENT OF DIABETES MANAGEMENT OF BLOOD PRESSURE / STRESS / DRUG ABUSE WEIGHT MANAGEMENT ARREST OF HAIR FALL / PIMPLES / DARK CIRCLE / SKIN CARE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION IN MALES AZOSPERMEA IN MALE SEXPERT TREAT PILES WITHOUT OPERATION (INJECTION SCLEROTHERAPY).

PARENT INGWHAT IS PARENTING?

PARENTING IS CHALLENGING………… … …

WE ARE GOING TO SEE…….WHAT DO WE NEED FOR

PARENTING..HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH

OUR CHILDREN….HOW TO DEAL WITH OUR

CHILDREN….

COMMUNICATE WITH FEELINGDEAL WITH FEELING

IT IS IMPORTANT TO LEARNPARENTING…TO LEARN, TO HELP CHILDREN,,1) DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS

AS CHILD, REACT THE WAY HE FEELSIf he feels good, reacts good, and behaves

good.Yes we are worried for his behaviour.That is what, we want them to behave

good in all situation. How ? Simple but tricky..

1) DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS i) Children need to be Accepted and Respecteda) Listen to them quietly and

attentively.b) Mere lip service will discourage

them.c) Parents doesn’t have to say

anything.d) It is much easier to tell your

trouble to your parents, who is really listening.

e) Often a sympathetic silence is all the child needs.

1) DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS ii) Children need to be Acknowledged

Instead of a) Asking question

b) Blammingc) Advising

Acknowledge their feeling.Which makes a child to think

clearly, and constructivelyAcknowledge their feeling with

Oh! Hunm! I see..!

1) DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS iii) Children need to learn Give their feeling a name

Instead of denying the feelings give his feeling a name.

The child who is learning words will experience deeply comforted.

Some one has acknowledge his inner feelings

1) DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS iv) Children need their wishes to be fulfilled give them their wishes in fantasyInstead of explanation and logic give child his wishes in fantasy

If child is asking for car / scooter / motorbike get toy

Sometime just someone understanding how much you want something

makes reality easier to bear.Reality horse – rocking horse

Story of kings daughter – golden wishStory of moon in mirror

2) Engrave child cooperation i) Describe the problem, what you see it ?

a) It is very hard to do, any task when people are telling you, what is wrong?e.g. child and broken car, person fall In water doesn’t know swimming and everybody giving him instruction.b) Easier to concentrate when someone just describes it to you.c) When grownup describe the problem, it gives children, a chance to tell themselves, what to do ?

….2)Engrave child cooperationGive information….When children are given information.They can usually figure out for

themselves what needs to be done.Information is lot easier to take them

accusation.

E.g. A child visit toilet without slipper….

T. V. adv. Of a child wants to go to play

……..Say it with a word

Children dislike Hearing

LecturesSeminarsLong explanation

The shorter the reminder, It is better Tip.

……..Describe your feelings

It is possible to cooperate with someone who is expressing Irritation, Anger, …. ..

as long as you are not being attack

Start withI … …I feel … …I imagine … ….

…….Talk about your feelings

Make no comments about your child character

Children are entitled to hear … …..to their Parents HONEST FEELINGS

BE GUININE WITHOUT BEING HURTFUL

…….Write a note

Some time nothing we say is

as effective as a written word

Archie's card

............*MIND YOU*…It is important to be authentic about

your feelingsWords : The attitude behind the word is

as important as the word themselvesWords have the way of lingering long

and poisonously.Choose your word carefully. Just because u don’t get through the 1st time doesn’t mean… you should revert to old ways Sahabis’ e.g. removing scorpion from water………

3) Seek alternative to punishment

What do we do as a parents to solve the problem of a child..

We punish them,We also spank them..

This is not right.

We s h o u l d l o o k o u t f o r a l t e r n a t i v e t o p u n i s h m e n t

3)Seek alternative to punishment Point out a way to be helpful

Try repair the toyShow child how to make amend (correct-change).Express your feelings of disapproval Strongly without attacking child's character

You do always losses You trouble me You destroy things

3)Seek alternative to punishment Point out a way to be helpfulState your expectation,

I thought of you helping me, today.I imagine you will score good in ExamsI expect your success.

3)Seek alternative to punishment Point out a way to be helpful

i) Take ActionProblem solving

ii) Talk about the child feelings and needs.

iii)Talk about your feelings and needs.Don’t say any wrong of any feelings

Instead give the child his choice. iv)Put your head together to find a

mutually agreeable solution

4) Encourage child's autonomyi)Let children make choicesAllow children to make choices.It gives valuable practise of making

decisions.

(even for adults, being force into taking decision is not welcome

Colouring an apple (orange colour to apple). Bride/bridegroom selection in Adult

4) Encourage child's autonomyii) Show respect for child's struggleWhen the child's struggle is

respected, he gathers courage, to see job through himself

Climbing the bedSelecting the courseTaking a job

4) Encourage child's autonomyiii) Don’t ask too many questions.

Too many question means – invasion of ones personal

life.

Children will talk about What they wants to talkWhen they want to talk

4) Encourage child's autonomyiv) Don’t rush to answer question

When children ask question, they deserve to explore the answer for himself.

E.g day and night

4) Encourage child's autonomyv)Encourage children to use sources outside their home

Our children should know that, they are not completely depend on us

External sources can be called upon to help them with their problem

Postman, FiremanPolice manTeacher

Neighbour

4) Encourage child's autonomyvi) Don’t take away the hopesBy trying to protect them from

disappointment, we protect them from

HOPINGSTRIVING

DREAMINGACHIEVING FROM THEIR DREAM

FALLING FROM THE HEIGHT

5) Provide positive praise and encourage growth of self esteem Re m e m b e r Praise can make you doubt the praiser.Praise may lead to immediate denial.Praise may sometime force you tofocus

on your weakness.Praise may create anxiety and interfere

with activity.Praise may also be experience as

manipulation.Ensure your praise is appropriate to

your Childs age and level.

5) Provide positive praise and encourage growth of self esteem Avo id :A kind of praise that hints at past weakness or past fai lure.Caut ion about pra ise :i)Be aware that excessive enthusiasm can interfere with a Childs to accomplish.i i)Be prepared for lot of repetition of the same activity.i i i)When you describe when a child is doing appreciately.

5) Provide positive praisei)Avoid too many ‘NO’sGive information and leave out NOCan I go to Sameer's placeWe are having Lunch right now

Accept the feelings instead of saying NO

I don't want to go home now, cant we stay…I can see if it were up to you, you would have stayed for long. It is hard to leave the place you enjoy so much.

When possible substitute YES for NOCan we go to PDP (priya darshani park) Yes certainly, after lunch, right at 4.00 p.m.

Describe the problemCan take me for some shopping nowI would like to help you out, the problem is,Plumber is going to come in next half an hour.

what are the obstacles to good cooperationBlaming and accusationName callingThreatsLecturing and moralising ComparisonsPropecyPhysical abuse Sarcasm

conclusionThus I have seen these are the

FEW ways of HELPING our CHILDRENWhereas / But

There is NO single FOOL PROOF

solution to any problem.The essence or beauty is to keep on

trying and not to give upAfter all Parenting is challenging