Of all animals the boy is the most unmanageable. Plato The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. Fred Astaire The.
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Of all animals the boy is the most unmanageable.Plato
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
Fred Astaire
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Clarence S. Darrow
Some Statistics on the ages that males make life changes:
1958 1998 2002 2015
Leave School 16 17 17 19
Leave Home 18 24 26 29
Marry 20 27 31 33
Become a Father 21 28 32 35
6
Boys and girls must learn:To Be
To Know
To Do
To Live TogetherLearning: The Treasure Within UNESCO
All learning has an emotional base Plato
GFC
US – 80% of jobs lost are male
Aus – 100 000 full time male jobs lost
26 500 female jobs created
Copyright I. Lillico 2009 7
8
General Intelligence (G)
Cold (IQ) Hot (EQ) Financial (FQ) Verbal Emotional Spatial Social Abstract Practical
Regulate Understand Assimilate Perceive Express
Understanding Responsibility Competence Enterprise
Humourous Physical Energy Straight- talkingTechnically competent Risk takers Impulsive
Spontaneous Team orientedCompetitive
Keen sense of justice Loud Curious Minimalist Caring Love games Hands On Logical Love
stories Affectionate Like structure Social Loyal Mimics
Imaginative Task Orientated LiteralExtroverts Hungry Predictable
Vain Helpful Smart
Fair Honest Energetic Tough exterior Soft underneath Sensitive
Independent Heroic Forgiving
Like a Challenge Creative Tactile Hate to lose Love to win Sporty
• Biology
• Environment
• The groups they belong to
• Move with them Supporting Our Sons in Schools
Motivating Boys
Share the household tasks and use a roster
Help him to plan TV, homework and recreation programs
Encourage him to plan and execute major projects
Have him assume greater responsibility for his personal hygiene
Play a game with adult Physical activity Art / Cooking
Read Be read to Project research
Teach parents something HOUSEWORK Use computer you were taught for work
Meditation / Spiritual Shopping Cultural / Music Relaxation (Financial Literacy) Practice
Copyright I. Lillico 2003 29
Helpful praise comes in two parts
1. The adult describes with appreciation what they see or feel
2. The child (after hearing the description) is then, able to praise himselfThis is called descriptive praise and feelings of doubting the praiser, immediate denial, being threatened, focussing on your weaknesses, anxiety and manipulation disappearSumming up in a word - another form of this praise “You said you’d be home at 5 and it’s exactly 5 o’clock. That’s what I call punctuality”
“You noticed the hanging pots were dry and watered them. That’s what’s known as taking initiative” 16Copyright Dr I Lillico 2011
Assertiveness
Caring
Cleanliness
Compassion
Confidence
Consideration
Courage
Courtesy
Creativity
Detachment
Determination
Enthusiasm
Excellence
Faithfulness
Flexibility
Forgiveness
Moderation
Modesty
Obedience
Orderliness
Patience
Peacefulness
Prayerfulness
Purposefulness
Reliability
Respect
Responsibility
Reverence
Friendliness
Generosity
Gentleness
Helpfulness
Honesty
Honour
Humility
Idealism
Joyfulness
Justice
Kindness
Love
Loyalty
Mercy
Self-Discipline
Service
Steadfastness
Tact
Thankfulness
Tolerance
Trust
Trustworthiness
Truthfulness
Unity
Silence is often an excellent way of letting the boy find his own solutions rather than us imposing ours - help them to problem solve
Resist the temptation to make better instantly
Instead of giving advice continue to accept and reflect the child’s feelings
Helping parents/teachers deal with negative feelings
Adults need cleanliness, order, courtesy, routine…..
Children couldn’t care less!
The more intense we become - the more actively they resist
WE USE:
1. Blaming and accusing - How many times do I have to tell you…
2. Name calling - You live like an animal!
3. Threats - Touch that lamp once more and...
4. Commands - Clean up your room this minute!
5. Lecturing and moralizing - When I was your age….
6. Warnings - Put on your jumper or you’ll catch a cold
7. Martyrdom statements - You’re putting me in my grave
8. Sarcasm - That was a brilliant thing to do!
9. Prophecy - If you keep being selfish you’ll have no friends
Instead to engage cooperation we should………...
1. Describe: Describe what you see or describe the problem: The light’s on in the bathroom
2. Give information: Milk turns sour out of the fridge
3. Say it with a word: Kids, pyjamas…..Billy, the dog…..
4. Talk about your feelings (“I” message): It bothers me when you leave the fridge door open!
5. Write a note: Please put toys away after play…love Mum
These leave no residue of bad feelings
It is important to be authentic and if you don’t succeed first time don’t revert to the old way
• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Gifts
• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service
1. Ask questions
2. Experiment
3. Observe
The narrowing of emotions is based on chronological age
Boys Don’t Cry 7
No soft feelings 10/11
Laughter and Anger ONLY
14-16
Recommendation 24
Parents should only send positive texts and emails to their children on a regular basis.
• ADHD
• Autism
• CAPD
• ODD
• Bipolar
• Family dysfunction
• Bullying
• Others
• Crabbing
• Fishing
• Bushwalking
• Hiking
• Water sports
• Camping
• etc
Recommendations 17 & 20
E. T. Finding Neverland
October Sky Harry Potter Series
Mr Holland’s Opus Emperors Club
Tootsie The Sum of Us
Mrs Doubtfire The Karate Kid 1 & 2
Stand By Me The Neverending Story
Jack The Secret Garden
Frequency Finding Forrester
About a Boy Billy Elliot
Superman 1-4 Searching for Bobby Fischer
LEARNING IS VERY DIFFICULT
Biddulph “Boys learn teachers, and not subjects”
• If the student / teacher relationship is poor or;
• If the boy thinks his teacher doesn’t like him
“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary
raw material, but warmth is a vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.”
Carl Jung
Encourage him to assume non gender typical tasks such as child care, washing or ironing
Expose your son to a number of different jobs
Encourage him to participate in a range of sports, clubs etc but NOT TOO MANY!
Have your son take care of a pet
To help him with his increasing autonomy watch out for too many “NO”s
• Give information (and leave out the NO)
Child: Can I go to Peter’s to play now?
Adult: We’re having dinner in 5 minutes
• Accept feelings
Child: I don’t want to go home yet - can’t we stay?
Adult: It’s hard to leave a place you enjoy so much
• Describe the problem
Child: Can you drive me to the library now?
Adult: I’d like to but the electrician is coming in 30 mins
• When possible substitute “yes” for “no”
Child: Can we go to the playground? Adult: Yes - straight after lunch
• Give yourself time to think
Child: Can I sleep over at Gary’s house? Adult: Let me think about it
LISTEN
LOVE &
LAUGHTER
PRAISE
1. Please be firm with me, without hitting – This will allow me to know where I stand
2. Please don’t worry when I say I hate you - It is not you I hate it is what you stand for; an adult, wiser, older etc
3. Please don’t spoil me – I know I am not allowed to have all that I ask for. I don’t want to grow up selfish
4. Please don’t embarrass me in front of others – take me somewhere away from the group and talk to me
5. Don’t worry about my small complaints, my silly or clever replies – the only reason I do this is to get attention
6. Please try to understand that I can’t explain myself as well as I would like – sometimes it appears I am lying, but I am really just being inaccurate
7. Please don’t nag – if you do I go dumb, deaf and stupid
8. I have lots of worries about the future – please don’t tell me that my fears are silly – they are very real to me
9. I feel close to you when you apologize to me – you are proving that you are treating me as a human
10. Please remember I am trying to grow up – A little hug now and then won’t go astray!
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