Oct 30 The Relationship Bank Account

The Relationship Bank Account

Building Relationships The Stuff that life is made of!

Lets review

• Habit 1: Be Proactive– Take responsibility for your life

• Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind – Define your mission and goals in life

• Habit 3: Put First things first– Prioritize, and do the most important things first

• These make up our Private Victory

• The private victory will help you become independent so that you can say,….

–“I am responsible for myself and I can create my own destiny.”

Now it’s time for our Public Victory

• The Public Victory will help you become interdependent, that is, help you learn to work cooperatively with others, so that you can say,

–“I am a team player and I have power and influence with people.”

• The key to mastering relationships is first mastering yourself, at least to some degree.

• Habits 1,2, and 3 help you to master yourself.

Why is success with self so important to success with others?

• Because the most important ingredient in any relationship is what you are.

• Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

The long and short of it….

• Is that your ability to get along with others will largely determine how successful you are in your career and your level of personal happiness.

• It has to do with our personal relationships– Our relationship bank account .

• Public Victory: Success with other people; your ability to get along with others.

• This lesson and Habits 4 to 6 will help you improve your key relationships.

The Relationship Bank Account (RBA)

• Represents the amount of trust and confidence you have in each of your relationships.

• It’s a little like a real checking account at a bank. – You can make deposits and improve the

relationships– Or you can take withdrawals and weaken it.

Unlike a real bank account

• You have an RBA with everyone you meet, (not just one bank) – These can be positive or negative

Unlike a real bank account

• Once you open an RBA with another person, you can never close it.– That’s why friendships can be picked up again

after a period of time– Or why people hold grudges

Unlike a real bank account

• Deposits into a relationship tend to evaporate and withdrawals tend to turn to stone– You have to continually make deposits into your

most relationships just to keep then in the positive.

So how can you build a rich relationship or repair a broken one?

• It’s simple…. One deposit at a time.

• There are many kinds of deposits• And for each there is an opposite withdrawal.

RBA Deposits RBA Withdrawals

• Keep Promises• Do small acts of

kindness• Be loyal

• Listen• Say you’re sorry• Set clear expectations

• Break promises• Keep to yourself

• Gossip and break confidence

• Don’t listen• Be arrogant• Set false expectations

Keeping Promises

• Keeping small commitments and promises is vital to building trust.

• For example: you must do what you say you’re going to do.

• Give out promises sparingly, and then do everything you can to keep them.

• And if you have to break a commitment, tell the person why.

Do Small Acts of Kindness

• Sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference and make a bid deposit– A hello– A kind note– A smile– A compliment– A hug (not at school ) – A high five

Be Loyal

• Loyal people Keep others secrets• If someone asks you to keep it just between the two of

you, DO IT!!!

• Loyal people avoid gossip– Strong minds talk about ideas, weak minds talk

about people.• Loyal people stick up for others– Sticking up for others will let eveyone know that

you are loyal and won’t participate in gossip.

Listen

• Listening to someone can be one of the single greatest deposits you can make into another’s RBA.

• Listening can heal wounds.

• We will cover this more in Habit 5: Seed first to understand, then to be understood.

Say You’re Sorry

• Saying you’re sorry when you yell, overreact, or make a stupid mistake can quickly restore an overdrawn bank account.

• It takes guts and it can be especially hard to admit when you’ve done something wrong.

• Don’t let pride or lack of courage stand in the way of saying you’re sorry, because it is never as scary as it may seem and it will make you feel so good afterward.

Set Clear Expectations

• To develop trust we need to avoid sending vague messages or implying something that is not true or not likely to happen.

• Example: If someone asks you to hang out this weekend, but you know you can’t, just be honest and say so.

• It is best to set clear expectations up front rather than to damage someone’s trust in you.

Withdrawals

• Remember: the opposite of a deposit is a withdrawal.

• If you commit acts that are opposite of the deposit you will make a withdrawal in that relationship that puts the relationship in the negative, and it will take more deposits to rebuild the bank account to the positive

RBA Deposits RBA Withdrawals

• Keep Promises• Do small acts of

kindness• Be loyal

• Listen• Say you’re sorry• Set clear expectations

• Break promises• Keep to yourself

• Gossip and break confidence

• Don’t listen• Be arrogant• Set false expectations

Personal Challenge

• Pick one important relationship that is currently damaged

• Commit yourself to rebuilding the relationship one deposit at a time.

• It may take awhile and they may be suspicious at first but little by little the deposits will outweigh the withdrawals.

• It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.