Negotiations: Separate the People from the Problem

Getting to YesSeparate the People from the Problem

Chapter 2

Separate the People from the Problem

Difficulty

• How to deal with a problem without:

• People misunderstanding each other

• Getting angry or upset• Taking things personally

Negotiators are People First

• Human Beings– Emotions– Deeply Held Values– Different backgrounds

and viewpoints

• Unpredictable

The Other Side is Prone to:

• Cognitive Biases• Partisan Perceptions• Blind Spots • Leaps of Illogic

So Are We

Blind Spot TestTo draw the blind spot tester on a piece of paper, make a small dot on the left side separated by about 6-8 inches from a small + on the right side. Close your right eye. Hold the image (or place your head from the computer monitor) about 20 inches away. With your left eye, look at the +. Slowly bring the image (or move your head) closer while looking at the +. At a certain distance, the dot will disappear from sight...this is when the dot falls on the blind spot of your retina. Reverse the process. Close your left eye and look at the dot with your right eye. Move the image slowly closer to you and the + should disappear.

Human Aspect of Negotiation

Helpful Hindrance

Helpful

• Process of working out an agreement:

• Produce commitment to a mutually satisfactory outcome

• Relationship of trust, understanding, respect and friendship

• Later dealings smoother and more efficient

Disastrous• People get:• Angry• Depressed• Fearful • Hostile• Frustrated• Offended• Egos are threatened• See the world from personal

vantage point• Confuse perceptions with

reality

Misunderstanding

• Fail to interpret what you say in the way your intend

• Do not mean what you understand them to say

• Reinforce prejudice• Lead to reactions • Produce

countereactions

Vicious Cycle

• Rational exploration of possible solutions becomes impossible and

• Negotiation fails

Game

• Scoring Points• Confirming negative

impressions• Blaming• Legitimate, substantive

interests of both sides no longer addressed

Preparation Refocus

Before starting…• craft a simple

statement you can use to explain the goal of the negotiations. Something you can use over and over during the negotiations to refocus the players.

Example

• Something like, “My client is interested in buying the house and your clients are interested in selling the house. What can we do to get this deal done?”

Throughout the Process

• Am I paying enough attention to the human aspect?

• Deal with others sensitively as human beings prone to human reactions

Two Kinds of Interests

Substance Relationship

Relationship

• Maintain a working relationship good enough to

• Produce an acceptable agreement

• And effective implementation

• If one is possible given each side’s interests

Disentangle

• Unbundle the relationship from the substance

• Base relationship on • Mutually understood

perceptions• Clear two-way

communication• Express emotions without

blame• Forward looking• Purposive outlook

3 Categories of People Problems

• Perception• Emotion• Communication

• Be aware of these tendencies in yourself

• Your anger and frustration may obstruct an agreement beneficial to you.

Perception

• Differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs

• Conflict lies not in objective reality but in people’s heads

• You don’t necessarily need to focus on knowing more about the object or event

Optimist/Pessimist

• Each represent half the reality; each has it half right, and half wrong

• The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.– F. Scott Fitzgerald

• Anything less is delusional

Perception

Truth

• Truth is simply one more argument

• Perhaps a good one, perhaps not

• For dealing with the difference.

• Fears and hopes are real.

• Facts may do nothing to solve the problem.

Put Yourself in their Shoes

• Try on the other side’s point of view.

• How you see the world depends on where you sit.

• Try to see the situation as the other side sees it.

• Withhold judgment and try on their views

Biases

• Cognitive bias• Anchor bias• Distance bias• Confirmation bias• Amos Tversky and

Daniel Kahnemann

Reduce the area of conflict

• Understanding their point of view is not the same as agreeing with it.

• To influence them you need to understand empathically their point of view.

Their View

TruthYour View

Perception

• Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears• Don’t blame them for you problem• Discuss each other’s perceptions• Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with

their perceptions• Give them a stake in the outcome by making

sure they participate in the process• Make your proposals consistent with their

values

Emotion

• Take stock and understand emotions

• Theirs and yours:– Nervous– Angry– Confident– Relaxed

• Careers may be at stake• What is producing the

emotions; why are you feeling this way?

Core Concerns• Autonomy

– Desire to make choices and control your fate

• Appreciation– Desire to be recognized and valued

• Affiliation– Desire to belong

• Role– Desire for meaningful purpose

• Status– Desire to be acknowledged and

understood

• Identity– Self-image and self-respect

Emotion

• Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate

• Allow the other side to let off steam• Don’t react to emotional outbursts• Use symbolic gestures

Communication

• Negotiation is a process of communicating back an forth for the purpose of reaching a joint decision.

Communication Problems

• May not be talking to each other in a way to be understood

• They may not be hearing you; not paying enough attention to what you say

• Misunderstanding• Misinterpretation

Listen

• Actively and acknowledge what is being said

• Pay attention• The cheapest concession

you can make to the other side is to let them know they have been heard.

• Repeat what you understand them to say and phrase it positively

Communication

• Speak to be understood– Reduce distractions with

private and confidential means of communicating

• Speak about yourself, not about them– Describe a problem in terms

of its impact on you

• Speak for a Purpose– Sometimes the problem is

not too little communication, but too much.

Good Will

• Prevention works best• Build a working

relationship• Face the problem, not

the people• Sit on the same side of

the table

Summary

• Keep working at it.• Deal with the people as

Human Beings and the problem on its merits.

John Cousins

jjcousins@gmail.com@jjcousins