Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University.
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Managing Conflict
Julie Combs, EdDStacey Edmonson, EdDSam Houston State University
Welcome and Introduction
Welcome What experiences/qualifications
do you have? Why did you come to this session?
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What you Get
1 Enduring Conflict Mgmt Skill 2 Tools to build on the past 3 Styles/Strategies
Self-Reflection Activities Partner Activity
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Getting Started: Identify a conflict
Think about the last few weeks. What was one conflict that you
observed between 2 people? (secretary, teacher, parent, school board member, etc)
Describe the situation on paper.
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What is conflict?
Simply energy in the system; People add meaning
Chinese symbol for crisis: danger and opportunity
Stems from perceived competition for limited resources: power, success,
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Metaphors
Conflict is like storm. Conflict is like a garden. Conflict is like running a marathon. Conflict is like the waves at the
beach. Others?
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Interpersonal or Cognitive?
Interpersonal conflicts: About PeopleWaste energy & timeUnproductive
Cognitive conflicts: About IdeasSeparated from people
What about your conflict?
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Using Cognitive Conflict as a Resource : Why?
Facilitated Conflict about IDEAS: Fosters improvement Leads to better decisions Guards against apathy Increases buy-in Produces Energy and Action
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Strategies to Facilitate Conflict about IDEAS
1. Reconsider your labels and language
2. Remove yourself from the center
3. Give equal time to Content & Process
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Tool #1 Dissect the Conflict
What was the conflict about? (the facts)
Whom did the conflict involve? What were some of the
feelings/emotions?
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Apply
Review the conflict you identified earlier.
Dissect the conflict: Facts: Who, What, Why Feelings or Emotions
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Tool #2 Look Below the Surface
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Common Roots of Conflict
Values Agendas or Priorities Work styles & Personalities Miscommunication
Can you think of others?
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Apply
Review the conflict you identified earlier.
What are some of the possible roots for the conflict? Values, Priorities, Styles, Miscommunication
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So What
How does identifying the unseen/unspoken help?
How does writing and dissecting the conflict help?
How does sharing the conflict help?
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Dilbert
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The #1 Conflict Mgmt Strategy?
What might be some of the more effective strategies?
The #1 Conflict Management Strategy is…….
Do you agree or disagree?
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Most Irritating Listening Habits
Interrupting the speaker Eyes looking elsewhere Multi-tasking & Distracted Finishing the speaker’s sentences “Yes, but….” “That reminds me of the time I…” Forgetting past conversations Asking too many questions about details
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Helpful Listening & Paraphrasing
I care I am trying to understand “So you’re thinking that…” “You
feel sad because…” Listen for content Listen for feeling Avoid “I hear you…”
Partner Listening…. Groups of 2 Person A: Who are great listeners? What
do they do to help you talk? How does it make you feel?
Person B: Listens, Paraphrases , Questions
Focus on Listening Skills and Paraphrasing, not the Content
At Signal, switch roles20
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Best Reasons NOT to Listen
Ignorance is bliss. My boss (or spouse) might expect it
all the time. I prefer asking for forgiveness versus
permission. I can be more creative when I have
to fill in the blanks. I forget what I will say if I listen. The Legislature doesn’t, why should
I?
Conflict Strategies or Styles
List the names or initials of 3-5 people that are important to you (family, co-workers, boss).
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Competition Getting what you want is more important
than the relationship Not concerned with needs of others One person wins, one person loses Feel pride & accomplishment as the winner Feel weakness & inadequacy as the loser Attack, overpower, overwhelm, intimidate,
outwit
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Accommodation
Relationships are more important than your goals
Want to be accepted and liked Believe that conflict damages
relationships and hurts others
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Avoidance
Give up your goals and relationships Stay away from conflicts Believe resolution is hopeless Sometimes feel helpless Believe it is easier to withdraw
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Compromise
Moderate concern with your goals and relationships involved
Willing to give up part of your goals and want others to give up part of theirs
Middle ground, both gain something and both give up something
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Collaboration Value your goals and relationships View conflicts as problems to be solved Seek solutions that achieves both parties’
goals See conflict as way of improving
relationship by reducing tension Want tensions & negative feelings resolved Want a solution that satisfies both
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Conflict Management Styles
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Applying Styles
Withdraw when issue & relationship is not important
Force when issue is more important than the relationship
Smooth when relationship is more important than the issue
Problem Solve when both are important; takes time!
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Your Best Investments
“Because conflicts occur continually and because so many people are so unskilled in managing conflicts, learning how to resolve conflicts constructively is one of the best investments you can make.”
(Johnson, 2000, p. 261)
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An Illusion?
The greatest problem with communication is that
illusionthat it has been
accomplished.George Bernard Shaw
Summary
Dissecting, Beneath the Surface, Listening, Conflict Mgmt Styles
On your paper, list a few things that you plan to apply/remember.
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More information
Contact:Julie Combs, jc@evalresearch.comStacey Edmonson,
sedmonson@shsu.edu
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